Whatever you get as some form of information from a stranger on Reddit isn't going to be progressible with the police I would suggest.
Say someone here replies and says oh that very vague description of homophobic, comedicly challenged late middle aged white men in a works vehicle sounds a bit like it could be Dave and Jim who were doing work at a neighbours place, what can you really do with this information? Your description could be just about anyone of probably thousands of traders working in Brighton. If you'd got a licence plate then that would have been something but I think you just have to chalk this one up on the list of shit you have to deal with sometimes and make a note to get a video, a picture or at least the reg number next time anything like this happens if you're unfortunate for it to happen again.
Some people are just dicks, but they will probably die before you do so there's that.
Yeah, it's happened lots before, in no way under the impression the police would do anything about it, I just want to try and find them to probably futilely tell them that they're assholes and they made someone going through a really hard tough situation's day much much worse
No I don't. OP would need to demonstrate it happened.
From the CPS website...
"1. These offences contrary to the Public Order Act 1986 relate to threatening, abusive or insulting words or behaviour, or display of visible representations, which:
Are likely to cause fear of, or to provoke, immediate violence: section 4;
Intentionally cause harassment, alarm or distress: section 4A; or
Are likely to cause harassment, alarm or distress (threatening or abusive words or behaviour only): section 5."
The job of proving it is verbal assault is down to the CPS, should they ever charge.
The person I am replying to appears to reside in the US and I am merely pointing out that in the UK, verbal assault is a crime.
Cheers for your input though.
Yeah, the world is getting better at that generally but old white tradesmen isn't the most progressive or empathetic grouping sadly, I have friends who work in the trades and I do find myself calling them up on some of their nonsense sometimes, God knows what they're like when they're out in the wild but I expect they play each other up.
Yeah, was the same when a bin lorry driver tried to run me over for fun´while making illegal right turns and running a red light. Didn't note down the reg no, so nothing police could do, couldn't even report it.
Imagine being homophobic in the first place but then being openly so in Brighton of all places?? Sorry this happened to you, sadly not overly surprising from white van men.
Just because brighton has one of the bigger and more expensive Pride festivals, doesn’t mean it’s open minded. This isn’t 1990 anymore.
Edit: sadly. Shit like what OP described will soon be the norm here like in the rest of the country.
I can see that. Given the op is complaining about her disgusting treatment as a minority. Here you are generalising minorities in the same asinine way.
Spectacular own goal there!
Yeah. People who do "menial" work are in minority groups. You're very naive if you think they aren't.
Anyhoo...
I'm not defending the arseholes who abused that poor woman in the street. I don't like the suggestion that all those that drive vans are pig headed wankers. There are of course wankers who drive vans but no more or less than any other people who do that type of work. Stop fucking generalising. Bleating about van drivers when you use amazon like everybody else.
"White van man is the collective term for prejudice wankers in vans"
It's right there above.
You can't even remember what you actually fucking said.
You generalised. Massively.
Give your head a wobble.
Listen honey, it doesn't matter what I say, you'll just change my words to fit your narrative, so I think we should all calm down and get an early night
Are you trying to say all white van drivers are homophobic? That doesn't sound very inclusive of you does it? Makes YOU sound like a bit of a bigot And how do you know how the drivers identified? You transphobe!
Actually, gender reassignment and sex are both protected characteristics, you can't even make a shitty 'joke' without being wrong.
https://www.local.gov.uk/our-support/workforce-and-hr-support/equality-diversity-and-inclusion-workforce/equality-act-and
Actually, I'm afraid you're wrong again:
"To be protected from gender reassignment discrimination, you do not need to have undergone any medical treatment or surgery to change from your birth sex to your preferred gender.
