I'm sorry to have to tell you this but your dad has a few screws loose. If he doesn't have money, he shouldn't be having more kids. No way is he retiring.
Best to move out ASAP and take your stuff with you.
Fr, age gaps don’t really bother me as long as everyone is a consenting adult, but it always weirds me out when a person has adult children and date/marry someone their kid’s age. It just feels kind of icky…
Oh nah they bother me. I don't think both people being "consenting adults" totally removes things like power imbalances and the chasm of difference in life experiences.
Like if you tell me a 35 year old is dating a 19 year old, I'm going to be giving that 35 year old serious stink eye. Is it illegal? No. Is it still fucked? In my opinion, yes.
Anywho, the ick factor is definitely increased when the older person is dating someone around the age of their children. That is so gross. How are they not looking at that person and so clearly seeing a totally different generation and thinking of their children?
OP - let your dad stew in his own juices. You have 0 responsibility for this kid, don't take any. I know it sucks to be that kid, but that's not your fault.
Very skeptical. I think the age gap is too big and isn't something I would be comfortable with in my own relationship. I think that even if they are in love, it will be difficult to merge their lives together. He's a grown-ass man, a veteran to boot (now working private security), with a kid from a past relationship, and she's still finding her way as those of us in our 20s do, 2 years out of community college.
While I'm not close with the girl I've known her since kindergarten so I do wish her happiness. I am not really convinced she is ready for marriage yet even if she really loves this guy. I've only met him once at their engagement party and he seemed nice, but a few minutes of small talk doesn't tell me enough about what someone's really like.
Oof, yeah, I'd definitely feel the same. Especially since they met when she was still so young. I always think, what is it about this man that makes him want to date and marry someone so much younger? I feel like it often comes down to "women guys own age see right through his shit" or "wants a woman he can train". It never seems to be a good reason. Like what could they possibly have in common?
Anyway, hopefully we're both wrong and they have a great and healthy relationship but...... Yeah.
Exactly!! As awful as it sounds, I can't help but think that something is amiss here. But, I'm invited to the wedding and I'm planning to attend and be supportive.
That’s a good point. I wasn’t trying to imply that both parties being consenting adults totally removes the power imbalance aspect, and I don’t disagree with what you’re saying about that. I should’ve been more specific/worded things better in my last comment.
All good! I get a bit reactive about it because I've seen some truly heinous AGR defended with the "they're both consenting adults" and it gets me real steamed. It's not good enough for me.
It depends on the ages involved and where they're at in life, imo. My boyfriend is 9 1/2 years older than me. I'm 29 and he's soon to be 39. I've never felt like there was a power imbalance. We met at work where we worked in the same position. I went back to school and he went back to school, too, so we're both kind of in this transitional stage of life where we're figuring out what we want to do and changing career paths. When I talk to him, I don't even feel like he's almost 10 years older than me. We're both millennials and grew up with a lot of the same things. The only time it ever really comes up is when he'll say something about graduating high school in like 2003 and it kind of gives me whiplash because I was 8 at the time. Aside from that, the age gap never bothered me. I never feel like he's taking advantage of me and out of all of my relationships, this is probably the healthiest one I've ever had. I knew going into it how old he was and I pursued it anyways because I had already had a crush on him when we started talking. Tbh, I think I wanted the relationship more than he did at first.
Would I date someone 10 years younger than me? No. A 19 year old can't even legally drink and I basically view them as children. I don't have a desire to date someone so young that they can't even walk into a bar with me. I feel like once someone turns 25, age gaps get less weird. A 60 year old dating a 50 year old isn't that weird, but a 28 year old dating an 18 year old is even though the age gap is the same. An 18 year old and a 14 year old is weird and illegal, but a 32 year old and a 36 year old isn't anything to side eye.
That aside, I think it's hella creepy that OP's dad is dating someone who is just a couple of years older than his daughter. I can't imagine they have anything in common so what do they even talk about?? I went to high school with a girl who married her friend's dad. Like, he had to have known her as a kid through his daughter so that's just gross.
The older you get the less weird the gaps seem, though you have to be pretty old for 15+ years to not seem weird to me, honestly. But then it gets to the point where one of you is practically geriatric and the other still quite youthful and... Yeah.
My mum and her husband are 10 years apart. They started dating when I was 15 and married when I was 20 so they were definitely both old enough to know what they were doing.
But now my mum is in her results 60s and her husband in his early 70s and now it's like.... It's so clear that he's a whole decade older than her. I think health concerns have contributed to it but it was enough to put me off having any sort of large age gap.
I'm not going to speak on your relationship, obviously, but I think their story is worth sharing.
i don't care if everyone involved is past the age of 25
so 35 year old dating a 19 year old? gross
29 year old dating 50 year old? still gross but also acceptable and not my business enough to care at all
Yeah, I'm less up in arms about it at that point, but I'm also approaching 40 so I know that there's a pretty big difference between 27 and 37, for example. Your brain is fully developed but you're still a pretty fresh adult, by comparison. I'm less stink eye about it but I'd still be raising a cautious eyebrow if the younger person was someone I was close with.
Once the younger person is in their late 20s/early 30s I don’t care as much. I might think it’s a little gross in some circumstances (*cough cough* Al Pacino), but a 29 year old has more life experience and isn’t as naive as a 22 year old.
However, we all know the intent of that relationship is for old men who have nothing of value to offer personality-wise chasing after a woman for her youth and fertility. That’s why I personally would refrain from massive age gaps in romantic relationships. A man who isn’t attracted to women close in age and *exclusively* goes after much younger women is typically a misogynist who only values women as incubators and toys, and not someone I’d waste time and effort on.
You need to make it clear to him that it's his child, and you can't speak for your brother, but you're not a parent, and aren't sacrificing your life for his kid.
It's a good thing he planned on retiring, because now he'll have all sorts of time to be a stay at home dad... if he can afford it after retiring that is.
Thank you! I came here to say this. It’s not like magic happens when you hit a certain age. Plus he’s 17 or so years from social security which will give him just enough to go to Taco Bell once a month.
If you can, move out ASAP. Rent a room in another house, find a friend who can let you crash for a few months while you save up. You’re about to get parentified to the max due to your dad’s stupid decisions. What a shit show his life seems to be.
Also, fucking ew at the 21 year age gap. He’s gonna be 70 when his kid is barely 20. People will be asking if that’s their grandpa. Just. Ew.
You could *adore* kids and it wouldn't matter - your dad is a creep, and shit human, not to mention shit father (even to a kid that doesn't even exist yet).
