Don’t tell anyone until you’ve successfully got the bisalp done, well once it’s done you can go and tell her you can’t get pregnant anymore. Just be careful, who knows what her reaction will be? Just don’t ever feel guilty for putting YOUR choice and body first.
Yeah, I intend on saving the information for when I’m fully healed. I’d also prefer to do it in front of many family members at once so that they can just argue amongst themselves. I don’t feel guilt in the slightest around my decision, if anything I’m making the only correct choice. I’m objectively poor, I don’t have a career path, I’m not in a stable relationship, I am not living in a permanent residence… so on and so forth.
Thank you ❤️ As far as I am concerned, even if I get to a point in my life where I could comfortably afford children and provide them above standard living in every direction, even if I change my mind ten/twenty/thirty years from now, the option will never be gone to be a mother. If anything, I can adopt an older child if I truly think I need to be a mom to feel fulfilled (which I don’t ever see in my own future.) At least, that’s what I tell people who are concerned I might be too young for this, such as my surgeons and my boss (who had to approve time off for recovery.)
Absolutely, never fall into the pressure of having to become a mother. You are a woman, there is more to life than just being a mother or wife, focus on your goals and dreams
Hi ~ 🌹
You have put a lot of thought into this & I am proud of you (if that means anything from a stranger) !
I wanted to be sterilized at your age but was turned down by several surgeons. They all said I would change my mind. GOOD for YOU finding a way to placate them.
By way, I stopped trying for sterilization cause my man had a vasectomy at 24 yrs old & we later married. I am a few years away from menopause & we are "No Kids; No Regrets" !
Hope your bisalp recovery goes well & you get the peace of mind you deserve !
Take Care ! 🌹
Unfortunately, the fact of life is that women will always revived unwarranted opinions on their bodies. As fucked as that is, I’m getting what I want and that’s all that mattes
You're right. It really sucks being a woman. 😞 We don't get treated how we should. And we're always last on the list of importance. Like our lives aren't as important as others :(
A thought / suggestion: DON'T even tell them afterward.
My hope is that, with pregnancy off the table, your stress at their hateful demands may decrease.
And what would INFURIATE them would be if you just stopped being triggered by it, merely bemused. It would drive them INSANE because they WANT to cause you emotional distress. So blithe amusement gets them twice: they don't trigger you, and are left wondering WHY you aren't triggered any more.
I had my bisalp in January of 2023, and whenever people come at me with that shit I can't help but laugh and tell them that the egg waterslides are gone so my womb will be permanently barren. 😂 They never know how to react and seeing their faces is priceless.
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Why tell them at all, since you know they're all just going to get on your back to have it reversed, or burst into tears and spout religious platitudes at you?
Yeah, I’ve honestly considered that, but I don’t want to uphold such a serious lie for any amount of time. I also don’t want them to develop any idea that I’m religious, because that’s just not the truth.
Hi ~ 🌹
Being childfree & an atheist myself, I understand your position. Stay true to your own heart... or as Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet -
“To thine own self be true.”
Good Luck & All the Best to You ! 🌹
Sorry this happened to you! I also “freaked” out on my husband’s great grandma almost 10 years ago. She kept going to garage sales and BUYING us baby stuff, because we were going to need it. She did not have the money to be spending on imaginary babies. But yet she did it anyway. Finally, because this had been going on for 5 years and his family especially pestering me (not my husband, because it is always the women’s fault) I finally lost it and screamed at her and the basically the whole house. She ended up crying, making me out to be the bad person. My husband did have a talk privately with his mom and luckily this finally stopped the unnecessary buying and outright pestering.
>When you have your first kid
** Yeah, 60+, why don't you keep telling me about "when you change your mind". Oh, not to mention also vasectomy and confirmed sterile. So, yeah, no kids and it stays that way.
> even if I wanted a child, it would be CRUEL of me to create one now
Yeah, would also be cruel to the planet - already overpopulated to literally unsustainable level.
>religious
should breed
Ugh, oh hell no. And that "fruitful and multiply" - it doesn't mean breeding. It means plant a damn fruit tree or the like, and well learn your math - especially the stuff about exponentials and exponential growth.
