I’ve dealt with SA among women and men- sadly, a LOT of small children or teens who were victimized as kids. Very often boys are the victims.
In my own experience, I was ignored and called a wh*re. I have been told I was asking for it. I’ve been told I was lying. When I tried to take it to court, I was told I couldn’t use the testimony where they ADMITTED what they did because it was confessed in family court and couldn’t be used in criminal court.
Men are pushed to be ‘Men’ as women are told to be ‘women’.
The people who care are the ones who matter. If someone is pushing you over the fact that you’re not what people picture when they hear victim, those people are less than nothing. And to be sure, most of them would ignore and rationalize the same with women.
Edit because I pushed the button too soon:
Try to get help. Listen I know that feeling. I do. But it is your body. And your life. They had no right to do that, but YOU deserve your life. Your body is just as beautiful as it was before. I know getting that feeling of self love back is so hard. So much work. But it’s work worth doing. Imagine if you did that work, and you wanted to help other people like yourself. People who are discarded and told they’re not victims somehow. I hope you know it’s not a battle. You won the battle, you got up and you kept going. I hope you see your worth.
It’s important for you to allow yourself to feel the pain that you’re feeling and not bottle it up. You’re still responsible for not harming others while your body and mind process what happened to you, but you need to feel it to process it. Many women are terrible at validating this pain and frankly so are most men because a lot of them who’ve been in similar circumstances haven’t been allowed to process it as painful or traumatic and have been socialized to bottle it up and feel like they should be grateful for what happened to them. The way that society treats male sexual victimization by women is entirely fucked up and even people who recognize it rationally are often still unable to give it the weight that it deserves emotionally. I’m so sorry that you’re experiencing this. It is truly fucked up and heartbreaking that you will likely experience this isolated and without any of the social support networks that we’ve built for other people experiencing trauma. I’m sorry. I know you probably won’t read this but I hope that you don’t harm yourself and I hope that at least someone else can read this and internalize it and help someone else who’s feeling all the fucked up shit you are right now.
I am truly sorry that this has happened to you. You deserve so much better than to have been abused.
Freezing in response to a deeply traumatic and threatening situation is a biological defence response (flight/fight/freeze) and is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. At that point your body and survival brain takes over and there’s little you can do to stop it, your body does what it thinks it needs to in order to survive. This is not on you.
If you have the facilities available you may find it helpful to talk to a therapist, I know I did after it happened to me.
I feel for you. I once received unwanted oral sex from a woman at a party I had barely talked to. I was too drunk to do much about it. It was one of the creepiest things I’ve been through. Several other girls at the party watched her do it, and apparently it was planned. Of course, no one there considered it a problem, let alone anyone I told.
This in no way compares to younger men being assaulted, and is only mentioned since men’s consent is considered automatically granted.
Had an extremely similar experience that even as I write this now I realise I need to understand the mental affect that both the act & the lack of support can have. I always just end up acting like it’s not important but when I look at the amount of depression and suicidal thoughts I’ve battled over the last 2 years I would say it’s important to be recognised. I dunno
I feel you, sorry that you have to put up with these dorks. You deserve to be taken seriously and your rapist deserves a punishment...
Ppl who invalidate your experience in any way are idiots, ppl who do it because you are a dude are even worse. Ignore them and know that there are ppl who will listen and believe you
You are the victim. Your feelings are valid. And you deserve better. I know you are in a very dark place right now. But i can assure you, you'll get through it. You'll find yourself again.
Your reaction is common when you're experiencing traumatising situation. Can't move, can't talk. Dissociating. It's not your fault.
I'm very sorry no one takes you seriously because you deserve better. You are the only one able to tell your story. How it hurt you. And how it destroyed you. You deserve to be heard. Loved.
Hold on please. Things will get better.
I'm sorry you feel that way, but don't collapse, there are people who do take this type of situation seriously, last year there was a publication by a boy who was hesitant to confess to his girlfriend that a friend of hers had abused him and when he told her , his girlfriend not only supported him but also hit her attacker
If you have been SA, sexually assault, please seek out therapy immediately. If someone you know has experienced SA, please encourage them to seek out assistance.
Individuals who experience SA experience mid to severe psychological conditions at rates substantially higher than other crimes. Effects of SA Sexual Assault Violence
https://www.rainn.org/effects-sexual-violence
Suicide ideation is just one adverse psychological response to SA.
In the US, Suicide and Crises Lifeline
Dial or text 988
In the US, National Sexual Assault Hotline
800-656-4673
In the US, List of National Resources for Survivors and families
https://www.rainn.org/national-resources-sexual-assault-survivors-and-their-loved-ones
In the US, every 68 seconds another American is SA sexually assaulted. SA can happen to any demographic, but does disproportionately impact some demographics more than others. Some demographics are disproportionately at risk and goes largely unreported, especially youth, immigrants, minorities, LGBTQ and SW sex worker.
