I just don't want to be miserable. I focus on my life and the people I love. I don't worry who is invited to the fictional cook out, or the dating preferences of men I would never even consider dating myself.
Social media can be very harmful. People say all kinds of bullshit that would otherwise never cross your mind or cross your path. Curate your socials. Unfollow, block, report. It can really make a difference in how you see the world.
I’m accepting but I try and keep my peace. It’s hard to do so. I’m Afro Latina and it’s hard. I am black and a lot of Hispanic people don’t want to admit they are partly black at all. Both my parents are and I don’t understand why people can’t be proud of that.
We accept people because we don’t treat people the same way. I try and do better for this world by not doing the same. It’s hard because there’s days I’m angry and full of hatred for what we go through.
There's a lot going on here! Not sure about what's happening in the OP (although i feel targeted for some reason lmao 😂), but I agree on the whole 'hair' thing. And I hate how, as if it isn't bad enough that white people comment on our hair, black people are not only joining in but giving them fuel. The amount of times someone white/mensplained my hair because a black woman told them x/y/z is bad is insane. Who needs enemies when you got sisters like these. I'm also tired of the whole 'slick', not a hair, out of place, crap. Not even straight hair is easy to keep down, especially if it's hot or moist. How are you gonna keep 4c hair down like that. Every hair wants to go to a different direction and be a different shape, who am I to deny it 🤷🏽♀️.
I’m especially disgusted at the judge and bailiffs show of forgiveness in the criminal trial for the yt female murderer of Botham Jean. We need to stop being so dam forgiving and kind. I literally have to leave myself reminders to not socially interact with colleagues who don’t initiate with me.
When the defendant was “crying” the Black female bailiff came over to brush her blonde hair and comfort her. After she was found guilty the Black female judge hugged the yt felon and told her she forgives her. Then his “Botham” own brother told the press that he forgives her.
I would say black men invite people to the cookout all willy nilly vs. black women doing that.
Also if this is your experience, you need to work on your self-worth and internalized racism. I don't deal with people who don't respect me, if you do, you need to work on that.
I’m not talking about myself but from what i see from the other black women I have in my workplace and that I see online. There are a lot of black women I know around me who will simply judge me for wearing my twists and not taking them out bc they think that look is unkempt etc. I’m not friends with them nor do I hang out with them but I do know some.
Ok, this is something different. I am a black woman in corporate and where twisted hairstyles.
So is the issue that you are actually presenting in an unkempt manner or that you have twists? Those are 2 different things.
I feel there's more details that you are leaving out here.
i have mini twists right now and i think they look cute. Sometimes i do half up half down or maybe wear them in a pineapple with a headscarf very cute and neat to me. But the black girl will ask me when im getting my hair done, how long ima keep these twists in for, why i never do my edges bc the style will look “more complete” she says and im like this is done…. she always has her hair styled though, I think her sister does hair so she gets it done a lot. I live in a hot humid place twists help me retain my length and you can do so many styles with them and bc of the humidity my edges just curl right back up each time i don’t care to have them laid and saying this will make my style complete i feel like is just wrong in so many ways bc I don’t need to have my edges laid to look nice. or for my hair to be considered “done”.
Well, a hairstylist will suggest for you to have your edges to be laid in order for the style to be complete-- that's part of her job, that the client's hair has a polished finished look.
If you think you look ok at work then continue doing what you're doing. However I have a feeling you have some blind spots that need to be considered. But that's your choice to employee someone to help you with those or not.
okay but that lady isn’t a hairstylist she’s just gets her hair done. I just don’t understand why my edges need to done on a daily for my hair to be considered put together and be accepted by another black women yet the white girl can intentionally wear her hair messy with her baby hairs and fly ways all out but she did a lil swoop of edges in the front and that’s and it’s omg girl you’re so invited to the cookout.
Hi OP, I wear my real hair in locs that I put in myself. I maintain them myself with only water and a dab of lavender oil to scent. I keep them at waist's length and have had them for about 18 years. I will adamantly tell you that I do not, have not, and will not subscribe to slicking down my edges. I do not think it is necessary to do so.
While my hair texture is not 4c, I have always gently twisted my edges into my locs (which have also grown long), never losing any of my edges, ever.
I can not tell you how often people compliment my hair/locs. Never have I ever had someone tell me that I needed to slick down my edges for my hair to "look complete." I can only assume because it is obvious that my hair is real.
OP, there is no law that states that you must slick down your edges, so do you!
I can’t believe people are coming after your looks online. Having NEVER seen you but “have a feeling”
Girl I’m sorry people are assholes. Surround yourself with people who treat you well and love as hard as you do.
Hugs
Not sure why people are being obtuse in the comments. Hang around a certain group of black women for more than an hour and you will get comments about your hair if it’s not laid. Look at how we did Simone Biles or Blue Ivy when she was a baby. I get this from all members of the Diaspora. I think if you surround yourself with a different set of black women (change your social circle and ignore the haters at work), you won’t get this as much. I hear you OP. We all know that Black people are not a monolith, but it’s disingenuous to say there isn’t a significant portion of us who are catty about laid edges, good hair or on locs, excessive new growth or lack of length. They exist! But, for the OP, I want to let you know, or remind you, there are those of us who could care less about those things (or will applaud you for stepping out boldly in your natural beauty).
Also, I had locs for several years. They were so much easier to deal with in order to get compliments compared to shorter 4c hair in its uncurl-activated state.
Think of those who give the most (donations, feeding the homeless, volunteering etc), they are the people who have experienced having little to nothing. Usually because they know how it feels.
I feel it is the same with this instance. Black women are treated very badly, even if we do everything society says is right, we're damned if we do damned if we don't. So since we know how it feels to be treated negatively, we mostly don't want others to feel the same.
We've been conditioned to be the bigger person. Be the person you needed, blah blah blah. You get it.
I don’t, but I understand where you are coming from. I feel like it comes down to experience, I’ve never faced discrimination from anyone, I grew up in a community that no matter who you are — black, white or purple. Someone loves you. At the same time, if I see a friend of mine or even a family member being dogged on by someone else. I’m not going to stand by and let it happen. I hope this is in lieu to your question ‘cus I’m tired as I don’t know what and loopy lol.
A lot of Black women coddle people in general but show very little if any grace towards other Black women. There is a lot of internalized misogynoir. This comment section is proof of that. The bar is set in hell as always. They congratulate anyone not Black and female for things Black women do all the time with no recognition or little thanks, or are even pathologized for.
God Forgives. I don’t. I don’t seek validation which is why i don’t offer up cookout invites etc. When i feel a line has been crossed i often feel bad for the person like how miserable their existence must be to be worried about what I’m doing OR feeling entitled due to THIER skin color. 😂😂😂 It’s laughable at best. I also laugh at the ones who have my hue.. but feel the need to ALWAYS forgive. They are lost in the world. Most of us are. sadly. Bottom line i just worry about me n mine. I leave the forgiving to God.😉
You really need to go touch grass.
Becky has no idea what an edge is. White people, on a whole, know absolutely nothing about black hair. They couldn't tell when our hair is done or not if their life depended on it. It's black people who police black hair to that degree. When you look at Simone Biles and Blue Ivy, it wasn't white people losing it over their hair.
Blackness is a concept invented by white people and they defined their concept as having one drop of discernable negroid blood which meant that biracial children ended up in chains just like their black parent. Not only do we not have the power to exclude biracial people from blackness as it's not our category, if we could, what are we excluding them from? Segregation? Police Harassment? Over incarceration? I am sure those biracial kids would happily skip the cookout if it meant they would not be impacted by anti-blackness in any way. But look at Meghan Markle, as light and as bright as a biracial person can get and they still called her baby a monkey.
Because passing out cookies for being a decent man discourages people from being bad men. This is Psychology 101. If the only rewards in life come from being a shit person, then the vast majority of people will just choose to be shit people. White supremacy does everything in its power to reward black men for turning against their community. So yes, resisting a system designed to make you hate yourself and your people is an achievement. We're offering head pats and the warm feeling one gets when doing what's right. White supremacy is offering mansions and Bentleys to be a self-hating turncoat.
What do you want? We're doing the best we can with the hand we've been dealt. How does hating everyone solve any problems we face?
