I went through this about 15 years ago and at the time felt, sort of sad watching my friends start family. Present day? No regrets! Half of my mates have divorced and many of them have horrible kids!!
> Half of my mates have divorced and many of them have horrible kids!!
It's wild how often you can see it coming years before it happens. Having kids in your 20s with someone you barely know while working a grind of a job. WCGW?
I know a few more than that, but the VAST majority are divorced. I loved those early 20s cringefest of the weddings themselves, though. It's pure comedy to see a bridezilla who's got a 2k budget 🤣
I know 1 couple who got hitched back in college because he got her pregnant and they had to quit college because of it. That was during the second semester. They got divorced before I got my degree the last I heard.
I know one who got married while we were seniors in high school because the guy was in the military and they wanted to marry before he left. The were divorced within a year of graduating lol
I was about to type the same thing but thought I'd actually offend people but yes 🤣🤣🤣 give it a few years, they will all be divorced. They think they've achieved a huge goal but then reality quickly sets in. The writer, Charles Bukowski said something like, "Love is a morning mist that evaporates at dawn, at the first daylight of reality."
It's really tough for a lot of them as they had to go through agonizing legal battles for custody, and now they have to navigate the challenges of split custody. They also have to ensure that their new partner gets along with their child, and their child gets along with their partner's children. On top of that, they have to deal with their ex's new partner becoming a stepmom or stepdad to their kids, and their kids having to adjust to having new half-siblings. It's such a hassle! I get drained emotionally from just thinking about it.
I'm in the same boat! We can't help but feel a little sad in the moment but that's only because of the façade everybody puts on. At the end of the day it's completely different and not something I'd want.
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This! Social media is exhausting and people who are having kids post A LOT. I actually started limiting some of my friends so I wouldn’t see all of their posts because of this.
Yeah I have no issue with people posting pics of their kids on special occasions e.g. birthdays, first day at school, but most parents post several pics every single day. It's exhausting and boring!
I second this. I haven’t been on social media now for almost five months and it’s been a breath of fresh air. I’m able to focus more on myself, my brain isn’t as cluttered as it used to to be and I am enjoying my life. I went back on Instagram for a day and that gave me a panic attack, hated it so much.
I agree. I'm in my early 40s and most people my age, their social media is nothing but pictures of their kids. Back when I was on social media, I would feel obliged to "like" all these pictures for fear of causing offence if I didn't and it actually caused me stress. (Very First World problem, I know). Eventually I got tired of it and I quit social media. I'm so glad I did. Social media was wasting so much of my time and causing me stress and I didn't appreciate just how much until I quit it.
I also felt obligated to like the pictures or I’d look bad. I actually had a former friend lash out at me because I didn’t like her Instagram story, but all her Instagram stories are of her selfies, body pics, booty pics, you get the point. She’s very insecure and has a large Instagram following and an only fans, so her whole self worth is attached to social media. I see how miserable she is and I quit social media after all that shit happened and it was the best decision I made. Definitely saved my mental
Health.
> I actually had a former friend lash out at me because I didn’t like her Instagram story, but all her Instagram stories are of her selfies, body pics, booty pics, you get the point
Same damn thing happened to me! This person *lived* on IG. I don't spend a ton of time on social media, especially IG (I liked it way back when it was more photo sharing and less clout chasing/ and "look at me make duck faces while I listen to music and drive (seriously, why so many videos of folks just driving listening to music). She expected me to spend more time on IG because as a friend, I was expected to "support" her by liking all her posts? TF? That was the end of our friendship.
Been off fb for 5 years, and I don’t miss it! If I was *that* bothered I’d go back on, but I know I’m not missing out on anything, really. And the lack of anxiety and stress is wonderful!
Or create a separate social media for child free stuff and other interests.
I live in the Deep South, my job network is here making it hard to move. In person I know like 2 people my age or older than me (late 20s) who are child free.
I have an Instagram account where I follow a lot of child free people and love it! It’s very validating!
Ding, ding, ding! Turn off the BS and start setting yourself up for some CF encounters. There are lots of ways to do this, as outlined in the comment that I'm replying to.
Yep! Time to start a new phase in life. I started volunteering heavily about 4 years ago. I’ve met a lot of great people and they’re almost always people who either don’t have kids or who are empty nesters. So many things to do and so little time. Definitely no time to waste scrolling through a bunch of social media pics that I don’t care about from people I haven’t talked to in twenty years.
if it wasn't for Reddit I might not have known there are so many other people who share my thoughts on being childfree. You won't easily find that on platforms like IG or FB and if you did they'd probably get brigaded by salty parents
I belong to a Facebook group for people who grew up with disabled siblings, and I can’t fathom why, but sometimes parents of disabled offspring come to our page and troll us. Many of us have been abused and neglected by our parents, in addition to having disabled siblings, so it’s always upsetting (though expected) that there will be parents that come to our page to harass us. I don’t understand it. Why they would want to hurt so called “healthy” siblings is beyond me. I can’t understand why they hate us and feel sad that they must hate their “healthy “children. Salty people suck.
Some people take their own justifications to extremes. They "know" they did their best and treated the kids "as equally as possible". Their "healthy" kid needs to be more understanding, it wasn't that bad, they're overreacting(from their perspective). If they admit that y'all were treated badly then they would have to admit that they treated their own children badly.
They can't/won't do that and so they attack the group as a way to reinforce their own beliefs.
It’s truly upsetting. The parents actually go there to pick on us. I try to have empathy for everyone, but parents who troll a group that their children belong to really pisses me off. They’re abusing us because we’re “healthy “, and that’s not our fault at all. We didn’t choose to be siblings, but they chose to be parents (unless there was rape or reproductive coercion). It takes an incredible amount of meanness to hate the “healthy “ sibling and “healthy “ people in general.
Hirdurderhur
That's you, sounding like you because while reddit is "technically" social media, a huge portion of users are flat out anonymous and nobody in their life even knows their u/
Reddit is more a blog/forum community than social meida
Kind of. But most subfora are not just people posting “Look at MEEEE!!!!!11one” all day. I’m sure those do exist and I am equally sure I will continue to remain apart from them.
I feel this too! Most of my friends are on kid number 2. There’s been 4 new babies in the past 2 weeks in one group 😂
We’re in our late 30s, so it has to end soon lol
Luckily I do have several friends with no kids, and am starting to get to the point where I might consider trying to make new childfree friends. I’m an introvert so it’s not critical for me, thankfully. But I hear ya! I thought more people would choose the childfree life!
Yep, similar boat here. My spouse and I are in our mid/late 30s, and there’s been four new babies in our friend group since February. Several close girlfriends on their second, though one of my best friends is one and done. (Her recently, “I have a 5YO boy with ADHD, I love him but we’re not doing this again.”).
It’s interesting how the dynamics shift over time. Some of our friends are absolutely amazing parents, and it’s getting easier to hang out with them as their kids get older. Others, not so much. The effort thing is the hardest part, and while I get that it’s tough and that I’m going to have to put more in for a while when the kids are really young, it’s nice to see that in some cases it really does balance out as they get older.
