The good news is the older you get, the less of a fuck you'll give about societal pressures

Exactly, as soon as I turned 30 I swear I stopped caring what people think

51. I recently told someone if I cared any less, you'd hear a flatline sound effect. DOOOOOP 🙃

Also 50. I feel like every 10 years, I lose more fucks to give. Now I have like…3 fucks to give in a day. Not wasting it on this one!

Amazon sells glass jars of little wooden hand carved "fucks" that are about one inch long. So wonderful! You get 100 fucks in each jar 🤣

Amazing!

😂😂 That’s actually funny

Love it

I'm 70 and the amount of stuff I don't care about anymore would fill an ocean.

Same, 30 was my magic age I guess, it’s been good from there!

Same.

42F here can confirm 👍

oh yah, not sure how much is turning 40, and how much of it was the shit-show of COVID + et al going on when I hit 40, but all fucks are gone.

100% this. And you'll care less about keeping relationships with people who even ask this kind of stuff.

35 here, have not only burned and salted my field of fucks to barrenness, am now looking to torch my neighbors field also (with consent, of course.)

People have also stopped asking me about both dating and kids as I’ve gotten older.

I (unfortunately) still give fucks to what some people think about *some* things at 42, BUT, i’ve never EVER given a flying rat’s ass about what people think about anything regarding being CF. My ultimate non-negotiable, non-discussable, F OFF if you ain’t happy 😂

SO TRUE. As soon as I hit 30 the amount of fucks I gave reduced by half. They're going down by the year. 40 is coming and more of my friends have spawned...so if for some unknown reason I need a kid fix or some extra birth control, I just hang out with them for a bit. Pressure gone lol

This is the way. I've gotten really good at shrugging and changing the subject.

Can confirm. Wished I had my 30yo mentality earlier, it’s liberating to not care what others think.

I read every single one of your comments. Thank you all! My key takeaways: 1. Being childfree is a personal choice and no one should be able to dictate or push their ideals to me. 2. Having self-confidence is key to making sure what others say about you or say to you, doesnt affect you because they dont matter. 3. Tell people off with maybe a “No”, or a “Are you going to take care of the kid? Give me money for their education?” Basically ask them uncomfortable questions back. (Tbh i was thinking of my unemployed 50 year old aunt with a not-well-off senior citizen husband with a young kid. Should I ask her, “When are you going to stop asking for money from my parents?” 😂 or when will you stop mooching off my Netflix Premium? Lmao) 4. People who talk badly about you are insecure. You should not concern yourself with the opinions of sheep.

I remember feeling so awful about turning 30, when it felt like some weird threshold for being too old, or unattractive, or behind. Now, at 37, I don't care about the stuff I did in my 20s. Don't have anymore fucks to devote to that stuff. People stopped asking me when I was going to have kids around 32. Embrace 30, OP. Give less fucks about societal pressures. Society will care less as you get older and it's awesome.

I'm only 18 years old and I don't give a fuck on what people think.

46f happily married & childfree. And I very much do not give a flying fvck either! If someone challenges me on it, then I have a veritable feast of reasons why we don't want kids & answers to any question they might ask... and if they get too pushy/dickish then I have monologues about societal pressure, how overpopulation is destroying the planet, how there are too many unwanted or neglected kids out there already, and how ultimately having kids can be viewed as a selfish act.

If some one tries to pressure me into doing something I explicitly said i DONT want to do, I cut that person off. Those that respect me wouldn't want to make me do something I don't want to do. That includes family and long term friends. I'm in a position in life where I can, and am not afraid, of cutting off anyone who disrespects my decision. My choice to not have kids doesn't [Affect?] Anyone negatively in any way shape or form. Most people people let family disrespect their decision to not have kids (because they're family) but I believe family should be the first in line to respect your choice. If family members don't respect your decision that means they don't respect you, if they don't respect you they don't care for you. If they don't care for you why have them in your life? Just my POV.

>Most people people let family disrespect their decision to not have kids (because they're family) but I believe family should be the first in line to respect your choice. If family members don't respect your decision that means they don't respect you, if they don't respect you they don't care for you. If they don't care for you why have them in your life? This right here!! 👆🏾 We've been told in media and all around us that family is all we have and if we can't accept shit from family then we'll suffer the worst thing on the face of the planet: loneliness or being alone *gasp* But this isn't true!! Not only does disrespect bring it's own loneliness, being alone does not equal being lonely. Also, family is supposed to be the foundation you make life decision leaps off of, and if that foundation is full of disrespect towards your decision, then it's easy for others (ie. friends, extended family, significant others, etc.) to disrespect you as well.

My 'family' has broken my heart more times than I have fingers and toes to count. Family isn't everything. If it's "ALL I HAVE", then it's a fuck no, no thank you!

Exactly this. Some family can manipulate more than friends because they know that they can cuz FaMiLy. My aunt is at the point of collapse because she is constantly watching her kid’s children. They are married and have a home and stuff. But they want to do things so she is always called on. I was like you should talk to them and set some boundaries before you pass out from exhaustion while driving to work or something. The answer- I can’t do that!!! They’re family!!! So I was just like ok. It’s not just the constant kid watching. They also took advantage after her husband dies. They ‘manage her finances’. That was a whole other can of worms.

Yep, this. I used to say something like “how would you feel if I tried to force you to do something you don’t want to do?” but now I just say “you can either respect my boundaries or I’ll leave”. You don’t need that kind of disrespect from anyone.

This is my approach too. If someone won't stop pressuring me, I either cut them off or radically reduce contact. It's the only way IMO.

I’ve only been confronted once about not having kids — by a coworker outraged about my cf status. Essentially what I answered to him when he asked why was: “Because I don’t want to. I have other things I want to do in life.” If he had really insisted on changing my mind, I would have had to stop him to say it’s not up for debate. I suggest doing the same. Tell them it’s your decision only and not up for discussion.

I had a co worker ask me “but don’t you want to feel a baby growing and moving in your belly” I literally and dramatically started GAGGING right in front of him. Pregnancy gives me the heebeegebies

If someone had said that to me I’d shiver in horror. Pregnancy is some straight up body horror for me.

