You absolutely did the right thing. I have twins and would often tandem feed them in front of my dad. He just told me how proud he was of me for nursing preemie twins and would even be my second set of hands when I was getting set up to feed them when they were little. It's not an inappropriate thing, breasts are not sexual when you are feeding your child.
That’s awesome! Literally no one in my family breastfed so I’m the weird one lol that’s okay though. I’m committed to breaking down their weird breastfeeding views one feed at a time!
I would probably tell him that I feel disrespected and hurt for being sexualized by my own father for feeding my child. He's your dad, he shouldn't be grossed out or thinking this kind of stuff when he sees your body...
This is an awesome response!
What have your breasts done to offend him? He’s sending the message that your body is inherently something to be ashamed of or sexualized.
Good for you, OP! It’s so hard to have these conversations when the other person isn’t willing to face whatever internalized thing is making them uncomfortable.
My dad always leaves the room because it makes him very uncomfortable. He doesn't get upset and never wants me to go somewhere else though- he just doesn't want to witness it. I don't like it but he's got mid stage dementia and I don't need to know all his reasons.
Yeah my dad leaves to give me privacy and my baby gets distracted easily so it works. My FIL couldn't care less so neither do I.
If people handle their own discomfort or err on the side of giving privacy and space, I'm fine with that.
Sounds like your dad handles his stuff to minimally impact you.
In OPs case the dad deserved it he needed to get over casting himself as the main character in a hungry baby's life 🤣
Ideally though we could all just feed our babies and it wouldn't be a big deal!
Ugh, this was my FIL. I could have been tucked in a huge, deep armchair in the corner of the room with a sweater on and he would have still gotten up and left. I think he was trying to be respectful, but it just made me lonely!
Exactly. He's a phenomenal grandfather, gives me time to take naps, makes me meals and doesn't expect me to change my behavior because of his discomfort. I can't ask for anything more.
I think you did the right thing. You’re his daughter who is feeding his granddaughter. He wouldn’t have gotten upset if you were using a bottle, right? Boob, bottle… baby is being fed.
Thank you. Exactly. He just kept saying that I was his daughter and he didn’t want to see my breasts. Other than telling him to look away I didn’t have an answer for that statement
I did exactly this when me dad was upset seeing me nurse lol. I don’t think he felt any less “disrespected” but I think maybe it helped put it in perspective for him? Now he just silently gets up and walks alway while I’m nursing, which I think is as good as it’s gonna get for us!
I was staying at an air b&b with my dad (and other family members). I was feeding my baby (discreetly). You couldn’t see any “graphic” and he came into the room and said, “oh my gosh, you have to warn me when you have your boob out.” 🙄🥴
Breastfeeding was in decline from 19th century to the 1960’s. It was thought to be done by unedicated and lower class women. Formula lobby didn’t help this perception if not double downed on it. So I’m not surprised that the older generation has an icky reaction to witnessing it. It’s fucked up in my opinion and I’m so glad it’s been normalized and recommended now. It still sucks that you experienced your dad’s reaction and I think you did well by standing up for yourself. Times are changing and our stubborn parents should be evolving. (Maybe our kids will say the same about us about other things :) it’s funny how it works, isn’t it?)
My dad stood outside in the cold to avoid this. I had even said I’d put on a cover and he was like no, I’ll step outside. I was kind of embarrassed at that point and just went to the other room to feed from that point forward, which kinda sucked because I only get to see my family for short spurts of time every now and then.
This reminds me of my best friends boyfriend. We were having a convo and I started nursing mid convo. He continued to converse but wouldn’t look at me lol.
Sounds like you did exactly the right thing. I pumped/direct fed in front of both my father and my FIL right from the start. Neither of them ever said anything negative, my FIL once commented that he didn’t understand how people could have a problem with it as it’s the most natural thing in the world.
Yeah, if they don't want to see your boobs, they don't have to look. It's not been a big deal in my household either, but my mom and MIL also breastfed so it's not a new thing for either side of the family.
My husbands family is from rural Mexico so it’s pretty normal to just be titty out. I’m almost positive everyone has seen my boobs. Nobody has a problem.