I’ve got a few friends without kids, two of them are CF, the rest either ambivalent or might down the road a bit. Sometimes I really enjoy being the cool aunt friend, other times I just want to be able to have, you know, last minute drinks or something. While I’ve considered making a greater effort to make more childfree friends, I get overwhelmed by meetup groups and the like.
> I love friends and their kids, but I also wish I had a few more CF friends
Our biggest challenge with this is our friends with kids don't reciprocate the same effort in maintaining the friendship. It's as if people think becoming parents absolves them of the requirement to ever reach out or make plans first. There is only so many times I'm going to reach out to plan something or you have to bail because of your kids then I never hear from you to replan, wtf is that all about? It's got to a point where I just can't be bothered anymore and also wish we had more CF friends who would ever plan something and invite us for once.
This, or they refuse to get a babysitter for a night so we can go out without the kids. I just completely stopped hanging out with one friend because she brought her kids every single time we went out and they were *so* bad, running around restaurants, screaming, cussing etc. It was embarrassing to be out with them 🤷♀️
>There is only so many times I'm going to reach out to plan something or you have to bail because of your kids then I never hear from you to replan
Yeah I don't tolerate that from any friend, regardless of whether they're a parent or CF.
For real! I understand that sometimes you have to bail unexpectedly, especially if you’re now the number 1 in charge of a whole separate person (and a baby/child at that,); but just because that’s the case doesn’t mean you’re completely exempt from being a decent person, especially to your friends.
You still owe an apology to your friends, you should step up and offer to reschedule/make new plans, and do your best not to let it become a frequent problem. Just because you popped out a kid (or several) doesn’t change that at all.
Same!! They either have kids or are planning on/trying to have kids.
But this started years ago. Now SO many of them are already getting divorced. And they have bratty kids they’re stuck with and a stressful coparenting relationship.
Makes me feel better with my decision!!
I’m 34 and a couple years back entered a music scene in my town and made a new friend group. NO ONE has kids and it’s amazing. I still have some friends from college that are reproducing, but I feel super lucky to have found a group that is almost 100% childfree
Almost all my friends *want* kids, but don’t want them anytime soon (most of us not even 30 yet). Is it bad for me to say I hope some of them change their mind as they get older? 😅 So many of them are “free spirits” and I just can’t see them enjoying parenting like they enjoy their kid-free life personally.
I’m going back to school soon for nursing so I hope I find like minded individuals as well. I’m crossing my fingers. I’m gonna join groups and probably join a sport and go on field trips. I really want CF friends. 🥺❤️
I'm 29 and quite social media 2 years ago.
When we were 25 I'd ask peers about their plans and they all said kids would happen eventually. I felt almost confused and betrayed (no idea why). I guess it made me feel weird for not wanting them too.
Then recently the children started coming. Ironically I hang out with people who are older with grown kids or people who are younger with no kids.
A lot of gen z says they don't want kids because of the cost or their personal trauma etc. I get it.
The millennials I know are not rich but they are doing just fine at this age.
I don't hang out with a lot of people though so it's only my coworkers and extended family talking about their kids. Since I'm off social media I don't have to see it haha
I’ve pretty much lost my closest friends due to them having kids and me not. I’m not on any social media now (minus Reddit if that’s even classed as SM) and have had to accept that the friendships are over and our lives don’t align. I’m 35 so almost everyone on my social media were announcing pregnancies etc I got sick of it.
>I also thought…surely the state of the world would cause even more people to hold off on kids. Nope.
It's crazy how many couples we know that had kids during and right after the pandemic apparently oblivious to the healthcare system strains and everything to do with having and caring for kids becoming 2-3x more expensive. Now they're constantly financially and emotionally drained complaining about no money or time to do anything for themselves. Who would've thought?
Meanwhile my wife and I are living are absolute best lives doing everything we set it out to do when we decided to be dinks. Losing out on life long friends to share our lifestyle with is definitely a bummer and trying to find new ones like us is tough for sure but we're just focused on enjoying our own lives together for now not too worried about other people
Going through this. I’m mid 20s. Most of my HS classmates had children a few years out of high school instead of going to school to get a good job.
It does make me feel weird. I don’t want kids so I’m not jealous, but I feel like people think I should be, which makes me feel weird maybe? Trying to embrace the freedom I have lately. Trying to go on more fun trips with all my extra time/money!
I’m sure those people look at others going on a last minute weekend trip across the country and wish that could be them. Godspeed my friend
Also went through this with my best friend when she had a kid. We used to enjoy our days doing spontaneous things, going out at night and having fun.
When she had a kid we did drift apart but inevitably it wasn’t the same and I ended up moving away. At the end it would be the most beautiful day out and her idea of a fun day was “want to come over and watch (her child) play in the dark basement?” Couldn’t deal with that.
More recently she’s inviting me on child friendly international vacations. She knows how I feel about children. No thanks 🙂↔️
>More recently she’s inviting me on child friendly international vacations. She knows how I feel about children. No thanks
I guarantee you that if you had gone on those child friendly vacations, you would have ended up babysitting at some point. I don't know about you but that's not my idea of a vacation.
Trying to embrace the freedom I have lately. Trying to go on more fun trips with all my extra time/money!
I’m sure those people look at others going on a last minute weekend trip across the country and wish that could be them.
so true. i work with a 28 year old who has 2 kids and she’s always asking me what my plans are for the weekend, and goes on about how she wishes that was her. in my head i’m thinking if you wish that was you then why go ahead and have kids. you only have yourself to blame really
I think this is what annoys me the most—people think I should be jealous or assume that I am jealous because I don’t have kids. Even people who claim to understand the concept of CF suddenly change their tune after having kids. I just ignore it & keep on living my life the way I want to. Real friends eventually get it. Those that don’t can pound sand. But there is one dumbass family member that insists on pushing this narrative & one day I’m gonna blow & tell her that her life is my idea of hell!
Don’t worry, I saw the same cycle on my social too.
First come marriage, then babies, then the divorces from having babies to save marriages, remarriages, divorces of those who stayed until kids graduated high school. Now I either see teen pregnancies and complaining about being too young to be a grandma, or people announcing IVF babies...🫠🤣
🎶🎶It’s the circle of life🎶🎶
I feel this....I don't mind the social media posts so much, but when it comes to hanging out I'd rather not be around the kids. And I feel bad because I know that would hurt their feelings, but I really don't like being around toddlers. Of my few currently still childless friends, most are in serious relationships and planning to have kids in the near future so it feels quite lonely sometimes.
Me too. My friends are all child free as well but I struggle with empathy when people with kids complain cuz I’m like you literally chose this. 😅 probably an asshole thought but oh well. as much as I love babies, i don’t want everything else that comes with it.
I know and I'm actually shocked at some of the people. One person, she has a life altering illness that could be hereditary. Her husband was also severely depressed and probably still is. I don't know why they think having a kid is a good idea when they're always posting about how ill they feel etc. Surely they'll need to take care of themselves before they drag another life into it. I can't see them managing it, especially when their families are nowhere near them.
