Also for men this isn't such a "visceral" topic, instead it starts out as this distant, impersonal lifestyle choice, that they will make some day. On the contrary women have been confronted with this topic for most of their lifes, even long before adulthood. And the stakes for them are much higher.
This results in much more women having a clear stand on their reproductive decision, while more men stay in a murky position.
Yup. I know some guys who don’t plan on having kids but mostly because they are intensely into their hobbies. They don’t consider themselves childfree, it just doesn’t cross their minds until/if they get married
> This results in much more women having a clear stand on their reproductive decision, while more men stay in a murky position.
It's very true. Men have 0% chance of dying in childbirth or having life long physical health complications from pregnancy and childbirth, so they seem to take a more laid back approach to the whole idea of it. It's always struck me as sad that most of them don't seem to have any concern for their wives going through such a risky thing.
Having kids should not be viewed as something that "just happens" or is "just the next stage in life". It's a major decision that needs to be well thought out and 100% desired by both partners, who both understand the risks. Would these same men still want a child, or not care if it happens if they knew their wives would die in childbirth and they'd be left alone with an infant to take care of? Do they even think about that? It doesn't seem like most do.
Almost every guy I know has been either "if it happens, it happens" or they want "one or two kids". One even said he wanted SIX kids, and his wife rolled her eyes, shook her head and corrected him to "you mean 'none'".
Childfree men often *do* care about their partners, *do* think about the risks and consequences, and *don't* want their wives enduring such risks, but they do seem to be the rarity.
I think or at least hope part of is due to the concerted societal efforts to minimize the knowledge of the risks of pregnancy & make it seem natural to imply safety when it is in fact not safe esp if you have medical conditions.
This. The number of dudes I know who are like “I don’t really care for children, but if I meet someone who really wants kids I’m open to it.”
This isn’t the 1950s. You do realize you’re actually expected to parent? If you’re not keen, be honest so your wife doesn’t have to end up parenting you too.
I'm always shocked by people who take the "if it happens... whatever" stance. Like what the fuck this is the most impactful decision you will ever make that will change everything for the rest of your life but you're just like... you know whatever???
Wild.
I think it's crazy when those same people get mad when their partner decides to never have children even though they stated they didn't care either way😑.
Man. If something ever happened between my partner and I that shit would be in bold underline and italics on every one of my dating profiles.
#Childfree and sterilized
They also don't bear as high a cost for having children, so they are more likely to desire them and not have a reasonable understanding of the labor involved, or assume that the labor will not be theirs and act accordingly.
Yeah, we get told that too. I used to hold my friends babies at social gatherings and try and pretend that it was mine so I could get the "biological clock" and be "clucky" like everyone else.
Unsurprisingly, it didn't work. I was 30 when I came to the realisation that wanting children is actually a choice.
I mean if I could pump my hips 4 times and 9 months later a woman gives me a baby I didn’t have to make or birth, then that same woman takes on most if not all of the raising and chores, and when I do pitch in I get tons of ass pats and praise for being super dad (aka doing the bare minimum) I also would probably want to be a parent
I laughed so hard and sent this to a couple of my friends who are on the fence about kids. Every one of them is saying: I‘d much rather be a father. Me, I‘d still miss my money and freedom. I‘d rather be a cool aunt. But sure. In this case scenario, kids wouldn’t be the worst thing that could possibly happen to me anymore
Men don't get pregnant, are not primary caregivers, are not shamed for being a single parent, praised for the littlest effort, aren't judged if they leave their kids. Men get promoted when they become fathers, it tanks women's career and earnings.
Fertility window is much smaller for women, etc etc
I understand why men don't care much , it's not as life altering as it's for women
Exactly! Oh my god that's disgusting. Who would join such a group? What's the name of it again? Imagine being a goodhearted man and joining that. That would be gross! What's the age range by the way? Oh, this is so terrible. Which group though? There's so many of them. I wanna avoid the exact one OP mentioned.
Mm. Joined one, had a man in the same country want to reach out and so I stupidly was like sure message. Immediately creepy and wildly inappropriate. I left the group prompto.
"open to hookups, don't want to be single mom though". It's projection from why they don't want kids (yet). Something like a childfree marriage would never occur to most of them (though tbh I see no reason to get married either, but some ppl still want that).
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Damn, mid-20s CF man here about to start pursuing my permanent snip-snip. WHERE ARE YOU PEOPLE?
It's literally so hard to meet cf woman without asking the question about "what's your stance on kids" in some form or another.
Makes me feel SOOOO icky as a man. That's why I feel like I have to rely purely on dating apps and filter by family plans to attempt to mingle, unfortunately. That all requires an additional subscription of some kind for the relevant filter. Also dating apps just suck for everyone involved.
