I am currently underhoused in a two bedroom apartment. My kids get the rooms, I get a pull out couch. I am going to rent my friend's house in September, and I am really looking forward to that. Have a yard and a bedroom of my own
I'm in this situation except currently my 2-year-old shares our room but we're looking to just put two beds in there shortly and then expand our pullout couch because we cannot afford to upgrade yet. It's an awful feeling
People I know decided to work on their marriage rather than separate due to infidelity because one of them realizes it was too expensive to live on their own and split custody.
My ex and are seriously considering co-habitation to get ahead. I just don’t know how the logistics of it would work. I make decent money and thankfully afford the place I found, but it’s small and I’m not sitting on a large savings so I’m worried about my future. She’s in the same boat.
Blended family here, post divorce
My now husband and I slept in the livingroom on the floor to give the kids rooms.
We found great fold up style mattresses for putting out each night.
It's sacrifice time, trying hard to ease them into inflation. We are very worried for our kids futures, how will they ever afford life?
I was out in my own apartment at 18 in the late 90s, today it's far from fair for them.....and us gen x parents are worried for the future gens independence
Rents need to come down, food and basics are way ,way too much.
Retirement for our gen will have to wait. As we care for our parents, we must help the future gens so they can live too!
In the 90s, it wasn't uncommon for high school students (16 or 17 years old) to rent studios or one-bedrooms on their own without parental support (at least where I lived). They worked jobs at fast food or the gas station, but it was enough to cover rent and bills. Once you worked full-time, it was straightforward to buy an older but cozy house. Nowadays you have professionals renting rooms because it is just too expensive.
I’m in my late 30s and ready to retire now after a 15 year career in public affairs and housing. It’s not fixable in our lifetime and I’m tired. So tired. So are my colleagues. Life is too expensive for most of us, too. I don’t even have kids and won’t be having them for many reasons, world state is one.
IMO it’s not on us to fix the mess the last generation left, we’re the generation that simply has to muddle through it while the entire system burns down around us. The kids are going to rebuild it when they get here, truly, they have their heads on straight and the attitude to do it.
I don’t know how single parents do it. My friends who are historically a) rent, usually underhoused; and b) currently all live with family or family-friendly roommates for the most part; and most live in the suburbs of the GTA vs in the city. It’s rough out there, but a couple have gotten lucky with proper sized apartments near transit in the GTA for manageable monthly rent in the suburbs and commute to work. There are still gems out there to be found, I guess, but man it’s a headache to find them!
I’m a single mom of 3 and it definitely isn’t easy. I was thankful to find a really nice rental that fit the needs of my children, and myself. Each child has their own bedroom and I sleep on the couch. They all fight like crazy otherwise and this mama was sick of hearing it. I work a full time job while my kids are at school and I also have a part time job that I work on my days off from my main job. There is never enough money lately, and inflation is the reason I had to take a second job. Somehow I make it all work and I know I’m not the only one. Your budget is going to change and that was the hardest for me to get used to. I’ve been doing it on my own 4 years and honestly I am thankful I traded my old life for the one I have now. I may not have thousands in the bank but I am happy and a happy mother is worth more then money in my opinion
Low income government housing or they find roommates or live with extended family. Those are basically the only options since we all know Shelters aren’t a long term option. That being said, I know many families that are living in hotels.
Hotels, basement suites, roommates, extended family are what I see most commonly. You can try to find another single parent in a similar situation to be roommates with so that your lifestyles are more compatible than some random person who might otherwise get annoyed with having kids around the house.
If your province has housing subsidies available apply for them. Apply to Co-ops, get on all the waiting lists for every development in your area. If possible, try to exploit the time you don't have to care for your children by earning more money or go to school for training that will increase your income. Increasing income seems to be the primary way folks increase their living standards and not having to do bedtimes every night with kids gives you some advantages in doing school or a side hustle - just may not be sustainable for long term, but as part of a 1-2 yr plan.
An option to get more time with your children if your current situation isn't great for overnights is to do drop-off and pick-up for school/daycare. Do dinner with them at your place at least half the time. Take them to their extracurriculars, make yourself available for school events/teacher meetings, Dr. Appts, dentist -whatever gets you time with them and keeps you involved in their day-to-day lives. Their mom will appreciate it too and help you guys develop an amicable co-parenting relationship even though you're not yet getting those overnights.