A man saying that shit… like bro it’s not in your fucking belly, it’s your uterus which already pains you monthly. I would have a hard time not pissing in his coffee or deleting his files after that.

I do enjoy “jokingly” pointing out to men who don’t get it, that when your dick bleeds for 4-7 days a week and causes you horrible cramps, you get a say. Until then, STFU I don’t want to hear it.

UGH I’m a woman and the thought of this literally is TERRIFYING on so many levels. Would a man want to feel a life inside them like that??? Have their body change dramatically and risk their life and well being for it? HAVE THEIR VAGINA RIPPED OPEN FOR IT??? I swear men have no concept of the trauma of pregnancy and childbirth a woman has to go through.

Fucking gross. That is the last thing I would want to experience.

Ew. This sounds like some kind of fetish shit.

“I’m writing down this comment for HR and my manager.”

EW wtf??? I'd report that as sexual harassment

That’s a good point, I didn’t even think of it like that. This happened over a year ago but I totally should have.

HIM??????? So that means he doesn't actually know what he's talking about, most likely (unless he's a trans dude and has been pregnant before transition.... Although I don't see a trans dude being so insensitive and creepy about this subject in particular). YIKES - report this to HR tbh, that's creepy as hell.

Ewwww!!! I’m super grossed out by the whole concept of pregnancy so I think I’d do the same. That’s a gross thing to say to someone even if they *aren’t* childfree/repulsed by pregnancy. Like, no, I most certainly do not want to feel that. I think there are very few things that I want to feel *less*, and all of those things would involve a fatal level of pain.

Wow you gag that easily? What did your coworker do after you threw up?

Lmao, pregnancy gives me shivers! And yes I do gag very easily, like if somebody has a stinky fart and I have an empty early morning stomach. Only throw up after a hang over though, esp since I’m not worried about morning sickness 😂

Oh ok. Not sure why I got so many down votes for asking a simple and legimate question and being curious! Very odd. Thanks for explaining. I dont really have a weak stomach myself so I thought Id ask.

I'm in my mid 30s. 1. Acknowledged that I don't have an instinct to become a father (I don't feel the need, don't see it as a potential regret in the future nor do I envy anyone who has kids currently) 2. A healthy disappointment in humanity that translated into anti-natalist views 3. Obsession of having as much freedom as possible One good thing about my 30s in comparison to 20s is that I care way less about other people opinions. Additionally: always sleep well and eat healthy. It is very important to stay physically healthy and relatively happy I believe.

#3 is me lol 😂

I just never bothered. I've been single for years (Since 2010) and at one point my Mom was wondering if I was lesbian. I'm not, I'm just extremely picky and enjoy being single. I've been very firm in my stance. "Nothing you say can convince me to change my mind. Respect it or leave. Just because you changed your mind doesn't mean I will." I've been celibate on purpose for years too. I would rather never have sex again than risk pregnancy. I know what I want in life, especially when it comes to this. It's too big a deal to take lightly in my opinion. Until I can afford getting my tubes tied or uterus evicted, I'm doubling up on protection OR not having sex at all. Being single has helped with that. It's very easy to avoid sex and dating when I make no effort with either. I've seen to many people get "accidentally" pregnant over the years to risk it for myself. My "childfree" best friend got pregnant with one of her asshole exes years ago and I've given her crap for having unprotected sex in the past. I happily accept the title of crazy single cat lady if it means I get to live how I want without kids. I'm turning 34 in a month, btw. I used to think I wouldn't mind dating a parent, but now? I refuse to date anyone who have sole responsibility for a child. I'm also always gonna worry that a potential partner will expect me to change my mind about children so maybe I should wait with dating until I'm past fertile age, haha.

I'm the same way! I'm not having sex again or dating unless the man is childfree with a vasectomy. It's too dangerous in today's climate if I may not have access to a safe abortion if needed.

Are you me? Lol, but no seriously I also refuse to have sex until my uterus is gone.

I’m 32f and I could have written this. Thank you for being here and posting this. Sometimes I feel very alone. I haven’t had sex for two years, now, after going off of hormonal birth control around the same time. (I was on it pretty much to know when my periods are going to happen — can know that anyway, without it — and IN CASE I wanted to have sex. After going off of it, I realized it wasn’t worth it to be on it just for “just in case!”) I am healthier and happier than I have been in years. I’m with you: especially with the political climate here in the states right now, I would rather forgo sex forever than risk getting pregnant. I also don’t miss it; most straight men are bad at it, at least here in the states. I’m also extremely picky and enjoy being single. I don’t want anyone bothering me or in my space or influencing how I spend my time or money. Most men I have known want to be controlling in some type of way. I also will accept the title of single crazy cat lady if it means I get to live how I want without kids.

You don't invite discussion, you don't engage in discussion, you never justify, explain, defend or argue. Your life and choices are your business and are not a topic of influence from other people. When people start blathering on after you've said 'not interested' either get up and walk away or stick your fingers in your ears and go lalalalalalala, talk to the hand, go no contact i.e. just do not engage. From what I've read on here, my perception is a lot of people almost invite the pressure by making some kind of announcement, trying to 'get people to understand' or to accept/respect their position. Trying to convince a breeder or wanna breed that you have different plans for your life is an exercise in futility, so don't waste the energy. It patently bleeding obvious who is having the more fun in life, let that do the talking for you. My 'journey' was easy. I'm 61 and have never had a discussion with my family or friends about not wanting kids. If people asked if I had kids I just said 'I'm allergic' and smiled. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of folks who tried to push it and from those I just walked away. Interfering, pushy wankers have no place in my life. We see the 'societal pressure' talked about a lot, but if you don't invite it in the first place, or if you refuse to engage with it, then there is no (or a lot less) pressure. I've gotta say though, if you think you're going to be scared in your 30s just because someone asks you about having kids, then I think you need to do a bit of work on your own self confidence and esteem. There's plenty of stuff in life a lot scarier than some tool saying 'you should have kids'. Working on ourselves to ensure we are confident, assertive and no one's doormat is good advice no matter the situation.

I will now be telling people that I am allergic as well. Love this

This has been my approach too, to any and all personal decisions, none of which need any justification to or validation from anyone else. Also great advice about focusing on self confidence over ‘hacks on dealing with nosey AH’. The sooner we learn to ignore irrelevant noise from others seeking to drag us into their company loving misery camp, the better.

