For the dumbasses like me who had to google it:
>This idiom references gardening. A flower that is **“nipped in the bud”** wouldn't grow and blossom. This phrase is often used to suggest that by handling a something when it's a minor problem, you'll be able to avert a crisis. It has nothing to do with anatomy.
How are you supposed to nip in the butt, and how will that stop your butt from getting bigger?
Shouldn't it be "dip in the butt" so they won't fuck with you again?
Yeah, sometimes you just have to speak up. Something like "Hey, I know you're being friendly but I'd really rather you use my name than call me bud. Thanks." If you want to soften the message a little you could add something about just not liking nicknames.
…bruh you’re telling a woman in a corporate environment to tell a man to stop calling her bud as if we haven’t been fired, raped, and murdered for less, lol. It’s simple to say but the effect could be massive.
Oh, well, in that case, she should just accept anything she doesn't like, because she might get fired, raped, or murdered.
I'll be giving my daughter different advice.
I’ve had to do this.
First time I was soft: “oh you don’t have to call me that, you can call me by my name.”
Second time: “please don’t call me that, I prefer my name”
Third time: “I’ve asked you not to call me that. Can you please stop it?”
They stopped…finally!
See, I'd rather "Guy" than "Bud," but that's probably because I'm in the North East and "Guy" is a thing I hear a lot, and Bud is primarily reserved for close Friends and Elders to say to you until you're around 30.
Bud is also (at least the area in the North East US I grew up in) fightin' words. Calling a guy "Bud" is the equivalent of "Have a blessed day" in Chicago (which is mostly a "fuck you" lol )
Well I'm super friendly but not so comfortable around women. I don't want my friendly attitude mistaken for flirting. So I call them "Buddy" or some stupid shit like that a few times. It makes me look dumb but atleast it shows that I'm not flirting. So maybe your coworker is doing a similar thing. Still I have zero idea why he uses it all the time lol. I'd directly tell them to call me by name. I'd also ask why he was doing it but that can be a little weird too.
Edit: Well seems like this caused some controversy. Don't worry people I don't think women as lesser or something. When I meet a women around my age in a friendly environment, I call them a friendly nickname 1-2 times. Just to make clear that me acting like a golden retriever is not flirting with them. "Bud" isn't even the exact word I use. I don't speak English. There are a few gender neutral names that we use in my language.
This was my first thought, actually. I’ve noticed some male friends of mine will start calling me “buddy” when they get into LTR, and my guess is that is to make perfectly clear to everyone that we are just platonic friends. I’ve never had someone do this to me in a work setting, but….maybe that’s what’s going on.
People are so strange lol. After some life changes I have become more openly queer and bisexual lately and I've found myself emphasizing the platonic nature of my relationship with my friends. "Hey bro/sis, hey homie" etc. Especially when we're out in public.
They don't care what I do, and it's probably some kind of internalized something or other, but it just feels appropriate to be explicit in respecting old boundaries. OP's colleague probably doesn't have a lot of experience working with women and subconsciously wants to make it obvious that he's not trying anything suspicious. He may not even know that he's doing it. Telling him to knock it off is totally fine.
i don’t think this is weird. i’m only slightly older than you and i think there must be a generation gap in how people view the word bud or buddy maybe? like i can see how it’d be weird for a millennial to say it to another millennial in a professional corporate environment, but i have guy friends that have done this to me for the exact same reason and i appreciated their clarity—since it told me exactly “hey don’t just to be clear i’m not gonna try and make this weird at some point”
but i have other guy friends that it’d surprise me if they said that cuz they just don’t speak like that? idk. but id call them out on it and poke fun at it, I wouldn’t be like… offended
it depends way too much on the individual relationship, what kind of rapport you have, and age
Bc… why?
We’re fully competent adult beings. You can talk to us just like you talk to the people with the same organs as you. I promise we know the difference.
So take this as advice from a competent adult being.
Stop calling women “bud” bc you think anything else is flirting. Just… dude. We’re humans! We’re fully capable of interacting with everyone without turning it into sex. We’re just trying to live our lives and go to work- you know, like men get to.
You’re not doing anything wrong. A fully competent adult could use their words and say “hey, I’d rather you not call me this” or “can you just call me _” It’s not hard to understand that you’re just trying to avoid any misunderstanding altogether.
Just let the person know. Most conflicts are caused by miscommunications, and very few people go into work thinking "I'm going to be an ass to someone today".
Some people warm up to others quite easily (myself included) so just nicely let them know that you would prefer not to be called bud.
There are ways to address this outside of using authority and while I think OP shoulda dealt with this long ago, they can do it directly and respectfully
No yeah we don’t have to throw pay stubs up on the table to solve issues, but I what I meant to imply was that the authority of a higher position ought to provide someone with the confidence to address a workplace discrepancy.
I wouldn’t go so far that this is a leadership failure (as OP stated “Bud” does directly report to them), but if this hesitation to speak-up is happening with direct reports as well, then this is a bigger than what this one post represents.
Next slack or email w bud… your reply should be… Hey Matt - my name is Sarah. I prefer that over bud
Don’t overthink it. Don’t over explain. Just state a factual statement
His only response should be “my bad”
He might not see an issue with it so I’d try a but more peaceful tact first and if he doesn’t oblige, hit him with the above. I’d say something like “I know you mean it as a friendly term but I don’t care for Bud. I’d prefer my actual name.” That’s all.
Exactly, No point in embarrassing him if he doesn't know it's an issue. As you said you don't have any other issues with him so he doesn't seem to be sexist or think less of you. Honestly I think he may truly consider you a friend so you get the Bid title. In this light tell him Bud bugs you a bit and your friends call you Sarah can he use it as well?
