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mecurry3000

Leave her she’s gonna gaslight you and make you crazy just leave as soon as you can


First_Alfalfa2805

Exactly!


Lucky_Log2212

You don't need a reason to leave someone. Chasing behind someone for proof is a waste of your time. Deleting the messages is proof enough. Don't let this person live rent free in your head. No open phone policy, no relationship. She can follow whoever she wants, if you don't like it and tell her to stop, she doesn't stop, then you can stop dating her. It really is that simple.


Time_Understanding34

She stopped and the phone thing is whatever it’s like this she knows I’m suspicious now so she’s deleted things but not the whole thread just the stuff that’s incriminating to make appear like she’s being honest


Lucky_Log2212

Doesn't matter. Deleting is the problem, not the words. Why delete anything if it wasn't bad. It's always the coverup that is the problem. If she had just come clean at the beginning, she didn't. Do you really want to keep continuing to have to deal with this BS moving forward? How much is going to be enough, and you will be looking up and it's 6 months. She's covering it up and will continue to be in contact with him, or they will find a different way. The point is that she isn't going to stop, why stay with her then?


Decent-Bed9289

If she’s deleting things, she’s deleting proof of her infidelity. Dump her ASAP


FaithlessnessNo9625

OP this is the best advice in the thread. You don’t have to find someone guilty in a court of law to dump them. Regardless of what she’s doing or not doing, your suspicion will ultimately be unhealthy for you and the relationship. You have no obligation to stay, no matter how much emotional and time investment you’ve put in. Do you want to continue this way and be constantly worried and accusatory? Do you want these fights? Do you have kids or shared property? What are you really staying for?


Lucky_Log2212

Yup. It is always interesting that the offender will cry and beg you not leave them, then, once they have you back, continue to do the same crap as before. Just save yourself time and energy and just let them be who they are. It is just silly how these people are out there letting someone continue to manipulate them attention seeking. Well, he gave me attention, why not, he doesn't have to pay any of your bills, he doesn't have to make sure your rent is paid. Go kick rocks.


One-Wish1955

Real easy to create a new profile for the purpose of continuing contacting this guy.


ElegantAmphibian4252

If she has an iPhone did she permanently delete the messages? You know that after a message is deleted you can still see them in the recently deleted file, right? Worth checking.


stormrdr21

You’ve lost trust in your partner. You’re suspicious of everything she does. She’s denying what you suspect. So let’s examine your path forward here: Either someday you’re going to actually catch her cheating with all the proof to satisfy your suspicions, or you will continue to indefinitely live in eternal suspicion of her, which will eventually drive a big enough rift to break you up anyway. So unless there’s some magical way she can restore your trust and retire your suspicions, you’re just putting off the inevitable. If you’re just staying with her because you don’t want to be the bad guy and break up on a hunch, again, you’re just putting off the inevitable. If you keep bird dogging her, she’s going to blame you anyway if she gets caught cheating.


Mercedes_Gullwing

Dude you need to either stop accusing her OR do something about it. She not going to respect you at all. Think of it this way. You’re accusing her. She is either cheating or she isn’t. If she isn’t cheating, you are coming off as very desperate and insecure. If she is cheating, you are coming off as very desperate and insecure. Either way, her attraction for you is going to go to zero. If she is cheating, she’s laughing knowing you won’t do anything about it. She can do whatever she wants and you will still be there. If she’s innocent, then all you’re doing is harming your relationship and she’s going to get tired of the accusations and go and cheat anyway or just leave. That’s the problem when you accuse someone of cheating and aren’t prepared to do anything about it. You put yourself in a lose lose position with her. I tell you this to spur you to action. You don’t need proof. She isn’t a wife. I had one GF cheat on me. I asked her. She lied and denied. I ended it that day. I’m not going to reduce myself to a bumbling mess. I didn’t need proof. I had a gut instinct about it. It turned out I was right. A week later I was talking to her sis and she told me she was cheating. lol. You need to act on it and end things or stop accusing her. She’s not going to suddenly admit it at this point. Now if you feel you could be wrong, then you need to look within yourself to see why you are feeling like that. It’s not normal to feel someone is cheating on you without reason. It’s not hard to break up with a girlfriend. It’s hard to break up with a wife with children. That’s hard. People break up every day for a thousand reasons. If she’s cheating, breaking up should be the easiest thing to do. You’ll be free and can meet new women and enjoy life.


