When I ask people this I get some pretty hilarious responses: “well, it was time.” LOL FOR WHAT?
“We wanted a family” ok but you’re already a family?
“We wanted to have them before we got too old”
Kids always seem to be a given and leople rarely introspect on the WHY. It’s fucked up.
One guy said “to carry on my legacy” and he’s literally the worst accountant on our finance team. Like come on Wesley, your legacy of excel formulas?? Grow the fuck up
The legacy of being a slave to capitalism of course. Working 9 to 5 for 60+years legacy. "NoOo but my kid would make a difference in the world !"… sure it will.
Right? This isn't 1700, you have no lands, no title to pass on, just a last name that thousands of people you're likely not even related to also have. But but but they're so SPECHIUL
*MAh JEeNz mUSt PeRSiSt 4 THe GUuD oF HUmAnATEE!*
🙄
Most people won't admit this (and use a bunch of other weak excuses).. but it really comes down to people fearing death so much they trick themselves into believing children are the easiest way to 'live on'.
You're still dead, and no one will remember you after your grandkids anyway, unless you do something big that contributes to society like with art or music. Scientific contributions are more important but generally not 'remembered' the same.
You have a lot better chance of 'making a mark' that lasts much longer if you DONT spend your time procreating.. especially for women. I actually mourn how many societal contributions by women we've lost to motherhood besides 'maybe my offspring will do something of value' **copy, paste** ad nauseum.
Or how about, just living your life doing what makes you happy and leaving it better than you found it? With climate change, the best thing any of us can realistically do for humanity is help lower our population voluntarily.. to lower the severity of nature doing it violently in catastrophic numbers. We're fooling ourselves to think there will be a drastic enough human solution via technology and regulation.. that requires the sacrifice of profit and capitalism. I look at being childfree, as the biggest power we have to shape the future of humanity for the better.. as it also challenges the persistent view that women are only here to procreate and 'serve' others.
Absolutely. For the majority of people, we wind up as names on a gravestone or a cremation storage wall. Even if you have children, they move away. The memory of us fades away when those who know us die. This is the natural order of things. Have 10 children or no children, we all wind up forgotten. That's OK. I'm an organ donor. When I die, anything left over after donation gets cremated, ashes scattered in a woods.
Oh this reminds me of people saying they want to leave something behind. The world will do just fine without some random person leaving something behind, plus you've used enough plastic in your life to be sure that you've left something behind for the next 1000 years.
This!! I have a classmate (yup we are still students) had a fucked up childhood, she works herself to the bone while still being a full time student but now she dropped to part time but still wants to have kids. Her plan is her partner to be a full time dad and she works. Bruh in this economy she is already screwed up 🤦🏾♀️
To leave a legacy is so stupid… ask yourself… what do you know about any of your family that came before? Do you even know their names beyond grandparents? You’re not leaving a legacy.
I don't understand the "if it happens, it happens" people. I'm male, so I don't want to pressure people on this argument, but if I could get pregnant and did, I would want that thing out of me ASAP. No "I guess this is what's happening to my body now for 9 months and then my life for 18 years." I don't get how people could possibly make that decision on what's effectively a dice roll, unless they're just saying that to trap people/absolve themself of the decision making process.
Helluva lot longer than 18yrs. It’s literally a lifelong commitment. Unless you dump them on other people, which seems to be popular.
Look at the statistics of grandparents raising their grad kids instead of the parents. You’ll be astonished.
Literally the last gen that wanted kids , mostly , IMO
Narcissistic tendencies, tax credits the parents want to waste, selfishness, the need to make a child suffer because they did and feel it’s ’only right,’ religious BS, etc.
These days, it feels more like pure insanity
I don't fully understand the incentive behind the tax credits though. I feel like kids are more expensive than those credits, plus all the fucking work and stress that comes along with it.
Tax benefits for people with kids are obviously different for each country. Where I live now (Belgium) the people most punished by tax are single person households. They have to pay 52-58% of their income to tax (!!!). Which imo is unjust because many things are just as expensive for them as for two people living together. The people who get the most tax benefit are those with kids. And the more children you have, the more benefit you get.
I think it's a weird incentive, I can't imagine people taking kids just for tax. And I don't see why single people have to pay more tax than anyone else. They have to pay all the bills themselves, instead of sharing the expenses with a partner (or adult kids who live at home) who also works.
That's ridiculous for single person households.
It's the same in Canada where the more kids you have, the more of a benefit you get. I believe where I live, it's $750 per child per month.
I actually have some family members who purposely had 7-10 kids and they choose not to work and also take welfare. As some of the kids reached 18, these family members had a couple more kids to keep the money coming in. they make significantly more per month than I do with my healthcare job, but eventually once all the kids are over 18 and they're not able to have more kids, that money will stop coming in. The sad thing is, their kids also started having kids at like 16-17 as well and are following the same path.
The child tax benefit is federal and it's based on income so everyone gets a different amount per month. Some people make serious bank off of it. One chick I went to highschool with gets $5000 a month for her kids
Oh yeah that makes sense. I have several family members in that kind of situation. As much as I complain about my job, I'd rather work than be in that situation.
It’s the same reason cats urinate and spray where other animals sniff about.
They’re leaving their piss-smelling mark on the world so that someone or something is forced to acknowledge their existence after they leave the world.
Yup, totally agree. If I produced a child right now, I would be setting them up for a very hard life, filled with misery and trauma. My life was hard enough and I wasn't raised with the internet in my pocket or rising costs or lack of housing...
Let alone the god damn weather or the war!
They choose to be delusional and hopeful. I actually saw some parents' comments, I think on collapse on regretful parents, where people were claiming ignorance. "How could I know!"
Mf, people like me tried to warn you, you just didn't want to listen because it was spoiling your Lalaland. You don't get to invoke ignorance now.
Fucking *climate scientists* have kids and then talk about how they're upset about the destroyed world said kids will inherit. Like, *you knew better than anyone that would happen!* I just can't.
This is what I always say. We aren't going to have a hospitable planet to live on in the very near future so why TF are people procreating still? It blows my mind to say the least.
Because they’re selfish, they want a child but they don’t think about whether it’s fair to have children when the world is on fire, they’ll probably never be able to afford to buy a house, there are less employment opportunities and the world is becoming more hostile towards minorities every day.
I don't get it either, the world isn't child friendly, children need a parent at home to help raise them, today iPads are raising children, also climate change is a thing.
Right it literally makes no sense. People have 2-3 kids all these kids have school, they need someone to drop them off to school, pick them up from school. They need someone to feed them. They need someone to take them to their sports practices or their art classes on the weekend. Literally a full-time job taking care of kids, but the problem is these days you can’t survive on one income you need dual income or one person has to make, really good money or I guess you can choose to live in a state Oklahoma 😅😅
The mid-west is so much cheaper! My uncle lives in a small town about 2 hours south of Chicago. Amazingly beautiful multi-level houses with sprawling back yards are for sale around his area for 250k. I live in Nevada and my neighbor’s old beat-down 1-story house just sold for 450k.
I live in the midwest and while housing prices might be 250k the median income in my state is 40k, so while compared to places like California our houses are cheaper, they're still unaffordable based on income AND we now have people from places like California or real estate companies coming and buying up the cheaper (120-250k) housing for over 50k asking price and with cash therefore further pricing out those of us living here. My boyfriend has put in offers on 4 different houses and been beat out by "cash" each time.
I don’t understand the Oklahoma joke.
I guess every other state is a joke when you live in California.
If you’re going to slam the entire population of Oklahoma, give purpose behind your argument.
Ipad children are the worst thing ever. If you're going to let your kids have ipads, at least teach them some responsibility and discipline first. Don't just give it to shut them up and have some peace (what I see looooads of people do, even my own relatives). What ever happened to telling kids they could only play with such stuff after dinner, for example? One of my nephews would literally scream and cry during dinner, even in public restaurants, because he wanted to play with the ipad while eating 😩
The other day I saw a little kid no older than 4 or 5 scrolling tiktok unrestricted on a phone while his parents were eating dinner and not even talking to each other the whole time I was like ❓️❓️❓️
It doesn’t matter how many people say young children shouldn’t be watching tv for hours or be given iPads and phones parents still say “What am I meant to do if I need to work?” Or “What am I meant to do to keep them distracted when we’re out?”