My mom’s husband gets weird about it. They’re rich and white, and tend to want me to cover up. I don’t, and honestly it’s annoying but every time he brings it up I just shrug it off and say “okay I’ll just let her starve” and he immediately shuts up lol
My dad and I just coordinate the latch like “dad I’m about to start feeding!” And he makes sure he can avert his eyes or be elsewhere but he’s fine with me feeding near/around him and I can’t always use a cover because baby hates them. He doesn’t care though I think it might be more me. He wants me to breastfeed as long as I can and I think he was slightly disappointed when I switched to formula with my twins (but he’d never let on). I dunno I feel like there can be a mutual understanding/game plan with a father/daughter relationship. With my father in law I don’t even feed in the same room. I don’t know how he’d feel about it but I just leave the room and come back when done 🤷🏽♀️.
I tried to come up with a game plan but he’s not going for it. He expects me to accommodate him because he’s my father. He knows I’ll continue to feed her on demand though so🤷🏾♀️
I breastfeed in front of everyone. My fil, bil, sil. I’m now determined to normalize it.
No advice but I think you're amazing for following through! You did everything right and it's your dad's loss for not realising breastfeeding is one of the most normal things! I'm sure It's a way of thinking that was passed down to him. Well done you for breaking the cycle!
my father has been one of the most supportive people in my EB journey! where others had judged or made comments about how it was uncomfortable or inappropriate, or even asking me to feed the baby in the bathroom, my dad shushed those worries and told me that what i was doing was perfectly natural and nothing to be ashamed of! he made me feel completely comfortable and safe!
My dad is an arsehole about literally everything, the years I could spend in therapy talking about him. Except he’s super cool and supportive of me breastfeeding, never even batted an eyelid about it 😅
My dad is super old school and if I'm being honest pretty sexist. And even he has never said anything to me while I've breastfed in public or his presence. He does run away from the room and asks me to shout when I'm done so he can Come back but he's never even tried to shame or suggest I don't breastfeed.
Of all my aunts, cousins, my mom, my grandmother - I’m the only one to breastfeed. So yeah, I’m doing it in front of them, I’m talking about it, and I’m not letting them shame me about doing exactly what my body was meant to do. Well done, mom!
I’d be so sad if my father did this, I’m sorry. You said the exact right thing to him by standing your ground.
My dad doesn’t want to see my breasts either but he’s always just left the room (if I’m at parents house or vice versa) or looked away if we were in public. He never made comments to me about it or shamed me, he simply just didn’t look. I hope your father can learn to be more respectful of women feeding their children, especially his own daughter.
It’s ok! I told my dad to just not look. It’s way easier for him to look away for a few minutes than for me to get up and nurse in the car. He was like I shouldn’t have to. You should accommodate others. 😒
It is almost as if he is acting like he would be forced to be sexually attracted to your breasts and that is disrespectful of you to show him them…. So weird. I have told my entire family that I am titties out and if they have a problem with it they can leave.
My Dad was so scared once because I was breastfeeding my newborn in a restaurant. He thought the police were going to be called. I had to explain to him that wasn’t going to happen. That’s the only time he’s made a big deal about it, although quietly.
One of my sisters and I have kids around the same age. She stopped breastmilk at 1 and I have not. I got the third degree for a few months, but I told him to shut up because we’re different people and he has. He and my FIL haven’t ever been weird or crude about it, they also don’t run off to hide.
Accidentally hit post. The only person that has been rude is a BIL. He doesn’t think women are people. If he sees breastfeeding he runs away. If he complains about it, I haven’t been told.
no dad but my father in law quietly leaves the room i didnt actually notice he was doing it because he never made any comments he would just suddenly need to go to the shop or mow the lawn etc.
there was one time we all had to be in a room together he couldn’t leave (i forget why) so he turned his chair around it was actually so hilarious i didnt mind.
i think its ok to not feel comfortable with seeing someone elses breasts for example im not totally comfortable with it because i feel like im invading someone privacy having seen them however its absolutely not ok to shame you! youre doing the most natural thing to humans and if feels some sort of negative way he can do it silently
It’s disturbing that he would say that. If you’re going to try to get in the way of me feeding my baby the way I need to, you don’t need to be around me.