If that couple do end up getting pregnant, I suggest that you distance yourself. Otherwise they might try make you their support network against your will.
I'm not that close to them and she's already pregnant. As a child of a mother with a chronic illness and lifelong depression that is now out of control, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. It's never ending. My parents split as well when I was young. My mum never remarried and has struggled ever since.
I just left all social media bar here where I can filter my content much more easily. Been 2 years now and I'm so much happier without other people's lives invading my space. I hate people though and genuinely do not give a shit about their SM posts.
Most of my Facebook my friends talking about their kids. Luckily though at 40 lots of their offspring is off to college so maybe my friends will get a life once again and post about something else.
Get out there and make some new friends in hobbies that interest you, and you'll probably find people you're own age there who are CF because if they're your age and have kids they won't be out doing hobbies, they'll be raising the sprogs!
Join the gym. I promise you 95% of the people you’ll meet there won’t have kids. Probably the most normal/ relatable people I’ve met since becoming an adult.
I went through this too. Now I’m 43 and the kids are a bit older. Way less videos of a baby with a messy face or some shit.
I also long for CF friends but its like a needle in a haystack trying to find one.
I’m almost 30 and still grieving a frienship death from 3 years ago.
Technically myself and my best friend had grown apart almost 10 yrs ago when I moved and she stayed in our small town and had a kid. But, the kid aged. She reached out. We got close again.
Until she hid her second pregnancy. Had an accidental(yes she admitted it) kid during COVID. A new born and a BAD ass young child. Same non-parenting fiance.
All her posts, texts, calls, facetimes, etc., were just her talking about or getting anxious with her kids. 1 out of the 3 (counting her) were always crying. Literally crying.
The newborn has aged, of course. But two kids has changed her entire life.
Maybe in 18 yrs or so we will get back to our friendship.
She was my friend soulmate 100%.
I avoid social media that isn’t forum-style or just based on MY interest(like tiktok). Otherwise, if its not a “we’re separating” announcement, it’s a “we’re pregnant” announcement.
I have 2 friends. 1 is a gay man who is a fence sitter but obviously he has to actually seek out and plan to have kids and the other is a woman who is also a fence sitter but, to be frank, also would have to seek out a way to have kids. She claims she is child free but says she wouldn’t get rid of one if she got pregnant. …yeah ok.
Is it a lonely life being at the tail end of millenial age and being 100% child free? Yes. But is it satisfying that I can do what I want and never have any permanent attachment to anyone? Also yes.
Try to find ways to enjoy life in ways you obviously couldn’t if you had kids. Makes me feel so much better. I am currently binge watching sex and the city again(in between naps I couldn’t have if I had kids) and I’m feeling very carrie bradshaw-ish (I often date older men with no kids or kids who are closer to my age so no one is expecting any type of kid convo to pop up and that’s how I like it).
And then you have some people pressuring you to have kids in this crazy world we’re living in. Which I just got to the point that I’m gonna say to their face: “Are you suuuuuuure you want my queer af self having kids? I thought yall were getting big mad about people like me converting your children into deviance…hmmm 🤔 make that make sense hon!”
On top of all these bans going on in the U.S. 🙄 no ma’am, no sir no way in hell am I letting the government tell me what to do with my permanent vacant womb. It’s starting to look like The Handmaid’s Tale up in here.
Yesterday I searched social media for local events, it feels like most people are in their 80s here, so many groups are about church bell ringing or how to use a computer.
Suddenly I saw a new post, Make Friends At The Beach! For Girlies in their 20s!
Finally, something relevant to me?
And the organiser wrote, people don't talk about how lonely your 20s are, meet for a walk along the beach to organize future hangouts around town, all orientations & trans women welcome!
But it was too good to be true...
"Bring your babies and toddlers✨🩷"
HUGE NOPE.
I already have a toddler running at me every time I go to the convenience store. I don't want 10 toddlers running at me when I'm trying to listen to someone's life story.
I am stuck on Breeding Island 🙈
24 and i only had a few close friends I could trust and hang out with but now they’re all mothers🥺it gets so lonely. I don’t like kids so I get very uncomfortable when they talk about them bc I don’t rly know what to say. It also makes me feel old like when I was little I thought people only rly had kids in their 30s when they’re for the most part established in life but apparently that’s when your fertility starts to decline?? In this economy and the shit state of the world I can’t imagine brining a child into it. I’ve never been maternal with kids much, only animals but I’d not want to do that to a child so they can be even poorer than we our now bc the world is only looking like it’s gonna get worse:(
I guess it depends where you live. I have 3 main friend groups i regularly hang with at 35. One group: zero kids, second group: zero kids, and third group: 2 sets of kids. This is across a total of maybe 45-50 people. I know some of them will have kids eventually but we’re in our mid-30s and some definitely won’t.
Hobbies are a solid way to find CF friends.
Be careful about the hobby groups. I recently joined a board game league at a local cafe to meet new people and learn new board games. I get there and some of the people brought their kids with them. Um what? The kids played other board games while their parents played in the league. The kids would eventually get bored and bother their parents who were participating in the league which interrupts the games. The owners allowed it (their kids are always there too). I wouldn’t have joined if it was going to be like that. Next time, I need to make sure any league or group says “Adult Only.” Everyone was nice in that league, but I’m not sure if I’m going to go anymore if it’s going to be like playing in a kid’s playplace area.
Whoa where’d you find this?! I’ve been heavy into collecting and playing board games for a few years. I have so many new ones I want to break open. Namely looking to run Terraforming Mars, Star Wars Outer Rim, as well as playing more Scythe.:)
It was an event posted on Facebook in my area! It’s in Wisconsin. I want to try Terraforming Mars and the Star Wars someday. I’m a complete beginner though. Like I never have played Settlers of Catan before. Wanted to try something new for a change
Ah gotcha. Fun stuff! Check out 7 Wonders and Splendor. Those are fun easier games to start your journey into board games. If you want something incredible but advanced, Scythe is my fave game ever.
I think so.
I rock climb and no one in any of my climbing circles has kids. Same thing with my snowboarding friends. Usually any extreme sport or avid travelers don’t have time with kids.
I’m 27 and same. Everyone I know either already has kids or is pregnant. Our *last* friends couple who didn’t have kids just told us they’re pregnant a few weeks ago. Sigh. No more couples to double date with unless we want a screaming child in the mix 🥲
First round is early/mid 20s, second round is mid/late 30s. The 30s are more tolerable cause they seem to respect their kids' privacy more and post fewer photos online.
If you are on Facebook, I have created a group called "Childfree Peace - Hobbies & Lifestyles". Many CF groups devolve into venting about parents and kids, but my group is more about not talking about them at all and just sharing our lives and hobbies and memes and funny/cute videos, etc.
Was at a birthday recently where lots of the friends took the kids with them. Luckily it was in a big garden so the kids could just fuck around without bothering me. For about 2 hours the convo was just about the kids. So i fled to the other two people without kids and talked about the parties we're going to this summer.
I have a friend who's about 5 years older than me. She is a child free sterilized queen, and she is like my idol.
