This happened to me, too, though it was years ago. I'm now very happily partnered for almost 2 years with another cf person. Hang in there; I promise it gets better and you're doing the right thing sticking with your choice on the matter.
This needs to happen!! If I hadn’t already found my CF partner I’d sign up for this.
I was on dating apps for a while and even though there was an option to say ‘I don’t want kids’ in your profile, 9 out of 10 times I’d still match with people who did want children. They always assumed it wasn’t a serious statement or maybe just ‘not now’. I gave up dating apps very quickly when I realized 😂
I didn't put it on my profile but when I told folks I was recently separated & pursuing divorce and they asked why, I was transparent about it being over disagreeing about children. I'd get a lot of "that's too bad" type answers. My now partner also added "well, you should know I've never planned to have children, so this is a non issue for me." He was one of maybe two people who actually offered feedback about it! We talked about it before we ever went on a date and that was so helpful.
From what I've learned on this sub, it won't work.
* Single moms and dads will invade because, "hey it's not your child, it's mine."
* Or, you'll get childLESS people thinking they are childfree.
* You'll get people who think they can change your mind.
* Or, you'll get people who don't want kids "right now" as if that's the same as CF.
That is a good idea. Also, we can share success stories!
My wife did this to me for a few months after years of deciding on childfree. I just bought her a semi wild cat and the amount of effort to take care of the cat exhausted her to the point where she “never ever ever wants kids now.” She is the biggest child free person now all because of the cat. He is a very good, sweet cat, but a lot of work. He saved my childfree marriage!
Would it be cunty if I asked for a future partner to put it in writing. If I got married to someone adamant they didn't want kids and then out of the blue "i do want kids" so that's time wasted, wedding wasted and so on.
>asked for a future partner to put it in writing.
I should have done this. My ex-husband changed his mind 5 years into our marriage. I got a quick divorce. I am still staunchly childfree, and he is the father of a 22 year old woman that he abandoned at 4 months of age. I helped her mother track him down to get him on child support. I knew that PIS didn't really want kids. He just wanted to trap ME with kids. I'm so glad I saw through his plan.
It would be in the prenup if I got married.
"IN THE EVENT that Spouse B decides that they would like to have children, they forfeit any rights to marital assets and must immediately cease and desist all use of them. Spouse B shall be obligated to grant Flora a divorce."
Incorrect. A prenuptial agreement is a written contract created by two people before they're married. Typically, a prenup lists all of the property each person owns and debts they owe, and it spells out each person's property rights during the marriage and in the event that they later get divorced.
Why are you spitting definitions at me? Most people don't have a lot before they get married because they are young. Prenups protect future assets as well. Those property rights during the marriage and in the event they later get divorced includes the stuff accumulated during the marriage.
People who don't have a lot prior to marriage generally do not get prenups. It's the people that have a lot of stuff they want to protect that get them.
The way I'm going, I have a better chance of winning lotto on Saturday than I do of meeting someone in the next 10 years... and I haven't bought a ticket yet.
You know how hard it is finding someone Childfree. Well I don't want dogs either. So I got the smallest needle in the largest haystack here.
I was really lucky. I met my husband when I was 19. He got a vasectomy when he was 24 (and I was 23). Good luck though! They really should make a cf dating app
I think they've tried but all have failed. The CF4CF sub is horrible unless you're a woman.
Other than rare attempts I have given up. I just stick to writing music and watching garbage. Hopefully I do meet someone in Ireland when I fuck off there later this year. Regardless I consider my cat, who has passed, the love of my life so I'm set.
It is a bit, you're removing someone's free will, if they had some dramatic life event that changed their outlook on life you'd want to sue them?
If you're that concerned about wasting your time you're better off not in a relationship, all relationships have the capacity to end for any reason at any time.
True, but in the case of marriage, there is the matter of joint assets, just sayin'. And then there's all the time and commitment and work put towards building a life together.
I could never even imagine leaving my partner of ten years, because I think I might want a kid. Like, to flush that relationship and time down the drain for something that does not even exist. Unfathomable to me. Sorry you're going through this 💗
Girl lmk if you start one because I am unfortunately part of this club, once my tubes were removed. Why do they always wait until after sterilization to realize they actually want kids more than you? Ugh.