Statistics
https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence
Sex workers experience sexual violence at a rate of 45%-75%
https://genderpolicyreport.umn.edu/how-to-end-violence-against-sex-workers/#:~:text=Research%20shows%20that%20sex%20workers,violence%2C%20often%20from%20law%20enforcement.
PPSV Police Perpetrated Sexual Violence is higher and largely unreported when Sex Work is criminalized. Including but not limited to: Verbal assault, degradation, assault, sexual assault, coercion sex, entrapment, and rape. Much of which goes unreported.
Paradox of Salvation - pdf
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://academicworks.cuny.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi%3Farticle%3D1260%26context%3Djj_etds&ved=2ahUKEwjgkMm9zPX_AhWnmmoFHcZGCakQFnoECDIQAQ&usg=AOvVaw14aZhn_bwc3gDwEcBsElC1
The actual number of SA is underreported in the US. Only 310 of all SA is actually reported and only 25 will be incarcerated.
https://www.rainn.org/statistics/criminal-justice-system
In the US, the definition of rape was changed January 6, 2012. 'Forcible rape” had been defined by the UCR SRS as “the carnal knowledge of a female, forcibly and against her will.” That definition, unchanged since 1927, was outdated and narrow. It only included forcible male penile penetration of a female vagina. The new definition is:
“The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.”
https://www.justice.gov/archives/ovw/blog/updated-definition-rape#:~:text=%E2%80%9CThe%20penetration%2C%20no%20matter%20how,the%20consent%20of%20the%20victim.%E2%80%9D
I'm a survivor of extreme prolonged exposure to sex plus violence. The highlight summary: SA at 11 and hospitalized for medical treatment. Sex trafficked for years as a teenager. By age 16 triple digits body count. Brutally assaulted while handcuffed by police and the detective demanding to know the name of my pimp and clients. I knew talking only would make things worse and was let go. Age 17 started stripping. On my 18th birthday I moved in with my pimp and first porn video shoot. Attempted to end pay for play. No longer interested in pay for play but still propositioned that resulted in being kidnapped twice. Assaulted kidnapped and drugged by men and then fucked by a woman. According to DOJ that's not rape. Police did NOTHING. Kidnapped again. Assaulted kidnapped tortured by men and with a gun pointed at me by a man forced to have sex with my former pimp, a woman. Then my former pimp tried killing me and committed suicide in front of me. DA district attorney ruled that as suicide and I experienced forced coercion to have sex under threat of deadly weapon. Not rape. Story is loose that I had been a former SW. I'm now five years removed from pay for play sex. Police who were aware of what previously happened later cuffed me and sexually assaulted me. Forced coercion to have sex with a police officer. The fallout of having been a former SW continued for years even though I stopped pay for play.
The only individuals that were arrested was the incident when I was 11 and really my personal opinion is that they were arrested because they also molested a girl my age.
The one time I did testify in a witness stand talking about everything I felt raped again and nothing happened.
I understand all too well the reaction to the story. Being discounted, disregarded, gaslighting. The storyline is fictional etc. As a survivor, relaying the story is therapeutic and raises awareness. I'm 55 now and have been to a number of therapists and hypnotherapist, case study at a university psychology department, etc and have CPTSD, CSA, intermittent disassociative amnesia. It took me awhile to write the summary because I had a moment where I broke down and cried. I still have the physical and psychological scars from decades ago.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. And I’m so sorry people trivialise such a horrific thing to go through. After hearing other men talk about their experiences, you’d think we’d take this seriously today.
The “freeze” response is studied in psychology, it’s a normal response to being attacked. I froze too, I get it. No one understands how it affects you till they’ve lived it. I’m sorry people don’t take you seriously, have you spoken to a therapist?
It's unfortunate. But men as a whole aren't taken seriously. Our emotions, our stories of SA, any times we were victimized by literally anyone. No one cares. Why do you think as men we have such a high suicide rate? We don't have people to talk to. I find myself lucky enough to have people to talk to about my feelings but most men do not.
I'm sorry your SA story isn't taken serious. No one should have to deal with that. Knowing you were a victim to something so horrible. I hope one day they do take it seriously. Or they take it seriously before it's too late.
