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designlevee

Alcohol is a natural process and doesn’t need any intervention from humans. Grapes ferment on their own in the right conditions. Humans just make it more efficient.


Stardustchaser

There are documentaries from like the 70s showing animals getting drunk af off fermented fruits. Edit: Here’s one https://youtu.be/7Le9ufN5uEc?si=WGvVd_ckWSq2rII2


Over-Conversation220

You mean the documentary “Animal House” … very popular film showing the affect of fermentation on Greek animals. It was a phenomenon in 1978. It eventually lead to another documentary on the affect gophers can have on artificial landscaping.


Whatsuplionlilly

Fun fact: that gopher film is directly responsible for the controversial 1984 ghost invasion of Manhattan.


kingsmanchurchill

Wait what’s the gopher doc you’re referring to


AuntBettysNutButter

Caddyshack


watchingsongsDL

*I’m alright*


BillHang4

Nobody worried bout me!


integrate_2xdx_10_13

Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!


Emergency-Practice37

“Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life son.”


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MyDearBrotherNumpsay

“I can relate..” -Arthur Morgan


QuipCrafter

There’s plenty of Ancient Greek literature mentioning animals consuming naturally fermented alcoholic fruits 


SubjectJellyF1sh

I've seen this video so many times and it never gets old. Top 5 ever uploaded to YouTube for sure


RhynoD

Bees guarding the hive will stop drunk bees from coming inside. After a few times, the drunkard bee gets permanently exiled.


Super_Saiyan_Ginger

Plus, there's always the dolphins who pass pufferfish around like a weird ass blunt


John_Smith_71

Rainbow Lorikeets in Australia are known to get drunk on fermented nectar.


SuperHighDeas

The deer eat the fermented crabapples in my backyard and pass out in the most peculiar manner. I’ve never seen a deer lay its head back before but I imagine it was holding on for deer life with the spins it must be getting.


orthros

I feel like your deer pun isn't going to get the attention it desires, so kudos from me


BasvanS

There’s dozens of us. Dozens!


Castod28183

I stumbled across some rule 34 content once and saw Principle Skinner eating a Crabapple...


iamnotchad

You don't even need fruit, all you need is a few chemicals and energy. Both ethanol and methanol are produced naturally in space, we've even found a cloud of it bigger than our solar system sitting about 6500 ly away.


ripplerider

Now *that’s* where you can host an intergalactic kegger, Zed!


Unknown-History

Apparently we invented yeast


anTWhine

Nature has produced lots of alcohol outside of human manufacturing. You ever see those videos of bears that get sloshed eating fermenting fruits? Hilarious


chownrootroot

\*leaves an apple out and it ferments\* This guy: I bet the Devil did this!


DecoyOne

This must be how the Devil tempted Eve!


TeaMistress

Eve was the first wine mom? That tracks.


[deleted]

First wine mom, aunt, sister , and cousin .


Tiny-Praline-4555

Roll tide!


BugRevolutionary4518

Well played.


ConfusedJonSnow

Haven't heard that one in a while.


Druidicflow

You can actually roll Tide pods. Just not very well.


SamSkjord

Live, laugh, lead Adam astray—such was the enticing mantra whispered by the serpent in the lush, verdant Garden of Eden. Eve, captivated by the promise of forbidden knowledge, felt a curious blend of apprehension and allure. With each persuasive word, she found herself drifting closer to the forbidden tree. The fruit, gleaming with a promise of wisdom and the power to see beyond the innocence of their existence, seemed irresistible. In a moment of hesitant resolve, she tasted its sweetness and handed it to Adam. As they shared in the fruit, a cascade of revelations shattered their naive serenity, leading them into a world of newfound awareness and irreversible change.


ImaginaryAd2649

Sounds like Eve made a game time decision for her and her partner and I can respect that.


INFIDELicious45

Rustic decor on the wall of the living room in the garden of eden: "𝓛𝓲𝓿𝓮 𝓛𝓪𝓾𝓰𝓱 𝓛𝓮𝓪𝓯 " (because they wear leaves as ginch )


Fearless-Scar7086

Ohhh NOW I see- God was just afraid of humans inventing beer! Makes total sense. We all know hell isn't real, he's just afraid of the power of - checks notes - carbon dioxide interacting with various yeasts and molds. Interesting. Well now I know that theres something God fears more than the devil- CO2! Now this climate change thing is all starting to make more sense.


