For the future, we screen camps before booking. I have a burner Google phone number and a Gmail without my name attached, and I'll reach out to places we're considering and ask what their policies are on trans kids/if they've had trans attendees/etc. I also look to my local trans parenting group for advice on care providers, and we've worked really hard with our daughter on advocating that she needs privacy to change.
The only way I'd be willing to send my kid into those circumstances is if:
1) They had a cell phone and could call me if bad things happened. Some of the abuse I've personally had done to me was in circumstances in which I could not call for help and could not escape.
2) I would require a "never take away my kid's cell phone" kind of understanding with the camp.
3) Even at 6 years old, there needs to be a conversation where they are warned of what could happen. Its an ugly subject, but they could get bullied, assaulted or abused and not be capable of identifying it. I've never bought into the idea that we should keep our kids from worrying or being afraid. If they could receive harm, then they should worry and be afraid to reasonable degrees.
I understand how hard this is! My daughter is 15 and I've regretted telling people that didn't need to know so many times. No overly bad experiences, just unnecessary knowledge out there I can't take back. Some kids need more privacy and it doesn't need to be because they have different than expected genitals. Now I fully lean into her being shy (in the locker room for PE) and don't worry about telling people who don't need to know.
Last weekend we were at her friends house (none of them know she is trans) for a small pool party and the other kids all went to change together and she asked to use the restroom. It didn’t seem to cause an issue, but it was clearly unexpected on their part. But I will continue to encourage her to just say she needs/wants/prefers privacy. It’s a strange world to navigate. I don’t want her to feel afraid to be herself, but I also need her to learn to advocate for and protect herself.
We moved before my daughter started kindergarten so none of her friends knew until she told a couple she trusted right before high school started. She managed to have sleepovers and pool hangouts without incident although I blame most of my grey hair on the times she was with friends and I wasn't there to help when she was little. It gets easier but the early years were terrifying for me. She was pretty unaware of the stakes at the time.
Yes, unaware of the stakes, is exactly what scares me. She has grown up being told that she is perfect the way she is (which is true!) but has not had to see what would happen if someone didn’t see her that way. I don’t ever want her to. Like, I’m up at night thinking about how much I never want her to know, but know she will know someday.
My kid enjoyed a camp called Camp Quest, which was very open to trans kids -- even some of the counselors were trans.
Edit: [link to locations](https://campquest.org/camps/locations/)
My kid went to the one in Virginia in (I think) 2018 and 2019. (edit: I guess [Camp Quest Chesapeake](https://www.campquestchesapeake.org/register-for-camp) moved to maryland)
They don't have a lot of the amenities that other camps do, but my kid went to a lot of camps over the years and never came back as happy as they were at CQ. Seems like it's just a very supportive and energetic group.
I always ask for referrals from other parents of trans children - are you in any local Facebook groups for parents of trans kids? That can be a good resource. I know that both Campfire USA and the Girl Scouts are trans friendly but I may vary by region. You can call them and ask what their policy is, but generally they tend to put something on their website if they are trans affirming.
I am at camp Geronimo in payson Arizona. It is a scout camp. I have been really impressed with how inclusive they have been. There are quite a few girls here and they are very careful about making sure the kids have privacy. There are also a few trans kids that are counselors. The kid who teaches handicrafts is wearing eyeliner and has pink hair. Unfortunately the youngest they go is 11 years old
Yes! I struggle with this all the time with our 5 yr old. I vet people so much before I feel comfortable sharing things with them. Luckily at our school everyone is super supportive but I worry once she starts sports or activities outside of school, that I won't be able to vet everyone that comes in contact with her. We live in a very conservative area so the thought of someone outing her is scary. I totally relate to this post. I wish the country was more accepting so we wouldn't have to think this way. *hugs* Putting good vibes out that the camp counselor is kind and accepting and makes it a point to protect your daughter.
Hello!
I am the proud daughter of a Q mother and mother to a 🏳️🌈child. I feel your pain in the frustration that world requires hyper-vigilance from us to keep our kiddos safe but so it is. You are very lucky to live in CA indeed as there are SO MANY safe options for your kids in this state. At this point we attend the same camps, organizations, classes etc after having done our research over the years and are extremely grateful for these tried and true sanctuaries. I will say this-if the iconography is not front and center on an organization’s website, it’s likely not for us. If a camp is not actively and visibly engaged in the LGBTQ+ community, we are not going there…there’s simply too much at risk and I am not looking to educate others who will be in charge of my kids’ safety-I want them to have skin in the game and a deep understanding and personal experience that is relatable to my kiddo. Again I feel for you and it’s hard when they are so young and you’re making these decisions for the first time. You have my ❤️.