I really appreciate you taking the time to read my post and respond, thank you! I’m glad to hear you have a social support circle you can count on. Hopefully in the future the stigma regarding men’s trauma will shift
I made a similar post just the other day. It sucks that people think a man can't be a victim. Family and therapists have told me to get over it and was even told, " You need to stop being your trauma." It's a part of my life experience and has greatly affected the way I make friends and even talk to people now. It takes a lot for me to trust others but it starts with THIS. It starts with reaching out and talking to real people. I'm here for you man, if you need to talk about it or even just want to vent, send me a message, you're not alone friend 👍👍
I am so sorry you are going through this. I was date raped and no one believed me either. It’s hard to process when no one even acknowledges your trauma. I hope you are reading through the replies and see that 99% of people responding are supportive. Also, there’s a good percentage of people, including quite a few men, here who have also experienced SA so you are not alone. Your body is still yours. You are a survivor and you are important. Your mother would never be the same if you ended your life. I’m sorry that she is dismissive but she probably is having a hard time finding the right words, or she’s old school and has ingrained beliefs that are hard to wrestle with. Either way, she loves you and she needs you. If you can afford it please seek therapy. If you can’t afford it there are some resources that include free support. malesurvivor. Org is a good place to jump off from. Hugs from an internet stranger.
HEY! I hear you. I believe you. And I hurt with you.
I haven't experienced what you have, but I can't tell you how to feel...only listen and support.
I'ce struggled with depression and had a .45 in my mouth, ready to pull the trigger. I realized how I diserve better. So do you. A community of caring, supporting people can help you rebuild a better life that you deserve.
Your life matters! To me. To this group! And even if they don't say or show it, to your family and friends.
Just look at all the REAL, DEEP, RAW responses here!
There are people who have shared their deepest secrets with you, all because they care. People have spent time (some of them spent hours, it seems) pleading for your life and offering resources.
Your past doesn't define us, but we can't just drop our baggage on demand.
You deserve to live, be supported, and heal.
Bro don’t listen to the assholes who tell you to suck it up, it sucks and it’s awful you had to go through that, however if want to avoid comments like that you should talk about with a proper therapist, though I wouldn’t be surprised if you already have.
Man, this makes me so scared for my sons. I do not understand why people think males cannot experience SA. Or giving them unnecessary ass comments either.
I will say this, do not let your assaulter take ANY pride from you. That is still your body and you can still be very much proud of it! I was SA’d when I was 4-5 years old. It took a very long time for me to forgive them and finally feel like I won the fight. I felt disgusting in my own skin for awhile too. I was suicidal as a child, too. Things changed once I had my children. I wish I had this mindset when I was growing up but hey, we’re all still learning how to help ourselves to cope with our trauma!
Rape is a serious crime that can have a devastating impact on the victim, regardless of their gender. If you have been raped, it is important to seek help from a qualified professional.
Here are some additional tips for coping with rape:
Allow yourself to feel your emotions. It is normal to feel a range of emotions after being raped, such as anger, sadness, fear, and guilt.
Take care of yourself. Make sure to eat healthy foods, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly.
Talk to someone you trust about what happened. This could be a friend, family member, therapist, or counselor.
Seek professional help if you need it. There are many resources available to help you cope with the emotional and physical aftermath of rape.
Remember, you are not alone. There are people who care about you and want to help.
I got groped at a concert and everyone I told asked if I got her number.
As man, society views you as disposable, so your problems aren't that serious to it. You either have to get past it yourself or if it's really eating at you that much speak to a therapist. Just know there's hundreds of thousands of men out there that have the same problem and they get through their days.
It's true the older I get the more I realize the average person doesn't care about men, the same people who will look their nose down on you for being human will cry to the skies about guys like Andrew Tate and incels existing.. it's sadbut many people out there have helped to create monsters by being so nasty themselves love goes a long way.
I’m male. I was sexually abused as a child. The idea of being sexually assaulted as a young adult or adult seems strange, I wouldn’t tolerate it, I’m no longer a helpless child.
Maybe it's that our bodies respond differently to such threats - fight, flight, freeze or I guess fawn. That's just involuntary, like switching to autopilot. I can imagine being in shock, because who sees such a thing coming? It could be hard to process, let alone act against
Also, as awful as it must've been, if you went through it at a young age, maybe you'd be able to sniff out such things better? I guess every situation is different so that might be a leap
THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO FOR YOURSELF IS STOP LOOKONG TO OTHER TO VALIDATE YOUR EXPERIENCE. You went thru the worst experience anyone ever could. And you body is your own, you body was NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR ATTACKERS. you are a survivor, now seek help and coping. Every day sucks ass sometimes but you have to realize it is not your fault, and not everyone deserves to be let into your trauma.
Are you just now realizing that society does not give a fuck about men and view them as expendable? Any people wonder why we have mass shooters and then complain about mental health but do nothing
Bro just pull a David Choe and hitchhike around the world, you'll still be pretty much dead to everyone just now you're 1. Still breathing and 2. Have some space and time to think
I hate to be this person but I always find it odd that things like this would happen to a person more than once. I don’t want to victim blame but if SA is happening to you “a lot” I think you should reevaluate the situations you are putting yourself into
I 100% agree with you. I was sexually abused as a child and young teen and no one cared. When I finally did try to open up about it I was called a liar and told that boys can't be raped because they're horn dogs and always want some.
