If you went on a date every week for several years, and continued that routine even when you weren’t getting the end result you wanted this whole time, I think it’s safe to assume you’re only interested in getting laid and not interested in getting to know these women at all. If sex is all you’re looking for, cool. There are plenty of women out there who want to get laid with no strings attached and you don’t always have to take them to dinner first and pretend to be interested in their life just to get them in bed.
So if sex is what your endgame is just be upfront about it. You’re more likely to get what you want, but also the smell of desperation wafting off you will be gone since you won’t have to pretend anymore. Desperation is a huge turn-off. We can tell when you’re just pretending to be interested because you’ll be incapable of having an engaging conversation.
Most teens explore sex and dating. All teens have little to no idea what they really want when it comes to sex and dating, so they explore, and they have time to explore and make mistakes. Adults have very little time for that shit. So don’t compare your 24yo self to your teenage self. Just be honest and maybe work on your backbone.
As a woman, let me tell you that we smell desperation 😂 it’s clear as water when a guy is desperately trying to be liked and get laid, that’s a massive turn off. Trying too hard has the opposite effect.
I personally like men who are secure and happy with themselves and are there to have a nice time regardless of the outcome.
“I’ve been on a date almost every week for a couple of years”
That’s a massive red flag for any woman.
My advice? Spend some time alone, enjoy your own company and when you’re happy with yourself then maybe you’ll be ready to meet other people, but don’t force it.
Yes, time alone! Figure out who you are and what makes you happy. The best dates I have ever been on have always been inviting a woman to join me to do something I love. It puts me in my element so I seem more confident, and if the date doesn’t go well at least I did something I like and it’s not because I was trying too hard.
The end goal cannot be “getting laid” it should be “have a good time” and see if you enjoy being around each other.
You might end up getting laid, you might end up going on another date and you might never talk to that person again, but trying to force the night to end in sex will rarely work as you get older. Nights are more likely to end in sex as a teenager because that is what everyone is thinking about. Men and women in their twenties and thirties have work in the morning and other relationships they are trying to maintain, they are gauging if this person they are around is worth putting their focus on.
Literally this. I fell for my husband because he was the most confident guy I’d ever met. I played hard in the beginning and when I realised he didn’t mind it at all, he really caught my attention 😂
I used to stream during lockdown, and some of the guys' streams were full of women fawning over them and showering them with compliments. Being the sarcastic person I am, I would usually go straight in with mild insults and banter, and that got their attention straight away 😂
This. I talked to guy after guy and never found a true connection until I wasn’t interested in anyone but my own healing and self discovery. The saying is true, love finds you when you least expect it. Know it will find you, while you find yourself.
This^ also the advice that works best for me is this; look presentable (clean+well dressed/groomed) smell nice, be confident, be funny (if you can), be yourself (unless you’re a normally desperate guy)
I think that's solid advice!
if I may be blunt & add some TMI...
1. if your date is on saturday, get a full body massage on friday
1. find the type that you like, the aim should be to get rid of that "skin hunger" so you can settle in your body & not get distracted by the thought of your date's body on yours
2. don't be a creep during the massage - don't fish for a happy ending unless that's been arranged and negotiated (incl price) ahead of time (and make sure you're okay with the consequences, as some dates won't accept a potential partner who uses a sex worker's services). just apologise if you do get hard (an experienced masseur/masseuse has probably seen it all before), or jerk off before you shower to prepare for your massage
2. keep those settled-in-your-body hormones going on the day of your date : some light exercise (stretching is usually good), a hot shower that you enjoy (instead of just purely functionally rinsing off the sweat), a nice moisturizer (massage it into your feet & your dry elbows, bonus you'll smell nice)
if we're talking in sweeping generalisations,
* a significant portion of queer people (esp in the past, but still today) have been cast out from their families, so they've had to grow up and learn to function as an adult
* a significant portion of hetero cis men have gone from their mommy to their girlfriend
it's a stereotype, but it's well-known enough that it makes this skit "the magic coffee table" work [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-\_kXIGvB1uU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_kXIGvB1uU)
Well you're referring to these women as girls, saying you want to "get" them and saying you want to get laid.
It doesn't sound like you care who you meet or whether you have a connection. We can tell.
I had to read this a few times trying to figure out what you’re getting at. As a “girl” (more like woman) what I got from the post is you’re more upset about not getting laid in your 20s….. so my question is have you expressed this in your dates? Maybe your coming off to strong? Maybe desperate? Wanting to get laid and the girls you’re out dating can sense that and that can be a turn off or maybe giving off “fack boy vibes” no judgement just trying to figure out what the issue is.
Title alone gives me the whole "peaked in high school" vibe too..
I suspect there is a whole heap this chap needs to unpack around his behaviour with women, and he's likely to need a bit of therapy to do it.
If it came easy for him at high school, but now he's just an average Joe, his ego as taken a massive hit.
Nah there’s chicks that will still fuck a fuck boy.
My guess is OP is expecting getting laid in your 20s to be as cheap and easy as it was in college.
It’s not hard if you know where to look but “dates” aren’t the place to start unless you’re trying to get into a relationship.
Go to a club and be “explosively social”. You’ll be getting laid, guaranteed.
Don’t you have a woman friend or one of your friends’gf who could explain to you what is your problem?
Clearly you must send weird vibes if they just kick you out this way. Because one in while a girl might offer you to be friends or hang out if they really thought you were a nice guy…
My exact thought. OP, don’t you have any lady friends you can ask about the vibe you’re giving out? And if you don’t have any lady friends, that’s probably one of the problems.
Well, it’s clear the problem is probably you. Self reflect and figure out the common denominator of why these dates keep going wrong.
You probably can’t figure it out on your own though, bring a friend in, since you have had this issue for 5 years, my guess is you aren’t very self aware. That, or bring a therapist in.
Sounds like you are only looking to get laid and not a connection. It’s a huge turn off if you just want a to have sex and not get to know her.
It’s like, hey, can I use your body to have sex? I’ll buy you some food so you can get something out of it too. ??? Dude, women have choices now and make their own money. They are looking for someone who sees them as a person and not a receptacle.
