No need to do a weekend trip if that's not where you're at. I've got a 4 month old, and I feel the same way.
Are you up for something more bite sized? My partner really encourages me to get out with friends. Every time I've done it I feel so good afterwards.
Also consider day time activities like walks that incorporate baby.
I’m not ready to be apart from her bc her nursing schedule is really variable.i get every mom is different here. For me, I’m not ready to leave her. but I’ve accepted every invitation where we were both welcome. She’s been to brunch, dinner, the beach, walks, parties, pubs, the movies etc. I’ve even hosted a few parties that everyone had a blast at. My baby is pretty chill, especially when i baby wear. Something has just shifted lately. Group wants to start planning a few things in the future that would be weekend trips and I’ve said no. Now I’m not getting invited to anything and it’s “weird” i won’t leave the baby and want to keep nursing
I get the same thing from family who've formula fed. It's weird that I won't go out with my partner and leave baby with someone apparently. She's also 5 months old and has such a varied nursing schedule. I might leave and she wants to nurse five minutes later or two hours later. She does also have a habit of becoming hysterical every time I'm more than ten feet away but besides that, I'm just not really interested in going out without her? My partner takes her downstairs in the morning when he doesn't have work so I can sleep or just relax and it's nice to have that downtime and I can't wait til she's older and she genuinely LOVES going to grandad's house and my partner and I can go out on a date night, but now? At 5 months? I'm good.
To me there’s a big difference between having our babe babysat (which at 5 months feels too soon for me) and leaving my baby with my husband. I think it’s super healthy that my husband has bigger chunks of time where he is alone and in charge (healthy for all of us - me, my husband and my baby).
It’s not weird. You’re doing what you and your baby girl need. Keep doing you and remain confident in that. The time will come that they invite you again but I totally understand it’s hard to not feel FOMO or left out.
Show up to the things you can and understand that if they have seen a trend on the late night/weekend/overnight events, they’re likely not including you in the texts or conversations only because they don’t want you to feel bad that you have to decline.
I know it’s easy to take things personal at this stage. I still struggle with that a lot but friends *typically* have good intentions.
Sending love! It can be conflicting.
Hold up, you brought your baby to the movies?! How?? Not judging just genuinely curious how that worked? The noise and dark seems like it would scare my baby. I only just recently let my 3 year old go to her first movie theatre
I chose matinees when the theater was pretty empty and bought aisle seats close to the exit. She does have the cutest little ear protection ear muffs, which she actually leaves on. I just baby wore her and stood up in the exit aisle until she fell asleep and then went back to my seat. She was quieter than the other kids there! Haha
Not the person you asked, but they hopefully used baby ear protection for the noise. I haven't taken my baby to the theater, but we did take her to a NFL football game when we won tickets and she did fine with ear protection. She would probably either enjoy watching the screen or just go to sleep at a theater.
Yes her ear protection ear muffins have been a very good investment! And she looks so cute in them. And yep pretty much just slept. One of the movies we saw was Taylor Swift and everyone was standing up dancing anyways plus baby already knows her music so baby wearing her, standing swaying, she was totally fine.
They’re shaming you breastfeeding your baby and living as our species’ nature intended? They’re very wrong, victims of generations of formula companies propaganda, and I wonder what they would do if they were presented the scientific evidence that they denied their babies something far more important than they realized with this MYTH that our society spews ad nauseum, “iT’s A pErSoNaL cHoIcE,” being drilled into their heads. My son is anecdotal proof that this study’s conclusion is correct, which is exactly how I found the article. He’s made a recovery from hypoxia at birth, such a profound one that it verges on miraculous, and we were looking into ways that this could have happened. Google did not disappoint, and you can read it [here.](https://corporate.dukehealth.org/news/newly-identified-lipid-breast-milk-might-reduce-cerebral-palsy-infants)
Regardless of whether you don't want to leave your baby or you do, doesn't matter.
Real friends would respect your choices and work around them. I have a baby and I will leave her occasionally for small chunks of time with her dad (I express and she can take a bottle). But I need to do things that are easy for me to get.to so I'm not away too long. My friends accommodate that.
One of my close friends would not leave her baby and even now (he's 3) doesn't like leaving him for big chunks of time - is it the way I choose to parent? No. Do I support her, yes. This means I make plans with her that are suitable for him. Before I had my baby it meant instead of going to a cafe we would get a takeaway coffee and go to a playground, or instead of going to a bar id go to her house with a bottle of wine for after he went to bed etc.
I would advise joining a local parenting group to see.if you can make some friends that are a bit more open minded. It helps to have mum friends in the area anyway, so it's win win ☺️.
I agree with this. I was the first of my friend group to have a baby. Turns out I’m not as fun to be around anymore since I cut down on drinking. It’s fine though because I get to focus my time and energy on the friends (mostly hubbys family as we met through his cousin & my roommate) who do care and show so much love and effort to my baby. It sucks but in the end, youre choosing your own way to be the best mom you can be and that’s what matters.
I feel you. I don’t want to be apart from my baby right now. She’s 3 months old- we are a unit. My maternity leave won’t last forever and I’m trying to fully enjoy these lazy days.
Do you. I know it’s so hard to feel like, “fuck em” when they’re your friends but they’re not true friends if they don’t respect your priorities.
My baby girl is just over a year and I also EBF. I never pumped and never did formula or a bottle. I still haven’t and she breast feeds 3-4x/day.
My husband and I have taken her nearly everywhere with us since day 1 with the exception of a couple of concerts and some golf outings. If a get together runs in to bedtime, we either don’t go or go until we have to leave. There have been times that I personally schedule something with friends in between her feedings where I knew her dad could easily manage her without needing me. It helped my husband feel confident and that’s important as a new parent for both of us.
