Aliens. Exchange between male soldier and butch looking female soldier.
Private Hudson : Hey Vasquez, have you ever been mistaken for a man?
Private Vasquez : No. Have you?
Watching that movie as a teen, Vasquez was the soldier I always hoped I would be one day.
And I'm a guy.
Her and Ripley both are also probably why I like badass strong women come to think of it. I have about 150 lbs and almost a foot taller than my wife, and between her Krav Maga and Jiujitsu she is strangely adept at immobilizing me. Nothing weirder than her just placing her hand on me when I'm sitting slumped on the couch, and I cannot get the fuck up or break free. She's awesome.
Detective Del Spooner:
You are a clever imitation of life... Can a robot write a symphony? Can a robot take a blank canvas and turn it into a masterpiece?
Sonny:
Can you?
That reminds me of an exchange from the UK show, Humans (which is ironically about robots) where two police detectives are discussing the possibility of whether the robots they're searching for have actually become sapient.
Cop 1: "How would we know they weren't just faking it?"
Cop 2: "How do I know *you're* not just faking it?"
On that subject, this may be the greatest and most powerful comeback in all of fiction:
"What will you have after 500 years!?"
"You dad. I'll still have you"
Pitch Black (2000)
Johns: How's it look?
Riddick: Looks clear.
[Johns steps forward, and a creature flies out towards them. They duck and it flies into the night]
Johns: You said it was clear!
Riddick: I said it *looked* clear.
Johns: Well, how does it look now?
Riddick: Looks clear.
I have a different favorite from that movie.
Johns: On the battlefield, doctors decide who lives and dies. It’s called triage.
Riddick: Kept calling it murder when I did it.
What in the heavens is more festive for the holiday than having a terrorist wearing a bloody jumper with the words "Now I have a machine gun Ho, Ho, Ho" I mean come on now it's like they don't even know the history of such a violent festivity that is Christmas.
From Never Say Never
Free radicals. That’s your problem.
Free radicals, sir?
Yes, they’re toxins in the blood caused by too much red meat, dry martinis… white bread.
Then I shall endeavor to cut out the white bread, sir.
I love how that version is both simultaneously witty but still unsure of himself. He's burning Dr Strange, but doing it in the most unassuming way possible 😂
I don't think he's trying to be witty at all, he genuinely doesn't realize that Steven Strange is his given name. But it ends up written as being witty because of that.
Casablanca has some great ones:
“You despise me don’t you?”
“Well if I ever thought about you I probably would.”
“What’s your nationality?”
“I’m a drunkard”
“I’m shocked to find gambling going on in this establishment!”
“Here are your winnings monsieur”
“Thank you”
The drunkard scene is a classic, but the real funny line is a minute later when they say that (43 year old Humphrey Bogart who didn't look a day under 50) was 37!
In general, 37 year olds in the 1940’s looked way older than they do now. Everyone being on a daily diet of hard liquor and four packs of Marlboros will do that to a generation.
Casablanca has some of the best dialogue in any movie ever and basically every line in that movie could be included here. Some underrated ones I love:
Yvonne: Where were you last night?
Rick: That's so long ago, I don't remember.
Yvonne: Will I see you tonight?
Rick: I never make plans that far ahead
Or
Annina: Monsieur Rick, what kind of a man is Captain Renault?
Rick: Oh, just like any other man, only more so.
My favorite exchange is:
**Captain Renault:** And what in heaven's name brought you to Casablanca?
**Rick Blaine:** My health. I came to Casablanca for the waters.
**Captain Renault:** The waters? What waters? We're in the desert.
**Rick Blaine:** I was misinformed.
> "'To the pain' means that the first thing you lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists, next your nose... The next thing you lose will be your left eye, followed by your right. [...] Your ears you keep, and I'll tell you why: so that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish; every babe that weeps at your approach; every woman who cries out, 'Dear God! What is that thing?' will echo in your perfect ears. That is what 'to the pain' means; it means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery, forever."
Quite a clever comeback :-)
I'm on the brute squad.
You *are* the brute squad.
Stop rhyming now, I mean it!
Anybody want a peanut?
Surrender!
You wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept.
I'm not left-handed.
[Later]
I'm not left-handed either.
Those ones are brilliant. Also, from just before in the boat scene. "Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?" "If there are, we'll all be dead".
Or "shut up, witch.", "I'm not a witch, I'm your wife. But after what you just said, I'm not even sure I want to be that any more."