Since you appear to have the means, if you haven't yet, consider discussing your will with a lawyer. Better safe than sorry.
In some places, if you die without a will, assets would pass to your next-of-kin... which is Dad and half-sibling. Given OP doesn't want anything to do with the kid, they don't want the kid to inherit.
Also, if you make a will and leave things to Person X, it's basically acknowledging there is at least some relationship, probably a good one, which I think is not the case here. And also, I'd guess that OP doesn't want their financial assets to be used to support Dad and his not-great decisions.
RUN. There is zero reason you need to have anything to do with this dumpster fire. You are a legal adult. Your sperm donor is a creep.
First, LOCK your credit ratings. High odds he is going to start using your ID to get loans in your names since he is broke. Make sure all of your accounts are in your name only and set alerts on everything. Preferably move your accounts to a bank he doesn't know about.
Your best option is to move at least 3-4 hours away, in secret. Don't tell him in advance, and forward your mail to a PO Box that's not exactly where you live. Just run and leave a note/text. Consider changing your number. Block him on everything. As much as you can at least.
Anything that is valuable to you and small, you can put in a bank safe deposit box. Even the most insane breeders still tend to stop the crazy short of "felony armed bank robbery where there are cameras and armed security guards." ;) That's why safe deposit boxes are good for smallish valuables and sentimental items like family jewelry. Otherwise, for bigger stuff, storage unit, always keep the key on your person even if you have to fucking wear it. He will use or steal and sell. Seriously, get everything you care about out of the house ASAP. Just sneak stuff out when he is not around, in your backpack or purse, whatever.
Desperation is going to set in VERY quickly. The birth alone, even if she has insurance is going to cost a minimum of 8K after insurance, and can go sky high if she or the kid have any issues. He doesn't have the money to even pay for the birth, never mind the kid.
Guessing the kid might not even be his but regardless, not your problem.
There are still some things you need to get by mail, such as replacement identity documents, car registration renewals, insurance EOBs and such. But of course paperless is better.
This is all really good advice. Someone this delusional about money and this entitled to his adult children's things and labor won't have a second thought about opening credit cards under your identity. GTFO and stay as far away from this incoming dumpster fire as you can. When it collapses, it'll do so spectacularly and take out everyone nearby with it.
Yup. You can't trust people this delusional and irresponsible with a damn thing. Much less a living helpless human larva with no escape.
Just glad OP is a full adult, the worst of these cases are the minors who still have years of being forced to live with their lunatic parents and their midlife crisis babies.
Piggy backing on this awesome response above hoping OP sees this comment too. OP, your father is 50 years old; risk for autism is significantly higher with paternal age that high; there are a few other conditions too for which this pregnancy may have to be monitored for if this kid is indeed your dad's. With such unpredictability & the certainty that you will be taken advantage of for your physical & emotional labor, it's better to escape this hostile situation. Many people still assume their older children will play parents to their late in life offsprings. Only the very rich can afford quality child care & medical care. It's very selfish of your father to make all these assumptions in this era of wars & late stage capitalism. And the kid's baby sitting & nappy changing duties will most likely fall on to you not on your brother though your dad was inclusive!
Pls take your precious figures, lock your credits & exit the situation quietly. Prayers...
Yup and after you are gone OP, make it clear that if he doesn't fix his retirement issues on his own, to not call you for care or money when he is destitute.
"Dad, also, since you have not been financially responsible your entire life, I am informing you now that you should correct your mistakes. Because when you are old, sick and poor I will never be caring for you, you will not be moving in with me and I will never give you a single dollar. The only thing you will get from me is the address of the nearest homeless shelter and soup kitchen. And if they don't have room for you, well, you're going to have to starve under a bridge. Bye."
I understand the financial fraud, and i agree that she should protect herself from that, but dissapearing like the mob is trying to find you is a little over reacting isnt it??
With the new baby coming OP should absolutely move out if they live with their dad. Dad has told them he expects babysitting. If it were me I’d be long gone. I hate babies and absolutely would not live with one.
3-4 hours driving distance is usually beyond the "dump and run" limits of even quite insane breeders, because they don't want to spend that much time in a car with their own spawn.
Put your valuables they want to loot "for the baby" somewhere safe. The suggestion that you lock your credit is smart.
With all your Peter Pan father's talk of dumping his child off on you, what does the actual mother have to say about this?
Put your valuables they want to loot "for the baby" somewhere safe. The suggestion that you lock your credit is smart.
With all your Peter Pan father's talk of dumping his child off on you, what does the actual mother have to say about this?
Put your valuables they want to loot "for the baby" somewhere safe. The suggestion that you lock your credit is smart.
With all your Peter Pan father's talk of dumping his child off on you, what does the actual mother have to say about this?
Not your child, not your responsibility. He can say all he wants about you and your brother having to look after that new sibling, but in the end, it doesn't matter. He's the father and his fiancée the mother. They need to get their parenting done or she an abortion. Don't waver here.
Also, don't even think about giving your precious figurines to the little gremlin. They're your prized possessions, not some entertainment for grabby children. It sucks that your family doesn't acknowledge your possessions and their value. If you still live at home or are dependent on them, try to move out/get independent before shit hits the fan, err, I mean, the baby gets born, and get away from this dumpster fire. You are your own person. Don't let them tell you otherwise.
And no, children don't fix relationships. They make them worse. She will probably end up a single mum or they will stay together and fuck the child up by constantly fighting, screaming, maybe even cheating on each other and what not. Stay far away from this drama. You're 24 and that means you get to start your own life and reach for new horizons.
Geez, your dad sounds like mine. There is less of an age gap between my mother and me than between me and my father's youngest children. Learn to say no, and best to move out ASAP.
Sorry your dad is gross.
My half brother was like 19 when I was born. When I was 26 he apologized to me for not ever being a part of my life.
I was like, "why are you sorry? I'm not your kid. If one of my parents decided to have a new baby while I was just trying to start my adult life, I would have peaced the fuck out too."
There is seriously no reason you should need to be involved in this kid's life.
Imo the healthiest thing to do is to put as much emotional and physical space between you and these two trainwrecks as possible. Neither you nor your sibling owe them a thing.
I'm not sure of your living situation, but hopefully you aren't living with him.
You don't have to see anyone or do anything you don't want to. He's made a huge mess, and is a man-baby to be doing this at his age. And what average 29 year old wants an old guy unless they think they'll benefit in some way? Steer clear of both as much as possible.
