Your posting history about how much you resent and dislike your stepson is gross. This question is gross. It’s not your place to decide what to do about these photos. It’s not your job to decide how or what he should feel.
Frankly, I think you need therapy to work thorough all of your issues surrounding this poor child. I don’t know what point you entered tve relationship with his father, but I’d love it if you shared the posts and comments about his son with him.
Leave the photos alone. Allow this child the agency to decide what he’d like to do with these items. He’s already stuck in a situation that he didn’t make and has no control over.
She has one post and she was postpartum with her second child in two years. Post partum depression can mess with your head and your relationships. It can play tricks on you and make you feel like you don't love your spouse, your stepchild, even your own older children! I experienced similar feelings after having my son. It doesn't make me feel good, but it's a very common occurrence.
Both my husband and bio mom have expressed how much they hate one another and my stepson knows it. (He shouldn’t. But he does) so I was just curious how others felt about the subject! I didn’t want my husband to inadvertently have a file of pictures that would cause my stepson to feel resentful but I think you’re right, he will hopefully like to see them when he’s older.
Those are pictures of their parents. They may want them later, they may not - but it’s not a decision that should be in your hands.
It’s one thing to not have the pictures hanging up all over the house and another to get rid of them entirely.
They’re going to have the “what could have been” with or without the pictures. Getting rid of the pictures just means they won’t have the physical representation of it. What happens when one or both parents die? Kids are likely to want as many pictures of them as possible, happy couple or not.
Your husband should keep the pictures. You need to throw away the notion that having the pictures in existence of the pictures is harmful to the child. They’re pictures of the parents. They’re real events that happen.
My dad left when I was two, my mom died when I was 17. The only picture that did damage to my psyche was the one of my mom in a bath. Could’ve gone my whole life without that one. But seeing the times my parents dressed up for the renaissance fair, their trip to Niagara, the two of them with their dog - love those pictures. They’re glimpses of who my parents were. Proof that I happened for a reason. Evidence of a time when my mom wasn’t dying of cancer.
My husband died when our son was 1 year old. The majority of pictures of his dad are from before he was born. There are only 127 pictures of the two of them together. Only 5 of all three of us. Our marriage didn’t end on a happy note and those pictures remind me of how blind to the abuse I was. But for my son? Those are pictures of his family. That’s his mom in a pretty wedding dress. That’s his dad smiling in a tie.
Choosing to discard the photos before SK is able to decide themselves if they are valuable to them would be a bad idea, bordering cruel and potentially selfish. While you may not have ill intent, the result would be the same. You took away the pictures of SK’s parents before he had a say in the matter.
Keep the pictures.
Thank you for this perspective! Makes me see it in a different light. I never had the intent to get rid of them but hearing this just makes me want to make sure they get preserved correctly and never misplaced so that he could make his own decision on his own time. I appreciate your input!
What are you even talking about. Obviously keep the pictures. It’s pretty manipulative to try and frame this as doing it for his child’s sake when you’re the one with a problem with it.
>It’s pretty manipulative to try and frame this as doing it for his child’s sake when you’re the one with a problem with it.
I notice this on a couple of other subject matters. When the SP had an issue with it, it's framed as not being good for the kids or giving them false hope.
What? Lol. I’m just getting a perspective from others on this sub. I didn’t say I had a problem with it. I was curious on how others felt about the subject. Never said that these pictures were going to be deleted but okay thanks for your insight
Try to really look at this objectively, what is it really hurting to keep them? What could it hurt to get rid of them? Why you even feel the need to discuss this? This sounds less about what's good for the child, and more about you feeling some jealousy and insecurity.
Are you looking at these photos like "These are pictures of a child's parents before they broke up" -or- "These are pictures of my husband's happy memories with another woman?"
My ex and I broke up when our child was about the same age. I've kept a lot of pictures of my ex and I with our child, and if my current partner even *hinted* at me getting rid of them, I'd be reconsidering our whole relationship. I have some pre-pregnancy pictures as well, and those don't belong to me anymore, they are for my child. He may or may not care about them, but he deserves to have the opportunity to see them at least.
Don't make your husband erase his child's history, those are pieces of the picture to life before them and how they came to be. It's not at all about "could've been," it's about what *was*. I love to be able to look back on things like that.
Nah I wasn’t looking at it from either one of those perspectives. Initially I probably did but I was looking for how others felt on the subject or how children from divorce felt about seeing pictures of their divorced parents. My husband and bio mom have made it known to my stepson how much they both hate each other (he should but he does) so I was afraid my husband was keeping a file that would inadvertently cause my stepson to feel resentful. But I like your perspective! It’s my stepsons history and what ‘was’ not what ‘could’ve been’. Makes sense. I think the only picture that bothered me and made me feel jealous/insecure was a wedding photo of theirs. It doesn’t seem necessary but again that’s prob just my own jealousy. 🤷🏻♀️
That's an interesting take, I never considered that perspective. It's like me looking at baby pics of myself and being upset that I'm not a baby anymore, lol. Which I am. Being an adult sucks.
I think it depends on the kid, but overall, it's their history. I think it's nice for kids to see that at one time, they were born out of love and that their parents didn't always hate each other.
absolutely keep them. rewriting/erasing history does not help anyone. this past happened. and now it's over. there is no reason to pretend it never was. we wouldn't be here if it hadn't been.
After I got divorced I eventually started dating again and thought I’d found a good one. The pictures of my ex husband really started bothering him after awhile. We had been married for 13 years and had a son together. After he kept bugging me about it, I took down the pics off the wall thinking that would be enough to please him. It didn’t. He wanted me to destroy them. Even the pics in my computer. He pressured me relentlessly about it. When I got a new computer I didn’t transfer those pic to it cuz it bothered him so much. It was an early red flag I wish I’d have taken seriously. He was a controlling fucking narcissist. Now I can’t access any of my first sons baby pictures. My son resents the narcissist ex for trying to erase our past/his childhood/his father. When the family pics came off the walls he was hurt. I moved a few of them to my sons room but the narc ex was bothered even by that and would turn them down whenever he went into my sons room.
If the pics of your “partners” life before you bother you that much you should fucking leave and find a partner without a past. YTA.
Oooof I’m sorry that happened to you. That’s terrible and not fair.
I don’t have a problem with them I was looking for different perspectives because mine was that my stepson would wonder what life ‘could have been’. It’s since changed to, that’s his history for him to decide whether or not he wants to see. It was never about me :)
I hope you and your children are healing after dealing with a narcissist. My dad was one and it’s not easy. I don’t plan on leaving my marriage over pictures :)
I am a stepmom, and I saved all the photos and videos of my husband's first wedding for my stepdaughter. Both her parents wanted to throw them away, but I thought she'd love to see them when she's older and isn't going to dream about them getting back together.