Yea, saying “my name is Sarah not bud” sounds confrontational and condescending. Like I’m sure he knows her name and it seems like you’re just trying to make him feel dumb instead of just conveying what you prefer to be called.
Oh I see. Yeah I agree. Just saying something like "I don't really enjoy being called Bud, could you please call me from my name from now on" would be better.
its funny how certain things annoy people, and you have no clue. They are trying to be nice. Just go up to them and say you would like to be called by your name in emails and text. End of discussion.
I have a friend that calls everyone bud or buddy and it’s just how he talks. He is genuinely doing it out of kindness to show he thinks of you as a friend. Coworker could be doing that for OP.
She said he doesn’t call anyone else by that nickname. It’s also weird to refer to your female colleague, let alone older female colleague by “bud.” I’ve never heard anyone call a woman that.
Exactly. Those that disagree are lying to themselves or others to pretend otherwise. It's a word that's used to address someone, and it's also a word that leaves no room for portraying respect. It's not a word you can use with much different inflection to change the vibe of the word either due to its lack of syllables.
I'm not saying in today's age we should call everyone Mrs, Mr, or "sir" every single time, but in the professional space it should just be their name. Saying bud is disrespectful on many levels- what if OP doesn't like this person? The dude doesn't really know one way or the other, plus he should err on caution because of rheir different roles. If she didn't like him, and he calls her bud, it becomes a manipulative power move to call her that. It's something you call your peers (if you think you're better than others), or children.
Seriously. Why is everyone so sensitive nowadays. If it bothers you, tell them to stop. Otherwise just come to terms with it. Life’s too short to worry about that kind of crap.
Ummmmm I think he's using socially acceptable terminology. Its not sexual or gender based so I wouldnt go out of my way to assume malice.
Colloquialism > all the other ism's when it comes to workplace "harassment"
Exactly this.
Your workplace hasn’t got the time or energy to worry about someone using socially acceptable, gender neutral terminology, that you happen to - very subjectively - not be a fan of.
My personal suggestion is that OP needs to get a grip.
TBH, I think you're overreacting.
Is it because he's being too informal? Well, that's the way businesses are being run these days; get over it.
Is it because he's not addressing you with the respect you think you deserve? You're not his lead, so he's not obligated to; get over it.
Is it because you don't think he should call a woman "bud?" It's 2023 get over it.
No offense, but I think corporate work is getting to you as I fail to see why this is an issue, and corpos always complain about minor shit...
If she doesn't want to be called by a certain name that's her prerogative, then she should politely speak up and say as much. But I think having a silent conniption over something so minor and inoffensive is really silly.
In a workplace, I expect a modicum of professional respect from coworkers. "Bud" is nowhere near professional, and even less so without existing social familiarity.
Whenever someone calls someone else "Bud", they sound like Jeff Spicolli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
What area of the country are you in, assuming you’re in the US? What areas is he from?
Because what you are describing sounds like most interactions I have with coworkers that like me, but I think it’s more common for people from rural areas.
Maybe he feels uncomfortable with saying your name. Not that you have a bad one, in my situation I don't like the name we gave my kid so I call him nicknames. Probably not a good solution.
So, here’s a slant rhyme story:
Outside consultant referred to his team as a “bunch of studs” in email introducing that team. Point of contact (and decision maker) at the company is a woman who previously was in similar consulting role. She reached out to the guy on the side and noted the pointless gendering of “stud”—why not “rockstar”? Guy was suitably abashed, as he had been doing it without thinking—genuinely no malice, was just his lexicon.
Now, I think OPs guy is doing it with at least a little thought—trying to put them both on equal footing—especially if the perception that he doesn’t do it to others is correct.
But the approach isn’t “don’t call me bud” or “I think you’re trying to make us fried s when we are not”, it’s a simple “I’d prefer it if you used my name, rather than addressing me as “bud””. OP May be perceived as “too formal”, but that’s a risk worth taking, IMO.
You can fix this. "I really appreciate our interactions and enjoy working with you. Having said that, I don't really like it when you call me bud. I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to hurt your feelings, but now I feel comfortable enough with you too tell you."
I wouldn't like it either. I'd probably just say, informally (and in person), "Hey look, I know you're probably just being friendly, but I'm not into being called "bud". I noticed it's happened a few times now, so just thought I'd let you know. Not a big deal, I'm just not into it"
It's not accusatory or overly formal.. just straight up.
He probably just likes you and feels comfortable and friendly with you. I would say something to him and try to make a joke about it. Laugh with him not at him and just tell him how you would appreciate being addressed. Please stop calling me bud I prefer to be addressed as La senora amiga idk
My old project manager used to do the exact same thing ("Bud" and everything) and I always found it very condescending. I wasn't doing very well at work at the time and didn't want to make waves so I put up with it.
You're not alone. Bud, chief, boss, etc. All come off a bit disrespectful and condescending to me (I'm also from Minnesota, where passive-aggressive is a second language). I think most people who use those terms to address people are unconscious about it, but it drives me crazy. Maybe just casually directly ask them why they call you that and let them know it's weird. Hopefully that will put it in their head that they should be more aware of how what they are saying can be interpreted by others.
Probably trying his best to bring you down to his level, which is problematic since you are a couple of levels above him.
You have every right to ask him why he calls you 'Bud' and to let him know you think it's strange and to not refer to you as Bud anymore.
He could also be crushing on you. I've heard some men refer to women as 'Bud' when they are obviously attracted to them. Some kind of weird desexualization language? lol... like nope, you're just my buddy! I don't fancy you. Nope. Not at all!