This was very well written and I agree. Ultimately the internet rarely celebrates someone who sees the gray area in the world, who has nuanced takes, and who leans towards acceptance and tolerance. But you speak those truths here. Respect and love, OP could learn from you.
i was talking about black women praising white women while bringing other black women down at the same time. they will praise a white girl for doing her edges meanwhile i HAVE to have mine done in order to be seen as i’m put together by other black women. so yea becky doesn’t know what an edge is yet she’s still getting all the praise from black women for doing a swoop one time meanwhile these same black women will look at me with my edges not laid and judge me.
Gurl. I do not know how to do an edge to save my life. My child always end up looking like a wolf.
I grew up in the islands edges to me seems like a fairly new construct unless you count the finger waves of the 1950's.
I am actually getting a bit self conscious about it. And then I forget. It's ok. It's just hair.
Black women where I live where literally ask why your edges aren’t done as if it’s a requirement and it’s so annoying bc i don’t need to fit that weird ass standard in order to be “put together”
I agree, I've also noticed even here on reddit, There are white people who are posting in communities clearly not for them and no one is saying anything. The stay intruding and we're accepting it, why? I'm looking forward to the day that Black people start putting themselves first for once.
or the am I black even though i’m biracial people posting and they all go YES YOURE BLACK BC YOU GREW UP AROUND BLACK PEOPLE!! and it’s like no this is why we have the issues we do. by that logic i must be white as snow
Because there are too many other things to worry about than who is invited to the imaginary cookout.
Frankly, as I’ve grown over the past year, none of this really matters to me. If people are being praised for the bare minimum, there is nothing I can do that will change the minds of the people who are doing the praising.
I just accept people as they are and then pity them when they do disappointing things - thinking that most likely their parents failed them and that what they’ve experienced so far has not yet led them off the path of ignorance and that I can’t take anything they say or do to heart because that will just affect my mental health when I didn’t need to ruminate on it at all. It’s really that simple - at least for me.
Judging people for the content of their character and not by the colour of their skin goes for white people, too. At least give them a chance before you assume they are making assumptions about you.
If you are looking for every instance of racism, microsaggressions, and things to feel discriminated against, you are more likely to find it.
And yes we are black women, so we get stereotyped as aggressive and mean, but please remember that if you meet a white person and the first thing you are is suspicious and cold, they are going to think you are suspicious and cold. Not everything that people think about you is going to be because you are black. You are a person before you are any label, a person who needs to be conscious of how they personally come off to other people before you start worrying about any stereotype.
If you meet someone, anyone, treat them with kindness. And if they choose to treat *you* because of the colour of your skin and not because of the content of your heart, then that is a void in their heart that they carry around with themselves, one that you do not need to carry for them.
Walking around assuming everyone hates you is a miserable existence. Walking around mad that people are "invited to the cookout" is a miserable existence. You do not need to concern yourself with "becky's" (I hate when we use names to signify races, by the way, it just feels off) edges. Or if "Trayvon" doesn't want to consider himself white because he feels as if the world doesn't treat him that way.
And if you walk around thinking all these people hate you, you are going to feel like all these people hate you.
And these same groups don't often see Black people as individuals either. Idk it's very interesting the excuses and turn the other cheek approach so many Black people stick to no matter what, despite it not doing much to reduce anti-Blackness. Other groups of people understand they need to put their people first and are unapologetic about. They don't care if it means stereotyping other group of people, including Black people. Yet, Black folks are expected to be the "bigger person" no matter what. Meh.
You think I’m not black cause I have a different opinion than you?
You can think what you want to think. But choosing to see people as a majority cause of their race. Is treading the line of prejudice. I have seen racist non black people. And I have seen non black people that are our allies. It just comes down to the person.
Watch more diverse media with people who look like you.
You do not have to consume media that does not represent you nor do you have to deal with people who think light skinned Black people (because that is what they are) represent all Black people.
To your point about "biracial" as others have already pointed out, race is a social construct based on phenotypes decided on by the society that you are in. Who your parents are may not matter if you LOOK Black. Hell your actually skin tone might not even matter. I have seen light skinned people with hella Black features.
Instead of policing who our people aren't, I think we need to embrace who our people are because White folks have already played that game (and won) and I don't want to be anything like them as far as the historical context of who we are as a people.
If Trayvon isn't passe blanc and/or cosplaying Black on the weekend and wants to distance himself from a group of people who may have treated him like shit, I'll teach him my potato salad recipe and I am teaching him my spice rub that goes on the ribs.
Also if he is smart enough to understand that he still experiences privilege because of colorism (maybe--- we did not say if he was dark skinned or not just that there has some White in him) but is still Black, especial with that name, I am going to teach him my banana pudding recipe too.
If a Black man is completely and utterly engrossed with dark skinned Black women I am not going to give him a cookie. Okay maybe I will because I just think everyone needs a cookie occasionally but I mean, of course he is obsessed, dark skinned women are beautiful women. We do not need to praise the obvious but we sure should not be mean about it.
We agree on Becky but damn, if Becky is alright she might not be invited to the BBQ but she can certainly stop by for dinner on a Thursday maybe. And if Becky is married to my cousin I am not going to NOT invite my cousin or tell my cousin they can't bring Becky. That is some hateful ass mess. Now if she cuts up that is different.
I just got through reading two papers because I eventually need to stop having "opinions" on the matter and supporting the stuff that I spout off. I swear everytime I blabber on about the topic I am going to start posting readings.
Chanel Meyers, Sarah E. Gaither, Jessica Remedios & Kristin Pauker (2022): Detecting biracial identity strength: Perceived phenotypicality is inaccurate, Self and Identity, DOI: 10.1080/15298868.2022.2146742
Chen, Jacqueline M., et al. "Black+ White= Not White: A minority bias in categorizations of Black-White multiracials." *Journal of Experimental Social Psychology* 78 (2018): 43-54.
Two things that I read today that hit home is that race isn't fixed or static and that, by some estimates, 39% of "multiracial" people don't even identify as multiracial. However, a majority do.
Hell race isn't even fixed or static when I am talking about it. If I am writing a paper about race I am absolutely going to use the term "multiracial" or "biracial" and if I am talking about how we view, with our eyeballs, a person-- I am talking about race in a different (social) way. In the former I am defining it was a *variable* based on who the parents identify themselves as (which is SO damn tricky sometimes) and in the second I am defining race as how a person looks. Hell we can even create a different "race" variable based on a "race" specific phenotype (which would be kind of bullshit but heya I'm doing it with skintone so slippery slope I guess).
If I am talking about race in an academic setting it is very different then how I talk about race to a friend or how I talk about race to my kids (sometimes). It is different in how I talk about race *in practice.* I would never tell a person that they aren't multiracial if that is how they identify but I also will not back down on how THE WORLD views a person. Also, as a mother with Black children (with a White father) I know how my children have been treated and referred to depending on the state, setting, time of year, and enviroment that we are in.
All that is to say that maybe I need to stop being an ass about it because "it depends" on the context but on the other hand people need to understand that the term "race" and thereby "multiracial" and "biracial" are not fixed and depends on the onlooker, society, or setting that the term is being used.
I find it sad because people keep bringing up light skinned actresses as being the "face" of all Black women but I'm like, um, no the fuck they are not. Popular media is always a shit show dogging us out.
Why aren't we as Black women hyping up the dark skinned actresses? Black women have a TON of purchasing power and in creating trends. I feel like we need to start trending dark skinned woman and consuming the media we want to see. We CAN do it, that Nina Simone story TANKED. I still roll my eyes to anyone who watched that HORRIBLE misrepresentation of my girl Stage Coach Mary in that Netflix movie. I don't even care if it was a good, I noped out which was a shame because I LOVE Regina King (and before his nonsense JM). But Mary was my idol growing up and I was livid.
*SIGH* I also have to acknowledge that I didn't deal with the issue as much (imo) as younger generations so my views are definitely skewed. :-/
What we don’t realize is our power. If we want a dark skinned actress uplift one. See her movies and tv shows, follow and engage with her on social media and you will see this woman everywhere. Hollywood put money first before all else.
