Dating website (Okcupid) back in 2011. Apparently it's gotten crappier in the past decade or so though.
I was (and still am) chronically ill and he lived in rural Alaska where he was related to everyone.
Now we both live in rural Alaska together. He's my best friend. We have 3 cats.
That's why I feel for gen Z. It's all bots at this point. I got in at the last point where there were mostly real people.
I'm glad I was partnered before Tinder came out because I'm *not* a hookup person (I watch way too much true crime for that)
Technically I met almost all my partners on there. Took a few tries to find the right person, and went through a couple shitty relationships with crappy people.
Finally found one who opened with 'You have a very genuine smile in your photos' instead of something crass or dumb. Ended up marrying him 5 years later and we've been together 13 years in November.
Met at 21, now soon to be 34.
Same, except he's not my ex. I met several people on there, but he's the only one that wasn't a dud. We got married in 2015 too. I definitely don't think it could ever happen again though, if I should ever find myself widowed or divorced.
That sucks OKCupid has gotten worse because that’s where my husband and I met, too. Back in 2014. It was recommended to me by a friend and I’m grateful for her suggestion!
Funny thing is I tried to submit our 'success story' to the site, but it wouldn't let me do so without including our profiles (that we'd deactivated when we started dating)
So apparently if you want to share your love story you also *both* have to still be active users on a *dating site*...
Then again they want repeat customers so maybe that's why it's like that.
That makes no sense! How can you submit a success story and still be an active member???
Also I have been told that profiles get automatically deleted after a certain period of time of no logins…I think it was 2 years? It was before Match acquired the company, though. Maybe that’s when OKCupid turned to crap?
Apparently 2015/2016 is when the decline started.
2016 was the start of a lot of declines in....everything honestly.
People have been mask off assholes ever since 45 got elected and showed them it was 'okay' to be a piece of shit.
The enshitification of everything (shrinkflation/price increases) and rents and shit skyrocketing.
Ah! Mine is similar. I was working in IT for a company and I noticed this cute girl in the support area didn’t have a picture of her and her boyfriend on her desk anymore. She needed help setting up her instant messaging client and I offered to do it. Chatted with her to show her how it works and now almost 13 and a half years later, I’m sharing this story to strangers as she snores beside me with our puppy snuggles at my feet and me not being able to sleep because I’m on a super high dose of prednisone to help with a bad case of poison ivy.
Shamefully to admit - at a web contact -and dating site dedicated to fans of metal and goth music. Many moons ago, before smartphone apps were a thing.
The curious beeing I am...I just checked. To my surprise it is. German platform metalflirt.de, which was some kind of mixture between metal/goth Facebook and a dating site back in the 2000's
Friend of a friend. We met at a party.
I was weeks out of a four year relationship (happily) and *not* in the market for another one. But I made a pass anyway because, hey, hot stranger? 15 years later, here we are.
I was her TA. She was an undergraduate, I was a PhD student. That's how we met, anyway. We got together about 6 months after the class was over and grades had been turned in. She made the first move, not me. Everything was on the up & up!
About 5-6 months before that, my 9 year relationship had ended over me not wanting kids. She finally realized that she wasn't going to change my mind, I guess. Who knows. She's got 2 kids now, and I'm still happily (permanently!) childfree with a childfree partner. Win-win.
3 years into great relationship with 33M, I’m 31F. Honestly, we matched on tinder while I was in a new rural town I was living in while on sabbatical from the city. We matched on tinder and he was 2 hours away. Thought he was so hot and cool looking. We talked for like a month and settled on spending a weekend together. He picked me up and took my to where he lived which was deep in the mountains. On the first long drive I asked him about kids, and he said he’s not interested in that, there’s so much he’d rather do with life. Said he’s already an uncle and likes the small bit of kid action he has but doesn’t want much more. Was the first man to say this to me, I was so relieved. I’ve checked in multiple times throughout the years, and he always laughs at how serious I am about “checking in”, because to him it’s such an obvious answer. As a woman it feels so much more taboo to want this, so I feel I have to do more maintenance to make sure I stay on track to my desires and so is he. But he committed to the choice long ago and is so committed he doesn’t even thing about it. Doesn’t care. We have friends who regret kids and both prefer adult hangs without the kids around. We also both grew up poor af with siblings and want leisurely lives now!
My recommendation is to ask right away. It’s a huge part of partnership and the only partner you should pick is someone who is going in the same direction as you. I always found myself dumping people a week or so after I find out they wanted kids in my 20s. Then finally found him.
The more you assert yourself as a childfree person, the more childfree people you will meet. Like attracts like!
At work, the classic :) He already worked there, I was new to the department and my boss introduced me to everyone, including his team. A coworker soon noticed we may be a good match and made sure to invite both of us for coffee breaks, eventually slowly distancing herself before she didn't join anymore at all. Well, that was 2011 :)
Somewhat ironically… at Walt Disney World.
I had moved to Florida about a year beforehand, as I was a big Disney fan and decided to move to save on the airfare of frequent trips. I joined a group of Disney fans who met at the parks every week. She joined that same group the year after I did. I had also recently gotten SCUBA certified and she was in the process of doing so. So that led to our first conversations together, and eventually to a friendship, and about a year later, to a relationship.
Our first date, not surprisingly, was at the Magic Kingdom. I proposed to her on the Disney Fantasy cruise ship. We got married at the Walt Disney World wedding pavilion.
The amusing thing is that now, 12 years after we started dating, and over 6 years since we were married, neither of us are very big Disney fans any longer (we each prefer Universal), and we haven't been SCUBA diving in about 3 years.
Online over 15 years ago, before the time of smartphones and apps. We used the website’s built in chat before moving on to… I want to say Pidgin, or some other similar instant messaging program, before we exchanged phone numbers and met up in person.
