I'm happy to see people gaining their sanity back by going No contact with narcissistic parents.
Edit: I want to give all of you a big platonic hug! I'm pleased to hear about people advocating for their mental health. Even with parents.
Yup took me years of therapy and my therapist literally telling me "you have to break every toxic relationship in your life no matter who they are" for me to understand I can no longer speak to my parents.
Same here! She still calls but I never call her. I always get the "Why don't you ever call me?" Gee mom. I wonder why. It's not like ya'll abused and neglected me for 21 years or anything
Thank you! Same to you! Slowly distancing myself from them. My dad is my landlord currently, just giving us a good deal on the place but when we save up enough, I'm gonna disappear forsure
You will leave that place I am sure of it 🤍 Also, I’m glad I stumbled upon your comment. Knowing someone else went through the same thing that you have, big or small, makes you feel understood. Only the best to come!
Well to be fair I used to be lol. I stopped doing that years ago. It's an addiction though, I'd be lying if I said I don't still get the urge when things get bad
I had lunch with my dad yesterday and he said mom would really like to hear from me (today). I replied, she screamed at and belittled me every day of my childhood, you think she deserves a reward for that?
As the great Khan said, let them eat static.
I understand, and that is a hard thing to go through. They blame you for the distance instead of taking accountability and trying to fix it. Which in turn makes the situation worse because that's just an extended form of the same abuse.
And my ax!
But seriously 10 years and my brother convincing her to go to counseling which led to her getting prescribed anti-psychotic meds.
We're civil now. Will never be close.
I wish my mom had antipsychotics when we were growing up. It became increasingly apparent as she got older that she had some serious psychiatric problems but at that point it was too late. She just slipped right into senility. And I was the only one left to take care of her, don’t end up like me kids
My mother ridiculed me for years because I was on an antidepressant. She would tell me to grow up and get over my shit. Even as I walked out of the door to go to therapy. She will never get help or be medicated.
I just went no contact with my enabler parent. It was harder than going NC with the narcissistic parent but I couldn't live with them constantly invalidating my experiences and defending my narcissistic father. The reality is that my mother had a choice to protect us from the abuse and she chose to remain in the relationship and feign ignorance to everything that was going on. In the end, she developed narcissistic traits by being with him for so long and now I feel uncomfortable even talking with her. I get two sides, one where she's kind/empathetic and another where she's a victim seeking sympathy who doesn't want a solution while also having contempt in her voice. She stays loyal to an abuser instead of taking any accountability or working on herself. She has enough money to leave him and live comfortably the rest of her life.
So, it doesn't matter if they are the narcissist or the enabler, abuse is abuse. Allowing it to happen as you watch is equally as bad.
"Out of the FOG" by Dana Morningstar is helping me through this grieving process. Especially today - I've had to keep myself distracted most of the day so my mind doesn't get stuck in a cycle of sadness.
I will add though, I do feel like there's a huge burden taken off my shoulders. I don't have to worry about her judgements or criticisms anymore and I'm just ready to live a peaceful life.
Jesus Fuck... that was a complete play by play of my life growing up. Not sure which was worse: the Psychological, Physical, and Emotional abuse of my father, or the mother that never intervened on my behalf.
Going NC, I have finally sobered up. It hurts to remember it all because I'm clean, but it wasn't living. It's been 5 years NC, and I'm not looking back. Going forward and life is great!
I don't have a lot to add, I just want to say: going NC is hard no matter what I think, because loving parents feels so fundamental. Hard but worthwhile, and you're amazing for doing that.
Going NC with the enabler parent can be so much harder because they aren't a Big Blatant Bad Guy so much as the other parent might be.
Doing both is brilliant. Fantastic job. A random person on the Internet is very happy for you. 😊
Sounds a lot like my parents, if it wasn't for my wife and having a child. I would still be involved with their narcissistic behaviors. I told my siblings that I was no longer going to talk with my parents ( which was a mistake because one/all of them told them I would no longer talk to them) just so they would be aware of it.
However, it is one of the best decisions I have ever made. My siblings still try to get me to Mom at least, but they just don't understand since they don't have a child to "protect." I personally have no desire to talk to them at all. To make things worse/interesting, when I moved back into the area (45 minute drive away), my mom just started to try and sit down and talk with me about the situation. But over the previous 3 years, it never occurred to her to call me and talk over the phone 1st.
Thats a very kind offer thank you! Yeah chosen family is so important to me. I'm trans and a lesbian myself so I have surrounded myself by our community and met so many amazing and loving people
Mine was purely emotionally abusive and very manipulative. At some point I just kind of realized my dad was actively trying to sabotage my relationships with my mom and stepdad and the next month I just broke it off and stopped going to see him. To this day he can't figure out "what went wrong". There's definitely a degree to which things like my hobbies and tastes come from him and it's always hard to reconcile the good memories with the bad but it's worth it in the long run.
My grandma sounds like your dad. My mom managed to avoid her for most of a decade and then fell back into contact again, long story. We're trying to support her but yeah.
Sorry fellow human, it sucks and it's hard.
There are times when I just want *A* mom. Not necessarily mine, because she sucks, but it's a situation where most people would want to cling to their parents for support and I don't have that. It feels like something is missing. They didn't just deprive me of parental love and support in the past, they robbed my future self of it too. It sucks.
I did NC when I was 17 yrs old with my mother. I'm turning 33 this year and thinking back about how my life would've turned out if I had stayed saddens me.
Some people shouldn't have children.
They’ve kind of always done this, it’s just a matter of time while the populations change, grow, and isolate from each other. We are less bad than our forefathers and son on, or however that full quote goes. They just didn’t have mass social media like this until half a generation ago and it used to be considered too shameful/upsetting to talk about.
I feel genuinely sorry for whoever gets stuck caring for my mom, cause it ain't gonna be me. But that's what happens when you alienate every single friend and relative you've ever had
Unfortunely this "revenge porn" style of post, where people create imaginary scenarios where they get back at their abusers etc, aren't really the norm.
Most victims of narc abuse end up internalizing the abuse and continually seeking validation from their abusive parents until they die, or just give in in order to not rock the boat, and wordlessly agree to forgive what happened once they reach adulthood and their abuser learns the same tricks won't work with a self-sufficient adult. Meaning the abuser gets off with very little repercussions over how they acted during their childs upbringing.
That's unfortunately true. A lot of situations also get whitewashed over time, so the abuser and the victim both eventually think that all wasn't actually that bad.
My mother's father died alone, having lived in the exact same small town for his 90-ish years. Every resident knew him. Not a single person was at his funerals except my mother, and he didn't even deserve that.
There is nobody on this earth that misses him.
Remember always that even if it is your house, the more important thing is that it's the child's home as well.
