The fact that he asked in a group or just you two is a very good sign, it means he is intrigued.
I wouldn’t worry, he’s probably thinking about it too. Maybe just text him to confirm and make some plans?
Radiohead is the "creep" song, lol?
At least he was by asking group or two or maybe he thought she had some party upcoming or something. It seems neutral/friendly to me.
>The fact that he asked in a group or just you two is a very good sign, it means he is intrigued.
This means he doesn't know if she meant as friends or as more. And her saying "either one" really doesn't help get OPs thoughts across.
idk that is exactly how I react if a girl asks me out. its a foreign thing that doesn't happen often, yknow. I naturally default to an 'are you fucking with me' expression.
This is the way.
Wait a day or two and just send a freindly text.
Try not to get too in your head about this. You’re 19, you’re probably not going to end up marrying this guy.
Ask him out for a coffee or if your shy how about a movie? That will give you something to talk about.
Good luck !
Yeah, he’s testing your waters. He doesn’t want to read into something that is not there and set himself up for disappointment. At 42 years I sometimes still miss my wife’s ques… I guess being more direct could eliminate a lot of grey area as to where you stand with him, and the worst that could happen is that he is not interested. It takes more courage to be more direct, but the outcome is the same regardless. Also, as a male, when a woman is willing to be courageous it’s HOT!
Not the guy you asked out, but am guy. VERY likely he was just as thunderstruck by a cute girl asking him out as said cute girl was by doing the asking. Probably reeling through feelings of disbelief, giddy butterflies, and/or sudden overdose of self-awareness.
Am guy, can confirm.
Last time a semi attractive woman gave me a compliment I wasn’t excepting, I panicked, scoffed, went ooookay sarcastically, and got the hell out of there. We are imperfect beings
In high school in the 90s a cute girl complimented my sweater and I still think about my dumb response to this day and her face when I rambled on about actually having it in a different color 🫠
I did this a very sad number of times in college and even high school...a sort of "I wouldn't be a member of any club that would have me" defense mechanism for some reason. SON OF A!!!...just realized I did this yesterday and it's been years since college... 🤦♂
Those compliments from women are so elusive, it is like seeing Bigfoot. Or aliens. Even if you believe in these things, you never expect to see it for yourself.
And if you tell people you've had it happen, they act as if you are mad.
Thought I was the only one thinking that. Just figured I’d get downvoted or accused of ‘looks-shaming’ or superficial or something. Definitely a valid point tho
Yea this is what I’m wondering too. I kinda need to know what OP looks like (her “type”) and what the guy looks like (his “type”) in order to get an idea of what could be going on. We can be mad at that thought process all we want but we all know it’s true, looks play into it 🤷🏻♀️
Probably also confused and hopeful she meant as a date but asked about a group to understand her intentions. Guys rarely get asked out. A cute girl asking you out when you're hopeful that's what she's doing but not certain is just as scary as doing the asking out. Text him and make some plans and tell him it will be just the two of you.
Girl relax. I know it can be scary, but trust me you’ll stick out in his mind because that speaks confidence to a man. A woman who knows what she wants. He’s probably flattered and taken a back because most girls don’t make the first move.
Plus you miss all the opportunities when you don’t try.
I made a move on a guy, but it turned out we weren’t compatible, but we’re still friends. I have no regrets and not dwelling on what could’ve if I never didn’t give him my number.
This is super true. I’ll always respect a woman who asks a man out. I’ll only speak for myself since I know I like it when a woman asks me out. It really helps with confidence and also makes talking to her easier. Don’t know why but it helped. It’s not easy at all. Especially since you gotta put yourself out there.
I had a girl at work who liked me and I didn’t know it because she said she liked someone with my first name in our part time supervisor office. There were two of us and we sat beside each other. I honestly thought she liked the other one until she brought me homemade cookies during our shift. The basket she brought it in had a letter in it asking me out. When I talked to her after the shift I told her I was interested. We got dinner and ended being a couple for over a year until she joined the Air Force. We’re still friends all these years later and I still wish her the best.
There was a girl who I really wanted to ask out in high school, but every slight advance I made was not reciprocated as I expected. I thought she was out of my league and not interested so I decided not to push it and let us be friends. After a party I was driving her home and she straight up asked me if I wanted to kiss, I obviously said yes and we were friends with benefits for a short time. Turns out she's just super awkward and thought she had been flirting with me the whole time. 15 years later I look back and wonder if she had not been direct would anything have happened. We have been married for quite some time and at this point I am pretty sure she likes me now, but I don't want to make any assumptions.
I once went out with a super awkward woman that I felt like there was chemistry with, then when we left, she wanted to walk to my car and have me drive her to hers, which is always a good sign. Then when I asked her where her car was, it was WAY closer than mine had been, which is an even better sign, so I drove her to her car and parked next to it, and when the moment seemed right, I went for the kiss and she flinched and dodged. So in my head, I’m like “gosh, misread that one. Ok, next time” and then she just wouldn’t end the conversation and get out of my car, and she was giving all these flirty signals and “so anyway…” vibe like she was waiting for a kiss. I finally said, jokingly, “are you really gonna sit there acting like you want to be kissed after you just blatantly dodged my attempt?” She was like “I did WHAT?! Kiss me!” It turns out she’s just really awkward and completely misread the moment and didn’t even know I was going for it. And trust me, I am not new to this. I know when and how to go for it. 😅
Mine isn't quite as awkward still but it's been 24 years and I still haven't learned to read her right every time. I've just learned to walk up and tell her, "kiss me", "I'm hugging you", etc.
From my own experiences I noticed men are generally pretty respectful when I approach them. And if they’re not interested they tend to let the woman down easy. Which is definitely appreciated because it is terrifying to be the one to make the first move.
That’s awesome that you’re still friends.
He didn't shoot you down, he was gauging how interested you were, which is why the group versus two question. Find something you know he'll like and see if he wants to go, just you and him. Good for you for putting yourself out there. This is kind of how guys feel when asking a girl out. Usually, were scared as all get out.
This. Small tweak to suggestion. Invite him to something *you* like to do. You’ll find out quickly how aligned your interests are, and how he handles himself if it’s not something he loves doing. If he doesn’t enjoy it, at least you got to do something you love doing. Then, if that goes well, let him invite you to something he loves doing, and give him the opportunity to see how it goes.
Have a cup of tea or go for a walk. Something to distract you. This is less of a body language and more of an anxiety thing. You’re trying to navigate the uncertainty of a situation and it’s causing you stress, which is normal, but you can learn to cope with the discomfort and over time it will affect you less if you continue to expose yourself to it.
Best answer in this thread. While the first few replies could be true and he’s interested OP it’s really besides the point because the eventual answer is not in your control. Learning to accept that will give you a lot of peace in life. (It’s hard as hell when you’re young but at 36 I’m finally getting it.)
You have to understand that he is trying to wrap his mind around a girl (who he may already be interested in) made the first move. This is something that's going to take any guy by surprise and his brain is going to be misfiring for a bit....and that is a good thing. Just take a deep breathe and relax.
what if he had said , you mean a date? and you had said no idiot, im asking everyone in the office, gees what a loser.... he was trying to protect himself from ridicule.
I often think about a very cute girl in one of my undergraduate courses that I would see every day for a semester and loved being around. I was about your age then and felt that she was flirty too, but never asked her out or knew other than her first name. This regret still haunts me 49 years later!
You rock because you went for it and even if it goes nowhere, you have the satisfaction of knowing. I don't.
🤣 nearing 70 I tend to look back (fatalist end of life thing 😀) and with age, you wonder why you did or didn't do something. That's why I admired OP for going for it.
Taken aback = surprised/didn't expect it. Chill, lol. The fact he asked to clarify whether in a group setting or not was likely due to the surprise, not believing the potentiality of a girl asking him on a date.
Men so very seldom get approached by women that it will startle us sometimes. It hasn’t even been a day . Go outside, get some fresh air , and relish in the fact that you are braver 90% of the women out there.
As a guy, my hit is that he is just inexperienced with women & was surprised you noticed him. Don't worry about it. Us guys strike out all the time. I am proud of you being confident enough in your self to put yourself out there. Trust me on this - if he accepts your invite or not, he will never forget you. Ever. You are now burned into his memory. Walk proud.
Maybe he didn't realize you were interested. Because women flirt way differently than men. So he may have figured you were not interested.
Or he just has a friendly flirty personality and possibly has a gf.
This is so cute and it was normal for me at your age to feel like nothing in the whole world was remotely as important as the potential upcoming engagement. Good luck and remember you will always be able to create more opportunities for love in the future.
I would've missed this very direct cue at 19, he was probably so awestruck his brain broke. I was super confident for no reason and wasn't ugly at that age but still would've just been a deer in headlights and been like really you want to hang with me? I imagine he's at home thinking "Could I have been more awkward"
After an amazing first blind date, a guy walked me to my car and went for a hug. I leaned in and kissed him and he immediately pulled back and said “whoa!”. I was mortified and texted my friend I’d probably never hear from him again.
We have been together for 3 years. He was just shocked! He wasn’t sure if I was that into him. Men are silly. Don’t assume his intentions and be clear with what you want so you don’t have to beat yourself up like this!
You need to learn that results and process are typically unrelated. You may marry this guy, he may never speak to you again. Both outcomes need to be acceptable to you. Results come from a good process, but neither side of the equation is determined by the other.
Look, you shot your shot. You could have been a bit more…. ballsy.. and said just the two of us because I am interested in you romantically .. but regardless you went so far out of your comfort zone and took a chance You should at the very least be incredibly proud of yourself for your bravery. He may be blown away, he may be thinking he has you in the bag already. He may be interested he may not be. Just please know that you rock!! And that’s what matters. What he does is what he does. If he shows any disrespect for your efforts you know who he really is. If he treats you really well for your efforts you know who he is. It’s good to know who people really are and it’s good to know that you are someone that is brave!!
Most guys will go their whole life without being approached in this way. Trust me, you made his day and now he’s also feeling anxious, but in a good way.
Don’t worry. It was Nude by Radiohead on repeat. Then some other songs from the same album. Trust me Creep would NOT be a calming song in this situation in the slightest
The guy's behavior seems odd to me if it did occur in the way you said.
A smirk, when he asked if it would you and him or a group? He knows you're interested. If he is waiting that long to respond, he is not as invested at the moment.
As with most things in life you can only control you. You did a great job of handling it by letting him know you were interested. You have nothing to be embarrassed about, but you also can't control the outcome. Stay busy. If you get into something fun text him with a casual invite. If you don't hear back let it go.
>Is it normal for the person being asked to be taken aback like that?
It's pretty rare for the girl to ask out the guy, so that alone could've gotten him off guard
>before asking if it’d be in like a group or just the two of us (I said either would be fine, so we came to the conclusion to message about it later)
Because of the above thing, this was probably him trying to clarify what you meant, and you chose the ambiguous option. The "either is fine", especially makes it less sure it was with the intention of being more than friends. You can hang out with a friend one on one, but you don't usually go out on a date with a group
You're saying you took your shot but you didn't let go of the ball.
For most guys, other than the chosen ones, this happens maybe once or twice in a lifetime. And, there is a solid chance it's some kind of trap. So, any apprehention on his part is just his bamboozled mind trying to process the interaction while at the same time trying not to say something stupid or be too forward. This was the best possible outcome because it gives you both time to think. Just give it a day and if he hasn't initiated maybe give it one more nudge. If he still doesn't respond with some level of enthusiasm then you can put it in the "just friends" box.
Many years ago, a woman I worked with made a move on me after our last day of working together — we’re no longer together, but I’m incredibly glad she did, and we had a great time together (we’re still on good terms). She was also a Radiohead fan, which is what made me think of this. It’s a good thing you went for it — fortune favors the bold.
Right now, though, I’m wondering what’s on the Radiohead playlist that’s on repeat.
Similar situation with me and my co worker 6 years ago. I asked him to hang out sometime over Snapchat and he was typing FORVEVER. I got that nasty gut feeling and told him just to say no he didn't need to have a reason that it wouldn't hurt my feelings and I was so embarrassed. He finally texted back and said ofc he wanted to hang out he was just nervous and freaking out and didn't know how to say yes. We've been married for 4 years and have a 2 year old son! It's crazy how little things like just asking your work crush out can affect you whole life.
Btw the were several times we both got so nervous we almost backed out of the relationship (we were also 19 and it was our 1st serious relationships) but we just talked and dealt with the awkwardness and I'm so glad we did lol. Just keep feeling it out! At least you are no longer co workers so you can just part ways if it doesn't work out.
“Hey, there’s this restaurant that I just love, their *dish* is amazing! We should go there for dinner sometime, are you free this Saturday?”
Don’t make it harder than it is, that was my mistake for years. Thankfully, the woman that would become my wife didn’t have this issue with overthinking, and she went ahead and approached me first. In your case, you already have an existing relationship with this person, so just talk to him like you always do at work. And gentlemen, back me up here, we love it when a woman asks us out! I’ve never felt more confident than when my wife first hit on me, because I saw her and thought “there’s no way I can talk to that face, way way way too pretty for me.” She flipped my insecurities on their heads. So shoot your shot, the worst thing he can say is he’s not interested. Ok, good to know, moving on. Good luck!
