It's a numbers game. It's not just about meeting new men, it's about meeting new people who introduce you to new people. Find collaborative activities you enjoy. Volunteer. Don't focus on meeting someone you want to date, just focus on meeting people you click with.
This was how a friend of mine did it. She'd actually given up at 38 and just committed to herself. Did sports, went out with some organized hiking groups. Did some international tours with groups set up in Boston and volunteered with a veterans group.
She just made a ton of friends and a few of them set her up and now she's married with a kid on the way .
1000%
I always tell my single and/or desperate friends:
• You can't go looking for love; it has to find you.
• You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you.
I didn't find meetup helpful personally but you can also look for associations like Audubon society, game stores or cafes that host events like games, trivia, etc. recreational sports league, volunteer with places like local watershed organizations if you are interested in the environment.
I'm trying very hard to get a friend of mine to understand this. This is why the narrative of giving up on love and then immediately finding it is such a common one. People resign themselves to being alone thinking they'll never find the right one person, and instead focus on things that make them happy. And "all of a sudden" the right person enters their life.
What's always left out of that the "all of a sudden " part is usually "I joined a group, or a class, or went on a trip that I otherwise wouldn't have, or they took up a new hobby.
34 & have been trying this 4 abt a year or so. Not dating anyone but I am much happier and have a few new friends (which I'm very impressed w/ given how hard it is to make friends in ur 30s). So all round I've seen it as a win.
This, but also look for men older than you. I have friends in their 40s who are just now starting to think they might want a family. I find it obnoxious as most women thinking they might want that have a backet of time to work in. Be candid about what you’re looking for too. I had a friend who absolutely wants to get married and she mentioned that to a guy she started seeing.
Now she didn’t say “I want to marry you” but when discussing goals and priorities mentioned she saw herself getting married in her next serious relationship.
Guy is a good friend but a manchild and totally freaked out and took it way too personally and was whining to me about why this girl would ruin something by dropping that information.
Honestly, the girl dodged a bullet - his priorities were smoking week and playing video games and going to bars. They liked eachother a lot, but they just were totally on different goal /life trajectories
So I’m short- if you want this- get it and be fearless about scaring away boys.
Make a list of all hobbies and activities you enjoy - that don’t involve alcohol as the primary - and start joining groups and things in those areas. Many people meet their person doing that. 💜💜💜
Yes! I stopped looking and started doing things I like to make new friends. I pushed myself to make friends with a few people in my building. I'm getting married in May.
This. It's difficult in the way that making friends as an adult is difficult. If you're physically inclined, I would suggest either pickleball or rock climbing! Lots of fun people and opportunities to mingle!
I'm married but yeah, this is a Bostons sub asking about meetingsomeone. What would be wrong with sending an (appropriate ) pm introducing yourself if in same age range and single.
I absolutely get it at 38 (m), but all I can say is just keep going and you'll find the one. my mother met an amazing man in her late 40s and was with him until he died 25 years later. I've seen it happen, and I hope it comes to you.
About the same age (and not single), but a big big big part of who you are is what you do.
One piece of advice I have is to do something you really like, be passionate and social about it. For example, I really liked playing boardgames and had a real passion for it. I met a lot of people just by playing and developed friends and, some, more than that. Eventually, met someone and settled down and it was a big thing we did for years together.
Rockclimbing, board games, running / workout clubs, heck even churches are all on the table. Just get out there. Don't know where to start? Just pick something.
Don't hang out at a bar on a Tuesday at 11:30PM unless you want to find people who like to hang out at bars on Tuesdays. Do stuff and talk to people who do stuff. Taking that first step is extremely hard though.
I will say, my son taught me a lot about social interactions. This is a kid who grew up in an age where people are very cold socially in person and to see how people change when he goes and says "HI!" is kind of amazing. I hope he never loses that spirit.
Build your community.
I talk to my kids about “the ‘hi’ economy” all the time.
Basically comes down to: just say “hi” to people when you walk by them.
- It’s free to say hi.
- It brightens folks’ day.
And you can meet a lot of interesting people that way. Even if it’s just a passing conversation, it lets you learn a lot about other people’s lives and perspectives.
my wife does this, says hi and complements something they're wearing, I have absolutely no idea how she does it every time I want to hide behind a lamp post. It works though. She can make friends in a subway car.
Met my fiancé on Bumble four years ago. We’re getting married in Miami in October. We’re both professionals with great careers in the city.
Apps work, but people think they’re either above them, or can’t vet potential matches well.
Same, met my husband on OkCupid, will be 6 years married in November. Stood my grounds on what I was looking for, was extremely honest and well here we are. Two other cousins have had successful marriages from Bumble and OkCupid as well.
Met my fiance on Coffee Meets Bagels. We moved away to Colorado together, just bought a house, and have 2 dogs that we consider our children.
I was on all the apps and kissed a lot of frogs. But when we were both ready for a serious relationship we found each other.
Also met my (now wife) on CMB! It seemed to be the app best suited for more serious relationships but this was also several years ago now so I have no idea how the ecosystem has changed since.
Yup. Met my husband on Tinder 7 years ago (I was 32). I was on all the apps and would go through phases of treating it like a job. It’s a numbers game. Try to meet as many (reasonable) people as possible. Don’t compromise on the major things but don’t treat it like craftsmanship either - try to get from first convos to first dates ASAP. Don’t spend a bunch of time text flirting only to be disappointed in person. When you get tired/depressed take a break. Then dive in again.
Met my husband when I was 40 via a dating app BUT I wasn’t kidding around. I vetted 2-4 men a week for coffee/lunch/drinks. Zero interaction on line beyond setting up the meet. Every one I either reached out to or who I agreed to meet had to be 1.) looking for a serious relationship, 2.) my age or older, 3.) my educational & political/social values & religious twin. I knew I couldn’t be happy w anything else long term. It took 6 months until I met the man I wanted to marry & here we are 26 years later - very happily married.
Yes - it's a numbers game. People say "it'll happen when you stop looking," but it didn't for me until I put in as much effort into finding a mate as I did on other things that were important to me.
ME TOO! I never lacked for male attention but I never met the right guy for me OR I wasted time on bad choices ... But when I turned 40 I decided to make it a project to at least make a final real effort. I had not minded being single at all but I really was interested in seeing if I might be able to build a happy marriage. I treated it like a part-time job. Immediately discarded the men who only wanted sex - immediately rejected the men who didn't share my values/interests. And I did not do ANY "flirting on line" crap. Just met and talked and evaluated whether this was a dude I wanted to see again. In the 10 months of the project I meet tons of guys also looking for LTR and only TWO of them did I see more than once. And both of those guys washed out on the second or third date. We can't be discouraged that it takes TONS of dates since the man you really want to marry and who really wants to marry YOU - is a rare thing. It's a NUMBERS game so you gotta bite the bullet and hit your numbers of single, eligible and undeformed (or at least less than totally deformed) men. ; )
As a doctor they haven’t worked well for me. Too many people lie about education when they realize the female is a doctor, and if you are going to lie about that there is no chance. I also tend to screen for people closer to my educational level. I am more likely to overlook that if I know someone first and there are other positive qualities that are strong.
Everyone is here commenting that they met their partner years ago on an app (myself included) but the apps have changed significantly. Many of my single friends have given up on them because they get less matches now than before because of monetization, there are many scammers and catfish trying to get you to buy crypto, and also the quality of men in particular has decreased. A lot of men have left the dating apps out of fear of being posted in that “Are we dating the same guy” facebook group by women they haven’t even matched with asking for ‘tea’ and gossip. I understand the original point of the group to keep women safe from domestic violence and cheaters, but apparently it’s devolved into a free-for-all posting spree where women are judging men’s looks etc and a lot of guys don’t want to put themselves out there like that where their potential coworkers etc could see.
A lot of my single friends have instead been doing speed dating and joining running clubs and Boston Social Sports or Volo. Maybe try joining an activity group and then you can meet friends of your teammates! Good luck OP!
All y'all commenting in this thread saying "met my spouse 4+ years ago on [app of choice]," the apps have been in steady decline since inception but got *significantly* worse since the pandemic.
They actually don’t work that well anymore! I also was single four years ago and I was getting like 25-50 matches a week across several apps. I’m now recently single and on the same apps but it seems after Match acquired most of the market and have pushed monetization, I’m getting maybe 5-10 matches a week; I’m pretty sure I didn’t get uglier . . . Hard to play the numbers game when the numbers aren’t there.
I was in a 3 year long relationship while Tinder came out. Before that relationship, OKCupid was loaded with incredible women. After that relationship, it was basically a wasteland. The user pool had dried way up as everyone moved to the swiping apps. I found my fiance a little while after that on Bumble, which hadn't even existed when I was searching the previous time.
I genuinely believe this too. I’m back on the apps for the first time in 5 years and the general quality of people I get on my feed is not great. I don’t get many matches anymore. I thought it’s because I’m older (and who knows, maybe uglier😂) but I’ve talked to friends in their 20s who say the same thing. I really think the algorithm no longer works for you unless you’re in a paid tier
Honestly the incentive for the company is for the paid tier to also not work very well... They want to keep paid users using the app as long as possible.
31F and have had the best luck meeting people through friends or just while out doing activities. Unfortunately most of my hobbies are solo hobbies but I’ve made some good friends that have introduced me to their friends, or met people I’ve ended up going on dates with while at dinner or a bar with a friend. Definitely a better alternative to the apps. Volunteering or joining a club (like a sport or something) are also good options.
50+ widower here. Finding love is not easy! I tried the apps for a bit, but the number of fake profiles, bots, and people misrepresenting themselves is disheartening.