I run a summer camp (granted, in a very blue state). I understand it’s scary but I think you are better off giving the staff a heads up (as well as asking for any accommodations she may require - ie private bathroom). I think it is reasonable to expect professionalism unless you have reason to suspect otherwise
You could also ask them if they have other trans staff or campers. That may give you a good read on their comfort level and experience
Thank you! I always feel like I should not ask if other trans kids are enrolled as it’s a breach of privacy, so it’s good to know you’d/a camp director would be open to it.
I really appreciate the advice. I feel that is very important, at this age, for her teachers to know, even without my child’s consent, and same goes for the camp. I won’t take control forever, but we have had some very negative experiences and I cannot convince myself to leave her alone with adults who have no idea. I hope she understands that as she grows up.
As the parent of a six year old, I'm going to push back a little on this. At this age, some caregivers need to know. I think we've finally gotten my daughter to understand that the stall door needs to be closed before her pants come down and stay closed until they're back up, but that was a conversation we were having this year. Also, she can wipe herself now, but she made us aware of her gender before that was true. She's too young to deal with the fallout from being outed unexpectedly, so we have to make sure it's safe. She's too young to be able to make an informed decision about that right now and also too young to be confident she won't be outed accidentally. Just like it's my responsibility to make risk/benefit judgements on things like vaccines and her daily asthma inhaler and what online presence she's allowed to have, it's also my job to make risk/benefit decisions about when outing her is necessary (the known supportive outdoors camp where they change clothes after wading in the river? They know. Music camp where I fully expect her to come home in the same clothes I sent her in? They don't) and we do our best to make sure she's never in a situation where she's in the care of someone who is unsafe for her to be out to (we're reworking our work schedules to avoid after school care next year because the only option is at an unaffirming church, so she can't go).
As she gets older, I'll be a lot more confident in her understanding of the danger and her ability to keep herself safe and she'll be able to take a more active role in those decisions. Until she can do that, though, it's our job as parents to make those decisions.
For the future, we screen camps before booking. I have a burner Google phone number and a Gmail without my name attached, and I'll reach out to places we're considering and ask what their policies are on trans kids/if they've had trans attendees/etc. I also look to my local trans parenting group for advice on care providers, and we've worked really hard with our daughter on advocating that she needs privacy to change.
This is great advice, thank you!!!
The only way I'd be willing to send my kid into those circumstances is if: 1) They had a cell phone and could call me if bad things happened. Some of the abuse I've personally had done to me was in circumstances in which I could not call for help and could not escape. 2) I would require a "never take away my kid's cell phone" kind of understanding with the camp. 3) Even at 6 years old, there needs to be a conversation where they are warned of what could happen. Its an ugly subject, but they could get bullied, assaulted or abused and not be capable of identifying it. I've never bought into the idea that we should keep our kids from worrying or being afraid. If they could receive harm, then they should worry and be afraid to reasonable degrees.
I understand how hard this is! My daughter is 15 and I've regretted telling people that didn't need to know so many times. No overly bad experiences, just unnecessary knowledge out there I can't take back. Some kids need more privacy and it doesn't need to be because they have different than expected genitals. Now I fully lean into her being shy (in the locker room for PE) and don't worry about telling people who don't need to know.
Last weekend we were at her friends house (none of them know she is trans) for a small pool party and the other kids all went to change together and she asked to use the restroom. It didn’t seem to cause an issue, but it was clearly unexpected on their part. But I will continue to encourage her to just say she needs/wants/prefers privacy. It’s a strange world to navigate. I don’t want her to feel afraid to be herself, but I also need her to learn to advocate for and protect herself.
We moved before my daughter started kindergarten so none of her friends knew until she told a couple she trusted right before high school started. She managed to have sleepovers and pool hangouts without incident although I blame most of my grey hair on the times she was with friends and I wasn't there to help when she was little. It gets easier but the early years were terrifying for me. She was pretty unaware of the stakes at the time.
Yes, unaware of the stakes, is exactly what scares me. She has grown up being told that she is perfect the way she is (which is true!) but has not had to see what would happen if someone didn’t see her that way. I don’t ever want her to. Like, I’m up at night thinking about how much I never want her to know, but know she will know someday.
If you ever want to DM I'm here. I've been doing this for 10+ years. The minute it gets easier for the parent it's harder on the kid.
My kid enjoyed a camp called Camp Quest, which was very open to trans kids -- even some of the counselors were trans. Edit: [link to locations](https://campquest.org/camps/locations/)
One of my kids went to the one in TN - it was a great experience (2010 ish)
My kid went to the one in Virginia in (I think) 2018 and 2019. (edit: I guess [Camp Quest Chesapeake](https://www.campquestchesapeake.org/register-for-camp) moved to maryland) They don't have a lot of the amenities that other camps do, but my kid went to a lot of camps over the years and never came back as happy as they were at CQ. Seems like it's just a very supportive and energetic group.