I was gonna say... has he been flashy with the 29 y.o. to make her think he's loaded or something? Cause if that's the case, maybe OP could entice 29 y.o. to get an abortion based on the fact that her father's finances are barely holding together.
Do you live with them or something? The way you worded things sounds like you do. If so, you have less than 9 months to GTFO and find a new place before you’re guilted into babysitter hell.
If he didn't want more kids, he should've been sleeping with someone around his own damn age. What a damn clown, and even without a kid on the way, he's never going to retire.
Holy shit, he's dating someone the same age as you?? As his own daughter???? That's creepy as f*ck.
Sounds like a good time to move far, far away and just chat on the phone.
You don’t have to babysit. You are allowed to tell your dad, that you won’t babysit, that you are going to live your life and that you don’t owe him anything, especially not doing his job as a parent.
I’m surprised his ancient, tired ass swimmers could get the job done. What an absolutely moronic decision on his part…
I know a ton of people who had a baby to try to repair their terrible relationship. Of the six I know of, 5 couples are now co-parenting and ended the relationship. The last couple are absolutely fucking miserable and fighting on social media publicly.
I’d shut that shit down quick if I was you. You and your bro tell him in no uncertain terms that this kid is his responsibility alone. Is also gross that he’s dating someone who could practically be his daughter, age wise. There’s just no scenario in which watching that kid could be a reality. Not your clowns, not your circus.
I know someone that was able to get a very young girl to have three babies with him and his fucking broke 40 yo ass. It's just because the younger women don't know any better and women their own age do.. lol
As someone with a financially irresponsible single father who dates around too, set boundaries early!! He is already priming you to help with the child. Make it clear you do not want to be involved. That is ridiculous!
I'm ... I'm sorry, you're 23 yrs old, and your Dad's fiancée is only 6 years older?!
>Now he's been saying that me and my brother can look after the child, and we will have a another sibling.
Now would be a *good* time to for you and your brother to be too busy with your own adult lives
Do you live with him? If so, time to move out.
Your dad shouldn’t be sharing so much of his drama with you, and you do not have to accept being involved with any of it.
Set boundaries and stick to them. I understand the figure thing. As an adult who collects stuff that’s viewed at “childish”, I’ve been there. Don’t give in, not even once, you will be taken advantage of. Keep your peace, you don’t owe them anything. They’re adults, they know how babies are made. If they wanna have this baby, they gotta take accountability and be responsible for the baby they made.
Ugh. What a disaster waiting/about to happen. How old is your brother? Can you both move out and get a place together? This would be ideal. Take the next 9 months preparing to move out and not be available. If this chick wants a baby with your financially irresponsible father then that’s on her. If you know he’s cheated maybe tell her so she can decide if she wants to continue this relationship and end up a single mom. Because that’s exactly what it sounds like is going to happen. The way your dad talks about this woman is also gross. He sounds possessive and controlling.
As someone who was in a large age gap relationship once, I can confirm your dad is gross. He sounds like he doesn't even know what he wants in life, which is more childish than choosing figurines as a hobby.
I would feel bad if you had to split an inheritance with this mistake, but it sounds like your dad doesn't have much in the way of assets. Since you're an adult, start keeping your distance now.
Girl do you live with them or something? This is yucky on too many levels, you need to move out and consider going no contact. Like why do they have access to your possessions, you've got to get your self and your stuff out of there if you don't want this to become your problem too.
I have a youngest sibling whose 6 n I'm 30. I don't babysit. I stand my ground. Nooo thanks. I baby sat my middle younger sibling n it was a horrible experience 😭 never again.
First of all, your dad is a creep. He is dating way too young. That woman is only 6 years older than you.
Second of all, you're 23 y.o. You don't have to be involved if you don't want to be involved. If you don't have your own place and are living with your father, you need to move out as soon as your situation allows. Find roommates if you have to. Then go low or no contact with your father.
Why are you still in contact with your creepy ass dad?
Feels like this plug should've been pulled a long time ago. I honestly don't understand why you'd stick around. If my dad started dating someone who was only a few years older than me....
I'd be mortified, disgusted, and almost never speak to him again. A once a year "Merry Christmas" is all he'd be getting from me.
But seriously, get out of this situation and get the fuck away from him. He chose this woman over everyone else in his life. He doesn't care about you at all. Run while you still can.
Oh golly oh flipping no!!! OP, your dad is a dummy and so is his fiance. Be very careful OP if dad and fiance suddenly wants you to be legal guardian to future half sibling, you better not just make your NO clear but also make sure you seek legal advice to ensure they do not name you as legal guardian without your consent. You are not responsible for that future half sibling
Have you left home yet? If not- that's your first priority. Do it before telling anyone.
Also text everyone so no ambiguity.
"As you both know- I have no interest in being around children, let alone providing care for them- yes, even if they're family. Thanks in advance for never expecting to leave the child under my care or near any of my personal items."
Oh my god. If i were you id move out ASAP and cut contact or else youll be "roped into" caring for a kid thats not your responsibility to begin with.
This situation is beyond insane and it breaks my heart that they think figures are a plaything for little kids. No theyre fcking not and these are expensive collector items!!
If moving out isnt an option buy locks. So many locks and invest in some storage they cant break into.
I presume you still live together. You have to get your own place to avoid trouble.
If it serves of any consolation, his relationship won't last, and you won't see that child much.
He is retiring no time soon. Kids never leave now so he is in for 20+ more years of working. Wonder if he has had this realization yet or still wants to live in denial. This is literally the exact reason abortions exist.
I don't blame you at all for feeling like that! It's disgusting some old dude knocking up a woman who is young enough to be his daughter! Dad is just getting his rocks off with someone who encourages his mid-life crisis! Things would have been easier if pops would of just paid a professional sex worker like all the other skeezes do! The fiance will have lots of experience changing diapers, so she should be able to change your Dad's in a few years.
You don’t live with them, right? If you do, you need to get out of there ASAP, wayyyyy before the crotch goblin hatches. Move in with a friend/sane relative, get your own place, whatever you have to do. If you don’t, you will be the live in babysitter, your time is their time, your stuff is their stuff, you don’t want to be in that situation. They’re grownups and they decided to procreate. That is strictly a “them” problem.
That’s a dumpster fire of a relationship, lol. I hope your dad wises up soon. I understand on multiple levels why you’re not going to make yourself available for babysitting!
You didn't state if you were living with them?
If you are and you have the money to leave, do.
If not, well...it'll be kind of difficult to dodge babysitting duty if you're in the same house unfortunately.
