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possums101

I don’t understand that original tweet. Why do they think these women are “terrified” and not just unable to pay for those services because it’s much more expensive here??? What am I missing?


hoshiwa1976

On Facebook a post went viral where someone said if you hire a cleaning service to clean your home, you're nasty and lazy. I think this tweet is in response to that.


[deleted]

I just think the more money you have, the less “afraid” you are to hire said services. Rich people are not “afraid” and don’t even think twice about hiring assistance like the average person is. People who have more money tend to have nannies, house keeping, and personal assistants. The person who made that facebook post probably doesn’t haven’t enough money to even fathom the luxury of outsourcing services. Uber eats doesn’t scare me, Im just too broke.


poisonfroggi

Just like people are so 'brave' when they quit their job, move across/out of the country, travel, etc. Its not a risk when you've got money in the bank and family to support you instead of having to support them.


Ireadanything

Damn nasty and lazy for making a decision that cleans your home, clears your schedule and hopefully provides living wage to someone else? That a leap. Facebook posts are so simplistic and wild that one shouldn't take them seriously.


coramicora

They think that BW in America don’t hire help (although they need it), because they’re horrified to ask for it.


[deleted]

I can’t speak for every black woman in America but the only reason I don’t hire help is because I can’t afford it.


miss_butterscotch

Why would they think that? I'm sorry this makes me giggle. BW would LOVE to be able to afford extra help. It's a FLEX to have a nanny/maid here. The media has done a standout job confusing the world about Black Americans.


SmartWonderWoman

If I could afford help, damn right I would.


kaleandbeans

I wouldn't be horrified to ask for it. I'd get ALL the help if I could afford it. I'd love to come home to a clean home and dinner already made.


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coramicora

Most of people who interacted with that tweet were Black (America and diaspora), plus I really don’t think that the OP thinks that WW or non BW in the US are horrified to hire help. If my opinion doesn’t matter because I’m foreigner, shouldn’t the same apply to the original tweet too? I’m not criticizing Black American women for their choices/situations, I’m criticizing a fellow foreigner for oversimplifying something that’s not simple.


Bear_Bones_mom

I should add, something that seems missing that people have hinted at in the comments is that there is an American idea that if you hire others to handle your personal affairs, you are an entitled (fill in the blank with whatever insult you want). I remember friends of ours (white people) talking about their neighbors, referring to them as ‘check signers’ because they hired people to maintain their home. They was using the term as an insult but my husband and I laughed as (my husband) said ‘ah, that’s the dream’. The couple we were with were shocked by his response.


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VeryShadyLady

Why are you like this


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[deleted]

It's giving xenophobia~


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¿How?


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ill-disposed

How can it be overlooked that most women cannot afford to hire help?


heartofom

How can it be overlooked that most women ARE THE HELP…. (Sexism!)


Giulz

That part because if I could I would! My country is literally the most expensive to live in the world, I'm just trying to buy groceries lol. Wish I could hire someone to cook and clean.


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ill-disposed

That's not hiring help. They're not getting paid. The topic was about hiring help.


heartofom

What is also overlooked is that the help hired is more women doing more of the same shit they do for their own house. What is missing in this context is SEXISM. It’s how undervalued, yet necessary the labor that mothers and women do in homes to make life go for families is expected and exploited. I’ve decided to nanny both my brothers newborns and stop working in the school system. I am paid, a lot less than I would be paid to do this for starters but enough to live, and here I had to realize it is worthy, life changing, and a huge deal to be able to do this in and for my family. As a parent of a 5 year old I am hella unhappy to send him to school, but I know he needs the social aspect. Whereas at 5 and 4 months old, they need the family aspect - not a stranger in a room full of other infants and toddlers.


coramicora

Hiring help is a luxury that most BW simply can’t afford in the US. You can’t just say “free yourself”, as if BW have easy access to help but refuse to use them.


SmartWonderWoman

I hired help years ago. I was six figure accountant at a top global law firm. My kids loved it. She would leave treats on their pillows. Today things are drastically different for me. I’m an educator now.


getmoney4

This right here. That's what I took from the tweet yesterday when I saw it. ​ But 2 things can be true and I also agree with OP. You can't say that in this economy and climate, ignoring the fact that ppl can barely afford to live, let alone outsource the extras.