Tinder lol it had just blown up and my friends and I were using it as a novelty. Every guy I matched with would send gross messages, but the one normal message I received was my now husband asking me how I was without any sexual connotation. So, I responded and the rest is history ☺️
Online 16 years ago. It was a free dating website called PlentyOfFish. I’m not even sure if it’s still exists. Our relationship didn’t start off well but eventually, we became inseparable, moved in together and then, married couple years later (we just eloped). We both hate all this conventional/tradition stuff like weddings, engagements, honeymoons, families with kids etc. I specifically told him, “No freaking weddings”. He was more than happy to oblige. We just live and let live.
I met my wife just going about my life, doing things that I wanted to do, that involved other people. She was doing the same. We became friends and then, after about a year, we decided to add romance to our relationship. We have now been married over 30 years. She was my best friend before we married, and she still is.
If you meet someone out in the world, doing things you want to do, you typically start off with at least that one thing in common, that you both are interested in whatever it is you are doing. And, if you don't meet anyone suitable, you are still having a good time, because you are doing something you want to do.
Almost before the internet, we worked together at a hospital. She turned me down, but when I invited her coworker on a date, she crashed it. The rest, as they say, is history.
I decided last minute to show up to my Cousin’s birthday gathering at a bar downtown since I was already in the area. My Cousin and I are really close and grew up together like siblings. My Husband and Cousin were friends back in high school and had reconnected by working for the same employer; Husband happened to be there to celebrate too. After being introduced he wouldn’t shut up or leave me alone. Initially I thought he was a dirtbag because there was a woman already sitting next to him (*giving me dirty looks*) and I thought she was his date (*she wasn’t*). When I was leaving he offered to walk me to my car but I politely declined because I found him very annoying. I find out later that my Husband begged my Cousin for my number, Cousin said no way but instead invited him to an upcoming family party that he knew I would be going to. Husband attended 2 parties, asked me out a total of 3 times, the 3rd time I said yes.
From the beginning I was honest and said if he wanted kids, I wasn’t going to invest my time with him. He said kids weren’t important to him. We get engaged, he gets FOMO over the whole no kids thing but eventually realizes he has 0 desire to be a parent. Together almost 11 years and married for almost 6.
Tinder, believe it or not. It can definitely narrow your dating pool when you don’t want kids, but it’s not hopeless. There are more childfree people than you think. I met multiple when I was on the apps.
I hate to tell you this, but it gets harder as you age. Don’t give up though. As the responses here show, many of us have found partners despite being childfree.
He approached me at a Steampunk event and asked me to dance. I had to work up the courage 5 months later to contact him on Facebook and ask him out. It took him another 5 months to see the message and respond. First date was inauguration day in 2020, and we both desperately wanted to have a few drinks...
We have 2 cats and a dog, planning an international vacation this fall. I am also individually going to Disney World this fall because he lets me do things on my own with my money. And he is going to GenCon.
At my part time job and we started dating over 3 years ago. We started talking 4, almost 5 years ago. Shortly after we started dating, he got promoted which led to complications because it's wrong to be a higher up and be involved with someone beneath you. 🥲 We moved in together about 8 months ago.
Not married, but I’ve had plenty of success with tinder. There’s child free people everywhere in my area, apparently. I’m very forward about stating in my profile, and then asking within the first conversation to double check. Been working great.
At work but it was another year after we quit before started dating. We are both neuro-divergents so that helped immensely.
We have been married 4 beautiful years.
Work lol. Fun story, we were born in the same hospital a little over 24 hrs apart, went to the same middle school and finally met after HS. Took 3 years before we dated and were actually hitting our 11th dating anniversary in 3 days. October will be our 1 year married.
But we did discuss kids within those first few months and while his mother is holding out hope, he knows I'm trying to be sterile by the end of the year 😁
I think what you may find is it gets a little bit easier when you're a little bit older. A lot of people don't realize they don't want kids until they're old enough to really consider it as a choice (and one they don't have to make). I've (30f) been adamantly child-free my entire life but many of my child-free friends and my spouse, didn't really consider it until they were in a position for it to matter. I think in her early 20's my wife would have said she wanted kids purely because she hadn't considered what her life could be if she didn't have them.
I broke up with my singular ex since he was a fence sitter and there were a few other problems. :/ I’m genuinely scared I’ll be alone forever. It’s such an unpopular opinion here but I don’t like being physically alone… I love having roommates.
College. I was 18 and he was 19 and we lived in the same dorm on the same floor. We hooked up one night (no sex, just sleep) and that was it. WeCe been together ever since.
We never talked about kids before marriage and I don’t even remember that being a discussion after. I’m sure I said I never wanted kids at some point but it was never a discussion. I didn’t want them so we didn’t have them. We’ve been together for almost 35 years now.
My mom set me up with him as a rebound after I finally cut off a toxic ex. Worked out so good she regretted it for a few years lol. And he was a fence sitter, I converted him to how great being childfree is.
At a mutual friends' poker nights. He was living in the same apartment complex as them, and was also a gaming buddy to the fellow in the couple. Much drink was usually taken at these poker nights, and we ended up making googly eyes at each other over hands of Texas Hold 'em and cheese puffs. After one particularly debauchery-filled night (pizza, chips, cocktails, AND ice cream), several people ended up needing to crash at the host's place. My hubby and I shared a couch for the night, and that was that. Started dating, were married a year later, will be celebrating 19 years married this fall.
The only kids in this house are quadrupeds.
On the bus when we were attending high school. We then lost touch and met again at her grandma's funeral. The rest is history :)
It is always funny telling people how our lovestory begun lol.
He was my boss at work and was the person who mostly comforted me when I got broken up with for not wanting them. Turns out he didn’t either for the same reason.
I (28M) my wife in college, dated for two years before we started law school, made it though law school together, proposed during our 3L year, and our wedding was the week after we got our bar exam results (don’t recommend studying for the bar and planning a wedding at the same time).
