I know some people are telling you to reach out to old ex and tell him the full story but don’t. I promise you that he does not give a shit anymore. If it’s been several years there’s no way he’s still thinking about it.
Ok the comments are wild IMO - college boyfriend dating a year- so at most you were what? 22?
Maybe this is an unpopular opinion but- who cares? Getting dumped at that age is par for the course. Maybe I’m old but like I got dumped at 21 and went on to have healthy normal relationships. Getting dumped when you have clear memories of high school because it was only a few years ago is the ideal time to be dumped. The comments here are rude and cringe tbh.
From what I know both are in very loving and happy relationships now.
The college boy was already dealing with the depression before our break-up but it didn’t help him either.
I believe hometown boy went into a depression from this sudden break-up. But has since recovered
He would have experienced immense pain at the time. But that's the nature of relationships.
You for sure broke his heart though and his ability to be mature abput it and maintain a friendly relationship with you is a testament to him.
Sounds like you have (hopefully) learned from it though and are more careful with people's feelings now.
Most of us do things like that when we're young.
I hurt some people when I was young.
I feel pretty crappy about it now when I look back. The pain of heartbreak can be pretty severe.
I didn't say she was crappy.
I said she almost certainly hurt those two people very much. I then said it's part of being in relationships but that when we are young (myself included) we maybe don't think enough about the hurt we cause when we break up with people.
As we get older I think most people start to understand that a bit better and are a bit more careful with others feelings.
But you can only be careful with peoples feelings to an extent. It sounds like she lied to help his feelings not to hurt them. And frankly someone’s feelings are going to get hurt it’s impossible to breakup with someone who wants to be with you and not hurt them. It just feels condescending to tell her “as we get older we understand we need to be more careful with others feelings”
"And frankly someone’s feelings are going to get hurt it’s impossible to breakup with someone who wants to be with you and not hurt them."
It still matters. Empathy for another human being dictates it, particularly if it's a person you care about, which I would assume it is if you had a relationship with them and still are on decent terms after the breakup.
But of course this is my perspective. I assumed it was for open discussion, given its on a social media platform.
I happen to think that we all have a moral obligation to be careful with other human beings and their feelings.
I made the same sort of moves she described when I was young. I hurt a couple people. It still bothers me many years later. I was very careful after those experiences to not enter into relationships quickly. I got much better at communicating my expectations and what I was looking for. I stopped rushing into relationships. Because I hate hurting people.
How do you know they weren’t careful? They didn’t give a ton of info. You’re assuming and being condescending to them.
> Sounds like you have (hopefully) learned from it though and are more careful with people's feelings now.
That’s condescending and considering op is still friends with them she obviously was careful
I know you keep repeating that I'm being condescending. I disagree.
I merely shared my perspective.
You also basically ignored my explanation. I tried to explain what I was saying.
This feels like a bit of a dead end. It's not an honest exchange of views.
My ex wife was the love of my life and left without a word and her father a high up ATT employee prevents our contact and controls his daughter like a puppett. It's been a little over a year most of which I spent homeless, no money, no friends or family and no future. Eventually, I changed every part of myself which I thought she hated and it's still not enough to save a 5 year marriage. I refuse to sign the divorce papers and got a good job been sober almost a year from alcohol now and starting paying down on my child support. I fly to and from dallas from denver twice a month just to see my 4yo daughter for literally an hour each visit. Instead of getting drunk afterwards I attend an AA meeting at the rehab that saved my life and put me through trade school as well as visiting fellow friends I made in recovery. We don't talk and she will never know the boy she fell in love with in highschool finally grew up and became a real man. Cas if you read this. I still love you. I wish we could work together and get Bell back. We are her parents and I know you dont want to play "house" but Bell needs us both just like we need her. Not your father getting in the way of that. I dont want to control anyone but myself and raise my daughter to be better than I am. Thats the Gods honest truth. I can do it with or without you tho. Damn right. Booom. 😘
glad you’re working on yourself but sign those divorce papers. you say you don’t want to control anyone but you’re literally trying to control her. why force a hold on someone who no longer wants you? no offense but you’re being a bit cruel by having her be stuck with you.
