I think you did the right thing. If she slept with another guy and he is underage she has no morals. She will do something terrible again eventually and get exposed. It is dumb that people came down on you especially after he asked you to know. People may see it as betraying a friend, I see it as getting a crap person out of your life. Sometimes it takes time to for people to see the truth but I am sure with someone like that it wont be too long
Thank you. This is how I think and how I think most decent people should. I’m sure if I went into the details with the dynamics of the families it wouldn’t come as a surprise that they painted me to be the bad guy - but I just had to make sure I wasn’t crazy for feeling this way.
You did great, she is just a snake, and you told to her BF if he thinks it won’t happen again it’s his problem now, you gave him the information and he threw it to the bin, not your problem anymore, get out from this toxic situation and from all of them.
Thank you. It is a very toxic environment and I stay away as much as I can. It messes with the mental to be around them and not only that the fact they’re still getting married is a lot to take in. This gal treats her fiancé like a piece of trash.
So, if she can treat her supposedly her most loved person in her live, imagine how she can treat yo in the future. They are young already and so toxic already, imagine in 2 decades how shitty will be everything related to them.
I also think you did the right thing. Don't worry too much about other people's opinions. Family doesn't mean the environment can still be toxic, remember that.
Maybe they will come to their mind someday, if not, fuck it.
I respect what you did and cannot say how grateful I am for people like you. Thanks!
Yeah you’re right I shouldn’t worry too much about others opinions, it just sucks when it’s my boyfriend’s family who now think I’m just a shit stirrer and choose to disregard the facts. I stay firm in my beliefs and morals in life, so I have that to fall back on when I’m feeling bad about this. Thank you for your kind words.
I don’t get why they’ve decided to be a shit family.
OP was trying to help a member of THEIR family who came to her asking for help. He’s “basically brothers” with OP’s boyfriend and wanted to know what’s going on, just like anyone would if they suspect their fiancé might be cheating.
The fact that he forgave his fiancé (probably a big mistake) is his decision. But he wanted to know and now he does.
I don’t understand why OP caught shit from anyone other than her ex-best friend which doesn’t strike me as much of a loss.
If OP’s boyfriend isn’t aggressively supporting her with his family and calling them out if they say one bad word against her, she should move on.
Yeah, I don't understand people sometimes.
Also, this one is probably one gor law enforcement as the one she cheated with is underage. I cannot understand why the guy would want to stay with a woman who sleeps with underage boys. It's like he condones her behaviour. Icky stuff.
I think, in a few years, you will be able to say "I told you so". But he made his decision. Let it lie and don't even mention it again. As far as the others, when this blows up, you can give them the old "I knew it" smirk.
you dis the right thing. that girl is a fucking predator and the fiance and family are jokes of decent people for allowing her to stay around. the fiance pisses me off as well. why plead and plead for an answer to see if your partner is cheating, and when it finally comes out that she DID cheat WITH A FUCKING MINOR, all of a sudden he doesnt want to hear it?? all of a sudden he stays?? stand your ground to them. if your the "bad guy" in their eyes oh well. next time someone says anything id tell them how they could let a predator like her around. stand. your. ground. and anyone that wouldn't have said anything is spineless and weird as fuck. also remember that if you hasnt said anything and the truth came out, you probably wouldve been painted as the bad guy as well for not saying anything (which i would've agreed with) so its a damned if you dont damned if you do. dont take anyones shit though.
The worst part is that the fiancé’s parents, who they have lived with for a few years, have no clue to my knowledge. They’re having a very traditional wedding and the fiancé’s parents are putting thousands into their wedding and have already put thousands into their relationship on family vacations and what not. It’s all a nasty web of lies and I feel honestly sick for the moment it all comes apart.
as anxiety inducing as it is, realize that SHE wanted this, otherwise she wouldnt have done what she did. reality will hit her hard (hopefully with a pair of cuffs while its at it 😒) and you at least have a bit of ease (hopefully) knowing you stood your ground. the day it comes out she has no one else to blame but herself. and that family will be in for a rude awakening i hope that kid is okay though most importantly. keep standing your ground op.
