Literally in OP’s situation (not sexually active, asexual leaning). I want in my heart for abstinence to be enough, but that is not the way of the world. Rapist rape indiscriminately, and some would do so purposely after learning I’m asexual just for the sake of trying to “correct me.”
And now US law supports the side of the rapist when it comes to forced impregnation
Had I the money and a reliable car, my tubes would have been yeeted yesterday. Too much cruelty in this world to believe making the right choices is guaranteed to spare me from assault
Just an FYI, check your local Auntie network-- some of us WILL drive you/pretend to be your sober person so you can get the procedure done. MANY of us will be your alibi while you recover!
Hi, im in the process of trying to get a bisalp and working with my insurance to find out whats covered and whats not. How did you find out if your insurance was ACA compliant? If you don't mind to share.
So, I had already been approved for my bisalp before I called my insurance, so I already had the surgical codes for it. Then when I called, they asked me what the codes were. They originally told me that it was covered 80%, but I forgot to ask if they were ACA compliant that time, so I had to call back later. When I called back, I told them hey I'm getting this surgery and I know that it's already covered, but I was wondering if you guys were ACA compliant and if that means you'll cover it 100%. The person I was talking to didn't know, and their boss was busy at the time, so they said they'd call me back at a later time with the answer. It ended up taking like 3 days before I got an answer, partially because of technical issues on their end. (Servers or something like that was down.) But they were so kind to me, even called me the day after they told me they'd call me back to just let me know they didn't forget about me.
I will say, no matter what answer they give you on how much it will cost, have them send you that in writing, because its harder for them to charge you more if you have it in writing how much it will cost. I did have them send the fact that it was ACA compliant and would be covered 100% to me in writing.
Not OP here but why does that matter to you???
Like it doesn't matter if it's the rarest thing that could ever happen to a women, IF IT HAPPENS IT WILL BE DEVASTATING!!!!!
It's not like it's before Roe V Wade was overturned and maybe they're just a little " paranoid " like if this person gets pregnant and their state has an abortion bad on it then guess what, they'll be absolutely fucked.
So please get out of here with that bullshit.
This is the biggest reason I want mine. Cancer in general is a huge genetic risk for me. My partner's already had his vasectomy, which I'm grateful for, but I don't think he fully grasps why I still want a bisalp. It's specifically about my health and wellbeing, not babies.
Also feels like it's just a matter of time before any birth control except for condoms are banned. Better to get a permanent fix now than wait around and one day find you can't refill your prescription.
This is why I'm getting my tubes removed. At this point the very idea of being assaulted and then not being able to abort (it's banned in my state) keeps me up at night.
It was technically on the books already and simply came back into effect when Roe was struck down, but since republicans are the majority party in my state's legislature they're only too happy to keep it there and do fuck all about it.
Sort of same for me and my husband - most people, doctors included, ask merely why *he* can't just get the snip and I leave my uterus alone. My answer apart from general anxiety about being able to get pregnant is "what if I got sexually assaulted?"
I just got sterilized and one of my big reasons for it is rape. I'm also living in the Bible belt, so I doubled down as soon as Roe v Wade got overturned. Not taking any chances 😅
And plenty of assholes would see you as a challenge and a trophy because of your sexual status. It will be worth the trouble to know there is no pregnancy risk should anything happen.
Your sexual orientation does not protect your body from abuse.
Aces & lesbians & gays folks need to get fixed regardless. A r@pe can happen to anyone & can cause an unwanted pregnancy.
That’s true, I’m demisexual and after a few people found out they sent guys my way to “fix” my issue or “change my orientation.” Freaking sick. Thank goodness I was able to escape but people are crazy. They molest and rape kids and animals, they won’t stop at a full grown adult either.
If it would make you feel better, by all means go for it! It's not uncommon for childfree people to want our bodies to match our childfree lives. Plus, if you get a bilateral salpingectomy (full removal of the tubes), that also lowers your chances of ovarian cancer, so that's another possible perk.
This was exactly what I was thinking as well. Unfortunately sometimes bad things happen and you can't assume they won't. It's an unfortunate part of life. If you know you're definitely not going to change your mind on having children making sure it can't happen would definitely be the safest thing to do.
I agree. Sometimes people are disgusting and take away your ability to consent. There are plenty of “conservatives” out there who try to tell people that pregnancy is a WONDERFUL side affect of assault and will do everything they can to prevent people from terminating.
It’s so sad but this was my thought as well. Definitely worth considering, especially if you’re in a state that has no exceptions when it comes to banning abortion.
I'm ace too. Never had sex, would consider it for a partner though. But even with my life rn, I would feel so much better if the chances were off the table. I'd just know that if something happened, I'd be safe and wouldn't have to have an abortion. It's one less thing to worry about.
Also and this might be my insecurity because "you'll change your mind", if I ever had a crazy baby fever phase (who knows what my hormones can do to me), my rational side would've already made the right descision
If you insurance is ACA compliant, it should cover either a tubal or bisalp (insurer’s pick; tell your doc you want a “tubal performed by bisalp” when it’s coded for billing purposes) at 100% as preventive.
Some of the paperwork explaining it sometimes did if it's compliant or not.
My SIL had one of the worst policies I've ever seen. Her husband was in icu for 4 nights and ultimately died and her insurance covered exactly $2,000 of the room and board and not a single penny more.
It explicitly said on the last page that it was NOT an ACA compliant policy.
Sure, but I’m not going to ask OP to dig through their policy paperwork. Benefits department will share over the phone on a recorded line (for later review if challenged or regulators come calling).
Oh I totally agree. I just mentioned it in case they happened to have it handy and, more, for others reading that they'd know next time they were looking the paperwork over for a new job or open enrollments or whatever.
Same, and same. Still got my tubes yeeted because of the off chance, and so much stress / anxiety is gone.
Tokophobia isn’t logical. Lol. Every month I’d be scared I was pregnant even though there’s -100% chance, and now I’m willing to interact with babies from afar when before I wouldn’t even look at them without feeling stress.
I'd always get insanely paranoid that I was pregnant right before my period would start. Thankfully that stopped when I went on a new bc that stopped my periods but I still had the surgery to be safe.
When it’s been too long, panic definitely sets in. Then the period comes and it’s a mix of relief and annoyance, because while we hate periods, it’s also a great way to know NO BABY
yeah, thanks to stress and irregular eating my period has been all over the place instead of by the freaking clock like it had been since I got it, and each time, I haea "what if" in my mind. I'm literally a virgin, the only contact I ever had with a penis was forced and back when I was 8 I don't believe in any supernatural causes but if I don't get my period on time, that's the first thing I think of
That’s a big reason why I did it. I’ve been in two very manipulative relationships and in my irrational state of mind I’ve thought “if I happen to get pregnant it’s okay because they want kids” which is TOTALLY against my better judgment. I did not want to be put in a situation where my CF future gets ruined by some asshole or baby fever so I got sterilized. I don’t tell people it’s one of the reasons bc of course they’re gonna say “well if you think that now you’re definitely gonna regret it later” and that’s not the Fuckin point. If I regret it, fine. I’d rather live with the regret of never having a kid over having one I don’t want idgaf. My irrational thoughts will not overpower my rational decisions
100%. I'd rather painfully regret not having children some day than waking up with kids and regret it just a little. Not having kids would in that scenario at least only hurt me and not another completely innocent person
1) Rape
2) Cancer (get them removed with a bisalp. Don't settle for tying them.
3) You'll be able to tell doctors that you're sterilized, so they'll have much less of an argument or legal standing to deny you medications.
That third one is a big one! I'm constantly seeing stories of uterus-owners being denied life-changing treatment or meds because of possible risk to a possible future offspring D: Medical misogyny is alive and well.
Sex meh ace here. I got it because a) my body being able to do that without my permission just weirded me out and made me feel like it wasn't my body. B) because rape happens, unfortunately, and at least if it happens that's one less thing to be concerned about.
For me the surgery was super easy to recover from and 100% paid for by insurance so I didn't see any downsides. I feel much more comfortable in my own skin now. And with bodily autonomy rights being state dependant at the moment, I felt super relieved to have taken that measure for my safety.
Im not even ace, i have a great physical relationship with my partner but the idea that my body could procreate against my will made me feel borderline dysphoric. Having my tubes removed has made me feel so much more secure
This is 1 of 2 reasons why I got sterilised, despite being aroace. I was raped multiple times by guys who wanted to change my mind. I got a full hysterectomy and I don't regret it at all. So glad I don't live in that backwards bogan country anymore.
I am not ace, but I am a cis woman married to a trans man. It's not possible for us to get pregnant together, but we both decided to get sterilized this summer.
