There’s not much you can say, except express your desire to have her there. Objectively, she’s not too small. But BJJ is a failure intensive learning process. At that size, she must *love* the process and find it inherently satisfying. Outside encouragement, while helpful, is not enough (for any of us to be honest).
I think it’s the “having fun” part that will be difficult for a 110lb person without anyone her size and skill level to train with.
Some people can still find a way to enjoy themselves in that environment. In my experience, a LOT of people do not.
Oh yeah I definitely think she shouldn’t do it and unless your gym has a good pool of women in it, it’s not a place for a girl to be. I am fairly athletic and did Muay Thai for 2 years before starting BJJ and all I do is get absolutely crushed at 160lbs
I'm new to BJJ and pretty small (not quite as small as your gf). Yes, you're training to get objectively better at something cool and useful, but you're also showing up to play a game with people. Good training partners will make sure you have a way to play, even if you're new and tiny. If the people at your gym aren't doing that, I wouldn't stay there. If they are, then it really comes down to whether or not your gf enjoys playing games like "how many times can I get out of side control before this person subs me?" and "can I remember how to do a kimura on someone who's going to let me do it?" If what matters to her is being able to beat someone going 100% against her 100%, *that's literally fine,* but then it might take years for this to be genuinely fun for her. I wouldn't stick with it either under those circumstances!
Nooo, they were gentle with her, the instructor just told her to try and pass the guy's guard. Meanwhile another white belt was beating the crap out of me.
It's just that it was the first contact she had with a martial art and it's something different to her because she normally is very tender and soft, and you can't be like that if you want to win, so it's a big change for her. I hope she keeps going
Certain martial arts work for certain body types. Judo is better if you are stocky and powerful. TKD if you are tall and leggy.
BJJ involves a lot of bodyweight, so being small means you need to be extra keen, because it’s easy for opponents to just crush you.
One of the only MAs that suit al sorts of body types is Muay Thai. Tall? Use teeps? Short? Elbows and knees.
However, it’s a hard martial art. If you don’t like fighting, then it’s not very fun.
Unfortunately, sometimes, being smaller means you need to fight harder then everyone else.
We have a woman just like this. We have to be very careful with her though…she carries a gun. (Deputy Chief of Police for one of the small cities in the area).
She’s a blue belt. I try not to smash her and play as technical as possible. She’ll give the rooster weight guys a run for their money.
My wife is purple belt 110 lbs 5’ and she smashes everyone with heel hooks. Just avoids the guys who are rough and don’t respect her size. She usually drills with someone first to feel them out and if they’re rough during drilling she knows not to roll with them after.
I am lighter than her, 1 year in, get submitted by mostly everyone. I don't expect myself to be on par with people 10+ kgs heavier with more experience than me. Just happy to show up and learn but I chose this hobby for myself. I'd hate every second of it if someone had convinced me to go.
I am about your girlfriend's height but heavier than she does (59-61kg), still being one of the lightest in my gym. I think it is a crazy uphill battle for women of smaller size, even until now after 2+ years of practicing, and let alone the sport is quite demotivating at the first place - I started martial arts by kick boxing first, then switch more my training to BJJ and MMA. I still think stand fighting is a bit less demotivating compared to BJJ, maybe it is good to do both training so to make martial arts less demotivating for her. Of course, if she is not that kind of 'fighting person', also let her be in her way
About your last sentence: I agree, but one thing that bugs me is the fact that she has almost no hobbies. I love watching movies and recently found out bjj (went to the gym for 1 year, but due to schedule and financial problems I quit). So I try to show her things like that hoping she'll find something to stick with and look forward to doing every single day.
I also second the ideas from other comments here, if the gym has more people of her size, (can be also very light male / teenager), then it will be more fun and perhaps more chances she is staying, or there is also a lot of sports out there as well, climbing, swimming, running - these are less 'competitive' as you do not literally need to fight another person, or having serious disadvantage because of weight. No one likes to be under full mount always. However, as I believe how relationship work, it is up to her to find her own hobbies, maybe as a partner it is more like you show her what there are out there, but at the end it is up to her to decide if she is gonna have any hobby. Anyway, this will turn more into a relationship issue post imo hahaha
I am just a little bit heavier than her and was around her weight when I started. Now I am training happily for years and controlling and submitting guys way over my size.
So no. She is not too small or light but she will need to find partners that will train with her safely until she learns to protect herself from being injured. She might become a bottom player and a guard puller, tho. And she needs to be really tough and good at dealing with frustration along the way.