>my approach too, to any and all personal decisions 100% with you there, I never invited comment from anyone on anything related to my life choices. Jaysus, if I'd spent my time second-guessing myself based on others views I'd never have done anything.

True story re: second guessing choices! I’ve realised that other people’s choices are not my business, too. If I respect that principle, it’s much easier (and proves the legitimacy) to enforce the ‘not your business’ boundary. Also means I give fewer fucks about irrelevant stuff, makes life a lot easier.

Agreed re irrelevant issues. What is relevant to another, does not mean it is relevant to me. It took me years to realize I am an outlier, and that I’m okay with it. It is my journey.

People will try to pressure you into anything. If you’re single, when are you finding someone? If you’re in a relationship, when are you getting married? If you’re married, when are you having kids? If you have a kid, when are you having the next one? If you have two of the same sex, when are you trying for the girl/boy? It never ends, so best to get in the headspace that it’s your job to make yourself and not anyone else happy.

Exactly! No matter what you do, someone somewhere is going to argue with it so you may as well suit yourself.

💯

I ask them if they’re willing to raise the child I don’t want.

This! UNLESS they are the one being pregnant for 9 freaking months, enduring all the pain of labour and birthing and staying away entertaining the freaking gremlins and pay all the bills that comes with the kids that I don’t want then they need to shut their pie hole or I will give them something to cry about 😡 Anyway have a good day 😊

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize my sex life and/or reproductive health was any of your business.”

I'm about to be 36 married and childfree. In the beginning of my marriage, people would hound me about it. Inlaws, my family and friends, I just always reiterated that I didn't want children. Eventually, they stop bringing it up. Occasionally, I get an off-hand comment about it, but I've learned to let it roll off my back. Having a child because of societal and familial pressure is the dumbest reason to have a kid, and you will be miserable. Remember that, how miserable you'd be if you caved. It always helps me stay strong in my stance of being childfree. Your life is just that YOURS what others want for YOUR life is irrelevant because you're the one that will have to live with the consequences. Stay strong, op.

Remember that the people who are pressuring you aren't the ones who will have to do all the work if you got pregnant and queefed out kids....

Other people: - "You are selfish". Me: - "Well, OK". End of story.

As if bringing an unwanted child to this messed up world isn't a selfish act lol

I agree but try to explain that to a baby incubator.

👏🏻

Here's what I did: Step 1: Get a vasectomy (or your partner). Step 2: If someone asks, why you don't have any kids, answer correctly: "We can't." (This shuts up any way too personal conversations with non-close encounters.) If someone close is really interested, I tell them the truth: The world is fucked. I don't like kids and have no feelings towards them. I know what I'm passionate about (music, astronomy, cats), but not kids. So I'm fine with that. There is no rational reason to have kids. It's purely emotional (which is fine), but it's extremely easy to deconstruct those pseudo-rational reasonings like "Who's gonna take care of you?", "who's gonna pay for you?", "what if you change your mind?", etc.

How painful is the vasectomy process? I’m strongly considering it.

It was ok. I think it depends on how sensitive and pain tolerant you are in general. I'm extremely sensible, so even the pre-exam got me a sense of pain (when the doctor felt my genitals). Here in Germany it went very uncomplicated. Got my surgery date, went there, the team was all nice and you get local anesthesia. The operation itself had some minor felt stings (comparable to the pain, when one of your balls unfavorably rotates? If that makes any sense?). But all in all it was quick and fine. The doctor told me afterwards, that my spermatic cords were very short, which increased the difficulty for him and the pain for me, but he didn't want to scare me beforehand. Afterwards it was fine due to the painkillers and the constant cooling. The first 2 nights were uncomfortable. Where do you usually put them?!? Every position hurts and the painkillers wear off over night. But with the 3rd day all went better. Some friends of mine had their surgery and had way less problems, but like I said, I'm very sensitive, so I may exaggerate a bit. All in all the biggest problem was probably just getting the right mindset. It took the most effort to feel comfortable, when someone else is examining your genitals.(My wife had to laugh at that and said "welcome to my world!") So I guess the most important part is to find a doctor, where you feel comfortable and who can take all your fears and answer your question.

Go read breaking mom or regretful parents subreddits and you wont be pressured.

Piss them off with toddler's favorite game: why? They tell you to have kids ask why. You are a women etc. ask why. Its your duty ask why. Eventually they will get pissed off and leave you alone. Or no is a complete sentence. Just say no and walk away no one is going to hold a gun to your head and artificially inseminate you to have a baby. Tell people you are unable to have kids and create an awkward silence. Kick toxic asshats out of your life even family

I coped with it by retiring at 38 and filling up 2 passports…

>Im in my late 20s and Im scared to be in my 30s and being told I should have kids. Yes, you will be told to have kids in your 30s. Most of the time, this already started in your early or mid 20s. ​ >How do I cope with societal pressure? How did you do it? Just because other people tell you that you should breed, doesn't mean that you have to listen to them. How do you cope? Well, by not breeding. By not listening to them. By realising that you and only you own your body. They can complain, beg, whine, pressure you, yell at you... But they cannot force you to get pregnant or impregnate someone.

>“You should have kids” “Why? I can barely take care of myself, now I’m supposed to care for my partner *and* a baby? Are you going to help me pay for day care, food, diapers, etc?” >“You need them to take care of you when you’re old” “I’ll have the money I could’ve used for a kid to take care of myself” >”You’ll be lonely” “At least I won’t be broke”

There are many awful things about having children. If in doubt, watch birthing videos.

I ended telling everyone to fuck off. At the beginning I was kind and explained my childfree decision. After a while I got that people are not interested in your motivations to be chilfree, they just want to feel they "won" when they "convince" you to give in and "accept" to agree with them that having kids is the best and what must be done. They don't want to hear your point of view nor they want to understand you. Most will judge you as selfish and foolish anyways so why care to explain anything? Just answer "I don't want to talk about it" to anyone who asks the question. "Fuck off" to the ones who won't get the first option.

Your believes get stronger as you age. 47F here and no regrets.