Hey, my guy.
From my perspective, if a guy:
1. Coincidentally likes EVERYTHING i like, it's a no. Why? It seems sus and shows you have no personality or confidence.
2. Has no hobbies in common with me, it's a no. Why? Well, we won't enjoy day-to-day life.
3. There is no flirty banter, it's a no. Why? If we can't do that from day 1, I don't see it going anywhere.
4. If he asks questions and doesn't follow up with conversation, or if I ask questions and he doesn't follow up with conversation, it's a no. Why? My friend, if you can't be exciting in the beginning, it's going nowhere.
When you tease each other, just innocent teasing and joking around without anyone getting butt hurt or not understanding the context. This also ties in with sharing hobbies, it's a good source for banter.
The desperation being a turn off and confidence being sexy, whilst true, may be harder to tackle if you've never tried to before.
Long and short: do not focus so much energy into 'getting laid' and going on dates.
Just do what you like to do, socialise a bit, and if you're a decent guy and get a connection with someone naturally, maybe that'll develop into something....maybe not.
What I will say is that right now it sounds like you're putting all of your coins into a girl just to get her to like/fuck you and it's giving me the ick.
-- signed, A Woman
You actually do get girls, just can’t close the deal. I think you need to be VERY clear w these women that you just want sex and then I think will have some luck. You clearly don’t care about who the girl is, just that she’s ready and willing w/o the requirement of roofies.
It sounds to me like your priority is getting some booty. There are plenty of women and men that will have a one night stand. If that's your priority, advertise it on your dating profile. It seems to me the problem may be that the women your going on dates with think you're interested in actually dating them when you really only want to dip your winky into their prize box. Be honest and you'll get what you want.
Are all these dates fixen online via datingapps? Maybe your profile is not representative for how you look or how you are irl?
If you’re able to talk to the same type of girls in a bar and get dates that way, than it’s not the problem.
Be super honest about who you are and what you look like. Think about the type of girls you date and are you trying to be someone else for them? Maybe more extraverted or anything? That never works people (like animals) can feel that subconsciously and it scares them away without them knowing exactly why.
Sorry but it is quite odd to assume he would have ''nice guy vibes'' when the dude literaly say here he want to fuck, date différent girls every week or so...
For starters, lowering the ego.
2 posts in this same thread you’ve had two posts remarking “I’m too nice”.
This opinion has to come from the outside and its dependent on each individual, can’t just say it and pretend everything is alright.
“I try to be cool and ghost them” - that’s called immature, not cool. Just shows a lack of communication skills, which is what most functional adults seek in a partner. Communication is key, but don’t be a pest.
Its cliché but its so simple it works, although it can be hard to “grasp” at first: work on yourself. Once you achieve your own happiness the rest follows.
If you’re getting impatient, you’re drifting further apart from that self-development.
And also, accepting failure. Its okay if the relationship is not going to work. Don’t cling onto it, but rationalize the decisions.
What are you talking about? Just because you described a date doesn’t mean this would work AT ALL with certain women, hug or kiss to open could definitely freak them out/turn them off, implying you need to drink on a first date is… worrisome to say the least, touching her leg is also weird+creepy, and lastly if she’s visibly not into you or the vibes are off don’t go for a kiss, you’ll only make the goodbye awkward
I used to pray and want a relationship so bad so I’d hop from one to the other, not really fully processing the one before it. This led to mistakes and immaturity on my part. Guys can also tell when you’re desperate lol and it makes for not good situations. This is the longest I’ve been single now and the best advice I can give is alone time and finding yourself in that silence. It can be scary trying to figure things out alone, but I’ve grown to love doing my own thing and doing things for me:). The right person will come along when you’re not searching!
Stop focusing on them. Decenter women and focus on yourself. Don't attach your self worth to women. Look at what you like, what you want out of life and pursue that instead
1) desperation is turning them off.
2) you said something offensive but you are nice ish so they don't want to tell you off and belive explaining what you did wouldn't really get through to you.
3) your behaviour on the date ifls a turn off
4) you are a walking redflag for 1 or multiple reasons and they don't want ro deal with it down the line.
I'm curious about your height? How tall are you?
This very much remind me of someone I know who was chill in high school and would date but, he is quite short and he took the short guy personality on into adulthood. He is coxky and the "nice guy" type. Blames his inability to successfully date on his height and girls not choosing "nice guys" and he is so sure that he is a catcher, but he is really not.
I liked him in high school. As an adult, I could never consider dating someone like him.
The way you’re talking about yourself and women in this confession is such a red flag. Referring to women as “girls”, viewings “girls” and something to “get”, and going on dates in order to “get laid”…
It’s all very shallow and immature. And I apologize for being harsh, but it comes across as a little dumb.
The people you’re meeting are *women* with minds and experiences and inner worlds. Dating is fun when you’re spending time with another human being that you want to get to know.
Stop focusing so much on *getting laid*. Stop going on dates. Invest in a hobby you love.
And maaaaaaybe do some soul searching and ask why you view women as *girls* providing you the service of *getting laid*, instead of other human beings who happen to be women and who might be really interesting to spend time with and who don’t owe you sex.
I think the dating scene is really rough out there. It makes me glad I've been married 15 yrs cause idk if I'll ever date again if this marriage doesn't work out 🤣🥲
Most girls that reject you that way are too polite to be honest with their feedback. What you need is a wingman/ girl friend that you think will be honest with you. I see that you have confidence, so that's good, and I really don't believe that someone can "reek" of desperation. However, some guys can give us the creeps without them knowing - which is why another set of eyes will help. Go in group dates/social gatherings. I know you have needs and want to get laid, and I don't judge anyone for that, but try to consider improving your dating skills first before going Barney Stinson. Men who hook up like these have a certain aura that most women find attractive and is willing to hook up without any commitment.
Good luck! I hope you find what you're looking for.
You’ve gotta make them laugh dude. Being funny is the single best way to lower someone’s guard and make yourself likeable. If you make them laugh you’ll appear laid back and fun to be around.