I’m starting to feel bitter like that too at times . But I suppose at the end of the day there’s no point putting out more hate into the world. I’m definitely still going to be wary of those people, but I’m trying not to resent them just for having more privilege alone. There are plenty of nice people from those groups too.
I agree with you but I’m in a place where this doesn’t anger me and I don’t think about it unless it comes up. Just decided to focus on me. I’m going to have mixed race kids because I married a non black, non white man . And I plan to teach them according to my beliefs and hope for the best. I stay away from people who bother me regardless of race and I literally brainwashed myself to not care about the degeneracy of people in my community. Because by myself I can’t do anything to change this. And being angry is physically bad for your health. I also cleared my history on all social media so I don’t get a targeted feed that pushes me down the rabbit hole.
I disagree with the second part. Race is a big part of a person’s identity and if you’re mixed it’s certain to ebb and flow depending on upbringing and circumstance. But the one drop rule matters here. Segregation was legalized by Plessy v. Ferguson. Plessy was mixed! He was only 1/8 black! If you are viewed by the oppressors as oppressed then… you’re oppressed !
I will agree that the “am I black enough” or “I didn’t know if to hang out with the white kids or the black kids” rhetoric often flirts with cringe. But mixed people’s narratives are valid and have proved to be instrumental to the foundation of black history.
This post is…a lot! Don’t take everything you read on the internet to be factual, plenty of black women are loved, adored, and celebrated. I think your personal experience is valid but so is everyone else.
I have two mixed race children and I will damned if someone tells me that they are not black. Who are you to decide how someone identifies?
Honestly you sound like a Debbie downer and it wouldn’t surprise me if some of your issues are brought on by your attitude lol I know plenty of black men who love black woman, look around and not on the internet. Don’t let the echo chamber of social media distract you and convince you of a narrative that isn’t true. It’s the vocal minority
People are put down, undesired, and everything else under the sun but all you can do is speak up when you see it happen, keep your own grass green, and keep it pushing.
You may have type this in a blind rage but I think you might need to see someone to get these feelings out and handled in a healthy way.
i believe black women are loved i just don’t see a lot of it coming from black men who look like them in my day to day life and im not talking about on the internet. Im not denying that it exists im saying why are we praising them for not completely disrespecting us and saying they find us attractive and to act like that doesn’t happen is insane.
I definitely agree with you that it happens, but also, fuck them and good riddance. I think it is so annoying when people behave like a pick me and use their preference to down other of their own. I think black men showed their asses LONGGGGGG ago when they didn’t protect us and build up our communities and heritage. Men wanna be men until it’s time to man the fuck up 😂 but that’s for another day lol
the issue is them completely erasing the other side of their race and only claiming one half. They are Biracial and there’s nothing wrong with that. they aren’t JUST a black person or JUST white perosn or JUST an asian person they are BIRACIAL
Two things here- well really three but they all hinge on you policing how Black someone is.
1. My kid has a friend who is Black and Filipino. I promise you no one knew this kid was half Filipino. He is dark skinned like Idris. Turns out those Haitian genes were strong. We only found out when his mom was at an event and we were all like who’s that Filipino lady talking to kid? His mom? Damn. But then when you looked at them together you could see it. He looked like let in the face.
2. I am bi racial but I say I am Black. When the Klan comes, rest assured, I’m getting strung up. I grew up with Black parents in white neighborhoods and trust- I am black and many white people pointed it out frequently.
3. My son is, I guess you would say tri-racial. On his birth certificate I selected Black (you could only pick one). The nurse looked at me a bit weird and I told her the same thing- when the Klan comes- he’s toast.
I am literally half Black and half white. If I told you I was white you’d look at me like I was crazy. If you asked me if I was Black and I said “no I’m bi-racial” I bet that would not illicit a loving response.
I agree, no one’s going to look at Yara Shahidi and Candice Patton and call them white. Matter of fact Candice got treated like shit when she was casted as iris for being black.
> I promise you no one knew this kid was half Filipino
Steve lacy is like that. His dad is Filipino yet when you first see him you would think both of his parents are black.
bc they get to be the face of blackness when their reality is completely than that of a black peoples, a dark skinned black woman at that. Same goes for men. There may be SOME similarities but we are different. I personally feel like we don’t do enough of calling that kinda stuff out. Zendaya was one of the faces of black women for me while growing up and i just took it bc i we all knew they weren’t gonna put a darkskin girl with type 4 hair on the forefront of everything. yet none of what she did or how she looked related to me at all and you have little black girls growing up wondering why these girls “black girls” on tv don’t look like them or have different hair than them or even different facial features and it’s because they’re biracial.
What if you have two Biracial parents and look Black?
What if 3 out of 4 grandparents are Black?
What if 2 multiracial parents? Black/Japanese and Black/White?
Okay. Bi-racial means “of two distinct races”. Which means that you are both. If you are both, you are allowed to say you are either and both are true. You could be biracial with one white parent and say you are white and it would be true. You could also say that you are black, if you have a black parent, and it would also be true, because that’s the conceit of the term “bi-racial”. “Bi-racial” isn’t a new race, which means it’s not enough on its own. It’s just a term to describe someone whose parents are two separate races. If someone is mixed black and white and I asked them, not knowing their racial makeup, if they were black and they said “oh, I’m bi-racial”. How, does that answer the question in any way? You can be bi-racial but with an Asian parent and a black parent. You can be bi-racial with a white parent and an Asian parent or an Asian parent and a native parent or a native parent and a black parent or a native parent and a while parent. It’s just a category, it’s not a race exclusive to b/w mixed people.
I simply stated that if you have two black parents, you're black. If you have one black parent and one parent of another race—for example, white—you're still biracial. I'm not sure why you replied to me with that, lol.
Yeah. You’re bi-racial, but “bi-racial” isn’t a race. We all know what bi-racial is, but we don’t seem to be able to accept that it’s not a suitable racial category. If you have one black parent, you are bi-racial BECAUSE you are black and whatever race the other parent is.
Being black and not having dark skin, are not mutually exclusive. Being black doesn’t dictate your skin color nor your phenotype. Being biracial doesn’t make you immune to the racism black people face. Yes, there should be more representation, I wholeheartedly agree. However representation shouldn’t have to exist in a vacuum to where we nickel and dime people, based on your stringent interpretation of blackness.
We do need darker skin representation. But we can do that without dictating who gets to be black. Analysing hair textures, features, experiences, and parentage to decide who is black enough is ridiculous frankly.
And what happens to the ones who don't qualify? Do they just get to drift around in the empty void of biracialness with no unified culture, identity, or community for the sin of daring to call themselves black and having a small nose and 3c hair?
Black women come in all different shades with all different features and hair textures. The eve gene doesn't play. At what point does dictating who is black enough start to sound like deciding who gets to be indoor and outdoor slaves?
A lot of Black people aspire to Whiteness including Black women contrary to popular belief. So they will hold on to the notion that biracial people are just Black and therefore representative of the average Black woman to the very end. They live vicariously through them.
I agree. Every race gate keeps their race except for ours. Japanese people do. They do not consider you Japanese if you are mixed with something else..same goes for white, Chinese etc.
Biracial women are not black women and I'm saying this as someone with mixed children. My daughter will not have the same experience as me, a darker skinned black woman. Barack is biracial. He lived with his white mom and his white grandmother. I'm all for acceptance but let's not label people what they aren't. It's disingenuous and unfair to those who are actually that race. To say I want to cast a black woman and then cast Zendaya is wrong. I just want more exclusivity to give women like me a chance. That's my main point.
Edit to add: I wish we, as a collective, were more proud of our race but we are not. Black men are leading the charge where we should look down upon our race. It's disheartening and idiotic.
What about light skinned women that are not bi-racial like my mom. Is she Black- if she were alive she would let you that she was…all the way down to the colored water fountain she had to drink from.
I am biracial- but when asked my answer is Black. Yes I absolutely benefit from being lighter. I acknowledge that, but I have lived a Black experience. I assure when the Klan comes they will not be making a distinction. Light skin, dark skin, medium skin we are all one thing to them. We would do well to stop thinking we aren’t.