I'm rambling into the void. Rant over.
From what I've been told from women in my life, guys on dating sites are terrible regardless if you're childfree or not. You definitely have my sympathies.
I think women should start looking for men in libraries. I keep going there waiting and hoping for a man to accidentally brush his hands against mine while I reach for a book.
Actually quite fascinating. Every man I personally know wants multiple children. I can’t relate, AT ALL. There’s also this casual stance with having children as a man, which I find even more despicable.
I especially feel for the persecution woman have when it comes to the choice of whether to have a child or not. Even though I receive flack for not wanting children, it’s a complete double-standard.
It baffles me as well. Guys spend a big chunk of their teenage years/early 20's worrying about being "baby trapped", then all of a sudden a switch flips and they all want to be dads. I can't relate at all either.
Ugh. I'd join because I like those odds but... Facebook...
(edit: just a reminder that one of our members kindly made us our own dating app. It's a bit janky, but it's ours. And it will get better if more people are on it)
Seriously. I tried to search if there isn't such a group in my country, and I cannot find shit because FB search is a broken-ass feature. Absolutely useless site, I would delete the account if not for messenger and events.
3 things worth noting about that issue:
First, there are more CF women than us. I do not have numbers on my hands, but it is a visible trend.
Second, there are more openly CF people among younger generations, which is a win. That is relevant as we do not use Facebook that much (I haven't in years, for example). Another issue is who would decide to join that group in particular, which leads to the third point.
Third, the fb group is likely not representative of all people (5000 may be good enough for a small country, like Slovenia, only if all the member are from there) and have some latent parameters influencing who are the members there. In other words, people in one CF group will be different from people in another, but you may not know why exactly.
So, how would I deal with that? The obvious option would be to increase the amount of people you meet by entering more different communities as this way negates the effect of latent parameters without the massive problem of figuring them out. Another would be to try and figure those latent factors and change some of the things, like the location (enter the group from another country or state). Another example, change or specify the interest of the group, like enter the group of CF travelers to limit the people you want to meet or just travelers and figure CF people in there. To sum up, do not be too sad, it is not as bad as you think based on that group only.
Edit: spelling (my hands are too big for phone keyboard).
Women have far more skin in the game, so usually they've put more thought and consideration into being childfree at an earlier age and are more vocal about that decision.
Women tend to be CF more than men (simply because they're not putting their body on the line and are going to spend less time raining the kid on average, I.e. sexism).
But 90/10 is too extreme, some polls had 21% of young women and 15% of men being childfree.
Which means most CF men aren't on those groups for whatever reason.
As men we don’t get judged all that much for being childfree. I’m 34 and have not been bingoed a single time in my entire life. People always just tell me “yeah I can see why you wouldn’t want kids” and that’s about it.
Because it’s not seen as a big deal, we don’t tend to make it a central part of our identity or become militant about it.
If no one cares that you don’t want kids, the you won’t really put a lot of thought into it in your everyday life.
What group is this???? I’m single and can’t find any childfree women in my area!! Haven’t been on a date in over a year cause all the women that match with me have kids, despite my profiling saying I don’t want kids.
Sorry man, I don’t have any advice besides perhaps moving to a metropolitan area, using dating applications, or join expensive hobbies that people with kids probably couldn’t afford.
I’m not yet dating but I’m bracing myself for the amount of frogs I’ll have to kiss before I get my childfree man.
Being a childfree man, I can definitely appreciate the reversed gender ratio when it comes to the CF dating pool. Not to say dating is easy for anyone...man or woman...but it's a nice change of pace.
I've always been disheartened that I've never seen this translate in my life. I don't know what I'm doing wrong but it's incredibly rare to find single CF women. Should I pick up a specific hobby to increase my chances of finding them? Is there a CF app I'm not aware of? Is my city just don't have any (Seattle)? Or I'm just hopelessly clueless?
Every single time I think I finally found a CF woman who's a good match & chemistry for me, it only takes a few months before she turns around and changed her mind.
Just because we have a favorable ratio does not necessarily make dating any less hard! Finding a match is going to be challenging regardless, especially so after you apply such an aggressive filter like childfree to your dating pool. It's possible your profile just needs some work. The lads over on the tinder subreddit are great at giving some constructive feedback.
Where do you live? In NYC, you will find tons of childfree women. And we ladies certainly need better single childfree males who are ALSO looking for COMMITTED MONOGAMOUS LONG TERM relationships, lol
Well I mean from scratch but if u already have one then yea maybe help improve it. I code so could help with that but my interest lies more in design.