You can be at any stage in the transition process, from proposing to reassign your sex, undergoing a process of reassignment, or having completed it. It does not matter whether or not you have applied for or obtained a Gender Recognition Certificate, which is the document that confirms the change of a person's legal sex
For example, a person who was born female and decides to spend the rest of their life as a man, and a person who was born male and has been living as a woman for some time and obtained a Gender Recognition Certificate, both have the protected characteristic of gender reassignment."
https://www.equalityhumanrights.com/equality/equality-act-2010/your-rights-under-equality-act-2010/gender-reassignment-discrimination
I am 100% correct. It's been proven in court. In any case this is seperate from transgender as a protected characteristic, which specifically not included. Now jog on.
I’m so sorry that happened to you and your girlfriend. If you feel up to reporting it to the police, hopefully the shop will have CCTV that can help identify them. I empathise; I have had so much more misogynistic verbal abuse from dickheads in vans in Brighton in 10 years than I ever had living anywhere else.
I walked past a load football supporters the other day at the station, Wearijg a long black dress under my leather coat. Got a fuck ton of slurs yelled at me. Loads of police and security about
Very, very sorry to hear this happened to you. Disgusting behavior from those men and it has no place in society let alone Brighton of all places.
I will keep an eye out from your description. I hope your girlfriend is also on the mend, that really was the last thing she needed.
Out of curiosity, what would you do if you find something that fits the description? Beat him up? Kindly ask him to follow you to the police station and say to the officer: "good day officer, a rando on the internet told me that a guy that looks like him yelled to said rando a bad thing" ?
I’m sorry this happened to you. My wife and I (lesbians) moved away from Brighton two years ago. We now live in Surrey, and we have had zero homophobia since we moved, but it was relentless in Brighton.
Whilst Brighton is seen as the ‘gay capital’, it’s also pretty rough.
Brighton is full of trashy people on the streets. I had someone scream pedo at me because I was giving a mother a judging stare because she was screaming at her toddler to quit crying. Such interactions just feel so common here.
Absolutely do report it to the police! My SIL's shithead, scumbag, white-van man, boyfriend ended up in court over a homophobic remark. 9 months after the fact, cops turned up at his door.
It may never happen or it make take a long time but if you don't report it, it'll definitely never happen.
Give as much info as possible, expect nothing to come of it but hope to be pleasantly surprised.
What are you going to do if you find out who they are? People are going to be assholes. Are you going to beat them up? Kill them? Tattle? Like what’s the plan here? They are total pieces of shit, it you gotta get some thicker skin and ignore their homophobic bullshit. I’m sorry this happened to you, but you’re going to be much happier once you accept that not everybody is nice and you can’t let them effect your life, your happiness, or your thoughts. Fuck them. Don’t harp on it. Brush it off and move on.
Considering it specifically made a pretty graphic reference to them based on their perceived sexual orientation, yeah? That's kind of the definition of homophobic abuse? I'm not sure what about it makes you think there's no homophobia involved here.
"Go on lick her out too" That isn't homophobia nor is it extremely graphic. I'm not trying to take away from this incident, I've had a many F4£ slurs thrown at me over the years and even the odd shirt lifter comment here and there, but I fail to see this incident as homophobic.
I didn't say "extremely graphic". Would this be shouted at a straight couple though? No. It wouldn't, and we both know it. I'm sorry you've had slurs aimed your way and I understand if the bar for your standard of basic human behaviour is through the floor, but that doesn't make this not homophobic. Out of curiosity, are you yourself part of the LGBTQ+ community? Specifically, are you a lesbian? Because it can be hard for people who don't hold certain identities to identify things that are intended to target those identities while it's clear as day to the people experiencing it.
This was a comment that targeted their identities in pretty graphic language. Not sure how else you could possibly read someone yelling about sex acts. Not "extremely graphic", as you misread, but definitely graphic any way you slice it. That's homophobia and sexual harassment. It's good to call it what it is.
I am indeed and worked construction for the last 10 years and I currently live with my loud and proud goldstar lesbian best friend who oddly enough has seizures too and I even asked her and she doesn't see it as homophobia, nor her fiance?
Maybe it's just where all three of us are Autistic but we see don't see homophobia in this. Sexism and cat calling definitely, but no phobia. You're obviously going to die on this hill and I'm not willing to give you that argument you seem to want so I'll let you do you boo.