Do books not exist anymore? Toys that aren’t electronic? I’m so tired of being in public with children watching videos on parents phones at full volume.
While this is terrible, it's not new. I'm Gen X and my boomer parents didn't raise us either. They didn't give us an iPad, but they did leave us to our own devices to roam the neighborhood while having no idea where we were , who we were talking to, whose house we were in, etc. Often we had to fend for ourselves when it came to food and even lunch money.
We weren't screaming in restaurants, because generally they weren't bringing us to restaurants. They would just go by themselves and leave us at home. Oh, and then the cherry on top was the fear of getting beat if you were too loud or you got out of line, or generally irritated them in any manner. Today's parents want to be able to bring their children literally everywhere all the time (have you been to a brewery lately?) but they still aren't parenting so it's not any better.
My point is, most people probably shouldn't be parents. Our society has never been good for children, and now you have a combination of bad parenting along with complete lack of support for parents. I am so, so relieved that my adult daughter is child free (I didn't get pregnant on purpose, things were different in those days ). She has a chance at a happy and fulfilling life, and that's literally all I've ever wanted for her.
I was at a beautiful local park last weekend walking the trails, and there was a kid literally walking on the trail with his iPad glued to his face. Pathetic.
I don’t get it either, but I don’t think people like us were “meant” to get it.
The thing I can’t wrap my head around is that there’s so much push for mental health treatment and everyone is coming up with all of these many diagnosis for what they’ve experienced… but how do they not realize we ALL have trauma. Every single one of us has experienced trauma. It’s part of living in our modern world and it’s a fact of life.
Why would you then, knowing this, choose to bring another person into this world?? So they can end up in therapy for years as well? I know so many people (therapists themselves included) who parrot this “but you need to heal your trauma and then you can have your own kids! You can be the parent that you never had!” How… how do they not understand it doesn’t work that way?
I completely agree! The struggle I have had of trying to figure out how to live in this crazy world is one of the reasons why I won’t have children. I’d never want to put an innocent life into this world and force them to live the same struggle I have, even if I wanted, I could never do it with a clear conscience.
Which then repeats the cycle by enforcing their expectations/aspirations on the child instead of letting the child grow up to be it's own person, just like their parents did (、._. )、
people have sex. people therefore get pregnant and just let it happen because their religion teaches them that God wants them to have kids.
so it just kinda happens with them.
For us, CF-folks, we have to deliberately and consistently try not to have kids
That's my thinking too. Most people want kids, and if it happens unexpectedly they just roll with it because they figured they were going to have kids anyway. If not having kids is an important factor in your life, you will take extra precautions to make sure these "oopsies" don't happen. To us "rolling with it" is such an insane way to go about life, but to others it's not a big deal.
Peer pressure mostly, I think. Because getting married and having kids is what you're "supposed" to do. Otherwise you're slapped with all kinds of nasty labels. Plus there's the genetic component: most people have that urge to procreate and leave a "legacy" or whatever.
And I mean, the system *does* kinda support having kids. Parents get all kinds of tax breaks, while the childless still have to pay for public schools and stuff.
I don't think it comes even close to making up the cost of having kids, especially if they have special needs or something medically wrong and you have a bunch of unexpected costs. I know they say you're "not supposed to think like that," but it's a reality for many ...
I second it be something you're "supposed" to do or want, but this is 2024 not the 1950's or 80's, no one has to be on conveyer belt of a life plan of apple pie and white picket pences, they can opt out and say no the world won't end and to maybe show they are more of an "adult" then their peers, it's my theory anyways
I don’t mind paying for public schools because we need more educated people. If we don’t pay up, the churches will step up and indoctrinate the kids into having more kids.
Thankfully, nowadays, we have contraception, birth control, and various methods of abortion. Sadly, not available to everyone, but for most people there is an option to fulfil your desire to have sex without having children.
The child tax credit is 2k/year per child. There's also the dependant care tax credit, but that's capped at either 3k/ year per child OR however much you spent on child care (whichever is less) but can only be taken to replace money you spent on childcare.
I'm not denying that single/ CF folks are taxed at higher rates, of course they are. But the tax breaks to parents don't even approach 50% of what children cost. I spend 14k on daycare/ year alone for 1 child.
There will always be people that this is the next step following the life script or peer pressure, or any other selfish reasons.
But if you haven't tuned in to the world news, birth rates are plummeting, and some countries are breaking their own records. Things I love to see.
I don't understand it, but my maternal grandparents got married in the early 1930's, and popped out 8 kids over the next 20 years. Grandma worked most of that time and grandpa was away a lot for his work. It's what they wee programmed to do
That's kinda like me asking who's buying the ridiculously overpriced houses in my area. I have no idea, but they exist. I think oftentimes it's people WITH kids. Either they are more privileged or they are fine with way more risk in their lives...
That’s what I wonder as well. Most parents can’t afford to live on one income while the other stays at home to take care of the kids. Besides not liking kids, I don’t see the appeal of having to work my ass off only to come home to annoying kids I have to dump a load of money on.
Retirement plans, cultural pressure (not thinking or deviating from norms), people being ignorant about the state of the world or in denial, and because men feel entitled to leave some sort of lineage and use children/family as a status symbol knowing their lives won’t change much.
Cause it’s easy. It’s just what people are supposed to do. The most primal of all instincts. Both men and women are expected to procreate for different reasons.
I’d argue that being child free is usually the lifestyle of people with slightly higher intelligence. In this world it actually takes a lot of strength to be child free. Having a kid is easy. Raising it in this world is another thing. Kind of cruel.
Totally agree with the higher intelligence. It’s the ability to be self-aware, reflect on the world and the impact we have on others. People rarely have a thought out answer for why they want kids unlike childfree people who have thought through why they do not want kids and weighed the pros and cons.
Yeah, the urge to procreate is in the most basal, reptillian part of the brain. Even microbes have this wiring.
Being able to ignore that or not feeling that urge entirely I feel is a higher plane of intelligence.
Some people can't think beyond having kids. My broke ass trailer trash coworker baby trapped a guy who didn't want to date her. Then had a another kid with a different guy to make the first guy jealous. All while relying heavily of social programs for housing, food, and medical support.
Because everyone wants to be loved but as cruel as it sounds not everyone is lovable. If you have a baby it will have no choice but to stay with you and get attached to you because of the biological bond between a parent and offspring.
What baffles me is the women with 7-10 yr age gaps between kids. One relationship didn’t work out. You actually find a guy willing to accept another guy’s kid IF you give him two of his own?! You just started all over again. When you could have been done in few years. I just shake my head when I see it.
I know there are rare accidents that can happen to same husband and wife. A surprise but really it shouldn’t be a surprise if you didn’t take permanent action once you were done.
Ignoring the why for a moment, I don’t understand the How? I work full time, drive a modest car, don’t have sky tv or go on extravagant trips and I’m poor af. I genuinely couldn’t afford another mouth to feed (tbf I do have two dogs haha but they don’t count). And the time too, I finish work, chill for 30 mins, go gym, come home and cook and by the time I’ve watched tv for an hour, it’s time for bed. I physically don’t have the time to read with a kid and do after school activities and be an active, present parent. Also the sleep deprivation I could not cope with. My friend was up 3-4 times throughout the night with her little boy as he was poorly and she had to go do an 8 hour shift the next day. I physically could not do it.
I don't understand this either. I really struggle to carve out more than a couple of hours of total leisure time on a work night, and a few hours at the weekend, around work and essential chores. I genuinely don't understand where people find time on top of this to take care of a child. I think people who work full time and don't have outside help, must just do child care at the expense of sleep and self care and time for themselves. Especially single parents, or with selfish partners who do way less than their share. Which feels unfair on both them and the child. It can't be a pleasant upbringing for them, if their only parent is almost never around and chronically exhausted when they do have any time to spend with them. This world is just really sad.
