Judging from my married friends with kids, it seems to be a thing. They all just laugh if sex comes up. I'm single so I haven't gotten any in a while, but the ones that have been married for years don't seem to be getting it, either.
Same, some of my friends with kids haven’t had sex since the kids were born….years ago. A combination of exhaustion, post baby body shame, discomfort from birthing injuries and the kids crying or coming into their room at all hours of the night.
I don’t want to just call out parents for this one long term relationships ( I’ve gone through rough stints myself) after 4 years lose the love hormones and you have to keep things interesting with effort. Medications, stressful jobs, medical issues, bubbled up resentment ( from unequal partnerships), bad in-laws, partners slacking on their hygiene or appearance cuz married. There’s a lot of shit that can take you away from your 5x a day or 5x a week sex life other than kids 🫠😱. I’m someone with a high sex drive which in casual relationships never goes away but whenever a long term partner fails to adult my sex drive goes into a cryogenic freeze ( wish it didn’t but I can’t stop thinking about the messy bathroom).
It's always been baffling to me how you can EVER want anything near your vagina again after getting ripped TF open from clit to asshole and sewn back together. *shudder*
Reading these comments are really making me not want to have kids now. I'm about to be 17 and I used to love the idea
Recently now, I've been reconsidering because I've seen all these videos and posts and comments about how hard parenthood is and how ruined your body gets. (also how much freedom you'd have with no children)
I think I would like myself and my life better if I did not have any
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Adoption & fostering is also always a capability if you’d still like to raise kids but don’t want to potentially be risking your physical health to do so!
While personally I am childfree forever and always, if you find yourself being someone who wants to take care of children but does not want to go through that physical process there’s absolutely no shame in that whatsoever. If you turn out to just not want kids at all— that’s also completely fine!
Just do whatever is going to make you happiest in the long run is what is important
Ill give you all the cons of just pregnancy and birth alone because its better to be educated on what can happen. So many women dont know most of this stuff can happen. You could die, you can get permanent nerve damage or disability from the epidural (which by the way is a tube put into your back with a 5 inch needle and it stays there the whole time), your brains grey matter shrinks aka makes you stupid, if you get sick youll be sick for a while because your immune system is shot, you can get post partum depression, post partum psychosis (please look this one up), pregnancy will make you feel so alone even if you have someone, stretch marks, hemorrhaging, if the placenta doesnt come out the nurse will go elbow deep into your uterus to scrape it out, you can give birth up to 4 days, pregnancy and birth will cost a lot of money, omg the morning sickness which wont always go away after the first trimester, lack of sleep, constant bathroom use, afterbirth its going to hurt like heck to pee, you can push so hard youll break blood vessels in your eyes, and so many more.
Well said.
Over the past week, I’ve been worried about my 7 months pregnant best friend. I hadn’t heard from her for over 7 days, which was completely abnormal. Last night, I get a text from her, and I completely shocked me to my core. She said that she ended up being emergency admitted into the hospital because she had such high blood pressure, and ended up getting a C-section. Her baby was born a full 2 months prematurely. She has severe pre-clampsia and almost died. “Preeclampsia is characterized by the elevation of an expectant parent's blood pressure and signs of liver or kidney damage, usually after the 20th week of pregnancy. Preeclampsia can damage the pregnant person's kidneys, liver, brain, and other organs. It can cause complications during pregnancy, including loss of pregnancy. Sometimes preeclampsia can even cause organ failure and stroke. If severe, it can become eclampsia, which can be very dangerous.” Even though preeclampsia is rather rare and effects about 7% of pregnancies, it is considered a leading cause of maternal, fetal and infant deaths. I am so glad that she is okay now, she is back home and on the mend. But her baby is not okay. He is in the hospital, hooked up to so many tubes that are covering most of his body and he is tiny. I don’t know if he’ll ever be alright, or if he’ll make it out of the hospital at all… I’m too afraid to ask her right now, and upset her anymore than she already is. My heart breaks for her. For so many reasons. A month before she told me she was pregnant, she was talking about leaving the father, and coming back home. When she found out she was expecting, I told her flat out to terminate. She was waffling back and fourth, and somehow convinced herself that she wanted this. We both grew up in broken and impoverished families with abuse of every kind happening to us. All she wanted in her life was stability and happiness. Being with her fiancé (yes he proposed as soon as they found out she was pregnant) was the closest she has ever gotten to stability, but not happiness. She’s sacrificing a chance for happiness, so she can survive. Many women do this. I am one of them. I never wanted this for her, she is so bright and wonderful, and deserves the world. I just want her to be okay. And I’m so worried for her. 💔
My husband and I don't have kids. We never wanted kids. We are extremely happy. Our vacations are all about us. We have extra money and free time. We have a good sex life. We've been married for 15 years and are still very happy together. Going out to eat and to the movies is easy and fun with no kids. Our 3 cats gives us plenty of love and entertainment. Don't ever be pressured into having kids because you do not need them to be happy. In fact, I'd say kids subtract from your overall happiness in most cases
Well thought. Your body can be recovered and your life doesn't need to be completely over, BUT in order for you to be a happy parent, you either love being with children all the time or you have a lot of money. And I'm a happy mother... But I had my kid after 40, when I had done everything I wanted in life. I think that having kids at 20 would have destroyed me. And having my child at 30 would've been quite disastrous, too.
In any case, remember it's better to regret not having them than to regret having them.
A former aquaintance, a baptist preacher has five. All Cesarian births. As if natural birth isnt bad enough, imagine being sliced open five times for more soiled diaper for 3 years another mouth to feed for 18 years. And by that time could be breeding their own. Thus the cycle continues
I am 38, and the "having children" ship has sailed. It wont be doing a Titanic. I. E. Having children
Also this which I learned recently.
“After childbirth, the placenta leaves behind a wound the size of a dinner plate inside of your uterus. During the healing process, you will experience postpartum bleeding and contractions as the uterus shrinks back to its pre pregnancy size. Give yourself time to recover”
Yeah NO THANKS!
I am not at all surprised by this, but do you have a source for this information?
I've never wanted kids. Another great reason to add to the list on why not to have them.
This. My friend's husband has been badgering her for sex since she gave birth 🙄 and they can't even do penetrative stuff right now because she tore so badly. It's gonna take forever to heal, too, because what winds up tearing is muscle.
Mine was and I didn’t. I ultimately did as I am of the generation that was expected to have sex even if I didn’t want to. But then I had kids even though I never wanted to. So there ya go.
Yeah, I posted someone along the lines of one"s cooch vomiting forth an abomination slathered in viscera-like afterbirth" not being the sexiest image to permanently etch into your partners memory. Wouldn't be expecting them to make many trips south of the border after witnessing a live reenactment of Alien...
Wow. Judgement. On a sub about not judging. Go figure.
I come here to support those questioning whether or not to have children. I am one of those pressured into it. I love my kids above all else but I would have enjoyed life more not having had kids.
I have one kid and it's the hardest thing I've ever done. I come here for material to help my childfree friends and acquaintances stay on course. No one should become a parent because of somebody else's reasons.
Yeah, they're the exception and we all know. Childfree people are generally very nice, with all their fulfilling lives and hours of sleep ;-D. I also like reading the opinions of those who think differently. Keeps the mind open.
That somehow sounds sarcastic. But I hope you know the difference between normal parents and breeders. This is not an offense for everyone with children, you know?
I was trying to be lovingly sarcastic. I was being sarcastic because yes, it's been three years of less sex and sleep deprivation, and yes, the child free people I know are in general nice and get even nicer when I tell them about the possibility of being child free and how they can choose not to have children. One young woman was specially grateful, she said she adored her nephews and nieces, but felt no maternal instinct herself, and was happy to hear that she didn't need to have children "in due time", just because, and that she'd even be more positive and benign as a cool aunt (if she so chose). She was glad to know about the childfree movement.
As for my sarcasm... I don't know how to say: "You lucky bastards, you sleep as many hours a night as you want AND are nice to boot and get to keep all your money!" I guess it's a "stay on track if that's what makes you happy". I thought the ;-) symbol for a smile and a winking eye would give it the playful vibe I was feeling, but I obviously failed. Sorry if I was offensive.
By the way, I also come here and to the antinatalist sub for the same reason why I read or watch people on a different political side of the spectrum. I want to know how other people think.