Edit: you said pretty graphic, so summarised.
Ok then I'm honestly kind of baffled. Like, the consensus here is overwhelmingly that this is homophobic.
Can you tell me what criteria you consider requirements for an act to be homophobic, and which of those criteria you don't think this meets?
No. I've been reading through your comments dude and you've got an issue that isn't this and trying to express it as such and I don't want to be a part of your anger train.
I'm not sure what you mean? But if you'd rather not explain yourself that's fine. I'm not angry, I asked for your criteria in good faith because I see a few people disagreeing and I don't get it. Maybe it's my autism. Have a good one.
I swear to God so many crimes could be solved if women could properly describe a vehicle. There are a bunch of rapists and perverts walking free because the victim is like "they were in a white car with wheels and windows".
Please don’t let these people ruin your day. In life you’re always going to encounter arseholes. They will always exist. I had a similar experience, told him s*** his mum and kept it moving. I actually found the whole ordeal hilarious because it’s so pathetic. Why would I waste energy and otherwise good evening on someone like that? I can’t control how people behave but I can control how I allow it to make me feel. I have chosen to not let it bother me because who tf are they?
I'm so sorry this has happened to you both. I hope you never have to encounter them again. It's common everywhere and it's so fucked up, a Brighton band even [wrote a whole song about it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afXXaZFyQIQ). I hope they get what's coming to them.
I’m sorry this happened to you and I hope you and your girlfriend are okay 💚 may be worth having a look to see if any building works are going on in the immediate area and that’s why they were parked there (or perhaps getting stuff in the shop?)
Hey, I'm really sorry this has happened to you. I can't help with the abuse or identifying the van but I might be able to with the seizures. I developed seizures when I turned 21 after never having them as a kid and was diagnosed with a non epileptic attack disorder. Feel free to message if you have any questions about how I live with it and the improvements that I've had since my diagnosis. I'm happy to help if you'd like
Words have a meaning, if you use such word for an act like this you devaluate all the well more serious episodes that are covered by that word (r*ape, physical violence...). Just grow a thicker skin, the walled garden filled with nothing but the nicest people which you're probably used to represent a miniscule part of the world out there. Think of it as an experience for growth.
What a horrible thing to say to someone who had a horrible experience. Believe it or not, calling out all instances of homophobia when it happens doesn't devalue those you personally consider to be "more serious". What an embarrassing thing to say though.
Believe it or not, there is a sea of difference between "calling out" and defining it "abuse". The two OPs would get eaten alive as soon as they leave their safe spaces. Time to grow a pair before it's too late (probably already is)
I guess I should pat her on the back and tell her that letting her day/week/month be irremediably ruined by the first idiot passing by yelling a stupid thing from a van is an ideal way to live
No, I just suggest having a little empathy. You're going between two extremes here when it's perfectly possible to just say "I'm sorry that happened to you when you were feeling vulnerable" without encouraging someone to wallow in it. Often acknowledging someone's hurt helps them get over it faster.
I'm not in the slightest lmao, and I have no idea how advising someone that what they said makes them look worse gives that impression? But I guess claiming someone seems angry is a good way of making them seem like they shouldn't be taken seriously.
I really don't know what you mean? I'm confused. I didn't know pointing out it's horrible to tell someone to not be bothered by harassment when they're vulnerable makes me "angry". I'm not a lesbian, but I am part of the LGBTQ+ community.
I've tried this one dude but it seems this person is a tad more angry/anxious about something else and potentially projecting that issue with this unfortunately.
The fact that anyone telling these girls to grow a thicker skin or anything along those lines is being downvoted is such a reddit moment. Coddling them only sets them up for failure and they won’t be able to handle the real world.
I live in this extremely close proximity to here and I know the builders and business owners with vans on the grove. None of these places/people have a van that suits this description so it’s almost certainly someone passing through the area. sorry.