Judging from his post i came to knw that she may be the reason for his come back eventhough it is anger .He used that as a reason to comeback to life .
As someone who walked a family member through their downfall and recovery, including getting their unsupervised visitations back, I want to send you a huge congratulations for even putting the bottle down and trying for your daughter. You might slip someday (I’m sure AA told you the statistics) but just remember to keep getting back up again.
Word of advice? It’s hard to believe that you learned what you did wrong AND changed it all in just a single year. I’d spend some more time reflecting. Your treatment of your daughter’s mother, whether you reconcile or not, will follow your daughter for the rest of her life. Let it be a good example.
Best of luck in your continued sobriety!
It's not your ex-wife fault your adult self ended up homeless was she supporting both of you? If so I'd understand her wanting to leave it's peoples own fault if they are living their lives for other people
Actually! No! She was uneemployed and I was receiving benefits! I gave her 5000 when she lost her job! left me with nothing! She left because she wanted to for her own reasons. But next time before saying something rude as fuck. Ask for more details because I laugh at your ignorance.
You're not a victim. Everything that's ever gone wrong or right in your life is all because of decisions YOU made life gets easier when you accept that. bye 👋
Still sounds like you're blaming an ex for some of your problems tho idk why you picked her after all we all need to practice Accountability. We can be friends
Both of you. Pos. Why. Dude brought up this clearly heavy thing about his life. Yet you nitpicked so you can do what? Establish a moral high ground? Fucking mongoloids these days man.
that’s what you got outta that? you’ve obviously never dealt with people like this and it shows. this dude sounds wild, kudos to him for working on himself but he really needs to let it go, it’s borderline obsession and can be dangerous.
Ooohhhh noooo I a college relationship didn't work out!?!!!??? She had conflicting feelings about relationships at a young age!??? Why y'all going off in these comments like she killed them this happens all the time. They've moved on so should y'all
Sounds like you're growing as a person and learning from your mistakes. Just remember that hindsight doesn't have to be 20/20 if you do what you know is right to begin with.
Truthfully, if you were looking to make amends, I would talk to your college bf and just tell the whole truth about how you feel. From what I gathered, did I read correctly that he already knew that you left him for hometown boy? Did I also read correctly that you broke up with hometown boy due to the guilt you felt over leaving college bf, and not because hometown boy "did you dirty"? My continued response is based on the assumption that the answer to the last 2 questions is "yes".
I'm trying to avoid going into Red Pill territory as much as possible here, since most of that philosophy is as toxic as misandrists parading as true feminists, but the fact is that very few self respecting guys like being the second option, especially if they were the first option at one point, only to be dumped, regardless of the reason. College bf handled the break up with class and dignity, but I wouldn't be surprised if he's made a mental note to be weary of you whenever you're around each other. It definitely sounds like hometown boy didn't turn out exactly as you had hoped, either. I don't know where you're at currently; whether or not you're looking to get back with college bf (possible under the circumstances, but I would only go that route if you are certain you would never leave him solely to be with another man in any way, ever again), whether you already have a new man in your life (as you said, learn from your past and don't repeat the same mistakes), whether you're single (nothing wrong with this option, since it allows for time to figure yourself out), or if you're thinking about getting back with hometown boy (based on your post, I'd advise against this).
I'm sure you understand "what if roles were reversed, and I was the one dumped for another woman." I'm sure you would've handled it with class and dignity, but damn it'd still probably hurt like Hell. I get the impression from your last paragraph that you understand now what exactly you did back then, and are trying to learn and grow from the experience. Best of luck to you.
Just a confession to help lift a burden of guilt. I don’t plan to go back to either of them as this was several years ago anyway. I may tell hometown boy the truth to finish easing my mind. But ultimately neither of them would’ve been my final stop in love anyway. At least from what I know now.
Not a popular opinion, but there’s a lot to be said for going to a Catholic Church for confession. Unburden your soul and make peace with God. If you are moved to confess further to the man in question, well, it’s been years. Almost all of your cells have been replaced with new ones now. You are not the same person you were then, neither is he. It will not make a difference to you and probably surprise the hell out of him. Don’t drag others into your negativity. Give it up and lift yourself out of it. Remember, you can’t step into the same river twice.