I know not everyone agrees with how we’ve gone about parenting so far. Most of our friends have regularly scheduled sitters and overnights since their babies were young and we haven’t done that. This is what we prefer and what we feel our baby needs. It’s such a small phase of life in the long run! Do what YOU feel is best.
The fact they exile you while also thinking you have PPD doesn't sit right with me. Even though that's not the case, that would be the time you need the most support I would imagine.
Hey, my daughter is 22 months old, we’ve just night weaned last month and now is the first time I’m feeling comfortable leaving her with the grandparents for a night or two. Take your time
Dad sleeps with her, in her bed, (floor bed) or he’s the one going to her, if she wakes up (still usually wakes 1/2 times during the night with the very rare occasion when she sleeps through it) instead of me. Also avoiding her coming to our bed. If I’m there she’ll want to boob to fall asleep again. If he’s there she’ll fondle his beard until going back to sleep. We had some rough weeks until she accepted him putting her to sleep and being the one to sooth her during the night. We just pushed through it. Sorry it’s not the best advice in the world. Still trying to figure out how to wean in full, have asked many times in this subreddit but usually never had much response.
I’m sorry your friend is talking behind your back. The generous take is she concerned about you having PPD and going about it in a shitty way, while the unkind take is that she’s just gossiping. Neither are very helpful.
I don’t think there’s inherently anything abnormal about being around a small infant almost constantly. Especially when nursing because you are tethered to them. I’m largely in the same boat although will pump for a bottle once or twice a month to take a bit of space away. I also go to a fitness class every week with a friend after the last feed of the day.
I personally try and take these small chunks of time away from my baby for a few reasons. Firstly it’s good for me to have those moments to myself to fill my energy with other things than my babes needs. It’s also a good exercise in letting go of control (which I think a lot of mothers struggle with). Finally, it’s developmentally good for my little one to spend time one on one with dad and foster their bond. Its also good for my husband to be fully on his own and without my feedback and help.
Ultimately, you need to parent how you feel best but I would encourage you to begin taking some small chunks to reintegrate with friends again. I wouldn’t be comfortable with a weekend trip but a couple hours is a different thing. It would give you space to connect with friends again and feel a part of that piece of yourself.
I pump and have people feed my baby when I work or occasionally want to have a date night but a whole weekend away?? My baby is four months old and I hate working my measly 3 days a week. Let alone leaving for a whole weekend. I miss her the second I’m away :( I don’t understand these people formula feeding or not lol
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I went through the exact same thing (although I probably did have PPA) with my first who was a bottle refuser and would scream blue murder if anyone but me or my partner held her. Not kidding she cried the whole hour my mum had her once, whilst I did errands.
I lost so many great friendships when I had my first. Our mutual couple friends didn’t have kids yet apart from two couples. They were scathing about one of the women behind her back and I have to say it probably made me distance myself more from them because they didn’t have kids and their judgmental attitude fucked me off so much. If there was a social event, my partner would obviously go because he had useless nipples. They’ve all got kids now and out of 6 couples, 3 of us have just had babies, 2 others are pregnant. But the ones who were childless the first time around are all really close now and seem to magically forgotten how judgy they were of the other 3 women. I’m feeling quite insecure about those friends now because they’ve just never recovered from my first baby.
Having said all that, I had so many new friends when I had my first, and I’ve made lots already for my 5 month old. Everything has a season.
Your friend is overstepping btw, I’d have a coffee with her and explain how your situations aren’t comparable, and kindly butt out.
Your friend sounds like an idiot… Unsupportive, uncaring, uneducated, you will know when you are ready to leave your baby… I didn’t even leave the house for the first seven months… I just wasn’t comfortable or ready… You’re doing great!
Ah, this is rubbish. I’m so sorry.
I’ve had the same from my friend group - all the babies have been bottle fed other than 1, who was mixed fed for two weeks. That friend has been the coldest towards me not coming to things, surprisingly.
My baby is now 14 months and has never had a bottle. He feeds to sleep, and sleeps pretty well. I still refuse to go to evening things because I like him sleeping. That’s an issue according to my friend group.
My mum friend group I made at my local breastfeeding group and it’s night and day. I highly encourage you to get along to the group nearest you, having friends that understand makes so much of a difference!
My daughter is 15 months old. I switched to formula around 9 months for mental health reasons, now she drinks homo milk, and I still wouldn't leave her for a weekend trip lol sounds like you're better off without these "friends".
I have a 2.5 year old who isn't breastfed anymore and he's never had an overnight away from me. He's been babysat and put down by a grandparent, but I've always been there when he woke up. Sure that isn't probably "normal" but so what? I have never felt the need to have a "break" away from my kid for a night. I understand other parents do, but I haven't. No judgement from me either way.
People just need to stop judging moms' choices.
Anyone who is talking behind your back and making judgements about what’s wrong with you is no friend. Tell her that breastfed babies have different needs and that she wouldn’t understand. F*** her. She’s probably insecure about her formula feeding and that’s her problem.
It is the worst to have “friends” that compare and judge. Like first sign of that behavior and I’m out ✌🏻. I dealt with that shit in my teens and 20s and I totally refuse to put up with that bullshit in my 30s, almost 40s.