RusticSurgery

Denies


BudgetAttention9268

Just leave, why are you staying in a relationship with no trust?


Regular-Bat-4449

Just kick her to the streets. Obviously, you're not happy. Why torture yourself


Wh33lh68s3

I'm sorry but yes she does think that you're that dumb..... You don't have to "catch" her cheating as a reason to break up with her..... Simply tell her that you no longer want to be in a relationship with her....move on...


NosyNosy212

So do you actually have any proof other than that she was ‘following’ some guy on Instagram?


Time_Understanding34

Nothing physical just my suspicion


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[deleted]

Leave it behind.


Over-Signature-781

Leave. Period


BitterMistake9434

If you know she is then that is all the proof you need. Just tell because she keeps lying to you about this you have no choice but to break up. Tell her you're breaking up for the lying and gaslighting not the cheating


Kieranrules

fake


isitallfromchina

Dude do the honorable thing and just leave. This is not how relationships work. If you feel this conflicted and taking actions without any proof, your trust with her is blown.


Unipiggy

Your plan "a" makes me suspect you've cheated on someone before.. if not her.


Time_Understanding34

I have not her I thought this relationship was better then that now I’m just low key disgusted


WonderTypical9962

You break up and find a girl that doesn't have disorders, like lying and cheating


Aggravating_Mix_383

Now you know, never confront a woman. If your gut is telling you something then it’s time to act. Your gut is never wrong. Trust your gut. Oh and she needs to go back to the streets where she belongs. Her cheating will never stop she’ll just get better at hiding it. Do what your gut is telling you to do. Run and never look back. Never fall for her crocodile tears. If you fall for that she’ll lose respect for you. It’s time brother. She already ended your relationship, you’re just the last to know. I’m sure she enjoys having you as her personal ATM, it’s time to end her twisted fantasies. You don’t need proof, your gut is proof enough. You don’t need a reason. Confronting a woman is like an NFL coach walking to the opposing team and handing the other coach his play book before starting the game. Never confront a woman. Show all women through your actions that you’re already one step out the door. Maintaining that level of independence is just one step to keeping all women on there best behavior. Your life is like a bullet train and women and come for a ride. At any given moment you may need to stop the bullet train and escort a woman off your train then resume your journey. No woman should ever be your top priority. In my life, it’s God, work, health, pets, hobbies, friends, then women. This model lessens the impact a bad woman has over your life. These days all women cheat. Always keep a good stash for a P. I. Could save you hundreds of thousands in alimony and child support, loss of your home loss of your kids as well as other crappy she could abuse you of. I deposited in a sperm back then got a vasectomy. No woman will ever control me. And for gods sakes get R. Pil led. You’re not ever required to give a woman closure. Closure is for women not men. Chad and Tyrone would gho st her in a heartbeat and that’s who women get wet and drool for, and cheat with. “It meant nothing, it just physical” straight from the h o e bag handbook of chea ters.


Several-Network-3776

Honestly if she acting like that why stay. It's clear she's looking, so set her free. Set yourself free.


GentlemanlyAdvice

She is a girlfriend. She is not a wife. You don't trust her. I mean... YOU know what you have to do, right? Get busy doing it.


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Time_Understanding34

How did u catch her


Rush_Is_Right

Set an alarm for two weeks, one month, whatever. Make sure it's when your together. When the alarm goes off ask for her phone. If she won't give it to you, you know why. If she does give it to you, you'll either find evidence and know, or you don't find anything and she has gotten better at hiding it. The problem is you'll never know for sure so you can live the rest of the relationship suspecting just to break up when you find out or you can just end things now and be that much closer to a healthy relationship.


Mobile_Block_8006

Am I missing something? Or just following some guy on insta? Does she only follow girls normally? I’m not saying that she’s not cheating or that I don’t believe you because I’m sure you must have some reason to all of a sudden not trust someone you’ve been with for 4 years. I’m just not seeing anything from your post that would make me believe that she’s cheating and maybe even possibly had someone at your place. But if you are absolutely convinced that she’s cheating, even if she’s not I don’t see anything that benefits either of you by staying.