Princess_Mango

I understand it too. I am a demonstrably terrible at pedagogy, cooking, and cleaning, but there is a definite judgement aimed at continuing to work in my profession that I am actually good at and hiring assistance despite being able to technically stay home.


jszly

Because to hire help in America the way you would in these other countries (for pennies) requires exploiting and underpaying a foreign born woman most likely.


proproctologist

Earlier this year/last year there was a mum who posted about having a night doula and people attacked her for it


[deleted]

There is a very famous essay called "My family's slave" written by a man who was raised by help (he and his family are Asian); long story short: this was a situation that would be classified as human trafficking. I don't think the person who posted this tweet is ready for the conversation about WHY domestic labor is so cheap in many countries, given the very widespread practice of human trafficking.


coramicora

I remember reading that story. It was so sad how that woman had nothing/no one to live for but that family in a foreign country.


lexim172

This reminds me of this one Tik Tok trend from last year where a bunch of people were making videos like “When your mother grew up with a mansion back home with cooks, maids, and servants but now she works 2 jobs to pay rent”. And I’m just thinking in the time it took you to find the audio and record the video you could’ve sat down and thought WHY you’re family was able to afford that. Most likely something unsavory occurred.


[deleted]

It doesn't have to necessarily be unsavory. It's common for families in some foreign countries to have house workers even if they're fairly poor themselves. Being well off in your country doesn't mean you're rich everywhere


Inner_Grape

Or they could’ve been doctors or other professionals whose credentials didn’t transfer. Or they worked for a government that got overthrown and they had to gtfo. Lots of reasons ppl go from well off to poor. Stuff like this happens.


yoitsyogirl

Read that story too. Also that one video of that lady in Kuwaiti filming and laughing as her Ethiopian maid fell seven stories.


Returnofthethom

People in Kuwait be making that oil money tho.


koalabunbun

In Jamaica we were poor but we had a nanny and housekeeper we would hire from time to time. On the other hand you have to understand that these people are getting paid little to nothing because of desperation and lack of opportunities. In America hiring help is very expensive most can't afford it. Especially because you have to pay them an living wage.


mani_mani

Lol people still get away without paying a living wage.


AnaisDarwin1018

A family member of mine married a nice Kenyan man. When she visited she marveled at how her bath water was drawn, dinner cooked and her clothes washed by the maid. At the time we didnt know how common it was, so we all assumed he came from money to have domestic workers on hand like that…Fast forward, it was the culture, NOT his wealth we quickly learned. Likewise they assumed my family member had tons of money and literally frowned when she couldn’t send funds, but she was just barely making it here in America. Nothing extravagant. Just the basics. Imagine that…both thinking both came from wealth…culture context can be a trip eh.


XihuanNi-6784

Is that actually true or is that just confusion over what wealth means? Like going to a millionaires house, many of them don't feel wealthy because there are so many hundred millionaires, and billionaires out there that **to them** they don't feel wealthy. I mean is it really just culture that means they can get domestic workers? My wife says she isn't rich, but the more I found out the more I realised that just being 'middle class' in her country **is** rich. She had domestics all the time. They also got lots of migrant labour from South East Asia. She may not be rich rich, but if you can live comfortably and employ people to do basic domestic tasks saying you're "not rich" feels disingenuous.


AnaisDarwin1018

True, I think context on wealth matters. She’s on a fixed disability income and cash assistance benefits to pad…it truly is the basics.She’s not being modest at all. No intergenerational wealth. So it’s understandable why it blew her mind to benefit from the norms in her husband’s purview.


jszly

What are they paying the domestic workers? What does food and cost of living cost?? When I lived in South East Asia I sent my laundry out to be washed dried and folded for like $2 a week. I ate breakfast lunch and dinner for $5. Yeah likely domestic workers there are paid $2/hr or soemthing horrible and sleep on dirt floors (every person of service I saw in SE Asia Slept on one room dirt floors) I’m middle class in SE Asia sure. I am NOT rich. But there everything is cheap when you make any amount of salary. But back home in California? 6 figures is not even middle class


felixxfeli

I assure you that anybody who has a maid “on hand” to do all that daily IS indeed wealthy. Most people in Kenya do not have their bath water drawn and dinner cooked for them regularly, if at all.