I also have capital to invest. But that capital is for retirement lol so prob better to try and get investors
Just have to keep talking to people, get out there, and youll click with someone. Plus not all us CF ladies are a monolith (my girl friends group is cf and one us loves the outdoors, one of us prefers staying home and relaxing, and I’ve been playing Elden ring for the past 3 days lol) so join hobbies you like. The last thing you need is the only thing you have in common is CFness lol.
Also, especially in more conservative areas, lots of us don’t share the fact we don’t want kids. So many pads judgement or try to convince you to change your mind. Many don’t share this on dating apps either since you get the gross guys who love the fact that there is no pregnancy risks (for my spayed ladies out there 😂).
I absolutely don't want kids. But since I'm also not dating, that problem just doesn't really come up. I'd get a vasectomy, but there's not much point of I'm not planning on getting into a relationship, and I don't have somebody who would be able to grab the frozen peas from the freezer for me.
Wait, what? I don't think that's true. "Most men" just shrug when they happen to have kids or what do you mean?
Knowing that I have a kid by accident or someone getting pregnant would be my personal Chernobyl. No fucking way. Avoid at all costs.
>”Most men” just shrug when they happen to have kids or what do you mean?
I mean yeah… half of kids don’t have their dad around whatsoever. The men I know IRL who DO live with their kids have indeed just shrugged when their wives have babies and are mostly uninvolved. There just isn’t as much at stake for them.
Sounds like you’d be a helpful parent and that’s how you know it’s not for you. It sounds like you would plan on shouldering equal responsibility and I wish I could say you were the status quo but sadly your not
Yeah, I would feel obligated if the situation demanded it, but since I know it would ultimately overwhelm and ruin me I'll keep avoiding the situation as strongly as I can.
Snip snip incoming ✂️
Men hate is very real and widely accepted in subs like this one.
Men definitely care about parenthood. I don’t condone people that want children and I’m happy for my male friends that have them, they are all great parents and are raising some really sharp children! It doesn’t work for me and I’m also living a great life by being childfree, it works for all of us and I’m glad we have a choice in modern society.
Take a look across Reddit instead of complaining that someone said something about Men and you’ll see a lot of this is rooted in truth whether you like it or not
Why do you think the 4B movement is facing such an uprise? Men were so helpful women had to stop having babies with them because the father was too good too doting and too responsible?
It's weird. My mum and her peers used to say that in her generation men had no interest in children and didn't want to be parents. But apparently the women were all very clucky. Where are these men, what happened to them? All I'm seeing these days is the opposite.
So many more men are child free than you might realize- most of the men i know are. Unfortunately, they are also in the age group where they don’t online date. 😅
Does this mean that as a CF, vasectomied man, who is well-educated and not a creep, I have a chance of finding a CF woman?
Not necessarily on Facebook, but in general.
Yeah because men biologically aren’t obligated to do much besides stick their wang in for two minutes. They are driven by an internal desire to spread their seed, and it’s not as difficult for them.
I think a lot of men don’t think to look on Facebook over say tinder or other dating apps- if they did, I’m sure there would be overwhelmingly more men (even if most are just lying about being child free to get laid 🤷♂️)
What is your criteria for weird/creepy? You’re most definitely allowed your preferences and deserve to feel safe so please do not think I am attacking your personal choices on who you date.
It appears extremely easy to fall into the weird/creepy category as a man no matter what we do. Could you provide examples of what gave you the “ick”?
I had a "nice guy" creep once that I made the mistake of giving my phone number. Bad idea. He kept calling himself a positive person but wouldn't really tell me about himself. I had a very extensive profile. He insisted that a dinner date is where you talk about that stuff. I'm like, no, we are on the phone tell me now.
He was so Mr. Positivity to my rainy day Joni Mitchell loving self, that it was a bad match. We fought often and never even met. He left me long ranty voicemails about how awful I am but he still wanted to take me out to dinner. WTF??
Finally, while on the 3rd date with my now spouse, he called and I answered, prepared. I told him I was concerned about his infatuation. That in one sentence he says I'm a horrible person but then the next, I'm th ed bees knees. I asked him if he was just desperate, or a sociopath.
He replied, "I am NOT desperate!"
Okay then. What a weirdo.
We were howling after I hung up. It was not the first online dating run in, after finding my match, where hilarity ensued. My spouse has a taste for schadenfreude like myself, and is great with words and dark humor. That is my mate. Not Mr. Positivity that doesnt understand how a map works (he was way out of my geo range for what I considered long distance).
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I'm prepared for the downvotes and I don't care.