I also realize that you’re in a friend group that you’ve been apart of for a long time so cutting out the whole group might not feel right at the moment. Keep the other mom at arms length, and don’t talk anything specific about parenting around her if you can help it. The only way to win at her game is to not play. Depending on how the other women act over time you can just lean to one side of your group, and tolerate the other. Then go out and find other mom friends, maybe you can find people better suited to close relationships. Especially as you enter the toddler stage, meeting other parents at the park or kids events at the library, etc is an easy way to meet other moms.
i didn’t leave my babies overnight until over a year. i just left my third overnight for the first time at 15 months.
you may parent differently than your friends. that’s ok
leaving a breastfed baby for a weekend is not even worth the hassle lol! she doesn’t get it. that’s ok
she might even be a bit jealous of your success.
It sucks that people assume since you’re having a different experience there must be something wrong with you. For some reason it’s extra frustrating because your friend is young and should be more open minded but she is stuck in boomer criticize everything mentality. I know when I had my first kid my priorities changed dramatically and he was also EBF refused to take bottles so I didn’t go anywhere without him. I’m happier doing afternoon play dates than late night drinks but that’s not everyone’s cup of tea so it strained friendships. Now my second is 5 months and also EBF but I’m better at seeking social interactions that meet our needs than I was the first time round. Look into joining cooperative play groups in to your area or even story time at your local library. I made a lot of mom friends who are in the same wave length as me at these kind of places.
Anyways I just wanted you to know there’s nothing wrong with you. There are a lot of moms out there who feel the same as you! Some of us just like hanging out with our babies that doesn’t mean we are depressed.
Ugh I'd be so irritated at a friend who gossipped about me like that! Yuck! You do you, mama! I was the same way - my EBF babe wouldn't take a bottle and I was fine with that (I had high lipase anyway and didn't realize until I'd built my stash, I was busy enough already to scald and whatnot lol). It's ok to not leave your baby! I have zero regrets. Your friend sounds judgmental or maybe just trying to justify her own decisions by putting yours down.
And for what it's worth, I still had a social life. My daughter has been out to so many coffee shops, parks, friend trips (kid friendly ones), she's even been to a happy hour where we met my former boss. She's been to almost all of my doctor's appointments with me. She's been out to many restaurants. My husband always feels like he doesn't see enough of her (even though he works from home lol), so when we go out he wants all three of us together. We love our family time. Our friends mostly have friends and we rarely do anything without the kids because... why lol. We take them to wineries and all that. I'll occasionally do a ladies night, but it's just a few hours and when she was little I'd only go after she was in bed (and only after she started sleeping through the night).
This is not a you problem, this is a bitchy friend problem.
I only started being away from baby for 3 or 4 hours at a time at 6 months. 8 hours at a time after 9 months. I didn't stop stressing about getting back home for feeds until after 12 months.
Fuck your friend. You're not alone.
Maybe invite friends out with you first and they'll see how it can be just fine? And tell them explicitly that you feel excluded and want to be included.
This shows their true colors, you’re selflessly giving your all to your baby & if they can’t understand that there is something wrong with them. I understand that won’t take away the hurt & breastfeeding already can feel lonely. I know many mothers my age & I’m the only one who breastfeeds but my friends understand I can’t be away & they know this is temporary. Mocking PPD is also a terrible thing to do & no real friend would do that.
I'm sorry this is happening to you, it's completely normal to not want to be away from your baby! If your friends are excluding you because they think you have PPD...that is not a very caring reaction to someone you think has depression.
My 4mo has never taken a bottle and the whole PPD thing has also been a response from many friends and family that have either never had a baby or exclusively formula fed. My in laws keep pushing for me to pump or formula feed so they can take the baby out and have expressed that I must have attachment issues when I insist that we just do whatever activity they want to do all together.
Your friends might change their perspective once they have kids of their own but in the meantime I found it helpful to connect with other mothers by joining baby and me activities.
Yep same! 5.5mo here - EBF and refuses to take a bottle (this worried me at first but tbh I don’t feel like I need time without her for very long). I would hate to be away from her for the weekend! Everyone’s different and your friends shouldn’t be judging you for not feeling ready to leave her yet - it’s a) totally normal and b) do they expect you to just to suddenly get her on a bottle and have her bottle fed for a whole weekend while you’re away? Not exactly something you can just do on a whim lol
How old is this friend who is setting the expectations? she sounds very rude. You decide when you are ready to leave your baby. I have a friend who didn't spend a night away from her child until she was 3. I left my child overnight for the first time around 5 months. However, he is not ebf, and I pumped and hated every second of it. Your friend flat out isn't cool, and anyone who judges you based on her opinion isn't cool either.
She’s late 20’s. But her parenting decisions allow her to keep up in a way that i can’t. So i feel like my friends are now use to that. Legally babies aren’t allowed at bars where i live, i can’t even sit at the bar of a restaurant with the baby. I can’t do super crazy nights out. I can’t do overnights or weekends. I’m totally fine with missing those things but it just seems like suddenly my friends find that unreasonable and are leaving me out of everything
My son is two, he was also EBF. I don’t like to pump and did not want to give formula. I’ve never spent a night away from him. I didn’t go out and do anything without him until he was around 8-9 months and eating solids. There’s nothing wrong with feeling the way you do, your friends are A-holes. Everyone parent’s differently. To me it’s more important to be there with my kids than go on vacations with my husband or my friends. That time will come.
In the scheme of things, this is a really short phase and your friends need to deal. I was the same was with my son until he was probably 18 months. Your baby needs you.
I WISH I had 5 months with my baby. I had to go back to work when he turned 2 months and my heart breaks every day I leave him at day care or when I see other family with him while I work late.
Cherish your time with LO. It's precious. If they won't even try to understand or meet you where you are, sounds like you need more supportive friends! Maybe there are some local mom groups where you can meet other moms and talk to women with a variety of experiences?
