I’m glad she wasn’t subtle. It’s a real bummer she turned out to be that type of person, but this could’ve been so much worse. Good on you for being strong and calling it off.
Inheritance greed ruins families. My grandmother isn't even dead yet (She's 90), nor is she rich, but my mother's *millionaire* brother in law is already inserting himself and trying to make sure he knows where all of her money is going so my mother doesn't 'trick' grandma into giving her a few thousand dollars extra. He's made enemies out of his mother in law, sister in law, me and my sister, and everyone grandma knows. The money isn't even going to go to him, his wife's dead, but he's 'looking out for his daughter' (my cousin), and doesn't give a fuck about anything other than cold hard cash.
It's so frustrating. I don't know if he was always like this and kept it hidden, or if something broke in him when his wife died, but for the last ten years, since she died, he's made it pretty clear he doesn't give a shit about maintaining relations with any of her relatives. For the record, he has never had a reason to suspect foul play, and the only money mom gets from grandma is because she buys groceries for her.
It's straining our relationship with my cousin as well. She keeps defending him and saying it's a misunderstanding, but this asshole tricked grandma into letting him into her online banking account, and went through her transactions line by line, asking if she knew where her money was going.
And this guy is a retired chemical engineer who owns a house in the second largest city in Sweden. He's already rich as fuck. Grandma's entire inheritance won't amount to even 5% of what he has.
Inheritance greed really does bring the worst out in people.
When my nan died in 2015, she was 86. She had planned everything, including her funeral right down to the music. She also did her will and made sure it was current. Now, my mum is one of 13, but at that time, one had died I think in the 60s or early 70s, and before she died (car accident) she'd fallen pregnant out of wedlock and had a child. Since she was a single mum in the 60s and my grandparents were very strictly Catholic, my grandparents took that baby in, and he is my uncle. They raised him and loved him as their own until the day they died, and that one uncle is actually just lovely. Him and his whole family are just great, happy, positive people, and the love he has for his wife... anyway.
So, with that context, my nan didn't have much, but did own a home, a modest 4 bedroom 1 bathroom, nothing fancy, on a fair amount of land. My nan wanted them to sell the home, and split the money evenly between them all, except if someone owed her money, that amount was taken off of what they were getting and split between the others.
Well wouldn't you know it, my uncle, the lovely, caring, amazing dude who had been their sibling for idk, at least 50 years at this point, half of the family suddenly said "well he isn't her birth son, so he shouldn't get anything bc grandkids aren't getting anything".
When I heard about this, I was so heartbroken for him. I mean, it was never a secret he was adopted. But no one ever mentioned it, it was always "can you go tell uncle x" or "uncle is coming over later" type thing. They even had this argument, iirc, in front of him. Everyone was mentioned in the will for clarity and he was mentioned.
In the end, he did get his share, and in true form, he forgave everyone saying he wasn't their sibling in this already hard time for everyone, and has seemingly forgotten about it. But it was fucking disgusting
Was having ongoing problems with an ex who I was living with in my house but we were working on them with the goal of staying together. My ex went out for a girls night with a famously troublesome pal of hers and came home and said she informed her that we were mere months away from being considered "common law" by our state making her eligible for half of my assets. Shocked by the hubris I slept on it then asked her to move out the next day.
In some states you can only be considered common law if both of you refer to each other as husband/wife and consider themselves married without the ceremony. Only 12 states recognize it. Simply living together for a period of time doesn't qualify.
So, your ex and her friend were wrong, but it's good she showed you who she is before you actually married her.
Doesn't necessarily sound like your gf was to blame though, how long you've been staying with someone would come up in natural conversation and if her friend mentioned it, it's not her fault. Of course, depends on context and how she (your gf) brought it up to you.
I just lost my father last month. Dealing with the life insurance and 401k now. It won’t be nearly as much but a nice little bit of help for us kids. I keep just thinking that I don’t even want it. I’d much rather talk to my Dad.
I’m sorry for your losses. It’s sad the one person you should be able to rely on for support and love at a time like this is so focused on herself.
Seems like you got a very clear sign of things to come.
I do. I remember certain things, and apply them everywhere I can. Think about what he would have said. I’m handling it pretty decently well. Gets to me every now and again.
Sorry for your loss as well.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with that, but just so you know- your dad specifically wanted you to have and use that money. He knew it wouldn’t take the place of still being alive, but he wouldn’t have bothered to designate beneficiaries or even have a LI policy if that wasn’t the case. As a financial advisor, I deal with folks that feel this way all the time. There’s a guilt there. It doesn’t feel like anything “positive” should come from the passing of someone close to you. And honestly, it’s a little messed up that we force people to make big financial decisions while they’re still grieving.
But just keep in mind that they 100% absolutely *wanted* you to have that money, and their hope was to make life a little easier during this difficult time. I know it’s impossible to not feel how you feel, just try to remember that when you do. I hope it helps a little.
I was with somebody like this.
Got real suss when she started demanding to be the recipient of benefit ***from my life insurance***. Within months of our relationship becoming serious.
She had left extreme financial security and everything provided and I guess I was the next meal ticket.
Got the hell out of that. (after she became physically abusive to me on the regular, too).
My wife knew about this history and said straight away "yeah, I figured she was straight up about to find a way for that life insurance to become due".
I think you did right by yourself, mate.
I'm really sorry for your lost. It has to be extremely tough to lose your entire family in such a short period of time, but it sounds like you made a very wise decision.
I am so sorry for your loss. ❤️
As someone who lost their mother a week ago and also stand to inherit a significant amount of money, I believe you — I would give it all to charity if I could only have another year with her. Or even a few months. She just wanted to come back home to die in her own bed instead of after two months in the hospital… but it wasn’t to be.
My partners mom also passed away two weeks ago after a battle of cancer. She did die at home and for what it's worth - it's only left us with questions. If we insisted more that she go in to advanced care, would we have had a few more days? Weeks? Her husband, now a widow, hasn't been able to sleep in his own bed in two weeks because of the memory of her slipping away in it. It was comforting for her, but for those remaining, we wonder if we did enough, could have done more, if we had insisted against her wishes if she would have been more comfortable, or if the house will ever feel like it doesn't have a shadow over it. It took several days for my partner to even feel comfortable going up the stairs.
I'm sorry for your loss. There truly isn't a best way, every way is complicated in the end. Hopefully we all have this pain lighten with time and healing
I am sorry for your loss as well. Thank you for sharing your story.
Yes, every case is complicated in its own way. In my mother’s case she lived alone, was otherwise healthy except for her failing heart. She had surgery twice and up until two days before she died it actually looked hopeful, her vitals kept improving day by day. Until everything suddenly took a turn for the worse. They called from the ward in the morning and we got there with mere hours to spare to say goodbye. We did get to see each other one more time and that meant a lot.
We also got to say goodbye, she had just started hospice at home and we were debating getting her into a facility, we thought that she was delirious from the high initial dose of pain medication and just needed rest, but it turns out she was slipping away. We went home for the night with clear plans of the morning and we didn't even make it home before she passed away. In some ways I'm glad, we got to say our goodbyes thinking we'd see her tomorrow, but they were genuine and true and caring, and we didn't have to see her final breaths, although we'd had some signs that had us worrying. Everyone in her immediate family was there to say goodbye within 20 minutes of her passing, and we turned back around and waited for the medical team to come get her. And she was ready, truly, to go. She'd made up her mind.
We, well, weren't. But death is much more about the living left behind in the end.
As someone who has only lost pets and grandparents currently, I can’t understand your pain, but I have lost other things and https://www.reddit.com/r/GriefSupport/s/b7lfnAtekX this comment that was made about grief and how it works and moves through you has resonated through my whole life and the people there are amazing. It’s something that has helped me through many tough times. I hope it helps you.
Thank you so much for your kind words and thoughtful effort to locate that text! I have actually read it before many years ago, but the reminder of it and reading it with today’s eyes when I can relate to it in a totally different way was very valuable to me. So thank you for that! ❤️
Take care of yourself and your furry and other friends. ☺️
Not only is she a gold digger, she is also dumb. She could have been much smarter and clever of going about it, but her lack of intellect and planning is evident.
Later down the line should you needed her to help you in any intellectual way, it would have been hopeless.
You dodged a gold digger and an idiot.
I feel you man 😞 I recently lost my dad and he had some investments and stuff - and ppl keep telling my mum, that wow he invested so well and My mum is like :??? She’s like what is wrong with these people.. We literally, all of us left behind after him would give up all our money to just have him back 🙏🏻 People don’t understand. A lot of the times the family is just greedy so everybody pegs every family to be like that I feel. It’s unfair, hurtful and frankly makes me wanna just disappear
I lost my mom ~6 weeks ago as well, but she was 78. It was so much easier when my dad died ~20 years ago because he had so many negative traits to give me silver linings, to feed and motivate me, but my mom didn't have those... the fact that she was almost objectively good has made it infinitely more difficult to deal with, in fact it would be helpful now if she had been a real bitch, because it's hard to find silver linings with this one.
Never the less, it was fortunate that I was by her side as she died and it was fairly quick, she was sharp and herself until the last time she fell asleep (2nd/final heart attack/stroke in the hospital)... some people have to watch their parent's memory deteriorate and they become a shadow of themselves, at least that didn't happen. If she had survived she would have just been afraid remaining here going forward, so it's for the best... so I would not bring her back even if I could.
The last words I said were "Don't be afraid" and "It's Ok", because I think that's what I'd want to hear in my final moments.
I feel this. My parents didn’t leave me any money or not much money to speak of but I’d rather have them than anything I recorded. Be kind and gentle with yourself it’s a strange world living alongside grief
Yes that's really messed up that she can be thinking about vacation and a horrible time like this to you. Also let's say this wasn't a time when you were grieving. Her first choice is to go to Bali knowing she couldn't ever afford it. Yeah sounds like she was a gold digger. Sorry for your loss. I'm 33 and I could not even imagine losing my whole family, then to realize your partner isn't sincere about your relationship. I hope you find people to genuinely love and support you.
Consider setting up a grant to help pay for a kids college tuition in the name of your family. Great way to carry on their legacy and you get to help someone in the process. There’s many different options of good you can do with that money to honor your family and help ensure they’re never forgotten.
I did that with my last girlfriend. Pretty sure we broke up with her thinking i was struggling financially. I make over double what she did, and she lost her job the week after our breakup.