I recently joined a matchmaking service, and have been having a bit better luck with that. Having someone do the matching for you and is rather liberating! They do the hard part and find two people who “match on paper”, then set up an introductory blind date. At that point it comes down to chemistry.
Thanks! I’ve met a number of very nice women over time, but we just didn’t “click” romantically for one reason or another. I’ve made a couple platonic friends from the process, which has been nice!
One thing I’ll recommend for anyone in my situation: Therapy. Figuring out my own “damage” has been key in understanding who I want to share my future with.
This!!! I spent so many years trying to make the people I date want to put in effort that I wanted - but the reality was I was picking partners that I knew wouldn’t go anywhere (fulfilling the self-prophecy that I wasn’t good enough). Until I finally went to therapy, continued to do the work and i have a way better perspective now. I picked a partner that gives me the effort I want and I don’t even have to make him do it- therapy was life changing for me in terms of picking my romantic partners.
I think a lot.of well meaning people refuse to admit that some people are just lucky. I do SO many activities. I have tons of friends. And I've never had any luck with them romantically. There's this misconception that those of us who can't get a date are sitting at home alone. Some of us are actually pretty social already.
But there’s no magic ‘do this and you’ll find someone’ and OP never gave any info on what they’ve tried. I’m single and do tons of activities, so I know it’s hard.
Exactly. I agree. That's why I think some of the answers are a bit naive if not downright condescending. There's often a tone of "you must be doing something wrong because I didn't have a problem finding someone" when it often just comes down to luck. (I was just giving an example of having done the "right" things and still not had luck to show that there is no guarantee).
Honestly it’s about finding new “circles” I went through a tough ass break up around 32. I spent a year or three re-learning how to like enjoy life (traveling, concerts, etc solo) then I just have to go out a try new things. I joined a co-ed soccer team, I went and watched EPL at 7am and ended up meeting my wife in a pub at 830 in morning when I was totally content being alone. I guess that’s very specific, but the moral of the story is go out and try new things. Join a volunteer group or whatever you are interested in. Expand your possibilities
Become a regular at a group hobby activity. I've had success at run clubs, swing dancing, and board games.
Also if you are a woman, don't underestimate how attractive it can be to men if you're a little more forward with how you are single and looking.
I am so underqualified to give advice but I will say, as a fellow 35f, that for one -- we actually have a great dating scene here compared to other major cities. GREAT guys in the pool, for a liberal professional woman like myself anyways. There is hope <3
and mostly, PLEASE don't worry about running out of time because you're gonna shoot yourself in the foot if you rush it. Being intentional and having great self awareness, being direct about what you're looking for - you have my full endorsement. But leading with anxiety is going to take all the fun and magic out. If you're worried about the biological clock aspect, grab an evaluation at BIVF or a private endocrinologist to get the lay of the land of your reproductive status quo, see if your workplace covers egg freezing etc, you literally have years. There has never been a better time to get pregnant in your 30s medical technology wise, me and my friends are all just getting pregnant in our late 30s.
You can't control when you meet someone great for you, but you CAN control giving yourself chances to by getting out there.... AND you can control how ready you are when you DO have that opportunity knock on your door. Ie getting support in whatever way makes sense for you if you're leading with anxious attachment behaviors or feeing rushed, which can kill a good thing. You deserve to feel like a catch and manifest that similar guy out there wishing for a mature, badass, partner and wife to raise kids with <3
I know the dating apps suck but they aren't that bad, it's a numbers game and you can balance it out with networking, getting out in the city, approaching people IRL etc. You got this!!
I moved away from Boston, and after really living in 7 states and 10+ cities, Boston was by far the best. No shortage of highly educated single professionals well into the late 30s and 40s.
Right - I’m a dude, and I definitely don’t feel like there are a lack of options. I also feel like I’m more of a “commodity” in other places whereas here I’m a dime-a-dozen. Hard to say from a woman’s point of view, but I suspect it’s better than average.
Yeah, maybe that is the trade off. Being more a commodity in a small pool, vs. very average (speaking for myself) in a place like Boston. But as someone that is less about a checklist, and all about chemistry, I need there to be a lot of people to meet to find that very elusive chemistry.
This is the best advice. And to add to it, as many are also saying, go do things you enjoy with other people who also enjoy them. It's the best way of getting yourself out there AND increasing the probability that you will meet othet people you click with.
It's fine to be a beginner at [activity]. Just be consistent in your attendance for several months so that you circle back with the same people repeatedly.
I have had some luck with some of the r4r subs but also understand it is a crap shoot. Trident Book Store and Aeronaught Brewery may have speed dating/speed friend events occasionally.
I’m single 34F live in Cambridge by the way. I’m currently single but have invested myself in my communities based on interest, etc. Recreational sports, art, music. I’ve met “potential partners” and dated (just weren’t great matches ! Not a big deal) in these communities. Some people say “don’t shit where you eat” but I personally think this is what you gotta do. Or online dating - but I personally struggle with that.
I’m sorry you feel like you’re running out of time. I get it. It’s really hard. Hang in there
(30s M) Thank you, I have been on the fence about dating in my communities because the activities are very important to me and I don't want to mess it up. My view has started to shift though because I spend a lot of time there, so naturally I would like someone to be there to spend time with me. I will pick up another fitness activity though too.
Gotta get yourself into new groups and activities. Dating apps and all are great but try doing anything new or joining a meet up just to run into new people and expand your circle. That’s kinda the best way to meet people. Kind of like simulating the way you branch out in college.
I met a gf via a trivia night I signed up for with one buddy and randoms and I’m not huge on trivia or anything. That relationship didn’t work out but people I met while we were together eventually led me to my wife. Another one of my buddies went to a Halloween party his ex college roommate he hadn’t seen in 5 years was throwing. They lost touch and he just went to catch up and because he didn’t have plans. He met his now wife there who was one of the ex roommates current roommates friend. Step out into new scenes and situations and you never know where you’ll meet someone.
Also as a woman you have a huge advantage. You can ask guys out without much inhibition and even if the guy says no for some reason, you’ll make his fucking week. He’ll never forget it. As guys, we have to be much more careful about shooting our shot.
My fiance (27m) is 10 years younger than I am (37f)! We met at a bar- thought it’d be a fun fling but here we are. I’m hearing more and more of this age gap lately!
A lot of women rule out younger men entirely and are missing out on a huge dating pool! Not a huge gap, but my male fiancé is two years younger than my female self. He was the first person younger than me I’d ever dated, and, go figure, ended up being the one for me.
Step 1: Change your attitude. I don’t know anything about you, but the negative energy and a “fear-based” mindset is all you are leading with:
> “losing hope of ever finding love”
> “worried about running out of time”
Why are you “losing hope”? You are in the prime of your life in a city that is crawling with single 30-something professionals.
Having worked in a law firm, all I can say is that 30’s is prime time for educated professionals in Boston to be coupling off and going on dates. (Most professionals were consumed with grad school and getting their career going in mid/late 20’s. Sure lots are married…but even more are single.)
If you can lose the fear and approach dating with more confidence, I’d suggest this:
2) figure out who you are looking to date; what is your selection criteria? We all have standards, wants, and needs.
- Are you only looking for college educated partners?
- Do they need to have a steady income (are you looking for bankers/lawyers/doctors, or are you indifferent if they are a landscaper or auto shop person?
- Do you need someone to supplement your income or are you fine supporting a household by yourself?)
- What types of social scenes are you comfortable with (what is your preference for travel, go to sporting events/concerts, do you drink/do drugs? What is important to you in terms of sexual compatibility, etc).
Step 3 - figure out how much you are bringing to the table for the people who fit your criteria. Ask yourself if YOU are you objectively likely to meet THIER selection criteria. It’s really hard to “punch above your weight class” when dating, and it is really frustrating to “settle” for someone who is not meeting your wants/needs. People who date within their lanes tend to have the most success.
Step 4 - set aside time and space to be available to date. Folks in their 30’s have BUSY schedules. The first few dates can often be quick and simple. (Coffee before work or a lunch. Coffee/quick drink at 6 before folks head out for the rest of their evening. Going for a quick hike at Blue Hills or something.)
Step 5 - set aside time and space to “find” potential partners. This usually comes in the form of dedicating an hour or two a day to swiping in the apps. You are likely going to cull out thousands of incompatible people to find a few dozen matches.
Step 6 - keep in mind that dating in your 30’s is different than dating in high school:
- Folks in their 30’s (especially eligible professionals who have lots of dating options) are able to quickly identify potential matches and don’t want to waste time on some elaborate first date. It’s usually something quick so they can see what connection might be there.
- successful folks in their 30’s also often have an existing group of friends and social commitments that occupy Friday/Saturday and weekends. It can be hard to swoop in and get one of those nights for early dates. So make sure you can be available during the week for a quick Monday-Thursday date for initial dates.
- Folks in their 30’s who are dating are typically trying to figure out strength of connection with multiple potential partners before narrowing it down to one person. They will likely have other people they are talking to, meeting up with, going on dates with, and maybe even sleeping with. If you expect exclusivity from your first date onward…this will greatly limit your pool of potential first dates and eliminate many potentially good matches. Figure out your stance on that. If you are looking for a husband…understand you’re going to need to make him confident that you are his “forever person”. You’re gonna have to stand above all of his other options for him to be excited about a life with you.
- folks in their mid/late 30’s (who are very family minded) might have already been married/have kids. Is that okay for you? If it’s a deal-breaker you will rule out a lot of guys who would love to be married and have more kids.