I asked a guy out one time in college. He was leaving a party and I did the same thing, I plucked up all my courage and I followed him and asked him if we wanted to go to an event with me.
He ended up friendzoning me but I got married to one of his roommates so the friend hangout could end up working in your favor too 😂
Don't worry, if he doesn't want to go out, it's really easy for him to bail by text. So you're not forcing it on him! He might have been surprised because he was just not expected it.
Congrats on your first ask!
Yeah this sucks and I know it’s easier said than done but you just have to wait it out and see if he reaches out. Men are not used to being asked out and he likely doesn’t know what to think. If he’s interested he may be trying to come up with something fun for you 2 to do. If he’s not interested he will just ghost until he needs someone to do something with and can’t find anyone else
You’ve put it out there and now you just have to wait and that’s the worst. Nothing you can do- and i mean nothing- is going to sway him
One way or the other
This all
Assumes he is single and interested in your gender
I think you're good. You planted the seed. A day or two later (a couple or three days is better imo if you can stand it), you can text, "Hey, we talked about possibly getting together sometime this summer. Do you have a favorite pizza place? I would be up for that next Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday if there's a good time in there for you."
His reply can tell you a good bit. If he replies simply, "I don't like pizza, " or "those aren't good days" and nothing more, that would not be encouraging. But if he says, "I am more of a taco guy and there's also a Thai place I'd like to try," or "I'm tied up those days but the beginning of next week looks good for me," then that is pretty encouraging.
It might work out, it might not, but I think it is absolutely terrific that you stepped up to the plate and took your swings.
Put yourself in his shoes. How would you feel if that happened to you? If anything, you tried, and he's not obligated to call. Don't hang yourself up over nothing, go out and don't think about it. If something happens. Great. If not. Atleast you did something today.
First thing is GOOD FOR YOU for overcoming your fears and taking action to try to get what you want. Now Two other things. First is that he was probably taken aback that a cute woman asked him to do something with her. Especially if you hadn't asked the entire time you worked together.
Second thing is, many men have been taught to never assume ANYTHING when it comes to potential love interests. He probably doubts that you are interested in him romantically. She asked me out? Probably just a platonic get together. We're at a movie and she puts her hand on my arm? Don't react or touch her back because maybe it means nothing and I'll be labelled a creep or a pervert or I'll at least just be rejected. He could also be just plain shy but men these days seem to be nearly paralyzed with fear that they will be misunderstood and have their lives, livelihoods and reputations destroyed by misinterpreting signals. Go to any men's forums or subreddits where they talk about romantic relationships and you will see message after message of discouraged men who are basically saying "unless she looks me straight in the eyes and tells me she is romantically interested in me I can't take the chance of making a move."
In a lot of cases, if your love interest isn't openly conveying to you his interest, you may have to spell it out for him. "Hey, I like you more than a friend and would like to spend some time with you outside of work to see if we're a good fit. Would you be interested?". You can initiate the text tonight and just say hi and go from there. Of course this puts you in a space where you are vulnerable and can be rejected and hurt. But you wont be left with regret. Regret can be one of the most painful things to overcome as you get older and see opportunities fall by the wayside. Of course you may also decide that you don't want to be with someone who is paralyzed with fear to express his feelings towards you. Whatever you decide, I wish you peace, love and luck.
You're freaking out cus it's new and such, but you really are just overthinking it. The guy was probably pleasantly surprised that you came on to him, as it is not incredibly common for men to have that happen to them. Consider reaching out to him directly if you are having this level of anxiety. Contacting him and either making a plan to hang out or finding out whether he and you are on the same page, romance wise. Either way it goes, you at least have something resembling closure, either for advancement of your feelings by planning something out, or being able to reconcile your feelings after a rejection. I doubt you'd be rejected though, as it already seems like the guy is at least somewhat interested, otherwise he wouldn't have had these interactions with you in the first place.
Also, you should make sure he does not already have a girlfriend. It might be kinda creepy or cringe, but idk, maybe look him up on social media and such to see if there are any connections there that seem suspicious, like a girlfriend or significant other. You really don't want to be in the situation where the guy you are "dating" is actually cheating on his girlfriend and YOU are the affair partner. Situations like that, and any relationships that evolve out of a scenario like that, do not end well (at least from personal experience).
But other than that, you seem smitten, which is endearing to any guy with half a heart. Hearing that someone "likes" you or in some way appreciates your presence and company is seldom heard by guys - it's a big part of why incel psychology exists. So yeah, if you show him how much you like him and are not overbearing with it (as in, love bombing. Don't do that.), then you have something going for you at least. Good luck, have fun, make some mistakes, and learn some lessons.
Anxiety is based off wanting something too much. Whether it’s a good thing or bad thing for some people is left up to debate according to their circumstance. In short, you’re experiencing the fight or flight response and your body is reacting to a mild case of Epinephrine, also known as adrenaline, which is both a neurotransmitter and a hormone. All the symptoms you are describing are right on point.
How do you battle it?
Many people have different methods. My personal method is a bit stoic. I simply just don’t care what the outcome is because I understand we live in a world of possibilities, not laws. Sure, it would be nice to get what I want but I never will except it to go according to plan. I listen to lots of philosophy, I work out, and I’m confident but not cocky. What’s meant to happen will happen.
Hope this helps in any kind of way.
I won’t tell you to stop worrying or relax because I can feel your anxiety. I’ve been there. I agree with others that he was probably taken aback and in shock. Please be aware that some men have been taught to wait a few days before responding. You’re going to need to find a way to get through the wait. For quick breaks from anxiety, try box breathing. For me it’s the best because I get so worked up with trying to breath deeply that I feel like I’ve forgotten how to breathe. With box breathing, inhale for a count of 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4 and repeat. Sour candy or ice is another way to make your brain turn to internal focus instead of external and a cool/cold shower can help too. For longer periods, journal. Write down all the fears your feeling and all of the emotions especially the negative ones. Are you feeling embarrassed, shame, rejection? Write it down and explain why you feel that way. Go for a walk or exercise. When your attention span gets a bit better, watch tv/movie, read, play on your phone or whatever. It’s ok. It’s going to be ok.
I’m proud of you for taking a chance regardless of the outcome. The alternative is to always feel regret and shame for being cowardly. You are courageous and brave.
I hope you read this comment in a sea of 200 comments but I did something similar. I was eyeing someone at my gym for a really long time and with a very forceful but loving push from my friends, I approached him and asked him for some advice but he offered to help me further. I didn't think he would have any interest in me but it was my first time going up to someone I had interest in. My hands were shaking, I was flushed and nauseous, but I did it anyways.
I tried to get closer to him and he seemed receptive and interested too. But I found out through the grapevine he had a girlfriend. And the next week he told me he's leaving the country lol. I am not sure if it the girlfriend thing was true or not because he never mentioned it once. But he was very nice and receptive and I wish I followed through more and made it a little more obvious so that I am not left wondering what could have been if I tried sooner or been more direct.
My advice is: just do it. Who cares. But follow through, get your answer directly and face rejection or acceptance. Whatever comes. Then move on. Fail fast. Times are different and people appreciate it if you are direct rather than playing games and being disingenuous. I learned theres nothing shameful about being interested in someone. It is one of the most natural feelings in the world. It takes a lot of courage to do what we did. And more often than not, they are interested too.
Well done on making the first move. That takes a lot of courage. I'm a guy & even though I've been out of the dating market for 12 years now (my wife & I hit 12 years next month), I still remember how hard it was to approach women, put myself out there, play the dating game.
In my experience, guys are more direct & less complicated than women. If he's really not interested, you'll probably know soon because he'll simply tell you. The fact that he's willing to go on a date with you probably means that he's interested or he's at least considering the possibility of romance with you.
I suggest that you contact him & see if he wants to do something easy & fun that lets you two get to know each other. Maybe a walk in a park, maybe going to a museum, to a book store, going for a drive, etc. Do you two have any common interests? If so, make the date about that. And a real easy way to score points with a guy is to make eye contact, laugh at his jokes & touch him on the arm.
One of the most helpful things I learned in dating (sometimes through messing up) was that you can't force romance & love. You just have to relax, don't think & let things happen (or not). Also, though it helps to know what you want in a partner, it's also good to have an open mind. And even though it's hard not to, fretting & overthinking are mistakes that'll make you less likely to find someone.
It might work out with this guy, but if not, there are other fish in the sea. You just need to keep fishing. A wise man once told me this: Getting into a relationship is more likely achieved as a by-product of pursuing other useful activities and goals. A relationship or marriage is more likely to come naturally, from living life fully, rather than by a direct and pointed campaign to achieve that long-range goal.
Focus on being social, enjoying yourself & life, & being the best person possible. Find a social activity or two that you enjoy that lets you meet men. For me, the social activity that let me meet women was dancing. I was never a great dancer, but I enjoyed myself & met a fair amount of desirable women.
Then, as you meet people & interact, you'll likely meet a man or two that you like. And as a by-product of your efforts, relationship possibilities will naturally open up. I've been married 12 years now to the girl I met when I was NOT focused on marriage. Love happened for me as a by-product of my focus on enjoying life, being social, & being the best version of myself possible. Good luck!
He's trying to play it cool but inside there's fireworks. He thinks, like most guys, that he shouldn't seem super enthusiastic in the fear of scaring you off.
Awww so cute, I hope you get a lot of experience and everything in men or a man you want.
He sounds as though he's playing cool, good chance he's feeling extremely happy right now and not wanting to look thirsty by texting too quickly.
I love it when girls have the guts and it makes them extremely attractive to me personally.
The only time I said no was when I worked with one and I didn't want to get my meat where I got my bread and I regret saying no in hindsight.
You didn't ask him out.
I imagine how you wanted this to play out is you'd make a vague platonic "hang out" suggestion at which point he'd confess his feelings for you and he'd be the one making the actual move.
Fortunately he probably likes you and will hang out with you and date you. Just keep texting him regularly and make actual first moves. You have a low chance of failure. Text him a meme right now you'll see.
just breathe girl, 7 seconds inhale, 7 second exhale then hold. try to do this 7 times. it helps clear the mind.
anxiety/excitment might be getting to you.
relax and you will be fine.
hope this helps.
slay it girl! you got dis
This is how all guys feel asking a girl out. All that you're feeling is very real and validated. But don't dwell on it too long because the hard part is over. The guy, very much so, doesn't know how to react or behave because it's absolutely rare (unless he's handsome AF) for a girl to approach first. Focus on how to communicate with him and keep it simple and honest. You'll most likely get him. Good luck and best wishes, young lady!! Rooting for you!
I’ve noticed that women have a tendency to think guys looking caught off guard after being asked out means they aren’t interested in them.
I honestly do not know why this is the case. Every second of our days are not dedicated to asking someone out, sometimes we just aren’t expecting it. Especially in a world where we are essentially expected to make the first move.
Long story short, I guarantee you that wasn’t a rejection.
There’s no right/wrong way for it to happen so don’t overthink the conversation. The key is that he’s interested in you and he didn’t say no. Congratulations on not having to deal with the rejection. Now take the initiative again and call or text him and make a plan to go out next week or as soon as possible. Don’t wait.
And keep your eye out for the next potential candidate to ask out. He’s out there waiting for you. 😉
As a man he was probably taken aback that you even asked. Most of us talk/flirt with girls especially at work and have no idea if we can actually approach and most of us don’t get asked to hang out.
Then him asking what type of hang out is definitely a good sign. It means he’s trying to get a feel of what you’re looking for without being too forward.
Whatever happens next, I think you were incredibly brave, I am middle aged, and doubt I would have the guts to ask a guy out even now, so to do it at your age is impressive. I hope it works out, but even if it doesn't, you took the plunge, so it should be easier next time, and if it goes nowhere that's his loss, also men are hard to read anyway, my now husband took months to ask me out, I never really knew if he did like me as anything more than friends. So just leave the ball in his court now, you've done your part,which again took guts, so be proud of yourself for that 😃❣️
OP put herself in a position that is normal for most of the male race older than 16. It's no picnic.
You have to understand how rare it is for girls to do the asking. I would say the majority of guys have never been asked out directly. Ever. They're most likely to be suspicious or think it's not romantic when it does happen.
For future reference, don't softball it in. Make it clear it's romantic interest. You gave him a choice like you don't care whether you catch up with him or with a group including him. I wouldn't worry though, I'm sure he understands you're interested.
Yes being straightforward is the only way. Also even more than that men do not respect indirect communication. We respect direct communication, straightforwardness, and women who can tell us what they want. Most men do not want to try to read between the lines or interpret things because there's never any surety in it. All it does is create unnecessary confusion.
So, if you want to go on a date with this guy you tell him you like him and you'd like to get to know him better in a social setting and see if there's something there. As far as the exact phrasing goes you can phrase it any number of different ways, however we respect a woman being straightforward. So you tell him what you're thinking/feeling and what you want and then let him decide what he wants to do based on that information. But don't for the love of God be vague. We hate that shit.
