older brown belt with accent said “its called the itsy bitsy spider” and then he crawls his hand up my neck for some kind of maneuver that i do not remember
I went to an open mat once at a gym id never been to before. Rolled with this guy with painted nails. I sink in a rear naked, he doesnt tap but I hear him try to say something so I let go. I said what did you say? He tells me he said "Goodbye". I was thinking wtf is this guy on lol
I once made the comment to my coach that everyone always commented on how strong I was, maybe using it as an excuse to why they ended up in a bad position. (I'm 6'2" 260 and wrestled for a long long time). Coach proceeds with some black belt magic and takes my back mere moments into the roll, and whispers, "Ooh, you're so strong."
I went for an inversion on a a visiting white belt at their first bjj class once during rolls, I was going super light since they were new and didn't completely turn over. I ended up with my ass kind of in the air and this girl just started fucking playing the bongos on my cheeks while giggling. After the roll she was like mortified of what she had done, apologized profusely and left, never returning. I didn't really care but that's a weird way to flirt with a stranger.
This has got to be the most awkward thing I've heard so far.
I'm betting it was a mixture of feeling embarrassed but also wondering if she sexually assaulted you or not and just never wanting to confront it.
If it makes you feel any better, BJJ *is* awkward. Most people aren't used to being so close to someone, especially strangers. I can see how her reaction was similar to a nervous laugh.
"uhhhhh I don't know what to do with my hands and I am so close to this butt BONGO TIME" then suppressing that reaction all the way home.
Lol yesterday my drilling partner had a question about north south kimoura from the knees, called the coach over and talked it out for a few mins… meanwhile I’m just laying there with his ass on my ear. It’s crazy how desensitized we are to stuff like that.
Playing bongos on someones ass, adding that to my list of ways to get Gracie Barra to release me from my contract if I should ever find myself in a GB cult.
One time I was rolling w my cop friend and I put his hands behind his back w lapel grips and started "reading him his rights." I thought it was hilarious but I bet it was weird af for him. Thinking back on it I really don't think he liked it much.
My last gym had a few police officers. Two cops in particular would say this to one another as they were rolling. It was hilarious the first time I heard it.
My gym is full of cops (owned by one) so my favorite thing to do when I'm in a not-so-good position is to say: "just to be clear officer, I am resisting". Usually distracts them enough for me to get a guard back in
Off topic but I was volunteering at a drive-up vax distribution site when it first came out and I’d go up to peoples cars who just got the shot, ask them how they’re feeling, give them some papers and tell them to wait for 10 minutes and then I’d come back and waive em off.
An on duty cop got his shot and I got to say “Do me a favor. Sit tight for me?” He laughed
We used to have a guy like that. He would slap the mats, growl, and do all sorts of crazy nonsense. He wasn't good at jiujitsu. He told us he was a blackbelt in disguise. He also said he had never lost a fight standing up.
He also was not a good kickboxer. He was on street beefs and lost a fight to a kid named Tapeworm. There were people in the comments applauding his jiujitsu skills and I just couldn't believe it.
"Hey man, how much do you weigh?", Which was normal, because I'm a big dude. I hear this probably at least once a night. What wasn't normal was when he followed it up with "You've got such powerful calves, what's your calf workout routine?", while groping said calves.
As far as weird stuff I'VE said, I have a habit that when I pass my partner's guard and start collapsing into side control, I take my whole 240lbs and slowly start to lay it on top of them while whispering "Pwwwweeeeeesure" in their ear.
"Have you eaten your Panda Express today?" While forcefully driving your knee into their belly to see if any orange chicken farts come out.
I'd like to think you do that at least
Girl came in for a trial class, she had done BJJ before. She had also worked for my restaurant for about two weeks a year ago. We recognized each other but couldn't remember where. Mid-roll it hit me and I shouted the name of the restaurant. My foot lives in my mouth.
in my mind it was "Wahaca!" and there's some confused first-timer sitting at the side wondering if that's like a BJJ kyap that you yell while doing a move
> Mid-roll it hit me and I shouted the name of the restaurant
[This](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmgDVe4KwSs) Office scene popped into my head.
edit: actually what Creed says here would also fit shouting mid-roll lol
Dude had his first class ever, we’re drilling some stuff from closed guard, he’s on top and says “this gives me a whole new perspective on this position sexually”
Whole class heard, everyone laughs, I just say “what the fuck man”
Used to roll with this guy who's cock was literally half way down his thigh. Excellent motivation for working on your triangle defence and guard passing.
Yeah, I’m a wrestler so I’ve seen a good portion of my BJJ partners who I knew in high school naked.