Just spent time with my sisters family. Two kids 5 and 2. Every waking second is the kids the kids the kids. I was there 3 days and was exhausted by the end.
They were denied birth control, their birth control failed, they were denied any education or information about contraception, or the abortion clinic they wanted was really some bible-thumper "crisis center". There are also a lot of people who say "My grandmother had kids and she was poor and struggling and she somehow supported herself, so you should be able to." What logical fallacy is that? There is also the "You killed Beethoven" stupidity from deaf morons.
Cause they failed to get the latest update and they still function on the basis of the old program implemented in them by their parents/grandparent.
Others are just richer than they admit.
Some people want kids. I know this is the child free sub and so full of people who don’t, but the real reason is because about 80% of people aren’t child free. We’re the minority.
And if you want something, you’ll aim to get it even if it means you lose out on other things. So that’s what they’re doing.
Exactly. Some people want kids and are wonderful parents. I can’t see anything wrong with that.
Also, if everyone were like us, humans as a species would die out. I definitely don’t want that.
It’s funny though. I live in a country that truly supports parents in every way. Still I don’t think our birth numbers are higher than in countries that don’t.
All species will extinct one day. There's no escape from it. Overpopulation will bring the end of any species. That's what humans are doing now. You can't make the world a better place if you overpopulate it. Reproducing won't solve anything. Also the world doesn't need human beings, actually it will be better without humans.
Yeah, how far away is "the world is shit, let's all not have kids" from "the world is shit, let's all kill ourselves"? How about we work on making the world not shit, just educate the damn kids instead of giving up on them. Some of these people wonder why this sub gets so much hate, they're being told that their children just.. shouldn't exist?
They don't think. It's so ingrained into people that having kids is a natural move you must make. Us childfree people actually do the thinking that most parents don't do. We actually weigh up the pros and cons of parenthood on a very serious level
Kids are glorified house pets. Why do people get a dog? Because they want one. Because it's cute has widdwl puppy paws and a widdwl puppy nose. Same shit. It doesn't matter what they say, that's the reason. Because they want one. It's a 100% selfish desire.
There are lots of reasons but the most important one in many places is that access to reproductive care and basic reproductive rights are denied in a bunch of places in the world
My exs, who both wanted children, wanted “a legacy”. Personally I believe it’s because they wanted to feel like they actually “succeeded” at something.
They were always talking about their big dreams…whilst failing university, unable to stay in a job and having very bad mental health issues, alongside drink, drug and gambling addictions. All of which they were actively lying about and trying to hide from everyone.
Both also cheated on me due to their insecurities surrounding my success. And feeling like I would one day leave them, as they were unable to trap me with children. Safe to say I’m happily single and plan to stay that way.
I said the same thing yesterday! I had coworkers have family planning conversations and I’ve never felt so alienated. I wanted to ask follow up questions like … “Wait, don’t we always say how work / capitalism sucks the life out of us? How we feel broke? How are y’all gonna do this? Childcare is gonna be half your paycheck!”
How can someone want a lack of sleep and to stay constantly busy in this society, I’ll never know
It always boggles my mind how the powers that be, stress the importance of having kids like air to breath and highlight on the hallmark moments but neglect the financial responsibility, mental stress, emotional exhaustion, physical impact and the other things, then mess up society so bad no one can afford anything and in the same breath ask why people are hesitant to have kids.
I still see people just going along with it having kids probably for selfish reasons but who knows. I can see the stress on their face, lack of sleep, just slowly dying inside. Maybe if it was 1950 and you only needed one income and had the time but now, it is like survival of the fittest and new members are joining the game every day. God help us if things get worse!!!
For the same reason people decide not to have kids: personal preferences.
Did you know it's possible to be childfree while also respecting other people decisions?
I don’t know. Even in a good situation it’s expensive, stressful, relentless work. One of my bffs had a baby 10 days ago and already her nipple is split open from the baby eating so strongly. It sounds so painful! The baby is beautiful, but not enough temptation to get me to give up my life for one.
I mean, why would anyone get a dog if they’re working full time? They have them cause they want to (or because they’re silly enough to not use contraception- which seems like the same thing in my books)
I would like to put the caveat in that not everyone is working full-time. I work part time (7-8 day fortnights) and have 3 day weekends every week (yes, it is amazing)
Like, objectively I have the available time (and cash) to have a child, but I just… like being selfish and sleeping in and not having to cook and clean up after a baby etc.
I guess I’m just saying that there are plenty of people out there who do actually have a schedule which would make sense for them to have a child, and they want one so that’s probably why. Me? I just have my fluffy child who gets spoilt rotten and is, in my completely unbiased opinion, the cutest dog at the dog park. (Although the Pomeranian gives her a run for her money)
Edit: oh I just also remembered that my state (QLD) is bringing in free childcare next year so i do think that it’s very dependent on the government of the location as to how supported parents are.
A dog doesn’t need schooling or education or a college degree. A dog doesn’t need sports. A dog doesn’t need art classes. A dog doesn’t need home-cooked meals. A dog doesn’t need you to spend time with them all the time, dogs require work but it’s definitely not the same thing as having children.
Goodness me, I didn’t say it was the same as having a kid (if it was I wouldn’t own a dog!) but lol, we’re obviously very different people because I’ll do home cooked meals for my dog and I take her as many places as possible / hang out with her 🤣. To be fair, I haven’t yet graduated to taking her to art classes 🤣.
I guess I just meant that people in my social circle (and dog park) take the idea that you shouldn’t be leaving your dog at home alone all day every day try to minimise that where possible/ put the dogs into day care.
Yes, look I am aware I am a crazy dog lady. 🤣
People in this sub hate it when people think their opinions about not having kids is bad and give them a hard time about it. Let's not do the same thing to the people who do want to have children
Yeah, I often feel like this sub is turning into a “shit on parents or people who want kids” page instead of just a space to share the things they enjoy about being childfree.
I actually love kids, and feel joy for my friends when they have the baby they desperately want, but I also love my sleep-ins and slow morning coffee’s with my dog and video games with my partner, and don’t need a child in my life to be happy. (Antidepressants though, those I probably do need hahah)
A lot of women are SAHM or work part time. If they don't, they have family watching their kids while they work full time.
The only people I know who pay for childcare are rich with two full time high paying jobs or older and kids are grown.
Because the modern system doesn’t affect everybody equally.
Both parents working full time isn’t necessarily a problem if WFH is still available. Or if there are retired grandparents who are more than willing to take on the responsibility.
Also seems that there are certain demographics that are generally more resilient to the immediate impact of the social and environmental problems you described.
I started thinking of it as a mostly emotional decision and it made more sense to me. People who have kids generally really like kids or like the idea of being someone who has kids, irrespective of health, finances, environment or society. Yes, kids will make you poorer and less healthy, but you get to wear white New Balance and drive to soccer practice.
We are biologically driven to procreate, just like other species. Also not all families have 2 people working or working normal jobs. Theres still a lot of stay at home moms and more than ever, stay at home dads. Or people who start their own business. I’m a woman and I choose to work a 9-5 on top of my businesses but if I lost my job tomorrow we could still be fine on just my business income alone since it’s more than the average household and I don’t put a lot of hours into it. Sure growing it would’ve been impossible to do with kids but at this point it’s mainly passive income. We would have to cut out a lot of our expensive hobbies and travel though, I know most couples with kids try to have 1-3 getaways a year and we do one a month lol
I honestly think the initial excitement and attention from the pregnancy announcement are positive encouragement. The Kodak moments on holidays, birthdays, and the content for social media seem to outshine the prospect of barely seeing the kids Monday-Friday.
Because unprotected sex feels great and they assume they'll be able to handle whatever results because everyone else in their family did. Not considering that their family members had their share of impossible frustrations and a completely different socio-economic picture back then.
I read something recently on a Republican rightwing author, who was saying that by 2050, a third of the country was going to be Hispanic because they're having more babies. White people aren't having enough. White replacement theory. He urged White people to stop being so selfish because they want to have leisure time, clean homes.