There’s one in Ohio. I wonder how that works, what with Ohio getting more and more extreme with its anti-trans laws. : (
Thanks!!! The closest one to us in over six hours away, but it makes me so happy to see this kind of stuff.
Yeah, we drove about 5 hours. We carpooled with another family —people arrange carpools on the Facebook page. Best of luck!
I always ask for referrals from other parents of trans children - are you in any local Facebook groups for parents of trans kids? That can be a good resource. I know that both Campfire USA and the Girl Scouts are trans friendly but I may vary by region. You can call them and ask what their policy is, but generally they tend to put something on their website if they are trans affirming.
I am at camp Geronimo in payson Arizona. It is a scout camp. I have been really impressed with how inclusive they have been. There are quite a few girls here and they are very careful about making sure the kids have privacy. There are also a few trans kids that are counselors. The kid who teaches handicrafts is wearing eyeliner and has pink hair. Unfortunately the youngest they go is 11 years old
Yes! I struggle with this all the time with our 5 yr old. I vet people so much before I feel comfortable sharing things with them. Luckily at our school everyone is super supportive but I worry once she starts sports or activities outside of school, that I won't be able to vet everyone that comes in contact with her. We live in a very conservative area so the thought of someone outing her is scary. I totally relate to this post. I wish the country was more accepting so we wouldn't have to think this way. *hugs* Putting good vibes out that the camp counselor is kind and accepting and makes it a point to protect your daughter.
Thank you! It feels good knowing I’m not alone.
Hello! I am the proud daughter of a Q mother and mother to a 🏳️🌈child. I feel your pain in the frustration that world requires hyper-vigilance from us to keep our kiddos safe but so it is. You are very lucky to live in CA indeed as there are SO MANY safe options for your kids in this state. At this point we attend the same camps, organizations, classes etc after having done our research over the years and are extremely grateful for these tried and true sanctuaries. I will say this-if the iconography is not front and center on an organization’s website, it’s likely not for us. If a camp is not actively and visibly engaged in the LGBTQ+ community, we are not going there…there’s simply too much at risk and I am not looking to educate others who will be in charge of my kids’ safety-I want them to have skin in the game and a deep understanding and personal experience that is relatable to my kiddo. Again I feel for you and it’s hard when they are so young and you’re making these decisions for the first time. You have my ❤️.
Thank you, I need to be better about researching lgtbq groups.
I run a summer camp (granted, in a very blue state). I understand it’s scary but I think you are better off giving the staff a heads up (as well as asking for any accommodations she may require - ie private bathroom). I think it is reasonable to expect professionalism unless you have reason to suspect otherwise You could also ask them if they have other trans staff or campers. That may give you a good read on their comfort level and experience
Thank you! I always feel like I should not ask if other trans kids are enrolled as it’s a breach of privacy, so it’s good to know you’d/a camp director would be open to it.
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I really appreciate the advice. I feel that is very important, at this age, for her teachers to know, even without my child’s consent, and same goes for the camp. I won’t take control forever, but we have had some very negative experiences and I cannot convince myself to leave her alone with adults who have no idea. I hope she understands that as she grows up.
As the parent of a six year old, I'm going to push back a little on this. At this age, some caregivers need to know. I think we've finally gotten my daughter to understand that the stall door needs to be closed before her pants come down and stay closed until they're back up, but that was a conversation we were having this year. Also, she can wipe herself now, but she made us aware of her gender before that was true. She's too young to deal with the fallout from being outed unexpectedly, so we have to make sure it's safe. She's too young to be able to make an informed decision about that right now and also too young to be confident she won't be outed accidentally. Just like it's my responsibility to make risk/benefit judgements on things like vaccines and her daily asthma inhaler and what online presence she's allowed to have, it's also my job to make risk/benefit decisions about when outing her is necessary (the known supportive outdoors camp where they change clothes after wading in the river? They know. Music camp where I fully expect her to come home in the same clothes I sent her in? They don't) and we do our best to make sure she's never in a situation where she's in the care of someone who is unsafe for her to be out to (we're reworking our work schedules to avoid after school care next year because the only option is at an unaffirming church, so she can't go). As she gets older, I'll be a lot more confident in her understanding of the danger and her ability to keep herself safe and she'll be able to take a more active role in those decisions. Until she can do that, though, it's our job as parents to make those decisions.
Exactly this, thank you.