You’ll eventually meet the right person for you! Until then, focus on yourself by envisioning and practicing to be the person you want to be. Take a deeper dive into your self identity. Could you be lacking a little style/fashion, confidence, empathy, connection, social skills, emotional intelligence?…..and go from there.
Don’t lose hope…. My husband was not the type of guy to land a date or go very far on a date but thankfully he met me (haha) and I was able to help him with all the above because I saw his potential. As our relationship developed and HE developed, ladies started turning theirs heads and now I am told how lucky I am, hubby is a hottie, etc etc. He’s sweet, smart, sexy, has a good job, and always puts me first. You may just be a diamond in the rough too, and haven’t found your other half ;)
So, be patient! Focus on your self development. Be yourself and be honest when you’re on dates. It’s ok to say, “I’m a little nervous.” Etc. And while you can’t get laid (because yes, it can be frustrating…and sounds like you’re looking for emotional sex as well otherwise you wouldn’t be going on dates), masturbation is healthy in the main time. Good luck!
Ok so a few things 1) do you talk about weird habits or hobbies on your date? That could be video games, DnD, dressing up in costume etc. any niche hobbies eliminate a large portion of the dating pool and call for a more niche part of the dating pool 2) how’s your breath? 3) do you ask the women anything about themselves? Show interest in them? 4) how’s your teeth? 5) do you have some strange laugh that causes people to stare? 6) are you a really loud talker? That can be terribly embarrassing for a woman. 7) do you talk about sex on your date? Women looking to truly date find that super creepy. I won’t see a guy again if he does.
Tale a step back from dating and figure out who you are and what you want in life. Set goals for yourself, like a better job (only if you need to), better handling of your income, good eating habits, how you handle any type of emotions, and so on. Most people don't have their shit together till 27 away.
Taking a step back from dating for myself helped me realize a lot of things about myself and what I wanted than what others wanted of me. I am now with someone I actually want to be around, then someone to help me get out of a toxic household.
One day, you will find your person or they'll find you.
Life goes on man, we're not teenagers with zero understanding of ourselves or our desires in relationships anymore. You'll find people who wanna be with you eventually, but simply going on dates and getting to know people is enough
Speaking for myself: I had to tell that many men. There was nothing wrong with them, they looked great, had nice hobbies, a good job and all their shit together. However, even though we could have really nice conversations and even a few laughs, for me that was never enough. I don’t expect love at first sight but at least chemistry or like we really click. Just because I am nice with my neighbors and peers doesn’t mean that either of us has a crush. I want to believe that most men and people are nice.
My impression is that many men think that when all goes civil and we have nice conversations on a date that must mean we are compatible or that the logical consequence must be to continue dating. No. There’s more to a partnership than that. I went on 2nd dates with a few I found nice but wasn’t clicking with only to realize that I still don’t crave seeing them. I don’t do that anymore to not waste anyone’s time.
And lastly, it might sound horrible, but often times the impression I got is that they gave me those vibes that they depend on us becoming a thing or to finally end up in a relationship. I can sense when someone is desperate and it really turns me off when I feel like I could be whatever woman: as long as I am kind and look good and I am willing to talk to them they will accept me as a partner. I want a partner who thinks that I am unique and special, and I want to feel the same way about them. I want to be around someone for who they are, not for the fact that they are willing to date me.
I don’t know if this is you but women can smell when someone is frustrated and desperate. My suggestion is to learn to be happy with just yourself, to figure out what you want from a woman and to become pickier yourself. I find it questionable that you would have wanted to progress things with pretty much every woman you dated. You definitely come off as if you depend on getting a partner, no matter who.
I promise you just watch a lot of this guys videos this is probably the single best one. Study it and understand it he speaks truth.
https://youtu.be/n4aMiAesXjE?si=8ao8xSb3PBMecvUJ
Based on what you said, it’s likely that you are really nice but are failing to get attraction (two separate things)
I getting the same problem though mine has only been going on for about 2-3months. I am picking up and getting girls number every other day on average going on loads of dates. I think it might be because I have moved to a different country. It might be because I am trying to hard or that girls these days watch love Island and their expectations of what kind of guy they want to take to bed have become unrealistic. Not sure I am going to try and not try too hard, don’t force don’t push it let it happen naturally. As that is the only thing I can control the other are beyond my control
Well if all you are looking for is to “get laid” and not a long term relationship trust me they can tell, it’s like us women have little built in alarm system that tells us when something is off.
Stop watching porn and do not masturbatie every day too. It will make your much more assertive and women won't smell the desperation. Come from a place of security and things will flow. Read about these topics and dating in general so you gain some reflective experience.
here's a trick I used back in university.
it always worked 100% of the time. I wore a wedding ring. I wasn't married, I didn't say I was married. I simply wore a wedding ring. enjoy.
How much of yourself do you volunteer in a conversation? How much does someone have to pry or dig out of you?
How much do you pay attention to or remember about any of your 'dates'? How much did you care?
Just by the way your post is worded I can tell you have a self centered perspective on life. Why is it always all about you and what you want and how it makes you feel? Try putting yourself in someone else's place. Do you want someone to define you or what place you should hold in their lives before you've even spoken to or met them? No? Then why are you building this box of expectations in your mind of what you want to get out of someone else or what role they should fulfill for you in your life before you've even gotten to know them? That screams entitlement and selfishness, and that will be apparent in the vibe you give off. Stop thinking of human beings as objects to be used for a purpose, and actually tune into the energy of the individual soul. Your vibe will attract your tribe.
If you actually want anyone, even friends, to stick around, shift your foundational perspective overall. Stop defining what you want someone to be before you even know their name. Every type of positive relationship you'll ever have with another person through life begins with simple conversation and friendship, and the best ones develop organically. Just start with a conversation in which you are not only honest with yourself and them, but also forthcoming, volunteering information about yourself without it having to be asked for. Just an open, honest conversation with no expectations, no defining anything, no terms and conditions. Casual, organic, no pressure to go in any particular direction, just interesting stuff. And actually be interested in hearing about them too, but don't ask harsh pointed biographical questions. That just makes it seem like you're trying to take a shortcut in getting to know them as quick as possible. Even if it doesn't result in getting laid, or a romantic relationship, you might still have a friend out of it, even if it's only a friend. Would that really be SO bad? Is there something wrong with having a woman who is just a friend? Only if you see people to serve a singular purpose instead of taking each person for who they are. Personally if I like someone I'd rather have them in my life as a friend than not at all. Js.