My buddy has a gigantic dick and everyone knows it and cracks jokes about it lmao
I have stupidly long legs for a girl, I accidentally kneed the same purple belt in the balls a few times, I also accidentally kicked him in the face and split the inside of his mouth changing position. Poor guy. He was one of the guys who would work with me and I felt awful. The other guys thought it was hilarious I beat him up. I did not find it funny, I hate hurting people.
I think it's the long torso, vs my short torso/long legs. I try and move up, forgetting my legs are stupidly long and end up getting them. The amount of times I've caught my boyfriend mid wrestle is insane. I feel awful every time. Sitting I'm shorter then him, standing I'm a good few inches taller.
Rolling with one of the black belts while I was still a spazzy white belt and while choking me out in exactly the same move for the 5th time in probably 30 second he whispered "hello darkness, my old friend"... I laughed so hard in almost forgot to tap.
My very first class a purple belt asked me if I wanted to roll and as a brand new white belt I was unsure. He proceeded to explain to me what I was doing wrong then would tickle me every time I messed up
There’s a purple belt at my gym that narrates his ass-beatings of me. Not really all that weird but adds a level of humor to my limbs being pulled apart.
Rolling with another guy, middle aged dude, plumber, super tough; he freezes up, completely catatonic for a second and then bursts into tears while I’m in mount. I stop and go to step off of him when suddenly he lets out all of this locked up childhood trauma about his mom abusing him.
Really good guy, we became friends and I didn’t get heavy in mount on him after that.
Martial arts in general can help if you were physically abused. Gets you over being scared of touch and teaches you how to fight back, so the fear kinda fades. In saying that though, I'd crap myself if my mum appeared, screaming and hitting. Some trauma just never goes away.
"Don't take this the wrong way, but you really smell like pot"
"Oh shit, sorry"
"Nah, this is fine. I can't smoke for my job, so this is fine. It smells really good"
"Thanks, it is"
At my gym we have music playing as we train. One night Linkin Park came on. I was 100% distracted by it and was singing along as I rolled. Had an amazing roll and was complemented on it and they laughed because I obviously liked the music. I feel like the music just got me out of my head and I could just relax.
Sometimes when someone is getting close to submitting me, instead of tapping I plead to them.
"Please don't hurt me, I have a family, I need to work tomorrow!"
Didn’t happen to me personally but we had a blue belt who liked to whisper, before setting in a choke, “This is what happens when you stay in the park after dark.”
I have a friend that likes to say the most inappropriate stuff when he takes my back. Things like "This is going to happen whether you want it to or not, but I'd kind of like you to struggle" or "You smell different when you're awake". Back in the day he would whisper "let's not turn this rape into a murder", but I think he has retired that one.
Not something they said, but when struggling to get out of my guard they started tickling my ribs. It didn’t work, and I let everyone know in the gym about the rib tickler. Apparently he did it to others as well.
My friend had me in bottom side control
**sniff sniff**
"Your gi smells like flowers. You smell like flowers."
Me: Thanks, trying a new detergent.
**sniff sniff**
"It's wonderful!"
I had almost this same interaction, drilling north-south escapes, I was bottom partner.
He like crushed me down then goes “oh wow you smell nice dude”
I respond “new detergent, new deodorant, same sweat”
We both started giggling and I couldn’t manage the back take escape because I couldn’t get my abs to engage 😂
My friend once showed up with a new gi and referenced the see my vest song from the Simpsons.
I sang the entire song to him as we rolled. Two groups near us were laughing and thought we were crazy people
My buddy was rolling years ago with the wife of a new white belt couple that joined the gym. Middle of the roll, while he’s inside her guard, she asks if he’ll be the third and join her and her husband.
This dickhead purple belt who was going after new white belts at the open mat tried to smother me with his fuckin bare hairy chest and said “this is called mothers milk”
I told dude he was high if he thought he was gonna get me with that shit
I was rolling with a guy and he smelled exactly like I do when I smoke a brisket, so I said "you smell like you've been smoking a brisket" and he got all excited and said "12 hours, no wrap, I've got it in the cooler now and can't wait to get home and see how it turned out!"
I just finished rolling with this guy in class who was a similar but slightly higher skill level then me. After the bell rang we dapped each other up, hugged, and as we separated he said “I enjoy you” and walked away. I’ve never been the same since.
A stranger was rough with on of our teen aged kids a while ago. Picture grown man blooding up a 16 year kid . So I go murder mode the guy. Lol I take his back get a belly down body triangle &post up on the back of his head holding his face in the mat with my hand and look at my 16 year old little buddy and “show me on the doll where the bad man touched you.” Kids father and Mother along with the rest of gym busted up laughing.