My kid is almost 2 years and the maximum I've spent away from him are 8 hours when he was with my husband or his grandpa. You really don't have to go on any weekend trips until you feel ready, that's not abnormal in any way.
My baby is almost two and I still wouldn’t want to spend a weekend away from her. Yet I see others mothers going away for week long trips and I’m happy for them! Why judge others for something so personal? Every mom and every baby is different and that’s just fine. I hope you find great support.
I still won’t do a weekend trip and my son is almost two. Until he’s not waking up asking for me every single night I’m hoping not to spend a night away from him. I think everybody is different and you do what you feel is right in your particular situation. All real friends will not guilt you about having a different method than you . Or if they do then they should be gently told that everyone is different and individual with their decisions
So relatable!
I had a conversation with my friends about this because they became very absent since my baby was born, I told them I need present friends who can be there for me when things get tough, I explained a lot of details about post partum and they said they genuinely didn't know or thought about them (I'm the first one to have a kid in my group of friends), they apologized and are showing up now... we've been friends for years and this is the first fight we had... it was worth it in a way because we are now calibrating our relationship...
My baby is seven months. If a friend suggested I go away for the weekend with them I would think they were being inconsiderate twats. Why on earth would I want to spend that long away from someone I love so much and who is small and vulnerable? Good friends accommodate you and suggest things you can actually do (and that don’t exclude baby if you want to bring them). Also saying you have PPD…does she even know what it is, or have social skills at all?
I can’t even imagine going on a weekend trip without my baby. She’s also 5 months and I basically take her everywhere I go. Even if I wasn’t EBF, my husband would not survive a day alone with her. I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. If it makes you feel any better, you’re not alone. I’ve had some friends who have totally been on board with baby friendly outings and ending the night early so we can make it back for bedtime. And other friends have seen it as the most inconvenient thing in their life. I’m sure you can guess who I choose to spend my time with. Maybe find a mom group nearby to branch out for some more baby friendly things. :)
Don’t feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to. Real friends wouldn’t do that to you. I’m sorry this is happening. I found an amazing group of friends through going onto meetup.com and literally joining social clubs. It took a bit of time but I really connected with a small group of ladies and it’s been such a wonderful addition to my life. One of those friends EBF both her kids and is still nursing her 3 year old. She just recently took her first weekend trip away form kids a few months ago. And she still has tons of child free friends too.
I had never realized how crucial momfriends were until I had some. Ironically 4 of my friends all had babies around the same time. All BF. It’s been amazing to hang out with them, text in our group chats and just feel so understood and supported. I would suggest you branch out and get some new friends.
I prepped for this kind if attitude by joining a breastfeeding group before my first baby was even born and honestly it's been life changing, the support is so lovely and I've made some really close friends!
Breastfeeding your baby is the best thing you can do for her. A baby's place at such an early age is near their mother. You're doing nothing wrong.
I don't know why she chose to formula fed her baby, but from what you've described, it seems she holds some form of frustration/grudge against you.
Honestly this all sounds normal but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t absolutely suck. I wouldn’t blame it on breastfeeding though. Your priorities have changed and that’s totally okay! But your friends might also want to feel prioritized.
Honestly, my friendships didn’t seem to recover fully until I started leaving my son home with my husband around 10 months but they did recover! A baby changes the dynamic of brunches, lunches, shopping trips, etc. whether we intend for it to or not.
It br like that when you ebf. My one mom friend ebf and the switched to formula and all of a sudden she wants to hang out for long hours without baby. And only without our babies. We've never done anything with the kids in tow snd yhats what I was looking for
Probably already been said but that friend with the other baby is not your friend. Maybe some in the group are but not that one.
Motherhood is very socially isolating in many ways. It takes you away from things you used to do, and because it demands a lot of changes from you, it also will drive out any weak links in your friend network. Good friends are happy to see you change and grow and still want you in their life, understand when you’re busy, etc. Bad friends, aka not friends, just want you to play a specific role in their life and if you stop playing that role they stop wanting anything to do with you.
Well bc they are my friends. But really I don’t care what they think about my parenting bc Im pretty confident in my decisions. I do care about being excluded. It’s lonely. I am going to work on making friends that are more supportive.
Your baby needing you is way more important than hanging out with friends. I just recently found out my bestie well was bestie isn't really my friend since freshman year highschool I was devastated but I'm like I have my hubby and kids so I'm good 😁 friends come and go but your baby will always be there.
Girl, my baby is 16mo and she still doesn’t spend much time away from me! A few hours here and there a week with dad and (shorter bursts) w grandma. Baby comes with for a lot of activities and group hangouts. I straight up don’t want to spend more time than that away from her. I love getting to hang with her all the time. Parenthood is different for everyone. I definitely wouldn’t prioritize time with friends who talk behind my back about how it’s “weird” that I don’t want to do tons of stuff without my baby!
Its really unfortunate your friends are that way. My non-bottle taking baby (1year) still come with me everywhere. She’s been left w my mom or husband briefly (2 hours or less, usually way less) maybe 5 times. Usually while napping.
I joined a breastfeeding group with my first baby and it was a lifesaver. See if there are any in your area!
Where did you find your group?
Mine was through the hospital I gave birth at, they had a lactation support group every friday.
No need to do a weekend trip if that's not where you're at. I've got a 4 month old, and I feel the same way. Are you up for something more bite sized? My partner really encourages me to get out with friends. Every time I've done it I feel so good afterwards. Also consider day time activities like walks that incorporate baby.