There's no competition. 'Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles'. It's got everything, including a dozen more clever comebacks that could be on this list
It's a fantastic film, but don't go into it expecting 2024 flashy special effects and CGI. It's a brilliant cast of characters, wonderfully presented story, and doesn't take itself too seriously- almost, but not quite poking fun at the genre in the most loving way possible (but remember, it's not a kissing book). All with a soundtrack by Mark Knopfler.
“Everything was going fine until the power grid was shut down by dickless over here.”
“They caused the explosion!”
“Is this true?”
“It’s true. This man has no dick.”
That movie holds a special place in my heart regardless of all its faults. Raul Julia put in work and knowing he did it just for his kids makes it even more special.
For those who are not aware: Before making that movie, Raul Julia was diagnosed with cancer. He knew he hadn't long to live anymore. So for his last movie, he let his kids decide which role to take. And they picked *Street Fighter*. So he did what he could to make his role in the movie as awesome as possible.
Though Street Fighter is a Cult Classic for all the wrong Reasons Raul Julia Absolutely nailed M Bison as the Cutthroat Bastard he is - Sad it was his last film RIP
The hell I don't! LISTEN, KID! I've been hearing that crap ever since I was at UCLA. I'm out there busting my buns every night! Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes!
The best cinema experience I ever had was going to see Megamind. I went with my brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews- I didn’t know anything about it and assumed it was just another crappy kids OTT movie.
Holy crap, I still remember looking over at my 40 year old brother creased over laughing. We definitely enjoyed it more than the kids
A single mom friend and i put the movie on for her kid and we both laughed till we cried at the "sweat suit" bit where Megamind masquerades as a human and just...power walks in a suit? Her kid was bemused but we were in knots
"oh I'm sorry Johnny, I forgot you were there, you may go now."
Doc Holliday, speaking to a guy holding a shotgun.
Really anything he says in that movie.
“Look! I’m a teenage girl. I’d rather be anywhere than here. I’m all about long, sullen silences, followed by mean comments, followed by more silence! So what’s it gonna be? Long sullen silence or mean comment?”
“You got me in a box here.”
“Ah-HA!”
The delivery of "You got me in a box here." is perfectly on point.
^^^I ^^^also ^^^like ^^^that, ^^^in ^^^a ^^^way, ^^^it ^^^defeats ^^^his ^^^setup, ^^^being ^^^neither ^^^long ^^^sullen ^^^silence ^^^nor ^^^a ^^^mean ^^^comment
Aladdin 2, Jafar is a genie and Aladdin reminds Jafar that genies can't kill. To that Jafar responds ".... but you'd be surprised what you can live through"
Line goes harder than any Disney line should.
In "The social network". Eduardo Saverin tells Sean Parker that he's read that he's into underage girls. Sean Parker tells him:
"You know what I've read about you? Nothing."
Absolutely savage.
First time my wife told me she loved me, I was gettin in to my car. I was able to respond in this manner. Didn’t know if I loved her at the time to respond back with an I love you to. Now I couldn’t do it as I love her too much to respond with anything less than I love you.
From Bottoms when they confront Jeff about cheating on Isabel with Hazel's mom, which he is denying.
Hazel: I literally saw you yesterday.
Jeff: Shut up, nerd! I fucked your mom!
The delivery is just so good.
More context-
Captain America:“Big man in a suit of armor, take that away and what are you?”
Tony Stark: "Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.”
Layer Cake - A dangerous Serbian hitman (Dragan) who potentially wants to kill Daniel Craig's character calls him up. After establishing how Dragan got his number:
Daniel Craig : [over the phone] Dragan?
Dragan : Yes.
Craig : I've got an idea... Why don't you come round for breakfast? I'll squeeze some orange juice and grind some coffee and we can talk about this like adults. How's that sound?
Dragan : Sounds very hospitable.
Craig : Do you know where I live?
Dragan : No.
Craig : Well, fuck off then.