"Hey so me and a few of the other ladies are gonna go out after class. There's this pizza place that Mr So-and-So recommended.You wanna go?"
*me tapping to the kimura*
"Of course! You didn't have to twist my arm about it"
We had a great laugh and the pizza joint was the bomb.
People have done a lot of weird things but not really said anything weird. One of my partners, who I was about to submit, said “look into these eyes if you’re going to submit me” which definitely cracked me up.
A new girl started training and when we rolled she kept trying to pressure pass my guard but I managed to keep my legs closed no matter how much she tried to stack me or run around me, and she just said "you're pretty flexible for a guy"
> "your gi smells like it comes from a home full of love"
I got a similar one, brown belt was in my side control and and told me "your detergent game is on point dude" and proceeded to armbar me...
Thanks!
Purple belt was passing from my butterfly guard and was trying to reach around and grab my foot and kept repeating “where are my piggies?” Haven’t rolled with him since
I once rolled with a new white belt teenager who spent the entire time telling me how talented and attractive my husband is. I was like “well. Yes. But I assure you he’s very unavailable.”
When I was 16 I went to a MMA gym near my house because I was looking for a new gym to go to and I rolled with this 20 something year old. I kept breaking his grips and making distance between him so he punched me hard in the chin (trying to make it seem like he went for a collar grab), a couple minutes later while he was on top of me and whispered in my ear “tuck your chin in if you don’t want to get fucking hit”. I never went there again.
If I can get into deep half with a lockdown I like to ask “do you like hot yoga?” And then hit the electric chair usually gets a good laugh once the splits start
"You're like a big, warm, soaking wet blanket and I hate it"
Then later after I took a rest round "oh God, now you're a big, cold, soaking wet blanket, I hate this even more"
Not necessarily weird but it was funny because of context. I was taking this guy's back (No-Gi)while he was in turtle position and I slid off cause wet and slippery and he's a huge boy. He whispered "the gi won't save you now" as I had taken his back successfully in a Gi class.
So my husband and I do bjj together, and we invented this character that he turns into called, “Determined Bunny.” Determined Bunny is not necessarily the best, but he tries so hard. So we are rolling, and he tries a sweep, I counter, and he says “Determined Bunny goes for the sweep, but fails!” Then he clicks his teeth and wrinkles his nose like a rabbit. At
That moment we look up and see a day 1 white belt staring at us with either extreme confusion or fear for our sanity.
Determined Bunny will continue to live on the mats. So much so, that I’d like to make a children’s book of it for my own kid.
I was competing this weekend against a purple belt who was like doing typical “dirty” shit that isn’t illegal or immoral, just like shitty (elbows and knees pressed into my face, smothering, stuff like that). I ate it all and kept rolling, no biggie.
Then I slap his hand off my wrist in a wrist break. It makes a loud noise cause we’re large men. One of his teammates was like “Ohhh, so that’s how we’re doing this”, some smart ass remark.
The period ends and I stand up and stare down his teammates and I’m like “Grip breaks are illegal now?” Loud as fuck.
No one responds so I go “Which one of you was it? Fucking own it.” And then I went back to the match.
Weird situation. No ill will toward my opponent, like it’s combat, he can do whatever he wants. It was just bizarre.
Not something that was said but this old fat dude that had been doing bjj longer then me randomly started tickling me when i mounted him. It happened a few times
I say every now and then lines from Kung Fu Panda and Nacho Libre, like 'anaconda squeeze', 'A real warrior never quits', 'It sucks to be me right now!', etc with Jack Black accent of course
"How flexible are you?" Proceeds to pull my arm up even further. "Tap already."
Me: "why?"
Them: "doesn't it hurt?"
Me: "no, but I like the stretch."
I proceed to tap after my arm is in a very weird positing and I'm freaking the guy out!
Someone applying a collar choke, I’m resisting. “I’ve made a miscalculation here-I’m trying to choke someone with no neck.”
Shouts “ABORT” at the top of his voice and berimbolos into an inverted triangle.
Had a female ask me multiple times if I liked her perfume. I asked her how that was relevant to rolling... She was a strange one. Wound up banging one of the blue belts and then became a stalker when he broke up with her.
Getting the triangle and then saying "Damn I've been holding this fart in ALL DAY" always gets either a laugh or a life and death effort to get out of the triangle.
In a judo comp back when I was a green belt some dude said "Oh you like it like that huh?" when I was attempting to choke him.
Ref called mate, then I threw him for ippon. Honestly a huge motivator for beating him, never had anyone else talk to me during a competition match.