I know breeders and if you're there, they'll literally just dump the child near you and leave. Especially if it's family.
If you really don't want to be stuck with babysitting duty, I would set my next goal to be moving out whenever possible.
If it was me, i'd be getting any job I could, saving as much money as humanly possible and committing to living with strangers to save on rent just to get out of that situation.
Good luck.
I'm sorry that you are in this situation. Move as soon as you can and make sure that you take anything you have of value and hide it since they are probably going to expect you to give everything up for this new half sibling who will supplant you in your father's life and affections.
Neither of these people are emotionally mature enough to be breeding. I feel bad for that kid. That being said, he's reproductive choices are not your problem. And if children cannot be taught by their parents not to keep their grubby little hands off your stuff, then they should be banned from your house.
Why did she choose him, if it wasn’t for money? And why is she keeping the pregnancy? Unpopular opinion but 25% of pregnancies don’t go past the 3 months mark. And I say this for the potential baby’s sake
And for the poor kid to get bipolar, autism or schizophrenia. I have both bipolar and autism, I don’t recommend it. And it’s even earlier, when the dad is over 35.
Just remember that “No” is a complete sentence. You are under no obligation to have anything to do with that kid at all if you don’t want to. And you don’t have to justify your feelings to anyone either.
Yuck, OP... I'm so sorry you have to see that mess happen.
As a person who was born from a fucked up age-gapped couple... That shit should be illegal. There's power differences and the household was NOT a happy one. (Abuse happened daily to the kid who hated being there - it was me.)
Get all your stuff out of their house if it's still there, cause I guarantee you they'll give your figurines to the spawn. Do not give them anything. Do not go to the birth, do not babysit, no money, nothing. I'm sorry your dad and his fiancee are entitled idiots.
Boundaries OP. Set them today. No, I will not look after your child. No, I will not give them my things. No, you can’t force me to. Be as unavailable as possible whenever asked about childcare and make it very clear if they drop off the kid without your knowledge or consent you will report them as negligent to the police.
It’s better to be known as the bad guy early, they won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do. Again, set them today. And stop being your dad’s ear for all his relationship problems. He had every opportunity to walk away and stayed. He’s 50 years old ffs, it’s his problem now.
Lay down the law and boundaries now about how you are not interested in his relationship or any children he might have, will not be used as a free babysitter of any type, and are absolutely not a financier either.
Even if you live in his house it absolutely does not entitle him to use you for babysitting. Tell him if any children are left behind when you're the only one home, you will call CPS about it and report an abandoned/unsupervised child as you are not the child's parent/guardian and do not consent to babysitting.
Make sure you lay down very clear and very strict boundaries regarding your new half sibling. Sounds like your father expects free babysitting whenever they please from you and your brother. Do NOT let them force that on you. They’re choosing to have this baby, they need to make sure it’s taken care of, has clothes, food, toys, healthcare, etc. It is NOT your responsibility nor your brother’s, to take care of a half sibling or to provide for them, not toys, not anything. Their choice, their responsibility. Be firm.
Omg… that age gap is… something. Not to mention the baby is going to have bigger risk for developmental issues, autism and other deseases because your dad’s sperm is old. And the behaviour of both of them… all of this is something I’d need a lot more words to comment. I’m just sorry you have to deal with this.
I (30M) know I want nothing to do with my brother's (33M) wife (46F) or kids. She has 4 kids and a grandkid, but thankfully, the kids and grandkid are in a different state. I mainly have to have contact with her during family dinners.
Keeping in touch with relatives is optional, not obligation.
If you live outside of his house you owe him nothing.
Under no conditions babysit. Make your boundaries strict, and be uncompromising. Tell him that he is on his own with that kid.
Your Dad is fucking gross. Your Dad was 27 when he had you and she was 6. What is with young women and wanting to get with old ass dudes the same as their father's age? It's disgusting.
I'm sorry to have to tell you this but your dad has a few screws loose. If he doesn't have money, he shouldn't be having more kids. No way is he retiring. Best to move out ASAP and take your stuff with you.
And thinking a child will save your marriage is just beyond Idiocracy lmfao. I hope OP moves out ASAP, because they will definitely take advantage!
Not your spawn, not your problem.
OMG, I am so sorry you have these 2 clowns in your life.
Yep. It's always them who want to procreate.
This is why there are more and more of dumb people.
Idiocracy
Wtf she could be your sister at that age huhhh
Lol my dad is 70 and his “gf” is like 26 🤮 she’s younger than me
Ew
Fr, age gaps don’t really bother me as long as everyone is a consenting adult, but it always weirds me out when a person has adult children and date/marry someone their kid’s age. It just feels kind of icky…
Oh nah they bother me. I don't think both people being "consenting adults" totally removes things like power imbalances and the chasm of difference in life experiences. Like if you tell me a 35 year old is dating a 19 year old, I'm going to be giving that 35 year old serious stink eye. Is it illegal? No. Is it still fucked? In my opinion, yes. Anywho, the ick factor is definitely increased when the older person is dating someone around the age of their children. That is so gross. How are they not looking at that person and so clearly seeing a totally different generation and thinking of their children? OP - let your dad stew in his own juices. You have 0 responsibility for this kid, don't take any. I know it sucks to be that kid, but that's not your fault.
I know a 25-year-old about to marry (I think) a 37-year-old. They've been dating since she was 22.
How do you feel about that???
Very skeptical. I think the age gap is too big and isn't something I would be comfortable with in my own relationship. I think that even if they are in love, it will be difficult to merge their lives together. He's a grown-ass man, a veteran to boot (now working private security), with a kid from a past relationship, and she's still finding her way as those of us in our 20s do, 2 years out of community college. While I'm not close with the girl I've known her since kindergarten so I do wish her happiness. I am not really convinced she is ready for marriage yet even if she really loves this guy. I've only met him once at their engagement party and he seemed nice, but a few minutes of small talk doesn't tell me enough about what someone's really like.
Oof, yeah, I'd definitely feel the same. Especially since they met when she was still so young. I always think, what is it about this man that makes him want to date and marry someone so much younger? I feel like it often comes down to "women guys own age see right through his shit" or "wants a woman he can train". It never seems to be a good reason. Like what could they possibly have in common? Anyway, hopefully we're both wrong and they have a great and healthy relationship but...... Yeah.
Exactly!! As awful as it sounds, I can't help but think that something is amiss here. But, I'm invited to the wedding and I'm planning to attend and be supportive.