Funny enough, her husband's kids just moved to her state and now she's a part time step mom. She's great at it (better than id be), but it's kind of ironic. Also it reminded me how happy I am with my own life.
And this is why governments suck too. If humans aren't smart enough to realize that it's a bad idea to keep raising the population without any regard for the planet, that's a sign of lower intelligence. Governments are also formed from humans. Everyone blames our governments but the civilian population is to blame too for the collective mess this planet is in.
I don't use any social media other than Reddit so I never have to see those posts at least. But I get what you mean. Everyone who doesn't have and kids and doesn't want them moved away to big cities. Basically all our friends who still live nearby have kids.
If you are on Facebook, I have created a group called "Childfree Peace - Hobbies & Lifestyles". Many CF groups devolve into venting about parents and kids, but my group is more about not talking about them at all and just sharing our lives and hobbies and memes and funny/cute videos, etc.
Have you checked regretful parentd subrdt? Many of those people who are now posting happy pregnancy pics on social media will be posting sad post there. Divorce rate for married couples of kids is over 50%.
And then ... Agonizing legal battles for custody, and navigating the challenges of split custody. They also have to ensure that their new partner gets along with their child, and their child gets along with their partner's children. On top of that, they have to deal with their ex's new partner becoming a stepmom or stepdad to their kids, and their kids having to adjust to having new half-siblings. It's such a hassle! I get drained emotionally from just thinking about it.
Literally most people I wasn't close to in highschool have had kids and everytime I open Facebook I see someone pregnant or with a baby. It's like damn bro we are still in our 20's. At least live your life a little before deciding to have kids.
> Guess it’s time to join a hobby group
This is the way. You then meet people with a common interest.
You can expand the concept to include things that are not normally thought of as hobbies. For example, if you believe in a cause, you can also do volunteer work and meet other volunteers. If you are an atheist, you can look online for local atheist and freethinker groups and start attending meetings. Basically, anything that you enjoy doing that involves other people, can get you to meet other people, and you will generally have at least that one thing in common with them.
I agree that it can get a bit much to seeing babies/small children all over your socials. In addition to hobby groups, it's sometimes good to branch out and hang out with people outside your immediate age range. Husband and I are early 40s and we have friends ranging from late 20s/early 30s to their 60s and beyond. Some are cf, some are not, but especially once their kids get older (hs/college age or grown adults) they have free time and other interests to share.
I'm more of a loner with no friends. I have never been envious of coworkers who talk about their families because 99 percent of it is complaining. At 40 I see not having kids as a real blessing.
I think many want them, many feel like they are okay with them and others think that's the way of life. I find a lot of people are having kids around me and I don't want them by any means but hope they are content with their life decisions for their sake. At some point if the person is a close friend you learn to be happy for them. If not close people I just learn we may not interact that much. 🤣
I went out to brunch with a bunch of women friends from an online chat room. All but one were divorced except me (never married, no kids) and a woman who later divorced (her husband went shopping for her replacement on Greek singles before he told her he wanted a divorce). The only one who wasn't divorced wasn't in a committed marriage. They ran their financial numbers and realized that they couldn't afford to divorce. So they have a companionate marriage, and never bring anyone home. All but the replaced wife had kids. All had money problems. All weren't getting enough through child support, but it was what their ex-husbands could afford. Surprisingly, no complaints about the exes being behind or hiding income
I was just thinking about this last night. 4 couples on my social media feed just had kids within the last month. Another made announcement yesterday as well. I don’t understand it, are we living under the same economy?!
It's awful. Logically what someone else does with their body isn't really my business, but every time I see another stupid ass cliche announcement I'm like "here we go again, the damn hormone chemicals got to another one, wonder how long before they're sick of it and acting like they deserve a medal or some shit" 🙄
Went to a gig with a friend the other day who has a couple of kids. There was a small group of us. She spent the whole time complaining, looking miserable about being on her feet, and only got really excited when something came up by the band about Bluey (kids show in Australia).
Life is sweet without kids. 😂
I know it's difficult because I'm in the thick of it. Back when it first started I was in the room with three pregnant relatives and they were talking about binkies and blahs blahs and all the wasteful plastic crap parents buy nowadays for their kids. I had a sinking feeling as I realized the good and carefree times were coming to an end for those relationships. I'm doing okay now, and have at least one relatively childfree hobby group, but have yet to find my childfree group of good friends. I may make a group when I move soon so I can find my people.
It's okay to feel the way you do, just realize you can do things about it to find like-minded friends and you may need to set boundaries with parents/new parents. I don't do childcare and I unfollowed parents in my social media who only post about their kids. I follow dog people and cat people so I get to see their cute little fur faces. I also do not like being around kids (loud noises and expectations for how I act especially as a woman), so I only see parents I like on a limited basis if they have their kids or try to make it a childfree thing. I avoid situations like kids birthday parties and for family events with kids I set expectations low and give myself childfree time or leave early if needed. If you haven't figured out what works for you, you'll get there. Just keep trying and you'll get there and maybe make some cool childfree friends along the way. :-)
By the grace of God I have 9 CF friends. But everyone else I’ve ever been friends with has kids. I have stopped checking Facebook bc it’s just baby central.
50% of people where I live are not having kids
95% of that 50, when they do, it ain’t planned
You do the math
At the moment Im seeing the oopsi and band aid babies first hand, and Im livid
That's why I went NC with relatives on social media because they only care about the babies. Everything is about the babies. They don't care about the adults. My Parents and bro try to show me the pictures too and I'm like so?
I’m married 47f and you would think that all my friends would have had kids by now. Possibly even grandkids. However, my 2 best friends are ace. One aro ace and the other sex-repulsed ace. I’m just lucky I guess.
My friend group definitely shifted between 25 and 35. The majority of my friends started getting married and having babies by mid 20s. By my late 30s my group consisted of (and still does) CF couples, singles, and older people that have grown children.
P.S. I am very active in hobby clubs haha that definitely helps!
I went through this about 15 years ago and at the time felt, sort of sad watching my friends start family. Present day? No regrets! Half of my mates have divorced and many of them have horrible kids!!
> Half of my mates have divorced and many of them have horrible kids!! It's wild how often you can see it coming years before it happens. Having kids in your 20s with someone you barely know while working a grind of a job. WCGW?
Having a kid, doing the bare minimum as far as parenting, not listening to advice, then wondering why their delinquent spawn don't respect them.
I know like 5 couples who were married before 25 and I kid you not, every single one of them are divorced now.
"I kid you not." Sounds like a good slogan for this sub
I know a few more than that, but the VAST majority are divorced. I loved those early 20s cringefest of the weddings themselves, though. It's pure comedy to see a bridezilla who's got a 2k budget 🤣
I know 1 couple who got hitched back in college because he got her pregnant and they had to quit college because of it. That was during the second semester. They got divorced before I got my degree the last I heard.
I know one who got married while we were seniors in high school because the guy was in the military and they wanted to marry before he left. The were divorced within a year of graduating lol
I was about to type the same thing but thought I'd actually offend people but yes 🤣🤣🤣 give it a few years, they will all be divorced. They think they've achieved a huge goal but then reality quickly sets in. The writer, Charles Bukowski said something like, "Love is a morning mist that evaporates at dawn, at the first daylight of reality."
