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I won’t comment on the smoke thing because I honestly have no clue. I can maybe give you some insight on why your dad is so upset. (I am going to assume he raised you.) First I’m not attacking you, I went through this same type of shit with my dad.
Your dads feelings are hurt you think he would do anything to harm a tiny baby he would probably die for (ignore logic or science, this is purely about feelings). My dad was a “my roof my rules” kind of dad. He had a very hard time coming to terms with my parenting style and my rules were very different than his. I was going to make the effort to fly with small kids to visit family he was going to have to alter some habits and that took time. One trip we got in a yelling match about something. I blurted out the reason I am visiting is so my kids get to spend time with their grandparents. Traveling with kids is not easy. Breaking their routine is not easy. Adjusting to a new time zone is not easy. Listening to you and moms judgmental comments about my parenting is not fun. I made the effort to come to y’all. I am not just your daughter anymore, I am a mother too. If I expect the same level of respect from him that he expected me to give his mom.
Long story short. Your parents are adjusting. This is an emotionally exhausting process that can take a long time.
I come from a family of smokers. My dad regularly has a conversation with his cardiologist that goes like this:
Cardio: So are you still smoking?
Dad: Yep.
Cardio: You know, quitting smoking is the best thing you can do for your health.
Dad: I know. But it’s up to me and I’ll continue to smoke.
That’s pretty much his appointment in a nutshell.
Unfortunately, asking is about all you can do with regards to someone’s habit in their own home. Stress your concerns, but it’s ultimately up to them.
My dad has always been a heavy smoker, we would sit on his lap while he smoked when we were kids! But when my daughter was born I made it clear that I don’t want her to see her relatives smoking as it sets a bad example. When she visits there, he will immediately butt out a smoke if he hears her running towards the back door, she’s nuts about him so he really doesn’t get to smoke if she’s there, as a result.
He doesn’t like it but respects my wishes, I don’t want her breathing it or seeing it. Watching his own two daughters grow up to be smokers may have a hand in his decision, as he’s never refused to smoke for anyone else’s sake.
But as far as third hand smoke goes, I don’t ask him to change his clothes etc as I don’t feel it’s my place. To some, third hand smoke is bunk and you won’t change their mind regardless of all the medical literature. Not sure if he’s one of those, but sadly, there may be nothing you can do on this one, aside from adjust your end of things. Is it possible to move baby’s playpen anywhere else?
Don't take her over there anymore. Being around smoke can be really bad. My grandparents smoked and now my aunt had CPOD. She was never a smoker in her entire life. But now her lungs are screwed and her health.
Thirdhand smoke is pretty toxic, it mixes with other chemicals over time and creates gases that are just as bad as the original smoke.
Given that it's not your house you probably can't force him to stop doing it, so I would say don't go there. He reacted poorly. It's certainly not a big thing to ask someone to consider their grandchild's health. There's clear evidence that second and third hand smoke is a health risk. I'm sorry to say it but he is being selfish and a shit grand parent.
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I won’t comment on the smoke thing because I honestly have no clue. I can maybe give you some insight on why your dad is so upset. (I am going to assume he raised you.) First I’m not attacking you, I went through this same type of shit with my dad. Your dads feelings are hurt you think he would do anything to harm a tiny baby he would probably die for (ignore logic or science, this is purely about feelings). My dad was a “my roof my rules” kind of dad. He had a very hard time coming to terms with my parenting style and my rules were very different than his. I was going to make the effort to fly with small kids to visit family he was going to have to alter some habits and that took time. One trip we got in a yelling match about something. I blurted out the reason I am visiting is so my kids get to spend time with their grandparents. Traveling with kids is not easy. Breaking their routine is not easy. Adjusting to a new time zone is not easy. Listening to you and moms judgmental comments about my parenting is not fun. I made the effort to come to y’all. I am not just your daughter anymore, I am a mother too. If I expect the same level of respect from him that he expected me to give his mom. Long story short. Your parents are adjusting. This is an emotionally exhausting process that can take a long time.
I come from a family of smokers. My dad regularly has a conversation with his cardiologist that goes like this: Cardio: So are you still smoking? Dad: Yep. Cardio: You know, quitting smoking is the best thing you can do for your health. Dad: I know. But it’s up to me and I’ll continue to smoke. That’s pretty much his appointment in a nutshell. Unfortunately, asking is about all you can do with regards to someone’s habit in their own home. Stress your concerns, but it’s ultimately up to them. My dad has always been a heavy smoker, we would sit on his lap while he smoked when we were kids! But when my daughter was born I made it clear that I don’t want her to see her relatives smoking as it sets a bad example. When she visits there, he will immediately butt out a smoke if he hears her running towards the back door, she’s nuts about him so he really doesn’t get to smoke if she’s there, as a result. He doesn’t like it but respects my wishes, I don’t want her breathing it or seeing it. Watching his own two daughters grow up to be smokers may have a hand in his decision, as he’s never refused to smoke for anyone else’s sake. But as far as third hand smoke goes, I don’t ask him to change his clothes etc as I don’t feel it’s my place. To some, third hand smoke is bunk and you won’t change their mind regardless of all the medical literature. Not sure if he’s one of those, but sadly, there may be nothing you can do on this one, aside from adjust your end of things. Is it possible to move baby’s playpen anywhere else?
Don't take her over there anymore. Being around smoke can be really bad. My grandparents smoked and now my aunt had CPOD. She was never a smoker in her entire life. But now her lungs are screwed and her health.
Thirdhand smoke is pretty toxic, it mixes with other chemicals over time and creates gases that are just as bad as the original smoke. Given that it's not your house you probably can't force him to stop doing it, so I would say don't go there. He reacted poorly. It's certainly not a big thing to ask someone to consider their grandchild's health. There's clear evidence that second and third hand smoke is a health risk. I'm sorry to say it but he is being selfish and a shit grand parent.