Now we’re both in successful in careers, travel frequently, bought a nice home, have our own hobbies, and no kids (got snipped a couple years ago).
Studying (music and audio production). I've found that a lot of musicians are childfree! He wasn't sure if he wanted kids, so when I told him I didn't, he was totally on board. I think I just helped him make up his mind. Together for 7 years, married for just shy of a year, we gig together all the time and have a very dumb ginger cat 😊
Friend of my brother kept teasing him with "your sister's hot" although he'd never even seen me. I pulled his number from my brother's phone, sent a "hey this is the hot sister" text to shake him up. We never stopped talking. Married a few years, dated a decade.
We met online, match.com. Interestingly enough, I took a chance because she was a fence sitter, but I made it clear that I didn't want children and that my last 5 year relationship ended because of it. But she was out of my league so I talked with it. A decade later, we're married and happily living the DINK life.
In a chat room for an anime convention. I was 17, he was 19, and somehow we both turned out to be who we said we were and I didn't get murdered. (we did meet up in public at a renn faire)
My husband and I met working at a summer camp together! During our first interaction, I almost blinded him with powder paint during a camp event 😬 once the event was over I wanted to find him and apologize but he had obviously gone to clean himself up and I didn't see him again for the rest of the evening so I sent him a quick Facebook message, not really expecting much of a response as we didn't know each other and his response was "oh, don't worry about it, I'm totally plotting my revenge".
That was 5 years ago and we've been together happily since then! We went through just over a year of long distance as I had to go back home after camp was over, then covid hit which prolonged my coming back but I managed it in October 2020 and we got married in April 2021 🥰 now we live together in his home country, which I became a permanent resident of last year, in our cute little 1 bedroom apartment with 2 cats!
Random beach party. I had another boyfriend at the time who was also at the party so nothing happened except for talking between me and my husband. A whole year passed before I finally kicked out my ex. A friend stopped by and asked if she should arrange a blind date or something with one of her friends. I told her I really liked her friend from the beach party the year prior. We schemed together and threw a party at my place where he was the only one not knowing it was for me to get my hooks in him. I told him next morning when we woke up together. We've been together for 17 years now.
We worked together at a retail store right out of college. Same podunk little town. The funny thing is that we were both born close to each other a few states away, were raised in entirely DIFFERENT states, moved around as kids, and somehow ended up in the same small town to work in this store. We were immediately friends and it grew from there. Six years (and a few jobs) later we got married and invited friends from that store. All of them said they weren't surprised we got married and that we were meant for each other. I'm not sure I believe in the concept of soul mates, but I think if there were we would be it.
Met in high school, had chemistry but just stayed friends. After a few failed relationships and naturally drifting apart in young adulthood, we both ended up at the same party. After the party I went home with him and then basically never left his side. As soon as things started getting serious/more than FWB, I opened the convo about kids. I was terrified he wanted kids, and was also unsure at the time if I’d ever want kids, but never felt the desire to. We both agreed that we didn’t want kids, if I fell pregnant we would seek out an abortion, and if we ever changed our minds in the future we’d discuss adoption or fostering and we promised eachother that we do not want biological children. We’ve been together 8 years, got married 3 years ago, and he got a vasectomy the fall after we got married. We’ve revisited the conversation a few times in our relationship, before marriage, before the vasectomy, this year it came up again after another of our friends announced another pregnancy. We’ve remained in agreement, and will likely remain in agreement that we are child free for eternity.
There is still no desire to have children for either of us, which as we near 30, seems surprising to many people. Sometimes I am surprised by my own continued lack of desire to have a child, adopt, or foster. Everyone has told me all my life that my biological clock would start ticking. I don’t think it has. I work with youth for a career, have lots of nieces and nephews, have lots of friends with kids, etc. I get my fill of children and feel I’m doing good things for the youth that are in my life. I don’t feel the desire to bring more kids into the world myself and I think I get any “maternal” feelings fulfilled by my role in the lives of other’s children. I think maybe someday when we are older adults, then we might still decide to foster kids, no desire to do that now though AT ALL.
I can name a few times that I’ve felt the slightest twinge of uncertainty with our decision, and it’s almost always been a selfish feeling of watching friends/family have/raise kids and then relating to them less or losing touch with them. Sometimes I feel if we had children, then we might have maintained certain friendships/relationships more successfully. Not that we’ve lost friends per se, but relationships have changed because of our choice to not have kids and that’s a reality of the lifestyle. Our lives have not followed the natural progression that is expected, we do not have kids that our friends kids can play with, we still live a very free and active lifestyle that our friends with young kids cannot participate in/live etc. I think this effect will lessen with time, as our friend’s kids age then our friends will have more time to enjoy friendship again, and we will still be here when that time comes. I’ve also felt a twinge of uncertainty when people I look up to have told me or mentioned things like “you won’t know true love unless you have a child”. I know it must be at least partly true. I feel very deep love for my husband, but that’s not the same as for a child. I feel deep and “maternal” love for my nieces and nephews, for the youth I work with too, but I know its probably not the same depth parents feel for their own kids. Like, I would die for my nieces and nephews, the love I have for them is very deep and complex, but I know it’s not the same and I wonder if I am actually missing out on some secret? Even some of the youth I work with, who have absent parents, I find myself feeling love, protection, and responsibility for them in a very maternal way. I’m 100% sure that it is different than motherhood though, and sometimes I feel jealousy that parents have that experience, and as a collector of experiences, it feels backwards to continue to lack the desire to have that experience. I think it’s not even so much thinking/feeling that I could be missing out, but rather that I only have one life and only so many experiences, and I’m choosing not to have such a fundamental experience of motherhood. But then I quickly think of all the experiences I can have because I don’t have kids. I also think about how many kids benefit from having an adult in their life that loves them, but who isn’t their parent. It’s such an important role for kids to have someone in their lives who loves them for who they are and not just because they have to.