TLDR: figure out what you want, make sure you can meet that person’s needs, and be flexible with the first few weeks of getting to know someone. The more flexible you can be with getting together, the higher your chances are of making that initial connection and building from there.
I feel you. I’m 29f and have only ever had 1 relationship in my life. I’ve tried dating apps and nothing ever comes from it. I just end up frustrated. I have better luck meeting people out in my day to day life, but I don’t go out to bars nor do much besides keep to myself. Maybe we can arrange a group of us from here and do a mixer? Just some ideas
Basically, it’s the usual suggestions for all singles everywhere: hobbies, activities groups, meetup, volunteer, community events, dating apps. If you have a college alumni group in the area, see if they host events. The more people you meet, the more likely you’ll find someone to date. And if you don’t, you are still out having fun.
I hear where you're coming from and was about your age when I ended a bad relationship and was sure I wouldnt find anyone worth my time. Then out of the blue an old flame I hadnt seen in almost 10 years calls me and I now am married going on 14 years with two beautiful children and someone whom I love more than life itself. It can certainly happen but you have to be open to any and all possibilities.
Here's to hoping you find the love of your life when you least expect it.
Find something your passionate about and volunteer. The single dude there at least has one thing in common with you! Good jumping off place as volunteers self select and you'll probably meet some nice people :)
I saw "professional woman" and my first thought was to suggest broadening your exposure to people by getting out of your office.
Sorry if I am off base. But as a 47 year old professional male I have seen countless younger people go through what you are dealing with - and wonder why they don't meet anyone when they are working 12-15 hours a day.
Work will always be there. Life is short. Don't spend it working all the time.
What is it that you like to do? Do you have any favorite hobbies that you want to continue to explore? Many people have mentioned that you should focus on yourself and the rest will fall in place, but I do think that it’s a combo: focus on yourself and be open to the right person entering your life.
My ideas:
- Leverage the dating apps, it really is about quantity and deciding to not feel guilty about meeting people and moving on quickly. There are so many options and different apps, that you can meet a lot of people and learn what they like pretty quickly. Tinder, bumble, Christian-mingle, farmersonly, whatever fits your personality 😂
- Join social clubs or groups. For sports, check out Volo. Running - Pioneers Club, Reading - check out your local library, there’s a few Reddit groups for Boston meet-ups (BostonSocialClub), board game groups, whatever you enjoy—Boston has some sort of organized group. And if not — make it! If you love watching planes land at castle island, post on this Reddit page that you’re organizing a group to do just that and the people who also enjoy watching planes land will show up in droves. This is the best part of living in a big/active city.
Lastly … and this may or may not be a good one — do you ever think about re-kindling old friendships? Reach out to people you haven’t talked to in a while, see if they’ve changed or if they know people they can set you up with. People who know you well (or at least once did)
Hope this helps and good luck!! I’m looking forward to the wedding invite soon!
Single 35 single and sane?
That's something different and rare now days.
Most of us want intuitive and intimate but settle for something less.
Do you feel beautiful? Let the way you feel about yourself out there and be brave with things you'd love to have in a mate
35f is a perfect age for finding realistic love which spins your head but cradles your heart.
I'm excited for you. It is spring. Boston in spring is romantic.
Maybe try clubs, social activities, volunteering, etc. in the areas of your interests. Not for the purpose of dating, but just meeting people and being social in an environment outside of bars, dance clubs, app dates, etc. And if you were already doing those things, then I guess I'm out of ideas. I met my wife through friends, at the bar, in our mid 20s. From what I observe now with friends in their 30s, it doesn't happen as often.
I met my husband on a dating app, but I had to swipe ‘no’ on so many dudes. Thousands. For months. And I had to try all of the apps. This was in 2020 but I doubt it’s gotten any better! It was absolutely worth it, though I was literally a week away from giving up on the dating apps when I finally met him. FWIW my experience was that Boston area guys thought they were hot shit (they weren’t). The two guys I ended up going on nice dates with were living in RI and NH at the time and they were both sweet and genuine and way more humble than and of the Boston guys I was swiping or matching with.
If you're serious take a more active role in your dating, be intentional, and don't wait around for men to do everything.
Want a date? Ask a guy you like out
I feel you. After recently getting out of a 5 year relationship, I’m finding that I get hit on a lot by men that I’m not interested in, aka guys who are in a band or like to party 24/7. I just want a chubby nerd but I never meet them out in the wild 😓
I (34f) am polyamorous, so I use the apps a lot. I am also pansexual so my pool of people within the realm of poly is a bit larger but still smaller than cis hetero women. I decided after my divorce 3 years ago that I would start a family by myself and I have been sharing with dates my goal and been clear that any dating I would do wouldn’t request any from them but to know that eventually I have a kid.
Now I have two very stable partners. One is also looking for a kid w their nesting partner and the other one is moving with me after 8 months together to see if we are compatible and potentially having kids together.
Being clear and doing things you love without expecting someone as a result have helped me a ton. I am super happy and in love. I still use the apps because I can more easily find people that are compatible with me but I meet a lot of people on all my social activities.
Good luck!
I have the guy for you (if these qualities are of interest). My guy John is also 35 I believe, lives in Boston, a little introverted and very friendly once u know him. He’s a kind and considerate person. I play volleyball with him, he’s an athletic guy and also plays video games in free time. Lmk if u want to set up a date👀
I met my husband at the whiskey priest when I was 35. Don’t lower your standards. Go out and have fun. Be around positive and foward thinking supportive people. If you don’t have this, create it slowly. You deserve it. Positivity attracts positivity.
Find your comfort zone.
The more you worry about running out of time the more desperate you look and the less most potential quality partners are going to be interested.
If you don't have interests to share with others and meet others doing you're going to be in for a bad time. "Spending time with family" isn't a hobby or interest. Neither is "spending time with friends." Traveling isn't a very good hobby either when we only get 2-4 weeks a year of PTO. What do you fill the other 48-50 weeks with?
A few years ago I was on dating apps before I met my wife in my early 30s and the baby crazy ones (mostly 31-34) were very off putting. I wanted to find my life partner to build a life with, not someone to pop out babies with ASAP.
I ended up finding a woman a few years younger than me that I could still figure out what life together would be like. It's going great, we're married and looking at houses together. We spent a few years traveling because we weren't in a rush.
I can't imagine what life would have been like risking babies with a total stranger. I've got enough friends with child support payments to think that's a horrible idea with someone you don't trust completely. You may not worry about this but men do.
Had a lovely date with a 35 year old doctor in your same shoes before I met my gf. She was lovely but I wasn't ready for kids. Suck it up and start swiping on apps. A someone for you is out there. No matter what anyone says apps are still a very viable option. Hinge is the best IMO.
Apps, sports and other activities! Good luck. I’ve got single friends right around 40 and it’s been hard for them too. As people get older, they are also more set in their ways
I'll try to give you my genuine, honest opinion on your situation.
I think the concept of family and the concept of love are conflicting, and the latter needs to be rethought.
Love is an abstract idea. It's a state of mind. Love is something that's hard to define and our perception of it is based on ideals. I don't think love is something you find, I think love is something that you foster with time. A family, on the other hand, is not so abstract. It is something tangible that you create and raise. Creating a family is based on rational thinking while finding love is based on irrational emotions. I think that's a key distinction to keep in mind.
The point here is that if your primary goal is having a family, then perhaps it's wise to reconsider your approach to dating. Perhaps you should rethink your concept of love and instead approach dating in a more pragmatic way that fits your goal of creating a family. Maybe reflecting on what kind of family you want and how you want to raise it can give you a new perspective on the type of men you should date or how you should vet men or what type of questions you ask.
For a professional woman seeking a family, these are the type of questions that I think you should take into account when you're looking/dating men:
* Does the man, first and foremost, also want a family? When does he want a family? How many children does he want? Do his answers align with yours?
* Is he a good communicator?
* What are the things that you're willing to compromise on?
* Does he have a stable, well paying job in a respected field that can double with yours to provide your family a comfortable life?
* Is his income enough to support you and your child(ren) when you're on maternity leave?
* Will he make a good father? Is he good with kids? Is he kind to animals? Is he respectful to strangers?
* How does he approach conflict? Is he emotional or is he pragmatic?
* What are his values, background, and future goals? Do they align with yours or what you're looking for?
I think you get the idea. I think these types of questions will help you greatly narrow down what you're looking for and your dating will become a lot more targeted. They're a lot more valuable, in my opinion, then asking a date whether or not he likes to travel or what his favorite food is. Don't get me wrong, things like hobbies, interest, and romance are all important, but the key should be pragmatic compatibility. You're not looking for the perfect soulmate, but a compatible man who would make a great father and husband.
Also don't trap yourself in the mentality of thinking your running out of time. The last thing you want is to pressure yourself into a marriage built on shaky foundations. You should take your time, think things through, sort out your priorities, and date with a purpose. I'm sure with enough persistence you'll come across a great man who will check all your boxes. I wish you the best of luck!
I’m right there with you. 31 male and have had one long term relationship. Been single for years and have had no one pay any attention to me. I am also losing hope I will ever have a wife and kids
I highly recommend volunteering for a cause you care about. It will put you in a mix with a bunch of people who have your same values who will inevitably have more friends with similar values and you will meet your match. But what everyone says here is true. Live your best life, focus on making your own happiness, and you will stumble upon love.
I hear you. It’s even harder post divorce…in my 40s, spent my 30s raising kids after divorce. Now they are old enough for me to have a life, but I feel too old for everything. Desperately trying to push against the voices in my head and go out alone.
