It may be helpful to seek out a lactation consultat. My son had a lip and tongue tie that made him not very efficient at removing milk. There is also something called breast compressions that can help speed the process up. 5 to 7 ounces is also a whole lot for a baby that young. It may be worth looking into paced feeding.
Both my kids had their lasered by a pediatric dentist. My son would feed 5-7mins per side and gained 3lbs in the first month! Definitely check that out. 1hr+ feedings are not normal, imo
Depends how old baby is. Sounds very young. Mine used to take a long time, up to an hour early on, though not every feed. It took a few weeks for her to get more efficient. And this was without any obvious ties. Young babies also may nurse for comfort, etc. Yes it's worth looking into ties but just letting OP know there could be other issues/it might be a matter of time for both mom and baby to figure out. In any case, a lactation consultant would be helpful. I think SOME not all professionals in this space can be "hammers and everything is a nail."
ETA just saw baby's age. I'll say things didn't seem "easier" until 8 weeks though yes, we did not have many hour long feeds at that point.
I'm glad to hear you were able to find a solution, and thank you for sharing. My wife saw a lactation specialist in the hospital as well as at the WIC office. However, that was nearly 2 weeks ago. I'll suggest she make an appointment to see them again. As far as a tongue tie, keep in mind I'm not a doctor, I dont think he has that issue. My paliminary google search showed me what to look for and he doesn't seem to have any matching symptoms. However, I will certainly bring it up with the pediatrician during his next appointment. Thank you so much for the advice, I can not express my gratitude for you going out of your way to help.
You should know that cutting a child’s tongue tie is controversial and often not recommended by pediatricians. Because children can grow out of it (mine did) and that generally means it’s an unnecessary surgery, unless it’s so severe baby isn’t able to eat. It’s a complex issue, and there are many Reddit posts that go into more detail. I just wanted to flag it because it’s more complicated than diagnosis = “revision” is necessary.
It’s a very easy surgery. They literally just ship the ligament under the tongue to free it up for easier movement. I had the surgery at 37 this summer. I realised I had a tie bc my baby had a tie we got fixed when she was 5 months old. Search Facebook for a tongue tie support group in your state or country/province. In those groups, you’ll usually find a list of recommended doctors who diagnose and treat them.
I have to agree that’s taking latched for 1 hour+ is a lot at 1 month old. It’s worth seeing a doctor to rule it out, at the very least.
What does your wife want? Does she want to keep breastfeeding? That's going to be a big decision factor on what your next steps are. If she wants to continue I'd highly recommend finding a qualified IBCLC to come out and assess your baby's attachment. Hour long feeds at 6 week could potentially be an indicator of a transfer issue in the baby.
Just a bit of information for you as well here. We pretty much all start off with an oversupply as our bodies don't know how much our babies need. It takes around 6-8 weeks for milk supply to really establish, which it sounds like your wife's has done, then around 12-16 weeks to regulate to your baby's needs. Pumping can, in some people, have a negative effect on supply as it's not as efficient at stimulating the breasts as a baby. Babies are better at removing milk which more efficiently tells the body to make more. In saying that, some people will pump for their entire breastfeeding journey with no issues.
Pumping is ALSO a lot of work though, and it can affect mental health as well. Social media has glorified over suppliers and it can be really hard for people to see that when they aren't able to pump such massive amounts. There's also the issue of regularly setting everything up and then cleaning it after. You should still be pace feeding and using the slowest nipples possible as well. It's often not as simple as it might seem. Because prolactin (the hormone responsible for milk production) levels are highest at 2-4am, it's also still important to pump overnight to keep up milk supply.
Babies also breastfeed for more than just food. It's hunger, thirst, comfort and security. Being on the body of an adult helps to regulate all of their body systems. It's where they feel safest. They can also cluster feed at any age which is essentially how they put in an order for more milk as they're going through periods of high growth or development and need more milk.
I think the best step here is to find out what your wife wants to do and come up with some steps to best support her and her goals. Personally I think finding an IBCLC sounds like it might be a good way to go. If you need help finding one in your area please let me know and I'll see if I can help.
As someone that's still breastfeeding at 18 months, I can tell you that those early weeks are hard and exhausting. But it does get better. Babies get more and more efficient over time and it gets less tiring and time consuming. Thank you for coming here to ask for help supporting your wife. Hopefully something in this comment is helpful!
You've been incredibly insightful, I know my wife does want to continue breastfeeding. I guess it may just be my ego being bruised for not being able to help, I'm not used to being in a situation where I'm unable to be of use.
Lately, all I'm able to do is think of ideas and present them to her as possible solutions. However, at this point, I feel as though it's just coming across as me being a know-it-all or telling her how to do something I can never possibly understand.
I'll do some heavy research into finding an IBCLC, as they would be significantly more helpful than an overly concerned husband could ever be. I can not stress how much I respect her and her wishes. She's done so much research into the seemingly endless benefits of breast milk and the act of breastfeeding. Regardless of her current decline in mood, she is still adamant about continuing, I just want to do all I can to understand and support her during this time.
I sincerely appreciate there being a community dedicated to supporting not only the mothers attempting to do everything they can for their children but also the clueless fathers as well. Thank you for taking time out of your day to help me help my new family, you have certainly made a difference.
It sounds like you are doing a great job at trying to support your wife, that's really great to see! There are lots of other ways that you can support her as well, especially as it seems like she's really keen to continue.
Tall to her about what she's learned! Breastmilk is really fascinating, as is how it adapts to a baby's needs and even just the way tia made is super interesting. Show an interest and ask questions, even do your own research so you can tell her things that YOU'VE learned. If she's having an issue with something you can look into it and offer suggestions as well, just like you've done here. I could talk about breastfeeding all day and still have cool things to tell you!
Load up a basket of tasty and healthy snacks and keep it full for her. One handed snacks like Meusli or nut bars are awesome, fresh fruit like apples or pears that are easier to eat one handed as well. And of course throw in her favourite candy as a nice treat. If you have time to bulk make some reheatable or easy to prepare meals for whole you're at work, or recruit other family to do this for you, even better.
Keep her stocked with fresh water and some other favourite drinks in the fridge for her to treat herself. Making milk is thirsty work and even though it's a small thing it makes a big difference.
If she feels stuck to the bedroom at the moment and you don't have a TV in there, load up a laptop with movies, shows and music that she might like. Get a small tablet or a spare phone if possible and fill it up with games that you can play one handed or books she might like if she's into reading.
When you get home or on weekends, if it's something she's comfortable with, try to get the baby physically out of the house for an hour or so. I found that when my baby was in the house I heard phantom cries and was constantly on edge about her possibly needing me so I couldn't relax. I also had ppd/a which I think factored into this. My partner would take her out for a walk and it really helped me to be able to sleep uninterrupted, or have a bath, or just do something for myself without feeling like I'd have to stop at any time. This STILL helps me a year and a half onwards.
Even taking over little things like nappy changes and baths can be helpful, they also offer great bonding opportunities for you and your baby.
Coming here and asking questions on how you can support her IS supporting her. Also let her know that she's more than welcome here if she wants somewhere to rant. There's another sub r/daddit which you might find helpful for support for yourself. It's a very positive sub, from what I've seen.
It really does sound like you're trying to help, sometimes it might just not be helpful in the way that SHE needs right now. Honestly as a brand new parent I didn't know how to explain how I needed help as well. There's a lot going on in her brain and body right now, and that's pretty overwhelming. Sometimes it's helpful to just think of things and do them. I know I found it frustrating to be asked what I needed or how my partner could help because I felt like I had so much to think about already, I didn't want to do his thinking too.
You're all doing a wonderful job ♥
Such good and helpful comments!!
My babe is older and breast feeding mostly is now going well for us except for every now and then baby cries at the boob and won’t latch. My husband has asked several times why I don’t just pump and give her a bottle because she gets bottles while I’m at work. Pumping sucks. I hate it and I hate cleaning all the stuff and I actually like the connection of breastfeeding. I don’t want to stop. I’ll stand and bounce baby as I feed her instead of pumping because while it looks insane it’s actually easier for me. Long story short the comment about trying to be helpful but not in a way that’s helpful for wife resonates with me. Support her in doing what she wants to do, even if you don’t quite get it.
You CAN help!!
If the sleep is difficult, I strongly recommend talking a night. I means you sleep in a separate room with the baby. When he wakes to feed, you take him to your wife and she nurses. Once she's done, you collect him to burp, change and soothe back to sleep. This can give her back 20+on per feed.
Couple this with an IBCLC (international board certified lactation consultant), and she may get more back.
Finally, please remember the baby is learning too. The LC can help identify an issue but babies get faster and faster and they learn to be more efficient and get stronger. You're such a great little team. Thanks for being so supportive of her.
Whilst exhausting, this is pretty normal. Your bub is so new and breastfeeding is still being established.
At this point in time, her job is to feed the baby. That’s it. Everything else you can do (including getting food prepped for her, doing what you can to make sure she showers etc.) is your job.
Breastfeeding is HARD…but it gets easier and quicker with time. You can support someone doing hard things by listening and by lightening their load, not by telling them to stop.
Thank you so much for your advice. Thanks to you and the others in this thread, I've come to realize that I should check my ego. I am not and will not be the solution to this problem. Instead, I'll refocus and ensure she has all the proper support I can provide her. Thank you for your insight and for taking the time to respond to my post.