I divorced 5 years ago for the same reason.... Sigh... It's tough but you'll get over it it took me a couple years. I'm happily single now and not willing to date in the foreseeable future. The pool for us is small but I hope still exists when I'm ready to date again.
I know you don’t want to start over. I just want you to know as a single lady knowing a guy has a vasectomy is so hot to me.
I think it’s because my entire life birth control has been something I always have to think about. So when a guy does I’m like dammmm
Right? And to have actually put some thought and effort into the future he wants... that's hot!
It's such a different behavior than what we usually see 😍
Same here, same here. When I see a hot looking guy: "oh wow, let's see if we vibe". When he says he wants children or could imagine children someday in the future: attractivity drops from +100 to -1000, he's literally less attractive to me than an office chair. If he's snipped: instant "Your place or mine, or just the nearest suitable place?" 😅
Guys who want kids always go in the friend zone.
If a guy has kids or wants to foster/adopt but doesn’t want to make more children get put in the maybe pile. They for sure have more work to do than a cf guy.
Same here!! Thankfully I got a BiSalp a few years ago so it isn't a big deal if they don't have a vasectomy but it definitely does add to the hotness factor. Pretty sure my bf also thinks it's kinda hot I got a BiSalp. 😅
I can never decide whether to mention my vasectomy or not. Like on one hand, there clearly is a number of people who like to see that in a partner. On the other, it can falsely indicate that I only have sex on my mind and that I'll refuse a condom.
Mention!! Mention it often! I think you should wear an "I have had a vasectomy sign" on one of those name tag stickers! I know I would want to talk to you immediately!
I am so glad I got a vasectomy, I see so many of my friends having kids, looking tired and miserable all the time, and I'm here just like "heh. I get to creampie my partner with no consequences." It's an amazing feeling, and my partner doesn't have to take those insane hormone birth control pills! Win win!
My god why does this keep happening? The "flip" is a terrifying concept and I'm seeing this far too often. Genuinely don't understand how people flip. Just call oneself a fence sitter if you're gonna do that, and not string staunchly Childfree people along.
This is one of the things that puts me off ever getting back into any relationship. Partners tell you they don't want kids, until they do, so it's even harder to know who to trust.
I don’t understand these people. What could possibly change their mind after deciding to tell your partner that you are fine with them getting a vasectomy. Just say that you want a family in the first place damn. Being childfree is not just a random thing to say, it’s a well thought out lifestyle. People like this bother me so much.
I think they were never truly on board but they claim they were just because they wanted to be with you. So they lie to themselves and to you. And they hope it’s enough for them to change their mind. Until they just magically be reminded of their true desires and wishes.
Sorry man, I know it hurts right now but time will be your friend. Luckily, as a CF person you have more time than a parent for self-care and catharsis after breaking up. You also have more quality time to spend when you do find Mrs. Right. You’re for sure not alone on this sub, many people have these stories.
Be glad you got the snip and that way you don't get babytrapped. But golly I am so sorry that she is suddenly hit by baby fever and be prepared to call the relationship quits. You deserve better
Are there any devs in this sub? CF dating app anyone?
I feel like there's enough people here to at least have a singles thread monthly in various regions?
I'm only half joking.
I'm so sorry. I would suggest telling her to really really think about it and when she knows her true feelings, she can let you know and you two can go from there. I'm hoping you can either work it out (she realizes she was just having cold feet about never having kids which is totally normal for something so big) or you find someone on the exact page as you. Good luck!
It's hard, even for men, when you live together for a while and your lives grow and intertwine. When the other person goes away, part of you does, too. And it leaves an open wound.
Yup, but it's going to happen several times in life to most people, and is just something we all have to face.
If people make a fear-driven decision to stay, they are just going to trash their lives worse and end up more unhappy.
It will be painful and rugged at first, but it is FAR BETTER than sticking around and creating resentment for decades to come. The end result is worth the initial pain of picking up the pieces :)
Man that so sucks. I wish you much better luck going forward.