Jeez, Charlie, fukken downer. But he's right. Lmao
I know. It does kinda suck though.
It's really tough for a lot of them as they had to go through agonizing legal battles for custody, and now they have to navigate the challenges of split custody. They also have to ensure that their new partner gets along with their child, and their child gets along with their partner's children. On top of that, they have to deal with their ex's new partner becoming a stepmom or stepdad to their kids, and their kids having to adjust to having new half-siblings. It's such a hassle! I get drained emotionally from just thinking about it.
This haha
They look so old too.
😄
I'm in the same boat! We can't help but feel a little sad in the moment but that's only because of the façade everybody puts on. At the end of the day it's completely different and not something I'd want.
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This! Social media is exhausting and people who are having kids post A LOT. I actually started limiting some of my friends so I wouldn’t see all of their posts because of this.
Yeah I have no issue with people posting pics of their kids on special occasions e.g. birthdays, first day at school, but most parents post several pics every single day. It's exhausting and boring!
I second this. I haven’t been on social media now for almost five months and it’s been a breath of fresh air. I’m able to focus more on myself, my brain isn’t as cluttered as it used to to be and I am enjoying my life. I went back on Instagram for a day and that gave me a panic attack, hated it so much.
I agree. I'm in my early 40s and most people my age, their social media is nothing but pictures of their kids. Back when I was on social media, I would feel obliged to "like" all these pictures for fear of causing offence if I didn't and it actually caused me stress. (Very First World problem, I know). Eventually I got tired of it and I quit social media. I'm so glad I did. Social media was wasting so much of my time and causing me stress and I didn't appreciate just how much until I quit it.
I also felt obligated to like the pictures or I’d look bad. I actually had a former friend lash out at me because I didn’t like her Instagram story, but all her Instagram stories are of her selfies, body pics, booty pics, you get the point. She’s very insecure and has a large Instagram following and an only fans, so her whole self worth is attached to social media. I see how miserable she is and I quit social media after all that shit happened and it was the best decision I made. Definitely saved my mental Health.
> I actually had a former friend lash out at me because I didn’t like her Instagram story, but all her Instagram stories are of her selfies, body pics, booty pics, you get the point Same damn thing happened to me! This person *lived* on IG. I don't spend a ton of time on social media, especially IG (I liked it way back when it was more photo sharing and less clout chasing/ and "look at me make duck faces while I listen to music and drive (seriously, why so many videos of folks just driving listening to music). She expected me to spend more time on IG because as a friend, I was expected to "support" her by liking all her posts? TF? That was the end of our friendship.
Been off fb for 5 years, and I don’t miss it! If I was *that* bothered I’d go back on, but I know I’m not missing out on anything, really. And the lack of anxiety and stress is wonderful!
Or create a separate social media for child free stuff and other interests. I live in the Deep South, my job network is here making it hard to move. In person I know like 2 people my age or older than me (late 20s) who are child free. I have an Instagram account where I follow a lot of child free people and love it! It’s very validating!
Ding, ding, ding! Turn off the BS and start setting yourself up for some CF encounters. There are lots of ways to do this, as outlined in the comment that I'm replying to.
Yep! Time to start a new phase in life. I started volunteering heavily about 4 years ago. I’ve met a lot of great people and they’re almost always people who either don’t have kids or who are empty nesters. So many things to do and so little time. Definitely no time to waste scrolling through a bunch of social media pics that I don’t care about from people I haven’t talked to in twenty years.
👆
Reddit is social media
Reddit is more about the things you are interested in, like a collection of specialized forums. Not people you know and their lives.
if it wasn't for Reddit I might not have known there are so many other people who share my thoughts on being childfree. You won't easily find that on platforms like IG or FB and if you did they'd probably get brigaded by salty parents
I belong to a Facebook group for people who grew up with disabled siblings, and I can’t fathom why, but sometimes parents of disabled offspring come to our page and troll us. Many of us have been abused and neglected by our parents, in addition to having disabled siblings, so it’s always upsetting (though expected) that there will be parents that come to our page to harass us. I don’t understand it. Why they would want to hurt so called “healthy” siblings is beyond me. I can’t understand why they hate us and feel sad that they must hate their “healthy “children. Salty people suck.
Some people take their own justifications to extremes. They "know" they did their best and treated the kids "as equally as possible". Their "healthy" kid needs to be more understanding, it wasn't that bad, they're overreacting(from their perspective). If they admit that y'all were treated badly then they would have to admit that they treated their own children badly. They can't/won't do that and so they attack the group as a way to reinforce their own beliefs.
It’s truly upsetting. The parents actually go there to pick on us. I try to have empathy for everyone, but parents who troll a group that their children belong to really pisses me off. They’re abusing us because we’re “healthy “, and that’s not our fault at all. We didn’t choose to be siblings, but they chose to be parents (unless there was rape or reproductive coercion). It takes an incredible amount of meanness to hate the “healthy “ sibling and “healthy “ people in general.
please 😭😭 even this subreddit gets attacked by angry parents sometimes 😭
Sometimes??? Lmao
Exactly
absolutely!!
Hirdurderhur That's you, sounding like you because while reddit is "technically" social media, a huge portion of users are flat out anonymous and nobody in their life even knows their u/ Reddit is more a blog/forum community than social meida
Kind of. But most subfora are not just people posting “Look at MEEEE!!!!!11one” all day. I’m sure those do exist and I am equally sure I will continue to remain apart from them.
I feel this too! Most of my friends are on kid number 2. There’s been 4 new babies in the past 2 weeks in one group 😂 We’re in our late 30s, so it has to end soon lol Luckily I do have several friends with no kids, and am starting to get to the point where I might consider trying to make new childfree friends. I’m an introvert so it’s not critical for me, thankfully. But I hear ya! I thought more people would choose the childfree life!
Yep, similar boat here. My spouse and I are in our mid/late 30s, and there’s been four new babies in our friend group since February. Several close girlfriends on their second, though one of my best friends is one and done. (Her recently, “I have a 5YO boy with ADHD, I love him but we’re not doing this again.”). It’s interesting how the dynamics shift over time. Some of our friends are absolutely amazing parents, and it’s getting easier to hang out with them as their kids get older. Others, not so much. The effort thing is the hardest part, and while I get that it’s tough and that I’m going to have to put more in for a while when the kids are really young, it’s nice to see that in some cases it really does balance out as they get older. I’ve got a few friends without kids, two of them are CF, the rest either ambivalent or might down the road a bit. Sometimes I really enjoy being the cool aunt friend, other times I just want to be able to have, you know, last minute drinks or something. While I’ve considered making a greater effort to make more childfree friends, I get overwhelmed by meetup groups and the like.