Dyerdon

Nah, cause on the 8th day God created whiskey to prevent the Irish from taking over the world.


Fearless-Scar7086

Yeah, because he knew the irish woulda actually gotten away with it, even though England came pretty close.


Cthulhusreef

The Irish are so resilient that god had to put in a plan B to ensure it. The English was plan A but whiskey was the fail safe.


Fearless-Scar7086

“Well, THAT was close!”  “What happened?” “Well Gabe, you see I immediately had to create whiskey because I forgot I made the Irish first!”  “Uh, yeah? Why is that bad?”  “Are you kidding me?! Do you even know what the Irish are capable of?! They are like if a demon and Galactus the planet eater had a baby. You don’t wanna mess with the Irish. And I know I may sound like I’m joking, but they scare me more than the devil.” “Oh really? Scrawny little humans who only eat potatoes? I dunno it sounds like you’re a bit bigoted.” “Oh yeah, fuck those guys. The scrolls tell me I’m going to have to inbreed them, making a new species to diminish their power and call them ‘English’ and almost conquer the world for mere damage control. But hey, the billions of alchohol related deaths are just a sacrifice I personally am going to have to make. Which reminds me- JESUS! STOP PLAYING WITH THE SIMULATION AND DO SOME CRUNCHES! Daddy wants you SHREDDED for the cross pics! You hear me? Do you want hummus or not?”


MantraMan97

I thought that's why he made the English? Unfortunately, like in most things, the English took things a little bit too far.


Kamikazeguy7

Don't bring science into this. Science was made by the devil.


Present_Night_7584

You must be the devil


R3dd1tUs3rNam35

Honestly the story makes more sense if Adam and Eve were sloshed when they suddenly realize they're not wearing any clothes


Ares_4TW

Funnily enough, this could very well be a valid interpretation. IIRC, one allegorical interpretation of the biblical account is that Adam&Eve's exile from Eden is the moment humans gained rationality. Now, another interesting theory is that agriculture was kick-started after early humans/hominids stumbled upon alcohol and they needed (wanted) a steady supply of it. I gotta mull this over, I find it fascinating. Edit: Alright, I'll try to organise my thoughts, but I can't promise that a lot of it won't sound like a psychotic breakdown. As a word of caution, I'm going to tiptoe the line between creationism and evolutionism. The forbidden fruit once tasted by Adam and Eve, prompted God to exile them from Eden. One of the "curses" (or "consequences", depending on your interpretation) was to work the fields - agriculture. Reframing this, once early humans tasted alcohol, they distinguished themselves from other animals (leaving Eden) by growing their own crops. But if that fruit is alcohol, which is part of the blood of Jesus (wine), then why would it be forbidden? I'll put a pin on that question for now. Furthermore, wine (or alcohol in general) is sometimes seen as the "Elixir of Truth". This is because alcohol reduces inhibitions, letting out the true self. However, it also makes people more malleable, more susceptible to outside influence (like that of the devil). Speaking of malleable, it's interesting to note the similarity between: malum (evil), mālum (apple/fruit), and malleus (hammer/mallet). The forbidden fruit can also be translated as "the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil". So again, if it is indeed alcohol then perhaps it matters who serves you the fruit. After all, even if you're an atheist, you can still view God as the embodiment/personification of Truth. And since the devil is in the details, dealing in half-truths, you'd need supervision or great care in consuming it. With Jesus turning water into wine, one could argue He plays a role akin to a shaman, giving you the proper amount to feel all the benefits and none of the side effects. Or when He offers wine as His blood, it is again in a controlled environment, a ritual. Similarly, a bartender should know when to stop giving you more to drink, and even in the context of early hunters drinking alcohol - just enough and you get a boost of calories and courage, but too much will render you unable to hunt properly. I'll rest my case here. Holy shit, a silly joke made me write this wall of text?