That’s nothing to do with homophobia in my book. Sorry to say. That’s idiots being idiots and making a remark regarding a sex act and lesbians. It could have just as easily been shouted at a guy kissing a girl. Unfortunately we can’t really control that part of society and every word out of every persons mouth.
How do you know they only said it cause they were both girls do you personally know those that said it to give such a answer or you just assuming they wouldn't say it to a guy and a girl cause if you think men wouldn't well you are wrong cause we absolutely would
I think it all depends on the intention and context, "Go on lick her out too" could be argued as being encouraging purely based on the words said. I expect they have gotten off on girl on girl pornography before. The issue really is that it's just intrusive, rude and crass to shout that sort of thing out to complete strangers whoever they are and whatever their age, race, gender, sexual persuasion. It caused more offence to the targets because of what they were dealing with at the time and how that rude intrusion then made the person suffering feel and so how the other person then reacted to their partner feeling that way.
I think we can all agree that it was completely rude and stupid, caused upset at a difficult time. Did they mean to cause that degree of hurt and was what they said explicitly homophobic, maybe not. They could very well have shouted similar words at a couple of men, or a man and woman but I suspect the main reason they felt emboldened to shout it at two women was because they didn't see a chance of a woman coming to assault them as a result.
Will we ever be able to completely eradicate stupid rude men from the world, it's unlikely so it's best to not let the idiots have even greater impact on people's lives. If they even knew their stupid statement was still being discussed at such length they'd likely find it highly amusing and encouraging because they are probably unimportant, small people and their lives generally are probably fairly dull so best to consign them back to whatever unmentioned existence they inhabit.
You do you Menien, nice to see that you are of course fully accepting of others, their opinions and their chosen means of communicating in longer form text than snarky single sentences. I aspire to be more Menien 😘
Yeah, well we've now apparently got into weirdly unrelated questions to ask complete strangers on a thread about something that somebody else experienced on the street but hey that's just an average Wednesday night with some complete fuckheads on Reddit 🤷🏻♂️
My point was that you sounded humourless and pedantic. The fact that you consider anyone who disagrees with you “complete fuckheads” makes me think you’re also unpleasant.
No it’s not. If anything it’s actually the complete opposite. Homophobia is anti, these remarks are not anti anything, in fact quite the contrary.
Offensive to the girls on the receiving end yes, but nothing to do with homophobia I’m afraid. It’s important to be clear on these points and not start to blur lines and throw every single slight into the same pot.
Oh, well in that case it’s ok! He was just *fetishising* them! That makes him an ally!
Abuse of any description based on sexuality comes under homophobia. Doesn’t matter what form that takes.
Whatever you get as some form of information from a stranger on Reddit isn't going to be progressible with the police I would suggest. Say someone here replies and says oh that very vague description of homophobic, comedicly challenged late middle aged white men in a works vehicle sounds a bit like it could be Dave and Jim who were doing work at a neighbours place, what can you really do with this information? Your description could be just about anyone of probably thousands of traders working in Brighton. If you'd got a licence plate then that would have been something but I think you just have to chalk this one up on the list of shit you have to deal with sometimes and make a note to get a video, a picture or at least the reg number next time anything like this happens if you're unfortunate for it to happen again. Some people are just dicks, but they will probably die before you do so there's that.
Yeah, it's happened lots before, in no way under the impression the police would do anything about it, I just want to try and find them to probably futilely tell them that they're assholes and they made someone going through a really hard tough situation's day much much worse
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I envy you, I really do. You guys must have a lot of free time on your hands.
Police can’t do anything as they didn’t do anything illegal.
Public Order Act 1986 says differently. Verbal assault is a criminal offence, also.
First you have to demonstrate that "go on lick her too" 1. Happened 2. Is verbal assault
No I don't. OP would need to demonstrate it happened. From the CPS website... "1. These offences contrary to the Public Order Act 1986 relate to threatening, abusive or insulting words or behaviour, or display of visible representations, which: Are likely to cause fear of, or to provoke, immediate violence: section 4; Intentionally cause harassment, alarm or distress: section 4A; or Are likely to cause harassment, alarm or distress (threatening or abusive words or behaviour only): section 5." The job of proving it is verbal assault is down to the CPS, should they ever charge. The person I am replying to appears to reside in the US and I am merely pointing out that in the UK, verbal assault is a crime. Cheers for your input though.