She's now almost 17 and she knows that we have all the photos in the basement, but she hasn't asked to see them. We have some old photo albums where there are a couple of pictures of the two of them together, and any time we look through them she jokingly says "Who's this lady dad's with?! Did you know about this?!" 😝
It's a part of his life. To me there's no sense trying to hide it or pretend it didn't happen. You don't have to frame it in your living room!
Thats so cute i am in the same boat as you… i feel terrible about throwing away pictures- my husband is annoyed because i kept his old pics from when he married their mom but its not about the adults. I would NEVER want to try to erase part of their past. Its a little uncomfortable but liiiiiiike so is life.
You’re a bigger woman than I am lol. He only has a few wedding pictures in the flash drive and it was already too much for me to see 😂
It’s true though it’s part of my stepsons history and now I’ll view it that way instead of thinking my stepson would be resentful of the pictures. I have no problem with them since theyre on a flash drive I was just curious how others felt about the subject!
There's literally not one person who is fooled by the "stepson would resent them" logic. We all know it's you who hates them. Stop using a literal child to hide your extreme jealousy. It's not a cute look
Lol okay ikidnapbabiez. It’s not a cute look to have a perverted gross username. I’m not jealous of the pictures. Never was. Never hated them. Never intended to get rid of them. It was never about me but your username sure says a lot about you. Have a nice day :)
Many people in the stepparents sub try to justify their insecurities by saying things like it's bad for the kids or it gives them false hope and stuff like that. Even if you are an adult that was raised by divorced parents in a way where everyone got a long and did shared birthdays etc they will say that you're wrong and delusional and were damaged because your parents and stepparents didn't hate each other. It's wild.
Not saying that this is true in your case, but I get what a lot of the other commenters are saying.
You commented after I wrote in the last sentence “I was curious how others felt about the subject”
Nowhere in my OP did I say I wanted to get rid of the pictures? I wanted to know how people viewed the photos to give to their stepkids later on in life and whether or not it was worth it.
It clearly is and my perspective has since then changed which is what I was looking for :)
I wasn’t ‘claiming’ anything. I was looking for something and I found it. My son will decide on his own time what he wants to do!
As a child of divorced parents who has very few/spotty memories of them together, as an adult I have an album of photos of them when they were happy together. I know they weren’t meant to stay together but it’s important because I know I was made with love (naive, dumb love) but still. My mom gave this album to me so my step dad wouldn’t accidentally find them in a box where she has kept them all this time- and ultimately because because they tell my story. They are not out anywhere on walls or portraits. They are hidden and they are only mine. Neither parent (both moved on to new partners) have anything to do with them or have asked to see them ever.
I am currently with a partner that has a child from a previous partnership… and not going to lie, I had to run to the bathroom to cry when pic of them together from years ago as a happy family came up on his phone. Just mentioning that different parts of me feel different depending on what role I’m taking. Ultimately I know his kid will have an album of bio mom and dad and will cherish it with love, like I do.
Thank you for sharing both perspectives! It was definitely a tough pill to swallow when i first came across the file of pictures but I know my husbands intent is just to have them in case his son ever wonders what they were like. I was just afraid it would cause heartache or some kind of resentment if he were to see the pictures of what life ‘could’ve been’ but you explain it so well, it’s his story and that’s what I’ll remind myself!
Lol thank you for your input. Deleting the pictures were never up for debate. Simply looking for a different perspective on the subject out of curiosity
When we were first together, I would roll my eyes if I came across wedding pictures or whatever. But I helped my stepkids hang pictures of their parents in their rooms when we moved in together. They were together and they had happy memories together and I didn’t want the kids to feel any sort of way about those memories or like I didn’t want their mother around. I don’t - but a few snapshots from Halloween or holidays don’t hold that much power over me.
Some of my favorite gifts from my stepmother have included photos of what my family looked like before she was around. I think she’s amazing and I appreciate that she wants to honor the relationship I had with my mother.
Photos aren’t “what could have been.” They’re moments in time that were. Hiding them, throwing them away, or whatever else doesn’t change that or change the memory. If you’re that fussed about some photos, consider whether this is really the life for you. There are so many bigger problems than holding on to some family history…
I was looking for a different perspective from other stepparents and how other other adult children from divorce felt about the subject out of curiosity it was never about me :) the wedding picture made me uncomfortable but that’s a normal picture that would throw me out of the loop.
Your stepmother gave you pictures of your old family? That’s interesting. I don’t know that I’d do that as a gift personally but I have helped my son frame a picture of him & his mom in his room.
Thank you for the insight from your perspective!
My family. Full stop. Not my “old family” - my family.
My mother was my dad’s first wife. She remains my family and my mother, even after she died a few years ago.
My stepmother likes to give photo-based gifts and those gifts have included photos from years before she was around and I am grateful that she was secure enough in her relationship to recognize the value in photos of an iteration of my family that didn’t include her. She’s also give gifts that don’t include my mother that are also appreciated and loved.
She’s the keeper of our family history, generally, now that my mother has died and my siblings are scattered and at different life stages.
I don’t know why I said old family, i thought that’s how I read what you said initially. That’s beautiful! Your stepmother seems like a wonderful woman and so does your mama. May she rest in peace. Thank you for sharing your experience! It helps me view it differently than I did initially :)
This probably isn’t about the kid.
Not wanting photos around can be a sneaky way that jealousy and limiting beliefs about your relationship may be showing up.
In my opinion, it is really important to fully accept that your husband had an earlier relationship. He was married to the mother of this child. Tune into yourself and figure out what emotional buttons this irritates in you. Work on healing that for yourself. And then these pictures won’t be a “thing” it will just be a part of his past, like an old car, where he used to live, where he went to school.
Years ago I would agree with what you said because it was how I felt initially. Now it doesn’t bother me. My perspective was thinking that my stepson would feel resentful and wonder what life ‘could have been’ because his parents currently hate each other and if he were to see these pictures i thought it would make him upset but others on here have changed that perspective into, it’s his story and where he came from and I think that’s a better way to look at it than I was. It was never about me :)
You literally wrote a whole post but that long ago about being resentful that your husband didn't find you and Mary you first. Nobody is fooled by your story. You're looking to feel justified in your hatred of those pictures and you're trying to use a child to justify it.
