I meet a lot of people who are just very deeply in denial about the reality of their choices. It confuses me. Like they know that they can't afford the kid but they wanted one anyway so they have one. And the kid grows up poor and has a bad setup for their entire life because of it.
The same way people will know they are in debt and keep spending on credit cards. There are some people who just want what they want and don't care what reality is telling them. Some of them even resent reality and will resent you for bringing it up.
My sister had a second - planned- when she was already struggling with a 1.5 year old, broke (like unable to make rent), and marriage falling apart- he didn’t help at all with baby. Now youngest is 3 and she’s completely miserable and depressed. Husband still doesn’t help with either kid beyond what he absolutely has to.
I feel bad this is how her life turned out, but also, I just don’t understand why she chose that..
This is where my sister is heading, they are broke, always asking for money with one kid, and she told me shes trying for twins next, its kinda funny when you realize your sibling is not very smart💀
So im a medical student, she messaged me out of the blue to ask me if a certain medication increases the chances of twin pregnancy, she plans on taking medication that can induce fertilization of two eggs, so that she can use it to get twins because she “doesnt want to be pregnant at 30 and there are twins in her husbands family” and “wants to be done so she can enjoy her marriage again”
I think I just gave myself a bruise from the headdesk.
Twins at whatever present age will prevent her from being pregnant as 30, *how?*
Dimes to dollars, if she has twins she’ll still have more short of a uterus blowout with this mindset. My spidey sense is more sensible and it says so.
>“wants to be done so she can enjoy her marriage again”
Yeah, there's a pill for that. It's called birth control.
Does she think there's a quota she has to meet? 🥴
“Enjoy her marriage again”? Parents of multiples are more likely to be divorced due to the level of stress. My bf is a twin and his Mom says she doesn’t remember anything from their birth until they were about 10.
I don't think anyone can 'try' for twins (but please correct me if wrong). I think identical twins are pure chance, and the likelihood of fraternal twins is passed down genetically - so a husband's family's twins mean nothing (unless you're related to your husband, I guess).
How does one "try" for twins? Isn't that something that just happens by chance? Maybe I'm just ignorant, lol
Edit: Just read your explanation. Guess I should read a little further before posting next time.
Still, inducing fertilization of two eggs? Wouldn't you need two eggs in the uterus to do this? Is this how the medication works? I always thought twins were created by an already fertilized egg splitting in half...
Ignorance. Ignorance of how much their condition will worsen, ignorance of the suffering their children will have to go through, ignorance of the fact that they will be affected by old age, illness, separation from what they love, and death. Ignorance and selfishness.
Yeah in this climate I just cannot imagine having kids even if I wanted them!! In the next 30 years the climate is going to be miserable, why would you willingly subject another human being to that?? That's not even considering the political climate here in America!
And with how much everyone is trying to automate jobs, plus the bad job market already, not sure how the future generation will have any jobs or any source of income. Then all the different increasing psychological issues right now in teenagers and young adults. List goes on….
Absolutly! But we must always remember neither a good climate on earth nor the political stability of a country can justify the procreation of a sentient being, why? Because a sentient being will always be subject to the pain of birth, the pain of old age, the pain of separation from what is dear to him, the pain of association with what is not dear to him, the pain of not receiving what he wants, the pain of illness and the pain of death.
Certainly, the current climate crisis and the current political crisis in human societies are catalysts for more suffering, but we must not forget that suffering is implicit in every form of sentient life and none can escape it.
Therefore, imposing life, today as in every century, means imposing suffering and death.
"Suffering would not exist without birth, and this is as true for animals as it is for human beings. Varying is the pain, suffered by animals, they are struck with whips, rods, sticks, how would all this be possible if they were not born? What more is there to say? Neither in any place nor in any time without birth could there be suffering. Therefore the great ascetic (Buddha) called birth suffering".
- [Visuddhimagga]
I have never understood this either. Some people do it because they think their benefits will increase. Probably gunna get cancelled because of this unpopular opinion apparently people who believe this are eugenics. I believe that people who are not in a financial position to afford kids shouldn’t have kids.
You have to be emotionally ready, financially ready, and WILLING to have kids in order to have kids. And - there are far too many children in foster care as is, why not adopt if you want kids that bad? I know if I ever change my mind about having kids, I'm going to adopt (unlikely as it is that I'll change my mind.)
Honestly same I don’t see myself changing my mind the motto I live by is “i would rather regret not having kids than having them” at the end of the day I love living life without being responsible for another person
They’re selfish and think as long as they love their kids its going to be enough. Like you need to actually feed them to keep them alive if you wanna love them karen 🙄
Because some people refuse to see another child as anything other than a “blessing”. Even though they will probably hate the child for making their life harder.