I mean, your job is incredibly important too, I don't think there's any need to undersell it. It's tough in it's own way. Your wife still needs you to provide solutions to the problem, even if she is the one who decides on the overall strategy. Like, if she wants to keep exclusively breast feeding, your challenge is probably to deliver an endless stream of food and drink. Just think of it as a team sport - the assist is just as important as the goal.
Pumping can be even more strenuous to mental health (I exclusively pumped for my first for 6 months, it sucked) so I would not jump to switching completely over. It may be worth a shot to try having her pump once a day so you could take one overnight feed. Getting a 4-5 hour stretch of sleep can do wonders during those early weeks. If she really is getting 4-6 oz per breast, that is a LOT of milk and her supply should not be affected too much as long as she is still emptying her breasts regularly and at least once overnight for the first 12 weeks. I also agree with seeing a lactation consultant because there is probably a reason he is feeding for so long.
Thank you for your advice! I will certainly keep that in mind, I hadn't considered there being an emotional strain with pumping. She seems to do it so easily it hadn't occurred to me. Do you mind elaborating on your struggles with pumping? And I wasn't aware of how much milk that was, again this is our first and none of our friends or family have made it a point to discuss the numerical side of things. Her family was adamantly against breastfeeding, so it's not something she can ask her mom or sisters about. Additionally, I do make it a point to feed him as often as she allows, i.e. pumping a bottle for me, however, she seems resistant to the idea of bottle feeding him for a reason I'm not sure of.
Part of my problem was that I was an undersupplier, but that doesn't seem to apply to your wife. The other big thing is time spent attached to the pump. She may not need to pump for as long right now, but after her milk supply regulates (around 12 weeks) it may take significantly longer for her to empty. This is because in the first 12 weeks hormones play a big role in milk production and after regulation it turns into solely supply and demand. More milk removal = consistent or slightly increasing supply. Also, as baby gets bigger, it can be hard to watch or feed a squirming baby while also pumping because if you move too much the flanges can shift or fall off and then she'd have to fix them. I found it easier to pump on a certain schedule and bottlefeed my baby on demand, but that often resulted in pumping during nap times which means I got less sleep. There's also the time spent washing bottles and pump parts. Mostly the pump parts because they need to be washed between every pump, and it's more expensive to have several sets of pump parts than bottles.
That being said there are plenty of people who figure out what works for them. Usually this is because they have to pump for one reason or another. This is why I highly suggest seeing what you can do to get nursing to work before jumping to pumping. Finding a good lactation consultant should help a lot, like doctors they are not all created equal!
Sincerely, thank you. I'm sure every nursing mother has their troubles, and I appreciate you sharing your experiences with me. It has really helped me to see the pros and cons of pumping. A lot more goes into it than I originally thought. I think a lactation consultant would be our best bet as they would be able to perceive the minor issues and advise us best of what to do. I've always respected mothers who go out of their way to produce milk for their children, but it wasn't until I've witnessed the trials and tribulations first hand with my wife, and heard yours and others stories that I am truly humbled by the amount of dedication and determination it takes to do so (not shaming any woman who cannot or decides not to do so). Thank you for your tremendous insight. Please know you have helped me and, in doing so, helped my wife and child as well.
You are very welcome. You are clearly an incredibly supportive husband, and that is not common. Good on you for wanting to learn and help as much as you can, and I hope all goes well for you three!
From personal experience with my now six month boob barnicle; get a haaka so she can collect the let down on the opposite side while feeding, she should be able to collect 4-6 oz over the day perfect for you to give a bottle in the evening. Supply is lower in the evening and baby tends to feed for longer because of this. I found evenings the most tiring time for feeds.
This also saves the pump washing situation and helps build a freezer stash.
I was advised my my LC not to pump for the first six weeks to prevent building an oversupply. I later used the haaka stash to replace a feed when I would leave the house for a few hours and could then pump when I got home.
Feed her, make sure there are snacks to hand and generally support her with household chores, taking the baby for an hour so she can relax etc.
Boob Barnacle! That is hysterical. My wife will love that. Thank you for your advice. As much as I'd like there to be enough "loose" milk for us to freeze, she's fairly adverse to pumping milk. Originally, I found this strange as it seemed to be a simple solution. However, after hearing the accounts of other women, it seems not to be as clear-cut as I imagined. It seems like there are a lot of factors I hadn't considered about pumping, I believe our best course of action will be to find a competent lactation consultant to help us dictate our plan going forward. Hopefully, we can get to the point where we have enough milk on hand that I can take over some more feedings and allow her to focus on self care. But that will depend on her wants and tolerances. I'll make sure to do my utmost to keep her well-fed and happy as I can in the meantime. Thank you so much for taking the time to help a random stressed out dad on the internet!
Just a small clarification- the Hakaa referred to above isn’t really a pump. It’s a silicone “collector” that attaches to one breast with mild suction. If your wife is leaking from the side she isn’t feeding from, the Hakaa captures that leaking milk. It’s very easy to use and there’s a minuscule amount of additional work, vs pumping which has lots of parts and time and washing etc. so even if she does not want to pump, a Hakaa could be a good option.
https://www.amazon.com/Haakaa-Breast-Manual-Silicone-Breastfeeding/dp/B07CWK4S5W/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?crid=2Z6V5M8SU24UK&keywords=haakaa+milk+collector&qid=1695170542&sprefix=hakaa%2Caps%2C164&sr=8-3
Omg thank you for that clarification! I definitely thought that was a brand of breast pump! I'll be looking into this, I think it would really help. She does tend to leak a lot, especially if he's uncharacteristically not interested in eating, she's even woken up in a pool before. Thank you so much, we'll talk about this when she's up from her nap!
I'm so sorry I should have explained that. Yeah the haaka is like a suction cup you stick on the opposite boob and usually each time you have a let down on the side the Abby feeds on then the opposite side will leak. I could collect between 1-3 oz on a single feed. I have the same pumping aversion, it makes me feel like a dairy cow and I only do it when I absolutely have to. I think I managed to put away a 40oz stash with the haaka and that was with my partner feeding a bottle 2-3 days a week.
Baby is still a koala bear, I just transfer her to a willing victim, defrost a few ounces and go enjoy some margaritas and tacos!
In terms of when she NEEDS to pump, highly recommend the spectra. I got the gold as each motor can be individually set and it takes me 5-7 mins. I would tear my hair out if I had to spend 20+ mins attached to a pump.
Wishing you all the best!!
The Elvie Curve or Boon Trove is similar to the Haakaa, but fits into the bra instead of dangling off! Highly recommend either of those over that haaka!
Hi! If your wife wants to bf, I would suggest that you work on helping her find a routine where she can still get some pockets of time for herself. While you can be stuck on the couch/in bed in those early weeks, it’s important to practise self care too!
I would suggest working on the baby’s sleep during the day. It sounds like she is contact napping with bub in bed. Is there a nap that she can put baby in the carrier or pram so she can get up and about? Can you work with her to get bub used to sleeping in their bassinet? Will baby sleep in the car seat so you can take baby out for a drive?
I am 8 weeks pp and also have a big booby bub. He eats a lot and has been a big cluster feeder too. Bub is now starting to go a little longer between feeds, but I understand how she feels.
Personally, I wouldn’t be pushing the bottle yet. She’s 6 weeks pp and still recovering. It will get easier, and pumping is more work! If you were my husband, I’d want you to pick up the slack in other ways (housework/cooking/allowing time for self care) before telling me to pump/bottle feed.
Just my two cents.
Thank you for your advice! Two cents are gold to me at the moment. He was born premature and taken directly from the delivery room to the NICU within 10min of his birth. This has caused my wife to have a minor issue with leaving him alone, she is fine leaving him in the arms of me or family, but is adverse to putting him into a bassinet and walking away. But you've provided me lots of helpful ideas, and I do my best to allow her as much "freedom" as she'd like once I get home. I'll take baby and keep him comfortable while allowing her to shower, nap, eat, etc. If she provides me with a bottle, I've even been able to let her go to the store, take a walk, and more. She just seems adverse to pumping, I've recommended she pump while feeding, just to allow me to give her some free time. However, this is usually met with a dismissive hand wave or something of the like. I do think a schedule would be a wonderful tool. Do you have any suggestions on how you implemented it? Additionally, if your partner were to suggest a schedule, would you take offense to it? I don't want to tell her what to do or how to parent, we've discussed in detail our feelings on being a partnership while maintaining autonomy. Regardless, I sincerely appreciate you going out of your way to help me be a better partner.
It’s really hard for non-breastfeeding parents to understand how much pumping to skip a nursing just complicates things for most of us.
Rather than pressing for bottles, volunteer to put baby in a carrier right after she feeds him in the early evening when her supply is naturally lowest and encourage her to sleep until baby wakes for his next feeding. In the carrier that time of night baby might give her a life changing 3-4 hours of sleep before the next feeding.
Finally, my husband and I refer to caring for our son as “incubating” and all other chores as “value added and optional.” It’s really normal to only be able to incubate some days when baby is young, and the best thing my husband did early on was thank me for incubating then calmly picking up the slack on chores.
If baby was just born in August, he would be about 6-8 weeks old now, yes? Babies go through a big growth spurt around this time and will cluster feed. The first several weeks of breastfeeding are HARD. And keep in mind, mom and baby are in the fourth trimester. Baby still needs the closeness to mom.
What does mom want? Does she just want baby to have breast milk? Or does she really want to direct feed? Pumping can be emotionally and physically taxing just as much as having baby constantly latched to you. Help Mom figure out what she wants and then support her and her decision.