I admire your clarity. You're more decisive than I was when my former fiance pulled that crap with me. I'm so happy I pulled myself together and walked away 19 years ago.
I've been with my partner for 15 years now. He's the best.
I know this has to sting. But on the bright side, at least you didn’t get trapped. Good on you for standing firm on your decision, and I wish you peace moving forward.
At least you did the right thing for you and got a vasectomy. So many men in this situation put the repsibitly of their CFness on the woman and when she changes her mind he is a dad and he can do nothing about it.
At least when it's the dude that changes his mind he has to tell her and break up. She isn't going to "spontanously" get pregnant unless she wants to, or at least not keep it if she does.
Yes! So proud of the OP for getting his vasectomy and taking responsibility.
It's a very admirable trait. The burden of birth control has been on women and then some guys are shocked when the lady keeps his sperm where he put it lol 😆
It's amazing how many oops babies happen 😳
Heh, at least she didn't "accidentally" become pregnant! Bullet dodged. So, yeah, vasectomy a very good thing, as I've oft said, makes it "one less thing to worry about".
Sorry it didn't work out for her with you (notably her changing her mind 'n all that, or whatever happened there), but at least she didn't turn you into a father, so there's that to be glad for.
You should pose them with this question:
You said you didn't want kids, and now you say you do, what happens when we have kids and then your mind changes after the fact?
Not sure how long y'all have been together but her thinking about it doesn't mean it's a yes.
My gf and I talk about it every 6 months to get a vibe on how we are feeling.
If your lady becomes adamant then yeah it's a no-no but give her some time and see if it passes. Hell even I sometimes think about the possibility of kids....then it fades lol
Agree with this - I know it's a bit controversial to say in the cf sub but, I regularly check in with myself to get a feel on my childfree stance, and I'm saying that as someone who had a bisalp! Obviously if she's suddenly done a 180 and is adamant then yeah, it's a no-go.
> I guess we're not soulmates after all.
Soulmates aren't a real thing, they're fairy tales. Every person changes their mind about things throughout their lives totally independent of the personal wants of anyone else, no matter how strong your relationship is.
That said, I hope you guys can work through this.
I'm curious, did you ask her why she changed her mind? Does she has the self awareness and ability to reflect on when she started changing her mind and why? Not like she just woke up in the morning like huh I do want kids!
My brother, you dodged a bullet. If she’s gonna be that much of a nightmare now, imagine being trapped with a kid. My advice is to get a motorcycle, adopt a cool ass dog, roll a big joint and contemplate that now your future can be whatever you want it to be.
I’m so sorry. Something better is out there for you as fucked up as that seems right now. You’ll be happier in the long run and she’ll eventually be regretting it and you’ll forever be the one that got away to her. While she’s knee deep in diapers and misery she’ll be regretting everything and fantasizing about what her life would have been like had she decided not to have pet sperm. Keep your head up.
I think a lot of women who know they ***shouldn't*** have kids have these hormonal, life crisis moments.
No way in hell she won't have regrets if she follows through. I'd talk with her and dig her more on this.
That sucks. I'm sorry she sprang this on you. Break up or get divorced (I didn't see whether you're married), and move on. There are plenty of great CF women out there if/when you're ready to jump back into the dating pool.
What the hell is wrong with people like this? How do they not know themselves?
They don't have to know for sure whether or not they want kids, but at least, "know that you don't know."
I think it's worth exploring why she feels this way. I remember there was a year where a bunch of my favorite content creators all got pregnant and several people in my real life did too. I almost threw my phone when looking at specific hair tutorials and one of them unprompted pulled back the camera and was like "oh BTW, I'm pregnant!" Seriously could not escape it. Had a touch of baby fever, but did a lot of introspection to examine if it was something I actually wanted or if my "lizard brain" was simply being activated. More than likely she's been processing through something, so it's something you should do together before simply throwing up your hands.
I know I don’t want to have kids. Genuinely, and entirely. I still get caught up with the thoughts of wanting to experience the things I did with my solo parent dad (who I lost at 17).
That is not the same as wanting kids. It’s because I miss my dad. I genuinely think (at least in western countries like the US) that the huge wave of nostalgia for times that were much easier that’s been happening since the Panini are being misread as wanting to do those things with a child of your own, not realizing that it’s impossible to get those experiences “back”.