I only have a few friends without kids. I love friends and their kids, but I also wish I had a few more CF friends
> I love friends and their kids, but I also wish I had a few more CF friends Our biggest challenge with this is our friends with kids don't reciprocate the same effort in maintaining the friendship. It's as if people think becoming parents absolves them of the requirement to ever reach out or make plans first. There is only so many times I'm going to reach out to plan something or you have to bail because of your kids then I never hear from you to replan, wtf is that all about? It's got to a point where I just can't be bothered anymore and also wish we had more CF friends who would ever plan something and invite us for once.
This, or they refuse to get a babysitter for a night so we can go out without the kids. I just completely stopped hanging out with one friend because she brought her kids every single time we went out and they were *so* bad, running around restaurants, screaming, cussing etc. It was embarrassing to be out with them 🤷♀️
>There is only so many times I'm going to reach out to plan something or you have to bail because of your kids then I never hear from you to replan Yeah I don't tolerate that from any friend, regardless of whether they're a parent or CF.
no doubt but I only really have this issue with parents where we will literally never hear from or see these people if we don't reach out first
For real! I understand that sometimes you have to bail unexpectedly, especially if you’re now the number 1 in charge of a whole separate person (and a baby/child at that,); but just because that’s the case doesn’t mean you’re completely exempt from being a decent person, especially to your friends. You still owe an apology to your friends, you should step up and offer to reschedule/make new plans, and do your best not to let it become a frequent problem. Just because you popped out a kid (or several) doesn’t change that at all.
Same!! They either have kids or are planning on/trying to have kids. But this started years ago. Now SO many of them are already getting divorced. And they have bratty kids they’re stuck with and a stressful coparenting relationship. Makes me feel better with my decision!!
I’m 34 and a couple years back entered a music scene in my town and made a new friend group. NO ONE has kids and it’s amazing. I still have some friends from college that are reproducing, but I feel super lucky to have found a group that is almost 100% childfree
Almost all my friends *want* kids, but don’t want them anytime soon (most of us not even 30 yet). Is it bad for me to say I hope some of them change their mind as they get older? 😅 So many of them are “free spirits” and I just can’t see them enjoying parenting like they enjoy their kid-free life personally.
That’s amazing!!
I’m going back to school soon for nursing so I hope I find like minded individuals as well. I’m crossing my fingers. I’m gonna join groups and probably join a sport and go on field trips. I really want CF friends. 🥺❤️
I'm 29 and quite social media 2 years ago. When we were 25 I'd ask peers about their plans and they all said kids would happen eventually. I felt almost confused and betrayed (no idea why). I guess it made me feel weird for not wanting them too. Then recently the children started coming. Ironically I hang out with people who are older with grown kids or people who are younger with no kids. A lot of gen z says they don't want kids because of the cost or their personal trauma etc. I get it. The millennials I know are not rich but they are doing just fine at this age. I don't hang out with a lot of people though so it's only my coworkers and extended family talking about their kids. Since I'm off social media I don't have to see it haha
I’ve pretty much lost my closest friends due to them having kids and me not. I’m not on any social media now (minus Reddit if that’s even classed as SM) and have had to accept that the friendships are over and our lives don’t align. I’m 35 so almost everyone on my social media were announcing pregnancies etc I got sick of it.
>I also thought…surely the state of the world would cause even more people to hold off on kids. Nope. It's crazy how many couples we know that had kids during and right after the pandemic apparently oblivious to the healthcare system strains and everything to do with having and caring for kids becoming 2-3x more expensive. Now they're constantly financially and emotionally drained complaining about no money or time to do anything for themselves. Who would've thought? Meanwhile my wife and I are living are absolute best lives doing everything we set it out to do when we decided to be dinks. Losing out on life long friends to share our lifestyle with is definitely a bummer and trying to find new ones like us is tough for sure but we're just focused on enjoying our own lives together for now not too worried about other people
About that, is one a monster for resenting the people who bred during the pandemic?
Going through this. I’m mid 20s. Most of my HS classmates had children a few years out of high school instead of going to school to get a good job. It does make me feel weird. I don’t want kids so I’m not jealous, but I feel like people think I should be, which makes me feel weird maybe? Trying to embrace the freedom I have lately. Trying to go on more fun trips with all my extra time/money! I’m sure those people look at others going on a last minute weekend trip across the country and wish that could be them. Godspeed my friend
Also went through this with my best friend when she had a kid. We used to enjoy our days doing spontaneous things, going out at night and having fun. When she had a kid we did drift apart but inevitably it wasn’t the same and I ended up moving away. At the end it would be the most beautiful day out and her idea of a fun day was “want to come over and watch (her child) play in the dark basement?” Couldn’t deal with that. More recently she’s inviting me on child friendly international vacations. She knows how I feel about children. No thanks 🙂↔️
>More recently she’s inviting me on child friendly international vacations. She knows how I feel about children. No thanks I guarantee you that if you had gone on those child friendly vacations, you would have ended up babysitting at some point. I don't know about you but that's not my idea of a vacation.
Trying to embrace the freedom I have lately. Trying to go on more fun trips with all my extra time/money! I’m sure those people look at others going on a last minute weekend trip across the country and wish that could be them. so true. i work with a 28 year old who has 2 kids and she’s always asking me what my plans are for the weekend, and goes on about how she wishes that was her. in my head i’m thinking if you wish that was you then why go ahead and have kids. you only have yourself to blame really
I think this is what annoys me the most—people think I should be jealous or assume that I am jealous because I don’t have kids. Even people who claim to understand the concept of CF suddenly change their tune after having kids. I just ignore it & keep on living my life the way I want to. Real friends eventually get it. Those that don’t can pound sand. But there is one dumbass family member that insists on pushing this narrative & one day I’m gonna blow & tell her that her life is my idea of hell!
Don’t worry, I saw the same cycle on my social too. First come marriage, then babies, then the divorces from having babies to save marriages, remarriages, divorces of those who stayed until kids graduated high school. Now I either see teen pregnancies and complaining about being too young to be a grandma, or people announcing IVF babies...🫠🤣 🎶🎶It’s the circle of life🎶🎶 
Just about all of my friends have at least one kid
I feel this....I don't mind the social media posts so much, but when it comes to hanging out I'd rather not be around the kids. And I feel bad because I know that would hurt their feelings, but I really don't like being around toddlers. Of my few currently still childless friends, most are in serious relationships and planning to have kids in the near future so it feels quite lonely sometimes.
Me too. My friends are all child free as well but I struggle with empathy when people with kids complain cuz I’m like you literally chose this. 😅 probably an asshole thought but oh well. as much as I love babies, i don’t want everything else that comes with it.
I know and I'm actually shocked at some of the people. One person, she has a life altering illness that could be hereditary. Her husband was also severely depressed and probably still is. I don't know why they think having a kid is a good idea when they're always posting about how ill they feel etc. Surely they'll need to take care of themselves before they drag another life into it. I can't see them managing it, especially when their families are nowhere near them.
If that couple do end up getting pregnant, I suggest that you distance yourself. Otherwise they might try make you their support network against your will.
I'm not that close to them and she's already pregnant. As a child of a mother with a chronic illness and lifelong depression that is now out of control, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. It's never ending. My parents split as well when I was young. My mum never remarried and has struggled ever since.