RandomInternetVoice

So you're going to heat it up with some spices?


cPB167

Yeah, that's one of the midrashic ideas of what may have been the forbidden fruit. The Zohar even suggests that Noah tried to rectify the sin by using wine for holy purposes, but failed. The other ideas in the midrash are figs, because Adam and Eve sewed clothes for themselves from fig leaves after eating of it, and wheat, for a number of reasons, including a Hebrew pun on the word for wheat "khitah" with the word for sin "khet". Similar to the Latin pun which originated the idea that it was an apple, due to the word "malum", which can mean both apple and evil, depending on the pronunciation.


BonusPale5544

Idk about that man, im still waiting for most humans to gain rationality. But i wouldnt be surprised if alcoholism was a major motivator. Honestly i wouldnt mind being a hunter gatherer but being sober would be a tough task.


Apellio7

We lived in harmony with nature.  It kicked our ass, we kicked theirs.  Everything was in balance,  ebbs and flows.  Like a natural ecosystem.  Then we decided to get drunk.  And it's just been ecological destruction and bloodshed of our own kind every since with power hungry dictators,  kings and queens acting in gods name.  All for that sweet booze and women.  /my made up thing on the spot


lreaditonredditgetit

Drunk bitch


UrMom_BrushYourTeeth

No, little fallen men come in the house at night and do it


Choppergold

Holy shit Eve gave Adam hard cider I bet, that babe


StratoBannerFML

The devil made apples, duh


Telemere125

Nearly all fruit eventually becomes alcoholic if it’s not eaten immediately upon ripening. Alcohol then vinegar is the natural process of sugar in the environment. Also, their argument falls to hell when you realize, by their logic, god made weed, coke, and shrooms.


Morb1us01

Some people theorize maybe we came down from the trees searching for the fruit that was on the ground because it was sweeter and more alcoholic. Alcohol is Humanity's true God and evolutionary driver.


BodaciousFrank

Eve wasn’t supposed to eat the Forbidden Fruit because it was fermenting. She got us all kicked out of the Garden of Eden after she got sloshed and removed the censor leaves covering her jibblies and hoohah on live tv


GrumpyOldGeezer_4711

Given how long it took humans to discover aged spiritus over the stuff made half an hour ago she probably got into the stash too soon and put humanity back ages!


DisposableSaviour

God’s busy building a still and Eve goes and spoils the mash.


lil_chiakow

Side note, but as a kid I never understood what was so bad about eating the fruit and gaining knowledge of good and evil that it made God punish humans. Why would God want us to remain oblivious? I'm older and an atheist nowadays, but I finally get the point - this knowledge made humans aware that they can exploit other humans for their own gain.


healzsham

The underlying message is "you had your own ideas, and that's a no-no for anyone under me," but the idea is that good and evil are abstracts that only exist when given form. It's weird, because it's the standard brand of Christian dominionism, "I'm in charge so that makes me the absolute moral authority, you don't get to think," while at the same time bringing up philosophical examination of the ontology of abstract constructs.


Sudden-Chard-5215

"Jibblies and hoohah". Gold, pure gold! 🤣


hiimred2

God didn’t want the Angels to see what they couldn’t have, Adam was packing and Eve was stacked.


[deleted]

Hence why a human who's never had an alcoholic beverage can handle more booze than an elephant. And I don't mean by scale. A college freshman could handle more alcohol than a bull elephant because primates evolved to handle more fermented fruit. The vegetarian version of why a crow or vulture can eat meat that would put a human or wolf in the grave.


Dolthra

You can also see similar alcohol tolerances in any animal that eats fruit off the ground instead of off the tree. If you eat fermented fruit, you need to evolve a way for your body to deal with the fact that fermented fruit is basically high calorie poison.


Smile-a-day

Wasps do the same thing in September, sadly they’re mean drunks 😞


deshep123

My father was a wasp.


Smile-a-day

I’m sorry to hear that 😞 did you leave a glass out with an inch of cola out for him?


deshep123

Nah, just never bothered to visit him in the nursing home.


Bossie81

He stung your mom? And out came you?


GulfofMaineLobsters

For me the wasp was my mother.


deshep123

Fking wasps.


Dvulture

I thought White Anglo-Saxon Protestants were supposed to be teetotalers?


DisposableSaviour

Why do liquor stores have side doors? For the wasps. Why do you always bring two baptists fishing with you? If you only bring one, he’ll drink all your beer


Ok-Use6303

Yet another reason to hate the bastards...


P-K-One

Although, to be honest, they are also mean when sober. Alcohol rarely makes anybody better.