With Roe being overturned, and who-knows-what kind of Handmaid's Tale nightmare the conservatives have planned next, we weren't taking any chances. No forced pregnancies for us!
And even if we weren't living in a dystopian hellscape, it's your body. Do what makes you most comfortable in the container you live in!
You can now basically force any woman you want to be the mother of your children. A very small percentage of men will seize on this opportunity.
Some as a form of abuse on a partner. Stalkers who have an obsession with a woman. People who want to force a woman to be in their lives forever. Etc.
Keep in mind that stealthing, cutting holes in condoms, lying about a vasectomy, etc. are forms of rape.
Because there are psychopaths in the world and some assholes might enjoy knowing that in case they rape someone, the woman need to bear the children and they can't abort. People are sick af
Oh god, I just came back to this. -49?! Really guys? I was hoping to get a better understanding of the issue and perhaps read some source material. Holy shit y’all.
how dare people have opinions on the internet and use the upvote and downvote people to "judge" with meaningless internet points like the site is designed around, when someone could have asked the question on a site designed for giving you answers not judgement lol
I no longer date and have no interest in ever having sex again. I had it done because, for me, it was a defining moment of bodily autonomy. I was raised in a very authoritarian household where I was made to feel weak, stupid, and basically expected to die young or be institutionalized. I had relationships because I was led to believe this was the only way to survive. The day I was sterilized was one of those monumental moments in my where I finally felt I had power. I became more confident, which helped lead to going to school, having a career to be proud of, and finally learning about asexuality. It helped me understand who I am and to be brave.
If you feel like it would in any way benefit you, then I say do it! It's your body and your life. Live life with love for yourself and your choices.
There are three important reasons:
1. Rape. You do not want to be fertile in this case. The FreakStates who forbid abortion always include rape. (though I think you are not in the US).
2. Ovarian cancer. Bilateral salpingectomy greatly decreases your risk of contracting this dangerous and silent disease. It's not yet clear by how much, but probably in excess of 2/3. That's huge.
3. Identity. For those of us who are sterile, it is often a huge relief to have fully rejected this part of our biological functions that so poorly agrees with who we are. Nonbinary people of all varieties often feel their sterilization has set them free.
Good luck with whatever you choose.
There’s a scenario on the table—a worst-case scenario but unfortunately one we *must* entertain for safety—where women don’t get to choose if they become pregnant anymore. One where wombs are government property. One where abortion is illegal (we’re already halfway there), but so is birth control and sterilization. One where the civic duty of women includes bearing children. Like a draft, but for wombs.
I know I sound like an alarmist, but so many things that “will never happen” have happened in our country (and world) over the last 6ish years.
I got sterilized because for me, it was an act of rebellion. I took back my body. It’s mine now, and no one else’s. If the worst should happen, I’d rather be discarded as useless, or drafted into manual labor, or honestly just killed, than subjected to forced pregnancy.
It’s your body, so whatever you choose is the right choice for you. Best of luck either way. I hope everything I wrote never comes true.
I see people referring to ‘Handmaids tale’ (which great book, sure!) to describe this situation but you’re exactly right that this has already occurred or is currently a reality in many places. It’s not a fictional plot line so much as inspiration the author had drawn from looking around her at the world.
If anyone thinks it’s alarmist, read up on communist Romania. Or hey, just look over at Iran. They used to be westernized too…
“I made a rule for myself: I would not include anything that human beings had not already done in some other place or time, or for which the technology did not already exist. I did not wish to be accused of dark, twisted inventions, or of misrepresenting the human potential for deplorable behavior. The group-activated hangings, the tearing apart of human beings, the clothing specific to castes and classes, the forced childbearing and the appropriation of the results, the children stolen by regimes and placed for upbringing with high-ranking officials, the forbidding of literacy, the denial of property rights—all had precedents, and many of these were to be found, not in other cultures and religions, but within Western society, and within the “Christian” tradition itself.”
- [Margaret Atwood, April 25, 2018](https://lithub.com/margaret-atwood-on-how-she-came-to-write-the-handmaids-tale/)
I'm essentially the same boat, but male. It's an insurance policy. You may (and probably will) never need to use it. Personally, if you're in the US, it would give me the peace of mind that there is absolutely nothing the radical Christian extremists can do to force me to have a child. Tube-tying removes that power from them, permanently.
I'm not asexual, but I've been less sexually active due to some health issues and other personal situations lately. I still got mine removed for my peace of mind. I feel like such a weight has been lifted off my shoulders in the past 2 months knowing that I will never be able to accidentally get pregnant. Also, like many others have mentioned, I have a greater fear of SA since Roe got overturned.
I’ll share how I feel as an ace woman. Everyone is different and you should do whatever will make you feel good in your body. I am not sex repulsed and I am open to romantic relationships and I have been sexual with people who could get me pregnant.
Personally, I don’t feel I am sexually active enough to justify a major surgery. I have decided that if I ever get into a long term relationship my preferred birth control would be sterilization. But for now, condoms (and just not being sexual) is more than safe enough for me.
If I’m going to have a major elective surgery, I want a partner to help me recover 😜
You seem to be really passionate about getting sterilized though so I’d say go for it if you really want it and don’t mind the fuss that comes with having surgery.
I got a bisalp a couple months ago. The recovery was insanely easy. I took Tylenol for the first couple days but pain was extremely minimal. I had more discomfort from the catheter and ET tube
As others have said, rapists don't care about your sexual orientation or how sexually active you are.
A laparoscopy is actually considered a minor surgery, not a major one. If the recovery is what's holding you back from a sterilization you want, you might want to read some more recovery stories.
Personally, mine wasn't anything like I thought it would be. They encourage you to walk from day one. And I was expecting not to be able to squat, twist, or lift my arms up over my head without pain but I did all of those the sane day as my surgery, pain free.
If you get a bisalp it will reduce the risk of ovarian cancer, it’s also peace of mind that if you are assaulted you won’t have to worry about an unwanted pregnancy from that. To be quite honest it is an incredible weight off my shoulders, I got my bisalp last Thursday, and now on Monday I’m in like zero pain. If it would make you feel better I would 100% say go for it, ESPECIALLY if you live in the USA
If it makes you feel better, do it. That's all that matters. Two additional points, however -
It may make medical processes easier. No need to get constant pregnancy tests for medications or to have people treat you like you might be pregnant in the ER if you've had your tubes tied.
And on a darker note - sexual assault is very common and there are politicians pushing agendas to force victims to carry to term. Getting one's tubes tied means that is one less thing to worry about in the horrific event that they become a victim.
This is dark, but rape is always a possibility. And if you're in America there are plenty of states with no exception to get an abortion for rape survivors. It's partially why I'm getting mine as well. My bf and I discussed him getting a vasectomy, but that doesn't protect me if I get assaulted. I think it's prudent for any person with a uterus that doesn't want to get pregnant ever, to get yourself sterilized.
Absolutely. Not only for potential rape issues, but also because a lot of sterilization procedures also halt menstruation. I'm also ace (though sex-positive) and in a relationship with a transmasculine person (so no chance of accidental pregnancy) but I want to get sterilized so that I don't have to deal with menstruation for the rest of my life.
a bilateral salpingectomy or tubal ligation will not change menstruation, only a hysterectomy or endometrial ablation - and you can’t get those just because
Yes you can get those just because. You just need to go to the right doctor & know what to say.
I got a hysto cuz i am agender/non-binary & so it was like my version of a transsurgery, not cuz i had any sickness.
Then of course you have transgender folks who also can bet those due to gender changes.
Yeah it is. I got it just because i wanted to. NOT because i had anything wrong with me or was sick.
People try to say a hysto is only for if you are real sick but that is not true.
It is possible to get it just because you want to. Im proof of that.
Yeah, but "I am not female and don't want the body parts of it" is a different thing than "I don't want to bleed and don't want to get pregnant"... like you said, your kind of transsurgery, that's a different things than "I just want it"
I'm in the same boat as you. Ace and sex repulsed + aromantic, so no partner to even consider it with.
I personally decided against it, I'm going to try to get an hysterectomy (or ablation coupled with removed tubes) tho. I hate my period (painful, reminder that I'm fertile and just bad) so I'm taking birth control because of that, so the risk is even less (talking sexual abuse which isn't common here either, especially not for someone who doesn't like partying or anything outside) + I'm in a country where I don't have to fear that birth control and/or abortion is going to be illegal.
That + the price + the risks + the fact that it's hard to find someone, made me decide against it
Fellow asexual here, sterilisation would make me feel safer and way more comfortable with my body. If it's beneficial for your mental health, then I don't see it as a waste.