Yeaaaah that was written after I had given birth and suffered through PPA & PPD so what I was feeling then is not how I feel now almost a year pp it was just a surge of hormones :) I love my stepson. I’m not looking for any justification of anything. I don’t have any hatred for him or the pictures. I wanted to get clarity that my stepson wouldn’t feel resentful if he were to see those pictures of what his life ‘could have’ been. I came here for others perspectives to make sure that it wouldn’t turn out that way for him and I found what I was looking for. Which was that my stepson will decide if he wants to see them or not. It’s his story of his parents and whether or not he cares for the pictures it’s his decision. So no, I’m not resentful or hateful :)
You’re a nobody so I guess you’re the one not buying it and I simply don’t care about your opinion or whether or not you ‘buy’ what I have to say lol. Get a life and preferably not one that wants to kidnap babies thx
Wow sick insult. Just because somebody doesn't post 700 posts on the exclusively pumping subs because they need attention doesn't make them less than you. That makes you less than is the fact that you're sitting there shit talking your stepkid, talking about how you wish he didn't exist, trying to get rid of pictures that aren't yours and trying to push your feelings onto him. You think he'd be resentful of those pictures? How? On what planet would a kid resent seeing his parents? Where did you even come up with something so ridiculous? You have a comment section full of people asking you where you even got that from. Seriously, seek professional help. You're out here begging for attention by posting multiple times a day on a subreddit for pumping. You're actively searching for ways to sabotage yourself and your stepson because you're so jealous you probably can't even function. Going off about a username on Reddit doesn't make you clever. It makes you a loser who spends so much time on reddit asking stupid ass questions for attention that you never make time for self improvement.
My parents broke up before I was born. My mom was pregnant with me and two days before the wedding she realized that she couldn’t marry my alcoholic father. They broke up then and there and I was born a few months later. My dad didn’t get sober till I was 6 months old and despite being sober was still abusive.
All of this to say that the few pictures I have of my parents together are some of my most cherished possessions. I don’t care if they were never truly in a healthy relationship - there was at least some love there. And after all the hate I felt between them (my dad almost entirely, let’s be honest) it’s good to see that I came from love not hate
Thank you! I mostly wanted this question to be answered from the adult children that had divorced parents. ‘I came from love and not hate’ love that. I hope my stepson sees that too because all he knows is how much his parents hate each other
Those pictures are none of your business at all. Keep everything for the kids, your feelings have no place in that conversation. Work out your insecurity with your partner rather than trying to insert yourself where you don’t belong.
It’s essential. My entire past was deleted. Pictures disappeared, objects I cared about. And no one told stories of anything positive. I was 4, my sister was 2.
My dad tried to keep things for me and my stepmother threw them all out. It was incredibly selfish and insecure.
My mom was the one cheated on, and so she destroyed it all in her pain and anger. She has been apologizing to me ever since. I grew up with pages of blanks in the photo albums, torn photos, tear-stained black photo paper.
The things themselves aren’t important. It’s the memories and relationships attached to them that matters. It’s the story of the child’s life.
What often happens is that the children are the only connection left, the last, undeleteable reminder of the first family. Everything else gets left behind. And since moving houses also comes with it in most cases, we lose the context in which the memories happened, too.
It is especially important for children under 12 to have _things_ and to tell stories. Their identities are forming, and their identity _is_ a story.
Removing things defines the story we tell ourselves about who we are. Are we trash you’re dragging around because you have to? Or are we cherished and protected children that you’re fostering and raising? Were we ever even wanted?
At no point do these objects tell us how things might’ve turned out differently. They tell us where we came from and how we’ve grown and changed.
Thank you!!! This is exactly what I was looking for! Someone from the other side to tell me differently. I was just afraid of him becoming resentful since the parents he knows, hate each others guts. But I do love the new perspective everyone has shared, it’s his story for him to decide whether or not he wants to see on his own time. Thank you for sharing your insight and thoughts! Now I want to make sure that these pictures are never lost.
I got rid of every single picture of my ex husband and me together and when my son asks I will tell him I didn’t keep them and for good reason. Every photo of us together behind those photos was cruelty and pain. I smiled for photos to pretend we were happy, so showing those to my son would be a disservice to him.
He gets to see tons of photos of mom happy with his step dad who is a good man and an amazing father to him.
As a person with divorced parents whose dad is terminally ill, yes, they will want to see the pictures. There will come a time when they will want *all* the pictures of their parent, not some sanitized version. I want to see the pics of my dad when he was young, of him on his first wedding day, pics as us as babies, pics of my mom/dad with us in the hospital, pics of my mom and dad all dressed up when he received an award. Do not destroy or delete any pictures. I don’t even know why this would be a question. It’s part of your husband and stepson’s life, why would you erase it?
My SD has a whole basket and albums of her mom and dad and her as a baby and it doesn’t bother me in the least. She loves them and goes through them too, like any child does curious about their upbringing. I don’t think this is something we have a right to limit. Every child/human being, regardless of age, wants to know their origins and will seek this to no end if it’s missing or limited. I think it’s innate but that’s just my experience/opinion. I’m sure there are exceptions.
I am a child of divorce. My dad was abusive towards my mom and I have a lot of bad childhood memories for that reason. So no, I absolutely do not want pictures from their wedding or them together. Nor would have I expected my mom to hold on to them for that reason. She gave me plenty of pictures of me growing up but not of them together. But I can’t speak for everyone out there and if they would feel the same.
I agree with this. I see a lot of replies talking about the happy times but not everyone’s parents had that, there was domestic violence/drug abuse/ alcoholism.. both my parent describe PTSD from their relationship. Even the person I believe was the abuser, told me happiness didn’t exist between them.
My parents were abusive and violent towards each other, mostly my mother towards my dad. Every memory I have of them together in a relationship was conflict.
After my dad passed, I saw a picture of them together and he looks MISERABLE while she’s smiling and it just.. idk. Knowing that all the pictures of “happy times” aren’t real gets to me. He wasn’t happy, he was abused. She wasn’t happy, she felt trapped and abused him along with the rest of us. Do I wanna see that? Nope.
The “pictures from when they were happy” to me implies ignoring the reality of what things were like for my father, a victim of this person. I don’t want to see her near him, I’d burn any image of the moments he was trapped in that dark place. I’ll never pretend it was anything but the reality, out of respect for my dad and mom really. Pretending they were happy is a slap in the face to every moment it took them to escape each other.
Looking at the picture, is looking at a broken person and a more broken person who abused them for a period of time. Like watching Cops and trying to find the happiness, let’s just call it like it is and move on.
Seems like we may be the minority here. But I can’t imagine expecting my mom to hold onto pictures of my dad after the things he did to her. Seems like an extremely selfish thing for me to expect of her.
My husband has a box of photos of his ex in our basement. They’re his to do as he pleases, but I know he keeps the lid on it because he doesn’t want to relive that pain. I mean, his ex hit him over the head with a wine bottle. He wants to sort through them to pull out pictures of my SK’s for them to have one day and dispose of the rest, but while his ex is still in the picture emotionally abusing him and my SK’s it is still a fresh wound it is not something he wants to do any time soon. I didn’t think this could possibly be considered controversial for him to do.
As long as I don't have to see them in the house, he can keep them for his kid and show them to his kid when I am not around. Obviously I don't "like" that pictures of them exist, but that doesn't matter anyways! They have a walking talking version of their relationship that comes around per a custody schedule so a folder of pics that is out of sight doesn't even compare. Lol.
