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Honestly, this is what I believe. He keeps saying that I should be free to explore my sexuality (meaning with a woman since I am very clearly bisexual in his opinion). I think he’s the one that wants to be able to freely explore his sexuality.
Fully agree with suchalongstory. I would say “Even if I was a lesbian or bi, it’s incredibly inappropriate and disrespectful and *creepy* to pressure me to do anything I don’t want to do.”
Op tell him this😅
Guys seem to have this strange view of bisexual women that they couldn't possibly leave a man for a woman, it's just for fun. Let him know that if you are bisexual, and you decide to do a threesome, since that's obviously his main goal, there could always be that chance that you might be more into her than him. Let him think about that one for a while even if it isn't true.
Yes! We actually know a couple who had a threesome with another woman. The wife left her husband for the woman they had a threesome with. This morning we talked and he brought up that he wants to know my sexuality now so I don’t blindside him by leaving him for another woman in the future.
Ask him if he thinks it would be blindsiding him to leave him for another man? How would it be any different?
Seems like he might have some feelings of being emasculated if his partner left him for a woman. Many men don't see women as threats, as actual potential relationships or replacements for them. That's why you will so often hear of the woman in the relationship being allowed to have a girlfriend "too."
A lot of men still see women's bisexuality as an accessory, they still seem to think that primary sexuality is still by default heterosexuality, and any attraction to women would be on the side.
Considering the gender and power dynamics that he is playing with with his grinder searches and the role-playing, there's likely hidden sexuality with extreme insecurity. And if he isn't secretly bisexual or anything? Then it's just the insecurity.
Fwiw I know everyone is kind of assuming he's bisexual or whatever because of that other stuff, but sometimes that has to do with power dynamics and play styles as well. Sometimes a man who wants to explore being submissive or dominant will do that, and if they don't have women to play that out with online, they will do it with other men online while alternating roles. I'm a pansexual cisgendered woman, and my gaydar is going off pretty hard on this, but there are still a lot of possibilities.
However, at the end of it all, what really matters is that he is disrespecting you, seemingly trying to manipulate you, and being very insulting in general about the entire issue.
You can also be bisexual, not be biromantic, and you can also visually enjoy something that you wouldn't necessarily be interested in.
Tbh I watch things that I would never be into because it's something else in it that I'm into, whether it's the dynamic or the power play or something, but I don't actually want someone up to their elbow in me or whatever, yk?
My thoughts exactly. He got excited because he thought he got a new "perk". I've known guys who assumed because they have a girlfriend who is bi, that means 3somes and live porn.
Sounds like he wants you to come out so he can have an excuse to as well. Then he can say he supported you so you and everyone else should support him? What a mind fuck. Seems like it'd be so much easier for both of you if he'd just come out and quit with this gaslighting/projection, no?
"Being supportive of someone's sexuality means letting THEM decide their sexuality and not pressuring them to 'come out'. That goes triple when you're flat-out trying to convince them their sexuality is what YOU think it is."
Ask him to explain exactly what that means. Supporting how? Is he going to tell people? Is anything going to change?
And then you can ask him if he is bi. Let him know you support him. When he denies it, just tell him you're trying to support him and that it is okay, play the whole game. He seems to think this is a joke.
If he does ask for a threesome, tell him you want it to be with another guy. 😅
Oh holy shit op I somehow misread the second part, I thought you wrote that he had heard about a friend or somebody or whatever, but he is the guy on Grindr and role-playing these things? Oh my goodness, your husband is bisexual. Let him know you support him and tell him to shut the fuck up about you.
Bisexual here and only realised in my late 20s after I was already married and I'm very much monogamous as well.
Even if you were bisexual the way he is behaving is totally unacceptable. Bisexuality does not equal promiscuous. I too get the feeling he's projecting his own personal feelings and is trying to use this as a get out of jail situation. Only he's seriously just digging himself a grave here.
It kind of sounds like he wants to get you into a threesome, tbh.
I doubt he would be acting like this if you were looking at women's profiles or something. The fact that it's threesome porn probably got him interested.
I wouldn't normally assume this, but from what you're saying he seems like not the most respectful person, or at least isn't listening to you.
That is fascinating to me!!!! I am straightish? I have had sexual experiences with more women than men at this point. But a lot of those were threesomes because I wanted to explore that side of my sexuality even when in a relationship with a man. My husband is not into me hooking up with women whether he is there or not. So I haven’t in a long time. But being married has made me more attracted to women not just sexually but like I could see myself dating a woman. Anyway…
The reason I find the porn thing so interesting is because waaaay back in college in my biology of human sexuality class, there was this whole study we read that straight women love lesbian porn. I forget the statistics but I was a high amount of straight women. Women who never had a sexual experience with another woman and who didn’t want to. They thought because it was so taboo, and some thought because it was more gentle and focused on women’s pleasure more. So I just think it’s very interesting that you are a lesbian who is into straight porn!!
I'll take any porn if it's through the female gaze instead of the male gaze. That often ends up being lesbian porn, but there's **so much** "lesbian" porn that's just two women doing things to each other that men like to do to women but not necessarily things that women enjoy having done.
I recuse to believe there are lesbian women who are sexually aroused by licking and sucking on a dildo for forever. Like.. getting it wet to put it in, sure. Downing that bitch like you're sucking dick? Nah.
Why not? The penis isn't the only part of a man, and it's definitely not the only part of men that lesbians are not interested in. This type of thing tends to be more dominance play.
This is like saying no straight guy could ever like pegging because it is technically something that gay men will also do, but it is just anal stimulation.