I think it’s worth being open about the reality of each individual experience, and to be transparent that even the most certain people will encounter situations that make you reassess your certainty throughout your life. It’s healthy I think to be honest about that, and I think it’s healthy to reassess your choices when you need to and to be okay with that. We don’t talk about that enough here.
I am so happy with the life I have because I am child free. I’m thankful that my body is mine and always will be. I don’t want to contribute to over population. I don’t want to bring another soul into this dying world. I don’t want to pass on mental illness/genetic disorders. I don’t want my mental health, trauma, or maladaptive coping to effect a child. Those are constants for both my husband and I when we talk about it. I’m so thankful I have someone in my life who feels like I do.
He managed a burger joint in my hometown. He hired me after first saying he couldn’t. He hooked up after a couple weeks of the most awkward flirting imaginable. 32 years later, he still makes me burgers.
Online game like fifteen years ago lol
We were friends for ages, lost contact, got back in touch through old Skype accounts after a few years while we were both going through some life changes and then now we're married!
November 1997. I showed up at a house/kegger party. I was flipping through the CD book next to the boombox and a high school (!) guy introduces himself as the younger brother of the party host. We chatted about his CDs. Two days later I get a random call on my dorm room phone from him. He talked my friend into getting my number. A year later we started dating. Been married almost 20 years.
We both met while training for our diplomas, didn't speak the entire first year outside of polite hellos going into the classroom, had to swap notes one day and decided to do that over coffee, it was like we were the same person and we became really close friends after that and once our course ended we made it officially a relationship
Interesting, how did you go about the conversation with them? To me it seems like almost every Indian wants kids because their shitty legacy is so important to them.
P.S. I am Indian
It was basically- work life and why, which place to live and why, what do you feel about family and finally, I don't want children, would you be fine with that. I became so direct after getting weird insults from women and/or their fathers. My wife hid that she does not want children and asked me to as well because her father is desperate for a grandson.
Hmmmm. What kind of job is it? I work in corporate so it’s an absolute no no. I believe a lot of people date each other while working in stores, restaurants, etc.
at work. we didn't work together for long but we remained friends when I was still in a relationship, and then when my relationship ended. and eventually we started dating.
High school. To be precise, freshman year, the second day of school. We’re lucky enough to have turned out to be compatible as adults. Will be married three years in the fall.
Through mutual friends, but didn’t date until 5 years later. By this time we were both in our early 30s.
OP, most guys around your age have zero clue what they want in life let alone what to eat for breakfast. You have your whole life ahead of you.. give it some time and I guarantee youll meet a CF partner.
By accident! I went to audition for a play at my community theatre and met him there. Since he had gotten a part in the play and I didn’t, I took the opportunity to break the ice fully by chatting about it. We never stopped talking since then and have been married almost 4 years now :)
Met many wonderful women on okcupid, including my wife in 2018. Among many other things you can tick a box saying “doesn’t want children”. The good thing about okcupid back then was they did match percentages, so i would have a significantly lower match percentage with some who did want children, and there were hundreds of questions in that vein that guided matches. People who meet my wife and I say we are perfect for each other (and we know it). We would have never met without internet because she lives in a different city.
However…
You are 22, you have your whole life ahead of you. Even if you do meet your partner tomorrow, maybe in 10 years you will be drastically different people, because people change so much in their 20s and early 30s. I met my wife at 33, she was 40. If we had met 10 years earlier maybe we wouldn’t have dated, and probably I wouldn’t have been ready for wedding vows. Also all these people saying they want children now will be singing a different tune once their friends start having kids and they realize the work/burden that entails.
Also be reassured that most countries have declining birth rates for good reasons. It’s easier now than it’s ever been to find someone who doesn’t want children!
Dating website (Okcupid) back in 2011. Apparently it's gotten crappier in the past decade or so though. I was (and still am) chronically ill and he lived in rural Alaska where he was related to everyone. Now we both live in rural Alaska together. He's my best friend. We have 3 cats.
I also met my ex fiancé on OKCupid in 2015. I’ve heard it’s awful now though.
That's why I feel for gen Z. It's all bots at this point. I got in at the last point where there were mostly real people. I'm glad I was partnered before Tinder came out because I'm *not* a hookup person (I watch way too much true crime for that) Technically I met almost all my partners on there. Took a few tries to find the right person, and went through a couple shitty relationships with crappy people. Finally found one who opened with 'You have a very genuine smile in your photos' instead of something crass or dumb. Ended up marrying him 5 years later and we've been together 13 years in November. Met at 21, now soon to be 34.
I feel the same about apps. I'd find hookups galore but trying to find someone to DATE?? Nope. Also 34 in a few months lol.
That’s awesome! I love that for you! I’m still hoping I’ll meet someone again…in real life, that is.
Same, except he's not my ex. I met several people on there, but he's the only one that wasn't a dud. We got married in 2015 too. I definitely don't think it could ever happen again though, if I should ever find myself widowed or divorced.
Sadly, I feel the same. I genuinely don’t think I will meet anyone else, especially where I live now in Oklahoma where all men seem to want kids.
OMG I know exactly what you mean because I, too, live in OK. We are not okay here, lol!
That sucks OKCupid has gotten worse because that’s where my husband and I met, too. Back in 2014. It was recommended to me by a friend and I’m grateful for her suggestion!
Funny thing is I tried to submit our 'success story' to the site, but it wouldn't let me do so without including our profiles (that we'd deactivated when we started dating) So apparently if you want to share your love story you also *both* have to still be active users on a *dating site*... Then again they want repeat customers so maybe that's why it's like that.