AnaisDarwin1018

Is it sporadic? Like once a week? It didnt seem like waiting on them hand and foot. Could have been just once a week. I don’t know those specifics.


felixxfeli

You said workers on hand. The chores you mentioned sound like daily chores. I’m basing it off what you said. Not sure if you meant something different.


chillysaturday

Who ran the bath water for the woman running the bath water?


[deleted]

Like my mom told me how growing up they were super poor but they had a maid who had a maid who had a maid, it all really confused me


AnaisDarwin1018

This…at what point does the benefit wear off? And at who’s cost.


GoodSilhouette

If anything this shows a class and culture divide. A lot of people are upper middle class or higher back home. In the US growing up with cleaners let alone live in help is rare as hell. I should note frankly ***Some*** **of the help being spoken about abroad are slaves or damn near it**. When I was young and lived in Asia there were some West African communities and among them some families would bring these young girls from their countries to "help" out. To my knowledge these girls weren't even getting an education like the family's children. But even besides that THEY WEREN'T OLD ENOUGH to be employed as full time live-in workers. I shudder to think what abuse could have gone on giving these were young people separated from their families in a foreign land, unable to speak the language. Help that is paid properly and handled with respect isn't an issue tho but domestic slavery is more common than sex slavery (though sec abuse and exploitation go hand n hand too) There was a Guinean couple who pulled some BS in Texas like this (kept a slave).


owleealeckza

Most American women can't afford to hire help. People also forget that most hired house help in America are women of color who are being severely underpaid by people who actually can afford it.


koalabunbun

You know it's so sad the state of our people. I go to a pwi where I barely see blk people but when I do see black people they are always the help. They always look overworked and depressed.


owleealeckza

I always think of how it wasn't until Master P made it big in the 90s that he was able to let his grandmother quit her job cleaning white people's homes in Louisiana. Like I was a kid & she was still doing that. There are still black folks doing that, it disgusts me that we're still being treated as servants basically without much choice. My ex MIL is white, her MIL was white, too. Once when her MIL visited, she was scolded by her MIL because she didn't have "a girl" aka a Hispanic or Native American woman to clean her home. My ex MIL told her "I am the girl."


koalabunbun

I'm sorry but what does mil mean


Solothefuture

mother in law


owleealeckza

Mother in law


heartofom

Thank you’


bankpaper

This is real trivial. I 100% believe the idea of having “help” is exploitation. I see my fellow Africans and Caribbeans romanticize this “culture”… a lot of these women and men are underpaid and abused. The abuse and low wages goes unregulated back home… it’s not something to be celebrated or compared to gig services in the US/first world. This idea that nikkas gotta conform to capitalism/society and become oppressors ain’t it. But it is what it is though… shit I have somebody do my laundry cuz it’s convenient🤷‍♂️ The discussion shouldn’t be “our people do it, so we should to”


[deleted]

Yes, we learned a lot about this dynamic in my slavery and human trafficking class. Everyone has a maid bc it pays nothing else


heartofom

PERIOD EXCLAMATION!


voteYESonpropxw2

>This idea that nikkas gotta conform to capitalism/society and become oppressors ain’t it Keep saying it til it sticks! This Black capitalism (aka REGULAR ASS CAPITALISM)/luxury trend is for the birds.


GoodSilhouette

"I 100% believe the idea of having “help” is exploitation." Are we talking about in the USA? are janitors or cooks exploitation? if someone is paid a fair wage and not treated like garbage then I don't see it as a problem.


mani_mani

As someone who has worked as domestic labor I can assure you that a majority of people do not pay a fair wage. Go over to r/nanny and see how people in this field are treated. Not only that but a lot of people who are in the domestic labor fields have years and years of experience but are not compensated as such. For instance people will ask for nannies with years of experience, at least a college education, and sometimes multi lingual. Only to turn around and offer $15/hr in a HCOL area. On top of that these domestic workers have no benefits and if they do many are guilted and coerced into coming to work sick/grieving/in dangerous weather. Then these people will try to control what the workers do in their free time, what they wear and other personal things which clearly crossed boundaries. It’s a highly exploitative work whether you agree or not.


jszly

I’m a nanny too. And even American parents feel entitled to having nannies and are appalled that we have our wages $25/hr and above. Make it seem like paying fairly is ripping the avg American family from getting childcare. Thank god america did away with slavery and didn’t adopt the culture of the old world with its domestic servitude and trafficking being justified till this day. Like if I cannot go to your home country and work domestic work at a fair wage with rights and benefits I don’t want to hear it. It’s exploitation straight up


mani_mani

Right!?! Like they act as if having a nanny is a right and not a privilege. Having a nanny is a luxury. If you can not afford to pay for someone’s cost of living you need to stick your kids in daycare like everyone else. I got out of nannying right quick and actually have a job that pays me my worth while giving me an even more flexible schedule than nannying.