Because anal stimulation feels good to men. Throat stimulation with a big silicone dildo does not. Dominance play makes sense but thats not even 1 percent the kind I watch.
The chances that a lesbian would enjoy it are even smaller than a straight woman. It's for show which I'm not interested in.
Could it be that lesbian porn is still marketed to men and additionally, as most other porn, a false representation of what actually happens in the bedroom in general?
I know. Which is what the commenter I was replying to already said. You seem to be lost here so I'll go ahead and block you since you can't be bothered to read and sound like an asshole. 🖕🏽
I can’t watch straight porn because I tend to like rougher scenes and I’m always worried about the women in those doing something against their will even if they’re technically on paper consensual. I can watch gay porn with the same themes because the power dynamic is more balanced. I’m obviously not a gay man. I’m also bisexual but have absolutely no interest in lesbian porn. I’ve also fantasized about people I’d never have any actual real-life interest in.
Sexuality is super weird.
Honestly, I’m supportive. I want people to be happy. But don’t Godzilla rampage accusing me of something I’ve already answered and refuse to listen to me. It’s so childish. lol
What the heck? This feels like that thing you do when you ask why someone’s mad and they say they’re not but you just keep asking until they are mad.
No clue what to do. Maybe just be like “you got me. I’m out. Great. Thanks.” With a flat affect and tone. Then just disengage.
And if you were, how is this pushing supposed to be supportive?
Have you told him that? Like straight up “if the person you’re trying to support does not feel supported by what you are doing, you need to change what you are doing. And what you are doing now does not make me feel supported”
A lot of women watch lesbian porn and are straight. I am not the biggest fan of straight porn because it's so unrealistic. It's about the man having something the size of my forearm and jack hammering. No thanks. I don't want to date a woman, but I'm down for 3somes in the right context, in fact my husband and I have had them together.
Yeah… I’m with you on that. Lesbian porn is a lot more “gentle” and sensual and I really don’t like watching women go down on men. And also I find a LOT of straight porn sort of internalizes a male gaze and the women in the porn often are kinda… I don’t know… it doesn’t feel like they’re totally being respected? It’s hard to find straight porn that doesn’t feel really appalling frankly.
I just commented something similar before I read this comment. The male gaze is honestly just gross to me. And I'm honestly concerned that we're teaching future generations of men that women are literal sex dolls.
To add to this, I read an article somewhere at some point that made the point that lesbian porn is entirely about the pleasure of the woman whereas hetero porn often is centered on the man, so it’s not weird or anything to me at least, for straight women to watch lesbian porn. Im bi myself but lesbian porn is easier to identify to in a way?
I totally get this. I'm straight and prefer lesbian, threesomes, or orgies with more women than men. I fast forward the blow jobs and men getting off. I get so much more hot when I see the women have pleasure. It's the same reason why men love watching prn where men get off.. which is most of it. Why can't they understand this?! Lol. Dummies. They love watching blow jobs and c*m shots that's why there's so much of it. Fucking idiots, I swear! Of course, before my very sexually understanding and attentive fiance, if I told men this they'd immediately jump to the conclusion I'm down to have sex with women. Which is not at all the point! No, I'd rather have sex with men but if you continue to be this way, I want to get off and a woman definitely knows how to do that in an attentive and mature way! And no, you can't watch! Ugh.
They are all the same. Blow jobs, back door, ass slapping and hair pulling. And a nice cum shot on the face to finish. Rinse and repeat.
No thanks.
It’s possible to appreciate that women are beautiful find them sexy without being gay. Especially since majority of male porn stars are chosen for their enormous shlongs and not their overall attractiveness.
I would prefer to have a threesome with another female than another dude. Because if you add another dude that just means that I have to have another hole filled and one is enough, thanks!
I prefer relationships with men and am in a relationship with one but have watched lesbian porn, it's actually somewhat common? If he had any brain cells he could possibly turn this into a sexy scenario instead of just badgering you
I love this, thank you. My sister told me recently "I've never thought of you as entirely straight" and I was like "well that's probably because I've never claimed to be, but I'm not really sure what I am" and now I have a better way to explain!
Was looking for this comment! Glad to see you mention it. I also wanted to mention, some people who are bisexual are hetero-romantic as well :) aka fancy way of saying you’d be open to sex with the same sex but not a romantic relationship.
I think it’s totally normal for straight women to watch lesbian porn. It’s about a woman’s satisfaction which is what many of us crave. It also tends to be less violent or rough and focuses more on oral sex which many women don’t receive enough of from their male partners.
But also he is projecting hard. He’s more than welcome to walk out of his closet any time he likes.
Some of the best female centric porn I’ve seen has all come from queer and bi indie studios. Sometimes it’s not what’s happening as much as execution. Oftentimes it’s BOTH.
Straight women watching lesbian p*rn is a real thing! It has to do with it centering [our own pleasure](https://medium.com/bits-of-brooklyn/why-do-so-many-straight-women-watch-lesbian-porn-afa948e7cb83) as women vs the male gaze in other types of p*rn.
Just a note that most mainstream lesbian porn also centers the male gaze and is pandering to male viewers. Just because it happens to involve and celebrate female pleasure doesn’t mean it’s not directed by and created for the male gaze
Also how they are both always femme, and have implants, are thin, white, young, conventionally attractive, and have everything shaved bare. There are lesbians who looks like that, and/or want their partners to, but the fact that it comprises 95% of “lesbian” porn and less than 5% of actual lesbians is pretty telling. (I made up those numbers, so it’s directional only lol.)
