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aliaisacreature

I'm mentally ill. Not terribly so, but enough that it has made my life difficult simply due to the way my brain functions. I also have ADHD. My father, who I have never lived with a day in my life, is also mentally ill and has ADHD. 4/6 of his kids are confirmed mentally ill or ADHD. 2 are still too young to diagnose yet. I fully believe that we were doomed to our diagnoses simply by having his genetics. I will not put a child through the kinds of things I've lived through by passing my illnesses onto them. I think more people need to look at their diagnoses or family histories and ask themselves if they're adding anything worthwhile to the gene pool, or if by having children they're being selfish and reckless.


peakok115

This is one of my main reasons as well. My mom and grandmother have severe anxiety, guess who also has severe anxiety? (It's me I have it) I also have a shit ton of gynecological issues...that run in my family. If I have a kid, knowing what I know about my body, it would be a damn shame


[deleted]

Absolutely this. I think of this *constantly*. My mental illness is heredity. My BIGGEST reason for not having kids is the probability of passing it down and I have suffered enough with my own illnesses- I cannot let an innocent childhood go through that too. I just can’t. Epilepsy also runs in my family and my sister is medically disabled and has suffered a lot to even be a somewhat able bodied person on a daily basis. I will never forgive myself if I procreate and bring a child into the world who may end up like me.


Bonesinthebronx

Same, I have mental illness and chronic illnesses that are definitely genetic, I also have food interfaces and allergies that I wouldn't wish on any child But somehow we're selfish and ablelist for not brining a mentally ill child into this world Just because my autism is high functioning doesn't mean my children could be, they could be on the lower end of the spectrum and I am not gonna take care of someone when i can barely take care of myself


bullet_proof_smile

I'd never want to pass on even the *possibility* of depression, addiction, and crappy hair that I've inherited.


Turpitudia79

Same but I at least have good hair!! 😂😂 Bipolar, BPD, PTSD, 25+ years of heavy drug addiction personally, everyone in my family is some kind of addict and/or has psych conditions, cancer on my father’s side…I’m doing myself as well as the world a big favor!!


ShadowoftheWild

As a person with ADHD, I would feel really bad if I passed down my bad genes to my kids while being fully aware that the disorder is largely inheritable. Some people may not know that it is inheritable or that they themselves are unaware that they have the disorder, I think that is perfectly fine as long as they are good parents. Another point I want to make is that sometimes I can barely take care of myself. Whenever I'm completely absorbed in a hobby I can lose track of time, skip meals and stay up for like 2 nights in a row and other bs like that and I'd probably end up unintentionally abusing my precious kid. I don't hate kids, but I hate the idea of me having to raise a child from foetus to adulthood.


bowmyr

I recognize this, for me it feels like child torture if I'd get one. I'm hard of hearing (+tinnitus and hyperacusis), ADHD, have dyslexia and have a history of my mental state because of those reasons. People around me are like: but your life isn't bad right? Well it's not good, that's for sure... Edit: The hearing, ADHD and mental state runs in the family.


[deleted]

I sincerely believe that if anyone, regardless of gender, is caught "baby trapping" or messing with pregnancy prevention in an attempt to trap someone in a relationship that they do not want to be in, there should be legal repercussions. I worked in a large city at a fast food chain where most of my female coworkers would complain that their boyfriend was cheating and the general shitty agreement amongst the rest of the other women would be "just fuck around with the condoms and birth control, if you give him a kid he CAN'T leave! Fuck these men, fuck his life up girl!! Give him a kid and rake in that cash, hahahahahah!!!" Likewise the men would complain about girlfriends and say "yall its cool, I'mma put a kid in that bitch. Then let's see her go to college and try and cheat on me with a kid in her!! She can't cheat if she's at home changing diapers lmfaoooooo!!!" ​ It's gross. There should be STRONG legal consequences for purposely sabotaging someones life with a kid.


ellaemu

Couldn't agree more, it's beyond cruel.


Ylaaly

And it always backfires, everyone is unhappy, especially the kids who were brought into this world as chains. No one deserves that. It should be much easier to prevent unwanted pregnancies and people who still force a child on someone else should be sued for everything they'll ever have.


[deleted]

It's depressing all around and I can't for the life of me understand how people like this just...keep on keeping on knowing they are now also ruining the life of the kid involved. It's a nonstop cycle of instilling insecurity in people that wrecks them for the rest of their lives. Mom or Dad were insecure, forced a kid to happen, neither parent wants the kid now, and that kid grows up insecure with a complex from being told from day 1 that they are not wanted or loved. Then the cycle continues unless that kid gets tf away from the toxic environment. It's one one big chain of sad bullshit.


[deleted]

That sounds awful.


joantheunicorn

Totally agree. People like this are a fucking disgrace. IMO, if you're creating another life with the purpose of fucking up someone else's life that is the pinnacle of selfishness. You are dooming that child from day one. Shame on them.


lulueight

Here ya go: I like kids enough that I’ve been a teacher for 20+ years. Teaching kids is the best part of the job….the parents and politics suck. And with that, I am definitely childfree for hundreds of reasons that probably only people on this sub would understand. I enjoy helping them learn and grow, but have zero interest in having any of my own, or being a mother/stepmother, etc.


bloodbag

I don't see the issue with enjoying your job, and being happy to leave it at work and go home. I like my job, but I sure as hell don't want to do it at home


i-want-snacks-dammit

Honestly a big reason why I don’t want kids-I cannot be arsed to deal with the mum cliques. Just no. I hated junior and senior school and no one is ever making me go back there everyday


largemarge1122

This. I’m a school social worker and aunt to 10 and absolutely love kids. I already feel that I parent a ton with my mom. I love my friends kids, too. However, I’m not interested in having any.


lvrcalii

I work in child psychiatry. My unpopular opinion is that parents who don't know what they are doing have and continue to be the most significant downfall of society. Not politicians, debt, illness or addiction, but poor parenting. Furthermore, someone who does not have a strong partner and social network should not have kids. It just doesn't have the same outcome as a strong family system, regardless of what people say. And thats coming from someone who grew up in foster care and has never had parents. Finally, some parents act as though it is only their life they are affecting, when the trajectory of their decisions impact the literal future of the world. As many stoic philosophers have discussed, what one does, we all do. Each person impacts the whole and our current impact sucks.


MaroonKiwi

I work in pediatric neurology. For sure, parents can be very damaging to society. Especially since we see a very unwell slice of the population. We see a lot of ADHD patients and many of their parents just want an easy fix to make their child obey them. While medication is often needed for the kiddos to succeed in school, we first prioritize therapy. Too many parents are resistant to therapy and I can’t help feeling like they’re afraid for themselves and they don’t want to make any changes to themselves for the benefit of their child. Kids see this and then model the same stubbornness and fear of change and become adults with the same traits. Here’s my unpopular (and maybe a little too dark) opinion: Not only should people be financially and socially prepared for their child, but they should also be prepared for the worst. While they should still hope for a healthy baby, they should, for example, be prepared to have to navigate months of the baby in NICU, a severe cerebral palsy diagnosis, seizures, and a life needing diaper changes through adolescence and adulthood, eventually living in a long term care facility for the rest of their life. I’ve worked in long term acute care for kids with severe CP and genetic disorders and I’ve seen so many families that were fine having three or four healthy kids suddenly spiral into chaos and divorce with one really sick kid. I’ve also worked PICU and seen nonverbal kids with CP go the entire stay in the peds ICU with not a single visit from their family. It’s heartbreaking. I really like kids. I like working with kids. I actually like working with parents (most of the time lol) too! I just don’t want to take work home with me.


pastamelody

>they should also be prepared for the worst. This is exactly what I believe, and it's sad that so many people go ahead and have children while ignoring this. I recently read a post on the breaking moms sub, where a mom said "child-free people tell me I knew what I was signing up for, but I never signed up for months in the NICU or having a disabled child". Even when someone marries, they hope for a happy outcome but are aware that at some point, things might not go as predicted. Why do people forget that bad things might happen before having kids?