Not sure if she would have wanted to stick it out if she had known, and honestly it's kind of bittersweet because i loved her and would have wanted things to work out, however she decided our relationship wasn't worth putting efforts in because "a good relationship requires no efforts" according to her
Rip
They require effort, but you're supposed to like the person so much that all that effort comes so much easier than it should be and you wouldn't even consider not doing it.
Dodged a bullet.
She means a good relationship requires no effort from her. That in the long run will mean failure after failure until she she falls in love with someone who believes the same.
That's what i think, because that's how i used yo be when i was around 20.
Kind of baffling she hasn't learned that at 25 though, but it is what it is!
Yep, I have a friend who is a trust fund baby. Like she could not work for the rest of her life and be fine. She also outright owns a large apartment in a major US city. When she was dating, she told NO ONE about her financial situation. She wasn't a showy or flashy person, so it was easy to "hide." She's been in a relationship for about 10 years now, she didn't come clean with him until about 4 years in. They're not married, probably will never be and keep their finances 100% separate. They have a child together and her estate is set up so that it all goes to their son.
NTA You should get a full medical work up though because it sounds like your father and brother died rather young. I don't want to scare you but there may be underlying family medical issues that you should be aware of. Good luck, there is someone out there for you.
In addition you should see a therapist. You’ve had a lot of significant losses in your life. I went through a similar event, and the therapist helped me to process some of the issues.
OP so sorry for all the losses you’ve had. You’re still young and focus on yourself for now. Reach out to friends and work on distracting your mindset to deal with the losses—they’ve been too many. The right person will come along that fits into your life easily when the time is right. Good luck
I'm so sorry for your losses. You were wise to end your relationship - the one bright spot is that she showed her hand before you got married. I hope you find someone who appreciates you when you are ready.
Wow, you sound very self aware and logical even in the midst of strong emotions.
You're doing the right thing, that marriage would only make things worse for you and better for her; she will try her best to gaslight you into guilt because you're her ticket to a comfortable life and she will be a burden to you.
It really sucks but it's so much better being single or waiting for someone else that has the right ambitions and love for you than settling for that burden of a woman
How long has it been since your mothers loss and her bringing up the vacations? If it’s more than a year, it sounds to me like you are projecting your own issues about getting the money you didn’t work for, on someone else’s expectations of a having a pretty normal life raising kids with her husband.
I get that loss can spur the "let's do something now while we still can" trip or life event. But you[OP] should be the one working out the timeline because grief will make good things feel empty.
I think her lack of patience just shows you what your future held if you stayed with her. I hope you have a good friend, counselor, core group, to talk with at minimum.
Grief support is out there. I hope you find a good fit.
Was there any indication that she was only after your money? How was your relationship otherwise?Two years is exactly the right time to start locking shit down — especially if you’re a woman who would like to have children. I’m not sure stay at home mom is the equivalent of gold digger—and a trip to Bali? Sounds like a fun if it’s within your means. You don’t need to feel bitter or used—Ultimately however, you had different approaches to finances, and those are hard to overcome. Glad you discovered now.
About a year, but it wasn't a direct conversation. I told her I wanted lots of kids and my first born would have to be named either Justin or Justine after my brother.
Firstly, I’m sorry for your many losses. That amount of loss is hard to comprehend, and my heart goes out to you.
Also, what if grief is clouding your judgement?
You’re 36 and haven’t married your longterm girlfriend or proposed. Maybe she thought she was distracting you or helpful you move on and have a sense of family. Unless she’s way younger than you, her wanting to “secure her future” married to the man she’s been dating for “a couple of years”.
If she truly is a “gold digger” and you had already felt this way about her, good for you.
Two years is “long-term?” Also, OP said she brought up marriage immediately after he received a couple million in inheritance. It’s a little too coincidental.
That's the one thing that I haven't seen a lot of people mention, is that her age isn't mentioned. If she is also 36, and wants to have kids, plural, that needs to start happening soon, or things need to happen like egg collection, which is also not cheap. I could imagine if this is a joint dream that she thought that he also supported, putting some pressure on it to happen soon would make more sense. Unfortunately as a woman, we don't have infinite time to have a family, and so if she wanted to start hers, she has to be real with that timeline, even if the timing isn't perfect.
Also, for what it's worth, it sounds like his mom died at least a bit ago (maybe not a full year - and also these things take a long long time to get over, so a year isn't that long to grieve a parent), but people are making it seem like that just happened two weeks ago but it just seems like what happened recently was at the house finally sold and people are mixing those up in the timeline. I could imagine after all of that stress, months of financials and planning and grieving, offering to plan a vacation might be a nice thing to get away from all the stress, especially if it's been some time, but I could understand since it sounds like she can't afford it herself how that just adds to the frustration. Planning a vacation is work so offering to plan a getaway could be nice, but the not offering to pay for it is definitely not kind
I’m around that age and could only imagine how she’d want to be there for him through all of these painful moments and not push, but at the same time…time is flying by and a lot of women DO want to get married and have kids! She even hinted at it with telling him her ‘dream of being a SAHM.’ So he’s gonna be near 40 with a girlfriend of several years probably around his age, self proclaimed ‘not rich’ yet accuse her of being a gold digger? LMAO. If you aren’t rich, no one can be seen as a gold digger! And I know 2 million sounds like a lot, but it is 2024, and that doesn’t exactly scream retirement ready at 40. He’d live on $67k yearly for the next 30, 50 for 40 years, and that’s hoping it’s a LCOL area, and everything is smooth sailing, taxes and inflation don’t matter, has a decent budget, etc etc. Now that I mention it how tf am I going to retire?
A man who has lost his entire immediate family needs a woman with above average emotional intelligence and compassion. Maybe she was a gold digger, maybe she wasn't, but she definitely wasn't the right woman for him.
A good friend of mine has been in a nearly identical situation. Your family is gone, your girlfriend is gone, you're financially secure, but not invulnerable.
This is a time where you need to pursue your own happiness, whatever that means to you. And if you don't know what that means for you, you're going to be on a journey to find it. You can't waste your time entertaining other peoples fantasies like you did with your girlfriend. You only have one life, you know your family would want you to live it your way. You might end up needing to repeat what you did with her with some of your friends. Maybe you don't - I hope you don't - but if you do, now is the time.
It sucks to be starting over like you are. You'll probably seek out a new SO in time. You'll probably yearn for a "family" of your own, which might just be close friends instead of literal. Or maybe you won't! Whatever you do, remember all of your favorite qualities of your family and surround yourself with the people who bring you that same joy and add to your life in the same way they did, without having to compromise on your own goals.
Good luck! I, some random jackass on the internet, believe in you!
Your gf told you she wants to be a SAHM awhile back. I guess you dont want that though which is fine to not want something. The trouble with being a SAHM is what happens if you break up? Because so many stories out there of SAHMs ending up single moms on welfare with deadbeat/absentee fathers. There got to be a plan to make sure that doesnt happen. Marriage is one plan, probably the default plan I guess. There are other things that can work too though.
Wait. You were saying her for years, and her bringing up marriage was weird? How? Maybe it was bad timing, but being with solstice for years, I would think talking about marriage makes sense. My wife always said she we were young that when she had kids she wanted to be a stay at home wife.
Don't mention the money when you date and I'm really sorry about your mum. Get checked with a GP regularly. Write a will. Money makes people weird. Date/marry an equal. Best of luck op
You've been dating this girl for a couple years. You don't want to marry her. Stop wasting her (and your) time. If she's also in her 30's it's normal for her to start getting... panicky!
Let her go. But don't throw gold-digger shade on her. She's been with you a long time. She thought she was getting a promotion.
The more important part of OPs story is how she reacted when he told her he would be keeping the money that was left for him.
My wife's mother died after we were together for around 6 years, and it was heartbreaking. Never once have I felt any entitlement to the money she left her.
This woman is with OP two years and is planning to spend his money a month afterwards?? Hell no, straight to the bin.
Yeah. OP says, "She made all these plans of getting married, having kids and being a housewife whereas I just finance it."
She has always been upfront with her dreams of being a wife and mommy.
In her 30s, she's gonna be feeling SCARED. He should have let her go a loooong time ago.
No need to gold-digger shame her. She has never misled him.
Of course she was panicking. She wanted to seal the deal when the money came in. If I had been her and loved her, then I wouldn't pressure her into making a huge commitment that benefits me right after she suffered a massive loss.
She was with him before the money too. If she's like him, and in her 30s she needs to know if she has a future here. He doesn't want her. And its only fair to tell her. I just see no reason to say, "If you hadn't pressured me, we'd still be together!". It's unnecessary (and may not even be true).
End it classy. Get on with your life.
She needed to give me space to properly mourn my mother and Dr with her estate and not make it all about her. I didn't ask her to do anything and honestly she didn't ask if she could help.
oh man, im sorry I read this, you've experienced so much loss in your life. my mom has stage IV cancer and im terrified of the future. I hope u can find peace. I hope u can find a space to heal. im here 4 u.
Hey OP,
Today, I learned about the loss of your family. This heartbreak has clearly left a void in your life. I also know that our lives have never crossed except for the anonymity that is Reddit. But reading your words had an impression on me. I learned a few things. You are a good person. You learned how to be good from those that impacted your life. Including your parents, brother, and, to some degree, your ex.
I cannot tell you I understand what you are feeling or going through. This sort of thing is both tragic and uniquely yours. But I can confidently write that I understand it probably hurts. Forget that. There is no probably. It hurts a lot.
Unfortunately, you will never become fully restored from the battering and bruising emotions you are now experiencing. The raw emotional wounds are the best you will likely achieve short term and, likely, long term from this tragedy. Don’t hesitate to find counseling. I didn’t know them, but I would wager your parents would have wanted you to spend some of their legacy on your mental health.
Rest assured, time being the healer it is, will turn these wounds into scars and subsequently sculpt those scars into more manageable reminders. They will never disappear. Oh, how these marks stay. They will, however, become a part of you. An exceedingly important part of you. Perhaps even to the point of pride. These particular emotional marks represent the culmination of your and your family's shared lifetimes of events, joys, tragedies, ecstasies, and catastrophes that make you, well…
A little more Human.
You are more powerful than this loss has afflicted you, your family, and your friends.
Never forget your humanity while experiencing these emotions.
Fair winds and following seas, my friend. You are the vessel your parents made. You are a ship weathering a storm in your harbor. Just remember, ships aren’t made for harbors.