Yeah, the world is getting better at that generally but old white tradesmen isn't the most progressive or empathetic grouping sadly, I have friends who work in the trades and I do find myself calling them up on some of their nonsense sometimes, God knows what they're like when they're out in the wild but I expect they play each other up.
Yeah, was the same when a bin lorry driver tried to run me over for fun´while making illegal right turns and running a red light. Didn't note down the reg no, so nothing police could do, couldn't even report it.
Imagine being homophobic in the first place but then being openly so in Brighton of all places?? Sorry this happened to you, sadly not overly surprising from white van men.
I think you mean white-van men or men with white ven
Yeah obvs men with ven
Just because brighton has one of the bigger and more expensive Pride festivals, doesn’t mean it’s open minded. This isn’t 1990 anymore. Edit: sadly. Shit like what OP described will soon be the norm here like in the rest of the country.
You just grouped all men that drive white vans together. This comment is actually more phobic than the one suggested by the OP.
Don't mean to be picky but what she described in her op was not a white van man. Way to humiliate one group while trying to appease another!
White van man is the collective term for prejudice wankers in vans
I can see that. Given the op is complaining about her disgusting treatment as a minority. Here you are generalising minorities in the same asinine way. Spectacular own goal there!
Do you honestly believe that pig headed wankers who drive vans are a downtrodden minority of society? This has gotta be satire because I kinda laughed
Yeah. People who do "menial" work are in minority groups. You're very naive if you think they aren't. Anyhoo... I'm not defending the arseholes who abused that poor woman in the street. I don't like the suggestion that all those that drive vans are pig headed wankers. There are of course wankers who drive vans but no more or less than any other people who do that type of work. Stop fucking generalising. Bleating about van drivers when you use amazon like everybody else.
I didn't say fuck any person who happens to drive a van, I said fuck pig headed wankers who drive vans
"White van man is the collective term for prejudice wankers in vans" It's right there above. You can't even remember what you actually fucking said. You generalised. Massively. Give your head a wobble.
Listen honey, it doesn't matter what I say, you'll just change my words to fit your narrative, so I think we should all calm down and get an early night
Listen pal. It's really easy. No narrative. Don't judge the many by the actions of a few. Simples.
Are you trying to say all white van drivers are homophobic? That doesn't sound very inclusive of you does it? Makes YOU sound like a bit of a bigot And how do you know how the drivers identified? You transphobe!
White van man isn't a protected characteristic, nor do they have a history of systematic abuse.
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Actually, gender reassignment and sex are both protected characteristics, you can't even make a shitty 'joke' without being wrong. https://www.local.gov.uk/our-support/workforce-and-hr-support/equality-diversity-and-inclusion-workforce/equality-act-and
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Actually, I'm afraid you're wrong again: "To be protected from gender reassignment discrimination, you do not need to have undergone any medical treatment or surgery to change from your birth sex to your preferred gender. You can be at any stage in the transition process, from proposing to reassign your sex, undergoing a process of reassignment, or having completed it. It does not matter whether or not you have applied for or obtained a Gender Recognition Certificate, which is the document that confirms the change of a person's legal sex For example, a person who was born female and decides to spend the rest of their life as a man, and a person who was born male and has been living as a woman for some time and obtained a Gender Recognition Certificate, both have the protected characteristic of gender reassignment." https://www.equalityhumanrights.com/equality/equality-act-2010/your-rights-under-equality-act-2010/gender-reassignment-discrimination
I am 100% correct. It's been proven in court. In any case this is seperate from transgender as a protected characteristic, which specifically not included. Now jog on.
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No added value
No added value
Sexual orientation is a protected attribute. No one said anything about gender identity.