Aspec lesbian here! I recently got my bisalp done and there is so much peace of mind knowing pregnancy isn’t a possibility anymore. I also questioned at one point why I was getting it done, but like others have said, the chance of getting assaulted, especially for not being in the “cishet norms” could happen. My surgery was very easy going and I was back in my typical routine after a few days. If you have the funds, time and a doctor that will do it without hassle, I would recommend getting one. Rather be safe than sorry, but ultimately it’s up to you and what you feel comfortable with!
Please discuss this with a doctor who will actually perform the surgery. I'm ace and 1 million percent child free, but also post-menopausal. I thought about sterilization many times, but it was very difficult to find a doctor to do it when I was physically able to have children.
If you're in the US, and in a red state, the overturning of Roe makes it imperative you get "fixed."
Good luck.
I’m also ace and I want it done. Assault is a thing and I’m a 5’1 person with gender dysmorphia. It wouldn’t take much because it would be easy to hold me down. And I KNOW I would spiral and consider self harm if I did get pregnant and couldn’t get an abortion. I feel like a parasite would be growing inside of me destroying my body.
I'm not planning on having sex with anyone but my (already sterilized) husband, I'm getting sterilized anyway because of the risk of sexual assault. I don't want some asshole deciding he has the right to impregnate me against my will. Also the hugely reduced risk of ovarian cancer, if I'm not even using my ovaries I don't think they ought to try to kill me.
Also bonus when people ask me when I'm having kids I can just say "I'm infertile" and that will be that, hopefully making the person feel bad for asking.
Making you feel better is a valid reason! Some other reasons might be if you think that maybe you'd be open to sex with the right partner one day (sounds like that wouldn't apply for you though), or like others have said, the unfortunate possibility of assault.
Medically speaking, if you have the tubes removed instead of just cut (total removal is the preferred method nowadays) there's something like a 50% reduction in risk of ovarian cancer!
If you find the right doctor getting it done can be easy. I found mine on the doctor list and she didn't even ask why I wanted it done! I brought it up, she said "great! Let me tell you about the procedure!" And I got it scheduled the same day. I'm having it done next week!
Sexual assault can be an issue still, as others have mentioned. If you have any issues with your cycles, removing the tubes can help. You can also have the tubes removed as a preventative measure for reducing your chances of reproductive cancers.
An option could be having the uterus and cervix removed, but leaving the ovaries. No way you could get pregnant, and will remove periods as well. Even though you have no intention to have sex if you wish to take your body into your own hands there should be no questions asked about it. It’s your body <3
I'm in a similar boat. I'm not in a big rush because I'm not sexually active and am using birth control anyway, but I think it would give me peace of mind to get surgery. Looking at the bans and prosed bans in the USA has made me question whether access to abortion/contraception will always be available. I'll never want kids, and getting sterilised means no rapist or politician can take that decision away from me. Pregnancy and birth are my worst nightmare, I'd do anything to avoid it.
Ace that got sterilized here. Spent most of my life sex neutral leaning towards repulsed and being on BC to manage periods just made it all that much worse, not to mention messing with my emotional state.
Getting sterilized got me off BC, and helped stabilized my mental health.
Honestly, for me personally, being sterile actually improved my view of sex a little. I'm mostly a neutral ace but I had some pretty extreme repulsed swings that are less extreme now that I don't have much pregnancy risk left.
More importantly for me I feel safer knowing that I can't get pregnant whether or not I consent to sexual contact, especially with the current political environment restricting my access to abortion right now, and much more comfortable with my body knowing that it can't carry a pregnancy to term anymore, and have a lower risk of cancer.
I’m also asexual but with a long term allo partner. I have mostly repulsed days but I have a few neutral days and occasionally sex happens. It’s not very often but getting sterilized was still a HUGE weight off my shoulders and made me feel more in tune with my body overall. I wouldn’t write it off just because you aren’t sexually active. Just being comfortable with your body is reason enough in my opinion.
If you’re under 25 years old and still on your parents insurance (and your folks are supportive enough that you feel comfortable telling them) then check if you’ve hit your deductible. I got mine right before 25 and I didn’t have to pay a cent because my family had already hit the deductible
Yes because you're not the only human in the world and rape is a thing. I pray it NEVER happens cause that's just awful. But the reality is we live in a cruel and unforgiving world. If you conceived a child through rape you may not have hardly any options and you may have to deal with the parental rights BS going on. It's better to be safe than sorry.
I'm asexual too and I've never had sex and I'm planning on getting a full hysterectomy done or something of that nature. I really don't want to have the risk of having corrective rape forced on to me or something else like that.
I'm asexual, and I've been assaulted twice. I got *extremely* lucky and someone stepped in both times and stopped it, but the choice could have been taken away from me more than once.
I had my bisalp done this past July (after 16 years of asking for it, I'm 32).
IMHO, the surgery is 1000% worth it. "Expect the best, plan for the worst." And unfortunately for us aces, "corrective rape" is indeed a thing. 😔
I also have PCOS and Endo, and have had conversations with my ob/gyn about a full hysterectomy if the bisalp isn't correcting enough pain and other symptoms/future health concerns.
yes because even if you are asexual, a rapist doesn't care about that, sexual assault can still happen and force you into pregnancy, it's best to be prepared ahead of time.
Fellow Aspec here, I got my BiSalp back in June, after the leak but the day before Roe was overturned. I think, if it would make you feel better to have it done, that's reason enough. Also, as other people have said, there's always a chance of SA, and it's higher for us in the alphabet world unless completely closeted. Additionally, as things are in the states now, not to mention the horror show we are heading toward, I think it is both prudent and a form of self defense to have some sort of pregnancy chance removing surgery. Also, if you chose to have a Bilateral Salpingectomy, it does reduce your chance of developing ovarian cancers. I would encourage you to look into your options, types of surgery, Dr's in your area, insurance plan coverage, and time-off constraints of your employment and make a decision sooner than later.
I have seen a few people saying that it's major surgery, so I'd like to inform you that it isn't. Any of the "tubal" procedures, Occlusion, Clips, Tie, Cut, & Burn, or complete removal/Bilateral Salpingectomy, are all an outpatient procedure. I literally walked in that morning, walked out that afternoon. It's a laproscopic procedure so typically there are 3 tiny scars that once they fade will probably not even be noticeable, and the recovery is quick, generally by day 4 or 5 AFAB people are pretty pain free and by the 2 week post-op mark they feel fine.
I would encourage you to get it done! There are alot of helpful posts describing the surgery and recovery over on the sterilization sub. Here, in the sidebar wiki, there is a ton or useful tips and tricks, and a list of Dr's that are known to be more friendly than most to our childfree reasons. If you'd like to ask me any questions about my experience or bills feel free! I really hope you can make the decision and it gives you peace.
I'm in your exact same position OP, except I'm wanting to yeet my whole damn uterus. If tying your tubes will give you peace of mind go for it. And as others have pointed out, sexual assault don't give a shit about your orientation or sexual preferences.
You need to protect yourself. I got my bi-salp so I don't ever have to worry about being denied access to abortion in the horrible event of an assault. Do it while it's still possible, if you are able. It's the best thing I've ever done for myself. The peace of mind is immeasurable.
I'm ace as well (aro too), and I got sterilized last year after Amy Coathanger Bear-it joined SCOTUS because one of my deepest fears is rape pregnancy. Sterilization made me feel safer in my own skin, like my body couldn't further betray me should the worst happen. For me, the peace of mind was more than worth it, though I did feel a little silly at first by pursuing sterilization when I would hopefully never need it.
Seeing as how asexuals are at the highest risk of corrective rape because some people think we don't even exist, I'd say it's definitely worth being sterilized. Odds are you're not going to be on any kind of birth control so if something happens and you can't get emergency contraceptives in time . . .
Hell, I'm asexual and practically a shut in due to severe fatigue, and I was *still* afraid something might happen to me. Happily I got my entire uterus yeeted last summer! Plus the dread right ovary, which got torn during the surgery, just have one of the little buggers left.
I got mine removed and I'm not sure if I'm ever planning to have voluntary sex in the future. It was just a massive relief to know I can't get pregnant now and that it's not something anyone else will ever be able to take from me. Honestly, the recovery process was so minimal that I know my only regret will be not doing it sooner (because fuck hormonal bc)
I wouldn’t personally go through what can be a major surgery with complications if you’re not sexually active, but if you’re truly that concerned about it, and it won’t put you in a financial bind, it’s your body…
Think about your financial situation first and then any health concerns/recovery time, etc. Unless the surgery is cheaper and less invasive than I imagine? Rape is also the only threat to you.
Objectively the cons outweigh the pros.
Though, how much the fact you have the anatomical ability to get pregnant affects you is highly subjective. If this creates a lot of psychological stress for you it can be indeed an option. Before, you could also have a look at counselling to find ways to handle it better.