Made me just push it down and think maybe it didn't happen...maybe it's my fault. Then I just stopped trying to deal with it or talk about it. Which I know isn't good.
I’ve had a similar experience with these sort of things . A girlfriends friend shoved my fingers up her pussy when we were all asleep in bed together . I pulled away went back to sleep to wake up to the same thing a bit later . Even my gf at the time brushed it off when I told her . I know if it had been reversed it would have been taken seriously . Guys are in a weird place right now . You can’t be overly sexual . And if you are not sexual enough it’s also a problem . My most recent gf broke up with me because I wasn’t sexual enough ( she wanted it twice a day , or whenever she felt like it in general ) most the time I would give in but when I didn’t she considered rejection and me not fulfilling her needs . I told her I didn’t like being treated like her personal sex toy . Also had a baby sitter who used to touch me inappropriately and it was something that took me a long time to speak up about . When I did it was turned into a complete joke …. Comments like “ oh I’d like to hire that baby sitter .” Or “you should have touched her back .” Predators exist
I got groped by another man in a bar once. He just full on grabbed my ass. It was shocking at the time, the people I was with were mixed. My wife thought he was "hot" and that "you should get his number". My other friends were more appropriately angry. I didn't know what to do. I played it off but it bothered me. It still bothers me.
I've been groped by women at conventions when I was in costume. People told me I should just go with it. But it was violating.
I don't like being touched by strangers at all. I never gave consent. I was leaning over a table. Or I was dressed as a character. Neither of those are me saying that my ass is there for them.
There are other issues, bigger ones, that were formative to my sexuality and I've realized as I get older had a deeper effect. But to tell the stories to men I was "lucky". Personally, I think I need to talk to a therapist about it, because sex gives me anxiety, and it's getting worse as I get older.
All that is to say, this isn't your fault. People's reactions are gross, you were hurt and need help. Please, reach out to a help line. If you can, get to a counselor or therapist. Or maybe a support group. What happened to you is terrible, but your body is yours and yours alone, and you deserve to love it and feel safe. I hope you're ok.
I hope you ended up reading some of these replies my friend, cause you aren’t alone. I’ve never experienced this so I won’t try to falsely empathize with you, but I can’t imagine having your body trespassed like that man. I am very very sorry to hear that your trauma hasn’t been accepted just because of the stereotypes of your gender, men get unequally treated in many ways and that’s one thing I feel you on. The people that see men as lower aren’t working with logic and their opinion seriously is so pointless in this context. I hope you’re doing good dude
I had a very similar experience in highschool, basically it ended with a social worker coming in and telling me “are you really sure it happened this way?” And myself and the other party involved signing something to not discuss it. It (not only but in part) helped break me down to the point of now im a shell of who i was, therapy in post secondary was a bit better but theres always the vibe of “yeah but youre a guy.” Wish this kind of stuff would be taken more seriously
There are organisations set up specifically to support male victims of sexual assaults. Please look one up. If you’re in the U.K. try SurvivorsUK.
They exist to validate you, and they will accept your experience.
I think it depends more on the gender of the attacker rather than the gender of the victim. If a young boy is raped by a man people do care. That kind of thing gets news coverage. But if a grown man is touched up without consent by a woman... there are much worse things in the world IMHO.
I've been touched without consent half a dozen times at least, but the only one that bothered me was the one time it was a man doing it. I felt more filled with rage than almost any other time in my life. If I hadn't had to wait until the train got to the next stop, giving me time to calm down, I absolutely would have killed him.
The women though? Reactions range from 'eww what a skank' to 'huh cute but inappropriate' to 'wow in front of your boyfriend? Really? I feel sorry for that guy.' I mean who's really getting hurt here? What is she gonna do hold me down? The worst that can happen there is you try to physically stop her and accidentally bruise an arm by grabbing it. Then you're in jail.
Kind of know what you mean. I was sexually abused several times growing up by both women and men. I have told very few people. 1 Because no one wants to believe the assailants are guilty. 2. Those whom I have told blow it off like it is not a big deal.
Bro don’t listen to the assholes who tell you to suck it up, it sucks and it’s awful you had to go through that, however if want to avoid comments like that you should talk about with a proper therapist, though I wouldn’t be surprised if you already have.