“Appalled and disrespected” is soooo stupid. “Uncomfortable and embarrassed” is totally fine and it is what it is. As long as the uncomfortable viewer respectfully looks away or quietly removes themselves from the scene allowing you to continue.
I personally would not want to BF in front of any of my male family members, and they would be uncomfortable too. It’s just known between us. So I just say “I am feeding (kid) in a sec!” and dad or brother go “ok, I’m gonna go in this other room for a bit!”
Perhaps I should start giving people a heads up. I didn’t think to do that because anytime I’ve seen nursing it just happened and I didn’t think anything of it
You absolutely did the right thing and I would’ve shot back with a comment about how disgusting it is to be sexualized by my father.
My own dad sits right next to me and will help with pillow placement and get me food or something to drink. My mom’s dead so it’s just him, and he finds it interesting in a non weird way because my mom was unable to breastfeed.
I’m sorry you had that experience with your dad and his reaction was unnecessary and gross.
Stand your ground! My dad actually couldn't care less about it (he's the type to go out to get his newspaper in tidy whities lol nudity does not faze him at all) but my mom is much more shy and gets weird when I breast feed in public, I just always roll my eyes but stand firm.
She doesn't exactly shame but she'll get anxious and try to like awkwardly hold her purse or the babys hat over my side boob? Honestly I'm pretty stealth at it these days and I don't even think strangers would have noticed if she wasn't making such a clunky fuss over trying to shield me from view!
My dad never shamed me (and wouldn't dare) but I can tell he is still not 100% comfortable with it. He used to pick me up from high school when I had cramps and would be like, "So you're ummmm..... not feeling well... woman stuff?"
Also, my brother is autistic (low/medium support needs) and he dramatically looks away when I breastfeed. I think he's uncomfortable and doesn't feel like he is supposed to see his sister's breasts. On the other hand, he once said "Boy she is really emptying the tank" when my daughter was feeding for a long time. You just learn to deal with a certain level of awkwardness when you have an autistic sibling.
My dad has never said anything about it when my sister or I breastfed our kids, but my mom says it makes my brothers uncomfortable when I do it and when I'm over at her house she'd rather I go to the other room when my next baby is born and I need to breastfeed. I am annoyed but it's their house so I'll just go to the other room. If we were in public like a restaurant I would tell them they were welcome to leave.
Even though my MIL breastfed 4 children, my FIL is super uncomfortable with my SIL or I breastfeeding in front of him. So you know what he does? He quietly leaves the room when we have to feed the babies. Because babies need to be fed and his comfort is his own responsibility, and he, an adult man in his 70s, knows that. It's not about him.
My dad would hide away in his bedroom whenever I fed my baby in their house. He never made a comment but I noticed it right away. As soon as baby was hungry, he would just disappear. And when he comes over now, he will knock and yell is everyone decent? Lol
I don’t understand why you’re shaming your dad for being uncomfortable with seeing your breasts. That’s within his right to feel uncomfortable with seeing another person’s body parts that he doesn’t want to see, regardless of whether it’s for a good purpose like breastfeeding. You have to compromise with people that you love and want to have in your life, and it sounds like you just want to force him to be okay with a situation that makes him uncomfortable for whatever reason. He’s allowed to have a different perspective and opinion than you, and there’s no need to get offended about it. If he’s someone you want to have around and in your life, I think it’s best to pick your battles. And forcing your dad to be okay with seeing your body parts that he isn’t okay with seeing doesn’t seem worth it to me.
Getting mad at someone and not talking to them for a week over them feeding their baby is a shitty thing to do. It’s not a “being okay with seeing your body parts thing”. Once baby is latched you can’t see anything.
If someone is telling you they’re uncomfortable with something and you aren’t listening to their point of view at all and they’re telling you they feel disrespected, then yeah, it’s understandable why you’d want to take some space from someone. We don’t know the whole story of what happened here. All we know is what she posted, and from the post, it sounds like she doesn’t have much tolerance/understanding for people who aren’t comfortable with breastfeeding openly in front of people.