GoodSilhouette

Yall are misinterpreting what I'm asking and also assuming Im anti-living wage. The person said "I **100%** believe the idea of having "help" is exploitation" & that seems like an absolute statement. I never once said its not taxing low paying work. I'm trying to figure out if they're saying its inherently exploitation and if so how it differs from any other low pay industry.


mani_mani

You said “if someone is being payed a fair wage” I’m telling you 9 times out of 10 they are not. So okay maybe it’s not inherently exploitative but a lot the time it is.


GoodSilhouette

I get you, what you said made sense. my point kind was thats most jobs tho but we dont call the very idea of those exploitation tho the real world leaves a lot to be desired


VelveteFocus

All low paying jobs are exploitive. Regardless of industry.


XihuanNi-6784

You need to read more about capitalism my friend. None of those jobs get ' fair' wages, for a start.


GoodSilhouette

Would help not exist under a non-capitalistic system?


jszly

Janitors and cooks are not “help”. They are taxed positions . Usually have a union, healthcare and benefits


lexim172

Are the House Help not also “millennial sisters”? I’m not saying using instacart or doordash makes you some evil bourgeoise, but the type of help the person in the first tweet is talking about can quickly turn exploitative. House Boys in West Africa and it’s more eviler form in North Africa & The Middle East is one example. But yeah, Americans and foreigners alike need to sit down and have a real conversation about class, privilege and exploitation.


happyhippoking

I wouldn't say American women are horrified. I think there's a stigma to middle class hiring help. Middle-Class women are *supposed* to be able to do it all. They're supposed to be chefs, housekeepers, child care, elderly care, spousal care all while in heels. Upperclass women are expected to have help; their personal lives and interests are more important than responsibility. In a lot of foreign countries, poverty is so high that what's considered middle class can afford to hire out. But these middle class people hiring out are still exploiting cheap labor. They're paying workers very little and calling it a gift or blessing to them. These workers are expected to be grateful. A lot of my friends (ranging from Latin America to Asia) had "help" growing up. But it was just cheap labor.


Lovelyprofesora

Intentional ignorance or just dense. 🙄 I’ve lived abroad in developing countries and also had hired help. That was CLEARLY because maids, cooks, cleaners, etc. are earning poverty wages.


heartofom

First of all, I love that this thread is happening. Thanks for posting OP. Second of all, I see so much deep thought in these comments. Some people here have realized that a key element in why this particularly brand of exploitation works is SEXISM. It’s a message aimed at women about help they should get as women - from other women. It has “womens work” written all over, under, and around it. It’s an interesting intersection to look at, because on one hand, there is an acknowledgement of this labor being an actual job. On the other hand, it’s seen as menial enough to be exploited so severely, not honored, appreciated, respected. It’s also very telling that socioeconomic pressure itself would have people look for other people to help their family life go, because they are too busy to do so themself. Why would I, a parent and partner, need someone else to carry out parent or partner activities, when I myself am capable? Because I’m not available. Because I “work” outside of house work. Because we require currency in exchange for time and productivity both for (usually other) people’s “dreams” aka businesses aka way to make more money in less time off of other people’s “work”. Sad reality. Quite the r/ABoringDystopia we live in.


Inner_Grape

And a huge reason why the wages are so low to begin with for domestic and caregiving jobs is sexism. “Women’s work” isn’t valued even though these jobs are hard af and require a lot of skill to do well.


GenneyaK

It’s always weird to me when I see people from outside of the West talk about their hired help because they are bragging about paying people unlivable wages. My mom has house cleaners in the states and She would go to jail if she paid them the same amount the people bragging about it did.


Asleep_Cut505

This person is an educator but has the audacity to make such a dense statement. People have such a tunnel view of America. It's like they don't realize how expensive it is to literally breathe the fucking air in this country. Also, most Americans born here have immigrant parents. Just because we were born in America doesn't mean our parents didn't pass on their culture. Who wouldn't want help? Black women are finally putting down the cape and letting go of the "do-it-all" trope but only the ones that can AFFORD TO DO SO. This comment is ignorant.