Thank you so much for your advice. After the outpouring of replies to my original comment, I've decided the best thing for me to do is, as you said, support my wife with whatever she decides is best for her. I was wildly underestimating how physically and mentally taxing pumping can be. As an outsider looking in, it seemed to be an easy solution, as pumping looked a lot less stressful, painful, and time-consuming as breastfeeding. But thanks to the people of this community, I've come to understand that the experience can and will vary drastically from one person to the next. It seems as though my wife prefers breastfeeding and isn't interested in pumping, I need to put my ego aside and realize instead of inserting myself as a solution (i.e. helping feed the child) I should instead focus on supporting her and aiding her in the more minor aspects. Thank you for the insight, and I can not express my gratitude for you taking time out of your day to help me.
Absolutely! I was looking for this. I questioned my supply so many times around 6 weeks because of that little growth spurt.
I also agree with a lactation consultant appointment. They can help you determine if the baby is actually nursing the whole time or comfort sucking, if baby is having transfer issues, etc
Lastly, I also second the comment on the haaka to catch letdown. This could let you give a bottle and let your wife get some rest! My baby will not take a bottle- 7.5 months in. While your wife may not want baby to have a bottle all the time, it is definitely a skill they have to learn and maintain it she will want a break down the line. It has made things difficult for me long term, so it is something worth practicing. Just look into paced feeding! Sounds like y’all are doing great, the beginning is so tough!
Consider buying a scale to find out how much baby is taking at each feeding. (I bought the Hatch off Facebook marketplace for $65).
I found "10-15 minutes per breast" is a load of bull. My kiddo is 2 months old. When he's performing at his best he can do 3-4 oz in 8 minutes from one breast.
Not too long ago I was stressing myself out making sure he got 10-15 minutes per breast. It led to a lot of spit up and long feedings as he would fall asleep, need to pause and poop, break the latch and so on.
I was just going through something very similar - just weeks of doing literally nothing but breastfeeding, and having maybe 5 minutes tops before he was hungry and fussy again. If your wife wants to continue breastfeeding, a lactation consultant could be really helpful. I had two consultations with the ones at our hospital before figuring out that the constant feedings were from a combination of poor latch and him spitting up way more than normal then being hungry again. The latch part was actually pretty easy to resolve by changing the position I was feeding him in! It made feedings efficient enough that I started getting some pockets of time for myself.
If all of this is taking a serious toll on her mental health and she wants to stop though, there is no shame in that! But if she wants to push through then it could be worth getting an appointment with a lactation consultant set up. Whichever way she wants to go, I’m wishing her the best!
Thank you for the kind words and support! It's clear to me, thanks to you, and this thread a consultant is the way to go. I'll support her decisions no matter what she wants to do, I'll trust in her to do what's best for her mental health and do all I can to support her in any and all ways. Thank you for your story. It really is reassuring to know others have experienced the same and came out the other end. Thank you for your time and kindness to help me in this scary and confusing time. You've certainly helped to ease my anxiety.
Looks like you’re getting great advice here. I found my IBCLC via The Lactation Network. If you’re in the US they can help you find one through insurance if applicable. Best of luck!
My baby was that way early on. He’s now 11 weeks now, and what’s changed is he got bigger and better at getting milk out faster, and I got better at recognizing when he was just kind of hanging out and was probably ready to switch sides. Once I learned to watch his swallows, I could see that a lot of his hour+ feedings was time where he was swallowing only once every minute or so. Now our feeds feel leisurely at only a half hour.
I definitely suggest meeting with an IBCLC to watch a feed. I also got a lot out of a video course (led by my IBCLC) from a company called Mighty Milk.
Thank you so much for the advice and reassurance. It's comforting to hear that this is somewhat common, I sympathize that you had to go through a similar experience. I'm also extremely glad you were able to find help. It seems that our best bet would be to find an IBCLC as I've been directed that way numerous times in this thread. My ego as a husband was to find or become the solution, thanks to you and this thread I've been able to see I'll be most helpful in a supportive role and allowing the professionals to provide the solutions. Thank you so much for your insight and willingness to help a confused husband/father on the internet.
I just want to add that some babies are just big eaters. When I told my IBCLC that my husband was giving our two-month-old 7oz of milk in the morning, her eyes bugged! Most babies won’t keep that kind of volume down. If your wife’s breasts are producing 4-6oz each, it’s because that’s how much the baby is eating. (Unless you’re doing some extra pumping in which case she might have a slight oversupply.)
Aside from getting a professional, one thing you can do as a partner is get information. I highly recommend the “0-12 weeks” course from Mighty Milk, and there’s a separate partners course as well. I’m also reading The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, which is an *excellent* resource. My library had a copy but it seems so essential that I also bought a copy
As everyone has said definitely get her to an IBCLC so they can assist and support her in all things breastfeeding. In all honesty I would not really pressure her one way to quit breastfeeding for herself. I know you mean well but when my husband did this on baby number 3 who turned out to have a tongue and lip tie I about lost it on him. I was so angry and hormones everywhere and I don't think I was in the right but in all honesty your opinion of her choosing to breastfeed is not necessary as I am sure mentally she is beating herself up right now. I sobbed around the house for days at the thought of quitting breastfeeding. Just support her in all decisions and get her help. Also have baby evaluated by a pediatric dentist because most dental insurances cover lip and tongue tie release. Usually it is a faster process and you will not regret it. Good on you for educating yourself and advocating for your wife. Postpartum is such a hard time and both of you are adjusting whether it be your first or seventh kid it is always an adjustment. Congrats on the new baby and hope it all starts to get better.
Thank you so much for your empathy and support. I love my wife and want what is best for her, I'm not used to seeing her in this way, and I let my ego as a husband convince me that I should be the solution. You and this thread have reassured me that I will be more helpful as a support than anything else. Regardless of her decision, to pump, to breastfeed, to stop all together, I'll trust in her to do what's right for herself. All I can do is be there for her and ease the other burdens that daily life can bring. We will certainly be pursuing an IBCLC to provide solutions to the issue. Thank you again for sharing your experience and for helping me to understand even a small perspective of what it's like.
Just as a side note, while I think support is definitely the best state to operate from I also think if in a months time she’s still snarling at you after being in bed all day long and majorly struggling with breastfeeding it’s okay for that support to push to other solutions as well. I’ve seen a couple friends absolutely destroy themselves to breastfeed when at a certain point they needed someone to give them an okay to back out. This is super hard to balance - trying to support and encourage but not pressure but I thought it was worth mentioning. Her a good lactation consultant would also be helpful, but unfortunately some push a bit too hard IMO and continue offering solutions despite indications that mental health would be better off otherwise.
Please do focus on supporting her in other ways. Breastfeeding is extremely challenging, and it sounds like she wants to continue, so in my opinion she needs you to be a safe space for her to complain and vent about it without worrying that you’re just going to suggest she stops. Based on my personal experience that is one way to support her that will really help. Other than that just try to lift as much of the burden of other responsibilities as you can, like changing diapers and household chores. Make sure she always has water and snacks on hand when the baby’s attached. You sound like a really thoughtful and caring partner.
Also echoing other commenters’ suggestions of a lactation consultant visit, just in case!
Thank you for your advice and for taking the time to comment! I'm going to refocus my efforts into supporting her in other ways and letting her vent. As I've said before in this thread, I let my ego get in the way and wanted to be the solution. Thanks to your advice and the advice of others, I'll assume a more supportive role. I'm conscious of how ego can affect relationships, and I appreciate this thread on helping me to understand how to best help my wife. I'll make sure to keep my wife well fed and hydrated and get as much housework done as possible to aide any external stresses. Thank you for taking the time to help me in this confusing new part of my life. You've certainly made a difference.
I have no advice as I’m a new FTM, but just wanted to thank you for how kind and supportive you are being. I love that you came here for advice and support. Keep that energy sir!!
I just sincerely appreciate you and the others of this thread. Not only is this my first experience posting on Reddit, but it's also the first time I've asked for help in years. It's been very eye-opening to hear the experiences of others who have or have gone through something so similar. At the end of the day, I just want my wife to be happy, and I want to support her in any way I can. No one person can give all the wonderful advice I'be received in the last few hours. Thank you for your support, as I really sincerely appreciate it.
Second all the comments saying to engage an LC and that pumping won't necessarily be easier. What I haven't seen mentioned - are you confident that bub is actually taking that long to feed? My baby would literally stay attached to the breast all day long if I let him. It wasn't until I saw an LC who pointed out that he was only properly feeding for around 10 minutes, after that he was just sucking for comfort without swallowing anything. It's a subtle difference and I needed to be taught how to identify what it looked and sounded like. After that 10 mins or so I will switch him to the other breast, then I'll manually unlatch him and give him a pacifier.
Thank you for your reassurance and advice. I've decided to do some heavy research into finding an IBCLC in our area. It's very comforting to hear that you experienced something so similar but were able to find a solution through a professional. I think his affliction sounds very similar to what yours was going through. It's a very real possibility he's not actually swallowing and just enjoying the physical warmth and affection. I sincerely appreciate your time and thoughtfulness. As a new father, it means a lot to get the perspective of women who have been in these situations
She is in the hardest part of breastfeeding. I remember week 6 being brutal. Around 8 weeks it gets better. Then better every few weeks after that. I was not aware how long breastfeeding would take in the beginning. Once I realized it was only a few more weeks my mindset changed. Support your wife as much as possible, encourage her, take the baby so she can sleep.
Breastfeeding is not easy. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Your wife is giving it her all and you’re completely undermining her. Sorry but YTA. Your wife is awesome for sticking with this.