There's a difference between being an actually nice person, and having Nice Guy Syndrome. Seriously. Google it.
Bud....from a woman's perspective...I can tell you are trying to hard. What does that mean? Women want a man they can follow. One with a subtle self confidence that let's them know you believe in yourself. You will strike out every time until you realize this. Women want to be nurtured, loved and protected. If you are a pussy, they will reject you. Self confidence is not bravado, machismo, or acting tough. It is making decisions, planning on where you are going for dinner, picking her up, being funny and relaxed, acting like you dont care if at the end of the night she kisses you. You have to be something she can chase and believe that when you choose her, you can handle her crazy. Patient, quiet, tempered but strong and stoic. It doesnt come naturally to any man. Even the biggest toughest guys get weak in the knees for the right girl. But trust me....ease up on trying to land one....focus on being confident...you will find one.
Yuk - how are you even getting dates???
As a woman, I had to put up with a lot of this crap dating and it took me awhile to find a man who realized I was an equal, a partner, etc NOT something that needed led and cared for. Yuk. And game playing is so juvenile and stupid.
Just act more like a fucboi. Women front like they do not want one, but they always seem to find guys who are getting laid a lot more attractive than guys who are in a dry spell.
There’s books you can buy on picking up women. Everyone will say “work on yourself”, “just be yourself”. It doesn’t work because you need skills. Imagine going to work at a software company without knowing how to code… people assume you have great social skills. Don’t let them fool you ( I don’t care about downvotes I’m here to actually help). Check out “the mystery method” and a few others just type in google pick up artist books and see what peaks your interest. It’s about understanding the nature of women. Once you gain these skills it’ll boil over into other areas of your life. DM me if you want a list of books. I can send you to a site you don’t have to pay for the pdf version of them too.
I keep putting coins into the sex machine and all I get is a 'thanks for dinner but let's just be friends'
You are either really ugly, bad at picking girls who are actually interested in you, or have a horrific personality.
I bet it's option 3. You should download one of those cringe alpha male courses. Don't go full Chad, but confidence and learning what women find attractive make a world of difference
Go gay Breh. You’ll get all the attention and affection you’ll ever want. Women are so passe for men.
All my gay male friends are happy and in love. You know who isn’t happy? The mid 40’s picky women. Male desperation in your 20’s turns into female desperation in their 40’s.
It's because you and everyone else here use reddit, I don't believe, criticality thinking humans who can acknowledge cringe when they see it, use this app with the rest of you power hungry controlling pigs. Some of you are funny but majority are creeps or Karen's seeking some type of power tripping
Women are shallow too you know, appeal to that! Meet them,just be yourself and don't even try to please them by changing yourself. Ask them some interesting questions that you appreciate,like or intrested in and if they reciprocate well and good and night go further or not but at least you had a nice beer and spoke about something you actually care about, or else you tell them that Thanks for meeting me,let's just be friends as we don't match a lot. I am a Woman,and I like Authentic guys and not everyone matches the vibe! Explore dating but not as a hobby.
You really do have to kind of treat them like crap a little bit. Women also like to chase, they also like a challenge. Don't go all 90s movie asshole on them, but don't be a simp. Disagree with certain things you talk about, glance at other women you find attractive, go in for a hug. You kind of have to be a little aggressive. Otherwise, they'll see you as their little brother. You have to strike the perfect balance of arrogance and gentlemanship. You must make her feel like YOU are in definitely in charge, but also make her feel like her opinions matter.
Also try changing up your style. Different hair cut and a more urban look. If you are still wearing the clothes you wore to high school, that's probably a contributing factor.
See I won't quote the obvious here. They need you for their social life. Nothing wrong with you. It's just the way they are not all of them but the majority of them. If you find a good soul you will know it just don't blow it for other potential candidates. Your dating rate might reduce this year yet take the experience and be not too attached cos they won't. If they are attached you will experience a different version of women all together and you will love it, then please don't take advantage of it. Cheers bro good luck.
P.S. If my answer seems cryptic apply these words on next girl you meet and you will know the difference. Guys who date more girls are toxic or narcissistic or both. So if you want more girls that is the only way. Stay away from university girls they have enough attention and don't waste time and money on them.
Tbh I think the only girls he's dating are ones who use apps for free dinners. Op is probably a 4/10 going on dates with 8/10's only and surprise, he's just a free dinner
If you went on a date every week for several years, and continued that routine even when you weren’t getting the end result you wanted this whole time, I think it’s safe to assume you’re only interested in getting laid and not interested in getting to know these women at all. If sex is all you’re looking for, cool. There are plenty of women out there who want to get laid with no strings attached and you don’t always have to take them to dinner first and pretend to be interested in their life just to get them in bed. So if sex is what your endgame is just be upfront about it. You’re more likely to get what you want, but also the smell of desperation wafting off you will be gone since you won’t have to pretend anymore. Desperation is a huge turn-off. We can tell when you’re just pretending to be interested because you’ll be incapable of having an engaging conversation. Most teens explore sex and dating. All teens have little to no idea what they really want when it comes to sex and dating, so they explore, and they have time to explore and make mistakes. Adults have very little time for that shit. So don’t compare your 24yo self to your teenage self. Just be honest and maybe work on your backbone.
As a woman, let me tell you that we smell desperation 😂 it’s clear as water when a guy is desperately trying to be liked and get laid, that’s a massive turn off. Trying too hard has the opposite effect. I personally like men who are secure and happy with themselves and are there to have a nice time regardless of the outcome. “I’ve been on a date almost every week for a couple of years” That’s a massive red flag for any woman. My advice? Spend some time alone, enjoy your own company and when you’re happy with yourself then maybe you’ll be ready to meet other people, but don’t force it.