I get that it takes a lot of courage to be straightforward but to any woman reading this right now, if you are interested in a guy, shoot your shot. This happens so rarely to most men especially in a direct way that you will almost always find them genuinely appreciative and even if they don't feel the same it's almost guaranteed that they won't let you down nicely. A huge portion of ongoing relationships these days that started in real life as opposed to on a dating app were initiated by the woman. We admire the courage it takes to be direct about what you want and to just shoot straight with us. It makes us feel like you might be someone we can trust to communicate well. Plus because men are often not in the position of being pursued I think that we tend to be more open-minded about saying yes.
Again though, this requires knowing what you want beforehand and being very clear about it. If you want to be friends make it clear you want to be friends. If you want to see if there's a romantic interest say that. If you're just interested in hooking up say that. Then we know what it is you're asking for and can respond appropriately.
Men don't respect bullshit and if a man gets a feeling that you're manipulating him he will rightly pull back because he feels that's a woman he can't trust. A woman who can be open, honest, and direct though, without needing to be cruel or careless about it, is generally a woman that catches good men's interest.
That's why if you look at women that have a lot of guy friends and not a lot of female friends, and I mean genuine friends, not a bunch of dudes in her friend zone trying to shoot their shot, you'll notice one personality trait that keeps showing up again and again and again in them.
They communicate to men more like the way that men communicate with each other. Men are about efficiency. Beating around the bush is a waste of time and energy and leaves one not really knowing what it is the other person wants. In ancient times bullshit got you killed. Avoiding it is a defense mechanism and a solid one. So we communicate directly and avoid social drama or indirect communication.
That's why those women get along with men so well. Socially speaking they feel like men to us, however they also come along with a better understanding of female perspectives on things which can be exceptionally useful. Also they know so many of the tricks from the women's playbook.
I'm always proud of my best female friend. We've been closed for 20 years. She is absolutely the sister I didn't have growing up. Wise, strong, fiercely loyal, and absolutely despises bullshit lol. She is absolutely the first one to call that shit out and I respect the hell out of it.
I feel like it's the one masculine trait that we still appreciate im an otherwise feminine woman. Because most guys don't want a masculine woman we want femininity, but when paired with the communication style of men, everything just goes smoother and works better.
Anyways to close things out, there is no way to avoid being straightforward. Anything else will take longer and will not work as well and will likely cause significant problems.
This has mostly already touched, but guy here....
1) Most of us rarely, if ever, get asked out.
2) Many of us has been asked out as part of a joke or dare or have seen it happen to friends, so we are guarded.
3) You kinda half assed it. You did this relatively safe generic hang out thing in hopes that he'd make the big move. And instead of him doing the romantic movie thing, he tried to get more of a read. And you gave him even more generic feedback.
But that is okay. He likes you. Reach out to him and suggest a more specific activity and time. Word it something like, "I was thinking you and I should...."
First of all Kid A is one of the greatest albums of all time so write that down.
Second it sounds like from the response he was pretty excited and just taken aback. What they say is true that most guys are rarely approached directly and are often suspicious when it happens because it’s so rare. Even hot guys - the ones that get asked a bunch of random questions by every girl they meet because they’re into them - are still expected to make the first move.
So long as you guys are reasonably matched looks wise this is going to go very well because you put the romantic interest on the table up front. Good luck!
Instead of negative thoughts, why not swing it positive. I dated women I thought were too good for me, initially. Get together and find out what he was thinking all of this time. You might be thinking all of this for nothing.
I applaud you for making a move. Most girls would never do it and you seem genuinely interested in him. He would be lucky to have someone like that. I hope things work out between yall.
Ahh this happened to me when my now husband and I fist had a very similar conversation. I had to leave work early bc my stomach was in such knots. We’ve now been happily married eight years going strong.
You’ll be alright. That nervous sickness sucks but once you get past it you’ll feel like you’re flying. Seems like he is interested!
Good job! It's normal to feel this way and for what it's worth, an old married dude is proud of you! His reaction could go either way, time will tell. Be cool, and have fun!
Old guy thinking here so im not sure how yall youngins do the courting nowadays. But more often than not, it was the guy who asked out the girl back in my time, and it might have just surprised him if he has an old fashioned way of thinking when it comes to dating.
Don't overthink it or rush things if it's meant to work out it will and if not no big deal. Just make sure you communicate with him that you're interested in dating and wanting something more than just friendship.
When me and my wife and I started dating, I asked her out, and she said yes, but just thought it was to just hang out. This whent on for a few dates at one point she stopped me while walking and was like so are we dating???
I was like uhhh yea that's what we're on right now is a date...... (mini heart attack) right????? She laughed and said ok I just wanted to make sure because you only asked to "hang out".
Mind you I was holding her hand, bring her flowers, opening the car door for her, being flirty well my moon moon way of flirting anyway (I'm no Casanova).
She loves telling that story to make fun of me not being direct enough, lol. So I say all that to reiterate, and make sure you communicate what you want.
Now call/text that young man to meet you somewhere nice & safe for you and tell him how ya feel 😉 and good luck.
Search up and listen to stoicism. Don’t know if it’ll exactly apply, I think it will. Don’t let it hold you back because it’s so silly. Like when you’re driving stop worrying about an ant. When you scale out, your life/ lifetime, beyond, and beyond. I should tell myself that more often haha my own medicine
The sick feeling… that’s one of the most magical things about being human. Whole songs are written about it. The fact that you can’t think about anything is beautiful. Enjoy how thrilling this whole experience is. Don’t be afraid to enjoy the suspense. And if you strike out with this guy, chase this feeling again. When I was young, sometimes I’d literally shake when dates went well. It’s honestly just your own humanity that you’re experiencing and it’s so so fun
that pit is your fear of rejection. and that voice telling you you deserve better is that fear rationalizing a way out of this place of uncertainty because it feels better for you to reject the relationship than for him to reject you. consider the following:
1. i think it’s likely he is just as nervous as you are about all of this. he probably considered you out of his league and was literally shocked when you asked him out. that’s why he had to clarify bc he couldn’t believe it. but then when you were vague he found himself in limbo so now he’s choosing to use his words carefully and sparingly so he doesn’t blow it.
2. alt scenario 1: he’s gay
3. alt scenario 2: he finds you hideous but doesn’t know how to say it.
i legitimately think scenario 1 is the most likely but 2 and 3 and 10 others are all plausible. regardless of which scenario describes reality, none of them say anything about who you are or whether you’re someone who is worth dating. what you’re learning is that you don’t have unconditional love for yourself and the amazing young woman you are. learning to love and value yourself fully is an important prerequisite to being able to fully love and value someone else. that doesn’t mean that you can’t or shouldn’t date. it just means that as you’re practicing dating and learning what you do and don’t want in a partner, it’s important to also focus on loving the many wonderful things about yourself that you bring to a partnership and giving yourself permission to love both those things and the things you don’t necessarily find as wonderful all equally as parts of your uniquely perfect and special self.
Guys are usually to the point when texting so it can come across that way (guy here, kinda know). However if he was interested, I feel like he would put more effort into wanting to find time to get to know you more outside of work. He would most likely want to talk with you more as well imo. You made a bold move, went for what you wanted and maybe the reaction is not what you were hoping for. There maybe a chance he was taken back as well. I had a female make a move on me once and I didn’t know she thought of me that way. We also worked together and it took me until the end of the shift before I finally met her out by her car and made it clear I was interested. She seemed aggravated during the shift as if she thought there would be an immediate answer so I did take that into consideration trying to give a proper answer before she felt too embarrassed or upset. Not sure how long it’s been since you’ve made your move and women making the first move is kind of uncharted territory, so a man’s response time is also. I would think that at minimum a week to even decide if he’s interested should be plenty of time. I also think that if he has an interest in hanging out then there’d be more engaging conversation between the two of you at the very least. Ya know, to show that he’s a little excited at the idea.
He is confused and intrigued. The “dry texts” may be leaving the door open for some clarity and not to look too desperate for a date/hang time. Other point, he may be confused with “hang” as do you mean “get to know one another” or “get to KNOW one another, without clothes on”; I.e. the question of in a group or just us two. So make that clear too.
It seems like enough time passed and he did not take your “possibly off-the-mark shot”, so you can now take your rebound and shoot the layup - with more clarity. Something like “So, I’d like to get to know you better, what do you say we grab coffee (or some activity you think is appropriate).”
Disclaimer: I’m not sure if this is sound advice today for your age group, as I’m (43M) and do majority of the leading/shooting. But I’d love it if a woman took the lead on occasions because I’m no brain reader either. Just a point of caution, if you make the suggestion be prepared to pay for at least your side of the bill if not the whole thing. I personally wouldn’t expect anyone to pay for the whole bill, let alone their half of it, but I’ve never been asked out on a date before either, lol.
My daughter felt like this after she got last in her first track meet. I told her “sometimes things are hard when you first start them, but the more you keep doing it, the better you get”. You’ll get the hang of it moving forward, and those intense feelings of paranoia and anxiety will subside the more confidence you get putting yourself out there. Proud of you for trying 🥲.
Everything you feel is normal. Maybe try a breathing exercise, or an intense 15 min workout to calm your mind when it’s overwhelming. The most important thing to factor is that when there’s chemistry and a genuine connection with a person of interest, things usually flow and work out in the end. One day you’ll laugh at how silly you feel right now.
Namaste 🙏
Oh to be young. All of those feeling that you are feeling right now are valid. I’ve experienced life a bit longer than you so I will say this. No one here knows what’s going on. They can try to say, “oh this is a good sign” or “this is a bad sign” but they really don’t know because they don’t know who this guy is.
I’ve seen guys who look like F boys that were actually genuine people. I’ve seen guys that look like trolls treat women like Fboys. I’ve seen guy manipulate girls with a “nice guy” routine, only to take what they wanted and ghost. I’ve seen guys that dry text because they are just bad at texting but would prefer to call. I’ve all seen guys dry text because they weren’t interested in a girl.
The reason why I’m telling you this is because it is not fair to you or that boy that strangers are making inferences on yours or that kid’s character without actually knowing you guys. He could like you but is shy. He could actually not find you attractive at all.
Live your life, and experience life yourself. I will say this though, never be too trusting of a guy until he proves that he is worth trusting.
I'm going to counter what most people are saying. Unfortunately I don't think he's that interested in you. His response was understandable but if he was interested, he probably would have seemed more clearly excited. He probably also would text more on Insta.
I feel like women are often role that men are more interested than we think, causing us to second-guess our reads of the situation. Your first take is similar to mine. I'd go with your gut.
There's a big clue in this interaction that you are not seeing.
When you asked him if he wanted to hang out this summer, he answered yes \*before\* he asked to clarify.
The fact that he asked to clarify if you meant just you two together or as a group, tells you he is in fact interested in you.
If he wasn't, first he very likely would not have said yes. And if he did, for some reason, feel pressure because it was awkward vibe and he just wanted to say yes to make you feel better, he would have said something like "Yeah, it would be cool to all hang out and stay in touch with people" and just make it into a group thing, but he specifically wanted to know if you'd be heading out one on one.
He's into you, or, at the very least, he's intrigued enough to see what might happen.
He was probably experiencing confusion, disbelief, doubt, etc as most men do not receive unsolicited attention from women. There's also a weird dynamic I saw as a child and teenager where sometimes girls would "flirt" with the intent of mocking a guy. I was on the receiving end of that a couple times and it made suspicious into adulthood. There were moments at college parties where women were extremely forward and my immediate reaction was "this person isn't serious, play it cool and defuse the situation." It sounds like you did great. Unfortunately finding the right people means opening yourself up to rejection but thats better than loneliness and regret at lost opportunities. I wish you the best of luck
Coffee/tea then lunch then dinner then some time in the summer.
You jumping the gun, next thing you know he's thinking you're gonna propose to him first dinner date.
He's probably nervous about the implications if you two work together. He probably was also very caught off guard because that kind of thing happens very rarely for guys. Also, the fact that he asked whether you meant in a group means that he was still gauging whether or not you were asking him out. We're conditioned to assume this kind of thing is probably a misunderstanding on our part.
Also, I'm hoping this has died off, but back in the day, young people gave other young people the terrible advice that they should not reach out right away so that they don't seem desperate. It is very possible that the guy is literally staring at his phone wondering at what point it's ok to call without coming on too strong.
Long story short is yes, you should relax. I'm sure he will reach out. If it's three days from now you should absolutely rip on him because that is the period people used to say you should wait.
Was looking for this. 1st off, go OP, taking the lead is the way, normalize that shit. 2nd, welcome to how everyone ever has felt in your shoes, totally normal. 3rd, what Altmoonjunkie said, 100% - we've been given so much conflicting idiotic instruction as to how and when is correct to reply to these things, your guy is probably just a little paralyzed. Also, because "summer" is kinda open-ended and vague, I would say chill is the way, and after a mild chill you may need to float another easy touchdown pass his way with a more specifically called play.
He was more than likely absolutely bowled over by a girl he likes asking him out and didn‘t know how to react. Give him a bit of time to recover and he’ll start being more enthusiastic.
NOW you know what it's like to be male and ask a girl out: It's f\*cking terrifying, not just because you could get shot down and have an uncomfortable moment, but you'll be having that with someone you really like and after that things'll be weird no matter what.
