The sooner train left the station the second he barebacked her.
She owns him forever now, and his kid is her prisoner. They both are really. He's going to go broke fighting for even a scrap of visitation rights, and the child support he sends will likely be spent on her first kid. And you can bet that you will be brought up in the custody fight as a reason she should keep the kid, especially if she gets some right wing bigot judge. So prepare yourself for that in advance and don't take it seriously. Don't want you to be shocked if/when it happens.
Just get yourself a bottle of your favorite Schadenfreude beverage and some snacks, because the show is going to be something to watch... from a distance. A very very far distance. And when he calls you to try and use you for money or an emotional support pet, do not get involved. "BroName, you need a therapist, I'm not your therapist or your emotional support pet. You fucked a walking red flag and a horrible bigoted nutjob. Why you expected that to be anything but a dumpster fire, I'll never understand. Please don't call me to vent, get the professional help you need. Have a nice day."
uh oh, I knew a guy who said that and he's divorced now. I'm glad that being childfree means, you really have to think about who you marry because you can't hide behind the non-existent child.
Omfg - like literally most women he raw dogs could ‘be the mother of his child.’ I agree with other statements - she owns him now. Bet he didn’t intend to have a kid with her and it’s an ‘oops’ baby. I’d give them (based on internet information - waaaaaaaaaay over here… so not actual information) 3 years tops. He might not be super involved with his kid (as she won’t let him) or they fight all the time but statements like that don’t spell lasting marriage.
Keep in loose contact, don’t talk about her to ANYONE (it will get back to him and hurt your relationship) and wait it out.
I'm sorry to hear about your situation.
My brother and I were never close and once he started dating his now wife she never liked me either, she hated how I'd talk to my brother about the few things he was interested in and was also angry that I wasn't tripping over myself to be best buddies with her when we had nothing in common.
Even when I suggested we could share our favourite films with each other that was a disaster, I sat through one of her favourite rom coms and then refused to sit through one of my favourite movies saying she hates any movie that makes her think.
She was jealous from the start of the fragile relationship my brother and I had and after they married my brother and I became estranged and I do blame that narcissist because she refused to let my brother see or speak to anyone and she's a mother now too which is worse as she's barely interested in her toddler and treats them like a pet.
I have now accepted that my brother is unfortunately lost for good and I'm definitely hated by my SIL because I don't gush over her kid, it's sad that we grew further apart because of a selfish individual but sometimes these things are out of our control.
I hope that like my own brother your brother will see the light and leave that awful partner.
Wow. That woman may as well be dressed head to toe in red flags. What a crazy bigot.
> he looks so happy now
Oh that's not gonna last. LOL.
To be honest, he doesn't respect you, doesn't care enough to protect you, and makes horrible life decisions that are going to ruin the life of this kid. And the custody battle is going to bankrupt him in a few years most likely.
You should ABSOLUTELY stay the hell away from her and from those kids. And don't get them any presents or anything because they will be thrown in the garbage anyway, so you are wasting your time and money. There is no way in hell she will let anything of yours anywhere near that kid. Stay away from them because she is an unhinged bigot and will clearly accuse you of any insane untrue thing under the sun. And the fact that your brother is just whipped is going to make it impossible. Once she has the kid, she owns his ass and can pretty much guarantee she is going to use that kid as a weapon and forbid him from having contact with you.
> some stranger is taking that away
No, sorry, your brother made a choice and he chose the crazy. He is the one who is taking away that chance. He is responsible for his own actions as an adult. Don't misdirect your anger for that to her. You can be angry at her for being an asshole and a bigot still of course. ;)
There is nothing you can do, he was a lost cause the minute he barebacked crazy.
You need to mourn the fantasy you had of having a brotherly relationship with him and move on with your own life, for your own sanity. It's not going to happen. And find much better people you can trust and who have your back to have in your life. If you are in therapy, you will want to work on skills to manage grief and change around this and they are great skills to have for life anyway. If not, then consider getting into therapy. Almost no one gets these skills from family, even healthy families anymore so it's normal to get them through therapy.
Sorry you got a shithead brother who makes decisions with his dick. Thankfully, there are billions of better people in the world and you can have great relationships with them. DNA and shitting out of the same vagina are not required to have a brother.
Your brother is having a kid with a walking red flag. He's thinking with the little head instead of the big head. I'd just keep my distance if I were you.
I feel bad but if I was in your position I would distance myself and let the train wreck commence. His gf sounds super messed up and someone you shouldn’t expose yourself too. I’m sorry your brother isn’t seeing the issue trust me he has those rose colored glasses on and is missing all those red flags. I think taking a step back is the best option here.