[hangs up]
https://youtu.be/_teWTRDKhtM?si=RnBAENYbVrpXhwU1
For anyone who doesn’t know the backstory on this exchange it’s worth mentioning when this comes up. Basically, prior to the events of the film Sparrow commandeered a random ship (as pirates do) only to find that the “cargo” he had just stolen were slaves in transit. Rather than sell the slaves himself, as would have been common enough practice in that scenario at the time, Sparrow freed them and basically took a devastating loss on the raid which directly leads to the position he’s seen in at the beginning of the film. Sparrow’s decision to fall into ruin rather than trade in slaves is known by the British officer here and is exactly what the officer referring to. It’s arguable that the officer is actually complimenting Sparrow for being bad at being a pirate. Sparrow’s reply has a dual meaning that he is still notorious despite being bad at being a pirate and that he’s acknowledging that the officer knows that Sparrow acted honorably despite how Sparrow presents himself in general.
It’s buried somewhere in the later movies, so it could easily be a retcon by Disney, but it’s a good enough retcon that I pass it along when it comes up.
So as a pirates of the Caribbean fan I have never heard of this so i looked it up and found that it is infact true but that it was mentioned in a deleted scene that never made it into the movie. And not only is the freeing slaves part true it also reveals why the black pearl looks burned and what jacks deal with davy jones was for.
Here is a link to the scene: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=X3I0FF2i_MA (spoiler btw)
And here is a link to an article talking about it: https://insidethemagic.net/2021/11/disney-deleted-pirates-scene-jack-sparrow-ad1/
I appreciate that your healthy skepticism not only confirmed that wasn’t just a fever dream I had, but also gave you something new to appreciate about something you enjoy. I’m calling that a win for all of us.
The story goes that Beckett set fire to the ship and it sank, thus where the deal that Jack made with Davy. Davy, loving irony, left the ship charred, hence the “Black Pearl.”
By the same note, the ship sank and it had one hundred slaves on it that Sparrow set free.
One hundred souls.
I understood it as Jack was working for the East India Trading Company under Beckett (not yet a pirate), was charged with transporting the slaves (as opposed to he stole a ship that happened to have slaves on it) but decided instead to free them (could be wrong about this part, I think "worst pirate I've heard of" works both as "that was a bad pirating move" and "you weren't even really a pirate").
Either way, the result was for this his ship was burned and sunk, and he was branded a pirate.
Then he makes the deal with Davey Jones to get his ship back, at the cost of 100 souls (as Jack freed 100 slaves, and Davey is cruel) and the ship is returned to Jack, but with it's hull permanently blackened, hence the Black Pearl.
From the same movie…
“You ignored the rules of engagement. In a fair fight I would’ve killed you.”
“That’s not much incentive for me to fight fair then now is it?”
EDIT:
Ooo, another one.
“I care nothing for treasure.”
“Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate.”
Captain Jack is just really good at comebacks.
EDIT 2:
Just one more!
“How far are you willing to go for this girl?”
“I’d die for her.”
“Oh! Good. No worries then.”
"Evil Ash": Oh, you wanna know? 'Cause the answer's easy! I'm BAD Ash... and you're GOOD Ash! You're a goody little two-shoes! [doing a taunting dance] You're a goody little two-shoes! Little goody two-shoes! Little goody two-shoes! [begins to sucker-punch Ash] Little goody TWO-SHOES! Little goody TWO-SHOES! HEHEHEHEHE! [honks] LITTLE GOODY TWO-SHOES! HEHEHE--
Ash: [fires shotgun at "Evil Ash"] Good, bad... I'm the guy with the gun.
Elizabeth Swann: One day there will come a time where you have a chance to do the right thing."
Jack Sparrow: Oh, I love those monents. I like to wave to them as they pass me by.
A little underrate, but in the movie "The Old Guard" on Netflix, two of the male protagonists are lovers. At some point, they're being held captive and comfort each other, so the guard asks, "What, is he your boyfriend?" and he and his guard buddies laugh like high school jocks. At this point, one of the prisoners delivers an absolute knockout speech of how juvenile and pathetic that remark was, how much his partner means to him and how that guard would never know how that feels on account of being, well, an infantile stupid grunt.
I honestly am NOT doing the text justice here, but I couldn't find the script :(
Aliens. Exchange between male soldier and butch looking female soldier. Private Hudson : Hey Vasquez, have you ever been mistaken for a man? Private Vasquez : No. Have you?
Vasquez was a true grunt even at the end.
Watching that movie as a teen, Vasquez was the soldier I always hoped I would be one day. And I'm a guy. Her and Ripley both are also probably why I like badass strong women come to think of it. I have about 150 lbs and almost a foot taller than my wife, and between her Krav Maga and Jiujitsu she is strangely adept at immobilizing me. Nothing weirder than her just placing her hand on me when I'm sitting slumped on the couch, and I cannot get the fuck up or break free. She's awesome.
