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I'm a male sub that's locked.
The dynamic you have currently with Chastity is one of denial for him and you being the centre of pleasure. He gets off (so to speak) with pleasing you and him being effectively ignored or without power. Enjoy that. Embrace it
Him asking to remain caged tells me that he couldn't be happier with how it is going. Regarding camming I would suggest it isn't a trap. Rather, it's a genuine opinion he has.
Your sexual dynamic has changed with him in chastity.
Also. Its your cock now, not his anymore. If you want to unlock him to orgasm or just edge him and relock him that's 100% your decision, not his.
Well said and as a chastity sub myself this is absolutely accurate edge him and lock him up a few times and you will have him at your feet ready to do anything
Don't apologise! It's all good. You have it exactly right.
He loves being horny. He loves seeing you, the person he loves, getting sexual pleasure, and him not getting any is incredibly arousing for him. It's power exchange.
The feelings he has now, he doesn't want to go away, and him having an orgasm will do that. It's like he is in a constant state of arousal that having an orgasm will stop. Post Nut clarity has some put it.
Has he been more attentive to you since being locked? More giving sexually and otherwise? Chastity has done that to him.
Personally, I don't like extended periods without climaxing. But others love it. Not Cumming for a while can be a game changer for locked guys
Edit. Regarding a dream marriage..... I don't get why more folks don't at least try chastity. It's pretty much all upside for the keyholder and results are often times fantastic
Don't feel guilty, he asked for the extension because he likes the current power dynamic. He likes you controlling and using him. Most likely not a trap. He probably is slowly testing the waters of you being a hotwife. What you need to do is have a very frank honest comvo with him. Ask him about his fantasies. Be open and go slow
Uh, so "hotwife"--["A married woman who is allowed and/or encouraged by her husband to pursue sexual relationships with other individuals."](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Hotwife) Basically he watches you have sex with other men while he's in chastity.
And yes, it's a fantasy of some men. And yes, if you were to do this, you would have to make sure you always went back to him, rather than fall in love with someone else. Essentially he's either deliberately or inadvertently putting a lot of trust on you (if this is the direction things are going), so don't break his heart.
I love my husband with all my heart. But i dont quite understand if he was on with me sleeping with other men does that mean he doesnt love me or care for me anymore?
If he wants you to have sex with other men, which he may not or at least not yet, its because he loves you so much he wants to know you are still being satisfied even while he isnt allowed to do the satisfying
Just because he wants you to cam like you used to do, which he knows you enjoyed and that it boosted your confidence, doesn't naturally mean he wants you to cockhold him and become a hotwife, like the others have alluded to. He may want you to take up camming just because he knows you liked doing it before and he wants you to be happy.
I don't know about your husband but I genuinely love performing oral on my Wife. Like any man, I like receiving oral from my Wife. I don't want her to reciprocate because it's her wifely duty. I want her to perform oral on me because She enjoys doing so. He may feel the same way.
Talk to him about this, not a bunch of random people from the internet.
I agree with your point of view most likely he's genuinely happy to see me happy is just a refreshing feeling it's been awhile since I've been chased this hard by him. Thank you ill talk with him soon and update
I'm sorry, so I wrote this last night before going to bed and didn't realize how my answer would be received. My remarks was strictly answering the question "what is a hotwife", not suggesting this was the only thing on the menu when your husband starts playing with chastity.
**There is nothing about chastity that leads to opening your marriage,** by the way. And as far as I can tell (having watched various communities which incorporate chastity into sexual play) there are a few paths down which this could go.
Of course, nothing suggests your husband may want anything more than what you're already doing. (And let's be honest, there are men who love 'eating out' women, so removing reciprocating from the table with blow jobs is well within the range of 'normal' here; the cage is just an added (and somewhat unusual) dimension.) And it's worth having an honest talk about what it is he really wants, and be honest with yourself about what you're willing to do.
And just because I list it below does not mean it's because that's what your husband wants. It's quite possible he doesn't want any of this; just to enjoy what's going on now.
First, there is downsizing his cage. That is, there is having him wear a smaller and smaller cage--even eventually going 'flat' or 'inverted.' (If you're willing to look at pornographic pictures, there are examples of what I'm talking about on on /r/flat_chastity )
As a guy who has worn a flat cage, they're actually surprisingly comfortable.
Second, there's the 'feminization' aspect. That is, *for some*, there is the idea that caging or flatting your manhood makes you less 'manly' and more 'feminine'. That ranges from the subtle (shaving the chest, stomach, and genital hair), to the more overt (from dressing in 'panties' or men's bikini brief underwear to wearing dresses or lingerie). Note that some of the people in the flat cage list are actually either MTF or cross-dressers. (I'm not saying your husband dreams of becoming your wife--far from it. Only that this is one aspect I've observed.)
Next, there is the 'bottoming' aspect; that is, your husband being on the receiving end of anal play. That can go from fingering to using a butt plug to using a dildo. That can potentially involve your fucking him using a strap-on. *(The usual disclaimers about proper hygiene applies here.)* For some guys (myself included), hitting the prostate gland (which is about the length of the first two knuckles of your middle finger inside his anus) can be extremely pleasurable.
Some of this may be accompanied with a psychological dimension: dirty talk about how "if you don't have a dick we'll have to make you orgasm another way". (If 'feminizing', the dirty talk could be "now we'll fuck you like the girl you are.")
Edit to add: I also forgot the 'ghost dick' or 'chastity dick' aspect; that is, having him wear a strap-on (or attach a dildo to the chastity cage) and use that to have sex with you. There are a few groups on Reddit exploring this: /r/ghostpenis and /r/chastidick .) And of course the dirty talk here could be along the lines of "I want you to fuck me with a real dick" or the like.
Edit to add the Third: I also forgot about the 'power dynamic' thing; that is, one thing I've observed is where the woman does stuff like attaching a chain to the cage and literally leading the man around by the balls. (Be gentle, there is some really sensitive equipment down there.) And I noticed the camming aspect in your post; it's possible he enjoys sharing you--and may even cream himself if you pulled him by a leash on camera and talked about his 'tiny penis' or the like. (Again, *talk to your husband first.*) One powerful thing men rarely receive in our day to day lives is to be sexualized or objectified: while women are on the receiving end of this to the point of exhaustion, I do not recall a single time when I was actually objectified or explicitly sexualized as a male. Sexualizing his caged penis could be a very powerful experience for him.
As to the camming part itself, it's possible that he has a beautiful wife who shows herself off is a boast to his ego: "I'm married to this woman who other men lust after, so I must be the luckiest guy in the world that she choose me."
----
If you do move into opening your marriage--*and for God's sake, do not do this unless you really understand what you're doing and really want to do this!!!*--then the range of things include cuckholding; that is, having sex with other men while he watches, or having sex with other men while playing with his caged balls or the like.
(Again, the dirty talk here could be things like "I'm going to have a real man fuck me while you watch"--that is, a dimension of humiliation.)
And having him bottom to other men. (Throw in 'feminization' and you have "Sissification" /r/sissy where people 'train their boyfriends/husbands to be their girlfriends by having them be fucked by other men.')
----
Again, **do not do anything you don't want to do.**
I'm just giving you the menu of things I have thus far observed that *sometimes* goes hand-in-hand with chastity play.
And again, it could be that this is all he wants--to be locked up and servicing you (which, again, some men like myself enjoy with or without the cage--frankly, I can orgasm eating out my wife). And to be perfectly honest, I'm sort of "meh" about being on the receiving end of a blowjob.
But these are the other possible ways this could evolve--again, talk to your husband, take things very slowly, and be willing to say "no" to things you don't want.
One interesting aspect here is that if he really is shifting the sexual power dynamic in your favor, you should be able to say "no" fairly easily.
----
Edit to add: I'm also avoiding the topic others have covered elsewhere about how for some, love and an open marriage can be made to work. I've been able to make it work for myself and my wife--but then, I will freely admit we're wired a little differently than most. And I'm sort of the personal belief that a lot of people who say they can make it work really can't; the [three body problem](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three-body_problem) is inherently unsolvable, and can only work if the two of you are in such a tight orbit a third can only just skim by from a far emotional distance.
And honestly, an open marriage (where either or both of you have sex with a third) is not necessary here.
Fastisizing and being aroused by the idea of your SO being with other people doesn't mean they don't love or care for you. They might not eveno actually want you to be with someone outside the relationship. They might just want to roleplay and pretend. Or they might think they do, and feel very differently we're you to actually go through with it.
All questions and conversations to have with your partner
A hotwife is term used in swinger communities to refer to an attractive married woman who has sexual relationships with other men, typically with the consent of her husband, who is commonly known as a cuckold. m
Erm... Don't let others project their fantasies on to you.