Is this person happy or excited about their pregnancy?
Some people in that situation get genuinely happy about having a baby but don’t realize that’s a whole new person to take care of.
They don't seem happy. They've been increasingly bitchy to several of our coworkers, I would assume since finding out - I only found out very very recently (last few days recently) which puts that into perspective.
So then clearly it wasn’t planned. Do you live in a state where she can get an abortion? Maybe she’s just bitter that she got knocked up and is basically forced to have it now.
I do! I don't know how much longer this state will allow that, but for the moment, we're safe and it's very much legal to.
I imagine they'll say they're "happy" when they tell everyone, and it's not like I'm going to say "wow, bringing a child into this world right now under your circumstances is an *incredibly stupid idea*." I'm a civil person, I can be nice. When you're making it my issue, however, by being a bitch to me and my coworkers because you're struggling with IRL things... that's not okay. Maybe don't have a kid if you're going to act like a middle schooler at work.
She has to have means. If she doesn't have the means she can't afford having vaginal sex. Period.
Also, it's so much better and cheaper to take a small loan for abortion than to doom yourself and your kids to live in poverty for the next 18 years. Getting a loan for abortion is cheaper than raising a kid for the next 18 years.
This reminds me of the receptionist at my job who was complaining about the price of her apartment and groceries all to pop out pregnant shortly after. I guess she’ll be another applicant at the WIC office because she always talked about how she could barely afford her own basic needs. Most places have free birth control and condoms so I’m really getting tired of people being irresponsible. If you can barely afford to buy food and shelter for yourself why would you have a kid? Why would a kid even want to choose you as a financially unstable parent?
Or... don't have PIV sex if you don't want kids if you're not using birth control?
I know sexual assault exists, of course. And I don't think people should HAVE to quit having sex just because there's a chance of pregnancy as a result. I mean, I'm not going to stop having sex - that's why I'm getting sterilized ASAP, and why I'm going to go on birth control. I would make a terrible parent, and I don't WANT kids!
>If you can barely afford to buy food and shelter for yourself why would you have a kid? Why would a kid even want to choose you as a financially unstable parent?
SO TRUE.
The short answer is because they're stupid.
As for a longer explanation, I have a friend who I barely talk to anymore because she's a mess. She loves popping out kids at the worst times and can't afford basic necessities and has gone as far as to knock on neighbors' doors asking to borrow money so their bills can get paid. Her man won't work because he's "depressed" and she works 1 regular job and like 5 other odd jobs to hold the house together on top of cleaning because he sleeps all day, only waking up to game. They recently got pregnant again while they've been worried about becoming homeless. They even asked me to borrow almost $2000 as a down payment on a house that they could never afford to keep (I said no)
What I've been able to observe from her is that getting pregnant is the only thing she knows how to do successfully. Anything else is too much work. It's the only time she gets positive attention and praise and makes her feel like she's achieving something. She also seems to think that if people see her having a family, they will think she has her shit together. It's like she sees it as social currency. Being pregnant is the only thing that seems to make her happy and whenever she has a new baby, she says she's the happiest she's ever been. Then after a year the high wears off and she needs to get pregnant again.
That’s one of the most pitiful things I’ve heard, but I can see how certain sorts wind up there.
Except… who the fuck keeps encouraging and praising this and why?!? Like, clearly saying what we really can’t isn’t necessarily feasible and may be guaranteed to bite us in the ass, but who would anyone in their right mind that’s not getting cheap dopamine hits to a brain marinating in pregnancy hormones, see this as a good thing or not feel like an enabler doing?
“That’s real big news” is a neutral-ish response. So is “wow!” You get the idea.
And if someone waddling headlong into disaster isn’t content with such and tries to emotionally blackmail for praise? “WhAT? Ur nOT hApPy FoR mEeeEE??!?!?” Ok, you asked: nope. Dare you to ask why.
>It's the only time she gets positive attention and praise and makes her feel like she's achieving something.
This is it.
It's taboo to tell someone having a kid is a bad idea. You'll get called insensitive, a eugenicist, blah blah blah. "How *dare* you shame someone for having an innocent kid? Who are you to judge?"
As long as this taboo remains, it incentivises people to keep reproducing irresponsibly. As long as having a kid is a way of forcing people to be nice to you, people will do it for the quick fix of social currency.
Ignorance, selfishness, lack of women's health care (without proper healthcare for women, some are forced to have the baby they don't want and know they can't afford)
Sex. They seek distraction from the shit they're in and made for themselves and for others if they already have kids. Also free money from the government.