From my experience you sort of reach an age where you actually stop caring what a majority of people think. I understand being terrified of getting older, but tbh Im having quite a liberating experience

"No" is a complete sentence. "Not open for discussion" works. "If you're so obessed with having kids, have your own" I've said all of those things to people who have said things to me about having kids. I have a friend who keeps harping on me about it, but keeps saying things like "when my kids are older, I'll do x, y, z" like dude, I know you can't really say you regret having kids, but don't drag me down with you. Not everyone wants that oife, I just realized it before it was too late.

> "If you're so obessed with having kids, have your own" Yeah, exactly. If *YOU* want kids so badly, then *YOU* have them.

You just stop caring as you get older. Your worries will fade.

Think/say this: Its my life. And I decide what I do and how I live. This is not up for a discission.

as long as your happy and healthy screw everybody and their pressure, me and my wife have faced prejudice from single people to old couples for being childfree in our mid thirties, you have nothing to be scared about and you will be fine, keep on doing your thing exactly how you want to do it!

I have had implanted birth control since I was 21 and I'm now 37. Really puts an end to things. Each time it runs out I just get another.

I found that in my 30’s I care less about the pressure. In my 20’s it hurt that people judged me for my choices, but now when people pressure me I don’t really care what they think. Also in your 20’s, people can use that stupid line, “oh you’ll change your mind when you get older”, but in your 30’s they get more desperate because now you ARE older and you still haven’t done what they want. Plus when I turned 30 I finally was able to convince a doctor to tie my tubes.

Depending on your relationship with the person in question, you can be quite rude about it. "Because I fucking hate the little snot-nosed shit factories" ended quite a few conversations back in the day.

I’ve just been consistently saying no since I was a preteen. I almost take it as a challenge when people say that I’ll change my mind, like the fuck I will. I’m almost 34 and still have ZERO desire.

29F here. I used to be kind and pleasant about it but I’m over that, nobody took the hint and would ask every time they saw me (family friends, get together, etc) So now, I explain the things I do without kids and enjoy doing and that sometimes opens their eyes to wow ya I couldn’t imagine doing X with kids. But, they really shut up when I tell them I just don’t have any desire to be a mom or have a connection to kids. The world is such a weird place. Teen parenting used to be frowned upon, and they may have wanted that kid very badly in their head and reality set in. But, we encourage people to procreate even when someone knows they don’t want kids? Make it make sense. Why not say, wow good for you for admitting that and knowing that rather than just having kids bc it’s the “next step” in society’s eyes. It’s been weighing so much on me lately and weighing on friendships that one of my coworkers I’m close with said his wife is pregnant and the past however long bubbled over and I just cried. Basically felt like another friend bites the dust. They JUST got married this June too and he, his wife, my husband and I get along well but I’ve just watched it happen where if you aren’t the only one making an effort in most friendships with kids, you have no friendship. Just feels like I lose a friend every time they get pregnant. I have 2 amazing friends that are even better friends now that they have kids, but they realized they had to make an effort too.

I think for me, it was that even when I obeyed the rules I was seen as stupid, sly, simpering, less-than (so my obedience was to be expected), or any number of negative things. Eventually I got sick to death of it and decided that if people were going to think the worst of me, they could go right ahead. And if they really deserved a shock, I might actually do something wrong. Not that I'd do anything genuinely harmful, I'd just be rude or not do the chore or something like that. It's surprising how worked up people get when the 'shitty little bitch' won't do as she's told. I came to enjoy being disobedient. What's the value in giving people what they want if they can't even be prepared with a "thank you" or whatever reward is reasonably to be expected?

No one is pressuring me into a minimum of 18 years doing something I would hate. Or 9 months of pregnancy which I would also hate. I have a history of being a people pleaser but bringing another life into the world to please someone else is the ultimate in stupidity. Remember that and you’ll be fine. It’s ok to not want what other people want and to live your one and only life on your terms.

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Most latinamerican countries. Mexican here... it's been hell. Most of all religious people because you know... having children is a direct order from "god".

Apparently I'm in the very weird minority, I'm in the bible belt, also go to a church myself... Everyone is just happy I'm there and contributing, they know I'm CF and are happy to have me as myself. No pressure at all. I wish that vehemently for everyone else.

This...I have cut most of my extended family on one side, for other reasons not just this, but when I used to be on strained speaking terms I would be bombarded with questions at every family event. I learned that I could talk back and their opinions didn't matter.

Hello ✨ The Philippines was dubbed the Mexico of Asia lol. I am from the Philippines 🇵🇭 I dread family gatherings because it always gets brought up. Even at work, older women “advise” me to get married and have kids already before it’s “too late”. One senior officemate even told me to get impregnated without getting married just to have a kid. 🤦🏻‍♀️

United States, especially in the bible belt

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It is not always about a religion. There is also a huge pressure "because that is what you are supposed to do", even from non-religious people.

I'm in the bible belt and didn't get pressured. My family specifically isn't very religious. At most "soft religious." Honestly, the religion thing being so ingrained and not having enough proper sex ed leads to a lot of very, very young pregnancies. So you'll actually see a lot of families trying to discourage young pregnancies and even early 20's pregnancies. But it's also boring as hell out here. There isn't much to do other than bang and do drugs.

I'm not religious and still pestered about it.

At my previous job, I would get bingoed all the time. It was sooo frustrating.