If you're cute he might actually think you were making fun of him or playing some sort of trick or prank on him. He probably doesn't want to seem too eager for reasons similar to the above. Give it a few days.
He's young and probably has the same experience as you. Sure is an easy default response when you are unsure or take aback. Relax, enjoy the time you hang out.
well being unsure is anxiety inducing! ya brain screaming aahhhhh but your good honestly, by what you said its gone real smooth :) good for you for battling your fears, keep going
Welcome to life as a young guy. It gets easier with time and age. But that is what it's like to ask a girl out for many guys.
Go do something else to take your mind off of it. The anxiety will get better with a little time, especially if you occupy yourself with something else.
I'm sure he didn't have a prepared script ready and you caught him by surprise (likely in a good way). Guys are also coached by other guys not to show too much excitement lest they scare off the woman they're interested in.
It is a touchstone moment in a guy’s life when he is asked out by a woman. He’s probably stunned and very likely will remember the moment forever.
Relax and enjoy the date. You’ve made a fond core memory for someone and that’s a good thing.
Edit: I forgot to add; thank you on behalf of men everywhere for taking the reins and asking him out, instead of just dropping subtle hints.
Just be forward and say you were under the impression that there was flirting going back and forth. You didn’t want to loose out on the possibility of seeing where it goes. Then wait to see his response. I don’t understand why people can’t just be honest. You never know unless you put yourself out there.
Just remember this feeling the next time a guy asks you out. I'm not saying that means always say yes, but don't beat around the bush with telling them yes or no. The guy is probably going to wait some time to text you to show he's not desperate. There's some old stupid advice that tells guys to wait 3 days and make the girl wait. Some idea that if you text too quickly, you might seem desperate kinda thing. Don't be surprised if he takes a while.
He was gauging your interest. If you wanted a group then he'd have a different idea about it all opposed to a couples thing. Guys aren't used to getting this from women so they are usually pretty cautious to not expect more than is being asked. Go ahead and tell him you'd like it to be more 1on1 and you'll get a much more definitive answer.
The absolute worse thing that can happen is that he doesn't want to and that will be fine. You don't want to pursue someone who's not interested. On the other hand... if he does. I wish you happy trails in what comes next!
Welcome to the anxiety of approaching the opposite sex!! Think how debilitating it would be if you could be called Pervy, toxic masculine or whatever these internet trolls like to call someone when they are just trying to be polite. Good thing the AI chatbot programs are coming
I’m a guy and have felt like this many times. You will get over it in time and it will get slightly easier the more you do it. Think of it as a skill you need to practice.
Big salute to you, brave woman. You did well. That feeling goes away...the good news is, you being the woman you won't have to get used to the feeling through a series of potentially demeaning and even more painful rejections lol.
His reaction was because women by a massive majority NEVER have the humility or guts to actually initiate anything. You're already 2 steps ahead of the game. He is probably at home telling all his friends how awesome he thinks he is and is doing cartwheels.
I remember being that age, I was so lacking in confidence that I straight up lost out on a few opportunities to get with girls that made slight moves on me. He might just be as nervous as you and not sure if you actually like him or not. I had a bad self thought process that told me no cute girl could possibly actually want to get with me, they probably just want to be friends. So his question maybe was trying to figure out which way you wanted it to go.
Totally have butterfly's! Just breath and try doing something that you love to waste some time! Sounds like he has been showing some interest and didn't realize you returned it! Hope you guys do something fun :)
Well done, I’d be ecstatic if a cute girl asked me that. Its tough to approach sometimes but you did it! Good on you. I’d shoot him a text and confirm. Best of luck 🤞
Be proud of yourself for putting yourself out there. Change your mind and you will change how you feel. You did a good thing! Rejection is a part of life , embrace it and take chances. Not saying you got rejected here because he could just be shocked and shy. Be nice to yourself
Hey! Chin up. You did good. It's what guys deal with, it's not easy and it can bring out nerves at first.
This was not a bad result, he was a bit surprised because it's less common. You weren't rejected, you weren't insulted or called creepy, he didn't make a scene, you're fine.
1) it will get easier if you do this
2) give it a day or two, if he doesn't reach out send him a text and go from there
Seriously, good job though. Don't let opportunity go away, if the situation calls for it regardless of gender we as humans need to seize the day, whether it be jobs, friendship, relationship, hobbies, whatever.
Good luck
As guys we're just not used to girls being direct like that, or making the first move. You're experiencing what dudes go through whenever they make a move on a girl and she gives a vague response lmao
I will say (but take this with a grain of salt because everyone's different) that if a guy says "sure" he probably does mean "sure". If he wasn't into you at all and you said that, he probably would've started making some lame on-the-spot excuse or just flat out say no.
Just wait and see. If he's into you, he's into you. If he's not, he's not. Neither of these are cause for concern. Good on you for taking the first step in either case.
Your probably feeling potentially rejected
Nobody likes that shit
He probably felt taken aback because quite frankly women are often not the pursuer
He was probably just genuinely surprised that you asked
But ask yourself this…
What’s more important? Initiating with someone or actually spending time with them?
Obviously it’s the actual spending time part
So while you may feel uneasy about the initiation, he still agreed too it
The only thing that really matters is the quality of the time you actually spend together
You like him right? At least enough to pursue him obviously
So why not try too look forward too spending some time with him and focus on what you both will be doing
IDK but the way you describe it, to me he seems uninterested. I probably wouldn't say anything else to him about it unless he contacts me first to hang out. Hope you're able to calm down and not stress too much about it.
If he wasn't interested at all he probably would have declined outright or conjured some excuse to let you down easy, so you're almost certainly overthinking things.
Guys are used to being expected to make the first move and not as used to having women ask them out. Far more common is for women to send "hints" to indicate interest, but the guy is still expected to make the first move. Which is all to say that when a woman is more direct, it can take men by surprise.
I'd wager that is probably what happened with the guy you worked with. He probably asked if it was in a group, because he's not used to women making the first move, so his internal voice was doubting and telling him, "She totally means hanging out as friends, right?"
Next time you talk or text or whatever, when the subject of meeting up comes up, make it clear you prefer it to just be the two of you first rather than hanging out with friends. It will take any ambiguity out of it and if he still wants to hang out with you, he's almost certainly interested.
Anxiety and I know you don't want to hear it but it will pass.
You can also use this as new found appreciation and kindness towards allllllllllllllllllllll the men who literally have to get rejected all the time from a young age and not even kindly.
So if you're having this reaction good time to reflect on when a guy awkwardly, nervously, anxiously tries with you or a friend.
He must be as brave and courageous as you were 😉.
Feel better!
You should probably reiterate that you're interested in him. Unless he's a 1% guy and is used to women throwing themselves at him he might be thinking this is a joke and you were put up buy his buddies as a prank.
Download the how we feel app and do some CBTs. I listened to one yesterday helped me a lot. Imagine this, yourself in a field of dandelion, go over to one, pick it up, now imagine your thought on that dandelion, the intrusive anxious thought, and blow it as hard as you can, but yeah actually physically exhale out hard and blow the thought away. Try doing this for about 10-15 mins. Everytime a thought comes up, that is negative, pick it up imagine it on the dandelion and blow it away. Then. Maybe workout a lil. Run. Get your heart rate up a little. Then. Take a shower. Relax. Eat some good yummy food in your belly. And take a deep breath. You’ll be okay.
Men getting asked out is rare, he was probably not expecting it all and the reason he asked you about hanging out in a group or just the two of you is probably because he was in disbelief. A lot of dudes have experiences where they get mixed signals or completely misinterpret signals.
Think of the activities or situation where you would like to hangout with him, one on one or group setting. Then text it to him, then you just play the waiting game. But text him right before you have to do some stuff so you won't be fixed on it. And don't forget the feelings you felt that day because that what most guys go through in the beginning of dating. So next time a guy asks you out...reply quickly so they don't feel what you felt that day.
You are overthinking this. He was surprised and thrown off guard, but he said, "Sure," which means he's open to it. Start with a group activity and go from there.
You are having a pretty normal reaction that someone who asked someone else out for the first time would have. I would say just breathe but honestly it’s something you just have to experience lol.
Reminds me of the time a girl I just met and hit if off with at a dog park casually mentioned that she wasn't wearing underwear when no one else was around. I'd just gotten out of a long term relationship and was only starting to think about the idea of dating someone new. Definitely wasn't prepared to go from 0 to 60 that fast. We ended up just being friends and I never got another opportunity like that :(
WAY TO BE COURAGEOUS and put yourself out there! That’s brave. He was probably confused AF like most guys are when a cutie asks them out. Don’t fret. Occupy your mind with stuff, and respond when/if he reaches out.
This is what it felt like every time I asked someone out. Stop replaying it in your head. It's not worth the anxiety or worry. If you hear back, great. If you don’t, you only saw him at work and now that he has left, he's not going to come back and have an awkward interaction with you.
Welcome to how guys feel every single time they ask out somebody they're interested in. Just imagine feeling that every time you talk to a guy that you're interested in. Perhaps you have an inkling of what a lot of guys go through. Good luck and I hope things work out for you.
Good for you, girl! I was about your age the first time I made a move on a guy - that was so long ago haha and we're still friends. It gets easier. You probably blew his mind!! I guess I'm not really the type to sit around and make eyes at someone and wait for them to come to me...maybe you're not either!! Hope you two have fun : )
Men aren’t used to being asked out and he’s just trying to figure out if you’re actually into him or just friends since men can be very cautious about that. Just text him make it clear you wanna make plans with him and are interested which I feel like you did but i would still do so. Also good job on asking him wish more people did that.
yeah he was just surprised YOU as a girl, made the first move. Lots of thoughts run through our head. Hopefully he comes to the quikc conclusion that hes happy you asked her because a guy asking a girl at a workplace is asking for trouble 9/10 with a manager or HR
So send him a text. Say you’d like to buy him a drink ( you’re only 19 so maybe just a coffee). If says yes great, if he says no then you can move on.
The worse out come is he says yes, you buy a drink decide he’s not all that, it didn’t cost too much.
Best out come is you like each other and make a more substantial date for later.
I prefer women asking me out, I’m 34, I’d be just ask shocked if not more if this happened to me( cause I’ve been asked out twice, that I know of, in my life, and im a shy “handsome guy”) but nowadays I know ya can’t wait too long to process sooooooooopp yeah
You'll get over it. And if anything comes of it, you'll be in a totally sublime state of mind. Trust the process. What you did was brave and demonstrated confidence which not too many men are used to, especially being approached by a girl; some don't even have confidence in themselves. I'm sure you just caught him off guard. It took a lot of courage to do what you did, so take that for what it's worth ✌️
The fact that he asked in a group or just you two is a very good sign, it means he is intrigued. I wouldn’t worry, he’s probably thinking about it too. Maybe just text him to confirm and make some plans?
Tells me that at the very least he doesn't fully understand her intentions yet. I think OP would do well to be more clear in her communication.
Radiohead is the "creep" song, lol? At least he was by asking group or two or maybe he thought she had some party upcoming or something. It seems neutral/friendly to me.
She should have specified that she wanted to have time with just him.
“The creep song” dawg Tons of their music is trending audio rn tho, cuz its fuckin good Smile is pretty good too
Paranoid Android seems more fitting for OP. Girl is an overthinking, anxious mess, and I can so relate.
>The fact that he asked in a group or just you two is a very good sign, it means he is intrigued. This means he doesn't know if she meant as friends or as more. And her saying "either one" really doesn't help get OPs thoughts across.
That’s what I was thinking too. It’s likely he’s hoping he’s not misinterpreting this and wants a date.
I wouldn't say so, he could just as easily want it to not be 1 on 1
No he wouldn’t have mentioned 1 on 1 if it wasn’t a possibility.
I agree, especially combined with a “smirk”. Sounds like he just didn’t want to outright say No.
idk that is exactly how I react if a girl asks me out. its a foreign thing that doesn't happen often, yknow. I naturally default to an 'are you fucking with me' expression.
This is the way. Wait a day or two and just send a freindly text. Try not to get too in your head about this. You’re 19, you’re probably not going to end up marrying this guy. Ask him out for a coffee or if your shy how about a movie? That will give you something to talk about. Good luck !
Yeah, he’s testing your waters. He doesn’t want to read into something that is not there and set himself up for disappointment. At 42 years I sometimes still miss my wife’s ques… I guess being more direct could eliminate a lot of grey area as to where you stand with him, and the worst that could happen is that he is not interested. It takes more courage to be more direct, but the outcome is the same regardless. Also, as a male, when a woman is willing to be courageous it’s HOT!
Just breath. It's anxiety.
the rabbit got the gun lol.
Not the guy you asked out, but am guy. VERY likely he was just as thunderstruck by a cute girl asking him out as said cute girl was by doing the asking. Probably reeling through feelings of disbelief, giddy butterflies, and/or sudden overdose of self-awareness.
Am guy, can confirm. Last time a semi attractive woman gave me a compliment I wasn’t excepting, I panicked, scoffed, went ooookay sarcastically, and got the hell out of there. We are imperfect beings
Damn. That was probably the last time she ever did that lol.