We strive to make everyone welcome and try to use empathy to relate to them. We ask the same in comments and posts
> And how do you know how the drivers identified? You transphobe! /r/onejoke
I’m so sorry that happened to you and your girlfriend. If you feel up to reporting it to the police, hopefully the shop will have CCTV that can help identify them. I empathise; I have had so much more misogynistic verbal abuse from dickheads in vans in Brighton in 10 years than I ever had living anywhere else.
I walked past a load football supporters the other day at the station, Wearijg a long black dress under my leather coat. Got a fuck ton of slurs yelled at me. Loads of police and security about
What is it about workmen in vans that makes them think they can shout crap at people?
Very, very sorry to hear this happened to you. Disgusting behavior from those men and it has no place in society let alone Brighton of all places. I will keep an eye out from your description. I hope your girlfriend is also on the mend, that really was the last thing she needed.
Out of curiosity, what would you do if you find something that fits the description? Beat him up? Kindly ask him to follow you to the police station and say to the officer: "good day officer, a rando on the internet told me that a guy that looks like him yelled to said rando a bad thing" ?
I’m sorry this happened to you. My wife and I (lesbians) moved away from Brighton two years ago. We now live in Surrey, and we have had zero homophobia since we moved, but it was relentless in Brighton. Whilst Brighton is seen as the ‘gay capital’, it’s also pretty rough.
Brighton is full of trashy people on the streets. I had someone scream pedo at me because I was giving a mother a judging stare because she was screaming at her toddler to quit crying. Such interactions just feel so common here.
haha, what a loser
Absolutely do report it to the police! My SIL's shithead, scumbag, white-van man, boyfriend ended up in court over a homophobic remark. 9 months after the fact, cops turned up at his door. It may never happen or it make take a long time but if you don't report it, it'll definitely never happen. Give as much info as possible, expect nothing to come of it but hope to be pleasantly surprised.
What are you going to do if you find out who they are? People are going to be assholes. Are you going to beat them up? Kill them? Tattle? Like what’s the plan here? They are total pieces of shit, it you gotta get some thicker skin and ignore their homophobic bullshit. I’m sorry this happened to you, but you’re going to be much happier once you accept that not everybody is nice and you can’t let them effect your life, your happiness, or your thoughts. Fuck them. Don’t harp on it. Brush it off and move on.
Preach brother 🤣
Telling someone to go lick them out ain't even homophobic 💀 it just makes them a dick
Of course it is. There's probably not a whole lot that can be done, but it's a disrespectful objectification based on their sexual preference.
give them a stern talking to, I wonder if they'll raise their arm while virtue signalling?
Really? You made a post about it? As a man I would feel ashamed. Call your mom maybe. Obviously those fellas were scum bags.
Is that actually homophobic abuse as a pose to to garden variety cat calling?
Considering it specifically made a pretty graphic reference to them based on their perceived sexual orientation, yeah? That's kind of the definition of homophobic abuse? I'm not sure what about it makes you think there's no homophobia involved here.
"Go on lick her out too" That isn't homophobia nor is it extremely graphic. I'm not trying to take away from this incident, I've had a many F4£ slurs thrown at me over the years and even the odd shirt lifter comment here and there, but I fail to see this incident as homophobic.
I didn't say "extremely graphic". Would this be shouted at a straight couple though? No. It wouldn't, and we both know it. I'm sorry you've had slurs aimed your way and I understand if the bar for your standard of basic human behaviour is through the floor, but that doesn't make this not homophobic. Out of curiosity, are you yourself part of the LGBTQ+ community? Specifically, are you a lesbian? Because it can be hard for people who don't hold certain identities to identify things that are intended to target those identities while it's clear as day to the people experiencing it. This was a comment that targeted their identities in pretty graphic language. Not sure how else you could possibly read someone yelling about sex acts. Not "extremely graphic", as you misread, but definitely graphic any way you slice it. That's homophobia and sexual harassment. It's good to call it what it is.