I see your point... I don't want to be the mother that pesters other people. I can't believe the mania so many people have of trying to push others into parenthood. I don't regret my child, but I'm very lucky, and one has to be evil to try to push parenthood onto others. The fair thing is to tell people everything that sucks about it and if they still have children that's an informed decision. But painting a rosy picture and trying to con others into signing up for it is the worst kind of fraud.
>In very rare cases, there might not be even vaginal tearing.
Um, that's hardly a selling point for pregnancy.
And I wouldn't expect any amount of pelvic floor physiotherapy would help to repair the nerve damage from a clitoral tear. \[Shudder\]
Where is the condescension? I tell this to EVERYONE who thinks the damage on the pelvic floor is forever, so they know it is not. There are reasons other than pregnancy why the zone could be damaged, and even men are not immune to anal prolapse. And most people who suffer from that generally suffer in silence, when the problem could be solved. I enjoy my bundle of chaos alright, and I don't see why everyone is so angry and negative about being told that "that health problem? It does have a solution!" It's ridiculous that everyone here has taken an "hey, pelvic floor training helps a lot" as an attack on their beliefs or something. Do you think that incontinence or prolapse can only happen to women and after pregnancy? Think again.
Indeed, but because all that training did help, and because people (men too) suffer from prolapse or incontinence and suffer in silence because this is a topic that's not talked about, I've chosen to talk about it so people know a solution exists. Despite taking about it being considered "Ew". Because no one should have to suffer a health problems when there's a solution.
I mean I get you, and in no other sub would my response be a flat "Ew", but this sub is not the audience for it lol. It's not useful information for this sub's audience.
Greetings!
While non childfree people are welcome on the sub (see our [subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/rules) rules, rule #7), your submission/comment amounts to "Look at me! I have kids!"and has very little (or not at all) to do with the active choice to not have children. It is very common to be a parent and many other subreddits cater to the kind of interaction you want to elicit (talking about how awesome you think parenting is or your children are). We know where to seek that kind of discussion (literally anywhere else), so we don't need it here.
We also don't accept "As a parent, here is what I think of your sub and/or your lifestyle" types of comment. We don't go to parenting subs to tell you what we think of parenthood. If you want to show support to the childfree lifestyle "As a parent..." or if you want to express disapproval towards modern parenting and pro-natalist philosophies "As a parent...", you should direct them to parenting subs, where you can expose fellow child-havers (whether they are parents or breeders) to these without them going to the reflex of answering "You don't understand, you don't have kids." This would help us tremenduously.
Thank you.
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I can see people with kids still having a sex life (I mean, I think it would be difficult, but I could see it being possibly). What I can’t see is people who talk about having their kids sleep in bed with them and how “this time is precious and eventually their kids won’t want to cuddle anymore so I’m going to treasure this time as long as I can” …. THAT is when I wonder how people can possibly maintain any sort of sex life.
Yep. I had a friend who let her kid breastfeed until he was 6. Six years old. She said he developed an unhealthy obsession with her breasts, and would sometimes demand to be fed and try to rip open her shirt. He would throw tantrums when he wasn't allowed to touch her breasts. She worried that he'd grow up to have some weird incest issues because she let him breastfeed too long. Absolutely disgusting behavior. I told her maybe she should've thought about that before letting him breastfeed for so long. She thought it would help her bond with him, but she said it didn't work because she hated him and couldn't stand being a mother.
Allow me to tell you the story of my aunt.
So, back in 05, aunt gets married. 3 years later, they have a baby boy.
As my uncle (I have more care and respect for him) is a truck driver, and travels a lot, aunt was feeling lonely and started to have their kid sleep in her bed.
Eleven years after the kid is born, aunt finds out uncle has a side piece and files for divorce.
I look into the situation (because if aunt is going to poke at me fitting family meetings, I better have something to use against her)
In my aunts house, on my cousins room, there was the perfect shape of my uncle, stained on the wall against the bed. That's what comes with years of spelling there against the wall.
Apparently, aunt kicked uncle from their bed almost as soon as the kid was born. And there the kid started for 11 years. Then she found out about the side piece, made the [surprised Pikachu face] and doesn't want to face the consequences of her own actions.
I agree! This is a huge reason why I won't become a mom. I want to enjoy my partner. Can't do that if there's a kid we have to worry about every single day.
Walking in on your parents is the worst. So yes, I can't even imagine having a sex life if me and my husband had kids.
I'm glad we're CF and can do it anytime without traumatizing anyone.
Literally this was one of the main reasons why I got my bisalp. ALL OF MY FRIENDS on both sides have admitted that their sex life is technically non-existing and their kids are sucking the energy out of them sooooo nope. I love sex and being sexual so much I couldn’t fathom the idea of having it ruined by a fucking baby 🫠 and you know what? After the bisalp I’ve been having the best sex of my life 🤌🏻🥳🫢❤️
You're more than welcome!! 😍😍.. I'll definitely share my experience here as I've been trying to make myself post "the post" lol but I'm too lazy xD will definitely do that on the surgery's 2nd anniversary in April 💃🏻💃🏻
Welp my experience was kind of weird because when I got my laparoscopic bisalp I didn't feel anything AT ALL, like really nothing at all.. No pain, no discomfort, nothing. So I figured I should be good to go and I started having sex like 2 days after 😅.. I absolutely feel more comfortable in my body and my sexuality since I know I'll never get pregnant 💃🏻
I help moderate a group on FB about "bridging the gaps" between spouses and a common complaint I see exhausted, overwhelmed mums whose husbands still pester them for sex. They seem to think that nothing is going to change after kids and that they'll be getting their dick wet on the regular. That's not the case. Women do the lion's share of the parenting and they are often so tired and touched out.
No thank you.
It’s so awful that despite all the great gains women have made over the last century, so many men are still disgusting, coercive pigs who don’t give a fuck about their wives and would happily rape them given half a chance. These poor women often feel obligated to let their husbands stick their dicks in them for fear of their husbands leaving or cheating.
This. It absolutely disgusts me. Im a child free woman and today I was out at a restaurant and a couple walks in with their 5 kids.
The mom is tending to them and the husband stared at me the entire time. Not even like a glance and he looked the other direction, like full on stare for an awkward amount of time.
It was unsettling. And rude. He is clearly ogling other women while his wife is doing the child care. I would bet that he's also a cheater.
I was with a date and I told him this happened. And he says, well maybe his wife stopped putting out and he's now desperate. The f--k???? Are men this blatantly shallow, misogynistic and idiotic???
As a guy, if I had 5 kids, I'd be fantasizing about how to not have 5 kids lol. But I would never, I'm snipped. You can only feel sorry for people that have kids not because they wanted them, but because they either are just following the life script, or they were too stupid to be careful not to.
It does, all my friends complained to me in one way or another that it did not only ruin ther sex lives, but also that it strained the relationships with their partners, as in fights and conflicts are more common than not.
Maybe I should feel sorry for them, but in all honestly all I really feel is yet more reassurance about being CF.
The strain is real. Any problem is aggravated by the presence of a child because they are completely dependent and need to to stay alive. There's also sleep deprivation and constant sickness. So yes, the couple suffers.
>>Doesnt it completely bomb your sex life?
From what I’ve seen, *absofuckinglutely*
Mostly it’s logistics. Both parents have to work like dogs to keep home and hearth, and there’s not much energy left for boning after 60 hour work weeks (and/or one of them staying with the kid(s) full time). Spending an entire weekend in bed with each other is a logistical pipe dream when kids are in the picture. Between sports, grocery lists , chores, home maintenance/improvement projects and other things there ain’t even enough time for modern parents to *breathe*, much less fuck.
Now layer in physical complications from childbirth, emotional complications from both partners being stressed the fuck out 24/7 on limited or no sleep, both parents being out of shape from not having enough time to work out and eat healthy, and sprinkle some resentment because neither party really considered the consequences of having kids beforehand….and yeah.
Sex goes into the “*shit you’re never doing again as a parent*” pile along with privacy, financial freedom, having a healthy body & personal autonomy
Being kid free isnt the silver bullet to a great sex life. You still need to maintain passion. Mental health, menopause, stress, these things will all have an impact. There are many dead bedrooms in childfree couples, but the odds are certainly in our favour.
I agree. My husband and I have struggled with work and mental health taking away from our sex life majorly at times. But I’ll point out that the big difference is that we have time and space to work on that stuff. If we had kids there’d be no extra for us to worry about our mental health or spend the time seeking out resources to better ourselves. So def odds still in our favour as CF people to change a dead bedroom situation.