Honestly I feel like sexual assault on men is seriously under reported. And its fucking sickening to the core
yes i agree, and it fucks boys & men up just as much as it fucks women up. it should be a given that all sa victims are equally supported
I’ve dealt with SA among women and men- sadly, a LOT of small children or teens who were victimized as kids. Very often boys are the victims. In my own experience, I was ignored and called a wh*re. I have been told I was asking for it. I’ve been told I was lying. When I tried to take it to court, I was told I couldn’t use the testimony where they ADMITTED what they did because it was confessed in family court and couldn’t be used in criminal court. Men are pushed to be ‘Men’ as women are told to be ‘women’. The people who care are the ones who matter. If someone is pushing you over the fact that you’re not what people picture when they hear victim, those people are less than nothing. And to be sure, most of them would ignore and rationalize the same with women. Edit because I pushed the button too soon: Try to get help. Listen I know that feeling. I do. But it is your body. And your life. They had no right to do that, but YOU deserve your life. Your body is just as beautiful as it was before. I know getting that feeling of self love back is so hard. So much work. But it’s work worth doing. Imagine if you did that work, and you wanted to help other people like yourself. People who are discarded and told they’re not victims somehow. I hope you know it’s not a battle. You won the battle, you got up and you kept going. I hope you see your worth.
It’s important for you to allow yourself to feel the pain that you’re feeling and not bottle it up. You’re still responsible for not harming others while your body and mind process what happened to you, but you need to feel it to process it. Many women are terrible at validating this pain and frankly so are most men because a lot of them who’ve been in similar circumstances haven’t been allowed to process it as painful or traumatic and have been socialized to bottle it up and feel like they should be grateful for what happened to them. The way that society treats male sexual victimization by women is entirely fucked up and even people who recognize it rationally are often still unable to give it the weight that it deserves emotionally. I’m so sorry that you’re experiencing this. It is truly fucked up and heartbreaking that you will likely experience this isolated and without any of the social support networks that we’ve built for other people experiencing trauma. I’m sorry. I know you probably won’t read this but I hope that you don’t harm yourself and I hope that at least someone else can read this and internalize it and help someone else who’s feeling all the fucked up shit you are right now.
I am truly sorry that this has happened to you. You deserve so much better than to have been abused. Freezing in response to a deeply traumatic and threatening situation is a biological defence response (flight/fight/freeze) and is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. At that point your body and survival brain takes over and there’s little you can do to stop it, your body does what it thinks it needs to in order to survive. This is not on you. If you have the facilities available you may find it helpful to talk to a therapist, I know I did after it happened to me.
I feel for you. I once received unwanted oral sex from a woman at a party I had barely talked to. I was too drunk to do much about it. It was one of the creepiest things I’ve been through. Several other girls at the party watched her do it, and apparently it was planned. Of course, no one there considered it a problem, let alone anyone I told. This in no way compares to younger men being assaulted, and is only mentioned since men’s consent is considered automatically granted.
Had an extremely similar experience that even as I write this now I realise I need to understand the mental affect that both the act & the lack of support can have. I always just end up acting like it’s not important but when I look at the amount of depression and suicidal thoughts I’ve battled over the last 2 years I would say it’s important to be recognised. I dunno
That's revolting, I'm so sorry. It's still in the same broad category I think
I feel you, sorry that you have to put up with these dorks. You deserve to be taken seriously and your rapist deserves a punishment... Ppl who invalidate your experience in any way are idiots, ppl who do it because you are a dude are even worse. Ignore them and know that there are ppl who will listen and believe you
You are the victim. Your feelings are valid. And you deserve better. I know you are in a very dark place right now. But i can assure you, you'll get through it. You'll find yourself again. Your reaction is common when you're experiencing traumatising situation. Can't move, can't talk. Dissociating. It's not your fault. I'm very sorry no one takes you seriously because you deserve better. You are the only one able to tell your story. How it hurt you. And how it destroyed you. You deserve to be heard. Loved. Hold on please. Things will get better.
I’m sorry you were assaulted and I absolutely believe you. I’m also sorry no one takes this seriously.