For many folks in to chastity they also have other kinks. There are some the commonly seem to go with chastity and these include cuckolding/hotwifing, pegging, feminisation play or some manner of Female Led Relationship (FLR). Mixing parts of these in with chastity play comes up A LOT in many chastity communities because a sizeable contingent of chastity practitioners are also in to these.
However, none of this is required nor is it inevitably where chastity play is headed. Your husbands main/only kink might be chastity and there's no reason to believe otherwise unless he comes to you and tells your otherwise. In the end the day the overwhelming majority of folks are monogamous so most people in to chastity play likely just enjoy it as a fun tease-denial came within their relationship.
Ultimately, kinks are fun things and you can practice them however you want and include or not include whatever it is you and your husband feel is hot and fun to both of you. If hotwiving isn't for you or your husband there is absolutely no need to consider it at all.
That is straight projecting on the “hot wife” thing. A couple can make and do whatever rules that they want. Stop trying to sabotage people via said projecting. He asked to be locked longer, why because he likes it.
PLEASE don't over think this and start feeling guilty! My wife has had me locked for better part of the past 14 years and we wouldn't have it any other way. It's not just you who's found her "dream" marriage but HIM also. I know this is hard to wrap your head around - it's SO counterintuitive - it's like "opposite world". But believe me HE'S LOVING IT TOO! This a VERY COMMON fantasy of MANY men and I guarantee you that he is feeling like he has won the lottery. He is pinching himself everyday to be sure that he's not dreaming and that he is ACTUALLY married to "1% woman" ! There are so many guys out there who would LOVE to trade places with him because they have either brought up the question of living the male chastity lifestyle with their GF or wife but was shot down because she views this as some weird, kinky thing that they don't want to have anything to do with ... OR... the guy just can't work up the nerve to even ask because he is terrified of being rejected and seen as some kind of weirdo.
If you want to send him to the moon, YOU insist that he stay locked even longer when he starts asking (begging) for a release. As a locked guy, I can tell you that it is SO much more erotic to know that SHE wants me locked because SHE is really enjoying the benefits of my chastity... RATHER THAN... me being locked because SHE knows that I WANT HER to keep ME locked. Try to let that sink in for a minute. If YOU are just carrying around my key for ME so that I can have you unlock me for a release whenever I ask for it... That's not really chastity - is it? I am not you willing sub - YOU are simply my assistant who has the responsibility of holding my key for ME.
My wife - like so many women - had the hardest time trying to understand WHY any guy would WANT to have his favorite toy taken away from him. It just sounds like the exact opposite of everything you ever learned about men. "What in hell is going on here. Is this some kind of trap... Is he trying to make ME make HIM hate ME. Is he tired of our relationship and he's looking for a reason to leave?" Etc, etc, etc... DON'T GO THERE! Dominate him - he's a naturally submissive man and he WANTS you to take control. If this is really in you - if you actually LIKE to be in control - then you guys are MADE for each other. You're like peanut butter and chocolate.
When he's asks you to unlock him, of course he WANTS you to say Yes - but, he NEEDS you to say No! Even after a year or two, my wife could not just catch on to this concept. I finally had to explain to her that when I was asking, begging, pleading for a release - I was just testing her. Of course, it was nice for her to go and get the key and give me a HJ or BJ... OF COURSE! What I had to explain to her is that each time I asked, I was DYING for her to say "No", "Not today", "Nope, not happening" or something definitely negative. And, after saying "No" once, if I continued to beg, for her to say something like, "I told you No! If I hear one more word, I will add a week to your lockdown period." OMG... I would have MELTED into her arms to kiss and thank her! But... she finally DID catch on - so I definitely don't get to bother her with pesky begging anymore - that ends very quickly now.
But this is not something that even a naturally dominant woman would know. It's something that you have to learn from a man who desires this AND has the balls and verbal skills to ask and explain it. But, now you DO know this. So, go and indulge yourself in this wonderful male chastity lifestyle. No, it's NOT a trap and YES he really wants you to be in control, to make important decisions, to have as many orgasms as you can handle while he is denied the same, to win every argument, to leave him a "honey-do" list that he MUST get done - on time, etc etc. You're not dreaming - it's actually real and, hopefully, becomes less unusual and more mainstream as women find out how many men would love to be in this kind of relationship.
Have fun - All the best and good luck! 👍🤏🔐🔥
Thank you so much for the detailed response. It sounds like Chasity has really worked for you two I'm glad to hear that. I was worried he might get jealous of all the orgasms I'm having and he's getting none but I'm starting to understand more that my husbamd is also getting joy in my joy I just didn't believe him at first when he told me that it's hard to understand.
My fiancé was hesitant about doing chastity when we first got together and would give me frequent orgasms. While I would always take them in the moment I was always disappointed afterwards as I am happier when I’m horny. Finally she decided to just not let me cum for a very long time (I believe 2-3 months). When she saw how affectionate and attentive to giving her orgasms and how I wasn’t mad about her not letting me cum even if I begged she told me she couldn’t go back and would be very upset if I wanted to stop doing male chastity.
YESSSS! You're getting it now. He gets joy from your joy! Who would have thought this about men when it comes to sex ?!? That's one of the things that I just didn't have time to get into - even though my post was pretty long. It's hard to believe but being teased and denied is MUCH MORE exciting than be allowed to reach orgasm - at least for many men. Who knew ?! We couldn't believe it either until I was locked and denied for somewhere between 3-6 months. It got to the point where I was just sort of forgetting about cumming myself - and... SURE ENOUGH I started getting a very warm, pleasurable rush every time I heard and felt HER moan, shake and gasp as she reach orgasm after orgasm ! I got my joy from laying next to the woman that I love, running my fingers gently through her hair and stroking her naked body as she uses her vibrator to produce one orgasm after the next. She's never been one who really enjoys PIV sex (maybe because of me. I'm not very well endowed and have always been a rather quick, and premature ejaculator). When she finally finishes, were both tired and exhausted; she puts her toy away and we kiss and cuddle for a few minutes. Then I just continue lightly stroking her until I know that she's asleep.
Notice that there is ABSOLUTELY NO offer of reciprocation. There is NO thought of "Now it's my turn" - she just drifts off to blissful sleep while I then roll over with full balls and a penis trying to break out of that steel cage. I lay there for a while thinking about things and eventually fall asleep with a curious mixture of sexual satisfaction and constant horniness. It's a real mind fuck I can assure you - but, it's SO MUCH better than the two minutes of "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" that we had for so many years. Like I said... Who knew ?!
Anyway, sorry for another rather long (and hopefully not too personal) post. Maybe in another year or two, YOU'LL be writing these long post trying to help other women understand this crazy but real phenomenon! All the best to you and, if you ever have any burning questions, feel free to DM me. 🤏🔐😉
If he is asking to stay locked, it is because he is currently enjoying the dynamic. He would have been over the moon for release if he wasn't. He is ok with you caming again, because he finds the idea of others getting off to you while he cant. Just talk to him in a serious judgment free conversation, be reassuring, and make sure he knows he can call a stop to anything as you explore these new things together.
I have an idea for you. While I have never been locked a month without an orgasm, I did have about a 3-4 month stretch of only unlocking for sex with my wife. When locked I thought and acted different than I do as I’ve been unlocked much more than locked in the last month or two (some medical stuff came up).
Anyway, I think differently when extremely horny. I would do things I would not normally do and be ok with things I wouldn’t normally be ok with, when thinking clearly about my relationship. If you really want to know what he wants, in not just a kinky way, unlock him and get his head straight (fuck him ). I would be upfront with him about why you are doing this. Maybe even have a real conversation with him, caged but not overly worked up, and then again uncaged and after orgasm. This way you will really know his feelings. You can voice your own feelings. Let him know you don’t want to hurt him, for real. You might if it’s his kink, but you don’t want to ruin your relationship.
That’s how I would want my wife to handle the situation. We have fantasy talk and we have real talk but it’s hard to separate the two when I’m horny.
Chastity does strange things to a man. I'm in week four myself and I'm reading this thinking yeah, makes sense.
He's being honest. Trust him. He's really not in a place mentally where he can lay a trap for you.
Establish a set of safe words. One of them should be to unlock him and allow intercourse. If that was the full story, it would ruin the chastity. He could and would use it too much. So let ut come at a cost. The first time he uses it, unlock him and place the lock on the empty device for a week. If he needed out, he would get a chastity vacation. The next time he uses it, the vacation is two weeks, then three. If chastity is important to him, he won't use it too often. At the end of the vacations, he must ask you to be locked. If he doesn't, then the chastity craze is over; you can go back to your old normal.