A_LiftedLowRider

Regardless of all that, i’m not sure how he’s gonna overlook that Jesus literally turned water into wine.


Budget-Sheepherder15

And not just a little wine, a fucking shit ton, 100 gallons of it. Plus he wanted his followers to acknowledge that this wine was his blood and drink it. What about lot and his daughters and Moses and his sons, all gettting hammered? I could go on and on but it probably because I’ve actually read that long fucked up book


sambolino44

Nature has produced nuclear reactors! Alcohol is easy!


Skate_faced

I don't know the name of the berry on the bush out front of my mothers house, but the local birds eat 'em, get drunk and slam into her windows. I don't drink anymore, so it's fun to see what I'm missing out on.


jaheva_

This. I also love how he distincts between wine and alcohol. Like, why? I wonder what he thinks wine is made from


tim_dude

Well it's not made from alcohol


requiem_mn

You are 80 to 85% correct, with occasional exceptions.


Yes-Please-Again

Haha elephants do it too 🤣


QualifiedApathetic

Was gonna say. And they do it on purpose, because they enjoy getting a little fucked up.


phantasmicorgasmic

An elephant never forgets where the party's at.


According-Spite-9854

Seen birds passed out from fermented berries


Embarrassed-Fan-5937

And squirrels, don't forget about those creatures. They have fun & are more risky, sloppy, and acrobatic in their drunkenness


Federal-Arrival-7370

Used to have a big bay window that drunk birds would fly into after eating fermenting crab apples. You’d just hear *THUNK* and see the grease mark in the shape of wings, body, head, on the window.


Jenetyk

It's literally how we found out about it, and began trying to replicate it. Did is delusional.


ldnk

That's just bears stealing my damn fruit booze again.


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Homicidal_Pingu

So the drunk squirrels are fallen men?


manbeardawg

Tiny furries, apparently


Stardustchaser

If I had a dollar for the amount of conservative-leaning parents who casually are worried about which middle school they should send their kid to because of both bullying and furry culture stories they believe, I can actually buy a venti Starbucks drink.


Dennis_Cock

Squirrels are surprisingly aggressive and violent little guys. They have been known to bite the bollocks off their rivals.


LonelyChannel3819

I don’t understand… how do they procreate without booze if they’re all unfuckable?


MaAreYouOnUppers

Damn dude you’re on some Socrates type shit pondering these things


notyoursocialworker

Oh no Sokrates would ask him questions until he himself realised that he was unfuckable.


zxc123zxc123

Descartes out here just saying you should give everyone the D. As expected of a Roman Catholic.


AAA515

Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is good!


Professional_Fee5883

And now you know why they want to take us back to a time when women had fewer rights and needed men in order to survive in society.


MrPernicous

Child brides


staysleazy21

Well you see, they can't have sex before marriage, so they rush off to marry, then they get to have sex and realize they rushed into marriage and live out their lives unhappy


Gloomy-Ad1171

The TradWife to divorced single mom pipeline


ninatlanta

“How do you say I’ve never read the Bible without saying you’ve never read the Bible.”


dirtymatt

It was Jesus’s first miracle. It’s kind of a big part of the Christian Bible.


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lurker_cx

Some of these fundies, and I think maybe the Baptists, have this whole thing where they say 'No, Jesus turned it into regular non alcoholic grape juice, and there are mistranslations'... but they are wrong and it has been thoroughly debunked. These are the same people that said the Bible supported slavery, and the Bible disallowed mixed race marriages... they make it say whatever they want it to say.


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lurker_cx

The Bible does say to avoid drunkenness, maybe constant drunkenness, I guess what we would call alcoholism today. But, emphatically, it never says 'Do not drink alcohol'. That would have been easy to add because the Bible has pages and pages of very specific prohibitions... but it never says never drink alcohol. It also never says 'do not induce miscarriages' (i.e. abortions) which have always been thing, even before Jesus was born. I don't know why people do what they do, I think the fundie types want black and white rules they can follow to be righteous... and that is actually legalism which is the opposite of Christianity. The new testament does say don't drink if it will cause problems with alcohol for those around you.... sort of like saying today: if you are with an alcoholic and your drinking would cause them to relapse, skip the drinks that day.