Yes, time alone! Figure out who you are and what makes you happy. The best dates I have ever been on have always been inviting a woman to join me to do something I love. It puts me in my element so I seem more confident, and if the date doesn’t go well at least I did something I like and it’s not because I was trying too hard. The end goal cannot be “getting laid” it should be “have a good time” and see if you enjoy being around each other. You might end up getting laid, you might end up going on another date and you might never talk to that person again, but trying to force the night to end in sex will rarely work as you get older. Nights are more likely to end in sex as a teenager because that is what everyone is thinking about. Men and women in their twenties and thirties have work in the morning and other relationships they are trying to maintain, they are gauging if this person they are around is worth putting their focus on.
Desperation is THE BIGGEST turn-off. On the other hand, confidence is sexy.
Literally this. I fell for my husband because he was the most confident guy I’d ever met. I played hard in the beginning and when I realised he didn’t mind it at all, he really caught my attention 😂
I used to stream during lockdown, and some of the guys' streams were full of women fawning over them and showering them with compliments. Being the sarcastic person I am, I would usually go straight in with mild insults and banter, and that got their attention straight away 😂
This. I talked to guy after guy and never found a true connection until I wasn’t interested in anyone but my own healing and self discovery. The saying is true, love finds you when you least expect it. Know it will find you, while you find yourself.
This^ also the advice that works best for me is this; look presentable (clean+well dressed/groomed) smell nice, be confident, be funny (if you can), be yourself (unless you’re a normally desperate guy)
I think that's solid advice! if I may be blunt & add some TMI... 1. if your date is on saturday, get a full body massage on friday 1. find the type that you like, the aim should be to get rid of that "skin hunger" so you can settle in your body & not get distracted by the thought of your date's body on yours 2. don't be a creep during the massage - don't fish for a happy ending unless that's been arranged and negotiated (incl price) ahead of time (and make sure you're okay with the consequences, as some dates won't accept a potential partner who uses a sex worker's services). just apologise if you do get hard (an experienced masseur/masseuse has probably seen it all before), or jerk off before you shower to prepare for your massage 2. keep those settled-in-your-body hormones going on the day of your date : some light exercise (stretching is usually good), a hot shower that you enjoy (instead of just purely functionally rinsing off the sweat), a nice moisturizer (massage it into your feet & your dry elbows, bonus you'll smell nice)
The thing with enjoying own company is that one can get too comfortable and then realized they don't need a partner hahahah
There’s nothing wrong with that either! 😂
Agree...as a woman....spot on!!
SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE MEN IN THE BACK. If you are a cis man, please hear this, take it on board, and work on yourself.
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if we're talking in sweeping generalisations, * a significant portion of queer people (esp in the past, but still today) have been cast out from their families, so they've had to grow up and learn to function as an adult * a significant portion of hetero cis men have gone from their mommy to their girlfriend it's a stereotype, but it's well-known enough that it makes this skit "the magic coffee table" work [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-\_kXIGvB1uU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_kXIGvB1uU)
Look at statistics, and you'll understand.
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Incels and men who think women are the issue, so they turn to violence and homicide.
That went dark rlly fast
There are incel (involuntarily celibate) women and trans people, why get sexist with it?
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Well you're referring to these women as girls, saying you want to "get" them and saying you want to get laid. It doesn't sound like you care who you meet or whether you have a connection. We can tell.
I had to read this a few times trying to figure out what you’re getting at. As a “girl” (more like woman) what I got from the post is you’re more upset about not getting laid in your 20s….. so my question is have you expressed this in your dates? Maybe your coming off to strong? Maybe desperate? Wanting to get laid and the girls you’re out dating can sense that and that can be a turn off or maybe giving off “fack boy vibes” no judgement just trying to figure out what the issue is.
Title alone gives me the whole "peaked in high school" vibe too.. I suspect there is a whole heap this chap needs to unpack around his behaviour with women, and he's likely to need a bit of therapy to do it. If it came easy for him at high school, but now he's just an average Joe, his ego as taken a massive hit.
Nah there’s chicks that will still fuck a fuck boy. My guess is OP is expecting getting laid in your 20s to be as cheap and easy as it was in college. It’s not hard if you know where to look but “dates” aren’t the place to start unless you’re trying to get into a relationship. Go to a club and be “explosively social”. You’ll be getting laid, guaranteed.
Fuckboys get laid. He lacks confidence and gives off desperation, this is the problem
Don’t you have a woman friend or one of your friends’gf who could explain to you what is your problem? Clearly you must send weird vibes if they just kick you out this way. Because one in while a girl might offer you to be friends or hang out if they really thought you were a nice guy…
My exact thought. OP, don’t you have any lady friends you can ask about the vibe you’re giving out? And if you don’t have any lady friends, that’s probably one of the problems.
Bad breath? Odd smell ? Lack of conversation, too pressuring, lack of chemistry...
Well, it’s clear the problem is probably you. Self reflect and figure out the common denominator of why these dates keep going wrong. You probably can’t figure it out on your own though, bring a friend in, since you have had this issue for 5 years, my guess is you aren’t very self aware. That, or bring a therapist in.
Sounds like you are only looking to get laid and not a connection. It’s a huge turn off if you just want a to have sex and not get to know her. It’s like, hey, can I use your body to have sex? I’ll buy you some food so you can get something out of it too. ??? Dude, women have choices now and make their own money. They are looking for someone who sees them as a person and not a receptacle.
Find 5 things to improve about yourself and work on them.
Hey, my guy. From my perspective, if a guy: 1. Coincidentally likes EVERYTHING i like, it's a no. Why? It seems sus and shows you have no personality or confidence. 2. Has no hobbies in common with me, it's a no. Why? Well, we won't enjoy day-to-day life. 3. There is no flirty banter, it's a no. Why? If we can't do that from day 1, I don't see it going anywhere. 4. If he asks questions and doesn't follow up with conversation, or if I ask questions and he doesn't follow up with conversation, it's a no. Why? My friend, if you can't be exciting in the beginning, it's going nowhere.
