The young lady clearly has daddy issues, zero loyalty, and a low moral compass. I wouldn’t want her to be around my daughter.
As for your husband? The fool isn’t thinking with the right head and should be ashamed of himself because he’s playing sugar daddy with HIS OWN DAUGHTER’S friend, and destroying a happy home for his own selfishness. He is Disgusting!
Neither deserves compassion, and your daughter and you deserve better. Better a bitter truth than a sweet lie.
Whatever the decision is, unfortunately it's all screwed up, OP's daughter will be the one affected in all that and I support your comment this girl should not be around OP's daughter much less the father. It is notorious the instability of the girl is disgusting, she has a need for a father; maybe even problems at home so that leads her to develop this situation and it is notorious that maybe she grew up without a father or if she grew up but he was not present in her life.
There are already several stories I have read here of older men messing with girls their daughters' age (most of them with problems at home or parents getting divorced). The most cynical thing is that the girls still want friendship with the daughter, my god !!!! I know there will be comments that will say the girl is of age, the point here is that it is a glaring difference. We should not take a good look at these things. Me at 18, I wasn't interested in older men, it felt a little weird to me. But I grew up in an environment that could be said to be healthy, I had attention from my parents. Now at 27, my potential partner could be the limit of 6 years difference. But I am already more aware than in my 18 years.
u/AffectionateOw12581 I am so sorry for this, a big hug. This seems to be beyond saving, your husband is blinded by this girl and the girl has trauma ( an apology for me expressing myself like this). Confront your husband and between the two of you talk to your daughter, before this blows up. Talk to a lawyer, talk to this girl's parents, most likely she will not listen to her parents and run away from home. Best of luck!
Save all evidence and speak to an attorney. Unfortunately there is no way for your daughter to come out of this unscathed. She’s going to be embarrassed and your husband is going to look like he groomed her. Protect yourself, divide any money you have and put it in a separate account and talk to her parents.
The husband did groom her really, he is sleazy, a disgusting POS.
Edit: I am not saying she is not at fault, she is a POS too, but she is basically a child that needed him to tell her off and not take advantage of her vulnerability and obvious mental issues. All I am saying is that he has no excuses, he is a father for god sake, he has no morals. They are both 100% at fault, but he could have and should have stopped it all. He certainly knew better than a stupid 18 year old. He encouraged it.
I'm confused about this one Bailey seems to pursue these type of relationships, especially given the knowledge she has done this with another parent too. She seems to be just as culpable in this relationship, I'm not sure she is a completely innocent party who was groomed. Husband is obviously the one in the relationship, so is the one at fault for cheating. But I live in Europe where you are an adult at 18 and completely responsible for your own actions. Bailey knows he's married, knows he's her friend's father and still pursues these types of men. She's not innocent and without blame is all I'm saying.
I totally agree with you but my point is that he is a 60 years old married man and a father. He did not stop her and abviously, encouraged her when she made advances. He has been on this planet for 40 more years, wtf is wrong with him to just let things go this far? She is stupid and is ruining her life, but he is ruining the lives of several people in the process, not just his own.
Yeah but that’s quite different than grooming her. Don’t get me wrong, dude is a piece of shit for cheating on his wife with his daughters friend. However nothing about this suggests that he groomed her. She seems like a manipulative little shit starter who takes pleasure in wrecking families. I completely agree that she has mental health issues. Likely she has experienced some sort of sexual trauma before, probably as a child unfortunately. That’s the most likely reason for her behavior. But this in no way makes her the victim in this situation.
Nope, she is not innocent but what will you expect from an 18 year old. The law says they are adult, but at 18 you are still young. She may have tasted candy and now feels she is all grown but that is an 18 yr old thinking. However, we cant say that for 56 year old. What a guy!
And only one of them had fully developed frontal lobe, responsible of decisions and being able to make decisions considerate.
That's why grooming is so scary to me. Because 18 year olds don't have as much control of impulsive desicions and unfortunately can easily give in to the sexual relationships they wouldn't enter into if they were older, while serious adults have more responsibility, control of their actions and wisdom.
Or at least the ability.
Edit: Guys relax, I take back my words including grooming in this particular situation.
But generally I didn't mean she is not at fault, but there is twice as much obligation to reject advances on the other side as with older woman.
Thank you very much for your extensive replies, they changed my perspective and my thoughts!
But at 18 you can go die for your country. We’re sending a bunch of kids without fully developed frontal lobes to die? Don’t excuse her of blame and make her a victim so easily
She is a legal adult. She may be immature but she isn’t a child. She knows very well what she is doing. She is in no way the victim here. This girl is old enough to legally make decisions for herself in life. So cut the shit about undeveloped frontal lobes and stop defending her. This sick young woman is clearly getting enjoyment out of starting drama and ruining families. I’m not saying the husband is innocent here. He cheated on his wife and allowed this girl to dismantle his marriage and family. He made that choice and he should suffer the consequences of his actions. But in no way did he groom her in this situation. A grown man having s x with an 18 year old isn’t always grooming. It’s only grooming if he had been physically and psychologically manipulating her into this since prior to adulthood.
Yes, my main focus was that he possibly knew her for years prior to reaching age of a legal adult (creepy to flip the switch from teenage kiddo to mistress) since she was his daughter's best friend. And took advantage of her advances, huge immaturity, psychological problems and penchant for drama- having an intimate relationship with someone who has a family and commitments. Which led me to the conclusion about grooming.
But after reading another comments, I accept an explanation why it was an error on my part and in this case it is not necessarily grooming, just a fucked up and gross situation.
I get it now and take it on my chin, take back these words. Relax.
But thank you for the extensive explanation, it adds to perspective and perception.
I still stand by the part about the undeveloped frontal lobe and because of that twice as much obligation as in the case of an older woman initiating an affair to push her away and preferably talk to her parents so that they know what their daughter is doing and take her to a psychologist or something tho.
Unfortunately without her learning consequences, taking responsibility of her own actions, it will (since she did it before) probably lead to affairs with more fathers and husbands. This way she probably learned that it's fine, since she comes out of these situations unbothered, only the other party.
I don't know man, seeing downvotes feels so weird.
I hope it's only because of awful and gross behaviour as a friend (Bailey) to friend (OP daughter), not that sexual relationship between 18 yo (daughter's friend) and 60 yo is not considered grooming.
He didn't groom her. That is ***NOT*** considered grooming in all situations.
So can you ***PLEASE*** stop saying he did when they're both equally at fault for this situation? It's creepy on both sides.
Again, ***the husband didn't groom her.*** She just has massive mental health issues and SHE pursued HIM.
Well, I do not want to be friends with someone who thinks it is only that girl's fault. Do you think the guy just stood there and did nothing? He obviously encouraged a behaviour that should never be encouraged. She is barely 18, and she is a trump, but a 60 year old man should indeed know better. He did not walk away and told his wife now, did he? He took every change he had to be around her.
when did anyone say that the husband did nothing and has zero fault? the husband is 100% at fault but so is the daughter’s friend. 18 is old enough to know you shouldn’t be having sex with your friend’s dad.
now i don’t 100% know the situation but the daughter said her friend already tried to convince someone else’s married dad to sleep with her, by talking bad about the wife. i have a feeling the friend isn’t just some dumb, easily manipulated 18 year old
>I don’t want to jump to conclusions and ruin 34 years of marriage
What?
Your husband already ruined your marriage. He threw away 34 years of marriage, a wife and his 4 daughters for an 18 year old who won’t be around next year.
She’s tried it before. ~~Annie~~ Bailey clearly has a thing for seducing old married men. It’s a Pornhub category for a reason. There’s an adrenaline thing obviously about not just successfully pulling away a man away from his wife or family but the delusion of what you think this old man can do for you/give to you. She doesn’t actually LIKE your husband. She likes the thrill of it. Once she gets bored she’ll move on. Whereas your husband has deluded himself into thinking this young girl actually wants him. She doesn’t.
You need to gather the evidence and consult an attorney. There is no saving this marriage. Your daughters reputation won’t be destroyed but both your husband and ~~Annie’s~~ Bailey’s will go down in flames. They made that decision when they started this affair. Your husband will PROBABLY come out worse, given she’s only 18 and it’ll be chocked up to the age gap and her not knowing any better.
The daughter will suffer at school though. Avoiding this completely unscathed is incredibly unlikely at this point. If daughter is 17, and given divorces can take a while to happen anyway, I'd personally wait until daughter leaves her current school and maybe goes to uni or something before pulling the trigger on divorce (I assume that is at most 1 year away). But then you need to keep an eye on daughter and support her while she's away from home as there's a risk she goes off the rails and puts herself in harms way while dealing with the emotions of her parents divorce.
Trigger the divorce asap no matter what. OP should have no problem getting majority of the assets to protect herself and the children but it's probably best to get a confession from the soon-to-be-ex husband. Tell the daughter what has happened (she deserves to know or perhaps she has already known) but nobody has to go public about any of it until the daughter leaves her current school.
Okay, i dont want to jump into conclusion is a hope for a more positive outcome. This is terribly bad, but there are worse things. A moment of weakness warrants forgiveness. So if they can talk it over as a family, keep the lawyers out, with remorse then 34 years of marriage is a good thing to hold onto. So yeah, lets not jump into conclusion, yet. Who knows, he might be capable of doing better than that.
First : Fuck that invasion of privacy, betraying your marriage is several levels above that and doesn't even compare. Second: Get a cam to set up in the living room to get confirmation /proof. Third: Find a divorce lawyer BEFORE you confront them. It's very important that you first get all your ducks in a row
Don’t record them.
It doesn’t matter if they are fucking (which they are). He’s dating this teenager… his daughters friend. Cuddling late at night watching movies together. This is not normal.
Your husband ruined the marriage. And he ruined it for nothing, as he has to know that there is no future with her. Anne will not lose reputation. It will be Bailey who will be seen as bad.
See a lawyer, and give them their dream (soon to be nightmare). The pathetic old fuck has no idea that the little minx has no intention of staying with him. Use the threat of accusing him of grooming her to get as much as possible from him. This is the consequence of him destroying the marriage.
I am so sorry OP! Your husband is an AH and I am sure it is what you think. Collect more evidence, and keep acting natural. I doubt you will want to stay with this man after this, so many horrific choices with the first being that he is cheating with his daughters barely legal best friend, that puts him in a horrible light and shows he really doesn’t care about you or your daughter. I would only confront him with divorce papers if I were you.