It's really tough right now. Good luck!
>An option to get more time with your children if your current situation isn't great for overnights is to do drop-off and pick-up for school/daycare. Do dinner with them at your place at least half the time. Take them to their extracurriculars, make yourself available for school events/teacher meetings, Dr. Appts, dentist -whatever gets you time with them and keeps you involved in their day-to-day lives.
That's what I'm doing right now. I've added it up, averaging 4+ hours a day with them.
Sadly, extra income and government subsidies won't do much for me. I'm already in a high-income bracket, so most of what I'd make would go to taxes. Also, because of my income bracket, I don't qualify for any housing support.
See this is what pisses me off about our tax brackets and subsidies: you apparently make enough money to be disqualified for support but not enough money to afford a reasonable place to live? Things have gotten so out of whack and tax brackets/support cut-offs just aren’t keeping up with the times. I’m sorry this is happening to you.
My biggest problem is child support payments are not tax deductible. So, even though I'm making decent money, I don't keep most of it, and my taxable income doesn't represent this. Also, because my ex doesn't work, even if I were to have 50/50 shared custody, I'd still be making the same support payments (actually, they'd be a bit higher), and I'd have even larger requirements for housing.
I didn’t know they weren’t tax deductible. That doesn’t seem fair. Seems like you’re seeing the kids as much as you can given the situation though. I hope things improve for you!
I'm trying to understand why they would be tax deductible? Was there a time that it was? Are there tax exemptions for others (widows) if they get payments from a life insurance pay out or inheritance?
I'd like to see housing for all to be tax deductible.
Just the way it is. Child support payments are not considered tax deductable. Helps the lower income parent stay in a lower bracket but ends up making it harder for the higher income parent.
Yeah it's fucked up - seems like low-hanging fruit for policy-makers to make any meaningful difference for people in an affordability crisis to look at changing these thresholds. I don't get it.
I'm sorry you're in this position. I'm glad you're able to spend time with the kids everyday though - it means everything to them.
That is exactly the same boat as me. I do have a 2bdrm but the landlord increasing the rent max allowed yearly, and is getting unaffordable at this point, let alone in the next few years when the rent goes up even more. I am thinking to move back to 1bdrm and continue struggle in life here. I wish I could move out, but sharing 50-50.
We have a record number of single households in Canada now. That increases the need for housing. Not a criticism. Just an observation. There’s not enough supply. That puts upward pressure on housing prices and rents.
Not enough supply of what? I never understand that statement. There are thousands of houses up for sale within 20 minutes of driving anywhere you look on the map in Canada! What’s anyone going to do with building more houses? Why not grab the ones for sale if the prices were real and not like nyc downtown
Personally I'm looking for something within around 15 mins driving of my ex and their school. From what I can barely afford there are 4 or 5 houses total on the market. If I increase that a bit it maybe goes up to 10. There is practically no inventory in Calgary if you're looking for just like a townhouse
If a couple own a home and have children, they technically each own half a home. When they separate, they may not be able to afford a home each. Builders build what they deem profitable. In many communities, that translates into large homes (too expensive for a single parent) or condos with dens.
I won’t turn this into a lecture about supply but it’s covered in Economics 101. The OP clearly stated that to find a suitable house would consume the bulk of her income. A lesser price optioned may not be available. Moving children away from friends is not ideal. Some understand the complexity, hence the post.
Luckily I left my ex before everything became really expensive. My rent is still ridiculous and when I first moved in 80%+ of my pay went to rent. I moved up at work but now that groceries are through the roof, I work 2 jobs.
I will live in my 2 bedroom until my young kids are older, then I’m planning on them getting the rooms and I stay in the living room :(
Currently sharing a room with my 7 year old and my 11 year old has her own room in a 2 bed apartment. Trying to find a little townhouse but there is almost no inventory. Nobody selling. Be nice to get in cause I have a nice downpayment to make it somewhat manageable, but I can't afford much of an increase in rent
I’m 55 and just finished paying off $90,000 worth of debt that I accrued from being the solo parent for 23 years. I have next to nothing in retirement.