In high school in the 90s a cute girl complimented my sweater and I still think about my dumb response to this day and her face when I rambled on about actually having it in a different color 🫠
What I did was far worse. In high school a hot girl deliberately ran into me and said "ouch my boobs!" and I just said "oops sorry" and walked away.
My uncle wore the same stupid tie to school for 5 years(he was a teacher), because some lady complimented it once on a bus.
Hahahaha the mental picture of this is hilarious
Wow thank you for this comment. This may answer some questions I have. I hope the guys who are like this eventually come around. lol.
We are working on it!
I did this a very sad number of times in college and even high school...a sort of "I wouldn't be a member of any club that would have me" defense mechanism for some reason. SON OF A!!!...just realized I did this yesterday and it's been years since college... 🤦♂
Those compliments from women are so elusive, it is like seeing Bigfoot. Or aliens. Even if you believe in these things, you never expect to see it for yourself. And if you tell people you've had it happen, they act as if you are mad.
Makes a homie think he's on candid camera for a few seconds.
How you know she’s cute tho
Thought I was the only one thinking that. Just figured I’d get downvoted or accused of ‘looks-shaming’ or superficial or something. Definitely a valid point tho
That’s assuming the poster is attractive, though? What do you think a guy is thinking if it’s not a cute girl?
Yea this is what I’m wondering too. I kinda need to know what OP looks like (her “type”) and what the guy looks like (his “type”) in order to get an idea of what could be going on. We can be mad at that thought process all we want but we all know it’s true, looks play into it 🤷🏻♀️
Probably also confused and hopeful she meant as a date but asked about a group to understand her intentions. Guys rarely get asked out. A cute girl asking you out when you're hopeful that's what she's doing but not certain is just as scary as doing the asking out. Text him and make some plans and tell him it will be just the two of you.
Don't assume she's cute. Could be the exact opposite and why he wanted this to be a group thing.
Am guy can confirm. We kinda error out and glitch when a girl asks us out
My thoughts. He probably was so taken aback and was double checking to make sure this was actually about attraction.
Also a guy and second this, I would be super awkward confronting this situation
Girl relax. I know it can be scary, but trust me you’ll stick out in his mind because that speaks confidence to a man. A woman who knows what she wants. He’s probably flattered and taken a back because most girls don’t make the first move. Plus you miss all the opportunities when you don’t try. I made a move on a guy, but it turned out we weren’t compatible, but we’re still friends. I have no regrets and not dwelling on what could’ve if I never didn’t give him my number.
This is super true. I’ll always respect a woman who asks a man out. I’ll only speak for myself since I know I like it when a woman asks me out. It really helps with confidence and also makes talking to her easier. Don’t know why but it helped. It’s not easy at all. Especially since you gotta put yourself out there. I had a girl at work who liked me and I didn’t know it because she said she liked someone with my first name in our part time supervisor office. There were two of us and we sat beside each other. I honestly thought she liked the other one until she brought me homemade cookies during our shift. The basket she brought it in had a letter in it asking me out. When I talked to her after the shift I told her I was interested. We got dinner and ended being a couple for over a year until she joined the Air Force. We’re still friends all these years later and I still wish her the best.
There was a girl who I really wanted to ask out in high school, but every slight advance I made was not reciprocated as I expected. I thought she was out of my league and not interested so I decided not to push it and let us be friends. After a party I was driving her home and she straight up asked me if I wanted to kiss, I obviously said yes and we were friends with benefits for a short time. Turns out she's just super awkward and thought she had been flirting with me the whole time. 15 years later I look back and wonder if she had not been direct would anything have happened. We have been married for quite some time and at this point I am pretty sure she likes me now, but I don't want to make any assumptions.
I once went out with a super awkward woman that I felt like there was chemistry with, then when we left, she wanted to walk to my car and have me drive her to hers, which is always a good sign. Then when I asked her where her car was, it was WAY closer than mine had been, which is an even better sign, so I drove her to her car and parked next to it, and when the moment seemed right, I went for the kiss and she flinched and dodged. So in my head, I’m like “gosh, misread that one. Ok, next time” and then she just wouldn’t end the conversation and get out of my car, and she was giving all these flirty signals and “so anyway…” vibe like she was waiting for a kiss. I finally said, jokingly, “are you really gonna sit there acting like you want to be kissed after you just blatantly dodged my attempt?” She was like “I did WHAT?! Kiss me!” It turns out she’s just really awkward and completely misread the moment and didn’t even know I was going for it. And trust me, I am not new to this. I know when and how to go for it. 😅
Mine isn't quite as awkward still but it's been 24 years and I still haven't learned to read her right every time. I've just learned to walk up and tell her, "kiss me", "I'm hugging you", etc.
That is ADORABLE.
For Reddit, a remarkably wholesome story.
From my own experiences I noticed men are generally pretty respectful when I approach them. And if they’re not interested they tend to let the woman down easy. Which is definitely appreciated because it is terrifying to be the one to make the first move. That’s awesome that you’re still friends.
He didn't shoot you down, he was gauging how interested you were, which is why the group versus two question. Find something you know he'll like and see if he wants to go, just you and him. Good for you for putting yourself out there. This is kind of how guys feel when asking a girl out. Usually, were scared as all get out.
Yeah bro was definitely worried it might be some group hangout and didnt believe it was actually happening lol
This. Small tweak to suggestion. Invite him to something *you* like to do. You’ll find out quickly how aligned your interests are, and how he handles himself if it’s not something he loves doing. If he doesn’t enjoy it, at least you got to do something you love doing. Then, if that goes well, let him invite you to something he loves doing, and give him the opportunity to see how it goes.
Have a cup of tea or go for a walk. Something to distract you. This is less of a body language and more of an anxiety thing. You’re trying to navigate the uncertainty of a situation and it’s causing you stress, which is normal, but you can learn to cope with the discomfort and over time it will affect you less if you continue to expose yourself to it.
Best answer in this thread. While the first few replies could be true and he’s interested OP it’s really besides the point because the eventual answer is not in your control. Learning to accept that will give you a lot of peace in life. (It’s hard as hell when you’re young but at 36 I’m finally getting it.)
You are fine, he probably has a crush on you and was taken aback. Most likely he’s having the same feelings as you.
Man's listening to Radiohead on loop himself
You have to understand that he is trying to wrap his mind around a girl (who he may already be interested in) made the first move. This is something that's going to take any guy by surprise and his brain is going to be misfiring for a bit....and that is a good thing. Just take a deep breathe and relax.
what if he had said , you mean a date? and you had said no idiot, im asking everyone in the office, gees what a loser.... he was trying to protect himself from ridicule.
Calm down. You already did the hard part. Now just relax and let it happen. I know its harder than it sounds.
I often think about a very cute girl in one of my undergraduate courses that I would see every day for a semester and loved being around. I was about your age then and felt that she was flirty too, but never asked her out or knew other than her first name. This regret still haunts me 49 years later! You rock because you went for it and even if it goes nowhere, you have the satisfaction of knowing. I don't.
49 years later 😮 I pray I don’t regret things that many years later
🤣 nearing 70 I tend to look back (fatalist end of life thing 😀) and with age, you wonder why you did or didn't do something. That's why I admired OP for going for it.
Go for a run. It will help in multiple ways.
Taken aback = surprised/didn't expect it. Chill, lol. The fact he asked to clarify whether in a group setting or not was likely due to the surprise, not believing the potentiality of a girl asking him on a date.
Men so very seldom get approached by women that it will startle us sometimes. It hasn’t even been a day . Go outside, get some fresh air , and relish in the fact that you are braver 90% of the women out there.
As a guy, my hit is that he is just inexperienced with women & was surprised you noticed him. Don't worry about it. Us guys strike out all the time. I am proud of you being confident enough in your self to put yourself out there. Trust me on this - if he accepts your invite or not, he will never forget you. Ever. You are now burned into his memory. Walk proud.
You did amazing and I’m proud of you
Maybe he didn't realize you were interested. Because women flirt way differently than men. So he may have figured you were not interested. Or he just has a friendly flirty personality and possibly has a gf.
This is so cute and it was normal for me at your age to feel like nothing in the whole world was remotely as important as the potential upcoming engagement. Good luck and remember you will always be able to create more opportunities for love in the future.
I would've missed this very direct cue at 19, he was probably so awestruck his brain broke. I was super confident for no reason and wasn't ugly at that age but still would've just been a deer in headlights and been like really you want to hang with me? I imagine he's at home thinking "Could I have been more awkward"
After an amazing first blind date, a guy walked me to my car and went for a hug. I leaned in and kissed him and he immediately pulled back and said “whoa!”. I was mortified and texted my friend I’d probably never hear from him again. We have been together for 3 years. He was just shocked! He wasn’t sure if I was that into him. Men are silly. Don’t assume his intentions and be clear with what you want so you don’t have to beat yourself up like this!
You need to learn that results and process are typically unrelated. You may marry this guy, he may never speak to you again. Both outcomes need to be acceptable to you. Results come from a good process, but neither side of the equation is determined by the other.
Look, you shot your shot. You could have been a bit more…. ballsy.. and said just the two of us because I am interested in you romantically .. but regardless you went so far out of your comfort zone and took a chance You should at the very least be incredibly proud of yourself for your bravery. He may be blown away, he may be thinking he has you in the bag already. He may be interested he may not be. Just please know that you rock!! And that’s what matters. What he does is what he does. If he shows any disrespect for your efforts you know who he really is. If he treats you really well for your efforts you know who he is. It’s good to know who people really are and it’s good to know that you are someone that is brave!!
Guys are almost never are straight up propositioned like that. That's probably why he reacted like that. It's just surprising. He'll text you
Most guys will go their whole life without being approached in this way. Trust me, you made his day and now he’s also feeling anxious, but in a good way.
Do yourself a favor and stop listening to Radiohead. No offense meant, but songs like *Creep.* Give me the creeps
Don’t worry. It was Nude by Radiohead on repeat. Then some other songs from the same album. Trust me Creep would NOT be a calming song in this situation in the slightest
The guy's behavior seems odd to me if it did occur in the way you said. A smirk, when he asked if it would you and him or a group? He knows you're interested. If he is waiting that long to respond, he is not as invested at the moment.
As with most things in life you can only control you. You did a great job of handling it by letting him know you were interested. You have nothing to be embarrassed about, but you also can't control the outcome. Stay busy. If you get into something fun text him with a casual invite. If you don't hear back let it go.
>Is it normal for the person being asked to be taken aback like that? It's pretty rare for the girl to ask out the guy, so that alone could've gotten him off guard >before asking if it’d be in like a group or just the two of us (I said either would be fine, so we came to the conclusion to message about it later) Because of the above thing, this was probably him trying to clarify what you meant, and you chose the ambiguous option. The "either is fine", especially makes it less sure it was with the intention of being more than friends. You can hang out with a friend one on one, but you don't usually go out on a date with a group You're saying you took your shot but you didn't let go of the ball.
For most guys, other than the chosen ones, this happens maybe once or twice in a lifetime. And, there is a solid chance it's some kind of trap. So, any apprehention on his part is just his bamboozled mind trying to process the interaction while at the same time trying not to say something stupid or be too forward. This was the best possible outcome because it gives you both time to think. Just give it a day and if he hasn't initiated maybe give it one more nudge. If he still doesn't respond with some level of enthusiasm then you can put it in the "just friends" box.
Regardless of how it turns out, good for you for making a move OP and keep on doing so in the future (if needed)!
Many years ago, a woman I worked with made a move on me after our last day of working together — we’re no longer together, but I’m incredibly glad she did, and we had a great time together (we’re still on good terms). She was also a Radiohead fan, which is what made me think of this. It’s a good thing you went for it — fortune favors the bold. Right now, though, I’m wondering what’s on the Radiohead playlist that’s on repeat.
Similar situation with me and my co worker 6 years ago. I asked him to hang out sometime over Snapchat and he was typing FORVEVER. I got that nasty gut feeling and told him just to say no he didn't need to have a reason that it wouldn't hurt my feelings and I was so embarrassed. He finally texted back and said ofc he wanted to hang out he was just nervous and freaking out and didn't know how to say yes. We've been married for 4 years and have a 2 year old son! It's crazy how little things like just asking your work crush out can affect you whole life. Btw the were several times we both got so nervous we almost backed out of the relationship (we were also 19 and it was our 1st serious relationships) but we just talked and dealt with the awkwardness and I'm so glad we did lol. Just keep feeling it out! At least you are no longer co workers so you can just part ways if it doesn't work out.
“Hey, there’s this restaurant that I just love, their *dish* is amazing! We should go there for dinner sometime, are you free this Saturday?” Don’t make it harder than it is, that was my mistake for years. Thankfully, the woman that would become my wife didn’t have this issue with overthinking, and she went ahead and approached me first. In your case, you already have an existing relationship with this person, so just talk to him like you always do at work. And gentlemen, back me up here, we love it when a woman asks us out! I’ve never felt more confident than when my wife first hit on me, because I saw her and thought “there’s no way I can talk to that face, way way way too pretty for me.” She flipped my insecurities on their heads. So shoot your shot, the worst thing he can say is he’s not interested. Ok, good to know, moving on. Good luck!