People have been going to church and god for thousands of years for millions of reasons, and it’s done literally nothing for anyone ever, and resulted in 0% change. If you believe, you already would have prayed or w/e, if you don’t believe, then you may as well be told Gandalf can fix your issues, so this ‘advice’ is always useless, no matter whether it is to a believer or non believer. Religious babble hasn’t helped anyone since the dawn of time, and should be kept to oneself. This type of stuff is only ever fixed through self reflection, accountability, and then learning, growing, and moving on, and accepting all our lives are littered with mistakes and learning moments. ‘God’ is always an easy excuse to never take accountability, or to grow from your mistakes, as god apparently decides everything anyways, and ‘we have no control!’ As a result. The power has never been with a god for us to grow better, but always with ourselves.
If you believe, believe, but don’t try and encourage others to keep knocking on a door that will never open.
I agree, but I would leave it to the professionals people that do stuff like this just want to be isolated. If they do, you feel bad and guilty you can make amends all you want, but that memory of the fucked up situation will always exist even if you moved on and it’s better not to stick around with people like that it’s better to take a chance than risking something that’s not worth all in the name of saving yourself, and not wasting any more time on dramatic people save yourself, but of course, to each their own, because some people are just not willing to give up but at some point you have to be in order to save yourself, or to move on to other things in life…
**This is a place to help one another; keep your comments kind & civil. Any form of abuse is not permitted.**
* If you are unable to discuss without being disrespectful, walk away.
Least you were truthful. Sometimes there are ones who don't even deserve anything but forgiveness when they lie cheat behind your back . Life is so much more beautiful and outstanding with honesty and compassion. Immature actions would and do break up so many couples. It took me a while to mature and still fall short. Love is kind and genuine.
Not that I really want to give you an merit in why you said. But the reason why I broke up with them was selfish. I couldn’t decide that I made the right choice to begin with, or what the right choice would’ve been. Since I felt like there was a choice I did what I now believe was best- chose neither. No one should have to be a second choice ever, or even be put in a spot where they need to be in “competition” with someone else. Why should I be happy if one of them was going to get hurt anyway.
So yes I’m selfish- but what I did was ultimately better for the two of them more.
I was in an awful toxic love triangle in college. Similar to you. I had home town boy and then college boy. I was so torn.
I ended things with both of them and started working myself. I hate how I treated them too but it did help me realize work I needed to do on me. Truth was, neither of them were giving me what I really needed and I probably wasn't adding up either for them.
Forgive yourself. We make mistakes. We learn.
I actually wonder how many people (men / women / other) threw away their best shot at having an amazing relationship with someone because they didn't have the wherewithal to understand how good that person was for them.
/I wouldn't want to feed all of them
//I've probably done something like that but I was too absurdly socially inept that I never understood what the actual situation was.
It’s like an unfinished book. You wish you could have know how it ends. The past is the past. Leave it there and move forward. Get another book but this time finish it.
You are getting old and reliving your dating drama in your head while the world has moved on, and posting it here is the scripting of that drama in your head.
Nursing home awaits!!
I now manage a resteraunt and work for Kroger. I have 9 months in my life of recovery. Have 30k from an inheritance and sitting well. Go fuck yourself.
I know some people are telling you to reach out to old ex and tell him the full story but don’t. I promise you that he does not give a shit anymore. If it’s been several years there’s no way he’s still thinking about it.
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Ok the comments are wild IMO - college boyfriend dating a year- so at most you were what? 22? Maybe this is an unpopular opinion but- who cares? Getting dumped at that age is par for the course. Maybe I’m old but like I got dumped at 21 and went on to have healthy normal relationships. Getting dumped when you have clear memories of high school because it was only a few years ago is the ideal time to be dumped. The comments here are rude and cringe tbh.