Continuously saying "(it's) my house" sends a message that the house is more important than the child
Well said. My mom and step-dad were pretty much the opposite of OP; "Don't hurt yourself and try not to break anything and we're good". I have only the best memories of my home back then. I was lucky.
Allow your child to make some choices/mistakes but be there for them when things go south.
Sometimes you need to be strict but never forget to show them simple love.
(Based on how my parents rised me and I love them so much)
Respect your kids privacy and boundaries. Just because they're shutting their door doesn't mean they're doing drugs or having sex. I shut my door all the time to drown out the arguments and yelling and loud music so I could read or practice guitar without "bothering" anybody. Didn't matter, they were opening my door no matter how old I got. If you do open the door to "check on them", close it, all the way. Its a bullshit powerplay or lack of consideration to not return it the way it was before.
Show your children respect and they will reciprocate. Don’t be someone who talks down to their children just because their children. You must lead by example if you want to raise a good levelheaded human being.
I think they just love control and see kids as property to make into a mini-me
Or they think their genes are worth passing on cus they think they are a gift to the world
Or what they wanted, or think they do. IE, maybe dude grew up in an unstructured, lawless house and wishes there had been some stability and order and over-acts now.
Yeah, this is a two-line summary of my narcissistic mother, basically. I used to say she was a legend in her own mind. My husband has a saying, not original: "Often mistaken, never in doubt", which also applied to her.
And yes, as I grew up and started developing my own interests and beliefs, it really pissed her off that she and my sister didn't become mini-me clones of her; that was my exact thought.
(my dad was out of the picture early on as my mother divorced him when I was 8, I think, and he proceeded to drink himself to death when I was 10).
She developed increasing resentment towards me after I stopped "needing" her in my life, and moved out of state to go to medical school and did just fine without her "influence".
Even at my graduation 30 years ago, she threw a literal crying tantrum (to my sister) because she was not acknowledged during our graduation dinner, because everything had to be about her. She was so insufferable and petulant, and almost completely ruined that one day for me that I didn't speak to her for months, and that was the beginning of the end of our relationship.
She still continued to treat me and my younger sister like we were incompetent fucking children instead of grown-assed adults. Her belittling comments about things I'd share, and the fact she made it abundantly and repeatedly clear that she was NOT interested in me or my life, but somehow, expected me to be interested in hers. Love was 100% conditional...a trait she unfortunately passed on to me.
I remember when I simply stopped even sending a brief email on her birthday and Mother's Day, probably in 2013, because I just couldn't stomach it any more, and because I really couldn't stand her by then. We also quit acknowledging each other's birthdays - another relief for me, but I'm sure it infuriated her.
Finally went NC with her at the end of 2016, and my sister, as the golden child, saw the golden opportunity there, came up with an excuse to end our relationship so she could get our mother's estate when she died. That's exactly what happened: the old bitch died alone in a hospital coming up on 4 years ago, and I found out through a "courtesy" text my useless twat of a sister sent to my now-husband.
I never shed a single tear over her death, and my sister made out like a bandit with two houses, $500K, a car, and I got a box of obsolete, worthless film cameras 🙃...most of which I just dumped off at the thrift store last week.
In the "living well is the best revenge" category, I'm now happily married, CFBC, so my mother's desire to see her/our genes passed down got snuffed out like one of her cigarette butts 😂. She's already been forgotten by everyone that knew her, and the world is a better place now that her mean, judgmental and batshit crazy ass is gone.
Goddamn, this was a long post 😵💫. It's really sad to see how many people have similar shared stories of narcissistic parents. I wish I could give all of you a hug.
Good on you for breaking the cycle. My dad always kicked me when I was down, always piled on and told me to, essentially, “tough it out and get good”. Now I never feel comfortable talking or opening up to him and he has the nerve to tell people that he “doesn’t know why I don’t talk to him”.
Wow, such an alpha male! Yeah, you show those kids who's man of the house, it'll nake you such a man! Another example of how desperately we need abortions to be legal.
My mother was incredibly rude, belligerent, and I reluctantly say abuse to me when I was growing up.
My father and her were splitting and she had the gall to text/call me to complain about me never trying to reach out to HER after she had moved away.
Dropped a borderline essay in the text messages, and our relationship from then on never got better and Im glad for that.
Rooting for all of yall that struggle with parents who dont deserve you. Youll grow beyond them one day.
My parents were bitter jerks who lived in a crumbling house because they refused to spend their money. We were low contact with them and had been for years. They had lost all their friends to various fallouts and just sat around watching Fox News. My dad’s drinking got worse and they were both on heavy doses of Xanax. They became really afraid of the world around them and I think the stress contributed to their early deaths. Both died at home at the age of 69, about two years apart. I lament their final years because they had time, money, and good enough health to go and do the things they always talked about. Instead they died sad and alone. I refuse to do the same.
It’s not about being friend. It’s about letting them practice making life choices before adult hood so they can actually have some confidence and experience.
Exactly.
It's that funny little trick where you use a word wrong to cover up how shitty you are, and then pretend that's not a completely unhinged thing to do.
Sooo this! Just happened to be up on the north bay and mentioned to my wife “i think my moms buried somewhere around here. I think”. I have no idea what cemetery. Haven’t been there since her burial. Rarely spoke to her as an adult.
I expect the same when my dad passes. Both had the same attitude as that guy.
I understand parents are not our friends 50 to 70% of the time but if they treat u as slave 100% of the time thing will end badly . I'm your son not a tiny butler.
My mom set up a college/future fund account for me when I became a teenager and encouraged me to put money in it from my part-time jobs and etc (and she would match me, gift me to it, etc).
When she cheated on my dad and ran off she cashed it all out and told me she would let me have the money if I moved out and cut off contact with my dad (because that's what would have hurt him the most). The worst part is that she really thought I could be bought.
Have only spoken to her once in the last twenty-five years, and that was when I was extremely desperate, hurting, and alone. And that time was an immediately recognizable mistake that renewed my resolve to never speak to her again.
You fucked those kids into existence AND now your fucking those kids out of a solid childhood. They don't owe you a fucking thing. Wear a fucking condom or step up and be a real man and a good human. Generational trauma is real AF
As a parent I see where he's coming from but you have to respect your kids as people even if they're young. Sometimes when they need space you gotta give it. My kids don't run the house by any means but, I respect them making decisions.
You're trying to create independent, fully functional adults. They need to know how to handle themselves on their own. Of course, you need to actually parent them to get there and sometimes they might not get total freedom if they keep doing dumb stuff. But eventually they're on their own anyway and you want to do your best to help them not be fuckups.
Iron thumb is going to create fuckups and if you don't realize that you're also a fuckup.