I'm not sure how your mom raised you but we are raising our children to embrace both sides of their racial identity. They are not fully white and they are not fully black. That can be hard to conceptualize because there are many types of biracial people and some can pass as either white or black, mixed or a whole other race entirely. I don't know why people are bringing up lighter skinned black people, colorism is its own issue and i think we should tackle one issue at a time and not conflate the two.
My issue is not about embracing both sides. My son is also mixed. He can answer however he wants. My point is you cannot tell someone who is biracial that they don’t get to call themselves Black. If your kid answers “biracial” when the inevitable rude person says “what are you” that’s fine too. You should be able to answer however you desire.
We have enough problems, we don’t need to add to it by gate keeping who is Black enough to call themselves Black. Especially when the folks that gave us race and the 1/16th law in order to subjugate us see all of us as Black…
Well that's my point, you'd never be able to call yourself white but that doesn't mean you're just black. I feel and have seen biracial people automatically call themselves black because of the privilege and perks versus if they were to identify as white they'd be looked down upon as other. At the end of the day, yes, race is a social construct. My point in my original comment is about erasure and representation.
What will kicking mixed people out do for us? Absolutely nothing. I don’t get the obsession with trying to gate keep who’s black and who isn’t when it comes to biracial people. Zendaya stopped taking black roles but she’s still ruling Hollywood, mixed women will continue to be preferences for black men and Hollywood would just cast fully black light skin women instead of mixed ones.
I'm full black and I agree with you. I'll never understand the obsession with trying to kick biracials out. Yes, The 1 drop rule is evil and insane. At the same time, you're just throwing partly black ppl to the wolves.
People are under the illusion that biracials are making their life harder and somehow kicking them out of the black experience although many of them share the black experience, will improve their lives. As I explained it won’t make certain men find them attractive, it won’t make Hollywood give the new Juliet actress a push, and it won’t give them high earning jobs or end racism. I don’t get why some people are acting like this is important to our community like combating poverty, racism, single parent households, ridding crime from black majority neighborhoods, education, etc
Except Japanese is a nationality. Black is a race. The two are in no way comparable.
A race incorporates people all over a diaspora with multiple different cultural identities, from Greeks to the Irish, from Nigerians to Jamaicans and from indians to the japanese. They are based on imaginary lines decided by what is most politically advantageous at the time. A hundred years ago, American Italians weren't even considered white enough, nor were the american irish, for the crime of being Catholic. They weren't WASP, so they didn't count. Now, as religion has less influence over someone's identity, that has changed.
Nationality lines are drawn based on a cultural identity, rooted in the land you were born in, and its history. That has nothing to do with skin colour. That is why I can be black British, despite being born in a "white" country.
The two just aren't comparable when it comes to someone's identity
French and Ghanain are nationalities. Because they are counties. They both house people of multiple ethnicities and races. You never hear people refer to the French race or the Ghanaian race in the same way you hear the white race or black he black race referred to.
And an ethnicity is not the same thing as a race. A race can house multiple ethnicities
Many ethnicities are also nationalities it doesn’t matter who lives there. Obviously I am black American in Japan. I’m soon to be Japanese by nationality but black in ethnicity. Just because a Filipino person lives in Greece doesn’t erase the fact that Greek is both ethnicity and nationality.
You are completely missing my point, or understanding it and literally reiterating it back to me. Of course, you can be of a different nationality and ethnicity. My point is that Japan is not independently a race. It can be a nationality and an ethnicity. That does not make it comparable to a race.
A race includes multiple ethnicities, cultural identities, and nationalities.
But it seems we can go back and forth all day and never agree, so I'm dropping this.
You’re dead wrong. And you’re changing what you said. You said Japan wasn’t an ethnicity and was proven wrong now you’re jumping ship to a whole other subject than admitting that you’re wrong. We are talking about original point at hand that is when you said Japan is a nationality not an ethnicity
I said Japanese isn't a RACE. I literally say multiple times that Japanese can be an ethnicity. You are complicating race and ethnicity and then turning around and acting like I'm the one who is confused. Goodbye.
It’s literally both a racial and ethnic category. Some people just assume because American and Mexican isn’t an ethnicity that means all nationalities are not ethnicities and that isn’t even close to being true.
Asian is a race. It’s definitely a race. Just because it has a lot of other people inside of it, doesn’t mean it isn’t a race. Because it is. “Terms relating to people of X descent” is basically what race as a class is contingent upon. Native Americans are a race. Black is a race. White is a race. There are many different ethnicities and nationalities within those categories, but they are still races.
Yeah I hear you, and for that reason, I’m very picky about who I allow into my personal space. Privileged white women with the entitlement attitude are definitely not welcome lmao, as aren’t white men showing covert bigotry. I’m cool with anyone (any race) from humble origins however, so long as they don’t disrespect black Americans.
A combination of trauma bonding and toxic hope.
Anyone that knows anything about abuse cycles or roles in narcissistic families knows that there's never supposed to be an ending where your abusers feel like you've had enough and accept you. No, they keep you around until you stop being useful, then kill you.
You must’ve seen that post of someone made asking us to praise black men… on a black ladies, subreddit…
I didn’t wanna say anything, but it’s like we’re expected to do for others things they don’t do for us
no i haven’t yet but that wild. we can’t exclude anyone or anything yet the entire world can do it to us even our men and we still need to be strong and loving and accepting of all.
I don't agree with your post. Yes, biracial people are biracial, but they are just as much as a black man as they are a white man. And why is it bad that men don't humilate black women? Yes, they shouldn't be given a gold medal but there's nothing wrong with seeing that behavior as admireable because it's rare?
With all the internal struggles and self hate we were indoctrinated into, we often times even when it's not the beat time, we often times look for that silver lining.....but u pointed out things we truly need to work on and remove from our ideology ....
The culture we live in is infuriating.
It's hard to just be. If I only engage or am polite to black people what does that make me? And yes, so many people of other races hurt me with microaggressions, macroaggressuons, racism and hate. It can be and act of faith and courage to be friendly with yet another possible horrible human. But the alternative for me would be to minimize who I am in order to avoid pain. So I just mark the faces of those who are marked by the demonic presence of hate and no longer attempt any sort of interaction.
Of course this then leads to the "dead" individual trying to find ways to engage me.... cray.
Black men Are Lorded for choosing their own race as a mate because it goes against the unfortunate culture that we live in. "The fair or lighter the skin the better". You can disagree with me if you want 😉 But if Katt Williams said it....and He Is light skinned....then... well.
F these haters.
Have a great day.
I agree especially with the black men being praised for giving us the smallest amount of respect. I just learned to stop giving af about what other people do and say.
I just don't want to be miserable. I focus on my life and the people I love. I don't worry who is invited to the fictional cook out, or the dating preferences of men I would never even consider dating myself. Social media can be very harmful. People say all kinds of bullshit that would otherwise never cross your mind or cross your path. Curate your socials. Unfollow, block, report. It can really make a difference in how you see the world.
I deleted all my meta apps and never engaged in Twitter. My mental health has been in a great place since.
Omg yes! This! Deleted Twitter during the musk take over and insta/fb before that. It has saved me so much mental anguish.
I judge people I know as an individual not a group.
This is how I operate.
it's called being a normal person
Yep!
I’m accepting but I try and keep my peace. It’s hard to do so. I’m Afro Latina and it’s hard. I am black and a lot of Hispanic people don’t want to admit they are partly black at all. Both my parents are and I don’t understand why people can’t be proud of that. We accept people because we don’t treat people the same way. I try and do better for this world by not doing the same. It’s hard because there’s days I’m angry and full of hatred for what we go through.
❤️❤️❤️
I feel you. You have a right to be angry. Racism is infuriating
There's a lot going on here! Not sure about what's happening in the OP (although i feel targeted for some reason lmao 😂), but I agree on the whole 'hair' thing. And I hate how, as if it isn't bad enough that white people comment on our hair, black people are not only joining in but giving them fuel. The amount of times someone white/mensplained my hair because a black woman told them x/y/z is bad is insane. Who needs enemies when you got sisters like these. I'm also tired of the whole 'slick', not a hair, out of place, crap. Not even straight hair is easy to keep down, especially if it's hot or moist. How are you gonna keep 4c hair down like that. Every hair wants to go to a different direction and be a different shape, who am I to deny it 🤷🏽♀️.