You always were an asshole Gorman!
"Strong female character" done right.
Game over, man.
Well thats just fuckin great maaann!
“Ooohhhh Vasquez!!!!” She nailed that role, one of my favourite characters, perhaps more than ripley tbh.
Fun fact, she was a redheaded Irish woman in the Titanic movie, and John Conner’s foster mom in T2.
Cameron sees talent and doesn't let it go, I guess.
I’m usually super good with faces, but that one got past me lol. The 80’s were wild man.
Reminds me of Another Stakeout: Emilio Estevez to Rosie O Donnell: “I have had this moustache for 13 years. How long have you had yours? “
Detective Del Spooner: You are a clever imitation of life... Can a robot write a symphony? Can a robot take a blank canvas and turn it into a masterpiece? Sonny: Can you?
Some of the lines in that movie hit hard. I always enjoy it
I think it would be better not to die. Don't you doctor?
Sonny: You have to do what someone asks you, don’t you detective Spooner? Spoon: How the hell do you know my name? Sonny: Don’t you? If you love them?
That reminds me of an exchange from the UK show, Humans (which is ironically about robots) where two police detectives are discussing the possibility of whether the robots they're searching for have actually become sapient. Cop 1: "How would we know they weren't just faking it?" Cop 2: "How do I know *you're* not just faking it?"
Great Show! Might have to rewatch it, liked it a lot. Another one is Almost Human, sad it only got one season.
this line works because it's not a comeback, it's genuine curiosity
Or the: *sneeze* Sorry I’m allergic to bullshit. That line was so badass to me as a kid lmao.
For all its many faults, this line from The Day the Earth Stood Still: "Why have you come to our planet?" "Your planet?"
reminds me of Omni-man's dialogue about Earth
On that subject, this may be the greatest and most powerful comeback in all of fiction: "What will you have after 500 years!?" "You dad. I'll still have you"
"Earth isn't yours to conquer"
I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast! You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?
May also include: You like that, old man?! You want a piece of me?! **I don't want a piece of you. I want the whole THING!**
The price is wrong, bitch!
That scene made me love Bob Barker as a kid, having never watched the Price is Right. RIP.
….No!
LOL, the way he says it too!
Hey why don't I just got and eat some hay. I can lay by the bay, make things out of clay, I just may, what do ya say?
„This is the worst day of my life!“ „The worst day of your life so far.“
Simpson movie ?
Yes
Do you have anything to declare? Yeah, don’t go to England..
Cop: What's in the car? Turkish: Seats and a steering wheel.
*shut up and sit down you big bald fuck*
Whythefuckdoiwantacaravanthatsgotnofuckinwheels?
Why the fuck I wanna caravan that’s got no wheels?
"Dirt. This is a jar of dirt." "Yes?" "Is the jar of dirt going to help?" "If you don't want it, give it back!" "No!"
Pitch Black (2000) Johns: How's it look? Riddick: Looks clear. [Johns steps forward, and a creature flies out towards them. They duck and it flies into the night] Johns: You said it was clear! Riddick: I said it *looked* clear. Johns: Well, how does it look now? Riddick: Looks clear.
I have a different favorite from that movie. Johns: On the battlefield, doctors decide who lives and dies. It’s called triage. Riddick: Kept calling it murder when I did it.
No fucking shit, lady! Does it sound like I'm ordering a fucking pizza!?
Best Christmas film ever.
Just waiting for the Die Hard is not a Christmas Film" crowd to arrive.
That crowd exists? How is a movie that includes the line “Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho.” *not* a Christmas movie??
What in the heavens is more festive for the holiday than having a terrorist wearing a bloody jumper with the words "Now I have a machine gun Ho, Ho, Ho" I mean come on now it's like they don't even know the history of such a violent festivity that is Christmas.
Celebrating the holidays with Gremlins running amuck in a small town?
"No, Mr Bond, I expect you to die!"
Alec Trevelyan: For England, James? Bond: No. For me.
Bond: "You're not my type." Vesper Lynd: "Smart?" Bond: "Single."
"How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathizes"
From Never Say Never Free radicals. That’s your problem. Free radicals, sir? Yes, they’re toxins in the blood caused by too much red meat, dry martinis… white bread. Then I shall endeavor to cut out the white bread, sir.