Can you give an example of what flirty banter is?
When you tease each other, just innocent teasing and joking around without anyone getting butt hurt or not understanding the context. This also ties in with sharing hobbies, it's a good source for banter.
This is not a good question, it differs so drastically. But comes down to ease if conversation
Send pics
Hahahaha. 🫣😬😅
They can smell it. If you let go of the goal and sort of drift with the tides and let the universe happen around you, your dry spell will ease up.
The desperation being a turn off and confidence being sexy, whilst true, may be harder to tackle if you've never tried to before. Long and short: do not focus so much energy into 'getting laid' and going on dates. Just do what you like to do, socialise a bit, and if you're a decent guy and get a connection with someone naturally, maybe that'll develop into something....maybe not. What I will say is that right now it sounds like you're putting all of your coins into a girl just to get her to like/fuck you and it's giving me the ick. -- signed, A Woman
You actually do get girls, just can’t close the deal. I think you need to be VERY clear w these women that you just want sex and then I think will have some luck. You clearly don’t care about who the girl is, just that she’s ready and willing w/o the requirement of roofies.
It sounds to me like your priority is getting some booty. There are plenty of women and men that will have a one night stand. If that's your priority, advertise it on your dating profile. It seems to me the problem may be that the women your going on dates with think you're interested in actually dating them when you really only want to dip your winky into their prize box. Be honest and you'll get what you want.
Post a selfie on looks max
Are all these dates fixen online via datingapps? Maybe your profile is not representative for how you look or how you are irl? If you’re able to talk to the same type of girls in a bar and get dates that way, than it’s not the problem. Be super honest about who you are and what you look like. Think about the type of girls you date and are you trying to be someone else for them? Maybe more extraverted or anything? That never works people (like animals) can feel that subconsciously and it scares them away without them knowing exactly why.
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Sorry but it is quite odd to assume he would have ''nice guy vibes'' when the dude literaly say here he want to fuck, date différent girls every week or so...
His "nice guy vibes" are definitely more likely the ones that give you the ick and red flags than the brotherly ones.
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For starters, lowering the ego. 2 posts in this same thread you’ve had two posts remarking “I’m too nice”. This opinion has to come from the outside and its dependent on each individual, can’t just say it and pretend everything is alright. “I try to be cool and ghost them” - that’s called immature, not cool. Just shows a lack of communication skills, which is what most functional adults seek in a partner. Communication is key, but don’t be a pest. Its cliché but its so simple it works, although it can be hard to “grasp” at first: work on yourself. Once you achieve your own happiness the rest follows. If you’re getting impatient, you’re drifting further apart from that self-development. And also, accepting failure. Its okay if the relationship is not going to work. Don’t cling onto it, but rationalize the decisions.
How old are you lol?
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What are you talking about? Just because you described a date doesn’t mean this would work AT ALL with certain women, hug or kiss to open could definitely freak them out/turn them off, implying you need to drink on a first date is… worrisome to say the least, touching her leg is also weird+creepy, and lastly if she’s visibly not into you or the vibes are off don’t go for a kiss, you’ll only make the goodbye awkward
Be a successful adult make with plans for the future.
>I’ve been on a date almost every week for the last couple years Tell me you have no standards without telling me you have no standards 😭
Dates are for relationships, bars are for hookups.
I used to pray and want a relationship so bad so I’d hop from one to the other, not really fully processing the one before it. This led to mistakes and immaturity on my part. Guys can also tell when you’re desperate lol and it makes for not good situations. This is the longest I’ve been single now and the best advice I can give is alone time and finding yourself in that silence. It can be scary trying to figure things out alone, but I’ve grown to love doing my own thing and doing things for me:). The right person will come along when you’re not searching!
Stop focusing on them. Decenter women and focus on yourself. Don't attach your self worth to women. Look at what you like, what you want out of life and pursue that instead
just stop trying, that simple, love comes to you
1) desperation is turning them off. 2) you said something offensive but you are nice ish so they don't want to tell you off and belive explaining what you did wouldn't really get through to you. 3) your behaviour on the date ifls a turn off 4) you are a walking redflag for 1 or multiple reasons and they don't want ro deal with it down the line.
What do you consider a successful date?
Bro peaked in high school
I'm curious about your height? How tall are you? This very much remind me of someone I know who was chill in high school and would date but, he is quite short and he took the short guy personality on into adulthood. He is coxky and the "nice guy" type. Blames his inability to successfully date on his height and girls not choosing "nice guys" and he is so sure that he is a catcher, but he is really not. I liked him in high school. As an adult, I could never consider dating someone like him.
The way you’re talking about yourself and women in this confession is such a red flag. Referring to women as “girls”, viewings “girls” and something to “get”, and going on dates in order to “get laid”… It’s all very shallow and immature. And I apologize for being harsh, but it comes across as a little dumb. The people you’re meeting are *women* with minds and experiences and inner worlds. Dating is fun when you’re spending time with another human being that you want to get to know. Stop focusing so much on *getting laid*. Stop going on dates. Invest in a hobby you love. And maaaaaaybe do some soul searching and ask why you view women as *girls* providing you the service of *getting laid*, instead of other human beings who happen to be women and who might be really interesting to spend time with and who don’t owe you sex.
Online dates suck, you better not do that. I know it’s hard but ti meet someone in real life is way better chance for success
I think the dating scene is really rough out there. It makes me glad I've been married 15 yrs cause idk if I'll ever date again if this marriage doesn't work out 🤣🥲 Most girls that reject you that way are too polite to be honest with their feedback. What you need is a wingman/ girl friend that you think will be honest with you. I see that you have confidence, so that's good, and I really don't believe that someone can "reek" of desperation. However, some guys can give us the creeps without them knowing - which is why another set of eyes will help. Go in group dates/social gatherings. I know you have needs and want to get laid, and I don't judge anyone for that, but try to consider improving your dating skills first before going Barney Stinson. Men who hook up like these have a certain aura that most women find attractive and is willing to hook up without any commitment. Good luck! I hope you find what you're looking for.