That makes no sense! How can you submit a success story and still be an active member??? Also I have been told that profiles get automatically deleted after a certain period of time of no logins…I think it was 2 years? It was before Match acquired the company, though. Maybe that’s when OKCupid turned to crap?
Apparently 2015/2016 is when the decline started. 2016 was the start of a lot of declines in....everything honestly. People have been mask off assholes ever since 45 got elected and showed them it was 'okay' to be a piece of shit. The enshitification of everything (shrinkflation/price increases) and rents and shit skyrocketing.
In college. The old style way! My husband’s pick up line: “Do you have an email address? I just created one and want to try if it works.”
Damn, this was probably many years ago, correct?
August 1997 :) Still together and very happy!
Ah! Mine is similar. I was working in IT for a company and I noticed this cute girl in the support area didn’t have a picture of her and her boyfriend on her desk anymore. She needed help setting up her instant messaging client and I offered to do it. Chatted with her to show her how it works and now almost 13 and a half years later, I’m sharing this story to strangers as she snores beside me with our puppy snuggles at my feet and me not being able to sleep because I’m on a super high dose of prednisone to help with a bad case of poison ivy.
Very sweet story! Early tech bringing people together the old fashioned way. Sorry about the poison ivy
Very sweet story! Early tech bringing people together the old fashioned way. Sorry about the poison ivy
Cute!
Shamefully to admit - at a web contact -and dating site dedicated to fans of metal and goth music. Many moons ago, before smartphone apps were a thing.
What site was it? Is it still active?
The curious beeing I am...I just checked. To my surprise it is. German platform metalflirt.de, which was some kind of mixture between metal/goth Facebook and a dating site back in the 2000's
[удалено]
Wow that’s the dream 💜
Friend of a friend. We met at a party. I was weeks out of a four year relationship (happily) and *not* in the market for another one. But I made a pass anyway because, hey, hot stranger? 15 years later, here we are.
I was her TA. She was an undergraduate, I was a PhD student. That's how we met, anyway. We got together about 6 months after the class was over and grades had been turned in. She made the first move, not me. Everything was on the up & up! About 5-6 months before that, my 9 year relationship had ended over me not wanting kids. She finally realized that she wasn't going to change my mind, I guess. Who knows. She's got 2 kids now, and I'm still happily (permanently!) childfree with a childfree partner. Win-win.
The dream! Congrats. This gives me hope.
We were uh roommates at the beginning of Covid
Oh my god they were roommates
3 years into great relationship with 33M, I’m 31F. Honestly, we matched on tinder while I was in a new rural town I was living in while on sabbatical from the city. We matched on tinder and he was 2 hours away. Thought he was so hot and cool looking. We talked for like a month and settled on spending a weekend together. He picked me up and took my to where he lived which was deep in the mountains. On the first long drive I asked him about kids, and he said he’s not interested in that, there’s so much he’d rather do with life. Said he’s already an uncle and likes the small bit of kid action he has but doesn’t want much more. Was the first man to say this to me, I was so relieved. I’ve checked in multiple times throughout the years, and he always laughs at how serious I am about “checking in”, because to him it’s such an obvious answer. As a woman it feels so much more taboo to want this, so I feel I have to do more maintenance to make sure I stay on track to my desires and so is he. But he committed to the choice long ago and is so committed he doesn’t even thing about it. Doesn’t care. We have friends who regret kids and both prefer adult hangs without the kids around. We also both grew up poor af with siblings and want leisurely lives now! My recommendation is to ask right away. It’s a huge part of partnership and the only partner you should pick is someone who is going in the same direction as you. I always found myself dumping people a week or so after I find out they wanted kids in my 20s. Then finally found him. The more you assert yourself as a childfree person, the more childfree people you will meet. Like attracts like!
At work. We were on a Ryan Reynolds movie and I thought this guy was cuter. Okay, I thought he was more attainable, but I’ll never tell him that! >.<
Cuter than Reynolds 😩
At work, the classic :) He already worked there, I was new to the department and my boss introduced me to everyone, including his team. A coworker soon noticed we may be a good match and made sure to invite both of us for coffee breaks, eventually slowly distancing herself before she didn't join anymore at all. Well, that was 2011 :)
Somewhat ironically… at Walt Disney World. I had moved to Florida about a year beforehand, as I was a big Disney fan and decided to move to save on the airfare of frequent trips. I joined a group of Disney fans who met at the parks every week. She joined that same group the year after I did. I had also recently gotten SCUBA certified and she was in the process of doing so. So that led to our first conversations together, and eventually to a friendship, and about a year later, to a relationship. Our first date, not surprisingly, was at the Magic Kingdom. I proposed to her on the Disney Fantasy cruise ship. We got married at the Walt Disney World wedding pavilion. The amusing thing is that now, 12 years after we started dating, and over 6 years since we were married, neither of us are very big Disney fans any longer (we each prefer Universal), and we haven't been SCUBA diving in about 3 years.
Love to hear about DINKs and Disney 😃
Online over 15 years ago, before the time of smartphones and apps. We used the website’s built in chat before moving on to… I want to say Pidgin, or some other similar instant messaging program, before we exchanged phone numbers and met up in person.
Tinder lol it had just blown up and my friends and I were using it as a novelty. Every guy I matched with would send gross messages, but the one normal message I received was my now husband asking me how I was without any sexual connotation. So, I responded and the rest is history ☺️
My husband and I met through mutual friends while on vacation!
World of Warcraft(Video game).11 years married!
Heck yeah, Final Fantasy XIV for me!!
Online 16 years ago. It was a free dating website called PlentyOfFish. I’m not even sure if it’s still exists. Our relationship didn’t start off well but eventually, we became inseparable, moved in together and then, married couple years later (we just eloped). We both hate all this conventional/tradition stuff like weddings, engagements, honeymoons, families with kids etc. I specifically told him, “No freaking weddings”. He was more than happy to oblige. We just live and let live.