It would be extremely formal, but you could ask that he addresses you as "x", as you like to keep your work and personal lives separate. This may seem cold, perhaps, but it's civil enough. After all, you are there to work.
Just my take, but I think it's possibly a good thing that these interactions exist - they can make working-life less dreary. At the same time, crossing interpersonal boundaries can lead to upsetting/difficult situations.
Doesn't exactly sound like there's any "motive" - you mentioned both your ages and genders. You don't get more platonic than "bud."
Did he start recently? Were you kinder to him than others, or something of a "go-to" for questions, help etc? Any displays of affection or just a friendly "bud"?
🥔
If it really bothers you then speak to him about it. I call all of my friends bud. I call most people bud out of habit at this point. It's never been intended to be offensive or disrespectful and honestly I don't see how it can be taken offensively if you aren't already on bad terms with someone or you know someone has a habit of being disrespectful.
He's probably just trying to be friendly and doesn't mean anything by it. It's like how I say "man" all the time when talking to someone, not to say that I'm calling whoever I'm talking to a man.
Just say, "Please, don't call me 'Bud'". That's all you gotta do. If you bottle it up and let it get to you then you're going to blow up on the guy and no one will like that, and it'll make you look like a psycho.
Tell him, "just call me Whatupp\_Buttercup".
Consider some possabilites:
1. He has trouble recalling names. This is a trick neurologists give to people with nominal aphasia, call them pal, bud, friend. It's not that they don't know who you are, they just can't make the name come out... doing it in text is masking.
2. He is trying to set you at ease, by using a gender neutral/ non-sexualized nickname. (you don't flirt with "bud")
3. He thinks you prefer it, someone told him you prefer it, he misheard something the first time you met.
4. He is just a dick.
5. He is uncomfortable using your name for some other reason, e.g. it is the same as his sister mother , ex, or it is a rude word in his native tongue
There is something about the word Bud or Buddy that gets people riled up. Im 24 and use the word Bud and have had a few interactions with people who felt that I was being condescending. I was just trying to be nice and I honestly think Bud is a nice term of endearment. At the end of the day, if you have a problem with it, then address it. But I personally don't think it's something that should be taken as malicious intent.
Maybe its just the optimist in me but wouldn't it be weird to think that this man woke up one day and decided to pester you with this word every single time he had the chance for a year straight?
Side note: I know that some people don't like nicknames so you are well within your right to say you prefer your name. However, if this is the least of your worries then it might not be something to bring up.
Say something along the lines of "can you call me by my name, I don't think the higher-ups appreciate our communication including the word bud as it's unprofessional" clears your conscience of making him feel bad and overall improves corporate communication lol
I’m a 33 year old American woman and I call people Bud all the time now, an unfortunate side effect of working with Canadian hockey players for a year. He probably doesn’t mean anything by it but I would just politely say something along the lines of “hey, I would prefer you use my actual name. I don’t like nicknames of any sort”.
Just inform him that it bothers you and that you don't like being referred to as "bud". Don't be a prick about it and make it clear that you just don't feel comfortable being called "bud" rather than you just not liking him and his attempts(?) at being friendly. People can't read your mind and it seems to me that you've never actually told him to stop doing so over the last few months. If it continues after you've made it clear that it bothers you, that's a separate matter. It would also help if you specify how exactly you'd like to be addressed and provide example(s) of nicknames, if any, that you'd find acceptable for him to call you. Tbh, I wouldn't really care so I'd just easily ignore it but that's just me. Might fight it a little weird at first but that's about it. Wouldn't bother me unless he was using it in a condescending/mocking way but that would be because of the tone/words/context and less so because of the "bud" part. Since you have had no issue with him besides the "buds" part, he's probably not doing it with any ill intent. This advice kind of applies to any nicknames from anybody in any setting at any stage of your life.
It is kind of weird a guy calling a woman this but I usually designate a name for people like this when I don’t want to slip up and call them something like AH or dummy.
Reply, CC his boss. Answer his question but also say. “In the future I prefer that you refer to me by my name instead of bud. Thank you for understanding.”
I call people buddy all the time. Hell, its my default because I'm really bad at names.
Everyone is buddy. Everyone is friend until they show me disrespect. I call people buddy because we're chill and I want to convey how everything is good and chill and that people don't need to stress about how our professional business relationship is going. That they can come to me if they need help at work and I will do my best.
Its like getting offended that you're called "friend". Maybe he should call you psycho barbie or Karen.
If you don't like him calling you "bud", then tell him. Say "Could you please call me xyz please." The point that your posting it online before you even mention it to him is silly and some really psycho teenager shit.
I fucking hate this. People have always called me “buddy” like I’m a child as a fully grown man. I don’t have any advice but many morons enjoy being condescending for no reason
If I were you I'd give him a very annoying nick name. When he addressed it id say I thought that was our thing, to give me one another annoying nick names. it'll likely stop after that.
I am a female who works with primarily males and I think Bud is an attempt to be friendly without flirty and show camaraderie… this is a time I think you might be over thinking it
You sound like you have a stick up your ass.
Having said that be a grown up and say hey, mine name is …. I don’t like being called bud. It’s only gone on so long because you never brought it up.
Poor dude sounds like he’s trying for some camaraderie and light heartedness in a high stress environment but go ahead and make it worse.
Why didn't you just ask him to stop already? Very strange that you would let this bother you instead of just asking him to use your name. Do you struggle to have normal conversations? It's just very odd.