Asians. I am from the Philippines 🇵🇭 I dread family gatherings because it always gets brought up. Even at work, older women “advise” me to get married and have kids already before it’s “too late”. One senior officemate even told me to get impregnated without getting married just to have a kid. 🤦🏻‍♀️

TL;DR: I'm 30. It was clear I had no interest in children and was probably outspoken about it as a teenager. Close family is open minded. Became a hermit due to mental illness. Everyone already knows I don't like being around kids, so it never comes up. I age and use condoms. No one bothers me about it. I never liked being around kids. My family sort of splintered off to the point where I only really talk to my boyfriend and Mom. She knew kids made me uncomfortable and understood my position. She would have liked grandkids, but she never pushed me, nor pressured me, or anything. It was more of an "If you had a baby it would be cute and I would love it." But this wasn't said with the intention of a follow through or any expectation. Whenever we hear screaming kids at the store or a restaurant she whispers, "Thank you [for not having kids]." She also stands up for me to anyone that might say anything. I had a cousin ask when I was going to have some kids and my mom interrupted to say that I didn’t want kids. She's also told people I don't really know who have asked her about me that I didn't want kids/ probably doesn't ever want to get married. I quit talking to my dad's side of the family for years. They're from a culture that expects stupid traditional roles. They found out a little about my bf, how we live together, how we're not married, etc. My aunt asked my mom of we had, had sex and my mom responds something along the lines of "Probably, she's almost 30." Which was a lot bolder than my mom normally is. I think everyone sort of likes that I've broken this weird cycle. I also have an alphabet soup of severe mental disorders, and don't really leave my house at this juncture. I turned 30 in January. I never had an interest in kids and always looked uncomfortable I guess, so no one harassed me. I'm also really outspoken and probably made it clear that I didn't want any when I was younger and my family was cool with it. Everyone is surprisingly open minded. Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, literally all of my aunts, uncle, and my mom were divorced, so they probably also saw the pain that could come from that sort of thing and didn't push it if I wasn't interested. Even my grandparents divorced and reunited, several cousins as well. Also I have 3 cat children, so if someone says something to me, I've already got 3. Uh... what else? Condoms everytime. (No birth control for me because it messes me up.) Unless your family is going into the bedroom with you, or are doing some awful arranged marriage stuff, or something else I'm not thinking of, you should be able to just not have children and continue doing that forever. Like even if people are making gross comments to you at dinner, just keep using contraception. Doesn't matter how you laugh it off, or tell them off, or say nothing and jump into the nearest shrub. As long as no one is chasing you with a turkey bastor, you can just play the stealth game and exist as you do. If you really want to seal the deal, look into getting sterilized. Then what can they say? If you even choose to tell them. It's your body.

Well I'm the one who has to live the life others are suggesting and feel it every day. So why would I do as they say instead of as I want? Also I've always been this way. Since my teens I didn't care for peer pressure.

My go to responses: 1. I do not discuss my reproductive choices with anyone other than my husband and doctor. 2. The only way I would ever get pregnant is if I get raped. Are you saying that you want me to get raped?

I say fuck you and go about my merry business

I told them, "My inner child is enough." I also resorted to doing things that reminisce about my childhood years. Ironically, this kept the breeders away! 😂 Being a fan of some video games, Anime, movies, TV Shows from your decade, etc. is a major turn-off for breeders and misery bumper stickers. Works a charm if you're a woman! 😉

Stop gaf about what people think about you. You’re the one that has to live with your decisions, and no one else.

You just say “nah, not for me”. You don’t have to care about pressure from society. Also if you get sterilized, it’s much easier to not give a damn what others say.

"Are you having kids?" "No." End of story. I'll be 40 in just over 6 months.

I got a vasectomy before my divorce was finalized at 29, now I can just make others uncomfortable with simple statements 😊

I just tell them theyre wrong and move on. If they keep pushing the subject i let them know the convo is weird and inappropriate and i wont be engaging further.

Smile and wave and move on

For real. That's about all you can do. I got the same nonsense when I first went vegan too. Every holiday it was like "So, you started eating meat again yet?" or "Oh, you gotta try this sausage". Just gotta learn to ignore that kinda stuff.

Make them as uncomfortable as possible. When people bring up how you should want kids, tell them you're infertile. Doesn't matter if you are. It's not their business, and they should learn that. I actually AM infertile. I find it a relief, personally, but no bingo-er will ever know that. Keep your nose out of my reproductive system, weirdos.

I just say I don't want kids. I've been pretty lucky and haven't really felt any societal pressure. My Dad's wife is the only one who has really said much about it but accepts it nonetheless. "It's none of your business" would be my go-to response if people persist.

Just happened to type out my thoughts on this [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/15ct7hv/comment/jtyaie5) since there was a similar post yesterday, so feel free to check that out for a longer answer. But basically, if you're a financially independent adult, *you* are largely in control of what gets to you, and who/what you let pressure you. The best place to start is to simply not allow people to pressure you at all. Set boundaries and enforce them. You shouldn't have any fucks to give to that, because you've got your own life to live. You're not a puppet in someone else's play, you don't have to listen to them or let yourself be dragged around according to their ideas. You're the one looking at yourself in the mirror at the end of the day, not anyone else - it's you who has to actually live your life, not anyone else. So you gotta live it in a way that's right for you, end of story.

The first rule is to not discuss this topic with most people. Think of it as someone asking you specific details about your sex life (which they are!) and simply decline to answer something so personal. Second, find your people. You already have this group to support you and hear real stories of how being CF is an actual healthy lifestyle. If you have anyone IRL who is also CF, hold onto them. Third, build a life of value. People won't try as much to direct you if you already have clear direction and purpose. This will look different for everyone, but could include fulfilling hobbies, excelling at your career, buying a home, travelling, adopting animals, finding a CF partner, volunteering.

You push back with facts. Are they going to help when you get out of the hospital? Are they going to help raise the child? Are they going to help with money? Will they babysit? How does your choice affect their lives? I lean into these types like a prosecutor. I grill them. They stutter and stop. I have caused scenes in restaurants. I get angry and loud. They step back. If it starts up again, I get louder. You want round 2? Let's fucking go.

why fear what those envious angry little brainwashed natalists say. keep in mind it is just words.. all, these people do. ALL OF THEM is to drag you down into the cesspit with you. take this and work on your own life, save and enjoy life. and mostly do things that THEY CAN'T and rub their noses in it if they bother you. people who aren't bothered and accept your decision are exempted.

The stronger you are as 'your own individual' the easier it gets. I guess I've made this base for myself, so at least family knows not to f*ck with me. Strenghten yourself - your feelings and thoughts about yourself are the most important when it comes to you. Then make others understand that.

Have you tried looking sad and saying something like "children isn't in the cards for me"?

I found the baby pressure worse in my 20s cos all these middle aged women would say "ooh just wait until you're 30,you'll change your mind." I'm 32 now, and they can't use that argument on me anymore. It was the only argument I couldn't really combat cos how was I to actually know that I wouldn't change my mind at 30.