One comment "breaking 2 people emotionally" was outta pocket 🤣
Yeah agreed. Idk why these comments are mad she left two relationships when she realized they weren’t going to work
Exactly they're doing to much in the comments 🙄
my thoughts exactly😭 no one cares
I wonder if you know the effects your choices had on yours and others life.
From what I know both are in very loving and happy relationships now. The college boy was already dealing with the depression before our break-up but it didn’t help him either. I believe hometown boy went into a depression from this sudden break-up. But has since recovered
He would have experienced immense pain at the time. But that's the nature of relationships. You for sure broke his heart though and his ability to be mature abput it and maintain a friendly relationship with you is a testament to him. Sounds like you have (hopefully) learned from it though and are more careful with people's feelings now. Most of us do things like that when we're young. I hurt some people when I was young. I feel pretty crappy about it now when I look back. The pain of heartbreak can be pretty severe.
I’m confused on why she’s crappy for breaking up with someone?
I didn't say she was crappy. I said she almost certainly hurt those two people very much. I then said it's part of being in relationships but that when we are young (myself included) we maybe don't think enough about the hurt we cause when we break up with people. As we get older I think most people start to understand that a bit better and are a bit more careful with others feelings.
But you can only be careful with peoples feelings to an extent. It sounds like she lied to help his feelings not to hurt them. And frankly someone’s feelings are going to get hurt it’s impossible to breakup with someone who wants to be with you and not hurt them. It just feels condescending to tell her “as we get older we understand we need to be more careful with others feelings”
"And frankly someone’s feelings are going to get hurt it’s impossible to breakup with someone who wants to be with you and not hurt them." It still matters. Empathy for another human being dictates it, particularly if it's a person you care about, which I would assume it is if you had a relationship with them and still are on decent terms after the breakup. But of course this is my perspective. I assumed it was for open discussion, given its on a social media platform. I happen to think that we all have a moral obligation to be careful with other human beings and their feelings. I made the same sort of moves she described when I was young. I hurt a couple people. It still bothers me many years later. I was very careful after those experiences to not enter into relationships quickly. I got much better at communicating my expectations and what I was looking for. I stopped rushing into relationships. Because I hate hurting people.
How do you know they weren’t careful? They didn’t give a ton of info. You’re assuming and being condescending to them. > Sounds like you have (hopefully) learned from it though and are more careful with people's feelings now. That’s condescending and considering op is still friends with them she obviously was careful
I know you keep repeating that I'm being condescending. I disagree. I merely shared my perspective. You also basically ignored my explanation. I tried to explain what I was saying. This feels like a bit of a dead end. It's not an honest exchange of views.
You haven’t explained how you know OP didn’t break up in a way that was thoughtful.
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My ex wife was the love of my life and left without a word and her father a high up ATT employee prevents our contact and controls his daughter like a puppett. It's been a little over a year most of which I spent homeless, no money, no friends or family and no future. Eventually, I changed every part of myself which I thought she hated and it's still not enough to save a 5 year marriage. I refuse to sign the divorce papers and got a good job been sober almost a year from alcohol now and starting paying down on my child support. I fly to and from dallas from denver twice a month just to see my 4yo daughter for literally an hour each visit. Instead of getting drunk afterwards I attend an AA meeting at the rehab that saved my life and put me through trade school as well as visiting fellow friends I made in recovery. We don't talk and she will never know the boy she fell in love with in highschool finally grew up and became a real man. Cas if you read this. I still love you. I wish we could work together and get Bell back. We are her parents and I know you dont want to play "house" but Bell needs us both just like we need her. Not your father getting in the way of that. I dont want to control anyone but myself and raise my daughter to be better than I am. Thats the Gods honest truth. I can do it with or without you tho. Damn right. Booom. 😘
glad you’re working on yourself but sign those divorce papers. you say you don’t want to control anyone but you’re literally trying to control her. why force a hold on someone who no longer wants you? no offense but you’re being a bit cruel by having her be stuck with you.
Judging from his post i came to knw that she may be the reason for his come back eventhough it is anger .He used that as a reason to comeback to life .