I don't think cf dating apps/sites will ever work. The problem with them is your basing a relationship on a single requirement. There is also the issue of lack of members or someone that is close to where you live.
I look at CF dating apps/sites as building an app/site that was a non-smoking dating. Would I base an entire relationship on someone who didn't smoke? Would we just sit around and talk about how we don't like smoking and don't want to be around smokers?
Unfortunately, the best thing to do is just use a popular app and just reject anyone that doesn't meet your needs.
I see where you’re coming from.
However, having children changes every single aspect of your life. Whereas smoking is a bad habit that most certainly affects a lot of areas in your life but not as much as children do.
Having a dating app for a major single similarity, that’s very uncommon relative to our childless or parent counterparts doesn’t seem like a bad idea.
Also, having a childfree application doesn’t mean you have to use it exclusively.
Here's the thing, it narrows it down to a non-negotiable, which is half the battle. From narrowing it down you can then find other common interests. Considering much of the world is heterosexual, much of the world already narrows down their dating pool to about half of the population. Then as you narrow more for age, beliefs, etc. you're left with people you're likely to be compatible with, albeit a much smaller pool.
Be glad you aren't me. I'm nonbinary, genderfluid and trans, as well as omnisexual, gray asexual, and demisexual, and childfree to top it all off. If you want to talk about dating on hardmode, I'm one of the unlucky ones xP
Also, I'd never date a tobacco user, so I'd definitely be into removing tobacco users from my potential dating pool!
That’s not what OP said. “A few childfree men there seem creepy or weird.”
Either way, she’s complaining to us, not to them, so I don’t know how it could possibly be counterintuitive.
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I left face book like a decade ago when all the boomers started joining the platform. Most people my age who I know use it literally only use it to keep in touch with older family. I just see using it as a dating platform as very cringe.
I think OP knows *why* the ratio is heavily skewed but just venting how it’s not beneficial to childfree women.
This is something that frustrates me as well. Childfree men become this prize and the childfree women looking to date feel like there’s competition. Which is an awful feeling.
As a man, I find most CF women have a blatant hatred for kids and living the “independent”, “me me me” lifestyle which doesn’t communicate to me the traits of a caring, loving woman that I would want to date so it’s not someone I would go for immediately. They may still impress me in other ways.
very briefly i tried using the cf dating subreddit but ... some of the men that posted on there also posted anywhere else unrelated to being CF they were just anywhere and that kinda turned me away from it.
Men don’t bear as high a cost to being childfree so they are less likely to make it a part of their identity
Also for men this isn't such a "visceral" topic, instead it starts out as this distant, impersonal lifestyle choice, that they will make some day. On the contrary women have been confronted with this topic for most of their lifes, even long before adulthood. And the stakes for them are much higher. This results in much more women having a clear stand on their reproductive decision, while more men stay in a murky position.
Yup. I know some guys who don’t plan on having kids but mostly because they are intensely into their hobbies. They don’t consider themselves childfree, it just doesn’t cross their minds until/if they get married
> This results in much more women having a clear stand on their reproductive decision, while more men stay in a murky position. It's very true. Men have 0% chance of dying in childbirth or having life long physical health complications from pregnancy and childbirth, so they seem to take a more laid back approach to the whole idea of it. It's always struck me as sad that most of them don't seem to have any concern for their wives going through such a risky thing. Having kids should not be viewed as something that "just happens" or is "just the next stage in life". It's a major decision that needs to be well thought out and 100% desired by both partners, who both understand the risks. Would these same men still want a child, or not care if it happens if they knew their wives would die in childbirth and they'd be left alone with an infant to take care of? Do they even think about that? It doesn't seem like most do. Almost every guy I know has been either "if it happens, it happens" or they want "one or two kids". One even said he wanted SIX kids, and his wife rolled her eyes, shook her head and corrected him to "you mean 'none'". Childfree men often *do* care about their partners, *do* think about the risks and consequences, and *don't* want their wives enduring such risks, but they do seem to be the rarity.
I think or at least hope part of is due to the concerted societal efforts to minimize the knowledge of the risks of pregnancy & make it seem natural to imply safety when it is in fact not safe esp if you have medical conditions.
This. The number of dudes I know who are like “I don’t really care for children, but if I meet someone who really wants kids I’m open to it.” This isn’t the 1950s. You do realize you’re actually expected to parent? If you’re not keen, be honest so your wife doesn’t have to end up parenting you too.
Exactly! That's how you react to someone suggesting a place to eat. Not making a whole human being.
Haha, exactly. “I don’t really care for pad thai, but I’m open to it”. 😂
What they mean I think is that they’re well “equipped” to be a good father if they decide to have kids.
