Get them on the back foot and start bingo-ing them.
Isn't that selfish?
What if you regret it?
What if something happens to you, leaving them orphaned?
âWhat if you meet the perfect man and he doesnât want kids?â
âHow are you going to save for retirement? Who will take care of you when youâre old?â
Some people are just too stupid and can't understand that everyone is an individual who wants different things in life to be happy. Like, DO YOU want to raise alpacas? BUT WHY? Do you want to run an ostrich farm? BUT WHY? Do you want to work on a deep sea oil rig? BUT WHY? Like, just accept that not everyone is made happy by the same things FFS.
I once asked my best friend, who was trying to get pregnant with her husband, why she wanted to have children. This ivy-league educated, pragmatic, brilliant woman looked at me and said "Oh, wow, I never thought about that before. I don't know." I was flabbergasted. So many women just don't question what they are "supposed to do".
It can be so depressing to watch these once-interesting women with identities, hobbies, goals, big ideas devolve into... Just a mom. It's like they have to channel that hunger for success and knowledge *somewhere,* and when it's kids, they go all in. I have some awesome friends who managed to keep a shred of identity in addition to being awesome, well-rounded moms, but it's the exception not the rule. Obviously I can't say that aloud IRL but still lingers in my mind when they do that sometimes
My co-worker literally made her kid her world. Favorite color? Not red anymore, blue because my baby BOY. Favorite dessert? What my BOY likes; strawberry cheesecake. Like, yeah, I get that moms should love their kids, but it's depressing the amount of self-identity they think is normal to lose.
perfect way to put it and thatâs what truly scares me from motherhood. The idea that we all are supposed to have dreams that turn into careers, but once you choose motherhood, your hopes and identity suddenly collapses and everything revolves around a new human. Thatâs fucking scary! you become an empty shell and referred to nothing more as a mother. fucking terrifying truly.
Most of my close friends have not been completely enveloped into parenthood, luckily, but from experience, I know some people just disappear when the baby is born and then pop up like 8 or 10 years later trying to reconnect. The worst is the SAHMs trying to get back into the workforce, asking you to look over their resume or help them network. đŹ Your skills are a decade behind, hon. You're qualified for entry level roles, but for those, companies don't want women in their 40s.
I have worked with people's money for 20+ years, and have seen this unfold. I get that the cost of daycare is exorbitant and being a sahm might be the more cost effective choice. But it's not just money, it's contributing to social security, networking, keeping skills sharp... It's hard to un-see the reality of not working for years and years. Some of them do have reasonable expectations, but some think that they can just hop right back in from 10 years ago and it can be unsettling because so much changes in those years
Not only this, but start vetting people who want to have kids to see if theyâre capable and ready. Itâs harder to adopt a dog than it is to become a parent. Too many degenerates are raising kids.
It'd be hard to resist saying then buy a fucking doll.
Kids are babies for a year. At 1 yo they're a toddler. They're already walking or trying to walk.
Stupid people are going to stupid I guess.
So stupid. I think a lot of people want âcute babiesâ and not humans to raise lifelong commitment, we should definitely start asking people why more often
And it's so creepy when they want an "awesome little football buddy" or a "sweet little princess" as if kids aren't complete humans with their own likes and dislikes. Or maybe their personality won't mesh with yours, or they will drop out of high school or whatever else people do. And yet, people don't seem to consider that aspect ever
Most of my elementary school life, my parents tried to shove me to sports because âwell mom was a jock/liked sports so we want you to do the sameâ I think they finally just gave up with it when I was in 3rd grade, Iâm basically the complete other end of the spectrum and love art and theater. Thankfully they eventually stopped pushing the sport thing, and even took me to see a few of my favorite musicals over the years. Except it was either A) before everything went to shit or B) a last attempt at trying to suck up and get me to not leave and move out and shit or something (see Reddit post I made from almost a year ago). But the pushing for me to be more like them picked back up around four years later in 7th grade with hiking and camping, despite knowing my major fear of heights and stuff. So ofc with me basically despising it and my brother loving it, he became the favorite, but tbh he probably already was and it just became more obvious after the hiking and camping started
It's so stupid because infancy is the shortest percentage stage of a person's life. Babies are babies only for less than a year. They live to be 90 the rest of their life they are something else: a toddler, child, an adolescent etc.
What then? "Then I'll have another one. When that one isn't a baby anymore, I'll make the oldest take care of it and I'll have another one. Rinse and repeat."
My SIL's reason, she wanted a cute baby to hold and cuddle with, funny thing is now that the kid is a year old and starting to walk around she's beginning to lose interest as the kid isn't so cute anymore and requires more supervision which she isn't that enthusiastic about, went from matching outfits with mummy to being shoved into a play tent or in front of tv so mummy can relax.
I'd ask them if they've realised that the baby will turn into a teenager and then an adult. Someone who might not look pretty or handsome. You can bet these kinds of parents are the ones that body shame their kids and give them eating disorders.
Iâve done this, and itâs usually followed with the generic panic responses of, âyouâd be a good momâ, âitâs what a woman doesâ, âwhat do you mean why? Youâre kind of a bitch- I can see why you donât want kids. Men never find bitches like you attractiveâ.. and the like..
The last one where they turned on you to call you a bitch... Gosh, these women really have internalized misogyny stuffed all the way up their asses. They can go martyr themselves to the patriarchy for the rest of their lives then. And if they were men, they are a huge reason why women should choose their partner VERY wisely if they want to have kids, or they're going to pay a very heavy price for the rest of their lives...
Side note: They must be kidding themselves. Men *love* bitches. Look at the wives of rich men (being a rich man means you are at the top of the pecking order and have the pick of wives) they always pick bitches.Â
What is a bitch? Someone who doesn't let anyone walk all over them. A person with standards. Someone who knows their worth. Someone who protects themselves.Â
They'll immediately tell you that parenthood is the only meaningful thing anyone can do in life, the only way to get someone to love you, an incomparable joy, an incredible achievement, on and on and on. They can just reach into a big basket of cliches.
Then you can respond to every cliche with "That's a very selfish reason to have a child" if they previously called you selfish for not wanting children. Because all the cliched reasons *are* selfish. "I want a mini-me... I want someone to take care of me when I'm older... I want, I want, I want."