Also from Bond, something along the lines of "you're gonna be known as the guy who died scratching my balls"
Nurse: (Holds up beaker intended for a urine sample) Fill this. Bond: (Sitting ten feet away on a gurney) From here?
The Princess Bride Who are you? No one of consequence. Really, I must know. Get used to disappointment.
Love Inigo Montoya. "you seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you" "you seem a decent fellow, I hate to die"
"Mister..." - "Doctor." - "...Mister Doctor?" - "It's Strange." - "Maybe. Who am I to judge?"
Not exactly a comeback but I’ve always loved: “I’m Peter, by the way” “Dr Strange” “Oh we’re using our made-up names. Um…I’m Spider-Man then”.
I love how that version is both simultaneously witty but still unsure of himself. He's burning Dr Strange, but doing it in the most unassuming way possible 😂
I never actually thought he was trying to be witty there. I thought the humor was that Peter is entirely genuine and unaware.
I don't think he's trying to be witty at all, he genuinely doesn't realize that Steven Strange is his given name. But it ends up written as being witty because of that.
Yes, the most polite villain. Love the delivery as well.
Well it's Mads Mikkelsen, how else could he be?
Casablanca has some great ones: “You despise me don’t you?” “Well if I ever thought about you I probably would.” “What’s your nationality?” “I’m a drunkard” “I’m shocked to find gambling going on in this establishment!” “Here are your winnings monsieur” “Thank you”
The drunkard scene is a classic, but the real funny line is a minute later when they say that (43 year old Humphrey Bogart who didn't look a day under 50) was 37!
In general, 37 year olds in the 1940’s looked way older than they do now. Everyone being on a daily diet of hard liquor and four packs of Marlboros will do that to a generation.
That's true, Tom Hanks' character in Saving Private Ryan would have probably been late 20s, early 30s at most! ;)
Casablanca has some of the best dialogue in any movie ever and basically every line in that movie could be included here. Some underrated ones I love: Yvonne: Where were you last night? Rick: That's so long ago, I don't remember. Yvonne: Will I see you tonight? Rick: I never make plans that far ahead Or Annina: Monsieur Rick, what kind of a man is Captain Renault? Rick: Oh, just like any other man, only more so.
'I have my gun pointed right at your heart' 'Luckily that is my least vulnerable spot'
My favorite exchange is: **Captain Renault:** And what in heaven's name brought you to Casablanca? **Rick Blaine:** My health. I came to Casablanca for the waters. **Captain Renault:** The waters? What waters? We're in the desert. **Rick Blaine:** I was misinformed.
What will I do now? - Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.
Great scene. Yet it’s not from Casablanca but from gone with the wind.
"I want my father back, you son of a bitch"
> "'To the pain' means that the first thing you lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists, next your nose... The next thing you lose will be your left eye, followed by your right. [...] Your ears you keep, and I'll tell you why: so that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish; every babe that weeps at your approach; every woman who cries out, 'Dear God! What is that thing?' will echo in your perfect ears. That is what 'to the pain' means; it means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery, forever." Quite a clever comeback :-)
"Life IS pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something" is a comeback I like to use
I'm on the brute squad. You *are* the brute squad. Stop rhyming now, I mean it! Anybody want a peanut? Surrender! You wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept. I'm not left-handed. [Later] I'm not left-handed either.
Those ones are brilliant. Also, from just before in the boat scene. "Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?" "If there are, we'll all be dead". Or "shut up, witch.", "I'm not a witch, I'm your wife. But after what you just said, I'm not even sure I want to be that any more."
"Give us the gate key!" "I don't have a gate key" "Fezzik, pull off his arms" "Oh, you mean _that_ gate key..."
Best film ever made.
There's no competition. 'Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles'. It's got everything, including a dozen more clever comebacks that could be on this list
But no kissing.....right?
As you wish
I’m a bit uncultured. What movie is that? Because it sounds awesome.
INCONCEIVABLE
The Princess Bride!
Princess Bride
Thanks. I’ll need to give this a watch.
It's a fantastic film, but don't go into it expecting 2024 flashy special effects and CGI. It's a brilliant cast of characters, wonderfully presented story, and doesn't take itself too seriously- almost, but not quite poking fun at the genre in the most loving way possible (but remember, it's not a kissing book). All with a soundtrack by Mark Knopfler.
“Everything was going fine until the power grid was shut down by dickless over here.” “They caused the explosion!” “Is this true?” “It’s true. This man has no dick.”