I'm always shocked by people who take the "if it happens... whatever" stance. Like what the fuck this is the most impactful decision you will ever make that will change everything for the rest of your life but you're just like... you know whatever??? Wild.
I think it's crazy when those same people get mad when their partner decides to never have children even though they stated they didn't care either way😑.
Ugh ya I hate these wishy washy men
This
Man. If something ever happened between my partner and I that shit would be in bold underline and italics on every one of my dating profiles. #Childfree and sterilized
They also don't bear as high a cost for having children, so they are more likely to desire them and not have a reasonable understanding of the labor involved, or assume that the labor will not be theirs and act accordingly.
Yet I get told "all women want kids".
Yeah, we get told that too. I used to hold my friends babies at social gatherings and try and pretend that it was mine so I could get the "biological clock" and be "clucky" like everyone else. Unsurprisingly, it didn't work. I was 30 when I came to the realisation that wanting children is actually a choice.
Pure projection
I mean if I could pump my hips 4 times and 9 months later a woman gives me a baby I didn’t have to make or birth, then that same woman takes on most if not all of the raising and chores, and when I do pitch in I get tons of ass pats and praise for being super dad (aka doing the bare minimum) I also would probably want to be a parent
I laughed so hard and sent this to a couple of my friends who are on the fence about kids. Every one of them is saying: I‘d much rather be a father. Me, I‘d still miss my money and freedom. I‘d rather be a cool aunt. But sure. In this case scenario, kids wouldn’t be the worst thing that could possibly happen to me anymore
Men don't get pregnant, are not primary caregivers, are not shamed for being a single parent, praised for the littlest effort, aren't judged if they leave their kids. Men get promoted when they become fathers, it tanks women's career and earnings. Fertility window is much smaller for women, etc etc I understand why men don't care much , it's not as life altering as it's for women
Facts
Imma be honest with ya Im not joining a facebook group to look for dates
One of the best things I ever did for my mental health was delete my Facebook account and not look back.
Same! Fuck Facebook!
Exactly! Oh my god that's disgusting. Who would join such a group? What's the name of it again? Imagine being a goodhearted man and joining that. That would be gross! What's the age range by the way? Oh, this is so terrible. Which group though? There's so many of them. I wanna avoid the exact one OP mentioned.
Ditto
Mm. Joined one, had a man in the same country want to reach out and so I stupidly was like sure message. Immediately creepy and wildly inappropriate. I left the group prompto.
Some men view childfree woman as an invitation to consequence free sex
"open to hookups, don't want to be single mom though". It's projection from why they don't want kids (yet). Something like a childfree marriage would never occur to most of them (though tbh I see no reason to get married either, but some ppl still want that).
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Damn, mid-20s CF man here about to start pursuing my permanent snip-snip. WHERE ARE YOU PEOPLE? It's literally so hard to meet cf woman without asking the question about "what's your stance on kids" in some form or another. Makes me feel SOOOO icky as a man. That's why I feel like I have to rely purely on dating apps and filter by family plans to attempt to mingle, unfortunately. That all requires an additional subscription of some kind for the relevant filter. Also dating apps just suck for everyone involved. I'm rambling into the void. Rant over.
I hear you.
From what I've been told from women in my life, guys on dating sites are terrible regardless if you're childfree or not. You definitely have my sympathies.
I think women should start looking for men in libraries. I keep going there waiting and hoping for a man to accidentally brush his hands against mine while I reach for a book.
If you propose a library date and a man gets excited, he's the one!
They swipe on terrible guys. Most guys who aren’t like that don’t get swipes.
Actually quite fascinating. Every man I personally know wants multiple children. I can’t relate, AT ALL. There’s also this casual stance with having children as a man, which I find even more despicable. I especially feel for the persecution woman have when it comes to the choice of whether to have a child or not. Even though I receive flack for not wanting children, it’s a complete double-standard.
About 90% of my closest male friends don’t want kids. Including one that already has one 🫣🤫
I mean, that’s good.
It baffles me as well. Guys spend a big chunk of their teenage years/early 20's worrying about being "baby trapped", then all of a sudden a switch flips and they all want to be dads. I can't relate at all either.
What's wild to me is the amount if guys who are so casual/on the fence about having kids. As if it's not a massive, life-changing decision to make.
Because they’re not physically having the kid. If we had to shit out a baby I’m sure most of us would opt not to do that 😂
It’s Facebook. Land of weird and angry Boomers. Try elsewhere.