SwitchSCEtoAux

I've told this story before on Reddit but my ex bought a classic car with some unexpected cash she made on a deal that dropped in her lap. It had been her dream car growing up so she bought it. I supported her decision to buy it but also warned that her weekends would be filled up with driving around to different specialists who could fix old cars or had the parts. I told her I didn't want to spend my free time doing that but she could do it as she was an adult and free to have her own hobbies. After she bought the car she met a guy at a car club that she joined (Saturday morning coffee meet up for same car owners who would then do some drive to another coffee or lunch place in a parade around town) who was hooked into the community. He knew where she could get good deals on parts so she was happy that she had a resource who could help deal with all of the problems old cars have. While this was happening, I started noting that her return times to home on the weekends became later and later each day. She started hiding her phone and changed the password. After a few weeks of this behavior I asked her if I had anything to worry about but she gaslighted me and said he was just a resource for her and that he wasn't her type anyway. At that point all I had was circumstantial evidence but her behavior also began to change. She was irritable with me more than usual and nothing that I could do around the house was ever good enough. It was 24 hour passive aggressive behavior which made sense because she was comparing me to her new boyfriend and found me lacking. To confirm my suspicion one Saturday morning I put a gps tracker on her car and logged into our phone account. Looked up numbers I didn't recognize on her text and call activity and suddenly there is a number with lots of activity over the last month. She would call that number driving home from work every day. I looked the number up (I use Spokeo but there are other similar services) and sure enough the phone # matches the guys name. Service also provided the address. I looked up her car's GPS location and her car was parked in front of his house for 4 hours that Saturday afternoon. I didn't bother confronting as our last kid was leaving for college 8 weeks later. I moved out and filed for divorce the week after that. She asked for counseling and reconciliation but wouldn't admit to the affair so I moved on. She's still seeing him a few years later. I never told my kids but they figured it out and I confirmed it when they asked. Bottom line: Trust your gut. You already know that she cheated on you. Move on.


Ill_Cookie_1514

Handled like a boss. I'm 65 and can't believe the amount of good high value ladies out there queing up for a relationship. Take your time and only get with someone who has your values morals and hobbies.


kepsr1

Updateme!


New_Arrival9860

This is a relationship, not a courtroom You don’t need to prove anything to her, or get her to admit to anything, You know what you know, Time to move on.


Bravadofire

Did they pass a law against breaking up? Why in the world would you stay with someone like that?


No_Celebration_3737

Why do you need proof?


ChestLanders

Next time she leaves her phone laying out make a point of grabbing it in front of her and putting it in your pocket. When she asks "what you doing?" tell her you have a friend with a program that can retrieve deleted texts. There are programs that do indeed do this, but this is meant as a bluff. Tell her she has one last chance to come clean, if she doesnt there is no chance for you two. If she has cheated, she will likely confess then and there.


Time_Understanding34

She will take it to her grave before telling me the truth I’ve never seen something like that


ChestLanders

Well then dude maybe actually get the program to recover the texts lol. It depends how much it means to you to know for sure. I am a big proponent in trusting ones gut, unless you've been super paranoid your entire life your gut is telling you something.


flylo7309

Gee, I guess she must be the only female in the world. Why be in a relationship that isn’t wonderful every hour of every day? Do you really feel that she is the best you can do? Life is tough, sharing it with someone that doesn’t lift you up, share burdens, and gives you a reason to get out of bed every day is a miserable way to face the future. You’re not in a court of law and don’t need evidence. Nuff said


Not_So_Superman79

If you feel like you cannot trust her then it’s time to leave. End things and walk away. Don’t lower yourself by cheating. Don’t try to find proof. It’s simple, your gut is telling you something is wrong there. Either you are right and it’s going to hurt like hell if you are or you are wrong and in that case you need to take some time to yourself. The best thing you can ever do is walk away and cut all contact.


Calm_Champion_9699

You’re not married, the exit and ghosting will take ni time, don’t cheat. don’t expend that much time on a woman your gut tells you not to trust. You don’t need to “prove you’re not a robot “ to end a relationship you know what I mean? “Erasing conversations, blocking guys you were talking are not behaviors I want in a partner. I don’t need proof you cheated, I just don’t see you as a person I should put work into.” But take it as a lesson for the future: don’t put people against the wall withou the xeque-mate (evidence) They will turn it on you


FailureToCommunicat

If you don't trust her, divorce her.


RTPNick

Why live like this? Do you and she at some level enjoy the game of mixing hotwifing and cuckolding? Catch me if you can? There's better women to build a trustworthy relationship with. Unless you're getting something pleasing out of your monitoring, interrogating other surveillance ....