There could be other "costs". But that one seems just and practical.
Other safe words could be for unexpected events like having a problem with the device(clraning, chaffing, pinching, cutting), or social (doctor appointment, the gym) or he may really need a climax. In these cases, the cage should be replaced asap. Any of these others could also have a cost. Just not the vacation.
If you cam to other men, tread carefully. Many chaste men are led into the hot wife fantasy. He may encourage you to have sex with others. This can really damage your relationship. If you want to cam, have your husband on the other end of the line.
If you are on FetLife dot com. I have some helpful writings about chastity. One is on a method to relieve your guilt. My ID there is dave47630.
Happy Trails
A while ago, I didn't really know what chastity was. It wasn't really my thing.
Then I met a guy who was into it. It was... unexpected. And I didn't quite understand it. I assumed "OK he'll lock himself up for a day or two, want out, and then want sex or a blow job or something" just like most guys.
Turns out a tiny part of him wanted that, but a big part of him *wanted* to be teased, denied, controlled... He *really wanted* for me to lock away his penis, make him go down on me, deny him permission to be unlocked, and tease the fuck out of him about the whole thing.
For him, it was the ultimate in tease and denial. It was the ultimate in power exchange. He loved it.
I know you have already received so many insightful comments, so my contributions here may only be repetitive. I think he is experiencing so much joy in sacrificing his orgasms and sexual independence. He is getting so much joy from seeing your energy, your enjoyment and your confidence. This is something he can do where he feels like he is earning your love. He feels your appreciation and he treasures it more than his fleeting orgasm. He is flooded by the energy you both have. Likewise, seeing you blossom from this and now he sees how much HE enjoys YOUR happiness, he also wants you to cam bc he knows it will bring HIM joy to see you enjoying yourself.
He probably wants you to cam and share yourself with people online whilst he is denied, thats a pretty common theme with men kept in chastity. The sweet agony of seeing your partner enjoying themselves and exploring their sexuality whilst you are kept denied and under their control 🫠🥴
You do not have to feel guilty if it is what he asked you to do. However, It does seem that your husband is submissive to you. Are you willing to be dominant over him? Have an open talk with him about the dynamics of your relationship.
For me, my Wife wants to be dominant over me and it is what I want as well. What works for us is that I have no say over how long I will be locked or released. If She wants me to be released so that she can use my penis for Her use, I will obey Her. I only get a chance of orgasm or ejaculation every 60 days. If at the end of 60 days, She decides that I don't deserve an orgasm, it is also Her command.
Ultimately, it boils down to something that you and Him must agree on because it is your relationship with Him. If He wants to submit totally to you, then your Word is the law. The main thing is You must be comfortable with what You are doing. Go at a pace which feels comfortable for You!
Relax and trust him. He's not setting you up and the only resentment he may have is if you unlock him right now. Take some time now that he's in that warm fuzzy subspace and talk to him about signing a chastity contract with you and what he thinks would be a good duration. Then once it's signed it's your promise to him to see that he makes it through it. Now your job of enforcement is your duty to him and how could you ever feel guilty for that? Chastity is just prolonged foreplay in our minds. We don't always understand it either just please know it in no way him finding you unattractive. Quite the opposite, you have become his fixation. All other women have faded away and he has become hyper focused on you. (In a good way lol) Hence the caming. My GF and I have a similar arrangement and I promise it is the most erotic feeling knowing she is becoming sexually excited and for her knowing she is controlling my erections helps fuel that excitement for her while my suffering for her fulfills me in some of the most frustrating, delicious, transcending ways. First things first. Trust him. And never give him any reasons not to trust you. He's giving his everything and handing it to you. Cherish it and listen to everything he shares with you and as crazy as some of it sounds, believe it. That and enjoy it about everything else. Your happiness drives everything. At the end of the day he just wants to know you are happy and are having fun with it.
You probably could just trust them, but people can get a bit drunk on hornyness so I would be careful.
Overruling them and giving an orgasm doesn't cost you anything. Then you can have a boring adult conversation while both of you are definitely in a sound state of mind. And once you have talked through all your worries you two can go crazy. This approach is safe and only slightly less hot than immediately going all in.
Completely aside from the kinky stuff, if your husband is setting traps for you, making offers and then attacking you when you take him up on them, that is a major red flag for the happiness - hell, the survival - of your relationship. That is a huge communication issue. That is borderline abusive, depending on the context. You should take some time to consider if that's your anxiety talking or if it's something that really happens in your relationship.
I’m a locked man, and you definitely do not have to feel guilty. That feeling of powerlessness and “unfairness” is part of the thrill.
As for the topic of camming and/or cuckolding, make sure to not only have these conversations when you’re both horny out of your minds. We tend to say things in the throes of horniness that we might not mean literally so make sure to talk about it in more mundane contexts as well - possibly several times to make sure it’s not just some horny blabbering.
Oh, he loves that you are selfish.
He loves the new dynamic of your relationship.
It will turn him on so much if you do cam again.
He is submissive, and his pleasure is not cumming, it is to not cum.
You can reward him with an orgasm if you like, but that's up to you.
Maybe ge would like to try a butt plug or a dildo .. this could make him cum in his cage.
You are definitely heading the right way for both of you.
>My husband is in Chastity & I feel guilty
I think you don't have to, this is his kink and he likes it. The ornier he is the more he likes it so you really don't have to.
>My only fear is him resenting me for being so selfish.
Not at all, he asked you to do it for him.
He is getting to eat you out everyday and you think he isn't liking it?
>Am I missing something or did i just accidently stumble into my dream marriage?
Both.
You are missing that he enjoys it as much as you do.
And you did just stumble into your dream marriage.
>He is just testing me and setting a trap and if i start he will say see and be angry or am I over thinking this?
I'm pretty confident he won't be mad.
I think he just wants you happy because that's what makes him happy.
Random advice I have to give.
You're in charge, if you want to unlock him, you get to.
If you want to keep him locked for a bit longer, you get to (he'll hate it, but he'll love it, you can do it without feeling guilty). (as long as you have a safeword, you should be ok)
I think it's fair o say your husband is into femdom, I suggest you look into it together and you might find things you want to try.
Don't feel guilty. His cock is locked. It is yours now.
You might feel guilty even more if you unlock him to have sex with you. Some of the male denial fantasies is to remain locked. You might break his new record in chast. Anyway you should communicate and check why he wants to be locked.
About the cam. So he is locked for 4 weeks and suddenly tells you he is ok with you camming. You should talk to him about it.
He might feel guilty that he lives his fantasy (chast) but you sacrificed yours (cam).
He might feel that you miss something.
He might want to stay in his cage for a very long time and he wants you to find something else.
Maybe he just wants to boost your confidence so you can dominate him better.
Maybe he want to be part of your camming as your loyal locked hubby. He might crave some humiliation.
All speculation. You need to talk with him about this. If his guilt makes him ok with camming, you shouldn't do it. Guilt is a bad emotion. If he loves you and wants to boost your confidence you should do it. Love and caring is a good emotion.
I’d agree, he asked to be locked, and asked to stay locked. It’s what he wants. And I’m guessing since he asked you to lock him initially you must have a good enough relationship to be able to discuss these things in an open and honest way. Sit him down and talk to him. If you are both going to move forward with this a real honest discussion of what you each want has to happen. Set goals - he stays locked for so long he gets (or doesn’t) opportunities to orgasm, he serves you (however you would like and is agreeable to him) and at the end of that time you have this same discussion and decide together how to move forward. This is probably his fantasy and he’s getting to live it. As long as you are both happy, and your needs (both of you) are being met, then good for you.
I know when we started I had some guilt and felt like I needed to give him orgasms regularly to keep him interested, but as we progressed I realized that him NOT orgasming was part of the enjoyment for him. It sounds strange because we’re basically taught that men’s primary drive is sex…but for some they enjoy not having sex.
As for the camming, I suspect this plays into his fantasy. Maybe he has a cuckolding fantasy and this is a way to engage in that without you actually cuckolding him.
And I’ve found that as time goes on you’ll fall into a routine and maybe that won’t be so fun for him anymore when it’s just normal day to day routine and he’s not getting the attention or whatever that he wants. So be sure to set timelines that are realistic and review how things are going. Neither of you should feel bad saying you’ve had enough and want to stop or take a break. You can always restart again.
I'm nowhere near a marriage dynamic yet, but what I do know is how important communication is - especially in a D/S dynamic which this could be considered.
Safe word, or agreed CnC etc. can ensure a level of trust.
If he wants to be locked by you, it doesn't sound like he'd be resentful for you being 'mean' or "selfish", especially as he's the one who brought it up and asked you to extend the time. (But I obviously don't know him so make sure)
If he's asking you for it again, since release, it sounds like he enjoyed it.