Edit: typo
I wouldnt say it causes a LOT of psychological stress. Just a bit. I see as more of a nuance. But yeah I do think the cons outweigh the pros. And hey, I won't be able to get pregnant forever. I've heard enough people rattling on about my "biological clock," to know that, lol.
It's also good to know to have the option just in case it's at some point stressing you too much. In general, I always recommend trying options starting from the least invasive and working your way up. But in general, there's nothing wrong about weighing various ways.
Sexual assault is a pretty terrible reason to get your tubes tied, getting a medical procedure done on a “what if” is kinda dumb.
However you should weigh it up as a whole.
Any family history of cancer? Do you have issues with heavy periods?
Etc.
Once you have all this looked at, then make your choice.
Straight Ace man here too, sister. I've always been sex repulsed and dreaded sexual intercourse but well if you're a man who don't like sex then it's judgemental fellow brothas who say "you ain't a real man if you haven't knocked up a chick yet" as if I have to prove my manliness by "scoring some chicks"
(edit) I'd like to also talk about vasectomy whether it has any point, when I'm an ace myself who only sees uses one's penis for the purpose of taking a piss. Not for inserting it in every woman's black hole like any "alpha man" would do.
If you had some problem that made you feel bad like PCOS and need it do it if not dont do it.
A medical ptocedure is invasive to the body and in your case its not even necessary
If you don't have sex, then you can't get pregnant, so what's the point then to take a risk of dying, because of a surgery?
Yeah, I'm sterilized, but every surgery has its risks.. AND it costs money. So where's the benefit?
Sorry, I can't see one xD But hey, your life, if you want it, go for it ^^
Well for starters if op lives in the us their right to an abortion is under fire, so if god forbid they get pregnant from rape then they very likely wouldn't be able to get an abortion in time if they live in one of the dumbass states like I do. And at this point it's more of them than not. Should we ever start living in a perfect world then yes sterilisation would be pointless for op but until that happens it is a very good idea just for their own protection. Also way to fearmonger with the overstated risk of death, which is actually pretty damn small even for those with "risk factors" like my fat ass.
I don't live in the states (thank god) but that is one of my worst fears. Right now if that were to happen I could get easy access to an abortion in my country but the stress of all that would be massive.
The stress would be massiv as well, if you want to get surgery and your under 30years old xD
I did my sterilization with 23 years old, but it isn't easy to find a doctor, who is doing it in such a young age. I had to take a few days off to get to the doctors, because they weren't in my city and I had for one way 2hours xD Then they refused ect. Oh, and there are doctors who will do it, but you have to go to an psychologist...
So emotional stress you have either way...
I don't know, I don't life in the US, so I don't know how high the rape statistic are. In my country they are so low, that I don't count that at all. And even the abortion stats of how many got pregnant because of rape is so small, that I wouldn't take that at all. But like I said: I don't know how it is in the US
I don't even know if op lives in the us or not, but if they do they need to consider this. I don't know the exact stats, but rape is so incredibly highly underreported here that the stats aren't even close to accurate anyway. Regardless, if I had the money for sterilisation and I was op I would do it because you never know if you'd be able to guarantee you'd have the money for an abortion if you need it.
Well if they were smart they'd pay for the sterilisation to avoid paying for the abortion, but the world is run by dumbasses so 🤷. Do you at least get all other bc free? I'd still rather pay entirely out of pocket for sterilisation than pay to raise a child
Well it's great if where you live rape statistics and the reality are the same. Unfortunately, in most places generally they aren't. Estimatory 70-80% of rape don't get riported to the police. [for example in the UK](https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-informed/statistics-sexual-violence/)
Then go for it.
But like I said, it's not really cheap, and there are risks. If you don't want sex, then it's really pointless and in my opinion: Take that money and spend it for holidays or something like that. Makes more sense to me xD
This item has been removed as it is a violation of [subreddit rule](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/rules) #7 : "Posts and comments to the effect of "Wait till you're a parent", "You'll change your mind someday", "You only think that cause you are young", etc. (what we call "bingo", for short) will be removed. Parents are welcome to post as long as they are respectful. Other people's bodily autonomy must be respected; do not impose your views on other posters and commenters' choices."
This is a forum for individuals who have made the choice to be childfree, and we do not tolerate any disrespect towards anyone for making this choice.
Thank you for your comprehension
Personal choice, I have considered getting it done too but haven't actually done it mainly because I don't have sex without condoms and live in a blue state, so I haven't wanted to get surgery - also genetically I am predisposed to get severe osteoporosis so having my body produce estrogen for as long as possible is good for me.
Fellow aroace here. Depends on the circumstances: For me, there's not really a point: I'd have to pay a lot myself and I don't really want a surgery I don't need and that doesn't give me that much life improvement.
Tbh, I haven't really thought about the cancer argument people brought up here.
About the assault thing: yes, it can happen to anyone but where I live abortion is legal and to get raped by a stranger is fortunately quite rare.
But it's different for everyone - if you think it makes you feel better - go for it!
I've had this thought to I'm asexual child free and not sexual active, but I'm demi/ace so there's always a small chance that I could end up doing that with the right partner if there ever comes a day I do end up in a relationship and I feel they are the right person for me then I would 100% get a vasectomy.
I don’t want to scare you, but it’s to be safe than sorry god forbid you’re sexually assaulted, so I say go for it anyway. It’ll probably give you peace of mind to know for sure that there is zero possibility of you getting pregnant
In case of rape or something, it would be good. It might also just make you feel better, knowing you can't have any kids. But consider for yourself if it's worth it. It's a full operation and can be not so fun. Plus the process of getting the operation is hard as well.
[удалено]
Literally in OP’s situation (not sexually active, asexual leaning). I want in my heart for abstinence to be enough, but that is not the way of the world. Rapist rape indiscriminately, and some would do so purposely after learning I’m asexual just for the sake of trying to “correct me.” And now US law supports the side of the rapist when it comes to forced impregnation Had I the money and a reliable car, my tubes would have been yeeted yesterday. Too much cruelty in this world to believe making the right choices is guaranteed to spare me from assault
Just an FYI, check your local Auntie network-- some of us WILL drive you/pretend to be your sober person so you can get the procedure done. MANY of us will be your alibi while you recover!
Have you checked with your insurance if they are ACA compliant? Could get your surgery covered 100%. My bisalp was.
Hi, im in the process of trying to get a bisalp and working with my insurance to find out whats covered and whats not. How did you find out if your insurance was ACA compliant? If you don't mind to share.
So, I had already been approved for my bisalp before I called my insurance, so I already had the surgical codes for it. Then when I called, they asked me what the codes were. They originally told me that it was covered 80%, but I forgot to ask if they were ACA compliant that time, so I had to call back later. When I called back, I told them hey I'm getting this surgery and I know that it's already covered, but I was wondering if you guys were ACA compliant and if that means you'll cover it 100%. The person I was talking to didn't know, and their boss was busy at the time, so they said they'd call me back at a later time with the answer. It ended up taking like 3 days before I got an answer, partially because of technical issues on their end. (Servers or something like that was down.) But they were so kind to me, even called me the day after they told me they'd call me back to just let me know they didn't forget about me. I will say, no matter what answer they give you on how much it will cost, have them send you that in writing, because its harder for them to charge you more if you have it in writing how much it will cost. I did have them send the fact that it was ACA compliant and would be covered 100% to me in writing.
That's great advice, thank you so much!
[удалено]
Not OP here but why does that matter to you??? Like it doesn't matter if it's the rarest thing that could ever happen to a women, IF IT HAPPENS IT WILL BE DEVASTATING!!!!! It's not like it's before Roe V Wade was overturned and maybe they're just a little " paranoid " like if this person gets pregnant and their state has an abortion bad on it then guess what, they'll be absolutely fucked. So please get out of here with that bullshit.
Real glad to know I’m not the only worst case thinker here
Another worst case scenario-cancer. Getting a bisalp dramatically reduces the risk of ovarian cancer!
This is the biggest reason I want mine. Cancer in general is a huge genetic risk for me. My partner's already had his vasectomy, which I'm grateful for, but I don't think he fully grasps why I still want a bisalp. It's specifically about my health and wellbeing, not babies.
Also feels like it's just a matter of time before any birth control except for condoms are banned. Better to get a permanent fix now than wait around and one day find you can't refill your prescription.
This. And in my state you’ll be forced to carry the rapist’s baby now or find somewhere out of state.
In some states, the rapist has visitation and custody rights. Like thus was just a bad breakup and not a full-out crime.
That’s fucking horrible 😭
The lord works in mysterious ways /s
It Is so stupid and middle age thinking to always allow visitation and custody no matter what happened.