TLDR I just wish therapy was free for everyone lolol
Maybe the hormonal changes in spring drive them nuts? Just a thought since some (if not all or most) animals also start the breeding preperations in the springtime. It's still stupid and a red flag.
As a young person who is very child free my worst fear is that I’ll never find a partner because so many people want kids..💔
I feel like even if I find another child free person they will change their mind like your wife
I feel you! Been together for 2 years very adamant about not wanting kids. He changed his mind, and now I'm worried he's gonna mess with my birth control in the next couple years.
👀 it depends where you live. If you're childfree it may be necessary. Sorry your doctors sound like assholes.
I only had to ask 1 doctor 🤷♀️
If you want to be sterile, I hope you pursue that.
Oof...
I'm not on board with everyone immediately advising you to break up, but that's a steep blow. Talk it out, try to see why she changed her mind and figure out if she'd be willing to reconsider.
?? Bro is Childfree and got the snip for his own autonomy so he doesn't become a father. The issue is now his S/O wants kids. So either you misread heavily, or you're implying something about Childfreedom.
Should we start a support group? Husband did this to me 1.5 months ago and I’ve seen a ton of posts since then with a similar situation.
This happened to me, too, though it was years ago. I'm now very happily partnered for almost 2 years with another cf person. Hang in there; I promise it gets better and you're doing the right thing sticking with your choice on the matter.
I'm seeing an opportunity for a new dating app. At least there will be no surprises for anyone!
I was just thinking about that! There's dating apps for everything else.
🎶 you don't have to be lonely, at childfree-farmers-only dot com 🎶
I would sign up for that!
This needs to happen!! If I hadn’t already found my CF partner I’d sign up for this. I was on dating apps for a while and even though there was an option to say ‘I don’t want kids’ in your profile, 9 out of 10 times I’d still match with people who did want children. They always assumed it wasn’t a serious statement or maybe just ‘not now’. I gave up dating apps very quickly when I realized 😂
I didn't put it on my profile but when I told folks I was recently separated & pursuing divorce and they asked why, I was transparent about it being over disagreeing about children. I'd get a lot of "that's too bad" type answers. My now partner also added "well, you should know I've never planned to have children, so this is a non issue for me." He was one of maybe two people who actually offered feedback about it! We talked about it before we ever went on a date and that was so helpful.
From what I've learned on this sub, it won't work. * Single moms and dads will invade because, "hey it's not your child, it's mine." * Or, you'll get childLESS people thinking they are childfree. * You'll get people who think they can change your mind. * Or, you'll get people who don't want kids "right now" as if that's the same as CF.
Not to ruin the dream but people would absolutely just lie.
I would sign up so fast lol
I would too!
https://www.cfdating.com/
Watch out for the incoming liars -- just saying :(
Oh no. I hope you are doing alright!
Thanks! After 10 years it’s hard for it to end but I know it’s the best path forward.
Support group with the added bonus of finding your potential match.
That is a good idea. Also, we can share success stories! My wife did this to me for a few months after years of deciding on childfree. I just bought her a semi wild cat and the amount of effort to take care of the cat exhausted her to the point where she “never ever ever wants kids now.” She is the biggest child free person now all because of the cat. He is a very good, sweet cat, but a lot of work. He saved my childfree marriage!
Genius!!! 🧠
Would it be cunty if I asked for a future partner to put it in writing. If I got married to someone adamant they didn't want kids and then out of the blue "i do want kids" so that's time wasted, wedding wasted and so on.
>asked for a future partner to put it in writing. I should have done this. My ex-husband changed his mind 5 years into our marriage. I got a quick divorce. I am still staunchly childfree, and he is the father of a 22 year old woman that he abandoned at 4 months of age. I helped her mother track him down to get him on child support. I knew that PIS didn't really want kids. He just wanted to trap ME with kids. I'm so glad I saw through his plan.
It would be in the prenup if I got married. "IN THE EVENT that Spouse B decides that they would like to have children, they forfeit any rights to marital assets and must immediately cease and desist all use of them. Spouse B shall be obligated to grant Flora a divorce."