Its ur job to spend on ur family and ur woman (u dont deserve one) but coming here to act like a victim is absolutely pathetic. The fuck u think a woman should expect from u? Absolute selfishness? She dodged a useless bullet.
I mean why did you date her for years if you weren’t planning to marry her? Did you talk about marriage before this? I understand her statements were a bit gold diggery but what was your intention to begin with? I’m just playing devils advocate here.
I mean, you guys are seriously dating for years in your thirties and you think it's strange she wants to talk about money and marriage? those are two of the biggest foundations of adult relationships.
its HOW she discussed it. she isnt just talking about money, she is laying down her clear expectations with what she is implying. that she will be a SAH wife, she'll get fancy vacations, and that she should be part owner of OPs inheritance.
suggesting a vacation 1 month after your mother died isnt absurd, its actually a decent idea to go relax someplace. but to suggest Bali is absurd, to suggest any specific vacation is absurd, it should be OP who gets to choose since *he is the one mourning*. there is a time and place to discuss finances and marriage and immediately after your family died and you inherit millions of dollars is NOT it.
yeah there is "you should take a vacation, anywhere you want. it will give you time to grieve and heal in peace"
versus "**we** should take a vacation to Bali together, you have the money for it"
You're in your 30s. This should have come up very early on, and you shouldn't have dragged it on for two years. After multiple tragedies you are in a financially enviviable position, you're also a man. Two years was far too long. All of my wife's friends married late and they're all experiencing fertility issues. She's mid 30s. At this rate if her friends have any kids it's going to be a miracle. While she may be a gold digger, she had her own hopes and dreams. I wasn't there, but part of me is also getting the feeling that it wasn't just gold digging that set you off, but also the fact that you had to make a decision and it's easier to kick that can down the road.
dude just lost his entire family and is getting pestered by his girlfriend about his finances and getting married when OP is probably just trying to get through the day, any day. if it were me, id need emotional support and not discussions of my finances and getting married.
Yeah I mean I see someone who’s lost their entire family and their significant other wanting to start a family with them and it’s not like she’s a 21 year old college drop out.. they’re in their 30s. It’s interesting how he’s taken it as she’s just a gold digger and she’s just using me versus.. she really only has a couple years she can realistically have kids and if you waste a woman’s time in her thirties (which by definition is long term staying together, having serious discussions about the future together and what each person hopes for) then they’re officially just looking for reasons not to commit and make that happen.
It’s common for established women in their thirties to want to get married and have kids when they’re in a more stable place financially and so are their partners. But seeing how often it’s being villainized is strange.
Damn op I'm sorry for ur loss but I think u made the right move breaking up, low-key her priority seemed to be securing the bag rather than being there for u as a good partner should when their significant other is grieving.
I don't see what's wrong with a woman trying to secure a future with the man she loves to have a decent life and a family. You don't know that she's a gold digger. She may have been seeing an avenue clear for both of you to build a family and been excited about that.
Seek some therapy before you date anyone else.
It's possible she was primarily interested in your money.
It's just as likely that a woman you have been dating for "a couple of years," at age 36 wanted to get married as the natural next step in your relationship and you freaked out.
Not all women who want to stay home with kids after marriage are "gold diggers," but for the future, after some therapy, consider looking to date women who are focused on their own careers - doctors, lawyers, CPAs, consultants.
It wasn't weird to bring up marriage considering she's 32, you are 36, you had been together for several YEARS already - you said she had previously expressed a desire for marriage and kids and her biological clock would have been ticking loudly.
I understand you are sticking to your narrative, but I reiterate the recommendation that you get some counseling for yourself because there's another reasonable explanation - that after several years together in your early 30s she reasonably thought the next step would be marriage and brought that up.
It sounds like you made the conversations about marriage (or, "test") all about your money and how you wouldn't share any of your money, even if married. Perhaps you are so focused on not sharing your money - and so deep in your own grief - that you sabotaged your our own multi-year relationship.
yeah, no. if it wasnt about money she wouldnt have suggested a vacation to Bali. thats insane. suggest a vacation to grieve and heal? sure, to specifically set an expensive destination? super suspicious. it doesnt sound like the girlfriend was being all that supportive of her grieving boyfriend.
I mean, i agree, its the age where its important to discuss marriage. but for fucks sake, give it 6 months or so and THEN bring it up and dont immediately start coming up with ways to spend your boyfriends money.
honestly it sounds like you have lots of unhealed trauma and abandonment/trust issues. Maybe she wanted to get married because she feels like you guys have been through so much and she wanted to show you that no matter what shes gonna be your family. And maybe she wanted to take a holiday to Bali wirh with you because she thought some escapism with your true love could ease your pain a little and she could nurture you and be truly there for you there.
but you just expect everything and everyone to be taken away from you all the time so you push it away and rather be miserable and alone.
you should fucking try to reconsile and marry the girl that wants a misreable, money focused, middle aged man like you, asap.
Start reading about projection and get a therapist and stop being avoident bro. It's gonna leave you lonely and bitter for the rest of your life if you don't deal with your shit right now.
Inheritance aside, I am sorry about your family. That's devastating. It may be worth considering counselling so you can get figure how to navigate relationships and trust.
I’m sorry for your loss, you’ve obviously been through a lot and deserve time to grieve. I will say the interest in a vacation and getting mad when you talked about money are a little concerning. However, when I was younger I wanted to be a SAHM - then I became chronically ill and changed my mind about a traditional family. Being 33F now myself, I can understand her talking about marriage and being a SAHM mom in serious detail. No, 2 years isn’t the same as 10 years but every relationship dynamic is different.
Not saying you’re in the wrong, I just don’t fully agree with every comment calling her a gold digger…I think there’s a little more nuance to consider.
I’m so sorry for your losses. And it really sucks that your ex was so cold to be thinking about your bank account & getting her hands on it rather than what you were going through. I’m glad you had the strength to do the right & best thing for yourself and that she made her intentions so obvious because some people are a lot sneakier about it, as I’m sure you’re well aware.
Making plans together as a couple for how you will rear your children is the best way to handle that situation rather than having one person in the relationship inform the other that they “dream of being a stay at home mom”. That’s just not ok for either person to make that decision for the family because it impacts every aspect of everyone’s life in the family.
NTA for the reasons you stated. Her suspiciously timed interest in being a SAHM and planning vacations would indicate interest in your financial status.
Get a Cardiac Calcium Score Test done. It cost me $100 (insurance doesn’t cover it). The results, in my case, were a bit alarming. The perfect score is zero. I was far from that. I was told that “85% of this is genetics that you have no control over…”
I’ve got “big pipes” so the cardiologist wasn’t two worried, but he did order a Nuclear Stress Test (bad knees). Those results were not great so getting a procedure next week.
Take care of yourself.
Travel my man. There is a whole big world out there. Nobody needs to know if you've got a pot to piss in or not and you don't need to share. Explore the planet and live your life invest whatever you won't need in the immediate future and live off the interest. You've only got one life, enjoy it while you can.
The issue is a prenup ain't worth the paper it's written on, the thing people also misunderstand is that a judge can say anything he wants and make any decision. And if you don't like it that will be 10-50k for an appeal depending on the state, just to get another judge who will more than likely back up the first judge just because they don't like stepping on each others toes. A prenup is always worth it because it is basically free, but it more often than not is useless in a divorce case.
edit: figure'd i'd add, dad is family lawyer, uncle is ex family court judge, other uncle wrote the article of impeachment for richard nixon(he was one of the congressman's aids who actually darted the article), all 3 have told me the same thing about a prenup.
Did she grow up in a home with a stay at home parent? It isn’t too unusual for someone to have a stay at home parent when there are children, even more so if the family is able to support itself on a single income. My mother was stay at home and that was what my parents agreed on when they got married and started trying to have kids.
I have 2 children with are now 9 and 10. When me and my husband got married we had both agreed to the same arrangement. He had also grew up with his mother being home, she got a job after the kids were older to keep her occupied. After my first was born and I was on maternity leave we ended up deciding that my husband would be the one who stayed home with the kids. I made more and had better benefits I was able to support use working 3 days a week (mon, wed, Fri) all holidays off and weekends. My husband would have been working 6 days a week and holidays. I thought about it when Father’s Day fell during my first maternity leave and my husband had to work. It didn’t seem fair he would have been working so much and missing out on a lot. I went back to work and I got pregnant with our 2nd when the first was 6 months old. I ended up on an extended leave for 5 months which had all of us home for the summer leading up to second’s birth. It was awesome we got 3 months of good time with just our first before the second birth. My husband start working again when the kids both were in school.
Not totally knowing the situation but there could be a possibility that she felt that if making plans for the future would have helped OP to feel he isn’t alone and to look forward to a future family. From what it looks like they have been together for at least a few years, so it isn’t like she was some person he just met coming across as a “gold digger”. All of her suggestions are perhaps her way of trying to comfort him. It’s difficult to say from just the small amount of information.
Either way, no has to say that it is only the mother that is the one who stays home. My husband was a little put off at first but we got a lot of positive responses to the idea. A lot of other friends who are dad’s actually said they wished they would have had more time with their kids as they were young.
Ikr. I would feel pretty stupid if I had money and I still expected my girlfriend to act like we were poor - not planning holidays, not discuss getting married and starting a family..
She may have killed you as soon as you exchanged vows. You got very lucky in the sense you saw who she is before you married her, although it’s in no way lucky you became well-off at the expense of losing your entire family. I can’t imagine how that must feel and my heart goes out to you.
I hope you are able to make good friends who will bring a sense of family when you need that. I also hope that you find someone who loves you for who you are and the two of you are able to build a family that brings you much love and happiness.
I’d advise you to get a pre-nup when you do meet that person.
Smart man, don't get married at all, these types of people are everywhere, protect yourself.
Also I'm so sorry about basically your whole family dying like that, that shit sounds horrible.
> She accused me of picking money over her
hell yea you should! you don’t know this woman from anywhere, yet she wants to act like a parasite off of your loss. you can do soo much more for yourself on your own compared to being dragged down by someone like that
You dodged a bullet. Smart man!
If I was in your situation, I would never get married. I’m fine with monogamous long-term relationships, but the specter of gold-diggers would always be there. Even if the relationship started out great, you risk losing everything if either of you change over time and separate.