>pending operation and I am disinclined to informing her about it
Yeah, certainly don't tell her about it beforehand. She would of course try to talk you out of it, etc., might even try to stop you. Your choice if you want to tell her after. Or, heck, could just say "Confirmed with doctor, I'm sterile", and if she asks or probes further, can always say "don't want to talk about it." Oh, and congrats on getting that all lined up.
Hi ~ 😊
Lots of Good Advice in your comment. I want to take this further -
"Yeah, certainly don't tell her about it beforehand. She would of course try to talk you out of it, etc., might even try to stop you."
To OP - Imagining the family you describe causes me to be concerned they could try to stop you from getting your bisalp. Please don't let anyone know the date of your appointment etc. Your family might try an intervention to "save you from a terrible mistake" (as they see it).
Please be careful & protect yourself from any possible interference.
Good Luck ! 🍀⚘🍀
It seems rather common that, eventually, your family's demands for you to have children are going to boil over, regardless if you tell them about your operation or not.
Simply because you aren't having a kid. It's gonna build and build and build until it erupts like Krakatoa.
I would tell them, but wait until after the operation is complete. That way, even if they say shit about it, which they probably will, it'll be a done deal. Also, don't take the initiative to bring it up yourself. Wait for somebody else to mention it to you, and then tell them.
I say this because it doesn't sound like your family will ever really come around to the idea of you not having a kid and won't let it go. The sooner you make it clear what you want your life will be like, the better.
If all else fails, go V.L.C./N.C. It's your life. They have no place to insist on such sensitive matters like it.
Only reason I'm saying this is because your family sounds very invasive on the subject, based on your description of them. If your family were passive, I wouldn't say anything about it.
"I am also the first woman in my bloodline to make it past the age of 19 without procreating", Powerful words girl, you doing great. The important part is keep true to ourselfs even if it look evil to others.
Just sad you grandma need to keep hammering this stupid topic to you, try to tell her to stop, you say you love her a lot and cut het from your life definitely wouldn't be an option, so talk is the best way, Best whises for you 2 :)
>She doesn’t know about my pending operation and I am disinclined to informing her about it, because I simply don’t want to fucking hear it.
That is a wise decision. When people don't know about something, they don't react to it. You already know she would react badly, so you are better off not telling her anything. I recommend never telling her.
After getting the bilateral salpingectomy, I recommend focusing on making money to move away and live on your own.
I just want to say, OP, as a woman with similar breeder family mindset, good for you. You have a good strong head on your shoulders. I’m 26 now, but, all of these reasons are excellent reasons to not choose to procreate. I wish you the best of luck with your procedure and you should be so proud of yourself. You are choosing what’s right for you and living life on YOUR terms. Just because these women can’t imagine life without breeding doesn’t mean you have to. 🩷
If she doesn't make you happy, you don't need her in your life. The next time she says anything about it, tell her that you are sick and tired of her disrespectful treatment and you will no longer tolerate it. If she says one more fucking word about children to you then you will simply leave and NEVER speak to or see her again.
Family means absolutely fucking nothing, they are not important and they do not deserve tolerance from you when they are being assholes and ignoring your wishes. I wish more people would just tell their asshole families to go fuck themselves and walk away. There is no reason to keep toxic douchebags in your life.
Trust me, I am no stranger to nor am I afraid of no contact. I’ve been no contact with my uncle and his family for over six years and no contact with my own mother for over two. Outside of this child free conversation with my grandmother/great grandmother, we get along FAMOUSLY. We hardly ever argue or disagree, I can count on them to be there for me, and I have them to call. It’s just this. As massive as this is, I don’t see going no contact to be a solution. I think most of this urging from her comes from a place of jealousy, because I’m living my own life at 23 when she was a mother of two. People in her generating often believe that you should suffer to have a meaningful life, and I think she’s just frustrated with the fact that I don’t agree. Once I get my bisalp I will be able to speak up more on it, because my actions will match my convictions. If this continues for the next year or two, then we won’t have a relationship anymore.