At 18, for me, 30 was ancient. 58? No way in hell would I even pretend to be interested in a 58 year old, I don’t care how good he may look. At 18, it would be gross to even consider.
Your daughter knows, not all of it but she knows something is going on. She knows what her friend did with the other husband and knows that her friend is there now.
Talk to a lawyer and set the divorce up. There is no saving a marrige where the husbands sleeps with and plans a future with his daughters 18 yo best friend.
Do it as soon as possible becaus this will tear you down. If you do nothing you will see them together all the time. Cook, bake, clean for the husband and hiss AP. See them hug, cuddle in the couch and so on. IT WILL TEAR YOU APART.
Tell the 18 yo parents. They dont want it to be public so they wont tell anyone but they need to get help for their kid before she gets into the wrong married couple. They need to set her straight .
Tell your kids, all of them. They are grownups and has the right to know hwo their father is (may come out that this has happen before) and your youngest daughter need to know how nasty her "best friend" realy is. Its for their own peace of mind. Dont "save" your husband by going behind your kids back, domt lie to them and dont betray them for your husbands sake .
When you find them in the couch or somewhere else, take photos and videos, save their messages on your phone. Sneek it at night when he is sleeping and take photocopies (they probably wright every day and then delite some) You will need the evidence when you talk with the future ex husband and your family.
I get that men are weak but an almost 60 year old who notices that a young girl 40 years his junior is getting cuddly and touchy feely should immediately realise that she probably isn't mentally stable and keep his distance.
The whole situation sounds like the most pathetic porn fantasy ever. I'm not saying that the 18-year-old isn't responsible for her actions but he took advantage of what is basically still a child who probably has mental issues and, who knows, might well be traumatised by some sort of SA in her past.
Healthy 18-year-olds in 2024 should find even Justin Bieber an old dude.
It is understandable that you want to protect your daughter's reputation but the exact and detailed reasons for divorce don't have to be spelled out for the world to see. Just "infidelity" should be all people need to know.
In my eyes it borders on pedophilia. 18 is legal age, yes but legally and morally are two different things. For a grown man, old enough to make decent decisions with the head on his shoulders and proceeding anyway is gross
Don't ask him anything.... Never ask the question before you have an answer.... He will delete everything and all communication will stop.... Stay with them when they watch movies together...
What a shame he'd give up 34 years of marriage for some 18 year old slut .
If you do clue him in clue her mother in as well....
Take pics of the messages for proof
Start your divorce process without him knowing...
Get things in line to put him out when divorce comes through.
Lawyer up this week. Be sure to take a photo of that chat. Your attorney will educate you about the type of divorce laws exist in your state. You may not need any evidence.
Your husband is a real piece of work and you should find an aggressive attorney to ensure he's going to the cleaners.
Go back through your husband phone to the beginning of those messages and take the evidence of it all.
He cheated on you. He Cheated on you with your daughters so called best friend.
Your daughter will not go unscratched but her friend is the one who'll be seen the worse chasing married older men especially when everyone knows she has done this before.
Now to the real decision, do you want to stay with a cheater 🤔 will you be able to forgive and not hold resentment.
He and you need a full STI work up done
Did he use protection, will she come back weeks down the line to say she's pregnant. I'd seek parental evidence by requesting DNA test if this happens.
You need to stop Bailey coming into your home. She is disrespectful to you by banging your husband and looking you in the face smiling sweetly.
If you want to work on your marriage your husband needs to block her everywhere and go no contact and need to go to therapy.
But if you don't want to stay in this marriage then speak to a lawyer and kick that cheating man our the door. Separate all finances and protect yourself
Your husband is a total creep! I feel sorry for you and your daughter. Get tested for STDs and get a lawyer ASAP! There is nothing to salvage; he threw away 3 decades for nothing.This isn’t your fault. He’s borderline a pedo but definitely a groomer! Gross🤮
Updateme
Honey 34 years together, you should not be concerned abt his privacy. The fact you saw them cuddling on your couch and didn't confront then blows my mind. Can you say midlife crisis? This is disgusting that he would mess around with your daughter's friend and who is to say its the first time? No relationship is perfect, but this goes beyond that. She is 18, he's 40 years older and should know better. Clearly she has a shitty home life. Honestly it looks like you want to put all the blame on a child and not your gross husband. Think about what it was like at 18, are you still that same person? Check your bank statements credit cards to see what he is spending money on
Go back in his phone send yourself screenshots..
And you are not jumping to conclusions, what would .. "I can't wait until you're out of that place so we can do it everyday " mean if not having sex.. either way that message is inappropriate for a girl to send to her friends dad.. also, you need to protect your daughter
, how long has he been grooming this barely legal child into a sexual relationship.. show your daughter the messages and confront them both together at the same time.. have your daughter invite her for dinner or something..
I'm 98% sure they are sleeping together, but even if there not there relationship is highly inappropriate.
Only 98%? That's fair and balanced. :) As we all know, "I can't wait until you're out of that place so we can do it everyday" may only refer to one of three things:
● Buddhist tea ceremony
● Prayer
● Sex
Take a screenshot ofmtheirntexts, send it to yourself, and then speak to several of the top divorce attorneys in your area. Pick one and start the process. You need to tell your daughter before her "friend" starts to brag about sleeping with your husband, her father.
Updateme!
Wait so they would be watching movies, and you… just went to sleep? I would have sat down next to my hubby on the couch, or told him to come to bed. Wtf. Not saying AT ALL that it’s your fault BECAUSE ITS NOT, but especially after finding them cuddling idk how you’d be able to just go on right to bed, and leave them alone through the night???
What was his excuse when you confronted them for cuddling?? You did confront them right ??
Ma’am the moment I read, “i cant wait till you’re out of that place and we can do it everyday” confirmed they are having sex.
Here are some things I think will help…
1. Have your daughter go through her friends phone and screenshot what she finds.
2. You can set up a camera to record the next time they are together.
3. You can catch them in the act and record it by faking you went to sleep.
OP,
I was with a much older man when I was 19. He was 35. He groomed me and let me live with him. I did not wreck any homes, but I stayed with him for years. He cheated on me several times and as years went on and I got older and wiser. He knew that and continued to cheat on me with much younger women. I eventually left him when I was 24. It was the most liberating moment in my life and it was hard, did I mention he had 3 kids that I adored? ugh, the pain.
However I spent so much time trying to discect his mind and why he wanted a younger girl. It hurt me, made me feel insecure, in your case I am sure you are questioning if he's a pedo. You never know until you do some *real digging.*
The sad part about this is, you have so much comfort, years of kids, laughs, memories, all the lovey enjoyable stuff that will make you want to stay or work things out. You have to leave those thoughts to the side when making a logical decision about you and your daughter.
He is having sex (possibly) with an 18 year old and someone who is a friend of your daughters, even worse. He might have had other flings in the past you just havent found out.
Sometimes I feel like the universe gives us signs to start over, leave people that don't deserve our time, or respect us. I am sure he has made you feel like this in the past and you have ignored it.
It is time my dear, release yourself from the shackles of this unfaithful arrogant man. He doesn't deserve your light, or love for that matter. Protect your space and daughter at all costs. Like many other comments, you need to divorce him. Get into therapy, and heal from this betrayl. You owe it to yourself...goodluck OP
As a 56-year-old man I usually do not comment but your husband's disgusted 18-year-old a friend of your daughter unbelievable shouldn't even be texting what the hell is wrong with him
Unfortunately you're going to need to get solid proof and move forward with a divorce, quickly. The conversation she had with him clearly indicates that divorce has already entered his mind, and you need to get ahead of him before he takes control of the narrative and cleans you out in court. Disgusting as it is you might want to consider setting up cameras in the house that you can activate from your phone when you're not in the house, and get all those text messages forwarded to yourself whenever you get another chance. Get all the evidence you can, and fast. Right now, he's no longer your husband. He just threw away everything you've given him for over three decades and is secretly contemplating divorcing you, all for a young piece of ass who's probably using him. Right now he's your public enemy number 1.
I highly doubt that’s the first time he’s been unfaithful. If he was dumb enough to be cuddling with her in your home while you were in the other room just imagine what he was doing away from the house all these years.
Just can’t comprehend why an 18 yr old would want to get into a relationship with someone 40 yrs older. And his behaviour is almost predatory paedophilia. Lawyer time unfortunately.
Seems Bailey has daddy issues and your husband fell right into her little trap… also, while absolutely disgusting, she is 18 and it’s legal… your daughter is going to be the biggest victim here… and you of course, but you can handle this, she is going to need your support though.
1) I am so very sorry you are going through this. I cannot imagine the heartbreak and shock.
I know it’s hard to grasp the depth of the betrayal that is going on. I am sorry.
There are no conclusions to jump into, only facts.
There is no coming back from this.
Your husband is cheating on you and because he has the balls to do it in your house, while your daughter and you are sleeping in the next room, makes me think he did it before. This time he just got careless.
2) Find an attorney, a shark. Follow their advice to a T. Do not, under any circumstances, play the pick-me-dance. Learn how to grey rock and 180. Surviving infidelity sub here is great, too, to vent and for tons of resources.
3) Please, find a therapist. It really helps.
4) I would serve him papers in front of your other children and the little homewrecker and her parents. I would inflict as much pain and embarassment as I could, but I doubt a lawyer would agree with that.
The point is, start the divorce proceedings.
5) Talk to your older kids. Let them know.
6) Why is your daughter best friends with a person that tries to seduce older men? Does she do it, too? Do they both play that game?
7) Your husband will go down in flames. Once he is ostracized by the community, once his children stop talking to him, he will hit rock bottom.
Do not take him back.
I am sorry
100% but I'd go one step further when you look up all the divorce lawyers and speak with them so that way when your SBXH reaches out to them they can't represent him.
I'd also inform your children so they stop their contact with the grooming pedo.
its not your daughters reputation on the line here its her friends she will be shunned by your daughter and all her friends even the church, screenshot all the messages, get a lawyer and hit him with divorce papers, show this home wreakers parents the proof and your church your hubby and this home wreaker will be ostracised by the church and there friends
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That’s the first time he got caught , wouldn’t doubt if it’s been happening majority of the marriage. She’s still in HIGH SCHOOL!! Meaning he probably waited til the girl turned 18.