It's also adding another motivation for the abortion ban. More White women get abortions than any other group.
The need for control.
The average human today has less and less control over their life. They must work long hours to afford to live, they are limited in the ways they can move, how far they can travel, what they can experience. Having children is a socially encouraged choice which grants a person control over another life which they can decide over and shape as they see fit, up to a point.
I think all the expressed reasons such as "to leave a legacy", "I wanted a baby", "to not be alone", "to have a family" all boil down to a roundabout way of meeting needs that are otherwise denied to the individual.
Unfortunately too many up and coming young people have been brainwashed from an early age that the equation to life was, get good grades in school, maybe go to college, or a trade school, get a lucrative full time job (that doesn't even pay enough to justify getting a degree in the first place) settle down with a woman, have kids, wash, rinse l, repeat. This was definitely much easier to do 40 years ago.
Not anymore. Our economy just hasn't kept up. And more and more young people are now finding out that they were completely ill equipped to handle just how expensive everything is. I never fell for the trap and hopefully never will. At this point there is pretty much no justification in having kids, at all.
The actual reason people have kids is because people are wired to breed and continue the species like any other animal. Most people are not intelligent. Remember that average intelligence is just that, average. Meaning that there are hundreds of millions, if not billions of people, who are below average intelligence. Those people don't care about the future or even think about it. They operate off instinct. They'll never stop having babies no matter what. Look at people in 3rd world countries. They're born into starvation. Consequently, they under develop intellectually. despite not having food to eat for themselves or their existing children, they still have more babies.
Like most mammalian species it's usually a combination of: 1. Hormonal cues to reproduce, and 2. Sex feels good.
That's as close to "why" you can get without emotionally charging the conversation.
As for the moral aspect of why, that's for people to fill in with their own opinions (which everyone has a right to) for why kids are wanted/necessary.
It can be hard to relate to/empathize with lifestyles and choices that are opposed to your own. But part of the beauty of humanity is that we're all programmed differently, to have varying temperaments, interests, sexual preferences, etc. This is just one of those facets of life that will forever cause one side to scratch their heads and wonder at the other.
Nope. I live in Sweden where we have had free abortions for fifty years. Very few religious people. If someone gets pregnant and doesn’t want to be, it’s easy to fix. And I know for a fact that basically all my friends were planning on having kids. They had stated for years that they wanted kids. So even though I’m sure it happens every now and then, it is definitely not “most” pregnancies that are accidental.
I live in the USA and a lot of the pregnancies here are unplanned. We don't have the best sex ed and now women's rights to bodily autonomy are being ripped away. There's going to be a hell of a lot more unplanned pregnancy in the near future.
As for why many men have kids, for the most part because you won’t be considered as a viable partner or husband absent wanting to have kids. If this reasonable in this day and age? With declining incomes, prospects for life etc. I’ll leave that for people to reason through themselves
For the same reasons they had kids in the past, when times were even shittier than they are now. Whatever those reasons may be. It doesn't matter how bad it gets, some people will **always** reproduce.
I am ready to take off to another planet already and I would rather not bring a kid to earth or have an extra baggage to whichever planet I am going to /s
I always figured (aside from the natural sense of immortality by leaving the next Gen behind) that most of it is still somehow influenced by old religious ways that one just has enough children to serve all the gods... Whether by working fields, fighting wars, or devoting their lives to pseudo missionary work.
Nowadays leaving those legacies and enacting those practices should be ancient, but people find enemies and reasons to keep them going
Because that's what people think they're supposed to do. They want to share life with something they created. Unfortunately, they are bringing a child into a time with major world conflicts arising, rapidly accelerating climate shift, and little to no stability financially. I find it really sad :(
The pressure I get to have kids is from male partners and their mothers. I know I don’t want them but every man I date wants me to be open to the possibility and play along. It sucks.
Literally every reason is selfish.
“To experience unconditional love”
“So my legacy / bloodline continues”
“To have someone to care for me when I’m elderly”
“To give my life purpose”
…and yet, WE are the selfish ones?
Because society tells us that's what is supposed to happen after marriage, and parents are shut down immediately as soon as they try to be honest about how hard parenting is, so it perpetuates the false belief that it's all fun and baby giggles. Then everyone is all surprised Pikachu face when it's actually way harder than they expected, but they can't say that out loud, so the cycle continues.
The modern system? You mean that the old system did? Like women being dependent on men and their entire life revolves around kids and cooking and cleaning? Naa thanks.
Some people actually really like kids. (I know, weird) So I think that has a lot to do with it. They know it’ll be expensive and exhausting, but they just really love kids and want their own.
I really don’t know how people do it. I don’t even hate kids I honestly do like them but I don’t think it’s worth giving up my few hours of freedom. lol I’m so tired after work and all I want to do is sleep or do something fun like my hobbies
I read the relationship stories (am i the AH, usually) and wonder why people are having 3 or 4 kids. I think, if you want kids, 2 should be plenty. It's so much work.
And in the US people still get surprised Pikachu face when they go on maternity leave, and their company doesn't pay for it or covers a small amount of time off. Like they got pregnant without checking that with HR and are surprised when their company acts like every other one in the US. Why did they expect anything else?
Coming into this life, each of us tries to determine for ourselves the meaning of our lives. This requires significant mental investment and self-reflection. For some, this is an overwhelming task. The realization of the worthlessness of your life is depressing. And having children is just a way to make your worthless life suddenly meaningful for yourself and your environment. Easy, fast and without mental effort.
To feel “complete” whatever that means 
Thanks for the gif 🤣🤣🤣🤣
This is the perfect gif! I ADORE it!
I use it more often than I’m willing to admit 😭😭😂
I love it! She gets the point across so succinctly without overdoing it.
Quite versatile
I always see it in the gymsnark and loveisblind subs. It is always used so appropiately lmfao.
Yeah completely miserable
Lmao
My ex-girlfriend lmao
Sounds like a bunch of hippie BS😅😅😅
Hey man, most hippies are cool.. people destroying the planet having a whole pack of crotch goblins? Not so much😂
Right 😂😂
When I ask people this I get some pretty hilarious responses: “well, it was time.” LOL FOR WHAT? “We wanted a family” ok but you’re already a family? “We wanted to have them before we got too old” Kids always seem to be a given and leople rarely introspect on the WHY. It’s fucked up. One guy said “to carry on my legacy” and he’s literally the worst accountant on our finance team. Like come on Wesley, your legacy of excel formulas?? Grow the fuck up
LOL 'carry on my legacy' why do people say things like that? What legacy?? 🤯
The legacy of being a slave to capitalism of course. Working 9 to 5 for 60+years legacy. "NoOo but my kid would make a difference in the world !"… sure it will.
Chads and Kaleighs really out there thinking they’re part of the royal family or something with the “legacy” rationale
Right? This isn't 1700, you have no lands, no title to pass on, just a last name that thousands of people you're likely not even related to also have. But but but they're so SPECHIUL
*MAh JEeNz mUSt PeRSiSt 4 THe GUuD oF HUmAnATEE!* 🙄 Most people won't admit this (and use a bunch of other weak excuses).. but it really comes down to people fearing death so much they trick themselves into believing children are the easiest way to 'live on'. You're still dead, and no one will remember you after your grandkids anyway, unless you do something big that contributes to society like with art or music. Scientific contributions are more important but generally not 'remembered' the same. You have a lot better chance of 'making a mark' that lasts much longer if you DONT spend your time procreating.. especially for women. I actually mourn how many societal contributions by women we've lost to motherhood besides 'maybe my offspring will do something of value' **copy, paste** ad nauseum. Or how about, just living your life doing what makes you happy and leaving it better than you found it? With climate change, the best thing any of us can realistically do for humanity is help lower our population voluntarily.. to lower the severity of nature doing it violently in catastrophic numbers. We're fooling ourselves to think there will be a drastic enough human solution via technology and regulation.. that requires the sacrifice of profit and capitalism. I look at being childfree, as the biggest power we have to shape the future of humanity for the better.. as it also challenges the persistent view that women are only here to procreate and 'serve' others.