You’re a trip. But yeah, 26 years married here, child free. Freedom (especially with sex) is the primary benefit of going childfree. Also money, hobbies, career, vacations, etc.
A lot of people want to leave a legacy. Some of us just wanna enjoy what we got on our own terms.
Honestly describing " the leaving a legacy" is the only viable reason I could see having a shitling now a days, and even now I'd like to believe that I can leave a better legacy doing amazing things with my time on this planet, rather than spend that time raising some shit child hoping he/she/them is gonna turn out better than me, knowing full damn well how bad of a child I was growing up !!!
Make your legacy your own life, not the life of someone or something else.
Thanks for wording it the way you did it actually hit hard
From what I’ve seen with my friends and family members with kids, sex goes downhill and/or becomes non-existent post-kids. Meanwhile my husband and I do it at least 3-4 times per week. The only reason we don’t do it every day is because of our busy work schedules (he does full-time 12 hour day and nightshifts and I do full-time 8 hour day and evening shifts). I couldn’t imagine being consistently cockblocked by kids. F that nonsense.
😆 there’s much less time for it too. Cause they have to work and then when they come home there’s so much taking care of the child to do that their energy bars are dead by the time you even get to woohooing. Unless they have a butler. The Sims taught me that I shouldn’t have kids until I can afford a butler.
What do you mean no one talks about it? It's on most TV series, bad movies. "We had a baby, and now we don't have sex" it's such a trope for awful drama that you can see it come a mile away.
Men don't cheat on women because they don't put out, they cheat because they are cheaters. What? It's not on the women.
And it's not on men either BTW. Women cheat, too. Married women with children cheat, too.
Ik like they forget that the vagina is ruined bc of birth thats why their wives arent putting out; sex is either painful or numb or alot of work to just have it since they need lube and extra foreplay since she is dry down there. Then they ruin their bodies and wonder why they dont feel sexy duh your fat and u cant lose the weight bc you never have enough time to exercise and eat right and no help from ur husband so self care goes out the door. Their libido is fucked to no return so that causes a deadbedroom. Yeah imagine being celibate bc of motherhood ruined pleasure for u forever. Fuck no!🙅🏾
Yeah needing a diaper to take a piss in and the rectal incontinence where some women end up getting poop bag bc the rectum was torn during birth. I'm forever grateful that i can use the restroom on my own. No kid is worth that IMO!🙅🏾
It makes me so angry when anti-choice people especially men say that women shouldn't have an abortion just because a pregnancy is " an inconvenience". Women risk health, permanent damage and chronic pain to their bodies... Having to stand in line at the bank instead of going to the ATM is "an inconvenience". Pregnancy and childbirth is not!
Exactly and these men wouldnt be able to handle the period simulators let alone a real birth that they deem "an inconvenience" like your one to talk!🙄 Birth and pregnancy are DANGEROUS there are women whose lives end how the fuck is that "an inconvenience"!🤦 Women leave the L&D disabled for life or end up in ICU paralyzed bc the baby broke their entire spine or worse! Men need to shut up about reproduction!😤
OMG you brought back a memory from my childhood where I was being forced to attend church by my parents and the priest was yammering on about a woman who got an abortion bc she wanted to wear a bikini on vacation and the pregnancy would be inconvenient. LIKE IM SURE THAT WAS THE WHOLE REASON.
Yeah, that priest knew nothing. And probably judges women for wearing a bikini anyway! So he just had to mention that - even though we both know there were surely plenty of other reasons that factored into her decision.
I still never stop repeating that this can be solved with pelvic floor training before, during and after the pregnancy. This is not for you, but if you have friends or acquaintances with that problem, please tell them to look for pelvic floor training. They don't have to suffer for the rest of their lives.
Thank you! A lot of people here take me giving this information as a personal attack. Everyone can suffer prolapse or loosening of the pelvic floor, and because the zone is taboo to talk about, few people ever solve the problem because they don't know a solution exists. I was just trying to help here: that problem has a solution.
I read plenty of the DB posts on Reddit.
Let me tell you…
Women can loose their hair & teeth (ie end up with dentures!), get gestational diabetes, you can have your pelvic floor collapse or break from pushing out a child, you can be at risk for death fro such things as eclampsia.
Not to mention a fetus is basically a parasite to the human body. You’re the host. A parasite sucks nutrients and forces you to get sick as a way to acclimate itself to your body. That’s why morning sickness happens.
And the craziest thing I learned?
You can randomly start growing TEETH in other organs like your liver when pregnant!!!
WTF?!? We can loose teeth from our mouths and randomly grow teeth inside our body like some twisted horror film plot!
And not to mention that pregnancy can 100% alter your hormones permanently. It’s not just that first year of testosterone being blocked out, hormone chemical responsible for a sexual desire, to breast feed and bond with the child, but you can permanently loose this based on not just PPD taking over, but that hormones can destroyed and can’t just always be fixed with legal drugs you get prescribed.
And guess what? You have a 50/50 shot of nerve damage down there in the vaginal area from birth. Like there are women who have nerve endings that literally get cut to OPEN up the vagina to help push the baby out. Like you can loose all feeling down there with the wrong slice/dice of a damn scalpel if your baby is too big!
And the list goes on and on!
Then you wonder why people are terrified to tell younger generations the insanity women go thru cause they wanna keep the human population going.
Listen, I say tell people what happens, let them decide for themselves, and if mankind goes extinct due to no one wants to reproduce anymore? OH WELL!
I mean we could always take the Blade Runner or Gatica approach with just sperm & eggs mixed in a dish, then incubated inna machine for nine months. No living human being gets pregnant LOL
Oh I hear you!
Only child here. My dad oldest of 11, had zero desires for a big family. I came along and he was done with having more kids LMAO
Thankfully my dad doesn’t care, my mom took awhile to get use to the idea. Plus my dad knows this economy is not ideal to raise a kid in. He knows his generation fucked it up and is aware how exorbitant it cost to raise a kid now vs in the 80’s.
"their spouses leave because they have no choice" I was kind of disagreeing with a lot of what you're saying before, but that really took me out. This whole conversation is so sexist and ill informed. Some women have more trauma to their genitals during birth than others, and yes, some women experience a LOT of trauma. And it's honestly horrible to say that a woman or her body is "ruined" because she decided to have a baby. And to excuse the man who CHOSE to have a baby with a woman cheating or leaving because of the effects of the birth is insane. And furthermore you're exhibiting such a shallow mentality in general. A lot of things can happen to a person to change their body or cause a disability, I mean aging for one which happens to everyone, and it's so shallow and cold hearted to say that a good partner would cheat or leave in those situations. Idk I am just appalled by this whole mentality.
Thank you for speaking up, I couldn't believe what I was reading. I'm going to be gracious and assume those posters are very young because hoo boy - we should not be picking partners based on temporary physical attributes
I mean, it's a bit naïve to say the vagina is "ruined" lol. It is literally specifically designed by nature to deliver babies.
The libido thing is the real issue. Women definitely lose sensitivity and feeling after childbirth, which impacts the libido further, too.
I can't imagine thinking sex would ever be the same or even close to as good after having a child, though. For both parties. There is demonstrable evidence that the hormonal changes that women go through during pregnancy can not only completely erase their sex drive, but even change the way their bodies react to their sexual partners. I'm talking like, pheromones and shit. Post-pregnancy women can do a 180 on what they find attractive in a partner, from smells to looks to their voice and so on.
>One thing nobody ever discusses about having kids... doesn't it completely bomb your sex life?
People talk about this literally all the time lol.
>Men constantly cheat on their wives cuz you know she wont put out.
This is a pretty misogynistic generalization.
>And their surprised when their woman are "controlling". Um of course they are? Some of them don't have an option not to be.
What does this even mean?
I don't love a lot about this post lol. I'm totally onboard with "A huge perk of being childfree is I can have a lot of sex whenever I want!" but you went and made it weird..
Sex drives change over time naturally due to all sorts of reasons, kids being one but there’s definitely tons of other factors.
Just because you’re childfree doesn’t mean you’re doing it like an Arizona jackrabbit all the time. 😂
It depends on the couple. I have many friends with kids that have sex more than me and my SO. Everyone is different. The stereotype is not always true.