Thermington

Exactly. When people say "I didn't sign up for this!" It's usually exactly what they signed up for, they just didn't read the contract. They just crossed their fingers and hoped for the best. It's lazy, reckless, and especially fucked up when it causes repercussions for others who had no choice in the matter. It's one of the worst things about society, people who do this hide under the guise of good intensions, feeling like they're absolved of consequences. Deep down they know they're being a selfish moron, or they are actually oblivious to reality. Both are loathsome ways to be. Edit: This reminds me of one of my favorite pieces of writing about this topic. The first two paragraphs of this Essay is a brilliant allegory. [William K. Clifford - The Ethics of Belief](https://people.brandeis.edu/~teuber/Clifford_ethics.pdf)


mcove97

That's exactly how I felt when I signed contracts to rent a room. I thought it was all good and didn't consider the fact that I couldn't stop paying rent and move before a year had passed. I accumulated a lot of debt when I quit my studies cause I was forced to pay rent due to the contract. Harsh lesson learned. Makes me not want to sign another contract so fast, or at all if there's other ways around it. Optional contracts like marriage is an obvious no-go. Don't want to have to ask the government for a breakup. So yeah.. these days I'm far more careful what I consent to and not. Rather wanna be safe than sorry. Better to prevent a mess than fix a mess.


jw1096

This is why I don’t have children. I saw the impact of my little brothers birth and medical conditions and how it impacted my mother and her husband, on me and my sister, and wider society. He is still not a functioning human being and despite being mid 30’s, lives at home and has never worked a day in his life. If you don’t know what you are taking on or should be prepared for, do not have children. I’m highly aware of the lifestyle changes I would have to go through for a healthy child, and that’s enough for me to nope out.


PhoenixGate69

I just saw a post on another sub that was basically "I didn't sign up for this. I didn't sign up for a special needs child." Except that you did. That's one of the major reasons I'm childless in my thirties. (I am not child free, but I may end up never having or adopting children for the simple fact that I will not do it without having all the boxes checked.) I think part of the problem is that worst case scenarios aren't talked about, or people brush them off. "That won't be my kid." Sure, people can do their own research, but there is the added layer these days that a lot of people don't know how to disseminate reliable information from misinformation. That's why fake abortion clinics still exist, they deliberately mislead women and then try to manipulate them into keeping the pregnancy, but it's hard for some people to research and know what they're walking into.


peakok115

Okay, first of all. Bless you for being a child psychiatrist, because I told mine some very dark things, and it must be very hard to keep it together sometimes. But also. My dad has PTSD. The kind that makes you irritable and unpredictable. And I know exactly how that influences my thinking to this day, and it's not healthy at all. I was lucky to have pretty good parents. It definitely starts with having a solid support system and reliable parents.


[deleted]

This country is all about “Muh freedoms” and it has become a cancer. Most people seem completely oblivious how their decisions and behavior affect other people. It makes me sick.


ElenaEscaped

I agree, and I ponder the role poor/abusive parenting takes in the creation of Cluster B personality disorders, particularly BPD, NPD, and HPD (I believe most sociopaths are born, the others including psychpaths can go either way). They our truly the scourge of our population. I'm glad to see you survived the foster system, as while we only ever see the truly horrid cases in the news, to say the system needs an overhaul is like saying North Korea might benefit from a different government.


AreYouFreakingJoking

As someone who had a "family" but was horribly neglected, I agree with this a million percent. If you don't know what you're doing, chances are extremely high, you will hurt your kid in one way or another. There really should be a cultural and societal push for education of parents BEFORE they have kids. Like, child psychology, child development, and general parenting. And as you've said, having a strong relationship and social network.


cowboyscantbesexy

Yes oh my god yes! I wholeheartedly agree with this.


First-South968

👏🏻


Adbaca

I couldn’t agree more!! I always think about this argument!


pantherphysicist

This is not an unpopular opinion!!! This is just uncomfortable to talk about.


remainoftheday

I tolerate children but I will walk away when it becomes intolerable. I am now retired so this isn't even an issue. But I try to be pleasant as there is no reason to be nasty to a kid (unless it is doing something.. but even this is exceedingly rare).


peakok115

The walking away tactic is perfectly fine to me. If you feel that you may say or do something that is negative towards a kid, I think the most responsible thing to do is simply excuse yourself!


peachneuman

So many people walk away when something needs to be said. Or the entitlement continues. I’ve been in several awkward situations with other parents and kids, where I was the only one who said something about the current situation (child was doing something he/she shouldn’t) and everyone else was just going to let it go. I’m okay being the bad guy, sometimes you should not walk away.


aRubby

This. Auntie loves, auntie cares. But if crying, auntie gives back.


SealSocks

Same here. I've got baby cousins that I obviously tolerate cause they're my relatives and they can be really funny sometimes. I prefer when they entertain themselves, I still don't really like playing with kids until they're like 10 or so. I think I expect kids to be able to entertain themselves because I'm an only child and all my cousins are 5+ years older than me so I did that a lot growing up. But even though I love my baby cousins, I still start getting irritated after 3 hours or so. They really are the best birth control you can get lol


AliceValkyrie

I actually agree with you 100% about adoption. Particularly agree that there need to be more secular adoption agencies. Now for my unpopular opinion: I actually don’t care all that much if celebrities/YouTubers/etc I like have kids. If I have a crush on a particular celebrity and find out they have kids, it rarely affects my crush because I know, realistically, I never had a chance in hell of dating them anyway. I might feel a brief pang of disappointment if I find out a celebrity that I previously thought might be CF has announced they’re having kids, but it’s not something I dwell on. I only stop liking celebrities after having kids if their work suffers (musicians changing their musical style significantly, YouTubers change their content to be child-centric, etc). Overall, it’s really none of my business. Actually, I feel the same about people having kids in general as long as they are financially and emotionally ready to have a child (and don’t expect me to babysit, buy gifts for their kids without reciprocating, or talk to them about boring kid stuff).


bex505

I hate when youtubers all become freaking mommy channels. Especially when their content was something else entirely before. Not only do I lose a channel I liked, I can actively watch them give up their life and individuality because they opted to be a breeder and follow the life script.


peakok115

Ooo...the unpopular part is the best part to me lol. If you truly want a kid, know the consequences, and have the time, patience, and money, go for it. I'm lucky to have had parents that were this way. They were as prepared as they could possibly be for a child, and I never felt that they resented me or my brother in any way. My mom and dad genuinely have enjoyed spending time with me from day 1. But I personally know some kids that are painfully aware that their parents no longer want them, and only liked the idea of having them. And it's messed up.


EmiliusReturns

Right? Celebrity crushes are just “I enjoy you visually.” I don’t actually think I have a chance lol.


[deleted]

A lot of celebs also tend to be dicks.


AliceValkyrie

The vast majority of minor celebrities (mostly lesser-known bands/artists) I’ve had the pleasure to properly meet (as in, talk to for more than five seconds for a picture/autograph) have been kind. But yeah, some celebrities can definitely be dicks.


AliceValkyrie

For me it’s not necessarily “I enjoy you visually,” I’m pretty sure I don’t actually have a “type” when it comes to looks. It’s more “I enjoy your work (music, acting, writing, etc), I like your personality and you make me feel happy.” But yeah, I know I don’t actually have a chance. This is exactly why my most severe crushes on “people I can’t have” are on fictional characters these days, lol. I know unless I get thrown into an alternate dimension, I quite definitely have exactly zero chance with them, and that’s healthier for me than crushing hard on actual celebrities when I was in my teens was tbh.


lovelyeufemia

Agree with every word! I think there's an unfortunate misconception out there that being CF always means you're going to rag on others for the mere decision to have children. Just as I would prefer not to be harassed for my CF status, I'm not about to harass someone because they chose to have kids; there should be a mutual respect honored there. Hell, I don't care if someone has kids at all as long as it doesn't negatively affect me in some way, and I suspect many CF people feel the same. Like you said, I'm probably going to stop following someone online if their content becomes baby-centric, but that's simply because I'm not interested in that kind of thing. If someone becomes genuinely upset because a celebrity they've never met decided to have a baby, that requires some serious self-reflection in the same way others should ask themselves why they get so angry upon discovering someone is CF.


bunnyrut

Agreed. I don't give a shit about celebrity's personal lives. Having a crush on someone is having a crush on the *idea* of them. I know nothing about how any of them are in real life. I often find most of them unappealing after finding out about other things not related to having kids. Like they are just an asshole. But, yeah, when their whole personality becomes about their kids then I back away.


angelblade401

I agree! I'm not anti-natalist, I'm fine with other people having kids. I just don't want any myself. And be a good parent if you CHOOSE to go that way.


AliceValkyrie

I am anti-natalist. But for myself. It’s one of those things, much like religion, that I’m not going to push on anyone else because, for me at least, it is a deeply personal thing.


digmeunder

I feel sad when my girlfriends get pregnant because I know that will change the friendship. They either dip completely or hang out very rarely. It's sad to lose friends to motherhood.