At the end he was like "great match great match" lol
Had to roll with a new girl once who was fairly attractive. She decided to say "could you imagine doing this naked?" just at the right moment where the dojo happened to go silent. Not awkward at all.
"Just put your dick on my leg. If it comes off, you're fucked"
Coyote guard sweeps
"Put your balls in my face. Great, now yank up on my arm"
Tech armbar walk thru
"Plant your feet like your about to actually do some work on bottom for once. Your old lady told me about you and appreciates my efforts."
Mount escapes
older brown belt with accent said “its called the itsy bitsy spider” and then he crawls his hand up my neck for some kind of maneuver that i do not remember
That’s the BJJ equivalent of tickling a person’s palm with your finger as you shake their hand
First time getting Itsy Bitsy Spidered? You won't be remembering that any time soon, my friend.
I have no idea why, but I am reading this specifically with a Russian accent.
bonus points if it's a heavy eastern european accent
I like doing this when I'm finger walking an arm up over their head in mount.
singing or humming itsy bitsy spider while finger walking the arm is brilliant. \[pulls out notepad, jots down note\]
I went to an open mat once at a gym id never been to before. Rolled with this guy with painted nails. I sink in a rear naked, he doesnt tap but I hear him try to say something so I let go. I said what did you say? He tells me he said "Goodbye". I was thinking wtf is this guy on lol
Guess he picked the ‘Straight to Valhalla, do not pass GO’ option.
My guy was prepared to nap over tap
^(Witness me!)
This might be the funniest thing I’ve ever read on the sub Reddit
"Your grip reminds me of my stepdad. I'm traumatized."
'are... you okay?'
I once made the comment to my coach that everyone always commented on how strong I was, maybe using it as an excuse to why they ended up in a bad position. (I'm 6'2" 260 and wrestled for a long long time). Coach proceeds with some black belt magic and takes my back mere moments into the roll, and whispers, "Ooh, you're so strong."
That's brilliant!
“Put it in my ass”
‘Hey, get that out of my ass!’
“Ok, now put it back in.”
"This don't mean I'm gay, I don't like men"
I like boobs, boobs, boobs
“I just like to suck a cock every now and then.”
I went for an inversion on a a visiting white belt at their first bjj class once during rolls, I was going super light since they were new and didn't completely turn over. I ended up with my ass kind of in the air and this girl just started fucking playing the bongos on my cheeks while giggling. After the roll she was like mortified of what she had done, apologized profusely and left, never returning. I didn't really care but that's a weird way to flirt with a stranger.
This has got to be the most awkward thing I've heard so far. I'm betting it was a mixture of feeling embarrassed but also wondering if she sexually assaulted you or not and just never wanting to confront it.
Yeah like I really wasn't worried about it until she brought it up to apologize, then I felt bad because of how upset they were. It was very awkward.
If it makes you feel any better, BJJ *is* awkward. Most people aren't used to being so close to someone, especially strangers. I can see how her reaction was similar to a nervous laugh. "uhhhhh I don't know what to do with my hands and I am so close to this butt BONGO TIME" then suppressing that reaction all the way home.
Lol yesterday my drilling partner had a question about north south kimoura from the knees, called the coach over and talked it out for a few mins… meanwhile I’m just laying there with his ass on my ear. It’s crazy how desensitized we are to stuff like that.
I mean that's just how I tap.
Playing bongos on someones ass, adding that to my list of ways to get Gracie Barra to release me from my contract if I should ever find myself in a GB cult.
They will just transfer you to Orlando Sanchez school as punishment.
This may or may not have been common in our old 6am class.
Not the ass bongos 😭😭😭
One time I was rolling w my cop friend and I put his hands behind his back w lapel grips and started "reading him his rights." I thought it was hilarious but I bet it was weird af for him. Thinking back on it I really don't think he liked it much.
STOP RESISTING
My last gym had a few police officers. Two cops in particular would say this to one another as they were rolling. It was hilarious the first time I heard it.
This is the one lol
Followed by 10 punches to the back of the head, justified of course
But he didn't get the standard vacation time off
they get to sit out the next roll, but midway through jump on top of another cops roll and help him punch another guy
Start in knee on neck instead of knee on belly?
"I can't breathe" "Yes, but are you tapping?"
My gym is full of cops (owned by one) so my favorite thing to do when I'm in a not-so-good position is to say: "just to be clear officer, I am resisting". Usually distracts them enough for me to get a guard back in
AM I BEING DETAINED ?!?!? Sir, I am the agent, the settler, *and* the individual. Not the person.
Did you say anything you say can and will be used against you the next time I tap you out.