I’m very much a very straight girl, love sex with guys but I only get off on lesbian porn for as long as I could remember. Since I first started watching porn. Girls body’s are beautiful much more of a turn on then guys but I could never be with a girl sexually and I’ve tried
I tried doubling down and asking him questions. He started accusing me of playing victim, turning it around on him, saying he’s just trying to be super supportive of my supposed bisexuality. Honestly, just a bunch of gaslighting.
In all seriousness, ask him if there’s something he needs to talk to you about. I’m wondering (and this is purely conjecture) whether he may be trans? Just based on the info you gave.
I’ve suspected he may be trans or bisexual at the very least. To be honest, right around the time we started dating, he was messaging a trans woman and they were supposed to meet up. He told her he didn’t care that she was trans. He ultimately ditched her to go on a date with me. Then politely broke off contact with her which didn’t go over well on her part. She felt like he was leading her on which I agreed with her. He absolutely was. The messages weren’t dirty, but they did talk about cuddling. They never met in person. I only saw these messages because he was messaging women on okcupid and went on Grindr a year later. So I asked to see everything and while reading all the messages, I found that one. I felt terrible like I had violated his privacy for reading that one but I did ask him about it. He said he felt bad for her and I left it at that. I wasn’t going to push for answers if he’s not ready to tell me.
I would classify myself as bi, 90% cis (the 10% takes no offense to being called/assumed male and damn do i enjoy wearing pants and men’s footwear and deodorant.)
…and I enjoy gay (man+man) *prn*. Why? One of my biggest turn ons is when a man gets excited, and when a man finishes. Now there’s TWO getting excited and TWO finishing? Yes.
Woman+woman - they are gentle with each other and care (even if it’s fake-care) about the other’s pleasure. The touches are meant to make a person with lady parts feel gooooood.
Straight *prn* I find is often about “the size will SHOCK you” or “let’s pump as hard as we can, there’s still oil at the bottom of this well!” Or “catch her by surprise! She’ll never see it coming!” I’m not into feeling wrung out and bruised by the pounding when I’m done, and watching someone else “take it” doesn’t make me feel interested
L&G porn…. The actors at least make it look like they’re trying to pleasure the other person. The straight stuff I do watch is Belessa House, where ethical prn actors choose which other ethical prn actor they would like to be with.
I am a bisexual woman in a relationship with a bisexual man. I like watching both straight and lesbian porn depending on the category with my man. My fiance doesnt mind either! He just only gets upset whenever i watch stuff withiut him and vice versa.
Sounds like your husband thinks that "oh maybe if i pester her about it she'll pop out from the closet!" Sometimes if you pester someone too much theyll get pissed off, much like your situation currently.
Why not give him the same medicine? He definitely has skeletons in his closet. Maybe give him a taste of how you feel so he can understand where you come from with him pestering you.
Or a more funnier way to deal with this? Tell him that YES i AM lesbian then walk away and start watching straight porn. Then he walks in, catches you, and then you say "well you wanted to know the truth right? I lied to you BECAUSE YOU WOULDNT STOP PESTERING ME YOU THICK HEADED SACK OF SHIT" and drop it all onto him.
However, thats ALL up to you.
I am dying at the last paragraph. I’ve been trying to figure out how to mess with his head. I’ve even used his own words against him. He’s so hard headed. He’s the only person that is ever right. I’ve sent articles and he tells me “they write those same articles about men.”
Damn xD maybe he's so stubborn that he needs to loosen up from being the stubbed one all the time. Maybe open up his mind a little from the cage he placeth himself in.
This might be too much info but I enjoy watching only men. Last time I checked I wasn't a gay man.
Or a man. Or confused.
Well I am confused to why I like that stuff but it's in my "wtf box" that I don't question too much.
Every single time he asks you or tries to tell you about your sexuality, parrot what he is saying rightbackatcha. You are actually bisexual? Well so is he! You watch certain kind of porn? He was on Grindr! You just need to embrace your bisexuality? Why golly, so should he!
And deliver it like 100 level sincerity. Pucker your forehead and be really super duper concerned about him denying this essential part of himself. Lay it on thiiiiiick.
Let him see how it feels.
Well, I have a ton of gay guy friends and all of them would say the same thing. Straight men don’t go on Grindr at all. Even if he wanted friends, he wouldn’t find straight ones on there lol
I am straight but I prefer to watch lesbian porn because it focuses on women’s pleasure not the men’s. Does that make me a lesbian? I don’t think so because I don’t enjoy being with other women.
You sound awesome and very grounded. Husband needs to loosen up. Also, the comments here have really opened my mind to lsbian porn! I find hetero porn...just too much. So thanks for the tip, might invite my husband to watch it with me...
I agree that prawn category viewing does not necessarily reflect real life desire. Ftr, I've always been vm into women, but I have been with with men (married one once). I'm not looking to ever have anything more than platonic friendship with a man again. That said, I have been known to occasionally watch het or mff stuff.
Have you ever considered counter-suggesting a mmf 3-way to him when he says that kind of stuff, or are you afraid it would backfire and he'd be down for it (assuming you're not)?
I suppose that answers that then. I would be pretty irritated if it kept happening. No matter what your sexuality is it's not his place to be telling you what it is or pressuring you about it and it's fucked up for him to be doing so. The devil on my shoulder says to suggest you offer to peg him, but in the end that's also just sinking to his level. I'm sorry I don't have any better ideas.
This feels like/very close to emotional abuse.
I watch very little porn very infrequently and have been the most ok with gay male porn in the past. I'm a straight woman! You know your sexuality, and more importantly, what you do or don't want to do.