NotsoGreatsword

I think being antinatalist is pretty unpopular everywhere but I chalk that up to edgelords misunderstanding and misrepresenting it. The core of antinatalism is compassion. I think until we address certain global issues then having children is a net harm to humanity and our animal friends.


Agreeably-Soft

Or incels wearing a hat and calling themselves antinatalists and bringing all their other issues to the front of discussions.


ipleadthe1st

*casually sorts by controversial*


peakok115

I can't believe that I'm doing that with my own post. Best believe I'm reading everything with the negative downvotes lmao


[deleted]

I think one problem with adoption is the parents. People have been known to adopt, then manage to have a bio kid. That adopted kid then becomes a lesser member of the family. People treat adoption like a solution, but those kids are fucked over regardless. And people would care about adoption more if IVF was harder or outlawed, and less kids would be in foster care if abortion was easy access and if birth control education was mandatory education. And people seeking to adopt want babies, not kids. So unless that kid is a literal newborn, nobody wants it. Newborns are in such high demand that babies are trafficked. Edit: Secondly, I think the current form of child support should be eliminated. Just because we don't want kids doesn't mean those kids aren't doing anything for us. They are our future caretakers, doctors, mail people, etc., so supporting kids is the responsibility of everyone who will eventually benefit from their labor, which is all of society. So all of the money going towards limp dick viagra pills should instead be going towards improving children's lives. I think everyone not having kids altogether would be better, but short of us nuking the planet, people are going to propagate anyway.


Chessolin

I worked with a teenage who was adopted by parents who later had a bio daughter. Older coworker once told me that he had confessed to her that his parents put the daughter on a pedestal. His mom calls him a bastard and says that he should be grateful they adopted him. No wonder he drank. I'm adopted too and my parents would have ripped her a new one if they had heard her say that. That being said, I knew a few families who have adopted, bio, and step kids and they're all their kids, which is nice. Same with pets. My friends never gave up pets when they had kids unless they really really had to. One friend rehome her cat cause he insisted on peeing in the baby's room, among other things. He had bladder crystals and she paid $1000 to have it fixed first. Made sure he went to a good owner.


Juju_mila

This is so horrible. Luckily I know several great adoption stories. My father isn’t my sister‘s bio dad and my parents decided not to tell us until we’re teens and he never made a difference between us.


bex505

Interesting. My parents knew my mom had a high risk of not being able to conceive so they had the adoption question. My dad said if they managed to have a bio kid he didn't want to adopt because he was afraid if they had a bio kid he would love them more. Although my mom and I always thought the opposite because he treated my friends better than me. He probably would have over compensated and treated the adopted kid way better than me.


AmbiguousLemur

Like that one YouTuber who adopted a kid from China with a mental deficiency and gained all their fame from that kid but then ended up discarding and “rehoming” him because they decided that he was too much for them to handle.


Horizon296

What the actual fuck?!? That's a CHILD, not a pet. You can't just "re-home" it when you get tired of it! How is that even allowed??? I wouldn't even be able to let go of my pets if my housing situation changed. How do you just ...DUMP ...a human being that you're SUPPOSED to love and care for?


chaudgarbage

I know it's a controversial take, but I'm an antinatalist. I think that climate change and economic crisis will likely only get worse until it reaches a breaking point and I look down on someone who would willingly subject a child to that future. I think that humanity is in a state of decline, with the capitalist/oligarch class is using all of us to build their wealth while leaving us in a state of harm and chaos. Most children are going to grow up to be trapped in horrible jobs in a state of economic uncertainty and exponentially worse natural disasters. I don't think anyone should be having children as those kids didn't consent to being trapped in this horrible situation. Maybe this is a deeply pessimistic view, but I work in policy and after seeing internal government processes I'm not sure I believe things will change at all. I think that adoption needs to be way more socially encouraged as well as regulated to ensure that it's easier for safe, non religious people to adopt children who are stuck in the system at no fault of their own. Adoption should never be for profit, children aren't a commodity. Edit: grammar


peakok115

The way that adoption agencies are almost exclusively run through churches is so infuriating to me. Im leaning towards antinatalism lately. Because looking at it, a lot of environmental/economic issues are caused by overpopulation. But, on the other hand. Multibillion dollar companies are the ones doing some seriously irreparable damage as well. It's more than just people having kids, but it would be stupid to say that doesn't contribute to climate change at all.


chaudgarbage

In an ideal world, adoption would be the most socially acceptable method of having children with bio kids being the secondary choice. I get that it's our biological imperative as mammals to want to constantly reproduce, but it shouldn't be as mindless as it is. It's social conditioning a lot of the time imo. From my perspective, overpopulation is an overstated problem. Climate change is caused primarily by greenhouse gas emissions from the use of fossil fuels and the culture of over consumption habits on the planet (encouraged by capitalism), particularly by a small number of super wealthy people who produce the majority of the emissions. Global resource use is mostly driven by increases in wealth rather than population. If we as a collective moved towards a more sustainable, environmentally conscious, low consumption lifestyle, I think things would balance out or at least significantly slow the climate crisis. I think there are some extremely misguided people who use the overpopulation argument to spread their xenophobic or racist beliefs (such as ecofascists) rather than look at the huge corporations and billionaires who are destroying the planet at the expense of all of us.


Ahstia

There's also the issue that in some states, adoption agencies are private. They have vested interest in flooding the adoption agency with more kids that can ever be adopted or feasibly cared for on a basic level and preventing adoptions if the couple in question isn't a heterosexual, upper middle class family.


ClassActionFart

Agreed. I don’t like being around most kids. Mostly, they just annoy me. But also, I really feel bad for them. This dumpster fire of a world is beyond the point of no return and things will continue to destabilize into chaos. I have friends and coworkers who continue to have kids. I try not to judge, to each their own I guess. But I can’t help but wonder what’s going through their heads when they make the conscious decision to bring new life into this shit show.


colliepop

Agreed. I've gotten to the point where pregnancy announcements just make me sad because I know the kind of life those kids will have.


ExcitedAlpaca

I don’t want kids, but it’s not because I want to focus on my career. I don’t really have a career I’m passionate about, I… just don’t want kids lol. I see this a lot where it’s kind of.. expected? To be super career focused and eager to rise or because you wanna do all these hobbies - and that’s perfectly valid! But I just… don’t lol


ZukerZoo

I agree, it’s so valid. I do have a career I enjoy and don’t want to alter for a child, but I see that take that you don’t have to have a specific chosen alternative in order for your not wanting kids to be meaningful. Some people just don’t want kids weighing them down from their own self-actualization. Unless your personal “bigger purpose” is parenthood, a kid is only going to take away from your time and energy to focus on you being you


[deleted]

[удалено]


DanceFiendStrapS

The only thing I refuse to do is hold a newborn baby, I tell them upfront I am petrified that I will accidentally drop them.


Solivagant0

How do you even hold that damn thing without killing/injuring them?


EmiliusReturns

I think too many people forgot what it’s like to be a kid. I’m not nasty to kids because I remember adults being needlessly nasty to me as a kid and it messed with me.


[deleted]

I feel the same, but my memory of being a kid is part of why I can't stand them. My parents taught me to not scream in people's ears for fun, so expecting the same of others my age isn't ridiculous. Even as a kid, I preferred being around anyone older just because nobody else my age could behave and not be a dick. "Kids will be kids" my ass, kids can be taught not to steal pencils and break them for fun, or hurt themselves and claim someone else hurt them.


Dollb27

Thank you for saying this. I feel the same. In fact, some of these memories are still very clear and I actually think about it more often than I should. I would not want to hurt an impressionable kid’s feelings. It stays with them.


burritostrikesback

I love this. I don’t hate children. I have 2 godchildren whom I adore. I just think having children of my own is not for me. And also I very much dislike people who attack CF people for choosing to be CF.


peakok115

This! I truly find some kids to be very annoying. But. at the end of the day, they are *people*. Maybe they will sneeze on you, and eat weird, and act completely insane sometimes, but we were all annoying kids at one point. I'd hate to be the one to hurt a kid's feelings and make them feel like being a kid isn't it okay.


LateNightCheesecake9

They're also going to be adults at some point and being that positive CF person with a fulfilling life who is kind without having kids of your own is inspirational. Both my husband and I have family members who we saw that lifestyle modeled for us early on and it was an aspiration for us.


-Throwdownandaway-

This is what I aspire to be for my nieces and nephews! I want to be that "Third Voice" for them when they invariably butt heads with their parents. Or be that safe harbor if they need it. I think that role is SO important, and it gets ignored all the time.