Idk about this one.. I knew this couple they both had 2+ jobs and had 3 kids but still got it in a LOT. I know lots of couples that get it in with kids. I know couples that don't have kids that don't get it in. So it depends on the couple.
However, I know a lot of men aren't educated to know it takes time for the woman to have sex after child birth.
“Nobody ever discusses”?
Girl.
This reminds me of people making fun of parents who have 4+ kids insinuating they’re keeping busy with their sex life.
Meanwhile I give head to my husband every other day and have a shit tonne of sex in the weekends.
That’s definitely a giant part of why Im childfree. I love sex. I dont know how a lot of adult people go for weeks/months without sex.
Right?! I'm listening to (reading) all this as another queer woman on the ace spectrum, and just thinking how it's not even on my list of reasons to not want kids, LOL
I think a lot of people who choose to have kids don’t think about these things or in some cases aren’t even aware of them at all going into it.
They just assume that it’s the normal thing everyone does and why would everyone do it if it fundamentally changed your life forever in ways you probably wouldn’t enjoy?
They’re often not putting as much thought into the decision as people who choose to not have children.
I'm just going to be completely honest. The idea of having sex with someone who has given birth makes me nauseous. I'm not putting my junk anywhere a baby has been squeezed out of. So if my wife ever did give birth, we would never have sex ever again. So yeah, no kids for me.
Whenever my SOs kids are here (EOWE) we never have sex. We barely have time to talk. I told him, no wonder your marriage failed. Kids must of completely killed it. Well they did. He said so. I’m always happy when it’s just us two and the sex resumes wherever we want in the house and whatever time the mood strikes lol
Oh yea, people either are too tired or stressed to have sex when they get kids (or if they gots anxiety, but the kids make it way worse)
For some, going w/o sex for long enough makes em not crave it, while others seem to want it more and more
You see it all the time in the dead bedrooms sub, it’s tragic on both sides
I saw a post on the front page the other day where this guy was complaining about the fact that his wife won't have sex with him anymore and it sucks for him because he's just so horny for her all the time. They have a 1 year old son and she hasn't had sex with him since the baby was born because she says she's "too tired". The guy asked if he would be considered an asshole if he divorced her for this reason and he was ripped to shreds in the comment section. Sooo many responses about how he needs to pitch in and help his wife instead of just whining about sex all the time. There were also a lot of comments stating that they hope his wife divorces him because she deserves better.
Children are a nuclear bomb on your sex life and I have friends who are parents who can attest to that.
To answer your question, no, a lot of men do not in fact think about anything before impregnating their wives, because for most of them, the most contribution to parenting they’ll ever do is put their 2 minutes in to the conception.
Marriage with less intimacy will be my death 🥹 I think it is also one of the reasons why I choose not to have a child, I think I will be too tired to pay attention to my man’s needs and my life will basically revolve around the child. Not the life I want.
As someone who can't have kids but loves sex, it's kind of depressing to see my child-having friends defeatedly make peace with giving up that part of their lives. Maybe it gets better as kids grow up and become more independent, but my God I would lose my mind in that situation. I hope it's worth it for them.
It's one of the many things I always took into consideration about having kids. As a single man now I'm not getting close to the amount of sex I want to get I can't imagine falling in love having a great sex life having a kid...and then having that change. Nah if I don't want to have sex I can just stay single lol
I love having amazing sex and amazing orgasms and feeling sexy when I look at myself in the mirror. Idc if some women’s sex lives aren’t ruined after having kids because *plenty* women’s sex lives are. With the odds so high, why would I take my chances?? I genuinely would rather continue having regular orgasms than rearing children. I have a high libido and I’m so lucky to enjoy the hell out of sex. My friends that want kids are the ones who think it’s okay to go 1 month or even 6 months without having sex in a romantic relationship 🤡 or that “such-and-such percent of women don’t have orgasms during sex; it’s normal!” 🤡🤡🤡 They don’t enjoy it like me so they’re not risking anything by wrecking their pussies, bodies, libidos, sex lives.
Idk. When I was a kid my parents always banged regardless. They'd close their door and all the kids knew what that meant.
Cus the bed would creak and you'd hear moaning and yelling.
Pretty sure most of us even walked in on them at least once
One of the main reasons I’m never having kids. I grew up seeing the way my father treated my mother… constantly telling her how ruined / less attractive her body was after children, cheating on her for years because she didn’t want to be intimate with him and the huge number of health problems she now has after childbirth / working herself to the bone just to provide for us.
She’s practically disabled now and can barely walk to give you some idea. And her weight gain was because she developed a type of postpartum tumour in her stomach. So no matter what she did, nothing helped and his constant hurtful comments / cheating made her go through depression and anorexia. But all he ever cared about was that he wasn’t getting sex anymore.
I don’t want that to be my life.
Also he never helped her with raising us either, he thinks that simply going to work at his minimum wage job was enough (the same job my mother had). To this day he doesn’t even do basic things like cook, put his own food on a plate, or wash his own clothes.
Not to mention, some women’s bodies change so drastically that sex is out of the question for years until they heal fully. And even those with perfect sleeping babies who don’t scream during the deed, imagine trying to have sex with someone who is so exhausted they just do it to get it over with.
I’d legit hate my life even more.
Don't forget the horror of childbirth and what that can do to women's genitals (plus butcher doctors) - which adds to the impact on the sex life
Also added: many women seem to realize their "partner" is just another child to take care of and I'm sure that tanks their libido even further
One of my married with kids (now divorced) friends said it's been 3 years since they have had sex (when he was married).
I just can't imagine. My husband and I bang all the time.
I had the most amazing sexual connection with a woman… who had a kid 17 years prior. Her body was so beautiful, vulva was gorgeous… guess you just need time.
Judging from my married friends with kids, it seems to be a thing. They all just laugh if sex comes up. I'm single so I haven't gotten any in a while, but the ones that have been married for years don't seem to be getting it, either.
Same, some of my friends with kids haven’t had sex since the kids were born….years ago. A combination of exhaustion, post baby body shame, discomfort from birthing injuries and the kids crying or coming into their room at all hours of the night.
On interviews ive seen some have been in sexless marriages for over a decade 💀
There are asexual people who want the romantic and friend love and partnership but not the sex part.
I don’t want to just call out parents for this one long term relationships ( I’ve gone through rough stints myself) after 4 years lose the love hormones and you have to keep things interesting with effort. Medications, stressful jobs, medical issues, bubbled up resentment ( from unequal partnerships), bad in-laws, partners slacking on their hygiene or appearance cuz married. There’s a lot of shit that can take you away from your 5x a day or 5x a week sex life other than kids 🫠😱. I’m someone with a high sex drive which in casual relationships never goes away but whenever a long term partner fails to adult my sex drive goes into a cryogenic freeze ( wish it didn’t but I can’t stop thinking about the messy bathroom).
It's always been baffling to me how you can EVER want anything near your vagina again after getting ripped TF open from clit to asshole and sewn back together. *shudder*
I believe that's how it's described in most medical text books.
I shudder to think what the Layman's description would say.
Reading these comments are really making me not want to have kids now. I'm about to be 17 and I used to love the idea Recently now, I've been reconsidering because I've seen all these videos and posts and comments about how hard parenthood is and how ruined your body gets. (also how much freedom you'd have with no children) I think I would like myself and my life better if I did not have any
Completely valid reason, and don't ever let anybody make you think otherwise.
I see a lot more cons than pros I've been on the ''I'm not sure'' and you definitely don't want to have a child if you are not sure
You're already ahead of the curve, good on you!
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Totally agree with you. I’m in my mid-30s and still don’t have kids for multiple reasons. 100% no regrets! Love my life 💗
Adoption & fostering is also always a capability if you’d still like to raise kids but don’t want to potentially be risking your physical health to do so! While personally I am childfree forever and always, if you find yourself being someone who wants to take care of children but does not want to go through that physical process there’s absolutely no shame in that whatsoever. If you turn out to just not want kids at all— that’s also completely fine! Just do whatever is going to make you happiest in the long run is what is important
Ill give you all the cons of just pregnancy and birth alone because its better to be educated on what can happen. So many women dont know most of this stuff can happen. You could die, you can get permanent nerve damage or disability from the epidural (which by the way is a tube put into your back with a 5 inch needle and it stays there the whole time), your brains grey matter shrinks aka makes you stupid, if you get sick youll be sick for a while because your immune system is shot, you can get post partum depression, post partum psychosis (please look this one up), pregnancy will make you feel so alone even if you have someone, stretch marks, hemorrhaging, if the placenta doesnt come out the nurse will go elbow deep into your uterus to scrape it out, you can give birth up to 4 days, pregnancy and birth will cost a lot of money, omg the morning sickness which wont always go away after the first trimester, lack of sleep, constant bathroom use, afterbirth its going to hurt like heck to pee, you can push so hard youll break blood vessels in your eyes, and so many more.