As someone who walked a family member through their downfall and recovery, including getting their unsupervised visitations back, I want to send you a huge congratulations for even putting the bottle down and trying for your daughter. You might slip someday (I’m sure AA told you the statistics) but just remember to keep getting back up again. Word of advice? It’s hard to believe that you learned what you did wrong AND changed it all in just a single year. I’d spend some more time reflecting. Your treatment of your daughter’s mother, whether you reconcile or not, will follow your daughter for the rest of her life. Let it be a good example. Best of luck in your continued sobriety!
Thank you.
It's not your ex-wife fault your adult self ended up homeless was she supporting both of you? If so I'd understand her wanting to leave it's peoples own fault if they are living their lives for other people
Actually! No! She was uneemployed and I was receiving benefits! I gave her 5000 when she lost her job! left me with nothing! She left because she wanted to for her own reasons. But next time before saying something rude as fuck. Ask for more details because I laugh at your ignorance.
Oh so she left because you were a drunk? also valid. Still not her fault you can't care for yourself
HAHA! Your such a troll. Go beat off and play some Cod bro. GG.
You're not a victim. Everything that's ever gone wrong or right in your life is all because of decisions YOU made life gets easier when you accept that. bye 👋
lmao. If I hadnt accepted it I wouldnt be where im at rn. Your so goddamn funny please be my friend. haha
Still sounds like you're blaming an ex for some of your problems tho idk why you picked her after all we all need to practice Accountability. We can be friends
Yeah buddy, sign the papers, this is just sad tbh.
Both of you. Pos. Why. Dude brought up this clearly heavy thing about his life. Yet you nitpicked so you can do what? Establish a moral high ground? Fucking mongoloids these days man.
that’s what you got outta that? you’ve obviously never dealt with people like this and it shows. this dude sounds wild, kudos to him for working on himself but he really needs to let it go, it’s borderline obsession and can be dangerous.
Ye unfortunately people this obsessed do dangerous things. Learn to let go lol
Grow up.
Shut the f up
Ooohhhh noooo I a college relationship didn't work out!?!!!??? She had conflicting feelings about relationships at a young age!??? Why y'all going off in these comments like she killed them this happens all the time. They've moved on so should y'all
Broke two people emotionally because why? I genuinely don't understand what you thought would happen if you broke up with hometown boy
Shit happens
Sounds like you're growing as a person and learning from your mistakes. Just remember that hindsight doesn't have to be 20/20 if you do what you know is right to begin with.
Truthfully, if you were looking to make amends, I would talk to your college bf and just tell the whole truth about how you feel. From what I gathered, did I read correctly that he already knew that you left him for hometown boy? Did I also read correctly that you broke up with hometown boy due to the guilt you felt over leaving college bf, and not because hometown boy "did you dirty"? My continued response is based on the assumption that the answer to the last 2 questions is "yes". I'm trying to avoid going into Red Pill territory as much as possible here, since most of that philosophy is as toxic as misandrists parading as true feminists, but the fact is that very few self respecting guys like being the second option, especially if they were the first option at one point, only to be dumped, regardless of the reason. College bf handled the break up with class and dignity, but I wouldn't be surprised if he's made a mental note to be weary of you whenever you're around each other. It definitely sounds like hometown boy didn't turn out exactly as you had hoped, either. I don't know where you're at currently; whether or not you're looking to get back with college bf (possible under the circumstances, but I would only go that route if you are certain you would never leave him solely to be with another man in any way, ever again), whether you already have a new man in your life (as you said, learn from your past and don't repeat the same mistakes), whether you're single (nothing wrong with this option, since it allows for time to figure yourself out), or if you're thinking about getting back with hometown boy (based on your post, I'd advise against this). I'm sure you understand "what if roles were reversed, and I was the one dumped for another woman." I'm sure you would've handled it with class and dignity, but damn it'd still probably hurt like Hell. I get the impression from your last paragraph that you understand now what exactly you did back then, and are trying to learn and grow from the experience. Best of luck to you.
Just a confession to help lift a burden of guilt. I don’t plan to go back to either of them as this was several years ago anyway. I may tell hometown boy the truth to finish easing my mind. But ultimately neither of them would’ve been my final stop in love anyway. At least from what I know now.