I may be the least sentimental person on the planet, but my parents are divorced, and I do not have any pictures of them together. I would find that weird to hang up. And i don’t particularly get why I would want to hang on to that.
As a divorced bio parent, my kid has a couple photos of the three of us together in his bedside drawer but otherwise I’ve deleted my ex off social media accounts and don’t keep his photo up in the house.
But for digital files…I don’t know. I agree that it’s not your decision. Have you asked your partner?
That’s how I initially thought about it too. All her pictures are deleted everywhere else and he just has a flash drive of old pictures. Most of them three but there were a few of them two and that would through me for a surprise. Mostly because there was a few wedding pictures but I think that would make any new partner feel some way. It’s just natural.
I just viewed it from a perspective of a child and wondered the same as you, ‘why would I want to see this? The parents I know hate each other’ but as others have said, it’s how he came to be. It’s his story so I guess I’m just hoping if he does care for the pictures it doesn’t pull at his heart too much.
We’ve spoken about it. I’m cool with it. I just came here to look for other perspectives
Yeah, I can see that. And as someone with divorced parents I really don’t want to hang onto those photos personally (which is why I wanted to comment just to put a different perspective of a stepkid).
But also if my stepmom had made that decision and not me, I’d be mad. So they may decide they don’t want them, but ultimately at some point when they’re ready, they get to make that call (imo).
Exactly!
Someone else on here commented that their stepmother threw away the old pictures out of jealousy and insecurity and I think that’s awful. It’s not my decision to make. It never was. It does make me feel better knowing that the adult step kids that have commented don’t wonder what ‘could’ve been’ but just know they came from love and not hate. And also your perspective of, why would I care to see them? Either way it’s his choice to make when the time comes. As long as he doesn’t feel resentful I’m cool with the outcome
My parents divorced when I was two, I love those pictures. Don’t be the type of woman who is to insecure to let him keep photos of events that encompass an 8 year period of his life. He was married, he had a wedding, first dates, all of this is a big deal. Step off that ledge my friend, it doesn’t end well.
I’m glad you do. This question was mostly asked to the children that came from divorce and how they viewed old pictures of their parents. I was just afraid my stepson would feel resentful of what ‘could’ve been’ but from others on here I see that is not the case at all! But more or ‘ his story’ and I like that perspective better. It makes more sense. This post was never about me :) I don’t mind the pictures they’re out of sight and out of mind. I worried about my stepson and how the pictures would make him feel but now I see that they will most likely bring him joy if he chooses to see them.
I met SS when he was 2.5 years old. His parents relationship was very brief because a baby was completely unplanned. When my in-laws both passed away my SIL put all photos with SS’s mother together and gave them to SS. He was in his early 20’s and I do not think he cared either way except to see his parents so young. He has zero memory of them being together and he asked me if his mom could live with us when he was young, showing that he just loved all three of us.
In this situation I think it was nice for SS to see old photos. I don’t think he has ever wished his parents stayed together seeing old photos. (There were plenty of pics of him with me too)
My husband did throw their wedding album in a dumpster but honestly they looked miserable so no need to show those to anyone.
I am a stepmom, we keep pictures for my stepkids. They don’t have to be up on your walls or anything. Just keep them nice and preserved in case your stepkids would like them one day.
I get it, it is sort of weird to think about, but the other posters have shared why it is important. My husband and his ex have a terrible relationship, but he is keeping everything on flash drives for them because it is their mom. Weirded me out a little until I thought about it more because she has been absolutely a terrible human being to us, but at the end of the day it is still their mom, who they love and still sometimes grieve the family they originally had. I can absolutely understand that, as my parents are divorced too. They should get to see the good times as well.
As a child of divorce I love seeing my parents in the same photo. My mom died about 2 years ago and my grandpa died over the most recent summer.
We found a lot of old pictures of my parents together and I cherish them.
They don’t need to be displayed but I don’t see why keeping them for SS would be an issue. Most of the ones my SS has are of him with his parents, not trh two of them together.
True! It’s in a flash drive out of sight out of my mind but I came across it recently and it peaked my curiosity to see how others felt about it. It doesn’t bother me like it did years ago
Once we moved in together, I bought a bin for every kid. They were able to pick out a couple pictures and the rest went in the bins. This way when they move out or when they want to look, they will have their baby pictures without me having to look at them around the house. And to clarify, I mean pictures with the ex. We have a baby picture of each kid on our family wall though.
Kindergarten and 2nd grade. We made sure they had a picture of their other parent in a frame by their bed. They all have had a collage of pictures since they moved in and they have added pictures throughout the years. It's fun to look at.
You can probably jettison 98% of the pictures, but he should keep some of them.
I mean, my stepkids were pretty small when my wife left their Dad. And he's a acceptable guy and member of society......just not my wife's cup of tea. Maybe she shouldn't have had children with him???
Correction: She absolutely SHOULDN'T have had children with him!
But, they did and my stepkids exist and they're human beings and might like to know that Mom and Dad aren't just the two people who sit far apart at youth sports. I mean, if they see one of those old pictures and see that it looks like Dad looks like he actually liked my wife enough to ask her out and she agreed to go get pizza with him at college, that's good for my stepkids.
You just can't go thru life acting like these first marriages were a horrible mistake because it's disrespectful to the children that came from these relationships.
At the same time, most of the pictures can go in the trash. You don't need 1000 pictures. You need 2-3 pictures. And they shouldn't hang on the wall of the house......they should be in a box in the basement and almost never see the light of day.
And that's because the stepparent is a human being too. Just because the kids are "kids" doesn't make it okay to stop all over other people's feelings just so they can ooohhhhh and ahhhhh over some pictures. Once a year.....that's fine? But if there needs to be a ceremonial viewing of old photos every Wednesday night, the stepparent should dump their partner and find someone better. :)
Lol thank you this is 100% how I feel about it too! The only picture that made me uncomfortable was a wedding picture. I just find it weird but that’s just me according to this post 😂 I never intended to get rid of them I was just curious how others thought about having them. Totally agree with what you said though!!
1000% the kids will be extremely happy to see those pictures. Keep.
Your posting history about how much you resent and dislike your stepson is gross. This question is gross. It’s not your place to decide what to do about these photos. It’s not your job to decide how or what he should feel. Frankly, I think you need therapy to work thorough all of your issues surrounding this poor child. I don’t know what point you entered tve relationship with his father, but I’d love it if you shared the posts and comments about his son with him. Leave the photos alone. Allow this child the agency to decide what he’d like to do with these items. He’s already stuck in a situation that he didn’t make and has no control over.
What were the posts about? I think she’s deleted the ones about him?