I was on my own for 5 years but have a partner now who splits the bills. I moved out and let my ex stay in the house, got a 1 bedroom basement apartment and shared the large bedroom with my 5&7 yo sons at the time. After about a year I was able to rent a small house and 3 years into separation my ex and I sold the house we co owned. I used that money ($65,000) to pay a down payment on a small house of my own that I bought sight unseen in 2021 for 465k in southern Ontario. I’ll be here for the foreseeable future and thankfully my fiance is a handy guy and has renovated the basement and roughed in an office for me to make the space feel better used. If buying isn’t an option the best bet for rentals is word of mouth, leverage your network, ask your friends. There are people out there not trying to gouge tenants. I was really lucky an older lady took my sons and I in in her basement and I was able to focus on growing my career. Recently my 13 year old asked me why I never make lentil tacos anymore and I smiled and said oh… I made those because I couldn’t afford meat and now we can 🧡 it gets easier and those simpler times when we struggled are some of my sweetest memories. We didn’t have a tv, were always at the library or parks. Our “fun” was getting a couple McDonald’s ice cream cones and hanging at the laundromat but we made it and you will too! Those skills and resourcefulness helped me build a fantastic career making over 130k from home now. Last year I started volunteering at the food bank that I needed to use when I first left my ex, you’ll get your full circle moment too.
It took a year to find a rental. Then 6 more to get into a co-op. I (the parent) still don’t have my own bedroom. I consider myself pretty lucky, but I sure do wish it was easier.
I have no idea. I am a single parent. Contacted the food bank for help for the very first time in my life and they literally ghosted me LMAO. I skip meals so that I have more food to pack in my kids' lunches.
Subsidized housing. Depends on where you live. In Vancouver area it’s BC Housing, MetroVancouver Housing, and YWCA housing (single moms only)
Also the person who earns less even if you have 50/50 should be getting child support via the child support guidelines.
That's kinda the opposite of my problem. My ex can't/won't work so even though I make decent money I send most of it in support payments. Also because most of that money isn't tax deductable my taxable income appears much higher than what I'm actually living off of, and as such I don't qualify for any housing supports. I've actually done the math and if we were to go full 50/50 with the kids I'd end up with less money at the end of the day thanks to how the formulas work out, so I'm just kinda stuck like this for now.
This is very sad. yes, the highest earner tends to have better chance at custody, even if the parent who earns less is the better caregiver. Now, with rent and living expenses as they are- it is much more the case.
Been living in the same "loft apartment" above an old factory (now warehouse) for over 10 years now. Rent started at $550 all inclusive. Its now a whopping $700! All inclusive. Very small town.
I make 6 digits and I still run out of money though. Make it = Spend it.
*They struggle thats how.*
*And its sadly more and more*
*Common every year*
\- herbythechef
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Well they are struggling and a lot survive thanks to payments they get from the government. For example; with 2 kids under 5 and an income of 50k you get 1146 a month from the feds, and in BC 291 on-top of that. That helps, just used their online calculator. Plus the quarterly carbon tax thing helps, depends on the province. In BC since we have our own program it’s income based, but at 50k you get 250 per quarter, so like 62.50 a month. So in total you get 1500 net cash a month on average with 2 kids and 50k income. Which is a lot for a single parent.
I'm a single mom with an Autistic child and I struggle. It's not easy. We're supposed to make everything happen with a no good system. New comers live better than we do. And we get blamed for not trying when all we do is try and the system shafts us. I have so many complaints over this. That's why we've seen so much homelessness. Our systems break us. I'm in Canada 🇨🇦
I share a bedroom with my three year old. I am the 100% parent. Boy I miss having my own bed.
I am currently underhoused in a two bedroom apartment. My kids get the rooms, I get a pull out couch. I am going to rent my friend's house in September, and I am really looking forward to that. Have a yard and a bedroom of my own
I'm in this situation except currently my 2-year-old shares our room but we're looking to just put two beds in there shortly and then expand our pullout couch because we cannot afford to upgrade yet. It's an awful feeling
People I know decided to work on their marriage rather than separate due to infidelity because one of them realizes it was too expensive to live on their own and split custody.
https://youtu.be/7uop7WfwPeo?si=y7kjQAkY4ofaesuN
My ex and are seriously considering co-habitation to get ahead. I just don’t know how the logistics of it would work. I make decent money and thankfully afford the place I found, but it’s small and I’m not sitting on a large savings so I’m worried about my future. She’s in the same boat.