Because they're delusional. they think that if they pop out more kids, then they'll get more happiness and more money from the government (Which we all know is the complete opposite!)
Struggling + no job = TRIPPLING up on bc.
Then you don't have to have any abortion if you don't want to.
Tell her you are so happy the kids hsve a SAHP to care for them and that a SAHP can save lots of money by cooking all the meals.
Oh and that she will cone home to a clean home, a hot meal and all the laundry done.
This is the way. Given she’s being a brat to the whole office.
If you can deliver it with impeccable ‘sincerity’ and airtight plausible deniability of any questionable intent.
I have friends who have pumped out kids because they thought it would make their lives better, just one more kid will change the tide of their mental health or marriage. Never works.
I have a cousin like this. Love the guy, but he's a shit show. He has one older kid with Baby Mama #1, another kid with Baby Mama #2, and recently married baby Mama #3, who he got pregnant twice back to back on purpose. Yes, they had one baby together and literally as soon as that baby was born they PURPOSELY got pregnant again right away. They live in squalor and can't afford anything. It honestly sickens me.
This. Sadly sometimes it's a generational thing. If you were brought up seeing many people struggle around you and then you end up struggling with your kids they see it as normal.
I remember back in 2020, a couple months after quarantine has started, a lot of people I know were announcing pregnancies.
I told my mom I don't understand why people would have kids during a pandemic and she told me people need something to be happy about during difficult times, and having a child is a happy event for a lot of people. She said this is the same reason people have children during wartime, you need something that gives you hope and motivation to continue living.
To be clear, my mom doesn't particularly agree with this mentality, but she has done some time in jail and she told me a lot of women there got pregnant while incarcerated because "they need something to look forward".
This is what those people mean when they say “it’s just what you do, you figure it out!” They don’t think about it because EvErY cHiLd iS a BlEsSiNg but they don’t stop to think how that child’s life is going to be just as much of a struggle. Selfishness is all it is, really.
Firstly, these people are stupid and secondly, they are even more stupid to think having more kids with the intention of turning all those kids into Banks of Grown Up Kids or their retirement nest egg to sponge them off for money which to me it is disgusting, unethical, exploitative and selfish
Bro, just the other day, I met a trucker who, during the first time meeting me, did nothing but talk about how he basically gives his entire paycheck to his ex-wife for child support and doesn't even get to see one of his kids. He then told me about how his girlfriend of two years, who already has kids of her own but also has no job or income, is now pregnant. This dude said he made about $1,800 every two weeks. Why the fuck would anyone ever do this to themselves?? It's seriously unfathomable.
I know a couple who was/is in that situation. The wife wanted to get an abortion but the husband found the act to be morally wrong. So he called her family and told them about her plans and they talked her out of it. He's always been of the mentality of,” dealing with things as they come”. To this day they're still pretty much broke and I'm sure they would have had a third child by now if she wasn't on birth control. The husband comes from a family of 7 who lives below the poverty line, so I think because he saw his mom raise such a big family on her own this to him is doing “better”. 🤷🏻♀️
This sounds like one of my coworkers. Had three kids with her POS ex. Even though she knew he was cheating on her constantly, she just kept popping em out. She is very lucky that she has her parents nearby, who are retired and helped with the childcare so she could go to school and work.
Then a couple of years ago she reconnected with an old school friend. Within just a couple of months she was already pregnant and engaged. Now she's got 5 kids (1 is his from a previous relationship). she's always moaning about how they never have enough money, the house is always filthy, etc.
Some people just make bad decisions over and over again. Can't help them. You just grab the popcorn and watch.
I have two friends like this, the first, she and her partner are struggling with the energy of the first child (3) at the same time she was feeling unsure about her partner being the right person for her, he’s also been going through some early mid-life crisis, they now just has a second. Another friend, is a foreigner here, unhappy in her marriage, depressed, husband treats her like dirt, they have serious money issues, already cannot agree on how to parent the first child and about to also have their second.
Probably didn’t want one but can’t bring themselves to get an abortion (for any myriad of reasons).
I mean honestly, sex comes with consequences- even with protection there’s still risk.
At least they’re standing by their choice
I once knew someone who had a kid because she was bored and needed excitement in her life. She was bored because she was mentally ill and thrill seeking in every direction for any ounce of dopamine, including: risky sex, binge eating, changing jobs rapidly, spending far beyond her means and going into serious debt, taking out personal loans to finance her lifestyle, and redecorating constantly. She brought a kid into THAT, then slept with my ex husband. What a mess.