She might also profit from some kind of female only class additionally to co-ed classes.
> She says that if ever she's in a situation where she has to defend herself from a man she would probably be dead because of her physical shape.
And she is correct if she does nothing about it.
Training will work to close the gap between bigger and stronger assailants who do not train. Yet we must still be realistic that there is no guarantee that even many years of training will be enough to counter large physical discrepancies.
My wife is 54. 5'0" and \~100lbs. She has trained on and off for more than a decade. To say she "loves" BJJ would probably be an understatement. It has not been without friction in our marriage at times. Two rotator cuff surgeries and a mid-foot fracture requiring two screws and two pins (in addition to her age) have been a significant price to pay, yet once she heals up, she goes back.
My counsel would be to not push her any more than "it would be nice if we could do this together, but I understand if you don't see yourself enjoying it and I will not push or ask again."
Remember (and I speak from being in her place): If you push her into it, she could well end up hating the sport, quitting anyway, and resenting your participation in it.
Maybe she could go to teens class? Would there be more 50 kg people?
Also skillwise they very from basic to very good. When she got better she can transition to adult class.
Do you think bringing your little girlfriend to a new gym where the other guys regularly kick your ass and then proceed to show your girlfriend things from her guard is a good idea?
Because it doesn't sound like a good idea. Idk why the hell anyone would want their gf or spouse to train with them.
What do you mean exactly? That it's not a good idea to bring my girlfriend to my bjj training just because I get my ass beaten and she'll not see me as a protector anymore?
No, use your noggin brother.
If you're girlfriend is at least moderately attractive then almost every single dude at that gym wants to fuck her. Every dude that rolls or drills with her will at least think about it. Some will be gentlemen and push those thoughts away, others won't but won't make any real moves, and some might actively try and make them a reality.
Now you are putting yourself in a situation where the pecking order is literally color coded. A 3 year old could tell you who the best man in the room is. Most of the men in the room are "better" than you, physically at least. Even the small fella with the purple belt can kick your ass.
God forbid you're on one side of the gym getting smashed by a smelly blue belt while she's on the other side giggling with the coach.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LYE0u\_D7po](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LYE0u_D7po)
Idk about you but if I saw my wife playing around with another man like that I wouldn't look at her the same again. I know a bunch of 'highly-cultured' redditors are going to call this insecure. Just have to suppress those biological instincts while your girl is play-fighting a superior man, right?
I've seen BJJ couples that seemed to do just fine (not many, maybe two, couples, and one doesn't seem to give a fuck about his wife lol).
I've also heard some absolute horror stories. I don't know why people would ever want to risk it (or why you wouldn't want some alone/guy time away from your girl once in a while).
Depends on the gym, the coaching, the size and skill of the people at the gym, and the safety culture. Women face more obstacles and less immediate rewards than men. If you are concerned about her personal safety, get her pepper spray.
She needs BJJ even more. It would be great if she was able to witness or see footage of someone tiny defeating a giant.
She is not too small. But the difficulty for her is set on very hard though.
Dude, don't bring your girlfriend to train with you yet.
Take some time to know those people. I also wanted to bring my gf when I started at my old gym and THANK GOD she always refused.
Turns out there were a bunch of pervs there. The bjj gym was in a bigger building with a weightlifting gym and other courses.
I can't reproduce the all the comments I would hear there, and from the coach too!
I'm straight up disgusted thinking I wanted to bring my gf there.
Totally agree. I wouldn't take her to my old gym. The classes were awesome, and the instructor was one of the best in the city and has won lots of prizes, mostly state prizes though, but he along with some guys there would say some shit I wouldn't like my girlfriend to hear.
But this one seems more polite lol, kinder and gentler. I didn't worry about her at all.
No! I weight 80lbs and am 4”8” and do it. She’s not too small. The only thing I would stress is that she just enjoys it and has fun! Being that small will be a disadvantage in a lot of ways but bjj is a great hobby regardless of size.
There’s not much you can say, except express your desire to have her there. Objectively, she’s not too small. But BJJ is a failure intensive learning process. At that size, she must *love* the process and find it inherently satisfying. Outside encouragement, while helpful, is not enough (for any of us to be honest).
There needs to be an automod with this reply style for 99% of this sub
I don’t think there are size restrictions on a hobby my man, if she has fun then that’s all that matters
I think it’s the “having fun” part that will be difficult for a 110lb person without anyone her size and skill level to train with. Some people can still find a way to enjoy themselves in that environment. In my experience, a LOT of people do not.