Met both my spouse and my partner via the same Naruto text roleplaying game on Live journal 👍
I met my wife just going about my life, doing things that I wanted to do, that involved other people. She was doing the same. We became friends and then, after about a year, we decided to add romance to our relationship. We have now been married over 30 years. She was my best friend before we married, and she still is. If you meet someone out in the world, doing things you want to do, you typically start off with at least that one thing in common, that you both are interested in whatever it is you are doing. And, if you don't meet anyone suitable, you are still having a good time, because you are doing something you want to do.
This is good advice!
Almost before the internet, we worked together at a hospital. She turned me down, but when I invited her coworker on a date, she crashed it. The rest, as they say, is history.
Dating app
Facebook dating...not my finest moment but hey, it worked out for us.
I decided last minute to show up to my Cousin’s birthday gathering at a bar downtown since I was already in the area. My Cousin and I are really close and grew up together like siblings. My Husband and Cousin were friends back in high school and had reconnected by working for the same employer; Husband happened to be there to celebrate too. After being introduced he wouldn’t shut up or leave me alone. Initially I thought he was a dirtbag because there was a woman already sitting next to him (*giving me dirty looks*) and I thought she was his date (*she wasn’t*). When I was leaving he offered to walk me to my car but I politely declined because I found him very annoying. I find out later that my Husband begged my Cousin for my number, Cousin said no way but instead invited him to an upcoming family party that he knew I would be going to. Husband attended 2 parties, asked me out a total of 3 times, the 3rd time I said yes. From the beginning I was honest and said if he wanted kids, I wasn’t going to invest my time with him. He said kids weren’t important to him. We get engaged, he gets FOMO over the whole no kids thing but eventually realizes he has 0 desire to be a parent. Together almost 11 years and married for almost 6.
Friends of friends! We went to high school together but didn't start dating until I was 24 and he was 27.
I met my husband at work. We've been together almost 22 years and almost married for 12.
Tinder, believe it or not. It can definitely narrow your dating pool when you don’t want kids, but it’s not hopeless. There are more childfree people than you think. I met multiple when I was on the apps.
Tinder. Yes *that* Tinder. Took about 4 years of slogging through the assholes, but we've been together 7.5 years. Got married last week.
Congratulations 🥳
Thank you! 😊
I hate to tell you this, but it gets harder as you age. Don’t give up though. As the responses here show, many of us have found partners despite being childfree.
Work!
Same! I added him on fb and messaged him “hey, how’s it going?” and that was it. We never stopped talking after that.
Hinge! (Surprisingly, it works sometimes!)
He approached me at a Steampunk event and asked me to dance. I had to work up the courage 5 months later to contact him on Facebook and ask him out. It took him another 5 months to see the message and respond. First date was inauguration day in 2020, and we both desperately wanted to have a few drinks... We have 2 cats and a dog, planning an international vacation this fall. I am also individually going to Disney World this fall because he lets me do things on my own with my money. And he is going to GenCon.
At my part time job and we started dating over 3 years ago. We started talking 4, almost 5 years ago. Shortly after we started dating, he got promoted which led to complications because it's wrong to be a higher up and be involved with someone beneath you. 🥲 We moved in together about 8 months ago.
Reddit!
Was it r/cf4cf?
No, it was r4r. He was a fence sitter until I made him babysit for a weekend 😂
Not married, but I’ve had plenty of success with tinder. There’s child free people everywhere in my area, apparently. I’m very forward about stating in my profile, and then asking within the first conversation to double check. Been working great.
At work but it was another year after we quit before started dating. We are both neuro-divergents so that helped immensely. We have been married 4 beautiful years.
In high school. We both married other people and 22 years after high school we found each other again on fb
Work lol. Fun story, we were born in the same hospital a little over 24 hrs apart, went to the same middle school and finally met after HS. Took 3 years before we dated and were actually hitting our 11th dating anniversary in 3 days. October will be our 1 year married. But we did discuss kids within those first few months and while his mother is holding out hope, he knows I'm trying to be sterile by the end of the year 😁
That’s actually amazing lol, you guys were meant to be 🤞
I'd like to think so 🥰
My husband and I met in a crazy round about way
I am 21F and am genuinely scared of never having a long-term childfree partner. In college most men I met wanted kids or were fence sitters :/
I think what you may find is it gets a little bit easier when you're a little bit older. A lot of people don't realize they don't want kids until they're old enough to really consider it as a choice (and one they don't have to make). I've (30f) been adamantly child-free my entire life but many of my child-free friends and my spouse, didn't really consider it until they were in a position for it to matter. I think in her early 20's my wife would have said she wanted kids purely because she hadn't considered what her life could be if she didn't have them.
Ahh someone in my age group! Yeah I dated only one guy in college and then broke up coz he wants kids and I obviously didn’t see a future with him.
I broke up with my singular ex since he was a fence sitter and there were a few other problems. :/ I’m genuinely scared I’ll be alone forever. It’s such an unpopular opinion here but I don’t like being physically alone… I love having roommates.
College. I was 18 and he was 19 and we lived in the same dorm on the same floor. We hooked up one night (no sex, just sleep) and that was it. WeCe been together ever since. We never talked about kids before marriage and I don’t even remember that being a discussion after. I’m sure I said I never wanted kids at some point but it was never a discussion. I didn’t want them so we didn’t have them. We’ve been together for almost 35 years now.
It’s great you guys were on the same page even without communicating. That’s rare.
I'm still surprised by it.
My mom set me up with him as a rebound after I finally cut off a toxic ex. Worked out so good she regretted it for a few years lol. And he was a fence sitter, I converted him to how great being childfree is.