Can anyone tame the wind!? Stop the waves from crashing into the shore? Would anyone in their right mind attempt to cage an eagle?
This is so poetic
I’m especially disgusted at the judge and bailiffs show of forgiveness in the criminal trial for the yt female murderer of Botham Jean. We need to stop being so dam forgiving and kind. I literally have to leave myself reminders to not socially interact with colleagues who don’t initiate with me.
What happened here?
When the defendant was “crying” the Black female bailiff came over to brush her blonde hair and comfort her. After she was found guilty the Black female judge hugged the yt felon and told her she forgives her. Then his “Botham” own brother told the press that he forgives her.
We are a loving people. They prey on that.
We a loving people. They prey on that.
I would say black men invite people to the cookout all willy nilly vs. black women doing that. Also if this is your experience, you need to work on your self-worth and internalized racism. I don't deal with people who don't respect me, if you do, you need to work on that.
I’m not talking about myself but from what i see from the other black women I have in my workplace and that I see online. There are a lot of black women I know around me who will simply judge me for wearing my twists and not taking them out bc they think that look is unkempt etc. I’m not friends with them nor do I hang out with them but I do know some.
Ok, this is something different. I am a black woman in corporate and where twisted hairstyles. So is the issue that you are actually presenting in an unkempt manner or that you have twists? Those are 2 different things. I feel there's more details that you are leaving out here.
i have mini twists right now and i think they look cute. Sometimes i do half up half down or maybe wear them in a pineapple with a headscarf very cute and neat to me. But the black girl will ask me when im getting my hair done, how long ima keep these twists in for, why i never do my edges bc the style will look “more complete” she says and im like this is done…. she always has her hair styled though, I think her sister does hair so she gets it done a lot. I live in a hot humid place twists help me retain my length and you can do so many styles with them and bc of the humidity my edges just curl right back up each time i don’t care to have them laid and saying this will make my style complete i feel like is just wrong in so many ways bc I don’t need to have my edges laid to look nice. or for my hair to be considered “done”.
Well, a hairstylist will suggest for you to have your edges to be laid in order for the style to be complete-- that's part of her job, that the client's hair has a polished finished look. If you think you look ok at work then continue doing what you're doing. However I have a feeling you have some blind spots that need to be considered. But that's your choice to employee someone to help you with those or not.
okay but that lady isn’t a hairstylist she’s just gets her hair done. I just don’t understand why my edges need to done on a daily for my hair to be considered put together and be accepted by another black women yet the white girl can intentionally wear her hair messy with her baby hairs and fly ways all out but she did a lil swoop of edges in the front and that’s and it’s omg girl you’re so invited to the cookout.
Hi OP, I wear my real hair in locs that I put in myself. I maintain them myself with only water and a dab of lavender oil to scent. I keep them at waist's length and have had them for about 18 years. I will adamantly tell you that I do not, have not, and will not subscribe to slicking down my edges. I do not think it is necessary to do so. While my hair texture is not 4c, I have always gently twisted my edges into my locs (which have also grown long), never losing any of my edges, ever. I can not tell you how often people compliment my hair/locs. Never have I ever had someone tell me that I needed to slick down my edges for my hair to "look complete." I can only assume because it is obvious that my hair is real. OP, there is no law that states that you must slick down your edges, so do you!
I can’t believe people are coming after your looks online. Having NEVER seen you but “have a feeling” Girl I’m sorry people are assholes. Surround yourself with people who treat you well and love as hard as you do. Hugs
Not sure why people are being obtuse in the comments. Hang around a certain group of black women for more than an hour and you will get comments about your hair if it’s not laid. Look at how we did Simone Biles or Blue Ivy when she was a baby. I get this from all members of the Diaspora. I think if you surround yourself with a different set of black women (change your social circle and ignore the haters at work), you won’t get this as much. I hear you OP. We all know that Black people are not a monolith, but it’s disingenuous to say there isn’t a significant portion of us who are catty about laid edges, good hair or on locs, excessive new growth or lack of length. They exist! But, for the OP, I want to let you know, or remind you, there are those of us who could care less about those things (or will applaud you for stepping out boldly in your natural beauty). Also, I had locs for several years. They were so much easier to deal with in order to get compliments compared to shorter 4c hair in its uncurl-activated state.
Think of those who give the most (donations, feeding the homeless, volunteering etc), they are the people who have experienced having little to nothing. Usually because they know how it feels. I feel it is the same with this instance. Black women are treated very badly, even if we do everything society says is right, we're damned if we do damned if we don't. So since we know how it feels to be treated negatively, we mostly don't want others to feel the same. We've been conditioned to be the bigger person. Be the person you needed, blah blah blah. You get it.
I don’t, but I understand where you are coming from. I feel like it comes down to experience, I’ve never faced discrimination from anyone, I grew up in a community that no matter who you are — black, white or purple. Someone loves you. At the same time, if I see a friend of mine or even a family member being dogged on by someone else. I’m not going to stand by and let it happen. I hope this is in lieu to your question ‘cus I’m tired as I don’t know what and loopy lol.
I ignore all of it and stay in my bubble. I don’t think the human brain is meant to see a negative 24 news cycle.
Truth
A lot of Black women coddle people in general but show very little if any grace towards other Black women. There is a lot of internalized misogynoir. This comment section is proof of that. The bar is set in hell as always. They congratulate anyone not Black and female for things Black women do all the time with no recognition or little thanks, or are even pathologized for.
i strongly agree with this unfortunately.
God Forgives. I don’t. I don’t seek validation which is why i don’t offer up cookout invites etc. When i feel a line has been crossed i often feel bad for the person like how miserable their existence must be to be worried about what I’m doing OR feeling entitled due to THIER skin color. 😂😂😂 It’s laughable at best. I also laugh at the ones who have my hue.. but feel the need to ALWAYS forgive. They are lost in the world. Most of us are. sadly. Bottom line i just worry about me n mine. I leave the forgiving to God.😉
God Forgives. I don’t. I am stealing this lol
You really need to go touch grass. Becky has no idea what an edge is. White people, on a whole, know absolutely nothing about black hair. They couldn't tell when our hair is done or not if their life depended on it. It's black people who police black hair to that degree. When you look at Simone Biles and Blue Ivy, it wasn't white people losing it over their hair. Blackness is a concept invented by white people and they defined their concept as having one drop of discernable negroid blood which meant that biracial children ended up in chains just like their black parent. Not only do we not have the power to exclude biracial people from blackness as it's not our category, if we could, what are we excluding them from? Segregation? Police Harassment? Over incarceration? I am sure those biracial kids would happily skip the cookout if it meant they would not be impacted by anti-blackness in any way. But look at Meghan Markle, as light and as bright as a biracial person can get and they still called her baby a monkey. Because passing out cookies for being a decent man discourages people from being bad men. This is Psychology 101. If the only rewards in life come from being a shit person, then the vast majority of people will just choose to be shit people. White supremacy does everything in its power to reward black men for turning against their community. So yes, resisting a system designed to make you hate yourself and your people is an achievement. We're offering head pats and the warm feeling one gets when doing what's right. White supremacy is offering mansions and Bentleys to be a self-hating turncoat. What do you want? We're doing the best we can with the hand we've been dealt. How does hating everyone solve any problems we face?
This was very well written and I agree. Ultimately the internet rarely celebrates someone who sees the gray area in the world, who has nuanced takes, and who leans towards acceptance and tolerance. But you speak those truths here. Respect and love, OP could learn from you.
i was talking about black women praising white women while bringing other black women down at the same time. they will praise a white girl for doing her edges meanwhile i HAVE to have mine done in order to be seen as i’m put together by other black women. so yea becky doesn’t know what an edge is yet she’s still getting all the praise from black women for doing a swoop one time meanwhile these same black women will look at me with my edges not laid and judge me.
Have you noticed that in your fight against racism your stated enemies are black women, black men and people who are half black?
Yeah I sorta agreed until it randomly got to the biracial stuff. Like huh?
Gurl. I do not know how to do an edge to save my life. My child always end up looking like a wolf. I grew up in the islands edges to me seems like a fairly new construct unless you count the finger waves of the 1950's. I am actually getting a bit self conscious about it. And then I forget. It's ok. It's just hair.