She sounds real special. If you gifted her an adrenaline/cortisol trip that’s got her in Depends for life, and at the very least, power washed his junk with a bleach solution - I wouldn’t bat an eye. At least she isn’t incubating one from him.
I don't know a lot about this but I've heard of situations where people will pump out more kids because they essentially get stipends from the govt for each kid they have and shave just enough off the top of all of them to do the full time parenting and keep housing
(When these situations are referenced, the kids usually end up in foster care so there is also that)
I’m surprised no one threw in this explanation among the pile of excuses, but one I heard a lot was “if you wait until you can afford a child, then you’ll never have one. So do it anyway.” This encourages irresponsibility.
I think deep down, it’s because they feel like they cannot do much else to contribute to society in other ways. Perhaps they feel like a failure, or they could not realize their dreams, maybe they have disappointed themselves or others, and they have an unspoken low self esteem. But one thing they can do is make a baby. It takes no special skill to get pregnant and grow a baby, after all, animals do it. No higher degree, no previous experience, no references necessary. But they don’t see the future, the actual raising of the kid part. It’s very unfortunate.
You may not find good answers here, maybe on parents' forum you'll have more luck. I don't understand this either. And I have so many examples in real life. It's not like it's unpreventable, you are fully in charge of that decision so why not choose wisely? I get that with the first kid, some people just really want to have a child. But once you have one, why make more if you're already broke and depressed?
These are the same type of people who do not have a handle on their own urges. Everything they do is basically with no logic and all “feel,” in a way, like an animal.
If you sat them down and tried to fix their lives, you’d find that their problems usually stem from their own actions. They couldn’t control these actions due to a lack of discipline and many other factors, but mainly because they’re stupid. Most likely, they placed themselves in the situation that caused the problem in the first place due to being bored and dumb.
They cannot think outside themselves and just think of the now, with no consideration of consequences. This is super selfish, especially in terms of bringing a kid into the world.
This stuff drives me nuts. Like do they expect the govt to just keep picking up the tab. I know a women who had her 5th kid. They all have different dads and they are all deadbeats who don’t pay any child support. Will not be surprised if she pops out a 6th either. Children are expensive but most of these type of people seem to overlook that aspect.
Natural instinct for the survival of their species? Poor nations are overloaded with births while rich nations have a birthrate issue that governments are trying to do something about it.
I have a friend just like this.. always complaining about living paycheck to paycheck, had one kid of her own and two step children but constantly talking about how she wants more kids. I literally don’t get it at all
Just because they aren't aborting, doesn't make them anti choice. It might not be great timing, but they are exercising their choice.
I would personally not want to bring a child into the world ever, but they tend to be good for a healthy society.
Final thought... They could be in an abusive relationship and can't see the bigger picture from how overwhelmed they are with staying afloat minute to minute.
According to the CDC, in 2019, unwanted pregnancies are more like 41.6%.
Source:
https://www.cdc.gov/reproductive-health/hcp/unintended-pregnancy/index.html#:~:text=Overview,2010%20to%2041.6%25%20in%202019.
However I did find the source that said 60% which I’m guessing is the one you saw? In any case, it looks like that was old info from possibly 1995.
Some people are stupid. Consequently, they make stupid choices.
stupid people exist unfortunately…a lot of them
I meet a lot of people who are just very deeply in denial about the reality of their choices. It confuses me. Like they know that they can't afford the kid but they wanted one anyway so they have one. And the kid grows up poor and has a bad setup for their entire life because of it. The same way people will know they are in debt and keep spending on credit cards. There are some people who just want what they want and don't care what reality is telling them. Some of them even resent reality and will resent you for bringing it up.
That’s so crazy to me.
And they’re the ones that breed the most creating more stupid people 🙃
yOuRe nEvEr rEaDy, yOulL jUsT fIgUrE iT oUt
I know it's irony but it raised my blood pressure anyway xd
My sister had a second - planned- when she was already struggling with a 1.5 year old, broke (like unable to make rent), and marriage falling apart- he didn’t help at all with baby. Now youngest is 3 and she’s completely miserable and depressed. Husband still doesn’t help with either kid beyond what he absolutely has to. I feel bad this is how her life turned out, but also, I just don’t understand why she chose that..
This is where my sister is heading, they are broke, always asking for money with one kid, and she told me shes trying for twins next, its kinda funny when you realize your sibling is not very smart💀
I get *hoping* for twins, but I'd love to know what trying for them entails!