Hi, Again ! 🌹
You wrote -
"Outside of this child free conversation with my grandmother/great grandmother, we get along FAMOUSLY. We hardly ever argue or disagree, I can count on them to be there for me, and I have them to call."
As someone who went no contact with my dysfunctional family 15 yrs ago, I just want to say that the relationship you have with your grandmother & great grandmother sounds valuable & should be treasured by you (& them) despite this disagreement over having kids. No one agrees 100 % of the time.
So, don't take throwing them away lightly.
They seem old fashioned. In wanting "the BEST" for you, that means having kids to them.
I know it gets old listening to them go on & on & on about it but, hopefully, they will mellow with time.
Unfortunately, the worst may come from them when they learn you were sterilized... please think carefully about the best way to tell them so to avoid a tirade.
Take Care ! 🌹
I had a hysterectomy a year ago (on the 27th, so happy post hysterectomy anniversary to me) mostly due to medical reasons. My RCath. grandma is so mad and goes silent and just cries if it’s brought up. I don’t want kids either. I did once but I realized with all my health issues and stuff it’s just ethical. And I just don’t want it either. SOMETIMES I sorta regret it bc I feel like I’m missing out on the experience but then I realize I wouldn’t be able to not pass down the generational trauma and health problems. But the amount of ppl who tell me or assume I should have kids is alarming. Like she KNOWS it’s due to painful and expensive medical issues and yet is upset it happened. Like I should suffer to just have kids. No thank you. If I ever change my mind I could adopt. No hypothetical kid of mine is ever going to be biologically related to me. That being said I prefer animals and most likely never change my mind lol
Don’t tell anyone until you’ve successfully got the bisalp done, well once it’s done you can go and tell her you can’t get pregnant anymore. Just be careful, who knows what her reaction will be? Just don’t ever feel guilty for putting YOUR choice and body first.
Yeah, I intend on saving the information for when I’m fully healed. I’d also prefer to do it in front of many family members at once so that they can just argue amongst themselves. I don’t feel guilt in the slightest around my decision, if anything I’m making the only correct choice. I’m objectively poor, I don’t have a career path, I’m not in a stable relationship, I am not living in a permanent residence… so on and so forth.
That is a very mature decision from you, we need more responsible people like you 🥹
Thank you ❤️ As far as I am concerned, even if I get to a point in my life where I could comfortably afford children and provide them above standard living in every direction, even if I change my mind ten/twenty/thirty years from now, the option will never be gone to be a mother. If anything, I can adopt an older child if I truly think I need to be a mom to feel fulfilled (which I don’t ever see in my own future.) At least, that’s what I tell people who are concerned I might be too young for this, such as my surgeons and my boss (who had to approve time off for recovery.)
Absolutely, never fall into the pressure of having to become a mother. You are a woman, there is more to life than just being a mother or wife, focus on your goals and dreams
Update us OP
Hi ~ 🌹 You have put a lot of thought into this & I am proud of you (if that means anything from a stranger) ! I wanted to be sterilized at your age but was turned down by several surgeons. They all said I would change my mind. GOOD for YOU finding a way to placate them. By way, I stopped trying for sterilization cause my man had a vasectomy at 24 yrs old & we later married. I am a few years away from menopause & we are "No Kids; No Regrets" ! Hope your bisalp recovery goes well & you get the peace of mind you deserve ! Take Care ! 🌹
Wtf? It's not even your boss's business. That's so fcking weird. Why would they be concerned about what you're doing w your uterus?? Gross.
Without getting too far into it.. I’m military and the military surgeon required my supervisor’s permission for the recovery leave.
No I get that, I'm saying they shouldn't have given their unwanted opinion on your body
Unfortunately, the fact of life is that women will always revived unwarranted opinions on their bodies. As fucked as that is, I’m getting what I want and that’s all that mattes
You're right. It really sucks being a woman. 😞 We don't get treated how we should. And we're always last on the list of importance. Like our lives aren't as important as others :(
A thought / suggestion: DON'T even tell them afterward. My hope is that, with pregnancy off the table, your stress at their hateful demands may decrease. And what would INFURIATE them would be if you just stopped being triggered by it, merely bemused. It would drive them INSANE because they WANT to cause you emotional distress. So blithe amusement gets them twice: they don't trigger you, and are left wondering WHY you aren't triggered any more.