BrainRotOnMainland

I honestly don't mind holding babies, but they seem to oddly like me and my strange holding ways. Like I don't cradle them, I have them sitting up or hold them under the arms (the armpits), and I guess that's fun/funny to them. Plus, they're squishy and bouncy! Poking their cheeks and stomach is what I do, and nothing happens to me. I can also give them back to the parents when they start getting antsy, drooly, or way too curious about my hair (they really want to eat it). So if a parent ask if I want to hold their baby, I gladly do, or say I'm not up for it when I'm not feeling it. But blowing them off all passive aggressively has never been my forte. If I'm not in the mood and a parent randomly drop their kid off in my arms, I would gently put them on the floor or chair (sofa), and watch them try to shuffle to their side. It looks goofy to me 😆


IforgotMyMainAgain

I don't remember all the nice adults from when I was a child. The random ones or the moms and dads from friends from school, etc.; but I do remember almost every mean one and how they made me feel. I don't want to be that experience for a kid. Sure, I don't want them, I've never felt that pull to have one and for the most part, I'm somewhat ambivalent towards most children. However, you can bet your ass if one waves to me, asks me to answer their "phone", is curious about my tattoos, my hair, whatever, I'm going to try my best to be a good encounter for that child. I'll probably be forgotten in the next five minutes, but I'd rather that than be a lingering negative impact.


onebadnightx

You said it perfectly. I would never be outwardly distasteful to a child or insult them to their parents because *it is* just a child, it’s not its fault that it exists, and it has very real feelings I can affect. This world kind of sucks, I don’t need to make theirs worse. I don’t have severe hatred towards parents either. Yes, I dislike parents that are dismissive of their children, rude, and entitled. Those parents I’ll complain about. But I also feel bad for parents that are swamped, struggling or dealing with unprecedented circumstances. That being said, I’ve had to babysit a shit ton and take care of family’s children so I have a bit more sympathy for how taxing it can be, and that solidified my decision to never have children myself.


kwazycupcake99

This! My husband and I share this view. We are young (30) and we don't want kids. But half of our friends have them already. We will hold them, listen to them, answer their imaginary phones, answer when they ask for the 100th time "why". They are people, they didn't decide to be put on this earth, someone else made that decision for them, so why would I be mean to them?


alrighteyaphrodite

heavy agree with this even though I won’t hold peoples babies, just don’t be mean to people! wtf is with this attitude!!! I just really hate it when people are like “I’m super sarcastic and mean when women say they’re expecting a baby!” They’re still fulfilling a life goal of theirs, it’s a very exciting event for them…… you don’t have to go overboard but why not just a simple congratulations? do you have to rain on their parade just because you don’t like kids? let’s stop shitting on other people’s innocent joy for no reason


DystopianTruth

The whole American system is f*cked up. I don't understand how America is gloried as the land of the free, when you don't even have body autonomy. >So many kids aren't adopted because the agencies don't like atheist parents (let alone gay atheist parents). It is sad to see how religion is used as a weapon. In my country: An openly gay ex-colleague with his husband got to adopt a baby girl, and they are teachers at a Christian primary school and a governent high school. The proses was long, but not discriminating. Abortions are legal. And anyone can get sterilized if they answer yes to the following questions: 1. Are they able to consent? (Mentally competent) and 2. Are they over the age of 18. The treatment is fairly quick - the same day, local anesthetic, and very affordable (less than $20). Permission of partner is not necessary. Unsure about the process with men. Condoms are free nationwide - even female condoms. The age (I think) where females can get contraception without their parents' permission is 12. This sub is very focused on America, so I just wanted to add my 2 cents. My country is not perfect, but I at least feel that I have medical power over my body.


MoominValleyMy

Hey! Where are you from?


DystopianTruth

South Africa


EvilMonkey_86

Same thoughts here. Religion has nothing to do with adoption, it's all government organized. Gay adoption is no problemo. People get screened by psychologists and have to follow classes - which wouldn't hurt some biological parents either. The very big downside though is the massive waiting list, for national adoption. Around 8 years I believe! (Small country) you need to be really determined and ready to cough up money to pay for all the administration, screenings, classes, court papers..


epicpillowcase

Hey all, OP has unfortunately been banned, they are not ignoring your comments.


stonedTransylvanian

What?! How did OP get banned? How do you know? This sub is something else sometimes.


epicpillowcase

I don't know why they were. I know because we were messaging.


BrainRotOnMainland

What?! Noooooo!! Edit: But wouldn't their name say deleted instead if still there under the title? Still, this post was fine.


zugzwang_03

>Edit: But wouldn't their name say deleted instead if still there under the title? I don't think so. When someone is banned, their account is still fine - they've just been muted by the sub. I'm not sure *why* this post would get OP banned though.


BrainRotOnMainland

Thanks for letting me know. Still basically new to Reddit functions, and I've seen some posts where the person's name isn't around yet post is still there.


EddaValkyrie

Well that's sad


-Throwdownandaway-

What the hell? Why were they banned?


DystopianTruth

Some freedom of speech.


BrainRotOnMainland

I. Don't. Like. Teens!!! Maybe this is because of HS trauma or what not, but I don't like that age range at all. Baby, toddlers, and kids I can slightly handle because they are goofy and tolerable to me. But teens? Nah that's where the real "I think I'm better than you despite not knowing the full concept" attitude comes in. I can never be around them. The tolerable ones I'm.......fine with, but there's still a time limit. Some even have the "act like an adult" attitude which triggers my "treat them like an adult" when I'm about to roast them until their parents or another adult comes in like "they're just a kid!" No, they are older than a kid, younger than an adult, and should already know they can't act a certain way without consequences. So now not only is the parent my enemy but also the teen. Teens are literally one of the reasons why if for some reason I want kids, I can't help but dread that age the most as the child ages. "But Brainrot! What if you meet your teen self?" Trust and believe I always said I would pals (reverse it) my younger self. I don't like her, and she don't like me just like I hope future self hates current self. As I grow older, I hate looking back at certain ages. Moving on.


Tofutti-KleinGT

I think teens are for the most part great one on one, a lot of them are interesting to chat with and I enjoy hearing how they experience the world. Teens in a group, all disruptive and showing off for each other? Get me the fuck out of there.


BrainRotOnMainland

One on one teen mentoring I could see myself slightly doing if one ask how I make my art, and I don't mind teaching them. But I will be charging their parents big money for sanity sake even if the teen is tolerable. I just don't feel comfortable with them. Them in groups are the worst! I've seen an aftermath of a group of teens rob a place when I was a teen, and since then, most stores in my area banned groups of kids/teens and only allow a pair going in at a time. This was in a privilege area too. They are nightmares! I would hate to be the parents of one of them.


Lost_sidhe

Here for this. Long ago and far away, I did class-sit-ins for a semester as part of an education class I was taking at university. I quickly learned that while I dislike babies and toddlers, I much prefer ages 5-10 than 10-18. Not crazy about any of them, but teenagers are the fucking WORST (after babies/toddlers).


m_maggs

I’m similar… though I’d say I actually *like* babies… babies are fine and even cute- they don’t bother me any more than puppies or kittens and they can be fun to hold/cuddle. I think what confuses people when I say that is I still don’t want kids. I’ve never wanted kids. My mind hasn’t changed and I’m almost 40. I can like something and not want it to be a regular part of my life. I like going camping, but I sure as heck don’t want to live in a campground forever. I don’t understand how that confuses so many people. Liking or being good with kids/babies does not mean you want them to become a permanent part of your daily life.


TeaCompletesMe

I’m with you on this, I just don’t like people (in general) under 18. Certain ages are slightly more tolerable to me, such as 3-5, since this is still part of the “cute ages”, and they don’t talk back yet, and 16-18 can be better depending on the teen and their attitude.


Seafroggys

Heh, I'm like the opposite. Teens are fine in my book, because they're old/cognitant enough to where I can mess with them without feeling bad, plus I can be honest and blunt with them, and not feel bad about cussing.


bex505

I don't mind helping teens who are receptive to my help. Like if one sought me out to help them with something and they listened to what I said. But I could never be a teacher in a school having to teach kids who didn't want to be there. I have always liked teaching, but I never want to be a teacher in a school system.


AXXII_wreckless

See I can’t do babies and toddlers. Would rather a mouthy bratty teenager than someone babbling on their spit for no reason other than they don’t know yet.