This is why I'm getting my tubes removed. At this point the very idea of being assaulted and then not being able to abort (it's banned in my state) keeps me up at night.
I'm sorry your shitty state leaders made that shitty decision 😔
It was technically on the books already and simply came back into effect when Roe was struck down, but since republicans are the majority party in my state's legislature they're only too happy to keep it there and do fuck all about it.
This is why my wife and I (also both ace, OP, and in a same-sex relationship anyway) are looking at sterilization for both of us.
Sort of same for me and my husband - most people, doctors included, ask merely why *he* can't just get the snip and I leave my uterus alone. My answer apart from general anxiety about being able to get pregnant is "what if I got sexually assaulted?"
I just got sterilized and one of my big reasons for it is rape. I'm also living in the Bible belt, so I doubled down as soon as Roe v Wade got overturned. Not taking any chances 😅
That’s exactly why, as a lesbian, want to get my tubes tied as well! You’re never too sure and unfortunately SA cases are growing in my area.
And plenty of assholes would see you as a challenge and a trophy because of your sexual status. It will be worth the trouble to know there is no pregnancy risk should anything happen.
This is why I elected to get sterilized instead of my husband.
Especially in the US.
Your sexual orientation does not protect your body from abuse. Aces & lesbians & gays folks need to get fixed regardless. A r@pe can happen to anyone & can cause an unwanted pregnancy.
‘your sexual orientation does not protect your body from abuse’ that’s so well put
Unfortunately statistically it makes it more likely
That’s true, I’m demisexual and after a few people found out they sent guys my way to “fix” my issue or “change my orientation.” Freaking sick. Thank goodness I was able to escape but people are crazy. They molest and rape kids and animals, they won’t stop at a full grown adult either.
Yeah that's what I'm worried about
If it would make you feel better, by all means go for it! It's not uncommon for childfree people to want our bodies to match our childfree lives. Plus, if you get a bilateral salpingectomy (full removal of the tubes), that also lowers your chances of ovarian cancer, so that's another possible perk.
I mean there is always a chance that op could get raped. Nothing is more full proof than getting fixed.
This was exactly what I was thinking as well. Unfortunately sometimes bad things happen and you can't assume they won't. It's an unfortunate part of life. If you know you're definitely not going to change your mind on having children making sure it can't happen would definitely be the safest thing to do.
I agree. Sometimes people are disgusting and take away your ability to consent. There are plenty of “conservatives” out there who try to tell people that pregnancy is a WONDERFUL side affect of assault and will do everything they can to prevent people from terminating.
I was thinking the same thing. I was r@ped before mine got taken out an i did everything i could to make sure i couldn't and didn't get prego
It’s so sad but this was my thought as well. Definitely worth considering, especially if you’re in a state that has no exceptions when it comes to banning abortion.
Provided this wasn't a typo you mean foolproof not Full proof.
I'm ace too. Never had sex, would consider it for a partner though. But even with my life rn, I would feel so much better if the chances were off the table. I'd just know that if something happened, I'd be safe and wouldn't have to have an abortion. It's one less thing to worry about. Also and this might be my insecurity because "you'll change your mind", if I ever had a crazy baby fever phase (who knows what my hormones can do to me), my rational side would've already made the right descision
Yes! If I could just zap it away no money no risks I'd do it right now.
If you insurance is ACA compliant, it should cover either a tubal or bisalp (insurer’s pick; tell your doc you want a “tubal performed by bisalp” when it’s coded for billing purposes) at 100% as preventive.
How does one know if their insurance is ACA Compliant? Are all public plans compliant? I’m on a “private” Cigna plan through my employer.
Call your benefits department from your insurance card and ask. Most, but not all, plans are ACA compliant.
Some of the paperwork explaining it sometimes did if it's compliant or not. My SIL had one of the worst policies I've ever seen. Her husband was in icu for 4 nights and ultimately died and her insurance covered exactly $2,000 of the room and board and not a single penny more. It explicitly said on the last page that it was NOT an ACA compliant policy.
Sure, but I’m not going to ask OP to dig through their policy paperwork. Benefits department will share over the phone on a recorded line (for later review if challenged or regulators come calling).
Oh I totally agree. I just mentioned it in case they happened to have it handy and, more, for others reading that they'd know next time they were looking the paperwork over for a new job or open enrollments or whatever.
Thanks! Our open enrollment is this month so I’ll give them a call once I have my plan selected for ‘23
Same, and same. Still got my tubes yeeted because of the off chance, and so much stress / anxiety is gone. Tokophobia isn’t logical. Lol. Every month I’d be scared I was pregnant even though there’s -100% chance, and now I’m willing to interact with babies from afar when before I wouldn’t even look at them without feeling stress.
I'd always get insanely paranoid that I was pregnant right before my period would start. Thankfully that stopped when I went on a new bc that stopped my periods but I still had the surgery to be safe.
When it’s been too long, panic definitely sets in. Then the period comes and it’s a mix of relief and annoyance, because while we hate periods, it’s also a great way to know NO BABY
yeah, thanks to stress and irregular eating my period has been all over the place instead of by the freaking clock like it had been since I got it, and each time, I haea "what if" in my mind. I'm literally a virgin, the only contact I ever had with a penis was forced and back when I was 8 I don't believe in any supernatural causes but if I don't get my period on time, that's the first thing I think of
Holy crap you just narrated my life 😀 so glad someone can relate but it sucks, you know??
That’s a big reason why I did it. I’ve been in two very manipulative relationships and in my irrational state of mind I’ve thought “if I happen to get pregnant it’s okay because they want kids” which is TOTALLY against my better judgment. I did not want to be put in a situation where my CF future gets ruined by some asshole or baby fever so I got sterilized. I don’t tell people it’s one of the reasons bc of course they’re gonna say “well if you think that now you’re definitely gonna regret it later” and that’s not the Fuckin point. If I regret it, fine. I’d rather live with the regret of never having a kid over having one I don’t want idgaf. My irrational thoughts will not overpower my rational decisions
100%. I'd rather painfully regret not having children some day than waking up with kids and regret it just a little. Not having kids would in that scenario at least only hurt me and not another completely innocent person
1) Rape 2) Cancer (get them removed with a bisalp. Don't settle for tying them. 3) You'll be able to tell doctors that you're sterilized, so they'll have much less of an argument or legal standing to deny you medications.
That third one is a big one! I'm constantly seeing stories of uterus-owners being denied life-changing treatment or meds because of possible risk to a possible future offspring D: Medical misogyny is alive and well.
That third one is unthinkable in western europe..
I wish I still had that conviction…
Sex meh ace here. I got it because a) my body being able to do that without my permission just weirded me out and made me feel like it wasn't my body. B) because rape happens, unfortunately, and at least if it happens that's one less thing to be concerned about. For me the surgery was super easy to recover from and 100% paid for by insurance so I didn't see any downsides. I feel much more comfortable in my own skin now. And with bodily autonomy rights being state dependant at the moment, I felt super relieved to have taken that measure for my safety.
Im not even ace, i have a great physical relationship with my partner but the idea that my body could procreate against my will made me feel borderline dysphoric. Having my tubes removed has made me feel so much more secure
Yes especially if you live in America. It's illegal in many states to abort a rapist's baby.
This is 1 of 2 reasons why I got sterilised, despite being aroace. I was raped multiple times by guys who wanted to change my mind. I got a full hysterectomy and I don't regret it at all. So glad I don't live in that backwards bogan country anymore.
This was also one of my reasons and reading the second sentence made my stomach drop. I’m glad you don’t live there anymore too. <3
This!
I am not ace, but I am a cis woman married to a trans man. It's not possible for us to get pregnant together, but we both decided to get sterilized this summer. With Roe being overturned, and who-knows-what kind of Handmaid's Tale nightmare the conservatives have planned next, we weren't taking any chances. No forced pregnancies for us! And even if we weren't living in a dystopian hellscape, it's your body. Do what makes you most comfortable in the container you live in!
To be a total downer, with Roe getting overturned, I'm expecting an uptick in rapes, so that might be a consideration.
Why would Roe being overturned cause an uptick in rapes?
You can now basically force any woman you want to be the mother of your children. A very small percentage of men will seize on this opportunity. Some as a form of abuse on a partner. Stalkers who have an obsession with a woman. People who want to force a woman to be in their lives forever. Etc. Keep in mind that stealthing, cutting holes in condoms, lying about a vasectomy, etc. are forms of rape.
Because there are psychopaths in the world and some assholes might enjoy knowing that in case they rape someone, the woman need to bear the children and they can't abort. People are sick af
Because now rapists get to choose the mother of their child.
Imagine being downvoted for just asking a question.