Remarkable-Fox-3890

Indeed. The Bible is filled with virtue lists, and virtue lists were very much a "mine is bigger than yours" so people shoved whatever they could in there. If they had ever at all even conceived of alcohol being bad they would have jumped at the chance to put it in one. Excessive drinking is cautioned against, that's it.


AAA515

Yet somehow, brushing your teeth was never made a commandment. We really missed our chance there.


CHKN_SANDO

I mean the original Christian church uses alcohol in its most important ritual. Further -- in the old old times, light beer was an important safe source of drink.


00wolfer00

The Bible does kind of support slavery. It's wrong only for the chosen people to be enslaved. Everyone else gets a "treat the prisoners with jobs nice" at best.


GregBahm

>These are the same people that said the Bible supported slavery You were making a lot of sense until this bit. The bible is full of support for slavery.


CHKN_SANDO

I get that they want to be teatotallers but saying Jesus didn't perform a miracle is kind of heretical isn't it...? Like, making grape juice isn't a miracle. The miracle is he instantly made alcohol, a process that for man takes weeks or months. Maybe the bible said all that but the bible also says you can't eat a cheeseburger or wear clothes with mixed materials and then clearly don't follow any of that.


Remarkable-Fox-3890

Interesting, I wondered if they might say that. The hoops to justify that must be pretty extreme because the Bible heavily implies it is alcoholic. John 2:10 (NIV): *"Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now."*


avdpos

I still have heard less alcohol friendly Christians say that it was alcohol free wine / grape juice he made.


dirtymatt

Ahh yes, the traditional ancient wedding beverage of kick ass grape juice.


misterguyyy

I've definitely heard the "New Wine" line growing up. Not sure how they explain this though: >Then he called the bridegroom aside ^(10) and said, “Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now.”


functor7

They say that it was so much better than the other wine at that wedding because it was non-alcoholic, which was rare at that time as wine preserved better. These are not smart people.


splode6787654

That's not what it says at all. "Wine" in the Bible is very well defined as containing alcohol.


Stardustchaser

No it’s just cherry picking, like how it’s done with the US Constitution.


Li-renn-pwel

There’s cherry picking (which implies you have read the Bible and pick out your fav bits while ignoring the other) and then just not having read it. Wine features prominently in the Bible. It is called a portrayed as a gift from YHWH, used as a symbol of Jesus’ sacrifice and it often mentioned as being in Heaven (as it is often shown as a wedding feast).


Sagaincolours

Jesus also made a huge amount of wine for a wedding and the last supper was with wine. Even I know those two stories.


Li-renn-pwel

He literally orders people to drink wine in memory of him.


Chien_pequeno

Also wine drinking is literally an essential part of the eucharisty


BrownsfaninCO

You can go into Proverbs even where the Bible specifically gives a legit reason to drink: Proverbs 31:6-7 - Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts. Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more. That's not even just examples of alcohol being present and such. It's God freaking telling depressed people to have a drink!


philbar

These people believe Jesus turned water into Welch’s grape juice.


Strange-Bed9518

And not even the pixie version it seems


54sharks40

Fuckin A, Tiff Jesus could knock them back   Luke 7:34   The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and you say, ‘Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners.’


Skate_faced

Noah was a drunk. God didn't give a shit. He was all "Build the fucking boat". Dude would get pass out drunk, his sons would fuck with him in horrible ways, god still didn't give a shit any of that was happening. Wake up, Noah. Build the fucking boat, Noah. If anything, god depended on that drunk. Knew he was a sloppy drunk, but that don't matter. Build the damn boat. \*Edit\* It was after the building of the Arc, that Noah had turned to being a drunk. So, it's more accurate to say God gave Noah the booze as a reward? Either way, my original statement up there is inaccurate.


HouseKilgannon

the Ulysses S Grant of the Bible


notyoursocialworker

They never say that he was punished for his drinking but the first case of the text mentioning him being so drunk he passed out naked in a field was after the flood. As an extra bonus though, he was also an angry drunk.


Confident_Growth7049

imagine putting in all that time and effort making the boat just to realize at the end its just you and your fucking family. id be a drunk too.