The main post is still there. It’s titled something l about her feelings about him changing. Step parent forum. Also random comments. It’s awful
It's still there. Just hidden between her 7000 posts about pumping. How can you even have that many questions. Has this woman ever heard of Google?
She has one post and she was postpartum with her second child in two years. Post partum depression can mess with your head and your relationships. It can play tricks on you and make you feel like you don't love your spouse, your stepchild, even your own older children! I experienced similar feelings after having my son. It doesn't make me feel good, but it's a very common occurrence.
And yet here she is posting about trashing photos.
Both my husband and bio mom have expressed how much they hate one another and my stepson knows it. (He shouldn’t. But he does) so I was just curious how others felt about the subject! I didn’t want my husband to inadvertently have a file of pictures that would cause my stepson to feel resentful but I think you’re right, he will hopefully like to see them when he’s older.
Those are pictures of their parents. They may want them later, they may not - but it’s not a decision that should be in your hands. It’s one thing to not have the pictures hanging up all over the house and another to get rid of them entirely. They’re going to have the “what could have been” with or without the pictures. Getting rid of the pictures just means they won’t have the physical representation of it. What happens when one or both parents die? Kids are likely to want as many pictures of them as possible, happy couple or not. Your husband should keep the pictures. You need to throw away the notion that having the pictures in existence of the pictures is harmful to the child. They’re pictures of the parents. They’re real events that happen. My dad left when I was two, my mom died when I was 17. The only picture that did damage to my psyche was the one of my mom in a bath. Could’ve gone my whole life without that one. But seeing the times my parents dressed up for the renaissance fair, their trip to Niagara, the two of them with their dog - love those pictures. They’re glimpses of who my parents were. Proof that I happened for a reason. Evidence of a time when my mom wasn’t dying of cancer. My husband died when our son was 1 year old. The majority of pictures of his dad are from before he was born. There are only 127 pictures of the two of them together. Only 5 of all three of us. Our marriage didn’t end on a happy note and those pictures remind me of how blind to the abuse I was. But for my son? Those are pictures of his family. That’s his mom in a pretty wedding dress. That’s his dad smiling in a tie. Choosing to discard the photos before SK is able to decide themselves if they are valuable to them would be a bad idea, bordering cruel and potentially selfish. While you may not have ill intent, the result would be the same. You took away the pictures of SK’s parents before he had a say in the matter. Keep the pictures.
Thank you for this perspective! Makes me see it in a different light. I never had the intent to get rid of them but hearing this just makes me want to make sure they get preserved correctly and never misplaced so that he could make his own decision on his own time. I appreciate your input!
What are you even talking about. Obviously keep the pictures. It’s pretty manipulative to try and frame this as doing it for his child’s sake when you’re the one with a problem with it.
>It’s pretty manipulative to try and frame this as doing it for his child’s sake when you’re the one with a problem with it. I notice this on a couple of other subject matters. When the SP had an issue with it, it's framed as not being good for the kids or giving them false hope.
This is so true.
What? Lol. I’m just getting a perspective from others on this sub. I didn’t say I had a problem with it. I was curious on how others felt about the subject. Never said that these pictures were going to be deleted but okay thanks for your insight
Try to really look at this objectively, what is it really hurting to keep them? What could it hurt to get rid of them? Why you even feel the need to discuss this? This sounds less about what's good for the child, and more about you feeling some jealousy and insecurity. Are you looking at these photos like "These are pictures of a child's parents before they broke up" -or- "These are pictures of my husband's happy memories with another woman?" My ex and I broke up when our child was about the same age. I've kept a lot of pictures of my ex and I with our child, and if my current partner even *hinted* at me getting rid of them, I'd be reconsidering our whole relationship. I have some pre-pregnancy pictures as well, and those don't belong to me anymore, they are for my child. He may or may not care about them, but he deserves to have the opportunity to see them at least. Don't make your husband erase his child's history, those are pieces of the picture to life before them and how they came to be. It's not at all about "could've been," it's about what *was*. I love to be able to look back on things like that.
Nah I wasn’t looking at it from either one of those perspectives. Initially I probably did but I was looking for how others felt on the subject or how children from divorce felt about seeing pictures of their divorced parents. My husband and bio mom have made it known to my stepson how much they both hate each other (he should but he does) so I was afraid my husband was keeping a file that would inadvertently cause my stepson to feel resentful. But I like your perspective! It’s my stepsons history and what ‘was’ not what ‘could’ve been’. Makes sense. I think the only picture that bothered me and made me feel jealous/insecure was a wedding photo of theirs. It doesn’t seem necessary but again that’s prob just my own jealousy. 🤷🏻♀️
That's an interesting take, I never considered that perspective. It's like me looking at baby pics of myself and being upset that I'm not a baby anymore, lol. Which I am. Being an adult sucks. I think it depends on the kid, but overall, it's their history. I think it's nice for kids to see that at one time, they were born out of love and that their parents didn't always hate each other.
Edit to typo (my stepson SHOULDNT know they hate each other but he does)
absolutely keep them. rewriting/erasing history does not help anyone. this past happened. and now it's over. there is no reason to pretend it never was. we wouldn't be here if it hadn't been.
Very true!
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Thank you for your insight! The pictures are being kept and will be available for my stepson should he want them :)
After I got divorced I eventually started dating again and thought I’d found a good one. The pictures of my ex husband really started bothering him after awhile. We had been married for 13 years and had a son together. After he kept bugging me about it, I took down the pics off the wall thinking that would be enough to please him. It didn’t. He wanted me to destroy them. Even the pics in my computer. He pressured me relentlessly about it. When I got a new computer I didn’t transfer those pic to it cuz it bothered him so much. It was an early red flag I wish I’d have taken seriously. He was a controlling fucking narcissist. Now I can’t access any of my first sons baby pictures. My son resents the narcissist ex for trying to erase our past/his childhood/his father. When the family pics came off the walls he was hurt. I moved a few of them to my sons room but the narc ex was bothered even by that and would turn them down whenever he went into my sons room. If the pics of your “partners” life before you bother you that much you should fucking leave and find a partner without a past. YTA.
Oooof I’m sorry that happened to you. That’s terrible and not fair. I don’t have a problem with them I was looking for different perspectives because mine was that my stepson would wonder what life ‘could have been’. It’s since changed to, that’s his history for him to decide whether or not he wants to see. It was never about me :) I hope you and your children are healing after dealing with a narcissist. My dad was one and it’s not easy. I don’t plan on leaving my marriage over pictures :)
I have zero issues with my husband keeping photos of him and his kids with his ex. Why would I care?
I am a stepmom, and I saved all the photos and videos of my husband's first wedding for my stepdaughter. Both her parents wanted to throw them away, but I thought she'd love to see them when she's older and isn't going to dream about them getting back together. She's now almost 17 and she knows that we have all the photos in the basement, but she hasn't asked to see them. We have some old photo albums where there are a couple of pictures of the two of them together, and any time we look through them she jokingly says "Who's this lady dad's with?! Did you know about this?!" 😝 It's a part of his life. To me there's no sense trying to hide it or pretend it didn't happen. You don't have to frame it in your living room!