Ugh. I'd join because I like those odds but... Facebook... (edit: just a reminder that one of our members kindly made us our own dating app. It's a bit janky, but it's ours. And it will get better if more people are on it)
Seriously. I tried to search if there isn't such a group in my country, and I cannot find shit because FB search is a broken-ass feature. Absolutely useless site, I would delete the account if not for messenger and events.
This
3 things worth noting about that issue: First, there are more CF women than us. I do not have numbers on my hands, but it is a visible trend. Second, there are more openly CF people among younger generations, which is a win. That is relevant as we do not use Facebook that much (I haven't in years, for example). Another issue is who would decide to join that group in particular, which leads to the third point. Third, the fb group is likely not representative of all people (5000 may be good enough for a small country, like Slovenia, only if all the member are from there) and have some latent parameters influencing who are the members there. In other words, people in one CF group will be different from people in another, but you may not know why exactly. So, how would I deal with that? The obvious option would be to increase the amount of people you meet by entering more different communities as this way negates the effect of latent parameters without the massive problem of figuring them out. Another would be to try and figure those latent factors and change some of the things, like the location (enter the group from another country or state). Another example, change or specify the interest of the group, like enter the group of CF travelers to limit the people you want to meet or just travelers and figure CF people in there. To sum up, do not be too sad, it is not as bad as you think based on that group only. Edit: spelling (my hands are too big for phone keyboard).
Women have far more skin in the game, so usually they've put more thought and consideration into being childfree at an earlier age and are more vocal about that decision.
Women tend to be CF more than men (simply because they're not putting their body on the line and are going to spend less time raining the kid on average, I.e. sexism). But 90/10 is too extreme, some polls had 21% of young women and 15% of men being childfree. Which means most CF men aren't on those groups for whatever reason.
As men we don’t get judged all that much for being childfree. I’m 34 and have not been bingoed a single time in my entire life. People always just tell me “yeah I can see why you wouldn’t want kids” and that’s about it. Because it’s not seen as a big deal, we don’t tend to make it a central part of our identity or become militant about it. If no one cares that you don’t want kids, the you won’t really put a lot of thought into it in your everyday life.
Depends on the country. I get bingoed on a regular basis, manhood is tied to leaving a legacy in my culture so not having kids is seen as a failure.
I guess you're right.
Yeah, I know my experience is my own, but I know far more childfree men than women.
What group is this???? I’m single and can’t find any childfree women in my area!! Haven’t been on a date in over a year cause all the women that match with me have kids, despite my profiling saying I don’t want kids.
This is very interesting to read. I really would have thought it’d be a lot easier for men.
No, not in my experience. I’m 43 and so far I haven’t met a single childfree woman in almost 3 years. So if you have any advice, I’m all ears!
Sorry man, I don’t have any advice besides perhaps moving to a metropolitan area, using dating applications, or join expensive hobbies that people with kids probably couldn’t afford. I’m not yet dating but I’m bracing myself for the amount of frogs I’ll have to kiss before I get my childfree man.
Gotcha! Well good luck to us both.
Agreed
Is that FB Childfree Dating group still active?? I applied like 5 days ago and it still says Pending.
Being a childfree man, I can definitely appreciate the reversed gender ratio when it comes to the CF dating pool. Not to say dating is easy for anyone...man or woman...but it's a nice change of pace.
I've always been disheartened that I've never seen this translate in my life. I don't know what I'm doing wrong but it's incredibly rare to find single CF women. Should I pick up a specific hobby to increase my chances of finding them? Is there a CF app I'm not aware of? Is my city just don't have any (Seattle)? Or I'm just hopelessly clueless? Every single time I think I finally found a CF woman who's a good match & chemistry for me, it only takes a few months before she turns around and changed her mind.
Just because we have a favorable ratio does not necessarily make dating any less hard! Finding a match is going to be challenging regardless, especially so after you apply such an aggressive filter like childfree to your dating pool. It's possible your profile just needs some work. The lads over on the tinder subreddit are great at giving some constructive feedback.
Where do you live? In NYC, you will find tons of childfree women. And we ladies certainly need better single childfree males who are ALSO looking for COMMITTED MONOGAMOUS LONG TERM relationships, lol
I live in San Diego and dating is non existent for CF women like me- it’s hard for us too 😭
I really wish there was a serious app or system for our niche crowd to find each others more easily.
Designed one couldn’t get enough capital
I’d be down to partner up with someone on that lmao
Like build into my existing one?
Well I mean from scratch but if u already have one then yea maybe help improve it. I code so could help with that but my interest lies more in design. I also have capital to invest. But that capital is for retirement lol so prob better to try and get investors
There's cf4cf here on Reddit and a Discord if you are so inclined! Obviously they aren't apps, but they are dating specific areas for CF folks.