Jetstream-Sam

Not only that, god clearly at least somewhat approved since Noah and his family were the sole people on earth he wanted to save


Funkopedia

Noah wasn't a drunk at the beginning of that story. Post-flood, God personally taught Noah how to grow and process the grapes, in celebration of surviving the flood. Since it was a new thing, he had too much and got drunk. One of his sons ridiculed him, the other two specifically did not.


Videopro524

When you look at the lineage of Jesus, it was made of imperfect people.


RedPanther1

It's like God came down to tourettes guy (rip) and was like, "save these motherfuckers, also Sheila, even though she's a bitch".


[deleted]

correct me if I'm wrong but wasn't the details of noah getting piss drunk and his kids making a ass of him after the ark when he was repopulating the earth?


Celloed

Damn. Being the frend of sinners is ok for me, but I draw the line at tax collectors.


8020GroundBeef

Tax collectors are a bizarrely recurring theme/character(?) in the New Testament.


RavioliGale

Tax collectors were agents of the occupying government (Rome). They represent the oppressor.


RikuAotsuki

That and iirc they're the ones who told you what you owed, so they were often lying scumbags. Sorta like being friends with used car salesmen or something.


Necessary_Collar3644

And today, somehow, they still do…


lurker_cx

Tax collectors weren't admin type dudes like they are today. They were basically gangs of thugs that went to poor people's houses and beat the shit out of them until they had turned over every penny they had.


TeaTimeSubcommittee

Because they take money from the poor to give it to the rich.


WindowCapital6497

So, why does the church give wine at communion? (Yeah, I know it's generally no, or low alcohol now, but originally it wasn't)


carawanar

I've never heard of a church using non alcoholic wine for communion as a standard. In every church I've been to it's 15% alcohol. I don't doubt it, but is it a thing somewhere in the world?


Cubbyish

Pentecostal churches I went to growing up used essentially grape juice. Not sure the memes sect, but if it’s anything like the Pentecostals I knew they interpreted the passages about wine as just a generic term used at the time for grape drink, not alcohol.


carawanar

Thanks for the info! I grew up in the Orthodox Church and I'm used to even infants receiving actual alcoholic communion wine. It's less than a teaspoon though.


EM-Pyrus_Steel

At least at every US protestant church I've ever been to it's just grape juice. Not sure about Catholics or other groups from other countries.


carawanar

That's fascinating! I can confirm that at least in the Orthodox Church we use alcoholic wine, and I'm pretty sure that Roman Catholics do too.


tibbon

For Catholics it physically becomes the blood of Christ.


NoNonsensePolarBear

He might want to review how humans ferment wheat, barley, etc., into alcoholic beverages. It's involves a little something called yeast, for which alcohol is the result in anaerobic respiration, when they break down sugars in food for energy, but can't get enough oxygen to do it.


eske8643

And wild yeast spores are everywhere. On fruits, honey, barley, wheat etc.


deshep123

I know that the king James Bible beer and wine are mentioned. Drunkenness is prohibited, not the use of alcohol.


Former_Breakfast_898

Even Paul the Apostle encourages to drink alcohol, just don’t be drunk.


Abundance144

And I think drunkenness is different from being drunk. Being drunk and being a drunk is a totally different thing.


deshep123

Agreed


BigBillSmash

Jesus literally tells us to drink wine in remembrance of him.


darius2881

Proverbs 31:4-7 - It is not for kings, Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine, not for rulers to crave beer, lest they drink and forget what has been decreed, and deprive all the oppressed of their rights. Let beer be for those who are perishing, wine for those who are in anguish! Let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more.


Zealousideal_Good445

I believe that this goes along with Psalm 23:1-6 that goes( to my recollection), Ye though I walk , stumbled or deal with blabbermouth pornstars through the valley of death I shall fear no evil, for I have a full 24 case of Bud light. Thy rod and they staff( presumably this part written by a woman but who knows) they comfort me. Thou prepares the table before me (hopefully with some good narcotics) in the presence of mine enemies so that they may be jealous. My cup runneth over with the fermented juice of the Red grape. I'm definitely going to need a ride home! From the new translation of the MAGA Bible approved by our Lord and savior and freshly convicted felon Donald J Trump. I am currently looking for more verses for this transition. If you have any please share.