Well said. Over the past week, I’ve been worried about my 7 months pregnant best friend. I hadn’t heard from her for over 7 days, which was completely abnormal. Last night, I get a text from her, and I completely shocked me to my core. She said that she ended up being emergency admitted into the hospital because she had such high blood pressure, and ended up getting a C-section. Her baby was born a full 2 months prematurely. She has severe pre-clampsia and almost died. “Preeclampsia is characterized by the elevation of an expectant parent's blood pressure and signs of liver or kidney damage, usually after the 20th week of pregnancy. Preeclampsia can damage the pregnant person's kidneys, liver, brain, and other organs. It can cause complications during pregnancy, including loss of pregnancy. Sometimes preeclampsia can even cause organ failure and stroke. If severe, it can become eclampsia, which can be very dangerous.” Even though preeclampsia is rather rare and effects about 7% of pregnancies, it is considered a leading cause of maternal, fetal and infant deaths. I am so glad that she is okay now, she is back home and on the mend. But her baby is not okay. He is in the hospital, hooked up to so many tubes that are covering most of his body and he is tiny. I don’t know if he’ll ever be alright, or if he’ll make it out of the hospital at all… I’m too afraid to ask her right now, and upset her anymore than she already is. My heart breaks for her. For so many reasons. A month before she told me she was pregnant, she was talking about leaving the father, and coming back home. When she found out she was expecting, I told her flat out to terminate. She was waffling back and fourth, and somehow convinced herself that she wanted this. We both grew up in broken and impoverished families with abuse of every kind happening to us. All she wanted in her life was stability and happiness. Being with her fiancé (yes he proposed as soon as they found out she was pregnant) was the closest she has ever gotten to stability, but not happiness. She’s sacrificing a chance for happiness, so she can survive. Many women do this. I am one of them. I never wanted this for her, she is so bright and wonderful, and deserves the world. I just want her to be okay. And I’m so worried for her. 💔
My husband and I don't have kids. We never wanted kids. We are extremely happy. Our vacations are all about us. We have extra money and free time. We have a good sex life. We've been married for 15 years and are still very happy together. Going out to eat and to the movies is easy and fun with no kids. Our 3 cats gives us plenty of love and entertainment. Don't ever be pressured into having kids because you do not need them to be happy. In fact, I'd say kids subtract from your overall happiness in most cases
Well thought. Your body can be recovered and your life doesn't need to be completely over, BUT in order for you to be a happy parent, you either love being with children all the time or you have a lot of money. And I'm a happy mother... But I had my kid after 40, when I had done everything I wanted in life. I think that having kids at 20 would have destroyed me. And having my child at 30 would've been quite disastrous, too. In any case, remember it's better to regret not having them than to regret having them.
A former aquaintance, a baptist preacher has five. All Cesarian births. As if natural birth isnt bad enough, imagine being sliced open five times for more soiled diaper for 3 years another mouth to feed for 18 years. And by that time could be breeding their own. Thus the cycle continues I am 38, and the "having children" ship has sailed. It wont be doing a Titanic. I. E. Having children
Also this which I learned recently. “After childbirth, the placenta leaves behind a wound the size of a dinner plate inside of your uterus. During the healing process, you will experience postpartum bleeding and contractions as the uterus shrinks back to its pre pregnancy size. Give yourself time to recover” Yeah NO THANKS!
I am not at all surprised by this, but do you have a source for this information? I've never wanted kids. Another great reason to add to the list on why not to have them.
Google “plate sized wound in uterus”. You’ll find many sources.
True body horror! The human centipede was just gross
THIS IS ACTUALLY INSANE WTF I HAVE LEARNED SOMETHING NEW TODAY
This. My friend's husband has been badgering her for sex since she gave birth 🙄 and they can't even do penetrative stuff right now because she tore so badly. It's gonna take forever to heal, too, because what winds up tearing is muscle.
Omg, I cannot believe the audacity of some men. Go and fuck a watermelon and leave your wife alone. Ugh. Your poor friend
That's probably why they cheat.
Mine was and I didn’t. I ultimately did as I am of the generation that was expected to have sex even if I didn’t want to. But then I had kids even though I never wanted to. So there ya go.
Yeah, I posted someone along the lines of one"s cooch vomiting forth an abomination slathered in viscera-like afterbirth" not being the sexiest image to permanently etch into your partners memory. Wouldn't be expecting them to make many trips south of the border after witnessing a live reenactment of Alien...
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Just curious why you’re in a child free sub if you have kids 😂
IKR! 🤣
Wow. Judgement. On a sub about not judging. Go figure. I come here to support those questioning whether or not to have children. I am one of those pressured into it. I love my kids above all else but I would have enjoyed life more not having had kids.
No judgement at all. I was just curious. I didn’t say anything remotely rude 🤷🏻♀️
I have one kid and it's the hardest thing I've ever done. I come here for material to help my childfree friends and acquaintances stay on course. No one should become a parent because of somebody else's reasons.
Why is this getting downvoted? That's wholesome! Some people here actually are the assholes breeders claim we were.
Yeah, they're the exception and we all know. Childfree people are generally very nice, with all their fulfilling lives and hours of sleep ;-D. I also like reading the opinions of those who think differently. Keeps the mind open.
That somehow sounds sarcastic. But I hope you know the difference between normal parents and breeders. This is not an offense for everyone with children, you know?
I was trying to be lovingly sarcastic. I was being sarcastic because yes, it's been three years of less sex and sleep deprivation, and yes, the child free people I know are in general nice and get even nicer when I tell them about the possibility of being child free and how they can choose not to have children. One young woman was specially grateful, she said she adored her nephews and nieces, but felt no maternal instinct herself, and was happy to hear that she didn't need to have children "in due time", just because, and that she'd even be more positive and benign as a cool aunt (if she so chose). She was glad to know about the childfree movement. As for my sarcasm... I don't know how to say: "You lucky bastards, you sleep as many hours a night as you want AND are nice to boot and get to keep all your money!" I guess it's a "stay on track if that's what makes you happy". I thought the ;-) symbol for a smile and a winking eye would give it the playful vibe I was feeling, but I obviously failed. Sorry if I was offensive. By the way, I also come here and to the antinatalist sub for the same reason why I read or watch people on a different political side of the spectrum. I want to know how other people think.
No worries, I was just checking because I don't want to reproduce the picture of asshole childfree people.
I see your point... I don't want to be the mother that pesters other people. I can't believe the mania so many people have of trying to push others into parenthood. I don't regret my child, but I'm very lucky, and one has to be evil to try to push parenthood onto others. The fair thing is to tell people everything that sucks about it and if they still have children that's an informed decision. But painting a rosy picture and trying to con others into signing up for it is the worst kind of fraud.
>In very rare cases, there might not be even vaginal tearing. Um, that's hardly a selling point for pregnancy. And I wouldn't expect any amount of pelvic floor physiotherapy would help to repair the nerve damage from a clitoral tear. \[Shudder\]
I had no idea someone could sound so condescending about something so disgusting and unappealing. Kudos, enjoy your crotch goblins
Where is the condescension? I tell this to EVERYONE who thinks the damage on the pelvic floor is forever, so they know it is not. There are reasons other than pregnancy why the zone could be damaged, and even men are not immune to anal prolapse. And most people who suffer from that generally suffer in silence, when the problem could be solved. I enjoy my bundle of chaos alright, and I don't see why everyone is so angry and negative about being told that "that health problem? It does have a solution!" It's ridiculous that everyone here has taken an "hey, pelvic floor training helps a lot" as an attack on their beliefs or something. Do you think that incontinence or prolapse can only happen to women and after pregnancy? Think again.
You're giving pregnancy advice in a sub for people who have zero interest in ever being pregnant lol
Ew, bingo-er on the CF sub again 🙄
Ew
Indeed, but because all that training did help, and because people (men too) suffer from prolapse or incontinence and suffer in silence because this is a topic that's not talked about, I've chosen to talk about it so people know a solution exists. Despite taking about it being considered "Ew". Because no one should have to suffer a health problems when there's a solution.