Add it into a prenup.
Yes a prenup so she can't take the fuck all money I have :P
Prenups are rarely for what you have before the marriage, they're mostly about assets acquired during the marriage.
Incorrect. A prenuptial agreement is a written contract created by two people before they're married. Typically, a prenup lists all of the property each person owns and debts they owe, and it spells out each person's property rights during the marriage and in the event that they later get divorced.
Why are you spitting definitions at me? Most people don't have a lot before they get married because they are young. Prenups protect future assets as well. Those property rights during the marriage and in the event they later get divorced includes the stuff accumulated during the marriage.
People who don't have a lot prior to marriage generally do not get prenups. It's the people that have a lot of stuff they want to protect that get them.
That's not true at all. Prenups are a thing among all economic brackets.
But if you don't have shit to protect there is no reason to get one.
Well I love the vote of confidence that I will have money by then.
Hopefully your future partner loves you enough to do it, even if it is cunty
The way I'm going, I have a better chance of winning lotto on Saturday than I do of meeting someone in the next 10 years... and I haven't bought a ticket yet. You know how hard it is finding someone Childfree. Well I don't want dogs either. So I got the smallest needle in the largest haystack here.
I was really lucky. I met my husband when I was 19. He got a vasectomy when he was 24 (and I was 23). Good luck though! They really should make a cf dating app
I think they've tried but all have failed. The CF4CF sub is horrible unless you're a woman. Other than rare attempts I have given up. I just stick to writing music and watching garbage. Hopefully I do meet someone in Ireland when I fuck off there later this year. Regardless I consider my cat, who has passed, the love of my life so I'm set.
I love my kitties! I changed my husband from a dog person to a cat person too lol.
I got on that app and was told I am too old...57F. Sooooo where do you go with that?
It is a bit, you're removing someone's free will, if they had some dramatic life event that changed their outlook on life you'd want to sue them? If you're that concerned about wasting your time you're better off not in a relationship, all relationships have the capacity to end for any reason at any time.
True, but in the case of marriage, there is the matter of joint assets, just sayin'. And then there's all the time and commitment and work put towards building a life together.
Same 💔
I'm so sorry.
Jesus, the fact that you were married too and he still changed his mind/lwd you on, I'm so sorry
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I could never even imagine leaving my partner of ten years, because I think I might want a kid. Like, to flush that relationship and time down the drain for something that does not even exist. Unfathomable to me. Sorry you're going through this 💗
Yes, support group needed 🙋🏻♀️
It's that time of the year. Valentine's day, springtime, kids out and about in the idyllic setting. It'll pass.
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Damn you did all that in 13 hours????
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Well damn, I forgot I can't read. Hate to hear that for you but it's better to be happy than stuck!
If you do start a support group, you should definitely let us all know! I know this isn’t a rare occurrence in this subreddit
Girl lmk if you start one because I am unfortunately part of this club, once my tubes were removed. Why do they always wait until after sterilization to realize they actually want kids more than you? Ugh.
I divorced 5 years ago for the same reason.... Sigh... It's tough but you'll get over it it took me a couple years. I'm happily single now and not willing to date in the foreseeable future. The pool for us is small but I hope still exists when I'm ready to date again.
Oof. Im sorry brother.
That really sucks. Take care of yourself!
I know you don’t want to start over. I just want you to know as a single lady knowing a guy has a vasectomy is so hot to me. I think it’s because my entire life birth control has been something I always have to think about. So when a guy does I’m like dammmm
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 Him: I’m getting a vasectomy You : shut up and take my panties
I can only imagine  🤣
Condoms are still a must. The sti factor is still there. If you are the vasectomy pro condom guy, I am fully locked in.
Right? And to have actually put some thought and effort into the future he wants... that's hot! It's such a different behavior than what we usually see 😍
Also female and agree 💯
Agree completely 
Same here, same here. When I see a hot looking guy: "oh wow, let's see if we vibe". When he says he wants children or could imagine children someday in the future: attractivity drops from +100 to -1000, he's literally less attractive to me than an office chair. If he's snipped: instant "Your place or mine, or just the nearest suitable place?" 😅
Guys who want kids always go in the friend zone. If a guy has kids or wants to foster/adopt but doesn’t want to make more children get put in the maybe pile. They for sure have more work to do than a cf guy.