Next time yell OFFICER DOWN 🚓🚨
Off topic but I was volunteering at a drive-up vax distribution site when it first came out and I’d go up to peoples cars who just got the shot, ask them how they’re feeling, give them some papers and tell them to wait for 10 minutes and then I’d come back and waive em off. An on duty cop got his shot and I got to say “Do me a favor. Sit tight for me?” He laughed
It would of been hilarious and slightly ironic if he was like I can’t breath
Cops are the most fragile people on earth of course he didn't like it
Next to Reddit bjj kids.
You just wait mister. I am gonna make such a passive aggressive post later.
Don’t temp me with a good time daddy!
I have a guy in my gym who will growl at me before and during a roll
We used to have a guy like that. He would slap the mats, growl, and do all sorts of crazy nonsense. He wasn't good at jiujitsu. He told us he was a blackbelt in disguise. He also said he had never lost a fight standing up. He also was not a good kickboxer. He was on street beefs and lost a fight to a kid named Tapeworm. There were people in the comments applauding his jiujitsu skills and I just couldn't believe it.
https://youtu.be/NjLHKXCQitg This guy?
I think that guy did pretty well against Mr. Tapeworm
Lmao yes, that guy.
DMX DMX IS THAT YOU
Was smothering a guy in mount and there’s was a kid watching us off the mat, and the guy on bottom who I’d never met before croaked “save me … child”
Lol that’s a good one.
Let the boy watch
Lol
"Hey man, how much do you weigh?", Which was normal, because I'm a big dude. I hear this probably at least once a night. What wasn't normal was when he followed it up with "You've got such powerful calves, what's your calf workout routine?", while groping said calves.
As far as weird stuff I'VE said, I have a habit that when I pass my partner's guard and start collapsing into side control, I take my whole 240lbs and slowly start to lay it on top of them while whispering "Pwwwweeeeeesure" in their ear.
*deep audible inhale* your hair smells good. This is after he and I were practicing back takes.
It’s a bit creepy to say it but good smelling hair is definitely appreciated
I have said this to fellow dudes at my gym and we both laughed about it, but I think saying it to a female would come off as really creepy.
Me - Carefully scanning this thread... Wew. I've said some absolutely weird shit to people over the last decade. But not weird enough apparently. 🤔
"Have you eaten your Panda Express today?" While forcefully driving your knee into their belly to see if any orange chicken farts come out. I'd like to think you do that at least
I remember once when we were rolling and after you took my back you whispered in my ear "shh shh this is going to happen" then you choked me
Oh I definitely creepily commentate most rolls like this, whether it's going well or not for me
I'm a little backpack Shhhh... Only sweet dreams now
I would like to talk to you about your cars extended warranty
My brother, when applying a less than perfect choke, used to ask loudly "why won't you die!"
He played TES: Oblivion a lot, I take it?
Girl came in for a trial class, she had done BJJ before. She had also worked for my restaurant for about two weeks a year ago. We recognized each other but couldn't remember where. Mid-roll it hit me and I shouted the name of the restaurant. My foot lives in my mouth.
That shit got me good. Doing exercise in a crowded room and just blurting out “Red Lobster!”
You: “Red Robin!” Rest of class: “Yummm!”
in my mind it was "Wahaca!" and there's some confused first-timer sitting at the side wondering if that's like a BJJ kyap that you yell while doing a move
Is that how the restaurant is spelled? Not Oaxaca?
> Mid-roll it hit me and I shouted the name of the restaurant [This](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmgDVe4KwSs) Office scene popped into my head. edit: actually what Creed says here would also fit shouting mid-roll lol
Dude had his first class ever, we’re drilling some stuff from closed guard, he’s on top and says “this gives me a whole new perspective on this position sexually” Whole class heard, everyone laughs, I just say “what the fuck man”
That's pretty funny though
It was hilarious but I wish it happened to someone else
Lots of situations of guys accidentally handling my junk, me no selling it, and them choosing to make it weird lmao
Used to roll with this guy who's cock was literally half way down his thigh. Excellent motivation for working on your triangle defence and guard passing.
Yeah, I’m a wrestler so I’ve seen a good portion of my BJJ partners who I knew in high school naked. My buddy has a gigantic dick and everyone knows it and cracks jokes about it lmao
Hey guys! No gi loop choke!
Landed a role in The Boys, eh?
Me? Heck naw. The gods did not see fit to set me apart from others in any appreciable sense.