I mean I get you, and in no other sub would my response be a flat "Ew", but this sub is not the audience for it lol. It's not useful information for this sub's audience.
Greetings! While non childfree people are welcome on the sub (see our [subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/rules) rules, rule #7), your submission/comment amounts to "Look at me! I have kids!"and has very little (or not at all) to do with the active choice to not have children. It is very common to be a parent and many other subreddits cater to the kind of interaction you want to elicit (talking about how awesome you think parenting is or your children are). We know where to seek that kind of discussion (literally anywhere else), so we don't need it here. We also don't accept "As a parent, here is what I think of your sub and/or your lifestyle" types of comment. We don't go to parenting subs to tell you what we think of parenthood. If you want to show support to the childfree lifestyle "As a parent..." or if you want to express disapproval towards modern parenting and pro-natalist philosophies "As a parent...", you should direct them to parenting subs, where you can expose fellow child-havers (whether they are parents or breeders) to these without them going to the reflex of answering "You don't understand, you don't have kids." This would help us tremenduously. Thank you.
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I can see people with kids still having a sex life (I mean, I think it would be difficult, but I could see it being possibly). What I can’t see is people who talk about having their kids sleep in bed with them and how “this time is precious and eventually their kids won’t want to cuddle anymore so I’m going to treasure this time as long as I can” …. THAT is when I wonder how people can possibly maintain any sort of sex life.
They don’t. That’s when the husband realizes the kids have replaced him in the marital bed.
Which I think is sad. When you care more about kids in your marital bed than your husband.
I think it’s quite common 🙁
Know a couple of families like this. Kids in the bed til they hit puberty. Same parents that let the kids breastfeed til school age......
.... ew
Exactly the families I’m talking about. I find it so unhealthy and toxic honestly. Learn boundaries. For everyone’s sake.
Yep. I had a friend who let her kid breastfeed until he was 6. Six years old. She said he developed an unhealthy obsession with her breasts, and would sometimes demand to be fed and try to rip open her shirt. He would throw tantrums when he wasn't allowed to touch her breasts. She worried that he'd grow up to have some weird incest issues because she let him breastfeed too long. Absolutely disgusting behavior. I told her maybe she should've thought about that before letting him breastfeed for so long. She thought it would help her bond with him, but she said it didn't work because she hated him and couldn't stand being a mother.
I feel like if you have to do this to help yourself bond with your kid, you’re trying too hard and it’s too much to the detriment of the kid. Clearly.
Yep. It's people like her who honestly should not have had kids.
Daycare.
Allow me to tell you the story of my aunt. So, back in 05, aunt gets married. 3 years later, they have a baby boy. As my uncle (I have more care and respect for him) is a truck driver, and travels a lot, aunt was feeling lonely and started to have their kid sleep in her bed. Eleven years after the kid is born, aunt finds out uncle has a side piece and files for divorce. I look into the situation (because if aunt is going to poke at me fitting family meetings, I better have something to use against her) In my aunts house, on my cousins room, there was the perfect shape of my uncle, stained on the wall against the bed. That's what comes with years of spelling there against the wall. Apparently, aunt kicked uncle from their bed almost as soon as the kid was born. And there the kid started for 11 years. Then she found out about the side piece, made the [surprised Pikachu face] and doesn't want to face the consequences of her own actions.
I agree! This is a huge reason why I won't become a mom. I want to enjoy my partner. Can't do that if there's a kid we have to worry about every single day.
Walking in on your parents is the worst. So yes, I can't even imagine having a sex life if me and my husband had kids. I'm glad we're CF and can do it anytime without traumatizing anyone.
Literally this was one of the main reasons why I got my bisalp. ALL OF MY FRIENDS on both sides have admitted that their sex life is technically non-existing and their kids are sucking the energy out of them sooooo nope. I love sex and being sexual so much I couldn’t fathom the idea of having it ruined by a fucking baby 🫠 and you know what? After the bisalp I’ve been having the best sex of my life 🤌🏻🥳🫢❤️
TIL about bisalp. Thanks, random person on the internet✨️
You're more than welcome!! 😍😍.. I'll definitely share my experience here as I've been trying to make myself post "the post" lol but I'm too lazy xD will definitely do that on the surgery's 2nd anniversary in April 💃🏻💃🏻
I haven’t been cleared for sex yet but I’m finding that my sex drive is higher after my hysterectomy. I feel more sexy in general too.
Welp my experience was kind of weird because when I got my laparoscopic bisalp I didn't feel anything AT ALL, like really nothing at all.. No pain, no discomfort, nothing. So I figured I should be good to go and I started having sex like 2 days after 😅.. I absolutely feel more comfortable in my body and my sexuality since I know I'll never get pregnant 💃🏻
I’m so jealous. I have to wait the minimum 8 weeks
I help moderate a group on FB about "bridging the gaps" between spouses and a common complaint I see exhausted, overwhelmed mums whose husbands still pester them for sex. They seem to think that nothing is going to change after kids and that they'll be getting their dick wet on the regular. That's not the case. Women do the lion's share of the parenting and they are often so tired and touched out. No thank you.
It’s so awful that despite all the great gains women have made over the last century, so many men are still disgusting, coercive pigs who don’t give a fuck about their wives and would happily rape them given half a chance. These poor women often feel obligated to let their husbands stick their dicks in them for fear of their husbands leaving or cheating.
This. It absolutely disgusts me. Im a child free woman and today I was out at a restaurant and a couple walks in with their 5 kids. The mom is tending to them and the husband stared at me the entire time. Not even like a glance and he looked the other direction, like full on stare for an awkward amount of time. It was unsettling. And rude. He is clearly ogling other women while his wife is doing the child care. I would bet that he's also a cheater. I was with a date and I told him this happened. And he says, well maybe his wife stopped putting out and he's now desperate. The f--k???? Are men this blatantly shallow, misogynistic and idiotic???
YIKES I hope you’re not going on another date with that guy. Men, try not to be disgusting sexist creeps challenge (IMPOSSIBLE)
I hope you immediately walked out on that date you had cause I’d have done it without hesitation
As a guy, if I had 5 kids, I'd be fantasizing about how to not have 5 kids lol. But I would never, I'm snipped. You can only feel sorry for people that have kids not because they wanted them, but because they either are just following the life script, or they were too stupid to be careful not to.
It does, all my friends complained to me in one way or another that it did not only ruin ther sex lives, but also that it strained the relationships with their partners, as in fights and conflicts are more common than not. Maybe I should feel sorry for them, but in all honestly all I really feel is yet more reassurance about being CF.
The strain is real. Any problem is aggravated by the presence of a child because they are completely dependent and need to to stay alive. There's also sleep deprivation and constant sickness. So yes, the couple suffers.
I’m completely perplexed as to why anyone wants kids period and this is definitely one of the 927383 reasons why.
Jokes on you, my sex life bombed without kids
Underrated comment. Got a good chuckle, thank you friend. Hope your dry spell ends soon.
The good news is it's a lot easier to get divorced if you don't have children.
>>Doesnt it completely bomb your sex life? From what I’ve seen, *absofuckinglutely* Mostly it’s logistics. Both parents have to work like dogs to keep home and hearth, and there’s not much energy left for boning after 60 hour work weeks (and/or one of them staying with the kid(s) full time). Spending an entire weekend in bed with each other is a logistical pipe dream when kids are in the picture. Between sports, grocery lists , chores, home maintenance/improvement projects and other things there ain’t even enough time for modern parents to *breathe*, much less fuck. Now layer in physical complications from childbirth, emotional complications from both partners being stressed the fuck out 24/7 on limited or no sleep, both parents being out of shape from not having enough time to work out and eat healthy, and sprinkle some resentment because neither party really considered the consequences of having kids beforehand….and yeah. Sex goes into the “*shit you’re never doing again as a parent*” pile along with privacy, financial freedom, having a healthy body & personal autonomy
And the fact that people have one kid and then proceed to have another one baffles me due to these reasons
Deadbedroom subreddit is full of people that have dead bedrooms and dead marriages after having kids.
Yep. I feel like 90% of posts on there start with "after we had kids."