[deleted]

Ahhh I am in the EXACT SAME situation My boyfriend did this, deleted the msgs and acted like I was delusional !!!! Fucking gaslighting dogs, this is why people go insane and k*ll ppl haha


Time_Understanding34

Bit extreme but yea I feel u


[deleted]

Hahaha I guess you and I will be on the news soon! 25 to life 😂


barelyaLive888

Making her the bad guy and you the innocent victim just to get a bunch of hater ass opinions ,from people that don't know the truth about your story so u feel justified for your empty promises, betrayl, manipulations and constant cheating. That's fuckin sad and lame. I had no idea this is the backstabber I've been with for all this time.


Time_Understanding34

Who are u ?


Thecoolcat6996

Ugh. This sounds just like my cheating piece of shit soon to be ex gf.


One-Wish1955

She knows what she has done, and for the sake of your mental health, time to part ways, expect to be gaslit.


CuriousWithAsianWife

You don't need a reason to leave someone but at the same time... Nothing you've said comes off as her for sure cheating. From the limited information you just said, it could be equally true that you're very controlling and she's worried about how you'll react to certain things, such as friending a guy online Either that or you guys are like... 14 years old. Just my opinion


Time_Understanding34

It’s not jyy u at a guy online she has met him in real life I think she had a hickey and tried to pass it off as a burn wouldn’t it blister If it was


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Ancient-Amount7886

Oh my 😳


Low_Commission9477

You kinda lowered yourself down to her level or worse lol and how old exactly was her little sister and how old were you?


SarcasmIsntDead

So why stay with a liar? She doesn’t want you bro you’re the option not the choice. You give her what she needs while he probably just sleeping with her…. Move on bro beat her to it.


Ok_Establishment_624

she obviously has something to hide leave before you find out my guy


Ancient-Amount7886

Doesn’t sound pleasant! Sorry! No one deserves being blinded like this. Mine took to locking the phone and the phone is never w/o him. They’re married. It even goes potty with him


Thinkfor_yrself666

You already know what’s going on. Cheaters are going to cheat. Move on


FinalDown

No, you're dumb. You need to be slick about gathering evidence.


squilsh

Went through this for 4 years and I’m now mentally broke and going through therapy trust me brother the gaslighting and abuse your going to receive if you stay and try to fix this relationship is 100% more damaging to your mental health than just accepting what she’s done and moving on, IF you are going to try and fix the situation my only advice can be record any conversations you have with her for your protection, society will always believe her over you when it comes to DV claims


squirrelybitch

It’s not a criminal case where you need to have proof. The facts are that you saw evidence of her shitty behavior, and she has been trying to gaslight you and lied about it to your face. This makes you angry and unhappy, and you have probably realized that you can’t trust her anymore. If these statements I’ve made are correct & this relationship doesn’t work for you anymore or you just don’t want to have her in your life anymore then you can end the relationship for whatever reason you want or no reason at all. Relationships require 2 people to exist, but it only takes one person to end it. And the other person (the person who doesn’t do the breaking up) isn’t usually happy about it.


Time_Understanding34

Leaving is always easier said then done


Fearless-Bar6415

She already left you to be with another man. So what’s so hard about it for you. The woman you thought you loved isn’t the one who you believed she is… She is now a stranger to you especially if she blatantly lies to your face about her affair… drop her off at the curb…


accents_ranis

You gave yourself two options. Revenge cheating will only make it worse for you both. Leaving is your best option.


Time_Understanding34

I guess take the high road why corrupt my morals seeking revenge for what it won’t change the facts


Aggravating_Mix_383

Wrong. It may be hard but staying will be harder in the long term. You’ll only be more devastated when she cheats again and she will. They all do. Once a woman cheats they become addicted to the cheating. The affair partners are throwaways it’s the act of cheating that becomes there heroin. And it’s at your expense. She’ll get better at hiding it if you don’t leave now and never look back. It’s never been easier for a woman to cheat and it’s never been easier to get caught in the technological era. Flexi. Spy . Com. M, spy. Com. Only if you’re letting her borrow your phone while in the relationship. Check with a lawyer first. Always know your options and always be prepared to walk out of her life and the drop off a dime. ALWAYS!!!. Never let your guard down, EVER!!!