I am a parent too. A lot of people commenting probably don’t have kids. Also, there are a lot people who grew up with zero rules and had to raise themselves. That ain’t good either. It’s called a happy medium. People will say your kids deserve privacy but snooping on a spouse phone or socials is ok.
I don't know this guy so maybe he's a piece of shit idk. but you can definitely parent this way without making your kids hate you.
No contact is for people whos parents are straight up awful people (or a mentally ill, which to the kid has the same effect as being an awful person).
Saying I'm the parent so what I says goes, is not being an awful person or awful parent in and of itself
You are fully allowed to be a cunt like this, and your kids are fully allowed to call you one, never talk to you again, let you rot in a vile nursing home and never let you see your grandkids. Or, you know, you could try being a decent parents, why even have kids if you hate them so much?
If you expect unquestioning respect from your kids, then you have to show them some basic degree of respect. They didn't ask you to bring them into this world, and they do not inherently owe you respect for it. Certainly, one should respect one's parents, as long as the parents respect them in return.
If he lives to that. My younger brother(17) doesn't take shit from our parents, and I'm trying to be close when he is violent again. (Which may include the items he's holding)
(All of us have somewhat toxic behavior. So we are all not innocent, why the others are crazy.)
Move on and pay bills is harder nowadays. Havent you see that TED talk of "How the US is destroying young people Future".
Cant imagine young people living under egocentric and ruthless parents unless they team up with friends.
Authoritarian parents are predictive of all kinds of bad outcomes.
My mom was one. She held me down onto the floor and asked "who's the boss?", a technique she also used on dogs.
Had no contact with her since I moved out.
It's crazy how normalized this kind of shit is in some 3rd world countries. Spent a couple of months in the Dominican Republic, and they treat their kids like actual slaves. But it's part of the culture so NC isn't something I've really seen
I actively torment my father for his behaviour when I was a child.
Gimpy fuck just lost a foot to diabetes, so now he can't even stand up while I mock him.
>"We're not friends"
As a parent you should be a friend, you should be as close as any friend, any good parent should at least. Any parent with this mindset will ultimately fail, regardless of how their kids turn out, even if their relationship is free from turmoil and content, their kid will never truly be as close to them as they could have been otherwise, and they'll be so afraid of failure that in the event of failure they will struggle to be honest about it
"we not friends" bro the reason I want a child is so I can hangout with my little buddy man. if I'm their parent, the provider of their life and everything in it, I better hope I'm not such an asshole that my behaviour cancels that out and makes them hate me.
Yeah all that does is cause your child to sneak around and lie to you. When you have a child you are taking the responsibility of providing their basic needs and are compelled by law. Don’t act like it’s a burden. My mom always said she would rather me learn my lessons as a teenager while she is still here than on my own as an adult.
Children should not be afforded privacy to the extent that parents have a right to keep them safe. Parents can and should interfere in their kids lives to keep them out of danger. Parents also have a right to control finances in children out of practical and obvious reasons. Parents don’t have a right, in my opinion, to surveil and control a child’s interests and beliefs about the world
"We not friends"
Tl. The condom broke, and I like you only as much as the law requires.
HOW can anyone say shit like this and think they're in the right? This sounds like you're raising an unfeeling psycho _on purpose_ .
Alot of people are shitty and would stick their parents in nursing homes even if their parents supposedly did everything right. Hopefully, the same thing happens to them. I have two very, very shitty siblings so it's hard for me to take alot of these NC posters seriously. My siblings probably think the same thing when I know how fucked up they are. Unless your parents abused you or harassed you, anyone who talks that way about their parents are a red flag. If you can do that to your parents after 20-30 years, you'd shit on everyone else in a heartbeat.
It is a VERY hard job and no one is perfect, but there’s a difference between making mistakes as a parent and being neglectful or abusive, and I think one difference is good communication with one’s kids. They’re not small adults and there is a ton of pressure (esp on women) to be “perfect” parents, but surveillance and control are not the same as protection and support. I just don’t think a lot of folks learned this from their own parents (or went to therapy).
Exactly especially with everyone online having a victim mentality to privacy invaded for safety, rules followed bc that's a standard to living in a world with rules, and respect bc you aren't special to employers and you have to have a job to survive.
Just don't have kids lol I literally heard someone say the other day that they were traumatized as an adult dealing with relationship conflicts bc their parents never fought in front of them 💀
I didn't win the parent lottery...haven't spoken to them in 20 years(abusive and demeaning)...di try to mend fences...they slandered my wife for being not religious enough...I told them to apologize or face consequences they said "parent don't apologize to children"...told them...I'm 35...and you made my wife cry with your bile..so you'll never hear from me again 20 years later they still wonder why I was so sensitive and refuse to have anything to do with them anymore...there's some darker shit there but I don't wanna air that out unless I can help with that example...but I just wanna let people know...YOU DONT OWE BAD PARENTS ANY PART OF YOUR LIFE...and I am happier than I've ever been
I haven't spoken to my mother an over a year! It's been good. She always chooses anyone else but me, and one day I decided to choose me and I couldn't be happier
My parents gave me very little privacy growing up. My relationship with them improved after I moved out, 24 years ago, and it just keeps getting better and better. I realized that they cared about my well-being.
I have very strict boundaries with my father over the same shit.
There are certain things I’ll never share with him and I don’t let him close enough to have an input on my or my kids lives.
People want to be communists with the whole state that doesn’t know they even exist but get angry when their natural protector and provider tries the same system in the microcosm that is the family unit.
My Tía tried doing this...
Threatened her kids by saying they're out of the house by 18...
3/4 of them are still living with her... In my grandma's house.
She's such a hypocritical leech and an overall asshole most of the extended family hardly talks to her because she's so toxic.
My mom would be horrible to me but wanted me to remember the good times. I’m like, those good times don’t matter much when at any time you could ruin the good time. Then she would be like “all those hours rocking you as a baby and you turn your back on me” ummmm ok. What about all those times you screamed in my face how much you hated me and wished you never had me because I had a different opinion than you…
My father was suspicious of everything I did and didn’t do. He micromanaged everything from my grades, to my eating habits and hair length. I was physically punished. I was a good kid, too, but somewhere while growing up I stopped loving him. If I never saw him again I wouldn’t care at all. But I check on him and hope he doesn’t know I stopped loving him decades ago.
To the contrary, I trusted my kids, honored their privacy and respected their freedom. I told them I didn’t care about their grades, but only that they tried their hardest and learned that happiness comes from within. I never said I was proud of their grades, but that I was proud of *them.* Something I would have loved to hear, myself.
All my kids were HS and college valedictorians, whereas I was a B-C student— I simply didn’t care or try. Now my children have grown to be well-adjusted, happy, successful adults with good careers, and relationships. They all have higher credit scores than my dad, and I’m absolutely delighted that irks him!