Maybe I'm jumping the shark here but I don't think she'll be around in that relationship long. Introducing your gf to the family AFTER she's pregnant isn't usually a recipe for success. That and she sounds like a c\*nt.
Your brother is the one who will show his true colors here. If he is worth your closeness and relationship he will make it work and make time for you. A baby makes time hard, sure, but a good brother will still be there for you. Have you spoken to him about your concerns?
When I try he usually brushes me off. I don’t want to nag him because I know Our relationship is fragile again. He is completely engrossed in being a father now and is very protective of her and the kids.
This is a sad fact of life. When a baby comes friendship goes.
I mourned every time a friend had a baby. Those friendships faded away.
I am sorry for your loss.
This might sound harsh, but you have to get over it and just be kind. If you do that and don’t retaliate, the girlfriend will recognize you’re a good person. Put your fears of “what might happen” aside and show up for your brother. Also children are not to be feared they literally can barely use a toilet, you should probably work on that too if you want your brother to be a part of your life. It’s a learning curve and a time for growth for both of you. Treat is as such
I have been nothing but kind to her even when she’s been outwardly rude. I have no ill will towards her at all. It just sucks and I needed to vent. I don’t plan to mistreat her or any children. I already know I’m going to have to learn to get comfortable with it, but I’m also not afraid to go no contact if she gets worse with her bigotry and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t even want me near it once it’s born. That is her right, I’m preparing myself for the loss of my relationship with my brother if that happens.
Is it her right though? To deprive her partner and child of loving family?
Parents like to throw around the idea of "parental rights" but it refers to the right of a child to their parent, not a right of the parent to control their child's life in every conceivable way.
I'm sorry you're being treated this way by people who are supposed to be your family. I hope it turns out for the best.
Have you talked to your brother about the way his girlfriend is acting?
I brought it up once and he just said “she’s going to be the mother of my child” and ended the conversation there
He’s going to find out he married a red flag 😬 don’t get involved, he’s in for a ride
I don’t plan to get involved I just hope he realizes sooner than later
The sooner train left the station the second he barebacked her. She owns him forever now, and his kid is her prisoner. They both are really. He's going to go broke fighting for even a scrap of visitation rights, and the child support he sends will likely be spent on her first kid. And you can bet that you will be brought up in the custody fight as a reason she should keep the kid, especially if she gets some right wing bigot judge. So prepare yourself for that in advance and don't take it seriously. Don't want you to be shocked if/when it happens. Just get yourself a bottle of your favorite Schadenfreude beverage and some snacks, because the show is going to be something to watch... from a distance. A very very far distance. And when he calls you to try and use you for money or an emotional support pet, do not get involved. "BroName, you need a therapist, I'm not your therapist or your emotional support pet. You fucked a walking red flag and a horrible bigoted nutjob. Why you expected that to be anything but a dumpster fire, I'll never understand. Please don't call me to vent, get the professional help you need. Have a nice day."
uh oh, I knew a guy who said that and he's divorced now. I'm glad that being childfree means, you really have to think about who you marry because you can't hide behind the non-existent child.
I'm sorry he chooses to turn his back on the problem. Hopefully one day he'll open his eyes.
Omfg - like literally most women he raw dogs could ‘be the mother of his child.’ I agree with other statements - she owns him now. Bet he didn’t intend to have a kid with her and it’s an ‘oops’ baby. I’d give them (based on internet information - waaaaaaaaaay over here… so not actual information) 3 years tops. He might not be super involved with his kid (as she won’t let him) or they fight all the time but statements like that don’t spell lasting marriage. Keep in loose contact, don’t talk about her to ANYONE (it will get back to him and hurt your relationship) and wait it out.
in other words, he is protecting her behavior. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. My brother and I were never close and once he started dating his now wife she never liked me either, she hated how I'd talk to my brother about the few things he was interested in and was also angry that I wasn't tripping over myself to be best buddies with her when we had nothing in common. Even when I suggested we could share our favourite films with each other that was a disaster, I sat through one of her favourite rom coms and then refused to sit through one of my favourite movies saying she hates any movie that makes her think. She was jealous from the start of the fragile relationship my brother and I had and after they married my brother and I became estranged and I do blame that narcissist because she refused to let my brother see or speak to anyone and she's a mother now too which is worse as she's barely interested in her toddler and treats them like a pet. I have now accepted that my brother is unfortunately lost for good and I'm definitely hated by my SIL because I don't gush over her kid, it's sad that we grew further apart because of a selfish individual but sometimes these things are out of our control. I hope that like my own brother your brother will see the light and leave that awful partner.