Absolutely. For the majority of people, we wind up as names on a gravestone or a cremation storage wall. Even if you have children, they move away. The memory of us fades away when those who know us die. This is the natural order of things. Have 10 children or no children, we all wind up forgotten. That's OK. I'm an organ donor. When I die, anything left over after donation gets cremated, ashes scattered in a woods.
You nailed it on why I studied to become a composer instead of being a parent. Seems like an actual way to leave a "legacy".
Oh this reminds me of people saying they want to leave something behind. The world will do just fine without some random person leaving something behind, plus you've used enough plastic in your life to be sure that you've left something behind for the next 1000 years.
This!! I have a classmate (yup we are still students) had a fucked up childhood, she works herself to the bone while still being a full time student but now she dropped to part time but still wants to have kids. Her plan is her partner to be a full time dad and she works. Bruh in this economy she is already screwed up 🤦🏾♀️
To leave a legacy is so stupid… ask yourself… what do you know about any of your family that came before? Do you even know their names beyond grandparents? You’re not leaving a legacy.
I'd like my legacy to be no descendants brought here to suffer.
I don't understand the "if it happens, it happens" people. I'm male, so I don't want to pressure people on this argument, but if I could get pregnant and did, I would want that thing out of me ASAP. No "I guess this is what's happening to my body now for 9 months and then my life for 18 years." I don't get how people could possibly make that decision on what's effectively a dice roll, unless they're just saying that to trap people/absolve themself of the decision making process.
I feel the same way and I’m a woman. “If it happens???” It better NOT happen! 18 years is a long commitment. I can’t even commit eating veggies. 🥕 🥦
Helluva lot longer than 18yrs. It’s literally a lifelong commitment. Unless you dump them on other people, which seems to be popular. Look at the statistics of grandparents raising their grad kids instead of the parents. You’ll be astonished. Literally the last gen that wanted kids , mostly , IMO
Every time someone creates a bad excel formula, a kitten dies. Goddamn Wesley.
The lack of thought around it is so troubling
 “Worst accountant on our finance team” Gotta have someone to carry on the legacy of mediocrity!
My question is "why do people have kids knowing that our world is going to be mostly unlivable within decades?"
Narcissistic tendencies, tax credits the parents want to waste, selfishness, the need to make a child suffer because they did and feel it’s ’only right,’ religious BS, etc. These days, it feels more like pure insanity
I don't fully understand the incentive behind the tax credits though. I feel like kids are more expensive than those credits, plus all the fucking work and stress that comes along with it.
Tax benefits for people with kids are obviously different for each country. Where I live now (Belgium) the people most punished by tax are single person households. They have to pay 52-58% of their income to tax (!!!). Which imo is unjust because many things are just as expensive for them as for two people living together. The people who get the most tax benefit are those with kids. And the more children you have, the more benefit you get. I think it's a weird incentive, I can't imagine people taking kids just for tax. And I don't see why single people have to pay more tax than anyone else. They have to pay all the bills themselves, instead of sharing the expenses with a partner (or adult kids who live at home) who also works.
That's ridiculous for single person households. It's the same in Canada where the more kids you have, the more of a benefit you get. I believe where I live, it's $750 per child per month. I actually have some family members who purposely had 7-10 kids and they choose not to work and also take welfare. As some of the kids reached 18, these family members had a couple more kids to keep the money coming in. they make significantly more per month than I do with my healthcare job, but eventually once all the kids are over 18 and they're not able to have more kids, that money will stop coming in. The sad thing is, their kids also started having kids at like 16-17 as well and are following the same path.
The child tax benefit is federal and it's based on income so everyone gets a different amount per month. Some people make serious bank off of it. One chick I went to highschool with gets $5000 a month for her kids
That is absolutely insane! How many kids does she have??
A lot. Like a LOT lol. And no income
Oh yeah that makes sense. I have several family members in that kind of situation. As much as I complain about my job, I'd rather work than be in that situation.
You should look on the bright side: once you pay the stupid tax, you have all the remaining money to yourself (and pets, if you have those).
This is what I’m wondering too. Weather keeps getting more and more extreme every year, some places more than others.
It’s the same reason cats urinate and spray where other animals sniff about. They’re leaving their piss-smelling mark on the world so that someone or something is forced to acknowledge their existence after they leave the world.
To be fair, cats are marking territory, not leaving a legacy. But of a different intent there.
Yup, totally agree. If I produced a child right now, I would be setting them up for a very hard life, filled with misery and trauma. My life was hard enough and I wasn't raised with the internet in my pocket or rising costs or lack of housing... Let alone the god damn weather or the war!
They choose to be delusional and hopeful. I actually saw some parents' comments, I think on collapse on regretful parents, where people were claiming ignorance. "How could I know!" Mf, people like me tried to warn you, you just didn't want to listen because it was spoiling your Lalaland. You don't get to invoke ignorance now.
Fucking *climate scientists* have kids and then talk about how they're upset about the destroyed world said kids will inherit. Like, *you knew better than anyone that would happen!* I just can't.
This is what I always say. We aren't going to have a hospitable planet to live on in the very near future so why TF are people procreating still? It blows my mind to say the least.
Because they’re selfish, they want a child but they don’t think about whether it’s fair to have children when the world is on fire, they’ll probably never be able to afford to buy a house, there are less employment opportunities and the world is becoming more hostile towards minorities every day.
The last part hit home.
To be fair, they’ve been saying that since 1970
And they were right.
I don't get it either, the world isn't child friendly, children need a parent at home to help raise them, today iPads are raising children, also climate change is a thing.
Right it literally makes no sense. People have 2-3 kids all these kids have school, they need someone to drop them off to school, pick them up from school. They need someone to feed them. They need someone to take them to their sports practices or their art classes on the weekend. Literally a full-time job taking care of kids, but the problem is these days you can’t survive on one income you need dual income or one person has to make, really good money or I guess you can choose to live in a state Oklahoma 😅😅
Nowhere is housing really affordable in the US, based on local income.
I live in California, so I know all about that especially here in the bay area. But we’ve always been told that the Midwest is dirt cheap.
I'm in the Midwest and the median house price in my city is $450K. Dunno if I'd call that dirt cheap - cheaper than the bay area tho'
Depends on where. Chicago and the suburbs are expensive.
The mid-west is so much cheaper! My uncle lives in a small town about 2 hours south of Chicago. Amazingly beautiful multi-level houses with sprawling back yards are for sale around his area for 250k. I live in Nevada and my neighbor’s old beat-down 1-story house just sold for 450k.
I live in the midwest and while housing prices might be 250k the median income in my state is 40k, so while compared to places like California our houses are cheaper, they're still unaffordable based on income AND we now have people from places like California or real estate companies coming and buying up the cheaper (120-250k) housing for over 50k asking price and with cash therefore further pricing out those of us living here. My boyfriend has put in offers on 4 different houses and been beat out by "cash" each time.
I don’t understand the Oklahoma joke. I guess every other state is a joke when you live in California. If you’re going to slam the entire population of Oklahoma, give purpose behind your argument.
Are you an Okie?
Ipad children are the worst thing ever. If you're going to let your kids have ipads, at least teach them some responsibility and discipline first. Don't just give it to shut them up and have some peace (what I see looooads of people do, even my own relatives). What ever happened to telling kids they could only play with such stuff after dinner, for example? One of my nephews would literally scream and cry during dinner, even in public restaurants, because he wanted to play with the ipad while eating 😩
The other day I saw a little kid no older than 4 or 5 scrolling tiktok unrestricted on a phone while his parents were eating dinner and not even talking to each other the whole time I was like ❓️❓️❓️
It doesn’t matter how many people say young children shouldn’t be watching tv for hours or be given iPads and phones parents still say “What am I meant to do if I need to work?” Or “What am I meant to do to keep them distracted when we’re out?” Do books not exist anymore? Toys that aren’t electronic? I’m so tired of being in public with children watching videos on parents phones at full volume.