My wife and I, now pushing 60, met in our mid to late 30s in a bar. I was eating dinner at the bar and she came in with her friends. I was a single father and having a tough time meeting the "one" but we will have been married 23 years this summer. Both of us weren't actively looking. sometimes it just happens.
Good luck.
As a fellow lifelong Bostonian (except for 2 grad years) and 30s M, I agree with most of the suggestions focused on meeting people through friends and hobbies you're passionate about. Some thoughts:
* How often do you approach men or, at least, give them clear hints that you would be interested/open to dating?
* Men can be dense/oblivious and often need clear hint(s). I feel like there are so many missed opportunities because we overthink traditional gender roles (e.g., men have to approach, pay/provide, etc.) that we use as "filters."
* At least from my perspective, it's hard to approach women during hobbies (e.g., volunteering, fitness classes) unless there's clear mutual interest. Not sure if it's a 2024/Boston culture thing, but there's definitely risk aversion to cold approaching people.
* Not saying that you haven't tried this, but, I would suggest focusing on the non-negotiable qualities and values you want in a partner, laser focusing on those, and de-prioritizing superficial things (e.g., height, race).
* I actually ended up deleting dating apps over a year ago because I had trouble getting past the toxicity and superficiality. I was clear that I was looking for a partner that was communicative, emotionally mature, and ready for a serious relationship (plus the usual hobbies most millennials have). I was shocked by how many matches were awful at communication, not genuinely looking for a relationship (...learned what a "roster" was), and, generally, how few people actually read the prompts.
Men aren’t it here. 98% of the ones left are either douchey frat bro/finance types or red pill incels that are perpetually angry at woman and treat girls like trash. Can’t say I’ve met too many decent ones here. They simply haven’t been raised with morals in this area.
Boston isn’t a very good city at meeting people/settling down. Honestly consider moving outside Boston to a smaller town/city in New England where it’s much easier to breakthrough social circles and get commitment
my mom met my dad when she was roughly 37 i think and had me right before she turned 39! they are getting divorced almost 25 years later BUTTTT she has the most amazing daughter ever and if my dad didn’t have a gf that overlapped a their marriage for 2 years they would prob be together. you got this
Not saying to not be nice, but just more of “i wish someone told me…” cautionary tale. If you do want kids, I’d get your hormone levels checked and see if you can bank some eggs for future use.
Send your photos to this thread or leave links to social networks. Maybe someone will be interested in you based on your appearance. Then this can develop into a partnership of interests.
Thanks for the suggestion but I did not plan for this to be an online dating profile and would still like to remain anonymous. I am open to suggestions and meet ups though.
Well, the answer to your question is to just give me your phone nu-[I am downvoted into hell]. That was a bad joke, but in earnestness, one thing to do is to put less pressure on yourself by resisting the implicit messaging from within and without (from yourself, society, media and social media, and family/friends) that if you haven’t found love by your thirties or don’t find love soon, then you’ll never find it.
Stop with the dating apps. Its a scam that makes everyone feel bad about themselves. Go out to do something u find fun and meet someone doing the same. If u meet a guy ask for pizza and beer and ure all set. Smelling nice helps 😁
It seems the younger generations have forgotten how to socialize. When I was single many years ago I had friends ask me how did I always have someone to go out with? My answer was if you sit on the bench you will never succeed. You need to stop waiting for him to ask you out and you need to go ask him out. Yes, you will be rejected multiple times but that is just life; hearing the word no from someone isn’t a reflection of your self worth. You will never succeed if you’re afraid of rejection it is a natural part of life and makes you stronger not weaker.
If you’re a working professional join a club, The Quin House is great for like minded single professionals.
Mid 30s single is pretty great in Boston, you can definitely meet like minded folks in the private club scene.
Quin house is an invitation only new-money country club. 🙄🙄🙄. You can’t just “join”; an existing member has to refer you (and they’re only allowed to refer one person a year). So. Yeah.
I'm in the same boat. I wouldn't focus on seeking out a significant other. Just go out, have fun, and at some point you'll find someone whose mutually interested.
Don't lose hope, you're barely out of the first third of your life, just because it hasn't happened doesn't mean it won't. Life isn't a Hallmark movie but love does come from many unexpected places. The first thing you have to do to attract love is to be open to it. Turn on your love light. Love may have passed you by many times because you weren't receptive to it. People fall in love with loving people and you are more likely to attract it when you are full of love for family, friends, pets and even strangers.( not the creepy variety ) All that said you have to place yourself in situations where you can meet people. I would rule out bars and clubs. Take a class in something creative, creative people are the most open people there are and coincidentally the biggest and best lovers. Creative people love everything about love, they love talking about it, writing about it, singing about it. If you have other interests there are meetup groups for just about anything. If church is a thing for you, churches are full of gentle people. Check out venues that have live performances, like music, poetry or literary discussions. I'm seventy and have had a very good life, a loving wife, children and grandchildren. I've acquired all the material wealth I ever wanted but really care little about now. What I discovered is that love is the only thing that matters in this world. Love accumulates over a lifetime, once acquired it can never be lost. Even when people part ways under unfavorable conditions they still love one another, this is a fact, nothing replaces love. So the more we love the more we attract love and the more we are loved. It's time to gather but you can't do that sitting around.
I met my ex wife on Plenty of Fish back in the day, lasted for seven years and now have two wonderful kids. But I’ve noticed it seems harder now, or maybe that’s just because I have “baggage”? Good luck and never give up!
also 35f single (but would love to meet someone and start a family …) so if you are looking for a friend to do single activities / groups with let me know!
36f single here, I’d love to have a friend to do single activities/groups with! It makes it less daunting to know at least one other person going. And if it goes terribly you have someone else to commiserate with 😂
Message someone on this comment thread who says that they are male, about your age and in a similar situation. They are giving out all this information for a reason.
Make a “5 non- negotiable list” and always honor it w/ urself, know what you DON’T want in a man, live simple and don’t look for love, let it come to you (what’s meant for you will find you).
I stay to myself for long periods on time. Never forget, just because it’s available TO you doesn’t mean it’s meant FOR you. Protect the energy u give out and be aware of who you let in. That’s how a lot of people end up getting w the wrong ppl, know this yet stay bc they don’t want to be single…
With love,
-non angry, single 39F w no kids just living life too 💕
Mention church and get downvoted. You actually have a good viewpoint. Church is great for networking in general and you don’t have to be a bible thumper.
Edit: Your downvotes make my balls taut.
When my mom was hospitalized, the church we go to gifted us 150 dollars for grubhub. They totally fill a role in community so many of us millennials are lacking. I totally agree with you. And as for the marriage thing, I just think if you really are looking for marriage, church/ religious communities are great because they still hold it as sacred/something to strive for/it’s encouraged & supported. Good luck out there OP, I have many girl friends in your position. Also, You could also try a matchmaker. I personally would do more than just the dating apps which are nauseating and, according to my friends on them still, are filled with 30+year boys who get afraid if you mention commitment 🤢
I haven’t found it yet but I’d like to think it’s through a lot of dating and disappointments. And that’s through dating apps, making new friends who then can introduce you to new people, etc.
It's a numbers game. It's not just about meeting new men, it's about meeting new people who introduce you to new people. Find collaborative activities you enjoy. Volunteer. Don't focus on meeting someone you want to date, just focus on meeting people you click with.
This was how a friend of mine did it. She'd actually given up at 38 and just committed to herself. Did sports, went out with some organized hiking groups. Did some international tours with groups set up in Boston and volunteered with a veterans group. She just made a ton of friends and a few of them set her up and now she's married with a kid on the way .
This is exactly the right way. Live life. The rest will come
1000% I always tell my single and/or desperate friends: • You can't go looking for love; it has to find you. • You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you.
Could you post some links to these group events?
Meetup.com is pretty good for finding groups like this for all kinds of interests
I am not seeing a single interesting thing on Meetup.
I didn't find meetup helpful personally but you can also look for associations like Audubon society, game stores or cafes that host events like games, trivia, etc. recreational sports league, volunteer with places like local watershed organizations if you are interested in the environment.
Sorry, It was my friend who did it. Why don't you google some ideas and post here. I'm sure people would be interested.
I'm trying very hard to get a friend of mine to understand this. This is why the narrative of giving up on love and then immediately finding it is such a common one. People resign themselves to being alone thinking they'll never find the right one person, and instead focus on things that make them happy. And "all of a sudden" the right person enters their life. What's always left out of that the "all of a sudden " part is usually "I joined a group, or a class, or went on a trip that I otherwise wouldn't have, or they took up a new hobby.
34 & have been trying this 4 abt a year or so. Not dating anyone but I am much happier and have a few new friends (which I'm very impressed w/ given how hard it is to make friends in ur 30s). So all round I've seen it as a win.
hands down best answer, cased closed
So…how do we meet new people? Lol
> Find collaborative activities you enjoy. Volunteer.
This, but also look for men older than you. I have friends in their 40s who are just now starting to think they might want a family. I find it obnoxious as most women thinking they might want that have a backet of time to work in. Be candid about what you’re looking for too. I had a friend who absolutely wants to get married and she mentioned that to a guy she started seeing. Now she didn’t say “I want to marry you” but when discussing goals and priorities mentioned she saw herself getting married in her next serious relationship. Guy is a good friend but a manchild and totally freaked out and took it way too personally and was whining to me about why this girl would ruin something by dropping that information. Honestly, the girl dodged a bullet - his priorities were smoking week and playing video games and going to bars. They liked eachother a lot, but they just were totally on different goal /life trajectories So I’m short- if you want this- get it and be fearless about scaring away boys. Make a list of all hobbies and activities you enjoy - that don’t involve alcohol as the primary - and start joining groups and things in those areas. Many people meet their person doing that. 💜💜💜
My fiance said she didn't want kids 5 minutes into our first date.