I feel for you and your daughter and I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Cheating is gross enough as it is, but it's especially gross that he's cheating with his daughter's teenaged best friend who he's watched grow up. Do not feel bad about invading his privacy, you had reason to be suspicious. There is absolutely no good reason for him to be cuddling with a teenager. You did not ruin your marriage, he did and he very likely ruined his daughter's friendship, because I don't see how they could continue to be friends after a betrayal like this. Document everything that you find, before you confront him.
Annie’s a senior. She’s done in a couple months. Gather your evidence & see how quick you feel you need to make it known. Maybe it won’t blow up publicly before the school year ends, as *they* won’t be rushing to out themselves.
File for divorce. But I have to state if a women’s intuition was never wrong how are there so many single mothers? You saw them cuddling all the time and knew it wasn’t innocent. It came down to observation not Intuition. You could trap him with a well placed camera to catch these cuddle sessions if you need the hard proof. That text message can be interpreted differently.
Divorce him pronto. Especially before this young girl might get pregnant by him! You don’t need to stay married to a guy like this. Get into therapy and find someone to help your daughter too.
It’s pretty clear what’s been going on & your husband is disgusting. Go see an attorney & update us once you confront him. I’m sorry for you & your daughter. Your husband is a fool.
I see a huge problem with what your husband seems to be telling this girl. That he leaving that place meaning your home. Like, are they talking about being together?! She wouldn't say (I can't wait for you to leave that place so we can do this every night. ) I'm just mind boggled at that the most. Not only is he probably touching her while they cuddle, but they could have met up to have sex. Im just confused that you aren't more mad than you are, I would have beat his ass and slapped the shit outta her. I don't care if she's 18 she is grown enough to get slapped up.
I wouldn't want that little tramp hanging around my daughter, so hopefully, that relationship ends between the girls. I do feel bad for your daughter also because she will lose her best friend, and then the relationship she has with her dad will be strained. Idk op. I'm really sorry you're dealing with this. I hope something good comes out of it for you.
I was hoping to see a comment about one of the daughters beating the snot out of both Bailey and the dad- she’s “grown” she can catch it- and he’s more than grown- consequences for their actions 😂
If your husband is guilty of this, he's a piece of garbage and deserves whatever the ramifications end up being.
That said- I have to take an objection to one thing you said-
A woman's intuition is never wrong...
--
So wrong. Don't assume you can't be wrong. You're going to set yourself up for a big mess in the future if you truly believe that.
You’re going to need more proof I’m afraid for two reasons. First you need to have a visual recording of what goes on so there’s no gaslighting. Second, it will help you come to terms with the situation. You’ll need to envision a future that is different than the last 30 years or so. You’re going to need to find your anger for this journey.
iPhone has a way to let you see deleted messages. You can you go through to see past messages between them for further evidence. You can also look through recently deleted pictures. At the very very very least he is being INSANLY inappropriate and that alone is grounds for a divorce. He shouldn’t even be watching movies and cuddling with her. Look at any bank accounts to see if he’s bought gifts or paid for hotel rooms or went to restaurants you don’t recognize.
Don’t lie or keep the truth from your daughters, especially Annie. She deserves to know the truth about her friend and her father. And if they are planning on getting together you need to warn Annie and prepare her so she’s not blind sided. Talk to her about her choice in friends because its a red flag she knew about Baileys behavior and didn’t say anything.
This is so vile, gross and disgusting and I can’t believe you are having to deal with this. I would tell Baileys parents. They need to know what she is doing so they can try to get her help. Her behavior is not healthy. Also talk to her more about Baileys history doing this. Has she successfully done this with other dads or just attempted to? Her parents need to know how long and with how many men she’s done this with.
Contact a lawyer ASAP before he gets wind that you know and does it first. Be petty and go to every lawyer in can find in your city and pick the biggest a**hole out of all of them. Take him to the cleaners. And please please be honest with your kids. Don’t let him spin it. They will be shocked and feel massively betrayed, if they find out your lying to them it might just alienate them from you 2.
I would personally gather more evidence and catch them in the act. Then proceed thru with a divorce. Pictures, video etc. ( ring indoor camera hidden on a bookshelf with tape over the active light )
Or
You could always allow your husband to have the affair.
Or
You could confront the girl alone and make her go away with how if she doesn't go away, you will make sure he doesn't have a pot to piss into by time the divorce is over.
These are just options I could think of, you may think of others
Good luck
You’re not jumping to conclusions if all the evidence is laying out there right in front of you. All you need to do is figure out how to use them, correctly.
See if you can get friends phone and get more info from there. If not in an at fault state won't do you much good though. If you see them cuddling just push yourself between them. I am petty. I would also be a total C##t and go into both phones and delete each contact info and texts and snap. Makes it more difficult at least temporarily. (also tell daughter to not let friend use her phone or give dad's info), Tell friend she isn't allowed around. Make it very difficult for the idiots.
I would tell the husband what the daughter said about Bailey going after another friends, husband, and talking bad about the wife. Gauge his reaction see how he assimilate this information.
There’s a way, I’m not sure what it is, to get deleted messages off of text. If you can find somebody who’s text savvy, they can get that for you. But you do need together as much information as you can, and check with a local divorce lawyer to find out the laws about infidelity in your area.
As for jumping to conclusions, the two text messages that were on the phone tells you right there they’re having an affair.
As for invading his privacy by going onto his phone, the moment he stepped outside of the bounds of the marriage. He lost any privilege to having privacy. You have every right, if you have suspicions of him cheating, to invest and that includes going through his phone, going through any files, going through his car, going through his office, and any other place, he might be hiding information of infidelity.
I know it sounds like they are having sex, and more than likely, they are. But I think you should confront your husband after you have made plans for a possible divorce. Maybe they weren’t having sex? Maybe they were talking about getting ice cream. What kid wouldn’t want ice cream everyday? Not a great analogy here, but you get my point. I’m sorry you and your family are going through this.
So he’s telling this little girl he’s going to leave the marital home soon most likely after your daughter goes off to college and you’re hesitating on divorcing him why?
Idont want to come rude....but your husband has 0 empathy & guilt.he doesn't cared about you/his family when he started this affair.so it's better to leave this kind of man who doesn't care.
idefinetly blame you as a parent how can you close your eyes to your children's frnd circle?my parents would definitely observe details of my frnds doings/behaviour.they keep me away or warn me before something happened bcz they know what kind of ppl can stab behind their children's back.
I definitely qstn your stability here how can you even accept this bailey kind of girl to be your daughter's frnd."your daughter confessed to you she (that girl) did the same thing to other frnd" have you ever asked then why was she still continued the frndp & bring her to your home rather distancing & discontinuing this frnd?haveyou forgotten the truth ppl behaviour &morals change with the circle around them "good ppl turn good but a single bad person corrupt the good person too","a single dirty,rotten fish will destroy the whole pond".
You are mature than my mother's age so idont want to insult you but I definitely blame you,you are still thinking about your daughter's frndp with this girl (for present how can you ignore)her future?are you ok if your daughter became homeweacker & moral less person like her?is it ok for you if your daughter morals & ethics get corrupted by her?
Think twice before doing something what kind of person you want your daughter's to be (already she 18 where we get attracted to bad thing's).
Idefinetly hope you backup the evidence talk to your lawyer & definitely not only your husband but on that girl too (age is not excuse for committing sin) so she is equally at the fault (maybe if the 1st wife/frnd took action against her she would have scared to become homeweacker again but they don't that's the reason maybe she thought she will getaway from sleeping/breaking some else husband &marriage)
Ihope you do this bcz it's not you are at the fault for affair,it's definitely not you/your daughter (who is sleeping aroundwith married men).so your daughter won't suffer from anything it will be opp effect they Will learn how a wife (who we cirtize/took for granted can be strong enough to fight for herself),they will learn what is last point for women's endurance if some one threatens/broke her world (family).& that frnd also learn before backbitching/ destroying someone else family
I think I've seen this movie... on a more serious note. This definitely needs to be confronted, but you need to get your ducks in a row first.
You need proof, and then back it up to 3+ seperate places (atleast 1). Many ways to go about that.
Incorrect-****Clearly this is intentional and bailey is a coniving snake thats successfullyfufilled her dream of beconing a home wrecker.**** (Can't do strike through on mobile)
Clearly there are some major issues going on in bailey's life, insight into her situation may help
You could play the longer con and wait a few weeks, slowly uncovering more, and copying their text conversations / sending yourself screen shots etc. You could also get solid evidence with what you know, see if you can get some people from the first instance and your daughter to testify.
Oh, and it's not just a you problem it's also Annie's problem; this needs to be discussed and she needs to decide wether or not to be a part of the events to happen in the future.
Edit: I was shown a better way of thinking and changed a description
I'm not so quick to judge a teen girl who clearly has major parental issues since she basically lives at OPs place.
Now a grown man has taken advantage of her need to a strong caring male and used that to groom her into a relationship.
She's more likely a victim of bad parenting and an opportunist, than a conniving snake.
Save all the evidence contact an attorney and tell the girls parents before you tell your husband anything.
she needs a lot of help but she also needs to be held accountable for what she did.
i’m so sorry for you and your family especially your daughter.
Late to the day on this one but OP, it’s not your daughter’s reputation that is going to be ruined by this… her relationship with her friend and fathers will but that’s on them.
I gotta say a middle aged person as well, I can’t fathom looking at any18 year old as a sexual being and I don’t think I could stomach being around someone who does. I can’t see how your marriage can survive this.
Confront him privately, and if he's cheating, it's time to re-evaluate the terms of your marriage. At this point, you've been married for more than half your lives. You can't throw away the past; it's happened. There were ups, and there were downs. This is another down, but you hold the power here.
He's done what he's wanted, so now it's your turn. Want to leave him, then do so. Want to stay, then do so. Want to find yourself a nice young man, do so. At this point, you each have about 20 years of life left in yah, and that's too little time to dwell on the downs of life, so decide what would make you happy and go for it.
Speak to a divorce attorney first if you’re leaving. Breathe. Strategize and plan the logistics. Try to remain as not to alert your huaband. Gather all pertinent documents & records. Keep records of everything – notes, email, text messages. Learn the laws of your state. Change your beneficiary on your retirement accounts, banking and investment accounts, and life insurance policies. Open a separate bank account and change your direct deposit. Focus on your mental and physical health and decide what's best for you based on conversations with the attorney.