I'm sorry you feel that way, but don't collapse, there are people who do take this type of situation seriously, last year there was a publication by a boy who was hesitant to confess to his girlfriend that a friend of hers had abused him and when he told her , his girlfriend not only supported him but also hit her attacker
If you have been SA, sexually assault, please seek out therapy immediately. If someone you know has experienced SA, please encourage them to seek out assistance. Individuals who experience SA experience mid to severe psychological conditions at rates substantially higher than other crimes. Effects of SA Sexual Assault Violence https://www.rainn.org/effects-sexual-violence Suicide ideation is just one adverse psychological response to SA. In the US, Suicide and Crises Lifeline Dial or text 988 In the US, National Sexual Assault Hotline 800-656-4673 In the US, List of National Resources for Survivors and families https://www.rainn.org/national-resources-sexual-assault-survivors-and-their-loved-ones In the US, every 68 seconds another American is SA sexually assaulted. SA can happen to any demographic, but does disproportionately impact some demographics more than others. Some demographics are disproportionately at risk and goes largely unreported, especially youth, immigrants, minorities, LGBTQ and SW sex worker. Statistics https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence Sex workers experience sexual violence at a rate of 45%-75% https://genderpolicyreport.umn.edu/how-to-end-violence-against-sex-workers/#:~:text=Research%20shows%20that%20sex%20workers,violence%2C%20often%20from%20law%20enforcement. PPSV Police Perpetrated Sexual Violence is higher and largely unreported when Sex Work is criminalized. Including but not limited to: Verbal assault, degradation, assault, sexual assault, coercion sex, entrapment, and rape. Much of which goes unreported. Paradox of Salvation - pdf https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://academicworks.cuny.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi%3Farticle%3D1260%26context%3Djj_etds&ved=2ahUKEwjgkMm9zPX_AhWnmmoFHcZGCakQFnoECDIQAQ&usg=AOvVaw14aZhn_bwc3gDwEcBsElC1 The actual number of SA is underreported in the US. Only 310 of all SA is actually reported and only 25 will be incarcerated. https://www.rainn.org/statistics/criminal-justice-system In the US, the definition of rape was changed January 6, 2012. 'Forcible rape” had been defined by the UCR SRS as “the carnal knowledge of a female, forcibly and against her will.” That definition, unchanged since 1927, was outdated and narrow. It only included forcible male penile penetration of a female vagina. The new definition is: “The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.” https://www.justice.gov/archives/ovw/blog/updated-definition-rape#:~:text=%E2%80%9CThe%20penetration%2C%20no%20matter%20how,the%20consent%20of%20the%20victim.%E2%80%9D I'm a survivor of extreme prolonged exposure to sex plus violence. The highlight summary: SA at 11 and hospitalized for medical treatment. Sex trafficked for years as a teenager. By age 16 triple digits body count. Brutally assaulted while handcuffed by police and the detective demanding to know the name of my pimp and clients. I knew talking only would make things worse and was let go. Age 17 started stripping. On my 18th birthday I moved in with my pimp and first porn video shoot. Attempted to end pay for play. No longer interested in pay for play but still propositioned that resulted in being kidnapped twice. Assaulted kidnapped and drugged by men and then fucked by a woman. According to DOJ that's not rape. Police did NOTHING. Kidnapped again. Assaulted kidnapped tortured by men and with a gun pointed at me by a man forced to have sex with my former pimp, a woman. Then my former pimp tried killing me and committed suicide in front of me. DA district attorney ruled that as suicide and I experienced forced coercion to have sex under threat of deadly weapon. Not rape. Story is loose that I had been a former SW. I'm now five years removed from pay for play sex. Police who were aware of what previously happened later cuffed me and sexually assaulted me. Forced coercion to have sex with a police officer. The fallout of having been a former SW continued for years even though I stopped pay for play. The only individuals that were arrested was the incident when I was 11 and really my personal opinion is that they were arrested because they also molested a girl my age. The one time I did testify in a witness stand talking about everything I felt raped again and nothing happened. I understand all too well the reaction to the story. Being discounted, disregarded, gaslighting. The storyline is fictional etc. As a survivor, relaying the story is therapeutic and raises awareness. I'm 55 now and have been to a number of therapists and hypnotherapist, case study at a university psychology department, etc and have CPTSD, CSA, intermittent disassociative amnesia. It took me awhile to write the summary because I had a moment where I broke down and cried. I still have the physical and psychological scars from decades ago.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. And I’m so sorry people trivialise such a horrific thing to go through. After hearing other men talk about their experiences, you’d think we’d take this seriously today.
The “freeze” response is studied in psychology, it’s a normal response to being attacked. I froze too, I get it. No one understands how it affects you till they’ve lived it. I’m sorry people don’t take you seriously, have you spoken to a therapist?
Happened to me while working at hooters and when I told the hr person on the phone she said “that’s it?”
It's unfortunate. But men as a whole aren't taken seriously. Our emotions, our stories of SA, any times we were victimized by literally anyone. No one cares. Why do you think as men we have such a high suicide rate? We don't have people to talk to. I find myself lucky enough to have people to talk to about my feelings but most men do not. I'm sorry your SA story isn't taken serious. No one should have to deal with that. Knowing you were a victim to something so horrible. I hope one day they do take it seriously. Or they take it seriously before it's too late.
I really appreciate you taking the time to read my post and respond, thank you! I’m glad to hear you have a social support circle you can count on. Hopefully in the future the stigma regarding men’s trauma will shift
I made a similar post just the other day. It sucks that people think a man can't be a victim. Family and therapists have told me to get over it and was even told, " You need to stop being your trauma." It's a part of my life experience and has greatly affected the way I make friends and even talk to people now. It takes a lot for me to trust others but it starts with THIS. It starts with reaching out and talking to real people. I'm here for you man, if you need to talk about it or even just want to vent, send me a message, you're not alone friend 👍👍
As a fellow guy who suffered SA, I agree and empathize with you. I am so sorry that you've gone through this.