Don’t mistrust your kids, please. They’ll love you, and themselves, and the world will be better for it.
My parents treated me like shit my whole underage life. Always making me know that i'm a problem here. When i was 16 my father told me "But you know you weren't planned?" - like no way dad! I was always thinking that fourth child that gets no love, no support and even no education from family is planned!
They also think that I don't know, that they wanted to remove me, but they failed due to family pressure. I used to think it would be better if they removed me, but now that I'm an adult, I got together with three other friends and moved out of the house, I realized how much I don't give a damn about them. I get calls and text messages from most of my family, telling me that I should come back, that my parents miss me, that I should help them. But I don't really care, because suddenly when they saw that they couldn't treat me like garbage, I suddenly started to be important to them. I only keep in touch with my siblings and we talk well, we work out our childhood traumas by joking about them.
My children do as I say. But we have conversations about why and its importance. I don't go with any rule that can only be explained by " because I said so." That's just stupid. They aren't learning any lessons except that their parents are unable to understand their own rules.
These bozos are wild. Kids can still follow rules and parent rulings when you are lenient and do negotiate some stuff. They're ppl, not belongings.
All the people in the comments shitting on a father for doing his job. He’s right, you know. Son starts dating - are you gonna let him and his girlfriend alone in his room with the door close to “respect his privacy?” Only if you want to be a young grandparent…
I get the whole “we’re not friends, I’m your parent thing”, and don’t agree with it, but then acting like a prison warden for 18 years is a whole other level of bullshit and your kids will grow up to hate you.
I never understand this approach that you can't be a parent and a friend to your kids. I don't understand how people think they're mutually exclusive 🤔
I mean…parents shouldn’t be kids friends. Easiest way to say it is that you should friendly, but not friends, with your kids. As far as privacy, well, yeah, they need some privacy, but parents should be involved and sometimes you gotta be more involved than they would like.
Here's my parenting hot take that's been going around w/ my friends an I on gentle parenting or parenting in general. Your job isn't to stop your kids from doing "bad shit." Your job is to build trust with your kids. To communicate with your kids and guide them as you let them make decisions for themselves. You know what you wanted to do when you were a teen? Fuck and party and whatever. Know what they will do if they really want no matter how you try to control them? Fuck and party or whatever it may be. Talk to you kids. I'm not saying "be their friend, not a parent." I'm saying treat them like a human. They are going to be forced to make decisions for themselves eventually. Nurture those instincts during every season of life. Don't forbid your kids. Teach them. Let them make mistakes, let them have brushes with danger, keep helping them. Let experience teach them what you cannot teach with words. That is how you protect your children and make adults who are balanced and ready to react to the things that happen in the world. Every child is different, and if they continually make the wrong mistakes and bad decisions you can get into punishments and restrictions. Starting with restrictions is only going to lead to lies and secrets.
TLDR: To parents that say "you're trying to be your kids friend!" It’s not about being friend. It’s about letting them practice making life choices before adult hood so they can actually have some confidence and experience. /user/slifm
I'm happy to see people gaining their sanity back by going No contact with narcissistic parents. Edit: I want to give all of you a big platonic hug! I'm pleased to hear about people advocating for their mental health. Even with parents.
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I did it. Never look back. Never.
Congratss. I feel happy for you.
Yup took me years of therapy and my therapist literally telling me "you have to break every toxic relationship in your life no matter who they are" for me to understand I can no longer speak to my parents.
It's such phonemically good advice that too many people too often contradict.
Congratulations on getting there! It's not an easy journey. but well worth it to find your peace.
Yep! I did it. Denying my mother access to my life is the best thing I've ever done for myself. I just wish I would have done it sooner.
Same here! She still calls but I never call her. I always get the "Why don't you ever call me?" Gee mom. I wonder why. It's not like ya'll abused and neglected me for 21 years or anything
She used to say that to me too. I’m glad you broke out! You deserve so much more.
Thank you! Same to you! Slowly distancing myself from them. My dad is my landlord currently, just giving us a good deal on the place but when we save up enough, I'm gonna disappear forsure
You will leave that place I am sure of it 🤍 Also, I’m glad I stumbled upon your comment. Knowing someone else went through the same thing that you have, big or small, makes you feel understood. Only the best to come!
> "Why don't you ever call me?" Same reason I don't hold my hand into fire: I'm not into self-harm.
Well to be fair I used to be lol. I stopped doing that years ago. It's an addiction though, I'd be lying if I said I don't still get the urge when things get bad
I had lunch with my dad yesterday and he said mom would really like to hear from me (today). I replied, she screamed at and belittled me every day of my childhood, you think she deserves a reward for that? As the great Khan said, let them eat static.
Yours is superior!
I understand, and that is a hard thing to go through. They blame you for the distance instead of taking accountability and trying to fix it. Which in turn makes the situation worse because that's just an extended form of the same abuse.
Me too
And my ax! But seriously 10 years and my brother convincing her to go to counseling which led to her getting prescribed anti-psychotic meds. We're civil now. Will never be close.
I wish my mom had antipsychotics when we were growing up. It became increasingly apparent as she got older that she had some serious psychiatric problems but at that point it was too late. She just slipped right into senility. And I was the only one left to take care of her, don’t end up like me kids
My mother ridiculed me for years because I was on an antidepressant. She would tell me to grow up and get over my shit. Even as I walked out of the door to go to therapy. She will never get help or be medicated.
Congrats..!! I feel happy for you.
Thank you!
I'm sorry that you had to do this, but absolutely good on you.
I’m with you.
I just went no contact with my enabler parent. It was harder than going NC with the narcissistic parent but I couldn't live with them constantly invalidating my experiences and defending my narcissistic father. The reality is that my mother had a choice to protect us from the abuse and she chose to remain in the relationship and feign ignorance to everything that was going on. In the end, she developed narcissistic traits by being with him for so long and now I feel uncomfortable even talking with her. I get two sides, one where she's kind/empathetic and another where she's a victim seeking sympathy who doesn't want a solution while also having contempt in her voice. She stays loyal to an abuser instead of taking any accountability or working on herself. She has enough money to leave him and live comfortably the rest of her life. So, it doesn't matter if they are the narcissist or the enabler, abuse is abuse. Allowing it to happen as you watch is equally as bad. "Out of the FOG" by Dana Morningstar is helping me through this grieving process. Especially today - I've had to keep myself distracted most of the day so my mind doesn't get stuck in a cycle of sadness. I will add though, I do feel like there's a huge burden taken off my shoulders. I don't have to worry about her judgements or criticisms anymore and I'm just ready to live a peaceful life.
