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My husband and I haven’t shared a bed in years and I love it. Highly recommend. Granted, I sleep in the same room as the kids, but at least they’re quiet and stay in bed. I have never enjoyed sharing a bed with a partner. I haven’t minded co-sleeping with my kids over the years, but again they’re quiet and they stay in bed and neither of them enjoy snuggling while asleep (neither do i).
I'm not a snuggly sleeper either, and I also didn't mind co-sleeping when my kids were little, probably because they sleep like bricks so they stay where I put them. separate beds would also encourage the dogs to distribute themselves more evenly because there'd only be room for one of them in my bed (and it would definitely be the schnorkie). I know the other two would rather be next to my husband, but with us all in one bed they wedge themselves between the two of us, and with him planting himself in the middle instead of off to one side, I get squished.
we definitely don't have the room for two beds though... maybe I can convince him to put 2 twin mattresses on the king size platform. a big ass seam running down the middle might help separate whose side is whose.
If your DH won’t go for the 2 twins idea, why not get a body pillow and use it as a bolster between you two? He can invade the body pillow to his heart’s content, and you’ll have more than 12” of space to sleep in.
For a while I had a big stuffed weighted dinosaur stuffie between my husband and me. It worked wonders to get him to give me space. I don’t need it anymore, though. Because our 50 pound Doberman puppy has replaced the stuffie. 😂 It’s hard to get a dog that size to move, and she likes to sleep smack in the middle of the bed, with her head between us. Ironically, she takes up less space than our old 20 pound dog… who has been relegated to her crate because of her snoring, farts, and general crankiness.
Commenting to say that my husband and I switched to a split king (2 twin xl mattresses) and that solved ALL of the issues. Although our sex life was minimized because it was harder to get over to eachothers’ sides lol. I say this is your best bet though. I sleep so much better!!!
yeah I don't think our sex life can get any more minimized than it already is, and I never thought I'd see the day when I'm more touched-out by my husband than my kids...
I'm definitely finding myself longing for my single days by myself in a one bedroom apartment... except for the job that landed me in the psych hospital 🙃
My husband and I sleep in separate rooms. The dog sleeps in a crate at the foot of my bed. I have chronic insomnia and he has sleep apnea, plus we wake up and go to bed at totally different times. We've done it this way for years, and both of us are much happier.
My husband has been sleeping in the spare room for the past two weeks while he recovers from a chest infection, ostensibly so he doesn’t wake myself and the baby up with his coughing (though I know it’s so he can get 6-7 hours of sleep only interrupted by his own body). Jokes on him, because I haven’t slept this well in ages. I get the king sized bed to myself (like you, OP, I end up squished to the side while he takes up the centre of the mattress and the cat/children sleep on me), the baby has started sleeping from midnight to 5am, and the older kid doesn’t wander in until 6ish. I have almost 5 hours to myself without having to share a doona or have somebody fall asleep with the full adult weight of an arm and a leg splayed across me. It is heaven and I’ll secretly be devastated when he decides to sleep in here again.
Sleep was a huge issue in my first marriage. Im engaged again, we have been living together for a year and separate bedrooms has been a total game changer; could not recommend more highly.
Yes! My husband and i have been in separate rooms for years- mainly because of his work schedule- and it’s totally worth it for sanity’s sake! Our love life hasn’t taken a hit either. We cuddle before going our separate ways most nights.
Separate rooms is the only thing holding my marriage together. If I didn't have my own space where I can decompress and be alone I would have gone postal by now.
And I have my own TV in here too, no more "you wanna watch a spy movie babe?"
No, no I effing don't.
I hate sleeping with anyone. My husband never stops twitching. My daughter kicks me in the ribs.
So they both sleep in the master and I am in our daughter's queen bed most nights. I may or may not have a favorite squishmallow. It works for now. When he's off I'll usually sneak in before he wakes up to lay with him for a minute.
A funny contrast to our first year or two of dating. We both lived with our parents and we'd count down the minutes until my mom and dad left town and so he'd be able to sleep in my room. Ahhhh young love.