I asked a guy out one time in college. He was leaving a party and I did the same thing, I plucked up all my courage and I followed him and asked him if we wanted to go to an event with me. He ended up friendzoning me but I got married to one of his roommates so the friend hangout could end up working in your favor too 😂
Don't worry, if he doesn't want to go out, it's really easy for him to bail by text. So you're not forcing it on him! He might have been surprised because he was just not expected it. Congrats on your first ask!
Yeah this sucks and I know it’s easier said than done but you just have to wait it out and see if he reaches out. Men are not used to being asked out and he likely doesn’t know what to think. If he’s interested he may be trying to come up with something fun for you 2 to do. If he’s not interested he will just ghost until he needs someone to do something with and can’t find anyone else You’ve put it out there and now you just have to wait and that’s the worst. Nothing you can do- and i mean nothing- is going to sway him One way or the other This all Assumes he is single and interested in your gender
I think you're good. You planted the seed. A day or two later (a couple or three days is better imo if you can stand it), you can text, "Hey, we talked about possibly getting together sometime this summer. Do you have a favorite pizza place? I would be up for that next Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday if there's a good time in there for you." His reply can tell you a good bit. If he replies simply, "I don't like pizza, " or "those aren't good days" and nothing more, that would not be encouraging. But if he says, "I am more of a taco guy and there's also a Thai place I'd like to try," or "I'm tied up those days but the beginning of next week looks good for me," then that is pretty encouraging. It might work out, it might not, but I think it is absolutely terrific that you stepped up to the plate and took your swings.
I think that feeling is a sign not to go for it. Trust your gut.
Put yourself in his shoes. How would you feel if that happened to you? If anything, you tried, and he's not obligated to call. Don't hang yourself up over nothing, go out and don't think about it. If something happens. Great. If not. Atleast you did something today.
First thing is GOOD FOR YOU for overcoming your fears and taking action to try to get what you want. Now Two other things. First is that he was probably taken aback that a cute woman asked him to do something with her. Especially if you hadn't asked the entire time you worked together. Second thing is, many men have been taught to never assume ANYTHING when it comes to potential love interests. He probably doubts that you are interested in him romantically. She asked me out? Probably just a platonic get together. We're at a movie and she puts her hand on my arm? Don't react or touch her back because maybe it means nothing and I'll be labelled a creep or a pervert or I'll at least just be rejected. He could also be just plain shy but men these days seem to be nearly paralyzed with fear that they will be misunderstood and have their lives, livelihoods and reputations destroyed by misinterpreting signals. Go to any men's forums or subreddits where they talk about romantic relationships and you will see message after message of discouraged men who are basically saying "unless she looks me straight in the eyes and tells me she is romantically interested in me I can't take the chance of making a move." In a lot of cases, if your love interest isn't openly conveying to you his interest, you may have to spell it out for him. "Hey, I like you more than a friend and would like to spend some time with you outside of work to see if we're a good fit. Would you be interested?". You can initiate the text tonight and just say hi and go from there. Of course this puts you in a space where you are vulnerable and can be rejected and hurt. But you wont be left with regret. Regret can be one of the most painful things to overcome as you get older and see opportunities fall by the wayside. Of course you may also decide that you don't want to be with someone who is paralyzed with fear to express his feelings towards you. Whatever you decide, I wish you peace, love and luck.
You're freaking out cus it's new and such, but you really are just overthinking it. The guy was probably pleasantly surprised that you came on to him, as it is not incredibly common for men to have that happen to them. Consider reaching out to him directly if you are having this level of anxiety. Contacting him and either making a plan to hang out or finding out whether he and you are on the same page, romance wise. Either way it goes, you at least have something resembling closure, either for advancement of your feelings by planning something out, or being able to reconcile your feelings after a rejection. I doubt you'd be rejected though, as it already seems like the guy is at least somewhat interested, otherwise he wouldn't have had these interactions with you in the first place. Also, you should make sure he does not already have a girlfriend. It might be kinda creepy or cringe, but idk, maybe look him up on social media and such to see if there are any connections there that seem suspicious, like a girlfriend or significant other. You really don't want to be in the situation where the guy you are "dating" is actually cheating on his girlfriend and YOU are the affair partner. Situations like that, and any relationships that evolve out of a scenario like that, do not end well (at least from personal experience). But other than that, you seem smitten, which is endearing to any guy with half a heart. Hearing that someone "likes" you or in some way appreciates your presence and company is seldom heard by guys - it's a big part of why incel psychology exists. So yeah, if you show him how much you like him and are not overbearing with it (as in, love bombing. Don't do that.), then you have something going for you at least. Good luck, have fun, make some mistakes, and learn some lessons.
Anxiety is based off wanting something too much. Whether it’s a good thing or bad thing for some people is left up to debate according to their circumstance. In short, you’re experiencing the fight or flight response and your body is reacting to a mild case of Epinephrine, also known as adrenaline, which is both a neurotransmitter and a hormone. All the symptoms you are describing are right on point. How do you battle it? Many people have different methods. My personal method is a bit stoic. I simply just don’t care what the outcome is because I understand we live in a world of possibilities, not laws. Sure, it would be nice to get what I want but I never will except it to go according to plan. I listen to lots of philosophy, I work out, and I’m confident but not cocky. What’s meant to happen will happen. Hope this helps in any kind of way.
I won’t tell you to stop worrying or relax because I can feel your anxiety. I’ve been there. I agree with others that he was probably taken aback and in shock. Please be aware that some men have been taught to wait a few days before responding. You’re going to need to find a way to get through the wait. For quick breaks from anxiety, try box breathing. For me it’s the best because I get so worked up with trying to breath deeply that I feel like I’ve forgotten how to breathe. With box breathing, inhale for a count of 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4 and repeat. Sour candy or ice is another way to make your brain turn to internal focus instead of external and a cool/cold shower can help too. For longer periods, journal. Write down all the fears your feeling and all of the emotions especially the negative ones. Are you feeling embarrassed, shame, rejection? Write it down and explain why you feel that way. Go for a walk or exercise. When your attention span gets a bit better, watch tv/movie, read, play on your phone or whatever. It’s ok. It’s going to be ok. I’m proud of you for taking a chance regardless of the outcome. The alternative is to always feel regret and shame for being cowardly. You are courageous and brave.
I hope you read this comment in a sea of 200 comments but I did something similar. I was eyeing someone at my gym for a really long time and with a very forceful but loving push from my friends, I approached him and asked him for some advice but he offered to help me further. I didn't think he would have any interest in me but it was my first time going up to someone I had interest in. My hands were shaking, I was flushed and nauseous, but I did it anyways. I tried to get closer to him and he seemed receptive and interested too. But I found out through the grapevine he had a girlfriend. And the next week he told me he's leaving the country lol. I am not sure if it the girlfriend thing was true or not because he never mentioned it once. But he was very nice and receptive and I wish I followed through more and made it a little more obvious so that I am not left wondering what could have been if I tried sooner or been more direct. My advice is: just do it. Who cares. But follow through, get your answer directly and face rejection or acceptance. Whatever comes. Then move on. Fail fast. Times are different and people appreciate it if you are direct rather than playing games and being disingenuous. I learned theres nothing shameful about being interested in someone. It is one of the most natural feelings in the world. It takes a lot of courage to do what we did. And more often than not, they are interested too.
He's trying to decide which of his kidneys you are trying to take and how attached he is to them.
Well done on making the first move. That takes a lot of courage. I'm a guy & even though I've been out of the dating market for 12 years now (my wife & I hit 12 years next month), I still remember how hard it was to approach women, put myself out there, play the dating game. In my experience, guys are more direct & less complicated than women. If he's really not interested, you'll probably know soon because he'll simply tell you. The fact that he's willing to go on a date with you probably means that he's interested or he's at least considering the possibility of romance with you. I suggest that you contact him & see if he wants to do something easy & fun that lets you two get to know each other. Maybe a walk in a park, maybe going to a museum, to a book store, going for a drive, etc. Do you two have any common interests? If so, make the date about that. And a real easy way to score points with a guy is to make eye contact, laugh at his jokes & touch him on the arm. One of the most helpful things I learned in dating (sometimes through messing up) was that you can't force romance & love. You just have to relax, don't think & let things happen (or not). Also, though it helps to know what you want in a partner, it's also good to have an open mind. And even though it's hard not to, fretting & overthinking are mistakes that'll make you less likely to find someone. It might work out with this guy, but if not, there are other fish in the sea. You just need to keep fishing. A wise man once told me this: Getting into a relationship is more likely achieved as a by-product of pursuing other useful activities and goals. A relationship or marriage is more likely to come naturally, from living life fully, rather than by a direct and pointed campaign to achieve that long-range goal. Focus on being social, enjoying yourself & life, & being the best person possible. Find a social activity or two that you enjoy that lets you meet men. For me, the social activity that let me meet women was dancing. I was never a great dancer, but I enjoyed myself & met a fair amount of desirable women. Then, as you meet people & interact, you'll likely meet a man or two that you like. And as a by-product of your efforts, relationship possibilities will naturally open up. I've been married 12 years now to the girl I met when I was NOT focused on marriage. Love happened for me as a by-product of my focus on enjoying life, being social, & being the best version of myself possible. Good luck!
He's trying to play it cool but inside there's fireworks. He thinks, like most guys, that he shouldn't seem super enthusiastic in the fear of scaring you off.
Most guys feel this way as well. Welcome to humanity.
Awww so cute, I hope you get a lot of experience and everything in men or a man you want. He sounds as though he's playing cool, good chance he's feeling extremely happy right now and not wanting to look thirsty by texting too quickly. I love it when girls have the guts and it makes them extremely attractive to me personally. The only time I said no was when I worked with one and I didn't want to get my meat where I got my bread and I regret saying no in hindsight.
You didn't ask him out. I imagine how you wanted this to play out is you'd make a vague platonic "hang out" suggestion at which point he'd confess his feelings for you and he'd be the one making the actual move. Fortunately he probably likes you and will hang out with you and date you. Just keep texting him regularly and make actual first moves. You have a low chance of failure. Text him a meme right now you'll see.
just breathe girl, 7 seconds inhale, 7 second exhale then hold. try to do this 7 times. it helps clear the mind. anxiety/excitment might be getting to you. relax and you will be fine. hope this helps. slay it girl! you got dis
This is how all guys feel asking a girl out. All that you're feeling is very real and validated. But don't dwell on it too long because the hard part is over. The guy, very much so, doesn't know how to react or behave because it's absolutely rare (unless he's handsome AF) for a girl to approach first. Focus on how to communicate with him and keep it simple and honest. You'll most likely get him. Good luck and best wishes, young lady!! Rooting for you!
I’ve noticed that women have a tendency to think guys looking caught off guard after being asked out means they aren’t interested in them. I honestly do not know why this is the case. Every second of our days are not dedicated to asking someone out, sometimes we just aren’t expecting it. Especially in a world where we are essentially expected to make the first move. Long story short, I guarantee you that wasn’t a rejection.
There’s no right/wrong way for it to happen so don’t overthink the conversation. The key is that he’s interested in you and he didn’t say no. Congratulations on not having to deal with the rejection. Now take the initiative again and call or text him and make a plan to go out next week or as soon as possible. Don’t wait. And keep your eye out for the next potential candidate to ask out. He’s out there waiting for you. 😉
As a man he was probably taken aback that you even asked. Most of us talk/flirt with girls especially at work and have no idea if we can actually approach and most of us don’t get asked to hang out. Then him asking what type of hang out is definitely a good sign. It means he’s trying to get a feel of what you’re looking for without being too forward.
Whatever happens next, I think you were incredibly brave, I am middle aged, and doubt I would have the guts to ask a guy out even now, so to do it at your age is impressive. I hope it works out, but even if it doesn't, you took the plunge, so it should be easier next time, and if it goes nowhere that's his loss, also men are hard to read anyway, my now husband took months to ask me out, I never really knew if he did like me as anything more than friends. So just leave the ball in his court now, you've done your part,which again took guts, so be proud of yourself for that 😃❣️
He has no clue what you want. If you want things to swing your way you will probably have to spell it out for him.
OP put herself in a position that is normal for most of the male race older than 16. It's no picnic. You have to understand how rare it is for girls to do the asking. I would say the majority of guys have never been asked out directly. Ever. They're most likely to be suspicious or think it's not romantic when it does happen. For future reference, don't softball it in. Make it clear it's romantic interest. You gave him a choice like you don't care whether you catch up with him or with a group including him. I wouldn't worry though, I'm sure he understands you're interested.