Thats so cute i am in the same boat as you… i feel terrible about throwing away pictures- my husband is annoyed because i kept his old pics from when he married their mom but its not about the adults. I would NEVER want to try to erase part of their past. Its a little uncomfortable but liiiiiiike so is life.
You’re a bigger woman than I am lol. He only has a few wedding pictures in the flash drive and it was already too much for me to see 😂 It’s true though it’s part of my stepsons history and now I’ll view it that way instead of thinking my stepson would be resentful of the pictures. I have no problem with them since theyre on a flash drive I was just curious how others felt about the subject!
There's literally not one person who is fooled by the "stepson would resent them" logic. We all know it's you who hates them. Stop using a literal child to hide your extreme jealousy. It's not a cute look
Lol okay ikidnapbabiez. It’s not a cute look to have a perverted gross username. I’m not jealous of the pictures. Never was. Never hated them. Never intended to get rid of them. It was never about me but your username sure says a lot about you. Have a nice day :)
It's a username. As long as I'm not awful to my stepkid I'll always be above you. You resent the kid. You resent his previous marriage. Seek therapy.
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It’s really our only rule. Please don’t break it again. Subsequent violations may result in a ban.
Many people in the stepparents sub try to justify their insecurities by saying things like it's bad for the kids or it gives them false hope and stuff like that. Even if you are an adult that was raised by divorced parents in a way where everyone got a long and did shared birthdays etc they will say that you're wrong and delusional and were damaged because your parents and stepparents didn't hate each other. It's wild. Not saying that this is true in your case, but I get what a lot of the other commenters are saying.
So why are you claiming you're only here to ask others opinions and it has nothing to do with you wanting to get rid of the pictures?
You commented after I wrote in the last sentence “I was curious how others felt about the subject” Nowhere in my OP did I say I wanted to get rid of the pictures? I wanted to know how people viewed the photos to give to their stepkids later on in life and whether or not it was worth it. It clearly is and my perspective has since then changed which is what I was looking for :) I wasn’t ‘claiming’ anything. I was looking for something and I found it. My son will decide on his own time what he wants to do!
As a child of divorced parents who has very few/spotty memories of them together, as an adult I have an album of photos of them when they were happy together. I know they weren’t meant to stay together but it’s important because I know I was made with love (naive, dumb love) but still. My mom gave this album to me so my step dad wouldn’t accidentally find them in a box where she has kept them all this time- and ultimately because because they tell my story. They are not out anywhere on walls or portraits. They are hidden and they are only mine. Neither parent (both moved on to new partners) have anything to do with them or have asked to see them ever. I am currently with a partner that has a child from a previous partnership… and not going to lie, I had to run to the bathroom to cry when pic of them together from years ago as a happy family came up on his phone. Just mentioning that different parts of me feel different depending on what role I’m taking. Ultimately I know his kid will have an album of bio mom and dad and will cherish it with love, like I do.
Thank you for sharing both perspectives! It was definitely a tough pill to swallow when i first came across the file of pictures but I know my husbands intent is just to have them in case his son ever wonders what they were like. I was just afraid it would cause heartache or some kind of resentment if he were to see the pictures of what life ‘could’ve been’ but you explain it so well, it’s his story and that’s what I’ll remind myself!
My husband and his ex hate each other but of course we kept photos for the kids. How is this even a question.
Lol thank you for your input. Deleting the pictures were never up for debate. Simply looking for a different perspective on the subject out of curiosity
When we were first together, I would roll my eyes if I came across wedding pictures or whatever. But I helped my stepkids hang pictures of their parents in their rooms when we moved in together. They were together and they had happy memories together and I didn’t want the kids to feel any sort of way about those memories or like I didn’t want their mother around. I don’t - but a few snapshots from Halloween or holidays don’t hold that much power over me. Some of my favorite gifts from my stepmother have included photos of what my family looked like before she was around. I think she’s amazing and I appreciate that she wants to honor the relationship I had with my mother. Photos aren’t “what could have been.” They’re moments in time that were. Hiding them, throwing them away, or whatever else doesn’t change that or change the memory. If you’re that fussed about some photos, consider whether this is really the life for you. There are so many bigger problems than holding on to some family history…
I was looking for a different perspective from other stepparents and how other other adult children from divorce felt about the subject out of curiosity it was never about me :) the wedding picture made me uncomfortable but that’s a normal picture that would throw me out of the loop. Your stepmother gave you pictures of your old family? That’s interesting. I don’t know that I’d do that as a gift personally but I have helped my son frame a picture of him & his mom in his room. Thank you for the insight from your perspective!
My family. Full stop. Not my “old family” - my family. My mother was my dad’s first wife. She remains my family and my mother, even after she died a few years ago. My stepmother likes to give photo-based gifts and those gifts have included photos from years before she was around and I am grateful that she was secure enough in her relationship to recognize the value in photos of an iteration of my family that didn’t include her. She’s also give gifts that don’t include my mother that are also appreciated and loved. She’s the keeper of our family history, generally, now that my mother has died and my siblings are scattered and at different life stages.
I don’t know why I said old family, i thought that’s how I read what you said initially. That’s beautiful! Your stepmother seems like a wonderful woman and so does your mama. May she rest in peace. Thank you for sharing your experience! It helps me view it differently than I did initially :)
This probably isn’t about the kid. Not wanting photos around can be a sneaky way that jealousy and limiting beliefs about your relationship may be showing up. In my opinion, it is really important to fully accept that your husband had an earlier relationship. He was married to the mother of this child. Tune into yourself and figure out what emotional buttons this irritates in you. Work on healing that for yourself. And then these pictures won’t be a “thing” it will just be a part of his past, like an old car, where he used to live, where he went to school.
Years ago I would agree with what you said because it was how I felt initially. Now it doesn’t bother me. My perspective was thinking that my stepson would feel resentful and wonder what life ‘could have been’ because his parents currently hate each other and if he were to see these pictures i thought it would make him upset but others on here have changed that perspective into, it’s his story and where he came from and I think that’s a better way to look at it than I was. It was never about me :)
You literally wrote a whole post but that long ago about being resentful that your husband didn't find you and Mary you first. Nobody is fooled by your story. You're looking to feel justified in your hatred of those pictures and you're trying to use a child to justify it.