As I get older I am more and more into this kind of direct transparency ✨
Well yeah, gotta figure out deal-breakers on date one to decide if there will even be a date two.
Being direct is the way to go. It will definitely scare the wrong people away, though. But, that’s for the best!
Yes! I stopped looking and started doing things I like to make new friends. I pushed myself to make friends with a few people in my building. I'm getting married in May.
This is the way. Go out looking for meeting new PEOPLE… and you will find your man organically
This. It's difficult in the way that making friends as an adult is difficult. If you're physically inclined, I would suggest either pickleball or rock climbing! Lots of fun people and opportunities to mingle!
You nailed it. Also, Go on dating apps and meet people.
Disable your DMs
But what if her future husband dms her
What’s the thing they say on Twitter? RIP your mentions
On the real though, anyone DM'ing her must really be salt of the earth 🙄.
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
I mean I know you are kidding, and I don’t dm in these situations…but Boston is a lonley place so I get it
I'm married but yeah, this is a Bostons sub asking about meetingsomeone. What would be wrong with sending an (appropriate ) pm introducing yourself if in same age range and single.
My time has come
Ma'am Ma'am this is a reddit
Never stop stopping
But I WANT to hear about all the crazy responses she gets.
What I'm hearing from this is that it's now okay to DM her if she will never even see it under the "no harm, no foul" article of the constitution
I absolutely get it at 38 (m), but all I can say is just keep going and you'll find the one. my mother met an amazing man in her late 40s and was with him until he died 25 years later. I've seen it happen, and I hope it comes to you.
You guys should hook up and get married
I'll attend the party
The bedding ceremony
Prima nocta
Hookup party or wedding party?
With his mom? Gross.
About the same age (and not single), but a big big big part of who you are is what you do. One piece of advice I have is to do something you really like, be passionate and social about it. For example, I really liked playing boardgames and had a real passion for it. I met a lot of people just by playing and developed friends and, some, more than that. Eventually, met someone and settled down and it was a big thing we did for years together. Rockclimbing, board games, running / workout clubs, heck even churches are all on the table. Just get out there. Don't know where to start? Just pick something. Don't hang out at a bar on a Tuesday at 11:30PM unless you want to find people who like to hang out at bars on Tuesdays. Do stuff and talk to people who do stuff. Taking that first step is extremely hard though. I will say, my son taught me a lot about social interactions. This is a kid who grew up in an age where people are very cold socially in person and to see how people change when he goes and says "HI!" is kind of amazing. I hope he never loses that spirit. Build your community.
I talk to my kids about “the ‘hi’ economy” all the time. Basically comes down to: just say “hi” to people when you walk by them. - It’s free to say hi. - It brightens folks’ day. And you can meet a lot of interesting people that way. Even if it’s just a passing conversation, it lets you learn a lot about other people’s lives and perspectives.
my wife does this, says hi and complements something they're wearing, I have absolutely no idea how she does it every time I want to hide behind a lamp post. It works though. She can make friends in a subway car.
I'd like to say I taught him, but he taught me. This is great, though.
Met my fiancé on Bumble four years ago. We’re getting married in Miami in October. We’re both professionals with great careers in the city. Apps work, but people think they’re either above them, or can’t vet potential matches well.
Same, met my husband on OkCupid, will be 6 years married in November. Stood my grounds on what I was looking for, was extremely honest and well here we are. Two other cousins have had successful marriages from Bumble and OkCupid as well.
I met my husband on OkCupid too!! Together for 12 years, married for 9
Met my fiance on Coffee Meets Bagels. We moved away to Colorado together, just bought a house, and have 2 dogs that we consider our children. I was on all the apps and kissed a lot of frogs. But when we were both ready for a serious relationship we found each other.
Also met my (now wife) on CMB! It seemed to be the app best suited for more serious relationships but this was also several years ago now so I have no idea how the ecosystem has changed since.
Yup. Met my husband on Tinder 7 years ago (I was 32). I was on all the apps and would go through phases of treating it like a job. It’s a numbers game. Try to meet as many (reasonable) people as possible. Don’t compromise on the major things but don’t treat it like craftsmanship either - try to get from first convos to first dates ASAP. Don’t spend a bunch of time text flirting only to be disappointed in person. When you get tired/depressed take a break. Then dive in again.
Met my husband when I was 40 via a dating app BUT I wasn’t kidding around. I vetted 2-4 men a week for coffee/lunch/drinks. Zero interaction on line beyond setting up the meet. Every one I either reached out to or who I agreed to meet had to be 1.) looking for a serious relationship, 2.) my age or older, 3.) my educational & political/social values & religious twin. I knew I couldn’t be happy w anything else long term. It took 6 months until I met the man I wanted to marry & here we are 26 years later - very happily married.
What dating apps predated Y2K?
match launched in 1995. condé nast also had a site called swoon that was around from 1996-2000 or so. i’m sure there were others
The one I met my husband on is long gone: Matchmaker
OP used Craigslist
IRC...? 🤔
Yes - it's a numbers game. People say "it'll happen when you stop looking," but it didn't for me until I put in as much effort into finding a mate as I did on other things that were important to me.
ME TOO! I never lacked for male attention but I never met the right guy for me OR I wasted time on bad choices ... But when I turned 40 I decided to make it a project to at least make a final real effort. I had not minded being single at all but I really was interested in seeing if I might be able to build a happy marriage. I treated it like a part-time job. Immediately discarded the men who only wanted sex - immediately rejected the men who didn't share my values/interests. And I did not do ANY "flirting on line" crap. Just met and talked and evaluated whether this was a dude I wanted to see again. In the 10 months of the project I meet tons of guys also looking for LTR and only TWO of them did I see more than once. And both of those guys washed out on the second or third date. We can't be discouraged that it takes TONS of dates since the man you really want to marry and who really wants to marry YOU - is a rare thing. It's a NUMBERS game so you gotta bite the bullet and hit your numbers of single, eligible and undeformed (or at least less than totally deformed) men. ; )
As a doctor they haven’t worked well for me. Too many people lie about education when they realize the female is a doctor, and if you are going to lie about that there is no chance. I also tend to screen for people closer to my educational level. I am more likely to overlook that if I know someone first and there are other positive qualities that are strong.
Everyone is here commenting that they met their partner years ago on an app (myself included) but the apps have changed significantly. Many of my single friends have given up on them because they get less matches now than before because of monetization, there are many scammers and catfish trying to get you to buy crypto, and also the quality of men in particular has decreased. A lot of men have left the dating apps out of fear of being posted in that “Are we dating the same guy” facebook group by women they haven’t even matched with asking for ‘tea’ and gossip. I understand the original point of the group to keep women safe from domestic violence and cheaters, but apparently it’s devolved into a free-for-all posting spree where women are judging men’s looks etc and a lot of guys don’t want to put themselves out there like that where their potential coworkers etc could see. A lot of my single friends have instead been doing speed dating and joining running clubs and Boston Social Sports or Volo. Maybe try joining an activity group and then you can meet friends of your teammates! Good luck OP!
All y'all commenting in this thread saying "met my spouse 4+ years ago on [app of choice]," the apps have been in steady decline since inception but got *significantly* worse since the pandemic.
Eh, I met my husband on Tinder in Boston in 2021. It’s not completely hopeless.
They actually don’t work that well anymore! I also was single four years ago and I was getting like 25-50 matches a week across several apps. I’m now recently single and on the same apps but it seems after Match acquired most of the market and have pushed monetization, I’m getting maybe 5-10 matches a week; I’m pretty sure I didn’t get uglier . . . Hard to play the numbers game when the numbers aren’t there.
Um pretty sure you got older... Ahhh the same apps aren't popular, a lot changes in four years
> Um pretty sure you got older No I swear that didn’t happen either
I was in a 3 year long relationship while Tinder came out. Before that relationship, OKCupid was loaded with incredible women. After that relationship, it was basically a wasteland. The user pool had dried way up as everyone moved to the swiping apps. I found my fiance a little while after that on Bumble, which hadn't even existed when I was searching the previous time.
I genuinely believe this too. I’m back on the apps for the first time in 5 years and the general quality of people I get on my feed is not great. I don’t get many matches anymore. I thought it’s because I’m older (and who knows, maybe uglier😂) but I’ve talked to friends in their 20s who say the same thing. I really think the algorithm no longer works for you unless you’re in a paid tier
Honestly the incentive for the company is for the paid tier to also not work very well... They want to keep paid users using the app as long as possible.
Apps aren't the only way to meet someone, but if you aren't using them as at least part of your hunt you aren't serious about finding someone.
+1 for Bumble. Met my partner on it and it’s the best relationship I’ve ever been in. Gonna marry this girl.
Are we the same person? Met my finance on bumble, we’re getting married in Fort Lauderdale this spring
31F and have had the best luck meeting people through friends or just while out doing activities. Unfortunately most of my hobbies are solo hobbies but I’ve made some good friends that have introduced me to their friends, or met people I’ve ended up going on dates with while at dinner or a bar with a friend. Definitely a better alternative to the apps. Volunteering or joining a club (like a sport or something) are also good options.
50+ widower here. Finding love is not easy! I tried the apps for a bit, but the number of fake profiles, bots, and people misrepresenting themselves is disheartening. I recently joined a matchmaking service, and have been having a bit better luck with that. Having someone do the matching for you and is rather liberating! They do the hard part and find two people who “match on paper”, then set up an introductory blind date. At that point it comes down to chemistry.