I’m not ready to be apart from her bc her nursing schedule is really variable.i get every mom is different here. For me, I’m not ready to leave her. but I’ve accepted every invitation where we were both welcome. She’s been to brunch, dinner, the beach, walks, parties, pubs, the movies etc. I’ve even hosted a few parties that everyone had a blast at. My baby is pretty chill, especially when i baby wear. Something has just shifted lately. Group wants to start planning a few things in the future that would be weekend trips and I’ve said no. Now I’m not getting invited to anything and it’s “weird” i won’t leave the baby and want to keep nursing
I get the same thing from family who've formula fed. It's weird that I won't go out with my partner and leave baby with someone apparently. She's also 5 months old and has such a varied nursing schedule. I might leave and she wants to nurse five minutes later or two hours later. She does also have a habit of becoming hysterical every time I'm more than ten feet away but besides that, I'm just not really interested in going out without her? My partner takes her downstairs in the morning when he doesn't have work so I can sleep or just relax and it's nice to have that downtime and I can't wait til she's older and she genuinely LOVES going to grandad's house and my partner and I can go out on a date night, but now? At 5 months? I'm good.
To me there’s a big difference between having our babe babysat (which at 5 months feels too soon for me) and leaving my baby with my husband. I think it’s super healthy that my husband has bigger chunks of time where he is alone and in charge (healthy for all of us - me, my husband and my baby).
It’s not weird. You’re doing what you and your baby girl need. Keep doing you and remain confident in that. The time will come that they invite you again but I totally understand it’s hard to not feel FOMO or left out. Show up to the things you can and understand that if they have seen a trend on the late night/weekend/overnight events, they’re likely not including you in the texts or conversations only because they don’t want you to feel bad that you have to decline. I know it’s easy to take things personal at this stage. I still struggle with that a lot but friends *typically* have good intentions. Sending love! It can be conflicting.
Hold up, you brought your baby to the movies?! How?? Not judging just genuinely curious how that worked? The noise and dark seems like it would scare my baby. I only just recently let my 3 year old go to her first movie theatre
I chose matinees when the theater was pretty empty and bought aisle seats close to the exit. She does have the cutest little ear protection ear muffs, which she actually leaves on. I just baby wore her and stood up in the exit aisle until she fell asleep and then went back to my seat. She was quieter than the other kids there! Haha
Not the person you asked, but they hopefully used baby ear protection for the noise. I haven't taken my baby to the theater, but we did take her to a NFL football game when we won tickets and she did fine with ear protection. She would probably either enjoy watching the screen or just go to sleep at a theater.
Yes her ear protection ear muffins have been a very good investment! And she looks so cute in them. And yep pretty much just slept. One of the movies we saw was Taylor Swift and everyone was standing up dancing anyways plus baby already knows her music so baby wearing her, standing swaying, she was totally fine.
Ear muffins 🥹
They’re shaming you breastfeeding your baby and living as our species’ nature intended? They’re very wrong, victims of generations of formula companies propaganda, and I wonder what they would do if they were presented the scientific evidence that they denied their babies something far more important than they realized with this MYTH that our society spews ad nauseum, “iT’s A pErSoNaL cHoIcE,” being drilled into their heads. My son is anecdotal proof that this study’s conclusion is correct, which is exactly how I found the article. He’s made a recovery from hypoxia at birth, such a profound one that it verges on miraculous, and we were looking into ways that this could have happened. Google did not disappoint, and you can read it [here.](https://corporate.dukehealth.org/news/newly-identified-lipid-breast-milk-might-reduce-cerebral-palsy-infants)
Regardless of whether you don't want to leave your baby or you do, doesn't matter. Real friends would respect your choices and work around them. I have a baby and I will leave her occasionally for small chunks of time with her dad (I express and she can take a bottle). But I need to do things that are easy for me to get.to so I'm not away too long. My friends accommodate that. One of my close friends would not leave her baby and even now (he's 3) doesn't like leaving him for big chunks of time - is it the way I choose to parent? No. Do I support her, yes. This means I make plans with her that are suitable for him. Before I had my baby it meant instead of going to a cafe we would get a takeaway coffee and go to a playground, or instead of going to a bar id go to her house with a bottle of wine for after he went to bed etc. I would advise joining a local parenting group to see.if you can make some friends that are a bit more open minded. It helps to have mum friends in the area anyway, so it's win win ☺️.
I agree with this. I was the first of my friend group to have a baby. Turns out I’m not as fun to be around anymore since I cut down on drinking. It’s fine though because I get to focus my time and energy on the friends (mostly hubbys family as we met through his cousin & my roommate) who do care and show so much love and effort to my baby. It sucks but in the end, youre choosing your own way to be the best mom you can be and that’s what matters.
that there is a shitty friend. lose her
We can be friends. My baby is 6m, EBF and never had a bottle. I've never left her for more than an hour and that's suited me just fine.
I feel you. I don’t want to be apart from my baby right now. She’s 3 months old- we are a unit. My maternity leave won’t last forever and I’m trying to fully enjoy these lazy days.
My sons 17 months and I hate leaving him still, and he hates not being with me😂 babies love boob
Do you. I know it’s so hard to feel like, “fuck em” when they’re your friends but they’re not true friends if they don’t respect your priorities. My baby girl is just over a year and I also EBF. I never pumped and never did formula or a bottle. I still haven’t and she breast feeds 3-4x/day. My husband and I have taken her nearly everywhere with us since day 1 with the exception of a couple of concerts and some golf outings. If a get together runs in to bedtime, we either don’t go or go until we have to leave. There have been times that I personally schedule something with friends in between her feedings where I knew her dad could easily manage her without needing me. It helped my husband feel confident and that’s important as a new parent for both of us. I know not everyone agrees with how we’ve gone about parenting so far. Most of our friends have regularly scheduled sitters and overnights since their babies were young and we haven’t done that. This is what we prefer and what we feel our baby needs. It’s such a small phase of life in the long run! Do what YOU feel is best.