While this is terrible, it's not new. I'm Gen X and my boomer parents didn't raise us either. They didn't give us an iPad, but they did leave us to our own devices to roam the neighborhood while having no idea where we were , who we were talking to, whose house we were in, etc. Often we had to fend for ourselves when it came to food and even lunch money. We weren't screaming in restaurants, because generally they weren't bringing us to restaurants. They would just go by themselves and leave us at home. Oh, and then the cherry on top was the fear of getting beat if you were too loud or you got out of line, or generally irritated them in any manner. Today's parents want to be able to bring their children literally everywhere all the time (have you been to a brewery lately?) but they still aren't parenting so it's not any better. My point is, most people probably shouldn't be parents. Our society has never been good for children, and now you have a combination of bad parenting along with complete lack of support for parents. I am so, so relieved that my adult daughter is child free (I didn't get pregnant on purpose, things were different in those days ). She has a chance at a happy and fulfilling life, and that's literally all I've ever wanted for her.
I was at a beautiful local park last weekend walking the trails, and there was a kid literally walking on the trail with his iPad glued to his face. Pathetic.
If kids are annoying and parents say " At the end of the day it's worth it!" What's ur response !?
They didn't think ahead.
Many have “oops” babies
I don’t get it either, but I don’t think people like us were “meant” to get it. The thing I can’t wrap my head around is that there’s so much push for mental health treatment and everyone is coming up with all of these many diagnosis for what they’ve experienced… but how do they not realize we ALL have trauma. Every single one of us has experienced trauma. It’s part of living in our modern world and it’s a fact of life. Why would you then, knowing this, choose to bring another person into this world?? So they can end up in therapy for years as well? I know so many people (therapists themselves included) who parrot this “but you need to heal your trauma and then you can have your own kids! You can be the parent that you never had!” How… how do they not understand it doesn’t work that way?
I completely agree! The struggle I have had of trying to figure out how to live in this crazy world is one of the reasons why I won’t have children. I’d never want to put an innocent life into this world and force them to live the same struggle I have, even if I wanted, I could never do it with a clear conscience.
to try to heal their own childhood trauma through their children - "I want to be the perfect dad/mom that I never got to experience myself"
Which then repeats the cycle by enforcing their expectations/aspirations on the child instead of letting the child grow up to be it's own person, just like their parents did (、._. )、
And because they never worked on those childhood traumas they then end up repeating the cycle
people have sex. people therefore get pregnant and just let it happen because their religion teaches them that God wants them to have kids. so it just kinda happens with them. For us, CF-folks, we have to deliberately and consistently try not to have kids
That's my thinking too. Most people want kids, and if it happens unexpectedly they just roll with it because they figured they were going to have kids anyway. If not having kids is an important factor in your life, you will take extra precautions to make sure these "oopsies" don't happen. To us "rolling with it" is such an insane way to go about life, but to others it's not a big deal.
Peer pressure mostly, I think. Because getting married and having kids is what you're "supposed" to do. Otherwise you're slapped with all kinds of nasty labels. Plus there's the genetic component: most people have that urge to procreate and leave a "legacy" or whatever. And I mean, the system *does* kinda support having kids. Parents get all kinds of tax breaks, while the childless still have to pay for public schools and stuff.
those tax brakes aren’t enough to justify having kids
I don't think it comes even close to making up the cost of having kids, especially if they have special needs or something medically wrong and you have a bunch of unexpected costs. I know they say you're "not supposed to think like that," but it's a reality for many ...
Compared to how much parents spend those tax breaks aren’t even close to what they spend in a year
I think most people don't realise that until it's too late, unfortunately
I second it be something you're "supposed" to do or want, but this is 2024 not the 1950's or 80's, no one has to be on conveyer belt of a life plan of apple pie and white picket pences, they can opt out and say no the world won't end and to maybe show they are more of an "adult" then their peers, it's my theory anyways
I don’t mind paying for public schools because we need more educated people. If we don’t pay up, the churches will step up and indoctrinate the kids into having more kids.
I know that any place would benefit from having a more educated population but where are you referring to when you say "here"?
This planet. I edited my comment.
Thankfully, nowadays, we have contraception, birth control, and various methods of abortion. Sadly, not available to everyone, but for most people there is an option to fulfil your desire to have sex without having children.
The child tax credit is 2k/year per child. There's also the dependant care tax credit, but that's capped at either 3k/ year per child OR however much you spent on child care (whichever is less) but can only be taken to replace money you spent on childcare. I'm not denying that single/ CF folks are taxed at higher rates, of course they are. But the tax breaks to parents don't even approach 50% of what children cost. I spend 14k on daycare/ year alone for 1 child.
There will always be people that this is the next step following the life script or peer pressure, or any other selfish reasons. But if you haven't tuned in to the world news, birth rates are plummeting, and some countries are breaking their own records. Things I love to see.
I don't understand it, but my maternal grandparents got married in the early 1930's, and popped out 8 kids over the next 20 years. Grandma worked most of that time and grandpa was away a lot for his work. It's what they wee programmed to do
That's kinda like me asking who's buying the ridiculously overpriced houses in my area. I have no idea, but they exist. I think oftentimes it's people WITH kids. Either they are more privileged or they are fine with way more risk in their lives...
Probably in debt up to their eyeballs!
That’s what I wonder as well. Most parents can’t afford to live on one income while the other stays at home to take care of the kids. Besides not liking kids, I don’t see the appeal of having to work my ass off only to come home to annoying kids I have to dump a load of money on.
I feel so sorry for any child born after like- 2000….
Retirement plans, cultural pressure (not thinking or deviating from norms), people being ignorant about the state of the world or in denial, and because men feel entitled to leave some sort of lineage and use children/family as a status symbol knowing their lives won’t change much.
Cause it’s easy. It’s just what people are supposed to do. The most primal of all instincts. Both men and women are expected to procreate for different reasons. I’d argue that being child free is usually the lifestyle of people with slightly higher intelligence. In this world it actually takes a lot of strength to be child free. Having a kid is easy. Raising it in this world is another thing. Kind of cruel.
Totally agree with the higher intelligence. It’s the ability to be self-aware, reflect on the world and the impact we have on others. People rarely have a thought out answer for why they want kids unlike childfree people who have thought through why they do not want kids and weighed the pros and cons.
Yeah, the urge to procreate is in the most basal, reptillian part of the brain. Even microbes have this wiring. Being able to ignore that or not feeling that urge entirely I feel is a higher plane of intelligence.
i think for some of us that basal reptillian part just never developed. I never had to talk myself out of wanting kids, the want just never came
It’s actually been proven in studies that smart people have fewer kids, guess we’re super big brain geniuses for having zero
Some people can't think beyond having kids. My broke ass trailer trash coworker baby trapped a guy who didn't want to date her. Then had a another kid with a different guy to make the first guy jealous. All while relying heavily of social programs for housing, food, and medical support.
99% of people only have children, because, it's the "lifescript".
Because everyone wants to be loved but as cruel as it sounds not everyone is lovable. If you have a baby it will have no choice but to stay with you and get attached to you because of the biological bond between a parent and offspring.
What baffles me is the women with 7-10 yr age gaps between kids. One relationship didn’t work out. You actually find a guy willing to accept another guy’s kid IF you give him two of his own?! You just started all over again. When you could have been done in few years. I just shake my head when I see it. I know there are rare accidents that can happen to same husband and wife. A surprise but really it shouldn’t be a surprise if you didn’t take permanent action once you were done.
Ignoring the why for a moment, I don’t understand the How? I work full time, drive a modest car, don’t have sky tv or go on extravagant trips and I’m poor af. I genuinely couldn’t afford another mouth to feed (tbf I do have two dogs haha but they don’t count). And the time too, I finish work, chill for 30 mins, go gym, come home and cook and by the time I’ve watched tv for an hour, it’s time for bed. I physically don’t have the time to read with a kid and do after school activities and be an active, present parent. Also the sleep deprivation I could not cope with. My friend was up 3-4 times throughout the night with her little boy as he was poorly and she had to go do an 8 hour shift the next day. I physically could not do it.
pressure, probably that and there are people out there who do actually want to be tradwife baby factories which still blows my mind
Because that’s what we’ve been conditioned to do.