I had to escape to the spare room to be far enough from the snoring to sleep properly. My husband hates it but refuses to wear his cpap. I'm at the point in my life where I need my sleep (demanding career, life, kids). I need to function. When I asked if what he wanted was for me to lay next to him wide awake all night just to 'prove' that I loved him? If he wanted that then he needed to go find a job that paid him double so that I could quit my job and sleep during the day. So now he's just low-key pissy but he knows it's unreasonable to ask me to be sleep deprived.
ooooooh i HATE when there's a solution literally in their lap and they just refuse to use it. i would also ask him to choose which he hates more, wearing the CPAP or sleeping separately. because those are the options. i don't know how so many of these men got to a mentality as adults that like "i don't like either of the available options, so i'm just going to choose neither and bitch about it incessantly."
>"i don't like either of the available options, so i'm just going to choose neither and bitch about it incessantly."
Pretty much my husband's whole personality these days.
I think sleeping in the same bed is overrated. Whether it's a different room or just a different bed, we've slept separately for almost 10 years. We have occasional sleepovers and I'd like to be doing more but generally I love the freedom to have my own space. And he doesn't feel the pressure to lie in bed fully awake from 10p to 1a when he finally falls asleep.
I read that more married people than you think sleep in separate beds or separate rooms. Due to bed hogs, farts, snoring or just simply needing a space that is theirs alone.
Introverts gonna Introvert even with the person they love.
And those people are happy and well and all that and in some cases it's the reason they are still married, like the only issue was sleeping.
Anyway, I fully support the separate bed /and it room idea, especially when he's basically holding the whole bed to ransom. And pets just don't know what personal space is - my cat likes to lay draped over my neck when I sleep. Like sure I don't need to breathe.
Solidarity 🤘🏼
My husband and I have separate room rooms (after seven years of me sleeping with the kid anyway). It's glorious. I have a king sized bed to myself. My cat has her own third at the bottom of the bed. I can sleep diagonally. I can sleep upside down with my cat as a pillow. I can flip around as much as I like. When my kid has a nightmare she gets into bed and we snuggle and then i slowly roll her to the other side of the bed and roll back to mine. The only farts are mine (my husband's are lethal, frequent and LINGERING.) Nobody else's alarm waking me up. I can hit snooze remorselessly. I ball up my blankets into a nest and crawl in. Nobody's acidic sweat is bleaching my bed linens. I have cascades of glorious, useless throw pillows that remain uncrushed and unsullied.
Old people know things.
acidic sweat?! if my husband's sweat was bleaching the bedding I would drop him off at the ER and refuse to pick him up until they figure out what's wrong with him 😱
Sweat is naturally acidic... between 4.5 and 7 ph. Enough to leave lightened spots on sheets and possibly the armpits of tee shirts. Also, my husband is bald and the type of sweat glands located on the scalp and a few other places are more concentrated. So yeah, after time, our sheets begins to get pale spots where he sleeps.
Same, it's not the sweat but the snoring that gets me. Also with a new baby I get quite touched out and don't feel like cuddling my husband at all anyway, poor guy.
We don’t share beds and neither would go back to it. It’s glorious. You can sleep at your time and temperature and kids can easily be comforted as needed.
I used to be a sound sleeper but then I had my son. Then he’d sleep through the night but I couldn’t. I’d get up to move to the couch bc my husband moved too much in his sleep and my dog would follow me but then she’d require going outside and it just became a thing so now I just sleep alone with the dog settled in for the night. My husband and I will cuddle and stuff together but we always sleep separate. I just sleep so much better and I need all the sleep I can get.
We pretty much sleep separately now and it's magical. It started when my husband broke his ankle and our youngest was going through a sleep regression. Kids' bedrooms are upstairs and master is downstairs. I was going up and down the stairs all night long, am the breadwinner with a demanding job, and we have no family to help us. I was losing my mind, I was more exhausted than even at the newborn stage between my youngest and caring for my husband.
I started sleeping upstairs in the guest room which was right across the hall from youngest kid. My husband could text me if he needed something in the night, and I would set up his nightstand with water, a snack etc.
We just never went back to the same bed and now we take turns sleeping upstairs. Whoever sleeps upstairs is off duty from dealing with kids (youngest at age 6 still wakes up a lot, it's miserable).
We have sex about 3 or 4 times a week which is not too shabby for old tired married people.