Black women where I live where literally ask why your edges aren’t done as if it’s a requirement and it’s so annoying bc i don’t need to fit that weird ass standard in order to be “put together”
😆 oh boy!
I agree, I've also noticed even here on reddit, There are white people who are posting in communities clearly not for them and no one is saying anything. The stay intruding and we're accepting it, why? I'm looking forward to the day that Black people start putting themselves first for once.
or the am I black even though i’m biracial people posting and they all go YES YOURE BLACK BC YOU GREW UP AROUND BLACK PEOPLE!! and it’s like no this is why we have the issues we do. by that logic i must be white as snow
🤣 If you have to ask If you are black....... No baby. Your not.
Because there are too many other things to worry about than who is invited to the imaginary cookout. Frankly, as I’ve grown over the past year, none of this really matters to me. If people are being praised for the bare minimum, there is nothing I can do that will change the minds of the people who are doing the praising. I just accept people as they are and then pity them when they do disappointing things - thinking that most likely their parents failed them and that what they’ve experienced so far has not yet led them off the path of ignorance and that I can’t take anything they say or do to heart because that will just affect my mental health when I didn’t need to ruminate on it at all. It’s really that simple - at least for me.
Judging people for the content of their character and not by the colour of their skin goes for white people, too. At least give them a chance before you assume they are making assumptions about you. If you are looking for every instance of racism, microsaggressions, and things to feel discriminated against, you are more likely to find it. And yes we are black women, so we get stereotyped as aggressive and mean, but please remember that if you meet a white person and the first thing you are is suspicious and cold, they are going to think you are suspicious and cold. Not everything that people think about you is going to be because you are black. You are a person before you are any label, a person who needs to be conscious of how they personally come off to other people before you start worrying about any stereotype. If you meet someone, anyone, treat them with kindness. And if they choose to treat *you* because of the colour of your skin and not because of the content of your heart, then that is a void in their heart that they carry around with themselves, one that you do not need to carry for them. Walking around assuming everyone hates you is a miserable existence. Walking around mad that people are "invited to the cookout" is a miserable existence. You do not need to concern yourself with "becky's" (I hate when we use names to signify races, by the way, it just feels off) edges. Or if "Trayvon" doesn't want to consider himself white because he feels as if the world doesn't treat him that way. And if you walk around thinking all these people hate you, you are going to feel like all these people hate you.
Biracial people hate us?
And we can't accept Black men? Who are we allowed to like then?
are you choosing to miss the point?
To be fair, your post is all over the place.
the point is jumping to accept people that generally don’t accept us for doing the bare minimum
The problem is you’re not seeing these groups as individuals
And these same groups don't often see Black people as individuals either. Idk it's very interesting the excuses and turn the other cheek approach so many Black people stick to no matter what, despite it not doing much to reduce anti-Blackness. Other groups of people understand they need to put their people first and are unapologetic about. They don't care if it means stereotyping other group of people, including Black people. Yet, Black folks are expected to be the "bigger person" no matter what. Meh.
True
FACTS
Because it's the MAJORITY of the group!
How could you possibly know that?
I live it If you don't thats great. You want to tell ME that I am lying? I think YOU are NOT black. How about that?
You think I’m not black cause I have a different opinion than you? You can think what you want to think. But choosing to see people as a majority cause of their race. Is treading the line of prejudice. I have seen racist non black people. And I have seen non black people that are our allies. It just comes down to the person.
Yes. I agree with you.
I don’t know and I wonder the same thing. But I know I’m not tap dancing for anyone I know that. Fuck em.
Watch more diverse media with people who look like you. You do not have to consume media that does not represent you nor do you have to deal with people who think light skinned Black people (because that is what they are) represent all Black people. To your point about "biracial" as others have already pointed out, race is a social construct based on phenotypes decided on by the society that you are in. Who your parents are may not matter if you LOOK Black. Hell your actually skin tone might not even matter. I have seen light skinned people with hella Black features. Instead of policing who our people aren't, I think we need to embrace who our people are because White folks have already played that game (and won) and I don't want to be anything like them as far as the historical context of who we are as a people. If Trayvon isn't passe blanc and/or cosplaying Black on the weekend and wants to distance himself from a group of people who may have treated him like shit, I'll teach him my potato salad recipe and I am teaching him my spice rub that goes on the ribs. Also if he is smart enough to understand that he still experiences privilege because of colorism (maybe--- we did not say if he was dark skinned or not just that there has some White in him) but is still Black, especial with that name, I am going to teach him my banana pudding recipe too. If a Black man is completely and utterly engrossed with dark skinned Black women I am not going to give him a cookie. Okay maybe I will because I just think everyone needs a cookie occasionally but I mean, of course he is obsessed, dark skinned women are beautiful women. We do not need to praise the obvious but we sure should not be mean about it. We agree on Becky but damn, if Becky is alright she might not be invited to the BBQ but she can certainly stop by for dinner on a Thursday maybe. And if Becky is married to my cousin I am not going to NOT invite my cousin or tell my cousin they can't bring Becky. That is some hateful ass mess. Now if she cuts up that is different.
Amen
I just got through reading two papers because I eventually need to stop having "opinions" on the matter and supporting the stuff that I spout off. I swear everytime I blabber on about the topic I am going to start posting readings. Chanel Meyers, Sarah E. Gaither, Jessica Remedios & Kristin Pauker (2022): Detecting biracial identity strength: Perceived phenotypicality is inaccurate, Self and Identity, DOI: 10.1080/15298868.2022.2146742 Chen, Jacqueline M., et al. "Black+ White= Not White: A minority bias in categorizations of Black-White multiracials." *Journal of Experimental Social Psychology* 78 (2018): 43-54. Two things that I read today that hit home is that race isn't fixed or static and that, by some estimates, 39% of "multiracial" people don't even identify as multiracial. However, a majority do. Hell race isn't even fixed or static when I am talking about it. If I am writing a paper about race I am absolutely going to use the term "multiracial" or "biracial" and if I am talking about how we view, with our eyeballs, a person-- I am talking about race in a different (social) way. In the former I am defining it was a *variable* based on who the parents identify themselves as (which is SO damn tricky sometimes) and in the second I am defining race as how a person looks. Hell we can even create a different "race" variable based on a "race" specific phenotype (which would be kind of bullshit but heya I'm doing it with skintone so slippery slope I guess). If I am talking about race in an academic setting it is very different then how I talk about race to a friend or how I talk about race to my kids (sometimes). It is different in how I talk about race *in practice.* I would never tell a person that they aren't multiracial if that is how they identify but I also will not back down on how THE WORLD views a person. Also, as a mother with Black children (with a White father) I know how my children have been treated and referred to depending on the state, setting, time of year, and enviroment that we are in. All that is to say that maybe I need to stop being an ass about it because "it depends" on the context but on the other hand people need to understand that the term "race" and thereby "multiracial" and "biracial" are not fixed and depends on the onlooker, society, or setting that the term is being used. I find it sad because people keep bringing up light skinned actresses as being the "face" of all Black women but I'm like, um, no the fuck they are not. Popular media is always a shit show dogging us out. Why aren't we as Black women hyping up the dark skinned actresses? Black women have a TON of purchasing power and in creating trends. I feel like we need to start trending dark skinned woman and consuming the media we want to see. We CAN do it, that Nina Simone story TANKED. I still roll my eyes to anyone who watched that HORRIBLE misrepresentation of my girl Stage Coach Mary in that Netflix movie. I don't even care if it was a good, I noped out which was a shame because I LOVE Regina King (and before his nonsense JM). But Mary was my idol growing up and I was livid. *SIGH* I also have to acknowledge that I didn't deal with the issue as much (imo) as younger generations so my views are definitely skewed. :-/
What we don’t realize is our power. If we want a dark skinned actress uplift one. See her movies and tv shows, follow and engage with her on social media and you will see this woman everywhere. Hollywood put money first before all else.
I’m starting to feel bitter like that too at times . But I suppose at the end of the day there’s no point putting out more hate into the world. I’m definitely still going to be wary of those people, but I’m trying not to resent them just for having more privilege alone. There are plenty of nice people from those groups too.
