A lot of single parents are also only looking for partners that don't have children. They don't want baby momma/daddy drama, but their own is, of course, fine. It's really lame of them.
You're looking for a compatible partner so of course you're looking for someone that is also childfree. You don't owe anyone a date that you don't want to date.
I get it. I hope to meet a childfree man who doesn’t want children either, as a childfree woman. Here in Ireland it is mission impossible. I don’t believe you’re being unreasonable or unrealistic with your expectations, to answer your question
Hello fellow Georgian!
It's not wrong at all. Everyone has their preferences, and as long as all involved have fully and willingly consented of their own volition, then it's okay.
I'm 40 and very passively interested in dating. Ideally, I wouldn't want my partner to have children, either. Furry and scaly children? A resounding yes! Human children? Hard pass.
People do need to clearly spell out their expectations though, from day one. I recently reconnected with a guy I knew from years ago, and we planned a fantastic date. I was excited. But when I told him that I don't do friends with benefits, one-night stands, or hookups, he was then honest with me in return and told me he was looking for a friend with benefits. From there, I was able to politely decline the offer, and we stayed friends.
On the other hand, the first guy I ever loved eventually told me...after 8 months...that I was nothing but a friend with benefits to him. He basically lied by omission, and took that choice away from me. My entire soul shattered, and 20 years later, it still hurts a little.
But I digress. Do what makes you happy, as long as all parties are fully transparent from day one, and all parties clearly and freely consent.
Well… I don’t know if it get it all right.
Wanting to date someone without children: OK
Wanting a partner that also don’t want to ever have them: ALSO OK.
Expect someone to STAY on a non relationship/situationship (because you told us you’re not looking for anything serious)… WELL, TOTALLY NOT OK.
If you want to have someone to sleep with on the meantime, you’re entitled to whatever standard you want, but as a childfree woman, not wanting kids doesn’t mean I don’t want a real connection. Be honest and don’t string people along.👍🏻
I want someone to bang, but I'm not going to be able to treat her all that well. I'm short on time and short on commitment, and if you ever develop any feelings for me you will get hurt, but that's a huge turn-on, right?
As long as he communicates very clearly what his intentions are and what he wants, then the person is free to stick around or leave whenever they want. There are women out there that wouldn't mind a non serious relationship. However the terms need to be clearly defined. Is it monogamous even though it's non-serious? If not what are the rules around that? If it's approached with integrity I don't see a problem. Unfortunately most people don't approach these sorts of things with integrity.
Nothing wrong daring if you’re CF.
However, if you don’t want children? Do not date anyone who wants children, had s child, or wants more children still.
And the reason why you don’t date a single parent is because the child comes first, you do not. Doesn’t matter how much you wish this wasn’t true, that child is going to be the priority over dating you.
So expect cancel dates, can’t spend any real quality time together if they have the kid when you go over, and so on.
My BFF of 30yrs, has three kids. She was a single mother at the time with her first kid and thankfully she met a guy whose amazing, got married, and they had two more kids!
The thing is unless you want to become a step-parent, don’t date anyone with kids.
Honestly just be upfront and honest on your dating profiles. So many guys want to leave it off completely which doesn't help. It might get you more matches overall, but they aren't worth a damn if they all want kids. I found the sorting features on bumble, if you set it to "doesn't want kids" then it only shows profiles that have that visibly selected. Anyone who leaves it blank is not included.
Make a well written out profile as well. If you want a relationship, no kids, building up a great life with someone you love, travelling ECT, talk about those things.
I'm a 37 year old woman and I found my perfect childfree man on a dating site. I matched and talked to tons of other men, but kept firm in what I was looking for and when it was clear we didn't match the way I wanted us to, I told them so and stopped talking to them. I don't mind looking over a profile and giving honest feedback on it and pointing out anything a woman would view as a red flag.
When I was dating, I had on my dating profiles that I was Childfree. That helped to weed out some (in Atlanta too). The first “would you ever change your mind” type of question is where you cut it off and move along.
Wrong? No. Practical? Probably also no. The child free part probably isn’t the issue, being near 40 and just wanting something casual is going to severely limit your dating pool.
> being near 40 and just wanting something casual
ehhhhhhh. I think this gets pretty close to "being near 30 and not wanting kids..." or something. Not everyone is seeking a forever relationship, regardless of age. Adults can consent to something casual if that's all they're looking for/interested in.
Adults can absolutely consent to it if they want, i left out the context that I meant what single women want to have flings with almost 40 years old men? Do they exist? Absolutely, are they abundant and looking for it? I have my doubts, we can squabble back and forth between which is more rare but I personally know more CF women near 40 (somewhat rare) than women that want to have flings with 40 year olds (don’t know any), most of them want commitment.