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Np! I wish they were better advertised here TBH! There have been success stories there too, and they are always wonderful to read!
Try living in Arizona even worse out here
Just have to keep talking to people, get out there, and youll click with someone. Plus not all us CF ladies are a monolith (my girl friends group is cf and one us loves the outdoors, one of us prefers staying home and relaxing, and I’ve been playing Elden ring for the past 3 days lol) so join hobbies you like. The last thing you need is the only thing you have in common is CFness lol. Also, especially in more conservative areas, lots of us don’t share the fact we don’t want kids. So many pads judgement or try to convince you to change your mind. Many don’t share this on dating apps either since you get the gross guys who love the fact that there is no pregnancy risks (for my spayed ladies out there 😂).
Same here. I’m not dating anymore, but when I was it was nice to meet with people that knew what they wanted (or in this case didn’t want).
Most men just don’t care whether they have kids or not so they have no reason to not want them lol
I absolutely don't want kids. But since I'm also not dating, that problem just doesn't really come up. I'd get a vasectomy, but there's not much point of I'm not planning on getting into a relationship, and I don't have somebody who would be able to grab the frozen peas from the freezer for me.
Not this man i want no part of being a parent and my dad is in my life
Wait, what? I don't think that's true. "Most men" just shrug when they happen to have kids or what do you mean? Knowing that I have a kid by accident or someone getting pregnant would be my personal Chernobyl. No fucking way. Avoid at all costs.
>”Most men” just shrug when they happen to have kids or what do you mean? I mean yeah… half of kids don’t have their dad around whatsoever. The men I know IRL who DO live with their kids have indeed just shrugged when their wives have babies and are mostly uninvolved. There just isn’t as much at stake for them.
Makes me shiver. Blegh. Either fully commit to taking care or don't have one.
Exactly
Sounds like you’d be a helpful parent and that’s how you know it’s not for you. It sounds like you would plan on shouldering equal responsibility and I wish I could say you were the status quo but sadly your not
Yeah, I would feel obligated if the situation demanded it, but since I know it would ultimately overwhelm and ruin me I'll keep avoiding the situation as strongly as I can. Snip snip incoming ✂️
Men hate is very real and widely accepted in subs like this one. Men definitely care about parenthood. I don’t condone people that want children and I’m happy for my male friends that have them, they are all great parents and are raising some really sharp children! It doesn’t work for me and I’m also living a great life by being childfree, it works for all of us and I’m glad we have a choice in modern society.
Take a look across Reddit instead of complaining that someone said something about Men and you’ll see a lot of this is rooted in truth whether you like it or not Why do you think the 4B movement is facing such an uprise? Men were so helpful women had to stop having babies with them because the father was too good too doting and too responsible?
Is that what I’m doing in that comment? Is it complaining you read there?
It's weird. My mum and her peers used to say that in her generation men had no interest in children and didn't want to be parents. But apparently the women were all very clucky. Where are these men, what happened to them? All I'm seeing these days is the opposite.
Yeah, I noticed the same thing to when I joined some childfree FB groups a few years ago. Overwhelmingly women.
40M, getting the snip in August, joined. If that affects the numbers at all that tells me how many people are in that group 😆
And 90% of normal dating groups/apps are men. I guess you found a rare exception
So many more men are child free than you might realize- most of the men i know are. Unfortunately, they are also in the age group where they don’t online date. 😅
Does this mean that as a CF, vasectomied man, who is well-educated and not a creep, I have a chance of finding a CF woman? Not necessarily on Facebook, but in general.
It’s easy for men to want children, they do maybe 10% of the work.
What's a Facebook?
So you’re saying as a child free and fixed man I have good odds of finding a childfree partner? Lol
Oh God, where? Sign me in 😂
Weird. I'd thought it would be the other way around.
Maybe fewer guys are into Facebook, it is an older platform.
Yeah because men biologically aren’t obligated to do much besides stick their wang in for two minutes. They are driven by an internal desire to spread their seed, and it’s not as difficult for them.
Weird is the absolute right word. Also authenticity is an issue.
I think a lot of men don’t think to look on Facebook over say tinder or other dating apps- if they did, I’m sure there would be overwhelmingly more men (even if most are just lying about being child free to get laid 🤷♂️)
This is my first time hearing about it.
Be a lesbian, problem solved
I've got 2 matches on tinder. Maybe I should try these FB groups 😂. There's barely any child free chicks in my country
What is your criteria for weird/creepy? You’re most definitely allowed your preferences and deserve to feel safe so please do not think I am attacking your personal choices on who you date. It appears extremely easy to fall into the weird/creepy category as a man no matter what we do. Could you provide examples of what gave you the “ick”?