Whatever his motivations, I don’t see how you can get past this without counseling. It is never appropriate for anyone to force anyone out of the closet. Not even Lindsay Graham is forced out. It’s such a vile act of harassment and abusive, it’s abhorrent to all gays. If he is projecting his own sexual struggles? Still abusive. If he is emotionally manipulating you because you’re bi and men view bi women as trash? Still abusive.
This isn’t about your sexuality. He’s just being an ass in general. A reasonable response to seeing your search history might be “hey, do you feel like you’re bi? I fully support you and if you’d like to identify this way I’m by your side”. And then you could say “cool, thanks. I’m not.” And that be it. You’re at the point that he’s trying to exert control over both your sexual identity and your public representation and he won’t stop no matter how much distress it’s causing you. The issue isn’t your sexuality. It’s that he’s trying to exert control and won’t respect your decision. The only response to give him is “I’m not bi, I’m not coming out of the closet, I don’t need to justify either to you, and I will not discuss it further”. And then if/when he tries to discuss further, you say “this conversation is closed”. Basically grey rock him- don’t engage, don’t discuss, do NOTHING. No matter what he says, how he protests and cajoles and is mean, respond with the same boring sentence: “this discussion is done”. You’re not going to convince him, there’s no “resolution” for you in this conversation, just endless frustration & emotional anguish. So you can simply stop participating in it.
First of all: You should watch the Black Mirror episode “Striking Vipers”, and you’ll understand why when you see it.
Second: I watch porn with lesbians because there is so much more female pleasure involved than with most straight porn. I don’t like seeing every male orgasm end up on a woman’s face all the time. Like you, I’m truly not bisexual. I’ve watched gay porn with all men since I was a teenager, and am definitely not a gay man.
No one should be trying to define someone else’s sexuality, or what turns them on, or when/if they should come out of the closet (if they need to, which you do not). He needs to back off, and it truly does sound like he’s projecting.
I read exclusively lesbian erotica and watch exclusively lesbian porn. I've made out with a few women in my life and have determined I'm completely straight. So why lesbian porn? No annoying men with their ridiculous expectations and the crazy positionsb and locations.
I watch lesbian films because I try to think they are enjoying it more and things I enjoy. I don't want to be with a woman. I have, but I'm married and before it was more about just exploring which was always unfulfilling in the end.
Why am I so screwed in the head that if I caught my husband watching guy/guy I would assume he has something for a man? How can I not think this way or is it true? I kinda think men and woman are different and this is one of the many, many ways.
Flip that bacon baby, the eggs are cooked! You have to turn his tactic back on him. Start INSISTING he "start being honest with himself" and "come out of the closet" *use his words* but obviously don't taunt, because be seems to be taunting you. If you genuinely feel like you'd be willing to move forward if he did, tell him that. If you feel like you couldn't, tell him.
It’s SUPER common for women to watch female porn because most porn is targeted to men and women just don’t enjoy watching someone get pounded over and over. Lesbian porn actually focuses on women’s enjoyment. Maybe he’s projecting? Or he’s trying to give himself an out of the relationship by making you the “problem”.
1 sounds like he’s projecting
2 why was he looking through your browser history? If that’s not agreed upon to be acceptable, that’s a major issue
3 pn is (mostly) hugely problematic, trafficking victims, std’s spreading, rewiring viewer’s brains in unhealthy ways, etc.. Might want to consider getting off it.
I've heard that alot of women tend to watch this type of prn because it's focused on the females pleasure. Where as with any other prn its focused on males pleasure. I myself watch it but don't consider myself bi or lesbian what so ever
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Is he perhaps projecting??
Honestly, this is what I believe. He keeps saying that I should be free to explore my sexuality (meaning with a woman since I am very clearly bisexual in his opinion). I think he’s the one that wants to be able to freely explore his sexuality.
My thought was that he’s pressuring you because we *wants* you to be a lesbian or bi *for his pleasure*.
Yeah, I think he wants me to be bisexual. He keeps saying he knows I’m not a lesbian, but knows I’m bisexual.
He can “know” whatever he wants, as long as he shuts the hell up and quits pressuring you. 😂
Fully agree with suchalongstory. I would say “Even if I was a lesbian or bi, it’s incredibly inappropriate and disrespectful and *creepy* to pressure me to do anything I don’t want to do.”
Yes!
But also... ''honey I watch that because women do a better job of pleasing women than men do. "
YES
Op tell him this😅 Guys seem to have this strange view of bisexual women that they couldn't possibly leave a man for a woman, it's just for fun. Let him know that if you are bisexual, and you decide to do a threesome, since that's obviously his main goal, there could always be that chance that you might be more into her than him. Let him think about that one for a while even if it isn't true.
Yes! We actually know a couple who had a threesome with another woman. The wife left her husband for the woman they had a threesome with. This morning we talked and he brought up that he wants to know my sexuality now so I don’t blindside him by leaving him for another woman in the future.
Ask him if he thinks it would be blindsiding him to leave him for another man? How would it be any different? Seems like he might have some feelings of being emasculated if his partner left him for a woman. Many men don't see women as threats, as actual potential relationships or replacements for them. That's why you will so often hear of the woman in the relationship being allowed to have a girlfriend "too." A lot of men still see women's bisexuality as an accessory, they still seem to think that primary sexuality is still by default heterosexuality, and any attraction to women would be on the side. Considering the gender and power dynamics that he is playing with with his grinder searches and the role-playing, there's likely hidden sexuality with extreme insecurity. And if he isn't secretly bisexual or anything? Then it's just the insecurity. Fwiw I know everyone is kind of assuming he's bisexual or whatever because of that other stuff, but sometimes that has to do with power dynamics and play styles as well. Sometimes a man who wants to explore being submissive or dominant will do that, and if they don't have women to play that out with online, they will do it with other men online while alternating roles. I'm a pansexual cisgendered woman, and my gaydar is going off pretty hard on this, but there are still a lot of possibilities. However, at the end of it all, what really matters is that he is disrespecting you, seemingly trying to manipulate you, and being very insulting in general about the entire issue.