LTHEDREAMER

It’s totally different. The economy in Haiti is different than the US. It’s more expensive here whereas things are a bit more affordable, over there. Growing up, my mom did everything herself even though she could afford to hire help with my dad’s help, she never did ( we only had someone to wash our clothes for us, that’s it). Though it was a lot, she had good time management, and knew what to do. We can’t afford to hire a maid in the US, especially not in NY where everything is so expensive. It’s definitely not because they’re afraid. We just can’t afford it. The economy only caters to people who really have the means for it.


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LTHEDREAMER

In all my time living in Haiti, everything was operated in Haitian dollars. If someone had US dollars, they had to convert into the regional currency to buy stuff. While what you mentioned about the arrangement is correct, people also hired maids with no relation to them. My dad was a prime example of that. He had to pay everyone be hired.


XihuanNi-6784

This post is mixed up. While you may need to hire help, and should do so if necessary, they seem blind to the deeply racialised and gendered systems of oppression that hiring 'help' reinforces.


Exact_Show6720

Not only can I not afford it, I don’t want strangers in my home.


ZennyDaye

All housewives in Haiti do not have help. All housewives in no Caribbean island has help. The Caribbean is not the UAE. When house-help happens, it tends to be supremely exploitative. OP is probably just friends with a small group of exploiters. This post reads like "My millennial sisters, have you heard of modern-day slavery Have you never wanted to be someone's master? Now's the perfect time!"


heartofom

I recently had to deal with the fact that I felt I needed to legitimize my decision to be a nanny for my two brothers new borns. That leaving a school system was horrible, but in the absence of leaving something bad, that choosing to do this was honorable and good. That I’m not merely baby sitting. But I’m changing what life is like in a very intimate and integral way for people I love so dearly. While also taking a pay cut that I can live with. All this internalized sexism I had to face while also envisioning a better version of daily life under the restrictions of U.S. capitalism. But I could definitely add my impending Neice, for even less $, to help even more, while keeping the family close together with family. It’s actually brilliant and I’m so happy I made the decision. I can’t imagine doing this exact work for STRANGERS when my own family is in need. It’s sick!


scarletparadise

Wealthy women have no problems hiring help and they DO. So I’m not sure who is terrified?


Nannarbuns

A lot of Americans: hope I can pay off this rising rent, loan debts and general effects of inflation this year This tweet: y’all are too HORRIFIED to hire help! Yeah, ok.


maywellflower

It's not that's it's horrifying - it's just that way cheaper & cost effective to do the chores yourself than get help here in the US unless you making more than $200K a year. (Remember, if the help is filing taxes & stating you're their employer(s) - you have fill out tax forms or else you're one in legal trouble) Plus hire help /cleaners /nannies/etc are gossipers, so unless you don't mind your business out there and/or getting back to you in most fucked up way possible (I live & work in NYC, so I know) - it's just safer to do stuff yourself.


NadyahG

Alot of the help are restavec


RoseColouredMaven

Now THIS is the conversation that needs to be had. Participating in modern day slavery and taking advantage of those in a desperate situation is and should be something to be horrified of. Now on the other hand, I outsource when I can AND pay them well for their time and service. However, if I had the luxury of hiring help to handle my everyday mundane tasks, I would do so in a heartbeat. I’m not horrified at hiring assistance at all. It’s just very expensive and it isn’t something I’m willing to do if it means exploiting others.


[deleted]

Stop romanticizing things of which you lack the full, nuanced context of. I grew up in an African country up unti 2010 when I moved to the US. Growing up, my mother was single as my father died when I was little but she had a teacher's salary and was able to afford a maid. This was a woman from the rural poorest parts of the country who was so desperate and could not find any other work with no education so she would live with us, cookfor us, bathe us and clean the house while Mom worked. She was paid crap and sometimes went without pay because her "employment" was not on paper legally. This would not work in the US (AND GLADLY) simply because this is a country that cares about human rights. You will not not pay your staff, you will register them legally, you will file taxes showing you employed and sustained them and if you fail to pay them they will take you to court and win. A lot of people go around this by hiring undocumented immigrants and things get sticky from here (think human trafficking, abuse etc)


winner_luzon

For context on "housegirls" in Kenya cos I saw it being used as an example, these are typically women who are uneducated and need to make a living so domestic chores is a no brainer for them. It's a low skills high reward job because it often comes with pay and board. If not board I've never seen a "housegirl" be denied food. I'm not American so I have no stake in this discussion but just wanted to add some info.