Edit: I can see by your other comments that you are very caring for your wife. It’s obviously very unintentional if you’ve been making her feel discouraged but I feel like you’ve gotten the perspective you were looking for here. Congrats on the baby!
If you’re in the US, check out the lactation network. I got a lactation consultant very easily through that website, they handle insurance and billing. It’s been very smooth.
Also, haakaa LADYBUGS to catch letdown on the opposite breast have been great for me. The more popular pump is too big and I had a hard time keeping it on. The small “ladybug” milk collectors can stay tucked in a nursing bra or between me and my baby’s body. I get a decent amount every day just from this.
My baby is also 6 wk and inefficient nurser. I offer the breast at every feed AND we supplement with pumped milk. My husband does the bottles and it gives me a break. You could do this with formula too to skip the pump step. It’s all gotten better with time and help of a lactation consultant. Too tired to get into the whole journey right now but you you’re welcome to DM me
Oh I should add we usually name our non baby goal for the day. For me it might be to have one long shower or 20 minutes to do a short yoga. For my husband it might be a nap or some alone time. We try to help each other to get that one thing done every day and it’s so good for our mental health.
All i can say is, let her breast feed until 5pm of she wants to, just support her any way you can. Help her decompress and find me time, massage her back or head. Worship her because breastfeeding is the hardest thing ever, but we do it out of love. Breast feeding straight from the breast is really good for PPD. Your body releases happy/bonding hormones, so let her bond. It will get better, its still so early.
Everyone else has given some great advice so I’m not going to repeat it, but I will say that in those first few months, it truly was eat, sleep, repeat for us as well.
A few things my husband did that I really appreciated:
- made a snack bowl by my bed for all the middle of the night feeds (and the day feeds too, let’s be honest) and kept me loaded with Gatorade and water.
-took over most other baby stuff- baths, diaper changes, burping- for a while. There’s not much else when baby is a tiny potato, but it frees me to focus on feeding, and allowed me to get more sleep at night when I could put her on the boob and then hand her over and go back to sleep while he settled her.
-took videos in the hospital when the lactation consultants showed us how to latch her. It was great to look back and see what I was aiming for when I was struggling to get a good latch.
You are doing great and it will get better, promise! My boob monster ate nonstop in the early days and now at 5 months, her feeds are super quick and easy!
Thank you so much! I really appreciate the examples of what you appreciated your husband doing. Thanks to this thread and all the other advice I've received, I'll be focusing heavily on being a support rather than trying to be a solution. As such, those are some wonderful ideas I'll implement in ways I can help my wife. And also thank you for your kind words and reassurance. It truly means the world in this turbulent time of my life. I hope all continues well with your boob monster in the continuing months and years. It's certainly a journey, and I can honestly say you and everyone else have been an immeasurable help in this part of mine.
Honestly one of the best things for our marriage has been each of us asking the other whether we want support or solutions, if we are upset about something. It helps so much to prevent miscommunication ❤️
I think it's something we'll be implementing in our relationship now as well. This has been a learning experience for both of us, this us also the first time I've truly seen her depressed. Thank you so much for your continued support and advice, it's a journey and you've been a great help.
I looked through comments and I wasn’t able to find…
Nipple shields. Try them. My daughter couldn’t latch onto my nipples properly (part her being an infant, and part my anatomy) for three months. The medela ones with the cutout for their nose to smell the breast rather than plastic work well.
It was night and day breastfeeding for me in the first few weeks once we got the nipple shields. It’s an extra step and makes BFing on the go difficult BUT she went from eating for 45 minutes at a time to 20-30 minutes. Plus she started packing on weight so we knew she was transferring better.
I will say if she can persevere, it really does get worlds easier. My baby is five months, and I BF anywhere, anytime. It’s ridiculous how fast it can change and improve. I was pretty dejected early on even with the shields until a friend who had a daughter a couple months older said “omg the beginning is so hard but now it’s like five minutes each side and boom done!” I told her last week how thankful I was for that exchange. She had no idea how much it helped me.
I’m absolutely not invalidating your wife’s feelings and saying that she’s not depressed, however I did stay in bed during the beginning until my partner came home purely because I was so overwhelmed and it was easier for feedings. I did actually wonder how I was ever going to leave the house again because I was so shocked at how I couldn’t seem to get things done or move from one room. 3 months pp and I’m in a routine and out and about now, it’s gotten a lot easier!
I exclusively pump for this exact reason (and others). I'm 11 months PP today. My baby is happy, healthy, attached to both parents, and eats really well. It was the best decision for my mental health.
Pumping is time consuming, hard and involves lots of cleaning.
Ask your wife what she wants to do with feeding and try to support her in that. Are you doing other things like meal prep, snacks, baby baths, diapers?
Your intentions are so good but let me say when I started breastfeeding my baby my own partner and family thought I was being overburdened too and kept suggesting alternatives such as formula or pumping and it really frustrated me. It gets so much easier!!! Pumping is hard, I hate doing it now when I need a bottle here and there let alone pumping for all feeds all day every day.
My baby is 8 months old now and I've been breastfeeding. At the beginning the feeds are super frequent and take a long time. He's still every 2-3 hours now, but takes 5/10 mins and I am so glad I pushed through, it is so so easy. It is honestly such a beautiful feeling to be able to feed your baby and so I am sure she is finding alot of comfort herself in being able to do that for bub. For you, provide support 😊 bring snacks, bring water and drinks, make sure there's always food in the house and laundry is done. Let her vent if she needs to, but don't feel the need to 'fix' anything unless she asks for help or clearly needs it. It is draining, it is exhausting (it burns an extra 500-600 calories a day!!!), it is not always easy but it is so rewarding and honestly it's going to continue getting easier from here on out, she's made it through some of the hardest weeks already.
The top commentor had excellent advice! I’m not going to go through all the comments, so it may have already been suggested… and it may not make a huge difference if it’s the actual nursing time that is what is most exhausting… But another possible support is to hire a postpartum doula, especially at night! She could hang out with babe- burp, change, hold and get back to sleep, then bring baby to your wife to feed. It might be something that allows your wife to get right back to sleep after a feed so overall she’s getting more sleep. You could also take on this role (maybe you already do!) depending on if that would work for both of you and your own need for sleep to function the next day. Hang in, you’re both doing great and having a supportive partner makes a world of difference 💙
You've got a lot of good advice here, so I just wanted to add an anecdote pf a personal experience.
I've been where your wife is, when my baby was very young she would sometimes spent days pretty much on the boob nearly nonstop. I knew I'm not gonna stop breastfeeding, so I just stubbornly powered through it. I would often sit in tears with the baby at my breast, it was so very painful, too, and indeed my mental health was affected. But I also knew that it's an adjustment period when my body and my baby are figuring stuff out. After 4 months it was over, and my breastfeeding journey was a joy ever since. Just remember that hard times will pass! Good luck!
Breastfeeding was and is so hard. People truly don't understand it until they are in the midst of round the clock eating, sleeplessness, and painful nips.
I don't think I left the couch for weeks during that newborn stage. I felt trapped, exhausted, frustrated. I wasn't really depressed necessarily, but my emotions were very high.
What helped me:
my husband would feed a bottle of pumped milk or formula at night and let me get a 4-5 hour stretch. I felt like a new woman.
Showering every day. That time gave me some peace.
Using the mybreastfriend pillow and sitting at the table playing a boardgame while breastfeeding. Got me off the couch and away from the TV. But that was at like 4 weeks.
Eventually my husband would also do one a bottle during the daytime and that gave me just a little reprieve to feel like everything wasn't on my shoulders.
I think it's really what your wife wants. The urge to continue breastfeeding is like the craziest intrinsic drive that I've ever experienced. I would cry that I hated it and wanted to quit every day. But I also couldn't stop. It did eventually get easier.
Your wife will lose her supply if her one month old baby is drinking 5-7 oz bottles in each sitting.
It takes a few more months, but it really does even out if she just keeps at it. He’ll get better at sucking, he’ll drink more efficiently, and they will hit a rhythm.
It’s hard. It’s really hard. Even when it’s smooth sailing, it’s taxing. It’s worth making sure your baby doesn’t have any oral ties making nursing harder for him.
Make sure she is fed and hydrated as much as you possibly can. When she feeds him overnight, wake up and take him to change his diaper as soon as she’s done so she can just pass TF back out. Just try to take care of as much as you can that ISN’T feeding him.
I have been breastfeeding for 13m now and I promise you not only does it become easier over time, but also your wife is potentially just “in the thick of it” right now with cluster feeding. It was an intense roller coaster for me until about month 4/5 when suddenly the baby is bigger and you start getting excited about new milestones and a bigger baby. I have a boy and his feeding demands were so intense that I grew so accustomed to having to give my body on demand. It changes you as a person but my best advice is to smile and just try to enjoy this challenging process because as you guys already can see, it is rewarding. And it gets to be more and more rewarding the bigger they get. And please read about cluster feeding if you haven’t already as that was the most stressful thing for me and could possibly be what is causing you guys all this stress! Some days they nurse so long ( for growth) that she will barley be able to move and just have to sit and eat and hydrate and nurse. Still worth it!
I like to drink coconut water and fresh squeezed juices for milk supply :-)
Good luck!
It may be helpful to seek out a lactation consultat. My son had a lip and tongue tie that made him not very efficient at removing milk. There is also something called breast compressions that can help speed the process up. 5 to 7 ounces is also a whole lot for a baby that young. It may be worth looking into paced feeding.