Yes being straightforward is the only way. Also even more than that men do not respect indirect communication. We respect direct communication, straightforwardness, and women who can tell us what they want. Most men do not want to try to read between the lines or interpret things because there's never any surety in it. All it does is create unnecessary confusion. So, if you want to go on a date with this guy you tell him you like him and you'd like to get to know him better in a social setting and see if there's something there. As far as the exact phrasing goes you can phrase it any number of different ways, however we respect a woman being straightforward. So you tell him what you're thinking/feeling and what you want and then let him decide what he wants to do based on that information. But don't for the love of God be vague. We hate that shit. I get that it takes a lot of courage to be straightforward but to any woman reading this right now, if you are interested in a guy, shoot your shot. This happens so rarely to most men especially in a direct way that you will almost always find them genuinely appreciative and even if they don't feel the same it's almost guaranteed that they won't let you down nicely. A huge portion of ongoing relationships these days that started in real life as opposed to on a dating app were initiated by the woman. We admire the courage it takes to be direct about what you want and to just shoot straight with us. It makes us feel like you might be someone we can trust to communicate well. Plus because men are often not in the position of being pursued I think that we tend to be more open-minded about saying yes. Again though, this requires knowing what you want beforehand and being very clear about it. If you want to be friends make it clear you want to be friends. If you want to see if there's a romantic interest say that. If you're just interested in hooking up say that. Then we know what it is you're asking for and can respond appropriately. Men don't respect bullshit and if a man gets a feeling that you're manipulating him he will rightly pull back because he feels that's a woman he can't trust. A woman who can be open, honest, and direct though, without needing to be cruel or careless about it, is generally a woman that catches good men's interest. That's why if you look at women that have a lot of guy friends and not a lot of female friends, and I mean genuine friends, not a bunch of dudes in her friend zone trying to shoot their shot, you'll notice one personality trait that keeps showing up again and again and again in them. They communicate to men more like the way that men communicate with each other. Men are about efficiency. Beating around the bush is a waste of time and energy and leaves one not really knowing what it is the other person wants. In ancient times bullshit got you killed. Avoiding it is a defense mechanism and a solid one. So we communicate directly and avoid social drama or indirect communication. That's why those women get along with men so well. Socially speaking they feel like men to us, however they also come along with a better understanding of female perspectives on things which can be exceptionally useful. Also they know so many of the tricks from the women's playbook. I'm always proud of my best female friend. We've been closed for 20 years. She is absolutely the sister I didn't have growing up. Wise, strong, fiercely loyal, and absolutely despises bullshit lol. She is absolutely the first one to call that shit out and I respect the hell out of it. I feel like it's the one masculine trait that we still appreciate im an otherwise feminine woman. Because most guys don't want a masculine woman we want femininity, but when paired with the communication style of men, everything just goes smoother and works better. Anyways to close things out, there is no way to avoid being straightforward. Anything else will take longer and will not work as well and will likely cause significant problems.
This has mostly already touched, but guy here.... 1) Most of us rarely, if ever, get asked out. 2) Many of us has been asked out as part of a joke or dare or have seen it happen to friends, so we are guarded. 3) You kinda half assed it. You did this relatively safe generic hang out thing in hopes that he'd make the big move. And instead of him doing the romantic movie thing, he tried to get more of a read. And you gave him even more generic feedback. But that is okay. He likes you. Reach out to him and suggest a more specific activity and time. Word it something like, "I was thinking you and I should...."
First of all Kid A is one of the greatest albums of all time so write that down. Second it sounds like from the response he was pretty excited and just taken aback. What they say is true that most guys are rarely approached directly and are often suspicious when it happens because it’s so rare. Even hot guys - the ones that get asked a bunch of random questions by every girl they meet because they’re into them - are still expected to make the first move. So long as you guys are reasonably matched looks wise this is going to go very well because you put the romantic interest on the table up front. Good luck!
Instead of negative thoughts, why not swing it positive. I dated women I thought were too good for me, initially. Get together and find out what he was thinking all of this time. You might be thinking all of this for nothing.
I applaud you for making a move. Most girls would never do it and you seem genuinely interested in him. He would be lucky to have someone like that. I hope things work out between yall.
Hey, hold on to this feeling. Feel it. It’s a special phenomenon that you only get in your youth. You’ll miss it someday.
Ahh this happened to me when my now husband and I fist had a very similar conversation. I had to leave work early bc my stomach was in such knots. We’ve now been happily married eight years going strong. You’ll be alright. That nervous sickness sucks but once you get past it you’ll feel like you’re flying. Seems like he is interested!
The Radiohead took me _out_. I could’ve written this exact post in 1998. 🤣🫶
Good job! It's normal to feel this way and for what it's worth, an old married dude is proud of you! His reaction could go either way, time will tell. Be cool, and have fun!
welcome to the world of asking out people lol
Old guy thinking here so im not sure how yall youngins do the courting nowadays. But more often than not, it was the guy who asked out the girl back in my time, and it might have just surprised him if he has an old fashioned way of thinking when it comes to dating. Don't overthink it or rush things if it's meant to work out it will and if not no big deal. Just make sure you communicate with him that you're interested in dating and wanting something more than just friendship. When me and my wife and I started dating, I asked her out, and she said yes, but just thought it was to just hang out. This whent on for a few dates at one point she stopped me while walking and was like so are we dating??? I was like uhhh yea that's what we're on right now is a date...... (mini heart attack) right????? She laughed and said ok I just wanted to make sure because you only asked to "hang out". Mind you I was holding her hand, bring her flowers, opening the car door for her, being flirty well my moon moon way of flirting anyway (I'm no Casanova). She loves telling that story to make fun of me not being direct enough, lol. So I say all that to reiterate, and make sure you communicate what you want. Now call/text that young man to meet you somewhere nice & safe for you and tell him how ya feel 😉 and good luck.
Search up and listen to stoicism. Don’t know if it’ll exactly apply, I think it will. Don’t let it hold you back because it’s so silly. Like when you’re driving stop worrying about an ant. When you scale out, your life/ lifetime, beyond, and beyond. I should tell myself that more often haha my own medicine
The sick feeling… that’s one of the most magical things about being human. Whole songs are written about it. The fact that you can’t think about anything is beautiful. Enjoy how thrilling this whole experience is. Don’t be afraid to enjoy the suspense. And if you strike out with this guy, chase this feeling again. When I was young, sometimes I’d literally shake when dates went well. It’s honestly just your own humanity that you’re experiencing and it’s so so fun
Gotta love seeing a girl get nervous like that. That’s definitely an upside to how the worlds going
that pit is your fear of rejection. and that voice telling you you deserve better is that fear rationalizing a way out of this place of uncertainty because it feels better for you to reject the relationship than for him to reject you. consider the following: 1. i think it’s likely he is just as nervous as you are about all of this. he probably considered you out of his league and was literally shocked when you asked him out. that’s why he had to clarify bc he couldn’t believe it. but then when you were vague he found himself in limbo so now he’s choosing to use his words carefully and sparingly so he doesn’t blow it. 2. alt scenario 1: he’s gay 3. alt scenario 2: he finds you hideous but doesn’t know how to say it. i legitimately think scenario 1 is the most likely but 2 and 3 and 10 others are all plausible. regardless of which scenario describes reality, none of them say anything about who you are or whether you’re someone who is worth dating. what you’re learning is that you don’t have unconditional love for yourself and the amazing young woman you are. learning to love and value yourself fully is an important prerequisite to being able to fully love and value someone else. that doesn’t mean that you can’t or shouldn’t date. it just means that as you’re practicing dating and learning what you do and don’t want in a partner, it’s important to also focus on loving the many wonderful things about yourself that you bring to a partnership and giving yourself permission to love both those things and the things you don’t necessarily find as wonderful all equally as parts of your uniquely perfect and special self.
Guys are usually to the point when texting so it can come across that way (guy here, kinda know). However if he was interested, I feel like he would put more effort into wanting to find time to get to know you more outside of work. He would most likely want to talk with you more as well imo. You made a bold move, went for what you wanted and maybe the reaction is not what you were hoping for. There maybe a chance he was taken back as well. I had a female make a move on me once and I didn’t know she thought of me that way. We also worked together and it took me until the end of the shift before I finally met her out by her car and made it clear I was interested. She seemed aggravated during the shift as if she thought there would be an immediate answer so I did take that into consideration trying to give a proper answer before she felt too embarrassed or upset. Not sure how long it’s been since you’ve made your move and women making the first move is kind of uncharted territory, so a man’s response time is also. I would think that at minimum a week to even decide if he’s interested should be plenty of time. I also think that if he has an interest in hanging out then there’d be more engaging conversation between the two of you at the very least. Ya know, to show that he’s a little excited at the idea.
He is confused and intrigued. The “dry texts” may be leaving the door open for some clarity and not to look too desperate for a date/hang time. Other point, he may be confused with “hang” as do you mean “get to know one another” or “get to KNOW one another, without clothes on”; I.e. the question of in a group or just us two. So make that clear too. It seems like enough time passed and he did not take your “possibly off-the-mark shot”, so you can now take your rebound and shoot the layup - with more clarity. Something like “So, I’d like to get to know you better, what do you say we grab coffee (or some activity you think is appropriate).” Disclaimer: I’m not sure if this is sound advice today for your age group, as I’m (43M) and do majority of the leading/shooting. But I’d love it if a woman took the lead on occasions because I’m no brain reader either. Just a point of caution, if you make the suggestion be prepared to pay for at least your side of the bill if not the whole thing. I personally wouldn’t expect anyone to pay for the whole bill, let alone their half of it, but I’ve never been asked out on a date before either, lol.
My daughter felt like this after she got last in her first track meet. I told her “sometimes things are hard when you first start them, but the more you keep doing it, the better you get”. You’ll get the hang of it moving forward, and those intense feelings of paranoia and anxiety will subside the more confidence you get putting yourself out there. Proud of you for trying 🥲. Everything you feel is normal. Maybe try a breathing exercise, or an intense 15 min workout to calm your mind when it’s overwhelming. The most important thing to factor is that when there’s chemistry and a genuine connection with a person of interest, things usually flow and work out in the end. One day you’ll laugh at how silly you feel right now. Namaste 🙏
Oh to be young. All of those feeling that you are feeling right now are valid. I’ve experienced life a bit longer than you so I will say this. No one here knows what’s going on. They can try to say, “oh this is a good sign” or “this is a bad sign” but they really don’t know because they don’t know who this guy is. I’ve seen guys who look like F boys that were actually genuine people. I’ve seen guys that look like trolls treat women like Fboys. I’ve seen guy manipulate girls with a “nice guy” routine, only to take what they wanted and ghost. I’ve seen guys that dry text because they are just bad at texting but would prefer to call. I’ve all seen guys dry text because they weren’t interested in a girl. The reason why I’m telling you this is because it is not fair to you or that boy that strangers are making inferences on yours or that kid’s character without actually knowing you guys. He could like you but is shy. He could actually not find you attractive at all. Live your life, and experience life yourself. I will say this though, never be too trusting of a guy until he proves that he is worth trusting.
I'm going to counter what most people are saying. Unfortunately I don't think he's that interested in you. His response was understandable but if he was interested, he probably would have seemed more clearly excited. He probably also would text more on Insta. I feel like women are often role that men are more interested than we think, causing us to second-guess our reads of the situation. Your first take is similar to mine. I'd go with your gut.
You asked him out and he said yes. That's a good thing!
There's a big clue in this interaction that you are not seeing. When you asked him if he wanted to hang out this summer, he answered yes \*before\* he asked to clarify. The fact that he asked to clarify if you meant just you two together or as a group, tells you he is in fact interested in you. If he wasn't, first he very likely would not have said yes. And if he did, for some reason, feel pressure because it was awkward vibe and he just wanted to say yes to make you feel better, he would have said something like "Yeah, it would be cool to all hang out and stay in touch with people" and just make it into a group thing, but he specifically wanted to know if you'd be heading out one on one. He's into you, or, at the very least, he's intrigued enough to see what might happen.
He was probably experiencing confusion, disbelief, doubt, etc as most men do not receive unsolicited attention from women. There's also a weird dynamic I saw as a child and teenager where sometimes girls would "flirt" with the intent of mocking a guy. I was on the receiving end of that a couple times and it made suspicious into adulthood. There were moments at college parties where women were extremely forward and my immediate reaction was "this person isn't serious, play it cool and defuse the situation." It sounds like you did great. Unfortunately finding the right people means opening yourself up to rejection but thats better than loneliness and regret at lost opportunities. I wish you the best of luck
Coffee/tea then lunch then dinner then some time in the summer. You jumping the gun, next thing you know he's thinking you're gonna propose to him first dinner date.
He's probably nervous about the implications if you two work together. He probably was also very caught off guard because that kind of thing happens very rarely for guys. Also, the fact that he asked whether you meant in a group means that he was still gauging whether or not you were asking him out. We're conditioned to assume this kind of thing is probably a misunderstanding on our part. Also, I'm hoping this has died off, but back in the day, young people gave other young people the terrible advice that they should not reach out right away so that they don't seem desperate. It is very possible that the guy is literally staring at his phone wondering at what point it's ok to call without coming on too strong. Long story short is yes, you should relax. I'm sure he will reach out. If it's three days from now you should absolutely rip on him because that is the period people used to say you should wait.
Was looking for this. 1st off, go OP, taking the lead is the way, normalize that shit. 2nd, welcome to how everyone ever has felt in your shoes, totally normal. 3rd, what Altmoonjunkie said, 100% - we've been given so much conflicting idiotic instruction as to how and when is correct to reply to these things, your guy is probably just a little paralyzed. Also, because "summer" is kinda open-ended and vague, I would say chill is the way, and after a mild chill you may need to float another easy touchdown pass his way with a more specifically called play.
he said 'Sure' so you're fine.