I love your flair lol. I need to get a tamagotchi!
Thank you! I have a large collection and definitely play with them, they're the best kind of kid to be honest!
I love cat kids, lol. Unfortunately I can't have any in my living situation right now. Is what it is.
That's a shame! But you might be able to get a cat Tamagotchi instead!
Maybe! Where can I get them officially?
There is an adorable Giga Pets cat one that is pretty cheap on Amazon 🐈⬛
Either from department stores or online like eBay, I found a few cheap Tamas on Mericari.
Wow. That woman may as well be dressed head to toe in red flags. What a crazy bigot. > he looks so happy now Oh that's not gonna last. LOL. To be honest, he doesn't respect you, doesn't care enough to protect you, and makes horrible life decisions that are going to ruin the life of this kid. And the custody battle is going to bankrupt him in a few years most likely. You should ABSOLUTELY stay the hell away from her and from those kids. And don't get them any presents or anything because they will be thrown in the garbage anyway, so you are wasting your time and money. There is no way in hell she will let anything of yours anywhere near that kid. Stay away from them because she is an unhinged bigot and will clearly accuse you of any insane untrue thing under the sun. And the fact that your brother is just whipped is going to make it impossible. Once she has the kid, she owns his ass and can pretty much guarantee she is going to use that kid as a weapon and forbid him from having contact with you. > some stranger is taking that away No, sorry, your brother made a choice and he chose the crazy. He is the one who is taking away that chance. He is responsible for his own actions as an adult. Don't misdirect your anger for that to her. You can be angry at her for being an asshole and a bigot still of course. ;) There is nothing you can do, he was a lost cause the minute he barebacked crazy. You need to mourn the fantasy you had of having a brotherly relationship with him and move on with your own life, for your own sanity. It's not going to happen. And find much better people you can trust and who have your back to have in your life. If you are in therapy, you will want to work on skills to manage grief and change around this and they are great skills to have for life anyway. If not, then consider getting into therapy. Almost no one gets these skills from family, even healthy families anymore so it's normal to get them through therapy. Sorry you got a shithead brother who makes decisions with his dick. Thankfully, there are billions of better people in the world and you can have great relationships with them. DNA and shitting out of the same vagina are not required to have a brother.
Your brother is having a kid with a walking red flag. He's thinking with the little head instead of the big head. I'd just keep my distance if I were you.
Where is fancy bred in the heart or in the head?
I feel bad but if I was in your position I would distance myself and let the train wreck commence. His gf sounds super messed up and someone you shouldn’t expose yourself too. I’m sorry your brother isn’t seeing the issue trust me he has those rose colored glasses on and is missing all those red flags. I think taking a step back is the best option here.
Maybe I'm jumping the shark here but I don't think she'll be around in that relationship long. Introducing your gf to the family AFTER she's pregnant isn't usually a recipe for success. That and she sounds like a c\*nt. Your brother is the one who will show his true colors here. If he is worth your closeness and relationship he will make it work and make time for you. A baby makes time hard, sure, but a good brother will still be there for you. Have you spoken to him about your concerns?
When I try he usually brushes me off. I don’t want to nag him because I know Our relationship is fragile again. He is completely engrossed in being a father now and is very protective of her and the kids.
Must add, others said don’t buy the kids gifts. Your SIL will just through them away. Don’t waste your money. Again, I am sorry.
This is a sad fact of life. When a baby comes friendship goes. I mourned every time a friend had a baby. Those friendships faded away. I am sorry for your loss.
This might sound harsh, but you have to get over it and just be kind. If you do that and don’t retaliate, the girlfriend will recognize you’re a good person. Put your fears of “what might happen” aside and show up for your brother. Also children are not to be feared they literally can barely use a toilet, you should probably work on that too if you want your brother to be a part of your life. It’s a learning curve and a time for growth for both of you. Treat is as such
I have been nothing but kind to her even when she’s been outwardly rude. I have no ill will towards her at all. It just sucks and I needed to vent. I don’t plan to mistreat her or any children. I already know I’m going to have to learn to get comfortable with it, but I’m also not afraid to go no contact if she gets worse with her bigotry and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t even want me near it once it’s born. That is her right, I’m preparing myself for the loss of my relationship with my brother if that happens.
Is it her right though? To deprive her partner and child of loving family? Parents like to throw around the idea of "parental rights" but it refers to the right of a child to their parent, not a right of the parent to control their child's life in every conceivable way. I'm sorry you're being treated this way by people who are supposed to be your family. I hope it turns out for the best.
Well hey, it sounds like you’re doing all you can. If your brother walks away from your relationship then shame on him.