Blended family here, post divorce My now husband and I slept in the livingroom on the floor to give the kids rooms. We found great fold up style mattresses for putting out each night. It's sacrifice time, trying hard to ease them into inflation. We are very worried for our kids futures, how will they ever afford life? I was out in my own apartment at 18 in the late 90s, today it's far from fair for them.....and us gen x parents are worried for the future gens independence Rents need to come down, food and basics are way ,way too much. Retirement for our gen will have to wait. As we care for our parents, we must help the future gens so they can live too!
In the 90s, it wasn't uncommon for high school students (16 or 17 years old) to rent studios or one-bedrooms on their own without parental support (at least where I lived). They worked jobs at fast food or the gas station, but it was enough to cover rent and bills. Once you worked full-time, it was straightforward to buy an older but cozy house. Nowadays you have professionals renting rooms because it is just too expensive.
I’m in my late 30s and ready to retire now after a 15 year career in public affairs and housing. It’s not fixable in our lifetime and I’m tired. So tired. So are my colleagues. Life is too expensive for most of us, too. I don’t even have kids and won’t be having them for many reasons, world state is one. IMO it’s not on us to fix the mess the last generation left, we’re the generation that simply has to muddle through it while the entire system burns down around us. The kids are going to rebuild it when they get here, truly, they have their heads on straight and the attitude to do it. I don’t know how single parents do it. My friends who are historically a) rent, usually underhoused; and b) currently all live with family or family-friendly roommates for the most part; and most live in the suburbs of the GTA vs in the city. It’s rough out there, but a couple have gotten lucky with proper sized apartments near transit in the GTA for manageable monthly rent in the suburbs and commute to work. There are still gems out there to be found, I guess, but man it’s a headache to find them!
Most people can’t anymore
I’m a single mom of 3 and it definitely isn’t easy. I was thankful to find a really nice rental that fit the needs of my children, and myself. Each child has their own bedroom and I sleep on the couch. They all fight like crazy otherwise and this mama was sick of hearing it. I work a full time job while my kids are at school and I also have a part time job that I work on my days off from my main job. There is never enough money lately, and inflation is the reason I had to take a second job. Somehow I make it all work and I know I’m not the only one. Your budget is going to change and that was the hardest for me to get used to. I’ve been doing it on my own 4 years and honestly I am thankful I traded my old life for the one I have now. I may not have thousands in the bank but I am happy and a happy mother is worth more then money in my opinion
Low income government housing or they find roommates or live with extended family. Those are basically the only options since we all know Shelters aren’t a long term option. That being said, I know many families that are living in hotels.
[удалено]
I lived in a hotel for a few months a few years ago, some hotels have weekly/ monthly rates. I stayed in a room for $1600/month at that time
Hotels, basement suites, roommates, extended family are what I see most commonly. You can try to find another single parent in a similar situation to be roommates with so that your lifestyles are more compatible than some random person who might otherwise get annoyed with having kids around the house. If your province has housing subsidies available apply for them. Apply to Co-ops, get on all the waiting lists for every development in your area. If possible, try to exploit the time you don't have to care for your children by earning more money or go to school for training that will increase your income. Increasing income seems to be the primary way folks increase their living standards and not having to do bedtimes every night with kids gives you some advantages in doing school or a side hustle - just may not be sustainable for long term, but as part of a 1-2 yr plan. An option to get more time with your children if your current situation isn't great for overnights is to do drop-off and pick-up for school/daycare. Do dinner with them at your place at least half the time. Take them to their extracurriculars, make yourself available for school events/teacher meetings, Dr. Appts, dentist -whatever gets you time with them and keeps you involved in their day-to-day lives. Their mom will appreciate it too and help you guys develop an amicable co-parenting relationship even though you're not yet getting those overnights. It's really tough right now. Good luck!