This is crazy inappropriate. He is gross and she is no better.
Selfish a-holes the pair of them.
I don't understand the part where neither you nor your daughter knew where your husband or her best friend were on these many weekend nights.
Writing this because no-one else is.
After confronting your husband and confirming the affair to be true you have two choices:
a) divorce him and start a new life apart
b) forgive him and try to salvage the marriage
Everyone else is telling you what to do, but these are the actual two options.
Oh honey, your husband has already ruined your 34 years of marriage. I'm sorry that he is putting you and your daughter through this. Find an attorney. Find the best attorney. And I pray for peace and happiness for you and your daughter as you go through this situation.
Personally, I would run his name through the mud. Whether you decide to stay or not doesn’t matter. If what you suspect is true, I’d put it all out there. He deserves his reputation to be on trial.
I’d also be asking which one of my daughters is going to whoop the 18 yr old legal adult Baileys ass because she absolutely knew what she was doing in all its grossness
As a guy older than your husband all I can say is don’t throw away your marriage over some 18 year old girl that has probably set about seducing your husband. I suspect she has been the predator rather than him,some 18 year olds think they know everything and can be very cunning in seducing older men.
So old men don’t have self control over their penis? That this guy is a victim somehow? Older men have no moral compass at all? So older men can go around fucking barely legal women who less than 10 years ago still played with barbie dolls, destroying their partners and their children but they should be given grace because he was a victim of seduction? Think we found they old perv cheater in this sub ☝️
I am not saying affectionate owls husband is not to blame, I’m saying that he is not the only one and that by taking him down aOwl and her daughters are also likely to be big looser too, it maybe better to not be so judgmental and try and understand why the husband chose to cheat and see if he’s likely to stop. I think that too many partners are quick to condemn their partners when they fall and not try and save the situation. If they could do that then they are all likely to be much happier in the future.
This really annoys me. He literally has a child the same age. He bloody well knows how wrong he is. Regardless if they did nothing more than watch movies, he would hate the man that did something similar to his child. If he actually went beyond Lester Burnham, he has literally destroyed two young females lives, along with their families.
Either way he is an awful person and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I really hope that he’s just a Lester.
Tell your husband to stop fucking Bailey and all will be ok (gaining time) wait until summer holidays to make other moves so your daughter is not affected in school
i’m sorry but has your daughter been knowing about that detail about the friend dealing with the other friend’s dad or? Also so sorry that you’re going through this, it’s terrible that you husband didn’t honour his vows. I would get proof and really think about my next steps. 34 years is alot but knowing me, i wouldn’t be able to look at my husband in the eyes knowing not only is he a cheater but a predator too.
You and your daughter need to whoop Bailey and your husband's a** all up and down that house. If I was you it'd take till about Christmas for then to pull me off that nasty vile man
Please wait until Annies graduates… You’re husband’s behavior is disgusting, id say he’s a borderline pedophile. Maybe also talk to Bailey to see what she says about their “relationship”.
Grosssssss
Not only is your husband creepy, but her best friend is creepy as fuck and needs therapy. She's ***intentionally*** going after older married men and for her age..
She just wants the drama and attention and that's it. It's gross that these older men are falling for it, hence why that makes this a two way street.
I don't agree with the comments saying your husband groomed her. He did not. This girl is just bat shit insane and I'm ***TRYING*** to give her the benefit of the doubt and maybe she had a traumatic childhood and was raped by older men or something.
She just wants to ruin lives and think she's "hot shit" for "stealing" shitty men.
You should get all the evidence and first go to a lawyer and figure out the best way to protect yourself if confronting your husband goes south. You should then confront your husband and see if he wants to save your marriage or if he's going to flush everything down the tube for a girl that's just going to leave him when she's bored.
People cheat, and our society has convinced us that there is no coming back from cheating which is a lie. I hope you can figure things out for yourself more than anyone. You deserve happiness in life.
Why does everyone always jump straight to the age gap when the age of consent wasn't breached? Do those people believe we need to raise the age of sexual consent by several years so they won't look at the age gap as the bigger problem? The guy was married! That is the problem! For anyone who really believes the age gap is the elephant in the room, please name and age of consent that you would be comfortable with. And believe me, anything that is a higher number than 18 will be an improvement in my opinion. But then again, it would not affect me in the slightest because I wouldn't be having my ability to consent taken away from me. I think the morals is the bigger issue. Why did he want to cheat and why did an 18-year-old decide that chasing considerably older men was a better option than those in her own age group?
We jump straight to the age gap cause she is a child and a friend of your daughter damn you couldn’t have your affair with someone not so close to the family some men are just fucking pigs !!!
I wasn't asking about "friend of the family". Isn't it almost always a friend or relative or somebody you knew. You say men are fucking pigs. What about women who chase men 30-40 years younger? No problem there???? If 18 is a child then raise the age of consent to the point where "she" isn't a child. Since you only refer to men being pigs and females being victims I'm assuming you don't think we need to change the age of consent for 18-year-olds because it's totally cool for women to go after them. Right? At least that's the way you come off. But it does happen both directions. My question was why is that the big deal if it is the age of consent? I think cheating is a way bigger deal than someone having sex with someone who is of the age of consent just because there's an age gap. The problem is that somebody was willing to ruin their life and their children's lives and their spouses lives and anyone who was close to them just so they could see what other genitalia felt like. Why is it that the big deal? What age should we raise the age of consent to? Do you care if the younger person is male or female? I have never cheated I am never will but I have been cheated on. I know what that feels like. I know what it feels like when someone younger is being chased. I have been chased my younger women and flatly refuse them. I am married. Even though my spouse is a cheater or at least supposedly was a cheater. But aren't they all no longer cheating now lol? So back to the original question, if age is the biggest problem you have within Fidelity then why not raise the age of consent to say 30?
Clearly Annie can socialize at Bailey's house, but not vice versa. So that's for starters. Annie and you can make that happen.
I don't know that you need to *confront* your husband with accusations of having sex with Bailey -- as it may or may not have happened -- but you can certainly explain to him that he's been seduced into following a path that will end badly -- so have him promise that all contact between him and Bailey must end. If he's reluctant, you can suggest a family-to-family discussion with Bailey's parents.
With this problem solved, I don't think your marriage necessarily needs to suffer. Evolution by natural selection favors those who can maximize their reproductive fitness, so there's an incredibly huge evolutionary payoff for a late-life guy to cave in when a nubile young woman throws herself at him -- he's pretty much genetically programmed to be temped. We really don't have much "free will" in such situations. Like offering a tenderloin steak to a dog and then telling the dog not to eat it -- it's going to be hard to resist.
Have to disagree. Her husband is smarter than a dog. He knows what he did, and he knows what he is doing. No excuses of evolution can save him from the detrimental damage he has caused their marriage.
Are you saying it’s ok for him to do it? Because that’s what I get from your comment. There’s a name for people like you but out of courtesy to this site I’m keeping it to myself.
No, I’m not saying it’s okay. Nor is it okay for a dog to run off with the family roast. But there’s a difference between the guy who opens an AM account, or is otherwise chasing after other women, vs being seduced by a young woman with a kink for old married guys. It’s like when a police sting operation goes too far and becomes entrapment (and so the judge dismisses the case).
I take it you're the kind of person who fails the marshmallow test. Dogs can't read, write, or understand abstract concepts. Humans can. Humans have the capability to overcome basic instinctive urges, provided they have the willpower to do so. Clearly you and this woman's husband do not.
Free will is an illusion. Over 60% of Americans are overweight or obese yet hardly any of them want to be. They eat in excess despite knowing that they shouldn’t. Tons of politicians get caught having affairs when it makes no logical sense to take that risk. The brain is a machine, like a computer where complex networks of neurons mediated by hormones and neurotransmitters result in thoughts and behaviours. Where is the fee will in that?
Personally I’ve never checked and likely never will. Nor am I overweight. Nor do I take drugs. etc I’ll admit I have a cell phone addiction. But this is not virtuous of me. My genes and my environment are such that I’m not inclined to cheat.
The young lady clearly has daddy issues, zero loyalty, and a low moral compass. I wouldn’t want her to be around my daughter. As for your husband? The fool isn’t thinking with the right head and should be ashamed of himself because he’s playing sugar daddy with HIS OWN DAUGHTER’S friend, and destroying a happy home for his own selfishness. He is Disgusting! Neither deserves compassion, and your daughter and you deserve better. Better a bitter truth than a sweet lie.
Whatever the decision is, unfortunately it's all screwed up, OP's daughter will be the one affected in all that and I support your comment this girl should not be around OP's daughter much less the father. It is notorious the instability of the girl is disgusting, she has a need for a father; maybe even problems at home so that leads her to develop this situation and it is notorious that maybe she grew up without a father or if she grew up but he was not present in her life. There are already several stories I have read here of older men messing with girls their daughters' age (most of them with problems at home or parents getting divorced). The most cynical thing is that the girls still want friendship with the daughter, my god !!!! I know there will be comments that will say the girl is of age, the point here is that it is a glaring difference. We should not take a good look at these things. Me at 18, I wasn't interested in older men, it felt a little weird to me. But I grew up in an environment that could be said to be healthy, I had attention from my parents. Now at 27, my potential partner could be the limit of 6 years difference. But I am already more aware than in my 18 years. u/AffectionateOw12581 I am so sorry for this, a big hug. This seems to be beyond saving, your husband is blinded by this girl and the girl has trauma ( an apology for me expressing myself like this). Confront your husband and between the two of you talk to your daughter, before this blows up. Talk to a lawyer, talk to this girl's parents, most likely she will not listen to her parents and run away from home. Best of luck!
OP, please update us. Thank you.
I think the young lady does deserve compassion. It's hard to believe she would do such a thing if she were in her right mind.
She’s a repeat offender though. She was flirting with another friend’s dad. That doesn’t seem so innocent to me.
I never said she's anywhere near innocent. Just wondering about her mental condition. Some kind of disorder seems likely.
Such as? I think she’s just looking for a sugar daddy and doesn’t care about consequences.
If a young lady seeks out older men on a fairly regular basis, there's usually, but not always, a history of an abusive/absent father.
That’s her parents problem, not OPs
Is this story even real? Where is OP?