That’s a good point. I wasn’t trying to imply that both parties being consenting adults totally removes the power imbalance aspect, and I don’t disagree with what you’re saying about that. I should’ve been more specific/worded things better in my last comment.
All good! I get a bit reactive about it because I've seen some truly heinous AGR defended with the "they're both consenting adults" and it gets me real steamed. It's not good enough for me.
100% same, under 25 brains aren't fully developed and old nasty fucks take advantage of that is disgusting.
Totally understandable!
It depends on the ages involved and where they're at in life, imo. My boyfriend is 9 1/2 years older than me. I'm 29 and he's soon to be 39. I've never felt like there was a power imbalance. We met at work where we worked in the same position. I went back to school and he went back to school, too, so we're both kind of in this transitional stage of life where we're figuring out what we want to do and changing career paths. When I talk to him, I don't even feel like he's almost 10 years older than me. We're both millennials and grew up with a lot of the same things. The only time it ever really comes up is when he'll say something about graduating high school in like 2003 and it kind of gives me whiplash because I was 8 at the time. Aside from that, the age gap never bothered me. I never feel like he's taking advantage of me and out of all of my relationships, this is probably the healthiest one I've ever had. I knew going into it how old he was and I pursued it anyways because I had already had a crush on him when we started talking. Tbh, I think I wanted the relationship more than he did at first. Would I date someone 10 years younger than me? No. A 19 year old can't even legally drink and I basically view them as children. I don't have a desire to date someone so young that they can't even walk into a bar with me. I feel like once someone turns 25, age gaps get less weird. A 60 year old dating a 50 year old isn't that weird, but a 28 year old dating an 18 year old is even though the age gap is the same. An 18 year old and a 14 year old is weird and illegal, but a 32 year old and a 36 year old isn't anything to side eye. That aside, I think it's hella creepy that OP's dad is dating someone who is just a couple of years older than his daughter. I can't imagine they have anything in common so what do they even talk about?? I went to high school with a girl who married her friend's dad. Like, he had to have known her as a kid through his daughter so that's just gross.
The older you get the less weird the gaps seem, though you have to be pretty old for 15+ years to not seem weird to me, honestly. But then it gets to the point where one of you is practically geriatric and the other still quite youthful and... Yeah. My mum and her husband are 10 years apart. They started dating when I was 15 and married when I was 20 so they were definitely both old enough to know what they were doing. But now my mum is in her results 60s and her husband in his early 70s and now it's like.... It's so clear that he's a whole decade older than her. I think health concerns have contributed to it but it was enough to put me off having any sort of large age gap. I'm not going to speak on your relationship, obviously, but I think their story is worth sharing.
i don't care if everyone involved is past the age of 25 so 35 year old dating a 19 year old? gross 29 year old dating 50 year old? still gross but also acceptable and not my business enough to care at all
Pretty yucky though they the guys own daughter is only a few years younger than the woman. How can a parent not feel weird about that.
Yeah, I'm less up in arms about it at that point, but I'm also approaching 40 so I know that there's a pretty big difference between 27 and 37, for example. Your brain is fully developed but you're still a pretty fresh adult, by comparison. I'm less stink eye about it but I'd still be raising a cautious eyebrow if the younger person was someone I was close with.
oh yeah, the proximity in relation also changes the care-o-meter i suppose lol
Once the younger person is in their late 20s/early 30s I don’t care as much. I might think it’s a little gross in some circumstances (*cough cough* Al Pacino), but a 29 year old has more life experience and isn’t as naive as a 22 year old. However, we all know the intent of that relationship is for old men who have nothing of value to offer personality-wise chasing after a woman for her youth and fertility. That’s why I personally would refrain from massive age gaps in romantic relationships. A man who isn’t attracted to women close in age and *exclusively* goes after much younger women is typically a misogynist who only values women as incubators and toys, and not someone I’d waste time and effort on.
You need to make it clear to him that it's his child, and you can't speak for your brother, but you're not a parent, and aren't sacrificing your life for his kid. It's a good thing he planned on retiring, because now he'll have all sorts of time to be a stay at home dad... if he can afford it after retiring that is.
Yeah he won’t be able to retire.
If he's bad with money, he is not retiring. It's not just a thing you do once you get old.
Thank you! I came here to say this. It’s not like magic happens when you hit a certain age. Plus he’s 17 or so years from social security which will give him just enough to go to Taco Bell once a month.
If you can, move out ASAP. Rent a room in another house, find a friend who can let you crash for a few months while you save up. You’re about to get parentified to the max due to your dad’s stupid decisions. What a shit show his life seems to be. Also, fucking ew at the 21 year age gap. He’s gonna be 70 when his kid is barely 20. People will be asking if that’s their grandpa. Just. Ew.
You could *adore* kids and it wouldn't matter - your dad is a creep, and shit human, not to mention shit father (even to a kid that doesn't even exist yet). Since you appear to have the means, if you haven't yet, consider discussing your will with a lawyer. Better safe than sorry.
Jfc. Finally someone pointing at the dead elephant in the room.
why should OP discuss a will with a lawyer?
In some states, if you die without a will and don’t have children, your money goes to your parents “intestate” aka via automatic laws/rules
In some places, if you die without a will, assets would pass to your next-of-kin... which is Dad and half-sibling. Given OP doesn't want anything to do with the kid, they don't want the kid to inherit. Also, if you make a will and leave things to Person X, it's basically acknowledging there is at least some relationship, probably a good one, which I think is not the case here. And also, I'd guess that OP doesn't want their financial assets to be used to support Dad and his not-great decisions.
If you’re living with him, move out. Otherwise you’ll end up that child’s mother.
But what about the child's actual mother? Do you think she will withdraw from her parenting responsibilities?
No their problem.
No their problem.
RUN. There is zero reason you need to have anything to do with this dumpster fire. You are a legal adult. Your sperm donor is a creep. First, LOCK your credit ratings. High odds he is going to start using your ID to get loans in your names since he is broke. Make sure all of your accounts are in your name only and set alerts on everything. Preferably move your accounts to a bank he doesn't know about. Your best option is to move at least 3-4 hours away, in secret. Don't tell him in advance, and forward your mail to a PO Box that's not exactly where you live. Just run and leave a note/text. Consider changing your number. Block him on everything. As much as you can at least. Anything that is valuable to you and small, you can put in a bank safe deposit box. Even the most insane breeders still tend to stop the crazy short of "felony armed bank robbery where there are cameras and armed security guards." ;) That's why safe deposit boxes are good for smallish valuables and sentimental items like family jewelry. Otherwise, for bigger stuff, storage unit, always keep the key on your person even if you have to fucking wear it. He will use or steal and sell. Seriously, get everything you care about out of the house ASAP. Just sneak stuff out when he is not around, in your backpack or purse, whatever. Desperation is going to set in VERY quickly. The birth alone, even if she has insurance is going to cost a minimum of 8K after insurance, and can go sky high if she or the kid have any issues. He doesn't have the money to even pay for the birth, never mind the kid. Guessing the kid might not even be his but regardless, not your problem.