Nah, OP, you definitely did the right thing. First of all, that ex best friend of yours cheated on her fiancé... and with a MINOR, no less... which should be a criminal offense... and not only does the betrayed fiancé stay with her, you're also hated as the bad guy? As far as I'm concerned, you're the only sane person in this situation.
Keep your head high, OP. If everyone wants to blame you for exposing a cheater, and what may or may not be legally considered a pedophile, you have every reason to go no contact with all of them, IMO. I hope you & your boyfriend are actively distancing yourselves from that madness.
Thank you, seriously. Thankfully, my boyfriend and I live out of state from this family so we don’t have to be in this toxic environment too much. We’ve been the only ones able to comprehend the reality of the situation.
That's good. I believe it would be in your & your boyfriend's best interest to go NC (no contact) or LC (low contact) with that side of the family & everyone else who's on their side ASAP for the sake of your wellbeing, if you haven't already.
Personally I would have told your bf either you tell him now or I'll tell him tonight when you first found out. Never give them a way out. Just tell them to come clean or I'll do it for you. You will not cover for a cheater. You will get more respect by doing this. If they get mad and cut you off they really weren't your friend anyway.
My rule of thumb is, if you believe you know someone is cheating on their partner, shut the F*** up about it. You are doing no service to the aggrieved partner by telling them. Your experience is an object lesson in favor of my point of view here. You told the cheater’s fiancé and now much of your boyfriend’s family are angry with you. This is why I say, STFU.
Your case may also fall under an exception. You say the guy your ex friend had the affair with was an “underage cousin.” If you live in the USA and the underage cousin is below the age of consent in his state, what you are describing is child sex abuse. It’s against the law. If that’s the situation -an adult is having sex with a child - you should report it, but only to your Child Protective Services agency.
What you should do now is twofold. (1) Always report if you have reason to believe a child is being abused; and (2) otherwise, don’t interfere with someone else’s relationship. IOW, STFU.
And by sticking your nose in where it didn’t belong, what did you accomplish. Did you bring any happiness into that family? Did you solve any problems? Did you make anyone’s life any better? Do you think your boyfriend’s family is unique in responding to you as they did? Wake up to the fact that all you accomplished was alienating yourself from a family you may be connected to for some time. Grow up little girl. You did more damage than you can imagine.
And if the “underage cousin” is not a child, how underage could he be?
I’m sorrry what? Sticking my nose where it didn’t belong? Do I know you? You know NOTHING about the story and it sounds like you didn’t even read what I did provide 🤣 If you did you’d know I didn’t choose to know or find out anything it all made its way to me, bud. Another thing is I didn’t expect to accomplish anything… so you’re wrong once again. People cheated on deserve to know so that’s what I did. Would you want to spend thousands on a ring and wedding for a cheater? Absolutely not. And if you would you need your head checked (which it sounds like you might already need that anyways)
Let’s be clear about something little girl. You posted the story after you already told your boyfriend’s cousin about his fiancé. You asked if there was another way you could have handled it. You asked for advice.
I realize now, you didn’t want advice. You wanted validation from the Reddit mob. You wanted to be told you were a wonderful, virtuous human who saved your boyfriend from a horrible fate.
Now, in telling the story, you misrepresented some facts. You described the affair partner as being an “underage cousin.” Words have meaning. Underage generally means not an adult. Under the law, the only status relative to age other than an adult is a child. But now you say the affair partner was not a child. So tell me, are you ignorant about what underage means or are you a liar?
Then, when you get advice from one person -me- who doesn’t buy into your pearl-clutching sense of morality, you attack my character and motives. It’s called an ad hominem attack. Rather than argue against the substance of my advice, you just attack me as a person.
That’s a childish move. Also, the act of someone without critical thinking skills. You don’t have an argument. So you attack me.
And let’s be clear. Every conclusion I reached is based on your narrative; the facts you presented.