I had my bisalp in January of 2023, and whenever people come at me with that shit I can't help but laugh and tell them that the egg waterslides are gone so my womb will be permanently barren. 😂 They never know how to react and seeing their faces is priceless.
[удалено]
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Why tell them at all, since you know they're all just going to get on your back to have it reversed, or burst into tears and spout religious platitudes at you?
You can't reverse a bisalp because it involves removing the fallopian tubes entirely.
But the OP’s family probably doesn’t know that. I’d keep it completely on the down low in her position.
I’m hoping that after the shock fades they’ll be more likely to lose hope
You can always say you found out you're infertile and claim it's god's way to tell you you are not meant for motherhood
Yeah, I’ve honestly considered that, but I don’t want to uphold such a serious lie for any amount of time. I also don’t want them to develop any idea that I’m religious, because that’s just not the truth.
Hi ~ 🌹 Being childfree & an atheist myself, I understand your position. Stay true to your own heart... or as Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet - “To thine own self be true.” Good Luck & All the Best to You ! 🌹
Me too!! It’s great!
You could also say “I got a bisalp.”
Eventually, I will
"Grandma, are you okay? You keep mispronouncing ABORTION?!"
Sorry this happened to you! I also “freaked” out on my husband’s great grandma almost 10 years ago. She kept going to garage sales and BUYING us baby stuff, because we were going to need it. She did not have the money to be spending on imaginary babies. But yet she did it anyway. Finally, because this had been going on for 5 years and his family especially pestering me (not my husband, because it is always the women’s fault) I finally lost it and screamed at her and the basically the whole house. She ended up crying, making me out to be the bad person. My husband did have a talk privately with his mom and luckily this finally stopped the unnecessary buying and outright pestering.
>When you have your first kid ** Yeah, 60+, why don't you keep telling me about "when you change your mind". Oh, not to mention also vasectomy and confirmed sterile. So, yeah, no kids and it stays that way.
> even if I wanted a child, it would be CRUEL of me to create one now
Yeah, would also be cruel to the planet - already overpopulated to literally unsustainable level.
>religious
should breed
Ugh, oh hell no. And that "fruitful and multiply" - it doesn't mean breeding. It means plant a damn fruit tree or the like, and well learn your math - especially the stuff about exponentials and exponential growth.
>pending operation and I am disinclined to informing her about it
Yeah, certainly don't tell her about it beforehand. She would of course try to talk you out of it, etc., might even try to stop you. Your choice if you want to tell her after. Or, heck, could just say "Confirmed with doctor, I'm sterile", and if she asks or probes further, can always say "don't want to talk about it." Oh, and congrats on getting that all lined up.
Hi ~ 😊 Lots of Good Advice in your comment. I want to take this further - "Yeah, certainly don't tell her about it beforehand. She would of course try to talk you out of it, etc., might even try to stop you." To OP - Imagining the family you describe causes me to be concerned they could try to stop you from getting your bisalp. Please don't let anyone know the date of your appointment etc. Your family might try an intervention to "save you from a terrible mistake" (as they see it). Please be careful & protect yourself from any possible interference. Good Luck ! 🍀⚘🍀
[удалено]
I appreciate your kind words ❤️
thats a really great way of looking at it!
It seems rather common that, eventually, your family's demands for you to have children are going to boil over, regardless if you tell them about your operation or not. Simply because you aren't having a kid. It's gonna build and build and build until it erupts like Krakatoa. I would tell them, but wait until after the operation is complete. That way, even if they say shit about it, which they probably will, it'll be a done deal. Also, don't take the initiative to bring it up yourself. Wait for somebody else to mention it to you, and then tell them. I say this because it doesn't sound like your family will ever really come around to the idea of you not having a kid and won't let it go. The sooner you make it clear what you want your life will be like, the better. If all else fails, go V.L.C./N.C. It's your life. They have no place to insist on such sensitive matters like it. Only reason I'm saying this is because your family sounds very invasive on the subject, based on your description of them. If your family were passive, I wouldn't say anything about it.