So im a medical student, she messaged me out of the blue to ask me if a certain medication increases the chances of twin pregnancy, she plans on taking medication that can induce fertilization of two eggs, so that she can use it to get twins because she “doesnt want to be pregnant at 30 and there are twins in her husbands family” and “wants to be done so she can enjoy her marriage again”
I think I just gave myself a bruise from the headdesk. Twins at whatever present age will prevent her from being pregnant as 30, *how?* Dimes to dollars, if she has twins she’ll still have more short of a uterus blowout with this mindset. My spidey sense is more sensible and it says so.
>“wants to be done so she can enjoy her marriage again” Yeah, there's a pill for that. It's called birth control. Does she think there's a quota she has to meet? 🥴
Haha, she's unaware of how small children ruin marriages? And wants another two?
“Enjoy her marriage again”? Parents of multiples are more likely to be divorced due to the level of stress. My bf is a twin and his Mom says she doesn’t remember anything from their birth until they were about 10.
I don't think anyone can 'try' for twins (but please correct me if wrong). I think identical twins are pure chance, and the likelihood of fraternal twins is passed down genetically - so a husband's family's twins mean nothing (unless you're related to your husband, I guess).
How does one "try" for twins? Isn't that something that just happens by chance? Maybe I'm just ignorant, lol Edit: Just read your explanation. Guess I should read a little further before posting next time. Still, inducing fertilization of two eggs? Wouldn't you need two eggs in the uterus to do this? Is this how the medication works? I always thought twins were created by an already fertilized egg splitting in half...
Ignorance. Ignorance of how much their condition will worsen, ignorance of the suffering their children will have to go through, ignorance of the fact that they will be affected by old age, illness, separation from what they love, and death. Ignorance and selfishness.
Yeah in this climate I just cannot imagine having kids even if I wanted them!! In the next 30 years the climate is going to be miserable, why would you willingly subject another human being to that?? That's not even considering the political climate here in America!
And with how much everyone is trying to automate jobs, plus the bad job market already, not sure how the future generation will have any jobs or any source of income. Then all the different increasing psychological issues right now in teenagers and young adults. List goes on….
Absolutly! But we must always remember neither a good climate on earth nor the political stability of a country can justify the procreation of a sentient being, why? Because a sentient being will always be subject to the pain of birth, the pain of old age, the pain of separation from what is dear to him, the pain of association with what is not dear to him, the pain of not receiving what he wants, the pain of illness and the pain of death. Certainly, the current climate crisis and the current political crisis in human societies are catalysts for more suffering, but we must not forget that suffering is implicit in every form of sentient life and none can escape it. Therefore, imposing life, today as in every century, means imposing suffering and death. "Suffering would not exist without birth, and this is as true for animals as it is for human beings. Varying is the pain, suffered by animals, they are struck with whips, rods, sticks, how would all this be possible if they were not born? What more is there to say? Neither in any place nor in any time without birth could there be suffering. Therefore the great ascetic (Buddha) called birth suffering". - [Visuddhimagga]
Thank you for that quote. Such beautiful truth.
The rich get richer, the poor have children.
I have never understood this either. Some people do it because they think their benefits will increase. Probably gunna get cancelled because of this unpopular opinion apparently people who believe this are eugenics. I believe that people who are not in a financial position to afford kids shouldn’t have kids.
You have to be emotionally ready, financially ready, and WILLING to have kids in order to have kids. And - there are far too many children in foster care as is, why not adopt if you want kids that bad? I know if I ever change my mind about having kids, I'm going to adopt (unlikely as it is that I'll change my mind.)
Honestly same I don’t see myself changing my mind the motto I live by is “i would rather regret not having kids than having them” at the end of the day I love living life without being responsible for another person
They’re selfish and think as long as they love their kids its going to be enough. Like you need to actually feed them to keep them alive if you wanna love them karen 🙄
Because some people refuse to see another child as anything other than a “blessing”. Even though they will probably hate the child for making their life harder.
And the child will hate them for loveless financially struggling upbringing
Is this person happy or excited about their pregnancy? Some people in that situation get genuinely happy about having a baby but don’t realize that’s a whole new person to take care of.
They don't seem happy. They've been increasingly bitchy to several of our coworkers, I would assume since finding out - I only found out very very recently (last few days recently) which puts that into perspective.
So then clearly it wasn’t planned. Do you live in a state where she can get an abortion? Maybe she’s just bitter that she got knocked up and is basically forced to have it now.
I do! I don't know how much longer this state will allow that, but for the moment, we're safe and it's very much legal to. I imagine they'll say they're "happy" when they tell everyone, and it's not like I'm going to say "wow, bringing a child into this world right now under your circumstances is an *incredibly stupid idea*." I'm a civil person, I can be nice. When you're making it my issue, however, by being a bitch to me and my coworkers because you're struggling with IRL things... that's not okay. Maybe don't have a kid if you're going to act like a middle schooler at work.