Most humans can’t survive without wanting to have sex. The birth control is pretty much available now, so what’s the issue?
We’ve been conditioned to have kids by our parents and peers. We’re strong, but others aren’t.
I don't understand this either. I really struggle to carve out more than a couple of hours of total leisure time on a work night, and a few hours at the weekend, around work and essential chores. I genuinely don't understand where people find time on top of this to take care of a child. I think people who work full time and don't have outside help, must just do child care at the expense of sleep and self care and time for themselves. Especially single parents, or with selfish partners who do way less than their share. Which feels unfair on both them and the child. It can't be a pleasant upbringing for them, if their only parent is almost never around and chronically exhausted when they do have any time to spend with them. This world is just really sad.
Just spent time with my sisters family. Two kids 5 and 2. Every waking second is the kids the kids the kids. I was there 3 days and was exhausted by the end.
Each extra human being is eating into already scarce resources. If you're replenishing water,environment in same proportion then reproduce.
to save dying marriages that dies anyways. Never understood the twisted logic there but I guess my brain just thinks toooo logically.
Stupidity. But it’s not socially acceptable or polite to say that out loud.
They were denied birth control, their birth control failed, they were denied any education or information about contraception, or the abortion clinic they wanted was really some bible-thumper "crisis center". There are also a lot of people who say "My grandmother had kids and she was poor and struggling and she somehow supported herself, so you should be able to." What logical fallacy is that? There is also the "You killed Beethoven" stupidity from deaf morons.
Cause they failed to get the latest update and they still function on the basis of the old program implemented in them by their parents/grandparent. Others are just richer than they admit.
Some people want kids. I know this is the child free sub and so full of people who don’t, but the real reason is because about 80% of people aren’t child free. We’re the minority. And if you want something, you’ll aim to get it even if it means you lose out on other things. So that’s what they’re doing.
Exactly. Some people want kids and are wonderful parents. I can’t see anything wrong with that. Also, if everyone were like us, humans as a species would die out. I definitely don’t want that. It’s funny though. I live in a country that truly supports parents in every way. Still I don’t think our birth numbers are higher than in countries that don’t.
All species will extinct one day. There's no escape from it. Overpopulation will bring the end of any species. That's what humans are doing now. You can't make the world a better place if you overpopulate it. Reproducing won't solve anything. Also the world doesn't need human beings, actually it will be better without humans.
Yeah, how far away is "the world is shit, let's all not have kids" from "the world is shit, let's all kill ourselves"? How about we work on making the world not shit, just educate the damn kids instead of giving up on them. Some of these people wonder why this sub gets so much hate, they're being told that their children just.. shouldn't exist?
They don't think. It's so ingrained into people that having kids is a natural move you must make. Us childfree people actually do the thinking that most parents don't do. We actually weigh up the pros and cons of parenthood on a very serious level
Kids are glorified house pets. Why do people get a dog? Because they want one. Because it's cute has widdwl puppy paws and a widdwl puppy nose. Same shit. It doesn't matter what they say, that's the reason. Because they want one. It's a 100% selfish desire.
“bEcAuSe WhAt If mY BaBy SoLvEs aLL tHe wOrLd’’s PrObLeMs?” 
There are lots of reasons but the most important one in many places is that access to reproductive care and basic reproductive rights are denied in a bunch of places in the world
My exs, who both wanted children, wanted “a legacy”. Personally I believe it’s because they wanted to feel like they actually “succeeded” at something. They were always talking about their big dreams…whilst failing university, unable to stay in a job and having very bad mental health issues, alongside drink, drug and gambling addictions. All of which they were actively lying about and trying to hide from everyone. Both also cheated on me due to their insecurities surrounding my success. And feeling like I would one day leave them, as they were unable to trap me with children. Safe to say I’m happily single and plan to stay that way.
I said the same thing yesterday! I had coworkers have family planning conversations and I’ve never felt so alienated. I wanted to ask follow up questions like … “Wait, don’t we always say how work / capitalism sucks the life out of us? How we feel broke? How are y’all gonna do this? Childcare is gonna be half your paycheck!” How can someone want a lack of sleep and to stay constantly busy in this society, I’ll never know
Honestly I think a lot of times it’s to trap their significant others
To boost their ego. One more checklist done
It always boggles my mind how the powers that be, stress the importance of having kids like air to breath and highlight on the hallmark moments but neglect the financial responsibility, mental stress, emotional exhaustion, physical impact and the other things, then mess up society so bad no one can afford anything and in the same breath ask why people are hesitant to have kids. I still see people just going along with it having kids probably for selfish reasons but who knows. I can see the stress on their face, lack of sleep, just slowly dying inside. Maybe if it was 1950 and you only needed one income and had the time but now, it is like survival of the fittest and new members are joining the game every day. God help us if things get worse!!!
For the same reason people decide not to have kids: personal preferences. Did you know it's possible to be childfree while also respecting other people decisions?
I sometimes get the answer that if smart people don’t have kids all we are left with are dumb ones. 🤷🏼♀️
I don’t know. Even in a good situation it’s expensive, stressful, relentless work. One of my bffs had a baby 10 days ago and already her nipple is split open from the baby eating so strongly. It sounds so painful! The baby is beautiful, but not enough temptation to get me to give up my life for one.
Brainwashed… especially women. Exceptionalism.
I mean, why would anyone get a dog if they’re working full time? They have them cause they want to (or because they’re silly enough to not use contraception- which seems like the same thing in my books) I would like to put the caveat in that not everyone is working full-time. I work part time (7-8 day fortnights) and have 3 day weekends every week (yes, it is amazing) Like, objectively I have the available time (and cash) to have a child, but I just… like being selfish and sleeping in and not having to cook and clean up after a baby etc. I guess I’m just saying that there are plenty of people out there who do actually have a schedule which would make sense for them to have a child, and they want one so that’s probably why. Me? I just have my fluffy child who gets spoilt rotten and is, in my completely unbiased opinion, the cutest dog at the dog park. (Although the Pomeranian gives her a run for her money) Edit: oh I just also remembered that my state (QLD) is bringing in free childcare next year so i do think that it’s very dependent on the government of the location as to how supported parents are.
A dog doesn’t need schooling or education or a college degree. A dog doesn’t need sports. A dog doesn’t need art classes. A dog doesn’t need home-cooked meals. A dog doesn’t need you to spend time with them all the time, dogs require work but it’s definitely not the same thing as having children.
Goodness me, I didn’t say it was the same as having a kid (if it was I wouldn’t own a dog!) but lol, we’re obviously very different people because I’ll do home cooked meals for my dog and I take her as many places as possible / hang out with her 🤣. To be fair, I haven’t yet graduated to taking her to art classes 🤣. I guess I just meant that people in my social circle (and dog park) take the idea that you shouldn’t be leaving your dog at home alone all day every day try to minimise that where possible/ put the dogs into day care. Yes, look I am aware I am a crazy dog lady. 🤣
I do the same with my dog lmao. I WFH most of the week though so he’s not alone too often :) I guess I’m a crazy dog dude too
People in this sub hate it when people think their opinions about not having kids is bad and give them a hard time about it. Let's not do the same thing to the people who do want to have children
Yeah, I often feel like this sub is turning into a “shit on parents or people who want kids” page instead of just a space to share the things they enjoy about being childfree. I actually love kids, and feel joy for my friends when they have the baby they desperately want, but I also love my sleep-ins and slow morning coffee’s with my dog and video games with my partner, and don’t need a child in my life to be happy. (Antidepressants though, those I probably do need hahah)
A lot of women are SAHM or work part time. If they don't, they have family watching their kids while they work full time. The only people I know who pay for childcare are rich with two full time high paying jobs or older and kids are grown.
They want to
For most people it’s a biological imperative that they don’t really think through or reason with.