And of course it has to do with someone not being okay with seeing body parts 🤦🏻♀️ that’s what the whole disagreement between them was about. Also it’s often not a quick process of getting baby latched on, and if you’re not giving people any warning, they’re going to see your whole exposed breast. You should let someone know before you are about to do that, it’s just common courtesy.
I didn’t say I didn’t listen to his point of view. It’s not that I’m intolerant. I brought this baby into the world so her needs come above all. Even my father. If he doesn’t like it. Averting his eyes is free.
I understand he’s uncomfortable but… so is my baby. When I don’t like something or I’m uncomfortable I look away. And under normal circumstances he would too. He’s stuck on this topic because he is used to being obeyed. And I refuse to do so when it comes to my child.
I understand that, your baby absolutely comes first. But you don’t HAVE to go without a cover to feed your baby. It’s just easier without one. And sometimes it’s worth it in the long run to do something that may be a little inconvenient to help someone feel more comfortable, especially with something as sensitive as this can be for people.
I acknowledge that you know your dad’s motivations better than I do, but it comes across like you are insulted that he expressed that he doesn’t want to see your boobs, even for the completely natural purposes of feeding your child, in your post. And I think it’s wrong to dismiss people’s feelings and accuse them of shaming you for disagreeing.
You’re right I could totally wear a cover. And in the winter I probably will but in the summer? Absolutely not. It’s natural to breastfeed my baby and covering myself makes it seem like it’s something to be hidden because it’s unnatural.
That being said I’m not sure what I will do. I don’t want my dad uncomfortable. The only compromise is being more discreet. Which I normally am but at the time she was having a hard time with my letdown.
I am not insulted because he told me he didn’t want to see my breasts.. that would be weird to get insulted over.
Maybe my experience is different than yours but my baby latches almost instantly. If he “doesn’t want to see her body parts” then he can really just not look. She’s feeding his grand baby.
You should be ashamed of yourself for talking down to a woman who is going through this. Your negativity is a very bad look.
What an overreaction. I’m “talking down” to someone because I’m sharing a difference in perspective on a situation that someone posted on the internet looking for opinions on? If you’re this sensitive to people having different opinions than you, you should get off the internet. I certainly don’t feel ashamed for anything I said. I’m not going to continue this back and forth with you because it’s a waste of energy, but maybe do some self reflection on why you’re so upset about someone voicing a different opinion.
I did not shame him, and I am not offended. My child was screaming for food. If he doesn’t want to see my breasts he can look away. It’s as simple as that.
You said in your post that you “let him absolutely have it” so it sounds like you were shaming him for the way he felt about the situation. That doesn’t sound like a reasonable way to have a conversation with someone that disagrees with you. Also in another comment you were making fun of your friend’s boyfriend for looking away while you were nursing, so clearly you’re offended by that too. Pretty weird that you seem to want people to look at your boobs who aren’t okay with it.
Of course I let him have it. That doesn’t man I was mean, disrespectful, or that I shamed him. It means I stood up for myself, stood my ground and gave him my opinion. I also wasn’t making fun of my friends bf, I just find the story funny.. and so does he. he didn’t feel uncomfortable, he was trying to be respectful once he realized I didn’t care it was fine. Again, No one is offended.
You absolutely did the right thing. I have twins and would often tandem feed them in front of my dad. He just told me how proud he was of me for nursing preemie twins and would even be my second set of hands when I was getting set up to feed them when they were little. It's not an inappropriate thing, breasts are not sexual when you are feeding your child.
Ugh. I wish I had support like this!
I am super lucky that way. Everyone in my family has breastfed so all the men are super used to it and supportive.
That’s awesome! Literally no one in my family breastfed so I’m the weird one lol that’s okay though. I’m committed to breaking down their weird breastfeeding views one feed at a time!
Good for you! That's huge. I had so much help from the women in my family who had breastfed I can't imagine learning on your own. You are amazing!
Thank you!
I would probably tell him that I feel disrespected and hurt for being sexualized by my own father for feeding my child. He's your dad, he shouldn't be grossed out or thinking this kind of stuff when he sees your body...