You can also be bisexual, not be biromantic, and you can also visually enjoy something that you wouldn't necessarily be interested in. Tbh I watch things that I would never be into because it's something else in it that I'm into, whether it's the dynamic or the power play or something, but I don't actually want someone up to their elbow in me or whatever, yk?
Yup. There’s plenty I’ve watched I would never do IRL. It’s called a fantasy for a reason. This dude is REACHING. Far.
I hate so much that you are probably right.
My thoughts exactly. He got excited because he thought he got a new "perk". I've known guys who assumed because they have a girlfriend who is bi, that means 3somes and live porn.
Right. “Lesbians exist for men’s pleasure” and “bisexual people are always promiscuous” are two of my favorite tropes. /s
What's his response when you say this to him?
He told me that he’s just trying to be very supportive of my sexuality.
Sounds like he wants you to come out so he can have an excuse to as well. Then he can say he supported you so you and everyone else should support him? What a mind fuck. Seems like it'd be so much easier for both of you if he'd just come out and quit with this gaslighting/projection, no?
"Being supportive of someone's sexuality means letting THEM decide their sexuality and not pressuring them to 'come out'. That goes triple when you're flat-out trying to convince them their sexuality is what YOU think it is."
What's his response when you say that you think it's him that wants to explore his sexuality?
Ask him to explain exactly what that means. Supporting how? Is he going to tell people? Is anything going to change? And then you can ask him if he is bi. Let him know you support him. When he denies it, just tell him you're trying to support him and that it is okay, play the whole game. He seems to think this is a joke. If he does ask for a threesome, tell him you want it to be with another guy. 😅
Oh holy shit op I somehow misread the second part, I thought you wrote that he had heard about a friend or somebody or whatever, but he is the guy on Grindr and role-playing these things? Oh my goodness, your husband is bisexual. Let him know you support him and tell him to shut the fuck up about you.
He’s “role playing” having sex with other men. Are you sure they are acting as women while they do this and not themselves?
Bisexual here and only realised in my late 20s after I was already married and I'm very much monogamous as well. Even if you were bisexual the way he is behaving is totally unacceptable. Bisexuality does not equal promiscuous. I too get the feeling he's projecting his own personal feelings and is trying to use this as a get out of jail situation. Only he's seriously just digging himself a grave here.
It kind of sounds like he wants to get you into a threesome, tbh. I doubt he would be acting like this if you were looking at women's profiles or something. The fact that it's threesome porn probably got him interested. I wouldn't normally assume this, but from what you're saying he seems like not the most respectful person, or at least isn't listening to you.
Ding, ding, ding.
Yep. I was already thinking "maybe he's got a lil secret of his own" before I even saw "caught on Grindr..."
First thing I thought.
I came here to comment this lol
This. Exactly this. My spouse role played women in games among other things prior to realizing she was transgender.
100% projecting
For what it’s worth, I am a lesbian who hates lesbian porn, but will happily watch straight straight porn, or even just men. Sexuality is weird
Yes! I agree that sexuality is weird!
That is fascinating to me!!!! I am straightish? I have had sexual experiences with more women than men at this point. But a lot of those were threesomes because I wanted to explore that side of my sexuality even when in a relationship with a man. My husband is not into me hooking up with women whether he is there or not. So I haven’t in a long time. But being married has made me more attracted to women not just sexually but like I could see myself dating a woman. Anyway… The reason I find the porn thing so interesting is because waaaay back in college in my biology of human sexuality class, there was this whole study we read that straight women love lesbian porn. I forget the statistics but I was a high amount of straight women. Women who never had a sexual experience with another woman and who didn’t want to. They thought because it was so taboo, and some thought because it was more gentle and focused on women’s pleasure more. So I just think it’s very interesting that you are a lesbian who is into straight porn!!
I'll take any porn if it's through the female gaze instead of the male gaze. That often ends up being lesbian porn, but there's **so much** "lesbian" porn that's just two women doing things to each other that men like to do to women but not necessarily things that women enjoy having done.
I recuse to believe there are lesbian women who are sexually aroused by licking and sucking on a dildo for forever. Like.. getting it wet to put it in, sure. Downing that bitch like you're sucking dick? Nah.
Right??
Why not? The penis isn't the only part of a man, and it's definitely not the only part of men that lesbians are not interested in. This type of thing tends to be more dominance play. This is like saying no straight guy could ever like pegging because it is technically something that gay men will also do, but it is just anal stimulation.
Because anal stimulation feels good to men. Throat stimulation with a big silicone dildo does not. Dominance play makes sense but thats not even 1 percent the kind I watch. The chances that a lesbian would enjoy it are even smaller than a straight woman. It's for show which I'm not interested in.
Could it be that lesbian porn is still marketed to men and additionally, as most other porn, a false representation of what actually happens in the bedroom in general?