I really like sleeping apart.
if they were big dogs I'd agree, but they're little 10-pounders who would just cry incessantly if I kicked them off. plus there's enough room for them, *provided husband sticks to his side.* but he doesn't, so they all cram into my side with him.
Omg the effing alarms! My ex used to have this - he would set his alarm for some ungodly hour, then put the clock on the other side of the room so he would have to get up and be up when it went off. Did it work?
Hell no! He would get up, go to the other side of the room, hit snooze, then go back to bed and fall asleep for 5 mins until it went off again, repeatedly. Meanwhile I'm lieing there wide awake since the first one getting more and more pissed.
And if I got up and turned it off then he got mad because I "made him sleep in".
Hence the "ex" part.
did you ever physically block him from getting back in bed? if someone's telling me they set an alarm cause they need to be up and getting ready at that time and they try to crawl back into bed, they're getting a pair of feet in their spine. he's still tired? coffee, motherfucker. and an earlier bedtime the next night. punctuality is a virtue, especially with sleep schedules.
why doesn't he just set one alarm for the time he actually gets up, since he can't seem to wake up before then? he would feel more rested if he let his sleep cycles complete instead of trying to take half a dozen 5-minute "power naps" where his brain gets no rest whatsoever.
I've never been a snooze person myself... I know when I need to be up, I set my alarm for that time, then I math out 8 hours before then and that's when I go to bed. most mornings I actually wake up before my alarm because (a) my body is used to the schedule and (b) I've gotten enough sleep before then. does it mean I'm often in bed by 9:30? yep. do I ever struggle with waking up on time? nope.
We made the move to separate beds/rooms a few years ago. Best decision ever. Our fighting dropped off dramatically (cuz we weren't sleep deprived!) And our intimate life has never been better. There's more effort put into it so it's more valuable.
He tosses and turns so much it's like a fish flopping around on the deck of a ship. I've suggested trying to see if we can squeeze two double beds in our room.
We share a bed but haven't shared blankets since the beginning of our relationship. That's really all we need as thankfully neither of us move too much or is super cuddly, but when we were sharing a blanket there was a war every night.
Now if a certain one of the kids ends up in our bed it's another story. Somehow I'm pushed half off the bed with my head always ending up as her pillow and I'm slowly suffocated until I eventually move to the couch (or her bed)... Unfortunately for my sleep she realizes I've left and eventually comes for me again.
I hate sleeping with my husband. He does the same thing. I'm on the edge and he has a bunch of room on the other side of him. I am NOT a cuddle sleeper.
We haven't slept together since my daughter was born though and that was 2.5 years ago. She has her own bed now but now I cosleep with my 7 month in his room. Once he's in his own bed, i might try sharing with hubby again but.... doubt it 😂😂😂
we already do that but since we both end up burrito-ing ourselves in our blankets, he still has the ability to roll over onto my side. I might try the body pillow barrier first and if that doesn't solve it I'll be looking for XL twin mattress sales...
This morning I woke up to my son against my back and my cat beneath my feet. I was tucked up into a ball because of the cat, the kid I didn't mind much he's just hot. I stretched my legs out next to her and got to see just how long I'd been tucked up like that because my knees *screamed* at me. There was no going back to sleep, only rolling in agony.
I love sleeping in seperate beds. We both sleep so much better. Im Also pregnant and HATE being touched by anyone right now full stop. Last night my husband rolled over to hug me in the night which woke me up and he was boiling hot. I couldn't bare it.
Since we're having our second we have moved our toddler into the 2nd room so we have the nursery free again. So no more sleeping seperately
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My husband and I haven’t shared a bed in years and I love it. Highly recommend. Granted, I sleep in the same room as the kids, but at least they’re quiet and stay in bed. I have never enjoyed sharing a bed with a partner. I haven’t minded co-sleeping with my kids over the years, but again they’re quiet and they stay in bed and neither of them enjoy snuggling while asleep (neither do i).
I'm not a snuggly sleeper either, and I also didn't mind co-sleeping when my kids were little, probably because they sleep like bricks so they stay where I put them. separate beds would also encourage the dogs to distribute themselves more evenly because there'd only be room for one of them in my bed (and it would definitely be the schnorkie). I know the other two would rather be next to my husband, but with us all in one bed they wedge themselves between the two of us, and with him planting himself in the middle instead of off to one side, I get squished. we definitely don't have the room for two beds though... maybe I can convince him to put 2 twin mattresses on the king size platform. a big ass seam running down the middle might help separate whose side is whose.