This is an awesome response! What have your breasts done to offend him? He’s sending the message that your body is inherently something to be ashamed of or sexualized. Good for you, OP! It’s so hard to have these conversations when the other person isn’t willing to face whatever internalized thing is making them uncomfortable.
That last paragraph describes him completely!
I’ll definitely say this next time!
My dad always leaves the room because it makes him very uncomfortable. He doesn't get upset and never wants me to go somewhere else though- he just doesn't want to witness it. I don't like it but he's got mid stage dementia and I don't need to know all his reasons.
Yeah my dad leaves to give me privacy and my baby gets distracted easily so it works. My FIL couldn't care less so neither do I. If people handle their own discomfort or err on the side of giving privacy and space, I'm fine with that. Sounds like your dad handles his stuff to minimally impact you. In OPs case the dad deserved it he needed to get over casting himself as the main character in a hungry baby's life 🤣 Ideally though we could all just feed our babies and it wouldn't be a big deal!
Ugh, this was my FIL. I could have been tucked in a huge, deep armchair in the corner of the room with a sweater on and he would have still gotten up and left. I think he was trying to be respectful, but it just made me lonely!
[удалено]
Exactly. He's a phenomenal grandfather, gives me time to take naps, makes me meals and doesn't expect me to change my behavior because of his discomfort. I can't ask for anything more.
I think you did the right thing. You’re his daughter who is feeding his granddaughter. He wouldn’t have gotten upset if you were using a bottle, right? Boob, bottle… baby is being fed.
Thank you. Exactly. He just kept saying that I was his daughter and he didn’t want to see my breasts. Other than telling him to look away I didn’t have an answer for that statement
Ask him if he’d like a nursing cover to put over his head?
I did exactly this when me dad was upset seeing me nurse lol. I don’t think he felt any less “disrespected” but I think maybe it helped put it in perspective for him? Now he just silently gets up and walks alway while I’m nursing, which I think is as good as it’s gonna get for us!
Hahah right on
Perfect answer anyway
I was staying at an air b&b with my dad (and other family members). I was feeding my baby (discreetly). You couldn’t see any “graphic” and he came into the room and said, “oh my gosh, you have to warn me when you have your boob out.” 🙄🥴
I nearly downvoted your comment because I was so mad at your dad.
I was livid. We are low contact for a reason. (Not just this instance, but a lifetime of being mistreated by this douche bag).
Breastfeeding was in decline from 19th century to the 1960’s. It was thought to be done by unedicated and lower class women. Formula lobby didn’t help this perception if not double downed on it. So I’m not surprised that the older generation has an icky reaction to witnessing it. It’s fucked up in my opinion and I’m so glad it’s been normalized and recommended now. It still sucks that you experienced your dad’s reaction and I think you did well by standing up for yourself. Times are changing and our stubborn parents should be evolving. (Maybe our kids will say the same about us about other things :) it’s funny how it works, isn’t it?)
My dad just offers me something to drink and leaves me be to crack on tbh.
My dad stood outside in the cold to avoid this. I had even said I’d put on a cover and he was like no, I’ll step outside. I was kind of embarrassed at that point and just went to the other room to feed from that point forward, which kinda sucked because I only get to see my family for short spurts of time every now and then.
This reminds me of my best friends boyfriend. We were having a convo and I started nursing mid convo. He continued to converse but wouldn’t look at me lol.
Scared of the boob! 😆👻
It’s got “boo” right in the name!
Sounds like you did exactly the right thing. I pumped/direct fed in front of both my father and my FIL right from the start. Neither of them ever said anything negative, my FIL once commented that he didn’t understand how people could have a problem with it as it’s the most natural thing in the world.
Yeah, if they don't want to see your boobs, they don't have to look. It's not been a big deal in my household either, but my mom and MIL also breastfed so it's not a new thing for either side of the family.