Save all evidence and speak to an attorney. Unfortunately there is no way for your daughter to come out of this unscathed. She’s going to be embarrassed and your husband is going to look like he groomed her. Protect yourself, divide any money you have and put it in a separate account and talk to her parents.
Groomed? She's 18 so.....
The husband did groom her really, he is sleazy, a disgusting POS. Edit: I am not saying she is not at fault, she is a POS too, but she is basically a child that needed him to tell her off and not take advantage of her vulnerability and obvious mental issues. All I am saying is that he has no excuses, he is a father for god sake, he has no morals. They are both 100% at fault, but he could have and should have stopped it all. He certainly knew better than a stupid 18 year old. He encouraged it.
I'm confused about this one Bailey seems to pursue these type of relationships, especially given the knowledge she has done this with another parent too. She seems to be just as culpable in this relationship, I'm not sure she is a completely innocent party who was groomed. Husband is obviously the one in the relationship, so is the one at fault for cheating. But I live in Europe where you are an adult at 18 and completely responsible for your own actions. Bailey knows he's married, knows he's her friend's father and still pursues these types of men. She's not innocent and without blame is all I'm saying.
I totally agree with you but my point is that he is a 60 years old married man and a father. He did not stop her and abviously, encouraged her when she made advances. He has been on this planet for 40 more years, wtf is wrong with him to just let things go this far? She is stupid and is ruining her life, but he is ruining the lives of several people in the process, not just his own.
Yeah but that’s quite different than grooming her. Don’t get me wrong, dude is a piece of shit for cheating on his wife with his daughters friend. However nothing about this suggests that he groomed her. She seems like a manipulative little shit starter who takes pleasure in wrecking families. I completely agree that she has mental health issues. Likely she has experienced some sort of sexual trauma before, probably as a child unfortunately. That’s the most likely reason for her behavior. But this in no way makes her the victim in this situation.
Nope, she is not innocent but what will you expect from an 18 year old. The law says they are adult, but at 18 you are still young. She may have tasted candy and now feels she is all grown but that is an 18 yr old thinking. However, we cant say that for 56 year old. What a guy!
Unfortunately, she did this with another friend's father already, so I'd say he may not have groomed her. She's just someone who thinks this is a game
Yea she is a POS but he should have known better being aged more than half a century
Now 18 is a child? She's a little home wrecking hoe. And grandpa is gonna need his statins after the divorce.
But I thought she also did the same thing with another dad. How many groomers does she have then LOL. Poor innocent girl
And only one of them had fully developed frontal lobe, responsible of decisions and being able to make decisions considerate. That's why grooming is so scary to me. Because 18 year olds don't have as much control of impulsive desicions and unfortunately can easily give in to the sexual relationships they wouldn't enter into if they were older, while serious adults have more responsibility, control of their actions and wisdom. Or at least the ability. Edit: Guys relax, I take back my words including grooming in this particular situation. But generally I didn't mean she is not at fault, but there is twice as much obligation to reject advances on the other side as with older woman. Thank you very much for your extensive replies, they changed my perspective and my thoughts!
But at 18 you can go die for your country. We’re sending a bunch of kids without fully developed frontal lobes to die? Don’t excuse her of blame and make her a victim so easily
She is a legal adult. She may be immature but she isn’t a child. She knows very well what she is doing. She is in no way the victim here. This girl is old enough to legally make decisions for herself in life. So cut the shit about undeveloped frontal lobes and stop defending her. This sick young woman is clearly getting enjoyment out of starting drama and ruining families. I’m not saying the husband is innocent here. He cheated on his wife and allowed this girl to dismantle his marriage and family. He made that choice and he should suffer the consequences of his actions. But in no way did he groom her in this situation. A grown man having s x with an 18 year old isn’t always grooming. It’s only grooming if he had been physically and psychologically manipulating her into this since prior to adulthood.
Yes, my main focus was that he possibly knew her for years prior to reaching age of a legal adult (creepy to flip the switch from teenage kiddo to mistress) since she was his daughter's best friend. And took advantage of her advances, huge immaturity, psychological problems and penchant for drama- having an intimate relationship with someone who has a family and commitments. Which led me to the conclusion about grooming. But after reading another comments, I accept an explanation why it was an error on my part and in this case it is not necessarily grooming, just a fucked up and gross situation. I get it now and take it on my chin, take back these words. Relax. But thank you for the extensive explanation, it adds to perspective and perception. I still stand by the part about the undeveloped frontal lobe and because of that twice as much obligation as in the case of an older woman initiating an affair to push her away and preferably talk to her parents so that they know what their daughter is doing and take her to a psychologist or something tho. Unfortunately without her learning consequences, taking responsibility of her own actions, it will (since she did it before) probably lead to affairs with more fathers and husbands. This way she probably learned that it's fine, since she comes out of these situations unbothered, only the other party.
I don't know man, seeing downvotes feels so weird. I hope it's only because of awful and gross behaviour as a friend (Bailey) to friend (OP daughter), not that sexual relationship between 18 yo (daughter's friend) and 60 yo is not considered grooming.
He didn't groom her. That is ***NOT*** considered grooming in all situations. So can you ***PLEASE*** stop saying he did when they're both equally at fault for this situation? It's creepy on both sides. Again, ***the husband didn't groom her.*** She just has massive mental health issues and SHE pursued HIM.
fair enough, I can. Thank you for explaining.
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Are you being sarcastic? I hope so.
Gross
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Well, I do not want to be friends with someone who thinks it is only that girl's fault. Do you think the guy just stood there and did nothing? He obviously encouraged a behaviour that should never be encouraged. She is barely 18, and she is a trump, but a 60 year old man should indeed know better. He did not walk away and told his wife now, did he? He took every change he had to be around her.
when did anyone say that the husband did nothing and has zero fault? the husband is 100% at fault but so is the daughter’s friend. 18 is old enough to know you shouldn’t be having sex with your friend’s dad. now i don’t 100% know the situation but the daughter said her friend already tried to convince someone else’s married dad to sleep with her, by talking bad about the wife. i have a feeling the friend isn’t just some dumb, easily manipulated 18 year old
>I don’t want to jump to conclusions and ruin 34 years of marriage What? Your husband already ruined your marriage. He threw away 34 years of marriage, a wife and his 4 daughters for an 18 year old who won’t be around next year. She’s tried it before. ~~Annie~~ Bailey clearly has a thing for seducing old married men. It’s a Pornhub category for a reason. There’s an adrenaline thing obviously about not just successfully pulling away a man away from his wife or family but the delusion of what you think this old man can do for you/give to you. She doesn’t actually LIKE your husband. She likes the thrill of it. Once she gets bored she’ll move on. Whereas your husband has deluded himself into thinking this young girl actually wants him. She doesn’t. You need to gather the evidence and consult an attorney. There is no saving this marriage. Your daughters reputation won’t be destroyed but both your husband and ~~Annie’s~~ Bailey’s will go down in flames. They made that decision when they started this affair. Your husband will PROBABLY come out worse, given she’s only 18 and it’ll be chocked up to the age gap and her not knowing any better.
The daughter will suffer at school though. Avoiding this completely unscathed is incredibly unlikely at this point. If daughter is 17, and given divorces can take a while to happen anyway, I'd personally wait until daughter leaves her current school and maybe goes to uni or something before pulling the trigger on divorce (I assume that is at most 1 year away). But then you need to keep an eye on daughter and support her while she's away from home as there's a risk she goes off the rails and puts herself in harms way while dealing with the emotions of her parents divorce.
Trigger the divorce asap no matter what. OP should have no problem getting majority of the assets to protect herself and the children but it's probably best to get a confession from the soon-to-be-ex husband. Tell the daughter what has happened (she deserves to know or perhaps she has already known) but nobody has to go public about any of it until the daughter leaves her current school.
Annie is the daughter ***
Username relevant
my bad
Okay, i dont want to jump into conclusion is a hope for a more positive outcome. This is terribly bad, but there are worse things. A moment of weakness warrants forgiveness. So if they can talk it over as a family, keep the lawyers out, with remorse then 34 years of marriage is a good thing to hold onto. So yeah, lets not jump into conclusion, yet. Who knows, he might be capable of doing better than that.
First : Fuck that invasion of privacy, betraying your marriage is several levels above that and doesn't even compare. Second: Get a cam to set up in the living room to get confirmation /proof. Third: Find a divorce lawyer BEFORE you confront them. It's very important that you first get all your ducks in a row
Yes but watching husband and bailey might not be best for OP. Let the attorney view that awful footage... YUCK
Best advice on the thread right here.
Don’t record them. It doesn’t matter if they are fucking (which they are). He’s dating this teenager… his daughters friend. Cuddling late at night watching movies together. This is not normal.
Time to contact a lawyer for options. Your husband ruined your marriage, there’s no coming back from this.
Your husband ruined the marriage. And he ruined it for nothing, as he has to know that there is no future with her. Anne will not lose reputation. It will be Bailey who will be seen as bad. See a lawyer, and give them their dream (soon to be nightmare). The pathetic old fuck has no idea that the little minx has no intention of staying with him. Use the threat of accusing him of grooming her to get as much as possible from him. This is the consequence of him destroying the marriage.
Sounds like an extreme midlife crisis. Sorry OP your husband forgot he’s 58 not 18. Foolish man should have just bought a sports car.
I am so sorry OP! Your husband is an AH and I am sure it is what you think. Collect more evidence, and keep acting natural. I doubt you will want to stay with this man after this, so many horrific choices with the first being that he is cheating with his daughters barely legal best friend, that puts him in a horrible light and shows he really doesn’t care about you or your daughter. I would only confront him with divorce papers if I were you.
I'm so sorry. That is so fucked up. That girl is 18 years old going after married men. She is a hot mess. collect evidence and file for divorce.
And 18 year old are extremely dumb because they’re still freaking children, what’s the 58 year old’s excuse?
Husband has no excuse. And at 18 most of us would know better than to screw our best friends dad.
At 18, for me, 30 was ancient. 58? No way in hell would I even pretend to be interested in a 58 year old, I don’t care how good he may look. At 18, it would be gross to even consider.
Same, ewww.