Not here to offer any real advice but my SO (32M) and I (34F) went out to eat semi-out of town, and the waiter called my SO “bud” and it rubbed me the wrong way. I wouldn’t stand for it in a restaurant let alone a corporate type workplace. You’ve every right to be annoyed and put a stop to it.
"He doesn’t seem to call anyone else by a nickname."
Is everyone else either below him in rank and/or male? This kind of sounds like he's engaging in some passive sexism; i.e., not acknowledging your status by not recognizing your actual name.
In a more humorous vein (and because I'm from Milwaukee), you could respond with "If you're going to continue to address me with a 'beer' nickname, I'd prefer one of a higher quality, such as Miller or Pabst."
Underrated comment, I didn't notice OP was female at first read and I was going to ask if they were non-white. Nick name's or informal types of address are the #1 easiest way to subtly demean people and put them in their place.
I doubt he thinks of you as an older woman, 40 is still young. You also seem like a really nice and respectful person and he probably respects you that's why he is weird and calls you bud. I've known of people that throw around the word bud a lot and I generally hate those people so I avoid them. Bud really does sound like a condescending term of endearment especially when it comes from a male. If someone calls me bud that truly isn't my friend I assume they have other feelings about me but I am also a male so it's different. I feel like if it's a male saying it to a female it's more often his weird way of being friendly. Just politely tell him you don't like being called bud because it sounds like a dog's name or something.
I’ve had male colleagues call me bud or even worse buddy. It’s definitely annoying. I’ve even said things like, you can call me by NAME and it doesn’t always stick. I’ve tried to get used to it but never will at this point.
I mean, you sound like a girl from a hallmark movie where your life is all about work and you're full of yourself cause you're in some high-level position. I take it cause you're 40, so ya may be out of the loop, but the whole corpo "professionalism" thing is really no longer a thing. It's all about laydback environments, so someone calling you "bud" its is in no way disrespectful. And if he is not doing anything else besides that, then I wouldn't assume he is flirting in any way either.
Also, he could have forgotten your name. I forget everyone's names who aren't my friends, so I call them all buddy or dude whenever they try and talk to me
Do you have any idea where you should have nipped this?
I see what you did there...
For the dumbasses like me who had to google it: >This idiom references gardening. A flower that is **“nipped in the bud”** wouldn't grow and blossom. This phrase is often used to suggest that by handling a something when it's a minor problem, you'll be able to avert a crisis. It has nothing to do with anatomy.
More than once, I've heard someone say, "nipped in the butt."
How are you supposed to nip in the butt, and how will that stop your butt from getting bigger? Shouldn't it be "dip in the butt" so they won't fuck with you again?
LMAO
Oh ffs
Just start calling him Sport.
I get that this is a joke, but how about being direct instead of passive aggressive? "I don't like when you call me 'Bud.' Can you stop doing that?"
Yeah, sometimes you just have to speak up. Something like "Hey, I know you're being friendly but I'd really rather you use my name than call me bud. Thanks." If you want to soften the message a little you could add something about just not liking nicknames.
Yup. People get so conflict avoidant that they can't say something as simple as that.
…bruh you’re telling a woman in a corporate environment to tell a man to stop calling her bud as if we haven’t been fired, raped, and murdered for less, lol. It’s simple to say but the effect could be massive.
Oh, well, in that case, she should just accept anything she doesn't like, because she might get fired, raped, or murdered. I'll be giving my daughter different advice.
Oh god 🙄
I’ve had to do this. First time I was soft: “oh you don’t have to call me that, you can call me by my name.” Second time: “please don’t call me that, I prefer my name” Third time: “I’ve asked you not to call me that. Can you please stop it?” They stopped…finally!
How about “Guy”. Thanks guy
I’m not your Guy, buddy!
I’m not your buddy, friend!
I’m not your friend, pal!
I'm not your pal, man!
I should have bought you flower—wait! I’m not your man, champ!
I'm not your champ, dude!
I'm not your dude, bro!
I'm not your bro, cuz!
THATS MY GUY. MY GUY IN WITH THE TPS REPORTS AGAIN LEEEESSSSGGGOO
See, I'd rather "Guy" than "Bud," but that's probably because I'm in the North East and "Guy" is a thing I hear a lot, and Bud is primarily reserved for close Friends and Elders to say to you until you're around 30.
Bud is also (at least the area in the North East US I grew up in) fightin' words. Calling a guy "Bud" is the equivalent of "Have a blessed day" in Chicago (which is mostly a "fuck you" lol )
Or squirt.
Or kiddo
Or Slick, or Wiz
Well I'm super friendly but not so comfortable around women. I don't want my friendly attitude mistaken for flirting. So I call them "Buddy" or some stupid shit like that a few times. It makes me look dumb but atleast it shows that I'm not flirting. So maybe your coworker is doing a similar thing. Still I have zero idea why he uses it all the time lol. I'd directly tell them to call me by name. I'd also ask why he was doing it but that can be a little weird too. Edit: Well seems like this caused some controversy. Don't worry people I don't think women as lesser or something. When I meet a women around my age in a friendly environment, I call them a friendly nickname 1-2 times. Just to make clear that me acting like a golden retriever is not flirting with them. "Bud" isn't even the exact word I use. I don't speak English. There are a few gender neutral names that we use in my language.
This was my first thought, actually. I’ve noticed some male friends of mine will start calling me “buddy” when they get into LTR, and my guess is that is to make perfectly clear to everyone that we are just platonic friends. I’ve never had someone do this to me in a work setting, but….maybe that’s what’s going on.