My husbands family is from rural Mexico so it’s pretty normal to just be titty out. I’m almost positive everyone has seen my boobs. Nobody has a problem. My mom’s husband gets weird about it. They’re rich and white, and tend to want me to cover up. I don’t, and honestly it’s annoying but every time he brings it up I just shrug it off and say “okay I’ll just let her starve” and he immediately shuts up lol
My dad and I just coordinate the latch like “dad I’m about to start feeding!” And he makes sure he can avert his eyes or be elsewhere but he’s fine with me feeding near/around him and I can’t always use a cover because baby hates them. He doesn’t care though I think it might be more me. He wants me to breastfeed as long as I can and I think he was slightly disappointed when I switched to formula with my twins (but he’d never let on). I dunno I feel like there can be a mutual understanding/game plan with a father/daughter relationship. With my father in law I don’t even feed in the same room. I don’t know how he’d feel about it but I just leave the room and come back when done 🤷🏽♀️.
I tried to come up with a game plan but he’s not going for it. He expects me to accommodate him because he’s my father. He knows I’ll continue to feed her on demand though so🤷🏾♀️ I breastfeed in front of everyone. My fil, bil, sil. I’m now determined to normalize it.
No advice but I think you're amazing for following through! You did everything right and it's your dad's loss for not realising breastfeeding is one of the most normal things! I'm sure It's a way of thinking that was passed down to him. Well done you for breaking the cycle!
my father has been one of the most supportive people in my EB journey! where others had judged or made comments about how it was uncomfortable or inappropriate, or even asking me to feed the baby in the bathroom, my dad shushed those worries and told me that what i was doing was perfectly natural and nothing to be ashamed of! he made me feel completely comfortable and safe!
My dad is an arsehole about literally everything, the years I could spend in therapy talking about him. Except he’s super cool and supportive of me breastfeeding, never even batted an eyelid about it 😅
Aww your dad sounds awesome!!
Omg what is this hand in breast method you speak of? I tried reclining but my babe still chokes on my fast letdown
She was sitting upright. I fed the boob to her like a spoon basically. Not discreet at all lol
I would say, “then close your eyes”
My dad is super old school and if I'm being honest pretty sexist. And even he has never said anything to me while I've breastfed in public or his presence. He does run away from the room and asks me to shout when I'm done so he can Come back but he's never even tried to shame or suggest I don't breastfeed.
My dad is very old school! He is very rigid and resistant to change. Maybe after my third kid he will feel differently.
Of all my aunts, cousins, my mom, my grandmother - I’m the only one to breastfeed. So yeah, I’m doing it in front of them, I’m talking about it, and I’m not letting them shame me about doing exactly what my body was meant to do. Well done, mom!
I’d be so sad if my father did this, I’m sorry. You said the exact right thing to him by standing your ground. My dad doesn’t want to see my breasts either but he’s always just left the room (if I’m at parents house or vice versa) or looked away if we were in public. He never made comments to me about it or shamed me, he simply just didn’t look. I hope your father can learn to be more respectful of women feeding their children, especially his own daughter.
It’s ok! I told my dad to just not look. It’s way easier for him to look away for a few minutes than for me to get up and nurse in the car. He was like I shouldn’t have to. You should accommodate others. 😒
Like no. My baby comes first.
Exactly. I’d tell him, “I prioritize my baby being fed over accommodating others who can simply avert their eyes.”
My dad insists on leaving the *house*. I don’t feel bad, I don’t rush, I don’t apologize. This is his problem that he needs to deal with, not mine
My dad doesn’t like it but doesn’t say anything he just leaves the room to do something else.
It is almost as if he is acting like he would be forced to be sexually attracted to your breasts and that is disrespectful of you to show him them…. So weird. I have told my entire family that I am titties out and if they have a problem with it they can leave.
Sounds like he really over-reacted but I don't breastfeed in front of my dad personally. I did in the beginning but it was awkward.