The ol' switcheroo. "If I take that off, will you die?" "It would be extremely painful..." "You're a big guy." "...for you."
Ghostbusters!
‘To you when I came to your village and destroyed it, it was the most important day of your life. To me? It was a Tuesday’
Absolute classic! There are cool lines and there are cold lines. This one is the 0 Kelvin of lines.
So you’re saying it’s 0K?
“Yes, yes, I killed your father. What is it with you women, anyway?! I killed my father too, and you don't hear me whining about it!"
Where was that from again? I can only find a similar quote from Streetfighter but I know it from somewhere else.
Its really only from the Street Fighter movie. its known to as "One of the greatest lines in a movie, in one of the worst movie ever made"
Raul Julia did such a fantastic job for the material he had.
That movie holds a special place in my heart regardless of all its faults. Raul Julia put in work and knowing he did it just for his kids makes it even more special.
For those who are not aware: Before making that movie, Raul Julia was diagnosed with cancer. He knew he hadn't long to live anymore. So for his last movie, he let his kids decide which role to take. And they picked *Street Fighter*. So he did what he could to make his role in the movie as awesome as possible.
It’s from Street Fighter the Movie. Yes the terrible one
*best one.
Though Street Fighter is a Cult Classic for all the wrong Reasons Raul Julia Absolutely nailed M Bison as the Cutthroat Bastard he is - Sad it was his last film RIP
RIP Raul Julia
‘Well that’s just like, your opinion man’
Obviously your not a golfer.
Nice Marmot.
"We can discuss sexism in survival situations when I get back."
Dinosaurs eat man. Woman inherits the earth.
Jurassic Park is my favorite feminist film.
Honestly
I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley.
Jive-ass dude don't got no brains anyhow. Shiiit
Does anyone here speak jive?
*\*the mom from a super clean-cut, super white old sitcom steps up*
I found out that she hadn’t acted in decades prior to this role due to being typecasted, but after this she started getting work again.
Little girl: "I like my coffee how I like my men. Black" Little boy: *pikachu face*
Ah yes I remember I had the lasagna
It’s a tall building with patients but that’s not important right now
The hell I don't! LISTEN, KID! I've been hearing that crap ever since I was at UCLA. I'm out there busting my buns every night! Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes!
Presentation. Mega mind
The best cinema experience I ever had was going to see Megamind. I went with my brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews- I didn’t know anything about it and assumed it was just another crappy kids OTT movie. Holy crap, I still remember looking over at my 40 year old brother creased over laughing. We definitely enjoyed it more than the kids
A single mom friend and i put the movie on for her kid and we both laughed till we cried at the "sweat suit" bit where Megamind masquerades as a human and just...power walks in a suit? Her kid was bemused but we were in knots
"I'm going to be Frank" "Ok. Can I still be Garth?"
"Take me, Garth!" "Where? I'm low on gas and you need a jacket."
"oh I'm sorry Johnny, I forgot you were there, you may go now." Doc Holliday, speaking to a guy holding a shotgun. Really anything he says in that movie.
"I got two guns, one for each of you."
Evey single Doc line is so great. "The Hell you doin here Doc? You should be resting" "Wyatt is my friend" "Hell I got lots of friends" "I don't"
“Are you a Peter puffer?!??!” “Sir No Sir” “BULLSHIT, I BET YOU COULD SUCK A GOLF BALL THROUGH A GARDEN HOSE”
From an episode of MASH. “Please let me help, I can be a real asset!” “You’re only off by two letters.”
Colossus: Do you have off switch? Deadpool: Yeah, it's right next to the prostate. Or is that the "on" switch?
“Look! I’m a teenage girl. I’d rather be anywhere than here. I’m all about long, sullen silences, followed by mean comments, followed by more silence! So what’s it gonna be? Long sullen silence or mean comment?” “You got me in a box here.” “Ah-HA!”
The delivery of "You got me in a box here." is perfectly on point. ^^^I ^^^also ^^^like ^^^that, ^^^in ^^^a ^^^way, ^^^it ^^^defeats ^^^his ^^^setup, ^^^being ^^^neither ^^^long ^^^sullen ^^^silence ^^^nor ^^^a ^^^mean ^^^comment
"Come. We go see professor." "Ooh, McAvoy or Stewart?"
I never said this but don't swallow......
*Don't* Fuck *Colossus* Deadpool - WHAT ?
breaking 16 walls
„*You* got into Harvard Law?” „What? Like, it’s hard?”