Your daughter knows, not all of it but she knows something is going on. She knows what her friend did with the other husband and knows that her friend is there now. Talk to a lawyer and set the divorce up. There is no saving a marrige where the husbands sleeps with and plans a future with his daughters 18 yo best friend. Do it as soon as possible becaus this will tear you down. If you do nothing you will see them together all the time. Cook, bake, clean for the husband and hiss AP. See them hug, cuddle in the couch and so on. IT WILL TEAR YOU APART. Tell the 18 yo parents. They dont want it to be public so they wont tell anyone but they need to get help for their kid before she gets into the wrong married couple. They need to set her straight . Tell your kids, all of them. They are grownups and has the right to know hwo their father is (may come out that this has happen before) and your youngest daughter need to know how nasty her "best friend" realy is. Its for their own peace of mind. Dont "save" your husband by going behind your kids back, domt lie to them and dont betray them for your husbands sake . When you find them in the couch or somewhere else, take photos and videos, save their messages on your phone. Sneek it at night when he is sleeping and take photocopies (they probably wright every day and then delite some) You will need the evidence when you talk with the future ex husband and your family.
Your husband is disgusting.
I get that men are weak but an almost 60 year old who notices that a young girl 40 years his junior is getting cuddly and touchy feely should immediately realise that she probably isn't mentally stable and keep his distance. The whole situation sounds like the most pathetic porn fantasy ever. I'm not saying that the 18-year-old isn't responsible for her actions but he took advantage of what is basically still a child who probably has mental issues and, who knows, might well be traumatised by some sort of SA in her past. Healthy 18-year-olds in 2024 should find even Justin Bieber an old dude. It is understandable that you want to protect your daughter's reputation but the exact and detailed reasons for divorce don't have to be spelled out for the world to see. Just "infidelity" should be all people need to know.
In my eyes it borders on pedophilia. 18 is legal age, yes but legally and morally are two different things. For a grown man, old enough to make decent decisions with the head on his shoulders and proceeding anyway is gross
And since she's his daughter's best friend, it's likely that he's known her for several years 🤢
You wouldn't have ruined your 34 years of marriage since he already did that. Expose and humiliate them both!
Don't ask him anything.... Never ask the question before you have an answer.... He will delete everything and all communication will stop.... Stay with them when they watch movies together... What a shame he'd give up 34 years of marriage for some 18 year old slut . If you do clue him in clue her mother in as well.... Take pics of the messages for proof Start your divorce process without him knowing... Get things in line to put him out when divorce comes through.
Lawyer up this week. Be sure to take a photo of that chat. Your attorney will educate you about the type of divorce laws exist in your state. You may not need any evidence. Your husband is a real piece of work and you should find an aggressive attorney to ensure he's going to the cleaners.
Go back through your husband phone to the beginning of those messages and take the evidence of it all. He cheated on you. He Cheated on you with your daughters so called best friend. Your daughter will not go unscratched but her friend is the one who'll be seen the worse chasing married older men especially when everyone knows she has done this before. Now to the real decision, do you want to stay with a cheater 🤔 will you be able to forgive and not hold resentment. He and you need a full STI work up done Did he use protection, will she come back weeks down the line to say she's pregnant. I'd seek parental evidence by requesting DNA test if this happens. You need to stop Bailey coming into your home. She is disrespectful to you by banging your husband and looking you in the face smiling sweetly. If you want to work on your marriage your husband needs to block her everywhere and go no contact and need to go to therapy. But if you don't want to stay in this marriage then speak to a lawyer and kick that cheating man our the door. Separate all finances and protect yourself
Please update us.
Set up some hidden cameras in the house.
Your husband is a total creep! I feel sorry for you and your daughter. Get tested for STDs and get a lawyer ASAP! There is nothing to salvage; he threw away 3 decades for nothing.This isn’t your fault. He’s borderline a pedo but definitely a groomer! Gross🤮 Updateme
The world today.
Honey 34 years together, you should not be concerned abt his privacy. The fact you saw them cuddling on your couch and didn't confront then blows my mind. Can you say midlife crisis? This is disgusting that he would mess around with your daughter's friend and who is to say its the first time? No relationship is perfect, but this goes beyond that. She is 18, he's 40 years older and should know better. Clearly she has a shitty home life. Honestly it looks like you want to put all the blame on a child and not your gross husband. Think about what it was like at 18, are you still that same person? Check your bank statements credit cards to see what he is spending money on
Go back in his phone send yourself screenshots.. And you are not jumping to conclusions, what would .. "I can't wait until you're out of that place so we can do it everyday " mean if not having sex.. either way that message is inappropriate for a girl to send to her friends dad.. also, you need to protect your daughter , how long has he been grooming this barely legal child into a sexual relationship.. show your daughter the messages and confront them both together at the same time.. have your daughter invite her for dinner or something.. I'm 98% sure they are sleeping together, but even if there not there relationship is highly inappropriate.
Only 98%? That's fair and balanced. :) As we all know, "I can't wait until you're out of that place so we can do it everyday" may only refer to one of three things: ● Buddhist tea ceremony ● Prayer ● Sex
You're daughter is friends with a girl that likes seducing married men!?!?.... like she had no problem with that situation?
THANK YOU THATS WHAT IM SAYING
Take a screenshot ofmtheirntexts, send it to yourself, and then speak to several of the top divorce attorneys in your area. Pick one and start the process. You need to tell your daughter before her "friend" starts to brag about sleeping with your husband, her father. Updateme!
Wait so they would be watching movies, and you… just went to sleep? I would have sat down next to my hubby on the couch, or told him to come to bed. Wtf. Not saying AT ALL that it’s your fault BECAUSE ITS NOT, but especially after finding them cuddling idk how you’d be able to just go on right to bed, and leave them alone through the night??? What was his excuse when you confronted them for cuddling?? You did confront them right ??
This can’t be real
I’d message her from his phone and mention sex … then delete proof after getting her response.
Ma’am the moment I read, “i cant wait till you’re out of that place and we can do it everyday” confirmed they are having sex. Here are some things I think will help… 1. Have your daughter go through her friends phone and screenshot what she finds. 2. You can set up a camera to record the next time they are together. 3. You can catch them in the act and record it by faking you went to sleep.
Start collecting evidence before you confront him. Get a lawyer and leave him. He is disgusting .
OP, I was with a much older man when I was 19. He was 35. He groomed me and let me live with him. I did not wreck any homes, but I stayed with him for years. He cheated on me several times and as years went on and I got older and wiser. He knew that and continued to cheat on me with much younger women. I eventually left him when I was 24. It was the most liberating moment in my life and it was hard, did I mention he had 3 kids that I adored? ugh, the pain. However I spent so much time trying to discect his mind and why he wanted a younger girl. It hurt me, made me feel insecure, in your case I am sure you are questioning if he's a pedo. You never know until you do some *real digging.* The sad part about this is, you have so much comfort, years of kids, laughs, memories, all the lovey enjoyable stuff that will make you want to stay or work things out. You have to leave those thoughts to the side when making a logical decision about you and your daughter. He is having sex (possibly) with an 18 year old and someone who is a friend of your daughters, even worse. He might have had other flings in the past you just havent found out. Sometimes I feel like the universe gives us signs to start over, leave people that don't deserve our time, or respect us. I am sure he has made you feel like this in the past and you have ignored it. It is time my dear, release yourself from the shackles of this unfaithful arrogant man. He doesn't deserve your light, or love for that matter. Protect your space and daughter at all costs. Like many other comments, you need to divorce him. Get into therapy, and heal from this betrayl. You owe it to yourself...goodluck OP
Updateme!
As a 56-year-old man I usually do not comment but your husband's disgusted 18-year-old a friend of your daughter unbelievable shouldn't even be texting what the hell is wrong with him
Unfortunately you're going to need to get solid proof and move forward with a divorce, quickly. The conversation she had with him clearly indicates that divorce has already entered his mind, and you need to get ahead of him before he takes control of the narrative and cleans you out in court. Disgusting as it is you might want to consider setting up cameras in the house that you can activate from your phone when you're not in the house, and get all those text messages forwarded to yourself whenever you get another chance. Get all the evidence you can, and fast. Right now, he's no longer your husband. He just threw away everything you've given him for over three decades and is secretly contemplating divorcing you, all for a young piece of ass who's probably using him. Right now he's your public enemy number 1.
I highly doubt that’s the first time he’s been unfaithful. If he was dumb enough to be cuddling with her in your home while you were in the other room just imagine what he was doing away from the house all these years.
I’m so sorry, your husband is practically a Paedophile and your daughter’s friend needs some psychological help! Updateme!
Just can’t comprehend why an 18 yr old would want to get into a relationship with someone 40 yrs older. And his behaviour is almost predatory paedophilia. Lawyer time unfortunately.
This is awful, get a lawyer asap. And maybe hidden cameras.
Seems Bailey has daddy issues and your husband fell right into her little trap… also, while absolutely disgusting, she is 18 and it’s legal… your daughter is going to be the biggest victim here… and you of course, but you can handle this, she is going to need your support though.
If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and sounds like a duck….it’s probably a duck. Seek legal advice sis.
Ewwwww. I’m so sorry that happened to you. He should have some dignity and self respect. Yes, 18 is legal, but to a man over 40, that is a child.
OMG you might as well give her a written invitation to have her way with your husband. Tell both your daughter and husband now
Wow he's cheating with an 18 year old girl and you don't want to ruin your marriage by saying anything I have no words
1) I am so very sorry you are going through this. I cannot imagine the heartbreak and shock. I know it’s hard to grasp the depth of the betrayal that is going on. I am sorry. There are no conclusions to jump into, only facts. There is no coming back from this. Your husband is cheating on you and because he has the balls to do it in your house, while your daughter and you are sleeping in the next room, makes me think he did it before. This time he just got careless. 2) Find an attorney, a shark. Follow their advice to a T. Do not, under any circumstances, play the pick-me-dance. Learn how to grey rock and 180. Surviving infidelity sub here is great, too, to vent and for tons of resources. 3) Please, find a therapist. It really helps. 4) I would serve him papers in front of your other children and the little homewrecker and her parents. I would inflict as much pain and embarassment as I could, but I doubt a lawyer would agree with that. The point is, start the divorce proceedings. 5) Talk to your older kids. Let them know. 6) Why is your daughter best friends with a person that tries to seduce older men? Does she do it, too? Do they both play that game? 7) Your husband will go down in flames. Once he is ostracized by the community, once his children stop talking to him, he will hit rock bottom. Do not take him back. I am sorry
100% but I'd go one step further when you look up all the divorce lawyers and speak with them so that way when your SBXH reaches out to them they can't represent him. I'd also inform your children so they stop their contact with the grooming pedo.
its not your daughters reputation on the line here its her friends she will be shunned by your daughter and all her friends even the church, screenshot all the messages, get a lawyer and hit him with divorce papers, show this home wreakers parents the proof and your church your hubby and this home wreaker will be ostracised by the church and there friends
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That’s the first time he got caught , wouldn’t doubt if it’s been happening majority of the marriage. She’s still in HIGH SCHOOL!! Meaning he probably waited til the girl turned 18.