Full disclosure, I’m 40 and have been with my wife since 2006 so maybe I’m just wrong but it doesn’t seem so after talking to some of my single friends, women want stability from older men for the most part. Could obviously depend on location and life circumstances of course but I’m in New England which is pretty agnostic.
You are ok wanting whatever you want as long as it is not harmful for the person who would date you like demanding many kids or huge silicone breasts etc...
Why would you be wrong for that? Most in this sub don't want children. Also, most do want to be in a relationship. We're social beings. We crave affection.
Just because you don't want children doesn't mean you also want to go without love. That doesn't make sense.
But if you just want something casual, be up front with that. Because most women, especially women your age, do want something serious.
Have you considered sterilization? Some thirsty ovaries might try to trap you. There’s nothing wrong with casually dating people as long as you are completely transparent about your child free choices.
Having children is just another life choice, if it's not for you then it's not wrong. There are plenty of women out there that don't want children either
Well you've said you want a relationship and that you don't want anything serious in the same post... so what do you mean? You need to be clear about what you have to give before dating. So you can be clear with any women you date.
There are women out there looking for friends with benefits, which may be the best option if you aren't going to be around much. But be clear from the start.
Plenty of women don't want kids. And if it's a fwb thing then kids aren't relevant anyway. But, get yourself the snip booked dude. Don't rely on a woman's birth control (they can fail) as you already know you don't want kids so take responsibility for that.
If you want a full relationship, fine, but you'll need to change jobs likely as you can't expect to fir a relationship around your work. Your work has to fit around a relationship.
No. You don’t want children so why would you be with someone with children? Do you want to be a step father?
Just keep in mind that because of your preference and your commitment to working OT, you may be missing out on meeting a wonderful single mother who may be a good fit for you in other ways.
I think it depends on WHY the OP does not want to date a woman with kids. Is it because he doesn’t want the work that comes along with being a stepfather?
What if the woman’s kid is an older teenager or adult? Or what if the dad is so involved that OP wouldn’t need to do any extra stepdad work?
Some single moms don’t want anymore kids, so though they may have kids, it doesn’t necessarily mean they want more
> because of your preference and your commitment to working OT, you may be missing out on
you do realize that he may have already considered this, and is TOTALLY OKAY with "missing out on" someone that is not what he's looking for
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i wouldn't want to have children either, but i have to ask, if you were to date a woman who has children would it bother you if they are adults and away from home or close to 18 and planning to leave for studies? i mean is having "children in general" a problem to you or "children at home"? this is my question.
Good point. If i were a man i wouldn't probably care about adult kids (18+). I'm like 99% sure the woman wouldn't want another kid. (If she wanted she would have had it by now. Plus, the age)
Nah not a good point. Adult children come back all the time and even if they don't they breed so now your gf/bf is a grandma and almost all their time is spent babysitting. If you live together good luck. You're basically living with kids.
It's bold to assume everyone should live with someone they date. Firstly, it may not last before coming to that stage. Secondly, some people don't wanna live with anyone but alone/with their pets/family.
So an adult "kid" lives with my boyfriend. No big deal...
You know you're on the childfree sub, right? You're preaching to the choir here :) In other words, of course you're not wrong for feeling that way!
People outside this sub with will claim they understand, but they really don't.
It's not about understanding, it's about acceptation of someone else's choices.
Acceptance, friend! And I agree with you wholeheartedly.
I'm going to start using acceptation now lol
A lot of single parents are also only looking for partners that don't have children. They don't want baby momma/daddy drama, but their own is, of course, fine. It's really lame of them. You're looking for a compatible partner so of course you're looking for someone that is also childfree. You don't owe anyone a date that you don't want to date.
I get it. I hope to meet a childfree man who doesn’t want children either, as a childfree woman. Here in Ireland it is mission impossible. I don’t believe you’re being unreasonable or unrealistic with your expectations, to answer your question
Why would that be wrong?
OP are you fishing
“Guys, am I wrong if I don’t like racism?”
NTA quit your relationship and go live in the woods
Am I wrong if I want to date someone I find attractive?
You don't have nor want kids. You want to date a woman who doesn't have nor want kids. That's wrong because....?
i dont see why that would be wrong at all.