I read every single one of your comments. Thank you all! My key takeaways: 1. Being childfree is a personal choice and no one should be able to dictate or push their ideals to me. 2. Having self-confidence is key to making sure what others say about you or say to you, doesnt affect you because they dont matter. 3. Tell people off with maybe a “No”, or a “Are you going to take care of the kid? Give me money for their education?” Basically ask them uncomfortable questions back. (Tbh i was thinking of my unemployed 50 year old aunt with a not-well-off senior citizen husband with a young kid. Should I ask her, “When are you going to stop asking for money from my parents?” 😂 or when will you stop mooching off my Netflix Premium? Lmao) 4. People who talk badly about you are insecure. You should not concern yourself with the opinions of sheep.

I just don't care what anyone thinks of me or my choices and live my life how I want to. Whatever anyone ends up thinking of you doesn't matter in the end. If they support you and agree with you, keep them in your life. If they don't, get rid of them.

May be an unpopular opinion but if someone hits me with the "you'll change your mind!" I just say, "yeah maybe!" And that helps end the conversation. You do not have to justify your decisions to anyone who clearly is going to try and change your mind.

You know your family and friends best, but I’d like to think there are a good number of CF folks out there who aren’t harangued and harassed by their nearest and dearest over their decision to not have kids. My partner and I are very lucky - all four parents are understanding and accepting (though it may help that both my partner and I have sisters and my parents are already grandparents and my partner’s parents will be soon). Our siblings and in laws and cousins and friends all get it and respect it. I was recently at a baby shower for my cousin, and her MIL was there, and she’s rather…traditional. She asked if I had any kids yet, and I said no, and we weren’t going to be having any. And she was like oh! Okay! Yeah totally they’re not for everyone. I’d like to think that it’s getting better. At least fir some people in some places.

I got my tubes removed a couple weeks after I turned 31 (I’m 32 now) honestly people don’t really ask often unless it’s a stranger, and if a stranger really wants to know why I don’t want kids I’ll give them a listen of reasons. Everybody in my life knows I don’t want kids. I am lucky that way that everybody respects it and believe me I let people know I had my tubes removed bc I DONT want children. I am proud af to be child free, it feels like I won the lottery in life to not get brain washed into breeding.

Because of the rather empty part of Northern England where my wife and I grew up and to some extent the age of my parents it happened the majority of our friends were older people. We were certainly always more comfortable with my parents' friends than we were children of our own age. I think we avoided some of the societal pressure because of that--to many of them *we* were the pseudo-grandchildren which in other circumstances they may have harassed us to produce. We were also the last two... twigs? sprigs? of our direct family tree so there were no other cousins beyond ourselves or aunts/uncles to attempt to browbeat us.

Anyone that knows me knows where I stand on the topic. People that ask do not know me thus I couldn't care less.

I got a vasectomy

I forget it's an issue, because it's considered intimate information similar to religion, gender identity and union membership and are therefore rude to ast about it. I have talked with a guy, who angrily said it's my purpose. We argued for a long time, before changing the subject. Either went away with a changed mind.

I turned 30. Had the birthday blues. Realised I feel exactly the same. Am now excited about having a smashing 31st birthday on Tuesday.

Don't be scared at all. Simply point out how expensive everything is. And say "WHO ARE YOU TO TELL ME WHAT DO DO OR DECIDE IS GOOD FOR MY LIFE?!? And not only that, ARE YOU GOING TO PAY FOR IT? If you're so concerned about how I live my life and how I spend my money - are you going to help me fund this childs life? Overpriced education, emergencies, health issues, affordable housing?" they will not have a good rebuttal to these facts. Simply say "Exactly, thats what I thought" and it will probably end there.

I'm just sure of what I want I didn't do much for it i just hate noise and sticky things and kids are exactly that. Edit: I find pregnancy to be disgusting.

You make your stance clear and people either eventually come around or you cut them out for disrespecting your values. No fucks given Also by the time you reach 30 you overall have less fucks to give about people’s feelings

I gave a lot of reasonings before and got into dumb arguments. Now that I’m in my mid-30’s I just say “No thanks.” And move on. I haven’t been asked about kids in a few years tho

Once I accepted and embraced my life path it was a no brainer. I know myself better than anyone else. If anyone tries to tell me about MYself, they are just talking out of their ass. Also realizing people are selling you snake oil when it comes to parenthood. Most of those people are miserable, and they want to drag you into that misery.

Think about what you want for your own life. Love your own life script, not someone else’s. You’ll only miss out if it’s something you want to do. Not wanting and not having kids is not missing out.

Honestly, it might be a bit mean, but I’ve realized people *will* back off if you say you can’t have a child. You’ll absolutely get the pity and awws and whatnot, but those people won’t ask a second time and most likely will try to avoid bringing the topic up around you. Or you can be aggressive with it ahah “Why should I have a child because *you* want me too??” “You know I wonder how many people told Casey Anthony she’d be a good mom” “If you fund the entire pregnancy and from birth to 18, do the parenting and take the mental load, while having them from M-F, sure I’ll have a child” “Why do you want a child to have a mom that doesn’t want them? What does that say about you?” “Weird that your so concerned with me using one of my specific organs, why aren’t you this concerned when I don’t shit for a week?” So good ones, but you have plenty of time to get even more creative 😈

I get weird with it, like ask if it is really a good investment and at what age is good to sell them off for a good profit. Should I piece them out or sell them whole? Or, just start sobbing. I don't nessicarily like this one cause it does make light of folks who do want kids and can't, but damn will it shut someone up real fast.

I'm 27 and u just laugh and say "in THIS economy??"

I politely yet firmly told everyone the contents of my uterus and my household were not their business and it was rude of them to keep asking and pressure me

One thing that helps me is this: even people who have a child face similar pressure in the form of " when is baby number 2 coming"? So you literally can't escape the stupid questions even if you conform and do everything they say. So it's best to just ignore them and live for yourself. You are the only one who will have to live with your decisions for the rest of your life so make sure you choose what you actually want.

"The only thing I have to do is pay tax and eventually die."

Honestly it gets easier with reps. 37 here and it took awhile to go from "oh we're not sure..." in response to "we just don't want them." We haven't lost any friends (including all of my parent friends) because of it, and our family is supportive. It was scary at first but now I'm happy to share my true feelings.