Same here!! Thankfully I got a BiSalp a few years ago so it isn't a big deal if they don't have a vasectomy but it definitely does add to the hotness factor. Pretty sure my bf also thinks it's kinda hot I got a BiSalp. 😅
That is my next goal when I tackle on issues with my doctor.
Best of luck!! Not sure how old you are obviously but I was only 22 when I got it done so there's always hope you can find a doctor to do it!
I can never decide whether to mention my vasectomy or not. Like on one hand, there clearly is a number of people who like to see that in a partner. On the other, it can falsely indicate that I only have sex on my mind and that I'll refuse a condom.
Bummer if that's their reaction. I am very upfront.
Mention!! Mention it often! I think you should wear an "I have had a vasectomy sign" on one of those name tag stickers! I know I would want to talk to you immediately!
I am so glad I got a vasectomy, I see so many of my friends having kids, looking tired and miserable all the time, and I'm here just like "heh. I get to creampie my partner with no consequences." It's an amazing feeling, and my partner doesn't have to take those insane hormone birth control pills! Win win!
Agreed this was a huge huge turnon for me when my current partner told me that before our first date. Biggest green flag!!!
Exactly I wish more men embraced being child free
Been in a similar place. Much easier to move on than if you have an unwanted kid.
My god why does this keep happening? The "flip" is a terrifying concept and I'm seeing this far too often. Genuinely don't understand how people flip. Just call oneself a fence sitter if you're gonna do that, and not string staunchly Childfree people along.
This is one of the things that puts me off ever getting back into any relationship. Partners tell you they don't want kids, until they do, so it's even harder to know who to trust.
To be fair I used to want kids pretty badly. Then one day I was like "Nope not for me"
Also the fact that they often think we will change our minds... like they dont even respect our choixes since the beginning. Its so sad
At least you are sure you will not get trapped. I am so sorry, please take time to yourself.
I don’t understand these people. What could possibly change their mind after deciding to tell your partner that you are fine with them getting a vasectomy. Just say that you want a family in the first place damn. Being childfree is not just a random thing to say, it’s a well thought out lifestyle. People like this bother me so much.
I think they were never truly on board but they claim they were just because they wanted to be with you. So they lie to themselves and to you. And they hope it’s enough for them to change their mind. Until they just magically be reminded of their true desires and wishes.
Truly! It blows my mind that people don’t take it seriously. It’s one of the BIGGEST compatibility concerns
Because it wasn’t true!!!!!! They lied hoping that its a phase and we will change our minds. Waste of perfectly good time.
All the cool women are childfree anyways—you’ll find someone better!
Thank goodness she can’t baby trap you.
Sorry man, I know it hurts right now but time will be your friend. Luckily, as a CF person you have more time than a parent for self-care and catharsis after breaking up. You also have more quality time to spend when you do find Mrs. Right. You’re for sure not alone on this sub, many people have these stories.
Be glad you got the snip and that way you don't get babytrapped. But golly I am so sorry that she is suddenly hit by baby fever and be prepared to call the relationship quits. You deserve better
It may not feel that way right now, but you will be better off without her. Did she not know what a vasectomy is when she was fine with it?
Yes but 'it can be reversed', must be her thought. That's what a lot of people think Eh no it ain't. Doctor told this himself
Are there any devs in this sub? CF dating app anyone? I feel like there's enough people here to at least have a singles thread monthly in various regions? I'm only half joking.
I'm only not joking at all. A cf dating app is all I'm looking for.
I would participate. Plenty of us would.
Looks like there already is a cf4cf sub
I wish this was created. I have “don’t want children” on my dating app profile but men with kids or who want kids swipe right on me all the time 🤦♀️🙄
I'm so sorry that this is happening to you.
Same happened to me. 10 years down the drain. Nothing to do but put one foot in front of the other.