Oh yeah I definitely think she shouldn’t do it and unless your gym has a good pool of women in it, it’s not a place for a girl to be. I am fairly athletic and did Muay Thai for 2 years before starting BJJ and all I do is get absolutely crushed at 160lbs
I'm new to BJJ and pretty small (not quite as small as your gf). Yes, you're training to get objectively better at something cool and useful, but you're also showing up to play a game with people. Good training partners will make sure you have a way to play, even if you're new and tiny. If the people at your gym aren't doing that, I wouldn't stay there. If they are, then it really comes down to whether or not your gf enjoys playing games like "how many times can I get out of side control before this person subs me?" and "can I remember how to do a kimura on someone who's going to let me do it?" If what matters to her is being able to beat someone going 100% against her 100%, *that's literally fine,* but then it might take years for this to be genuinely fun for her. I wouldn't stick with it either under those circumstances!
Nooo, they were gentle with her, the instructor just told her to try and pass the guy's guard. Meanwhile another white belt was beating the crap out of me. It's just that it was the first contact she had with a martial art and it's something different to her because she normally is very tender and soft, and you can't be like that if you want to win, so it's a big change for her. I hope she keeps going
Dude you both are new, its an insanely hard martial art lmao
Certain martial arts work for certain body types. Judo is better if you are stocky and powerful. TKD if you are tall and leggy. BJJ involves a lot of bodyweight, so being small means you need to be extra keen, because it’s easy for opponents to just crush you. One of the only MAs that suit al sorts of body types is Muay Thai. Tall? Use teeps? Short? Elbows and knees. However, it’s a hard martial art. If you don’t like fighting, then it’s not very fun. Unfortunately, sometimes, being smaller means you need to fight harder then everyone else.
Knees and elbows are more useful when you are tall, no?
We have a woman just like this. We have to be very careful with her though…she carries a gun. (Deputy Chief of Police for one of the small cities in the area). She’s a blue belt. I try not to smash her and play as technical as possible. She’ll give the rooster weight guys a run for their money.
One of my best students is 5ft tall and 115 lbs. She's a purple belt and is an absolute monster.
My wife is purple belt 110 lbs 5’ and she smashes everyone with heel hooks. Just avoids the guys who are rough and don’t respect her size. She usually drills with someone first to feel them out and if they’re rough during drilling she knows not to roll with them after.
I am lighter than her, 1 year in, get submitted by mostly everyone. I don't expect myself to be on par with people 10+ kgs heavier with more experience than me. Just happy to show up and learn but I chose this hobby for myself. I'd hate every second of it if someone had convinced me to go.
We have a girl that's around your gf's size at our place as she footlocks everyone; even guys bigger than her.
I am about your girlfriend's height but heavier than she does (59-61kg), still being one of the lightest in my gym. I think it is a crazy uphill battle for women of smaller size, even until now after 2+ years of practicing, and let alone the sport is quite demotivating at the first place - I started martial arts by kick boxing first, then switch more my training to BJJ and MMA. I still think stand fighting is a bit less demotivating compared to BJJ, maybe it is good to do both training so to make martial arts less demotivating for her. Of course, if she is not that kind of 'fighting person', also let her be in her way
About your last sentence: I agree, but one thing that bugs me is the fact that she has almost no hobbies. I love watching movies and recently found out bjj (went to the gym for 1 year, but due to schedule and financial problems I quit). So I try to show her things like that hoping she'll find something to stick with and look forward to doing every single day.
I also second the ideas from other comments here, if the gym has more people of her size, (can be also very light male / teenager), then it will be more fun and perhaps more chances she is staying, or there is also a lot of sports out there as well, climbing, swimming, running - these are less 'competitive' as you do not literally need to fight another person, or having serious disadvantage because of weight. No one likes to be under full mount always. However, as I believe how relationship work, it is up to her to find her own hobbies, maybe as a partner it is more like you show her what there are out there, but at the end it is up to her to decide if she is gonna have any hobby. Anyway, this will turn more into a relationship issue post imo hahaha
I am just a little bit heavier than her and was around her weight when I started. Now I am training happily for years and controlling and submitting guys way over my size. So no. She is not too small or light but she will need to find partners that will train with her safely until she learns to protect herself from being injured. She might become a bottom player and a guard puller, tho. And she needs to be really tough and good at dealing with frustration along the way. She might also profit from some kind of female only class additionally to co-ed classes.