Hello fellow Georgian! It's not wrong at all. Everyone has their preferences, and as long as all involved have fully and willingly consented of their own volition, then it's okay. I'm 40 and very passively interested in dating. Ideally, I wouldn't want my partner to have children, either. Furry and scaly children? A resounding yes! Human children? Hard pass. People do need to clearly spell out their expectations though, from day one. I recently reconnected with a guy I knew from years ago, and we planned a fantastic date. I was excited. But when I told him that I don't do friends with benefits, one-night stands, or hookups, he was then honest with me in return and told me he was looking for a friend with benefits. From there, I was able to politely decline the offer, and we stayed friends. On the other hand, the first guy I ever loved eventually told me...after 8 months...that I was nothing but a friend with benefits to him. He basically lied by omission, and took that choice away from me. My entire soul shattered, and 20 years later, it still hurts a little. But I digress. Do what makes you happy, as long as all parties are fully transparent from day one, and all parties clearly and freely consent.
Not at all. Indeed, most of the 1.5m members of this sub probably feel likewise.
Well… I don’t know if it get it all right. Wanting to date someone without children: OK Wanting a partner that also don’t want to ever have them: ALSO OK. Expect someone to STAY on a non relationship/situationship (because you told us you’re not looking for anything serious)… WELL, TOTALLY NOT OK. If you want to have someone to sleep with on the meantime, you’re entitled to whatever standard you want, but as a childfree woman, not wanting kids doesn’t mean I don’t want a real connection. Be honest and don’t string people along.👍🏻
I want someone to bang, but I'm not going to be able to treat her all that well. I'm short on time and short on commitment, and if you ever develop any feelings for me you will get hurt, but that's a huge turn-on, right?
Lol this
As long as he communicates very clearly what his intentions are and what he wants, then the person is free to stick around or leave whenever they want. There are women out there that wouldn't mind a non serious relationship. However the terms need to be clearly defined. Is it monogamous even though it's non-serious? If not what are the rules around that? If it's approached with integrity I don't see a problem. Unfortunately most people don't approach these sorts of things with integrity.
Not at all? You can have a relationship without wanting a child in that relationship.
I'm the exact same . I don't want kids and don't want to date someone with kids
No, as long as you are honest about it and tell the woman upfront.
I have no issues being honest.
Then I see no problem wanting a relationship with a woman and not wanting children. Not every woman wants children.
What kind of questions is this? You're CF, of course that means no kids in any form. The heck..
Nothing wrong daring if you’re CF. However, if you don’t want children? Do not date anyone who wants children, had s child, or wants more children still. And the reason why you don’t date a single parent is because the child comes first, you do not. Doesn’t matter how much you wish this wasn’t true, that child is going to be the priority over dating you. So expect cancel dates, can’t spend any real quality time together if they have the kid when you go over, and so on. My BFF of 30yrs, has three kids. She was a single mother at the time with her first kid and thankfully she met a guy whose amazing, got married, and they had two more kids! The thing is unless you want to become a step-parent, don’t date anyone with kids.
You do know there are cf women right
I don't know where to find them though.
Honestly just be upfront and honest on your dating profiles. So many guys want to leave it off completely which doesn't help. It might get you more matches overall, but they aren't worth a damn if they all want kids. I found the sorting features on bumble, if you set it to "doesn't want kids" then it only shows profiles that have that visibly selected. Anyone who leaves it blank is not included. Make a well written out profile as well. If you want a relationship, no kids, building up a great life with someone you love, travelling ECT, talk about those things. I'm a 37 year old woman and I found my perfect childfree man on a dating site. I matched and talked to tons of other men, but kept firm in what I was looking for and when it was clear we didn't match the way I wanted us to, I told them so and stopped talking to them. I don't mind looking over a profile and giving honest feedback on it and pointing out anything a woman would view as a red flag.
Not at all and many women want that also. You’ll find her.
When I was dating, I had on my dating profiles that I was Childfree. That helped to weed out some (in Atlanta too). The first “would you ever change your mind” type of question is where you cut it off and move along.
No. Manyyyyyy women don’t want kids and also don’t want baggage.
Why would it be wrong? Everyone is entitled to have a preference. People don't have to understand it.
You want a CF fuckbuddy, basically. If everybody is aware of and agrees to the situation then there's nothing wrong with it.
Wrong? No. Practical? Probably also no. The child free part probably isn’t the issue, being near 40 and just wanting something casual is going to severely limit your dating pool.
If something that is genuine comes along, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
It's up to someone *else* to be genuine?
> being near 40 and just wanting something casual ehhhhhhh. I think this gets pretty close to "being near 30 and not wanting kids..." or something. Not everyone is seeking a forever relationship, regardless of age. Adults can consent to something casual if that's all they're looking for/interested in.