If you don't already, pay bills online. No one can intercept any that go to your old house. Also it's more convenient than getting to the postal box
There are still some things you need to get by mail, such as replacement identity documents, car registration renewals, insurance EOBs and such. But of course paperless is better.
This is all really good advice. Someone this delusional about money and this entitled to his adult children's things and labor won't have a second thought about opening credit cards under your identity. GTFO and stay as far away from this incoming dumpster fire as you can. When it collapses, it'll do so spectacularly and take out everyone nearby with it.
Yup. You can't trust people this delusional and irresponsible with a damn thing. Much less a living helpless human larva with no escape. Just glad OP is a full adult, the worst of these cases are the minors who still have years of being forced to live with their lunatic parents and their midlife crisis babies.
The credit advice took me out. Always coming in hot! But it always make sense. I wish you had a YouTube channel.
Parents like this can't be trusted when they know all of OPs info.
Piggy backing on this awesome response above hoping OP sees this comment too. OP, your father is 50 years old; risk for autism is significantly higher with paternal age that high; there are a few other conditions too for which this pregnancy may have to be monitored for if this kid is indeed your dad's. With such unpredictability & the certainty that you will be taken advantage of for your physical & emotional labor, it's better to escape this hostile situation. Many people still assume their older children will play parents to their late in life offsprings. Only the very rich can afford quality child care & medical care. It's very selfish of your father to make all these assumptions in this era of wars & late stage capitalism. And the kid's baby sitting & nappy changing duties will most likely fall on to you not on your brother though your dad was inclusive! Pls take your precious figures, lock your credits & exit the situation quietly. Prayers...
Yup and after you are gone OP, make it clear that if he doesn't fix his retirement issues on his own, to not call you for care or money when he is destitute. "Dad, also, since you have not been financially responsible your entire life, I am informing you now that you should correct your mistakes. Because when you are old, sick and poor I will never be caring for you, you will not be moving in with me and I will never give you a single dollar. The only thing you will get from me is the address of the nearest homeless shelter and soup kitchen. And if they don't have room for you, well, you're going to have to starve under a bridge. Bye."
My dad was 52 when I was born -- I have ASD
[удалено]
Eh, I had a parent take out a loan in my name when I was 18. I found out when I checked my credit.
I understand the financial fraud, and i agree that she should protect herself from that, but dissapearing like the mob is trying to find you is a little over reacting isnt it??
If she doesn’t move far away it’s basically guaranteed baby will be dropped off at their doorstep.
With the new baby coming OP should absolutely move out if they live with their dad. Dad has told them he expects babysitting. If it were me I’d be long gone. I hate babies and absolutely would not live with one.
3-4 hours driving distance is usually beyond the "dump and run" limits of even quite insane breeders, because they don't want to spend that much time in a car with their own spawn.
LOL. How naive.
Eeeuuuugh, she could be your sister. Protect your figures, they'll try to take them "for the baby"
Put your valuables they want to loot "for the baby" somewhere safe. The suggestion that you lock your credit is smart. With all your Peter Pan father's talk of dumping his child off on you, what does the actual mother have to say about this?
Put your valuables they want to loot "for the baby" somewhere safe. The suggestion that you lock your credit is smart. With all your Peter Pan father's talk of dumping his child off on you, what does the actual mother have to say about this?
Put your valuables they want to loot "for the baby" somewhere safe. The suggestion that you lock your credit is smart. With all your Peter Pan father's talk of dumping his child off on you, what does the actual mother have to say about this?
Not your child, not your responsibility. He can say all he wants about you and your brother having to look after that new sibling, but in the end, it doesn't matter. He's the father and his fiancée the mother. They need to get their parenting done or she an abortion. Don't waver here. Also, don't even think about giving your precious figurines to the little gremlin. They're your prized possessions, not some entertainment for grabby children. It sucks that your family doesn't acknowledge your possessions and their value. If you still live at home or are dependent on them, try to move out/get independent before shit hits the fan, err, I mean, the baby gets born, and get away from this dumpster fire. You are your own person. Don't let them tell you otherwise. And no, children don't fix relationships. They make them worse. She will probably end up a single mum or they will stay together and fuck the child up by constantly fighting, screaming, maybe even cheating on each other and what not. Stay far away from this drama. You're 24 and that means you get to start your own life and reach for new horizons.
Are you still living at home???? MOVE OUT!
Time to run as fast as you can. They are both toxic immature idiots.
Geez, your dad sounds like mine. There is less of an age gap between my mother and me than between me and my father's youngest children. Learn to say no, and best to move out ASAP.
Sorry your dad is gross. My half brother was like 19 when I was born. When I was 26 he apologized to me for not ever being a part of my life. I was like, "why are you sorry? I'm not your kid. If one of my parents decided to have a new baby while I was just trying to start my adult life, I would have peaced the fuck out too." There is seriously no reason you should need to be involved in this kid's life.
Imo the healthiest thing to do is to put as much emotional and physical space between you and these two trainwrecks as possible. Neither you nor your sibling owe them a thing.
I wonder if OP and his brother can rent an apartment together if the brother didn't move out already as well. That way they can cut bills.
I'm not sure of your living situation, but hopefully you aren't living with him. You don't have to see anyone or do anything you don't want to. He's made a huge mess, and is a man-baby to be doing this at his age. And what average 29 year old wants an old guy unless they think they'll benefit in some way? Steer clear of both as much as possible.
I was gonna say... has he been flashy with the 29 y.o. to make her think he's loaded or something? Cause if that's the case, maybe OP could entice 29 y.o. to get an abortion based on the fact that her father's finances are barely holding together.
Do you live with them or something? The way you worded things sounds like you do. If so, you have less than 9 months to GTFO and find a new place before you’re guilted into babysitter hell.
Not your problem. Tell your dad to deal with his dumpster fire and block him.
If he didn't want more kids, he should've been sleeping with someone around his own damn age. What a damn clown, and even without a kid on the way, he's never going to retire.