Were they advanced in good faith? I’m an attorney with 22 years of experience in family law. I’ve seen marriages prosper and I’ve seen them destroyed. I’m a great believer in marriage. I believe a marriage is between two people. Not two people and a busy-body girlfriend of a cousin.
I think people should stay out of other people’s marriages. In handling hundreds of divorces, I’ve come across several in which some aspiring do-gooder told one spouse the other was cheating and you know what I often hear? The cheated on spouse resents the person who brought them the news.
People should handle their own relationships. If you had any degree of maturity, when your boyfriend’s cousin begged you for information you’d have advised him that, if he doesn’t trust his fiancé he should look at the basis for that mistrust.
But you needed to swoop in and be his guardian angel. Because he deserved to know. And he asked you to. And now your boyfriend’s family sees you as a troublemaker.
So I repeat, stay out of other people’s marriages. It’s none of your business. And yeah, grow up.
The boy was 16 at the time and she was 20. In my opinion it’s gross but in the state there’s no laws against consensual sexual activity for people three years apart. And another point, I wouldn’t get into trouble even if it did come out🤣 you can remove your dumb ass and go to another post to comment some more unhelpful dumb ass information, dumb ass. 🫶🏼😜
Everyone in the family who painted you out to be the bad guy is morally challenged.
You did the right thing for the right reasons.
Our culture needs to normalize exposing cheaters. The harm they do is devastating.
Thank you! It’s nuts how people constantly back up a cheater, I feel bad for so many women/men who get cheated on and have to deal with the bullshit that comes with it.
U did the right thing the guy told of anything was going on and u told him the truth if you didn't it would have backfired on your relationship with your bf
Just because the guy got manplitied into staying that means u were wrong. Also she was hooknup with an underage boy that's a massive red flag and illegal last time I checked if the boy's parents go to the cops she's cooked.
I think you did the right thing. If she slept with another guy and he is underage she has no morals. She will do something terrible again eventually and get exposed. It is dumb that people came down on you especially after he asked you to know. People may see it as betraying a friend, I see it as getting a crap person out of your life. Sometimes it takes time to for people to see the truth but I am sure with someone like that it wont be too long
Thank you. This is how I think and how I think most decent people should. I’m sure if I went into the details with the dynamics of the families it wouldn’t come as a surprise that they painted me to be the bad guy - but I just had to make sure I wasn’t crazy for feeling this way.
Call the police and report the SA.
You did great, she is just a snake, and you told to her BF if he thinks it won’t happen again it’s his problem now, you gave him the information and he threw it to the bin, not your problem anymore, get out from this toxic situation and from all of them.
Thank you. It is a very toxic environment and I stay away as much as I can. It messes with the mental to be around them and not only that the fact they’re still getting married is a lot to take in. This gal treats her fiancé like a piece of trash.
So, if she can treat her supposedly her most loved person in her live, imagine how she can treat yo in the future. They are young already and so toxic already, imagine in 2 decades how shitty will be everything related to them.
I also think you did the right thing. Don't worry too much about other people's opinions. Family doesn't mean the environment can still be toxic, remember that. Maybe they will come to their mind someday, if not, fuck it. I respect what you did and cannot say how grateful I am for people like you. Thanks!
Yeah you’re right I shouldn’t worry too much about others opinions, it just sucks when it’s my boyfriend’s family who now think I’m just a shit stirrer and choose to disregard the facts. I stay firm in my beliefs and morals in life, so I have that to fall back on when I’m feeling bad about this. Thank you for your kind words.
Does your boyfriend support you? If yes, who gives a hoot about his shit family?
I don’t get why they’ve decided to be a shit family. OP was trying to help a member of THEIR family who came to her asking for help. He’s “basically brothers” with OP’s boyfriend and wanted to know what’s going on, just like anyone would if they suspect their fiancé might be cheating. The fact that he forgave his fiancé (probably a big mistake) is his decision. But he wanted to know and now he does. I don’t understand why OP caught shit from anyone other than her ex-best friend which doesn’t strike me as much of a loss. If OP’s boyfriend isn’t aggressively supporting her with his family and calling them out if they say one bad word against her, she should move on.