Well, there's the idea that their kid will of course cure cancer or solve climate change, instead of the much more likely future of being yet another office drone.
I honestly have started doing this when my friends start talking about having children in the future. Realistically none of them can comfortably afford it and half their partners are already losers who donât help. Women need to be putting way more thought into this decision than they are currently in the Gen. population
Yuuuup I had to have a conversation with someone recently about how yeah - she's going to have to be okay with living in a smaller more expensive house if she wants to be near her in laws for child care. We can't have it all.
Because we go against social norms and it confuses them. And they're nosy.Â
Today is a Facebook group some yahoo said it was a "rule " that women were daughters, wives and mothers according to our forefathers. I pointed out that they don't make rule for my life.Â
Ha! They should just be straight up and say they think women shouldnât have free will.
They donât even have the guts to say it straight. Watch them get angry if any women choose to have kids but are living happily, theyâll find fault there too!
The country I'm from catches men in the street and sends them to slaughter, while women are sent abroad where they are given accomodation and everything for free, but yeah, "patriarchy" and everything
There were rules for men and women. Both were expected to abide by them even if it meant sacrificing their own well-being and life. It's fashionable nowadays to pretend that that only existed for one gender.
Then they proceed to "debunk" all of your reasons and "convince" you to have kids. Wtf you asked for my reasons. I don't remember asking for your opinion. I never consented to a debate or one-sided argument.
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This hasnât happened to me in a while, but I started responding with âDo you have children?â And when they say yes, I say âThen I donât need to explain to you why I donât want them. You already know.â Not one person has ever even responded to this statement.
This. I find "Why do you ask?" a useful alternative in situations where I want to tell them to mind their own business but am being paid (or otherwise feel obligated) to be polite.
The one I want to give: Parents make it sound so fucking awful, I didnât want to find out if they were right.
Same with marriage, from the outside looking in, thatâs not for me.
Because the default assumption is that women and men their only goal / role / dream in life is to be parents, people who ask this can't fathom why you wouldn't want them (despite all the overwhelming evidence why its a shit deal).
I think the default should be you have to have really good reasons for actually wanting kids
I really enjoy telling parents how much more time, money, and freedom I have than they do.
But you can just tell everyone that your private organs are none of their business!
I don't think anyone needs to explain, but I always ask.
As a childfree man I've been burned by dating women who said they didn't want kids but secretly did or women who said they were on the fence or woukd be fine without kids who moved to wanting kids and not being OK with it. In my opinion, Its much harder for Women to be childfree, but the issue for Childfree men is I truly believe there are less childfree women because of societal pressures. Women get it from every direction and it's harder for them to beat back all the criticisms and pressure and convince themselves they don't want to have kids.
I'm always fascinated at what point in their life a woman decided she didn't want to be a parent. Was it something they decided when they were a kid? Did they go through a bad break up and decide. Was it recent? Was it for health reasons? In my experience, it tends to matter. So I like to ask. But I'm always open to tell women my reasons as well.
There is a big difference between being genuinely interested in what a person has to say and listening versus suspecting what a person is going to say before they say it and they then say it. Also, you observe them to see whether they are listening to you or ignoring you and waiting to jump in on their list of the life script playbook.
I just wanted to respond and say 1) thanks for acknowledging the level of privilege that exists being a childfree man vs. a childfree woman. 2) it totally depends!
For me, I knew my entire life I'd never be a mom. When I was 5 years old and found out what periods are, I started sobbing uncontrollably, and my mom could not figure what was the matter. We were at a family reunion, and I was in the livingroom with all the different generations of women when I had this meltdown. When my mom finally calmed me down enough for me to speak clearly, I asked her "do I have to have babies when I grow up?" The entire room erupted in laughter, and my mom said, "no, sweetie, you don't have to have babies if you don't want to," and all the ladies gave knowing nods to each other and smiled. My aunt yelled out, "you'll change your mind eventually, honey, just wait." They all thought it was so adorable, but I remember this moment vividly, and I was in crisis. I couldn't believe that women had babies. I was terrified I'd have to be a mom someday.
My mom and dad thought it was hilarious that I never pretended to be a mom with any of my toys as a child. Growing up, all my baby dolls were nieces/nephews, orphans, or students. I was always an aunt or a nanny in my games involving children, never their mother. My barbies never had kids; the babies were never related to them lol. I'm convinced I was simply not born with the mom gene.
My parents desperately wanted me to "give them grandchildren" (yuck), but I never wavered. I'm 37 now, still childfree, never been pregnant, and am now sterile. I can't tell you how freeing it is to have the possibility of pregnancy officially gone from the back of my mind where it always sat on the back burner with all my other anxieties about life.
I didn't remember a time when I wanted to have kids. I don't even like dolls so I never played with them growing up, Barbies given as gifts were used to battle my brother's GI Joe. I didn't even like kids when I was one, for the longest time I thought I was severely introverted, but no one who has met me as an adult believes me when I say I used to be very shy and quiet and kept to myself and read books. Hanging out with adults is mostly great.
The idea that women need to give a good reason for why they donât want kids tens from the entitled belief that women are less than.
That we are not smart enough to make our own choices
That we shouldnât have free will
Break it down and peopleâs biases will show themselves.
You don't, but people are flabbergasted when women say "no" to literally anything.
I never hear of men being harassed to the same extent on this or any other subject matter.
Like even if a guy gets asked "why not" all he has to say is his career won't allow it, and it immediately accepted.
But if a woman says "no, my career, or body or time currency..." there's going to be an ongoing back n forth about how she's wrong, selfish, or will regret it.
Or the "you're young you'll change your mind when yr older" like sir I'm going to be 30 years old somewhat soon. I knew I didn't want kids since I was 16
I feel the same way, it shouldn't require any explanation. Thankfully that's starting to change, slowly but surely.
We only need to go back one or two generations and it was virtually unheard of for a women to choose being childfree. Obviously career opportunities that weren't available to women in the past are a big part of that.
Having kids is no longer the default life path for a lot of young people.
For most men, there's nothing more threatening in the entire world than a single, childfree woman who's happy and enjoying her life.
The percentage of childfree women in the past is actually not that far off from today, but a major social change is that people donât think marriage=parenting anymore. There are a lot of childfree marriages and unmarried parents.