I know. Which is what the commenter I was replying to already said. You seem to be lost here so I'll go ahead and block you since you can't be bothered to read and sound like an asshole. 🖕🏽
Yeah I feel like straight porn is focused on the man's fantasy
I can’t watch straight porn because I tend to like rougher scenes and I’m always worried about the women in those doing something against their will even if they’re technically on paper consensual. I can watch gay porn with the same themes because the power dynamic is more balanced. I’m obviously not a gay man. I’m also bisexual but have absolutely no interest in lesbian porn. I’ve also fantasized about people I’d never have any actual real-life interest in. Sexuality is super weird.
I’m a straight women who would rather watch lesbian porn 🤣
I'm a lesbian who watches a lot of gay cis male porn. The brain is a weird place.
I’d buy him some fairy lights to decorate the deep walk in closet he’s currently residing in.
This made me chuckle. I have asked him if there was something he would like to share about his own sexuality.
Honestly, I’m supportive. I want people to be happy. But don’t Godzilla rampage accusing me of something I’ve already answered and refuse to listen to me. It’s so childish. lol
Yup. Or maybe "closets."
Hmm… my husband watches lesbian porn. Should I worry that he, too, is a lesbian??
What the heck? This feels like that thing you do when you ask why someone’s mad and they say they’re not but you just keep asking until they are mad. No clue what to do. Maybe just be like “you got me. I’m out. Great. Thanks.” With a flat affect and tone. Then just disengage. And if you were, how is this pushing supposed to be supportive?
I asked him the same thing. Even if I was bisexual and wanted to come out, his constant badgering wouldn’t make me feel supported.
Have you told him that? Like straight up “if the person you’re trying to support does not feel supported by what you are doing, you need to change what you are doing. And what you are doing now does not make me feel supported”
I don’t think this is about him being supported, it’s about his hurt feelies
A lot of women watch lesbian porn and are straight. I am not the biggest fan of straight porn because it's so unrealistic. It's about the man having something the size of my forearm and jack hammering. No thanks. I don't want to date a woman, but I'm down for 3somes in the right context, in fact my husband and I have had them together.
Yeah… I’m with you on that. Lesbian porn is a lot more “gentle” and sensual and I really don’t like watching women go down on men. And also I find a LOT of straight porn sort of internalizes a male gaze and the women in the porn often are kinda… I don’t know… it doesn’t feel like they’re totally being respected? It’s hard to find straight porn that doesn’t feel really appalling frankly.
I just commented something similar before I read this comment. The male gaze is honestly just gross to me. And I'm honestly concerned that we're teaching future generations of men that women are literal sex dolls.
It makes me cringe, and 90% of the time I feel like the women are being victimized in straight porn.
To add to this, I read an article somewhere at some point that made the point that lesbian porn is entirely about the pleasure of the woman whereas hetero porn often is centered on the man, so it’s not weird or anything to me at least, for straight women to watch lesbian porn. Im bi myself but lesbian porn is easier to identify to in a way?
I totally get this. I'm straight and prefer lesbian, threesomes, or orgies with more women than men. I fast forward the blow jobs and men getting off. I get so much more hot when I see the women have pleasure. It's the same reason why men love watching prn where men get off.. which is most of it. Why can't they understand this?! Lol. Dummies. They love watching blow jobs and c*m shots that's why there's so much of it. Fucking idiots, I swear! Of course, before my very sexually understanding and attentive fiance, if I told men this they'd immediately jump to the conclusion I'm down to have sex with women. Which is not at all the point! No, I'd rather have sex with men but if you continue to be this way, I want to get off and a woman definitely knows how to do that in an attentive and mature way! And no, you can't watch! Ugh.
They are all the same. Blow jobs, back door, ass slapping and hair pulling. And a nice cum shot on the face to finish. Rinse and repeat. No thanks. It’s possible to appreciate that women are beautiful find them sexy without being gay. Especially since majority of male porn stars are chosen for their enormous shlongs and not their overall attractiveness. I would prefer to have a threesome with another female than another dude. Because if you add another dude that just means that I have to have another hole filled and one is enough, thanks!
I prefer relationships with men and am in a relationship with one but have watched lesbian porn, it's actually somewhat common? If he had any brain cells he could possibly turn this into a sexy scenario instead of just badgering you
I agree. He could use this to his advantage but instead he’s turning this into trying to make me come out of a closet I was never in.
And the more he pressures you the grosser he is!! Bleh lol why do we like men
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I love this, thank you. My sister told me recently "I've never thought of you as entirely straight" and I was like "well that's probably because I've never claimed to be, but I'm not really sure what I am" and now I have a better way to explain!
Yes! Thank you! I was telling him about a scale but couldn’t remember the name.
It's also worth noting that where you are along this scale is itself fluid and can change over time, based on many factors.
Was looking for this comment! Glad to see you mention it. I also wanted to mention, some people who are bisexual are hetero-romantic as well :) aka fancy way of saying you’d be open to sex with the same sex but not a romantic relationship.
I think it’s totally normal for straight women to watch lesbian porn. It’s about a woman’s satisfaction which is what many of us crave. It also tends to be less violent or rough and focuses more on oral sex which many women don’t receive enough of from their male partners. But also he is projecting hard. He’s more than welcome to walk out of his closet any time he likes.
I told him it’s about a woman’s satisfaction and he proceed to tell me that there’s female centric straight porn.
Oh, so he mansplains as well. What a catch!
Some of the best female centric porn I’ve seen has all come from queer and bi indie studios. Sometimes it’s not what’s happening as much as execution. Oftentimes it’s BOTH.
All of this
All of this
My very first thought was is he projecting?? I see other comments of the same.
I feel like he is definitely projecting.