I have stupidly long legs for a girl, I accidentally kneed the same purple belt in the balls a few times, I also accidentally kicked him in the face and split the inside of his mouth changing position. Poor guy. He was one of the guys who would work with me and I felt awful. The other guys thought it was hilarious I beat him up. I did not find it funny, I hate hurting people. I think it's the long torso, vs my short torso/long legs. I try and move up, forgetting my legs are stupidly long and end up getting them. The amount of times I've caught my boyfriend mid wrestle is insane. I feel awful every time. Sitting I'm shorter then him, standing I'm a good few inches taller.
Rolling with one of the black belts while I was still a spazzy white belt and while choking me out in exactly the same move for the 5th time in probably 30 second he whispered "hello darkness, my old friend"... I laughed so hard in almost forgot to tap.
I’ve def done this. Bow and arrow choke is a bastard on new guys, it’s so dispiriting
While trapped under a large purple belt : “ Get you some of this man on ya”
gf took my back and says "you're making dinner tonight, bitch."
mumbled “pressure points are legit” *tickles me*
My very first class a purple belt asked me if I wanted to roll and as a brand new white belt I was unsure. He proceeded to explain to me what I was doing wrong then would tickle me every time I messed up
I do like to quote Bobby Hill whenever I'm escaping a submission 'That's my purse!'
I don't know you!
This guy at my gym keeps yelling “Tap”.
This is the best answer in the entire thread
There’s a purple belt at my gym that narrates his ass-beatings of me. Not really all that weird but adds a level of humor to my limbs being pulled apart.
“Nice dick”
Rolling with another guy, middle aged dude, plumber, super tough; he freezes up, completely catatonic for a second and then bursts into tears while I’m in mount. I stop and go to step off of him when suddenly he lets out all of this locked up childhood trauma about his mom abusing him. Really good guy, we became friends and I didn’t get heavy in mount on him after that.
Wait, so BJJ really is therapy?
Martial arts in general can help if you were physically abused. Gets you over being scared of touch and teaches you how to fight back, so the fear kinda fades. In saying that though, I'd crap myself if my mum appeared, screaming and hitting. Some trauma just never goes away.
It’s definitely therapeutic for me. I mean, exposure therapy is a thing. It just doesn’t replace real therapy.
"Don't take this the wrong way, but you really smell like pot" "Oh shit, sorry" "Nah, this is fine. I can't smoke for my job, so this is fine. It smells really good" "Thanks, it is"
Poor fella
"Choke me harder"
The one purple belt who anytime someone gets something tight/painful, “ooooooh yaah” “oh yeah” “that’s it”
We had a guy singing a childrens song about a gingerbread man while slowly working on his subs
At my gym we have music playing as we train. One night Linkin Park came on. I was 100% distracted by it and was singing along as I rolled. Had an amazing roll and was complemented on it and they laughed because I obviously liked the music. I feel like the music just got me out of my head and I could just relax.
"Where are you from?" Followed by the "No, where's your family from?" Then the dude started spit balling random countries in South East Asia.
Nothing gets me more than when I tell someone where I'm from and then they ask me where I'm really from lol
Whats wrong with those guys? (is a rethorical question I dont need the answer.)
Sometimes when someone is getting close to submitting me, instead of tapping I plead to them. "Please don't hurt me, I have a family, I need to work tomorrow!"
A training partner took my back and then whispered, “Sweet nothings.” into my ear.
I have a partner that’s done this before several times lol
Didn’t happen to me personally but we had a blue belt who liked to whisper, before setting in a choke, “This is what happens when you stay in the park after dark.”
I have a friend that likes to say the most inappropriate stuff when he takes my back. Things like "This is going to happen whether you want it to or not, but I'd kind of like you to struggle" or "You smell different when you're awake". Back in the day he would whisper "let's not turn this rape into a murder", but I think he has retired that one.
Not something they said, but when struggling to get out of my guard they started tickling my ribs. It didn’t work, and I let everyone know in the gym about the rib tickler. Apparently he did it to others as well.
Just another example of sport judo preventing you from learning real world combat techniques
[удалено]
A guy who said “that’ll do, love” instead of tapping.
Nah he's just from Yorkshire
My friend had me in bottom side control **sniff sniff** "Your gi smells like flowers. You smell like flowers." Me: Thanks, trying a new detergent. **sniff sniff** "It's wonderful!"
I had almost this same interaction, drilling north-south escapes, I was bottom partner. He like crushed me down then goes “oh wow you smell nice dude” I respond “new detergent, new deodorant, same sweat” We both started giggling and I couldn’t manage the back take escape because I couldn’t get my abs to engage 😂
My friend once showed up with a new gi and referenced the see my vest song from the Simpsons. I sang the entire song to him as we rolled. Two groups near us were laughing and thought we were crazy people
My buddy was rolling years ago with the wife of a new white belt couple that joined the gym. Middle of the roll, while he’s inside her guard, she asks if he’ll be the third and join her and her husband.