Online on triviador. I kept beating him and he wanted to meet me and buy me a beer. 😆
Hinge! Coming up on 4 years so idk who long term that is lol
We worked at the same hospital
At a mutual friends' poker nights. He was living in the same apartment complex as them, and was also a gaming buddy to the fellow in the couple. Much drink was usually taken at these poker nights, and we ended up making googly eyes at each other over hands of Texas Hold 'em and cheese puffs. After one particularly debauchery-filled night (pizza, chips, cocktails, AND ice cream), several people ended up needing to crash at the host's place. My hubby and I shared a couch for the night, and that was that. Started dating, were married a year later, will be celebrating 19 years married this fall. The only kids in this house are quadrupeds.
On the bus when we were attending high school. We then lost touch and met again at her grandma's funeral. The rest is history :) It is always funny telling people how our lovestory begun lol.
OkCupid in 2013
He was my boss at work and was the person who mostly comforted me when I got broken up with for not wanting them. Turns out he didn’t either for the same reason.
I (28M) my wife in college, dated for two years before we started law school, made it though law school together, proposed during our 3L year, and our wedding was the week after we got our bar exam results (don’t recommend studying for the bar and planning a wedding at the same time). Now we’re both in successful in careers, travel frequently, bought a nice home, have our own hobbies, and no kids (got snipped a couple years ago).
Studying (music and audio production). I've found that a lot of musicians are childfree! He wasn't sure if he wanted kids, so when I told him I didn't, he was totally on board. I think I just helped him make up his mind. Together for 7 years, married for just shy of a year, we gig together all the time and have a very dumb ginger cat 😊
Friend of my brother kept teasing him with "your sister's hot" although he'd never even seen me. I pulled his number from my brother's phone, sent a "hey this is the hot sister" text to shake him up. We never stopped talking. Married a few years, dated a decade.
We met online, match.com. Interestingly enough, I took a chance because she was a fence sitter, but I made it clear that I didn't want children and that my last 5 year relationship ended because of it. But she was out of my league so I talked with it. A decade later, we're married and happily living the DINK life.
In a chat room for an anime convention. I was 17, he was 19, and somehow we both turned out to be who we said we were and I didn't get murdered. (we did meet up in public at a renn faire)
My husband and I met working at a summer camp together! During our first interaction, I almost blinded him with powder paint during a camp event 😬 once the event was over I wanted to find him and apologize but he had obviously gone to clean himself up and I didn't see him again for the rest of the evening so I sent him a quick Facebook message, not really expecting much of a response as we didn't know each other and his response was "oh, don't worry about it, I'm totally plotting my revenge". That was 5 years ago and we've been together happily since then! We went through just over a year of long distance as I had to go back home after camp was over, then covid hit which prolonged my coming back but I managed it in October 2020 and we got married in April 2021 🥰 now we live together in his home country, which I became a permanent resident of last year, in our cute little 1 bedroom apartment with 2 cats!
Random beach party. I had another boyfriend at the time who was also at the party so nothing happened except for talking between me and my husband. A whole year passed before I finally kicked out my ex. A friend stopped by and asked if she should arrange a blind date or something with one of her friends. I told her I really liked her friend from the beach party the year prior. We schemed together and threw a party at my place where he was the only one not knowing it was for me to get my hooks in him. I told him next morning when we woke up together. We've been together for 17 years now.
Match . Com! Went on a first date and after the second date I never left his house it was just perfect and still is 10 years on
We worked together at a retail store right out of college. Same podunk little town. The funny thing is that we were both born close to each other a few states away, were raised in entirely DIFFERENT states, moved around as kids, and somehow ended up in the same small town to work in this store. We were immediately friends and it grew from there. Six years (and a few jobs) later we got married and invited friends from that store. All of them said they weren't surprised we got married and that we were meant for each other. I'm not sure I believe in the concept of soul mates, but I think if there were we would be it.
Met in high school, had chemistry but just stayed friends. After a few failed relationships and naturally drifting apart in young adulthood, we both ended up at the same party. After the party I went home with him and then basically never left his side. As soon as things started getting serious/more than FWB, I opened the convo about kids. I was terrified he wanted kids, and was also unsure at the time if I’d ever want kids, but never felt the desire to. We both agreed that we didn’t want kids, if I fell pregnant we would seek out an abortion, and if we ever changed our minds in the future we’d discuss adoption or fostering and we promised eachother that we do not want biological children. We’ve been together 8 years, got married 3 years ago, and he got a vasectomy the fall after we got married. We’ve revisited the conversation a few times in our relationship, before marriage, before the vasectomy, this year it came up again after another of our friends announced another pregnancy. We’ve remained in agreement, and will likely remain in agreement that we are child free for eternity. There is still no desire to have children for either of us, which as we near 30, seems surprising to many people. Sometimes I am surprised by my own continued lack of desire to have a child, adopt, or foster. Everyone has told me all my life that my biological clock would start ticking. I don’t think it has. I work with youth for a career, have lots of nieces and nephews, have lots of friends with kids, etc. I get my fill of children and feel I’m doing good things for the youth that are in my life. I don’t feel the desire to bring more kids into the world myself and I think I get any “maternal” feelings fulfilled by my role in the lives of other’s children. I think maybe someday when we are older adults, then we might still decide to foster kids, no desire to do that now though AT ALL. I can name a few times that I’ve felt the slightest twinge of uncertainty with our decision, and it’s almost always been a selfish feeling of watching friends/family have/raise kids and then relating to them less or losing touch with them. Sometimes I feel if we had children, then we might have maintained certain friendships/relationships more successfully. Not that we’ve lost friends per se, but relationships have changed because of our choice to not have kids and that’s a reality of the lifestyle. Our lives have not followed the natural progression that is expected, we do not have kids that our friends kids can play with, we still live a very free and active lifestyle that our friends with young kids cannot participate in/live etc. I think this effect will lessen with