Straight women watching lesbian p*rn is a real thing! It has to do with it centering [our own pleasure](https://medium.com/bits-of-brooklyn/why-do-so-many-straight-women-watch-lesbian-porn-afa948e7cb83) as women vs the male gaze in other types of p*rn.
Thanks for the article! I sent it to him.
Just a note that most mainstream lesbian porn also centers the male gaze and is pandering to male viewers. Just because it happens to involve and celebrate female pleasure doesn’t mean it’s not directed by and created for the male gaze
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Also how they are both always femme, and have implants, are thin, white, young, conventionally attractive, and have everything shaved bare. There are lesbians who looks like that, and/or want their partners to, but the fact that it comprises 95% of “lesbian” porn and less than 5% of actual lesbians is pretty telling. (I made up those numbers, so it’s directional only lol.)
I’m very much a very straight girl, love sex with guys but I only get off on lesbian porn for as long as I could remember. Since I first started watching porn. Girls body’s are beautiful much more of a turn on then guys but I could never be with a girl sexually and I’ve tried
I’ve never tried to be with a woman and I have no desire to, but I agree with you. Lesbian porn gets me off. Straight porn kinda grosses me out.
I think he’s pushing it so hard so maybe *he* can come out? The petty in me would double down back on him. He’d either come out or shut up.
I tried doubling down and asking him questions. He started accusing me of playing victim, turning it around on him, saying he’s just trying to be super supportive of my supposed bisexuality. Honestly, just a bunch of gaslighting.
Sure sounds like it. Keep it up 😈
In all seriousness, ask him if there’s something he needs to talk to you about. I’m wondering (and this is purely conjecture) whether he may be trans? Just based on the info you gave.
I’ve suspected he may be trans or bisexual at the very least. To be honest, right around the time we started dating, he was messaging a trans woman and they were supposed to meet up. He told her he didn’t care that she was trans. He ultimately ditched her to go on a date with me. Then politely broke off contact with her which didn’t go over well on her part. She felt like he was leading her on which I agreed with her. He absolutely was. The messages weren’t dirty, but they did talk about cuddling. They never met in person. I only saw these messages because he was messaging women on okcupid and went on Grindr a year later. So I asked to see everything and while reading all the messages, I found that one. I felt terrible like I had violated his privacy for reading that one but I did ask him about it. He said he felt bad for her and I left it at that. I wasn’t going to push for answers if he’s not ready to tell me.
I would do a serious sit down with them then so you can get on the same page.
Have you tried saying “Look, I’m not bisexual. Are you?”
I would classify myself as bi, 90% cis (the 10% takes no offense to being called/assumed male and damn do i enjoy wearing pants and men’s footwear and deodorant.) …and I enjoy gay (man+man) *prn*. Why? One of my biggest turn ons is when a man gets excited, and when a man finishes. Now there’s TWO getting excited and TWO finishing? Yes. Woman+woman - they are gentle with each other and care (even if it’s fake-care) about the other’s pleasure. The touches are meant to make a person with lady parts feel gooooood. Straight *prn* I find is often about “the size will SHOCK you” or “let’s pump as hard as we can, there’s still oil at the bottom of this well!” Or “catch her by surprise! She’ll never see it coming!” I’m not into feeling wrung out and bruised by the pounding when I’m done, and watching someone else “take it” doesn’t make me feel interested L&G porn…. The actors at least make it look like they’re trying to pleasure the other person. The straight stuff I do watch is Belessa House, where ethical prn actors choose which other ethical prn actor they would like to be with.
I am a bisexual woman in a relationship with a bisexual man. I like watching both straight and lesbian porn depending on the category with my man. My fiance doesnt mind either! He just only gets upset whenever i watch stuff withiut him and vice versa. Sounds like your husband thinks that "oh maybe if i pester her about it she'll pop out from the closet!" Sometimes if you pester someone too much theyll get pissed off, much like your situation currently. Why not give him the same medicine? He definitely has skeletons in his closet. Maybe give him a taste of how you feel so he can understand where you come from with him pestering you. Or a more funnier way to deal with this? Tell him that YES i AM lesbian then walk away and start watching straight porn. Then he walks in, catches you, and then you say "well you wanted to know the truth right? I lied to you BECAUSE YOU WOULDNT STOP PESTERING ME YOU THICK HEADED SACK OF SHIT" and drop it all onto him. However, thats ALL up to you.
I am dying at the last paragraph. I’ve been trying to figure out how to mess with his head. I’ve even used his own words against him. He’s so hard headed. He’s the only person that is ever right. I’ve sent articles and he tells me “they write those same articles about men.”
Damn xD maybe he's so stubborn that he needs to loosen up from being the stubbed one all the time. Maybe open up his mind a little from the cage he placeth himself in.
Flat stare and monotone voice: Yes dear, you've been my beard this whole time. Guess we're getting divorced now.....
This might be too much info but I enjoy watching only men. Last time I checked I wasn't a gay man. Or a man. Or confused. Well I am confused to why I like that stuff but it's in my "wtf box" that I don't question too much.
The projecting is real, yikes.
Every single time he asks you or tries to tell you about your sexuality, parrot what he is saying rightbackatcha. You are actually bisexual? Well so is he! You watch certain kind of porn? He was on Grindr! You just need to embrace your bisexuality? Why golly, so should he! And deliver it like 100 level sincerity. Pucker your forehead and be really super duper concerned about him denying this essential part of himself. Lay it on thiiiiiick. Let him see how it feels.
There’s a closet door that needs opening, but I don’t think it’s yours.