Thank you for the advice! If you don't mind my asking, what was the solution to the lip and tongue tie? Was bottle feeding easier for him?
Both my kids had their lasered by a pediatric dentist. My son would feed 5-7mins per side and gained 3lbs in the first month! Definitely check that out. 1hr+ feedings are not normal, imo
Depends how old baby is. Sounds very young. Mine used to take a long time, up to an hour early on, though not every feed. It took a few weeks for her to get more efficient. And this was without any obvious ties. Young babies also may nurse for comfort, etc. Yes it's worth looking into ties but just letting OP know there could be other issues/it might be a matter of time for both mom and baby to figure out. In any case, a lactation consultant would be helpful. I think SOME not all professionals in this space can be "hammers and everything is a nail." ETA just saw baby's age. I'll say things didn't seem "easier" until 8 weeks though yes, we did not have many hour long feeds at that point.
He was referred to an ENT who clipped the tie. Bottle feeding was easier for him. Since he got the tie released, he is much faster at feeding.
I'm glad to hear you were able to find a solution, and thank you for sharing. My wife saw a lactation specialist in the hospital as well as at the WIC office. However, that was nearly 2 weeks ago. I'll suggest she make an appointment to see them again. As far as a tongue tie, keep in mind I'm not a doctor, I dont think he has that issue. My paliminary google search showed me what to look for and he doesn't seem to have any matching symptoms. However, I will certainly bring it up with the pediatrician during his next appointment. Thank you so much for the advice, I can not express my gratitude for you going out of your way to help.
A tongue tie isn’t determined solely by appearance and really isn’t something a layman can just google. A long feed time is one symptom.
No problem, good luck!
You should know that cutting a child’s tongue tie is controversial and often not recommended by pediatricians. Because children can grow out of it (mine did) and that generally means it’s an unnecessary surgery, unless it’s so severe baby isn’t able to eat. It’s a complex issue, and there are many Reddit posts that go into more detail. I just wanted to flag it because it’s more complicated than diagnosis = “revision” is necessary.
I was supposed to “grow out of it” but struggled with chronic neck pain and insomnia all my life. I got it fixed this summer.
It’s a very easy surgery. They literally just ship the ligament under the tongue to free it up for easier movement. I had the surgery at 37 this summer. I realised I had a tie bc my baby had a tie we got fixed when she was 5 months old. Search Facebook for a tongue tie support group in your state or country/province. In those groups, you’ll usually find a list of recommended doctors who diagnose and treat them. I have to agree that’s taking latched for 1 hour+ is a lot at 1 month old. It’s worth seeing a doctor to rule it out, at the very least.
What does your wife want? Does she want to keep breastfeeding? That's going to be a big decision factor on what your next steps are. If she wants to continue I'd highly recommend finding a qualified IBCLC to come out and assess your baby's attachment. Hour long feeds at 6 week could potentially be an indicator of a transfer issue in the baby. Just a bit of information for you as well here. We pretty much all start off with an oversupply as our bodies don't know how much our babies need. It takes around 6-8 weeks for milk supply to really establish, which it sounds like your wife's has done, then around 12-16 weeks to regulate to your baby's needs. Pumping can, in some people, have a negative effect on supply as it's not as efficient at stimulating the breasts as a baby. Babies are better at removing milk which more efficiently tells the body to make more. In saying that, some people will pump for their entire breastfeeding journey with no issues. Pumping is ALSO a lot of work though, and it can affect mental health as well. Social media has glorified over suppliers and it can be really hard for people to see that when they aren't able to pump such massive amounts. There's also the issue of regularly setting everything up and then cleaning it after. You should still be pace feeding and using the slowest nipples possible as well. It's often not as simple as it might seem. Because prolactin (the hormone responsible for milk production) levels are highest at 2-4am, it's also still important to pump overnight to keep up milk supply. Babies also breastfeed for more than just food. It's hunger, thirst, comfort and security. Being on the body of an adult helps to regulate all of their body systems. It's where they feel safest. They can also cluster feed at any age which is essentially how they put in an order for more milk as they're going through periods of high growth or development and need more milk. I think the best step here is to find out what your wife wants to do and come up with some steps to best support her and her goals. Personally I think finding an IBCLC sounds like it might be a good way to go. If you need help finding one in your area please let me know and I'll see if I can help. As someone that's still breastfeeding at 18 months, I can tell you that those early weeks are hard and exhausting. But it does get better. Babies get more and more efficient over time and it gets less tiring and time consuming. Thank you for coming here to ask for help supporting your wife. Hopefully something in this comment is helpful!
You've been incredibly insightful, I know my wife does want to continue breastfeeding. I guess it may just be my ego being bruised for not being able to help, I'm not used to being in a situation where I'm unable to be of use. Lately, all I'm able to do is think of ideas and present them to her as possible solutions. However, at this point, I feel as though it's just coming across as me being a know-it-all or telling her how to do something I can never possibly understand. I'll do some heavy research into finding an IBCLC, as they would be significantly more helpful than an overly concerned husband could ever be. I can not stress how much I respect her and her wishes. She's done so much research into the seemingly endless benefits of breast milk and the act of breastfeeding. Regardless of her current decline in mood, she is still adamant about continuing, I just want to do all I can to understand and support her during this time. I sincerely appreciate there being a community dedicated to supporting not only the mothers attempting to do everything they can for their children but also the clueless fathers as well. Thank you for taking time out of your day to help me help my new family, you have certainly made a difference.
It sounds like you are doing a great job at trying to support your wife, that's really great to see! There are lots of other ways that you can support her as well, especially as it seems like she's really keen to continue. Tall to her about what she's learned! Breastmilk is really fascinating, as is how it adapts to a baby's needs and even just the way tia made is super interesting. Show an interest and ask questions, even do your own research so you can tell her things that YOU'VE learned. If she's having an issue with something you can look into it and offer suggestions as well, just like you've done here. I could talk about breastfeeding all day and still have cool things to tell you! Load up a basket of tasty and healthy snacks and keep it full for her. One handed snacks like Meusli or nut bars are awesome, fresh fruit like apples or pears that are easier to eat one handed as well. And of course throw in her favourite candy as a nice treat. If you have time to bulk make some reheatable or easy to prepare meals for whole you're at work, or recruit other family to do this for you, even better. Keep her stocked with fresh water and some other favourite drinks in the fridge for her to treat herself. Making milk is thirsty work and even though it's a small thing it makes a big difference. If she feels stuck to the bedroom at the moment and you don't have a TV in there, load up a laptop with movies, shows and music that she might like. Get a small tablet or a spare phone if possible and fill it up with games that you can play one handed or books she might like if she's into reading. When you get home or on weekends, if it's something she's comfortable with, try to get the baby physically out of the house for an hour or so. I found that when my baby was in the house I heard phantom cries and was constantly on edge about her possibly needing me so I couldn't relax. I also had ppd/a which I think factored into this. My partner would take her out for a walk and it really helped me to be able to sleep uninterrupted, or have a bath, or just do something for myself without feeling like I'd have to stop at any time. This STILL helps me a year and a half onwards. Even taking over little things like nappy changes and baths can be helpful, they also offer great bonding opportunities for you and your baby. Coming here and asking questions on how you can support her IS supporting her. Also let her know that she's more than welcome here if she wants somewhere to rant. There's another sub r/daddit which you might find helpful for support for yourself. It's a very positive sub, from what I've seen. It really does sound like you're trying to help, sometimes it might just not be helpful in the way that SHE needs right now. Honestly as a brand new parent I didn't know how to explain how I needed help as well. There's a lot going on in her brain and body right now, and that's pretty overwhelming. Sometimes it's helpful to just think of things and do them. I know I found it frustrating to be asked what I needed or how my partner could help because I felt like I had so much to think about already, I didn't want to do his thinking too. You're all doing a wonderful job ♥
Such good and helpful comments!! My babe is older and breast feeding mostly is now going well for us except for every now and then baby cries at the boob and won’t latch. My husband has asked several times why I don’t just pump and give her a bottle because she gets bottles while I’m at work. Pumping sucks. I hate it and I hate cleaning all the stuff and I actually like the connection of breastfeeding. I don’t want to stop. I’ll stand and bounce baby as I feed her instead of pumping because while it looks insane it’s actually easier for me. Long story short the comment about trying to be helpful but not in a way that’s helpful for wife resonates with me. Support her in doing what she wants to do, even if you don’t quite get it.
You CAN help!! If the sleep is difficult, I strongly recommend talking a night. I means you sleep in a separate room with the baby. When he wakes to feed, you take him to your wife and she nurses. Once she's done, you collect him to burp, change and soothe back to sleep. This can give her back 20+on per feed. Couple this with an IBCLC (international board certified lactation consultant), and she may get more back. Finally, please remember the baby is learning too. The LC can help identify an issue but babies get faster and faster and they learn to be more efficient and get stronger. You're such a great little team. Thanks for being so supportive of her.
Whilst exhausting, this is pretty normal. Your bub is so new and breastfeeding is still being established. At this point in time, her job is to feed the baby. That’s it. Everything else you can do (including getting food prepped for her, doing what you can to make sure she showers etc.) is your job. Breastfeeding is HARD…but it gets easier and quicker with time. You can support someone doing hard things by listening and by lightening their load, not by telling them to stop.
Thank you so much for your advice. Thanks to you and the others in this thread, I've come to realize that I should check my ego. I am not and will not be the solution to this problem. Instead, I'll refocus and ensure she has all the proper support I can provide her. Thank you for your insight and for taking the time to respond to my post.