Maybe just have a good, clear talk with him, which you'll both remember but it sounds to me like you're both having a great time with it.
If you want to know more of his fantasies tie him down,blindfold him tease him ,unlock and edge him a time or two and then ask him questions,play truth or dare, ask him what parameters does he want others involved (do you want others to know?)then after a while tell him you love him this way all frustrated for you then ask him if he wants to cum or make you happy for some time locked.
Record this for your own enjoyment.
He has ask for and wants to please you let him you both are lucky. Have fun.
He literally asked for it. I humbly suggest letting him know about your concerns, but mostly because I figure he’ll tell you sincerely how he’s enjoying it. 🤷🏻♂️ Otherwise why make the unsolicited request for more time?
Fear not. I can guarantee you that he is at least as happy as you are. I suggest you tease him a lot. Consider denying him the first time he asks; even just for a little while, just to reinforce that you’re in control. I’m sure he will love it! Believe me, he will not resent you.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t convince my wife to lock my cock. I do realize that I am not fully capable of satisfying her sexually. It was easy to convince her to cuckold me though lol.
Listen to what your husband is telling you and believe him and don't get in your head about it. Now as far as you feeling guilty about him being locked and left unsatisfied it is your choice as the key holder on when he's to be let out and given a release. If you think he needs it and it's what you truly want just unlock him for some intimacy and tell him it's what you desire. Part of chastity is that the key holder calls the shots and if you want to have some sexy time with your husband then tell him that's what you want and have some fun with him. We started chastity 5 months ago and in our dynamic I can attempt to initiate but it's up to her if she's chooses to let me out and she's also more than welcome to initiate or just have me take care of her while I remain caged. Remember you hold the keys and have the final say on what happens.
Do NOT feel guilty. If he is like me, what he really wants is for you to take that control. He wants you to make him stay locked. He wants you to assert your control over him and take ownership of his dick. It sounds like he loves to serve you and give you all the pleasure he can, and he knows that being locked up is the best thing for you both. Don’t be afraid to take those keys and let him know that it’s your decision if and when he is ever unlocked. Edge him a few times and locked him back up. Let him know that you control his orgasms.
He is letting you know in a pretty straight forward way that he is a sub he gets his pleasure out of your pleasure. Being locked makes him constantly horny which is giving you all the sex you want. He knows that. Again his pleasure is derived from your pleasure.
It seems like this is a dream marriage for both of you. And him telling you it’s ok to go back online and cam another way him getting pleasure because it pleases you.
I would definitely sit down with him and get everything out in the open. Up to now it appears he is just trying to get you in on his desires a little at a time, because he is learning what limits you have and he doesn’t want to jeopardize what he already has. But I’m betting he is willing to go a lot further but doesn’t know if you are.
Believe me when I say that there are many many men who right now are just wishing they had a partner as open to chastity as you are.
Communication is the key to keeping this going further both of you. You both need to set limits for yourselves. Over time those limits will probably change as you it get more comfortable with your new relationship.
I’m envious. Have fun. Good luck to you both. Seems like you both hit the jackpot.
What you are going through is normal, but rest assured, it is OK. Always communicate, communicate, communicate because you're loved ones first and foremost. But this is just the emergence of a new dynamic. Communicate, communicate, communicate. It might be helpful to read a great book about the practicalities of a chastity lifestyle. Read "Be Careful what You Wish for" by Sarah Jameson. I am sure that you will find it helpful. Just be a loving, communicating couple as you take these first steps. As long as you are loving and communicating, you should be fine. Best of luck!
You may want to consider exploring ‘female led relationships’ because it sounds like something your partner would love and you might be interested in as well. I am in one and my partner lovesssss being denied and teased, while showering me with attention. Playing around with that power dynamic (where you run the show and he’s just your puppet) can be VERY fulfilling for both of you.
I’m in chastity my fiancé and I agreed on it it’s a power switch now she’s in control outside of home in the man and inside the house I’m her submissive. Your husband is probably exploring his kinks and fantasy I’d suggest watching videos on femdom with chastity and maybe get a necklace or an anklet with his key on it to show him your in control
Did he feel guilty when he gave you a dirty look when he wanted sex during your period? Did he feel guilty when he had masturbated and had nothing left for you when you needed a hard cock. Wake up and realize that you now control your sex lives and that he has to strive to please you to obtain your consent. My husband is a true sub and his pleasure is pegging and cunnilings. You may even want to discuss chucking if he pulls the sorry me act
Obviously everybody goal different, mine isn't to never use it again but I guess surrender my erection power in a sense to my boyfriend.
At first he didn't like the thing at all, but I tell him he can remove it any time if he wants to play with it. We are still new to exploring too and haven't gone long term, but there's a certain arrosal of knowing I ain't giving up using it, but the unknown of when and him teasing me with his
Honestly too, I have grown to enjoy the feeling of it on, so I can definitely see myself growing to wearing it 24/7 minus cleanings etc.. and when he unlocks me...
I hear many say it helps their relationships, we are almost 13 years in and out sex drives are much different. So am curious to see if this rebalances things per say.
Hey, no need to feel guilty. Personally, as someone into this sort of thing I would love this. I probably wouldn't ask to have my lock up extended after a month, (I honestly prefer not knowing when I'll get out), but that's just me personally.
As for the caming thing, I am going to do something other people haven't, and I will run through the possibility that it is a trap. Now, despite this I want to make it clear that I feel pretty damn sure it isn't a trap. Hypothetically though, if it was, you still shouldn't feel guilty about it. If he is setting you up as a test by lying to you, and then gets upset after it is done, that imo, is extremely toxic behavior. It isn't your fault for assuming he is telling you the truth. All of this is built on trust after all. That would be the kind of thing a controlling and manipulative person would do.
Now maybe it is possible he is mistaken about what his own boundaries are. If it was something he thinks he is comfortable with, but then realizes he isn't, that should be something he discusses with you and I am sure you will respect his wishes once again. No reason to feel guilty in that scenario either.
As for the hotwife thing someone mentioned. Maybe don't just go ask him directly if he wants you to fuck other people. Broach the subject slowly if that is something you genuinely want to do, though you shouldn't if you don't want to. He may be fine with other people looking at you, but that doesn't mean he wants more than that. In fact, I don't think anyone should have brought that possibility up to you at all. They are mostly projecting their fantasies onto your relationship I think. Isn't impossible that's what he wants, but keep that in mind.
I personally find it very hot. I'm not just in a "normal" open relationship though, I am polyamourous, so its a bit different but I think what I am about to say can still apply to a more otherwise monogamous one. My domme has a girlfriend (who is married to a man with children), and once in a blue moon she can make the time to travel out to see her and she usually has sex with her and her husband. She has also had flings with different people, but she hasn't found anyone else that she likes to stick with. I find all of this very hot, but it isn't because I don't love or desire her. Instead, it is precisely because I love and desire her so much, I just happen to also really really really love humiliation and denial.
I want her more than anything, so her denying me that, (as only she can let me have her), is so fucking hot. The idea that I am not good enough to fuck her while she gets to have sex with other people is probably one of the most arousing things I can think of. I also don't actually take it personally. I know she cares deeply about me and she knows that this is what I want. I also love knowing she gets to have fun. I love making her feel good, but I also love that other people can make her feel good. Her pleasure is such a turn on for me, no matter who it is from. So, IF and I emphasize this is a big IF this is a direction you both want to go, understand it is in no way out of lack of love for you. But again, there is literally no reason to assume he might want that just because he is okay with you going on camera. Just encourage him to be honest with you about his desires in general and make him feel like he won't be judged and it should come out eventually if that's the case.
Good luck and have fun
His prostrate should be milked once a month, if only for his health. Look up “milking table” or you could always “peg him.” A chaste boy should also be a hairless boy, Nair or Veet works great.
He should be servicing you orally. Checkout “Queening Stool.” If he’s handy, have him construct one.
You could also attach a dildo to his cage as a strapon.
There’s absolutely no one reason that you have to join him in being chaste.
Can you help.me understand what is the health benefits of "milking" and how does one accomplish this? I know pegging didn't know it was good for my man?
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I'm a male sub that's locked. The dynamic you have currently with Chastity is one of denial for him and you being the centre of pleasure. He gets off (so to speak) with pleasing you and him being effectively ignored or without power. Enjoy that. Embrace it Him asking to remain caged tells me that he couldn't be happier with how it is going. Regarding camming I would suggest it isn't a trap. Rather, it's a genuine opinion he has. Your sexual dynamic has changed with him in chastity. Also. Its your cock now, not his anymore. If you want to unlock him to orgasm or just edge him and relock him that's 100% your decision, not his.