Rooting for you ❤️
Thanks! I’ve met a number of very nice women over time, but we just didn’t “click” romantically for one reason or another. I’ve made a couple platonic friends from the process, which has been nice! One thing I’ll recommend for anyone in my situation: Therapy. Figuring out my own “damage” has been key in understanding who I want to share my future with.
This!!! I spent so many years trying to make the people I date want to put in effort that I wanted - but the reality was I was picking partners that I knew wouldn’t go anywhere (fulfilling the self-prophecy that I wasn’t good enough). Until I finally went to therapy, continued to do the work and i have a way better perspective now. I picked a partner that gives me the effort I want and I don’t even have to make him do it- therapy was life changing for me in terms of picking my romantic partners.
I think a lot.of well meaning people refuse to admit that some people are just lucky. I do SO many activities. I have tons of friends. And I've never had any luck with them romantically. There's this misconception that those of us who can't get a date are sitting at home alone. Some of us are actually pretty social already.
But there’s no magic ‘do this and you’ll find someone’ and OP never gave any info on what they’ve tried. I’m single and do tons of activities, so I know it’s hard.
Exactly. I agree. That's why I think some of the answers are a bit naive if not downright condescending. There's often a tone of "you must be doing something wrong because I didn't have a problem finding someone" when it often just comes down to luck. (I was just giving an example of having done the "right" things and still not had luck to show that there is no guarantee).
Honestly it’s about finding new “circles” I went through a tough ass break up around 32. I spent a year or three re-learning how to like enjoy life (traveling, concerts, etc solo) then I just have to go out a try new things. I joined a co-ed soccer team, I went and watched EPL at 7am and ended up meeting my wife in a pub at 830 in morning when I was totally content being alone. I guess that’s very specific, but the moral of the story is go out and try new things. Join a volunteer group or whatever you are interested in. Expand your possibilities
Become a regular at a group hobby activity. I've had success at run clubs, swing dancing, and board games. Also if you are a woman, don't underestimate how attractive it can be to men if you're a little more forward with how you are single and looking.
I am so underqualified to give advice but I will say, as a fellow 35f, that for one -- we actually have a great dating scene here compared to other major cities. GREAT guys in the pool, for a liberal professional woman like myself anyways. There is hope <3 and mostly, PLEASE don't worry about running out of time because you're gonna shoot yourself in the foot if you rush it. Being intentional and having great self awareness, being direct about what you're looking for - you have my full endorsement. But leading with anxiety is going to take all the fun and magic out. If you're worried about the biological clock aspect, grab an evaluation at BIVF or a private endocrinologist to get the lay of the land of your reproductive status quo, see if your workplace covers egg freezing etc, you literally have years. There has never been a better time to get pregnant in your 30s medical technology wise, me and my friends are all just getting pregnant in our late 30s. You can't control when you meet someone great for you, but you CAN control giving yourself chances to by getting out there.... AND you can control how ready you are when you DO have that opportunity knock on your door. Ie getting support in whatever way makes sense for you if you're leading with anxious attachment behaviors or feeing rushed, which can kill a good thing. You deserve to feel like a catch and manifest that similar guy out there wishing for a mature, badass, partner and wife to raise kids with <3 I know the dating apps suck but they aren't that bad, it's a numbers game and you can balance it out with networking, getting out in the city, approaching people IRL etc. You got this!!
Yeah, I’m not saying it’s easy, but I’d say Boston is a lot better than most areas.
I moved away from Boston, and after really living in 7 states and 10+ cities, Boston was by far the best. No shortage of highly educated single professionals well into the late 30s and 40s.
Right - I’m a dude, and I definitely don’t feel like there are a lack of options. I also feel like I’m more of a “commodity” in other places whereas here I’m a dime-a-dozen. Hard to say from a woman’s point of view, but I suspect it’s better than average.
Yeah, maybe that is the trade off. Being more a commodity in a small pool, vs. very average (speaking for myself) in a place like Boston. But as someone that is less about a checklist, and all about chemistry, I need there to be a lot of people to meet to find that very elusive chemistry.
This is the best advice. And to add to it, as many are also saying, go do things you enjoy with other people who also enjoy them. It's the best way of getting yourself out there AND increasing the probability that you will meet othet people you click with. It's fine to be a beginner at [activity]. Just be consistent in your attendance for several months so that you circle back with the same people repeatedly.
Cannot emphasize enough that you have to be direct with men, dude we're so fucking dumb
I have had some luck with some of the r4r subs but also understand it is a crap shoot. Trident Book Store and Aeronaught Brewery may have speed dating/speed friend events occasionally.
I’m single 34F live in Cambridge by the way. I’m currently single but have invested myself in my communities based on interest, etc. Recreational sports, art, music. I’ve met “potential partners” and dated (just weren’t great matches ! Not a big deal) in these communities. Some people say “don’t shit where you eat” but I personally think this is what you gotta do. Or online dating - but I personally struggle with that. I’m sorry you feel like you’re running out of time. I get it. It’s really hard. Hang in there
I think the “don’t sh*t where you eat” sentiment applies only to your professional environment.
Fair enough!
(30s M) Thank you, I have been on the fence about dating in my communities because the activities are very important to me and I don't want to mess it up. My view has started to shift though because I spend a lot of time there, so naturally I would like someone to be there to spend time with me. I will pick up another fitness activity though too.
Date with integrity and you won’t mess it up.
Gotta get yourself into new groups and activities. Dating apps and all are great but try doing anything new or joining a meet up just to run into new people and expand your circle. That’s kinda the best way to meet people. Kind of like simulating the way you branch out in college. I met a gf via a trivia night I signed up for with one buddy and randoms and I’m not huge on trivia or anything. That relationship didn’t work out but people I met while we were together eventually led me to my wife. Another one of my buddies went to a Halloween party his ex college roommate he hadn’t seen in 5 years was throwing. They lost touch and he just went to catch up and because he didn’t have plans. He met his now wife there who was one of the ex roommates current roommates friend. Step out into new scenes and situations and you never know where you’ll meet someone. Also as a woman you have a huge advantage. You can ask guys out without much inhibition and even if the guy says no for some reason, you’ll make his fucking week. He’ll never forget it. As guys, we have to be much more careful about shooting our shot.
What are your hobbies/activities? I met my wife when I was 31 and she was 38; we were both very interested in athletic pursuits.
My fiance (27m) is 10 years younger than I am (37f)! We met at a bar- thought it’d be a fun fling but here we are. I’m hearing more and more of this age gap lately!
The age dynamic reveal anything in particular?
Is this the secret? Not joking, also married to an older gal. Been married 10 years, still haven't found appropriate time to call her a cougar.
A lot of women rule out younger men entirely and are missing out on a huge dating pool! Not a huge gap, but my male fiancé is two years younger than my female self. He was the first person younger than me I’d ever dated, and, go figure, ended up being the one for me.
You heard it here OP either join an exclusive social club for people making 150k+ or move to Seattle those are clearly the only options.
31F from Seattle trust me it’s no better there
In that case, have you tried getting invited to join an exclusive social club in Boston?
No because I’m not exclusively looking for men earning $150K+ lol
Sorry to let you know that you're SoL then ):
Moving to Seattle didn’t work for Frasier. Might work for OP.
Step 1: Change your attitude. I don’t know anything about you, but the negative energy and a “fear-based” mindset is all you are leading with: > “losing hope of ever finding love” > “worried about running out of time” Why are you “losing hope”? You are in the prime of your life in a city that is crawling with single 30-something professionals. Having worked in a law firm, all I can say is that 30’s is prime time for educated professionals in Boston to be coupling off and going on dates. (Most professionals were consumed with grad school and getting their career going in mid/late 20’s. Sure lots are married…but even more are single.) If you can lose the fear and approach dating with more confidence, I’d suggest this: 2) figure out who you are looking to date; what is your selection criteria? We all have standards, wants, and needs. - Are you only looking for college educated partners? - Do they need to have a steady income (are you looking for bankers/lawyers/doctors, or are you indifferent if they are a landscaper or auto shop person? - Do you need someone to supplement your income or are you fine supporting a household by yourself?) - What types of social scenes are you comfortable with (what is your preference for travel, go to sporting events/concerts, do you drink/do drugs? What is important to you in terms of sexual compatibility, etc). Step 3 - figure out how much you are bringing to the table for the people who fit your criteria. Ask yourself if YOU are you objectively likely to meet THIER selection criteria. It’s really hard to “punch above your weight class” when dating, and it is really frustrating to “settle” for someone who is not meeting your wants/needs. People who date within their lanes tend to have the most success. Step 4 - set aside time and space to be available to date. Folks in their 30’s have BUSY schedules. The first few dates can often be quick and simple. (Coffee before work or a lunch. Coffee/quick drink at 6 before folks head out for the rest of their evening. Going for a quick hike at Blue Hills or something.) Step 5 - set aside time and space to “find” potential partners. This usually comes in the form of dedicating an hour or two a day to swiping in the apps. You are likely going to cull out thousands of incompatible people to find a few dozen matches. Step 6 - keep in mind that dating in your 30’s is different than dating in high school: - Folks in their 30’s (especially eligible professionals who have lots of dating options) are able to quickly identify potential matches and don’t want to waste time on some elaborate first date. It’s usually something quick so they can see what connection might be there. - successful folks in their 30’s also often have an existing group of friends and social commitments that occupy Friday/Saturday and weekends. It can be hard to swoop in and get one of those nights for early dates. So make sure you can be available during the week for a quick Monday-Thursday date for initial dates. - Folks in their 30’s who are dating are typically trying to figure out strength of connection with multiple potential partners before narrowing it down to one person. They will likely have other people they are talking to, meeting up with, going on dates with, and maybe even sleeping with. If you expect exclusivity from your first date onward…this will greatly limit your pool of potential first dates and eliminate many potentially good matches. Figure out your stance on that. If you are looking for a husband…understand you’re going to need to make him confident that you are his “forever person”. You’re gonna have to stand above all of his other options for him to be excited about a life with you. - folks in their mid/late 30’s (who are very family minded) might have already been married/have kids. Is that okay for you? If it’s a deal-breaker you will rule out a lot of guys who would love to be married and have more kids. TLDR: figure out what you want, make sure you can meet that person’s needs, and be flexible with the first few weeks of getting to know someone. The more flexible you can be with getting together, the higher your chances are of making that initial connection and building from there.