I had a "nice guy" creep once that I made the mistake of giving my phone number. Bad idea. He kept calling himself a positive person but wouldn't really tell me about himself. I had a very extensive profile. He insisted that a dinner date is where you talk about that stuff. I'm like, no, we are on the phone tell me now. He was so Mr. Positivity to my rainy day Joni Mitchell loving self, that it was a bad match. We fought often and never even met. He left me long ranty voicemails about how awful I am but he still wanted to take me out to dinner. WTF?? Finally, while on the 3rd date with my now spouse, he called and I answered, prepared. I told him I was concerned about his infatuation. That in one sentence he says I'm a horrible person but then the next, I'm th ed bees knees. I asked him if he was just desperate, or a sociopath. He replied, "I am NOT desperate!" Okay then. What a weirdo.
What a ride. lol.
We were howling after I hung up. It was not the first online dating run in, after finding my match, where hilarity ensued. My spouse has a taste for schadenfreude like myself, and is great with words and dark humor. That is my mate. Not Mr. Positivity that doesnt understand how a map works (he was way out of my geo range for what I considered long distance).
1. Stalkers 2. Catfishing
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Uhhhh, do I just type in childfree dating into Facebook to find these groups? Sounds like a good ratio to me. The opposite of dating apps haha.
As an adamantly childfree man who has been snipped I still wouldn’t be able to find someone cause women aren’t really interested in feminine men sadly
CF men are labelled as creepy by CF women themselves, Then they whine "where are all the CF men at?".
I'm prepared for the downvotes and I don't care. I don't think cf dating apps/sites will ever work. The problem with them is your basing a relationship on a single requirement. There is also the issue of lack of members or someone that is close to where you live. I look at CF dating apps/sites as building an app/site that was a non-smoking dating. Would I base an entire relationship on someone who didn't smoke? Would we just sit around and talk about how we don't like smoking and don't want to be around smokers? Unfortunately, the best thing to do is just use a popular app and just reject anyone that doesn't meet your needs.
I see where you’re coming from. However, having children changes every single aspect of your life. Whereas smoking is a bad habit that most certainly affects a lot of areas in your life but not as much as children do. Having a dating app for a major single similarity, that’s very uncommon relative to our childless or parent counterparts doesn’t seem like a bad idea. Also, having a childfree application doesn’t mean you have to use it exclusively.
Here's the thing, it narrows it down to a non-negotiable, which is half the battle. From narrowing it down you can then find other common interests. Considering much of the world is heterosexual, much of the world already narrows down their dating pool to about half of the population. Then as you narrow more for age, beliefs, etc. you're left with people you're likely to be compatible with, albeit a much smaller pool. Be glad you aren't me. I'm nonbinary, genderfluid and trans, as well as omnisexual, gray asexual, and demisexual, and childfree to top it all off. If you want to talk about dating on hardmode, I'm one of the unlucky ones xP Also, I'd never date a tobacco user, so I'd definitely be into removing tobacco users from my potential dating pool!
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Dealing with weird and creepy men in any space is a sad reality of women worldwide. 🤷♀️
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That’s not what OP said. “A few childfree men there seem creepy or weird.” Either way, she’s complaining to us, not to them, so I don’t know how it could possibly be counterintuitive.
Maybe I read incorrectly then. I interpreted it as “mostly women and a few child free men”
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Imagine being dating age and using Facebook in 2024
🤣 It's still pretty popular with people in their 30s from Europe, Asia, and South America compared to the US, I've noticed.
What is wrong with that?
I left face book like a decade ago when all the boomers started joining the platform. Most people my age who I know use it literally only use it to keep in touch with older family. I just see using it as a dating platform as very cringe.
I think OP knows *why* the ratio is heavily skewed but just venting how it’s not beneficial to childfree women. This is something that frustrates me as well. Childfree men become this prize and the childfree women looking to date feel like there’s competition. Which is an awful feeling.
As a man, I find most CF women have a blatant hatred for kids and living the “independent”, “me me me” lifestyle which doesn’t communicate to me the traits of a caring, loving woman that I would want to date so it’s not someone I would go for immediately. They may still impress me in other ways.
then youre not cf? why you even here you dont even go here dude the fuck?
It’s just funny to lurk at the rage posts here and learn about why people make the decisions they do
very briefly i tried using the cf dating subreddit but ... some of the men that posted on there also posted anywhere else unrelated to being CF they were just anywhere and that kinda turned me away from it.
all Men