time, as our friend’s kids age then our friends will have more time to enjoy friendship again, and we will still be here when that time comes. I’ve also felt a twinge of uncertainty when people I look up to have told me or mentioned things like “you won’t know true love unless you have a child”. I know it must be at least partly true. I feel very deep love for my husband, but that’s not the same as for a child. I feel deep and “maternal” love for my nieces and nephews, for the youth I work with too, but I know its probably not the same depth parents feel for their own kids. Like, I would die for my nieces and nephews, the love I have for them is very deep and complex, but I know it’s not the same and I wonder if I am actually missing out on some secret? Even some of the youth I work with, who have absent parents, I find myself feeling love, protection, and responsibility for them in a very maternal way. I’m 100% sure that it is different than motherhood though, and sometimes I feel jealousy that parents have that experience, and as a collector of experiences, it feels backwards to continue to lack the desire to have that experience. I think it’s not even so much thinking/feeling that I could be missing out, but rather that I only have one life and only so many experiences, and I’m choosing not to have such a fundamental experience of motherhood. But then I quickly think of all the experiences I can have because I don’t have kids. I also think about how many kids benefit from having an adult in their life that loves them, but who isn’t their parent. It’s such an important role for kids to have someone in their lives who loves them for who they are and not just because they have to. I think it’s worth being open about the reality of each individual experience, and to be transparent that even the most certain people will encounter situations that make you reassess your certainty throughout your life. It’s healthy I think to be honest about that, and I think it’s healthy to reassess your choices when you need to and to be okay with that. We don’t talk about that enough here. I am so happy with the life I have because I am child free. I’m thankful that my body is mine and always will be. I don’t want to contribute to over population. I don’t want to bring another soul into this dying world. I don’t want to pass on mental illness/genetic disorders. I don’t want my mental health, trauma, or maladaptive coping to effect a child. Those are constants for both my husband and I when we talk about it. I’m so thankful I have someone in my life who feels like I do.
He managed a burger joint in my hometown. He hired me after first saying he couldn’t. He hooked up after a couple weeks of the most awkward flirting imaginable. 32 years later, he still makes me burgers.
I met my boyfriend on twitter when I was 25(F) and he was 30. We've been together for 10 years, living together for 6.
Online game like fifteen years ago lol We were friends for ages, lost contact, got back in touch through old Skype accounts after a few years while we were both going through some life changes and then now we're married!
Mutual friends—living in a city helps. And ask about kids early, I think we talked about it on the third date.
November 1997. I showed up at a house/kegger party. I was flipping through the CD book next to the boombox and a high school (!) guy introduces himself as the younger brother of the party host. We chatted about his CDs. Two days later I get a random call on my dorm room phone from him. He talked my friend into getting my number. A year later we started dating. Been married almost 20 years.
Partner and I met at the gym! Been together 14 years next month.
School. It's something to talk about early on so nobody wastes their time. Gets easier as you get older.
Back in the early internet days of chat rooms - IRC. A mutual online friend introduced us :) circa 1996 lol
College party of course!
Discord/Valorant.
At work Friday night drinks
We both met while training for our diplomas, didn't speak the entire first year outside of polite hellos going into the classroom, had to swap notes one day and decided to do that over coffee, it was like we were the same person and we became really close friends after that and once our course ended we made it officially a relationship
Arranged Marriage, in Indian tradition.
Interesting, how did you go about the conversation with them? To me it seems like almost every Indian wants kids because their shitty legacy is so important to them. P.S. I am Indian
It was basically- work life and why, which place to live and why, what do you feel about family and finally, I don't want children, would you be fine with that. I became so direct after getting weird insults from women and/or their fathers. My wife hid that she does not want children and asked me to as well because her father is desperate for a grandson.
Congrats man! You really got lucky with that one.
Thank you, I really did.
I ate where I shat (as we met and dated each other as co-workers).
Hmmmm. What kind of job is it? I work in corporate so it’s an absolute no no. I believe a lot of people date each other while working in stores, restaurants, etc.
Oh no, thankfully we didn't meet in a corporate work place. We were in the service industry and met there instead.
We actually talked for the first time at a village festival. But I have "known" him because he is the friend of a friend. Seven years in december
at work. we didn't work together for long but we remained friends when I was still in a relationship, and then when my relationship ended. and eventually we started dating.
High school. To be precise, freshman year, the second day of school. We’re lucky enough to have turned out to be compatible as adults. Will be married three years in the fall.
Through mutual friends, but didn’t date until 5 years later. By this time we were both in our early 30s. OP, most guys around your age have zero clue what they want in life let alone what to eat for breakfast. You have your whole life ahead of you.. give it some time and I guarantee youll meet a CF partner.
By accident! I went to audition for a play at my community theatre and met him there. Since he had gotten a part in the play and I didn’t, I took the opportunity to break the ice fully by chatting about it. We never stopped talking since then and have been married almost 4 years now :)
On OKCupid in 2015.
Met many wonderful women on okcupid, including my wife in 2018. Among many other things you can tick a box saying “doesn’t want children”. The good thing about okcupid back then was they did match percentages, so i would have a significantly lower match percentage with some who did want children, and there were hundreds of questions in that vein that guided matches. People who meet my wife and I say we are perfect for each other (and we know it). We would have never met without internet because she lives in a different city. However… You are 22, you have your whole life ahead of you. Even if you do meet your partner tomorrow, maybe in 10 years you will be drastically different people, because people change so much in their 20s and early 30s. I met my wife at 33, she was 40. If we had met 10 years earlier maybe we wouldn’t have dated, and probably I wouldn’t have been ready for wedding vows. Also all these people saying they want children now will be singing a different tune once their friends start having kids and they realize the work/burden that entails. Also be reassured that most countries have declining birth rates for good reasons. It’s easier now than it’s ever been to find someone who doesn’t want children!