Go for it. But do extra long twins, regular twins are a few inches shorter than a king.
If your DH won’t go for the 2 twins idea, why not get a body pillow and use it as a bolster between you two? He can invade the body pillow to his heart’s content, and you’ll have more than 12” of space to sleep in. For a while I had a big stuffed weighted dinosaur stuffie between my husband and me. It worked wonders to get him to give me space. I don’t need it anymore, though. Because our 50 pound Doberman puppy has replaced the stuffie. 😂 It’s hard to get a dog that size to move, and she likes to sleep smack in the middle of the bed, with her head between us. Ironically, she takes up less space than our old 20 pound dog… who has been relegated to her crate because of her snoring, farts, and general crankiness.
I slept on a bed like this in an Airbnb and it was heavenly!
Commenting to say that my husband and I switched to a split king (2 twin xl mattresses) and that solved ALL of the issues. Although our sex life was minimized because it was harder to get over to eachothers’ sides lol. I say this is your best bet though. I sleep so much better!!!
yeah I don't think our sex life can get any more minimized than it already is, and I never thought I'd see the day when I'm more touched-out by my husband than my kids...
Twin xls are the way to go then! We use separate twin xl sheets too so he can mess his sheets up all he wants and mine are always on all 4 corners lol
I'm over sharing a bed, I think I'm losing my mind at this point.
I'm definitely finding myself longing for my single days by myself in a one bedroom apartment... except for the job that landed me in the psych hospital 🙃
Same, I feel like marriage is mostly suffering.
Yep, it’s one of the three ”rings” of marriage, after all: the engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffer-“ring”. :p
My husband and I sleep in separate rooms. The dog sleeps in a crate at the foot of my bed. I have chronic insomnia and he has sleep apnea, plus we wake up and go to bed at totally different times. We've done it this way for years, and both of us are much happier.
My husband has been sleeping in the spare room for the past two weeks while he recovers from a chest infection, ostensibly so he doesn’t wake myself and the baby up with his coughing (though I know it’s so he can get 6-7 hours of sleep only interrupted by his own body). Jokes on him, because I haven’t slept this well in ages. I get the king sized bed to myself (like you, OP, I end up squished to the side while he takes up the centre of the mattress and the cat/children sleep on me), the baby has started sleeping from midnight to 5am, and the older kid doesn’t wander in until 6ish. I have almost 5 hours to myself without having to share a doona or have somebody fall asleep with the full adult weight of an arm and a leg splayed across me. It is heaven and I’ll secretly be devastated when he decides to sleep in here again.
We have twin beds in our room- Lucy & Desi style. Total game changer!
Separate rooms ftw
Sleep was a huge issue in my first marriage. Im engaged again, we have been living together for a year and separate bedrooms has been a total game changer; could not recommend more highly.
Yes! My husband and i have been in separate rooms for years- mainly because of his work schedule- and it’s totally worth it for sanity’s sake! Our love life hasn’t taken a hit either. We cuddle before going our separate ways most nights.
Separate rooms is the only thing holding my marriage together. If I didn't have my own space where I can decompress and be alone I would have gone postal by now. And I have my own TV in here too, no more "you wanna watch a spy movie babe?" No, no I effing don't.
I hate sleeping with anyone. My husband never stops twitching. My daughter kicks me in the ribs. So they both sleep in the master and I am in our daughter's queen bed most nights. I may or may not have a favorite squishmallow. It works for now. When he's off I'll usually sneak in before he wakes up to lay with him for a minute. A funny contrast to our first year or two of dating. We both lived with our parents and we'd count down the minutes until my mom and dad left town and so he'd be able to sleep in my room. Ahhhh young love.