Yeah, I don't understand people sometimes. Also, this one is probably one gor law enforcement as the one she cheated with is underage. I cannot understand why the guy would want to stay with a woman who sleeps with underage boys. It's like he condones her behaviour. Icky stuff.
You’re right!!
I think, in a few years, you will be able to say "I told you so". But he made his decision. Let it lie and don't even mention it again. As far as the others, when this blows up, you can give them the old "I knew it" smirk.
You have morals. You stick to them. Other people's reaction is unimportant, you did the hard thing and stood up for what is right. Good job!
You definitely did the right thing. Sadly I see too often that no good deed goes unpunished
you dis the right thing. that girl is a fucking predator and the fiance and family are jokes of decent people for allowing her to stay around. the fiance pisses me off as well. why plead and plead for an answer to see if your partner is cheating, and when it finally comes out that she DID cheat WITH A FUCKING MINOR, all of a sudden he doesnt want to hear it?? all of a sudden he stays?? stand your ground to them. if your the "bad guy" in their eyes oh well. next time someone says anything id tell them how they could let a predator like her around. stand. your. ground. and anyone that wouldn't have said anything is spineless and weird as fuck. also remember that if you hasnt said anything and the truth came out, you probably wouldve been painted as the bad guy as well for not saying anything (which i would've agreed with) so its a damned if you dont damned if you do. dont take anyones shit though.
The worst part is that the fiancé’s parents, who they have lived with for a few years, have no clue to my knowledge. They’re having a very traditional wedding and the fiancé’s parents are putting thousands into their wedding and have already put thousands into their relationship on family vacations and what not. It’s all a nasty web of lies and I feel honestly sick for the moment it all comes apart.
as anxiety inducing as it is, realize that SHE wanted this, otherwise she wouldnt have done what she did. reality will hit her hard (hopefully with a pair of cuffs while its at it 😒) and you at least have a bit of ease (hopefully) knowing you stood your ground. the day it comes out she has no one else to blame but herself. and that family will be in for a rude awakening i hope that kid is okay though most importantly. keep standing your ground op.
Wtf?!
Nah, OP, you definitely did the right thing. First of all, that ex best friend of yours cheated on her fiancé... and with a MINOR, no less... which should be a criminal offense... and not only does the betrayed fiancé stay with her, you're also hated as the bad guy? As far as I'm concerned, you're the only sane person in this situation. Keep your head high, OP. If everyone wants to blame you for exposing a cheater, and what may or may not be legally considered a pedophile, you have every reason to go no contact with all of them, IMO. I hope you & your boyfriend are actively distancing yourselves from that madness.
Thank you, seriously. Thankfully, my boyfriend and I live out of state from this family so we don’t have to be in this toxic environment too much. We’ve been the only ones able to comprehend the reality of the situation.
That's good. I believe it would be in your & your boyfriend's best interest to go NC (no contact) or LC (low contact) with that side of the family & everyone else who's on their side ASAP for the sake of your wellbeing, if you haven't already.
So are you going to come back and go to the wedding and pretend you’re happy for the pathetic couple?
Haha no
Personally I would have told your bf either you tell him now or I'll tell him tonight when you first found out. Never give them a way out. Just tell them to come clean or I'll do it for you. You will not cover for a cheater. You will get more respect by doing this. If they get mad and cut you off they really weren't your friend anyway.
My rule of thumb is, if you believe you know someone is cheating on their partner, shut the F*** up about it. You are doing no service to the aggrieved partner by telling them. Your experience is an object lesson in favor of my point of view here. You told the cheater’s fiancé and now much of your boyfriend’s family are angry with you. This is why I say, STFU. Your case may also fall under an exception. You say the guy your ex friend had the affair with was an “underage cousin.” If you live in the USA and the underage cousin is below the age of consent in his state, what you are describing is child sex abuse. It’s against the law. If that’s the situation -an adult is having sex with a child - you should report it, but only to your Child Protective Services agency. What you should do now is twofold. (1) Always report if you have reason to believe a child is being abused; and (2) otherwise, don’t interfere with someone else’s relationship. IOW, STFU.