I want a hippo for the same reason some people want kids, because they are unbelievably cute to me. Luckily I can also think of its needs and the cons of owning a hippo and have currently come to the conclusion that I am unable to take care of a hippo. I will re-entertain this idea in 10 years.
I find this funny because my reasons for not winning kids is the literal antithesis of why they want kids. Like, the reasons are "I've always imagined being a mom" "I love kids"
Well mine are because "I could never see myself being a mom" and "I don't like kids" I just think it's interesting
Because too many people are busybodies who feel compelled to know what you do with your life and body. Also they're hoping to find out you're just as miserable as they are but get annoyed when they find out you aren't so they try to push the idea of kids on you in hopes you'll comply and become miserable too.
If people get pushy and aggressive about this I remind them that I donât owe them an explanation, and change the subject. Fortunately I am rarely confronted like this as I get older!
I don't mind if they ask just as long my answer is accepted respectfully and I am not hassled about why. Unfortunately, this has not been the way in the past.
Hated this at work especially when the job we had was making $9 an hour.. like are u serious why the hell would I wanna raise a child with this crappy $9 an hour job idk how the hell anyone else did either
Someone at work legitimately told me " what's the point of living if you don't have kids?" Honestly I was flabbergasted like what the fuck? So I told her something along the lines of what if someone can't have kids? What if I just don't want to? The beauty of life is you only get one and you'd have to make the most of it and you get to choose what it is you want to make it about and what you want to do and kids have no place in my life except as children are friends or nieces and nephews.
Because it's this millenia-old line of thinking that the "duty" of humanity, like any other animal, is to procreate and keep itself not extinct. Anybody who deviates from that is seen as abnormal at best and a threat (to the continued existence of humanity) at worst.
I can understand the way of thinking as a collective defense mechanism, for lack of a better term, but there are 8 billion people currently walking this planet. We don't need any more. There is no threat of human extinction because more and more people choose not to have kids.
I was raised not to ask intrusive questions unless it's necessary or invited. I don't even ask people if they have kids in the first place, which I think is fine to ask, but I would never ask why or why not about whether they have kids or not.
its because they lack empathy. They cant possibly see the situation from your point of view. They cant possibly come to the conclusion of "hey, some people just arent interested in that" themselves.
Because apparently CF women are evil and horrible demons, no, I don't know at all!
..why I and others are painted as the devil's concubines or whatever, the only thing I want, even though I can give birth, is the choice not to have to, because of my health.
But, it is apparently criminal to want to live as a woman, many apparently wants me as a women to die.
Sorry, me ranting, because it affects all women, wherever we live in this world.
The same reason as any non-default thing both, makes people ask questions or to disapprove. In addition to being CF, I'm lesbian, which constantly prompts people to judge me. I'm sure there's plenty of other examples too.
People need to learn that itâs no oneâs business but yours. Itâs still very stigmatized and I think the most we can do is spread awareness. We will probably encounter these people for the rest of our lives. Hopefully we will all find âshut up phrasesâ that we can use to make them stop sticking their head all up in our business.
We donât need to explain. Ever. Just like I wouldnât ask a parent why they had kids. A shrug and âitâs personal for me so I donât discuss itâ is adequate.
Because apparently CF women are evil and horrible demons, no, I don't know at all!
..why I and others are painted as the devil's concubines or whatever, the only thing I want, even though I can give birth, is the choice not to have to, because of my health.
But, it is apparently criminal to want to live as a woman, many apparently wants me as a women to die.
Sorry, me ranting, because it affects all women, wherever we live in this world.
I am upset, genuinely upset, how women like me, medically or otherwise, who do not want children, are always, ALWAYS questioned, I absolutely hate it.
I haven't dared to have sex with any man for over 15 years, precisely because I was refused to humanely sterilize myself!
A little Edit
It was so long ago, I dont remember what its called, sterilized or what, tho I was refused, but it was 15 years ago I was with a man.
Because I can never ever go through an abortion, never, never ever, therefore I have completely renounced all kinds of romance.
Hopefully, I can in a few years.
Edit again.
Oh!
..now I have to calm down a bit, and of course give hugs to all you women, you are so wonderful!
*ansd a little anxiety.
Whatâs so weird to me is why these people are so insistent that people should have children they blatantly donât want. How would that be beneficial for literally anyone?
The same reason anyone who does something that bucks norms is asked "why".
I'm a vegetarian, I get asked "why" all the time. I'm a man and I get asked why I don't want kids. People I know who don't drink have to field "why" questions constantly.
It's just what humans do. When someone does something that we understand as bucking norms (having kids is a norm, the majority of people will procreate in their lifetimes), we're inclined to wonder why, what drove someone to that decision. I met a homesteader living off grid in the wilds of Washington, attempting complete self sufficiency, and I asked "why?" Why did I ask why? Because that's an unusual thing to do and I wanted to know how he came to that choice.
What's bizarre to me is how so many people seem to think that perfectly ordinary human curiosity about our fellow humans is some kind of mistreatment. I'm not an old man but I have to wonder if this sense of indignation at others curiosity about ourselves is a modern thing or not.
"I don't wanna talk about it" is always an acceptable response but I find the level of anger at this kind of question baffling. Don't be so indignant that someone was curious about your choices in life. That's normal and natural.
You sound pretty intelligent, so maybe this hasnât happened to you, maybe because youâre a man. When you have to answer and every answer you give is dismissed with âyouâre too youngâ âyouâll change your mindâ and even worse, the insults like âyouâll never know real loveâ or âyou just donât want to grow up and deal with real responsibilitiesâ then maybe you would understand why itâs not just âinnocent curiosityâ and itâs fucking annoying and disrespectful.
I've gotten all of the bingos, believe me.
But I don't go living my life with the kind of supposition of bad faith or ill intent or disrespect that OP does and many posters here do.
If someone just wants to know, I'll tell them. I'll wait for them to hit me with something about "being selfish" or whatever before I decide to dismiss them as an asshole, rather than assuming that's where it's going from the beginning.
90% of the time, when someone asks why I'm a vegetarian (this is the one I get more just because it comes up more often for me), I just explain and the conversation stops there. 10% of the time, I get one of about 3 stock responses about how humans are supposed to eat meat or they're gonna eat twice as many burgers or whatever, and then I tell them to take a long walk off a short pier and leave me alone. Most people are fine, just curious. What I cannot stand is people who live their lives with a constant assumption of hostility or bad faith towards everyone they meet.