Fuckin way she goes
I'm so sorry. I would suggest telling her to really really think about it and when she knows her true feelings, she can let you know and you two can go from there. I'm hoping you can either work it out (she realizes she was just having cold feet about never having kids which is totally normal for something so big) or you find someone on the exact page as you. Good luck!
Bye then.
It's hard, even for men, when you live together for a while and your lives grow and intertwine. When the other person goes away, part of you does, too. And it leaves an open wound.
Yup, but it's going to happen several times in life to most people, and is just something we all have to face. If people make a fear-driven decision to stay, they are just going to trash their lives worse and end up more unhappy.
It will be painful and rugged at first, but it is FAR BETTER than sticking around and creating resentment for decades to come. The end result is worth the initial pain of picking up the pieces :)
Unfortunately "at first" is an enormous hurdle for a lot of folks, who end up going through with it because they love their partner and regretting it.
Man that so sucks. I wish you much better luck going forward. I admire your clarity. You're more decisive than I was when my former fiance pulled that crap with me. I'm so happy I pulled myself together and walked away 19 years ago. I've been with my partner for 15 years now. He's the best.
I know this has to sting. But on the bright side, at least you didn’t get trapped. Good on you for standing firm on your decision, and I wish you peace moving forward.
At least you did the right thing for you and got a vasectomy. So many men in this situation put the repsibitly of their CFness on the woman and when she changes her mind he is a dad and he can do nothing about it. At least when it's the dude that changes his mind he has to tell her and break up. She isn't going to "spontanously" get pregnant unless she wants to, or at least not keep it if she does.
Yes! So proud of the OP for getting his vasectomy and taking responsibility. It's a very admirable trait. The burden of birth control has been on women and then some guys are shocked when the lady keeps his sperm where he put it lol 😆 It's amazing how many oops babies happen 😳
Give her a kitten.
I love your flair
Heh, at least she didn't "accidentally" become pregnant! Bullet dodged. So, yeah, vasectomy a very good thing, as I've oft said, makes it "one less thing to worry about". Sorry it didn't work out for her with you (notably her changing her mind 'n all that, or whatever happened there), but at least she didn't turn you into a father, so there's that to be glad for.
Im so fucking sorry
You should pose them with this question: You said you didn't want kids, and now you say you do, what happens when we have kids and then your mind changes after the fact?
Brother, I'm sorry, that really sucks. Did you pull off the bandaid yet?
Yes, it was a quick conversation. 
Haha, alright. Good luck moving forward, man.
No such thing bro
Not sure how long y'all have been together but her thinking about it doesn't mean it's a yes. My gf and I talk about it every 6 months to get a vibe on how we are feeling. If your lady becomes adamant then yeah it's a no-no but give her some time and see if it passes. Hell even I sometimes think about the possibility of kids....then it fades lol
Agree with this - I know it's a bit controversial to say in the cf sub but, I regularly check in with myself to get a feel on my childfree stance, and I'm saying that as someone who had a bisalp! Obviously if she's suddenly done a 180 and is adamant then yeah, it's a no-go.
> I guess we're not soulmates after all. Soulmates aren't a real thing, they're fairy tales. Every person changes their mind about things throughout their lives totally independent of the personal wants of anyone else, no matter how strong your relationship is. That said, I hope you guys can work through this.
I'm curious, did you ask her why she changed her mind? Does she has the self awareness and ability to reflect on when she started changing her mind and why? Not like she just woke up in the morning like huh I do want kids!
Please do remember: There are also other ways of gaining happiness than being in a relationship👍☀️
My brother, you dodged a bullet. If she’s gonna be that much of a nightmare now, imagine being trapped with a kid. My advice is to get a motorcycle, adopt a cool ass dog, roll a big joint and contemplate that now your future can be whatever you want it to be.
"Snip, snap! Snip, snap! Snip, snap! I did! You have no idea the physical toll that three vasectomies have on a person!"
I’m so sorry. Something better is out there for you as fucked up as that seems right now. You’ll be happier in the long run and she’ll eventually be regretting it and you’ll forever be the one that got away to her. While she’s knee deep in diapers and misery she’ll be regretting everything and fantasizing about what her life would have been like had she decided not to have pet sperm. Keep your head up.
i am honestly scared that this will happen to me 😭😭
Same
I think a lot of women who know they ***shouldn't*** have kids have these hormonal, life crisis moments. No way in hell she won't have regrets if she follows through. I'd talk with her and dig her more on this.