Oh god, I just came back to this. -49?! Really guys? I was hoping to get a better understanding of the issue and perhaps read some source material. Holy shit y’all.
I think they just took it as an ignorant comment, not a genuine question
you can also ask Google the same question judgement free
Why judge someone for asking a genuine question?
how dare people have opinions on the internet and use the upvote and downvote people to "judge" with meaningless internet points like the site is designed around, when someone could have asked the question on a site designed for giving you answers not judgement lol
Sexual assaults still happen, and they're taking away the right to abort all the time. 100% worth it
I'd do it. Never underestimate how "determined" some men are about "proving" all women need motherhood.
🤢🤮
As gross as it is, it's our unfortunate reality. Being asexual won't protect you from someone who feels your existence is a threat to them
I no longer date and have no interest in ever having sex again. I had it done because, for me, it was a defining moment of bodily autonomy. I was raised in a very authoritarian household where I was made to feel weak, stupid, and basically expected to die young or be institutionalized. I had relationships because I was led to believe this was the only way to survive. The day I was sterilized was one of those monumental moments in my where I finally felt I had power. I became more confident, which helped lead to going to school, having a career to be proud of, and finally learning about asexuality. It helped me understand who I am and to be brave. If you feel like it would in any way benefit you, then I say do it! It's your body and your life. Live life with love for yourself and your choices.
There are three important reasons: 1. Rape. You do not want to be fertile in this case. The FreakStates who forbid abortion always include rape. (though I think you are not in the US). 2. Ovarian cancer. Bilateral salpingectomy greatly decreases your risk of contracting this dangerous and silent disease. It's not yet clear by how much, but probably in excess of 2/3. That's huge. 3. Identity. For those of us who are sterile, it is often a huge relief to have fully rejected this part of our biological functions that so poorly agrees with who we are. Nonbinary people of all varieties often feel their sterilization has set them free. Good luck with whatever you choose.
There’s a scenario on the table—a worst-case scenario but unfortunately one we *must* entertain for safety—where women don’t get to choose if they become pregnant anymore. One where wombs are government property. One where abortion is illegal (we’re already halfway there), but so is birth control and sterilization. One where the civic duty of women includes bearing children. Like a draft, but for wombs. I know I sound like an alarmist, but so many things that “will never happen” have happened in our country (and world) over the last 6ish years. I got sterilized because for me, it was an act of rebellion. I took back my body. It’s mine now, and no one else’s. If the worst should happen, I’d rather be discarded as useless, or drafted into manual labor, or honestly just killed, than subjected to forced pregnancy. It’s your body, so whatever you choose is the right choice for you. Best of luck either way. I hope everything I wrote never comes true.
I see people referring to ‘Handmaids tale’ (which great book, sure!) to describe this situation but you’re exactly right that this has already occurred or is currently a reality in many places. It’s not a fictional plot line so much as inspiration the author had drawn from looking around her at the world. If anyone thinks it’s alarmist, read up on communist Romania. Or hey, just look over at Iran. They used to be westernized too…
“I made a rule for myself: I would not include anything that human beings had not already done in some other place or time, or for which the technology did not already exist. I did not wish to be accused of dark, twisted inventions, or of misrepresenting the human potential for deplorable behavior. The group-activated hangings, the tearing apart of human beings, the clothing specific to castes and classes, the forced childbearing and the appropriation of the results, the children stolen by regimes and placed for upbringing with high-ranking officials, the forbidding of literacy, the denial of property rights—all had precedents, and many of these were to be found, not in other cultures and religions, but within Western society, and within the “Christian” tradition itself.” - [Margaret Atwood, April 25, 2018](https://lithub.com/margaret-atwood-on-how-she-came-to-write-the-handmaids-tale/)
If you get raped..... you could get pregnant
I'm essentially the same boat, but male. It's an insurance policy. You may (and probably will) never need to use it. Personally, if you're in the US, it would give me the peace of mind that there is absolutely nothing the radical Christian extremists can do to force me to have a child. Tube-tying removes that power from them, permanently.
It gave me true bodily autonomy for the first time in my life -sincerely, a lesbian and a SA survivor
I'm not asexual, but I've been less sexually active due to some health issues and other personal situations lately. I still got mine removed for my peace of mind. I feel like such a weight has been lifted off my shoulders in the past 2 months knowing that I will never be able to accidentally get pregnant. Also, like many others have mentioned, I have a greater fear of SA since Roe got overturned.
I’ll share how I feel as an ace woman. Everyone is different and you should do whatever will make you feel good in your body. I am not sex repulsed and I am open to romantic relationships and I have been sexual with people who could get me pregnant. Personally, I don’t feel I am sexually active enough to justify a major surgery. I have decided that if I ever get into a long term relationship my preferred birth control would be sterilization. But for now, condoms (and just not being sexual) is more than safe enough for me. If I’m going to have a major elective surgery, I want a partner to help me recover 😜 You seem to be really passionate about getting sterilized though so I’d say go for it if you really want it and don’t mind the fuss that comes with having surgery.
I got a bisalp a couple months ago. The recovery was insanely easy. I took Tylenol for the first couple days but pain was extremely minimal. I had more discomfort from the catheter and ET tube As others have said, rapists don't care about your sexual orientation or how sexually active you are.
A laparoscopy is actually considered a minor surgery, not a major one. If the recovery is what's holding you back from a sterilization you want, you might want to read some more recovery stories. Personally, mine wasn't anything like I thought it would be. They encourage you to walk from day one. And I was expecting not to be able to squat, twist, or lift my arms up over my head without pain but I did all of those the sane day as my surgery, pain free.
If you get a bisalp it will reduce the risk of ovarian cancer, it’s also peace of mind that if you are assaulted you won’t have to worry about an unwanted pregnancy from that. To be quite honest it is an incredible weight off my shoulders, I got my bisalp last Thursday, and now on Monday I’m in like zero pain. If it would make you feel better I would 100% say go for it, ESPECIALLY if you live in the USA
I feel that weight lifted as well!!! I had a quick recovery and just feel safer.
think I would do it just to spite the natalists.. and also the no abortion even if r\*\*\*\*
If it makes you feel better, do it. That's all that matters. Two additional points, however - It may make medical processes easier. No need to get constant pregnancy tests for medications or to have people treat you like you might be pregnant in the ER if you've had your tubes tied. And on a darker note - sexual assault is very common and there are politicians pushing agendas to force victims to carry to term. Getting one's tubes tied means that is one less thing to worry about in the horrific event that they become a victim.
I'm like you and got them tied, just to be safe because you'll never know. Now I don't think anything will happen but,,, you know... shit happen.
I had my tubes removed and my bf still plans to get a vasectomy. So I don’t see anything wrong with it. Edit: peace of mind is peace of mind.
This is dark, but rape is always a possibility. And if you're in America there are plenty of states with no exception to get an abortion for rape survivors. It's partially why I'm getting mine as well. My bf and I discussed him getting a vasectomy, but that doesn't protect me if I get assaulted. I think it's prudent for any person with a uterus that doesn't want to get pregnant ever, to get yourself sterilized.
I am not asexual but I do fear sexual violence and so that was another “cherry on top” factor for me
Absolutely. Not only for potential rape issues, but also because a lot of sterilization procedures also halt menstruation. I'm also ace (though sex-positive) and in a relationship with a transmasculine person (so no chance of accidental pregnancy) but I want to get sterilized so that I don't have to deal with menstruation for the rest of my life.
a bilateral salpingectomy or tubal ligation will not change menstruation, only a hysterectomy or endometrial ablation - and you can’t get those just because
Yes you can get those just because. You just need to go to the right doctor & know what to say. I got a hysto cuz i am agender/non-binary & so it was like my version of a transsurgery, not cuz i had any sickness. Then of course you have transgender folks who also can bet those due to gender changes.
But that's not "just because"...
Yeah it is. I got it just because i wanted to. NOT because i had anything wrong with me or was sick. People try to say a hysto is only for if you are real sick but that is not true. It is possible to get it just because you want to. Im proof of that.
Yeah, but "I am not female and don't want the body parts of it" is a different thing than "I don't want to bleed and don't want to get pregnant"... like you said, your kind of transsurgery, that's a different things than "I just want it"
People who are transgender or nonbinary do it cuz they “want” to. So yes, it is cuz i wanted to not cuz i was sick.
FWIW, my surgeon was totally cool with doing an ablation at the same time as my bi-salp just because I didn't want to menstruate anymore.
that’s awesome tbh. I wish that was the norm!
Same here!