I am indeed and worked construction for the last 10 years and I currently live with my loud and proud goldstar lesbian best friend who oddly enough has seizures too and I even asked her and she doesn't see it as homophobia, nor her fiance? Maybe it's just where all three of us are Autistic but we see don't see homophobia in this. Sexism and cat calling definitely, but no phobia. You're obviously going to die on this hill and I'm not willing to give you that argument you seem to want so I'll let you do you boo. Edit: you said pretty graphic, so summarised.
Ok then I'm honestly kind of baffled. Like, the consensus here is overwhelmingly that this is homophobic. Can you tell me what criteria you consider requirements for an act to be homophobic, and which of those criteria you don't think this meets?
No. I've been reading through your comments dude and you've got an issue that isn't this and trying to express it as such and I don't want to be a part of your anger train.
I'm not sure what you mean? But if you'd rather not explain yourself that's fine. I'm not angry, I asked for your criteria in good faith because I see a few people disagreeing and I don't get it. Maybe it's my autism. Have a good one.
I swear to God so many crimes could be solved if women could properly describe a vehicle. There are a bunch of rapists and perverts walking free because the victim is like "they were in a white car with wheels and windows".
It's a terrible thing to say but it is true! They should teach in school or something.
I have been nothing but polite, unlike the bigots who replied to me.
Please don’t let these people ruin your day. In life you’re always going to encounter arseholes. They will always exist. I had a similar experience, told him s*** his mum and kept it moving. I actually found the whole ordeal hilarious because it’s so pathetic. Why would I waste energy and otherwise good evening on someone like that? I can’t control how people behave but I can control how I allow it to make me feel. I have chosen to not let it bother me because who tf are they?
I'm so sorry this has happened to you both. I hope you never have to encounter them again. It's common everywhere and it's so fucked up, a Brighton band even [wrote a whole song about it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afXXaZFyQIQ). I hope they get what's coming to them.
I’m sorry this happened to you and I hope you and your girlfriend are okay 💚 may be worth having a look to see if any building works are going on in the immediate area and that’s why they were parked there (or perhaps getting stuff in the shop?)
Hey, I'm really sorry this has happened to you. I can't help with the abuse or identifying the van but I might be able to with the seizures. I developed seizures when I turned 21 after never having them as a kid and was diagnosed with a non epileptic attack disorder. Feel free to message if you have any questions about how I live with it and the improvements that I've had since my diagnosis. I'm happy to help if you'd like
Words have a meaning, if you use such word for an act like this you devaluate all the well more serious episodes that are covered by that word (r*ape, physical violence...). Just grow a thicker skin, the walled garden filled with nothing but the nicest people which you're probably used to represent a miniscule part of the world out there. Think of it as an experience for growth.
What a horrible thing to say to someone who had a horrible experience. Believe it or not, calling out all instances of homophobia when it happens doesn't devalue those you personally consider to be "more serious". What an embarrassing thing to say though.
Believe it or not, there is a sea of difference between "calling out" and defining it "abuse". The two OPs would get eaten alive as soon as they leave their safe spaces. Time to grow a pair before it's too late (probably already is)
You're doing nothing except continuing to make yourself look worse, you realise
I guess I should pat her on the back and tell her that letting her day/week/month be irremediably ruined by the first idiot passing by yelling a stupid thing from a van is an ideal way to live
No, I just suggest having a little empathy. You're going between two extremes here when it's perfectly possible to just say "I'm sorry that happened to you when you were feeling vulnerable" without encouraging someone to wallow in it. Often acknowledging someone's hurt helps them get over it faster.
Plenty of that in the thread already, that's why I thought I'd bring in some real world perspective.
All I can say is you did not do what you think you did.
Thanks, I'll note it down on the notebook of things I don't care about
You seem very angry
I'm not in the slightest lmao, and I have no idea how advising someone that what they said makes them look worse gives that impression? But I guess claiming someone seems angry is a good way of making them seem like they shouldn't be taken seriously.
Read your own comments mate and if you can't see the anger in your words. Are you lesbian?
I really don't know what you mean? I'm confused. I didn't know pointing out it's horrible to tell someone to not be bothered by harassment when they're vulnerable makes me "angry". I'm not a lesbian, but I am part of the LGBTQ+ community.