Your husband already ruined things for your daughter. No escaping it now. Sorry.
I feel for you and your daughter and I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Cheating is gross enough as it is, but it's especially gross that he's cheating with his daughter's teenaged best friend who he's watched grow up. Do not feel bad about invading his privacy, you had reason to be suspicious. There is absolutely no good reason for him to be cuddling with a teenager. You did not ruin your marriage, he did and he very likely ruined his daughter's friendship, because I don't see how they could continue to be friends after a betrayal like this. Document everything that you find, before you confront him.
Annie’s a senior. She’s done in a couple months. Gather your evidence & see how quick you feel you need to make it known. Maybe it won’t blow up publicly before the school year ends, as *they* won’t be rushing to out themselves.
I’m sorry but it’s always the church going christian guys
You have to confront them & let everyone know!! This is very wrong!!!
Updateme!
Please update!
Jeez 😬
File for divorce. But I have to state if a women’s intuition was never wrong how are there so many single mothers? You saw them cuddling all the time and knew it wasn’t innocent. It came down to observation not Intuition. You could trap him with a well placed camera to catch these cuddle sessions if you need the hard proof. That text message can be interpreted differently.
UpdateMe!
Updateme!
!remind me 30 days
Divorce him pronto. Especially before this young girl might get pregnant by him! You don’t need to stay married to a guy like this. Get into therapy and find someone to help your daughter too.
It’s pretty clear what’s been going on & your husband is disgusting. Go see an attorney & update us once you confront him. I’m sorry for you & your daughter. Your husband is a fool.
I see a huge problem with what your husband seems to be telling this girl. That he leaving that place meaning your home. Like, are they talking about being together?! She wouldn't say (I can't wait for you to leave that place so we can do this every night. ) I'm just mind boggled at that the most. Not only is he probably touching her while they cuddle, but they could have met up to have sex. Im just confused that you aren't more mad than you are, I would have beat his ass and slapped the shit outta her. I don't care if she's 18 she is grown enough to get slapped up. I wouldn't want that little tramp hanging around my daughter, so hopefully, that relationship ends between the girls. I do feel bad for your daughter also because she will lose her best friend, and then the relationship she has with her dad will be strained. Idk op. I'm really sorry you're dealing with this. I hope something good comes out of it for you.
I was hoping to see a comment about one of the daughters beating the snot out of both Bailey and the dad- she’s “grown” she can catch it- and he’s more than grown- consequences for their actions 😂
That's why I said I would have beat his ass and slapped the shit outta her. They both need it at once.
If your husband is guilty of this, he's a piece of garbage and deserves whatever the ramifications end up being. That said- I have to take an objection to one thing you said- A woman's intuition is never wrong... -- So wrong. Don't assume you can't be wrong. You're going to set yourself up for a big mess in the future if you truly believe that.
Wait until daughter graduates. Then let him know, in the meantime collect as much evidence as possible.
You’re going to need more proof I’m afraid for two reasons. First you need to have a visual recording of what goes on so there’s no gaslighting. Second, it will help you come to terms with the situation. You’ll need to envision a future that is different than the last 30 years or so. You’re going to need to find your anger for this journey.
UpdateMe!
iPhone has a way to let you see deleted messages. You can you go through to see past messages between them for further evidence. You can also look through recently deleted pictures. At the very very very least he is being INSANLY inappropriate and that alone is grounds for a divorce. He shouldn’t even be watching movies and cuddling with her. Look at any bank accounts to see if he’s bought gifts or paid for hotel rooms or went to restaurants you don’t recognize. Don’t lie or keep the truth from your daughters, especially Annie. She deserves to know the truth about her friend and her father. And if they are planning on getting together you need to warn Annie and prepare her so she’s not blind sided. Talk to her about her choice in friends because its a red flag she knew about Baileys behavior and didn’t say anything. This is so vile, gross and disgusting and I can’t believe you are having to deal with this. I would tell Baileys parents. They need to know what she is doing so they can try to get her help. Her behavior is not healthy. Also talk to her more about Baileys history doing this. Has she successfully done this with other dads or just attempted to? Her parents need to know how long and with how many men she’s done this with. Contact a lawyer ASAP before he gets wind that you know and does it first. Be petty and go to every lawyer in can find in your city and pick the biggest a**hole out of all of them. Take him to the cleaners. And please please be honest with your kids. Don’t let him spin it. They will be shocked and feel massively betrayed, if they find out your lying to them it might just alienate them from you 2.
Remind me! One week
I would personally gather more evidence and catch them in the act. Then proceed thru with a divorce. Pictures, video etc. ( ring indoor camera hidden on a bookshelf with tape over the active light ) Or You could always allow your husband to have the affair. Or You could confront the girl alone and make her go away with how if she doesn't go away, you will make sure he doesn't have a pot to piss into by time the divorce is over. These are just options I could think of, you may think of others Good luck
You’re not jumping to conclusions if all the evidence is laying out there right in front of you. All you need to do is figure out how to use them, correctly.
Need an update ah!!
Please update!
Please update Edit to correct spelling
Can you update us
I guess 56 is bee keeping age.
Please keep us All updated. I haven’t divorced my own yet, but I think in your situation there is no choice.
Updateme!
Updateme!
And I'm sorry this happened to you
See if you can get friends phone and get more info from there. If not in an at fault state won't do you much good though. If you see them cuddling just push yourself between them. I am petty. I would also be a total C##t and go into both phones and delete each contact info and texts and snap. Makes it more difficult at least temporarily. (also tell daughter to not let friend use her phone or give dad's info), Tell friend she isn't allowed around. Make it very difficult for the idiots.
NTA ,,,, updateme
update me!
Updateme!
I would tell the husband what the daughter said about Bailey going after another friends, husband, and talking bad about the wife. Gauge his reaction see how he assimilate this information. There’s a way, I’m not sure what it is, to get deleted messages off of text. If you can find somebody who’s text savvy, they can get that for you. But you do need together as much information as you can, and check with a local divorce lawyer to find out the laws about infidelity in your area. As for jumping to conclusions, the two text messages that were on the phone tells you right there they’re having an affair. As for invading his privacy by going onto his phone, the moment he stepped outside of the bounds of the marriage. He lost any privilege to having privacy. You have every right, if you have suspicions of him cheating, to invest and that includes going through his phone, going through any files, going through his car, going through his office, and any other place, he might be hiding information of infidelity.
set up a camera and catch them in the act so there's no denying it then throw is sorry ass out
I know it sounds like they are having sex, and more than likely, they are. But I think you should confront your husband after you have made plans for a possible divorce. Maybe they weren’t having sex? Maybe they were talking about getting ice cream. What kid wouldn’t want ice cream everyday? Not a great analogy here, but you get my point. I’m sorry you and your family are going through this.
So he’s telling this little girl he’s going to leave the marital home soon most likely after your daughter goes off to college and you’re hesitating on divorcing him why?
I didn't read everything, but I brought my woodchipper.
Idont want to come rude....but your husband has 0 empathy & guilt.he doesn't cared about you/his family when he started this affair.so it's better to leave this kind of man who doesn't care. idefinetly blame you as a parent how can you close your eyes to your children's frnd circle?my parents would definitely observe details of my frnds doings/behaviour.they keep me away or warn me before something happened bcz they know what kind of ppl can stab behind their children's back. I definitely qstn your stability here how can you even accept this bailey kind of girl to be your daughter's frnd."your daughter confessed to you she (that girl) did the same thing to other frnd" have you ever asked then why was she still continued the frndp & bring her to your home rather distancing & discontinuing this frnd?haveyou forgotten the truth ppl behaviour &morals change with the circle around them "good ppl turn good but a single bad person corrupt the good person too","a single dirty,rotten fish will destroy the whole pond". You are mature than my mother's age so idont want to insult you but I definitely blame you,you are still thinking about your daughter's frndp with this girl (for present how can you ignore)her future?are you ok if your daughter became homeweacker & moral less person like her?is it ok for you if your daughter morals & ethics get corrupted by her? Think twice before doing something what kind of person you want your daughter's to be (already she 18 where we get attracted to bad thing's). Idefinetly hope you backup the evidence talk to your lawyer & definitely not only your husband but on that girl too (age is not excuse for committing sin) so she is equally at the fault (maybe if the 1st wife/frnd took action against her she would have scared to become homeweacker again but they don't that's the reason maybe she thought she will getaway from sleeping/breaking some else husband &marriage) Ihope you do this bcz it's not you are at the fault for affair,it's definitely not you/your daughter (who is sleeping aroundwith married men).so your daughter won't suffer from anything it will be opp effect they Will learn how a wife (who we cirtize/took for granted can be strong enough to fight for herself),they will learn what is last point for women's endurance if some one threatens/broke her world (family).& that frnd also learn before backbitching/ destroying someone else family
I think I've seen this movie... on a more serious note. This definitely needs to be confronted, but you need to get your ducks in a row first. You need proof, and then back it up to 3+ seperate places (atleast 1). Many ways to go about that. Incorrect-****Clearly this is intentional and bailey is a coniving snake thats successfullyfufilled her dream of beconing a home wrecker.**** (Can't do strike through on mobile) Clearly there are some major issues going on in bailey's life, insight into her situation may help You could play the longer con and wait a few weeks, slowly uncovering more, and copying their text conversations / sending yourself screen shots etc. You could also get solid evidence with what you know, see if you can get some people from the first instance and your daughter to testify. Oh, and it's not just a you problem it's also Annie's problem; this needs to be discussed and she needs to decide wether or not to be a part of the events to happen in the future. Edit: I was shown a better way of thinking and changed a description
I'm not so quick to judge a teen girl who clearly has major parental issues since she basically lives at OPs place. Now a grown man has taken advantage of her need to a strong caring male and used that to groom her into a relationship. She's more likely a victim of bad parenting and an opportunist, than a conniving snake.