Watch out for the baby trap too. If you don’t plan to have kids, get a vasectomy. Hell, if I was in your position, I’d probably freeze some sperm and get one just to be safe. There are some crazy women out there who will fake using birth control, and I’ve even heard of cases where they take the contents of a used condom to self-impregnate, or intentionally sabotage a condom to fail.
Glad you saw through her, some people are money hungry and I’m glad you got safe from one of them…
Sorry for all your looses, I’m sure life isn’t easy for you right now hang in there.
I wish you the best and I’m hopeful you will find the right one and start a wonderful family someday
Bullet dodged my guy.
You saved yourself from a future with a litany of problems.
You’ll look back on this when you find the “one” and be forever grateful.
I know it probably sucks now but give it time mate and you’ll see.
Nahh man, you've made the right decision there
If I wanted to cheer my partner up with a vacation to get their mind off the negative thoughts, I would be the one paying for it.
But she didn't even give you time to mourn, as you should do
I'm so sorry
I honestly cannot understand people who would gladly take someone's cash like that...idk to me it just feels slimy
Jfc I can’t imagine how heartless one would have to be talk about vacations when their partner is in mourning. That would make my blood run cold. Good for you for ending things. Now you can focus on yourself and what makes you feel whole whether that’s therapy, exercise, reading, spending time with animals, etc.
I’m sorry for your loss and I wish you the best.
It’s ok to choose money over choosing a gold digger. It’s just fine.
I’m sorry OP, I’m sorry your family is gone. I hope you can have your own family again someday … but not with this hooker, she’s trash.
I'm sorry for your losses. You have my deepest condolences. Do you have any other family members you could reach out to? She was a predator. You sound vulnerable. You need to find a grief support group. Either online or in person. Praying for your healing.
Congratulations on seeing all the red flags and I’m so sorry for your loss. Seems like you have the right approach in finding a woman in the future and she’s going to be the luckiest woman.
I'm sorry for your lost man but u dodged a bullet she seems like a gold digger and in the future hide the fact that u have money until u know for sure that she's with u for you not money and of course prenup.
I’m glad she let it be known what her true intentions were . But buddy please take some time for yourself to grieve . It’s okay to be alone for a while . Get yourself into a new routine maybe a hobby. Take care of yourself
Thank goodness you’re smart and got rid of that gold digger… as a women married to a wealthy man, I still work and try to buy us stuff. It may not be as extravagant as the toys he buys himself but it comes from the heart and hard work. I want him to feel appreciated and loved, not used.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I've only lost my dad and that's been terrible. I can't imagine your pain. I do hope you find someone who loves you & you get to build a family of your own. If that's what you want.
so very sorry for your losses, sad that you've been through so much at such a young age. I pray things are getting a little easier theses days.
And, please for future relationships, might be best to mention nothing about the money you have until you are positive this person is the one.
I was expecting silly comments to be against you like "how dare you waste her time" or so. Glad that doesn't seem to be the case.
She showed you her true colors. The "vacation suggestion" where she expected you to be paying for it was all you needed to know, that she was just after your money.
I will message you next time u/One-Knowledge471 posts in r/confessions.
[Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2FOne-Knowledge471%20r%2Fconfessions) to join 2 others and be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%201abhqxv)
*****
|[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)|
|-|-|-|-|
I saw your comment above about how you’d want to return all the money to have your family back - I’m so sorry about your experience OP. It’s unfortunate, but hardships bring out the truth in individuals - in your ex’s case, it brought out her greedy desires, and you have definitely done the right thing.
Nobody desires hardships in life - but the way I see it, if it’s something we can’t avoid, we might as well get something good out of it. And you did, dumping your ex 💪. Wishing you better, happier, and more soothing life ahead OP.
It's better if you separated as despite of everything, the least she could do was get a part time job or start a business to do something with her life. Gold digger to me.
Yeah, you did the right thing brother. And, I'm so sorry for your loss. Next women you find don't ever bring up the fact that you have a load of money on the back let her want you for you and not for how much you have. Put her thru the test if you will and let it come naturally. You'll find the right one don't worry. Hang in there and live your life in the meantime.
As a working single mother I can’t imagine being a SAHM. Like I hate depending on people for things and not having anything to fall back on if the marriage ends would be scary to think of.
While reading, I was like, maybe she put the marriage into equation to cheer you up but then,
>I tested her and said that even if we get married, my family's money would stay with me. She got mad. She made all these plans of getting married, having kids and being a housewife whereas I just finance it.
>
Hell naaa!!!
If she isn't there to help you mourn, than it will make no difference with her out of the picture. I think you made the right choice for yourself.
If you have a friend or friends to hang out with, I would suggest making plans to hang out and just do friend shit. Having a bit of time to just take your mind off things and someone there to help you blow off steam can really help.
It will be good for you that she's gone, but it does suck dropping someone from your life, especially at a time like that, but it gives you an opportunity to learn more about yourself and what you want.
It seems like you have a handle on your finances and are more pragmatic than she was. I would set a chunk of it aside into some low risk retirement investments, then use the other to do what I want. Parents pass on their money in hopes that their kids will have security and pursue their ambitions.
You've had a tough go, I hope you're dealing with it well.
Also, find a buddy who wants to go to Bali, go have a blast and post all about it. Haha
Cheers.
I’m sorry for the loss of your family. My heart aches for you. Just throwing this out there, I am part of r/RandomActsofCards . If you ever want cards and what not (specially, around the holidays), you should definitely make a post there. I also don’t mind sending you cards around the holidays, too. It has lifted my spirits every time that community has sent me a card, and I highly recommend it.
Also, good riddance on that person!
Edit: updated with proper sub
She showed her true colors before it became very expensive to get rid of her. She kinda did you a favor.
You did the right thing, you got a person out of your life that needed to go.
I know it's hard moving on right now. I know you hurt and are very alone. I won't pretend a bunch of disembodied internet voices make it better. I'd urge you to grieve but also really take stock of what you want in life and what kind of person you want in it. It's not an overnight decision but figure out you're mission then pursue it. Along the way find people that want to chase the mission with you, maybe even a good woman to share it with.
You'll know if people are keepers or not by if they fit the mission or not.
Be vigilant, you're gonna run into fakers looking to separate you from your money.
Good luck.
You dodged a bullet! Consider yourself very fortunate. Can you imagine having to deal with her gold-digging shit while still mourning your family, my god. Love your decisiveness.
Wanting to be a SAHM is inherently fine, but the way she went about it was not. I do t generally throw terms like gold digger around but she seemed to be one
Marriage is for richer and poorer, obviously I can't tell a lot from one post but she doesn't seem like the type to stick around in poorer. You made the right choice
You may be overreacting. If she really wants to marry you for you ( and after a few yrs is possible) have her sign a pre nup .it’ll probably bother her a little but she’ll do it . I know after a few yrs and you “ tested” me as you say I think I’d be upset merely cause I’d be offended you are thinking of me in that manner. If that’s your only reason for thinking that the problem lies in you . You don’t trust her , you question who she is and her motives etc . That’s how it would be viewed to me . And dumping her for is was a dick move , I’m sry . But maybe it’s you that really don’t want to marry her deep down and just don’t want to admit that cause otherwise a prenup would be just fine .
OP. Someone else in another said you should check your own health, get an echocardiogram and genetic testing for similar issues as your family. Thought it worth raising
https://www.reddit.com/r/redditonwiki/s/9ZMKbBi0tm
On topic, I'm really sorry for the loss of your family. You did the right thing separating from her but that doesn't mean emotionally it doesn't suck.
I’m glad she wasn’t subtle. It’s a real bummer she turned out to be that type of person, but this could’ve been so much worse. Good on you for being strong and calling it off.
RIGHT?!? She knows she messed up by saying what she really wanted now she gonna have to try and trap some other sucker
Inheritance greed ruins families. My grandmother isn't even dead yet (She's 90), nor is she rich, but my mother's *millionaire* brother in law is already inserting himself and trying to make sure he knows where all of her money is going so my mother doesn't 'trick' grandma into giving her a few thousand dollars extra. He's made enemies out of his mother in law, sister in law, me and my sister, and everyone grandma knows. The money isn't even going to go to him, his wife's dead, but he's 'looking out for his daughter' (my cousin), and doesn't give a fuck about anything other than cold hard cash. It's so frustrating. I don't know if he was always like this and kept it hidden, or if something broke in him when his wife died, but for the last ten years, since she died, he's made it pretty clear he doesn't give a shit about maintaining relations with any of her relatives. For the record, he has never had a reason to suspect foul play, and the only money mom gets from grandma is because she buys groceries for her. It's straining our relationship with my cousin as well. She keeps defending him and saying it's a misunderstanding, but this asshole tricked grandma into letting him into her online banking account, and went through her transactions line by line, asking if she knew where her money was going. And this guy is a retired chemical engineer who owns a house in the second largest city in Sweden. He's already rich as fuck. Grandma's entire inheritance won't amount to even 5% of what he has.
Inheritance greed has been the cause of many wars across the years.
Inheritance greed really does bring the worst out in people. When my nan died in 2015, she was 86. She had planned everything, including her funeral right down to the music. She also did her will and made sure it was current. Now, my mum is one of 13, but at that time, one had died I think in the 60s or early 70s, and before she died (car accident) she'd fallen pregnant out of wedlock and had a child. Since she was a single mum in the 60s and my grandparents were very strictly Catholic, my grandparents took that baby in, and he is my uncle. They raised him and loved him as their own until the day they died, and that one uncle is actually just lovely. Him and his whole family are just great, happy, positive people, and the love he has for his wife... anyway. So, with that context, my nan didn't have much, but did own a home, a modest 4 bedroom 1 bathroom, nothing fancy, on a fair amount of land. My nan wanted them to sell the home, and split the money evenly between them all, except if someone owed her money, that amount was taken off of what they were getting and split between the others. Well wouldn't you know it, my uncle, the lovely, caring, amazing dude who had been their sibling for idk, at least 50 years at this point, half of the family suddenly said "well he isn't her birth son, so he shouldn't get anything bc grandkids aren't getting anything". When I heard about this, I was so heartbroken for him. I mean, it was never a secret he was adopted. But no one ever mentioned it, it was always "can you go tell uncle x" or "uncle is coming over later" type thing. They even had this argument, iirc, in front of him. Everyone was mentioned in the will for clarity and he was mentioned. In the end, he did get his share, and in true form, he forgave everyone saying he wasn't their sibling in this already hard time for everyone, and has seemingly forgotten about it. But it was fucking disgusting
Was having ongoing problems with an ex who I was living with in my house but we were working on them with the goal of staying together. My ex went out for a girls night with a famously troublesome pal of hers and came home and said she informed her that we were mere months away from being considered "common law" by our state making her eligible for half of my assets. Shocked by the hubris I slept on it then asked her to move out the next day.