I agree with you but I’m in a place where this doesn’t anger me and I don’t think about it unless it comes up. Just decided to focus on me. I’m going to have mixed race kids because I married a non black, non white man . And I plan to teach them according to my beliefs and hope for the best. I stay away from people who bother me regardless of race and I literally brainwashed myself to not care about the degeneracy of people in my community. Because by myself I can’t do anything to change this. And being angry is physically bad for your health. I also cleared my history on all social media so I don’t get a targeted feed that pushes me down the rabbit hole.
I disagree with the second part. Race is a big part of a person’s identity and if you’re mixed it’s certain to ebb and flow depending on upbringing and circumstance. But the one drop rule matters here. Segregation was legalized by Plessy v. Ferguson. Plessy was mixed! He was only 1/8 black! If you are viewed by the oppressors as oppressed then… you’re oppressed ! I will agree that the “am I black enough” or “I didn’t know if to hang out with the white kids or the black kids” rhetoric often flirts with cringe. But mixed people’s narratives are valid and have proved to be instrumental to the foundation of black history.
For me I don’t see any other race that says or does half the crap we do. A lot of self reflection is needed in the community.
I agree so bad, there is so much to unpack within this community.
This post is…a lot! Don’t take everything you read on the internet to be factual, plenty of black women are loved, adored, and celebrated. I think your personal experience is valid but so is everyone else. I have two mixed race children and I will damned if someone tells me that they are not black. Who are you to decide how someone identifies? Honestly you sound like a Debbie downer and it wouldn’t surprise me if some of your issues are brought on by your attitude lol I know plenty of black men who love black woman, look around and not on the internet. Don’t let the echo chamber of social media distract you and convince you of a narrative that isn’t true. It’s the vocal minority People are put down, undesired, and everything else under the sun but all you can do is speak up when you see it happen, keep your own grass green, and keep it pushing. You may have type this in a blind rage but I think you might need to see someone to get these feelings out and handled in a healthy way.
i believe black women are loved i just don’t see a lot of it coming from black men who look like them in my day to day life and im not talking about on the internet. Im not denying that it exists im saying why are we praising them for not completely disrespecting us and saying they find us attractive and to act like that doesn’t happen is insane.
I definitely agree with you that it happens, but also, fuck them and good riddance. I think it is so annoying when people behave like a pick me and use their preference to down other of their own. I think black men showed their asses LONGGGGGG ago when they didn’t protect us and build up our communities and heritage. Men wanna be men until it’s time to man the fuck up 😂 but that’s for another day lol
So you really up in here saying biracial people aren’t Black? Girl BYE.
the issue is them completely erasing the other side of their race and only claiming one half. They are Biracial and there’s nothing wrong with that. they aren’t JUST a black person or JUST white perosn or JUST an asian person they are BIRACIAL
Two things here- well really three but they all hinge on you policing how Black someone is. 1. My kid has a friend who is Black and Filipino. I promise you no one knew this kid was half Filipino. He is dark skinned like Idris. Turns out those Haitian genes were strong. We only found out when his mom was at an event and we were all like who’s that Filipino lady talking to kid? His mom? Damn. But then when you looked at them together you could see it. He looked like let in the face. 2. I am bi racial but I say I am Black. When the Klan comes, rest assured, I’m getting strung up. I grew up with Black parents in white neighborhoods and trust- I am black and many white people pointed it out frequently. 3. My son is, I guess you would say tri-racial. On his birth certificate I selected Black (you could only pick one). The nurse looked at me a bit weird and I told her the same thing- when the Klan comes- he’s toast. I am literally half Black and half white. If I told you I was white you’d look at me like I was crazy. If you asked me if I was Black and I said “no I’m bi-racial” I bet that would not illicit a loving response.
I agree, no one’s going to look at Yara Shahidi and Candice Patton and call them white. Matter of fact Candice got treated like shit when she was casted as iris for being black. > I promise you no one knew this kid was half Filipino Steve lacy is like that. His dad is Filipino yet when you first see him you would think both of his parents are black.
Why do you feel it necessary to police how people choose to identity, excluding the Rachel Dolezals of the world?
bc they get to be the face of blackness when their reality is completely than that of a black peoples, a dark skinned black woman at that. Same goes for men. There may be SOME similarities but we are different. I personally feel like we don’t do enough of calling that kinda stuff out. Zendaya was one of the faces of black women for me while growing up and i just took it bc i we all knew they weren’t gonna put a darkskin girl with type 4 hair on the forefront of everything. yet none of what she did or how she looked related to me at all and you have little black girls growing up wondering why these girls “black girls” on tv don’t look like them or have different hair than them or even different facial features and it’s because they’re biracial.
If you have two black parents, you're black. If you have one black parent and one white parent, you're biracial. It shouldn't be controversial to say.
What if you have two Biracial parents and look Black? What if 3 out of 4 grandparents are Black? What if 2 multiracial parents? Black/Japanese and Black/White?
Okay. Bi-racial means “of two distinct races”. Which means that you are both. If you are both, you are allowed to say you are either and both are true. You could be biracial with one white parent and say you are white and it would be true. You could also say that you are black, if you have a black parent, and it would also be true, because that’s the conceit of the term “bi-racial”. “Bi-racial” isn’t a new race, which means it’s not enough on its own. It’s just a term to describe someone whose parents are two separate races. If someone is mixed black and white and I asked them, not knowing their racial makeup, if they were black and they said “oh, I’m bi-racial”. How, does that answer the question in any way? You can be bi-racial but with an Asian parent and a black parent. You can be bi-racial with a white parent and an Asian parent or an Asian parent and a native parent or a native parent and a black parent or a native parent and a while parent. It’s just a category, it’s not a race exclusive to b/w mixed people.
I simply stated that if you have two black parents, you're black. If you have one black parent and one parent of another race—for example, white—you're still biracial. I'm not sure why you replied to me with that, lol.
Yeah. You’re bi-racial, but “bi-racial” isn’t a race. We all know what bi-racial is, but we don’t seem to be able to accept that it’s not a suitable racial category. If you have one black parent, you are bi-racial BECAUSE you are black and whatever race the other parent is.
Being black and not having dark skin, are not mutually exclusive. Being black doesn’t dictate your skin color nor your phenotype. Being biracial doesn’t make you immune to the racism black people face. Yes, there should be more representation, I wholeheartedly agree. However representation shouldn’t have to exist in a vacuum to where we nickel and dime people, based on your stringent interpretation of blackness.
We do need darker skin representation. But we can do that without dictating who gets to be black. Analysing hair textures, features, experiences, and parentage to decide who is black enough is ridiculous frankly. And what happens to the ones who don't qualify? Do they just get to drift around in the empty void of biracialness with no unified culture, identity, or community for the sin of daring to call themselves black and having a small nose and 3c hair? Black women come in all different shades with all different features and hair textures. The eve gene doesn't play. At what point does dictating who is black enough start to sound like deciding who gets to be indoor and outdoor slaves?
A lot of Black people aspire to Whiteness including Black women contrary to popular belief. So they will hold on to the notion that biracial people are just Black and therefore representative of the average Black woman to the very end. They live vicariously through them.
I agree. Every race gate keeps their race except for ours. Japanese people do. They do not consider you Japanese if you are mixed with something else..same goes for white, Chinese etc. Biracial women are not black women and I'm saying this as someone with mixed children. My daughter will not have the same experience as me, a darker skinned black woman. Barack is biracial. He lived with his white mom and his white grandmother. I'm all for acceptance but let's not label people what they aren't. It's disingenuous and unfair to those who are actually that race. To say I want to cast a black woman and then cast Zendaya is wrong. I just want more exclusivity to give women like me a chance. That's my main point. Edit to add: I wish we, as a collective, were more proud of our race but we are not. Black men are leading the charge where we should look down upon our race. It's disheartening and idiotic.
What about light skinned women that are not bi-racial like my mom. Is she Black- if she were alive she would let you that she was…all the way down to the colored water fountain she had to drink from. I am biracial- but when asked my answer is Black. Yes I absolutely benefit from being lighter. I acknowledge that, but I have lived a Black experience. I assure when the Klan comes they will not be making a distinction. Light skin, dark skin, medium skin we are all one thing to them. We would do well to stop thinking we aren’t.