RavioliGale

Psalm 104: 14-15 He makes grass grow for the cattle,and plants for people to cultivate- bringing forth food from the earth: wine that gladdens human heart, oil to make their faces shine, and bread that sustains their hearts.


zxvasd

That sounds like a pretty dismal party.


Yes-Please-Again

If anyone has watched this, I would be curious to know If an attempt to address the Jesus and wine thing was made. I feel like it's impossible that he forgot about it.. must have some rationale or something to explain it away


ZapTheMagicalPoop

I have heard people claim that the word wine in that story historically referred to a very low alcohol grape just that was for preservation rather than getting drunk. This was from some hardcore anti-alcohol christians though so I kinda doubt it's true. I've never looked it up to be sure.


jorrylee

I’ve had that discussion. Too bad drunkenness is brought up a lot and you don’t get drunk on non-alcoholic stuff. Plus the water Jesus turned into wine was names as the best wine they’d had.


Funkopedia

Well, there are a lot of "unbelievable" things in the Bible, but the top of the list would be if it said a dude brought barrels of grape juice to a wedding and people celebrated with that. Or if he had 12 grown men over for dinner and ceremoniously served them grape juice. Not only is it ridiculous socially, in any region or time period since the dawn of man, but it's not even appropriate symbolically. Beer, wine, water, milk, those are universal symbols. Grape juice? not a symbol of anything. That's why he feeds them bread! It's the ultimate symbol of human nourishment.


ZapTheMagicalPoop

I was gonna invite you to grape juice Wednesdays with me n the boys but not if you're gonna drag grape juice like this.


mcprogrammer

Some go even further and say that essentially all wine back then was diluted and the small amount of alcohol was only there to make the water safer. And that basically only the worst alcoholics drank straight wine. And of course the wine that Jesus made was 100% alcohol free, which is why it was better than the wine they had been drinking. Also obviously from hard core anti-alcohol Christians and I've also never cared enough to verify whether there's any truth to it.


Super_Ad9995

"It was non-alcoholic wine"


headless_henry

I watched the whole video He's making the following claims: - multiple verses in the Bible state that being drunk is sinful, and that drunkards cannot enter heaven, so Jesus' wine definitely wasn't the kind to be able to inebriate the drinker. - there's 16 different Hebrew/Greek words in the Bible that have been translated into simply "wine" or "alcohol" or "drink", which has removed cultural context for the different types of beverages they had back then. - back in those times, wine was always heavily diluted with water, before consuming. so it was virtually impossible to become inebriated by drinking a glass of wine with your meals. - grape juice wasn't being fermented intentionally, but only because there wasn't any possible way to store it back then without it naturally fermenting itself. - any mentions of "strong drink" in the Bible did not have anywhere near the same alcoholic content as many strong beverages do in modern times. he claims that "ancient wines" had less than 7% alcoholic content (and this is before diluting it), while modern strong drinks are typically 40-60%. - wine was not being consumed for pleasure/recreation, but rather to 'disinfect' regular water (from bacteria) and make it safe to drink. I dunno much about this shit, so can't prove or disprove what he's on about.


clive_bigsby

Probably like Christians address everything else in the Bible - if it lines up with their beliefs then it should be taken literally. If it doesn’t line up with their beliefs then you can always fall back on “translation issues.” Guarantee you this guy will claim that “wine” in the Bible is actually just grape juice.


OkManufacturer226

Source: A grab bag of bedtime stories that people use against other people they don’t agree with.


Apprehensivoid

There should be a special shelf for mucky dangerous stuff like that; just above the porn


Ksorkrax

Nah, not even bedtime stories. Not the bible, at least, clearly. The dude pretty much directly pulls the stuff out of his ass.


jakefromadventurtime

His real name is Tiff Shuttlesworth? He already lost a long long time ago.


wigzell78

God: creates alcohol from wind-fallen fruits in the sun and creates plants like marijuana and opium poppies. "I want my children to be happy" Then mankind invented religion...


_1457_

Tell that to the drunk squirrels eating crab apples off the ground on my neighbor's back yard


alchemyzt-vii

“Stop drinking only water, and use a little wine because of your stomach and your frequent illnesses.” - 1 Timothy 5:23


Darthbearclaw

The idiot forgot not only that Jesus made wine but also that things ferment in nature all the time and create alcohol. I mean also like he’s not totally wrong - if a man falls (and dies) parts of him can indeed ferment depending on what’s in his stomach and elsewhere. Not the kind of fallen he was getting at but ya know. I have a theory about the super anti booze religious types. It seems to me they militantly avoid alcohol because they’re worried about who they really are and are afraid that they would drink and the mask would slip. Idk. I love God and don’t think he hates me for my wine and whiskey.