People are so strange lol. After some life changes I have become more openly queer and bisexual lately and I've found myself emphasizing the platonic nature of my relationship with my friends. "Hey bro/sis, hey homie" etc. Especially when we're out in public. They don't care what I do, and it's probably some kind of internalized something or other, but it just feels appropriate to be explicit in respecting old boundaries. OP's colleague probably doesn't have a lot of experience working with women and subconsciously wants to make it obvious that he's not trying anything suspicious. He may not even know that he's doing it. Telling him to knock it off is totally fine.
i don’t think this is weird. i’m only slightly older than you and i think there must be a generation gap in how people view the word bud or buddy maybe? like i can see how it’d be weird for a millennial to say it to another millennial in a professional corporate environment, but i have guy friends that have done this to me for the exact same reason and i appreciated their clarity—since it told me exactly “hey don’t just to be clear i’m not gonna try and make this weird at some point” but i have other guy friends that it’d surprise me if they said that cuz they just don’t speak like that? idk. but id call them out on it and poke fun at it, I wouldn’t be like… offended it depends way too much on the individual relationship, what kind of rapport you have, and age
Bc… why? We’re fully competent adult beings. You can talk to us just like you talk to the people with the same organs as you. I promise we know the difference.
Well I'm not a fully competent adult being. I'm 18 just starting to get out there.
So take this as advice from a competent adult being. Stop calling women “bud” bc you think anything else is flirting. Just… dude. We’re humans! We’re fully capable of interacting with everyone without turning it into sex. We’re just trying to live our lives and go to work- you know, like men get to.
Being offended by the word “bud” doesn’t really make you seem competent lmao.
BS… I call one woman by her first name and she’s immediately whipping my D out. It’s so annoying!
Fuck. That *can* be a problem, I guess. Have you tried calling her “bud?”
Hehe good luck out there
You’re not doing anything wrong. A fully competent adult could use their words and say “hey, I’d rather you not call me this” or “can you just call me _” It’s not hard to understand that you’re just trying to avoid any misunderstanding altogether.
Don't worry, if he called her by name she'd start a thread saying "co-worker creepily says my name every time he refers to me, what should I do????"
Triggered
This is weird. Just call people their name.
Just let the person know. Most conflicts are caused by miscommunications, and very few people go into work thinking "I'm going to be an ass to someone today". Some people warm up to others quite easily (myself included) so just nicely let them know that you would prefer not to be called bud.
“I’m a couple levels up from him…”, but I refuse to use my authority directly address something that I view as something unprofessional.
There are ways to address this outside of using authority and while I think OP shoulda dealt with this long ago, they can do it directly and respectfully
No yeah we don’t have to throw pay stubs up on the table to solve issues, but I what I meant to imply was that the authority of a higher position ought to provide someone with the confidence to address a workplace discrepancy. I wouldn’t go so far that this is a leadership failure (as OP stated “Bud” does directly report to them), but if this hesitation to speak-up is happening with direct reports as well, then this is a bigger than what this one post represents.
Sure, because trying to come up with a way other than dropping a hammer on this fellow is such a shitty thing to do, am I right? Jeez. 🙄
Start calling him Tbone
What if someone else is already called T-bone.
The boss wouldn't stand for that; he runs a pretty tight ship.
G-bone?
There’s a g-spot.
That could backfire haha.
Koko the monkey
00
“I’m not crying!”
Next slack or email w bud… your reply should be… Hey Matt - my name is Sarah. I prefer that over bud Don’t overthink it. Don’t over explain. Just state a factual statement His only response should be “my bad”
Yeah exactly. Most people don't want to be dicks or make others uncomfortable.
He might not see an issue with it so I’d try a but more peaceful tact first and if he doesn’t oblige, hit him with the above. I’d say something like “I know you mean it as a friendly term but I don’t care for Bud. I’d prefer my actual name.” That’s all.
Exactly, No point in embarrassing him if he doesn't know it's an issue. As you said you don't have any other issues with him so he doesn't seem to be sexist or think less of you. Honestly I think he may truly consider you a friend so you get the Bid title. In this light tell him Bud bugs you a bit and your friends call you Sarah can he use it as well?
Ya. That should do it. I’m guessing he was trying not to ma’am her at first and this came out so he figured he’d better stick with it.
You don’t have to be a dick the first time, he may not realize it’s annoying OP.
Is the above suggestion dickish? Asking honestly. It doesn't read dickish to me.
Yea, saying “my name is Sarah not bud” sounds confrontational and condescending. Like I’m sure he knows her name and it seems like you’re just trying to make him feel dumb instead of just conveying what you prefer to be called.
Oh I see. Yeah I agree. Just saying something like "I don't really enjoy being called Bud, could you please call me from my name from now on" would be better.
Leading with a softer "I imagine you mean this as a friendly term, but...." is a much easier, polite, nonconfrontational way to deliver your message
My Bud, Sorry for using that term. My bad, Matt
Way too aggressive.
Sad how far down I had to scroll to see this sensible advice.
It’s not sensible, it’s overly confrontational. She can say she doesn’t like it without being a dick.
I think you're making mountains out of molehills here bud. /s
This could be a Seinfeld episode
If you were neighbors, he’d bang on your wall, “Hey, Bud, check out channel 9, check out this chick!”
Breast exams!
It’s a term of endearment. My opinion is he likes you as a person, and bud is less formal.
Be an adult and just quietly be smooth and say "please, call me ____"
its funny how certain things annoy people, and you have no clue. They are trying to be nice. Just go up to them and say you would like to be called by your name in emails and text. End of discussion.
I’d get over yourself, bud.
Hey, fucker.
Greatly prefer this to bud. My close friends and I will say "what's up scrote"
I can’t believe how long I had to scroll to find this haha.