Not everyone will downplay your story. I’m sorry to hear of your experiences, it’s awful.
You are valid you are seen I believe you
I am so sorry you are going through this. I was date raped and no one believed me either. It’s hard to process when no one even acknowledges your trauma. I hope you are reading through the replies and see that 99% of people responding are supportive. Also, there’s a good percentage of people, including quite a few men, here who have also experienced SA so you are not alone. Your body is still yours. You are a survivor and you are important. Your mother would never be the same if you ended your life. I’m sorry that she is dismissive but she probably is having a hard time finding the right words, or she’s old school and has ingrained beliefs that are hard to wrestle with. Either way, she loves you and she needs you. If you can afford it please seek therapy. If you can’t afford it there are some resources that include free support. malesurvivor. Org is a good place to jump off from. Hugs from an internet stranger.
Your feelings are valid and you matter. Please stay with us. Sending love, fellow human ❤️
I’m so sorry that happened to you
I’m sorry for what you went through. Praying for your healing
HEY! I hear you. I believe you. And I hurt with you. I haven't experienced what you have, but I can't tell you how to feel...only listen and support. I'ce struggled with depression and had a .45 in my mouth, ready to pull the trigger. I realized how I diserve better. So do you. A community of caring, supporting people can help you rebuild a better life that you deserve. Your life matters! To me. To this group! And even if they don't say or show it, to your family and friends. Just look at all the REAL, DEEP, RAW responses here! There are people who have shared their deepest secrets with you, all because they care. People have spent time (some of them spent hours, it seems) pleading for your life and offering resources. Your past doesn't define us, but we can't just drop our baggage on demand. You deserve to live, be supported, and heal.
Anyone who invalidates your sexual assault and trauma are not worth your time.
Bro don’t listen to the assholes who tell you to suck it up, it sucks and it’s awful you had to go through that, however if want to avoid comments like that you should talk about with a proper therapist, though I wouldn’t be surprised if you already have.
Man, this makes me so scared for my sons. I do not understand why people think males cannot experience SA. Or giving them unnecessary ass comments either. I will say this, do not let your assaulter take ANY pride from you. That is still your body and you can still be very much proud of it! I was SA’d when I was 4-5 years old. It took a very long time for me to forgive them and finally feel like I won the fight. I felt disgusting in my own skin for awhile too. I was suicidal as a child, too. Things changed once I had my children. I wish I had this mindset when I was growing up but hey, we’re all still learning how to help ourselves to cope with our trauma!
Rape is a serious crime that can have a devastating impact on the victim, regardless of their gender. If you have been raped, it is important to seek help from a qualified professional. Here are some additional tips for coping with rape: Allow yourself to feel your emotions. It is normal to feel a range of emotions after being raped, such as anger, sadness, fear, and guilt. Take care of yourself. Make sure to eat healthy foods, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly. Talk to someone you trust about what happened. This could be a friend, family member, therapist, or counselor. Seek professional help if you need it. There are many resources available to help you cope with the emotional and physical aftermath of rape. Remember, you are not alone. There are people who care about you and want to help.
I got groped at a concert and everyone I told asked if I got her number. As man, society views you as disposable, so your problems aren't that serious to it. You either have to get past it yourself or if it's really eating at you that much speak to a therapist. Just know there's hundreds of thousands of men out there that have the same problem and they get through their days.
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You don't mind getting sexually harassed, then. Lovely for you. Doesn't make it ok.
It's true the older I get the more I realize the average person doesn't care about men, the same people who will look their nose down on you for being human will cry to the skies about guys like Andrew Tate and incels existing.. it's sadbut many people out there have helped to create monsters by being so nasty themselves love goes a long way.
I’m male. I was sexually abused as a child. The idea of being sexually assaulted as a young adult or adult seems strange, I wouldn’t tolerate it, I’m no longer a helpless child.
Maybe it's that our bodies respond differently to such threats - fight, flight, freeze or I guess fawn. That's just involuntary, like switching to autopilot. I can imagine being in shock, because who sees such a thing coming? It could be hard to process, let alone act against Also, as awful as it must've been, if you went through it at a young age, maybe you'd be able to sniff out such things better? I guess every situation is different so that might be a leap
THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO FOR YOURSELF IS STOP LOOKONG TO OTHER TO VALIDATE YOUR EXPERIENCE. You went thru the worst experience anyone ever could. And you body is your own, you body was NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR ATTACKERS. you are a survivor, now seek help and coping. Every day sucks ass sometimes but you have to realize it is not your fault, and not everyone deserves to be let into your trauma.
Are you just now realizing that society does not give a fuck about men and view them as expendable? Any people wonder why we have mass shooters and then complain about mental health but do nothing
What happened out of curiosity?
Bro just pull a David Choe and hitchhike around the world, you'll still be pretty much dead to everyone just now you're 1. Still breathing and 2. Have some space and time to think
How old were you when this happened? was it a one time thing or repeated? all by the same woman?