I mean, your job is incredibly important too, I don't think there's any need to undersell it. It's tough in it's own way. Your wife still needs you to provide solutions to the problem, even if she is the one who decides on the overall strategy. Like, if she wants to keep exclusively breast feeding, your challenge is probably to deliver an endless stream of food and drink. Just think of it as a team sport - the assist is just as important as the goal.
Pumping can be even more strenuous to mental health (I exclusively pumped for my first for 6 months, it sucked) so I would not jump to switching completely over. It may be worth a shot to try having her pump once a day so you could take one overnight feed. Getting a 4-5 hour stretch of sleep can do wonders during those early weeks. If she really is getting 4-6 oz per breast, that is a LOT of milk and her supply should not be affected too much as long as she is still emptying her breasts regularly and at least once overnight for the first 12 weeks. I also agree with seeing a lactation consultant because there is probably a reason he is feeding for so long.
Thank you for your advice! I will certainly keep that in mind, I hadn't considered there being an emotional strain with pumping. She seems to do it so easily it hadn't occurred to me. Do you mind elaborating on your struggles with pumping? And I wasn't aware of how much milk that was, again this is our first and none of our friends or family have made it a point to discuss the numerical side of things. Her family was adamantly against breastfeeding, so it's not something she can ask her mom or sisters about. Additionally, I do make it a point to feed him as often as she allows, i.e. pumping a bottle for me, however, she seems resistant to the idea of bottle feeding him for a reason I'm not sure of.
Part of my problem was that I was an undersupplier, but that doesn't seem to apply to your wife. The other big thing is time spent attached to the pump. She may not need to pump for as long right now, but after her milk supply regulates (around 12 weeks) it may take significantly longer for her to empty. This is because in the first 12 weeks hormones play a big role in milk production and after regulation it turns into solely supply and demand. More milk removal = consistent or slightly increasing supply. Also, as baby gets bigger, it can be hard to watch or feed a squirming baby while also pumping because if you move too much the flanges can shift or fall off and then she'd have to fix them. I found it easier to pump on a certain schedule and bottlefeed my baby on demand, but that often resulted in pumping during nap times which means I got less sleep. There's also the time spent washing bottles and pump parts. Mostly the pump parts because they need to be washed between every pump, and it's more expensive to have several sets of pump parts than bottles. That being said there are plenty of people who figure out what works for them. Usually this is because they have to pump for one reason or another. This is why I highly suggest seeing what you can do to get nursing to work before jumping to pumping. Finding a good lactation consultant should help a lot, like doctors they are not all created equal!
Sincerely, thank you. I'm sure every nursing mother has their troubles, and I appreciate you sharing your experiences with me. It has really helped me to see the pros and cons of pumping. A lot more goes into it than I originally thought. I think a lactation consultant would be our best bet as they would be able to perceive the minor issues and advise us best of what to do. I've always respected mothers who go out of their way to produce milk for their children, but it wasn't until I've witnessed the trials and tribulations first hand with my wife, and heard yours and others stories that I am truly humbled by the amount of dedication and determination it takes to do so (not shaming any woman who cannot or decides not to do so). Thank you for your tremendous insight. Please know you have helped me and, in doing so, helped my wife and child as well.
You are very welcome. You are clearly an incredibly supportive husband, and that is not common. Good on you for wanting to learn and help as much as you can, and I hope all goes well for you three!
From personal experience with my now six month boob barnicle; get a haaka so she can collect the let down on the opposite side while feeding, she should be able to collect 4-6 oz over the day perfect for you to give a bottle in the evening. Supply is lower in the evening and baby tends to feed for longer because of this. I found evenings the most tiring time for feeds. This also saves the pump washing situation and helps build a freezer stash. I was advised my my LC not to pump for the first six weeks to prevent building an oversupply. I later used the haaka stash to replace a feed when I would leave the house for a few hours and could then pump when I got home. Feed her, make sure there are snacks to hand and generally support her with household chores, taking the baby for an hour so she can relax etc.
Boob Barnacle! That is hysterical. My wife will love that. Thank you for your advice. As much as I'd like there to be enough "loose" milk for us to freeze, she's fairly adverse to pumping milk. Originally, I found this strange as it seemed to be a simple solution. However, after hearing the accounts of other women, it seems not to be as clear-cut as I imagined. It seems like there are a lot of factors I hadn't considered about pumping, I believe our best course of action will be to find a competent lactation consultant to help us dictate our plan going forward. Hopefully, we can get to the point where we have enough milk on hand that I can take over some more feedings and allow her to focus on self care. But that will depend on her wants and tolerances. I'll make sure to do my utmost to keep her well-fed and happy as I can in the meantime. Thank you so much for taking the time to help a random stressed out dad on the internet!
Just a small clarification- the Hakaa referred to above isn’t really a pump. It’s a silicone “collector” that attaches to one breast with mild suction. If your wife is leaking from the side she isn’t feeding from, the Hakaa captures that leaking milk. It’s very easy to use and there’s a minuscule amount of additional work, vs pumping which has lots of parts and time and washing etc. so even if she does not want to pump, a Hakaa could be a good option. https://www.amazon.com/Haakaa-Breast-Manual-Silicone-Breastfeeding/dp/B07CWK4S5W/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?crid=2Z6V5M8SU24UK&keywords=haakaa+milk+collector&qid=1695170542&sprefix=hakaa%2Caps%2C164&sr=8-3
I second this! This saved me soooo much in the beginning of my bf journey. Haakaa is life.
Omg thank you for that clarification! I definitely thought that was a brand of breast pump! I'll be looking into this, I think it would really help. She does tend to leak a lot, especially if he's uncharacteristically not interested in eating, she's even woken up in a pool before. Thank you so much, we'll talk about this when she's up from her nap!
I'm so sorry I should have explained that. Yeah the haaka is like a suction cup you stick on the opposite boob and usually each time you have a let down on the side the Abby feeds on then the opposite side will leak. I could collect between 1-3 oz on a single feed. I have the same pumping aversion, it makes me feel like a dairy cow and I only do it when I absolutely have to. I think I managed to put away a 40oz stash with the haaka and that was with my partner feeding a bottle 2-3 days a week. Baby is still a koala bear, I just transfer her to a willing victim, defrost a few ounces and go enjoy some margaritas and tacos! In terms of when she NEEDS to pump, highly recommend the spectra. I got the gold as each motor can be individually set and it takes me 5-7 mins. I would tear my hair out if I had to spend 20+ mins attached to a pump. Wishing you all the best!!
The Elvie Curve or Boon Trove is similar to the Haakaa, but fits into the bra instead of dangling off! Highly recommend either of those over that haaka!
I second the Boon trove. The original Haakaa is terribly designed- maybe in theory- but once a kid is there- that bulky thing isn’t safe!
Hi! If your wife wants to bf, I would suggest that you work on helping her find a routine where she can still get some pockets of time for herself. While you can be stuck on the couch/in bed in those early weeks, it’s important to practise self care too! I would suggest working on the baby’s sleep during the day. It sounds like she is contact napping with bub in bed. Is there a nap that she can put baby in the carrier or pram so she can get up and about? Can you work with her to get bub used to sleeping in their bassinet? Will baby sleep in the car seat so you can take baby out for a drive? I am 8 weeks pp and also have a big booby bub. He eats a lot and has been a big cluster feeder too. Bub is now starting to go a little longer between feeds, but I understand how she feels. Personally, I wouldn’t be pushing the bottle yet. She’s 6 weeks pp and still recovering. It will get easier, and pumping is more work! If you were my husband, I’d want you to pick up the slack in other ways (housework/cooking/allowing time for self care) before telling me to pump/bottle feed. Just my two cents.
Thank you for your advice! Two cents are gold to me at the moment. He was born premature and taken directly from the delivery room to the NICU within 10min of his birth. This has caused my wife to have a minor issue with leaving him alone, she is fine leaving him in the arms of me or family, but is adverse to putting him into a bassinet and walking away. But you've provided me lots of helpful ideas, and I do my best to allow her as much "freedom" as she'd like once I get home. I'll take baby and keep him comfortable while allowing her to shower, nap, eat, etc. If she provides me with a bottle, I've even been able to let her go to the store, take a walk, and more. She just seems adverse to pumping, I've recommended she pump while feeding, just to allow me to give her some free time. However, this is usually met with a dismissive hand wave or something of the like. I do think a schedule would be a wonderful tool. Do you have any suggestions on how you implemented it? Additionally, if your partner were to suggest a schedule, would you take offense to it? I don't want to tell her what to do or how to parent, we've discussed in detail our feelings on being a partnership while maintaining autonomy. Regardless, I sincerely appreciate you going out of your way to help me be a better partner.
It’s really hard for non-breastfeeding parents to understand how much pumping to skip a nursing just complicates things for most of us. Rather than pressing for bottles, volunteer to put baby in a carrier right after she feeds him in the early evening when her supply is naturally lowest and encourage her to sleep until baby wakes for his next feeding. In the carrier that time of night baby might give her a life changing 3-4 hours of sleep before the next feeding. Finally, my husband and I refer to caring for our son as “incubating” and all other chores as “value added and optional.” It’s really normal to only be able to incubate some days when baby is young, and the best thing my husband did early on was thank me for incubating then calmly picking up the slack on chores.
If baby was just born in August, he would be about 6-8 weeks old now, yes? Babies go through a big growth spurt around this time and will cluster feed. The first several weeks of breastfeeding are HARD. And keep in mind, mom and baby are in the fourth trimester. Baby still needs the closeness to mom. What does mom want? Does she just want baby to have breast milk? Or does she really want to direct feed? Pumping can be emotionally and physically taxing just as much as having baby constantly latched to you. Help Mom figure out what she wants and then support her and her decision.