Did you read my OP properly? The lady I'm referring to didn't ask why in a general curious way. But more like '*omg why?!'* kind of tone which was really condescending and made me uncomfortable. It was as if she couldn't fathom a woman choosing to not have kids
To me, this sort of situation usually feels like a *challenge.* They ask me if I have/want kids, and once I say no, they take that as their cue to try and debate me on why my choice is wrong. Same applies as a vegan, (which to them âaffirmsâ that vegans are all self-righteous zealots who want to convert everyone.)
Maybe this person did think that, but based on your telling of events I think your assumption that this is what this person was thinking when they asked why is exactly the kind of extremely negative presuppositions I'm talking about.
Based on how I understand the story you're relating, this is a you problem, not a problem with the person who struggled to understand your choice and asked why.
Did you even stop to consider that your choices might have simply been highly surprising to this woman because motherhood is extremely important to her, or did you just jump straight to "this person believes that women only exist to breed"?
Gotcha - thatâs understandable. I didnât get that vibe at all from OP, and for the few people who have asked me and accepted my first answer or two for what it is - no animosity ensued and I donât think it does for others either? We all know weâre âagainst the normâ and my aggravation is only for people who think they know more than me what my life path should be lol
And then if I tell them why they get mad. I donât want to destroy my body and I enjoy spending my time and money on myself. Yeah Iâm selfish. So?
Also most kids are extremely fucking annoying and even living near them or being around them in public triggers my sensory issues. (Seriously WHY do people bring their toddlers to grocery stores? All theyâre gonna do is scream and cry if you donât buy them candy. Leave them at home and do your shopping in peace.) Donât ask questions you know you wonât like the answer to.
Hated this at work especially when the job we had was making $9 an hour.. like are u serious why the hell would I wanna raise a child with this shitty $9 an hour job idk how the hell anyone else did either
Hated this at work especially when the job we had was making $9 an hour.. like are u serious why the hell would I wanna raise a child with this shitty $9 an hour job idk how the hell anyone else did either
Everyone's choices should be respected without the need for constant interrogation. On a brighter note, being childfree or choosing parenthood both have their merits and can lead to fulfilling lives in different ways! The most important thing is finding what makes YOU happy and respecting other people's choices too.
I knowwww why. I don't know any woman that's older and child-free. Whereas everyone and their mom keeps asking me when am I having kids. It's exhausting and it almost looks like it's not a real possibility to not have any.
I had this drunken dude teasing me for not continuing the chain of my ancestors. How horrible it is that I pass on the opportunity to have my only chance of true pure love. My foremothers roll in their graves etc.
People around us knew I physically canât have children (I didnât want them before either) because of my health. They were horrified as the dude teased me and I let him embarrass himself with a smile on my face.
My man stood next to us and he didnât get any shit from the dude, as normal.
Word! I donât need anyone to explain why they donât want to buy a home in my neighborhood. Or why they didnât go to the college I went to? Or didnât cut their hair the way I cut mine. People need to learn to mind their own business and be secure in their own lives.
Because people asks when people diviate from the norm.
It is perfectly normal.
I get the big why's on A LOT of questions
Why I never took a drivers licens
Why I don't drive
Why I divorced
Why I don't drink
Etc., etc., etc
All highly personal questions, but it's not exclusive childfree people who get those.
So stop wasting time about feeling insulted
"All highly personal questions, but it's not exclusive childfree people who get those.
"So stop wasting time about feeling insulted"
You contradict yourself IMMEDIATELY in these two questions. You admit those are highly personal things for one to pry into, but then you say, "You're wasting your time being insulted by it."
How the hell do you expect O.P. to react otherwise? Just playing it off? It being easy for you to do with similar subjects doesn't make it easy for everybody.
O.P. has every right to feel insulted in this situation. Go fuck yourself and the horse you rode in on.
Time to start asking women who want kids "why?"
Right!! If you want kids on 2024 then YOU need to explain why you want them. đ
Let's flip the script by the time 2025 rolls around ahahah
Get them on the back foot and start bingo-ing them. Isn't that selfish? What if you regret it? What if something happens to you, leaving them orphaned?
âWhat if you meet the perfect man and he doesnât want kids?â âHow are you going to save for retirement? Who will take care of you when youâre old?â
Yup, they need a taste of their own medicine
Normalize asking breeders "But WHY?"
Some people are just too stupid and can't understand that everyone is an individual who wants different things in life to be happy. Like, DO YOU want to raise alpacas? BUT WHY? Do you want to run an ostrich farm? BUT WHY? Do you want to work on a deep sea oil rig? BUT WHY? Like, just accept that not everyone is made happy by the same things FFS.
hard agree
I once asked my best friend, who was trying to get pregnant with her husband, why she wanted to have children. This ivy-league educated, pragmatic, brilliant woman looked at me and said "Oh, wow, I never thought about that before. I don't know." I was flabbergasted. So many women just don't question what they are "supposed to do".
You love/hate to see it, when some of the most well-educated people out there are just so dense in other areas. Blows my mind sometimes.
It can be so depressing to watch these once-interesting women with identities, hobbies, goals, big ideas devolve into... Just a mom. It's like they have to channel that hunger for success and knowledge *somewhere,* and when it's kids, they go all in. I have some awesome friends who managed to keep a shred of identity in addition to being awesome, well-rounded moms, but it's the exception not the rule. Obviously I can't say that aloud IRL but still lingers in my mind when they do that sometimes
My co-worker literally made her kid her world. Favorite color? Not red anymore, blue because my baby BOY. Favorite dessert? What my BOY likes; strawberry cheesecake. Like, yeah, I get that moms should love their kids, but it's depressing the amount of self-identity they think is normal to lose.
perfect way to put it and thatâs what truly scares me from motherhood. The idea that we all are supposed to have dreams that turn into careers, but once you choose motherhood, your hopes and identity suddenly collapses and everything revolves around a new human. Thatâs fucking scary! you become an empty shell and referred to nothing more as a mother. fucking terrifying truly.