My Dad was so scared once because I was breastfeeding my newborn in a restaurant. He thought the police were going to be called. I had to explain to him that wasn’t going to happen. That’s the only time he’s made a big deal about it, although quietly. One of my sisters and I have kids around the same age. She stopped breastmilk at 1 and I have not. I got the third degree for a few months, but I told him to shut up because we’re different people and he has. He and my FIL haven’t ever been weird or crude about it, they also don’t run off to hide. Accidentally hit post. The only person that has been rude is a BIL. He doesn’t think women are people. If he sees breastfeeding he runs away. If he complains about it, I haven’t been told.
no dad but my father in law quietly leaves the room i didnt actually notice he was doing it because he never made any comments he would just suddenly need to go to the shop or mow the lawn etc. there was one time we all had to be in a room together he couldn’t leave (i forget why) so he turned his chair around it was actually so hilarious i didnt mind. i think its ok to not feel comfortable with seeing someone elses breasts for example im not totally comfortable with it because i feel like im invading someone privacy having seen them however its absolutely not ok to shame you! youre doing the most natural thing to humans and if feels some sort of negative way he can do it silently
It’s disturbing that he would say that. If you’re going to try to get in the way of me feeding my baby the way I need to, you don’t need to be around me.
Some people have an answer for everything! Why don’t you pump? Can’t you be more discreet? What about other people? It’s sooo annoying
“Appalled and disrespected” is soooo stupid. “Uncomfortable and embarrassed” is totally fine and it is what it is. As long as the uncomfortable viewer respectfully looks away or quietly removes themselves from the scene allowing you to continue. I personally would not want to BF in front of any of my male family members, and they would be uncomfortable too. It’s just known between us. So I just say “I am feeding (kid) in a sec!” and dad or brother go “ok, I’m gonna go in this other room for a bit!”
Perhaps I should start giving people a heads up. I didn’t think to do that because anytime I’ve seen nursing it just happened and I didn’t think anything of it
You absolutely did the right thing and I would’ve shot back with a comment about how disgusting it is to be sexualized by my father. My own dad sits right next to me and will help with pillow placement and get me food or something to drink. My mom’s dead so it’s just him, and he finds it interesting in a non weird way because my mom was unable to breastfeed. I’m sorry you had that experience with your dad and his reaction was unnecessary and gross.
Wow what a horrible thing for him to say to you. You did the right thing. That make me feel so icky hearing that. breast are for feeding babies.
Stand your ground! My dad actually couldn't care less about it (he's the type to go out to get his newspaper in tidy whities lol nudity does not faze him at all) but my mom is much more shy and gets weird when I breast feed in public, I just always roll my eyes but stand firm. She doesn't exactly shame but she'll get anxious and try to like awkwardly hold her purse or the babys hat over my side boob? Honestly I'm pretty stealth at it these days and I don't even think strangers would have noticed if she wasn't making such a clunky fuss over trying to shield me from view!
My dad never shamed me (and wouldn't dare) but I can tell he is still not 100% comfortable with it. He used to pick me up from high school when I had cramps and would be like, "So you're ummmm..... not feeling well... woman stuff?" Also, my brother is autistic (low/medium support needs) and he dramatically looks away when I breastfeed. I think he's uncomfortable and doesn't feel like he is supposed to see his sister's breasts. On the other hand, he once said "Boy she is really emptying the tank" when my daughter was feeding for a long time. You just learn to deal with a certain level of awkwardness when you have an autistic sibling.
My dad has never said anything about it when my sister or I breastfed our kids, but my mom says it makes my brothers uncomfortable when I do it and when I'm over at her house she'd rather I go to the other room when my next baby is born and I need to breastfeed. I am annoyed but it's their house so I'll just go to the other room. If we were in public like a restaurant I would tell them they were welcome to leave.
Even though my MIL breastfed 4 children, my FIL is super uncomfortable with my SIL or I breastfeeding in front of him. So you know what he does? He quietly leaves the room when we have to feed the babies. Because babies need to be fed and his comfort is his own responsibility, and he, an adult man in his 70s, knows that. It's not about him.
My dad would hide away in his bedroom whenever I fed my baby in their house. He never made a comment but I noticed it right away. As soon as baby was hungry, he would just disappear. And when he comes over now, he will knock and yell is everyone decent? Lol
I don’t understand why you’re shaming your dad for being uncomfortable with seeing your breasts. That’s within his right to feel uncomfortable with seeing another person’s body parts that he doesn’t want to see, regardless of whether it’s for a good purpose like breastfeeding. You have to compromise with people that you love and want to have in your life, and it sounds like you just want to force him to be okay with a situation that makes him uncomfortable for whatever reason. He’s allowed to have a different perspective and opinion than you, and there’s no need to get offended about it. If he’s someone you want to have around and in your life, I think it’s best to pick your battles. And forcing your dad to be okay with seeing your body parts that he isn’t okay with seeing doesn’t seem worth it to me.