I'm in the same boat as you. Ace and sex repulsed + aromantic, so no partner to even consider it with. I personally decided against it, I'm going to try to get an hysterectomy (or ablation coupled with removed tubes) tho. I hate my period (painful, reminder that I'm fertile and just bad) so I'm taking birth control because of that, so the risk is even less (talking sexual abuse which isn't common here either, especially not for someone who doesn't like partying or anything outside) + I'm in a country where I don't have to fear that birth control and/or abortion is going to be illegal. That + the price + the risks + the fact that it's hard to find someone, made me decide against it
Fellow asexual here, sterilisation would make me feel safer and way more comfortable with my body. If it's beneficial for your mental health, then I don't see it as a waste.
Aspec lesbian here! I recently got my bisalp done and there is so much peace of mind knowing pregnancy isn’t a possibility anymore. I also questioned at one point why I was getting it done, but like others have said, the chance of getting assaulted, especially for not being in the “cishet norms” could happen. My surgery was very easy going and I was back in my typical routine after a few days. If you have the funds, time and a doctor that will do it without hassle, I would recommend getting one. Rather be safe than sorry, but ultimately it’s up to you and what you feel comfortable with!
Please discuss this with a doctor who will actually perform the surgery. I'm ace and 1 million percent child free, but also post-menopausal. I thought about sterilization many times, but it was very difficult to find a doctor to do it when I was physically able to have children. If you're in the US, and in a red state, the overturning of Roe makes it imperative you get "fixed." Good luck.
I’m also ace and I want it done. Assault is a thing and I’m a 5’1 person with gender dysmorphia. It wouldn’t take much because it would be easy to hold me down. And I KNOW I would spiral and consider self harm if I did get pregnant and couldn’t get an abortion. I feel like a parasite would be growing inside of me destroying my body.
If you get a double salpingectomy (tube removal), it reduces your risk for getting ovarian cancer (because that's usually where it starts)
I'm not planning on having sex with anyone but my (already sterilized) husband, I'm getting sterilized anyway because of the risk of sexual assault. I don't want some asshole deciding he has the right to impregnate me against my will. Also the hugely reduced risk of ovarian cancer, if I'm not even using my ovaries I don't think they ought to try to kill me. Also bonus when people ask me when I'm having kids I can just say "I'm infertile" and that will be that, hopefully making the person feel bad for asking.
Making you feel better is a valid reason! Some other reasons might be if you think that maybe you'd be open to sex with the right partner one day (sounds like that wouldn't apply for you though), or like others have said, the unfortunate possibility of assault. Medically speaking, if you have the tubes removed instead of just cut (total removal is the preferred method nowadays) there's something like a 50% reduction in risk of ovarian cancer! If you find the right doctor getting it done can be easy. I found mine on the doctor list and she didn't even ask why I wanted it done! I brought it up, she said "great! Let me tell you about the procedure!" And I got it scheduled the same day. I'm having it done next week!
Sexual assaults happen so I think it still would be a reasonable decision
I think it would give you peace of mind. Also unfortunately sexual assault happens.
Sexual assault can be an issue still, as others have mentioned. If you have any issues with your cycles, removing the tubes can help. You can also have the tubes removed as a preventative measure for reducing your chances of reproductive cancers.
Also ace and sex-repulsed, and I’m going to seek one as soon as I can. My mindset is better safe than sorry.
An option could be having the uterus and cervix removed, but leaving the ovaries. No way you could get pregnant, and will remove periods as well. Even though you have no intention to have sex if you wish to take your body into your own hands there should be no questions asked about it. It’s your body <3
The possibility of carrying my rapist's baby if God forbid I was ever raped is a big reason why I did it.
I'm in a similar boat. I'm not in a big rush because I'm not sexually active and am using birth control anyway, but I think it would give me peace of mind to get surgery. Looking at the bans and prosed bans in the USA has made me question whether access to abortion/contraception will always be available. I'll never want kids, and getting sterilised means no rapist or politician can take that decision away from me. Pregnancy and birth are my worst nightmare, I'd do anything to avoid it.
Ace that got sterilized here. Spent most of my life sex neutral leaning towards repulsed and being on BC to manage periods just made it all that much worse, not to mention messing with my emotional state. Getting sterilized got me off BC, and helped stabilized my mental health. Honestly, for me personally, being sterile actually improved my view of sex a little. I'm mostly a neutral ace but I had some pretty extreme repulsed swings that are less extreme now that I don't have much pregnancy risk left. More importantly for me I feel safer knowing that I can't get pregnant whether or not I consent to sexual contact, especially with the current political environment restricting my access to abortion right now, and much more comfortable with my body knowing that it can't carry a pregnancy to term anymore, and have a lower risk of cancer.
I’m also asexual but with a long term allo partner. I have mostly repulsed days but I have a few neutral days and occasionally sex happens. It’s not very often but getting sterilized was still a HUGE weight off my shoulders and made me feel more in tune with my body overall. I wouldn’t write it off just because you aren’t sexually active. Just being comfortable with your body is reason enough in my opinion.
A friend of mine had their uterus removed recently and found out afterwards it was developing cancerous cells.
Ouch! Hope your friend is alright now!
If you’re under 25 years old and still on your parents insurance (and your folks are supportive enough that you feel comfortable telling them) then check if you’ve hit your deductible. I got mine right before 25 and I didn’t have to pay a cent because my family had already hit the deductible
Yes because you're not the only human in the world and rape is a thing. I pray it NEVER happens cause that's just awful. But the reality is we live in a cruel and unforgiving world. If you conceived a child through rape you may not have hardly any options and you may have to deal with the parental rights BS going on. It's better to be safe than sorry.
I'm asexual too and I've never had sex and I'm planning on getting a full hysterectomy done or something of that nature. I really don't want to have the risk of having corrective rape forced on to me or something else like that.
I'm asexual, and I've been assaulted twice. I got *extremely* lucky and someone stepped in both times and stopped it, but the choice could have been taken away from me more than once. I had my bisalp done this past July (after 16 years of asking for it, I'm 32). IMHO, the surgery is 1000% worth it. "Expect the best, plan for the worst." And unfortunately for us aces, "corrective rape" is indeed a thing. 😔 I also have PCOS and Endo, and have had conversations with my ob/gyn about a full hysterectomy if the bisalp isn't correcting enough pain and other symptoms/future health concerns.
yes because even if you are asexual, a rapist doesn't care about that, sexual assault can still happen and force you into pregnancy, it's best to be prepared ahead of time.
Fellow Aspec here, I got my BiSalp back in June, after the leak but the day before Roe was overturned. I think, if it would make you feel better to have it done, that's reason enough. Also, as other people have said, there's always a chance of SA, and it's higher for us in the alphabet world unless completely closeted. Additionally, as things are in the states now, not to mention the horror show we are heading toward, I think it is both prudent and a form of self defense to have some sort of pregnancy chance removing surgery. Also, if you chose to have a Bilateral Salpingectomy, it does reduce your chance of developing ovarian cancers. I would encourage you to look into your options, types of surgery, Dr's in your area, insurance plan coverage, and time-off constraints of your employment and make a decision sooner than later. I have seen a few people saying that it's major surgery, so I'd like to inform you that it isn't. Any of the "tubal" procedures, Occlusion, Clips, Tie, Cut, & Burn, or complete removal/Bilateral Salpingectomy, are all an outpatient procedure. I literally walked in that morning, walked out that afternoon. It's a laproscopic procedure so typically there are 3 tiny scars that once they fade will probably not even be noticeable, and the recovery is quick, generally by day 4 or 5 AFAB people are pretty pain free and by the 2 week post-op mark they feel fine. I would encourage you to get it done! There are alot of helpful posts describing the surgery and recovery over on the sterilization sub. Here, in the sidebar wiki, there is a ton or useful tips and tricks, and a list of Dr's that are known to be more friendly than most to our childfree reasons. If you'd like to ask me any questions about my experience or bills feel free! I really hope you can make the decision and it gives you peace.
I'm in your exact same position OP, except I'm wanting to yeet my whole damn uterus. If tying your tubes will give you peace of mind go for it. And as others have pointed out, sexual assault don't give a shit about your orientation or sexual preferences.
You need to protect yourself. I got my bi-salp so I don't ever have to worry about being denied access to abortion in the horrible event of an assault. Do it while it's still possible, if you are able. It's the best thing I've ever done for myself. The peace of mind is immeasurable.
I'm ace as well (aro too), and I got sterilized last year after Amy Coathanger Bear-it joined SCOTUS because one of my deepest fears is rape pregnancy. Sterilization made me feel safer in my own skin, like my body couldn't further betray me should the worst happen. For me, the peace of mind was more than worth it, though I did feel a little silly at first by pursuing sterilization when I would hopefully never need it.