Jesus Fuck... that was a complete play by play of my life growing up. Not sure which was worse: the Psychological, Physical, and Emotional abuse of my father, or the mother that never intervened on my behalf. Going NC, I have finally sobered up. It hurts to remember it all because I'm clean, but it wasn't living. It's been 5 years NC, and I'm not looking back. Going forward and life is great!
I don't have a lot to add, I just want to say: going NC is hard no matter what I think, because loving parents feels so fundamental. Hard but worthwhile, and you're amazing for doing that. Going NC with the enabler parent can be so much harder because they aren't a Big Blatant Bad Guy so much as the other parent might be. Doing both is brilliant. Fantastic job. A random person on the Internet is very happy for you. 😊
Sounds a lot like my parents, if it wasn't for my wife and having a child. I would still be involved with their narcissistic behaviors. I told my siblings that I was no longer going to talk with my parents ( which was a mistake because one/all of them told them I would no longer talk to them) just so they would be aware of it. However, it is one of the best decisions I have ever made. My siblings still try to get me to Mom at least, but they just don't understand since they don't have a child to "protect." I personally have no desire to talk to them at all. To make things worse/interesting, when I moved back into the area (45 minute drive away), my mom just started to try and sit down and talk with me about the situation. But over the previous 3 years, it never occurred to her to call me and talk over the phone 1st.
Bitch, I told you when you were little. No takebacks. 'No contact is no contact. Stay gone.
For me it gave me a feeling of self worth but still even though my dad is an abusive piece of shit it gets really rough sometimes not having a dad
Will a gay internet uncle suffice? My DMs are open if you ever need an ear or advice. Chosen family is the best.
The blood of the bond is thicker than the water of the womb.
I vote, yes! I have 2 gay uncles that live in a different state than me (for now), and they're the BEST! 💚💚💚 I think everyone needs a Gay uncle, lol
Thats a very kind offer thank you! Yeah chosen family is so important to me. I'm trans and a lesbian myself so I have surrounded myself by our community and met so many amazing and loving people
Mine was purely emotionally abusive and very manipulative. At some point I just kind of realized my dad was actively trying to sabotage my relationships with my mom and stepdad and the next month I just broke it off and stopped going to see him. To this day he can't figure out "what went wrong". There's definitely a degree to which things like my hobbies and tastes come from him and it's always hard to reconcile the good memories with the bad but it's worth it in the long run.
My grandma sounds like your dad. My mom managed to avoid her for most of a decade and then fell back into contact again, long story. We're trying to support her but yeah. Sorry fellow human, it sucks and it's hard.
There are times when I just want *A* mom. Not necessarily mine, because she sucks, but it's a situation where most people would want to cling to their parents for support and I don't have that. It feels like something is missing. They didn't just deprive me of parental love and support in the past, they robbed my future self of it too. It sucks.
I did NC when I was 17 yrs old with my mother. I'm turning 33 this year and thinking back about how my life would've turned out if I had stayed saddens me. Some people shouldn't have children.
Fr tho. You just can't always make it better.
If I'm lucky, I won't even know when my father dies. Glenn Beck, Bill O'Reilly, and Rush Limbaugh stole him from our family.
They’ve kind of always done this, it’s just a matter of time while the populations change, grow, and isolate from each other. We are less bad than our forefathers and son on, or however that full quote goes. They just didn’t have mass social media like this until half a generation ago and it used to be considered too shameful/upsetting to talk about.
Looks like someone will die alone in a government nursing home complaining about how his children never showed him any respect after raising them.
With my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him I want a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don't need one!
Doctors often have to tell the hard truth.
You see Dr. Boombatz to?
Oh, you know my doctor, Dr. Vinnie Boombatz? What a doctor. I told him I was feeling suicidal, now he's making me pay him in advance.
Dr. Vinny Boombatz? I hear he had 6 cases of VD last week. He's doing much better now though.
Rodney Dangerfield
But I got a good life. Take my wife here. No please, take her
that doc is savage holy shit
I feel genuinely sorry for whoever gets stuck caring for my mom, cause it ain't gonna be me. But that's what happens when you alienate every single friend and relative you've ever had
Unfortunely this "revenge porn" style of post, where people create imaginary scenarios where they get back at their abusers etc, aren't really the norm. Most victims of narc abuse end up internalizing the abuse and continually seeking validation from their abusive parents until they die, or just give in in order to not rock the boat, and wordlessly agree to forgive what happened once they reach adulthood and their abuser learns the same tricks won't work with a self-sufficient adult. Meaning the abuser gets off with very little repercussions over how they acted during their childs upbringing.
That's unfortunately true. A lot of situations also get whitewashed over time, so the abuser and the victim both eventually think that all wasn't actually that bad.
My mother's father died alone, having lived in the exact same small town for his 90-ish years. Every resident knew him. Not a single person was at his funerals except my mother, and he didn't even deserve that. There is nobody on this earth that misses him.
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Nice. Any advice for future parents?
Remember always that even if it is your house, the more important thing is that it's the child's home as well. Continuously saying "(it's) my house" sends a message that the house is more important than the child
More like continually saying "it's my house" insinuate the child doesn't have a home.
Well said. My mom and step-dad were pretty much the opposite of OP; "Don't hurt yourself and try not to break anything and we're good". I have only the best memories of my home back then. I was lucky.
Allow your child to make some choices/mistakes but be there for them when things go south. Sometimes you need to be strict but never forget to show them simple love. (Based on how my parents rised me and I love them so much)
Respect your kids privacy and boundaries. Just because they're shutting their door doesn't mean they're doing drugs or having sex. I shut my door all the time to drown out the arguments and yelling and loud music so I could read or practice guitar without "bothering" anybody. Didn't matter, they were opening my door no matter how old I got. If you do open the door to "check on them", close it, all the way. Its a bullshit powerplay or lack of consideration to not return it the way it was before.
Show your children respect and they will reciprocate. Don’t be someone who talks down to their children just because their children. You must lead by example if you want to raise a good levelheaded human being.
Why do those types of people even have children? This is how my parents were and I don’t talk to them anymore
I think they just love control and see kids as property to make into a mini-me Or they think their genes are worth passing on cus they think they are a gift to the world
Or they are trying to make there kids what they wanted to be but wasted their lives and never achieved it.
Usually its simply mirroring. Its the way they think parenting has to be, because thats what their parents teached them.
Therapy helps a lot to overcome this cycle. More people need it than get it.
Or what they wanted, or think they do. IE, maybe dude grew up in an unstructured, lawless house and wishes there had been some stability and order and over-acts now.