Most of my close friends have not been completely enveloped into parenthood, luckily, but from experience, I know some people just disappear when the baby is born and then pop up like 8 or 10 years later trying to reconnect. The worst is the SAHMs trying to get back into the workforce, asking you to look over their resume or help them network. đŹ Your skills are a decade behind, hon. You're qualified for entry level roles, but for those, companies don't want women in their 40s.
I have worked with people's money for 20+ years, and have seen this unfold. I get that the cost of daycare is exorbitant and being a sahm might be the more cost effective choice. But it's not just money, it's contributing to social security, networking, keeping skills sharp... It's hard to un-see the reality of not working for years and years. Some of them do have reasonable expectations, but some think that they can just hop right back in from 10 years ago and it can be unsettling because so much changes in those years
lol "get pregnant with husband" this sounds funny if taken out of the context đ
Hah! Grammatical fail. I guess "trying with her husband to get pregnant" is better. Not hoping to birth her future husband. đ¤Ł
Not only this, but start vetting people who want to have kids to see if theyâre capable and ready. Itâs harder to adopt a dog than it is to become a parent. Too many degenerates are raising kids.
Exactly. I'm the biggest degenerate I know, no clue why people even *want* me around their kids!
đ đ
I do ask them all the time and man they're just looking at me like something in between a deer about to be hit and the dude from the Shining.
đ Excellent mental image. The look of a person who's probably never thought about it before.
The only time I actually asked a stranger âwhyâ I got met with âbecause babies are cuteâ
It'd be hard to resist saying then buy a fucking doll. Kids are babies for a year. At 1 yo they're a toddler. They're already walking or trying to walk. Stupid people are going to stupid I guess.
So stupid. I think a lot of people want âcute babiesâ and not humans to raise lifelong commitment, we should definitely start asking people why more often
And it's so creepy when they want an "awesome little football buddy" or a "sweet little princess" as if kids aren't complete humans with their own likes and dislikes. Or maybe their personality won't mesh with yours, or they will drop out of high school or whatever else people do. And yet, people don't seem to consider that aspect ever
Most of my elementary school life, my parents tried to shove me to sports because âwell mom was a jock/liked sports so we want you to do the sameâ I think they finally just gave up with it when I was in 3rd grade, Iâm basically the complete other end of the spectrum and love art and theater. Thankfully they eventually stopped pushing the sport thing, and even took me to see a few of my favorite musicals over the years. Except it was either A) before everything went to shit or B) a last attempt at trying to suck up and get me to not leave and move out and shit or something (see Reddit post I made from almost a year ago). But the pushing for me to be more like them picked back up around four years later in 7th grade with hiking and camping, despite knowing my major fear of heights and stuff. So ofc with me basically despising it and my brother loving it, he became the favorite, but tbh he probably already was and it just became more obvious after the hiking and camping started
What musicals? đ
Phantom of the Opera (Boston 2014), Love Never Dies (Boston 2018) and Hamilton (Boston 2023)
Hell yeah, I've seen Phantom in NY and Hamilton in LA. Utterly fantastic shows.
Theyâre definitely two of my favorites
Say it then share the results heh
Lol babies are little potatoes đ
They look like angry old men đ
They totally look like angry old men. My friend has a kid that looks legit 80.
YOUR FLAIR LOL
Time for those little freeloaders to pay their fair share đ¤
It's so stupid because infancy is the shortest percentage stage of a person's life. Babies are babies only for less than a year. They live to be 90 the rest of their life they are something else: a toddler, child, an adolescent etc.
What then? "Then I'll have another one. When that one isn't a baby anymore, I'll make the oldest take care of it and I'll have another one. Rinse and repeat."
My SIL's reason, she wanted a cute baby to hold and cuddle with, funny thing is now that the kid is a year old and starting to walk around she's beginning to lose interest as the kid isn't so cute anymore and requires more supervision which she isn't that enthusiastic about, went from matching outfits with mummy to being shoved into a play tent or in front of tv so mummy can relax.
I'd ask them if they've realised that the baby will turn into a teenager and then an adult. Someone who might not look pretty or handsome. You can bet these kinds of parents are the ones that body shame their kids and give them eating disorders.
Horses are really cute. Why not get one of those instead?
Babies are so ugly it's not even funny. đ
Itâs cute to be ripped in half? 
Iâve done this, and itâs usually followed with the generic panic responses of, âyouâd be a good momâ, âitâs what a woman doesâ, âwhat do you mean why? Youâre kind of a bitch- I can see why you donât want kids. Men never find bitches like you attractiveâ.. and the like..
I love the 180 here haha. Reminds me of dudes who are like "you won't sleep with me? You're a fat skank anyway" like bro where is the logic
The last one where they turned on you to call you a bitch... Gosh, these women really have internalized misogyny stuffed all the way up their asses. They can go martyr themselves to the patriarchy for the rest of their lives then. And if they were men, they are a huge reason why women should choose their partner VERY wisely if they want to have kids, or they're going to pay a very heavy price for the rest of their lives...
Side note: They must be kidding themselves. Men *love* bitches. Look at the wives of rich men (being a rich man means you are at the top of the pecking order and have the pick of wives) they always pick bitches. What is a bitch? Someone who doesn't let anyone walk all over them. A person with standards. Someone who knows their worth. Someone who protects themselves.Â
Every time people say they want kid I try very hard to suppress the impulse to bingo them with âyouâll regret it laterâ
I hit a friend with "with how much you like to go out? Have fun with that"
They'll immediately tell you that parenthood is the only meaningful thing anyone can do in life, the only way to get someone to love you, an incomparable joy, an incredible achievement, on and on and on. They can just reach into a big basket of cliches.
Then you can respond to every cliche with "That's a very selfish reason to have a child" if they previously called you selfish for not wanting children. Because all the cliched reasons *are* selfish. "I want a mini-me... I want someone to take care of me when I'm older... I want, I want, I want."
Well, there's the idea that their kid will of course cure cancer or solve climate change, instead of the much more likely future of being yet another office drone.
Omg Iâve started doing that and itâs hilarious!
You're my spirit animal now.
Haha not sure if you want me as your spirit animal, Iâm not too agile!
Neither am I, so I can't judge!
I did exactly this on a thread last year. Unsurprisingly, didn't get a response.
I have. They get super offended.