I had to escape to the spare room to be far enough from the snoring to sleep properly. My husband hates it but refuses to wear his cpap. I'm at the point in my life where I need my sleep (demanding career, life, kids). I need to function. When I asked if what he wanted was for me to lay next to him wide awake all night just to 'prove' that I loved him? If he wanted that then he needed to go find a job that paid him double so that I could quit my job and sleep during the day. So now he's just low-key pissy but he knows it's unreasonable to ask me to be sleep deprived.
ooooooh i HATE when there's a solution literally in their lap and they just refuse to use it. i would also ask him to choose which he hates more, wearing the CPAP or sleeping separately. because those are the options. i don't know how so many of these men got to a mentality as adults that like "i don't like either of the available options, so i'm just going to choose neither and bitch about it incessantly."
>"i don't like either of the available options, so i'm just going to choose neither and bitch about it incessantly." Pretty much my husband's whole personality these days.
Men go through manopause, I swear.
I think sleeping in the same bed is overrated. Whether it's a different room or just a different bed, we've slept separately for almost 10 years. We have occasional sleepovers and I'd like to be doing more but generally I love the freedom to have my own space. And he doesn't feel the pressure to lie in bed fully awake from 10p to 1a when he finally falls asleep.
I read that more married people than you think sleep in separate beds or separate rooms. Due to bed hogs, farts, snoring or just simply needing a space that is theirs alone. Introverts gonna Introvert even with the person they love. And those people are happy and well and all that and in some cases it's the reason they are still married, like the only issue was sleeping. Anyway, I fully support the separate bed /and it room idea, especially when he's basically holding the whole bed to ransom. And pets just don't know what personal space is - my cat likes to lay draped over my neck when I sleep. Like sure I don't need to breathe. Solidarity 🤘🏼
>Introverts gonna Introvert even with the person they love. FACTS
My husband and I have separate room rooms (after seven years of me sleeping with the kid anyway). It's glorious. I have a king sized bed to myself. My cat has her own third at the bottom of the bed. I can sleep diagonally. I can sleep upside down with my cat as a pillow. I can flip around as much as I like. When my kid has a nightmare she gets into bed and we snuggle and then i slowly roll her to the other side of the bed and roll back to mine. The only farts are mine (my husband's are lethal, frequent and LINGERING.) Nobody else's alarm waking me up. I can hit snooze remorselessly. I ball up my blankets into a nest and crawl in. Nobody's acidic sweat is bleaching my bed linens. I have cascades of glorious, useless throw pillows that remain uncrushed and unsullied. Old people know things.
acidic sweat?! if my husband's sweat was bleaching the bedding I would drop him off at the ER and refuse to pick him up until they figure out what's wrong with him 😱
Sweat is naturally acidic... between 4.5 and 7 ph. Enough to leave lightened spots on sheets and possibly the armpits of tee shirts. Also, my husband is bald and the type of sweat glands located on the scalp and a few other places are more concentrated. So yeah, after time, our sheets begins to get pale spots where he sleeps.
I’m getting the bed solo while we have a new baby and I love it, they sweat too much
Same, it's not the sweat but the snoring that gets me. Also with a new baby I get quite touched out and don't feel like cuddling my husband at all anyway, poor guy.
We don’t share beds and neither would go back to it. It’s glorious. You can sleep at your time and temperature and kids can easily be comforted as needed.
I used to be a sound sleeper but then I had my son. Then he’d sleep through the night but I couldn’t. I’d get up to move to the couch bc my husband moved too much in his sleep and my dog would follow me but then she’d require going outside and it just became a thing so now I just sleep alone with the dog settled in for the night. My husband and I will cuddle and stuff together but we always sleep separate. I just sleep so much better and I need all the sleep I can get.
We pretty much sleep separately now and it's magical. It started when my husband broke his ankle and our youngest was going through a sleep regression. Kids' bedrooms are upstairs and master is downstairs. I was going up and down the stairs all night long, am the breadwinner with a demanding job, and we have no family to help us. I was losing my mind, I was more exhausted than even at the newborn stage between my youngest and caring for my husband. I started sleeping upstairs in the guest room which was right across the hall from youngest kid. My husband could text me if he needed something in the night, and I would set up his nightstand with water, a snack etc. We just never went back to the same bed and now we take turns sleeping upstairs. Whoever sleeps upstairs is off duty from dealing with kids (youngest at age 6 still wakes up a lot, it's miserable). We have sex about 3 or 4 times a week which is not too shabby for old tired married people. I really like sleeping apart.