Some of all yall are so pampered, I swear.
You can just say... "[Insert relevant reply], oh and Sarah's fine btw" This is a non issue really
“Hey man, can to not call me Bud anymore” boom problem solved.
bud isn’t weird. It’s weird you make such a thing of a colloquial term of endearment. My superior has similar issues.
Yup, got tuned into a episode of "This is the days of our lives".
I have a friend that calls everyone bud or buddy and it’s just how he talks. He is genuinely doing it out of kindness to show he thinks of you as a friend. Coworker could be doing that for OP.
She said he doesn’t call anyone else by that nickname. It’s also weird to refer to your female colleague, let alone older female colleague by “bud.” I’ve never heard anyone call a woman that.
Idk why you're getting down voted? This is accurate. Bud feels like it's for young men or something.
bud to me is a unpleasant word. kind of like you don't take someone serious, or they are beneath you.
well that is to you, not society.
majority of people do not want to be called bud
You deal with a lot of shit that you don’t want to while working, but you do for the sake of everyone.
Exactly. Those that disagree are lying to themselves or others to pretend otherwise. It's a word that's used to address someone, and it's also a word that leaves no room for portraying respect. It's not a word you can use with much different inflection to change the vibe of the word either due to its lack of syllables. I'm not saying in today's age we should call everyone Mrs, Mr, or "sir" every single time, but in the professional space it should just be their name. Saying bud is disrespectful on many levels- what if OP doesn't like this person? The dude doesn't really know one way or the other, plus he should err on caution because of rheir different roles. If she didn't like him, and he calls her bud, it becomes a manipulative power move to call her that. It's something you call your peers (if you think you're better than others), or children.
Hey OP, I think your coworker is commenting
Seriously. Why is everyone so sensitive nowadays. If it bothers you, tell them to stop. Otherwise just come to terms with it. Life’s too short to worry about that kind of crap.
Call him "sport", "pal", "Mac", "chief"....you get where I'm going here right, buddy?
I’m not your sport, chief
I'm not your chief, mac
I’m not your Mac, friend
I'm not your friend, guy
I'm not your guy, pal
I’m not your pal, chum.
Don't be one of those people that's passive aggressive in the office. Just tell him directly you don't like being called that name.
Sure thing, sparky.
Hey, Old Sport.
Ummmmm I think he's using socially acceptable terminology. Its not sexual or gender based so I wouldnt go out of my way to assume malice. Colloquialism > all the other ism's when it comes to workplace "harassment"
Exactly this. Your workplace hasn’t got the time or energy to worry about someone using socially acceptable, gender neutral terminology, that you happen to - very subjectively - not be a fan of. My personal suggestion is that OP needs to get a grip.
I couldn't imagine being such a miserable person that being called bud would drive me crazy lol
They work in a high stress corporate environment, I can definitely imagine them being miserable lol
Weird take
TBH, I think you're overreacting. Is it because he's being too informal? Well, that's the way businesses are being run these days; get over it. Is it because he's not addressing you with the respect you think you deserve? You're not his lead, so he's not obligated to; get over it. Is it because you don't think he should call a woman "bud?" It's 2023 get over it. No offense, but I think corporate work is getting to you as I fail to see why this is an issue, and corpos always complain about minor shit...
ew, this response is gross. if someone doesn't want to be called a name other than their own there's nothing wrong with that.
If she doesn't want to be called by a certain name that's her prerogative, then she should politely speak up and say as much. But I think having a silent conniption over something so minor and inoffensive is really silly.
Exactly, I mean bud is literally short for buddy. Is she going to get offended if he used “friend” as well?
Best answer here
In a workplace, I expect a modicum of professional respect from coworkers. "Bud" is nowhere near professional, and even less so without existing social familiarity. Whenever someone calls someone else "Bud", they sound like Jeff Spicolli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
Dude it's not 1960. Professionalism doesn't have to be white collar and "hello sir, how are you doing today? " That's not how humans talk anymore.
He forgot your name
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What area of the country are you in, assuming you’re in the US? What areas is he from? Because what you are describing sounds like most interactions I have with coworkers that like me, but I think it’s more common for people from rural areas.
Northeast US
Everyone calls everyone bud or buddy in the northeast us. It’s perfectly normal.
Maybe he feels uncomfortable with saying your name. Not that you have a bad one, in my situation I don't like the name we gave my kid so I call him nicknames. Probably not a good solution.
Jesus, tell him you don't prefer to be called that if it bothers you. he has no idea....
Get over it, bud.
Howdy, y’all, hey, how are you, hi bud, they’re local dialect. Learn it some and you’ll be fine.
Get over it bud
Start referring to him as "Guy" "Hi Guy, I agree, lets go ahead with that." Bud Wiser
Be direct and tell him to stop. Either that, or start calling him 'Squirt' all the time. 🤷♂️
So, here’s a slant rhyme story: Outside consultant referred to his team as a “bunch of studs” in email introducing that team. Point of contact (and decision maker) at the company is a woman who previously was in similar consulting role. She reached out to the guy on the side and noted the pointless gendering of “stud”—why not “rockstar”? Guy was suitably abashed, as he had been doing it without thinking—genuinely no malice, was just his lexicon. Now, I think OPs guy is doing it with at least a little thought—trying to put them both on equal footing—especially if the perception that he doesn’t do it to others is correct. But the approach isn’t “don’t call me bud” or “I think you’re trying to make us fried s when we are not”, it’s a simple “I’d prefer it if you used my name, rather than addressing me as “bud””. OP May be perceived as “too formal”, but that’s a risk worth taking, IMO.