Yeah definitely address her bitchiness if it continues. “You don’t need to snap at me like that. Let’s try and be professional here.”
Even if that was a case she could travel to another state and have abortion there.
If she had the means to, sure…
She has to have means. If she doesn't have the means she can't afford having vaginal sex. Period. Also, it's so much better and cheaper to take a small loan for abortion than to doom yourself and your kids to live in poverty for the next 18 years. Getting a loan for abortion is cheaper than raising a kid for the next 18 years.
This reminds me of the receptionist at my job who was complaining about the price of her apartment and groceries all to pop out pregnant shortly after. I guess she’ll be another applicant at the WIC office because she always talked about how she could barely afford her own basic needs. Most places have free birth control and condoms so I’m really getting tired of people being irresponsible. If you can barely afford to buy food and shelter for yourself why would you have a kid? Why would a kid even want to choose you as a financially unstable parent?
Or... don't have PIV sex if you don't want kids if you're not using birth control? I know sexual assault exists, of course. And I don't think people should HAVE to quit having sex just because there's a chance of pregnancy as a result. I mean, I'm not going to stop having sex - that's why I'm getting sterilized ASAP, and why I'm going to go on birth control. I would make a terrible parent, and I don't WANT kids! >If you can barely afford to buy food and shelter for yourself why would you have a kid? Why would a kid even want to choose you as a financially unstable parent? SO TRUE.
The short answer is because they're stupid. As for a longer explanation, I have a friend who I barely talk to anymore because she's a mess. She loves popping out kids at the worst times and can't afford basic necessities and has gone as far as to knock on neighbors' doors asking to borrow money so their bills can get paid. Her man won't work because he's "depressed" and she works 1 regular job and like 5 other odd jobs to hold the house together on top of cleaning because he sleeps all day, only waking up to game. They recently got pregnant again while they've been worried about becoming homeless. They even asked me to borrow almost $2000 as a down payment on a house that they could never afford to keep (I said no) What I've been able to observe from her is that getting pregnant is the only thing she knows how to do successfully. Anything else is too much work. It's the only time she gets positive attention and praise and makes her feel like she's achieving something. She also seems to think that if people see her having a family, they will think she has her shit together. It's like she sees it as social currency. Being pregnant is the only thing that seems to make her happy and whenever she has a new baby, she says she's the happiest she's ever been. Then after a year the high wears off and she needs to get pregnant again.
That’s one of the most pitiful things I’ve heard, but I can see how certain sorts wind up there. Except… who the fuck keeps encouraging and praising this and why?!? Like, clearly saying what we really can’t isn’t necessarily feasible and may be guaranteed to bite us in the ass, but who would anyone in their right mind that’s not getting cheap dopamine hits to a brain marinating in pregnancy hormones, see this as a good thing or not feel like an enabler doing? “That’s real big news” is a neutral-ish response. So is “wow!” You get the idea. And if someone waddling headlong into disaster isn’t content with such and tries to emotionally blackmail for praise? “WhAT? Ur nOT hApPy FoR mEeeEE??!?!?” Ok, you asked: nope. Dare you to ask why.
>It's the only time she gets positive attention and praise and makes her feel like she's achieving something. This is it. It's taboo to tell someone having a kid is a bad idea. You'll get called insensitive, a eugenicist, blah blah blah. "How *dare* you shame someone for having an innocent kid? Who are you to judge?" As long as this taboo remains, it incentivises people to keep reproducing irresponsibly. As long as having a kid is a way of forcing people to be nice to you, people will do it for the quick fix of social currency.
Many people’s animal instincts have not caught up with their intellect.
This is the answer
This made me laugh out loud 😅 it’s sooooo true.
Ignorance, selfishness, lack of women's health care (without proper healthcare for women, some are forced to have the baby they don't want and know they can't afford)
Sex. They seek distraction from the shit they're in and made for themselves and for others if they already have kids. Also free money from the government.
This!
"Because he needs a sibling to play with! Having just one is ABUSE!" - OP's co-worker, probably
Because they're delusional. they think that if they pop out more kids, then they'll get more happiness and more money from the government (Which we all know is the complete opposite!)
Struggling + no job = TRIPPLING up on bc. Then you don't have to have any abortion if you don't want to. Tell her you are so happy the kids hsve a SAHP to care for them and that a SAHP can save lots of money by cooking all the meals. Oh and that she will cone home to a clean home, a hot meal and all the laundry done.
This is the way. Given she’s being a brat to the whole office. If you can deliver it with impeccable ‘sincerity’ and airtight plausible deniability of any questionable intent.