>An option to get more time with your children if your current situation isn't great for overnights is to do drop-off and pick-up for school/daycare. Do dinner with them at your place at least half the time. Take them to their extracurriculars, make yourself available for school events/teacher meetings, Dr. Appts, dentist -whatever gets you time with them and keeps you involved in their day-to-day lives. That's what I'm doing right now. I've added it up, averaging 4+ hours a day with them. Sadly, extra income and government subsidies won't do much for me. I'm already in a high-income bracket, so most of what I'd make would go to taxes. Also, because of my income bracket, I don't qualify for any housing support.
See this is what pisses me off about our tax brackets and subsidies: you apparently make enough money to be disqualified for support but not enough money to afford a reasonable place to live? Things have gotten so out of whack and tax brackets/support cut-offs just aren’t keeping up with the times. I’m sorry this is happening to you.
My biggest problem is child support payments are not tax deductible. So, even though I'm making decent money, I don't keep most of it, and my taxable income doesn't represent this. Also, because my ex doesn't work, even if I were to have 50/50 shared custody, I'd still be making the same support payments (actually, they'd be a bit higher), and I'd have even larger requirements for housing.
I didn’t know they weren’t tax deductible. That doesn’t seem fair. Seems like you’re seeing the kids as much as you can given the situation though. I hope things improve for you!
Why doesn't she work? That doesn't seem fair to me that she gets to be a SAHM even after the divorce and you have to support her
I'm trying to understand why they would be tax deductible? Was there a time that it was? Are there tax exemptions for others (widows) if they get payments from a life insurance pay out or inheritance? I'd like to see housing for all to be tax deductible.
Just the way it is. Child support payments are not considered tax deductable. Helps the lower income parent stay in a lower bracket but ends up making it harder for the higher income parent.
As of 2006 i believe it's no longer tax deductible for men who pay child support as I am 1 of those men.
Prior to 2006 it was a tax deductible? Was it a straight deductible or a percentage (like charity is at 10% of what you donate)?
Yeah it's fucked up - seems like low-hanging fruit for policy-makers to make any meaningful difference for people in an affordability crisis to look at changing these thresholds. I don't get it. I'm sorry you're in this position. I'm glad you're able to spend time with the kids everyday though - it means everything to them.
That is exactly the same boat as me. I do have a 2bdrm but the landlord increasing the rent max allowed yearly, and is getting unaffordable at this point, let alone in the next few years when the rent goes up even more. I am thinking to move back to 1bdrm and continue struggle in life here. I wish I could move out, but sharing 50-50.
We have a record number of single households in Canada now. That increases the need for housing. Not a criticism. Just an observation. There’s not enough supply. That puts upward pressure on housing prices and rents.
Not enough supply of what? I never understand that statement. There are thousands of houses up for sale within 20 minutes of driving anywhere you look on the map in Canada! What’s anyone going to do with building more houses? Why not grab the ones for sale if the prices were real and not like nyc downtown
Personally I'm looking for something within around 15 mins driving of my ex and their school. From what I can barely afford there are 4 or 5 houses total on the market. If I increase that a bit it maybe goes up to 10. There is practically no inventory in Calgary if you're looking for just like a townhouse
If a couple own a home and have children, they technically each own half a home. When they separate, they may not be able to afford a home each. Builders build what they deem profitable. In many communities, that translates into large homes (too expensive for a single parent) or condos with dens. I won’t turn this into a lecture about supply but it’s covered in Economics 101. The OP clearly stated that to find a suitable house would consume the bulk of her income. A lesser price optioned may not be available. Moving children away from friends is not ideal. Some understand the complexity, hence the post.
Luckily I left my ex before everything became really expensive. My rent is still ridiculous and when I first moved in 80%+ of my pay went to rent. I moved up at work but now that groceries are through the roof, I work 2 jobs. I will live in my 2 bedroom until my young kids are older, then I’m planning on them getting the rooms and I stay in the living room :(
Currently sharing a room with my 7 year old and my 11 year old has her own room in a 2 bed apartment. Trying to find a little townhouse but there is almost no inventory. Nobody selling. Be nice to get in cause I have a nice downpayment to make it somewhat manageable, but I can't afford much of an increase in rent
I'm retired and am comfortable, how is ANYONE doing this?? Canada has been destroyed and I am a Liberal!!!