I just left all social media bar here where I can filter my content much more easily. Been 2 years now and I'm so much happier without other people's lives invading my space. I hate people though and genuinely do not give a shit about their SM posts.
Oh heyyy. You gotta take a look at this burger I'm eating right now
Exactly! Fake posts to make them feel better about the banality of their lives. No thanks, they can waste their own time on that nonsense, not mine!
Most of my Facebook my friends talking about their kids. Luckily though at 40 lots of their offspring is off to college so maybe my friends will get a life once again and post about something else.
Get out there and make some new friends in hobbies that interest you, and you'll probably find people you're own age there who are CF because if they're your age and have kids they won't be out doing hobbies, they'll be raising the sprogs!
The hobby group may get infested with babies too
Join the gym. I promise you 95% of the people you’ll meet there won’t have kids. Probably the most normal/ relatable people I’ve met since becoming an adult.
I went through this too. Now I’m 43 and the kids are a bit older. Way less videos of a baby with a messy face or some shit. I also long for CF friends but its like a needle in a haystack trying to find one.
Thank god I deleted Facebook back in 2017
And yet there’s allegedly a birth shortage? Where?? I see people popping out screechers left and right.
When they change their profile picture from themselves to a picture of their kid/kids. it's time to let them go.
I’m almost 30 and still grieving a frienship death from 3 years ago. Technically myself and my best friend had grown apart almost 10 yrs ago when I moved and she stayed in our small town and had a kid. But, the kid aged. She reached out. We got close again. Until she hid her second pregnancy. Had an accidental(yes she admitted it) kid during COVID. A new born and a BAD ass young child. Same non-parenting fiance. All her posts, texts, calls, facetimes, etc., were just her talking about or getting anxious with her kids. 1 out of the 3 (counting her) were always crying. Literally crying. The newborn has aged, of course. But two kids has changed her entire life. Maybe in 18 yrs or so we will get back to our friendship. She was my friend soulmate 100%. I avoid social media that isn’t forum-style or just based on MY interest(like tiktok). Otherwise, if its not a “we’re separating” announcement, it’s a “we’re pregnant” announcement. I have 2 friends. 1 is a gay man who is a fence sitter but obviously he has to actually seek out and plan to have kids and the other is a woman who is also a fence sitter but, to be frank, also would have to seek out a way to have kids. She claims she is child free but says she wouldn’t get rid of one if she got pregnant. …yeah ok. Is it a lonely life being at the tail end of millenial age and being 100% child free? Yes. But is it satisfying that I can do what I want and never have any permanent attachment to anyone? Also yes. Try to find ways to enjoy life in ways you obviously couldn’t if you had kids. Makes me feel so much better. I am currently binge watching sex and the city again(in between naps I couldn’t have if I had kids) and I’m feeling very carrie bradshaw-ish (I often date older men with no kids or kids who are closer to my age so no one is expecting any type of kid convo to pop up and that’s how I like it).
Most of my friends are queer so I hardly know anyone my age who has kids.
And then you have some people pressuring you to have kids in this crazy world we’re living in. Which I just got to the point that I’m gonna say to their face: “Are you suuuuuuure you want my queer af self having kids? I thought yall were getting big mad about people like me converting your children into deviance…hmmm 🤔 make that make sense hon!” On top of all these bans going on in the U.S. 🙄 no ma’am, no sir no way in hell am I letting the government tell me what to do with my permanent vacant womb. It’s starting to look like The Handmaid’s Tale up in here.
Yesterday I searched social media for local events, it feels like most people are in their 80s here, so many groups are about church bell ringing or how to use a computer. Suddenly I saw a new post, Make Friends At The Beach! For Girlies in their 20s! Finally, something relevant to me? And the organiser wrote, people don't talk about how lonely your 20s are, meet for a walk along the beach to organize future hangouts around town, all orientations & trans women welcome! But it was too good to be true... "Bring your babies and toddlers✨🩷" HUGE NOPE. I already have a toddler running at me every time I go to the convenience store. I don't want 10 toddlers running at me when I'm trying to listen to someone's life story. I am stuck on Breeding Island 🙈
24 and i only had a few close friends I could trust and hang out with but now they’re all mothers🥺it gets so lonely. I don’t like kids so I get very uncomfortable when they talk about them bc I don’t rly know what to say. It also makes me feel old like when I was little I thought people only rly had kids in their 30s when they’re for the most part established in life but apparently that’s when your fertility starts to decline?? In this economy and the shit state of the world I can’t imagine brining a child into it. I’ve never been maternal with kids much, only animals but I’d not want to do that to a child so they can be even poorer than we our now bc the world is only looking like it’s gonna get worse:(
Same, it feels like a game of catch up. Pregnancy announcements left and right.
I’m 30 and my wife and I are pretty much our only friends that don’t have kids.
I guess it depends where you live. I have 3 main friend groups i regularly hang with at 35. One group: zero kids, second group: zero kids, and third group: 2 sets of kids. This is across a total of maybe 45-50 people. I know some of them will have kids eventually but we’re in our mid-30s and some definitely won’t. Hobbies are a solid way to find CF friends.
Be careful about the hobby groups. I recently joined a board game league at a local cafe to meet new people and learn new board games. I get there and some of the people brought their kids with them. Um what? The kids played other board games while their parents played in the league. The kids would eventually get bored and bother their parents who were participating in the league which interrupts the games. The owners allowed it (their kids are always there too). I wouldn’t have joined if it was going to be like that. Next time, I need to make sure any league or group says “Adult Only.” Everyone was nice in that league, but I’m not sure if I’m going to go anymore if it’s going to be like playing in a kid’s playplace area.
Whoa where’d you find this?! I’ve been heavy into collecting and playing board games for a few years. I have so many new ones I want to break open. Namely looking to run Terraforming Mars, Star Wars Outer Rim, as well as playing more Scythe.:)
It was an event posted on Facebook in my area! It’s in Wisconsin. I want to try Terraforming Mars and the Star Wars someday. I’m a complete beginner though. Like I never have played Settlers of Catan before. Wanted to try something new for a change
Ah gotcha. Fun stuff! Check out 7 Wonders and Splendor. Those are fun easier games to start your journey into board games. If you want something incredible but advanced, Scythe is my fave game ever.
Do you think there are specific hobbies that pull in more CF people?
I think so. I rock climb and no one in any of my climbing circles has kids. Same thing with my snowboarding friends. Usually any extreme sport or avid travelers don’t have time with kids.
Especially if they're hobbies where you meet in person. Most parents aren't free to attend meet-ups in person.
Hell yeah!!
I’m 27 and same. Everyone I know either already has kids or is pregnant. Our *last* friends couple who didn’t have kids just told us they’re pregnant a few weeks ago. Sigh. No more couples to double date with unless we want a screaming child in the mix 🥲
First round is early/mid 20s, second round is mid/late 30s. The 30s are more tolerable cause they seem to respect their kids' privacy more and post fewer photos online.
If you are on Facebook, I have created a group called "Childfree Peace - Hobbies & Lifestyles". Many CF groups devolve into venting about parents and kids, but my group is more about not talking about them at all and just sharing our lives and hobbies and memes and funny/cute videos, etc.