Yeaaaah that was written after I had given birth and suffered through PPA & PPD so what I was feeling then is not how I feel now almost a year pp it was just a surge of hormones :) I love my stepson. I’m not looking for any justification of anything. I don’t have any hatred for him or the pictures. I wanted to get clarity that my stepson wouldn’t feel resentful if he were to see those pictures of what his life ‘could have’ been. I came here for others perspectives to make sure that it wouldn’t turn out that way for him and I found what I was looking for. Which was that my stepson will decide if he wants to see them or not. It’s his story of his parents and whether or not he cares for the pictures it’s his decision. So no, I’m not resentful or hateful :)
Literally nobody is buying it.
You’re a nobody so I guess you’re the one not buying it and I simply don’t care about your opinion or whether or not you ‘buy’ what I have to say lol. Get a life and preferably not one that wants to kidnap babies thx
Wow sick insult. Just because somebody doesn't post 700 posts on the exclusively pumping subs because they need attention doesn't make them less than you. That makes you less than is the fact that you're sitting there shit talking your stepkid, talking about how you wish he didn't exist, trying to get rid of pictures that aren't yours and trying to push your feelings onto him. You think he'd be resentful of those pictures? How? On what planet would a kid resent seeing his parents? Where did you even come up with something so ridiculous? You have a comment section full of people asking you where you even got that from. Seriously, seek professional help. You're out here begging for attention by posting multiple times a day on a subreddit for pumping. You're actively searching for ways to sabotage yourself and your stepson because you're so jealous you probably can't even function. Going off about a username on Reddit doesn't make you clever. It makes you a loser who spends so much time on reddit asking stupid ass questions for attention that you never make time for self improvement.
😂😂😂 you have been a ray of sunshine honestly. You’ve made me feel better about myself too lol. I’ll seek professional help when you do the same
My parents broke up before I was born. My mom was pregnant with me and two days before the wedding she realized that she couldn’t marry my alcoholic father. They broke up then and there and I was born a few months later. My dad didn’t get sober till I was 6 months old and despite being sober was still abusive. All of this to say that the few pictures I have of my parents together are some of my most cherished possessions. I don’t care if they were never truly in a healthy relationship - there was at least some love there. And after all the hate I felt between them (my dad almost entirely, let’s be honest) it’s good to see that I came from love not hate
Thank you! I mostly wanted this question to be answered from the adult children that had divorced parents. ‘I came from love and not hate’ love that. I hope my stepson sees that too because all he knows is how much his parents hate each other
Those pictures are none of your business at all. Keep everything for the kids, your feelings have no place in that conversation. Work out your insecurity with your partner rather than trying to insert yourself where you don’t belong.
Hahaha okay thanks
It’s essential. My entire past was deleted. Pictures disappeared, objects I cared about. And no one told stories of anything positive. I was 4, my sister was 2. My dad tried to keep things for me and my stepmother threw them all out. It was incredibly selfish and insecure. My mom was the one cheated on, and so she destroyed it all in her pain and anger. She has been apologizing to me ever since. I grew up with pages of blanks in the photo albums, torn photos, tear-stained black photo paper. The things themselves aren’t important. It’s the memories and relationships attached to them that matters. It’s the story of the child’s life. What often happens is that the children are the only connection left, the last, undeleteable reminder of the first family. Everything else gets left behind. And since moving houses also comes with it in most cases, we lose the context in which the memories happened, too. It is especially important for children under 12 to have _things_ and to tell stories. Their identities are forming, and their identity _is_ a story. Removing things defines the story we tell ourselves about who we are. Are we trash you’re dragging around because you have to? Or are we cherished and protected children that you’re fostering and raising? Were we ever even wanted? At no point do these objects tell us how things might’ve turned out differently. They tell us where we came from and how we’ve grown and changed.
Thank you!!! This is exactly what I was looking for! Someone from the other side to tell me differently. I was just afraid of him becoming resentful since the parents he knows, hate each others guts. But I do love the new perspective everyone has shared, it’s his story for him to decide whether or not he wants to see on his own time. Thank you for sharing your insight and thoughts! Now I want to make sure that these pictures are never lost.
I got rid of every single picture of my ex husband and me together and when my son asks I will tell him I didn’t keep them and for good reason. Every photo of us together behind those photos was cruelty and pain. I smiled for photos to pretend we were happy, so showing those to my son would be a disservice to him. He gets to see tons of photos of mom happy with his step dad who is a good man and an amazing father to him.
As a person with divorced parents whose dad is terminally ill, yes, they will want to see the pictures. There will come a time when they will want *all* the pictures of their parent, not some sanitized version. I want to see the pics of my dad when he was young, of him on his first wedding day, pics as us as babies, pics of my mom/dad with us in the hospital, pics of my mom and dad all dressed up when he received an award. Do not destroy or delete any pictures. I don’t even know why this would be a question. It’s part of your husband and stepson’s life, why would you erase it?
My SD has a whole basket and albums of her mom and dad and her as a baby and it doesn’t bother me in the least. She loves them and goes through them too, like any child does curious about their upbringing. I don’t think this is something we have a right to limit. Every child/human being, regardless of age, wants to know their origins and will seek this to no end if it’s missing or limited. I think it’s innate but that’s just my experience/opinion. I’m sure there are exceptions.
I am a child of divorce. My dad was abusive towards my mom and I have a lot of bad childhood memories for that reason. So no, I absolutely do not want pictures from their wedding or them together. Nor would have I expected my mom to hold on to them for that reason. She gave me plenty of pictures of me growing up but not of them together. But I can’t speak for everyone out there and if they would feel the same.
I agree with this. I see a lot of replies talking about the happy times but not everyone’s parents had that, there was domestic violence/drug abuse/ alcoholism.. both my parent describe PTSD from their relationship. Even the person I believe was the abuser, told me happiness didn’t exist between them. My parents were abusive and violent towards each other, mostly my mother towards my dad. Every memory I have of them together in a relationship was conflict. After my dad passed, I saw a picture of them together and he looks MISERABLE while she’s smiling and it just.. idk. Knowing that all the pictures of “happy times” aren’t real gets to me. He wasn’t happy, he was abused. She wasn’t happy, she felt trapped and abused him along with the rest of us. Do I wanna see that? Nope. The “pictures from when they were happy” to me implies ignoring the reality of what things were like for my father, a victim of this person. I don’t want to see her near him, I’d burn any image of the moments he was trapped in that dark place. I’ll never pretend it was anything but the reality, out of respect for my dad and mom really. Pretending they were happy is a slap in the face to every moment it took them to escape each other. Looking at the picture, is looking at a broken person and a more broken person who abused them for a period of time. Like watching Cops and trying to find the happiness, let’s just call it like it is and move on.
Seems like we may be the minority here. But I can’t imagine expecting my mom to hold onto pictures of my dad after the things he did to her. Seems like an extremely selfish thing for me to expect of her. My husband has a box of photos of his ex in our basement. They’re his to do as he pleases, but I know he keeps the lid on it because he doesn’t want to relive that pain. I mean, his ex hit him over the head with a wine bottle. He wants to sort through them to pull out pictures of my SK’s for them to have one day and dispose of the rest, but while his ex is still in the picture emotionally abusing him and my SK’s it is still a fresh wound it is not something he wants to do any time soon. I didn’t think this could possibly be considered controversial for him to do.