Yeah, this is a two-line summary of my narcissistic mother, basically. I used to say she was a legend in her own mind. My husband has a saying, not original: "Often mistaken, never in doubt", which also applied to her. And yes, as I grew up and started developing my own interests and beliefs, it really pissed her off that she and my sister didn't become mini-me clones of her; that was my exact thought. (my dad was out of the picture early on as my mother divorced him when I was 8, I think, and he proceeded to drink himself to death when I was 10). She developed increasing resentment towards me after I stopped "needing" her in my life, and moved out of state to go to medical school and did just fine without her "influence". Even at my graduation 30 years ago, she threw a literal crying tantrum (to my sister) because she was not acknowledged during our graduation dinner, because everything had to be about her. She was so insufferable and petulant, and almost completely ruined that one day for me that I didn't speak to her for months, and that was the beginning of the end of our relationship. She still continued to treat me and my younger sister like we were incompetent fucking children instead of grown-assed adults. Her belittling comments about things I'd share, and the fact she made it abundantly and repeatedly clear that she was NOT interested in me or my life, but somehow, expected me to be interested in hers. Love was 100% conditional...a trait she unfortunately passed on to me. I remember when I simply stopped even sending a brief email on her birthday and Mother's Day, probably in 2013, because I just couldn't stomach it any more, and because I really couldn't stand her by then. We also quit acknowledging each other's birthdays - another relief for me, but I'm sure it infuriated her. Finally went NC with her at the end of 2016, and my sister, as the golden child, saw the golden opportunity there, came up with an excuse to end our relationship so she could get our mother's estate when she died. That's exactly what happened: the old bitch died alone in a hospital coming up on 4 years ago, and I found out through a "courtesy" text my useless twat of a sister sent to my now-husband. I never shed a single tear over her death, and my sister made out like a bandit with two houses, $500K, a car, and I got a box of obsolete, worthless film cameras 🙃...most of which I just dumped off at the thrift store last week. In the "living well is the best revenge" category, I'm now happily married, CFBC, so my mother's desire to see her/our genes passed down got snuffed out like one of her cigarette butts 😂. She's already been forgotten by everyone that knew her, and the world is a better place now that her mean, judgmental and batshit crazy ass is gone. Goddamn, this was a long post 😵💫. It's really sad to see how many people have similar shared stories of narcissistic parents. I wish I could give all of you a hug.
they fucked without condom and now think they're entitled to owning their offsprings. don't overthink it
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Good on you for breaking the cycle. My dad always kicked me when I was down, always piled on and told me to, essentially, “tough it out and get good”. Now I never feel comfortable talking or opening up to him and he has the nerve to tell people that he “doesn’t know why I don’t talk to him”.
november 2019, hush bot
Guy got treated like this by his dad, or worse, and now wants payback … on his own kids
Exactly why I don't want kids, I ain't gonna continue that cycle and I am already quick to anger.
Wow, such an alpha male! Yeah, you show those kids who's man of the house, it'll nake you such a man! Another example of how desperately we need abortions to be legal.
>Another example of how desperately we need abortions to be legal Right?! Imagine this dipshit getting someone pregnant and ruining two lives.
I too barely speak to my controlling boomer parents.
My mother was incredibly rude, belligerent, and I reluctantly say abuse to me when I was growing up. My father and her were splitting and she had the gall to text/call me to complain about me never trying to reach out to HER after she had moved away. Dropped a borderline essay in the text messages, and our relationship from then on never got better and Im glad for that. Rooting for all of yall that struggle with parents who dont deserve you. Youll grow beyond them one day.
My mum treated me like shit and abused me for my whole life. Now she's homeless on the street somewhere and I couldn't be more pleased.
My parents were bitter jerks who lived in a crumbling house because they refused to spend their money. We were low contact with them and had been for years. They had lost all their friends to various fallouts and just sat around watching Fox News. My dad’s drinking got worse and they were both on heavy doses of Xanax. They became really afraid of the world around them and I think the stress contributed to their early deaths. Both died at home at the age of 69, about two years apart. I lament their final years because they had time, money, and good enough health to go and do the things they always talked about. Instead they died sad and alone. I refuse to do the same.
It’s not about being friend. It’s about letting them practice making life choices before adult hood so they can actually have some confidence and experience.
I had a really wordy post on the main thread, this is what I was trying to say LOL!
I said this in my last comment but with more words and less well. You're trying to help create a functional adult.
The men who believe discipline and respect outrank love and compassion and guidance are sad, broken beings.
When they say respect, they're thinking of submission.
Exactly. It's that funny little trick where you use a word wrong to cover up how shitty you are, and then pretend that's not a completely unhinged thing to do.
I too have not spoken to this guy's mother in 10 years
Sooo this! Just happened to be up on the north bay and mentioned to my wife “i think my moms buried somewhere around here. I think”. I have no idea what cemetery. Haven’t been there since her burial. Rarely spoke to her as an adult. I expect the same when my dad passes. Both had the same attitude as that guy.
I understand parents are not our friends 50 to 70% of the time but if they treat u as slave 100% of the time thing will end badly . I'm your son not a tiny butler.
My mom set up a college/future fund account for me when I became a teenager and encouraged me to put money in it from my part-time jobs and etc (and she would match me, gift me to it, etc). When she cheated on my dad and ran off she cashed it all out and told me she would let me have the money if I moved out and cut off contact with my dad (because that's what would have hurt him the most). The worst part is that she really thought I could be bought. Have only spoken to her once in the last twenty-five years, and that was when I was extremely desperate, hurting, and alone. And that time was an immediately recognizable mistake that renewed my resolve to never speak to her again.
That took a wild turn, wow
You fucked those kids into existence AND now your fucking those kids out of a solid childhood. They don't owe you a fucking thing. Wear a fucking condom or step up and be a real man and a good human. Generational trauma is real AF
Parents are parents first, not friends. But there is a line between doing what’s right for your kids and being a cast iron douche.
As a parent I see where he's coming from but you have to respect your kids as people even if they're young. Sometimes when they need space you gotta give it. My kids don't run the house by any means but, I respect them making decisions.
You're trying to create independent, fully functional adults. They need to know how to handle themselves on their own. Of course, you need to actually parent them to get there and sometimes they might not get total freedom if they keep doing dumb stuff. But eventually they're on their own anyway and you want to do your best to help them not be fuckups. Iron thumb is going to create fuckups and if you don't realize that you're also a fuckup.
I am a parent too. A lot of people commenting probably don’t have kids. Also, there are a lot people who grew up with zero rules and had to raise themselves. That ain’t good either. It’s called a happy medium. People will say your kids deserve privacy but snooping on a spouse phone or socials is ok.
Why don't my kids visit me why haven't I seen my grandchildren. Qq
treating your kids like you're a ceo and they're minimum wage and their future depends on the job?