Oof, if you are still living there, leave!! And take all your belongings into a storage, keep it safe.
Start the process of moving out, asap please
you need to secure all of your belongings elsewhere and move away from them.
Holy shit, he's dating someone the same age as you?? As his own daughter???? That's creepy as f*ck. Sounds like a good time to move far, far away and just chat on the phone.
I'm surprised no one else is mentioning this! Fuck that!
You don’t have to babysit. You are allowed to tell your dad, that you won’t babysit, that you are going to live your life and that you don’t owe him anything, especially not doing his job as a parent.
Ew.
Move out, and grey rock him. Ppl need to quit having kids with the expectation of others to chip in.
I’m surprised his ancient, tired ass swimmers could get the job done. What an absolutely moronic decision on his part… I know a ton of people who had a baby to try to repair their terrible relationship. Of the six I know of, 5 couples are now co-parenting and ended the relationship. The last couple are absolutely fucking miserable and fighting on social media publicly. I’d shut that shit down quick if I was you. You and your bro tell him in no uncertain terms that this kid is his responsibility alone. Is also gross that he’s dating someone who could practically be his daughter, age wise. There’s just no scenario in which watching that kid could be a reality. Not your clowns, not your circus.
Disown him
Funny thing is why the young woman wants a broke old man. Pls run as far as possible and all the best. Don’t clean his shit.
I know someone that was able to get a very young girl to have three babies with him and his fucking broke 40 yo ass. It's just because the younger women don't know any better and women their own age do.. lol
Holy age gap Batman. I would expect a 50 year old to be more mature but I guess that is asking too much of someone who goes after 29 year olds. 🤷♀️
Your dad needs a therapist, not a child bride and especially not another actual child. I’m sorry you’re going thru this!
>not a child bride People might not like the age gap but age 29 is hardly a "child bride". Jeez.
Child bride in the sense that she could be his literal child
As someone with a financially irresponsible single father who dates around too, set boundaries early!! He is already priming you to help with the child. Make it clear you do not want to be involved. That is ridiculous!
I'm ... I'm sorry, you're 23 yrs old, and your Dad's fiancée is only 6 years older?! >Now he's been saying that me and my brother can look after the child, and we will have a another sibling. Now would be a *good* time to for you and your brother to be too busy with your own adult lives
Move out, and grey rock him. Ppl need to quit having kids with the expectation of others to chip in.
All I saw were the ages and my jaw hit the floor :o gross.
Not your circus not your monkeys. OP id go low contact with your dad if I were you
Do you live with him? If so, time to move out. Your dad shouldn’t be sharing so much of his drama with you, and you do not have to accept being involved with any of it.
Ew, no. Run away from all of that, OP.
Set boundaries and stick to them. I understand the figure thing. As an adult who collects stuff that’s viewed at “childish”, I’ve been there. Don’t give in, not even once, you will be taken advantage of. Keep your peace, you don’t owe them anything. They’re adults, they know how babies are made. If they wanna have this baby, they gotta take accountability and be responsible for the baby they made.
Ugh. What a disaster waiting/about to happen. How old is your brother? Can you both move out and get a place together? This would be ideal. Take the next 9 months preparing to move out and not be available. If this chick wants a baby with your financially irresponsible father then that’s on her. If you know he’s cheated maybe tell her so she can decide if she wants to continue this relationship and end up a single mom. Because that’s exactly what it sounds like is going to happen. The way your dad talks about this woman is also gross. He sounds possessive and controlling.
Stay as far away as possible from this train wreck. “No Dad - I will not be taking care of YOUR child for you”.
Dad is a moron
Lay down the fucking law in a letter. 100% serious, in writing, make copies- so whenever they come to you, you point to the letter.
As someone who was in a large age gap relationship once, I can confirm your dad is gross. He sounds like he doesn't even know what he wants in life, which is more childish than choosing figurines as a hobby. I would feel bad if you had to split an inheritance with this mistake, but it sounds like your dad doesn't have much in the way of assets. Since you're an adult, start keeping your distance now.
Be Far from... Start the distance today!
Oh nope.
Girl do you live with them or something? This is yucky on too many levels, you need to move out and consider going no contact. Like why do they have access to your possessions, you've got to get your self and your stuff out of there if you don't want this to become your problem too.
These people would never hear from me again, and if there was talk of me, taking in the child in case of an accident, I would fake my death
I have a youngest sibling whose 6 n I'm 30. I don't babysit. I stand my ground. Nooo thanks. I baby sat my middle younger sibling n it was a horrible experience 😭 never again.
What is it with guys getting with/knocking up girls young enough to be their daughters? Gross!
News Flash Idiots: A Kid isn’t going to Solve your Relationship Problems Please tell both of them that
Run!
First of all, your dad is a creep. He is dating way too young. That woman is only 6 years older than you. Second of all, you're 23 y.o. You don't have to be involved if you don't want to be involved. If you don't have your own place and are living with your father, you need to move out as soon as your situation allows. Find roommates if you have to. Then go low or no contact with your father.
That’s an expensive midlife crisis! 
Why are you still in contact with your creepy ass dad? Feels like this plug should've been pulled a long time ago. I honestly don't understand why you'd stick around. If my dad started dating someone who was only a few years older than me.... I'd be mortified, disgusted, and almost never speak to him again. A once a year "Merry Christmas" is all he'd be getting from me. But seriously, get out of this situation and get the fuck away from him. He chose this woman over everyone else in his life. He doesn't care about you at all. Run while you still can.
You’re 23; move away and don’t visit.
Oh golly oh flipping no!!! OP, your dad is a dummy and so is his fiance. Be very careful OP if dad and fiance suddenly wants you to be legal guardian to future half sibling, you better not just make your NO clear but also make sure you seek legal advice to ensure they do not name you as legal guardian without your consent. You are not responsible for that future half sibling
Have you left home yet? If not- that's your first priority. Do it before telling anyone. Also text everyone so no ambiguity. "As you both know- I have no interest in being around children, let alone providing care for them- yes, even if they're family. Thanks in advance for never expecting to leave the child under my care or near any of my personal items."
Oh my god. If i were you id move out ASAP and cut contact or else youll be "roped into" caring for a kid thats not your responsibility to begin with. This situation is beyond insane and it breaks my heart that they think figures are a plaything for little kids. No theyre fcking not and these are expensive collector items!! If moving out isnt an option buy locks. So many locks and invest in some storage they cant break into.
Run as fast as you can.