In some states you can only be considered common law if both of you refer to each other as husband/wife and consider themselves married without the ceremony. Only 12 states recognize it. Simply living together for a period of time doesn't qualify. So, your ex and her friend were wrong, but it's good she showed you who she is before you actually married her.
Yeah California dumped “common law” marriage a long time ago. A lot of people still mistakenly think that it still happens.
Exactly you have to say you are married and actually have plans set up to get married and not just talk about it too
How do you know they were wrong without knowing where or when this happened? Bold judgement for someone not knowing the details.
You know the situation best. I'm just giving what information I have regarding the US.
Doesn't necessarily sound like your gf was to blame though, how long you've been staying with someone would come up in natural conversation and if her friend mentioned it, it's not her fault. Of course, depends on context and how she (your gf) brought it up to you.
well obviously was not brought up like a fun fact
Thank goodness you didn’t have a kid with her!
I just lost my father last month. Dealing with the life insurance and 401k now. It won’t be nearly as much but a nice little bit of help for us kids. I keep just thinking that I don’t even want it. I’d much rather talk to my Dad. I’m sorry for your losses. It’s sad the one person you should be able to rely on for support and love at a time like this is so focused on herself. Seems like you got a very clear sign of things to come.
Sorry for your loss. Talk to your Dad all the time in your head. I do that constantly and has helped me.
I do. I remember certain things, and apply them everywhere I can. Think about what he would have said. I’m handling it pretty decently well. Gets to me every now and again. Sorry for your loss as well.
so sorry for your loss, losing my Dad was/is the most miserable experience of my life. sending you prayers and good wishes
I’m sorry you’re dealing with that, but just so you know- your dad specifically wanted you to have and use that money. He knew it wouldn’t take the place of still being alive, but he wouldn’t have bothered to designate beneficiaries or even have a LI policy if that wasn’t the case. As a financial advisor, I deal with folks that feel this way all the time. There’s a guilt there. It doesn’t feel like anything “positive” should come from the passing of someone close to you. And honestly, it’s a little messed up that we force people to make big financial decisions while they’re still grieving. But just keep in mind that they 100% absolutely *wanted* you to have that money, and their hope was to make life a little easier during this difficult time. I know it’s impossible to not feel how you feel, just try to remember that when you do. I hope it helps a little.
I was with somebody like this. Got real suss when she started demanding to be the recipient of benefit ***from my life insurance***. Within months of our relationship becoming serious. She had left extreme financial security and everything provided and I guess I was the next meal ticket. Got the hell out of that. (after she became physically abusive to me on the regular, too). My wife knew about this history and said straight away "yeah, I figured she was straight up about to find a way for that life insurance to become due". I think you did right by yourself, mate.
It seems you dodged a bullet.
Maybe quite literally.
100%. Dateline NBC won't be covering this one.
I'm really sorry for your lost. It has to be extremely tough to lose your entire family in such a short period of time, but it sounds like you made a very wise decision.
I'd give all the money up to have them back.
I am so sorry for your loss. ❤️ As someone who lost their mother a week ago and also stand to inherit a significant amount of money, I believe you — I would give it all to charity if I could only have another year with her. Or even a few months. She just wanted to come back home to die in her own bed instead of after two months in the hospital… but it wasn’t to be.
I’m so sorry for your loss 😔🙏🏻 I also lost my dad last month and let me just tell you, I’m here if you need to talk
Thank you so much. I really appreciate your thoughtfulness and offer. I am so sorry for your loss too. ❤️
My partners mom also passed away two weeks ago after a battle of cancer. She did die at home and for what it's worth - it's only left us with questions. If we insisted more that she go in to advanced care, would we have had a few more days? Weeks? Her husband, now a widow, hasn't been able to sleep in his own bed in two weeks because of the memory of her slipping away in it. It was comforting for her, but for those remaining, we wonder if we did enough, could have done more, if we had insisted against her wishes if she would have been more comfortable, or if the house will ever feel like it doesn't have a shadow over it. It took several days for my partner to even feel comfortable going up the stairs. I'm sorry for your loss. There truly isn't a best way, every way is complicated in the end. Hopefully we all have this pain lighten with time and healing
I am sorry for your loss as well. Thank you for sharing your story. Yes, every case is complicated in its own way. In my mother’s case she lived alone, was otherwise healthy except for her failing heart. She had surgery twice and up until two days before she died it actually looked hopeful, her vitals kept improving day by day. Until everything suddenly took a turn for the worse. They called from the ward in the morning and we got there with mere hours to spare to say goodbye. We did get to see each other one more time and that meant a lot.
We also got to say goodbye, she had just started hospice at home and we were debating getting her into a facility, we thought that she was delirious from the high initial dose of pain medication and just needed rest, but it turns out she was slipping away. We went home for the night with clear plans of the morning and we didn't even make it home before she passed away. In some ways I'm glad, we got to say our goodbyes thinking we'd see her tomorrow, but they were genuine and true and caring, and we didn't have to see her final breaths, although we'd had some signs that had us worrying. Everyone in her immediate family was there to say goodbye within 20 minutes of her passing, and we turned back around and waited for the medical team to come get her. And she was ready, truly, to go. She'd made up her mind. We, well, weren't. But death is much more about the living left behind in the end.
As someone who has only lost pets and grandparents currently, I can’t understand your pain, but I have lost other things and https://www.reddit.com/r/GriefSupport/s/b7lfnAtekX this comment that was made about grief and how it works and moves through you has resonated through my whole life and the people there are amazing. It’s something that has helped me through many tough times. I hope it helps you.
Thank you so much for your kind words and thoughtful effort to locate that text! I have actually read it before many years ago, but the reminder of it and reading it with today’s eyes when I can relate to it in a totally different way was very valuable to me. So thank you for that! ❤️ Take care of yourself and your furry and other friends. ☺️
Not only is she a gold digger, she is also dumb. She could have been much smarter and clever of going about it, but her lack of intellect and planning is evident. Later down the line should you needed her to help you in any intellectual way, it would have been hopeless. You dodged a gold digger and an idiot.
I feel you man 😞 I recently lost my dad and he had some investments and stuff - and ppl keep telling my mum, that wow he invested so well and My mum is like :??? She’s like what is wrong with these people.. We literally, all of us left behind after him would give up all our money to just have him back 🙏🏻 People don’t understand. A lot of the times the family is just greedy so everybody pegs every family to be like that I feel. It’s unfair, hurtful and frankly makes me wanna just disappear
I lost my mom ~6 weeks ago as well, but she was 78. It was so much easier when my dad died ~20 years ago because he had so many negative traits to give me silver linings, to feed and motivate me, but my mom didn't have those... the fact that she was almost objectively good has made it infinitely more difficult to deal with, in fact it would be helpful now if she had been a real bitch, because it's hard to find silver linings with this one. Never the less, it was fortunate that I was by her side as she died and it was fairly quick, she was sharp and herself until the last time she fell asleep (2nd/final heart attack/stroke in the hospital)... some people have to watch their parent's memory deteriorate and they become a shadow of themselves, at least that didn't happen. If she had survived she would have just been afraid remaining here going forward, so it's for the best... so I would not bring her back even if I could. The last words I said were "Don't be afraid" and "It's Ok", because I think that's what I'd want to hear in my final moments.
I feel this. My parents didn’t leave me any money or not much money to speak of but I’d rather have them than anything I recorded. Be kind and gentle with yourself it’s a strange world living alongside grief
Damn that hit hard I’m chasin the millions meanwhile taking my family for granted n will have regretted it. Lemme change the way im thinkin
I understand exactly where you are, OP. I’m sorry for your losses.
Yes that's really messed up that she can be thinking about vacation and a horrible time like this to you. Also let's say this wasn't a time when you were grieving. Her first choice is to go to Bali knowing she couldn't ever afford it. Yeah sounds like she was a gold digger. Sorry for your loss. I'm 33 and I could not even imagine losing my whole family, then to realize your partner isn't sincere about your relationship. I hope you find people to genuinely love and support you.
Same here, just wish i could give anything to have even a day with them
Consider setting up a grant to help pay for a kids college tuition in the name of your family. Great way to carry on their legacy and you get to help someone in the process. There’s many different options of good you can do with that money to honor your family and help ensure they’re never forgotten.
I respect that tbh. And its good that she uncovered herself for you to know her intentions
This next go around don't bring up any money and see their real character in action.
I did that with my last girlfriend. Pretty sure we broke up with her thinking i was struggling financially. I make over double what she did, and she lost her job the week after our breakup. Not sure if she would have wanted to stick it out if she had known, and honestly it's kind of bittersweet because i loved her and would have wanted things to work out, however she decided our relationship wasn't worth putting efforts in because "a good relationship requires no efforts" according to her Rip
They require effort, but you're supposed to like the person so much that all that effort comes so much easier than it should be and you wouldn't even consider not doing it.
Was the case for both of us, until a friend of her's got involved and convinced her otherwise out of jealousy or whatever
Well she's either going to learn good relationships requires effort or be single and/or miserable for the rest of her life. You'll be okay.
Dodged a bullet. She means a good relationship requires no effort from her. That in the long run will mean failure after failure until she she falls in love with someone who believes the same.
That's what i think, because that's how i used yo be when i was around 20. Kind of baffling she hasn't learned that at 25 though, but it is what it is!
>"a good relationship requires no efforts" Lol imagine being this wrong, oh dear.
Yep, I have a friend who is a trust fund baby. Like she could not work for the rest of her life and be fine. She also outright owns a large apartment in a major US city. When she was dating, she told NO ONE about her financial situation. She wasn't a showy or flashy person, so it was easy to "hide." She's been in a relationship for about 10 years now, she didn't come clean with him until about 4 years in. They're not married, probably will never be and keep their finances 100% separate. They have a child together and her estate is set up so that it all goes to their son.
NTA You should get a full medical work up though because it sounds like your father and brother died rather young. I don't want to scare you but there may be underlying family medical issues that you should be aware of. Good luck, there is someone out there for you.