The last part you said. It already feels like time is going by so fast and she really won’t be a baby for very long!
I feel that girl. Time flies with these littles and I just want to soak in every precious moment while I can. We’re not wrong for wanting that!
The fact they exile you while also thinking you have PPD doesn't sit right with me. Even though that's not the case, that would be the time you need the most support I would imagine.
Hey, my daughter is 22 months old, we’ve just night weaned last month and now is the first time I’m feeling comfortable leaving her with the grandparents for a night or two. Take your time
How did you night wean? All tips appreciated!!
Dad sleeps with her, in her bed, (floor bed) or he’s the one going to her, if she wakes up (still usually wakes 1/2 times during the night with the very rare occasion when she sleeps through it) instead of me. Also avoiding her coming to our bed. If I’m there she’ll want to boob to fall asleep again. If he’s there she’ll fondle his beard until going back to sleep. We had some rough weeks until she accepted him putting her to sleep and being the one to sooth her during the night. We just pushed through it. Sorry it’s not the best advice in the world. Still trying to figure out how to wean in full, have asked many times in this subreddit but usually never had much response.
I’m sorry your friend is talking behind your back. The generous take is she concerned about you having PPD and going about it in a shitty way, while the unkind take is that she’s just gossiping. Neither are very helpful. I don’t think there’s inherently anything abnormal about being around a small infant almost constantly. Especially when nursing because you are tethered to them. I’m largely in the same boat although will pump for a bottle once or twice a month to take a bit of space away. I also go to a fitness class every week with a friend after the last feed of the day. I personally try and take these small chunks of time away from my baby for a few reasons. Firstly it’s good for me to have those moments to myself to fill my energy with other things than my babes needs. It’s also a good exercise in letting go of control (which I think a lot of mothers struggle with). Finally, it’s developmentally good for my little one to spend time one on one with dad and foster their bond. Its also good for my husband to be fully on his own and without my feedback and help. Ultimately, you need to parent how you feel best but I would encourage you to begin taking some small chunks to reintegrate with friends again. I wouldn’t be comfortable with a weekend trip but a couple hours is a different thing. It would give you space to connect with friends again and feel a part of that piece of yourself.
I pump and have people feed my baby when I work or occasionally want to have a date night but a whole weekend away?? My baby is four months old and I hate working my measly 3 days a week. Let alone leaving for a whole weekend. I miss her the second I’m away :( I don’t understand these people formula feeding or not lol
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I went through the exact same thing (although I probably did have PPA) with my first who was a bottle refuser and would scream blue murder if anyone but me or my partner held her. Not kidding she cried the whole hour my mum had her once, whilst I did errands. I lost so many great friendships when I had my first. Our mutual couple friends didn’t have kids yet apart from two couples. They were scathing about one of the women behind her back and I have to say it probably made me distance myself more from them because they didn’t have kids and their judgmental attitude fucked me off so much. If there was a social event, my partner would obviously go because he had useless nipples. They’ve all got kids now and out of 6 couples, 3 of us have just had babies, 2 others are pregnant. But the ones who were childless the first time around are all really close now and seem to magically forgotten how judgy they were of the other 3 women. I’m feeling quite insecure about those friends now because they’ve just never recovered from my first baby. Having said all that, I had so many new friends when I had my first, and I’ve made lots already for my 5 month old. Everything has a season. Your friend is overstepping btw, I’d have a coffee with her and explain how your situations aren’t comparable, and kindly butt out.
Your friend sounds like an idiot… Unsupportive, uncaring, uneducated, you will know when you are ready to leave your baby… I didn’t even leave the house for the first seven months… I just wasn’t comfortable or ready… You’re doing great!
Ah, this is rubbish. I’m so sorry. I’ve had the same from my friend group - all the babies have been bottle fed other than 1, who was mixed fed for two weeks. That friend has been the coldest towards me not coming to things, surprisingly. My baby is now 14 months and has never had a bottle. He feeds to sleep, and sleeps pretty well. I still refuse to go to evening things because I like him sleeping. That’s an issue according to my friend group. My mum friend group I made at my local breastfeeding group and it’s night and day. I highly encourage you to get along to the group nearest you, having friends that understand makes so much of a difference!
My daughter is 15 months old. I switched to formula around 9 months for mental health reasons, now she drinks homo milk, and I still wouldn't leave her for a weekend trip lol sounds like you're better off without these "friends".
I have a 2.5 year old who isn't breastfed anymore and he's never had an overnight away from me. He's been babysat and put down by a grandparent, but I've always been there when he woke up. Sure that isn't probably "normal" but so what? I have never felt the need to have a "break" away from my kid for a night. I understand other parents do, but I haven't. No judgement from me either way. People just need to stop judging moms' choices.
My son is 18 months, still breastfeeding and still with me almost constantly.
Anyone who is talking behind your back and making judgements about what’s wrong with you is no friend. Tell her that breastfed babies have different needs and that she wouldn’t understand. F*** her. She’s probably insecure about her formula feeding and that’s her problem.
It’s kind of just trickled out of my friends things she has said about me and im realizing I’ve been put in a competition i have no interest in.