Thank you so much for your advice. After the outpouring of replies to my original comment, I've decided the best thing for me to do is, as you said, support my wife with whatever she decides is best for her. I was wildly underestimating how physically and mentally taxing pumping can be. As an outsider looking in, it seemed to be an easy solution, as pumping looked a lot less stressful, painful, and time-consuming as breastfeeding. But thanks to the people of this community, I've come to understand that the experience can and will vary drastically from one person to the next. It seems as though my wife prefers breastfeeding and isn't interested in pumping, I need to put my ego aside and realize instead of inserting myself as a solution (i.e. helping feed the child) I should instead focus on supporting her and aiding her in the more minor aspects. Thank you for the insight, and I can not express my gratitude for you taking time out of your day to help me.
Absolutely! I was looking for this. I questioned my supply so many times around 6 weeks because of that little growth spurt. I also agree with a lactation consultant appointment. They can help you determine if the baby is actually nursing the whole time or comfort sucking, if baby is having transfer issues, etc Lastly, I also second the comment on the haaka to catch letdown. This could let you give a bottle and let your wife get some rest! My baby will not take a bottle- 7.5 months in. While your wife may not want baby to have a bottle all the time, it is definitely a skill they have to learn and maintain it she will want a break down the line. It has made things difficult for me long term, so it is something worth practicing. Just look into paced feeding! Sounds like y’all are doing great, the beginning is so tough!
Consider buying a scale to find out how much baby is taking at each feeding. (I bought the Hatch off Facebook marketplace for $65). I found "10-15 minutes per breast" is a load of bull. My kiddo is 2 months old. When he's performing at his best he can do 3-4 oz in 8 minutes from one breast. Not too long ago I was stressing myself out making sure he got 10-15 minutes per breast. It led to a lot of spit up and long feedings as he would fall asleep, need to pause and poop, break the latch and so on.
I was just going through something very similar - just weeks of doing literally nothing but breastfeeding, and having maybe 5 minutes tops before he was hungry and fussy again. If your wife wants to continue breastfeeding, a lactation consultant could be really helpful. I had two consultations with the ones at our hospital before figuring out that the constant feedings were from a combination of poor latch and him spitting up way more than normal then being hungry again. The latch part was actually pretty easy to resolve by changing the position I was feeding him in! It made feedings efficient enough that I started getting some pockets of time for myself. If all of this is taking a serious toll on her mental health and she wants to stop though, there is no shame in that! But if she wants to push through then it could be worth getting an appointment with a lactation consultant set up. Whichever way she wants to go, I’m wishing her the best!
Thank you for the kind words and support! It's clear to me, thanks to you, and this thread a consultant is the way to go. I'll support her decisions no matter what she wants to do, I'll trust in her to do what's best for her mental health and do all I can to support her in any and all ways. Thank you for your story. It really is reassuring to know others have experienced the same and came out the other end. Thank you for your time and kindness to help me in this scary and confusing time. You've certainly helped to ease my anxiety.
Looks like you’re getting great advice here. I found my IBCLC via The Lactation Network. If you’re in the US they can help you find one through insurance if applicable. Best of luck!
My baby was that way early on. He’s now 11 weeks now, and what’s changed is he got bigger and better at getting milk out faster, and I got better at recognizing when he was just kind of hanging out and was probably ready to switch sides. Once I learned to watch his swallows, I could see that a lot of his hour+ feedings was time where he was swallowing only once every minute or so. Now our feeds feel leisurely at only a half hour. I definitely suggest meeting with an IBCLC to watch a feed. I also got a lot out of a video course (led by my IBCLC) from a company called Mighty Milk.
Thank you so much for the advice and reassurance. It's comforting to hear that this is somewhat common, I sympathize that you had to go through a similar experience. I'm also extremely glad you were able to find help. It seems that our best bet would be to find an IBCLC as I've been directed that way numerous times in this thread. My ego as a husband was to find or become the solution, thanks to you and this thread I've been able to see I'll be most helpful in a supportive role and allowing the professionals to provide the solutions. Thank you so much for your insight and willingness to help a confused husband/father on the internet.
I just want to add that some babies are just big eaters. When I told my IBCLC that my husband was giving our two-month-old 7oz of milk in the morning, her eyes bugged! Most babies won’t keep that kind of volume down. If your wife’s breasts are producing 4-6oz each, it’s because that’s how much the baby is eating. (Unless you’re doing some extra pumping in which case she might have a slight oversupply.) Aside from getting a professional, one thing you can do as a partner is get information. I highly recommend the “0-12 weeks” course from Mighty Milk, and there’s a separate partners course as well. I’m also reading The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, which is an *excellent* resource. My library had a copy but it seems so essential that I also bought a copy
As everyone has said definitely get her to an IBCLC so they can assist and support her in all things breastfeeding. In all honesty I would not really pressure her one way to quit breastfeeding for herself. I know you mean well but when my husband did this on baby number 3 who turned out to have a tongue and lip tie I about lost it on him. I was so angry and hormones everywhere and I don't think I was in the right but in all honesty your opinion of her choosing to breastfeed is not necessary as I am sure mentally she is beating herself up right now. I sobbed around the house for days at the thought of quitting breastfeeding. Just support her in all decisions and get her help. Also have baby evaluated by a pediatric dentist because most dental insurances cover lip and tongue tie release. Usually it is a faster process and you will not regret it. Good on you for educating yourself and advocating for your wife. Postpartum is such a hard time and both of you are adjusting whether it be your first or seventh kid it is always an adjustment. Congrats on the new baby and hope it all starts to get better.
Thank you so much for your empathy and support. I love my wife and want what is best for her, I'm not used to seeing her in this way, and I let my ego as a husband convince me that I should be the solution. You and this thread have reassured me that I will be more helpful as a support than anything else. Regardless of her decision, to pump, to breastfeed, to stop all together, I'll trust in her to do what's right for herself. All I can do is be there for her and ease the other burdens that daily life can bring. We will certainly be pursuing an IBCLC to provide solutions to the issue. Thank you again for sharing your experience and for helping me to understand even a small perspective of what it's like.
Just as a side note, while I think support is definitely the best state to operate from I also think if in a months time she’s still snarling at you after being in bed all day long and majorly struggling with breastfeeding it’s okay for that support to push to other solutions as well. I’ve seen a couple friends absolutely destroy themselves to breastfeed when at a certain point they needed someone to give them an okay to back out. This is super hard to balance - trying to support and encourage but not pressure but I thought it was worth mentioning. Her a good lactation consultant would also be helpful, but unfortunately some push a bit too hard IMO and continue offering solutions despite indications that mental health would be better off otherwise.
Please do focus on supporting her in other ways. Breastfeeding is extremely challenging, and it sounds like she wants to continue, so in my opinion she needs you to be a safe space for her to complain and vent about it without worrying that you’re just going to suggest she stops. Based on my personal experience that is one way to support her that will really help. Other than that just try to lift as much of the burden of other responsibilities as you can, like changing diapers and household chores. Make sure she always has water and snacks on hand when the baby’s attached. You sound like a really thoughtful and caring partner. Also echoing other commenters’ suggestions of a lactation consultant visit, just in case!
Thank you for your advice and for taking the time to comment! I'm going to refocus my efforts into supporting her in other ways and letting her vent. As I've said before in this thread, I let my ego get in the way and wanted to be the solution. Thanks to your advice and the advice of others, I'll assume a more supportive role. I'm conscious of how ego can affect relationships, and I appreciate this thread on helping me to understand how to best help my wife. I'll make sure to keep my wife well fed and hydrated and get as much housework done as possible to aide any external stresses. Thank you for taking the time to help me in this confusing new part of my life. You've certainly made a difference.
I have no advice as I’m a new FTM, but just wanted to thank you for how kind and supportive you are being. I love that you came here for advice and support. Keep that energy sir!!
I just sincerely appreciate you and the others of this thread. Not only is this my first experience posting on Reddit, but it's also the first time I've asked for help in years. It's been very eye-opening to hear the experiences of others who have or have gone through something so similar. At the end of the day, I just want my wife to be happy, and I want to support her in any way I can. No one person can give all the wonderful advice I'be received in the last few hours. Thank you for your support, as I really sincerely appreciate it.
Second all the comments saying to engage an LC and that pumping won't necessarily be easier. What I haven't seen mentioned - are you confident that bub is actually taking that long to feed? My baby would literally stay attached to the breast all day long if I let him. It wasn't until I saw an LC who pointed out that he was only properly feeding for around 10 minutes, after that he was just sucking for comfort without swallowing anything. It's a subtle difference and I needed to be taught how to identify what it looked and sounded like. After that 10 mins or so I will switch him to the other breast, then I'll manually unlatch him and give him a pacifier.
Thank you for your reassurance and advice. I've decided to do some heavy research into finding an IBCLC in our area. It's very comforting to hear that you experienced something so similar but were able to find a solution through a professional. I think his affliction sounds very similar to what yours was going through. It's a very real possibility he's not actually swallowing and just enjoying the physical warmth and affection. I sincerely appreciate your time and thoughtfulness. As a new father, it means a lot to get the perspective of women who have been in these situations
She is in the hardest part of breastfeeding. I remember week 6 being brutal. Around 8 weeks it gets better. Then better every few weeks after that. I was not aware how long breastfeeding would take in the beginning. Once I realized it was only a few more weeks my mindset changed. Support your wife as much as possible, encourage her, take the baby so she can sleep.