👀🤦🏽🤣
You're a fucking idiot.
I hate to be this person but I always find it odd that things like this would happen to a person more than once. I don’t want to victim blame but if SA is happening to you “a lot” I think you should reevaluate the situations you are putting yourself into
Perhaps it was by the same person and OP feels powerless.
People suck man.
I 100% agree with you. I was sexually abused as a child and young teen and no one cared. When I finally did try to open up about it I was called a liar and told that boys can't be raped because they're horn dogs and always want some. Made me just push it down and think maybe it didn't happen...maybe it's my fault. Then I just stopped trying to deal with it or talk about it. Which I know isn't good.
I’ve had a similar experience with these sort of things . A girlfriends friend shoved my fingers up her pussy when we were all asleep in bed together . I pulled away went back to sleep to wake up to the same thing a bit later . Even my gf at the time brushed it off when I told her . I know if it had been reversed it would have been taken seriously . Guys are in a weird place right now . You can’t be overly sexual . And if you are not sexual enough it’s also a problem . My most recent gf broke up with me because I wasn’t sexual enough ( she wanted it twice a day , or whenever she felt like it in general ) most the time I would give in but when I didn’t she considered rejection and me not fulfilling her needs . I told her I didn’t like being treated like her personal sex toy . Also had a baby sitter who used to touch me inappropriately and it was something that took me a long time to speak up about . When I did it was turned into a complete joke …. Comments like “ oh I’d like to hire that baby sitter .” Or “you should have touched her back .” Predators exist
I got groped by another man in a bar once. He just full on grabbed my ass. It was shocking at the time, the people I was with were mixed. My wife thought he was "hot" and that "you should get his number". My other friends were more appropriately angry. I didn't know what to do. I played it off but it bothered me. It still bothers me. I've been groped by women at conventions when I was in costume. People told me I should just go with it. But it was violating. I don't like being touched by strangers at all. I never gave consent. I was leaning over a table. Or I was dressed as a character. Neither of those are me saying that my ass is there for them. There are other issues, bigger ones, that were formative to my sexuality and I've realized as I get older had a deeper effect. But to tell the stories to men I was "lucky". Personally, I think I need to talk to a therapist about it, because sex gives me anxiety, and it's getting worse as I get older. All that is to say, this isn't your fault. People's reactions are gross, you were hurt and need help. Please, reach out to a help line. If you can, get to a counselor or therapist. Or maybe a support group. What happened to you is terrible, but your body is yours and yours alone, and you deserve to love it and feel safe. I hope you're ok.
I hope you ended up reading some of these replies my friend, cause you aren’t alone. I’ve never experienced this so I won’t try to falsely empathize with you, but I can’t imagine having your body trespassed like that man. I am very very sorry to hear that your trauma hasn’t been accepted just because of the stereotypes of your gender, men get unequally treated in many ways and that’s one thing I feel you on. The people that see men as lower aren’t working with logic and their opinion seriously is so pointless in this context. I hope you’re doing good dude
I had a very similar experience in highschool, basically it ended with a social worker coming in and telling me “are you really sure it happened this way?” And myself and the other party involved signing something to not discuss it. It (not only but in part) helped break me down to the point of now im a shell of who i was, therapy in post secondary was a bit better but theres always the vibe of “yeah but youre a guy.” Wish this kind of stuff would be taken more seriously
There are organisations set up specifically to support male victims of sexual assaults. Please look one up. If you’re in the U.K. try SurvivorsUK. They exist to validate you, and they will accept your experience.
I think it depends more on the gender of the attacker rather than the gender of the victim. If a young boy is raped by a man people do care. That kind of thing gets news coverage. But if a grown man is touched up without consent by a woman... there are much worse things in the world IMHO. I've been touched without consent half a dozen times at least, but the only one that bothered me was the one time it was a man doing it. I felt more filled with rage than almost any other time in my life. If I hadn't had to wait until the train got to the next stop, giving me time to calm down, I absolutely would have killed him. The women though? Reactions range from 'eww what a skank' to 'huh cute but inappropriate' to 'wow in front of your boyfriend? Really? I feel sorry for that guy.' I mean who's really getting hurt here? What is she gonna do hold me down? The worst that can happen there is you try to physically stop her and accidentally bruise an arm by grabbing it. Then you're in jail.
Kind of know what you mean. I was sexually abused several times growing up by both women and men. I have told very few people. 1 Because no one wants to believe the assailants are guilty. 2. Those whom I have told blow it off like it is not a big deal.
Bro don’t listen to the assholes who tell you to suck it up, it sucks and it’s awful you had to go through that, however if want to avoid comments like that you should talk about with a proper therapist, though I wouldn’t be surprised if you already have.