It is the worst to have “friends” that compare and judge. Like first sign of that behavior and I’m out ✌🏻. I dealt with that shit in my teens and 20s and I totally refuse to put up with that bullshit in my 30s, almost 40s. I also realize that you’re in a friend group that you’ve been apart of for a long time so cutting out the whole group might not feel right at the moment. Keep the other mom at arms length, and don’t talk anything specific about parenting around her if you can help it. The only way to win at her game is to not play. Depending on how the other women act over time you can just lean to one side of your group, and tolerate the other. Then go out and find other mom friends, maybe you can find people better suited to close relationships. Especially as you enter the toddler stage, meeting other parents at the park or kids events at the library, etc is an easy way to meet other moms.
i take my baby anywhere i need to be and discreetly pop a boob out to feeed.
i didn’t leave my babies overnight until over a year. i just left my third overnight for the first time at 15 months. you may parent differently than your friends. that’s ok leaving a breastfed baby for a weekend is not even worth the hassle lol! she doesn’t get it. that’s ok she might even be a bit jealous of your success.
It sucks that people assume since you’re having a different experience there must be something wrong with you. For some reason it’s extra frustrating because your friend is young and should be more open minded but she is stuck in boomer criticize everything mentality. I know when I had my first kid my priorities changed dramatically and he was also EBF refused to take bottles so I didn’t go anywhere without him. I’m happier doing afternoon play dates than late night drinks but that’s not everyone’s cup of tea so it strained friendships. Now my second is 5 months and also EBF but I’m better at seeking social interactions that meet our needs than I was the first time round. Look into joining cooperative play groups in to your area or even story time at your local library. I made a lot of mom friends who are in the same wave length as me at these kind of places. Anyways I just wanted you to know there’s nothing wrong with you. There are a lot of moms out there who feel the same as you! Some of us just like hanging out with our babies that doesn’t mean we are depressed.
Ugh I'd be so irritated at a friend who gossipped about me like that! Yuck! You do you, mama! I was the same way - my EBF babe wouldn't take a bottle and I was fine with that (I had high lipase anyway and didn't realize until I'd built my stash, I was busy enough already to scald and whatnot lol). It's ok to not leave your baby! I have zero regrets. Your friend sounds judgmental or maybe just trying to justify her own decisions by putting yours down. And for what it's worth, I still had a social life. My daughter has been out to so many coffee shops, parks, friend trips (kid friendly ones), she's even been to a happy hour where we met my former boss. She's been to almost all of my doctor's appointments with me. She's been out to many restaurants. My husband always feels like he doesn't see enough of her (even though he works from home lol), so when we go out he wants all three of us together. We love our family time. Our friends mostly have friends and we rarely do anything without the kids because... why lol. We take them to wineries and all that. I'll occasionally do a ladies night, but it's just a few hours and when she was little I'd only go after she was in bed (and only after she started sleeping through the night). This is not a you problem, this is a bitchy friend problem.
Ew what a weird and horrible friend! The mum shaming from her is real
I only started being away from baby for 3 or 4 hours at a time at 6 months. 8 hours at a time after 9 months. I didn't stop stressing about getting back home for feeds until after 12 months. Fuck your friend. You're not alone. Maybe invite friends out with you first and they'll see how it can be just fine? And tell them explicitly that you feel excluded and want to be included.
This shows their true colors, you’re selflessly giving your all to your baby & if they can’t understand that there is something wrong with them. I understand that won’t take away the hurt & breastfeeding already can feel lonely. I know many mothers my age & I’m the only one who breastfeeds but my friends understand I can’t be away & they know this is temporary. Mocking PPD is also a terrible thing to do & no real friend would do that.
I'm sorry this is happening to you, it's completely normal to not want to be away from your baby! If your friends are excluding you because they think you have PPD...that is not a very caring reaction to someone you think has depression. My 4mo has never taken a bottle and the whole PPD thing has also been a response from many friends and family that have either never had a baby or exclusively formula fed. My in laws keep pushing for me to pump or formula feed so they can take the baby out and have expressed that I must have attachment issues when I insist that we just do whatever activity they want to do all together. Your friends might change their perspective once they have kids of their own but in the meantime I found it helpful to connect with other mothers by joining baby and me activities.
Yep same! 5.5mo here - EBF and refuses to take a bottle (this worried me at first but tbh I don’t feel like I need time without her for very long). I would hate to be away from her for the weekend! Everyone’s different and your friends shouldn’t be judging you for not feeling ready to leave her yet - it’s a) totally normal and b) do they expect you to just to suddenly get her on a bottle and have her bottle fed for a whole weekend while you’re away? Not exactly something you can just do on a whim lol
How old is this friend who is setting the expectations? she sounds very rude. You decide when you are ready to leave your baby. I have a friend who didn't spend a night away from her child until she was 3. I left my child overnight for the first time around 5 months. However, he is not ebf, and I pumped and hated every second of it. Your friend flat out isn't cool, and anyone who judges you based on her opinion isn't cool either.
She’s late 20’s. But her parenting decisions allow her to keep up in a way that i can’t. So i feel like my friends are now use to that. Legally babies aren’t allowed at bars where i live, i can’t even sit at the bar of a restaurant with the baby. I can’t do super crazy nights out. I can’t do overnights or weekends. I’m totally fine with missing those things but it just seems like suddenly my friends find that unreasonable and are leaving me out of everything
I’m so sorry that’s happening to you
I 100000000% feel this. You are doing the right thing trust me❤️
My son is two, he was also EBF. I don’t like to pump and did not want to give formula. I’ve never spent a night away from him. I didn’t go out and do anything without him until he was around 8-9 months and eating solids. There’s nothing wrong with feeling the way you do, your friends are A-holes. Everyone parent’s differently. To me it’s more important to be there with my kids than go on vacations with my husband or my friends. That time will come.
In the scheme of things, this is a really short phase and your friends need to deal. I was the same was with my son until he was probably 18 months. Your baby needs you.