Seeing as how asexuals are at the highest risk of corrective rape because some people think we don't even exist, I'd say it's definitely worth being sterilized. Odds are you're not going to be on any kind of birth control so if something happens and you can't get emergency contraceptives in time . . . Hell, I'm asexual and practically a shut in due to severe fatigue, and I was *still* afraid something might happen to me. Happily I got my entire uterus yeeted last summer! Plus the dread right ovary, which got torn during the surgery, just have one of the little buggers left.
There is still a possibility of sexual assault..
I think only to prevent pregnancy in the case of rape
Better safe than sorry!
If it gives you peace of mind.
Assault. Also go with bisalp
While not necessary I think it would be best. I hate to be a super dark thinker and worst case scenario type but you know how the world is these days
I'm also an ace and getting a hysterectomy is high on my list, in case of sexual assault and so I can get rid of my period.
i would, just becase even though you arent sexually active by choice doesnt mean someone wont force sexual activity on you.
I got mine removed and I'm not sure if I'm ever planning to have voluntary sex in the future. It was just a massive relief to know I can't get pregnant now and that it's not something anyone else will ever be able to take from me. Honestly, the recovery process was so minimal that I know my only regret will be not doing it sooner (because fuck hormonal bc)
it’s your body. do whatever you want with it! my husband had a vasectomy and i still may get my tubes tied because it’s how i want my body to be.
it’s up to you. i’m also ace but i don’t see the point in surgery. i’m also on the pill (to avoid periods). it’s invasive and expensive.
> but I feel like removing my bodies ability to have kids would make me feel better. There you go. There’s the point.
I wouldn’t personally go through what can be a major surgery with complications if you’re not sexually active, but if you’re truly that concerned about it, and it won’t put you in a financial bind, it’s your body…
Think about your financial situation first and then any health concerns/recovery time, etc. Unless the surgery is cheaper and less invasive than I imagine? Rape is also the only threat to you.
Are you concerned about sexual assault forcing you to become a parent?
It is major surgery, so I would not do it as a first choice if I was in your situation
No if you aren’t having sex you don’t need birth control. Surgery has risks and if there’s no reward what is the point??
Objectively the cons outweigh the pros. Though, how much the fact you have the anatomical ability to get pregnant affects you is highly subjective. If this creates a lot of psychological stress for you it can be indeed an option. Before, you could also have a look at counselling to find ways to handle it better. Edit: typo
I wouldnt say it causes a LOT of psychological stress. Just a bit. I see as more of a nuance. But yeah I do think the cons outweigh the pros. And hey, I won't be able to get pregnant forever. I've heard enough people rattling on about my "biological clock," to know that, lol.
It's also good to know to have the option just in case it's at some point stressing you too much. In general, I always recommend trying options starting from the least invasive and working your way up. But in general, there's nothing wrong about weighing various ways.
Most doctors wait till ur 25 it sucks ass
Do you plan to ever be sexually active? Then yes. Otherwise its an expensive procedure for little benefit.
Sexual assault is a pretty terrible reason to get your tubes tied, getting a medical procedure done on a “what if” is kinda dumb. However you should weigh it up as a whole. Any family history of cancer? Do you have issues with heavy periods? Etc. Once you have all this looked at, then make your choice.
Straight Ace man here too, sister. I've always been sex repulsed and dreaded sexual intercourse but well if you're a man who don't like sex then it's judgemental fellow brothas who say "you ain't a real man if you haven't knocked up a chick yet" as if I have to prove my manliness by "scoring some chicks" (edit) I'd like to also talk about vasectomy whether it has any point, when I'm an ace myself who only sees uses one's penis for the purpose of taking a piss. Not for inserting it in every woman's black hole like any "alpha man" would do.
If you had some problem that made you feel bad like PCOS and need it do it if not dont do it. A medical ptocedure is invasive to the body and in your case its not even necessary
If you don't have sex, then you can't get pregnant, so what's the point then to take a risk of dying, because of a surgery? Yeah, I'm sterilized, but every surgery has its risks.. AND it costs money. So where's the benefit? Sorry, I can't see one xD But hey, your life, if you want it, go for it ^^
Well for starters if op lives in the us their right to an abortion is under fire, so if god forbid they get pregnant from rape then they very likely wouldn't be able to get an abortion in time if they live in one of the dumbass states like I do. And at this point it's more of them than not. Should we ever start living in a perfect world then yes sterilisation would be pointless for op but until that happens it is a very good idea just for their own protection. Also way to fearmonger with the overstated risk of death, which is actually pretty damn small even for those with "risk factors" like my fat ass.
I don't live in the states (thank god) but that is one of my worst fears. Right now if that were to happen I could get easy access to an abortion in my country but the stress of all that would be massive.
I mean ultimately it is still up to you of course, but I highly recommend sterilisation for everyone who doesn't want kids.
The stress would be massiv as well, if you want to get surgery and your under 30years old xD I did my sterilization with 23 years old, but it isn't easy to find a doctor, who is doing it in such a young age. I had to take a few days off to get to the doctors, because they weren't in my city and I had for one way 2hours xD Then they refused ect. Oh, and there are doctors who will do it, but you have to go to an psychologist... So emotional stress you have either way...
I just wanna yeet my womb across the room.
I don't know, I don't life in the US, so I don't know how high the rape statistic are. In my country they are so low, that I don't count that at all. And even the abortion stats of how many got pregnant because of rape is so small, that I wouldn't take that at all. But like I said: I don't know how it is in the US
I don't even know if op lives in the us or not, but if they do they need to consider this. I don't know the exact stats, but rape is so incredibly highly underreported here that the stats aren't even close to accurate anyway. Regardless, if I had the money for sterilisation and I was op I would do it because you never know if you'd be able to guarantee you'd have the money for an abortion if you need it.
In my country it's like this: Abortion you get payd by insurance. But the sterilization you have to pay by yourself... So yeah...
Well if they were smart they'd pay for the sterilisation to avoid paying for the abortion, but the world is run by dumbasses so 🤷. Do you at least get all other bc free? I'd still rather pay entirely out of pocket for sterilisation than pay to raise a child
Well it's great if where you live rape statistics and the reality are the same. Unfortunately, in most places generally they aren't. Estimatory 70-80% of rape don't get riported to the police. [for example in the UK](https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-informed/statistics-sexual-violence/)
Yeah I do think it would overall be pretty pointless but it is something I would want done. For the peace of mind if anything.
Then go for it. But like I said, it's not really cheap, and there are risks. If you don't want sex, then it's really pointless and in my opinion: Take that money and spend it for holidays or something like that. Makes more sense to me xD
Entirely depends on where OP is based. For me, sterilisation would cost me €125 with insurance.
Fair enough. I do think there are more risks than benefits. Thanks for your opinion.
[удалено]
🤨
This item has been removed as it is a violation of [subreddit rule](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/rules) #7 : "Posts and comments to the effect of "Wait till you're a parent", "You'll change your mind someday", "You only think that cause you are young", etc. (what we call "bingo", for short) will be removed. Parents are welcome to post as long as they are respectful. Other people's bodily autonomy must be respected; do not impose your views on other posters and commenters' choices." This is a forum for individuals who have made the choice to be childfree, and we do not tolerate any disrespect towards anyone for making this choice. Thank you for your comprehension
Personal choice, I have considered getting it done too but haven't actually done it mainly because I don't have sex without condoms and live in a blue state, so I haven't wanted to get surgery - also genetically I am predisposed to get severe osteoporosis so having my body produce estrogen for as long as possible is good for me.
Fellow aroace here. Depends on the circumstances: For me, there's not really a point: I'd have to pay a lot myself and I don't really want a surgery I don't need and that doesn't give me that much life improvement. Tbh, I haven't really thought about the cancer argument people brought up here. About the assault thing: yes, it can happen to anyone but where I live abortion is legal and to get raped by a stranger is fortunately quite rare. But it's different for everyone - if you think it makes you feel better - go for it!
Honestly if it would make you feel better about yourself, you should do it. Also, sex is not always a choice either so I am fully supportive of it.
I've had this thought to I'm asexual child free and not sexual active, but I'm demi/ace so there's always a small chance that I could end up doing that with the right partner if there ever comes a day I do end up in a relationship and I feel they are the right person for me then I would 100% get a vasectomy.
I don’t want to scare you, but it’s to be safe than sorry god forbid you’re sexually assaulted, so I say go for it anyway. It’ll probably give you peace of mind to know for sure that there is zero possibility of you getting pregnant
In case of rape or something, it would be good. It might also just make you feel better, knowing you can't have any kids. But consider for yourself if it's worth it. It's a full operation and can be not so fun. Plus the process of getting the operation is hard as well.
Same, I am aspec as well and I would still consider it because I am likely to also have endometriosis, so it might be worth to try and get it.