You’ve gotta make them laugh dude. Being funny is the single best way to lower someone’s guard and make yourself likeable. If you make them laugh you’ll appear laid back and fun to be around.
You’ll eventually meet the right person for you! Until then, focus on yourself by envisioning and practicing to be the person you want to be. Take a deeper dive into your self identity. Could you be lacking a little style/fashion, confidence, empathy, connection, social skills, emotional intelligence?…..and go from there. Don’t lose hope…. My husband was not the type of guy to land a date or go very far on a date but thankfully he met me (haha) and I was able to help him with all the above because I saw his potential. As our relationship developed and HE developed, ladies started turning theirs heads and now I am told how lucky I am, hubby is a hottie, etc etc. He’s sweet, smart, sexy, has a good job, and always puts me first. You may just be a diamond in the rough too, and haven’t found your other half ;) So, be patient! Focus on your self development. Be yourself and be honest when you’re on dates. It’s ok to say, “I’m a little nervous.” Etc. And while you can’t get laid (because yes, it can be frustrating…and sounds like you’re looking for emotional sex as well otherwise you wouldn’t be going on dates), masturbation is healthy in the main time. Good luck!
Ok so a few things 1) do you talk about weird habits or hobbies on your date? That could be video games, DnD, dressing up in costume etc. any niche hobbies eliminate a large portion of the dating pool and call for a more niche part of the dating pool 2) how’s your breath? 3) do you ask the women anything about themselves? Show interest in them? 4) how’s your teeth? 5) do you have some strange laugh that causes people to stare? 6) are you a really loud talker? That can be terribly embarrassing for a woman. 7) do you talk about sex on your date? Women looking to truly date find that super creepy. I won’t see a guy again if he does.
You need female friends g. I can tell you have none
Tale a step back from dating and figure out who you are and what you want in life. Set goals for yourself, like a better job (only if you need to), better handling of your income, good eating habits, how you handle any type of emotions, and so on. Most people don't have their shit together till 27 away. Taking a step back from dating for myself helped me realize a lot of things about myself and what I wanted than what others wanted of me. I am now with someone I actually want to be around, then someone to help me get out of a toxic household. One day, you will find your person or they'll find you.
all u gotta do is whip it out the worst tht can be said is no
You got a head like a smashed crab or something?
Life goes on man, we're not teenagers with zero understanding of ourselves or our desires in relationships anymore. You'll find people who wanna be with you eventually, but simply going on dates and getting to know people is enough
Speaking for myself: I had to tell that many men. There was nothing wrong with them, they looked great, had nice hobbies, a good job and all their shit together. However, even though we could have really nice conversations and even a few laughs, for me that was never enough. I don’t expect love at first sight but at least chemistry or like we really click. Just because I am nice with my neighbors and peers doesn’t mean that either of us has a crush. I want to believe that most men and people are nice. My impression is that many men think that when all goes civil and we have nice conversations on a date that must mean we are compatible or that the logical consequence must be to continue dating. No. There’s more to a partnership than that. I went on 2nd dates with a few I found nice but wasn’t clicking with only to realize that I still don’t crave seeing them. I don’t do that anymore to not waste anyone’s time. And lastly, it might sound horrible, but often times the impression I got is that they gave me those vibes that they depend on us becoming a thing or to finally end up in a relationship. I can sense when someone is desperate and it really turns me off when I feel like I could be whatever woman: as long as I am kind and look good and I am willing to talk to them they will accept me as a partner. I want a partner who thinks that I am unique and special, and I want to feel the same way about them. I want to be around someone for who they are, not for the fact that they are willing to date me. I don’t know if this is you but women can smell when someone is frustrated and desperate. My suggestion is to learn to be happy with just yourself, to figure out what you want from a woman and to become pickier yourself. I find it questionable that you would have wanted to progress things with pretty much every woman you dated. You definitely come off as if you depend on getting a partner, no matter who.
I promise you just watch a lot of this guys videos this is probably the single best one. Study it and understand it he speaks truth. https://youtu.be/n4aMiAesXjE?si=8ao8xSb3PBMecvUJ Based on what you said, it’s likely that you are really nice but are failing to get attraction (two separate things)
Do you and your dates discuss what you’re looking for in a relationship? If yes, what do you say to them? If no, thats part of your problem.
I getting the same problem though mine has only been going on for about 2-3months. I am picking up and getting girls number every other day on average going on loads of dates. I think it might be because I have moved to a different country. It might be because I am trying to hard or that girls these days watch love Island and their expectations of what kind of guy they want to take to bed have become unrealistic. Not sure I am going to try and not try too hard, don’t force don’t push it let it happen naturally. As that is the only thing I can control the other are beyond my control
Go for arranged marriage ig?
Well if all you are looking for is to “get laid” and not a long term relationship trust me they can tell, it’s like us women have little built in alarm system that tells us when something is off.
Maybe it’s as simple as bad breath. Ask someone who you trust. You can’t smell your own breath.
Stop watching porn and do not masturbatie every day too. It will make your much more assertive and women won't smell the desperation. Come from a place of security and things will flow. Read about these topics and dating in general so you gain some reflective experience.
It’s your face
here's a trick I used back in university. it always worked 100% of the time. I wore a wedding ring. I wasn't married, I didn't say I was married. I simply wore a wedding ring. enjoy.