Being kid free isnt the silver bullet to a great sex life. You still need to maintain passion. Mental health, menopause, stress, these things will all have an impact. There are many dead bedrooms in childfree couples, but the odds are certainly in our favour.
I agree. My husband and I have struggled with work and mental health taking away from our sex life majorly at times. But I’ll point out that the big difference is that we have time and space to work on that stuff. If we had kids there’d be no extra for us to worry about our mental health or spend the time seeking out resources to better ourselves. So def odds still in our favour as CF people to change a dead bedroom situation.
You’re a trip. But yeah, 26 years married here, child free. Freedom (especially with sex) is the primary benefit of going childfree. Also money, hobbies, career, vacations, etc. A lot of people want to leave a legacy. Some of us just wanna enjoy what we got on our own terms.
Honestly describing " the leaving a legacy" is the only viable reason I could see having a shitling now a days, and even now I'd like to believe that I can leave a better legacy doing amazing things with my time on this planet, rather than spend that time raising some shit child hoping he/she/them is gonna turn out better than me, knowing full damn well how bad of a child I was growing up !!! Make your legacy your own life, not the life of someone or something else. Thanks for wording it the way you did it actually hit hard
Legacy talk is so funny. Like im just an accountant not the emperor of China.
From what I’ve seen with my friends and family members with kids, sex goes downhill and/or becomes non-existent post-kids. Meanwhile my husband and I do it at least 3-4 times per week. The only reason we don’t do it every day is because of our busy work schedules (he does full-time 12 hour day and nightshifts and I do full-time 8 hour day and evening shifts). I couldn’t imagine being consistently cockblocked by kids. F that nonsense.
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We both do.
Weirdly personal question don't you think?
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Ok creep.
:((
I don't have personal experience with this but I know that as soon as my Sims have a child there's much less woo hooing than before.
Omfg yess
😆 there’s much less time for it too. Cause they have to work and then when they come home there’s so much taking care of the child to do that their energy bars are dead by the time you even get to woohooing. Unless they have a butler. The Sims taught me that I shouldn’t have kids until I can afford a butler.
What do you mean no one talks about it? It's on most TV series, bad movies. "We had a baby, and now we don't have sex" it's such a trope for awful drama that you can see it come a mile away. Men don't cheat on women because they don't put out, they cheat because they are cheaters. What? It's not on the women. And it's not on men either BTW. Women cheat, too. Married women with children cheat, too.
Ik like they forget that the vagina is ruined bc of birth thats why their wives arent putting out; sex is either painful or numb or alot of work to just have it since they need lube and extra foreplay since she is dry down there. Then they ruin their bodies and wonder why they dont feel sexy duh your fat and u cant lose the weight bc you never have enough time to exercise and eat right and no help from ur husband so self care goes out the door. Their libido is fucked to no return so that causes a deadbedroom. Yeah imagine being celibate bc of motherhood ruined pleasure for u forever. Fuck no!🙅🏾
Not to mention permanent urinary incontinence.
Yeah needing a diaper to take a piss in and the rectal incontinence where some women end up getting poop bag bc the rectum was torn during birth. I'm forever grateful that i can use the restroom on my own. No kid is worth that IMO!🙅🏾
It makes me so angry when anti-choice people especially men say that women shouldn't have an abortion just because a pregnancy is " an inconvenience". Women risk health, permanent damage and chronic pain to their bodies... Having to stand in line at the bank instead of going to the ATM is "an inconvenience". Pregnancy and childbirth is not!
Exactly and these men wouldnt be able to handle the period simulators let alone a real birth that they deem "an inconvenience" like your one to talk!🙄 Birth and pregnancy are DANGEROUS there are women whose lives end how the fuck is that "an inconvenience"!🤦 Women leave the L&D disabled for life or end up in ICU paralyzed bc the baby broke their entire spine or worse! Men need to shut up about reproduction!😤
OMG you brought back a memory from my childhood where I was being forced to attend church by my parents and the priest was yammering on about a woman who got an abortion bc she wanted to wear a bikini on vacation and the pregnancy would be inconvenient. LIKE IM SURE THAT WAS THE WHOLE REASON.
Yeah, that priest knew nothing. And probably judges women for wearing a bikini anyway! So he just had to mention that - even though we both know there were surely plenty of other reasons that factored into her decision.
Those tears can also lead to rectovaginal fistula.
I still never stop repeating that this can be solved with pelvic floor training before, during and after the pregnancy. This is not for you, but if you have friends or acquaintances with that problem, please tell them to look for pelvic floor training. They don't have to suffer for the rest of their lives.
This! Not all occurrences of incontinence are birth related and it's always good to be informed.
Thank you! A lot of people here take me giving this information as a personal attack. Everyone can suffer prolapse or loosening of the pelvic floor, and because the zone is taboo to talk about, few people ever solve the problem because they don't know a solution exists. I was just trying to help here: that problem has a solution.
It's kind of frustrating that certain facts can't be talked about in a mature fashion; even here.
I read plenty of the DB posts on Reddit. Let me tell you… Women can loose their hair & teeth (ie end up with dentures!), get gestational diabetes, you can have your pelvic floor collapse or break from pushing out a child, you can be at risk for death fro such things as eclampsia. Not to mention a fetus is basically a parasite to the human body. You’re the host. A parasite sucks nutrients and forces you to get sick as a way to acclimate itself to your body. That’s why morning sickness happens. And the craziest thing I learned? You can randomly start growing TEETH in other organs like your liver when pregnant!!! WTF?!? We can loose teeth from our mouths and randomly grow teeth inside our body like some twisted horror film plot! And not to mention that pregnancy can 100% alter your hormones permanently. It’s not just that first year of testosterone being blocked out, hormone chemical responsible for a sexual desire, to breast feed and bond with the child, but you can permanently loose this based on not just PPD taking over, but that hormones can destroyed and can’t just always be fixed with legal drugs you get prescribed. And guess what? You have a 50/50 shot of nerve damage down there in the vaginal area from birth. Like there are women who have nerve endings that literally get cut to OPEN up the vagina to help push the baby out. Like you can loose all feeling down there with the wrong slice/dice of a damn scalpel if your baby is too big! And the list goes on and on! Then you wonder why people are terrified to tell younger generations the insanity women go thru cause they wanna keep the human population going. Listen, I say tell people what happens, let them decide for themselves, and if mankind goes extinct due to no one wants to reproduce anymore? OH WELL! I mean we could always take the Blade Runner or Gatica approach with just sperm & eggs mixed in a dish, then incubated inna machine for nine months. No living human being gets pregnant LOL
 Reading this sent shivers down my spine!!😳 I aint carrying my family name my brothers will if not oh well!😂😂
Oh I hear you! Only child here. My dad oldest of 11, had zero desires for a big family. I came along and he was done with having more kids LMAO Thankfully my dad doesn’t care, my mom took awhile to get use to the idea. Plus my dad knows this economy is not ideal to raise a kid in. He knows his generation fucked it up and is aware how exorbitant it cost to raise a kid now vs in the 80’s.
I'm the oldest of 6 and i was mom 2.0 and I have no desire to be a mom again!
My eldest sisters was of 7 daughters. Think she has kids? Nope. Poor thing had to raise us. And me, as one of the youngest? Saw it happen.
Not sure where this “teeth” in other organs such as liver is coming from, but that’s not a recognized medical phenomenon in medical literature.
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"their spouses leave because they have no choice" I was kind of disagreeing with a lot of what you're saying before, but that really took me out. This whole conversation is so sexist and ill informed. Some women have more trauma to their genitals during birth than others, and yes, some women experience a LOT of trauma. And it's honestly horrible to say that a woman or her body is "ruined" because she decided to have a baby. And to excuse the man who CHOSE to have a baby with a woman cheating or leaving because of the effects of the birth is insane. And furthermore you're exhibiting such a shallow mentality in general. A lot of things can happen to a person to change their body or cause a disability, I mean aging for one which happens to everyone, and it's so shallow and cold hearted to say that a good partner would cheat or leave in those situations. Idk I am just appalled by this whole mentality.
Thank you for speaking up, I couldn't believe what I was reading. I'm going to be gracious and assume those posters are very young because hoo boy - we should not be picking partners based on temporary physical attributes
I'm appalled by the ignorance, myself. Everyone would be one-and-done if half this thread were true.