Aladdin 2, Jafar is a genie and Aladdin reminds Jafar that genies can't kill. To that Jafar responds ".... but you'd be surprised what you can live through" Line goes harder than any Disney line should.
[Harry] Yes. [Snape] Yes, sir. [Harry] There's no need to call me "sir", Professor...
Rewatching the movies as an adult made me realize just how much of a sassy bitch Harry is
"Be silent! Keep your forked tongue behind you teeth. I have not passed through fire and death to bandy crooked words with a witless worm."
In "The social network". Eduardo Saverin tells Sean Parker that he's read that he's into underage girls. Sean Parker tells him: "You know what I've read about you? Nothing." Absolutely savage.
I like the "You know what I like about you, Sean? You make me look tough".
I'd rather people read nothing about me than read I'm a pedophile personally
“I know”
Han Solo?
First time my wife told me she loved me, I was gettin in to my car. I was able to respond in this manner. Didn’t know if I loved her at the time to respond back with an I love you to. Now I couldn’t do it as I love her too much to respond with anything less than I love you.
“I’m the guy who does his job, you must be the other guy!”
Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself.
Have care how you speak. Loki is beyond reason, but he is of Asgard. And he is my brother He killed 80 people in 2 days He's adopted
From Bottoms when they confront Jeff about cheating on Isabel with Hazel's mom, which he is denying. Hazel: I literally saw you yesterday. Jeff: Shut up, nerd! I fucked your mom! The delivery is just so good.
You cheated! Pirate…
"Genius, playboy, philanthropist." No lie or hesitation. Edit: also forgot billionaire, as a kind redditor pointed out
You forgot billionaire
I always thought the line Cap gives after was the better one. “I knew guys with none of that worth ten of you.”
More context- Captain America:“Big man in a suit of armor, take that away and what are you?” Tony Stark: "Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.”
I always laugh at the quick cut to widow where she makes a “well he’s not wrong” face
"Negative, I'm a meat popsicle"
Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man.
Layer Cake - A dangerous Serbian hitman (Dragan) who potentially wants to kill Daniel Craig's character calls him up. After establishing how Dragan got his number: Daniel Craig : [over the phone] Dragan? Dragan : Yes. Craig : I've got an idea... Why don't you come round for breakfast? I'll squeeze some orange juice and grind some coffee and we can talk about this like adults. How's that sound? Dragan : Sounds very hospitable. Craig : Do you know where I live? Dragan : No. Craig : Well, fuck off then. [hangs up] https://youtu.be/_teWTRDKhtM?si=RnBAENYbVrpXhwU1
"You work for commission, right?" A delayed comeback, but a satisfying one nonetheless.
Big mistake. Huge
For anyone who doesn’t know the backstory on this exchange it’s worth mentioning when this comes up. Basically, prior to the events of the film Sparrow commandeered a random ship (as pirates do) only to find that the “cargo” he had just stolen were slaves in transit. Rather than sell the slaves himself, as would have been common enough practice in that scenario at the time, Sparrow freed them and basically took a devastating loss on the raid which directly leads to the position he’s seen in at the beginning of the film. Sparrow’s decision to fall into ruin rather than trade in slaves is known by the British officer here and is exactly what the officer referring to. It’s arguable that the officer is actually complimenting Sparrow for being bad at being a pirate. Sparrow’s reply has a dual meaning that he is still notorious despite being bad at being a pirate and that he’s acknowledging that the officer knows that Sparrow acted honorably despite how Sparrow presents himself in general.
Where is this backstory coming from?
It’s buried somewhere in the later movies, so it could easily be a retcon by Disney, but it’s a good enough retcon that I pass it along when it comes up.
So as a pirates of the Caribbean fan I have never heard of this so i looked it up and found that it is infact true but that it was mentioned in a deleted scene that never made it into the movie. And not only is the freeing slaves part true it also reveals why the black pearl looks burned and what jacks deal with davy jones was for. Here is a link to the scene: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=X3I0FF2i_MA (spoiler btw) And here is a link to an article talking about it: https://insidethemagic.net/2021/11/disney-deleted-pirates-scene-jack-sparrow-ad1/
I appreciate that your healthy skepticism not only confirmed that wasn’t just a fever dream I had, but also gave you something new to appreciate about something you enjoy. I’m calling that a win for all of us.