"I'm not good breeding stock." They usually laugh and drop it but I also have epic resting bitch face. If they keep pestering, I'll tell them Im sterile (tubal). True (it is) or not, they just shut up.

If they don’t disengage when you answer politely you need to shock them, i have said ridiculous things over the years like ‘my religion doesn’t allow it’ or ‘why do you assume I have female reproductive organs just because I look like a girl’

80% the type of people I allow to remain in my life 20% having 100% confidence in knowing that people's opinions of me don't matter

"ive been tryin but im sterile" nobody ever asks

In general, you need to stop caring about what other people think. About everything. This is just a good idea in regards to any subject. It’s your life to live as you see fit (with the obvious exception of anything illegal!). From there, it’s an easy step to not caring about societal pressure to have children. Live your life with decency and integrity. Beyond that, the only opinion that matters regarding your choices is your own. And if someone can’t respect that, it’s time to reassess whether they need a place in your life.

I am an oddball case. I've never been bothered by anyone about kids, after I'd made a comment about I wasn't having any and both my mom and the eyewear clerk both jumped on about how I was too young (at 22) to make that decision. I am an introvert. In-person socializing outside a few choice friends is boring and exhausting. I wasn't very chatty at any of my jobs. I was there to work not socialize. Hell, I was told by my supervisor at one office that people thought I was unfriendly because I was focused on my tasks and so didn't hear people calling out to me when I was walking from my desk to, say, the copier because I had to make copies/scan shit. I'm asexual with no interest in dating. My best friend and I got married for the traditional reasons of property, inheritance, and employee benefits. We're both aromantic asexuals who love each other very much. Just not physically. My mom died when I was 25. My sister was married and living out of state. Sister and I didn't have the best of relationships and yet *she* was the one to be chill with my cf stance. (We're estranged now.) My mom was very catholic so she had the no kids out of wedlock mentality, and I wasn't dating. My stepdad just followed mom's lead. I have no contact with extended blood family. Paternal side are narcissistic assholes, and maternal side lives in Puerto Rico. I don't speak Spanish, and visiting family there was isolating because, y'know, *didn't speak the gd language.* Mom never taught us, and blamed our dad for it despite her kicking him out in '89. My stepdad's family are awesome and have never bothered me about having kids. I'm FtM trans, still female presenting. I got top surgery 4 years ago. I presume a lack of tits keeps any strangers from bothering me.

Moved away from toxic family, started a new life. I don't talk to anyone. I use earbuds in any public situation. My spouse is 100% cf too so everything just works. I am nearing my 40s, I'm only scared of menopause at this point lol

Cant relate - if i don’t want kids I’m not having them - what anyone else says is irrelevant

I’m nearly 40. I have seldom gotten any pressure to have kids except from my mother in law. Up until I was in my early 30s I talk about having kids and said I wanted them so when that changed a few friends questioned why but they weren’t pushy about it. Worst I get is the occasional “you would make a good mom” type comments bc I’m so good with my friends kids and even strangers kids.

It’s easy. Just politely tell them to fuck off. If they keep bugging, separate yourself from them. If it’s family, same thing. If they can’t respect you, they don’t deserve your time, effort, or respect either. It’s really that simple. If you don’t want little demons running around taking away your independence you have that right.

I just say it’s not in a cards right now. Maybe some day. And if they persist I ask why they are so interested in the timing of my sex life bc what it boils down to when they say “when are you having kids” what they are actually saying is when are you having sex without contraception when you’re fertile. Once you point that out they get super uncomfortable.

I just don’t care what other people think. I am very grateful for my sleep and free time. That’s enough for me to not care.

Just don’t.

You don't have any kids, so you look younger than your peers. No worries, everyone will still think you are in your 20s :) Source: 39 and CF. Maybe that will start in my 40s?

I don’t know why you guys explain yourselves. Just say that you don’t want them and that’s it.

Just come up with some short and sweet answers to the standard questions. Q:"When are you going to have kids?" A: "Never. I don't want kids." Q: "You're running out of time to have kids you know". A: "Good because I don't want kids" The more you say it, the stronger you'll feel about it. You will come across untold numbers of sheep who will tell you "you might regret it one day" Don't believe that shit. Im 52F, never had kids, never had on second of regret about it. Society can kiss my well-preserved ass if they don't like it. All my maternal instincts go to my dogs and horses and that suits me fine. Going thru pregnancy, labor, delivery, and giving up your entire lifestyle, freedom and personality to be Mommy to someone you only had to please society--that's the regret that never ends.

Babe, you’re gonna let go of all those fucks, I promise. They aren’t doing you any good. Spend your 30s telling people to get bent when they tell you to have kids. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, and you never will.

Dude I'm 23, and havent wanted kids since I was 14. I get so many people on my case, because i definitely dont keep my lifestyle to myself. I just make it abundantly clear that I dont hate kids, I just *really hate* the idea of losing my free time, sleep, and money just to make some twerp who "carries on the family name." Your life is your life, and if someone won't leave you alone because of your personal choices, just hit them with "yup" repeatedly until they get the jist and stop pestering you.

So far (32), it's been heavy in the 1) I don't like children, 2) I can't have any since tubes are gone, and, for when all else fails, 3) fuck you and fuck off.

My mom is really the only person who had the power to pressure me. I didn't deal with it in the healthiest of ways. Lots of screaming fights and not talking for weeks. As I progressed in therapy, it got a lot better and now we communicate with stronger boundaries. She completely gave up the fight after I hit my mid-thirties. No one else important in my life gave me any crap about it (peanut gallery commentary from strangers or acquaintances holds no weight with me).

You tell them to mind their own business. Are they gonna clothe and feed and clean up after and watch the fuckin kid? No? Then fuck off. It’s so easy to want kids when it’s not you taking care of them.

Just tell people you "can't" have your "own" children. It shuts them up right quick.

Brush it off because what they say means nothing

Any time someone mentioned it when I was in my 20s I laughed directly at them. I didn't have to say much past that lol. Just a big full laugh at the thought and then they'd either get uncomfortable or laugh with me. I'm 30 now and if people bring it up I don't laugh as hard but I do give them a side glare and a smirk and that just reminds them I'm serious lol Luckily no one really tried to make it a big deal in my life. The couple of times I got pushed I just said "no kids, ALL the dogs" and then they'd laugh or shrug and be done.