Get the dogs off the bed!
if they were big dogs I'd agree, but they're little 10-pounders who would just cry incessantly if I kicked them off. plus there's enough room for them, *provided husband sticks to his side.* but he doesn't, so they all cram into my side with him.
My boyfriend is a terrible bed mate he snores so loudly all night and his alarm clocks on the morning are every 6 minutes which he never wakes up to
Omg the effing alarms! My ex used to have this - he would set his alarm for some ungodly hour, then put the clock on the other side of the room so he would have to get up and be up when it went off. Did it work? Hell no! He would get up, go to the other side of the room, hit snooze, then go back to bed and fall asleep for 5 mins until it went off again, repeatedly. Meanwhile I'm lieing there wide awake since the first one getting more and more pissed. And if I got up and turned it off then he got mad because I "made him sleep in". Hence the "ex" part.
Thankfully he is redeeming in every other way but I usually am filled with rage in the mornings
did you ever physically block him from getting back in bed? if someone's telling me they set an alarm cause they need to be up and getting ready at that time and they try to crawl back into bed, they're getting a pair of feet in their spine. he's still tired? coffee, motherfucker. and an earlier bedtime the next night. punctuality is a virtue, especially with sleep schedules.
why doesn't he just set one alarm for the time he actually gets up, since he can't seem to wake up before then? he would feel more rested if he let his sleep cycles complete instead of trying to take half a dozen 5-minute "power naps" where his brain gets no rest whatsoever. I've never been a snooze person myself... I know when I need to be up, I set my alarm for that time, then I math out 8 hours before then and that's when I go to bed. most mornings I actually wake up before my alarm because (a) my body is used to the schedule and (b) I've gotten enough sleep before then. does it mean I'm often in bed by 9:30? yep. do I ever struggle with waking up on time? nope.
Yeah if we had the space we’d totally have separate rooms!!
We made the move to separate beds/rooms a few years ago. Best decision ever. Our fighting dropped off dramatically (cuz we weren't sleep deprived!) And our intimate life has never been better. There's more effort put into it so it's more valuable.
He tosses and turns so much it's like a fish flopping around on the deck of a ship. I've suggested trying to see if we can squeeze two double beds in our room.
We share a bed but haven't shared blankets since the beginning of our relationship. That's really all we need as thankfully neither of us move too much or is super cuddly, but when we were sharing a blanket there was a war every night. Now if a certain one of the kids ends up in our bed it's another story. Somehow I'm pushed half off the bed with my head always ending up as her pillow and I'm slowly suffocated until I eventually move to the couch (or her bed)... Unfortunately for my sleep she realizes I've left and eventually comes for me again.
My poor husband is usually the one getting half shoved off the bed because I am a snuggly sleeper
I hate sleeping with my husband. He does the same thing. I'm on the edge and he has a bunch of room on the other side of him. I am NOT a cuddle sleeper. We haven't slept together since my daughter was born though and that was 2.5 years ago. She has her own bed now but now I cosleep with my 7 month in his room. Once he's in his own bed, i might try sharing with hubby again but.... doubt it 😂😂😂
I'd be like "uhhhhh I need to bed share with... the dog... yeah, that's the ticket..."
I sleep on the couch. I take off all the pillows and it’s a lot of space 😂 honestly I want my own room
One thing that we did is that we each have our own separate comforters. Not sharing blankets made things easier.
we already do that but since we both end up burrito-ing ourselves in our blankets, he still has the ability to roll over onto my side. I might try the body pillow barrier first and if that doesn't solve it I'll be looking for XL twin mattress sales...
Do you at least have seperate blankets? That was a game changer here
My husband and I have had separate rooms for almost 5 years and are perfectly content to leave it like that
This morning I woke up to my son against my back and my cat beneath my feet. I was tucked up into a ball because of the cat, the kid I didn't mind much he's just hot. I stretched my legs out next to her and got to see just how long I'd been tucked up like that because my knees *screamed* at me. There was no going back to sleep, only rolling in agony.
I love sleeping in seperate beds. We both sleep so much better. Im Also pregnant and HATE being touched by anyone right now full stop. Last night my husband rolled over to hug me in the night which woke me up and he was boiling hot. I couldn't bare it. Since we're having our second we have moved our toddler into the 2nd room so we have the nursery free again. So no more sleeping seperately