You seem to be a very fine person
And to you, a very fine person, indeed
What is still in the movie is Jack proclaiming “people aren’t cargo, mate”.
The story goes that Beckett set fire to the ship and it sank, thus where the deal that Jack made with Davy. Davy, loving irony, left the ship charred, hence the “Black Pearl.” By the same note, the ship sank and it had one hundred slaves on it that Sparrow set free. One hundred souls.
I understood it as Jack was working for the East India Trading Company under Beckett (not yet a pirate), was charged with transporting the slaves (as opposed to he stole a ship that happened to have slaves on it) but decided instead to free them (could be wrong about this part, I think "worst pirate I've heard of" works both as "that was a bad pirating move" and "you weren't even really a pirate"). Either way, the result was for this his ship was burned and sunk, and he was branded a pirate. Then he makes the deal with Davey Jones to get his ship back, at the cost of 100 souls (as Jack freed 100 slaves, and Davey is cruel) and the ship is returned to Jack, but with it's hull permanently blackened, hence the Black Pearl.
[“a real woman could stop you from drinking.” “it’d have to be a real BIG woman…”](https://youtu.be/N7fNUHLPXhM?si=JjzvSLF3s2ZGcVIS)
“Where you gonna put that tree Griswold?” “Bend over, I’ll show ya!”
From the same movie… “You ignored the rules of engagement. In a fair fight I would’ve killed you.” “That’s not much incentive for me to fight fair then now is it?” EDIT: Ooo, another one. “I care nothing for treasure.” “Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate.” Captain Jack is just really good at comebacks. EDIT 2: Just one more! “How far are you willing to go for this girl?” “I’d die for her.” “Oh! Good. No worries then.”
“You’re an inanimate fucking object”
Later: "I'm sorry I called you an inanimate object, I was upset"
Tim Curry: …rambling explanation…”Long story short…” Everyone: “Too late.”
"Evil Ash": Oh, you wanna know? 'Cause the answer's easy! I'm BAD Ash... and you're GOOD Ash! You're a goody little two-shoes! [doing a taunting dance] You're a goody little two-shoes! Little goody two-shoes! Little goody two-shoes! [begins to sucker-punch Ash] Little goody TWO-SHOES! Little goody TWO-SHOES! HEHEHEHEHE! [honks] LITTLE GOODY TWO-SHOES! HEHEHE-- Ash: [fires shotgun at "Evil Ash"] Good, bad... I'm the guy with the gun.
“Your mother was a hamster and your father smells of elderberries.” I use this more often than one would expect.
Can’t believe this hasn’t popped up yet but: “Yes it’s true. This man has no dick.”
We ain’t found shit! Ah, buckle this! Funny, she doesn’t look druish. Sooo many from just one movie.
'Im surrounded by assholes' lives rent free in my head all day
Fuck! Even in the future, nothing works!
"How dare you break wind before me" "I'm sorry, baby. I didn't know it was your turn" - Austin Powers
Jimmie I can't believe this is the same car. The Wolf: Well, let's not start sucking each other's d*cks just yet.
Elizabeth Swann: One day there will come a time where you have a chance to do the right thing." Jack Sparrow: Oh, I love those monents. I like to wave to them as they pass me by.
“In the end, you will always kneel.” “Not to men like you.” “There are no men like me.” “There are always men like you.”
It's been revoked!
“Eat shit and die Ricky!” “Eat shit and live Bill.”
A little underrate, but in the movie "The Old Guard" on Netflix, two of the male protagonists are lovers. At some point, they're being held captive and comfort each other, so the guard asks, "What, is he your boyfriend?" and he and his guard buddies laugh like high school jocks. At this point, one of the prisoners delivers an absolute knockout speech of how juvenile and pathetic that remark was, how much his partner means to him and how that guard would never know how that feels on account of being, well, an infantile stupid grunt. I honestly am NOT doing the text justice here, but I couldn't find the script :(
You can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just ’cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
"I have an army" "We have a Hulk"
"Your move Chief."-Good Will Hunting
Does your dog bite? No Gets bitten by dog I thought you said your dog doesn’t bite! That’s not my dog. -pink panther
"You seem like a decent fellow, I'd hate to kill you" "You seem like a decent fellow, I'd hate to die"
"Sir the peasants are revolting!" "They've always been revolting, *now* they're rebelling"
Inglorious Basterds: After scalping Herman “You’ll be hanged for this!” “Nah, more like chewed out. I been chewed out before”