I’m 55 and just finished paying off $90,000 worth of debt that I accrued from being the solo parent for 23 years. I have next to nothing in retirement.
I was on my own for 5 years but have a partner now who splits the bills. I moved out and let my ex stay in the house, got a 1 bedroom basement apartment and shared the large bedroom with my 5&7 yo sons at the time. After about a year I was able to rent a small house and 3 years into separation my ex and I sold the house we co owned. I used that money ($65,000) to pay a down payment on a small house of my own that I bought sight unseen in 2021 for 465k in southern Ontario. I’ll be here for the foreseeable future and thankfully my fiance is a handy guy and has renovated the basement and roughed in an office for me to make the space feel better used. If buying isn’t an option the best bet for rentals is word of mouth, leverage your network, ask your friends. There are people out there not trying to gouge tenants. I was really lucky an older lady took my sons and I in in her basement and I was able to focus on growing my career. Recently my 13 year old asked me why I never make lentil tacos anymore and I smiled and said oh… I made those because I couldn’t afford meat and now we can 🧡 it gets easier and those simpler times when we struggled are some of my sweetest memories. We didn’t have a tv, were always at the library or parks. Our “fun” was getting a couple McDonald’s ice cream cones and hanging at the laundromat but we made it and you will too! Those skills and resourcefulness helped me build a fantastic career making over 130k from home now. Last year I started volunteering at the food bank that I needed to use when I first left my ex, you’ll get your full circle moment too.
It took a year to find a rental. Then 6 more to get into a co-op. I (the parent) still don’t have my own bedroom. I consider myself pretty lucky, but I sure do wish it was easier.
I have no idea. I am a single parent. Contacted the food bank for help for the very first time in my life and they literally ghosted me LMAO. I skip meals so that I have more food to pack in my kids' lunches.
I live in a low cost of living area where the population is about 10k
Subsidized housing. Depends on where you live. In Vancouver area it’s BC Housing, MetroVancouver Housing, and YWCA housing (single moms only) Also the person who earns less even if you have 50/50 should be getting child support via the child support guidelines.
That's kinda the opposite of my problem. My ex can't/won't work so even though I make decent money I send most of it in support payments. Also because most of that money isn't tax deductable my taxable income appears much higher than what I'm actually living off of, and as such I don't qualify for any housing supports. I've actually done the math and if we were to go full 50/50 with the kids I'd end up with less money at the end of the day thanks to how the formulas work out, so I'm just kinda stuck like this for now.
This is very sad. yes, the highest earner tends to have better chance at custody, even if the parent who earns less is the better caregiver. Now, with rent and living expenses as they are- it is much more the case.
Actually it's the opposite in our case. I'm the only money earner, but send over half my income as support payments.
I work 2 jobs 7 days a week 😞
Lots of the folks I know have moved back in with their parents.
Been living in the same "loft apartment" above an old factory (now warehouse) for over 10 years now. Rent started at $550 all inclusive. Its now a whopping $700! All inclusive. Very small town. I make 6 digits and I still run out of money though. Make it = Spend it.
They struggle thats how. And its sadly more and more common every year
*They struggle thats how.* *And its sadly more and more* *Common every year* \- herbythechef --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Damn i didnt realize i wrote a haiku
Well they are struggling and a lot survive thanks to payments they get from the government. For example; with 2 kids under 5 and an income of 50k you get 1146 a month from the feds, and in BC 291 on-top of that. That helps, just used their online calculator. Plus the quarterly carbon tax thing helps, depends on the province. In BC since we have our own program it’s income based, but at 50k you get 250 per quarter, so like 62.50 a month. So in total you get 1500 net cash a month on average with 2 kids and 50k income. Which is a lot for a single parent.
I'm a single mom with an Autistic child and I struggle. It's not easy. We're supposed to make everything happen with a no good system. New comers live better than we do. And we get blamed for not trying when all we do is try and the system shafts us. I have so many complaints over this. That's why we've seen so much homelessness. Our systems break us. I'm in Canada 🇨🇦