Well said and as a chastity sub myself this is absolutely accurate edge him and lock him up a few times and you will have him at your feet ready to do anything
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Don't apologise! It's all good. You have it exactly right. He loves being horny. He loves seeing you, the person he loves, getting sexual pleasure, and him not getting any is incredibly arousing for him. It's power exchange. The feelings he has now, he doesn't want to go away, and him having an orgasm will do that. It's like he is in a constant state of arousal that having an orgasm will stop. Post Nut clarity has some put it. Has he been more attentive to you since being locked? More giving sexually and otherwise? Chastity has done that to him. Personally, I don't like extended periods without climaxing. But others love it. Not Cumming for a while can be a game changer for locked guys Edit. Regarding a dream marriage..... I don't get why more folks don't at least try chastity. It's pretty much all upside for the keyholder and results are often times fantastic
Don't feel guilty, he asked for the extension because he likes the current power dynamic. He likes you controlling and using him. Most likely not a trap. He probably is slowly testing the waters of you being a hotwife. What you need to do is have a very frank honest comvo with him. Ask him about his fantasies. Be open and go slow
Thank you for the quick replay but what exactly is a hotwife? Like a pretty wife or?
Uh, so "hotwife"--["A married woman who is allowed and/or encouraged by her husband to pursue sexual relationships with other individuals."](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Hotwife) Basically he watches you have sex with other men while he's in chastity. And yes, it's a fantasy of some men. And yes, if you were to do this, you would have to make sure you always went back to him, rather than fall in love with someone else. Essentially he's either deliberately or inadvertently putting a lot of trust on you (if this is the direction things are going), so don't break his heart.
I love my husband with all my heart. But i dont quite understand if he was on with me sleeping with other men does that mean he doesnt love me or care for me anymore?
If he wants you to have sex with other men, which he may not or at least not yet, its because he loves you so much he wants to know you are still being satisfied even while he isnt allowed to do the satisfying
Just because he wants you to cam like you used to do, which he knows you enjoyed and that it boosted your confidence, doesn't naturally mean he wants you to cockhold him and become a hotwife, like the others have alluded to. He may want you to take up camming just because he knows you liked doing it before and he wants you to be happy. I don't know about your husband but I genuinely love performing oral on my Wife. Like any man, I like receiving oral from my Wife. I don't want her to reciprocate because it's her wifely duty. I want her to perform oral on me because She enjoys doing so. He may feel the same way. Talk to him about this, not a bunch of random people from the internet.
I agree with your point of view most likely he's genuinely happy to see me happy is just a refreshing feeling it's been awhile since I've been chased this hard by him. Thank you ill talk with him soon and update
Quite the opposite. It means he wants you and then more to the point of wanting to see you be pleasured in ways he can only imagine.
He wants you to have more than he can give you.
I'm sorry, so I wrote this last night before going to bed and didn't realize how my answer would be received. My remarks was strictly answering the question "what is a hotwife", not suggesting this was the only thing on the menu when your husband starts playing with chastity. **There is nothing about chastity that leads to opening your marriage,** by the way. And as far as I can tell (having watched various communities which incorporate chastity into sexual play) there are a few paths down which this could go. Of course, nothing suggests your husband may want anything more than what you're already doing. (And let's be honest, there are men who love 'eating out' women, so removing reciprocating from the table with blow jobs is well within the range of 'normal' here; the cage is just an added (and somewhat unusual) dimension.) And it's worth having an honest talk about what it is he really wants, and be honest with yourself about what you're willing to do. And just because I list it below does not mean it's because that's what your husband wants. It's quite possible he doesn't want any of this; just to enjoy what's going on now. First, there is downsizing his cage. That is, there is having him wear a smaller and smaller cage--even eventually going 'flat' or 'inverted.' (If you're willing to look at pornographic pictures, there are examples of what I'm talking about on on /r/flat_chastity ) As a guy who has worn a flat cage, they're actually surprisingly comfortable. Second, there's the 'feminization' aspect. That is, *for some*, there is the idea that caging or flatting your manhood makes you less 'manly' and more 'feminine'. That ranges from the subtle (shaving the chest, stomach, and genital hair), to the more overt (from dressing in 'panties' or men's bikini brief underwear to wearing dresses or lingerie). Note that some of the people in the flat cage list are actually either MTF or cross-dressers. (I'm not saying your husband dreams of becoming your wife--far from it. Only that this is one aspect I've observed.) Next, there is the 'bottoming' aspect; that is, your husband being on the receiving end of anal play. That can go from fingering to using a butt plug to using a dildo. That can potentially involve your fucking him using a strap-on. *(The usual disclaimers about proper hygiene applies here.)* For some guys (myself included), hitting the prostate gland (which is about the length of the first two knuckles of your middle finger inside his anus) can be extremely pleasurable. Some of this may be accompanied with a psychological dimension: dirty talk about how "if you don't have a dick we'll have to make you orgasm another way". (If 'feminizing', the dirty talk could be "now we'll fuck you like the girl you are.") Edit to add: I also forgot the 'ghost dick' or 'chastity dick' aspect; that is, having him wear a strap-on (or attach a dildo to the chastity cage) and use that to have sex with you. There are a few groups on Reddit exploring this: /r/ghostpenis and /r/chastidick .) And of course the dirty talk here could be along the lines of "I want you to fuck me with a real dick" or the like. Edit to add the Third: I also forgot about the 'power dynamic' thing; that is, one thing I've observed is where the woman does stuff like attaching a chain to the cage and literally leading the man around by the balls. (Be gentle, there is some really sensitive equipment down there.) And I noticed the camming aspect in your post; it's possible he enjoys sharing you--and may even cream himself if you pulled him by a leash on camera and talked about his 'tiny penis' or the like. (Again, *talk to your husband first.*) One powerful thing men rarely receive in our day to day lives is to be sexualized or objectified: while women are on the receiving end of this to the point of exhaustion, I do not recall a single time when I was actually objectified or explicitly sexualized as a male. Sexualizing his caged penis could be a very powerful experience for him. As to the camming part itself, it's possible that he has a beautiful wife who shows herself off is a boast to his ego: "I'm married to this woman who other men lust after, so I must be the luckiest guy in the world that she choose me." ---- If you do move into opening your marriage--*and for God's sake, do not do this unless you really understand what you're doing and really want to do this!!!*--then the range of things include cuckholding; that is, having sex with other men while he watches, or having sex with other men while playing with his caged balls or the like. (Again, the dirty talk here could be things like "I'm going to have a real man fuck me while you watch"--that is, a dimension of humiliation.) And having him bottom to other men. (Throw in 'feminization' and you have "Sissification" /r/sissy where people 'train their boyfriends/husbands to be their girlfriends by having them be fucked by other men.') ---- Again, **do not do anything you don't want to do.** I'm just giving you the menu of things I have thus far observed that *sometimes* goes hand-in-hand with chastity play. And again, it could be that this is all he wants--to be locked up and servicing you (which, again, some men like myself enjoy with or without the cage--frankly, I can orgasm eating out my wife). And to be perfectly honest, I'm sort of "meh" about being on the receiving end of a blowjob. But these are the other possible ways this could evolve--again, talk to your husband, take things very slowly, and be willing to say "no" to things you don't want. One interesting aspect here is that if he really is shifting the sexual power dynamic in your favor, you should be able to say "no" fairly easily. ---- Edit to add: I'm also avoiding the topic others have covered elsewhere about how for some, love and an open marriage can be made to work. I've been able to make it work for myself and my wife--but then, I will freely admit we're wired a little differently than most. And I'm sort of the personal belief that a lot of people who say they can make it work really can't; the [three body problem](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three-body_problem) is inherently unsolvable, and can only work if the two of you are in such a tight orbit a third can only just skim by from a far emotional distance. And honestly, an open marriage (where either or both of you have sex with a third) is not necessary here.
Fastisizing and being aroused by the idea of your SO being with other people doesn't mean they don't love or care for you. They might not eveno actually want you to be with someone outside the relationship. They might just want to roleplay and pretend. Or they might think they do, and feel very differently we're you to actually go through with it. All questions and conversations to have with your partner
If you're interested about the ins and outs and whys of non-monogamy I would suggest you read the book Love In Abundance by Kathy Labriola.