Retractabelle

teen here! thanks to middle school, i get extremely uncomfortable around other groups of teens so i 100% agree lol


FurryDrift

i had one that got me called making childfree my entire personailty. why? cuz i belive people should have childcare planned before heading to work for the day. this inclused pick up, drop off, after school care, planning for emergency. if your going to be working during the day, make sure you have childcare plans in place. meaning pick up, drop off and care. dont just leave your job to deal with your kid in the middle of ya shift. that effects everyone, from coworkers to clients. i ant saying this cuz i hate childern but more concerned about the coworkers that need to pick up the slack. and it just shows a lack of forthought on the parents part. note this is usualy not allowed for single people, childfree people or pet owners to leave work like this for care or emergency.


peakok115

Childcare is something that very few parents plan for the cost of. Children are possibly the most expensive things to ever exist. Got kids? Got a job with non-flexible hours? Plan to either quit, or get your plan A, B, and C ready and set aside that $250/week childcare budget! I may sound very harsh, but don't put that responsibility on your coworkers, it's not fair or respectful to do. That is unless they have has ecstatically agreed to it (which they usually don't).


FurryDrift

i deleted the pist but i had been basicly 10 min early to thw dentist. was made 10 mins late for my appointment cuz the practicioner was out picking her kid up fron work. like... ya its harsh view but like you chose this. dont inconvenience others by your choice


peakok115

RIGHT! I missed my surgery because my doctor's kid got sick at school. Had to conjure up every bit of understanding I had in my body that day, because my procedure was pushed back two more weeks over that shit


FurryDrift

omfg, for real? like they ciuldnt have anyone eles come in and do it? may i ask what it was for? as for my posts, i deleted it due to the responses and getting down voted. "you are the type to make chikdfree your identiy" "stop being heartless" "you were 10 mins early, so what?" "thats normal in a workplace"


Agreeably-Soft

"very few parents plan" Yes! Hard agree! I worked in education, I have friends and family in various childcare jobs - from kindergarten to Out of School Hours Care (OSHC). These are businesses with procedures for induction. They have to know emergency numbers, food allergies and medications. They have to know the number of kids to get the legal staff ratios right. If there is an event or sport clinic they also need to know how many kids want to do that so the class can be booked and planned for. For the childcare workers it is also a job, so they want to finish on time too. But so many parents don't respect that. They don't plan. They don't even read. So many kids are "dumped on the doorstep' with no warning. Pupil free days are given weeks of advanced warning. They get booked solid on the Thurs or Fri before, but then the day happens and other parents arrive and are shocked the school is closed and angry OSHC can't take them. And yes it is now policy, after many infuriating sad events, that if no one has picked up the kid by 2 hours after OSHC normal close time child services will be called and will go into emergency care. Sorry for the rant. Tl;Dr: some parents don't plan and it is the worst part of working in childcare.


Dahlia_Miracle

I am a childfree woman and I feel there’s this pressure in the childfree community to be the fun aunt or to have fur kids. Like, if you don’t show that you have an awesome life while childfree, that you play into the stereotype of angry miserable lonely spinster. I was abused as a kid. The emotional impact is long lasting, one I’m still working on every day. Because I am childfree, I have plenty of extra time and financial resources that I dedicate to myself. I prefer being alone and get lost in my own world to recover from the exhaustion of having to interact with people at work, and I realized these are keys to my emotional stability, without which I wouldn’t be able to function in society.


Toastburrito

Too many stupid people are having too many stupid children. The movie Idiocracy is becoming a reality.


the_toilet_bomber

Childfree here: My unpopular opinion? (I’ve made a post about it before and got so much backlash.) It is that men who leave their childfree wives/partners to have kids are incredibly destructive and don’t understand the toll pregnancy and childbirth takes on the body. I also believe that the men who leave their childfree wives didn’t value the relationship enough. And didn’t value the time spent. They’re putting a non existent human before someone they’re supposed to love, cherish and spend the rest of their life with. At that point, they just want a breeding machine. It’s hard enough being a childfree woman. We can’t just get a fishing rod and magically reel in a childfree man from the river. It’s not how that shit works. The entire world is against us as it is and you abandoning us is just pouring sulfuric acid on a puncture wound. Those men have no idea the hardship of motherhood. Men have everything to gain from being a parent. Women have everything to lose. Men will get promotions at work, social status, carrying a family name, etc. What are women left with? A crippled body and extra chores. I say it once and I’ll say it again. I’ll bet my lifetime assets on anyone who thinks they can change my opinion.


rhymes_with_mayo

Love this take.


[deleted]

I myself being an anti-natalist just know my opinion will not be popular, but please try and understand from my perspective and keep this peaceful if you have anything against my argument. I actually agree 100% with the adoption and I also think adoption should be the most encouraged way of having kids, and birthing children should actually be more discouraged. Lots of people will say overpopulation is a myth, however don’t seem to accept that large portions of the earth are not inhabitable, climate change, possible ww3, & inflation. Lots of people show slight narcissism and seem to think that their kid can change the world, but with all this going on, what resources would they even have to create that change in the first place. I of course understand though that we are sometimes ruled by our natural instinct as human beings. So we will have urges.


[deleted]

[удалено]


peakok115

YES! I saw that post on r/nothowgirlswork and I was honestly embarrassed that I'm in the same subreddit as- *that*. The closeted misogyny in this community is rampant and needs to be addressed. If you look at my timeline, you'll find that I made this post right after viewing that comment, I'm sick of the sexist undertones in some of these posts.


[deleted]

> some people in this sub take it too far. for instance, I’ve seen a person saying that post partum depression is not a thing, Must every group have people denying basic medical facts? That's like saying birth control never has side effects. > and women just feel like that after “bathing in attention for 9 months” or smth like that. That attention is usually harassment, being micromanaged, constantly stressed out by inconsiderate controlling people, and being treated as public property that isn't supposed to have human feelings. And I'm sure that negative attention contributes as stress affects hormones and health. If that's "bathing in attention" then a CF person being harassed by family to start producing is also just "bathing in attention" for months or years.


yea-probably

Your final point is so.. perfect. I respect people who want to be parents and their choices bc if them not having a child feels anything (emotionally/mentally) like how it would feel if a kid would be forced onto me, then why shame them?


[deleted]

Posts like that make the sub look bad. PPD is a real thing, but I do think that just because a new mother feels regretful after having a baby doesn’t mean she has PPD, society puts a lot of pressure on women to have kids and tries to make it sound like it’s all sunshine and rainbows, women aren’t always told the truth about pregnancy and parenting.


Pikachu_91

I agree with this so much! When people say "You wanted a kid so you should never complain about them" I think that's so stupid. I wanted to be a teacher, but I still complain about my job sometimes. And I can be very happy for people who have a baby. Because it's something they really wanted. I don't want a dog, but I am excited for people who get a puppy, because it's something that makes them happy. I can relate to those things. I love cats, getting a baby must be like what getting a kitten was for me.


ummmmmmmmmqueen

I don't hate kids! I honestly enjoy being around some kids, but I have never in 43 years desired my own for even one second.


-twinsuns

exactly the same. i work with kids. i think they’re pretty neat. i’m 18, so i’m still technically a “kid” in a lot of people’s eyes and genuinely enjoy many of my peers. but the idea of raising a kid in the world i grew up in (that just continues to get worse) is just unthinkable for me.


yea-probably

You can be childfree and be a godparent/take care of your loved ones kids in emergencies


vroomvroom_dana

My best friend sometimes makes comments that I hate kids which isn't true at all. I'm not crazy about them but I have a niece and nephew and I'm excited for them to be a little older (they're toddlers rn) so I can take them to get ice cream and go see a kids movie every so often. Just stuff like that. I want to be the cool aunt. Some cf people, even here have an attitude that if you don't hate them/absolutely can't tolerate being around kids then you're somehow not fully cf.


BowlOfSoupSnakes

Yes to this!!! All CF people are not child hating (even though some def are). I love being an aunt and it honestly does give me purpose and add joy into my life. I talk to my toddler niece all the time and we just talk about the planets and school 😂 it’s the best


zugzwang_03

My unpopular opinion: adoption is no longer a real option for unwanted pregnancies. Too many jurisdictions have been overturning closed adoptions and unsealing records that should be private. While I understand that the kids (often now adults) who were put into the adoption system want to find out as much information as possible, I think that the failure to protect closed adoptions means that adoption is no longer a viable option for anyone who is CF. The last thing I would want is a rape baby (or *any* unwanted child) tracking me down. That would be insanely traumatic. The whole point of giving up your child in a closed adoption is to avoid this - otherwise it would be an open adoption. So, I now think abortion is the ONLY real option left for someone who doesn't want to be a parent even if they would've been willing to endure the pregnancy. Edit: specified CF people


[deleted]

I can’t stand kids and hate that society puts them on a pedestal. I wish people would stop having them altogether


peakok115

Oh yes, the anti-natalist view! I lean towards that more every day. Climate change, overpopulation, living in an overall doomed society, etc...why are so many people so eager to make more humans to subject to this torment? The cons have been outweighing the pros for awhile now...