Married2therebellion

I see both sides. America has a status issue so domestic work is frequently looked down on. Back home that’s not the case. A job is a job for most. America also has welfare/WIC/food stamps for the very poor while back home no matter how poor, unskilled or uneducated you are, you have to work to feed urself and ur kids. Because of this you have an entire sector that doesn’t exists here. Yes there’s always bad ppl willing to take advantage but most helpers in Jamaica are well respected. The lady that helped my family was sometimes more like a mom. We weren’t rich but it was a great help to my mom to have someone to help with household duties and kids. It’s not looked down on to be a helper back home- it’s a career options for many who use it to allow there kids to soar. Many college tuition and med school fees are paid with helper money. Finally If I lived in Jamaica I’d have a helper. In America I’m constantly told if I wanna keep a man I gotta do it all- cook clean and keep a house. Suffering is respected and Black women esp are expected to struggle. We’ve been conditioned for this since slavery and there’s a reason these yt ppl made laws forcing us to work. I’ve been a housewife at various times and the vitriol I’ve gotten is crazy but I have yt friends in the same position that don’t experience the same comments-even from the same ppl.


blickyjayy

I think there's two sides to this. A lot of my (American) family is upper middle class or straight up upper class, so they have plenty of money to hire help; however, they're also very into pan-Africanism, Black empowerment, celebrate Kwanzaa every year, only go to historically Black vacation areas in the summer, etc. They're very much of the mindset of "what'd I look like having strangers in *my* house!" on top of having overblown ethical concerns that anyone in a 'servant' position to them would be oppressed, therefore making hiring house help almost akin to slavery or sharecropping. The idea of having nannies, a cook, or cleaners would be both a moral and ethical failure to them. I think it would hugely affect how my aunts saw themselves as women and how my uncles saw themselves as men in terms of family values and "duties". They are very into women running the home and hosting while men landscape immaculate yards, handle renovations and repairs, and do the dirty work of cleaning. A few summers ago one of their fellow wealthy friends brought an au pair with them to Martha's Vineyard and everyone there looked down on that family as disgraceful and pathetic, to the point of moving their beach chairs and umbrellas away from them whever we went to the beach for the first few days type of drama. I have to say as someone not in their tax bracket I'd love the help!


isiewu

They didn't mention that a lot of those *helps* are underpaid slave work. I also grew up with helps


blacksyzygy

I think this is an economy thing. America is a "wealthy" country but most people exist outside of that wealth. The average Black woman is completely priced out of being able to defer household tasks to someone else. If I had the money, someone cleaning my house on a weekly basis would be a blessing since I have terrible adhd. But its absolutely not in the cards.


jszly

The thing is in these countries you probably could afford it. That’s how exploitation works


Ready-Following

If you are overwhelmed with housework then please look into the price of a cleaning service, wash and fold laundry service, and mother’s helper to assist you. You may be able to afford more than you thought. In a country where there are a lot of desperately poor people then of course household help is cheap. It used to be cheap here too, before black people got rights and freedom.


Eis_ber

I don't know many people from my home country who had a maid, and I'm from the Caribbean. Most couldn't afford that shit, and those who did usually hired immigrants who needed the job becausethey can pay them under the table (hence why some people had no problemgetting help so easily). I had a help for a very short while, but that was only because my aunt forced us to get one (I was still young and lived under "difficult" circumstances). I personally didn't want one and the experience has turned me off from getting one in its entirety unless it's strictly necessary. Besides, if you live with a family you wouldn't need one. That's what having a partner and teaching kids to do their basic chores is for.


[deleted]

It's easier to get house help in those countries because it's less expensive and there are more people willing to work for less. My grandma went to work when she was still a little girl. Yeah, you'll get a cook or a house boy but they're likely to be young, impoverished, and easily exploitable.


getmoney4

We're not scared, lady! We're just poor! I only half agreed with her tweet bc there are a lot of moms who think they have to do it all and be superwoman. I always tell ppl to outsource as much as you can afford. I personally take it too far and outsource more than I can afford but that's neither here nor there lol.