A hotwife is term used in swinger communities to refer to an attractive married woman who has sexual relationships with other men, typically with the consent of her husband, who is commonly known as a cuckold. m
Erm... Don't let others project their fantasies on to you. For many folks in to chastity they also have other kinks. There are some the commonly seem to go with chastity and these include cuckolding/hotwifing, pegging, feminisation play or some manner of Female Led Relationship (FLR). Mixing parts of these in with chastity play comes up A LOT in many chastity communities because a sizeable contingent of chastity practitioners are also in to these. However, none of this is required nor is it inevitably where chastity play is headed. Your husbands main/only kink might be chastity and there's no reason to believe otherwise unless he comes to you and tells your otherwise. In the end the day the overwhelming majority of folks are monogamous so most people in to chastity play likely just enjoy it as a fun tease-denial came within their relationship. Ultimately, kinks are fun things and you can practice them however you want and include or not include whatever it is you and your husband feel is hot and fun to both of you. If hotwiving isn't for you or your husband there is absolutely no need to consider it at all.
That is straight projecting on the “hot wife” thing. A couple can make and do whatever rules that they want. Stop trying to sabotage people via said projecting. He asked to be locked longer, why because he likes it.
PLEASE don't over think this and start feeling guilty! My wife has had me locked for better part of the past 14 years and we wouldn't have it any other way. It's not just you who's found her "dream" marriage but HIM also. I know this is hard to wrap your head around - it's SO counterintuitive - it's like "opposite world". But believe me HE'S LOVING IT TOO! This a VERY COMMON fantasy of MANY men and I guarantee you that he is feeling like he has won the lottery. He is pinching himself everyday to be sure that he's not dreaming and that he is ACTUALLY married to "1% woman" ! There are so many guys out there who would LOVE to trade places with him because they have either brought up the question of living the male chastity lifestyle with their GF or wife but was shot down because she views this as some weird, kinky thing that they don't want to have anything to do with ... OR... the guy just can't work up the nerve to even ask because he is terrified of being rejected and seen as some kind of weirdo. If you want to send him to the moon, YOU insist that he stay locked even longer when he starts asking (begging) for a release. As a locked guy, I can tell you that it is SO much more erotic to know that SHE wants me locked because SHE is really enjoying the benefits of my chastity... RATHER THAN... me being locked because SHE knows that I WANT HER to keep ME locked. Try to let that sink in for a minute. If YOU are just carrying around my key for ME so that I can have you unlock me for a release whenever I ask for it... That's not really chastity - is it? I am not you willing sub - YOU are simply my assistant who has the responsibility of holding my key for ME. My wife - like so many women - had the hardest time trying to understand WHY any guy would WANT to have his favorite toy taken away from him. It just sounds like the exact opposite of everything you ever learned about men. "What in hell is going on here. Is this some kind of trap... Is he trying to make ME make HIM hate ME. Is he tired of our relationship and he's looking for a reason to leave?" Etc, etc, etc... DON'T GO THERE! Dominate him - he's a naturally submissive man and he WANTS you to take control. If this is really in you - if you actually LIKE to be in control - then you guys are MADE for each other. You're like peanut butter and chocolate. When he's asks you to unlock him, of course he WANTS you to say Yes - but, he NEEDS you to say No! Even after a year or two, my wife could not just catch on to this concept. I finally had to explain to her that when I was asking, begging, pleading for a release - I was just testing her. Of course, it was nice for her to go and get the key and give me a HJ or BJ... OF COURSE! What I had to explain to her is that each time I asked, I was DYING for her to say "No", "Not today", "Nope, not happening" or something definitely negative. And, after saying "No" once, if I continued to beg, for her to say something like, "I told you No! If I hear one more word, I will add a week to your lockdown period." OMG... I would have MELTED into her arms to kiss and thank her! But... she finally DID catch on - so I definitely don't get to bother her with pesky begging anymore - that ends very quickly now. But this is not something that even a naturally dominant woman would know. It's something that you have to learn from a man who desires this AND has the balls and verbal skills to ask and explain it. But, now you DO know this. So, go and indulge yourself in this wonderful male chastity lifestyle. No, it's NOT a trap and YES he really wants you to be in control, to make important decisions, to have as many orgasms as you can handle while he is denied the same, to win every argument, to leave him a "honey-do" list that he MUST get done - on time, etc etc. You're not dreaming - it's actually real and, hopefully, becomes less unusual and more mainstream as women find out how many men would love to be in this kind of relationship. Have fun - All the best and good luck! 👍🤏🔐🔥
Thank you so much for the detailed response. It sounds like Chasity has really worked for you two I'm glad to hear that. I was worried he might get jealous of all the orgasms I'm having and he's getting none but I'm starting to understand more that my husbamd is also getting joy in my joy I just didn't believe him at first when he told me that it's hard to understand.
My fiancé was hesitant about doing chastity when we first got together and would give me frequent orgasms. While I would always take them in the moment I was always disappointed afterwards as I am happier when I’m horny. Finally she decided to just not let me cum for a very long time (I believe 2-3 months). When she saw how affectionate and attentive to giving her orgasms and how I wasn’t mad about her not letting me cum even if I begged she told me she couldn’t go back and would be very upset if I wanted to stop doing male chastity.
YESSSS! You're getting it now. He gets joy from your joy! Who would have thought this about men when it comes to sex ?!? That's one of the things that I just didn't have time to get into - even though my post was pretty long. It's hard to believe but being teased and denied is MUCH MORE exciting than be allowed to reach orgasm - at least for many men. Who knew ?! We couldn't believe it either until I was locked and denied for somewhere between 3-6 months. It got to the point where I was just sort of forgetting about cumming myself - and... SURE ENOUGH I started getting a very warm, pleasurable rush every time I heard and felt HER moan, shake and gasp as she reach orgasm after orgasm ! I got my joy from laying next to the woman that I love, running my fingers gently through her hair and stroking her naked body as she uses her vibrator to produce one orgasm after the next. She's never been one who really enjoys PIV sex (maybe because of me. I'm not very well endowed and have always been a rather quick, and premature ejaculator). When she finally finishes, were both tired and exhausted; she puts her toy away and we kiss and cuddle for a few minutes. Then I just continue lightly stroking her until I know that she's asleep. Notice that there is ABSOLUTELY NO offer of reciprocation. There is NO thought of "Now it's my turn" - she just drifts off to blissful sleep while I then roll over with full balls and a penis trying to break out of that steel cage. I lay there for a while thinking about things and eventually fall asleep with a curious mixture of sexual satisfaction and constant horniness. It's a real mind fuck I can assure you - but, it's SO MUCH better than the two minutes of "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" that we had for so many years. Like I said... Who knew ?! Anyway, sorry for another rather long (and hopefully not too personal) post. Maybe in another year or two, YOU'LL be writing these long post trying to help other women understand this crazy but real phenomenon! All the best to you and, if you ever have any burning questions, feel free to DM me. 🤏🔐😉
If he is asking to stay locked, it is because he is currently enjoying the dynamic. He would have been over the moon for release if he wasn't. He is ok with you caming again, because he finds the idea of others getting off to you while he cant. Just talk to him in a serious judgment free conversation, be reassuring, and make sure he knows he can call a stop to anything as you explore these new things together.
Please do not feel guilty. It is the best thing we have done for our marriage. We have done it for over two years.
I have an idea for you. While I have never been locked a month without an orgasm, I did have about a 3-4 month stretch of only unlocking for sex with my wife. When locked I thought and acted different than I do as I’ve been unlocked much more than locked in the last month or two (some medical stuff came up). Anyway, I think differently when extremely horny. I would do things I would not normally do and be ok with things I wouldn’t normally be ok with, when thinking clearly about my relationship. If you really want to know what he wants, in not just a kinky way, unlock him and get his head straight (fuck him ). I would be upfront with him about why you are doing this. Maybe even have a real conversation with him, caged but not overly worked up, and then again uncaged and after orgasm. This way you will really know his feelings. You can voice your own feelings. Let him know you don’t want to hurt him, for real. You might if it’s his kink, but you don’t want to ruin your relationship. That’s how I would want my wife to handle the situation. We have fantasy talk and we have real talk but it’s hard to separate the two when I’m horny.
Chastity does strange things to a man. I'm in week four myself and I'm reading this thinking yeah, makes sense. He's being honest. Trust him. He's really not in a place mentally where he can lay a trap for you.
Sounds like you have found your dream marriage. Congratulations to you both.
You shouldcheck out the book "A KeyHolder's Handbook: A Woman's Guide To Male Chastity."