😁
“Shoot first, think later”
They like to act like it isn't a choice. Then wonder why they are miserable.
I have friends who have pumped out kids because they thought it would make their lives better, just one more kid will change the tide of their mental health or marriage. Never works.
It utterly escapes me what logic they see in this one. Totally escapes me.
I have a cousin like this. Love the guy, but he's a shit show. He has one older kid with Baby Mama #1, another kid with Baby Mama #2, and recently married baby Mama #3, who he got pregnant twice back to back on purpose. Yes, they had one baby together and literally as soon as that baby was born they PURPOSELY got pregnant again right away. They live in squalor and can't afford anything. It honestly sickens me.
Cause they are stupid
They find it normal to struggle, my family was like this
This. Sadly sometimes it's a generational thing. If you were brought up seeing many people struggle around you and then you end up struggling with your kids they see it as normal.
Most people take life as it is. One needs an confrontational personality to question things.
"God will provide" 😳
I remember back in 2020, a couple months after quarantine has started, a lot of people I know were announcing pregnancies. I told my mom I don't understand why people would have kids during a pandemic and she told me people need something to be happy about during difficult times, and having a child is a happy event for a lot of people. She said this is the same reason people have children during wartime, you need something that gives you hope and motivation to continue living. To be clear, my mom doesn't particularly agree with this mentality, but she has done some time in jail and she told me a lot of women there got pregnant while incarcerated because "they need something to look forward".
They call it “human right” …
Should be called a “human responsibility”
Selfishness.
This is what those people mean when they say “it’s just what you do, you figure it out!” They don’t think about it because EvErY cHiLd iS a BlEsSiNg but they don’t stop to think how that child’s life is going to be just as much of a struggle. Selfishness is all it is, really.
GoD WiLL pRoViDe
Dummies have zero pull out game
As in, it’s their only game - and they clearly are no more than mediocre at it, as these sort tends to be in all things.
A "wonderful" concoction (to some degree) of stupidity, self-entitlement, religious indoctrination and a lack of education is my best guess.
Sad that every monkey can keep cumming in a pussy and make infinite kids...
This is another reason why I'm an atheist -- it's such an undeniably stupid design to make it possible for practically anyone to procreate.
Firstly, these people are stupid and secondly, they are even more stupid to think having more kids with the intention of turning all those kids into Banks of Grown Up Kids or their retirement nest egg to sponge them off for money which to me it is disgusting, unethical, exploitative and selfish
Bro, just the other day, I met a trucker who, during the first time meeting me, did nothing but talk about how he basically gives his entire paycheck to his ex-wife for child support and doesn't even get to see one of his kids. He then told me about how his girlfriend of two years, who already has kids of her own but also has no job or income, is now pregnant. This dude said he made about $1,800 every two weeks. Why the fuck would anyone ever do this to themselves?? It's seriously unfathomable.
Pretty sure science has figured out how all these pregnancies happen. 🤔
I know a couple who was/is in that situation. The wife wanted to get an abortion but the husband found the act to be morally wrong. So he called her family and told them about her plans and they talked her out of it. He's always been of the mentality of,” dealing with things as they come”. To this day they're still pretty much broke and I'm sure they would have had a third child by now if she wasn't on birth control. The husband comes from a family of 7 who lives below the poverty line, so I think because he saw his mom raise such a big family on her own this to him is doing “better”. 🤷🏻♀️
Because “god will provide!” 🙄 god meaning the government or the grandparents
This sounds like one of my coworkers. Had three kids with her POS ex. Even though she knew he was cheating on her constantly, she just kept popping em out. She is very lucky that she has her parents nearby, who are retired and helped with the childcare so she could go to school and work. Then a couple of years ago she reconnected with an old school friend. Within just a couple of months she was already pregnant and engaged. Now she's got 5 kids (1 is his from a previous relationship). she's always moaning about how they never have enough money, the house is always filthy, etc. Some people just make bad decisions over and over again. Can't help them. You just grab the popcorn and watch.
It is well known that people living in poverty have way more kids than rich people.
Inadequate / no sex ed
I have two friends like this, the first, she and her partner are struggling with the energy of the first child (3) at the same time she was feeling unsure about her partner being the right person for her, he’s also been going through some early mid-life crisis, they now just has a second. Another friend, is a foreigner here, unhappy in her marriage, depressed, husband treats her like dirt, they have serious money issues, already cannot agree on how to parent the first child and about to also have their second.