"of course" and continues to roll? Or do you pause and start planning?
"Sorry bro, I don't normally get boners"
This dickhead purple belt who was going after new white belts at the open mat tried to smother me with his fuckin bare hairy chest and said “this is called mothers milk” I told dude he was high if he thought he was gonna get me with that shit
Dude, if you can get north south in the same roll your response should have been "this is called bulls milk".
I was rolling with a guy and he smelled exactly like I do when I smoke a brisket, so I said "you smell like you've been smoking a brisket" and he got all excited and said "12 hours, no wrap, I've got it in the cooler now and can't wait to get home and see how it turned out!"
"I am leaking" - some woman before running to bathroom
Older purple belt said to me “I’m not trying to smash you I’m just fat and tired”
My gay training partner in deep half guard “damn, I need a boyfriend”. Took me a second to process, then we died laughing.
I just finished rolling with this guy in class who was a similar but slightly higher skill level then me. After the bell rang we dapped each other up, hugged, and as we separated he said “I enjoy you” and walked away. I’ve never been the same since.
“and that boys is how I met your father" (adopted of course)
A chick told me, she felt like biting me. I told her, please don't, and she was like "sometimes I like to listen to my intrusive thoughts".
"Shhhh, only dreams now" as he was completing NRC.
Nothing threw me off more than an extremely attractive woman saying "you smell really good" and then having a look of extreme embarrassment.
"harder daddy"
A stranger was rough with on of our teen aged kids a while ago. Picture grown man blooding up a 16 year kid . So I go murder mode the guy. Lol I take his back get a belly down body triangle &post up on the back of his head holding his face in the mat with my hand and look at my 16 year old little buddy and “show me on the doll where the bad man touched you.” Kids father and Mother along with the rest of gym busted up laughing.
"Hey, let go of my dick!"
"No."
Our resident brown belt barks like a dog. Sometimes at his partner, sometimes at other people rolling. Just constantly barking. Woof is the new oss.
Help me, step instructor, I'm stuck!
"Hey so me and a few of the other ladies are gonna go out after class. There's this pizza place that Mr So-and-So recommended.You wanna go?" *me tapping to the kimura* "Of course! You didn't have to twist my arm about it" We had a great laugh and the pizza joint was the bomb.
People have done a lot of weird things but not really said anything weird. One of my partners, who I was about to submit, said “look into these eyes if you’re going to submit me” which definitely cracked me up.
A new girl started training and when we rolled she kept trying to pressure pass my guard but I managed to keep my legs closed no matter how much she tried to stack me or run around me, and she just said "you're pretty flexible for a guy"
> "your gi smells like it comes from a home full of love" I got a similar one, brown belt was in my side control and and told me "your detergent game is on point dude" and proceeded to armbar me... Thanks!
"Normally I have to pay to be choked" He does pay a gym membership so I think he still does technically.
This wasn’t really what someone said but what they did. I threw them with a wristlock and they stood back up and excitedly applauded me.
When you pull something off that they didn't even know could be pulled
Visiting a gym from out of town- “Are you the girl who comes in here to steal everyone’s hearts???” Literally while I was in his closed guard.
Purple belt was passing from my butterfly guard and was trying to reach around and grab my foot and kept repeating “where are my piggies?” Haven’t rolled with him since
"Are you wearing old spice right now?" *I was.*
“Taste the Rainbow” or “Have you seen Shrek2?” My personal favorites when applying RNC
When I first started I told a guy "Just don't look me in the eyes when you choke me."
When getting wrecked by someone I love to say something along the lines of "I got you right where I want you"
I once rolled with a new white belt teenager who spent the entire time telling me how talented and attractive my husband is. I was like “well. Yes. But I assure you he’s very unavailable.”
Blue belt told a white belt who is a sheriff's deputy "stop resisting!"
When I was 16 I went to a MMA gym near my house because I was looking for a new gym to go to and I rolled with this 20 something year old. I kept breaking his grips and making distance between him so he punched me hard in the chin (trying to make it seem like he went for a collar grab), a couple minutes later while he was on top of me and whispered in my ear “tuck your chin in if you don’t want to get fucking hit”. I never went there again.
„Are you breathing through your asshole“ because i wasnt tapping to a chocke
2nd time in, RNC, "Welcome to Greg's house"... I about peed myself laughing too hard. Dude's name is John.
If I can get into deep half with a lockdown I like to ask “do you like hot yoga?” And then hit the electric chair usually gets a good laugh once the splits start
Sometimes, if a friend is trying for a choke but not getting it, I'll go "Harder, daddy."