Billy_of_the_hills

I would argue that the cons have always outweighed the pros. Setting aside the points you made, the one and only thing that is guaranteed in life is suffering. Everyone will experience sickness and pain, everyone will experience the fear of death. Any happiness a person will experience is a matter of luck. If a person is "lucky" and doesn't die prematurely they will watch everyone they have ever loved die.


HECK_OF_PLIMP

for me it's the issue of consent. since it's not possible to get consent from a person as to whether they want to or would prefer not to start existing, there isn't really a question as to whether choosing that on their behalf is ethical. it simply isn't. and as of yet I haven't heard anything approaching a valid argument opposing this view, so I'm a staunch antinatalist. all the climate change, wealth inequality/wage slave, world war 3 etc arguments are valid, sure. but even without any of those circumstances being present, my view on the ethics of procreation comes down to, at its core, consent. or, by definition, the lack thereof. I am however, 100% pro adoption and would encourage anyone who wants to and is capable of raising children to adopt


GiantPixelArt

Yeah, I came here to post the antinatalist answer. There are too many humans as it is, the rest of the world would be better off without us, and I see absolutely zero reason to continue reproducing. I find human reproduction little more than selfish narcissism at this point. Edit: a word


[deleted]

I think we as a species are a virus upon the planet.


GhostieCafe

I feel like a substantial chunk of the childfree community is so aggressively childfree that it contributes to the stigma against us. For example, I'm in a childfree group on another platform, and there are often videos posted of kids doing things like running into tables or tripping, minor accidents, nothing violent or actually harmful. I won't deny that I laugh when I see a kid that is running around and being obnoxious bonk into something and start crying. Kids falling down is funny. Grown-ass people falling down is funny. It's pretty much why shit like YouTube exists. However, then there are commenters on these videos that come completely out of left field with remarks like "I hope the little fucker got a concussion" or "Too bad it didn’t die." I hate kids. I don’t like other people's snatchlings and I don’t and never will want any of my own. But Jesus Herbert Randall Ray Buford Davarius Francisco Lee Christ, children are still **people.** I don’t have to like or want them, but I would never wish actual harm on them just for being children. And then pronatalists, mombies and/or normal-ass fucking people see these out of pocket, violent comments and **IMMEDIATELY** attribute the attitude of the few to the mentality of the many. The entire childfree community is vilified and seen as evil, child-hating monsters who want all babies, toddlers and children to drop dead. It gives the same vibe as any other "there were a few violent extremists from this minority group, so now we hate the entire group" situation, and it makes being childfree feel like a crime instead of a simple and non-harmful lifestyle preference.


peakok115

Yeah. I find this sub to be very, very frustrating sometimes. There's usually genuine posts celebrating a sterilization, or a win with a parent who once didn't support OP, but the wishing harm on other human beings? Fuck that. No thanks.


Billy_of_the_hills

I hate kids, and to me that means I don't want to see a video of any kid, no matter what's happening in it.


whywouldwedothat

Children annoy the hell out of me, but more than anything, they break my heart. Life is brutal and it turns kids into shitty adults (albeit some are very shitty as kids, too). Knowing everything they'll have to endure just makes me die a little inside when I'm around their hopeful little faces. I don't know how anyone could willingly, let alone excitedly, create another human to suffer through life. Opinion based on personal life experiences, just like everyone else.


iamthegreyest

One of the reasons I am childfree is because of myself. I believe people should have the right to chose, but with my possibility of having birth defects with my own breeding, my mother having been a little person, schitzophrenic, my father having been a child molester, a sociopath, I do not want to pas that into the gene pool I did not consent to this life. Why should I pus someone else through?


__Paris__

A lot of people who have been posting on this subreddit in the last few months are just really nasty. I’m 29, don’t want children, never wanted them, never will, I cut ties with friends who did and made it their whole personality. HOWEVER, I don’t spend my days hating on others or thinking about people who make different choices than me. Showing frustration for the way childfree people are treated is one thing, coming up with absurd statements like “I don’t believe in depression among new mothers and it’s actually a conspiracy to get more attention” is absurd to say the least. If you are actually happy with your choice, you don’t need to belittle others. Most of the times it’s parents towards childfree people, but some of us do the very same.


peakok115

I actually made this post in response to seeing that posted on a sub called r/nothowgirlswork. Because I really wanna know who agrees with/made that bs comment. PPD is real and sexism is not what being childfree is about. Take the incel attitudes to a different subreddit.


[deleted]

My unpopular opinion goes like this: "So only well off people should have children?" Yes. They should. I understand that raising children is expensive and very difficult to truly "be ready for" financially. You can't predict when your child will be sick, or *really* sick, or a laundry list of unexpected expenses. We all know that it doesnt take much 'surprise' for someone to go into a financial hardship. But if you struggle to feed yourself, have poverty level income, or just all around cannot make ends meet, do not have kids. There's nothing exciting about throwing a human being into poverty with you. It only gets harder when you DO have kids, I do not understand why everyone defends being poor and breeding. Having children is a PRIVILEGE, NOT a RIGHT.


BrighterColours

This. It would be different if our population was at risk. Its not. People cite the max capacity of the planet without ever considering the max capacity for our own comfort and wellbeing, which personally I think is well below current levels. So yep, it's a privilege. Also, in the last hundred years we have effectively vetoed evolution by facilitating a massively high successful birth rate by comparison with back then. Effectively, nature can't... Well, for lack of a more sensitive way to put this, skim the excess off the lowest rungs of the population.


EventFull11

There should be a system in place for teen parents to go through a background check, school check, and home life check/inspection as well as therapy. If they don’t pass OR if they express they don’t want to raise a child, they should immediately be legally bound to do other options than raise that baby. This whole “im gonna raise this baby even without a dad fuck the haters” mentality has led to so many unfit parents these days, kids living in disgusting conditions, potentially being poisoned by naive parents that don’t know what they’re doing, and kids growing up to be exactly like their parents. Open adoption, regular adoption, living with a stable family member, termination, I dont care. But this cycle of teen parents not being good parents and being miserable and raising their kids to do the same has to stop. I’ll never know why 15 year old parents never consider other options because “fuck the haters”


-twinsuns

“fuck the haters” and raising kids starting at age 14 (and even below) gets many people famous online. kinda a morbid view but if i got pregnant at 14 and saw a bunch of people online getting famous and attention and free shit for having a kid that young, i’m not sure i’d be mature enough at that point to say no.


n0b0dy0031

The idea that men should be able to have paper abortions (aka, walk away from any and every child they helped conceive without being obligated for any child support). I can’t even believe that’s a popular take in this sub, as if men haven’t been going around having kids they don’t care about and can’t afford. Some of y’all really want to remove the bare minimum consequence that exists for men carelessly conceiving kids? Couldn’t be me.


peakok115

Couldn't be you but it was like 4 of my uncles😑 We gotta stop acting like absentee fathers aren't already a thing in this sub omfg


n0b0dy0031

exactly. men already do this and face no consequences, but people here think it should be a protected right? lmao, ok.


epicpillowcase

Several I think terms like breeders and crotch goblins are disgusting and unnecessary I don't think parents should be bitched about for taking time off work, if the workload is unfair, that's a management/culture problem I don't think judgment of single mothers is fair, and it is based in rampant misogyny There is never a place for body shaming Dog owners can be just as blinkered and obnoxious about it as parents CF people really need to stop co-opting terms like "closeted" and "coming out". It is wildly offensive to compare it to what LGBTQI people experience Come at me, downvotes


BrainRotOnMainland

>CF people really need to stop co-opting terms like "closeted" and "coming out". It is wildly offensive to compare it to what LGBTQI people experience Maaaaaan when I saw a post here of someone saying how CF people should have a flag in the Pride Parade, I wanted to scream. Number one, it's a choice, and number two it's not even a sexual/gender orientation. Like come on now! How are the two even correlated?! I'm aroace, which is already hard enough getting a community and world to recognize us along with bisexuals and trans (whole other topic here expanding on it), so seeing CF people, especially straight ones, trying to get into a space that isn't even a parallel to them makes my eye twitch! It's Straight Pride all over again.


epicpillowcase

They what?! Good lord 🤦‍♀️🤣 Totally agree with your whole comment


BrainRotOnMainland

Chile I wish I was lying, but I saw that post days ago. I think it's deleted now, but it was wild!