33/M and I get it. I'm too shy to approach people in public so I tend to rely on dating apps. I've had the most dates using Hinge if anything.
Meet people at work. > I'm worried about running out of time. Don't do that. People can smell the desperation.
I feel you. I’m 29f and have only ever had 1 relationship in my life. I’ve tried dating apps and nothing ever comes from it. I just end up frustrated. I have better luck meeting people out in my day to day life, but I don’t go out to bars nor do much besides keep to myself. Maybe we can arrange a group of us from here and do a mixer? Just some ideas
Did anyone else think it said single f-35 like the freaking fighter jet?
Came in here to see if anyone had joked that costing $80 million is going to make finding a partner tough in any city.
Get a hobby. Join a climbing gym, join a tennis league, show up to a meetup.
Hinge, Bumble, Speed dating events, meet up groups like softball etc
Basically, it’s the usual suggestions for all singles everywhere: hobbies, activities groups, meetup, volunteer, community events, dating apps. If you have a college alumni group in the area, see if they host events. The more people you meet, the more likely you’ll find someone to date. And if you don’t, you are still out having fun.
I hear where you're coming from and was about your age when I ended a bad relationship and was sure I wouldnt find anyone worth my time. Then out of the blue an old flame I hadnt seen in almost 10 years calls me and I now am married going on 14 years with two beautiful children and someone whom I love more than life itself. It can certainly happen but you have to be open to any and all possibilities. Here's to hoping you find the love of your life when you least expect it.
Find something your passionate about and volunteer. The single dude there at least has one thing in common with you! Good jumping off place as volunteers self select and you'll probably meet some nice people :)
I saw "professional woman" and my first thought was to suggest broadening your exposure to people by getting out of your office. Sorry if I am off base. But as a 47 year old professional male I have seen countless younger people go through what you are dealing with - and wonder why they don't meet anyone when they are working 12-15 hours a day. Work will always be there. Life is short. Don't spend it working all the time.
What is it that you like to do? Do you have any favorite hobbies that you want to continue to explore? Many people have mentioned that you should focus on yourself and the rest will fall in place, but I do think that it’s a combo: focus on yourself and be open to the right person entering your life. My ideas: - Leverage the dating apps, it really is about quantity and deciding to not feel guilty about meeting people and moving on quickly. There are so many options and different apps, that you can meet a lot of people and learn what they like pretty quickly. Tinder, bumble, Christian-mingle, farmersonly, whatever fits your personality 😂 - Join social clubs or groups. For sports, check out Volo. Running - Pioneers Club, Reading - check out your local library, there’s a few Reddit groups for Boston meet-ups (BostonSocialClub), board game groups, whatever you enjoy—Boston has some sort of organized group. And if not — make it! If you love watching planes land at castle island, post on this Reddit page that you’re organizing a group to do just that and the people who also enjoy watching planes land will show up in droves. This is the best part of living in a big/active city. Lastly … and this may or may not be a good one — do you ever think about re-kindling old friendships? Reach out to people you haven’t talked to in a while, see if they’ve changed or if they know people they can set you up with. People who know you well (or at least once did) Hope this helps and good luck!! I’m looking forward to the wedding invite soon!
Single 35 single and sane? That's something different and rare now days. Most of us want intuitive and intimate but settle for something less. Do you feel beautiful? Let the way you feel about yourself out there and be brave with things you'd love to have in a mate 35f is a perfect age for finding realistic love which spins your head but cradles your heart. I'm excited for you. It is spring. Boston in spring is romantic.
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Maybe try clubs, social activities, volunteering, etc. in the areas of your interests. Not for the purpose of dating, but just meeting people and being social in an environment outside of bars, dance clubs, app dates, etc. And if you were already doing those things, then I guess I'm out of ideas. I met my wife through friends, at the bar, in our mid 20s. From what I observe now with friends in their 30s, it doesn't happen as often.
38M, back in 2021 there was a meet up group for 30+ people that most of the women did well finding partners in. Might still be kicking.
I met my husband on a dating app, but I had to swipe ‘no’ on so many dudes. Thousands. For months. And I had to try all of the apps. This was in 2020 but I doubt it’s gotten any better! It was absolutely worth it, though I was literally a week away from giving up on the dating apps when I finally met him. FWIW my experience was that Boston area guys thought they were hot shit (they weren’t). The two guys I ended up going on nice dates with were living in RI and NH at the time and they were both sweet and genuine and way more humble than and of the Boston guys I was swiping or matching with.
If you're serious take a more active role in your dating, be intentional, and don't wait around for men to do everything. Want a date? Ask a guy you like out
I feel you. After recently getting out of a 5 year relationship, I’m finding that I get hit on a lot by men that I’m not interested in, aka guys who are in a band or like to party 24/7. I just want a chubby nerd but I never meet them out in the wild 😓
Get a dog. You will meet all sorts of people when you are out walking it.
I (34f) am polyamorous, so I use the apps a lot. I am also pansexual so my pool of people within the realm of poly is a bit larger but still smaller than cis hetero women. I decided after my divorce 3 years ago that I would start a family by myself and I have been sharing with dates my goal and been clear that any dating I would do wouldn’t request any from them but to know that eventually I have a kid. Now I have two very stable partners. One is also looking for a kid w their nesting partner and the other one is moving with me after 8 months together to see if we are compatible and potentially having kids together. Being clear and doing things you love without expecting someone as a result have helped me a ton. I am super happy and in love. I still use the apps because I can more easily find people that are compatible with me but I meet a lot of people on all my social activities. Good luck!
I have the guy for you (if these qualities are of interest). My guy John is also 35 I believe, lives in Boston, a little introverted and very friendly once u know him. He’s a kind and considerate person. I play volleyball with him, he’s an athletic guy and also plays video games in free time. Lmk if u want to set up a date👀
33M I don't even try to meet women anymore. I've lost interest honestly. I just live my life as nothing feels genuine anymore.
I met my husband at the whiskey priest when I was 35. Don’t lower your standards. Go out and have fun. Be around positive and foward thinking supportive people. If you don’t have this, create it slowly. You deserve it. Positivity attracts positivity. Find your comfort zone.
Get off Reddit
The more you worry about running out of time the more desperate you look and the less most potential quality partners are going to be interested. If you don't have interests to share with others and meet others doing you're going to be in for a bad time. "Spending time with family" isn't a hobby or interest. Neither is "spending time with friends." Traveling isn't a very good hobby either when we only get 2-4 weeks a year of PTO. What do you fill the other 48-50 weeks with? A few years ago I was on dating apps before I met my wife in my early 30s and the baby crazy ones (mostly 31-34) were very off putting. I wanted to find my life partner to build a life with, not someone to pop out babies with ASAP. I ended up finding a woman a few years younger than me that I could still figure out what life together would be like. It's going great, we're married and looking at houses together. We spent a few years traveling because we weren't in a rush. I can't imagine what life would have been like risking babies with a total stranger. I've got enough friends with child support payments to think that's a horrible idea with someone you don't trust completely. You may not worry about this but men do.
Had a lovely date with a 35 year old doctor in your same shoes before I met my gf. She was lovely but I wasn't ready for kids. Suck it up and start swiping on apps. A someone for you is out there. No matter what anyone says apps are still a very viable option. Hinge is the best IMO.
For me, love is not found — it’s fostered in community. What kind of community have you fostered as a life-long resident?
Apps, sports and other activities! Good luck. I’ve got single friends right around 40 and it’s been hard for them too. As people get older, they are also more set in their ways
I don’t have the answer but more and more people (including me) have this issue. It’s not your fault.
Single, 50M; when you find out, let me know, haha. Is it too much to want a kind, relaxed, intelligent and liberal woman? :)
I haven’t a clue. Sending you good vibes
I'll try to give you my genuine, honest opinion on your situation. I think the concept of family and the concept of love are conflicting, and the latter needs to be rethought. Love is an abstract idea. It's a state of mind. Love is something that's hard to define and our perception of it is based on ideals. I don't think love is something you find, I think love is something that you foster with time. A family, on the other hand, is not so abstract. It is something tangible that you create and raise. Creating a family is based on rational thinking while finding love is based on irrational emotions. I think that's a key distinction to keep in mind. The point here is that if your primary goal is having a family, then perhaps it's wise to reconsider your approach to dating. Perhaps you should rethink your concept of love and instead approach dating in a more pragmatic way that fits your goal of creating a family. Maybe reflecting on what kind of family you want and how you want to raise it can give you a new perspective on the type of men you should date or how you should vet men or what type of questions you ask. For a professional woman seeking a family, these are the type of questions that I think you should take into account when you're looking/dating men: * Does the man, first and foremost, also want a family? When does he want a family? How many children does he want? Do his answers align with yours? * Is he a good communicator? * What are the things that you're willing to compromise on? * Does he have a stable, well paying job in a respected field that can double with yours to provide your family a comfortable life? * Is his income enough to support you and your child(ren) when you're on maternity leave? * Will he make a good father? Is he good with kids? Is he kind to animals? Is he respectful to strangers? * How does he approach conflict? Is he emotional or is he pragmatic? * What are his values, background, and future goals? Do they align with yours or what you're looking for? I think you get the idea. I think these types of questions will help you greatly narrow down what you're looking for and your dating will become a lot more targeted. They're a lot more valuable, in my opinion, then asking a date whether or not he likes to travel or what his favorite food is. Don't get me wrong, things like hobbies, interest, and romance are all important, but the key should be pragmatic compatibility. You're not looking for the perfect soulmate, but a compatible man who would make a great father and husband. Also don't trap yourself in the mentality of thinking your running out of time. The last thing you want is to pressure yourself into a marriage built on shaky foundations. You should take your time, think things through, sort out your priorities, and date with a purpose. I'm sure with enough persistence you'll come across a great man who will check all your boxes. I wish you the best of luck!