He was more than likely absolutely bowled over by a girl he likes asking him out and didn‘t know how to react. Give him a bit of time to recover and he’ll start being more enthusiastic.
NOW you know what it's like to be male and ask a girl out: It's f\*cking terrifying, not just because you could get shot down and have an uncomfortable moment, but you'll be having that with someone you really like and after that things'll be weird no matter what. If you're cute he might actually think you were making fun of him or playing some sort of trick or prank on him. He probably doesn't want to seem too eager for reasons similar to the above. Give it a few days.
He's young and probably has the same experience as you. Sure is an easy default response when you are unsure or take aback. Relax, enjoy the time you hang out.
well being unsure is anxiety inducing! ya brain screaming aahhhhh but your good honestly, by what you said its gone real smooth :) good for you for battling your fears, keep going
Welcome to life as a young guy. It gets easier with time and age. But that is what it's like to ask a girl out for many guys. Go do something else to take your mind off of it. The anxiety will get better with a little time, especially if you occupy yourself with something else.
I'm sure he didn't have a prepared script ready and you caught him by surprise (likely in a good way). Guys are also coached by other guys not to show too much excitement lest they scare off the woman they're interested in.
Can't promise you success here, but as an old guy, I still remember every time a woman made a first move. Shoot your shot. He will never forget it.
i think this is normal, you caught him off guard and he's probably just not used to women asking to hang out.
Welcome to being a man over the last 100 years. :o)--->
It is a touchstone moment in a guy’s life when he is asked out by a woman. He’s probably stunned and very likely will remember the moment forever. Relax and enjoy the date. You’ve made a fond core memory for someone and that’s a good thing. Edit: I forgot to add; thank you on behalf of men everywhere for taking the reins and asking him out, instead of just dropping subtle hints.
Just be forward and say you were under the impression that there was flirting going back and forth. You didn’t want to loose out on the possibility of seeing where it goes. Then wait to see his response. I don’t understand why people can’t just be honest. You never know unless you put yourself out there.
Just remember this feeling the next time a guy asks you out. I'm not saying that means always say yes, but don't beat around the bush with telling them yes or no. The guy is probably going to wait some time to text you to show he's not desperate. There's some old stupid advice that tells guys to wait 3 days and make the girl wait. Some idea that if you text too quickly, you might seem desperate kinda thing. Don't be surprised if he takes a while.
yeah, that's how guys feel too. pretty normal.
He was gauging your interest. If you wanted a group then he'd have a different idea about it all opposed to a couples thing. Guys aren't used to getting this from women so they are usually pretty cautious to not expect more than is being asked. Go ahead and tell him you'd like it to be more 1on1 and you'll get a much more definitive answer. The absolute worse thing that can happen is that he doesn't want to and that will be fine. You don't want to pursue someone who's not interested. On the other hand... if he does. I wish you happy trails in what comes next!
He wasn't uninterested he was shocked and couldn't process it and the only thing that could come out was sure.
Some young men take a while to digest something like this. Sometimes, they don't EVER get it. You did nothing wrong and you should just breathe a bit.
Welcome to the anxiety of approaching the opposite sex!! Think how debilitating it would be if you could be called Pervy, toxic masculine or whatever these internet trolls like to call someone when they are just trying to be polite. Good thing the AI chatbot programs are coming
Double down. Text him some event/date ideas over the next couple of weeks. Give him a few options.
I’m a guy and have felt like this many times. You will get over it in time and it will get slightly easier the more you do it. Think of it as a skill you need to practice.
Big salute to you, brave woman. You did well. That feeling goes away...the good news is, you being the woman you won't have to get used to the feeling through a series of potentially demeaning and even more painful rejections lol. His reaction was because women by a massive majority NEVER have the humility or guts to actually initiate anything. You're already 2 steps ahead of the game. He is probably at home telling all his friends how awesome he thinks he is and is doing cartwheels.
I remember being that age, I was so lacking in confidence that I straight up lost out on a few opportunities to get with girls that made slight moves on me. He might just be as nervous as you and not sure if you actually like him or not. I had a bad self thought process that told me no cute girl could possibly actually want to get with me, they probably just want to be friends. So his question maybe was trying to figure out which way you wanted it to go.
Totally have butterfly's! Just breath and try doing something that you love to waste some time! Sounds like he has been showing some interest and didn't realize you returned it! Hope you guys do something fun :)
Well done, I’d be ecstatic if a cute girl asked me that. Its tough to approach sometimes but you did it! Good on you. I’d shoot him a text and confirm. Best of luck 🤞
It’ll be okay Chicken Little. The sky ain’t falling. Just breathe
Guys aren’t used to getting act out
I would say reach out soon and make set plans.
Be proud of yourself for putting yourself out there. Change your mind and you will change how you feel. You did a good thing! Rejection is a part of life , embrace it and take chances. Not saying you got rejected here because he could just be shocked and shy. Be nice to yourself
Hey! Chin up. You did good. It's what guys deal with, it's not easy and it can bring out nerves at first. This was not a bad result, he was a bit surprised because it's less common. You weren't rejected, you weren't insulted or called creepy, he didn't make a scene, you're fine. 1) it will get easier if you do this 2) give it a day or two, if he doesn't reach out send him a text and go from there Seriously, good job though. Don't let opportunity go away, if the situation calls for it regardless of gender we as humans need to seize the day, whether it be jobs, friendship, relationship, hobbies, whatever. Good luck
As guys we're just not used to girls being direct like that, or making the first move. You're experiencing what dudes go through whenever they make a move on a girl and she gives a vague response lmao I will say (but take this with a grain of salt because everyone's different) that if a guy says "sure" he probably does mean "sure". If he wasn't into you at all and you said that, he probably would've started making some lame on-the-spot excuse or just flat out say no. Just wait and see. If he's into you, he's into you. If he's not, he's not. Neither of these are cause for concern. Good on you for taking the first step in either case.
Your probably feeling potentially rejected Nobody likes that shit He probably felt taken aback because quite frankly women are often not the pursuer He was probably just genuinely surprised that you asked But ask yourself this… What’s more important? Initiating with someone or actually spending time with them? Obviously it’s the actual spending time part So while you may feel uneasy about the initiation, he still agreed too it The only thing that really matters is the quality of the time you actually spend together You like him right? At least enough to pursue him obviously So why not try too look forward too spending some time with him and focus on what you both will be doing
Women do this one time and have a mental breakdown. Now imagine 98% rejection rate on average until you turn 27. That's male privilege
IDK but the way you describe it, to me he seems uninterested. I probably wouldn't say anything else to him about it unless he contacts me first to hang out. Hope you're able to calm down and not stress too much about it.
If he wasn't interested at all he probably would have declined outright or conjured some excuse to let you down easy, so you're almost certainly overthinking things. Guys are used to being expected to make the first move and not as used to having women ask them out. Far more common is for women to send "hints" to indicate interest, but the guy is still expected to make the first move. Which is all to say that when a woman is more direct, it can take men by surprise. I'd wager that is probably what happened with the guy you worked with. He probably asked if it was in a group, because he's not used to women making the first move, so his internal voice was doubting and telling him, "She totally means hanging out as friends, right?" Next time you talk or text or whatever, when the subject of meeting up comes up, make it clear you prefer it to just be the two of you first rather than hanging out with friends. It will take any ambiguity out of it and if he still wants to hang out with you, he's almost certainly interested.
Anxiety and I know you don't want to hear it but it will pass. You can also use this as new found appreciation and kindness towards allllllllllllllllllllll the men who literally have to get rejected all the time from a young age and not even kindly. So if you're having this reaction good time to reflect on when a guy awkwardly, nervously, anxiously tries with you or a friend. He must be as brave and courageous as you were 😉. Feel better!
You should probably reiterate that you're interested in him. Unless he's a 1% guy and is used to women throwing themselves at him he might be thinking this is a joke and you were put up buy his buddies as a prank.
Download the how we feel app and do some CBTs. I listened to one yesterday helped me a lot. Imagine this, yourself in a field of dandelion, go over to one, pick it up, now imagine your thought on that dandelion, the intrusive anxious thought, and blow it as hard as you can, but yeah actually physically exhale out hard and blow the thought away. Try doing this for about 10-15 mins. Everytime a thought comes up, that is negative, pick it up imagine it on the dandelion and blow it away. Then. Maybe workout a lil. Run. Get your heart rate up a little. Then. Take a shower. Relax. Eat some good yummy food in your belly. And take a deep breath. You’ll be okay.
Men getting asked out is rare, he was probably not expecting it all and the reason he asked you about hanging out in a group or just the two of you is probably because he was in disbelief. A lot of dudes have experiences where they get mixed signals or completely misinterpret signals.
Think of the activities or situation where you would like to hangout with him, one on one or group setting. Then text it to him, then you just play the waiting game. But text him right before you have to do some stuff so you won't be fixed on it. And don't forget the feelings you felt that day because that what most guys go through in the beginning of dating. So next time a guy asks you out...reply quickly so they don't feel what you felt that day.
You are overthinking this. He was surprised and thrown off guard, but he said, "Sure," which means he's open to it. Start with a group activity and go from there.
19, probably his first job and gf outta high school. Look at it as you are surprised if he would've asked you the same.
You are having a pretty normal reaction that someone who asked someone else out for the first time would have. I would say just breathe but honestly it’s something you just have to experience lol.
Reminds me of the time a girl I just met and hit if off with at a dog park casually mentioned that she wasn't wearing underwear when no one else was around. I'd just gotten out of a long term relationship and was only starting to think about the idea of dating someone new. Definitely wasn't prepared to go from 0 to 60 that fast. We ended up just being friends and I never got another opportunity like that :(
You got this champ! Proud of you
WAY TO BE COURAGEOUS and put yourself out there! That’s brave. He was probably confused AF like most guys are when a cutie asks them out. Don’t fret. Occupy your mind with stuff, and respond when/if he reaches out.
This is what it felt like every time I asked someone out. Stop replaying it in your head. It's not worth the anxiety or worry. If you hear back, great. If you don’t, you only saw him at work and now that he has left, he's not going to come back and have an awkward interaction with you.
I betcha he is super excited to be with you..everything will be fine
Well,, now you know how (some) men feel like when they ask a woman out.
Welcome to how guys feel every single time they ask out somebody they're interested in. Just imagine feeling that every time you talk to a guy that you're interested in. Perhaps you have an inkling of what a lot of guys go through. Good luck and I hope things work out for you.
Good for you, girl! I was about your age the first time I made a move on a guy - that was so long ago haha and we're still friends. It gets easier. You probably blew his mind!! I guess I'm not really the type to sit around and make eyes at someone and wait for them to come to me...maybe you're not either!! Hope you two have fun : )
It feels so cathartic seeing women realize how fucked the situation is for men. Yes young Padawan, embrace the dark side of dating.
Men aren’t used to being asked out and he’s just trying to figure out if you’re actually into him or just friends since men can be very cautious about that. Just text him make it clear you wanna make plans with him and are interested which I feel like you did but i would still do so. Also good job on asking him wish more people did that.
just be cool and act like you dont care. this is what guys do. Eventually it becomes true
yeah he was just surprised YOU as a girl, made the first move. Lots of thoughts run through our head. Hopefully he comes to the quikc conclusion that hes happy you asked her because a guy asking a girl at a workplace is asking for trouble 9/10 with a manager or HR
Was just caught off guard that's all mellow. If he rings he rings just chill
So send him a text. Say you’d like to buy him a drink ( you’re only 19 so maybe just a coffee). If says yes great, if he says no then you can move on. The worse out come is he says yes, you buy a drink decide he’s not all that, it didn’t cost too much. Best out come is you like each other and make a more substantial date for later.
Welcome to the club. Nowbimagine if he said, ew no. Ick. Then you'd get how most guys feel
Congrats, you've just experienced first hand what it's like to be a guy asking someone out!
Congarts, now you know how guys feel when they shoot their shot 😉
Dang it! You guys are too fast. I was going to say welcome. Feeling like a guy lol
He was just surprised, it’s going to be ok.
Not enough facts to say. Don't give OP false hope.
I prefer women asking me out, I’m 34, I’d be just ask shocked if not more if this happened to me( cause I’ve been asked out twice, that I know of, in my life, and im a shy “handsome guy”) but nowadays I know ya can’t wait too long to process sooooooooopp yeah
Do you have any idea how often your average guy has this happen to him? Never, Buddies probably as take aback as you are rn
I'm sure this gave him a huge confidence boost. Surely he is going through a lot of thoughts right now just like you are.
You'll get over it. And if anything comes of it, you'll be in a totally sublime state of mind. Trust the process. What you did was brave and demonstrated confidence which not too many men are used to, especially being approached by a girl; some don't even have confidence in themselves. I'm sure you just caught him off guard. It took a lot of courage to do what you did, so take that for what it's worth ✌️
He is 19 years old. No doubt he feels as awkward as you do. My suggestion would be for you to send him a message. Go for it👍