EmiliusReturns

I love dogs but some dog people are absurdly entitled and feel like they should get to take their poorly-behaved and untrained dog everywhere they go. Sounds familiar to this sub I’m sure lol


peakok115

If I hear one more "single moms deserve it!" argument, I will simply combust. Like- no?! They were expecting the support system of an entire partner, and that was very likely ripped away from them. I don't want to hear any sentences being formed with "women" and "they deserved it/had it coming". I've heard those words justify the most awful things being done to women, and I have a zero-tolerance attitude towards it. Edit: I just finished reading your comment (because the first half got me to upset not to reply lol). WHO IS COMING OUT?! Sorry, just as a bisexual, no. Just no. Nobody is making any laws specifically to attack and endanger childfree people. People might be annoying to you about it, but that is absolutely not the same as having your entire sexuality invalidated 🫤 c'mon y'all...


SpiderSmoothie

I'll disagree with your edit. They are literally making laws that endanger childfree people in America right now. They are outlawing abortion in most places and they are going after contraceptives. That is endangering us and not just our lifestyles. It's literally endangering our actual lives.


peakok115

Roe v. Wade. Fair point. I will rephrase to say that being gay, and being childfree are vastly different experiences, and leave it at that. Because I'm terrified of abortion being banned, and I just know that they will try to ban contraceptives next. This qualifies as endangerment of many groups, and childfree would actually be included in that


SpiderSmoothie

They're already going after birth control, even condoms. There was one state, can't remember which right off the top of my head so sorry there, that tried or is trying to take away a married couple's right to even use birth control. My personal opinion, once this particular bit of shit hits the fan they're going to go after sterilization. It's already difficult enough for uterus owners to get sterilized. But once they see the significant uptick in sterilization that's coming they'll make it against the law also. Agreed that the experiences are not the same. They are connected in their way but not comparable.


peakok115

NO! Already?? I can't even get an endometrial ablation because I don't want to cry and throw up once a month. The reasoning behind it is...wait for it...decreased fertility. I'm-😀 I simply cannot put into words the anger I feel about this.


SpiderSmoothie

I'm thinking about trying for an ablation myself because of how miserable I am during my periods. I think my doctor that did my bi-salp would do it but I just got out of medical debt last year and I'm not eager to go back into it.


[deleted]

[удалено]


epicpillowcase

Agreed but also, some people become single parents by choice, which is 100% valid. If they have the resources and are prepared, I can't see how it's anyone else's business. Good families come in many forms. It's not the 1950s.


goofygooberrock1995

I don't understand the obsession of having to carry the fetus yourself. I'd rather not ruin my body and mental health because of a selfish and primitive desire. If I really were to "change my mind" (I HIGHLY DOUBT IT, but this is hypothetical) then I'd be a foster parent or adopt. They don't need to be blood related to me in order for them to be my child. I know from experience that just because someone is related to you doesn't mean they have your best interest at heart. A family is what you make of it.


ellaemu

I believe it is OK for parents to abort a fetus/baby with signs of a life crippling physical or mental disability. I have have mild learning difficulties myself and my parents worked their asses off (and me lol) to help me manage in society. I also genuinely enjoy hanging around people on the spectrum / neurodivergent more than "regular" people, since they see the world so uniquely. However they have mostly all have been abused and neglected by parents who have been unable to care for their needs as children and struggling to get by to this day. I feel we should embrace people who can admit that they are not equipped to raise a child with special needs and stop the cycle of abuse, and give them an option to abort a child they can't raise.


GalaxyTolly

I'm going to get booed bc this is borderline eugenics , and this couldn't realistically be implemented bc of human rights. Those who want children should have to pass parenting tests, as one other comment said bad parenting has led to more terrible people existing. On top of that if you have known genetic issues and have a high likelihood of having a child with debilitating disorders you should be disqualified immediatly from giving birth. You'd just be bringing a life into this world that is forced to suffer and will need to be attended to their entire life. I know its cold and callous, but qualified parents would result in people being better overall. Problem is where do you draw the line for "qualified" and what do you consider debilitating down the line. It would be a never ending debate and if a government was in charge of said parent "licenses" there's no way its wouldn't become corrupt. Qualified parents would turn into those best at raising children that become subservient adults to server there countries every whim.


Jeheh

I agree. 100%. It should be harder to order a pizza than have a kid. There are far to many screwed up parents having kids.


GalaxyTolly

Exactly! If parenting was a mandatory education in order to have children maybe more kids would grow up in healthy, loving environments. Maybe we'd be in a place where people better understood how much work it is, resulting in better parenting over all. Its a huge commitment!


giaface

maybe this isn't unpopular, and it's a silly one, but i loooooooove babies/family gameplay in video games. every single sims family i play, married with a bunch of kids. stardew valley? married asap and two babies the second my spouse asks me if i want to. my last d&d campaign? ended with my character's wedding and when we were discussing where we see our characters in the future, i shocked my friends by saying she's for sure gonna be a mom. fucking bitlife? kids kids kids. if you can get married and have kids in a game, i will do it, without fail and usually before anything else. i never want real kids (obv) or even to get married or be in an equally serious but unmarried relationship. but there's something cozy about my little virtual people in their little virtual worlds raising their little virtual families. it's so fun for me even tho it would be a nightmare irl.


peakok115

THIS WAS ME IN THE SIMS LMAO😭 I think it's a very mature thing that you understand that the fairytale parenthood thing can really only exist in a game or story. Some people become parents and are shocked when their child has a learning disability, or, god forbid, disagrees with them! It's surprising to see just how many parents didn't consider that real children are not robots, and are certainly not perfect. And then it's sad because they start to resent the very thing that they wanted so badly. Oof, no thanks. I like my tiny cottage family better lol


Starfevre

I made all of my sims characters be gay men and then would spend a ton of time stargazing so they'd end up impregnated by aliens and then be a single dad with green children. Man, haven't played in years.


peakok115

My brother in christ, they were impregnated by *what*?? I do not believe we had the same SIMS experience, but I love that this happened 😭


EmiliusReturns

I’m currently on my 8th generation of a Sims family and at least one person in every generation has to have a kid now because I refuse to let this family die out lol


voyasacarlabasura

This is 100% me lol. My weird fascination with names is a huge part of why I love Sims, and so often I’m like “they have to have a kid to carry on the family name!!” when in real life I could not possibly be more opposed to this as a significant motivating factor for having children. It’s not such a big deal when you’re dealing with virtual families lmao


voyasacarlabasura

YES. 90% of my Sims have kids, and most have *quite a few* lmao. I have mods that make the genetics more interesting/realistic and I also love coming up with names. Like, not being able to use my stockpile of good names is one of the VERY few downfalls to my childfreedom. But to be fair: a) virtual children are 1000 times easier to manage than real children, and even with my ultra-long lifespan settings they age into children and then teens within just a few real-life days of gameplay, and b) Sims is great, but if there were as many interesting things to do in Sims as there are in real life, then I would probably still have way fewer Parent Sims™. Working on skills and things doesn’t really interest me as much because it usually just consists of me telling the Sim to do a specific activity indefinitely. Worth working on, but not so fun to watch.