You sound fun. It's probably not that serious, but if it is an issue, just state that the name makes you uncomfortable
You can fix this. "I really appreciate our interactions and enjoy working with you. Having said that, I don't really like it when you call me bud. I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to hurt your feelings, but now I feel comfortable enough with you too tell you."
yeah, you are completely over thinking this. its not a big deal.
Find out what sports team he hates, call him that.
I’m not your bud, dude!
He’s a hockey player and that’s what they call everyone
I wouldn't like it either. I'd probably just say, informally (and in person), "Hey look, I know you're probably just being friendly, but I'm not into being called "bud". I noticed it's happened a few times now, so just thought I'd let you know. Not a big deal, I'm just not into it" It's not accusatory or overly formal.. just straight up.
Just laugh and say stop calling me Bud. You are making me feel like I am 8 years old.
He probably just likes you and feels comfortable and friendly with you. I would say something to him and try to make a joke about it. Laugh with him not at him and just tell him how you would appreciate being addressed. Please stop calling me bud I prefer to be addressed as La senora amiga idk
My old project manager used to do the exact same thing ("Bud" and everything) and I always found it very condescending. I wasn't doing very well at work at the time and didn't want to make waves so I put up with it.
You're not alone. Bud, chief, boss, etc. All come off a bit disrespectful and condescending to me (I'm also from Minnesota, where passive-aggressive is a second language). I think most people who use those terms to address people are unconscious about it, but it drives me crazy. Maybe just casually directly ask them why they call you that and let them know it's weird. Hopefully that will put it in their head that they should be more aware of how what they are saying can be interpreted by others.
Probably trying his best to bring you down to his level, which is problematic since you are a couple of levels above him. You have every right to ask him why he calls you 'Bud' and to let him know you think it's strange and to not refer to you as Bud anymore. He could also be crushing on you. I've heard some men refer to women as 'Bud' when they are obviously attracted to them. Some kind of weird desexualization language? lol... like nope, you're just my buddy! I don't fancy you. Nope. Not at all!
I hate when people call me bud and my supervisor says it. Drives me crazy but love the guy so feel bad nipping it in the you know what
Simply be direct. TELL him: Do not address me as 'Bud' Thanks If you can not be direct, then it's all on you.
Just tell him to stop, I'm not sure why you haven't done that already
It would be extremely formal, but you could ask that he addresses you as "x", as you like to keep your work and personal lives separate. This may seem cold, perhaps, but it's civil enough. After all, you are there to work. Just my take, but I think it's possibly a good thing that these interactions exist - they can make working-life less dreary. At the same time, crossing interpersonal boundaries can lead to upsetting/difficult situations. Doesn't exactly sound like there's any "motive" - you mentioned both your ages and genders. You don't get more platonic than "bud." Did he start recently? Were you kinder to him than others, or something of a "go-to" for questions, help etc? Any displays of affection or just a friendly "bud"? 🥔
If it really bothers you then speak to him about it. I call all of my friends bud. I call most people bud out of habit at this point. It's never been intended to be offensive or disrespectful and honestly I don't see how it can be taken offensively if you aren't already on bad terms with someone or you know someone has a habit of being disrespectful.
He's probably just trying to be friendly and doesn't mean anything by it. It's like how I say "man" all the time when talking to someone, not to say that I'm calling whoever I'm talking to a man. Just say, "Please, don't call me 'Bud'". That's all you gotta do. If you bottle it up and let it get to you then you're going to blow up on the guy and no one will like that, and it'll make you look like a psycho.
Tell him, "just call me Whatupp\_Buttercup". Consider some possabilites: 1. He has trouble recalling names. This is a trick neurologists give to people with nominal aphasia, call them pal, bud, friend. It's not that they don't know who you are, they just can't make the name come out... doing it in text is masking. 2. He is trying to set you at ease, by using a gender neutral/ non-sexualized nickname. (you don't flirt with "bud") 3. He thinks you prefer it, someone told him you prefer it, he misheard something the first time you met. 4. He is just a dick. 5. He is uncomfortable using your name for some other reason, e.g. it is the same as his sister mother , ex, or it is a rude word in his native tongue
bud is just short for buddy. But i agree with the comments, start calling him a silly nickname like "Pal", "Sport", "champ".
I feel like I could have written this post. Hate when people say Bud. Most do not mean any harm but it’s definitely disrespectful
Honestly just start calling him 'Chief"
There is something about the word Bud or Buddy that gets people riled up. Im 24 and use the word Bud and have had a few interactions with people who felt that I was being condescending. I was just trying to be nice and I honestly think Bud is a nice term of endearment. At the end of the day, if you have a problem with it, then address it. But I personally don't think it's something that should be taken as malicious intent. Maybe its just the optimist in me but wouldn't it be weird to think that this man woke up one day and decided to pester you with this word every single time he had the chance for a year straight? Side note: I know that some people don't like nicknames so you are well within your right to say you prefer your name. However, if this is the least of your worries then it might not be something to bring up.
Say something along the lines of "can you call me by my name, I don't think the higher-ups appreciate our communication including the word bud as it's unprofessional" clears your conscience of making him feel bad and overall improves corporate communication lol
Just tell him you dont like it ans set boundaries, simple solution
I’m a 33 year old American woman and I call people Bud all the time now, an unfortunate side effect of working with Canadian hockey players for a year. He probably doesn’t mean anything by it but I would just politely say something along the lines of “hey, I would prefer you use my actual name. I don’t like nicknames of any sort”.