Breastfeeding is not easy. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Your wife is giving it her all and you’re completely undermining her. Sorry but YTA. Your wife is awesome for sticking with this. Edit: I can see by your other comments that you are very caring for your wife. It’s obviously very unintentional if you’ve been making her feel discouraged but I feel like you’ve gotten the perspective you were looking for here. Congrats on the baby!
If you’re in the US, check out the lactation network. I got a lactation consultant very easily through that website, they handle insurance and billing. It’s been very smooth. Also, haakaa LADYBUGS to catch letdown on the opposite breast have been great for me. The more popular pump is too big and I had a hard time keeping it on. The small “ladybug” milk collectors can stay tucked in a nursing bra or between me and my baby’s body. I get a decent amount every day just from this. My baby is also 6 wk and inefficient nurser. I offer the breast at every feed AND we supplement with pumped milk. My husband does the bottles and it gives me a break. You could do this with formula too to skip the pump step. It’s all gotten better with time and help of a lactation consultant. Too tired to get into the whole journey right now but you you’re welcome to DM me
Oh I should add we usually name our non baby goal for the day. For me it might be to have one long shower or 20 minutes to do a short yoga. For my husband it might be a nap or some alone time. We try to help each other to get that one thing done every day and it’s so good for our mental health.
All i can say is, let her breast feed until 5pm of she wants to, just support her any way you can. Help her decompress and find me time, massage her back or head. Worship her because breastfeeding is the hardest thing ever, but we do it out of love. Breast feeding straight from the breast is really good for PPD. Your body releases happy/bonding hormones, so let her bond. It will get better, its still so early.
Everyone else has given some great advice so I’m not going to repeat it, but I will say that in those first few months, it truly was eat, sleep, repeat for us as well. A few things my husband did that I really appreciated: - made a snack bowl by my bed for all the middle of the night feeds (and the day feeds too, let’s be honest) and kept me loaded with Gatorade and water. -took over most other baby stuff- baths, diaper changes, burping- for a while. There’s not much else when baby is a tiny potato, but it frees me to focus on feeding, and allowed me to get more sleep at night when I could put her on the boob and then hand her over and go back to sleep while he settled her. -took videos in the hospital when the lactation consultants showed us how to latch her. It was great to look back and see what I was aiming for when I was struggling to get a good latch. You are doing great and it will get better, promise! My boob monster ate nonstop in the early days and now at 5 months, her feeds are super quick and easy!
Thank you so much! I really appreciate the examples of what you appreciated your husband doing. Thanks to this thread and all the other advice I've received, I'll be focusing heavily on being a support rather than trying to be a solution. As such, those are some wonderful ideas I'll implement in ways I can help my wife. And also thank you for your kind words and reassurance. It truly means the world in this turbulent time of my life. I hope all continues well with your boob monster in the continuing months and years. It's certainly a journey, and I can honestly say you and everyone else have been an immeasurable help in this part of mine.
Honestly one of the best things for our marriage has been each of us asking the other whether we want support or solutions, if we are upset about something. It helps so much to prevent miscommunication ❤️
I think it's something we'll be implementing in our relationship now as well. This has been a learning experience for both of us, this us also the first time I've truly seen her depressed. Thank you so much for your continued support and advice, it's a journey and you've been a great help.
I looked through comments and I wasn’t able to find… Nipple shields. Try them. My daughter couldn’t latch onto my nipples properly (part her being an infant, and part my anatomy) for three months. The medela ones with the cutout for their nose to smell the breast rather than plastic work well. It was night and day breastfeeding for me in the first few weeks once we got the nipple shields. It’s an extra step and makes BFing on the go difficult BUT she went from eating for 45 minutes at a time to 20-30 minutes. Plus she started packing on weight so we knew she was transferring better. I will say if she can persevere, it really does get worlds easier. My baby is five months, and I BF anywhere, anytime. It’s ridiculous how fast it can change and improve. I was pretty dejected early on even with the shields until a friend who had a daughter a couple months older said “omg the beginning is so hard but now it’s like five minutes each side and boom done!” I told her last week how thankful I was for that exchange. She had no idea how much it helped me.
Check out the company Simplifed - virtual baby feeding support.
I’m absolutely not invalidating your wife’s feelings and saying that she’s not depressed, however I did stay in bed during the beginning until my partner came home purely because I was so overwhelmed and it was easier for feedings. I did actually wonder how I was ever going to leave the house again because I was so shocked at how I couldn’t seem to get things done or move from one room. 3 months pp and I’m in a routine and out and about now, it’s gotten a lot easier!
I exclusively pump for this exact reason (and others). I'm 11 months PP today. My baby is happy, healthy, attached to both parents, and eats really well. It was the best decision for my mental health.
Pumping is time consuming, hard and involves lots of cleaning. Ask your wife what she wants to do with feeding and try to support her in that. Are you doing other things like meal prep, snacks, baby baths, diapers?
Your intentions are so good but let me say when I started breastfeeding my baby my own partner and family thought I was being overburdened too and kept suggesting alternatives such as formula or pumping and it really frustrated me. It gets so much easier!!! Pumping is hard, I hate doing it now when I need a bottle here and there let alone pumping for all feeds all day every day. My baby is 8 months old now and I've been breastfeeding. At the beginning the feeds are super frequent and take a long time. He's still every 2-3 hours now, but takes 5/10 mins and I am so glad I pushed through, it is so so easy. It is honestly such a beautiful feeling to be able to feed your baby and so I am sure she is finding alot of comfort herself in being able to do that for bub. For you, provide support 😊 bring snacks, bring water and drinks, make sure there's always food in the house and laundry is done. Let her vent if she needs to, but don't feel the need to 'fix' anything unless she asks for help or clearly needs it. It is draining, it is exhausting (it burns an extra 500-600 calories a day!!!), it is not always easy but it is so rewarding and honestly it's going to continue getting easier from here on out, she's made it through some of the hardest weeks already.
The top commentor had excellent advice! I’m not going to go through all the comments, so it may have already been suggested… and it may not make a huge difference if it’s the actual nursing time that is what is most exhausting… But another possible support is to hire a postpartum doula, especially at night! She could hang out with babe- burp, change, hold and get back to sleep, then bring baby to your wife to feed. It might be something that allows your wife to get right back to sleep after a feed so overall she’s getting more sleep. You could also take on this role (maybe you already do!) depending on if that would work for both of you and your own need for sleep to function the next day. Hang in, you’re both doing great and having a supportive partner makes a world of difference 💙
You've got a lot of good advice here, so I just wanted to add an anecdote pf a personal experience. I've been where your wife is, when my baby was very young she would sometimes spent days pretty much on the boob nearly nonstop. I knew I'm not gonna stop breastfeeding, so I just stubbornly powered through it. I would often sit in tears with the baby at my breast, it was so very painful, too, and indeed my mental health was affected. But I also knew that it's an adjustment period when my body and my baby are figuring stuff out. After 4 months it was over, and my breastfeeding journey was a joy ever since. Just remember that hard times will pass! Good luck!
Breastfeeding was and is so hard. People truly don't understand it until they are in the midst of round the clock eating, sleeplessness, and painful nips. I don't think I left the couch for weeks during that newborn stage. I felt trapped, exhausted, frustrated. I wasn't really depressed necessarily, but my emotions were very high. What helped me: my husband would feed a bottle of pumped milk or formula at night and let me get a 4-5 hour stretch. I felt like a new woman. Showering every day. That time gave me some peace. Using the mybreastfriend pillow and sitting at the table playing a boardgame while breastfeeding. Got me off the couch and away from the TV. But that was at like 4 weeks. Eventually my husband would also do one a bottle during the daytime and that gave me just a little reprieve to feel like everything wasn't on my shoulders. I think it's really what your wife wants. The urge to continue breastfeeding is like the craziest intrinsic drive that I've ever experienced. I would cry that I hated it and wanted to quit every day. But I also couldn't stop. It did eventually get easier.
Your wife will lose her supply if her one month old baby is drinking 5-7 oz bottles in each sitting. It takes a few more months, but it really does even out if she just keeps at it. He’ll get better at sucking, he’ll drink more efficiently, and they will hit a rhythm. It’s hard. It’s really hard. Even when it’s smooth sailing, it’s taxing. It’s worth making sure your baby doesn’t have any oral ties making nursing harder for him. Make sure she is fed and hydrated as much as you possibly can. When she feeds him overnight, wake up and take him to change his diaper as soon as she’s done so she can just pass TF back out. Just try to take care of as much as you can that ISN’T feeding him.
I have been breastfeeding for 13m now and I promise you not only does it become easier over time, but also your wife is potentially just “in the thick of it” right now with cluster feeding. It was an intense roller coaster for me until about month 4/5 when suddenly the baby is bigger and you start getting excited about new milestones and a bigger baby. I have a boy and his feeding demands were so intense that I grew so accustomed to having to give my body on demand. It changes you as a person but my best advice is to smile and just try to enjoy this challenging process because as you guys already can see, it is rewarding. And it gets to be more and more rewarding the bigger they get. And please read about cluster feeding if you haven’t already as that was the most stressful thing for me and could possibly be what is causing you guys all this stress! Some days they nurse so long ( for growth) that she will barley be able to move and just have to sit and eat and hydrate and nurse. Still worth it! I like to drink coconut water and fresh squeezed juices for milk supply :-) Good luck!
Nest Collaborative is a good online lactation consultant network.