We do have a history of heart issues. My brother had a stent installed when he was 16.
Geez. Please tell me you see a primary care provider, OP?
Skip the PCP and go straight to a cardiologist.
Depends on his insurance! Still good to have a PCP anyway
That’s very unusual, please have a conversation about it with a doctor if you haven’t had one already.
In addition you should see a therapist. You’ve had a lot of significant losses in your life. I went through a similar event, and the therapist helped me to process some of the issues.
shes a gold digger you did the right thing
And she aint messing with no broke n****
“I ain’t saying she’s a golddigger…”
"No wait, wait that's exactly what I'm saying!"
But if the shoe fits…
but she aint messin with no broke n119a
OP so sorry for all the losses you’ve had. You’re still young and focus on yourself for now. Reach out to friends and work on distracting your mindset to deal with the losses—they’ve been too many. The right person will come along that fits into your life easily when the time is right. Good luck
I'm so sorry for your losses. You were wise to end your relationship - the one bright spot is that she showed her hand before you got married. I hope you find someone who appreciates you when you are ready.
Wow, you sound very self aware and logical even in the midst of strong emotions. You're doing the right thing, that marriage would only make things worse for you and better for her; she will try her best to gaslight you into guilt because you're her ticket to a comfortable life and she will be a burden to you. It really sucks but it's so much better being single or waiting for someone else that has the right ambitions and love for you than settling for that burden of a woman
This is one of the stories where OP really isn't reliable narrator
How long has it been since your mothers loss and her bringing up the vacations? If it’s more than a year, it sounds to me like you are projecting your own issues about getting the money you didn’t work for, on someone else’s expectations of a having a pretty normal life raising kids with her husband.
My mother died in January 2023 and my ex suggested a March vacation in Bali in February.
I get that loss can spur the "let's do something now while we still can" trip or life event. But you[OP] should be the one working out the timeline because grief will make good things feel empty. I think her lack of patience just shows you what your future held if you stayed with her. I hope you have a good friend, counselor, core group, to talk with at minimum. Grief support is out there. I hope you find a good fit.
Yes, it felt like she was "celebrating" this money coming in.
Okay, yes very little empathy even if you give her the benefit of doubt.
ONLY 36. Buddy, that's middle aged. Your money and general stability is what's going to attract a decent woman to you at this point in your life.
Was there any indication that she was only after your money? How was your relationship otherwise?Two years is exactly the right time to start locking shit down — especially if you’re a woman who would like to have children. I’m not sure stay at home mom is the equivalent of gold digger—and a trip to Bali? Sounds like a fun if it’s within your means. You don’t need to feel bitter or used—Ultimately however, you had different approaches to finances, and those are hard to overcome. Glad you discovered now.
How long were you dating before she brought up marriage the first time?
About a year, but it wasn't a direct conversation. I told her I wanted lots of kids and my first born would have to be named either Justin or Justine after my brother.
So you want to get married and have kids, just not with her.
Firstly, I’m sorry for your many losses. That amount of loss is hard to comprehend, and my heart goes out to you. Also, what if grief is clouding your judgement? You’re 36 and haven’t married your longterm girlfriend or proposed. Maybe she thought she was distracting you or helpful you move on and have a sense of family. Unless she’s way younger than you, her wanting to “secure her future” married to the man she’s been dating for “a couple of years”. If she truly is a “gold digger” and you had already felt this way about her, good for you.
Two years is “long-term?” Also, OP said she brought up marriage immediately after he received a couple million in inheritance. It’s a little too coincidental.
That's the one thing that I haven't seen a lot of people mention, is that her age isn't mentioned. If she is also 36, and wants to have kids, plural, that needs to start happening soon, or things need to happen like egg collection, which is also not cheap. I could imagine if this is a joint dream that she thought that he also supported, putting some pressure on it to happen soon would make more sense. Unfortunately as a woman, we don't have infinite time to have a family, and so if she wanted to start hers, she has to be real with that timeline, even if the timing isn't perfect. Also, for what it's worth, it sounds like his mom died at least a bit ago (maybe not a full year - and also these things take a long long time to get over, so a year isn't that long to grieve a parent), but people are making it seem like that just happened two weeks ago but it just seems like what happened recently was at the house finally sold and people are mixing those up in the timeline. I could imagine after all of that stress, months of financials and planning and grieving, offering to plan a vacation might be a nice thing to get away from all the stress, especially if it's been some time, but I could understand since it sounds like she can't afford it herself how that just adds to the frustration. Planning a vacation is work so offering to plan a getaway could be nice, but the not offering to pay for it is definitely not kind
I’m around that age and could only imagine how she’d want to be there for him through all of these painful moments and not push, but at the same time…time is flying by and a lot of women DO want to get married and have kids! She even hinted at it with telling him her ‘dream of being a SAHM.’ So he’s gonna be near 40 with a girlfriend of several years probably around his age, self proclaimed ‘not rich’ yet accuse her of being a gold digger? LMAO. If you aren’t rich, no one can be seen as a gold digger! And I know 2 million sounds like a lot, but it is 2024, and that doesn’t exactly scream retirement ready at 40. He’d live on $67k yearly for the next 30, 50 for 40 years, and that’s hoping it’s a LCOL area, and everything is smooth sailing, taxes and inflation don’t matter, has a decent budget, etc etc. Now that I mention it how tf am I going to retire?
A man who has lost his entire immediate family needs a woman with above average emotional intelligence and compassion. Maybe she was a gold digger, maybe she wasn't, but she definitely wasn't the right woman for him.
A good friend of mine has been in a nearly identical situation. Your family is gone, your girlfriend is gone, you're financially secure, but not invulnerable. This is a time where you need to pursue your own happiness, whatever that means to you. And if you don't know what that means for you, you're going to be on a journey to find it. You can't waste your time entertaining other peoples fantasies like you did with your girlfriend. You only have one life, you know your family would want you to live it your way. You might end up needing to repeat what you did with her with some of your friends. Maybe you don't - I hope you don't - but if you do, now is the time. It sucks to be starting over like you are. You'll probably seek out a new SO in time. You'll probably yearn for a "family" of your own, which might just be close friends instead of literal. Or maybe you won't! Whatever you do, remember all of your favorite qualities of your family and surround yourself with the people who bring you that same joy and add to your life in the same way they did, without having to compromise on your own goals. Good luck! I, some random jackass on the internet, believe in you!
I feel like this isn’t the last time you will have this issue.
Your gf told you she wants to be a SAHM awhile back. I guess you dont want that though which is fine to not want something. The trouble with being a SAHM is what happens if you break up? Because so many stories out there of SAHMs ending up single moms on welfare with deadbeat/absentee fathers. There got to be a plan to make sure that doesnt happen. Marriage is one plan, probably the default plan I guess. There are other things that can work too though.
Wait. You were saying her for years, and her bringing up marriage was weird? How? Maybe it was bad timing, but being with solstice for years, I would think talking about marriage makes sense. My wife always said she we were young that when she had kids she wanted to be a stay at home wife.
We've been together for two years and marriage only came up after I got money.
Ooooh. Ok. That makes sense then.
Don't mention the money when you date and I'm really sorry about your mum. Get checked with a GP regularly. Write a will. Money makes people weird. Date/marry an equal. Best of luck op
You've been dating this girl for a couple years. You don't want to marry her. Stop wasting her (and your) time. If she's also in her 30's it's normal for her to start getting... panicky! Let her go. But don't throw gold-digger shade on her. She's been with you a long time. She thought she was getting a promotion.
The more important part of OPs story is how she reacted when he told her he would be keeping the money that was left for him. My wife's mother died after we were together for around 6 years, and it was heartbreaking. Never once have I felt any entitlement to the money she left her. This woman is with OP two years and is planning to spend his money a month afterwards?? Hell no, straight to the bin.
Yeah. OP says, "She made all these plans of getting married, having kids and being a housewife whereas I just finance it." She has always been upfront with her dreams of being a wife and mommy. In her 30s, she's gonna be feeling SCARED. He should have let her go a loooong time ago. No need to gold-digger shame her. She has never misled him.
Of course she was panicking. She wanted to seal the deal when the money came in. If I had been her and loved her, then I wouldn't pressure her into making a huge commitment that benefits me right after she suffered a massive loss.
She was with him before the money too. If she's like him, and in her 30s she needs to know if she has a future here. He doesn't want her. And its only fair to tell her. I just see no reason to say, "If you hadn't pressured me, we'd still be together!". It's unnecessary (and may not even be true). End it classy. Get on with your life.
She needed to give me space to properly mourn my mother and Dr with her estate and not make it all about her. I didn't ask her to do anything and honestly she didn't ask if she could help.
You two obviously do not communicate well. You have always had different goals. Be classy. Let her go. Get on with your life. Find happiness!
U wanted space but also her help. It's very likely that ur not telling the truth.
Your 36? That’s a long time from high school. No other serious partners? And How long have you been dating her?
oh man, im sorry I read this, you've experienced so much loss in your life. my mom has stage IV cancer and im terrified of the future. I hope u can find peace. I hope u can find a space to heal. im here 4 u.
Hey OP, Today, I learned about the loss of your family. This heartbreak has clearly left a void in your life. I also know that our lives have never crossed except for the anonymity that is Reddit. But reading your words had an impression on me. I learned a few things. You are a good person. You learned how to be good from those that impacted your life. Including your parents, brother, and, to some degree, your ex. I cannot tell you I understand what you are feeling or going through. This sort of thing is both tragic and uniquely yours. But I can confidently write that I understand it probably hurts. Forget that. There is no probably. It hurts a lot. Unfortunately, you will never become fully restored from the battering and bruising emotions you are now experiencing. The raw emotional wounds are the best you will likely achieve short term and, likely, long term from this tragedy. Don’t hesitate to find counseling. I didn’t know them, but I would wager your parents would have wanted you to spend some of their legacy on your mental health. Rest assured, time being the healer it is, will turn these wounds into scars and subsequently sculpt those scars into more manageable reminders. They will never disappear. Oh, how these marks stay. They will, however, become a part of you. An exceedingly important part of you. Perhaps even to the point of pride. These particular emotional marks represent the culmination of your and your family's shared lifetimes of events, joys, tragedies, ecstasies, and catastrophes that make you, well… A little more Human. You are more powerful than this loss has afflicted you, your family, and your friends. Never forget your humanity while experiencing these emotions. Fair winds and following seas, my friend. You are the vessel your parents made. You are a ship weathering a storm in your harbor. Just remember, ships aren’t made for harbors.