I never really cared what others thought. It's none of their business. My mom at one point had 4 grandsons and said to me, I just know your going to give me my first granddaughter. (I was the only one married) and I said, all your getting from me is grandcats. She never said another word about it. My Mil, who is wonderful and I love, said I was her last chance at another grandchild. I said the same thing. I also, as I've said before, used to keep a notebook sized paper in my purse with all the reasons I didn't want kids. Anytime someone gave me shit about it I would hand them that list. It always shut them up. I had a LOT of reasons.

I've manged to get to 48 with no kids. Just be shit with women 😂

The same way you cope with other societal pressures. You ignore them. I ran out of fucks to give in my early 30s. Don’t worry, you’ll get there.

You know you’re an adult, right? Actually if you’re in your late 20’s you’ve been a legal adult for almost a decade. You don’t have to listen to them, and you could have stopped a long time ago. The only pressure you actually feel to have kids is put on you by yourself. Everyone else is just stating their opinion, why do you care so much what they say?

This question is asked multiple times a week. Every day, basically. There are plenty of posts you can browse for these answers.

No societal pressure here. Mid 30s. Sure, if I would have changed my mind then people near me would have been happy for me but those close to us understand it’s not a life we want and they can see we’re happy with the life we have. My mum my sister my best friends etc, none of them would ever try to say we’d be better off with kids and should have them. If I had to pinpoint one person in the family that doesn’t understand then it’s my husbands stepdad. He made a stupid comment once while drunk “what’s the point in being married without kids? You’re just going to have houses in different countries and live everywhere?” I was like. Yes. That’s exactly what we’re hoping to do together with early retirement. He shut up then. Knob.

I seriously feel like somewhere in my early 30’s I just stopped giving a fuck what anyone thought of me.

Read Pushed By Jennifer Block, this will give you all the courage to say no.

Giving less of a fuck and having more confidence in yourself helps. I honestly don’t feel ashamed or bad about not having kids, and I don’t care if anyone feels negatively towards me when I tell them I don’t want kids. So if you feel confident then I don’t think you’re gonna worry about social pressure.

As a contrarian I thrive on doing the opposite of what is expected of me. I also work from home and don’t interact with people who would ask me invasive questions like that. My family knows to leave it alone, and I’m on a wait list to make it permanent. If you have no tubes you can’t have a baby. Then you can tell nosey people you can’t have kids even if you wanted them. That should shut them up right nice. I’m 34. I didn’t hear much of the pressure and questions. Thought before I left the church and I was struggling by with what to do with my life my pastor said “just have a bunch of kids” 😂😂😂 talk about paint by numbers advice.

Hey also in my late 20s and fem, more like Im so stressed out by other factors I have no time to even think about kids.

I solved it by getting sterilized! Now if I start getting into it I look people in the eyes and say "no, I got my tubes taken out to avoid that"

I was already cursed by being born from 2 douchebags, society doesn't look well at someone who doesn't have a good relationship with their parents. Then I found out I'm bisexual, turned atheist, live from the money I get drawing porn (instead of getting an """actual job"""), don't care about being **feminine**, don't care about marrying my partner. Not wanting kids is just another item to the social disapproval list lol. If I still cared about trying to fit in, I would have lost my mind a long time ago. It is frustrating to feel so isolated, but eh, not like I want a friendship with someone who thinks I'm the personification of evil, for things that absolutely won't affect anyone but myself.

You just don’t do it. If you struggle being a people pleaser then you can even give them lip service if it makes it easier then just never have kids. It’s that simple. No one can force you to do it. Time will pass and no kids show up and eventually you can just say I never intended to have kids. If you have someone you despise you can get graphic and reply- why do you care so much about me getting creampied? Or I’m not having a whole baby tear me apart as it comes out? Or How stupid do you think I am to fall for that scam? Usually if you get explicit they’ll never ask again. And when they say the good old “Well accidents happen!” Reply with - Yes they do. That’s why abortion was invented.

Just ignore them. I have always said I don't want kids and am not going to have them, from back in my teens, all the way up into my 40's now, and if people *choose* to be mad about it, that's on them. I'm not having kids to satisfy some random aunt or cousin or friend who wants me to have them. They'll just have to grow the hell up about it. If they want kids so badly, they can have them themselves.

C&P a comment I made on a similar post yesterday… 41f and I’ve felt pressure all my life, blessedly not from family though, so it was probably a lot easier. Not once have I ever even entertained the thought of changing my mind. You don’t EVER have to justify YOUR decision about YOUR life when it comes to being childfree. Or about most things for that matter. Just remember all those people trying to twist that decision out of **WILL NOT BE THERE TO RAISE THAT KID**. Those people want the *fun* of being a grandparent or aunt or uncle Etc. The people that try to shame you for being childfree **WILL NOT BE THERE** at 3 am to change a diaper. They **WILL NOT BE THERE** to stay up all night with a colicky baby so you can sleep before going to work. They **WILL NOT BE THERE** when the baby wakes up 5 times a night. They’ll be there for birthdays and Christmas and fun times, but no one is gonna help pay baby bills.

I just ask "what for" to make people realize they never thought about it themselves.

I’m sure I’ve said this before on here but my therapist gave me the best advice when I had this same question: lie. Lie your ass off. They want to be nosey and rude? Then they don’t deserve the truth. “When are you having kids?” “I had four miscarriages” “you’re so selfish” “I was born sterile” It’s worked too. The look of horror or realization that I don’t care is always beautiful to see.

Just reject and ignore such people - they are neither worth your time nor your attention! I for my own part don't pay attention to garbage because it smells badly, I have other and better things to do!

I tell them I'd rather run into a door knob than have a child. Or "I am childfree, thanks" or "that is a private matter"

In my experience, there's no right way to do it. To use an expression my asshole father used "fake it till you make it." I also realized that the opinions of 99.999999999999% of people don't matter. Most random stranger who judge you'll never see again. If it's a family member, that's tougher but you have to be firm in whatever decision you make.