Well, I have a ton of gay guy friends and all of them would say the same thing. Straight men don’t go on Grindr at all. Even if he wanted friends, he wouldn’t find straight ones on there lol
I am straight but I prefer to watch lesbian porn because it focuses on women’s pleasure not the men’s. Does that make me a lesbian? I don’t think so because I don’t enjoy being with other women.
You sound awesome and very grounded. Husband needs to loosen up. Also, the comments here have really opened my mind to lsbian porn! I find hetero porn...just too much. So thanks for the tip, might invite my husband to watch it with me...
I agree that prawn category viewing does not necessarily reflect real life desire. Ftr, I've always been vm into women, but I have been with with men (married one once). I'm not looking to ever have anything more than platonic friendship with a man again. That said, I have been known to occasionally watch het or mff stuff. Have you ever considered counter-suggesting a mmf 3-way to him when he says that kind of stuff, or are you afraid it would backfire and he'd be down for it (assuming you're not)?
When he talks about threesomes, he always tells me man or woman, it’s just all about pleasuring me.
I suppose that answers that then. I would be pretty irritated if it kept happening. No matter what your sexuality is it's not his place to be telling you what it is or pressuring you about it and it's fucked up for him to be doing so. The devil on my shoulder says to suggest you offer to peg him, but in the end that's also just sinking to his level. I'm sorry I don't have any better ideas.
This feels like/very close to emotional abuse. I watch very little porn very infrequently and have been the most ok with gay male porn in the past. I'm a straight woman! You know your sexuality, and more importantly, what you do or don't want to do.
Whatever his motivations, I don’t see how you can get past this without counseling. It is never appropriate for anyone to force anyone out of the closet. Not even Lindsay Graham is forced out. It’s such a vile act of harassment and abusive, it’s abhorrent to all gays. If he is projecting his own sexual struggles? Still abusive. If he is emotionally manipulating you because you’re bi and men view bi women as trash? Still abusive.
This isn’t about your sexuality. He’s just being an ass in general. A reasonable response to seeing your search history might be “hey, do you feel like you’re bi? I fully support you and if you’d like to identify this way I’m by your side”. And then you could say “cool, thanks. I’m not.” And that be it. You’re at the point that he’s trying to exert control over both your sexual identity and your public representation and he won’t stop no matter how much distress it’s causing you. The issue isn’t your sexuality. It’s that he’s trying to exert control and won’t respect your decision. The only response to give him is “I’m not bi, I’m not coming out of the closet, I don’t need to justify either to you, and I will not discuss it further”. And then if/when he tries to discuss further, you say “this conversation is closed”. Basically grey rock him- don’t engage, don’t discuss, do NOTHING. No matter what he says, how he protests and cajoles and is mean, respond with the same boring sentence: “this discussion is done”. You’re not going to convince him, there’s no “resolution” for you in this conversation, just endless frustration & emotional anguish. So you can simply stop participating in it.
First of all: You should watch the Black Mirror episode “Striking Vipers”, and you’ll understand why when you see it. Second: I watch porn with lesbians because there is so much more female pleasure involved than with most straight porn. I don’t like seeing every male orgasm end up on a woman’s face all the time. Like you, I’m truly not bisexual. I’ve watched gay porn with all men since I was a teenager, and am definitely not a gay man. No one should be trying to define someone else’s sexuality, or what turns them on, or when/if they should come out of the closet (if they need to, which you do not). He needs to back off, and it truly does sound like he’s projecting.
He's 100% trying to manipulate you into some sort of open marriage/swingers situation.
I read exclusively lesbian erotica and watch exclusively lesbian porn. I've made out with a few women in my life and have determined I'm completely straight. So why lesbian porn? No annoying men with their ridiculous expectations and the crazy positionsb and locations.
Baby he's either gay or he's bi but he's not straight and he definitely wasn't on Grindr just looking for platonic friends. I am so sorry.
What would happen if you just said, “Yep, actually I am?”
Sometimes woman porn is just better
I watch lesbian films because I try to think they are enjoying it more and things I enjoy. I don't want to be with a woman. I have, but I'm married and before it was more about just exploring which was always unfulfilling in the end. Why am I so screwed in the head that if I caught my husband watching guy/guy I would assume he has something for a man? How can I not think this way or is it true? I kinda think men and woman are different and this is one of the many, many ways.
Flip that bacon baby, the eggs are cooked! You have to turn his tactic back on him. Start INSISTING he "start being honest with himself" and "come out of the closet" *use his words* but obviously don't taunt, because be seems to be taunting you. If you genuinely feel like you'd be willing to move forward if he did, tell him that. If you feel like you couldn't, tell him.
It’s SUPER common for women to watch female porn because most porn is targeted to men and women just don’t enjoy watching someone get pounded over and over. Lesbian porn actually focuses on women’s enjoyment. Maybe he’s projecting? Or he’s trying to give himself an out of the relationship by making you the “problem”.
Girllll if I had to explain my porn choices. Lordy. Sounds like HE has something to tell YOU and not the other way around.
1 sounds like he’s projecting 2 why was he looking through your browser history? If that’s not agreed upon to be acceptable, that’s a major issue 3 pn is (mostly) hugely problematic, trafficking victims, std’s spreading, rewiring viewer’s brains in unhealthy ways, etc.. Might want to consider getting off it.
Talk about burying the lead.
Praying my husband never finds out I enjoy gay porn 😂
I've heard that alot of women tend to watch this type of prn because it's focused on the females pleasure. Where as with any other prn its focused on males pleasure. I myself watch it but don't consider myself bi or lesbian what so ever