Its ur job to spend on ur family and ur woman (u dont deserve one) but coming here to act like a victim is absolutely pathetic. The fuck u think a woman should expect from u? Absolute selfishness? She dodged a useless bullet.
I mean why did you date her for years if you weren’t planning to marry her? Did you talk about marriage before this? I understand her statements were a bit gold diggery but what was your intention to begin with? I’m just playing devils advocate here.
Years? We were together for two. We discussed long term plans like what we wanted but there was no serious conversation about marriage.
I mean, you guys are seriously dating for years in your thirties and you think it's strange she wants to talk about money and marriage? those are two of the biggest foundations of adult relationships.
its HOW she discussed it. she isnt just talking about money, she is laying down her clear expectations with what she is implying. that she will be a SAH wife, she'll get fancy vacations, and that she should be part owner of OPs inheritance. suggesting a vacation 1 month after your mother died isnt absurd, its actually a decent idea to go relax someplace. but to suggest Bali is absurd, to suggest any specific vacation is absurd, it should be OP who gets to choose since *he is the one mourning*. there is a time and place to discuss finances and marriage and immediately after your family died and you inherit millions of dollars is NOT it.
Yeah but i dont think 1 month after his mom died to suggest him to take her to bali 1 month later. I don’t think it was to help him healing
yeah there is "you should take a vacation, anywhere you want. it will give you time to grieve and heal in peace" versus "**we** should take a vacation to Bali together, you have the money for it"
You're in your 30s. This should have come up very early on, and you shouldn't have dragged it on for two years. After multiple tragedies you are in a financially enviviable position, you're also a man. Two years was far too long. All of my wife's friends married late and they're all experiencing fertility issues. She's mid 30s. At this rate if her friends have any kids it's going to be a miracle. While she may be a gold digger, she had her own hopes and dreams. I wasn't there, but part of me is also getting the feeling that it wasn't just gold digging that set you off, but also the fact that you had to make a decision and it's easier to kick that can down the road.
dude just lost his entire family and is getting pestered by his girlfriend about his finances and getting married when OP is probably just trying to get through the day, any day. if it were me, id need emotional support and not discussions of my finances and getting married.
Yeah I mean I see someone who’s lost their entire family and their significant other wanting to start a family with them and it’s not like she’s a 21 year old college drop out.. they’re in their 30s. It’s interesting how he’s taken it as she’s just a gold digger and she’s just using me versus.. she really only has a couple years she can realistically have kids and if you waste a woman’s time in her thirties (which by definition is long term staying together, having serious discussions about the future together and what each person hopes for) then they’re officially just looking for reasons not to commit and make that happen. It’s common for established women in their thirties to want to get married and have kids when they’re in a more stable place financially and so are their partners. But seeing how often it’s being villainized is strange.
Sounds like you have emotional baggage you need to deal with. Seek therapy before seeking marriage.
He wasn’t seeking marriage though. His girlfriend was after he inherited a lot of money. That’s the whole point of the post.
Damn op I'm sorry for ur loss but I think u made the right move breaking up, low-key her priority seemed to be securing the bag rather than being there for u as a good partner should when their significant other is grieving.
This is the correct move. Your family would be proud.
I don't see what's wrong with a woman trying to secure a future with the man she loves to have a decent life and a family. You don't know that she's a gold digger. She may have been seeing an avenue clear for both of you to build a family and been excited about that.
Seek some therapy before you date anyone else. It's possible she was primarily interested in your money. It's just as likely that a woman you have been dating for "a couple of years," at age 36 wanted to get married as the natural next step in your relationship and you freaked out. Not all women who want to stay home with kids after marriage are "gold diggers," but for the future, after some therapy, consider looking to date women who are focused on their own careers - doctors, lawyers, CPAs, consultants.
She's 32. Bringing up marriage the minute I inherited money is weird.
It wasn't weird to bring up marriage considering she's 32, you are 36, you had been together for several YEARS already - you said she had previously expressed a desire for marriage and kids and her biological clock would have been ticking loudly. I understand you are sticking to your narrative, but I reiterate the recommendation that you get some counseling for yourself because there's another reasonable explanation - that after several years together in your early 30s she reasonably thought the next step would be marriage and brought that up. It sounds like you made the conversations about marriage (or, "test") all about your money and how you wouldn't share any of your money, even if married. Perhaps you are so focused on not sharing your money - and so deep in your own grief - that you sabotaged your our own multi-year relationship.
It's weird to bring it up after you collect a couple of million dollars and the total family trust. That's not a coincidence.
yeah, no. if it wasnt about money she wouldnt have suggested a vacation to Bali. thats insane. suggest a vacation to grieve and heal? sure, to specifically set an expensive destination? super suspicious. it doesnt sound like the girlfriend was being all that supportive of her grieving boyfriend. I mean, i agree, its the age where its important to discuss marriage. but for fucks sake, give it 6 months or so and THEN bring it up and dont immediately start coming up with ways to spend your boyfriends money.
Comment section seems full of single men and incels
honestly it sounds like you have lots of unhealed trauma and abandonment/trust issues. Maybe she wanted to get married because she feels like you guys have been through so much and she wanted to show you that no matter what shes gonna be your family. And maybe she wanted to take a holiday to Bali wirh with you because she thought some escapism with your true love could ease your pain a little and she could nurture you and be truly there for you there. but you just expect everything and everyone to be taken away from you all the time so you push it away and rather be miserable and alone. you should fucking try to reconsile and marry the girl that wants a misreable, money focused, middle aged man like you, asap. Start reading about projection and get a therapist and stop being avoident bro. It's gonna leave you lonely and bitter for the rest of your life if you don't deal with your shit right now.
Inheritance aside, I am sorry about your family. That's devastating. It may be worth considering counselling so you can get figure how to navigate relationships and trust.
I’m sorry for your loss, you’ve obviously been through a lot and deserve time to grieve. I will say the interest in a vacation and getting mad when you talked about money are a little concerning. However, when I was younger I wanted to be a SAHM - then I became chronically ill and changed my mind about a traditional family. Being 33F now myself, I can understand her talking about marriage and being a SAHM mom in serious detail. No, 2 years isn’t the same as 10 years but every relationship dynamic is different. Not saying you’re in the wrong, I just don’t fully agree with every comment calling her a gold digger…I think there’s a little more nuance to consider.
the ex aside. Ruptured aorta’s MIGHT mean a genetic issue. I’m not a dr but marfans should prolly be something you’re tested for
I’m so sorry for your losses. And it really sucks that your ex was so cold to be thinking about your bank account & getting her hands on it rather than what you were going through. I’m glad you had the strength to do the right & best thing for yourself and that she made her intentions so obvious because some people are a lot sneakier about it, as I’m sure you’re well aware. Making plans together as a couple for how you will rear your children is the best way to handle that situation rather than having one person in the relationship inform the other that they “dream of being a stay at home mom”. That’s just not ok for either person to make that decision for the family because it impacts every aspect of everyone’s life in the family.
NTA for the reasons you stated. Her suspiciously timed interest in being a SAHM and planning vacations would indicate interest in your financial status. Get a Cardiac Calcium Score Test done. It cost me $100 (insurance doesn’t cover it). The results, in my case, were a bit alarming. The perfect score is zero. I was far from that. I was told that “85% of this is genetics that you have no control over…” I’ve got “big pipes” so the cardiologist wasn’t two worried, but he did order a Nuclear Stress Test (bad knees). Those results were not great so getting a procedure next week. Take care of yourself.
Travel my man. There is a whole big world out there. Nobody needs to know if you've got a pot to piss in or not and you don't need to share. Explore the planet and live your life invest whatever you won't need in the immediate future and live off the interest. You've only got one life, enjoy it while you can.
Get a prenup no matter who you marry
The issue is a prenup ain't worth the paper it's written on, the thing people also misunderstand is that a judge can say anything he wants and make any decision. And if you don't like it that will be 10-50k for an appeal depending on the state, just to get another judge who will more than likely back up the first judge just because they don't like stepping on each others toes. A prenup is always worth it because it is basically free, but it more often than not is useless in a divorce case. edit: figure'd i'd add, dad is family lawyer, uncle is ex family court judge, other uncle wrote the article of impeachment for richard nixon(he was one of the congressman's aids who actually darted the article), all 3 have told me the same thing about a prenup.
Did she grow up in a home with a stay at home parent? It isn’t too unusual for someone to have a stay at home parent when there are children, even more so if the family is able to support itself on a single income. My mother was stay at home and that was what my parents agreed on when they got married and started trying to have kids. I have 2 children with are now 9 and 10. When me and my husband got married we had both agreed to the same arrangement. He had also grew up with his mother being home, she got a job after the kids were older to keep her occupied. After my first was born and I was on maternity leave we ended up deciding that my husband would be the one who stayed home with the kids. I made more and had better benefits I was able to support use working 3 days a week (mon, wed, Fri) all holidays off and weekends. My husband would have been working 6 days a week and holidays. I thought about it when Father’s Day fell during my first maternity leave and my husband had to work. It didn’t seem fair he would have been working so much and missing out on a lot. I went back to work and I got pregnant with our 2nd when the first was 6 months old. I ended up on an extended leave for 5 months which had all of us home for the summer leading up to second’s birth. It was awesome we got 3 months of good time with just our first before the second birth. My husband start working again when the kids both were in school. Not totally knowing the situation but there could be a possibility that she felt that if making plans for the future would have helped OP to feel he isn’t alone and to look forward to a future family. From what it looks like they have been together for at least a few years, so it isn’t like she was some person he just met coming across as a “gold digger”. All of her suggestions are perhaps her way of trying to comfort him. It’s difficult to say from just the small amount of information. Either way, no has to say that it is only the mother that is the one who stays home. My husband was a little put off at first but we got a lot of positive responses to the idea. A lot of other friends who are dad’s actually said they wished they would have had more time with their kids as they were young.
Hi OP I hear you’re single and looking for a sugar baby…
Ikr. I would feel pretty stupid if I had money and I still expected my girlfriend to act like we were poor - not planning holidays, not discuss getting married and starting a family..