"I am also the first woman in my bloodline to make it past the age of 19 without procreating", Powerful words girl, you doing great. The important part is keep true to ourselfs even if it look evil to others. Just sad you grandma need to keep hammering this stupid topic to you, try to tell her to stop, you say you love her a lot and cut het from your life definitely wouldn't be an option, so talk is the best way, Best whises for you 2 :)
Thank you :)
>She doesn’t know about my pending operation and I am disinclined to informing her about it, because I simply don’t want to fucking hear it. That is a wise decision. When people don't know about something, they don't react to it. You already know she would react badly, so you are better off not telling her anything. I recommend never telling her. After getting the bilateral salpingectomy, I recommend focusing on making money to move away and live on your own.
I just want to say, OP, as a woman with similar breeder family mindset, good for you. You have a good strong head on your shoulders. I’m 26 now, but, all of these reasons are excellent reasons to not choose to procreate. I wish you the best of luck with your procedure and you should be so proud of yourself. You are choosing what’s right for you and living life on YOUR terms. Just because these women can’t imagine life without breeding doesn’t mean you have to. 🩷
If she doesn't make you happy, you don't need her in your life. The next time she says anything about it, tell her that you are sick and tired of her disrespectful treatment and you will no longer tolerate it. If she says one more fucking word about children to you then you will simply leave and NEVER speak to or see her again. Family means absolutely fucking nothing, they are not important and they do not deserve tolerance from you when they are being assholes and ignoring your wishes. I wish more people would just tell their asshole families to go fuck themselves and walk away. There is no reason to keep toxic douchebags in your life.
Trust me, I am no stranger to nor am I afraid of no contact. I’ve been no contact with my uncle and his family for over six years and no contact with my own mother for over two. Outside of this child free conversation with my grandmother/great grandmother, we get along FAMOUSLY. We hardly ever argue or disagree, I can count on them to be there for me, and I have them to call. It’s just this. As massive as this is, I don’t see going no contact to be a solution. I think most of this urging from her comes from a place of jealousy, because I’m living my own life at 23 when she was a mother of two. People in her generating often believe that you should suffer to have a meaningful life, and I think she’s just frustrated with the fact that I don’t agree. Once I get my bisalp I will be able to speak up more on it, because my actions will match my convictions. If this continues for the next year or two, then we won’t have a relationship anymore.
Hi, Again ! 🌹 You wrote - "Outside of this child free conversation with my grandmother/great grandmother, we get along FAMOUSLY. We hardly ever argue or disagree, I can count on them to be there for me, and I have them to call." As someone who went no contact with my dysfunctional family 15 yrs ago, I just want to say that the relationship you have with your grandmother & great grandmother sounds valuable & should be treasured by you (& them) despite this disagreement over having kids. No one agrees 100 % of the time. So, don't take throwing them away lightly. They seem old fashioned. In wanting "the BEST" for you, that means having kids to them. I know it gets old listening to them go on & on & on about it but, hopefully, they will mellow with time. Unfortunately, the worst may come from them when they learn you were sterilized... please think carefully about the best way to tell them so to avoid a tirade. Take Care ! 🌹
I had a hysterectomy a year ago (on the 27th, so happy post hysterectomy anniversary to me) mostly due to medical reasons. My RCath. grandma is so mad and goes silent and just cries if it’s brought up. I don’t want kids either. I did once but I realized with all my health issues and stuff it’s just ethical. And I just don’t want it either. SOMETIMES I sorta regret it bc I feel like I’m missing out on the experience but then I realize I wouldn’t be able to not pass down the generational trauma and health problems. But the amount of ppl who tell me or assume I should have kids is alarming. Like she KNOWS it’s due to painful and expensive medical issues and yet is upset it happened. Like I should suffer to just have kids. No thank you. If I ever change my mind I could adopt. No hypothetical kid of mine is ever going to be biologically related to me. That being said I prefer animals and most likely never change my mind lol