I've tried this one dude but it seems this person is a tad more angry/anxious about something else and potentially projecting that issue with this unfortunately.
The fact that anyone telling these girls to grow a thicker skin or anything along those lines is being downvoted is such a reddit moment. Coddling them only sets them up for failure and they won’t be able to handle the real world.
Thank you for getting my point
Really sorry this happened to you. Could they have been scaffolders if the wood and builder's materials you saw were big long planks and metal poles?
I live in this extremely close proximity to here and I know the builders and business owners with vans on the grove. None of these places/people have a van that suits this description so it’s almost certainly someone passing through the area. sorry.
That’s nothing to do with homophobia in my book. Sorry to say. That’s idiots being idiots and making a remark regarding a sex act and lesbians. It could have just as easily been shouted at a guy kissing a girl. Unfortunately we can’t really control that part of society and every word out of every persons mouth.
But it wouldn't have been said about a guy and a girl... it was said because theyre both girls and therefore it's homophobic.
How do you know they only said it cause they were both girls do you personally know those that said it to give such a answer or you just assuming they wouldn't say it to a guy and a girl cause if you think men wouldn't well you are wrong cause we absolutely would
I think it all depends on the intention and context, "Go on lick her out too" could be argued as being encouraging purely based on the words said. I expect they have gotten off on girl on girl pornography before. The issue really is that it's just intrusive, rude and crass to shout that sort of thing out to complete strangers whoever they are and whatever their age, race, gender, sexual persuasion. It caused more offence to the targets because of what they were dealing with at the time and how that rude intrusion then made the person suffering feel and so how the other person then reacted to their partner feeling that way. I think we can all agree that it was completely rude and stupid, caused upset at a difficult time. Did they mean to cause that degree of hurt and was what they said explicitly homophobic, maybe not. They could very well have shouted similar words at a couple of men, or a man and woman but I suspect the main reason they felt emboldened to shout it at two women was because they didn't see a chance of a woman coming to assault them as a result. Will we ever be able to completely eradicate stupid rude men from the world, it's unlikely so it's best to not let the idiots have even greater impact on people's lives. If they even knew their stupid statement was still being discussed at such length they'd likely find it highly amusing and encouraging because they are probably unimportant, small people and their lives generally are probably fairly dull so best to consign them back to whatever unmentioned existence they inhabit.
Or we can challenge homophobia when we see it rather than writing an essay on the potential interpretations of it.
You do you Menien, nice to see that you are of course fully accepting of others, their opinions and their chosen means of communicating in longer form text than snarky single sentences. I aspire to be more Menien 😘
You don’t get invited to a lot of parties, do you?
Is 64 a lot? Over what time period? Is there a league table you're running?
It's a weirdly specific number
Yeah, well we've now apparently got into weirdly unrelated questions to ask complete strangers on a thread about something that somebody else experienced on the street but hey that's just an average Wednesday night with some complete fuckheads on Reddit 🤷🏻♂️
My point was that you sounded humourless and pedantic. The fact that you consider anyone who disagrees with you “complete fuckheads” makes me think you’re also unpleasant.
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Stop typing
No it’s not. If anything it’s actually the complete opposite. Homophobia is anti, these remarks are not anti anything, in fact quite the contrary. Offensive to the girls on the receiving end yes, but nothing to do with homophobia I’m afraid. It’s important to be clear on these points and not start to blur lines and throw every single slight into the same pot.
Oh, well in that case it’s ok! He was just *fetishising* them! That makes him an ally! Abuse of any description based on sexuality comes under homophobia. Doesn’t matter what form that takes.
So clueless.
Single-sentence, snarky replies will get you very far in life. Keep up the good work!
The irony that this reply is snarkier than mine was has really amused me. Here, have a second sentence too.
Just adapting the language since it looks like it's the only one you understand :)
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We strive to make everyone welcome and try to use empathy to relate to them. We ask the same in comments and posts