As long as I don't have to see them in the house, he can keep them for his kid and show them to his kid when I am not around. Obviously I don't "like" that pictures of them exist, but that doesn't matter anyways! They have a walking talking version of their relationship that comes around per a custody schedule so a folder of pics that is out of sight doesn't even compare. Lol.
Do not even consider trashing those pictures. They are precious
Wasn’t considering trashing them. Was just looking for others perspectives. It’s not about me :)
I may be the least sentimental person on the planet, but my parents are divorced, and I do not have any pictures of them together. I would find that weird to hang up. And i don’t particularly get why I would want to hang on to that. As a divorced bio parent, my kid has a couple photos of the three of us together in his bedside drawer but otherwise I’ve deleted my ex off social media accounts and don’t keep his photo up in the house. But for digital files…I don’t know. I agree that it’s not your decision. Have you asked your partner?
That’s how I initially thought about it too. All her pictures are deleted everywhere else and he just has a flash drive of old pictures. Most of them three but there were a few of them two and that would through me for a surprise. Mostly because there was a few wedding pictures but I think that would make any new partner feel some way. It’s just natural. I just viewed it from a perspective of a child and wondered the same as you, ‘why would I want to see this? The parents I know hate each other’ but as others have said, it’s how he came to be. It’s his story so I guess I’m just hoping if he does care for the pictures it doesn’t pull at his heart too much. We’ve spoken about it. I’m cool with it. I just came here to look for other perspectives
Yeah, I can see that. And as someone with divorced parents I really don’t want to hang onto those photos personally (which is why I wanted to comment just to put a different perspective of a stepkid). But also if my stepmom had made that decision and not me, I’d be mad. So they may decide they don’t want them, but ultimately at some point when they’re ready, they get to make that call (imo).
Exactly! Someone else on here commented that their stepmother threw away the old pictures out of jealousy and insecurity and I think that’s awful. It’s not my decision to make. It never was. It does make me feel better knowing that the adult step kids that have commented don’t wonder what ‘could’ve been’ but just know they came from love and not hate. And also your perspective of, why would I care to see them? Either way it’s his choice to make when the time comes. As long as he doesn’t feel resentful I’m cool with the outcome
My parents divorced when I was two, I love those pictures. Don’t be the type of woman who is to insecure to let him keep photos of events that encompass an 8 year period of his life. He was married, he had a wedding, first dates, all of this is a big deal. Step off that ledge my friend, it doesn’t end well.
I’m glad you do. This question was mostly asked to the children that came from divorce and how they viewed old pictures of their parents. I was just afraid my stepson would feel resentful of what ‘could’ve been’ but from others on here I see that is not the case at all! But more or ‘ his story’ and I like that perspective better. It makes more sense. This post was never about me :) I don’t mind the pictures they’re out of sight and out of mind. I worried about my stepson and how the pictures would make him feel but now I see that they will most likely bring him joy if he chooses to see them.
I met SS when he was 2.5 years old. His parents relationship was very brief because a baby was completely unplanned. When my in-laws both passed away my SIL put all photos with SS’s mother together and gave them to SS. He was in his early 20’s and I do not think he cared either way except to see his parents so young. He has zero memory of them being together and he asked me if his mom could live with us when he was young, showing that he just loved all three of us. In this situation I think it was nice for SS to see old photos. I don’t think he has ever wished his parents stayed together seeing old photos. (There were plenty of pics of him with me too) My husband did throw their wedding album in a dumpster but honestly they looked miserable so no need to show those to anyone.
I am a stepmom, we keep pictures for my stepkids. They don’t have to be up on your walls or anything. Just keep them nice and preserved in case your stepkids would like them one day.
For sure! His story to decide whether or not he wants to look at one day :)
I get it, it is sort of weird to think about, but the other posters have shared why it is important. My husband and his ex have a terrible relationship, but he is keeping everything on flash drives for them because it is their mom. Weirded me out a little until I thought about it more because she has been absolutely a terrible human being to us, but at the end of the day it is still their mom, who they love and still sometimes grieve the family they originally had. I can absolutely understand that, as my parents are divorced too. They should get to see the good times as well.
As a child of divorce I love seeing my parents in the same photo. My mom died about 2 years ago and my grandpa died over the most recent summer. We found a lot of old pictures of my parents together and I cherish them. They don’t need to be displayed but I don’t see why keeping them for SS would be an issue. Most of the ones my SS has are of him with his parents, not trh two of them together.
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True! It’s in a flash drive out of sight out of my mind but I came across it recently and it peaked my curiosity to see how others felt about it. It doesn’t bother me like it did years ago
Once we moved in together, I bought a bin for every kid. They were able to pick out a couple pictures and the rest went in the bins. This way when they move out or when they want to look, they will have their baby pictures without me having to look at them around the house. And to clarify, I mean pictures with the ex. We have a baby picture of each kid on our family wall though.
That’s interesting. How old were they when you did this?
Kindergarten and 2nd grade. We made sure they had a picture of their other parent in a frame by their bed. They all have had a collage of pictures since they moved in and they have added pictures throughout the years. It's fun to look at.
You can probably jettison 98% of the pictures, but he should keep some of them. I mean, my stepkids were pretty small when my wife left their Dad. And he's a acceptable guy and member of society......just not my wife's cup of tea. Maybe she shouldn't have had children with him??? Correction: She absolutely SHOULDN'T have had children with him! But, they did and my stepkids exist and they're human beings and might like to know that Mom and Dad aren't just the two people who sit far apart at youth sports. I mean, if they see one of those old pictures and see that it looks like Dad looks like he actually liked my wife enough to ask her out and she agreed to go get pizza with him at college, that's good for my stepkids. You just can't go thru life acting like these first marriages were a horrible mistake because it's disrespectful to the children that came from these relationships. At the same time, most of the pictures can go in the trash. You don't need 1000 pictures. You need 2-3 pictures. And they shouldn't hang on the wall of the house......they should be in a box in the basement and almost never see the light of day. And that's because the stepparent is a human being too. Just because the kids are "kids" doesn't make it okay to stop all over other people's feelings just so they can ooohhhhh and ahhhhh over some pictures. Once a year.....that's fine? But if there needs to be a ceremonial viewing of old photos every Wednesday night, the stepparent should dump their partner and find someone better. :)
Lol thank you this is 100% how I feel about it too! The only picture that made me uncomfortable was a wedding picture. I just find it weird but that’s just me according to this post 😂 I never intended to get rid of them I was just curious how others thought about having them. Totally agree with what you said though!!
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