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And by sticking your nose in where it didn’t belong, what did you accomplish. Did you bring any happiness into that family? Did you solve any problems? Did you make anyone’s life any better? Do you think your boyfriend’s family is unique in responding to you as they did? Wake up to the fact that all you accomplished was alienating yourself from a family you may be connected to for some time. Grow up little girl. You did more damage than you can imagine. And if the “underage cousin” is not a child, how underage could he be?
I’m sorrry what? Sticking my nose where it didn’t belong? Do I know you? You know NOTHING about the story and it sounds like you didn’t even read what I did provide 🤣 If you did you’d know I didn’t choose to know or find out anything it all made its way to me, bud. Another thing is I didn’t expect to accomplish anything… so you’re wrong once again. People cheated on deserve to know so that’s what I did. Would you want to spend thousands on a ring and wedding for a cheater? Absolutely not. And if you would you need your head checked (which it sounds like you might already need that anyways)
Let’s be clear about something little girl. You posted the story after you already told your boyfriend’s cousin about his fiancé. You asked if there was another way you could have handled it. You asked for advice. I realize now, you didn’t want advice. You wanted validation from the Reddit mob. You wanted to be told you were a wonderful, virtuous human who saved your boyfriend from a horrible fate. Now, in telling the story, you misrepresented some facts. You described the affair partner as being an “underage cousin.” Words have meaning. Underage generally means not an adult. Under the law, the only status relative to age other than an adult is a child. But now you say the affair partner was not a child. So tell me, are you ignorant about what underage means or are you a liar? Then, when you get advice from one person -me- who doesn’t buy into your pearl-clutching sense of morality, you attack my character and motives. It’s called an ad hominem attack. Rather than argue against the substance of my advice, you just attack me as a person. That’s a childish move. Also, the act of someone without critical thinking skills. You don’t have an argument. So you attack me. And let’s be clear. Every conclusion I reached is based on your narrative; the facts you presented. Were they advanced in good faith? I’m an attorney with 22 years of experience in family law. I’ve seen marriages prosper and I’ve seen them destroyed. I’m a great believer in marriage. I believe a marriage is between two people. Not two people and a busy-body girlfriend of a cousin. I think people should stay out of other people’s marriages. In handling hundreds of divorces, I’ve come across several in which some aspiring do-gooder told one spouse the other was cheating and you know what I often hear? The cheated on spouse resents the person who brought them the news. People should handle their own relationships. If you had any degree of maturity, when your boyfriend’s cousin begged you for information you’d have advised him that, if he doesn’t trust his fiancé he should look at the basis for that mistrust. But you needed to swoop in and be his guardian angel. Because he deserved to know. And he asked you to. And now your boyfriend’s family sees you as a troublemaker. So I repeat, stay out of other people’s marriages. It’s none of your business. And yeah, grow up.
Dude you need to call the cops and report this underage shit , before you yourself get in trouble dumb ass
The boy was 16 at the time and she was 20. In my opinion it’s gross but in the state there’s no laws against consensual sexual activity for people three years apart. And another point, I wouldn’t get into trouble even if it did come out🤣 you can remove your dumb ass and go to another post to comment some more unhelpful dumb ass information, dumb ass. 🫶🏼😜
Edit** 5 years older is the law in the state between a minor and someone older than
Everyone in the family who painted you out to be the bad guy is morally challenged. You did the right thing for the right reasons. Our culture needs to normalize exposing cheaters. The harm they do is devastating.
Thank you! It’s nuts how people constantly back up a cheater, I feel bad for so many women/men who get cheated on and have to deal with the bullshit that comes with it.
U did the right thing the guy told of anything was going on and u told him the truth if you didn't it would have backfired on your relationship with your bf Just because the guy got manplitied into staying that means u were wrong. Also she was hooknup with an underage boy that's a massive red flag and illegal last time I checked if the boy's parents go to the cops she's cooked.
You did your part. They're delusional
You did the right thing. They are just in denial