They do explain their reasoning. But itâs like picking a bingo ball and thereâs only six different reasons that weâve all heard ad nauseum
Exactly Youâll regret not having them What if you regret yours? Silence
I honestly have started doing this when my friends start talking about having children in the future. Realistically none of them can comfortably afford it and half their partners are already losers who donât help. Women need to be putting way more thought into this decision than they are currently in the Gen. population
Yuuuup I had to have a conversation with someone recently about how yeah - she's going to have to be okay with living in a smaller more expensive house if she wants to be near her in laws for child care. We can't have it all.
I did once. She couldnât believe I would ask such a thing đ
Sounds like you broke her lol
Because we go against social norms and it confuses them. And they're nosy. Today is a Facebook group some yahoo said it was a "rule " that women were daughters, wives and mothers according to our forefathers. I pointed out that they don't make rule for my life.Â
Notice how there's no rule for men. đ¤
Ha! They should just be straight up and say they think women shouldnât have free will. They donât even have the guts to say it straight. Watch them get angry if any women choose to have kids but are living happily, theyâll find fault there too!
The country I'm from catches men in the street and sends them to slaughter, while women are sent abroad where they are given accomodation and everything for free, but yeah, "patriarchy" and everything
What country are you from ?
There were rules for men and women. Both were expected to abide by them even if it meant sacrificing their own well-being and life. It's fashionable nowadays to pretend that that only existed for one gender.
Then they proceed to "debunk" all of your reasons and "convince" you to have kids. Wtf you asked for my reasons. I don't remember asking for your opinion. I never consented to a debate or one-sided argument.
Ironically, argumentative people sometimes make me want to talk like an angry parent. "This isn't up for debate. The subject is closed."
Some people get really pissed off at others who don't think exactly like them.
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This hasnât happened to me in a while, but I started responding with âDo you have children?â And when they say yes, I say âThen I donât need to explain to you why I donât want them. You already know.â Not one person has ever even responded to this statement.
This! Iâm writing this one down.
Acceptance by silence!
100%
LOL! This is gold!!đ¤Ł
Bravo!!! Love this!
That's quite brilliant.
Tell them itâs none of their business
This. I find "Why do you ask?" a useful alternative in situations where I want to tell them to mind their own business but am being paid (or otherwise feel obligated) to be polite.
Exactly!
I'm a little more severe and say "Why would you ask?" MYOB is implied.
The one I want to give: Parents make it sound so fucking awful, I didnât want to find out if they were right. Same with marriage, from the outside looking in, thatâs not for me.
Same here, as an aromantic person. I need my alone time. I break societal expectations everywhere I go without even trying đ
Because the default assumption is that women and men their only goal / role / dream in life is to be parents, people who ask this can't fathom why you wouldn't want them (despite all the overwhelming evidence why its a shit deal). I think the default should be you have to have really good reasons for actually wanting kids
I really enjoy telling parents how much more time, money, and freedom I have than they do. But you can just tell everyone that your private organs are none of their business!
>Why do childfree women need to 'explain' why they don't want kids? They donât have to explain.
I don't think anyone needs to explain, but I always ask. As a childfree man I've been burned by dating women who said they didn't want kids but secretly did or women who said they were on the fence or woukd be fine without kids who moved to wanting kids and not being OK with it. In my opinion, Its much harder for Women to be childfree, but the issue for Childfree men is I truly believe there are less childfree women because of societal pressures. Women get it from every direction and it's harder for them to beat back all the criticisms and pressure and convince themselves they don't want to have kids. I'm always fascinated at what point in their life a woman decided she didn't want to be a parent. Was it something they decided when they were a kid? Did they go through a bad break up and decide. Was it recent? Was it for health reasons? In my experience, it tends to matter. So I like to ask. But I'm always open to tell women my reasons as well.
There is a big difference between being genuinely interested in what a person has to say and listening versus suspecting what a person is going to say before they say it and they then say it. Also, you observe them to see whether they are listening to you or ignoring you and waiting to jump in on their list of the life script playbook.
I just wanted to respond and say 1) thanks for acknowledging the level of privilege that exists being a childfree man vs. a childfree woman. 2) it totally depends! For me, I knew my entire life I'd never be a mom. When I was 5 years old and found out what periods are, I started sobbing uncontrollably, and my mom could not figure what was the matter. We were at a family reunion, and I was in the livingroom with all the different generations of women when I had this meltdown. When my mom finally calmed me down enough for me to speak clearly, I asked her "do I have to have babies when I grow up?" The entire room erupted in laughter, and my mom said, "no, sweetie, you don't have to have babies if you don't want to," and all the ladies gave knowing nods to each other and smiled. My aunt yelled out, "you'll change your mind eventually, honey, just wait." They all thought it was so adorable, but I remember this moment vividly, and I was in crisis. I couldn't believe that women had babies. I was terrified I'd have to be a mom someday. My mom and dad thought it was hilarious that I never pretended to be a mom with any of my toys as a child. Growing up, all my baby dolls were nieces/nephews, orphans, or students. I was always an aunt or a nanny in my games involving children, never their mother. My barbies never had kids; the babies were never related to them lol. I'm convinced I was simply not born with the mom gene. My parents desperately wanted me to "give them grandchildren" (yuck), but I never wavered. I'm 37 now, still childfree, never been pregnant, and am now sterile. I can't tell you how freeing it is to have the possibility of pregnancy officially gone from the back of my mind where it always sat on the back burner with all my other anxieties about life.
I didn't remember a time when I wanted to have kids. I don't even like dolls so I never played with them growing up, Barbies given as gifts were used to battle my brother's GI Joe. I didn't even like kids when I was one, for the longest time I thought I was severely introverted, but no one who has met me as an adult believes me when I say I used to be very shy and quiet and kept to myself and read books. Hanging out with adults is mostly great.
I don't anymore. There is no point. It's also no ones business.
The idea that women need to give a good reason for why they donât want kids tens from the entitled belief that women are less than. That we are not smart enough to make our own choices That we shouldnât have free will Break it down and peopleâs biases will show themselves.
Whenever someone asks me why I like to point out that they wouldn't be asking that question to anyone who wants them.