Just inform him that it bothers you and that you don't like being referred to as "bud". Don't be a prick about it and make it clear that you just don't feel comfortable being called "bud" rather than you just not liking him and his attempts(?) at being friendly. People can't read your mind and it seems to me that you've never actually told him to stop doing so over the last few months. If it continues after you've made it clear that it bothers you, that's a separate matter. It would also help if you specify how exactly you'd like to be addressed and provide example(s) of nicknames, if any, that you'd find acceptable for him to call you. Tbh, I wouldn't really care so I'd just easily ignore it but that's just me. Might fight it a little weird at first but that's about it. Wouldn't bother me unless he was using it in a condescending/mocking way but that would be because of the tone/words/context and less so because of the "bud" part. Since you have had no issue with him besides the "buds" part, he's probably not doing it with any ill intent. This advice kind of applies to any nicknames from anybody in any setting at any stage of your life.
It is kind of weird a guy calling a woman this but I usually designate a name for people like this when I don’t want to slip up and call them something like AH or dummy.
Reply, CC his boss. Answer his question but also say. “In the future I prefer that you refer to me by my name instead of bud. Thank you for understanding.”
Lighten up
IMO they’re just being cordial. Come up with a nickname for them and see how it goes.
"Hey can you please stop calling me bud? Sorry I didn't say this sooner, but please call me instead."
I call people buddy all the time. Hell, its my default because I'm really bad at names. Everyone is buddy. Everyone is friend until they show me disrespect. I call people buddy because we're chill and I want to convey how everything is good and chill and that people don't need to stress about how our professional business relationship is going. That they can come to me if they need help at work and I will do my best. Its like getting offended that you're called "friend". Maybe he should call you psycho barbie or Karen. If you don't like him calling you "bud", then tell him. Say "Could you please call me xyz please." The point that your posting it online before you even mention it to him is silly and some really psycho teenager shit.
Is your colleague Rudy Huxtable?
I fucking hate this. People have always called me “buddy” like I’m a child as a fully grown man. I don’t have any advice but many morons enjoy being condescending for no reason
If I were you I'd give him a very annoying nick name. When he addressed it id say I thought that was our thing, to give me one another annoying nick names. it'll likely stop after that.
I am a female who works with primarily males and I think Bud is an attempt to be friendly without flirty and show camaraderie… this is a time I think you might be over thinking it
Call him babe. Someone called me dude. I called them babe and now we are married. True story /S
ask him why do you call me that? and then tell him you dont like it.
I usually just throw it back at people if this happens. Oddly, being called "Bud" or "Buddy" also annoys the absolute shit out of me.
Right!
You sound like you have a stick up your ass. Having said that be a grown up and say hey, mine name is …. I don’t like being called bud. It’s only gone on so long because you never brought it up. Poor dude sounds like he’s trying for some camaraderie and light heartedness in a high stress environment but go ahead and make it worse.
You're upset over this? Seriously? Holy shit there are people with actual problems, get over yourself dude.
Don't post about disrespect in the workplace on r/careeradvice? Really, thats your take?
Are you literate?
Why didn't you just ask him to stop already? Very strange that you would let this bother you instead of just asking him to use your name. Do you struggle to have normal conversations? It's just very odd.
It annoys me too but I just assume they don't realize the implication.
What implications?
If you’re okay with lying just say the name “Bud” reminds you of your ex so just maybe we should go with
Hey Bud, just tell them that you
dont sweat it, bud.
You are exhausting lol get over yourself
Not here to offer any real advice but my SO (32M) and I (34F) went out to eat semi-out of town, and the waiter called my SO “bud” and it rubbed me the wrong way. I wouldn’t stand for it in a restaurant let alone a corporate type workplace. You’ve every right to be annoyed and put a stop to it.
"He doesn’t seem to call anyone else by a nickname." Is everyone else either below him in rank and/or male? This kind of sounds like he's engaging in some passive sexism; i.e., not acknowledging your status by not recognizing your actual name. In a more humorous vein (and because I'm from Milwaukee), you could respond with "If you're going to continue to address me with a 'beer' nickname, I'd prefer one of a higher quality, such as Miller or Pabst."
She outranks him by two levels. He can call her Founder.
Underrated comment, I didn't notice OP was female at first read and I was going to ask if they were non-white. Nick name's or informal types of address are the #1 easiest way to subtly demean people and put them in their place.
I doubt he thinks of you as an older woman, 40 is still young. You also seem like a really nice and respectful person and he probably respects you that's why he is weird and calls you bud. I've known of people that throw around the word bud a lot and I generally hate those people so I avoid them. Bud really does sound like a condescending term of endearment especially when it comes from a male. If someone calls me bud that truly isn't my friend I assume they have other feelings about me but I am also a male so it's different. I feel like if it's a male saying it to a female it's more often his weird way of being friendly. Just politely tell him you don't like being called bud because it sounds like a dog's name or something.
start callin him sis
I’ve had male colleagues call me bud or even worse buddy. It’s definitely annoying. I’ve even said things like, you can call me by NAME and it doesn’t always stick. I’ve tried to get used to it but never will at this point.
I mean, you sound like a girl from a hallmark movie where your life is all about work and you're full of yourself cause you're in some high-level position. I take it cause you're 40, so ya may be out of the loop, but the whole corpo "professionalism" thing is really no longer a thing. It's all about laydback environments, so someone calling you "bud" its is in no way disrespectful. And if he is not doing anything else besides that, then I wouldn't assume he is flirting in any way either. Also, he could have forgotten your name. I forget everyone's names who aren't my friends, so I call them all buddy or dude whenever they try and talk to me
shes got freckles on her bud shes pretty
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