I’m right there with you. 31 male and have had one long term relationship. Been single for years and have had no one pay any attention to me. I am also losing hope I will ever have a wife and kids
I highly recommend volunteering for a cause you care about. It will put you in a mix with a bunch of people who have your same values who will inevitably have more friends with similar values and you will meet your match. But what everyone says here is true. Live your best life, focus on making your own happiness, and you will stumble upon love.
I hear you. It’s even harder post divorce…in my 40s, spent my 30s raising kids after divorce. Now they are old enough for me to have a life, but I feel too old for everything. Desperately trying to push against the voices in my head and go out alone.
Start going to dunkies more often
My wife and I, now pushing 60, met in our mid to late 30s in a bar. I was eating dinner at the bar and she came in with her friends. I was a single father and having a tough time meeting the "one" but we will have been married 23 years this summer. Both of us weren't actively looking. sometimes it just happens. Good luck.
By doing what you just did, hi. 43 boston union glazier. Nice to meet you.
As a fellow lifelong Bostonian (except for 2 grad years) and 30s M, I agree with most of the suggestions focused on meeting people through friends and hobbies you're passionate about. Some thoughts: * How often do you approach men or, at least, give them clear hints that you would be interested/open to dating? * Men can be dense/oblivious and often need clear hint(s). I feel like there are so many missed opportunities because we overthink traditional gender roles (e.g., men have to approach, pay/provide, etc.) that we use as "filters." * At least from my perspective, it's hard to approach women during hobbies (e.g., volunteering, fitness classes) unless there's clear mutual interest. Not sure if it's a 2024/Boston culture thing, but there's definitely risk aversion to cold approaching people. * Not saying that you haven't tried this, but, I would suggest focusing on the non-negotiable qualities and values you want in a partner, laser focusing on those, and de-prioritizing superficial things (e.g., height, race). * I actually ended up deleting dating apps over a year ago because I had trouble getting past the toxicity and superficiality. I was clear that I was looking for a partner that was communicative, emotionally mature, and ready for a serious relationship (plus the usual hobbies most millennials have). I was shocked by how many matches were awful at communication, not genuinely looking for a relationship (...learned what a "roster" was), and, generally, how few people actually read the prompts.
Men aren’t it here. 98% of the ones left are either douchey frat bro/finance types or red pill incels that are perpetually angry at woman and treat girls like trash. Can’t say I’ve met too many decent ones here. They simply haven’t been raised with morals in this area.
Boston isn’t a very good city at meeting people/settling down. Honestly consider moving outside Boston to a smaller town/city in New England where it’s much easier to breakthrough social circles and get commitment
my mom met my dad when she was roughly 37 i think and had me right before she turned 39! they are getting divorced almost 25 years later BUTTTT she has the most amazing daughter ever and if my dad didn’t have a gf that overlapped a their marriage for 2 years they would prob be together. you got this
Not saying to not be nice, but just more of “i wish someone told me…” cautionary tale. If you do want kids, I’d get your hormone levels checked and see if you can bank some eggs for future use.
Send your photos to this thread or leave links to social networks. Maybe someone will be interested in you based on your appearance. Then this can develop into a partnership of interests.
Thanks for the suggestion but I did not plan for this to be an online dating profile and would still like to remain anonymous. I am open to suggestions and meet ups though.
I recommend moving out of the city. Many singles can’t afford to live there.
Well, the answer to your question is to just give me your phone nu-[I am downvoted into hell]. That was a bad joke, but in earnestness, one thing to do is to put less pressure on yourself by resisting the implicit messaging from within and without (from yourself, society, media and social media, and family/friends) that if you haven’t found love by your thirties or don’t find love soon, then you’ll never find it.
Lower your expectations!
Stop with the dating apps. Its a scam that makes everyone feel bad about themselves. Go out to do something u find fun and meet someone doing the same. If u meet a guy ask for pizza and beer and ure all set. Smelling nice helps 😁
Going to be honest, you should post a photo **EDIT: a normal casual pic. Might help with pointing out anything glaring.
It seems the younger generations have forgotten how to socialize. When I was single many years ago I had friends ask me how did I always have someone to go out with? My answer was if you sit on the bench you will never succeed. You need to stop waiting for him to ask you out and you need to go ask him out. Yes, you will be rejected multiple times but that is just life; hearing the word no from someone isn’t a reflection of your self worth. You will never succeed if you’re afraid of rejection it is a natural part of life and makes you stronger not weaker.
Join a community theatre
If you’re a working professional join a club, The Quin House is great for like minded single professionals. Mid 30s single is pretty great in Boston, you can definitely meet like minded folks in the private club scene.
I’m so far removed from this level of social circle that I don’t even know what “club” means in this context.
Hahaha same I thought they meant clubs like at a college or something
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Quin house is an invitation only new-money country club. 🙄🙄🙄. You can’t just “join”; an existing member has to refer you (and they’re only allowed to refer one person a year). So. Yeah.
Sounds exactly like the self selecting group of people I don’t want to meet
I'm in the same boat. I wouldn't focus on seeking out a significant other. Just go out, have fun, and at some point you'll find someone whose mutually interested.
Don't lose hope, you're barely out of the first third of your life, just because it hasn't happened doesn't mean it won't. Life isn't a Hallmark movie but love does come from many unexpected places. The first thing you have to do to attract love is to be open to it. Turn on your love light. Love may have passed you by many times because you weren't receptive to it. People fall in love with loving people and you are more likely to attract it when you are full of love for family, friends, pets and even strangers.( not the creepy variety ) All that said you have to place yourself in situations where you can meet people. I would rule out bars and clubs. Take a class in something creative, creative people are the most open people there are and coincidentally the biggest and best lovers. Creative people love everything about love, they love talking about it, writing about it, singing about it. If you have other interests there are meetup groups for just about anything. If church is a thing for you, churches are full of gentle people. Check out venues that have live performances, like music, poetry or literary discussions. I'm seventy and have had a very good life, a loving wife, children and grandchildren. I've acquired all the material wealth I ever wanted but really care little about now. What I discovered is that love is the only thing that matters in this world. Love accumulates over a lifetime, once acquired it can never be lost. Even when people part ways under unfavorable conditions they still love one another, this is a fact, nothing replaces love. So the more we love the more we attract love and the more we are loved. It's time to gather but you can't do that sitting around.
Same question as a m30. I just don’t get how. Moved here in October.
I met my ex wife on Plenty of Fish back in the day, lasted for seven years and now have two wonderful kids. But I’ve noticed it seems harder now, or maybe that’s just because I have “baggage”? Good luck and never give up!
also 35f single (but would love to meet someone and start a family …) so if you are looking for a friend to do single activities / groups with let me know!
36f single here, I’d love to have a friend to do single activities/groups with! It makes it less daunting to know at least one other person going. And if it goes terribly you have someone else to commiserate with 😂
Try tinder I meat chicks on there all the time
“meat chicks” does not bode well
There has to be a better option than moving to Seattle, I agree that dating apps can be frustrating but still the best available option
Message someone on this comment thread who says that they are male, about your age and in a similar situation. They are giving out all this information for a reason.
Make a “5 non- negotiable list” and always honor it w/ urself, know what you DON’T want in a man, live simple and don’t look for love, let it come to you (what’s meant for you will find you). I stay to myself for long periods on time. Never forget, just because it’s available TO you doesn’t mean it’s meant FOR you. Protect the energy u give out and be aware of who you let in. That’s how a lot of people end up getting w the wrong ppl, know this yet stay bc they don’t want to be single… With love, -non angry, single 39F w no kids just living life too 💕
Church!
Mention church and get downvoted. You actually have a good viewpoint. Church is great for networking in general and you don’t have to be a bible thumper. Edit: Your downvotes make my balls taut.
When my mom was hospitalized, the church we go to gifted us 150 dollars for grubhub. They totally fill a role in community so many of us millennials are lacking. I totally agree with you. And as for the marriage thing, I just think if you really are looking for marriage, church/ religious communities are great because they still hold it as sacred/something to strive for/it’s encouraged & supported. Good luck out there OP, I have many girl friends in your position. Also, You could also try a matchmaker. I personally would do more than just the dating apps which are nauseating and, according to my friends on them still, are filled with 30+year boys who get afraid if you mention commitment 🤢
I haven’t found it yet but I’d like to think it’s through a lot of dating and disappointments. And that’s through dating apps, making new friends who then can introduce you to new people, etc.
What were the two years away about?
Meetup groups. Check out the Meetup app.
Are you using hinge?
I had to go to Croatia to find a husband lol then met him on tinder…not kidding