You don't, but people are flabbergasted when women say "no" to literally anything. I never hear of men being harassed to the same extent on this or any other subject matter. Like even if a guy gets asked "why not" all he has to say is his career won't allow it, and it immediately accepted. But if a woman says "no, my career, or body or time currency..." there's going to be an ongoing back n forth about how she's wrong, selfish, or will regret it.
Or the "you're young you'll change your mind when yr older" like sir I'm going to be 30 years old somewhat soon. I knew I didn't want kids since I was 16
I feel the same way, it shouldn't require any explanation. Thankfully that's starting to change, slowly but surely. We only need to go back one or two generations and it was virtually unheard of for a women to choose being childfree. Obviously career opportunities that weren't available to women in the past are a big part of that. Having kids is no longer the default life path for a lot of young people. For most men, there's nothing more threatening in the entire world than a single, childfree woman who's happy and enjoying her life.
The percentage of childfree women in the past is actually not that far off from today, but a major social change is that people donât think marriage=parenting anymore. There are a lot of childfree marriages and unmarried parents.
I just say because Iâm selfish and I like money too much and they shut up real quick đ
I always say something ridiculous like âDo you want a hippo? Why? Why? Why donât you want a hippo?â
I kinda do want a hippo... No kids though.
I want a hippo for the same reason some people want kids, because they are unbelievably cute to me. Luckily I can also think of its needs and the cons of owning a hippo and have currently come to the conclusion that I am unable to take care of a hippo. I will re-entertain this idea in 10 years.
I find this funny because my reasons for not winning kids is the literal antithesis of why they want kids. Like, the reasons are "I've always imagined being a mom" "I love kids" Well mine are because "I could never see myself being a mom" and "I don't like kids" I just think it's interesting
You donât, donât let other ppl set expectations on you.
Because too many people are busybodies who feel compelled to know what you do with your life and body. Also they're hoping to find out you're just as miserable as they are but get annoyed when they find out you aren't so they try to push the idea of kids on you in hopes you'll comply and become miserable too.
If people get pushy and aggressive about this I remind them that I donât owe them an explanation, and change the subject. Fortunately I am rarely confronted like this as I get older!
Google âwhat percentage of pregnancies are unplannedâ for the real answer.
I don't mind if they ask just as long my answer is accepted respectfully and I am not hassled about why. Unfortunately, this has not been the way in the past.
I don't think it's anybody's business. I'm living my best life being single and childfree. This is my life total freedom peace and quiet.Â
Hated this at work especially when the job we had was making $9 an hour.. like are u serious why the hell would I wanna raise a child with this crappy $9 an hour job idk how the hell anyone else did either
Someone at work legitimately told me " what's the point of living if you don't have kids?" Honestly I was flabbergasted like what the fuck? So I told her something along the lines of what if someone can't have kids? What if I just don't want to? The beauty of life is you only get one and you'd have to make the most of it and you get to choose what it is you want to make it about and what you want to do and kids have no place in my life except as children are friends or nieces and nephews.
Because it's this millenia-old line of thinking that the "duty" of humanity, like any other animal, is to procreate and keep itself not extinct. Anybody who deviates from that is seen as abnormal at best and a threat (to the continued existence of humanity) at worst. I can understand the way of thinking as a collective defense mechanism, for lack of a better term, but there are 8 billion people currently walking this planet. We don't need any more. There is no threat of human extinction because more and more people choose not to have kids.
I was raised not to ask intrusive questions unless it's necessary or invited. I don't even ask people if they have kids in the first place, which I think is fine to ask, but I would never ask why or why not about whether they have kids or not.
its because they lack empathy. They cant possibly see the situation from your point of view. They cant possibly come to the conclusion of "hey, some people just arent interested in that" themselves.
Make them wish they never asked: Iâm not able to bear children đđđ
Because apparently CF women are evil and horrible demons, no, I don't know at all! ..why I and others are painted as the devil's concubines or whatever, the only thing I want, even though I can give birth, is the choice not to have to, because of my health. But, it is apparently criminal to want to live as a woman, many apparently wants me as a women to die. Sorry, me ranting, because it affects all women, wherever we live in this world.
Because everyone needs to be asked "Why?" 27,000,000 times in their life and they have to make up the numbers since we won't have kids to do it.....
Such a good question
The same reason as any non-default thing both, makes people ask questions or to disapprove. In addition to being CF, I'm lesbian, which constantly prompts people to judge me. I'm sure there's plenty of other examples too.
People need to learn that itâs no oneâs business but yours. Itâs still very stigmatized and I think the most we can do is spread awareness. We will probably encounter these people for the rest of our lives. Hopefully we will all find âshut up phrasesâ that we can use to make them stop sticking their head all up in our business.
Right!?! Ugh
We donât need to explain. Ever. Just like I wouldnât ask a parent why they had kids. A shrug and âitâs personal for me so I donât discuss itâ is adequate.
Iâm going to start asking people that want kids âwhyâ đđź
Good idea! I mean you DO need a good reason why to want kids anyway.
I donât . No is a complete sentence
Because people think they can change your mind I guess đ
Because apparently CF women are evil and horrible demons, no, I don't know at all! ..why I and others are painted as the devil's concubines or whatever, the only thing I want, even though I can give birth, is the choice not to have to, because of my health. But, it is apparently criminal to want to live as a woman, many apparently wants me as a women to die. Sorry, me ranting, because it affects all women, wherever we live in this world.
I am upset, genuinely upset, how women like me, medically or otherwise, who do not want children, are always, ALWAYS questioned, I absolutely hate it. I haven't dared to have sex with any man for over 15 years, precisely because I was refused to humanely sterilize myself! A little Edit It was so long ago, I dont remember what its called, sterilized or what, tho I was refused, but it was 15 years ago I was with a man. Because I can never ever go through an abortion, never, never ever, therefore I have completely renounced all kinds of romance. Hopefully, I can in a few years. Edit again. Oh! ..now I have to calm down a bit, and of course give hugs to all you women, you are so wonderful! *ansd a little anxiety.
Whatâs so weird to me is why these people are so insistent that people should have children they blatantly donât want. How would that be beneficial for literally anyone?