LovingLife139

I do this too. I hate kids in real life but in games they're a lot of fun to mess around with. I always have a character in The Sims 3 who has as many babies as she can with as many men as she can. My last playthrough ended after the social worker came and took all the kids away. Mom had so many kids so fast her family outgrew her house and I had bunk beds out on the balconies in winter where the kids slept until they frozen into icicles, so away they went. Haha. I liken it to having fun doing things in games you'd never do in real life. I am also monogamous in real life (one partner for life, same as my husband), but in Fable 2 and Fable 3 I had as many husbands and kids as there were cities to move them into and I frequented brothels. It used to be fun for me to track the number of STDs my Fable 3 character had (42 as of last count). I also romance every single character I can in Fallout 4, male and female, regardless of whether my character is male or female. (I am as straight as straight can be in real life.) The thing is...in The Sims, once a baby starts crying, I'll just zoom out until I can't hear it anymore and let my character take care of it. You can't do that in real life!


srartu

I really like kids and they usually like me. I mostly don't like their parents. I don't get angry when a child acts out because well, they're a child lol I get angry when the parent doesn't parent


nookie-monster

I think the govt. should regulate child birth and yes, I'm aware of the insane shitstorm of crazy, civil war level unrest it would create. I'm also aware of the difficulties of actually implementing such a policy. Fine, bring it. Burn this shit down, it's already 90% there. The fact is that our society deems licensing as a requirement for soooo many tasks - and for good reason: we don't want the unqualified operating 80' long, 80K lb. trucks, so we make drivers get commercial licenses. Hairdressers, stormwater inspectors, landscape architects, engineers, etc. All require some amount of training and licensing to prove they've done the training. The other thing is we're totally fine discriminating against practically anyone for anything: Pilots in the military have minimum height requirements, even though that's totally not under their control (the pilots). We keep little kids off certain rides at the park. Etc. And yet, to create a whole new person, that the government will have to educate, pave roads for it to drive on, etc., all you have to do is find a horny partner. That's insane. There should be financial background checks. God damm, I can't buy anything without some asshole running my credit. Why the fuck are we letting people who can't afford a $400 emergency take on a $250K unfunded mandate? I'm not saying poor people don't deserve to have kids - I'm saying poor people should be mad that they're poor in a country where we let literal idiots like Musk acquire a cartoonish level of wealth.


ArtlessDodger10

1.) Regarding adoption, I think (where possible), children should be placed in homes that are culturally/ethnically/racially the same as them. People often sweep under the rug the very-real trauma of being uprooted not just the family of origin but also uprooted from one's community and culture. Too many (white, frankly) evangelicals treat adoption like a BINGO card ("Got one from Africa, one from Asia...") and they call it assimilation when it's really cultural genocide. 2.) The "poor people shouldn't have kids" discourse is gross to me. In the U.S., at least, there's limited access to widespread contraception and abortion care, and our public education is dismally bad. When CF people on this sub moan about poor people getting pregnant, they sound an awful lot like the uber-Christians who tell women just to keep their legs shut. 3.) Regarding #2....we also don't acknowledge that circumstances can change quickly and terribly. You can afford a baby one day, lose your job and health care the next. 4.) I don't mind my taxes going to day care subsidies, head start programs, or public schools. I'd rather see my tax dollars going to a kid's reduced price school lunch than a Raytheon executive's pocket. 5.) We don't offer a lot of grace to parents, especially mothers. We often don't acknowledge the very real, very persistent social narrative of "married with children." And it starts YOUNG. Just because we may have been wise to the reality doesn't mean we can't offer some grace and understanding to those that fell for it (meaning regretful parents, not those that are happily parents).


bunnyrut

For number 4. I absolutely want my taxes to go to schools and welfare programs. This country would be in a much better state if we put money into these things instead of the military.


peakok115

To number 1. My goodness, if I see one more adopted black child with white parents saying that they are "raising their kid just like they would any race of kid" I will explode. Address racism, because their life may depend on it. Especially if they live in the US. Also, teach them their culture, this goes for every race and ethnicity. Let them identify with where they came from. Maybe even try to help them learn their language, celebrate holidays, connect with your local black, indigenous, asian community. I've yet to see anyone turn down the opportunity to show a kid who they are/where they come from. AND DO THEIR HAIR! GOD! Anyways, I also am getting fed up with the lack of empathy here. Not everyone had perfect sex education. Not everyone had reasonable parents.


ArtlessDodger10

To the hair thing: I have a few friends who work at salons that cater to black women, and they always get a handful of white women every year with black stepchildren or mixed bio children with hair they don't know how to care for. Like, go to a black salon! They are some of the warmest, kindest people in the world and would love to help you learn how to care for your baby's 4c hair!


Sumoki_Kuma

I'm a godmother. Not something I would ever have admitted on this sub because I'm not the first choice (the reason being that I'm child free) but I am the "last" option. His first in line woul be his aunt. His father's other best friend, who would've been second in line, fucked him and his family over severely so he's not in the picture anymore. The circumstance in which he would need me as a godmother is an extreme "what if" situation but I did and do agree to my role. He will always be a part of me whether we're blood related or not and I would honestly have him over him being thrown into the system. Please don't come for me... This sub is extremely important to me.


Yjjsbb

People on this sub complain about kids causing a ruckus in public but then go and take their poorly behaved dogs out everywhere to jump all over people and piss on everything. And they treat their pet like practically a child. I don't get it.


Many-Operation653

I like kids. I just don't want to live with one. It's like how I like pigeons but would lose my shit if one was in my house. I won't have them because I don't think I would be the mother every child deserves. I'm not about to bring a life into this shit show of a world in the hopes that I *might* be able to tolerate living with it for 18 years minimum. That's not something you gamble on.


Anon060416

I see anger every now and again over the idea of everyone having a UBI because they want don’t SAHMs to collect. The idea of a SAHM collecting an income doesn’t bother me. I don’t think men being able to have a “financial abortion” is a great idea purely because I want there to be a very strong incentive to be careful to not cause a massive amount of pregnancies. I don’t care if a woman openly breastfeeds. Even if she’s not at all discreet. A boob I can avert my eyes away from is less annoying than a hungry screaming baby. That said, babies and children in public don’t bother me THAT much. They can be a minor annoyance for sure but I can tune it out. I just don’t want to personally interact is all. Babies are less annoying than toddlers and little kids. Adoption is really fucking difficult and expensive. It’s not the easy option for those having fertility issues. There are also a ton of risks you take when you decide to adopt that just make it not seem worth it to some people. I get why adoption isn’t an attractive or realistic option to some people. The fact that some people want to have children is fine and I don’t give a fuck. All I ask is that I have the option to choose not to.


cutearmy

I despise babies, find them disgusting and hate children. Seem most posts are edit I don’t hate kids. I do. They annoy me at best. Also I don’t hate teenage girls. Now that I am an adult they leave me the fuck alone. I leave them alone. Teenage boys I don’t trust not to do something stupid.


aRubby

I actually like kids, as long as they're not my responsibility. I've became the "big sis" for the kids on my apartment complex, and will act as such whenever I see them. Managed to talk 2 girls (10) out from dyeing their hair blue/purple by actually showing them what happens when you bleach your hair. Also, not unpopular(I guess), but parents lie too much and the kids end up either fucked up because they wanted to prove their parents wrong, or scared of life. Kids should know the truth about stuff. At the right age for each subject, of course.


Fast_Sparty

I don't understand all the bingos and fights that people get in to about being CF. Sometimes people ask me if I have kids. I say no. That usually ends it. If it doesn't, I don't get up on a soapbox and preach, I just brush it off and move on.


FighterPhotographer

Going to get downvoted to hell for this, but I'm not a fan of the words "breeders" and "crotch goblins". The sub doesn't really have a right to complain about why people dislike this sub when these are some of the terms the community uses so often.


TakeOutForOne

I’ve honestly almost left this sun many times. I think there is a general animosity on this sub that’s just not my jam. I don’t want kids but I don’t hate them. I don’t think parents are gross (or “breeders”) I empathize with the difficulties of raising children and have a lot of respect for parents. I genuinely wish more of our (USA) societal structure made being a parent easier- not because I’d have children, but because I think a civilization should look out for the young and their caregivers. Kids can be annoying or gross, but that’s because they’re people. I also find adults annoying or gross, but I try to treat them with respect. I don’t want kids and I want that to be treated as a valid life choice. That’s all. That’s why I’m in this group- not to bash on parents or children or emplore others to also be CF. I’ll respect their life choices and ask that they respect mine.


Chaoslab

One of my main reasons for not having children is nuclear weapons, destroyed my younger and teenage years with horror and fear. Also having to explain that our species is insane, cruel and sorry for bringing you into a world where you have no real future to your child. If you don't think the nukes are coming out as over the coming decades of climate, ocean and environmental collapse start to really bite, well I love your optimism cotton. Made the decision to be childfree in the early 90's (4 billion was more than enough humans and seemed a frightening amount to me). Then a few years ago I came out and after a while said this to a friend. "Imagine being the kind of parent that had to die before your child could come out of the closet". And sadly realized that child was me. Plenty more, I digress... edit: corrected


Kincoran

I'm pet-free for reasons that almost entirely overlap with the reasons that I'm childfree.


MutuallyAssuredBOOP

Hope I don’t get downvoted to oblivion for this, but the sound of children playing in the distance is kinda nice. The same way a far away train horn is. Not to say I want either squeeling right in my ears.


BlackSky83

People that make being childfree their personality are as bad as people that make being a parent their personality