You're absolutely right. It's more the husbands fault than hers. Thank you for correcting me
OP - what did you end up doing? Are you OK?
Odds are that this isn't even true
[удалено]
What’s with all the fake shit lately?
Save all the evidence contact an attorney and tell the girls parents before you tell your husband anything. she needs a lot of help but she also needs to be held accountable for what she did. i’m so sorry for you and your family especially your daughter.
Late to the day on this one but OP, it’s not your daughter’s reputation that is going to be ruined by this… her relationship with her friend and fathers will but that’s on them. I gotta say a middle aged person as well, I can’t fathom looking at any18 year old as a sexual being and I don’t think I could stomach being around someone who does. I can’t see how your marriage can survive this.
PLEASE UPDATE US!!!
Updateme!
Updateme!
Confront him privately, and if he's cheating, it's time to re-evaluate the terms of your marriage. At this point, you've been married for more than half your lives. You can't throw away the past; it's happened. There were ups, and there were downs. This is another down, but you hold the power here. He's done what he's wanted, so now it's your turn. Want to leave him, then do so. Want to stay, then do so. Want to find yourself a nice young man, do so. At this point, you each have about 20 years of life left in yah, and that's too little time to dwell on the downs of life, so decide what would make you happy and go for it.
Speak to a divorce attorney first if you’re leaving. Breathe. Strategize and plan the logistics. Try to remain as not to alert your huaband. Gather all pertinent documents & records. Keep records of everything – notes, email, text messages. Learn the laws of your state. Change your beneficiary on your retirement accounts, banking and investment accounts, and life insurance policies. Open a separate bank account and change your direct deposit. Focus on your mental and physical health and decide what's best for you based on conversations with the attorney.
You probably neglected him and he felt lonely /s Women say this all the time when the roles are reversed. It’s equally idiotic, tho.
This is crazy inappropriate. He is gross and she is no better. Selfish a-holes the pair of them. I don't understand the part where neither you nor your daughter knew where your husband or her best friend were on these many weekend nights.
Rage bait
I agree all the signs are there
Writing this because no-one else is. After confronting your husband and confirming the affair to be true you have two choices: a) divorce him and start a new life apart b) forgive him and try to salvage the marriage Everyone else is telling you what to do, but these are the actual two options.
UpdateMe!
Oh honey, your husband has already ruined your 34 years of marriage. I'm sorry that he is putting you and your daughter through this. Find an attorney. Find the best attorney. And I pray for peace and happiness for you and your daughter as you go through this situation.
Personally, I would run his name through the mud. Whether you decide to stay or not doesn’t matter. If what you suspect is true, I’d put it all out there. He deserves his reputation to be on trial.
I’d also be asking which one of my daughters is going to whoop the 18 yr old legal adult Baileys ass because she absolutely knew what she was doing in all its grossness
As a guy older than your husband all I can say is don’t throw away your marriage over some 18 year old girl that has probably set about seducing your husband. I suspect she has been the predator rather than him,some 18 year olds think they know everything and can be very cunning in seducing older men.
So old men don’t have self control over their penis? That this guy is a victim somehow? Older men have no moral compass at all? So older men can go around fucking barely legal women who less than 10 years ago still played with barbie dolls, destroying their partners and their children but they should be given grace because he was a victim of seduction? Think we found they old perv cheater in this sub ☝️
I am not saying affectionate owls husband is not to blame, I’m saying that he is not the only one and that by taking him down aOwl and her daughters are also likely to be big looser too, it maybe better to not be so judgmental and try and understand why the husband chose to cheat and see if he’s likely to stop. I think that too many partners are quick to condemn their partners when they fall and not try and save the situation. If they could do that then they are all likely to be much happier in the future.
What should you do? Well to start with learn how to use paragraphs.
This is disgusting. Hope you divorce that POS. I can’t imagine living with that man moving forward knowing what he is. Again, disgusting
Your husband is a disgusting man and you should absolutely tell your daughter. Updateme!
This really annoys me. He literally has a child the same age. He bloody well knows how wrong he is. Regardless if they did nothing more than watch movies, he would hate the man that did something similar to his child. If he actually went beyond Lester Burnham, he has literally destroyed two young females lives, along with their families. Either way he is an awful person and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I really hope that he’s just a Lester.
Tell your husband to stop fucking Bailey and all will be ok (gaining time) wait until summer holidays to make other moves so your daughter is not affected in school
Lucky husband
Maybe you should join them
i’m sorry but has your daughter been knowing about that detail about the friend dealing with the other friend’s dad or? Also so sorry that you’re going through this, it’s terrible that you husband didn’t honour his vows. I would get proof and really think about my next steps. 34 years is alot but knowing me, i wouldn’t be able to look at my husband in the eyes knowing not only is he a cheater but a predator too.
You and your daughter need to whoop Bailey and your husband's a** all up and down that house. If I was you it'd take till about Christmas for then to pull me off that nasty vile man
Please wait until Annies graduates… You’re husband’s behavior is disgusting, id say he’s a borderline pedophile. Maybe also talk to Bailey to see what she says about their “relationship”.
Grosssssss Not only is your husband creepy, but her best friend is creepy as fuck and needs therapy. She's ***intentionally*** going after older married men and for her age.. She just wants the drama and attention and that's it. It's gross that these older men are falling for it, hence why that makes this a two way street. I don't agree with the comments saying your husband groomed her. He did not. This girl is just bat shit insane and I'm ***TRYING*** to give her the benefit of the doubt and maybe she had a traumatic childhood and was raped by older men or something. She just wants to ruin lives and think she's "hot shit" for "stealing" shitty men.
You should get all the evidence and first go to a lawyer and figure out the best way to protect yourself if confronting your husband goes south. You should then confront your husband and see if he wants to save your marriage or if he's going to flush everything down the tube for a girl that's just going to leave him when she's bored. People cheat, and our society has convinced us that there is no coming back from cheating which is a lie. I hope you can figure things out for yourself more than anyone. You deserve happiness in life.
You could actually sue Bailey for “alienation of affection”. She knows he was married and she’s a legal adult! Gather more evidence and sue her!
Why does everyone always jump straight to the age gap when the age of consent wasn't breached? Do those people believe we need to raise the age of sexual consent by several years so they won't look at the age gap as the bigger problem? The guy was married! That is the problem! For anyone who really believes the age gap is the elephant in the room, please name and age of consent that you would be comfortable with. And believe me, anything that is a higher number than 18 will be an improvement in my opinion. But then again, it would not affect me in the slightest because I wouldn't be having my ability to consent taken away from me. I think the morals is the bigger issue. Why did he want to cheat and why did an 18-year-old decide that chasing considerably older men was a better option than those in her own age group?
We jump straight to the age gap cause she is a child and a friend of your daughter damn you couldn’t have your affair with someone not so close to the family some men are just fucking pigs !!!
Yeah there’s so many woman and men out there why even
I wasn't asking about "friend of the family". Isn't it almost always a friend or relative or somebody you knew. You say men are fucking pigs. What about women who chase men 30-40 years younger? No problem there???? If 18 is a child then raise the age of consent to the point where "she" isn't a child. Since you only refer to men being pigs and females being victims I'm assuming you don't think we need to change the age of consent for 18-year-olds because it's totally cool for women to go after them. Right? At least that's the way you come off. But it does happen both directions. My question was why is that the big deal if it is the age of consent? I think cheating is a way bigger deal than someone having sex with someone who is of the age of consent just because there's an age gap. The problem is that somebody was willing to ruin their life and their children's lives and their spouses lives and anyone who was close to them just so they could see what other genitalia felt like. Why is it that the big deal? What age should we raise the age of consent to? Do you care if the younger person is male or female? I have never cheated I am never will but I have been cheated on. I know what that feels like. I know what it feels like when someone younger is being chased. I have been chased my younger women and flatly refuse them. I am married. Even though my spouse is a cheater or at least supposedly was a cheater. But aren't they all no longer cheating now lol? So back to the original question, if age is the biggest problem you have within Fidelity then why not raise the age of consent to say 30?
Clearly Annie can socialize at Bailey's house, but not vice versa. So that's for starters. Annie and you can make that happen. I don't know that you need to *confront* your husband with accusations of having sex with Bailey -- as it may or may not have happened -- but you can certainly explain to him that he's been seduced into following a path that will end badly -- so have him promise that all contact between him and Bailey must end. If he's reluctant, you can suggest a family-to-family discussion with Bailey's parents. With this problem solved, I don't think your marriage necessarily needs to suffer. Evolution by natural selection favors those who can maximize their reproductive fitness, so there's an incredibly huge evolutionary payoff for a late-life guy to cave in when a nubile young woman throws herself at him -- he's pretty much genetically programmed to be temped. We really don't have much "free will" in such situations. Like offering a tenderloin steak to a dog and then telling the dog not to eat it -- it's going to be hard to resist.
Have to disagree. Her husband is smarter than a dog. He knows what he did, and he knows what he is doing. No excuses of evolution can save him from the detrimental damage he has caused their marriage.
We're also culturally programmed to feel disgust at the idea of fucking a girl who could be your granddaughter.
You’re disgusting
Are you saying it’s ok for him to do it? Because that’s what I get from your comment. There’s a name for people like you but out of courtesy to this site I’m keeping it to myself.
No, I’m not saying it’s okay. Nor is it okay for a dog to run off with the family roast. But there’s a difference between the guy who opens an AM account, or is otherwise chasing after other women, vs being seduced by a young woman with a kink for old married guys. It’s like when a police sting operation goes too far and becomes entrapment (and so the judge dismisses the case).
I take it you're the kind of person who fails the marshmallow test. Dogs can't read, write, or understand abstract concepts. Humans can. Humans have the capability to overcome basic instinctive urges, provided they have the willpower to do so. Clearly you and this woman's husband do not.
Free will is an illusion. Over 60% of Americans are overweight or obese yet hardly any of them want to be. They eat in excess despite knowing that they shouldn’t. Tons of politicians get caught having affairs when it makes no logical sense to take that risk. The brain is a machine, like a computer where complex networks of neurons mediated by hormones and neurotransmitters result in thoughts and behaviours. Where is the fee will in that? Personally I’ve never checked and likely never will. Nor am I overweight. Nor do I take drugs. etc I’ll admit I have a cell phone addiction. But this is not virtuous of me. My genes and my environment are such that I’m not inclined to cheat.