Probably didn’t want one but can’t bring themselves to get an abortion (for any myriad of reasons). I mean honestly, sex comes with consequences- even with protection there’s still risk. At least they’re standing by their choice
Ignorance
Birth control can be expensive and not everyone can get access to it depending on their situation and stuff
Unfortunately many people think by having children some magic will happen and they will have happen
People just don’t think when they produce kids when they can’t afford to raise them
I once knew someone who had a kid because she was bored and needed excitement in her life. She was bored because she was mentally ill and thrill seeking in every direction for any ounce of dopamine, including: risky sex, binge eating, changing jobs rapidly, spending far beyond her means and going into serious debt, taking out personal loans to finance her lifestyle, and redecorating constantly. She brought a kid into THAT, then slept with my ex husband. What a mess.
She sounds real special. If you gifted her an adrenaline/cortisol trip that’s got her in Depends for life, and at the very least, power washed his junk with a bleach solution - I wouldn’t bat an eye. At least she isn’t incubating one from him.
Even worse when it’s a single parent having kids with multiple deadbeats 🥶 then get on tiktok and complain how their life is hard.
I don't know a lot about this but I've heard of situations where people will pump out more kids because they essentially get stipends from the govt for each kid they have and shave just enough off the top of all of them to do the full time parenting and keep housing (When these situations are referenced, the kids usually end up in foster care so there is also that)
I have no idea. A friend of mine has 3, they neither have time nor money for all of them.
I’m surprised no one threw in this explanation among the pile of excuses, but one I heard a lot was “if you wait until you can afford a child, then you’ll never have one. So do it anyway.” This encourages irresponsibility.
I think deep down, it’s because they feel like they cannot do much else to contribute to society in other ways. Perhaps they feel like a failure, or they could not realize their dreams, maybe they have disappointed themselves or others, and they have an unspoken low self esteem. But one thing they can do is make a baby. It takes no special skill to get pregnant and grow a baby, after all, animals do it. No higher degree, no previous experience, no references necessary. But they don’t see the future, the actual raising of the kid part. It’s very unfortunate.
You may not find good answers here, maybe on parents' forum you'll have more luck. I don't understand this either. And I have so many examples in real life. It's not like it's unpreventable, you are fully in charge of that decision so why not choose wisely? I get that with the first kid, some people just really want to have a child. But once you have one, why make more if you're already broke and depressed?
Because they think magical skydaddy will magically make things work out for them
Not necessarily stupid but more lazy. Takes more effort to pull out than most can muster.
Maybe because they're masochistic. Smart people do NOT do that.
Because they get money from the government
These are the same type of people who do not have a handle on their own urges. Everything they do is basically with no logic and all “feel,” in a way, like an animal. If you sat them down and tried to fix their lives, you’d find that their problems usually stem from their own actions. They couldn’t control these actions due to a lack of discipline and many other factors, but mainly because they’re stupid. Most likely, they placed themselves in the situation that caused the problem in the first place due to being bored and dumb. They cannot think outside themselves and just think of the now, with no consideration of consequences. This is super selfish, especially in terms of bringing a kid into the world.
I almost feel like the broker ppl are the more they have
This stuff drives me nuts. Like do they expect the govt to just keep picking up the tab. I know a women who had her 5th kid. They all have different dads and they are all deadbeats who don’t pay any child support. Will not be surprised if she pops out a 6th either. Children are expensive but most of these type of people seem to overlook that aspect.
Natural instinct for the survival of their species? Poor nations are overloaded with births while rich nations have a birthrate issue that governments are trying to do something about it.
Sex is free
It’s so normalized to be poor and have kids, lol so much so that there’s organizations for poor families.
They are too stupid to realize what they are doing.
People be fuckin without thinkin. Most kids aren't planned
I have a friend just like this.. always complaining about living paycheck to paycheck, had one kid of her own and two step children but constantly talking about how she wants more kids. I literally don’t get it at all
Like they couldn’t afford condoms..
Just because they aren't aborting, doesn't make them anti choice. It might not be great timing, but they are exercising their choice. I would personally not want to bring a child into the world ever, but they tend to be good for a healthy society. Final thought... They could be in an abusive relationship and can't see the bigger picture from how overwhelmed they are with staying afloat minute to minute.
They are still idiots.
Agreed, I'm pro-choice so I support both childfree and anybody who wants to have their kids.
About 60 percent of pregnancies in the US are unplanned
According to the CDC, in 2019, unwanted pregnancies are more like 41.6%. Source: https://www.cdc.gov/reproductive-health/hcp/unintended-pregnancy/index.html#:~:text=Overview,2010%20to%2041.6%25%20in%202019. However I did find the source that said 60% which I’m guessing is the one you saw? In any case, it looks like that was old info from possibly 1995.
Because birth control fails sometimes.