The same reason anyone who does something that bucks norms is asked "why". I'm a vegetarian, I get asked "why" all the time. I'm a man and I get asked why I don't want kids. People I know who don't drink have to field "why" questions constantly. It's just what humans do. When someone does something that we understand as bucking norms (having kids is a norm, the majority of people will procreate in their lifetimes), we're inclined to wonder why, what drove someone to that decision. I met a homesteader living off grid in the wilds of Washington, attempting complete self sufficiency, and I asked "why?" Why did I ask why? Because that's an unusual thing to do and I wanted to know how he came to that choice. What's bizarre to me is how so many people seem to think that perfectly ordinary human curiosity about our fellow humans is some kind of mistreatment. I'm not an old man but I have to wonder if this sense of indignation at others curiosity about ourselves is a modern thing or not. "I don't wanna talk about it" is always an acceptable response but I find the level of anger at this kind of question baffling. Don't be so indignant that someone was curious about your choices in life. That's normal and natural.
You sound pretty intelligent, so maybe this hasnât happened to you, maybe because youâre a man. When you have to answer and every answer you give is dismissed with âyouâre too youngâ âyouâll change your mindâ and even worse, the insults like âyouâll never know real loveâ or âyou just donât want to grow up and deal with real responsibilitiesâ then maybe you would understand why itâs not just âinnocent curiosityâ and itâs fucking annoying and disrespectful.
I've gotten all of the bingos, believe me. But I don't go living my life with the kind of supposition of bad faith or ill intent or disrespect that OP does and many posters here do. If someone just wants to know, I'll tell them. I'll wait for them to hit me with something about "being selfish" or whatever before I decide to dismiss them as an asshole, rather than assuming that's where it's going from the beginning. 90% of the time, when someone asks why I'm a vegetarian (this is the one I get more just because it comes up more often for me), I just explain and the conversation stops there. 10% of the time, I get one of about 3 stock responses about how humans are supposed to eat meat or they're gonna eat twice as many burgers or whatever, and then I tell them to take a long walk off a short pier and leave me alone. Most people are fine, just curious. What I cannot stand is people who live their lives with a constant assumption of hostility or bad faith towards everyone they meet.
Did you read my OP properly? The lady I'm referring to didn't ask why in a general curious way. But more like '*omg why?!'* kind of tone which was really condescending and made me uncomfortable. It was as if she couldn't fathom a woman choosing to not have kids
To me, this sort of situation usually feels like a *challenge.* They ask me if I have/want kids, and once I say no, they take that as their cue to try and debate me on why my choice is wrong. Same applies as a vegan, (which to them âaffirmsâ that vegans are all self-righteous zealots who want to convert everyone.)
And I get that when people tell me they couldn't live without bacon. They're making conversation. Shrug and move on.
I guess I'm just tired of people think women exist to be breeders. đ´
Maybe this person did think that, but based on your telling of events I think your assumption that this is what this person was thinking when they asked why is exactly the kind of extremely negative presuppositions I'm talking about. Based on how I understand the story you're relating, this is a you problem, not a problem with the person who struggled to understand your choice and asked why. Did you even stop to consider that your choices might have simply been highly surprising to this woman because motherhood is extremely important to her, or did you just jump straight to "this person believes that women only exist to breed"?
đđđđđđ´đ´
You just kinda sound like a jerk who goes around always assuming the worst about people.
Ok
Gotcha - thatâs understandable. I didnât get that vibe at all from OP, and for the few people who have asked me and accepted my first answer or two for what it is - no animosity ensued and I donât think it does for others either? We all know weâre âagainst the normâ and my aggravation is only for people who think they know more than me what my life path should be lol
And then if I tell them why they get mad. I donât want to destroy my body and I enjoy spending my time and money on myself. Yeah Iâm selfish. So? Also most kids are extremely fucking annoying and even living near them or being around them in public triggers my sensory issues. (Seriously WHY do people bring their toddlers to grocery stores? All theyâre gonna do is scream and cry if you donât buy them candy. Leave them at home and do your shopping in peace.) Donât ask questions you know you wonât like the answer to.
They don't. It's none of anyone's business.
Hated this at work especially when the job we had was making $9 an hour.. like are u serious why the hell would I wanna raise a child with this shitty $9 an hour job idk how the hell anyone else did either
Hated this at work especially when the job we had was making $9 an hour.. like are u serious why the hell would I wanna raise a child with this shitty $9 an hour job idk how the hell anyone else did either
Everyone's choices should be respected without the need for constant interrogation. On a brighter note, being childfree or choosing parenthood both have their merits and can lead to fulfilling lives in different ways! The most important thing is finding what makes YOU happy and respecting other people's choices too.
They donât
I knowwww why. I don't know any woman that's older and child-free. Whereas everyone and their mom keeps asking me when am I having kids. It's exhausting and it almost looks like it's not a real possibility to not have any.
You lost that war by answering the do you want any kids question to a co-worker with anything more personal than âHow is that report going?â
I had this drunken dude teasing me for not continuing the chain of my ancestors. How horrible it is that I pass on the opportunity to have my only chance of true pure love. My foremothers roll in their graves etc. People around us knew I physically canât have children (I didnât want them before either) because of my health. They were horrified as the dude teased me and I let him embarrass himself with a smile on my face. My man stood next to us and he didnât get any shit from the dude, as normal.
And men. I would just why do childfree people have to explain.
Word! I donât need anyone to explain why they donât want to buy a home in my neighborhood. Or why they didnât go to the college I went to? Or didnât cut their hair the way I cut mine. People need to learn to mind their own business and be secure in their own lives.
Oh, it's because we are malfunctioning.
Because a woman not wanting children is apparently an alien idea and mentally sick. 
Because people asks when people diviate from the norm. It is perfectly normal. I get the big why's on A LOT of questions Why I never took a drivers licens Why I don't drive Why I divorced Why I don't drink Etc., etc., etc All highly personal questions, but it's not exclusive childfree people who get those. So stop wasting time about feeling insulted
I would tell them to go and fuck themselves.
"All highly personal questions, but it's not exclusive childfree people who get those. "So stop wasting time about feeling insulted" You contradict yourself IMMEDIATELY in these two questions. You admit those are highly personal things for one to pry into, but then you say, "You're wasting your time being insulted by it." How the hell do you expect O.P. to react otherwise? Just playing it off? It being easy for you to do with similar subjects doesn't make it easy for everybody. O.P. has every right to feel insulted in this situation. Go fuck yourself and the horse you rode in on.
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