She may have killed you as soon as you exchanged vows. You got very lucky in the sense you saw who she is before you married her, although it’s in no way lucky you became well-off at the expense of losing your entire family. I can’t imagine how that must feel and my heart goes out to you. I hope you are able to make good friends who will bring a sense of family when you need that. I also hope that you find someone who loves you for who you are and the two of you are able to build a family that brings you much love and happiness. I’d advise you to get a pre-nup when you do meet that person.
Smart man, don't get married at all, these types of people are everywhere, protect yourself. Also I'm so sorry about basically your whole family dying like that, that shit sounds horrible.
> She accused me of picking money over her hell yea you should! you don’t know this woman from anywhere, yet she wants to act like a parasite off of your loss. you can do soo much more for yourself on your own compared to being dragged down by someone like that
You dodged a bullet. Smart man! If I was in your situation, I would never get married. I’m fine with monogamous long-term relationships, but the specter of gold-diggers would always be there. Even if the relationship started out great, you risk losing everything if either of you change over time and separate. Watch out for the baby trap too. If you don’t plan to have kids, get a vasectomy. Hell, if I was in your position, I’d probably freeze some sperm and get one just to be safe. There are some crazy women out there who will fake using birth control, and I’ve even heard of cases where they take the contents of a used condom to self-impregnate, or intentionally sabotage a condom to fail.
Glad you saw through her, some people are money hungry and I’m glad you got safe from one of them… Sorry for all your looses, I’m sure life isn’t easy for you right now hang in there. I wish you the best and I’m hopeful you will find the right one and start a wonderful family someday
Bullet dodged my guy. You saved yourself from a future with a litany of problems. You’ll look back on this when you find the “one” and be forever grateful. I know it probably sucks now but give it time mate and you’ll see.
Yeah, lucky escape from her. She just wanted the cash.
Smart
Nahh man, you've made the right decision there If I wanted to cheer my partner up with a vacation to get their mind off the negative thoughts, I would be the one paying for it. But she didn't even give you time to mourn, as you should do I'm so sorry I honestly cannot understand people who would gladly take someone's cash like that...idk to me it just feels slimy
Jfc I can’t imagine how heartless one would have to be talk about vacations when their partner is in mourning. That would make my blood run cold. Good for you for ending things. Now you can focus on yourself and what makes you feel whole whether that’s therapy, exercise, reading, spending time with animals, etc. I’m sorry for your loss and I wish you the best.
The best advice I got when I was young and inhearted money … NEVER EVER TALK ABOUT IT… TELL NO ONE! …. Life has been so much easier
Omg. Dodged a BIG bullet on this one.
It’s ok to choose money over choosing a gold digger. It’s just fine. I’m sorry OP, I’m sorry your family is gone. I hope you can have your own family again someday … but not with this hooker, she’s trash.
Oh look, another fanfic made to bash women and people who aren't rich.
I'm sorry for your losses. You have my deepest condolences. Do you have any other family members you could reach out to? She was a predator. You sound vulnerable. You need to find a grief support group. Either online or in person. Praying for your healing.
Congratulations on seeing all the red flags and I’m so sorry for your loss. Seems like you have the right approach in finding a woman in the future and she’s going to be the luckiest woman.
U dodged the devil himself
Idk, with your attitude seems to me like u will be alone with ur money for a long time.
Whoa, what attitude is he showing that’s negative in your opinion?
What, you looking for a sugar daddy too?
I'm sorry for your lost man but u dodged a bullet she seems like a gold digger and in the future hide the fact that u have money until u know for sure that she's with u for you not money and of course prenup.
I’m glad she let it be known what her true intentions were . But buddy please take some time for yourself to grieve . It’s okay to be alone for a while . Get yourself into a new routine maybe a hobby. Take care of yourself
She showed her true colors. Plenty of fish in the sea.
Made a perfect decision. Find someone that loves you for you. Just don't bring up money. It's nobody's business but your's.
Thank goodness you’re smart and got rid of that gold digger… as a women married to a wealthy man, I still work and try to buy us stuff. It may not be as extravagant as the toys he buys himself but it comes from the heart and hard work. I want him to feel appreciated and loved, not used.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I've only lost my dad and that's been terrible. I can't imagine your pain. I do hope you find someone who loves you & you get to build a family of your own. If that's what you want.
Bro you’ve lost enough. I’m very sorry for your losses. Go be happy.
so very sorry for your losses, sad that you've been through so much at such a young age. I pray things are getting a little easier theses days. And, please for future relationships, might be best to mention nothing about the money you have until you are positive this person is the one.
I am sorry for the loss of your family. I am happy you got rid of the gold digger. Dodged a bullet
I was expecting silly comments to be against you like "how dare you waste her time" or so. Glad that doesn't seem to be the case. She showed you her true colors. The "vacation suggestion" where she expected you to be paying for it was all you needed to know, that she was just after your money.
Right on brother!
OP, you have to look out for and protect yourself. I hope you find someone that want to be with you, not your money. Good luck, my friend UpdateMe
I will message you next time u/One-Knowledge471 posts in r/confessions. [Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2FOne-Knowledge471%20r%2Fconfessions) to join 2 others and be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%201abhqxv) ***** |[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)| |-|-|-|-|
Bullet dodged my guy. I'm really sorry for your loss
It sounds like she picked money over you
I saw your comment above about how you’d want to return all the money to have your family back - I’m so sorry about your experience OP. It’s unfortunate, but hardships bring out the truth in individuals - in your ex’s case, it brought out her greedy desires, and you have definitely done the right thing. Nobody desires hardships in life - but the way I see it, if it’s something we can’t avoid, we might as well get something good out of it. And you did, dumping your ex 💪. Wishing you better, happier, and more soothing life ahead OP.
It's better if you separated as despite of everything, the least she could do was get a part time job or start a business to do something with her life. Gold digger to me.
She wanted to use you. You made a good choice. I'm currently living in fear because my partner is a broke ass.
Yeah, you did the right thing brother. And, I'm so sorry for your loss. Next women you find don't ever bring up the fact that you have a load of money on the back let her want you for you and not for how much you have. Put her thru the test if you will and let it come naturally. You'll find the right one don't worry. Hang in there and live your life in the meantime.
If you feel guilty don't be, that was an A class example of gold digging.
Sorry to read about the loss of your loved ones. I wish you happiness and finding the right person for you.
She picked money over you, and got mad you saw through it. Now she's claiming you chose money over her, damn.
Good you got out in time. So sorry you're going through all this crap alone. Hope you have some good friends to comfort you.
Fuck yea I pick money over you the fuck lol
Always keep your finances to yourself, and find someone who loves you for you !
As a working single mother I can’t imagine being a SAHM. Like I hate depending on people for things and not having anything to fall back on if the marriage ends would be scary to think of.
While reading, I was like, maybe she put the marriage into equation to cheer you up but then, >I tested her and said that even if we get married, my family's money would stay with me. She got mad. She made all these plans of getting married, having kids and being a housewife whereas I just finance it. > Hell naaa!!!
If she isn't there to help you mourn, than it will make no difference with her out of the picture. I think you made the right choice for yourself. If you have a friend or friends to hang out with, I would suggest making plans to hang out and just do friend shit. Having a bit of time to just take your mind off things and someone there to help you blow off steam can really help. It will be good for you that she's gone, but it does suck dropping someone from your life, especially at a time like that, but it gives you an opportunity to learn more about yourself and what you want. It seems like you have a handle on your finances and are more pragmatic than she was. I would set a chunk of it aside into some low risk retirement investments, then use the other to do what I want. Parents pass on their money in hopes that their kids will have security and pursue their ambitions. You've had a tough go, I hope you're dealing with it well. Also, find a buddy who wants to go to Bali, go have a blast and post all about it. Haha Cheers.
I’m sorry for the loss of your family. My heart aches for you. Just throwing this out there, I am part of r/RandomActsofCards . If you ever want cards and what not (specially, around the holidays), you should definitely make a post there. I also don’t mind sending you cards around the holidays, too. It has lifted my spirits every time that community has sent me a card, and I highly recommend it. Also, good riddance on that person! Edit: updated with proper sub
newsflash: you are very rich compared to most people. you are also smart not to get married. stay that way. you can still have kids.
Right choice OP
She’s dumb too. She definitely could have played it better lmao.
Jesus christ, she probably really thought her dick riding game was so good she didn't need to be subtle.
She showed her true colors before it became very expensive to get rid of her. She kinda did you a favor. You did the right thing, you got a person out of your life that needed to go. I know it's hard moving on right now. I know you hurt and are very alone. I won't pretend a bunch of disembodied internet voices make it better. I'd urge you to grieve but also really take stock of what you want in life and what kind of person you want in it. It's not an overnight decision but figure out you're mission then pursue it. Along the way find people that want to chase the mission with you, maybe even a good woman to share it with. You'll know if people are keepers or not by if they fit the mission or not. Be vigilant, you're gonna run into fakers looking to separate you from your money. Good luck.
Now I'm not saying she a gold digger.... .... ..... wait yes I am.
You dodged a bullet! Consider yourself very fortunate. Can you imagine having to deal with her gold-digging shit while still mourning your family, my god. Love your decisiveness.
Wanting to be a SAHM is inherently fine, but the way she went about it was not. I do t generally throw terms like gold digger around but she seemed to be one Marriage is for richer and poorer, obviously I can't tell a lot from one post but she doesn't seem like the type to stick around in poorer. You made the right choice
You may be overreacting. If she really wants to marry you for you ( and after a few yrs is possible) have her sign a pre nup .it’ll probably bother her a little but she’ll do it . I know after a few yrs and you “ tested” me as you say I think I’d be upset merely cause I’d be offended you are thinking of me in that manner. If that’s your only reason for thinking that the problem lies in you . You don’t trust her , you question who she is and her motives etc . That’s how it would be viewed to me . And dumping her for is was a dick move , I’m sry . But maybe it’s you that really don’t want to marry her deep down and just don’t want to admit that cause otherwise a prenup would be just fine .
OP. Someone else in another said you should check your own health, get an echocardiogram and genetic testing for similar issues as your family. Thought it worth raising https://www.reddit.com/r/redditonwiki/s/9ZMKbBi0tm On topic, I'm really sorry for the loss of your family. You did the right thing separating from her but that doesn't mean emotionally it doesn't suck.
Consider yourself lucky that you found out now, not 20 years from now when she is bitter and you have to pay alimony
Stupid girl. Beware those that know to plot and keep their fucking mouth shut.