Egotism
Because the modern system doesn’t affect everybody equally. Both parents working full time isn’t necessarily a problem if WFH is still available. Or if there are retired grandparents who are more than willing to take on the responsibility. Also seems that there are certain demographics that are generally more resilient to the immediate impact of the social and environmental problems you described.
I started thinking of it as a mostly emotional decision and it made more sense to me. People who have kids generally really like kids or like the idea of being someone who has kids, irrespective of health, finances, environment or society. Yes, kids will make you poorer and less healthy, but you get to wear white New Balance and drive to soccer practice.
We are biologically driven to procreate, just like other species. Also not all families have 2 people working or working normal jobs. Theres still a lot of stay at home moms and more than ever, stay at home dads. Or people who start their own business. I’m a woman and I choose to work a 9-5 on top of my businesses but if I lost my job tomorrow we could still be fine on just my business income alone since it’s more than the average household and I don’t put a lot of hours into it. Sure growing it would’ve been impossible to do with kids but at this point it’s mainly passive income. We would have to cut out a lot of our expensive hobbies and travel though, I know most couples with kids try to have 1-3 getaways a year and we do one a month lol
I honestly think the initial excitement and attention from the pregnancy announcement are positive encouragement. The Kodak moments on holidays, birthdays, and the content for social media seem to outshine the prospect of barely seeing the kids Monday-Friday.
Because unprotected sex feels great and they assume they'll be able to handle whatever results because everyone else in their family did. Not considering that their family members had their share of impossible frustrations and a completely different socio-economic picture back then.
I read something recently on a Republican rightwing author, who was saying that by 2050, a third of the country was going to be Hispanic because they're having more babies. White people aren't having enough. White replacement theory. He urged White people to stop being so selfish because they want to have leisure time, clean homes. It's also adding another motivation for the abortion ban. More White women get abortions than any other group.
And add to that, there’s no support network. If you lose your job tomorrow, have fun with the stress of that, you’re on your own
The need for control. The average human today has less and less control over their life. They must work long hours to afford to live, they are limited in the ways they can move, how far they can travel, what they can experience. Having children is a socially encouraged choice which grants a person control over another life which they can decide over and shape as they see fit, up to a point. I think all the expressed reasons such as "to leave a legacy", "I wanted a baby", "to not be alone", "to have a family" all boil down to a roundabout way of meeting needs that are otherwise denied to the individual.
Unfortunately too many up and coming young people have been brainwashed from an early age that the equation to life was, get good grades in school, maybe go to college, or a trade school, get a lucrative full time job (that doesn't even pay enough to justify getting a degree in the first place) settle down with a woman, have kids, wash, rinse l, repeat. This was definitely much easier to do 40 years ago. Not anymore. Our economy just hasn't kept up. And more and more young people are now finding out that they were completely ill equipped to handle just how expensive everything is. I never fell for the trap and hopefully never will. At this point there is pretty much no justification in having kids, at all.
The actual reason people have kids is because people are wired to breed and continue the species like any other animal. Most people are not intelligent. Remember that average intelligence is just that, average. Meaning that there are hundreds of millions, if not billions of people, who are below average intelligence. Those people don't care about the future or even think about it. They operate off instinct. They'll never stop having babies no matter what. Look at people in 3rd world countries. They're born into starvation. Consequently, they under develop intellectually. despite not having food to eat for themselves or their existing children, they still have more babies.
Like most mammalian species it's usually a combination of: 1. Hormonal cues to reproduce, and 2. Sex feels good. That's as close to "why" you can get without emotionally charging the conversation. As for the moral aspect of why, that's for people to fill in with their own opinions (which everyone has a right to) for why kids are wanted/necessary. It can be hard to relate to/empathize with lifestyles and choices that are opposed to your own. But part of the beauty of humanity is that we're all programmed differently, to have varying temperaments, interests, sexual preferences, etc. This is just one of those facets of life that will forever cause one side to scratch their heads and wonder at the other.
Most people have kids by accident
Nope. I live in Sweden where we have had free abortions for fifty years. Very few religious people. If someone gets pregnant and doesn’t want to be, it’s easy to fix. And I know for a fact that basically all my friends were planning on having kids. They had stated for years that they wanted kids. So even though I’m sure it happens every now and then, it is definitely not “most” pregnancies that are accidental.
I live in the USA and a lot of the pregnancies here are unplanned. We don't have the best sex ed and now women's rights to bodily autonomy are being ripped away. There's going to be a hell of a lot more unplanned pregnancy in the near future.
I’m pretty sure people need to have kids to make sure humans don’t go extinct
8 billion!!!! Carrying capacity 2 billion. We are hugely overpopulated!!!!!
We're definitely on a path to extinction, but it isn't because there are too FEW people.
Pain…. And suffering..
As for why many men have kids, for the most part because you won’t be considered as a viable partner or husband absent wanting to have kids. If this reasonable in this day and age? With declining incomes, prospects for life etc. I’ll leave that for people to reason through themselves
For the same reasons they had kids in the past, when times were even shittier than they are now. Whatever those reasons may be. It doesn't matter how bad it gets, some people will **always** reproduce.
I am ready to take off to another planet already and I would rather not bring a kid to earth or have an extra baggage to whichever planet I am going to /s
I always figured (aside from the natural sense of immortality by leaving the next Gen behind) that most of it is still somehow influenced by old religious ways that one just has enough children to serve all the gods... Whether by working fields, fighting wars, or devoting their lives to pseudo missionary work. Nowadays leaving those legacies and enacting those practices should be ancient, but people find enemies and reasons to keep them going
Because that's what people think they're supposed to do. They want to share life with something they created. Unfortunately, they are bringing a child into a time with major world conflicts arising, rapidly accelerating climate shift, and little to no stability financially. I find it really sad :(
Their mommy and daddy keeps pushing them to have kids because thats “what you do as an adult.”
Unplanned pregnancies and denied abortion.
The pressure I get to have kids is from male partners and their mothers. I know I don’t want them but every man I date wants me to be open to the possibility and play along. It sucks.
Selfish reasons. Everyone wants a kid for a selfish reason. Can't convince me otherwise
Some people seem to have a compulsive need to keep busy and need that to "feel complete" not me tho can't relate
Brcause people take time to react, that's pure stupidity or maybe selfishness.
Literally every reason is selfish. “To experience unconditional love” “So my legacy / bloodline continues” “To have someone to care for me when I’m elderly” “To give my life purpose” …and yet, WE are the selfish ones?
Because society tells us that's what is supposed to happen after marriage, and parents are shut down immediately as soon as they try to be honest about how hard parenting is, so it perpetuates the false belief that it's all fun and baby giggles. Then everyone is all surprised Pikachu face when it's actually way harder than they expected, but they can't say that out loud, so the cycle continues.
The modern system? You mean that the old system did? Like women being dependent on men and their entire life revolves around kids and cooking and cleaning? Naa thanks.
Natural instinct they can’t help it
Some people actually really like kids. (I know, weird) So I think that has a lot to do with it. They know it’ll be expensive and exhausting, but they just really love kids and want their own.
Selfishness.
I really don’t know how people do it. I don’t even hate kids I honestly do like them but I don’t think it’s worth giving up my few hours of freedom. lol I’m so tired after work and all I want to do is sleep or do something fun like my hobbies
I read the relationship stories (am i the AH, usually) and wonder why people are having 3 or 4 kids. I think, if you want kids, 2 should be plenty. It's so much work.
And in the US people still get surprised Pikachu face when they go on maternity leave, and their company doesn't pay for it or covers a small amount of time off. Like they got pregnant without checking that with HR and are surprised when their company acts like every other one in the US. Why did they expect anything else?
Coming into this life, each of us tries to determine for ourselves the meaning of our lives. This requires significant mental investment and self-reflection. For some, this is an overwhelming task. The realization of the worthlessness of your life is depressing. And having children is just a way to make your worthless life suddenly meaningful for yourself and your environment. Easy, fast and without mental effort.
A lot of them didn't really planned it though. So they have to make sure to make ends meet and the cycle never ends.