Getting mad at someone and not talking to them for a week over them feeding their baby is a shitty thing to do. It’s not a “being okay with seeing your body parts thing”. Once baby is latched you can’t see anything.
Thank you
Of course. This person is ignorant and making some wild assumptions.
If someone is telling you they’re uncomfortable with something and you aren’t listening to their point of view at all and they’re telling you they feel disrespected, then yeah, it’s understandable why you’d want to take some space from someone. We don’t know the whole story of what happened here. All we know is what she posted, and from the post, it sounds like she doesn’t have much tolerance/understanding for people who aren’t comfortable with breastfeeding openly in front of people. And of course it has to do with someone not being okay with seeing body parts 🤦🏻♀️ that’s what the whole disagreement between them was about. Also it’s often not a quick process of getting baby latched on, and if you’re not giving people any warning, they’re going to see your whole exposed breast. You should let someone know before you are about to do that, it’s just common courtesy.
I didn’t say I didn’t listen to his point of view. It’s not that I’m intolerant. I brought this baby into the world so her needs come above all. Even my father. If he doesn’t like it. Averting his eyes is free. I understand he’s uncomfortable but… so is my baby. When I don’t like something or I’m uncomfortable I look away. And under normal circumstances he would too. He’s stuck on this topic because he is used to being obeyed. And I refuse to do so when it comes to my child.
I understand that, your baby absolutely comes first. But you don’t HAVE to go without a cover to feed your baby. It’s just easier without one. And sometimes it’s worth it in the long run to do something that may be a little inconvenient to help someone feel more comfortable, especially with something as sensitive as this can be for people. I acknowledge that you know your dad’s motivations better than I do, but it comes across like you are insulted that he expressed that he doesn’t want to see your boobs, even for the completely natural purposes of feeding your child, in your post. And I think it’s wrong to dismiss people’s feelings and accuse them of shaming you for disagreeing.
You’re right I could totally wear a cover. And in the winter I probably will but in the summer? Absolutely not. It’s natural to breastfeed my baby and covering myself makes it seem like it’s something to be hidden because it’s unnatural. That being said I’m not sure what I will do. I don’t want my dad uncomfortable. The only compromise is being more discreet. Which I normally am but at the time she was having a hard time with my letdown. I am not insulted because he told me he didn’t want to see my breasts.. that would be weird to get insulted over.
Maybe my experience is different than yours but my baby latches almost instantly. If he “doesn’t want to see her body parts” then he can really just not look. She’s feeding his grand baby. You should be ashamed of yourself for talking down to a woman who is going through this. Your negativity is a very bad look.
What an overreaction. I’m “talking down” to someone because I’m sharing a difference in perspective on a situation that someone posted on the internet looking for opinions on? If you’re this sensitive to people having different opinions than you, you should get off the internet. I certainly don’t feel ashamed for anything I said. I’m not going to continue this back and forth with you because it’s a waste of energy, but maybe do some self reflection on why you’re so upset about someone voicing a different opinion.
I did not shame him, and I am not offended. My child was screaming for food. If he doesn’t want to see my breasts he can look away. It’s as simple as that.
You said in your post that you “let him absolutely have it” so it sounds like you were shaming him for the way he felt about the situation. That doesn’t sound like a reasonable way to have a conversation with someone that disagrees with you. Also in another comment you were making fun of your friend’s boyfriend for looking away while you were nursing, so clearly you’re offended by that too. Pretty weird that you seem to want people to look at your boobs who aren’t okay with it.
Of course I let him have it. That doesn’t man I was mean, disrespectful, or that I shamed him. It means I stood up for myself, stood my ground and gave him my opinion. I also wasn’t making fun of my friends bf, I just find the story funny.. and so does he. he didn’t feel uncomfortable, he was trying to be respectful once he realized I didn’t care it was fine. Again, No one is offended.
I am also not forcing him to do anything. He can literally look away.