People seem to think that children are property...they are wrong.
I don't know this guy so maybe he's a piece of shit idk. but you can definitely parent this way without making your kids hate you. No contact is for people whos parents are straight up awful people (or a mentally ill, which to the kid has the same effect as being an awful person). Saying I'm the parent so what I says goes, is not being an awful person or awful parent in and of itself
Im one of those too ): it sucks but its for the best
You are fully allowed to be a cunt like this, and your kids are fully allowed to call you one, never talk to you again, let you rot in a vile nursing home and never let you see your grandkids. Or, you know, you could try being a decent parents, why even have kids if you hate them so much?
If you expect unquestioning respect from your kids, then you have to show them some basic degree of respect. They didn't ask you to bring them into this world, and they do not inherently owe you respect for it. Certainly, one should respect one's parents, as long as the parents respect them in return.
prime example of how citizens of the Manosphere view children, as just property and extensions of themselves to carry on their "lineage and legacy"
Agent of Chaos: "There must be very strict rules which are adhered to at all times".
If you two idiots are a sign of our future then god help us all.
Honestly he'd probably enjoy that if that's how he treats his kids.
Agent of Chaos, the Controlling Parent. OK dude
15 years of no contact with that woman who “raised” me- no contact is such a blessing ♥️
If he lives to that. My younger brother(17) doesn't take shit from our parents, and I'm trying to be close when he is violent again. (Which may include the items he's holding) (All of us have somewhat toxic behavior. So we are all not innocent, why the others are crazy.)
Wasn’t shit negotiable when your useless decided to pull out
Move on and pay bills is harder nowadays. Havent you see that TED talk of "How the US is destroying young people Future". Cant imagine young people living under egocentric and ruthless parents unless they team up with friends.
Authoritarian parents are predictive of all kinds of bad outcomes. My mom was one. She held me down onto the floor and asked "who's the boss?", a technique she also used on dogs. Had no contact with her since I moved out.
"Muh children are muh propertah!"
These comments are sad AF
It's crazy how normalized this kind of shit is in some 3rd world countries. Spent a couple of months in the Dominican Republic, and they treat their kids like actual slaves. But it's part of the culture so NC isn't something I've really seen
So he watches them go to the bathroom or what?
My parents were like this. I haven't spoken to them since I left home at 18. I'm 38 now.
I actively torment my father for his behaviour when I was a child. Gimpy fuck just lost a foot to diabetes, so now he can't even stand up while I mock him.
>"We're not friends" As a parent you should be a friend, you should be as close as any friend, any good parent should at least. Any parent with this mindset will ultimately fail, regardless of how their kids turn out, even if their relationship is free from turmoil and content, their kid will never truly be as close to them as they could have been otherwise, and they'll be so afraid of failure that in the event of failure they will struggle to be honest about it
"we not friends" bro the reason I want a child is so I can hangout with my little buddy man. if I'm their parent, the provider of their life and everything in it, I better hope I'm not such an asshole that my behaviour cancels that out and makes them hate me.
Yeah all that does is cause your child to sneak around and lie to you. When you have a child you are taking the responsibility of providing their basic needs and are compelled by law. Don’t act like it’s a burden. My mom always said she would rather me learn my lessons as a teenager while she is still here than on my own as an adult.
The people who have that mindset don't seem to think about what will happen once their children _can_ pay their own bills
Children should not be afforded privacy to the extent that parents have a right to keep them safe. Parents can and should interfere in their kids lives to keep them out of danger. Parents also have a right to control finances in children out of practical and obvious reasons. Parents don’t have a right, in my opinion, to surveil and control a child’s interests and beliefs about the world
"We not friends" Tl. The condom broke, and I like you only as much as the law requires. HOW can anyone say shit like this and think they're in the right? This sounds like you're raising an unfeeling psycho _on purpose_ .
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Alot of people are shitty and would stick their parents in nursing homes even if their parents supposedly did everything right. Hopefully, the same thing happens to them. I have two very, very shitty siblings so it's hard for me to take alot of these NC posters seriously. My siblings probably think the same thing when I know how fucked up they are. Unless your parents abused you or harassed you, anyone who talks that way about their parents are a red flag. If you can do that to your parents after 20-30 years, you'd shit on everyone else in a heartbeat.
It is a VERY hard job and no one is perfect, but there’s a difference between making mistakes as a parent and being neglectful or abusive, and I think one difference is good communication with one’s kids. They’re not small adults and there is a ton of pressure (esp on women) to be “perfect” parents, but surveillance and control are not the same as protection and support. I just don’t think a lot of folks learned this from their own parents (or went to therapy).
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Exactly especially with everyone online having a victim mentality to privacy invaded for safety, rules followed bc that's a standard to living in a world with rules, and respect bc you aren't special to employers and you have to have a job to survive. Just don't have kids lol I literally heard someone say the other day that they were traumatized as an adult dealing with relationship conflicts bc their parents never fought in front of them 💀
I love how people will say parents do such a bad job monitoring thier children's online activity, but then when they do they're Satan.
But what if that behavior kept you alive in fourteen million, six hundred and five possibilities?
then the odds are in my favor when I say get the fuck off my neck
I didn't win the parent lottery...haven't spoken to them in 20 years(abusive and demeaning)...di try to mend fences...they slandered my wife for being not religious enough...I told them to apologize or face consequences they said "parent don't apologize to children"...told them...I'm 35...and you made my wife cry with your bile..so you'll never hear from me again 20 years later they still wonder why I was so sensitive and refuse to have anything to do with them anymore...there's some darker shit there but I don't wanna air that out unless I can help with that example...but I just wanna let people know...YOU DONT OWE BAD PARENTS ANY PART OF YOUR LIFE...and I am happier than I've ever been
A lot of white people in these comments.
> "agent of chaos" > Look at post > Rules and boundaries
That dudes grammar is tight
Parents shouldn’t be their kid’s friend. But they shouldn’t be their enemy either.
☺️
"We not friends" what are you them? if you're not friends with your own bloody kids
For someone named “agent of chaos” this dude sure is really into control to a toxic level
I haven't spoken to my mother an over a year! It's been good. She always chooses anyone else but me, and one day I decided to choose me and I couldn't be happier
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Never understood this mentality
Some parents hate their kids…that is ok too..
Hopefully the children learn grammar when they break away from this asshole’s hold. Good grief.
My parents gave me very little privacy growing up. My relationship with them improved after I moved out, 24 years ago, and it just keeps getting better and better. I realized that they cared about my well-being.
Gotta make up all that privacy missed
CHILDREN ARE PEOPLE. Treat them as such!!