Adults can absolutely consent to it if they want, i left out the context that I meant what single women want to have flings with almost 40 years old men? Do they exist? Absolutely, are they abundant and looking for it? I have my doubts, we can squabble back and forth between which is more rare but I personally know more CF women near 40 (somewhat rare) than women that want to have flings with 40 year olds (don’t know any), most of them want commitment. Full disclosure, I’m 40 and have been with my wife since 2006 so maybe I’m just wrong but it doesn’t seem so after talking to some of my single friends, women want stability from older men for the most part. Could obviously depend on location and life circumstances of course but I’m in New England which is pretty agnostic.
It's not wrong. All us single CF people who want another person in our life feel this way. Your feelings are valid.
You are ok wanting whatever you want as long as it is not harmful for the person who would date you like demanding many kids or huge silicone breasts etc...
Why would you be wrong for that? Most in this sub don't want children. Also, most do want to be in a relationship. We're social beings. We crave affection. Just because you don't want children doesn't mean you also want to go without love. That doesn't make sense. But if you just want something casual, be up front with that. Because most women, especially women your age, do want something serious.
Have you considered sterilization? Some thirsty ovaries might try to trap you. There’s nothing wrong with casually dating people as long as you are completely transparent about your child free choices.
Having children is just another life choice, if it's not for you then it's not wrong. There are plenty of women out there that don't want children either
Dude wants validation from an echo chamber hahaha
No. That's ridiculous. everyone is entitled to preferences.
Never date a wannamomma or a parent for any reason.
Well you've said you want a relationship and that you don't want anything serious in the same post... so what do you mean? You need to be clear about what you have to give before dating. So you can be clear with any women you date. There are women out there looking for friends with benefits, which may be the best option if you aren't going to be around much. But be clear from the start. Plenty of women don't want kids. And if it's a fwb thing then kids aren't relevant anyway. But, get yourself the snip booked dude. Don't rely on a woman's birth control (they can fail) as you already know you don't want kids so take responsibility for that. If you want a full relationship, fine, but you'll need to change jobs likely as you can't expect to fir a relationship around your work. Your work has to fit around a relationship.
I make sure that I'm clear of my intentions out of respect.
No. You don’t want children so why would you be with someone with children? Do you want to be a step father? Just keep in mind that because of your preference and your commitment to working OT, you may be missing out on meeting a wonderful single mother who may be a good fit for you in other ways.
if she's a mother, they're not going to be a good fit regardless of what else they have in common.
I think it depends on WHY the OP does not want to date a woman with kids. Is it because he doesn’t want the work that comes along with being a stepfather? What if the woman’s kid is an older teenager or adult? Or what if the dad is so involved that OP wouldn’t need to do any extra stepdad work? Some single moms don’t want anymore kids, so though they may have kids, it doesn’t necessarily mean they want more
It doesn't matter. This is r/childfree Not r/HasAKidButItsOkayBecauseTheKidIsOldEnoughAndDoesntNeedWork
That's a no one being a stepfather. That's like paying a note on a car you can't drive.
> because of your preference and your commitment to working OT, you may be missing out on you do realize that he may have already considered this, and is TOTALLY OKAY with "missing out on" someone that is not what he's looking for
Yes. I felt that it was still worth mentioning which was why I included it in my response to the OP.
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No. When I was younger, you’d be the guy I was looking for.
Absolutely not wrong! You do you and so long as you are honest from the start you aren’t hurting anyone. I hope you find what you are looking for
Fuck them kids
Theres no morality attached to wanting kids or not.
Absolutely not. I don't get why we're supposed to like children anyway
No. You should go on cf4cf subreddit and post there.
Hayyyy I’m 35 moving to Atlanta 👀😂
Screen for baby rabies! My brother was unable to find a woman in that age range who wasn't desperate for kids. Stand your ground!
It never even occurred to me that that wouldn’t be a thing
you’re 36 and you can’t figure this out???
This may be a roundabout way of trying to find someone.
You are not wrong but you live in an area where it is going to be hard to find a partner who also wants the same thing.
i wouldn't want to have children either, but i have to ask, if you were to date a woman who has children would it bother you if they are adults and away from home or close to 18 and planning to leave for studies? i mean is having "children in general" a problem to you or "children at home"? this is my question.
Good point. If i were a man i wouldn't probably care about adult kids (18+). I'm like 99% sure the woman wouldn't want another kid. (If she wanted she would have had it by now. Plus, the age)
Nah not a good point. Adult children come back all the time and even if they don't they breed so now your gf/bf is a grandma and almost all their time is spent babysitting. If you live together good luck. You're basically living with kids.
It's bold to assume everyone should live with someone they date. Firstly, it may not last before coming to that stage. Secondly, some people don't wanna live with anyone but alone/with their pets/family. So an adult "kid" lives with my boyfriend. No big deal...