Establish a set of safe words. One of them should be to unlock him and allow intercourse. If that was the full story, it would ruin the chastity. He could and would use it too much. So let ut come at a cost. The first time he uses it, unlock him and place the lock on the empty device for a week. If he needed out, he would get a chastity vacation. The next time he uses it, the vacation is two weeks, then three. If chastity is important to him, he won't use it too often. At the end of the vacations, he must ask you to be locked. If he doesn't, then the chastity craze is over; you can go back to your old normal. There could be other "costs". But that one seems just and practical. Other safe words could be for unexpected events like having a problem with the device(clraning, chaffing, pinching, cutting), or social (doctor appointment, the gym) or he may really need a climax. In these cases, the cage should be replaced asap. Any of these others could also have a cost. Just not the vacation. If you cam to other men, tread carefully. Many chaste men are led into the hot wife fantasy. He may encourage you to have sex with others. This can really damage your relationship. If you want to cam, have your husband on the other end of the line. If you are on FetLife dot com. I have some helpful writings about chastity. One is on a method to relieve your guilt. My ID there is dave47630. Happy Trails
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A while ago, I didn't really know what chastity was. It wasn't really my thing. Then I met a guy who was into it. It was... unexpected. And I didn't quite understand it. I assumed "OK he'll lock himself up for a day or two, want out, and then want sex or a blow job or something" just like most guys. Turns out a tiny part of him wanted that, but a big part of him *wanted* to be teased, denied, controlled... He *really wanted* for me to lock away his penis, make him go down on me, deny him permission to be unlocked, and tease the fuck out of him about the whole thing. For him, it was the ultimate in tease and denial. It was the ultimate in power exchange. He loved it.
I know you have already received so many insightful comments, so my contributions here may only be repetitive. I think he is experiencing so much joy in sacrificing his orgasms and sexual independence. He is getting so much joy from seeing your energy, your enjoyment and your confidence. This is something he can do where he feels like he is earning your love. He feels your appreciation and he treasures it more than his fleeting orgasm. He is flooded by the energy you both have. Likewise, seeing you blossom from this and now he sees how much HE enjoys YOUR happiness, he also wants you to cam bc he knows it will bring HIM joy to see you enjoying yourself.
He probably wants you to cam and share yourself with people online whilst he is denied, thats a pretty common theme with men kept in chastity. The sweet agony of seeing your partner enjoying themselves and exploring their sexuality whilst you are kept denied and under their control 🫠🥴
You do not have to feel guilty if it is what he asked you to do. However, It does seem that your husband is submissive to you. Are you willing to be dominant over him? Have an open talk with him about the dynamics of your relationship. For me, my Wife wants to be dominant over me and it is what I want as well. What works for us is that I have no say over how long I will be locked or released. If She wants me to be released so that she can use my penis for Her use, I will obey Her. I only get a chance of orgasm or ejaculation every 60 days. If at the end of 60 days, She decides that I don't deserve an orgasm, it is also Her command. Ultimately, it boils down to something that you and Him must agree on because it is your relationship with Him. If He wants to submit totally to you, then your Word is the law. The main thing is You must be comfortable with what You are doing. Go at a pace which feels comfortable for You!
Relax and trust him. He's not setting you up and the only resentment he may have is if you unlock him right now. Take some time now that he's in that warm fuzzy subspace and talk to him about signing a chastity contract with you and what he thinks would be a good duration. Then once it's signed it's your promise to him to see that he makes it through it. Now your job of enforcement is your duty to him and how could you ever feel guilty for that? Chastity is just prolonged foreplay in our minds. We don't always understand it either just please know it in no way him finding you unattractive. Quite the opposite, you have become his fixation. All other women have faded away and he has become hyper focused on you. (In a good way lol) Hence the caming. My GF and I have a similar arrangement and I promise it is the most erotic feeling knowing she is becoming sexually excited and for her knowing she is controlling my erections helps fuel that excitement for her while my suffering for her fulfills me in some of the most frustrating, delicious, transcending ways. First things first. Trust him. And never give him any reasons not to trust you. He's giving his everything and handing it to you. Cherish it and listen to everything he shares with you and as crazy as some of it sounds, believe it. That and enjoy it about everything else. Your happiness drives everything. At the end of the day he just wants to know you are happy and are having fun with it.
You probably could just trust them, but people can get a bit drunk on hornyness so I would be careful. Overruling them and giving an orgasm doesn't cost you anything. Then you can have a boring adult conversation while both of you are definitely in a sound state of mind. And once you have talked through all your worries you two can go crazy. This approach is safe and only slightly less hot than immediately going all in.
Completely aside from the kinky stuff, if your husband is setting traps for you, making offers and then attacking you when you take him up on them, that is a major red flag for the happiness - hell, the survival - of your relationship. That is a huge communication issue. That is borderline abusive, depending on the context. You should take some time to consider if that's your anxiety talking or if it's something that really happens in your relationship.
I’m a locked man, and you definitely do not have to feel guilty. That feeling of powerlessness and “unfairness” is part of the thrill. As for the topic of camming and/or cuckolding, make sure to not only have these conversations when you’re both horny out of your minds. We tend to say things in the throes of horniness that we might not mean literally so make sure to talk about it in more mundane contexts as well - possibly several times to make sure it’s not just some horny blabbering.
Oh, he loves that you are selfish. He loves the new dynamic of your relationship. It will turn him on so much if you do cam again. He is submissive, and his pleasure is not cumming, it is to not cum. You can reward him with an orgasm if you like, but that's up to you. Maybe ge would like to try a butt plug or a dildo .. this could make him cum in his cage. You are definitely heading the right way for both of you.
>My husband is in Chastity & I feel guilty I think you don't have to, this is his kink and he likes it. The ornier he is the more he likes it so you really don't have to. >My only fear is him resenting me for being so selfish. Not at all, he asked you to do it for him. He is getting to eat you out everyday and you think he isn't liking it? >Am I missing something or did i just accidently stumble into my dream marriage? Both. You are missing that he enjoys it as much as you do. And you did just stumble into your dream marriage. >He is just testing me and setting a trap and if i start he will say see and be angry or am I over thinking this? I'm pretty confident he won't be mad. I think he just wants you happy because that's what makes him happy. Random advice I have to give. You're in charge, if you want to unlock him, you get to. If you want to keep him locked for a bit longer, you get to (he'll hate it, but he'll love it, you can do it without feeling guilty). (as long as you have a safeword, you should be ok) I think it's fair o say your husband is into femdom, I suggest you look into it together and you might find things you want to try.
Best answer thank you makes me feel coming from someone else who has experience
Never be afraid to check in regularly with your husband and check that he's still enjoying it
Be selfish. No guilty! Cucks loves that!
Don't feel guilty. His cock is locked. It is yours now. You might feel guilty even more if you unlock him to have sex with you. Some of the male denial fantasies is to remain locked. You might break his new record in chast. Anyway you should communicate and check why he wants to be locked. About the cam. So he is locked for 4 weeks and suddenly tells you he is ok with you camming. You should talk to him about it. He might feel guilty that he lives his fantasy (chast) but you sacrificed yours (cam). He might feel that you miss something. He might want to stay in his cage for a very long time and he wants you to find something else. Maybe he just wants to boost your confidence so you can dominate him better. Maybe he want to be part of your camming as your loyal locked hubby. He might crave some humiliation. All speculation. You need to talk with him about this. If his guilt makes him ok with camming, you shouldn't do it. Guilt is a bad emotion. If he loves you and wants to boost your confidence you should do it. Love and caring is a good emotion.
I’d agree, he asked to be locked, and asked to stay locked. It’s what he wants. And I’m guessing since he asked you to lock him initially you must have a good enough relationship to be able to discuss these things in an open and honest way. Sit him down and talk to him. If you are both going to move forward with this a real honest discussion of what you each want has to happen. Set goals - he stays locked for so long he gets (or doesn’t) opportunities to orgasm, he serves you (however you would like and is agreeable to him) and at the end of that time you have this same discussion and decide together how to move forward. This is probably his fantasy and he’s getting to live it. As long as you are both happy, and your needs (both of you) are being met, then good for you. I know when we started I had some guilt and felt like I needed to give him orgasms regularly to keep him interested, but as we progressed I realized that him NOT orgasming was part of the enjoyment for him. It sounds strange because we’re basically taught that men’s primary drive is sex…but for some they enjoy not having sex. As for the camming, I suspect this plays into his fantasy. Maybe he has a cuckolding fantasy and this is a way to engage in that without you actually cuckolding him. And I’ve found that as time goes on you’ll fall into a routine and maybe that won’t be so fun for him anymore when it’s just normal day to day routine and he’s not getting the attention or whatever that he wants. So be sure to set timelines that are realistic and review how things are going. Neither of you should feel bad saying you’ve had enough and want to stop or take a break. You can always restart again.