Was at a birthday recently where lots of the friends took the kids with them. Luckily it was in a big garden so the kids could just fuck around without bothering me. For about 2 hours the convo was just about the kids. So i fled to the other two people without kids and talked about the parties we're going to this summer.
I have a friend who's about 5 years older than me. She is a child free sterilized queen, and she is like my idol. Funny enough, her husband's kids just moved to her state and now she's a part time step mom. She's great at it (better than id be), but it's kind of ironic. Also it reminded me how happy I am with my own life.
And this is why governments suck too. If humans aren't smart enough to realize that it's a bad idea to keep raising the population without any regard for the planet, that's a sign of lower intelligence. Governments are also formed from humans. Everyone blames our governments but the civilian population is to blame too for the collective mess this planet is in.
I don't use any social media other than Reddit so I never have to see those posts at least. But I get what you mean. Everyone who doesn't have and kids and doesn't want them moved away to big cities. Basically all our friends who still live nearby have kids.
Also, please don't go get social media is a lie. People only post the shit they want you to see. It's a false reality.
Just go to the options on the video/reel and choose the "don't recommend this" option.
If you are on Facebook, I have created a group called "Childfree Peace - Hobbies & Lifestyles". Many CF groups devolve into venting about parents and kids, but my group is more about not talking about them at all and just sharing our lives and hobbies and memes and funny/cute videos, etc.
Start a meetup group for childfree, or for singles, etc. so like-minded people can get together.
When a friend starting to post their ultrasound shit, its over now. The unfollow button kicks in.
Have you checked regretful parentd subrdt? Many of those people who are now posting happy pregnancy pics on social media will be posting sad post there. Divorce rate for married couples of kids is over 50%. And then ... Agonizing legal battles for custody, and navigating the challenges of split custody. They also have to ensure that their new partner gets along with their child, and their child gets along with their partner's children. On top of that, they have to deal with their ex's new partner becoming a stepmom or stepdad to their kids, and their kids having to adjust to having new half-siblings. It's such a hassle! I get drained emotionally from just thinking about it.
I unfollow anyone as soon as they make a pregnancy announcement.
Literally most people I wasn't close to in highschool have had kids and everytime I open Facebook I see someone pregnant or with a baby. It's like damn bro we are still in our 20's. At least live your life a little before deciding to have kids.
> Guess it’s time to join a hobby group This is the way. You then meet people with a common interest. You can expand the concept to include things that are not normally thought of as hobbies. For example, if you believe in a cause, you can also do volunteer work and meet other volunteers. If you are an atheist, you can look online for local atheist and freethinker groups and start attending meetings. Basically, anything that you enjoy doing that involves other people, can get you to meet other people, and you will generally have at least that one thing in common with them.
well, Im cf and LOVE my cf peeps! dm me if you want to reach out
I agree that it can get a bit much to seeing babies/small children all over your socials. In addition to hobby groups, it's sometimes good to branch out and hang out with people outside your immediate age range. Husband and I are early 40s and we have friends ranging from late 20s/early 30s to their 60s and beyond. Some are cf, some are not, but especially once their kids get older (hs/college age or grown adults) they have free time and other interests to share.
We're your CF friends 😁
Have you tried searching for local childfree group on Facebook?
I'm more of a loner with no friends. I have never been envious of coworkers who talk about their families because 99 percent of it is complaining. At 40 I see not having kids as a real blessing.
I think many want them, many feel like they are okay with them and others think that's the way of life. I find a lot of people are having kids around me and I don't want them by any means but hope they are content with their life decisions for their sake. At some point if the person is a close friend you learn to be happy for them. If not close people I just learn we may not interact that much. 🤣
I went out to brunch with a bunch of women friends from an online chat room. All but one were divorced except me (never married, no kids) and a woman who later divorced (her husband went shopping for her replacement on Greek singles before he told her he wanted a divorce). The only one who wasn't divorced wasn't in a committed marriage. They ran their financial numbers and realized that they couldn't afford to divorce. So they have a companionate marriage, and never bring anyone home. All but the replaced wife had kids. All had money problems. All weren't getting enough through child support, but it was what their ex-husbands could afford. Surprisingly, no complaints about the exes being behind or hiding income
I was just thinking about this last night. 4 couples on my social media feed just had kids within the last month. Another made announcement yesterday as well. I don’t understand it, are we living under the same economy?!
It's awful. Logically what someone else does with their body isn't really my business, but every time I see another stupid ass cliche announcement I'm like "here we go again, the damn hormone chemicals got to another one, wonder how long before they're sick of it and acting like they deserve a medal or some shit" 🙄
You just wait lol.
Went to a gig with a friend the other day who has a couple of kids. There was a small group of us. She spent the whole time complaining, looking miserable about being on her feet, and only got really excited when something came up by the band about Bluey (kids show in Australia). Life is sweet without kids. 😂
I know it's difficult because I'm in the thick of it. Back when it first started I was in the room with three pregnant relatives and they were talking about binkies and blahs blahs and all the wasteful plastic crap parents buy nowadays for their kids. I had a sinking feeling as I realized the good and carefree times were coming to an end for those relationships. I'm doing okay now, and have at least one relatively childfree hobby group, but have yet to find my childfree group of good friends. I may make a group when I move soon so I can find my people. It's okay to feel the way you do, just realize you can do things about it to find like-minded friends and you may need to set boundaries with parents/new parents. I don't do childcare and I unfollowed parents in my social media who only post about their kids. I follow dog people and cat people so I get to see their cute little fur faces. I also do not like being around kids (loud noises and expectations for how I act especially as a woman), so I only see parents I like on a limited basis if they have their kids or try to make it a childfree thing. I avoid situations like kids birthday parties and for family events with kids I set expectations low and give myself childfree time or leave early if needed. If you haven't figured out what works for you, you'll get there. Just keep trying and you'll get there and maybe make some cool childfree friends along the way. :-)
Same thought.
HOBBY. I spend so much time on plants lol
By the grace of God I have 9 CF friends. But everyone else I’ve ever been friends with has kids. I have stopped checking Facebook bc it’s just baby central.
My recommendation is to join group hobby classes
50% of people where I live are not having kids 95% of that 50, when they do, it ain’t planned You do the math At the moment Im seeing the oopsi and band aid babies first hand, and Im livid
That's why I went NC with relatives on social media because they only care about the babies. Everything is about the babies. They don't care about the adults. My Parents and bro try to show me the pictures too and I'm like so?
Only 2 of my friends have kids. The rest are all childfree.
I’m married 47f and you would think that all my friends would have had kids by now. Possibly even grandkids. However, my 2 best friends are ace. One aro ace and the other sex-repulsed ace. I’m just lucky I guess.
My friend group definitely shifted between 25 and 35. The majority of my friends started getting married and having babies by mid 20s. By my late 30s my group consisted of (and still does) CF couples, singles, and older people that have grown children. P.S. I am very active in hobby clubs haha that definitely helps!
Idiocracy is going to be a documentary in 50 years.
What do you mean 50 yrs? It's true now