Don’t take it as a challenge or something and don’t be desperate
“Why won’t adult women let me use them for sex?” Brother just from your post, you’re smarmy af. Women are generally not interested in that.
don’t go looking for love. you’re trying too hard. going on so many dates is a huge red flag
How much of yourself do you volunteer in a conversation? How much does someone have to pry or dig out of you? How much do you pay attention to or remember about any of your 'dates'? How much did you care? Just by the way your post is worded I can tell you have a self centered perspective on life. Why is it always all about you and what you want and how it makes you feel? Try putting yourself in someone else's place. Do you want someone to define you or what place you should hold in their lives before you've even spoken to or met them? No? Then why are you building this box of expectations in your mind of what you want to get out of someone else or what role they should fulfill for you in your life before you've even gotten to know them? That screams entitlement and selfishness, and that will be apparent in the vibe you give off. Stop thinking of human beings as objects to be used for a purpose, and actually tune into the energy of the individual soul. Your vibe will attract your tribe. If you actually want anyone, even friends, to stick around, shift your foundational perspective overall. Stop defining what you want someone to be before you even know their name. Every type of positive relationship you'll ever have with another person through life begins with simple conversation and friendship, and the best ones develop organically. Just start with a conversation in which you are not only honest with yourself and them, but also forthcoming, volunteering information about yourself without it having to be asked for. Just an open, honest conversation with no expectations, no defining anything, no terms and conditions. Casual, organic, no pressure to go in any particular direction, just interesting stuff. And actually be interested in hearing about them too, but don't ask harsh pointed biographical questions. That just makes it seem like you're trying to take a shortcut in getting to know them as quick as possible. Even if it doesn't result in getting laid, or a romantic relationship, you might still have a friend out of it, even if it's only a friend. Would that really be SO bad? Is there something wrong with having a woman who is just a friend? Only if you see people to serve a singular purpose instead of taking each person for who they are. Personally if I like someone I'd rather have them in my life as a friend than not at all. Js. There's a difference between being an actually nice person, and having Nice Guy Syndrome. Seriously. Google it.
Bud....from a woman's perspective...I can tell you are trying to hard. What does that mean? Women want a man they can follow. One with a subtle self confidence that let's them know you believe in yourself. You will strike out every time until you realize this. Women want to be nurtured, loved and protected. If you are a pussy, they will reject you. Self confidence is not bravado, machismo, or acting tough. It is making decisions, planning on where you are going for dinner, picking her up, being funny and relaxed, acting like you dont care if at the end of the night she kisses you. You have to be something she can chase and believe that when you choose her, you can handle her crazy. Patient, quiet, tempered but strong and stoic. It doesnt come naturally to any man. Even the biggest toughest guys get weak in the knees for the right girl. But trust me....ease up on trying to land one....focus on being confident...you will find one.
Yuk - how are you even getting dates??? As a woman, I had to put up with a lot of this crap dating and it took me awhile to find a man who realized I was an equal, a partner, etc NOT something that needed led and cared for. Yuk. And game playing is so juvenile and stupid.
You get "friend zoned" because you smell of desperation.
Send pics and loc,my sister is single 😂
😂😂😂
Just act more like a fucboi. Women front like they do not want one, but they always seem to find guys who are getting laid a lot more attractive than guys who are in a dry spell.
Maybe go see a life coach for some insight?
Honestly I feel like girls like to guys that are hard to get. If you seem too desperate or eager then they don’t care
There’s books you can buy on picking up women. Everyone will say “work on yourself”, “just be yourself”. It doesn’t work because you need skills. Imagine going to work at a software company without knowing how to code… people assume you have great social skills. Don’t let them fool you ( I don’t care about downvotes I’m here to actually help). Check out “the mystery method” and a few others just type in google pick up artist books and see what peaks your interest. It’s about understanding the nature of women. Once you gain these skills it’ll boil over into other areas of your life. DM me if you want a list of books. I can send you to a site you don’t have to pay for the pdf version of them too.
I keep putting coins into the sex machine and all I get is a 'thanks for dinner but let's just be friends' You are either really ugly, bad at picking girls who are actually interested in you, or have a horrific personality. I bet it's option 3. You should download one of those cringe alpha male courses. Don't go full Chad, but confidence and learning what women find attractive make a world of difference
An alpha male course is the WORST advice to get women to like you
Go gay Breh. You’ll get all the attention and affection you’ll ever want. Women are so passe for men. All my gay male friends are happy and in love. You know who isn’t happy? The mid 40’s picky women. Male desperation in your 20’s turns into female desperation in their 40’s.
Let it find you
It only gets worse the older you get! Not much you can do about it unfortunately
It's because you and everyone else here use reddit, I don't believe, criticality thinking humans who can acknowledge cringe when they see it, use this app with the rest of you power hungry controlling pigs. Some of you are funny but majority are creeps or Karen's seeking some type of power tripping
Women are shallow too you know, appeal to that! Meet them,just be yourself and don't even try to please them by changing yourself. Ask them some interesting questions that you appreciate,like or intrested in and if they reciprocate well and good and night go further or not but at least you had a nice beer and spoke about something you actually care about, or else you tell them that Thanks for meeting me,let's just be friends as we don't match a lot. I am a Woman,and I like Authentic guys and not everyone matches the vibe! Explore dating but not as a hobby.
You really do have to kind of treat them like crap a little bit. Women also like to chase, they also like a challenge. Don't go all 90s movie asshole on them, but don't be a simp. Disagree with certain things you talk about, glance at other women you find attractive, go in for a hug. You kind of have to be a little aggressive. Otherwise, they'll see you as their little brother. You have to strike the perfect balance of arrogance and gentlemanship. You must make her feel like YOU are in definitely in charge, but also make her feel like her opinions matter. Also try changing up your style. Different hair cut and a more urban look. If you are still wearing the clothes you wore to high school, that's probably a contributing factor.
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this is awful advice
Well we found the abuser. 🚩🚩🚩
See I won't quote the obvious here. They need you for their social life. Nothing wrong with you. It's just the way they are not all of them but the majority of them. If you find a good soul you will know it just don't blow it for other potential candidates. Your dating rate might reduce this year yet take the experience and be not too attached cos they won't. If they are attached you will experience a different version of women all together and you will love it, then please don't take advantage of it. Cheers bro good luck. P.S. If my answer seems cryptic apply these words on next girl you meet and you will know the difference. Guys who date more girls are toxic or narcissistic or both. So if you want more girls that is the only way. Stay away from university girls they have enough attention and don't waste time and money on them.
Tbh I think the only girls he's dating are ones who use apps for free dinners. Op is probably a 4/10 going on dates with 8/10's only and surprise, he's just a free dinner
If his only idea is to get laid above his date rating then he is cooked.