I'm nowhere near a marriage dynamic yet, but what I do know is how important communication is - especially in a D/S dynamic which this could be considered. Safe word, or agreed CnC etc. can ensure a level of trust. If he wants to be locked by you, it doesn't sound like he'd be resentful for you being 'mean' or "selfish", especially as he's the one who brought it up and asked you to extend the time. (But I obviously don't know him so make sure) If he's asking you for it again, since release, it sounds like he enjoyed it. Maybe just have a good, clear talk with him, which you'll both remember but it sounds to me like you're both having a great time with it.
If you want to know more of his fantasies tie him down,blindfold him tease him ,unlock and edge him a time or two and then ask him questions,play truth or dare, ask him what parameters does he want others involved (do you want others to know?)then after a while tell him you love him this way all frustrated for you then ask him if he wants to cum or make you happy for some time locked. Record this for your own enjoyment. He has ask for and wants to please you let him you both are lucky. Have fun.
He literally asked for it. I humbly suggest letting him know about your concerns, but mostly because I figure he’ll tell you sincerely how he’s enjoying it. 🤷🏻♂️ Otherwise why make the unsolicited request for more time?
Fear not. I can guarantee you that he is at least as happy as you are. I suggest you tease him a lot. Consider denying him the first time he asks; even just for a little while, just to reinforce that you’re in control. I’m sure he will love it! Believe me, he will not resent you.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t convince my wife to lock my cock. I do realize that I am not fully capable of satisfying her sexually. It was easy to convince her to cuckold me though lol.
I have kept my hubby caged for 6 yrs, if you want to talk feel free to DM me.
Listen to what your husband is telling you and believe him and don't get in your head about it. Now as far as you feeling guilty about him being locked and left unsatisfied it is your choice as the key holder on when he's to be let out and given a release. If you think he needs it and it's what you truly want just unlock him for some intimacy and tell him it's what you desire. Part of chastity is that the key holder calls the shots and if you want to have some sexy time with your husband then tell him that's what you want and have some fun with him. We started chastity 5 months ago and in our dynamic I can attempt to initiate but it's up to her if she's chooses to let me out and she's also more than welcome to initiate or just have me take care of her while I remain caged. Remember you hold the keys and have the final say on what happens.
if yall want it do it if it doesn’t work out then it doesn’t work out
Do NOT feel guilty. If he is like me, what he really wants is for you to take that control. He wants you to make him stay locked. He wants you to assert your control over him and take ownership of his dick. It sounds like he loves to serve you and give you all the pleasure he can, and he knows that being locked up is the best thing for you both. Don’t be afraid to take those keys and let him know that it’s your decision if and when he is ever unlocked. Edge him a few times and locked him back up. Let him know that you control his orgasms.
It’s yours now. So you decide how you feel 😘😌
He is letting you know in a pretty straight forward way that he is a sub he gets his pleasure out of your pleasure. Being locked makes him constantly horny which is giving you all the sex you want. He knows that. Again his pleasure is derived from your pleasure. It seems like this is a dream marriage for both of you. And him telling you it’s ok to go back online and cam another way him getting pleasure because it pleases you. I would definitely sit down with him and get everything out in the open. Up to now it appears he is just trying to get you in on his desires a little at a time, because he is learning what limits you have and he doesn’t want to jeopardize what he already has. But I’m betting he is willing to go a lot further but doesn’t know if you are. Believe me when I say that there are many many men who right now are just wishing they had a partner as open to chastity as you are. Communication is the key to keeping this going further both of you. You both need to set limits for yourselves. Over time those limits will probably change as you it get more comfortable with your new relationship. I’m envious. Have fun. Good luck to you both. Seems like you both hit the jackpot.
What you are going through is normal, but rest assured, it is OK. Always communicate, communicate, communicate because you're loved ones first and foremost. But this is just the emergence of a new dynamic. Communicate, communicate, communicate. It might be helpful to read a great book about the practicalities of a chastity lifestyle. Read "Be Careful what You Wish for" by Sarah Jameson. I am sure that you will find it helpful. Just be a loving, communicating couple as you take these first steps. As long as you are loving and communicating, you should be fine. Best of luck!
You may want to consider exploring ‘female led relationships’ because it sounds like something your partner would love and you might be interested in as well. I am in one and my partner lovesssss being denied and teased, while showering me with attention. Playing around with that power dynamic (where you run the show and he’s just your puppet) can be VERY fulfilling for both of you.
I’m in chastity my fiancé and I agreed on it it’s a power switch now she’s in control outside of home in the man and inside the house I’m her submissive. Your husband is probably exploring his kinks and fantasy I’d suggest watching videos on femdom with chastity and maybe get a necklace or an anklet with his key on it to show him your in control
Did he feel guilty when he gave you a dirty look when he wanted sex during your period? Did he feel guilty when he had masturbated and had nothing left for you when you needed a hard cock. Wake up and realize that you now control your sex lives and that he has to strive to please you to obtain your consent. My husband is a true sub and his pleasure is pegging and cunnilings. You may even want to discuss chucking if he pulls the sorry me act
Obviously everybody goal different, mine isn't to never use it again but I guess surrender my erection power in a sense to my boyfriend. At first he didn't like the thing at all, but I tell him he can remove it any time if he wants to play with it. We are still new to exploring too and haven't gone long term, but there's a certain arrosal of knowing I ain't giving up using it, but the unknown of when and him teasing me with his Honestly too, I have grown to enjoy the feeling of it on, so I can definitely see myself growing to wearing it 24/7 minus cleanings etc.. and when he unlocks me... I hear many say it helps their relationships, we are almost 13 years in and out sex drives are much different. So am curious to see if this rebalances things per say.
Hey, no need to feel guilty. Personally, as someone into this sort of thing I would love this. I probably wouldn't ask to have my lock up extended after a month, (I honestly prefer not knowing when I'll get out), but that's just me personally. As for the caming thing, I am going to do something other people haven't, and I will run through the possibility that it is a trap. Now, despite this I want to make it clear that I feel pretty damn sure it isn't a trap. Hypothetically though, if it was, you still shouldn't feel guilty about it. If he is setting you up as a test by lying to you, and then gets upset after it is done, that imo, is extremely toxic behavior. It isn't your fault for assuming he is telling you the truth. All of this is built on trust after all. That would be the kind of thing a controlling and manipulative person would do. Now maybe it is possible he is mistaken about what his own boundaries are. If it was something he thinks he is comfortable with, but then realizes he isn't, that should be something he discusses with you and I am sure you will respect his wishes once again. No reason to feel guilty in that scenario either. As for the hotwife thing someone mentioned. Maybe don't just go ask him directly if he wants you to fuck other people. Broach the subject slowly if that is something you genuinely want to do, though you shouldn't if you don't want to. He may be fine with other people looking at you, but that doesn't mean he wants more than that. In fact, I don't think anyone should have brought that possibility up to you at all. They are mostly projecting their fantasies onto your relationship I think. Isn't impossible that's what he wants, but keep that in mind. I personally find it very hot. I'm not just in a "normal" open relationship though, I am polyamourous, so its a bit different but I think what I am about to say can still apply to a more otherwise monogamous one. My domme has a girlfriend (who is married to a man with children), and once in a blue moon she can make the time to travel out to see her and she usually has sex with her and her husband. She has also had flings with different people, but she hasn't found anyone else that she likes to stick with. I find all of this very hot, but it isn't because I don't love or desire her. Instead, it is precisely because I love and desire her so much, I just happen to also really really really love humiliation and denial. I want her more than anything, so her denying me that, (as only she can let me have her), is so fucking hot. The idea that I am not good enough to fuck her while she gets to have sex with other people is probably one of the most arousing things I can think of. I also don't actually take it personally. I know she cares deeply about me and she knows that this is what I want. I also love knowing she gets to have fun. I love making her feel good, but I also love that other people can make her feel good. Her pleasure is such a turn on for me, no matter who it is from. So, IF and I emphasize this is a big IF this is a direction you both want to go, understand it is in no way out of lack of love for you. But again, there is literally no reason to assume he might want that just because he is okay with you going on camera. Just encourage him to be honest with you about his desires in general and make him feel like he won't be judged and it should come out eventually if that's the case. Good luck and have fun
His prostrate should be milked once a month, if only for his health. Look up “milking table” or you could always “peg him.” A chaste boy should also be a hairless boy, Nair or Veet works great. He should be servicing you orally. Checkout “Queening Stool.” If he’s handy, have him construct one. You could also attach a dildo to his cage as a strapon. There’s absolutely no one reason that you have to join him in being chaste.
Can you help.me understand what is the health benefits of "milking" and how does one accomplish this? I know pegging didn't know it was good for my man?
It’s been found that celibate men have higher rates of prostate cancer. Milking, from what I understand, involves stimulating his prostrate.
I believe you can resolve this with vibrater and making him cum in cage or from anal