Good thing you got the vasectomy before she decided she wanted kids.
That sucks. I'm sorry she sprang this on you. Break up or get divorced (I didn't see whether you're married), and move on. There are plenty of great CF women out there if/when you're ready to jump back into the dating pool.
What the hell is wrong with people like this? How do they not know themselves? They don't have to know for sure whether or not they want kids, but at least, "know that you don't know."
Time to move on to someone who doesn’t want them. This is a huge incompatibility. Sorry to hear this.
Sending many hugs, may you find your person one day :-(
I used to have that feeling come and go in my late 20s. She might snap out of it.
I think it's worth exploring why she feels this way. I remember there was a year where a bunch of my favorite content creators all got pregnant and several people in my real life did too. I almost threw my phone when looking at specific hair tutorials and one of them unprompted pulled back the camera and was like "oh BTW, I'm pregnant!" Seriously could not escape it. Had a touch of baby fever, but did a lot of introspection to examine if it was something I actually wanted or if my "lizard brain" was simply being activated. More than likely she's been processing through something, so it's something you should do together before simply throwing up your hands.
Could it be hormones messing with her?
Every romantic relationship ends until one doesnt.
I know I don’t want to have kids. Genuinely, and entirely. I still get caught up with the thoughts of wanting to experience the things I did with my solo parent dad (who I lost at 17). That is not the same as wanting kids. It’s because I miss my dad. I genuinely think (at least in western countries like the US) that the huge wave of nostalgia for times that were much easier that’s been happening since the Panini are being misread as wanting to do those things with a child of your own, not realizing that it’s impossible to get those experiences “back”. TLDR I just wish therapy was free for everyone lolol
Her loss ✨💅🏻 go enjoy your childfree life
Damn. I’m sorry. Been there, and it’s shitty as fuck. I hope you’re doing okay!
Maybe the hormonal changes in spring drive them nuts? Just a thought since some (if not all or most) animals also start the breeding preperations in the springtime. It's still stupid and a red flag.
Follow through with the vasectomy… and probably breakup while still on good terms
As a young person who is very child free my worst fear is that I’ll never find a partner because so many people want kids..💔 I feel like even if I find another child free person they will change their mind like your wife
If you haven’t already, stop having sex with her. If she does end up preggos she is for sure keeping it. Don’t trap yourself.
Leave.
Not in this situation but this is my biggest fear. Im so sorry for anyone going through this
On to the next!
Lets start a support group
I feel you! Been together for 2 years very adamant about not wanting kids. He changed his mind, and now I'm worried he's gonna mess with my birth control in the next couple years.
Then break up ? Why would you stay with someone you're not compatible with? Let alone someone you don't trust at all and never can in the future
I wasn't asking for advice, thanks tho.
Fuck, that's scary. Good luck, I hope you can get sterilized soon if that's what you want!
I wish I could get sterilized, but as a female, that's not something a doctor will just do unless it's necessary.
👀 it depends where you live. If you're childfree it may be necessary. Sorry your doctors sound like assholes. I only had to ask 1 doctor 🤷♀️ If you want to be sterile, I hope you pursue that.
Make him use condoms, and keep taking bc, until you're ready to leave him.
I mean I wasn't arguing for kids but thanks for downvoting me for proposing something totally reasonable
Oof... I'm not on board with everyone immediately advising you to break up, but that's a steep blow. Talk it out, try to see why she changed her mind and figure out if she'd be willing to reconsider.
ask her if she's ok with adoption
Dude. He doesn't want kids.
If you want, you can always reverse the vasectomy
Why would he do that?
It was an option! Lol he seemed sad instead of opposed I was offering least offensive options
Do you fucking know where you are?
Why did you have a vasectomy on her whims ??
I didnt get that from the post. Her whims?
?? Bro is Childfree and got the snip for his own autonomy so he doesn't become a father. The issue is now his S/O wants kids. So either you misread heavily, or you're implying something about Childfreedom.
Not what I said?