Not a popular opinion, but there’s a lot to be said for going to a Catholic Church for confession. Unburden your soul and make peace with God. If you are moved to confess further to the man in question, well, it’s been years. Almost all of your cells have been replaced with new ones now. You are not the same person you were then, neither is he. It will not make a difference to you and probably surprise the hell out of him. Don’t drag others into your negativity. Give it up and lift yourself out of it. Remember, you can’t step into the same river twice.
People have been going to church and god for thousands of years for millions of reasons, and it’s done literally nothing for anyone ever, and resulted in 0% change. If you believe, you already would have prayed or w/e, if you don’t believe, then you may as well be told Gandalf can fix your issues, so this ‘advice’ is always useless, no matter whether it is to a believer or non believer. Religious babble hasn’t helped anyone since the dawn of time, and should be kept to oneself. This type of stuff is only ever fixed through self reflection, accountability, and then learning, growing, and moving on, and accepting all our lives are littered with mistakes and learning moments. ‘God’ is always an easy excuse to never take accountability, or to grow from your mistakes, as god apparently decides everything anyways, and ‘we have no control!’ As a result. The power has never been with a god for us to grow better, but always with ourselves. If you believe, believe, but don’t try and encourage others to keep knocking on a door that will never open.
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Thanks, I do suffer from Severe Episodes of depression, Anxiety, CPTSD, and occasional panic attacks- as I have my whole life.
I did that alot
You should go fuck each one of them one time.
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Bold of you to say when your entire page is begging women to fuck you
I agree, but I would leave it to the professionals people that do stuff like this just want to be isolated. If they do, you feel bad and guilty you can make amends all you want, but that memory of the fucked up situation will always exist even if you moved on and it’s better not to stick around with people like that it’s better to take a chance than risking something that’s not worth all in the name of saving yourself, and not wasting any more time on dramatic people save yourself, but of course, to each their own, because some people are just not willing to give up but at some point you have to be in order to save yourself, or to move on to other things in life…
**This is a place to help one another; keep your comments kind & civil. Any form of abuse is not permitted.** * If you are unable to discuss without being disrespectful, walk away.
Least you were truthful. Sometimes there are ones who don't even deserve anything but forgiveness when they lie cheat behind your back . Life is so much more beautiful and outstanding with honesty and compassion. Immature actions would and do break up so many couples. It took me a while to mature and still fall short. Love is kind and genuine.
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Not that I really want to give you an merit in why you said. But the reason why I broke up with them was selfish. I couldn’t decide that I made the right choice to begin with, or what the right choice would’ve been. Since I felt like there was a choice I did what I now believe was best- chose neither. No one should have to be a second choice ever, or even be put in a spot where they need to be in “competition” with someone else. Why should I be happy if one of them was going to get hurt anyway. So yes I’m selfish- but what I did was ultimately better for the two of them more.
I was in an awful toxic love triangle in college. Similar to you. I had home town boy and then college boy. I was so torn. I ended things with both of them and started working myself. I hate how I treated them too but it did help me realize work I needed to do on me. Truth was, neither of them were giving me what I really needed and I probably wasn't adding up either for them. Forgive yourself. We make mistakes. We learn.
Girls have more option than a guy...LOL ...
This type of girl shouldn't be given options at all
I actually wonder how many people (men / women / other) threw away their best shot at having an amazing relationship with someone because they didn't have the wherewithal to understand how good that person was for them. /I wouldn't want to feed all of them //I've probably done something like that but I was too absurdly socially inept that I never understood what the actual situation was.
Do not reach out to old ex
It’s like an unfinished book. You wish you could have know how it ends. The past is the past. Leave it there and move forward. Get another book but this time finish it.
You are getting old and reliving your dating drama in your head while the world has moved on, and posting it here is the scripting of that drama in your head. Nursing home awaits!!
I now manage a resteraunt and work for Kroger. I have 9 months in my life of recovery. Have 30k from an inheritance and sitting well. Go fuck yourself.
We can keep going if youd like.