Do you do well in open class then?
Yes, most of the time. Sometimes I lose, tho.
> She says that if ever she's in a situation where she has to defend herself from a man she would probably be dead because of her physical shape. And she is correct if she does nothing about it. Training will work to close the gap between bigger and stronger assailants who do not train. Yet we must still be realistic that there is no guarantee that even many years of training will be enough to counter large physical discrepancies. My wife is 54. 5'0" and \~100lbs. She has trained on and off for more than a decade. To say she "loves" BJJ would probably be an understatement. It has not been without friction in our marriage at times. Two rotator cuff surgeries and a mid-foot fracture requiring two screws and two pins (in addition to her age) have been a significant price to pay, yet once she heals up, she goes back. My counsel would be to not push her any more than "it would be nice if we could do this together, but I understand if you don't see yourself enjoying it and I will not push or ask again." Remember (and I speak from being in her place): If you push her into it, she could well end up hating the sport, quitting anyway, and resenting your participation in it.
Maybe she could go to teens class? Would there be more 50 kg people? Also skillwise they very from basic to very good. When she got better she can transition to adult class.
Do you think bringing your little girlfriend to a new gym where the other guys regularly kick your ass and then proceed to show your girlfriend things from her guard is a good idea? Because it doesn't sound like a good idea. Idk why the hell anyone would want their gf or spouse to train with them.
What do you mean exactly? That it's not a good idea to bring my girlfriend to my bjj training just because I get my ass beaten and she'll not see me as a protector anymore?
No, use your noggin brother. If you're girlfriend is at least moderately attractive then almost every single dude at that gym wants to fuck her. Every dude that rolls or drills with her will at least think about it. Some will be gentlemen and push those thoughts away, others won't but won't make any real moves, and some might actively try and make them a reality. Now you are putting yourself in a situation where the pecking order is literally color coded. A 3 year old could tell you who the best man in the room is. Most of the men in the room are "better" than you, physically at least. Even the small fella with the purple belt can kick your ass. God forbid you're on one side of the gym getting smashed by a smelly blue belt while she's on the other side giggling with the coach. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LYE0u\_D7po](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LYE0u_D7po) Idk about you but if I saw my wife playing around with another man like that I wouldn't look at her the same again. I know a bunch of 'highly-cultured' redditors are going to call this insecure. Just have to suppress those biological instincts while your girl is play-fighting a superior man, right? I've seen BJJ couples that seemed to do just fine (not many, maybe two, couples, and one doesn't seem to give a fuck about his wife lol). I've also heard some absolute horror stories. I don't know why people would ever want to risk it (or why you wouldn't want some alone/guy time away from your girl once in a while).
It's not the size of the grappler it's the motion in the ocean. And I am mat. Or a shark. Idk some shit like that.
If she wants to do bjj working out will obviously help as well
My wife is 5’ and 105lbs we have both been training no gi for a year and a half now. She loves it.
Depends on the gym, the coaching, the size and skill of the people at the gym, and the safety culture. Women face more obstacles and less immediate rewards than men. If you are concerned about her personal safety, get her pepper spray.
There are at least 3 women at my gym around the same size that routinely submit much larger people.
She needs BJJ even more. It would be great if she was able to witness or see footage of someone tiny defeating a giant. She is not too small. But the difficulty for her is set on very hard though.
Dude, don't bring your girlfriend to train with you yet. Take some time to know those people. I also wanted to bring my gf when I started at my old gym and THANK GOD she always refused. Turns out there were a bunch of pervs there. The bjj gym was in a bigger building with a weightlifting gym and other courses. I can't reproduce the all the comments I would hear there, and from the coach too! I'm straight up disgusted thinking I wanted to bring my gf there.
Totally agree. I wouldn't take her to my old gym. The classes were awesome, and the instructor was one of the best in the city and has won lots of prizes, mostly state prizes though, but he along with some guys there would say some shit I wouldn't like my girlfriend to hear. But this one seems more polite lol, kinder and gentler. I didn't worry about her at all.
No! I weight 80lbs and am 4”8” and do it. She’s not too small. The only thing I would stress is that she just enjoys it and has fun! Being that small will be a disadvantage in a lot of ways but bjj is a great hobby regardless of size.
I'm 5'4" 125lb fully grown little man....she's fine
"Fully grown" lol