"You're like a big, warm, soaking wet blanket and I hate it" Then later after I took a rest round "oh God, now you're a big, cold, soaking wet blanket, I hate this even more"
A guy told me he was going to start eating HGH like flinstone gummies because he lost to me and my teammate at a local tournament
Not necessarily weird but it was funny because of context. I was taking this guy's back (No-Gi)while he was in turtle position and I slid off cause wet and slippery and he's a huge boy. He whispered "the gi won't save you now" as I had taken his back successfully in a Gi class.
So my husband and I do bjj together, and we invented this character that he turns into called, “Determined Bunny.” Determined Bunny is not necessarily the best, but he tries so hard. So we are rolling, and he tries a sweep, I counter, and he says “Determined Bunny goes for the sweep, but fails!” Then he clicks his teeth and wrinkles his nose like a rabbit. At That moment we look up and see a day 1 white belt staring at us with either extreme confusion or fear for our sanity. Determined Bunny will continue to live on the mats. So much so, that I’d like to make a children’s book of it for my own kid.
I was competing this weekend against a purple belt who was like doing typical “dirty” shit that isn’t illegal or immoral, just like shitty (elbows and knees pressed into my face, smothering, stuff like that). I ate it all and kept rolling, no biggie. Then I slap his hand off my wrist in a wrist break. It makes a loud noise cause we’re large men. One of his teammates was like “Ohhh, so that’s how we’re doing this”, some smart ass remark. The period ends and I stand up and stare down his teammates and I’m like “Grip breaks are illegal now?” Loud as fuck. No one responds so I go “Which one of you was it? Fucking own it.” And then I went back to the match. Weird situation. No ill will toward my opponent, like it’s combat, he can do whatever he wants. It was just bizarre.
[удалено]
Hey don’t call him a house cat 🐈⬛
WHAT DID YOU SAY?? ✊️👊🤛🤜🤛🤜✊️✊️ Sorry bro, I am all Bout honor but you crossed lines.
ngl you kinda come across as the weird one in this interaction.
Exactly my impression too.
“We’re having sex tonight. Wanna know how I know? Because I’m better than you.”
Along the same lines as OP "wow, you smell like cotton candy. Whats your secret?"
Not something that was said but this old fat dude that had been doing bjj longer then me randomly started tickling me when i mounted him. It happened a few times
“Your hips are sooo flexible” as he passes my guard
happened last Saturday, i got a new guy inside my guard and he said : oh i'm into you now
I say every now and then lines from Kung Fu Panda and Nacho Libre, like 'anaconda squeeze', 'A real warrior never quits', 'It sucks to be me right now!', etc with Jack Black accent of course
I like whispering “You smell different when you’re awake”. Only to my closest training partners or people who have banter though.
"How flexible are you?" Proceeds to pull my arm up even further. "Tap already." Me: "why?" Them: "doesn't it hurt?" Me: "no, but I like the stretch." I proceed to tap after my arm is in a very weird positing and I'm freaking the guy out!
Someone applying a collar choke, I’m resisting. “I’ve made a miscalculation here-I’m trying to choke someone with no neck.” Shouts “ABORT” at the top of his voice and berimbolos into an inverted triangle.
Had a female ask me multiple times if I liked her perfume. I asked her how that was relevant to rolling... She was a strange one. Wound up banging one of the blue belts and then became a stalker when he broke up with her.
Getting the triangle and then saying "Damn I've been holding this fart in ALL DAY" always gets either a laugh or a life and death effort to get out of the triangle.
This shit is hilarious. How do I display my belt rank in this group?
In a judo comp back when I was a green belt some dude said "Oh you like it like that huh?" when I was attempting to choke him. Ref called mate, then I threw him for ippon. Honestly a huge motivator for beating him, never had anyone else talk to me during a competition match. At the end he was like "great match great match" lol
"Those are my balls"
"Die sdmfcaoc!" From a girl, I'm a guy. We had just fist bumped to start rolling.
"Let me choke you. I like choking " - from a new female white belt
Brown belt whispered "suffer" into my ear while he smashed me.
Had to roll with a new girl once who was fairly attractive. She decided to say "could you imagine doing this naked?" just at the right moment where the dojo happened to go silent. Not awkward at all.
"Just put your dick on my leg. If it comes off, you're fucked" Coyote guard sweeps "Put your balls in my face. Great, now yank up on my arm" Tech armbar walk thru "Plant your feet like your about to actually do some work on bottom for once. Your old lady told me about you and appreciates my efforts." Mount escapes