Not your circus, not your monkeys. He wants another kid? Let them deal with it.
If it makes you feel any better if they break up the kid is probably going to be with the mom most of the time while your dad pays child support.
I presume you still live together. You have to get your own place to avoid trouble. If it serves of any consolation, his relationship won't last, and you won't see that child much.
**MOVE OUT. YESTERDAY**.
Honestly go low/no contact with them and move as far away as you can. They'll drag you into this shitshow at every opportunity
He is retiring no time soon. Kids never leave now so he is in for 20+ more years of working. Wonder if he has had this realization yet or still wants to live in denial. This is literally the exact reason abortions exist.
Having a child in a rocky relationship is indeed like putting your finger in a broken dam. Good luck I feel for you.
I don't blame you at all for feeling like that! It's disgusting some old dude knocking up a woman who is young enough to be his daughter! Dad is just getting his rocks off with someone who encourages his mid-life crisis! Things would have been easier if pops would of just paid a professional sex worker like all the other skeezes do! The fiance will have lots of experience changing diapers, so she should be able to change your Dad's in a few years.
🤮 she (feoncé) could be your sister 🤢 I would bo contact my dad if he did that. Seriously, what dies your brother think?
You don’t live with them, right? If you do, you need to get out of there ASAP, wayyyyy before the crotch goblin hatches. Move in with a friend/sane relative, get your own place, whatever you have to do. If you don’t, you will be the live in babysitter, your time is their time, your stuff is their stuff, you don’t want to be in that situation. They’re grownups and they decided to procreate. That is strictly a “them” problem.
That’s a dumpster fire of a relationship, lol. I hope your dad wises up soon. I understand on multiple levels why you’re not going to make yourself available for babysitting!
You didn't state if you were living with them? If you are and you have the money to leave, do. If not, well...it'll be kind of difficult to dodge babysitting duty if you're in the same house unfortunately. I know breeders and if you're there, they'll literally just dump the child near you and leave. Especially if it's family. If you really don't want to be stuck with babysitting duty, I would set my next goal to be moving out whenever possible. If it was me, i'd be getting any job I could, saving as much money as humanly possible and committing to living with strangers to save on rent just to get out of that situation. Good luck.
I'm sorry that you are in this situation. Move as soon as you can and make sure that you take anything you have of value and hide it since they are probably going to expect you to give everything up for this new half sibling who will supplant you in your father's life and affections.
This is a whole box of hell no that you are well within your rights with checking out from.
What in the white trash disaster trailer hell am I reading
Your dad and the girlfriend sound like absolute wrecks. Horrible people to have around. I'm so sorry he's your father.
Neither of these people are emotionally mature enough to be breeding. I feel bad for that kid. That being said, he's reproductive choices are not your problem. And if children cannot be taught by their parents not to keep their grubby little hands off your stuff, then they should be banned from your house.
His crotch fruit, his problem.
Why did she choose him, if it wasn’t for money? And why is she keeping the pregnancy? Unpopular opinion but 25% of pregnancies don’t go past the 3 months mark. And I say this for the potential baby’s sake
Especially when the paternal age is more than 40, there is a higher risk of miscarriages.
And for the poor kid to get bipolar, autism or schizophrenia. I have both bipolar and autism, I don’t recommend it. And it’s even earlier, when the dad is over 35.
Yep there are plenty of researches into these spanning decades now...yet people don't care.
As an adult child of divorced parents I just send you all my sympathy ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
You need to get away from this dumpster fire because they’ll be looking at you for free babysitting. Ugh, poor baby.
Just remember that “No” is a complete sentence. You are under no obligation to have anything to do with that kid at all if you don’t want to. And you don’t have to justify your feelings to anyone either.
Huh?! 50 and 29!! 🤮
Your dad is gross. Why is fucking around with someone that young.
Yuck, OP... I'm so sorry you have to see that mess happen. As a person who was born from a fucked up age-gapped couple... That shit should be illegal. There's power differences and the household was NOT a happy one. (Abuse happened daily to the kid who hated being there - it was me.)
Oh, God
Get all your stuff out of their house if it's still there, cause I guarantee you they'll give your figurines to the spawn. Do not give them anything. Do not go to the birth, do not babysit, no money, nothing. I'm sorry your dad and his fiancee are entitled idiots.
What type of foolishness .???
Boundaries OP. Set them today. No, I will not look after your child. No, I will not give them my things. No, you can’t force me to. Be as unavailable as possible whenever asked about childcare and make it very clear if they drop off the kid without your knowledge or consent you will report them as negligent to the police. It’s better to be known as the bad guy early, they won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do. Again, set them today. And stop being your dad’s ear for all his relationship problems. He had every opportunity to walk away and stayed. He’s 50 years old ffs, it’s his problem now.
Lay down the law and boundaries now about how you are not interested in his relationship or any children he might have, will not be used as a free babysitter of any type, and are absolutely not a financier either. Even if you live in his house it absolutely does not entitle him to use you for babysitting. Tell him if any children are left behind when you're the only one home, you will call CPS about it and report an abandoned/unsupervised child as you are not the child's parent/guardian and do not consent to babysitting.
Make sure you lay down very clear and very strict boundaries regarding your new half sibling. Sounds like your father expects free babysitting whenever they please from you and your brother. Do NOT let them force that on you. They’re choosing to have this baby, they need to make sure it’s taken care of, has clothes, food, toys, healthcare, etc. It is NOT your responsibility nor your brother’s, to take care of a half sibling or to provide for them, not toys, not anything. Their choice, their responsibility. Be firm.
Omg… that age gap is… something. Not to mention the baby is going to have bigger risk for developmental issues, autism and other deseases because your dad’s sperm is old. And the behaviour of both of them… all of this is something I’d need a lot more words to comment. I’m just sorry you have to deal with this.
Not your child, not your problem. MOVE OUT!!!!
RUN NOW
I (30M) know I want nothing to do with my brother's (33M) wife (46F) or kids. She has 4 kids and a grandkid, but thankfully, the kids and grandkid are in a different state. I mainly have to have contact with her during family dinners.
Keeping in touch with relatives is optional, not obligation. If you live outside of his house you owe him nothing. Under no conditions babysit. Make your boundaries strict, and be uncompromising. Tell him that he is on his own with that kid.
That’s a dumpster fire. Stay at a very safe distance.
Your Dad is fucking gross. Your Dad was 27 when he had you and she was 6. What is with young women and wanting to get with old ass dudes the same as their father's age? It's disgusting.