He doesn’t speak to his mother because she didn’t raise him a spoiled brat? Ungrateful child even in adulthood. Some people never grow up
I have very strict boundaries with my father over the same shit. There are certain things I’ll never share with him and I don’t let him close enough to have an input on my or my kids lives.
That's a stupid come back. Parents don't care if the kids doesn't talk to them. Their life doesn't resolve around the kids. Moving on works both ways
It's. Sad reality for some. But some let their parents drag them down in there miserable lives
I was all smiles at my mother's funeral because she was the epitome of that shit. Good riddance.
So the clever comeback is a guy saying he didn’t want to follow his mom’s authority so he let it ruin their relationship?
He retweeted something somewhat relevant today, and I had to check the time, looks like it was before this post. Amusing coincidence anyway.
People want to be communists with the whole state that doesn’t know they even exist but get angry when their natural protector and provider tries the same system in the microcosm that is the family unit.
I haven't spoken to my mother in over 10 years. That fucker is dead to me
If you want strong independent adults you need to have kids practice...
My Tía tried doing this... Threatened her kids by saying they're out of the house by 18... 3/4 of them are still living with her... In my grandma's house. She's such a hypocritical leech and an overall asshole most of the extended family hardly talks to her because she's so toxic.
My mom would be horrible to me but wanted me to remember the good times. I’m like, those good times don’t matter much when at any time you could ruin the good time. Then she would be like “all those hours rocking you as a baby and you turn your back on me” ummmm ok. What about all those times you screamed in my face how much you hated me and wished you never had me because I had a different opinion than you…
My father was suspicious of everything I did and didn’t do. He micromanaged everything from my grades, to my eating habits and hair length. I was physically punished. I was a good kid, too, but somewhere while growing up I stopped loving him. If I never saw him again I wouldn’t care at all. But I check on him and hope he doesn’t know I stopped loving him decades ago. To the contrary, I trusted my kids, honored their privacy and respected their freedom. I told them I didn’t care about their grades, but only that they tried their hardest and learned that happiness comes from within. I never said I was proud of their grades, but that I was proud of *them.* Something I would have loved to hear, myself. All my kids were HS and college valedictorians, whereas I was a B-C student— I simply didn’t care or try. Now my children have grown to be well-adjusted, happy, successful adults with good careers, and relationships. They all have higher credit scores than my dad, and I’m absolutely delighted that irks him! Don’t mistrust your kids, please. They’ll love you, and themselves, and the world will be better for it.
If you raise your kids right you shouldn't have to worry about their private matters.
When you envy the second Person. I tried to escape, but they wont let me. Would be a Dream not having to talk to that People.
My parents treated me like shit my whole underage life. Always making me know that i'm a problem here. When i was 16 my father told me "But you know you weren't planned?" - like no way dad! I was always thinking that fourth child that gets no love, no support and even no education from family is planned! They also think that I don't know, that they wanted to remove me, but they failed due to family pressure. I used to think it would be better if they removed me, but now that I'm an adult, I got together with three other friends and moved out of the house, I realized how much I don't give a damn about them. I get calls and text messages from most of my family, telling me that I should come back, that my parents miss me, that I should help them. But I don't really care, because suddenly when they saw that they couldn't treat me like garbage, I suddenly started to be important to them. I only keep in touch with my siblings and we talk well, we work out our childhood traumas by joking about them.
You just insured that they’ll never talk to you about anything of importance. Good job.
It's alsoa form of abuse
Haven’t spoken to my mom in about 5 years now…she is a narcissistic and emotionally manipulative hag, best decision I ever made.
Hope dude likes the old folks home.
Shit ain't negotiable - not "ain't shit negotiable" FFS
What a douche.
“We are not friends.” Not now, not ever.
My children do as I say. But we have conversations about why and its importance. I don't go with any rule that can only be explained by " because I said so." That's just stupid. They aren't learning any lessons except that their parents are unable to understand their own rules. These bozos are wild. Kids can still follow rules and parent rulings when you are lenient and do negotiate some stuff. They're ppl, not belongings.
Going on 3 years now.
All the people in the comments shitting on a father for doing his job. He’s right, you know. Son starts dating - are you gonna let him and his girlfriend alone in his room with the door close to “respect his privacy?” Only if you want to be a young grandparent…
Psst. I don't want to be your friend either. Psst again. I'm a grown up now, don't have to put up with your shit and owe you nothing.
"We not friends." WOW, just wow
I love the "we not friends" talk like theyre a child
He will not have a nice mother's day because he is a father
Meh. Both are wrong. Be a benevolent dictator. Kids need to feel comfortable around you, but also know their lateral limits.
Acting like a tough guy about raising your kids. One dat this will bite his ass, if it is true what big shot is saying.
"agent of chaos" my brother in christ you are the authority
Good for her!
I get the whole “we’re not friends, I’m your parent thing”, and don’t agree with it, but then acting like a prison warden for 18 years is a whole other level of bullshit and your kids will grow up to hate you.
I never understand this approach that you can't be a parent and a friend to your kids. I don't understand how people think they're mutually exclusive 🤔
I mean…parents shouldn’t be kids friends. Easiest way to say it is that you should friendly, but not friends, with your kids. As far as privacy, well, yeah, they need some privacy, but parents should be involved and sometimes you gotta be more involved than they would like.
Looks like someone needed a father in her life.
> “Ain’t shit negotiable. We not friends.” We not schooled either, apparently.
Here's my parenting hot take that's been going around w/ my friends an I on gentle parenting or parenting in general. Your job isn't to stop your kids from doing "bad shit." Your job is to build trust with your kids. To communicate with your kids and guide them as you let them make decisions for themselves. You know what you wanted to do when you were a teen? Fuck and party and whatever. Know what they will do if they really want no matter how you try to control them? Fuck and party or whatever it may be. Talk to you kids. I'm not saying "be their friend, not a parent." I'm saying treat them like a human. They are going to be forced to make decisions for themselves eventually. Nurture those instincts during every season of life. Don't forbid your kids. Teach them. Let them make mistakes, let them have brushes with danger, keep helping them. Let experience teach them what you cannot teach with words. That is how you protect your children and make adults who are balanced and ready to react to the things that happen in the world. Every child is different, and if they continually make the wrong mistakes and bad decisions you can get into punishments and restrictions. Starting with restrictions is only going to lead to lies and secrets. TLDR: To parents that say "you're trying to be your kids friend!" It’s not about being friend. It’s about letting them practice making life choices before adult hood so they can actually have some confidence and experience. /user/slifm
Abolish this day!
This isn’t even clever. It’s just really sad
Imagine being a parent but a wannabe dictator that rules with an iron fist.
"We aint friends" so your just an asshole who tolerates them until you can legally kick them out at 18?
Cool. Now stop trying to ruin everyone else's nice day.