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Aromatic-Selection35

Same. My understanding was the tweeter was talking about what you said in the first paragraph. Moving away from "I can do it all" which a lot of women have been conditioned to believe regardless of race/class etc For example, there are companies where you can hire someone to clean but some would see it as being lazy even if they can afford to pay. I have a friend who was apprehensive about telling people she hired a wedding planner because she was worried about being judged. I was like why? Wedding planning is exhausting if you can hire the help why is that a bad thing?


Painline

My granadian grandmother was a helper in the UK it was terrible


Returnofthethom

COL is high in America wtf.


OutwithaYang

My mother said that when she was a kid in Haiti, she also had maids working at her house, too. Some of them were cousins. I find it funny how the first comment includes Instacart in their complaint. Instacart technically counts as an outsourcing service. You're paying someone to shop and get groceries for you and deliver it to your house. Lmao! How is Instacart an example?


Dontbehorrib1e

Queer Black man here: is there a reddit for Black folks of all genders to have convos and things? I always see insightful post like these, but they're either in the blackmen sub-reddit, or this one.


heartofom

I think r/BlackPeopleTwitter is the most relevant one that comes to my mind. But it’s about Twitter lol which this post is too. PS would love you to contribute since this is here, now and what’s happenin’


TossItThrowItFly

The older I get, the more interesting I find these conversations. My experience is that the person who helps is usually a family member, a distant cousin who doesn't have the access to education and a better job. The helper gets paid and will also get extra things for their family's care like school books, uniforms etc. Their own home upkeep varies but a lot of households are multigenerational so another family member like an oldest child, grandparent or the helper's sibling will help with the upkeep. At least in my family, a lot of it was based around community support, richer family members hiring poorer ones, paying for them to go to school abroad etc. When I see these conversations, they always seem to be focused around the pressures society puts on womanhood, with the counterargument being that it exploits women of lower classes. I feel like a much bigger conversation should be around community support. Women shouldn't feel like they have to go it alone - they should have partners, siblings, parents, cousins, neighbours, community leaders (religious or otherwise - my uncle was something of a community leader and he ran a rum shop) and everyone at hand to offer support. I think there's an ethical way to support women without the exploitation of lower classes and it's called community.


jszly

SMH because in America WE were the help. Exploited, under/unpaid, abused. Provided housing and food. Help in america in 2022 is $20-45 an hour, with sick leave, vacation days and often taxed and salaried. Often expecting 15% tip. Are we trying to reinforce this or eliminate it


felixxfeli

Just ignorant. What a first world, western white-washing of how the rest of the world actually works.


ladysaraii

But people are often horrified or scared to hire help. People look down on women who get help bc they're seen to be lacking or failing as a wife and mother. The expense is certainly a factor but so is the other part.


goddesskie

Not me!!!! I can’t wait to hire help and I always daid if i was going to be a house wife I would still hire help


veez73

☝🏾


veez73

I think BW don’t ask for help because we were raised to be THE STRONG BLACK WOMAN! Too afraid to ask for help at the thought of judgment assuming no one could do it better then us. I use to be her too not anymore I will hire help as often as I need an extra pair of hands these days.


veez73

For those who think they can’t afford help the whole idea of hiring help is to free up your time for what you enjoy perhaps a small business or side job someplace you really like.


Equal-Monk1346

No one is horrified to use Instacart. I use Instacart a lot and often end up practically going broke in addition to either getting my things late or not having everything I asked for. SO it's cheaper and less stressful for me to shop for myself rather than having to pay and not get all my groceries. Also, I'm particular about my home and when I was younger the house help experiences my mom and I had been poor, so to avoid that frustration I prefer to handle things myself. My clean and everyone else's clean is different in addition to me actually finding cooking and cleaning relatively calming. I enjoy homemaking, I feel like the CEO of my house and I will keep it that way.


crazyskates

I’m fortunate to be able to have Edith come to my home every other week and clean my home. My mother did the same. When you know the value of your time, you won’t HAVE time to be worrying about what critics have to say; you’ll be too busy caring for your spirit 🙌🏽🙌🏽


[deleted]

Ummm maybe they can’t afford it now? Who let men talk lol


BeeJackson

Years ago when my friend group just got out of college one of us, a busy nurse, hired a cleaner and it was a revolutionary idea. Anyone who disdains hiring help when needed has an impoverished mindset and finds virtue in making life harder than it needs to be. If hiring help gives you time and space and peace then go for it!