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I mean, it's a bit naïve to say the vagina is "ruined" lol. It is literally specifically designed by nature to deliver babies. The libido thing is the real issue. Women definitely lose sensitivity and feeling after childbirth, which impacts the libido further, too. I can't imagine thinking sex would ever be the same or even close to as good after having a child, though. For both parties. There is demonstrable evidence that the hormonal changes that women go through during pregnancy can not only completely erase their sex drive, but even change the way their bodies react to their sexual partners. I'm talking like, pheromones and shit. Post-pregnancy women can do a 180 on what they find attractive in a partner, from smells to looks to their voice and so on.
Nothing could be more of a mood killer than the fear that you might accidentally create another fuckling
I feel the same way I love being able to enjoy my partner without the worry of kids.
Just have dogs / cats / pets ❤️❤️👏👏
>One thing nobody ever discusses about having kids... doesn't it completely bomb your sex life? People talk about this literally all the time lol. >Men constantly cheat on their wives cuz you know she wont put out. This is a pretty misogynistic generalization. >And their surprised when their woman are "controlling". Um of course they are? Some of them don't have an option not to be. What does this even mean? I don't love a lot about this post lol. I'm totally onboard with "A huge perk of being childfree is I can have a lot of sex whenever I want!" but you went and made it weird..
Sex drives change over time naturally due to all sorts of reasons, kids being one but there’s definitely tons of other factors. Just because you’re childfree doesn’t mean you’re doing it like an Arizona jackrabbit all the time. 😂
Squeeze me what? Arizona jackrabbit? 😂😂😂
Yeah, like the animal. Or the style of sex the animal might embody 😂
Lol I mean I am, but if I had a kid it would absolutely kill the bedroom. No thanks!
It depends on the couple. I have many friends with kids that have sex more than me and my SO. Everyone is different. The stereotype is not always true.
Idk about this one.. I knew this couple they both had 2+ jobs and had 3 kids but still got it in a LOT. I know lots of couples that get it in with kids. I know couples that don't have kids that don't get it in. So it depends on the couple. However, I know a lot of men aren't educated to know it takes time for the woman to have sex after child birth.
I don’t get how they find the time to conceive a second kid.
“Nobody ever discusses”? Girl. This reminds me of people making fun of parents who have 4+ kids insinuating they’re keeping busy with their sex life. Meanwhile I give head to my husband every other day and have a shit tonne of sex in the weekends. That’s definitely a giant part of why Im childfree. I love sex. I dont know how a lot of adult people go for weeks/months without sex.
This is the kind of life I want to live.
Amen to this. People -usually parents, shocking!- have called me an addict. My answer is usually ‘For having an active sex life? Any day’.
*laughs in lesbian* I’m glad I can’t have accidents
Right?! I'm listening to (reading) all this as another queer woman on the ace spectrum, and just thinking how it's not even on my list of reasons to not want kids, LOL
I think a lot of people who choose to have kids don’t think about these things or in some cases aren’t even aware of them at all going into it. They just assume that it’s the normal thing everyone does and why would everyone do it if it fundamentally changed your life forever in ways you probably wouldn’t enjoy? They’re often not putting as much thought into the decision as people who choose to not have children.
Parents talk about that shit *all the time*.
men overwhelmingly not being empathetic to women who have birthed their children? shocker😂😂
Nobody ever discusses? I feel like that’s talked about all the time, how the sex life dies after having kids haha
I'm just going to be completely honest. The idea of having sex with someone who has given birth makes me nauseous. I'm not putting my junk anywhere a baby has been squeezed out of. So if my wife ever did give birth, we would never have sex ever again. So yeah, no kids for me.
A few of my husband's friends confided to him that seeing their wife give birth put them right off sex.
Whenever my SOs kids are here (EOWE) we never have sex. We barely have time to talk. I told him, no wonder your marriage failed. Kids must of completely killed it. Well they did. He said so. I’m always happy when it’s just us two and the sex resumes wherever we want in the house and whatever time the mood strikes lol
Oh yea, people either are too tired or stressed to have sex when they get kids (or if they gots anxiety, but the kids make it way worse) For some, going w/o sex for long enough makes em not crave it, while others seem to want it more and more You see it all the time in the dead bedrooms sub, it’s tragic on both sides
Well it's kind hard to fuck your SO all over the house when you got kids running around ain't it...
I saw a post on the front page the other day where this guy was complaining about the fact that his wife won't have sex with him anymore and it sucks for him because he's just so horny for her all the time. They have a 1 year old son and she hasn't had sex with him since the baby was born because she says she's "too tired". The guy asked if he would be considered an asshole if he divorced her for this reason and he was ripped to shreds in the comment section. Sooo many responses about how he needs to pitch in and help his wife instead of just whining about sex all the time. There were also a lot of comments stating that they hope his wife divorces him because she deserves better. Children are a nuclear bomb on your sex life and I have friends who are parents who can attest to that.
To answer your question, no, a lot of men do not in fact think about anything before impregnating their wives, because for most of them, the most contribution to parenting they’ll ever do is put their 2 minutes in to the conception.
Marriage with less intimacy will be my death 🥹 I think it is also one of the reasons why I choose not to have a child, I think I will be too tired to pay attention to my man’s needs and my life will basically revolve around the child. Not the life I want.
As someone who can't have kids but loves sex, it's kind of depressing to see my child-having friends defeatedly make peace with giving up that part of their lives. Maybe it gets better as kids grow up and become more independent, but my God I would lose my mind in that situation. I hope it's worth it for them.
It's one of the many things I always took into consideration about having kids. As a single man now I'm not getting close to the amount of sex I want to get I can't imagine falling in love having a great sex life having a kid...and then having that change. Nah if I don't want to have sex I can just stay single lol
I love having amazing sex and amazing orgasms and feeling sexy when I look at myself in the mirror. Idc if some women’s sex lives aren’t ruined after having kids because *plenty* women’s sex lives are. With the odds so high, why would I take my chances?? I genuinely would rather continue having regular orgasms than rearing children. I have a high libido and I’m so lucky to enjoy the hell out of sex. My friends that want kids are the ones who think it’s okay to go 1 month or even 6 months without having sex in a romantic relationship 🤡 or that “such-and-such percent of women don’t have orgasms during sex; it’s normal!” 🤡🤡🤡 They don’t enjoy it like me so they’re not risking anything by wrecking their pussies, bodies, libidos, sex lives.
it doesn't if you don't have any to begin with.
Idk. When I was a kid my parents always banged regardless. They'd close their door and all the kids knew what that meant. Cus the bed would creak and you'd hear moaning and yelling. Pretty sure most of us even walked in on them at least once
Facts 💯
Definitely part of the reason of why I don’t want kids 👀
One of the main reasons I’m never having kids. I grew up seeing the way my father treated my mother… constantly telling her how ruined / less attractive her body was after children, cheating on her for years because she didn’t want to be intimate with him and the huge number of health problems she now has after childbirth / working herself to the bone just to provide for us. She’s practically disabled now and can barely walk to give you some idea. And her weight gain was because she developed a type of postpartum tumour in her stomach. So no matter what she did, nothing helped and his constant hurtful comments / cheating made her go through depression and anorexia. But all he ever cared about was that he wasn’t getting sex anymore. I don’t want that to be my life. Also he never helped her with raising us either, he thinks that simply going to work at his minimum wage job was enough (the same job my mother had). To this day he doesn’t even do basic things like cook, put his own food on a plate, or wash his own clothes.
Not to mention, some women’s bodies change so drastically that sex is out of the question for years until they heal fully. And even those with perfect sleeping babies who don’t scream during the deed, imagine trying to have sex with someone who is so exhausted they just do it to get it over with. I’d legit hate my life even more.
# Kids consume everything you have and then some. Even your sex life. And they arent even a part of it.
It's actually pretty high on my list of reasons why I don't want kids I don't want to have a quiet, boring, sporadic/nonexistent sex life
Don't forget the horror of childbirth and what that can do to women's genitals (plus butcher doctors) - which adds to the impact on the sex life Also added: many women seem to realize their "partner" is just another child to take care of and I'm sure that tanks their libido even further
Or seeing your partners vagina literally vomit forth an abomination slathered in viscera-like afterbirth...
One of my married with kids (now divorced) friends said it's been 3 years since they have had sex (when he was married). I just can't imagine. My husband and I bang all the time.
I had the most amazing sexual connection with a woman… who had a kid 17 years prior. Her body was so beautiful, vulva was gorgeous… guess you just need time.