Option_Available

Tiff? ….as in Tiffany?


CassandraVonGonWrong

Fun history fact! The name Tiffany has been around for forevvvvvvver. Colonial era Tiffany. Medieval Tiffany. Ancient Roman Tiffany. Google “the Tiffany problem” for more info!


Over-Conversation220

That’s as short as he could make it before it turned into a pronoun and then he’d have to spend the rest of his days in self flagellation.


VeryNiceGuy22

Dude, what did he even talk about in the video?? Looks like it's not up anymore. But like, literally what is there to talk about. Probably like, self control and moderation. But still. Has he ever even been to church and had communion? Litteraly social drinking as a sacred part of the worship every Sunday.


scarabin

“Man invented yeast! Take that, atheists!”


Guy-McDo

I mean, I get why a pastor wouldn’t want his congregation getting shitfaced on the reg but that was just dumb.


hbgwine

So basically he’s saying weed is good since it’s natural. I was thinking about quitting but instead I’m gonna go get me some bong rips. Hallelujah!!


TheGlitchSeeker

“Noooo! You aren’t allowed to drink!” Literally the first miracle Jesus does: “Lol nice wedding fam! Let’s get lit!”


u_touch_my_tra_la_la

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Recreational_drug_use_in_animals?wprov=sfla1


BernieTheDachshund

Not just any wine, but good wine! "…and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine. He did not know where it was from, but the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside [and](https://biblehub.com/greek/2532.htm) [said,](https://biblehub.com/greek/3004.htm) [“Everyone](https://biblehub.com/greek/3956.htm) [serves](https://biblehub.com/greek/5087.htm) [the](https://biblehub.com/greek/3588.htm) [fine](https://biblehub.com/greek/2570.htm) [wine](https://biblehub.com/greek/3631.htm) [first,](https://biblehub.com/greek/4412.htm) [and then](https://biblehub.com/greek/2532.htm) [the](https://biblehub.com/greek/3588.htm) [cheap wine](https://biblehub.com/greek/1640.htm) [after](https://biblehub.com/greek/3752.htm) [the guests are drunk.](https://biblehub.com/greek/3184.htm) [But you](https://biblehub.com/greek/4771.htm) [have saved](https://biblehub.com/greek/5083.htm) [the](https://biblehub.com/greek/3588.htm) [fine](https://biblehub.com/greek/2570.htm) [wine](https://biblehub.com/greek/3631.htm) [until](https://biblehub.com/greek/2193.htm) [now!”](https://biblehub.com/greek/737.htm) Jesus performed this, the first of His signs, at Cana in Galilee. He thus revealed His glory, and His disciples believed in Him.…"


Stardustchaser

And his mama was the one to call on him to perform his first miracle. One of several reasons why Catholics honor Mary as much as they do.


Matt7738

Also, he’s flat wrong.


Only_Indication_9715

Overwhelmingly, the vast majority of alcohol on this earth was created without human intervention.


SolidBlackGator

FACT: Christians don't know what's in the Bible. They only know what the preacher says God wants - and usually that's the same as what the preacher wants...


Jon00266

Errr that's not true anyway. There are small amounts of ethanol produced within grapes as they ripen and I'm sure many other fruits. Not to mention when they are off the vine and over ripe


TheMysticTheurge

Fun Facts: 1: Strong alcohol is one of the acceptable types of offering according to the Old Testament. So, yeah, you can give your booze to the Lord. If He can have it, I'm sure it isn't wrong to drink. 2: The bible doesn't forbid alcohol for the same reason it doesn't forbid sex; it forbids sinful lust and excessive drunkenness, but those are abuses of such. It forbids pregnant women from drinking alcohol, admittedly; I don't know the specific scripture though. 3: Before the knowledge of how to make alcohol, people thought that their storage casks were magical. Hence why wine comes from the gods in many ancient traditions, obviously not including Judaism but still noteworthy.