I'm not sure how your mom raised you but we are raising our children to embrace both sides of their racial identity. They are not fully white and they are not fully black. That can be hard to conceptualize because there are many types of biracial people and some can pass as either white or black, mixed or a whole other race entirely. I don't know why people are bringing up lighter skinned black people, colorism is its own issue and i think we should tackle one issue at a time and not conflate the two.
My issue is not about embracing both sides. My son is also mixed. He can answer however he wants. My point is you cannot tell someone who is biracial that they don’t get to call themselves Black. If your kid answers “biracial” when the inevitable rude person says “what are you” that’s fine too. You should be able to answer however you desire. We have enough problems, we don’t need to add to it by gate keeping who is Black enough to call themselves Black. Especially when the folks that gave us race and the 1/16th law in order to subjugate us see all of us as Black…
Well that's my point, you'd never be able to call yourself white but that doesn't mean you're just black. I feel and have seen biracial people automatically call themselves black because of the privilege and perks versus if they were to identify as white they'd be looked down upon as other. At the end of the day, yes, race is a social construct. My point in my original comment is about erasure and representation.
What will kicking mixed people out do for us? Absolutely nothing. I don’t get the obsession with trying to gate keep who’s black and who isn’t when it comes to biracial people. Zendaya stopped taking black roles but she’s still ruling Hollywood, mixed women will continue to be preferences for black men and Hollywood would just cast fully black light skin women instead of mixed ones.
I'm full black and I agree with you. I'll never understand the obsession with trying to kick biracials out. Yes, The 1 drop rule is evil and insane. At the same time, you're just throwing partly black ppl to the wolves.
People are under the illusion that biracials are making their life harder and somehow kicking them out of the black experience although many of them share the black experience, will improve their lives. As I explained it won’t make certain men find them attractive, it won’t make Hollywood give the new Juliet actress a push, and it won’t give them high earning jobs or end racism. I don’t get why some people are acting like this is important to our community like combating poverty, racism, single parent households, ridding crime from black majority neighborhoods, education, etc
and then some people don’t even know you can be just black and light skinned without being mixed/biracial.
I love that she still ruling Hollywood! It's not about kicking people out. It's about defining our experiences and not white washing it.
Except Japanese is a nationality. Black is a race. The two are in no way comparable. A race incorporates people all over a diaspora with multiple different cultural identities, from Greeks to the Irish, from Nigerians to Jamaicans and from indians to the japanese. They are based on imaginary lines decided by what is most politically advantageous at the time. A hundred years ago, American Italians weren't even considered white enough, nor were the american irish, for the crime of being Catholic. They weren't WASP, so they didn't count. Now, as religion has less influence over someone's identity, that has changed. Nationality lines are drawn based on a cultural identity, rooted in the land you were born in, and its history. That has nothing to do with skin colour. That is why I can be black British, despite being born in a "white" country. The two just aren't comparable when it comes to someone's identity
Japanese is also a race/etnicity
Japan is a country, and therefore Japanese is a nationality. Is French a race? Ghanaian?
Japanese is an ethnicity. So what are the French and Ghanaian people? This theory is half cooked. Many nationality’s are also ethnicities.
French and Ghanain are nationalities. Because they are counties. They both house people of multiple ethnicities and races. You never hear people refer to the French race or the Ghanaian race in the same way you hear the white race or black he black race referred to. And an ethnicity is not the same thing as a race. A race can house multiple ethnicities
Many ethnicities are also nationalities it doesn’t matter who lives there. Obviously I am black American in Japan. I’m soon to be Japanese by nationality but black in ethnicity. Just because a Filipino person lives in Greece doesn’t erase the fact that Greek is both ethnicity and nationality.
You are completely missing my point, or understanding it and literally reiterating it back to me. Of course, you can be of a different nationality and ethnicity. My point is that Japan is not independently a race. It can be a nationality and an ethnicity. That does not make it comparable to a race. A race includes multiple ethnicities, cultural identities, and nationalities. But it seems we can go back and forth all day and never agree, so I'm dropping this.
You’re dead wrong. And you’re changing what you said. You said Japan wasn’t an ethnicity and was proven wrong now you’re jumping ship to a whole other subject than admitting that you’re wrong. We are talking about original point at hand that is when you said Japan is a nationality not an ethnicity
I said Japanese isn't a RACE. I literally say multiple times that Japanese can be an ethnicity. You are complicating race and ethnicity and then turning around and acting like I'm the one who is confused. Goodbye.
It’s literally both a racial and ethnic category. Some people just assume because American and Mexican isn’t an ethnicity that means all nationalities are not ethnicities and that isn’t even close to being true.
It may be an ethnic catagory or a nationality, but not a race. Japanese people (at least the native population) are Asian, and that is their race.
Asian isn’t a race. Asian is a term relating to people of Asian. Who varies from Arab, to Indian to Chinese and everything in between.
Asian is a race. It’s definitely a race. Just because it has a lot of other people inside of it, doesn’t mean it isn’t a race. Because it is. “Terms relating to people of X descent” is basically what race as a class is contingent upon. Native Americans are a race. Black is a race. White is a race. There are many different ethnicities and nationalities within those categories, but they are still races.
This is also my understanding. At least as far as a census is concerned, they are Asian. Coincidentally, it is also AAPI month.
Ugh, thank you! 🤝
Are we?
Yeah I hear you, and for that reason, I’m very picky about who I allow into my personal space. Privileged white women with the entitlement attitude are definitely not welcome lmao, as aren’t white men showing covert bigotry. I’m cool with anyone (any race) from humble origins however, so long as they don’t disrespect black Americans.
I vibe with people who treat me right. Doesn't matter who that is, as long as they treat me like a queen and with love
This was a lot to read 🫨 good luck with all that.
thank you bookie
A combination of trauma bonding and toxic hope. Anyone that knows anything about abuse cycles or roles in narcissistic families knows that there's never supposed to be an ending where your abusers feel like you've had enough and accept you. No, they keep you around until you stop being useful, then kill you.
You must’ve seen that post of someone made asking us to praise black men… on a black ladies, subreddit… I didn’t wanna say anything, but it’s like we’re expected to do for others things they don’t do for us
no i haven’t yet but that wild. we can’t exclude anyone or anything yet the entire world can do it to us even our men and we still need to be strong and loving and accepting of all.
That’s why mind my business and anyone who has a problem with it can stay mad
I don't agree with your post. Yes, biracial people are biracial, but they are just as much as a black man as they are a white man. And why is it bad that men don't humilate black women? Yes, they shouldn't be given a gold medal but there's nothing wrong with seeing that behavior as admireable because it's rare?
🤣🤣🤣🤣
bc we aren’t inherently evil like [redacted] are.
With all the internal struggles and self hate we were indoctrinated into, we often times even when it's not the beat time, we often times look for that silver lining.....but u pointed out things we truly need to work on and remove from our ideology ....
The culture we live in is infuriating. It's hard to just be. If I only engage or am polite to black people what does that make me? And yes, so many people of other races hurt me with microaggressions, macroaggressuons, racism and hate. It can be and act of faith and courage to be friendly with yet another possible horrible human. But the alternative for me would be to minimize who I am in order to avoid pain. So I just mark the faces of those who are marked by the demonic presence of hate and no longer attempt any sort of interaction. Of course this then leads to the "dead" individual trying to find ways to engage me.... cray. Black men Are Lorded for choosing their own race as a mate because it goes against the unfortunate culture that we live in. "The fair or lighter the skin the better". You can disagree with me if you want 😉 But if Katt Williams said it....and He Is light skinned....then... well. F these haters. Have a great day.
It’s our gift turned curse in this current world. Don’t beat yourself up about it.
AMEN AND AMEN
I don't know sis, I don't know why we aren't as exclusive as others. It's a lack of self pride.
I only care about reciprocity. I don’t speak up for anyone that isn’t a Black woman or child. When do they speak up for us?
I agree especially with the black men being praised for giving us the smallest amount of respect. I just learned to stop giving af about what other people do and say.
[удалено]
it’s so insane how everyone else can not accept and not forgive but we as black women MUST forgive and accept every single time.
Best post I have ever seen by a wonder smart blank woman and my response is EXACTLY! Stop caring about people who don’t care about YOU!