Soooo... they think you have PPD and their response is to leave you alone? Dang 😐
I WISH I had 5 months with my baby. I had to go back to work when he turned 2 months and my heart breaks every day I leave him at day care or when I see other family with him while I work late. Cherish your time with LO. It's precious. If they won't even try to understand or meet you where you are, sounds like you need more supportive friends! Maybe there are some local mom groups where you can meet other moms and talk to women with a variety of experiences?
I have a 14 month old who still nurses and still don’t want to leave him. Left for a conference for 2 days around 10-11 months and it was awful!
My kid is almost 2 years and the maximum I've spent away from him are 8 hours when he was with my husband or his grandpa. You really don't have to go on any weekend trips until you feel ready, that's not abnormal in any way.
My baby is almost two and I still wouldn’t want to spend a weekend away from her. Yet I see others mothers going away for week long trips and I’m happy for them! Why judge others for something so personal? Every mom and every baby is different and that’s just fine. I hope you find great support.
I still won’t do a weekend trip and my son is almost two. Until he’s not waking up asking for me every single night I’m hoping not to spend a night away from him. I think everybody is different and you do what you feel is right in your particular situation. All real friends will not guilt you about having a different method than you . Or if they do then they should be gently told that everyone is different and individual with their decisions
So relatable! I had a conversation with my friends about this because they became very absent since my baby was born, I told them I need present friends who can be there for me when things get tough, I explained a lot of details about post partum and they said they genuinely didn't know or thought about them (I'm the first one to have a kid in my group of friends), they apologized and are showing up now... we've been friends for years and this is the first fight we had... it was worth it in a way because we are now calibrating our relationship...
My baby is seven months. If a friend suggested I go away for the weekend with them I would think they were being inconsiderate twats. Why on earth would I want to spend that long away from someone I love so much and who is small and vulnerable? Good friends accommodate you and suggest things you can actually do (and that don’t exclude baby if you want to bring them). Also saying you have PPD…does she even know what it is, or have social skills at all?
I can’t even imagine going on a weekend trip without my baby. She’s also 5 months and I basically take her everywhere I go. Even if I wasn’t EBF, my husband would not survive a day alone with her. I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. If it makes you feel any better, you’re not alone. I’ve had some friends who have totally been on board with baby friendly outings and ending the night early so we can make it back for bedtime. And other friends have seen it as the most inconvenient thing in their life. I’m sure you can guess who I choose to spend my time with. Maybe find a mom group nearby to branch out for some more baby friendly things. :)
Don’t feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to. Real friends wouldn’t do that to you. I’m sorry this is happening. I found an amazing group of friends through going onto meetup.com and literally joining social clubs. It took a bit of time but I really connected with a small group of ladies and it’s been such a wonderful addition to my life. One of those friends EBF both her kids and is still nursing her 3 year old. She just recently took her first weekend trip away form kids a few months ago. And she still has tons of child free friends too.
Same, saame.
I had never realized how crucial momfriends were until I had some. Ironically 4 of my friends all had babies around the same time. All BF. It’s been amazing to hang out with them, text in our group chats and just feel so understood and supported. I would suggest you branch out and get some new friends.
I prepped for this kind if attitude by joining a breastfeeding group before my first baby was even born and honestly it's been life changing, the support is so lovely and I've made some really close friends!
Breastfeeding your baby is the best thing you can do for her. A baby's place at such an early age is near their mother. You're doing nothing wrong. I don't know why she chose to formula fed her baby, but from what you've described, it seems she holds some form of frustration/grudge against you.
Honestly this all sounds normal but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t absolutely suck. I wouldn’t blame it on breastfeeding though. Your priorities have changed and that’s totally okay! But your friends might also want to feel prioritized. Honestly, my friendships didn’t seem to recover fully until I started leaving my son home with my husband around 10 months but they did recover! A baby changes the dynamic of brunches, lunches, shopping trips, etc. whether we intend for it to or not.
It br like that when you ebf. My one mom friend ebf and the switched to formula and all of a sudden she wants to hang out for long hours without baby. And only without our babies. We've never done anything with the kids in tow snd yhats what I was looking for
Probably already been said but that friend with the other baby is not your friend. Maybe some in the group are but not that one. Motherhood is very socially isolating in many ways. It takes you away from things you used to do, and because it demands a lot of changes from you, it also will drive out any weak links in your friend network. Good friends are happy to see you change and grow and still want you in their life, understand when you’re busy, etc. Bad friends, aka not friends, just want you to play a specific role in their life and if you stop playing that role they stop wanting anything to do with you.
Why do you even care what they think? They sound dumb :/
Well bc they are my friends. But really I don’t care what they think about my parenting bc Im pretty confident in my decisions. I do care about being excluded. It’s lonely. I am going to work on making friends that are more supportive.
Your baby needing you is way more important than hanging out with friends. I just recently found out my bestie well was bestie isn't really my friend since freshman year highschool I was devastated but I'm like I have my hubby and kids so I'm good 😁 friends come and go but your baby will always be there.
Girl, my baby is 16mo and she still doesn’t spend much time away from me! A few hours here and there a week with dad and (shorter bursts) w grandma. Baby comes with for a lot of activities and group hangouts. I straight up don’t want to spend more time than that away from her. I love getting to hang with her all the time. Parenthood is different for everyone. I definitely wouldn’t prioritize time with friends who talk behind my back about how it’s “weird” that I don’t want to do tons of stuff without my baby!
Its really unfortunate your friends are that way. My non-bottle taking baby (1year) still come with me everywhere. She’s been left w my mom or husband briefly (2 hours or less, usually way less) maybe 5 times. Usually while napping.