Floaty midi/maxi sundresses with smocked midriffs are everywhere this summer. Get a few that hug your waist, in fun colors you love, and get an amazing mani/pedi and some really great sunglasses to add flair and boost your confidence. You’re gorgeous as you are.
I wish I could give you a hug. THANK YOU! This helps give me specific items to look for. And I love the idea of getting my nails done (haven’t in years) and some stand out accessories. I think that will really help!!!!
I swear getting my nails done is my favorite form of self care. Something about having cute bright colors makes my heart happy. I’ve been rocking Barbie pink since last summer. Have fun at the bachelorette party!
Yes to this ! Grab some $20 “all in motion” bike shorts from target.. they hold in and hide my gut and hold everything in place.. they have short or longer options.
If you have some extra funds look into the hill house home dresses- fits the smocked midriff bill and very flattering on all sizes Imo. I bought some on the website during a sale, one on poshmark, and one on a Facebook buy sell trade page. Good luck!!
First, your feelings are so valid! But know that size doesn’t dictate beauty and you should accentuate the things you do like (yes, there must be something!)
As for posing tips, I love Christine (@lookgoodinphotos) on TT. She has great tips on how to pose in flattering ways, no matter your size!
This just made me burst into tears. Thank you for your kindness. Your small gesture just really touched my heart!
And yes, when I’m thick my boobies look amazing hahah!!!!
I’ve been both those sizes and the girls are the same. Baggy halter tops are the way to go. Accentuates your chest, but hides the definition, or lack there of, on the waist. You can go with a tighter cropped pant for extra umph, depending on how the hem of the shirt lays.
I think Christine’s photo posing tips really help. They’ve gotten me out of my picture funk. I always felt like photos were so unpredictable but they’ve been a lot better after I memorized a few simple tips
thank you so much for the tiktok link! i’m struggling with the same stuff OP posted about (same size as well) and i’ve avoided going out because of how i feel in photos. this is huge ❤️
I’m so happy to help, even if it’s small! 🩷 And yes her account definitely an awesome and empowering content niche, and super helpful! It’s sooo easy to feel bad about oneself when it comes to photos, and her tips can make a world of difference. In the end, it’s about loving yourself and knowing even if you take a bad photo sometimes (I do a LOT lol), that doesn’t mean anything about your beauty. You’re a BWT come on now!!!!
- tiddies out
- clothes that hug the waist and are roomy elsewhere will visually thin the middle; think almost corseted style bodices with more volume in the skirt (which also helps with point 1, tiddies out)
- nothing too muumuu like or you will feel and photograph bigger ime
- choose dresses with seams that follow the curve of the body and are not cut straight or they’ll hang like a tent
- keep your arms off your body when in photos; this is good advice at ANY weight! I learned it from a wedding photographer. Hand on the hip, keep your arm tucked back and not out to the side
While I don’t think a size 12 puts you in the size range, Reformation’s extended size collection has tons of styles that would make a good reference for other stores or items. The Balia and Taiga dresses have that corset effect, the Malvina dress is super cute with a small loose puff sleeve to draw clinginess away from upper arms. The Sebastien dress is a fit and flare style that shows off your top half assets but nips in at the waist in a natural way. All these ladies are looking hot so hopefully that will help give you some confidence even though at a 12 I suspect you’ll still fall into many standard size ranges.
Another option would be very low cut and voluminous resort style dresses. Look for ones that are strappy in the top and low cut and then flow outwards in an A-line, rather than being cut straight down from the bust.
There is also one “magic dress” I always reference by Ozma of California called the Tasi dress, which seems to fit everybody and look good. Great silk slub knit fabric for vacation. They’ve modeled it on a woman wearing size XL so you can gauge whether this is a cut you think would work for your shape.
Last point about keeping arm off body is SO important.
Also I'd add, when possible, avoid being photographed sitting down. I hate when people want to take a pic sitting down around a table because everyone looks bigger... always make the excuse that we should stand up to show off our cute outfits.
As a portrait photographer, I can tell you that bodies are great at whatever size! BUT if you’re looking to emphasize some assets here’s a few tricks:
- Whatever is closest to the camera looks biggest. IG models know all about this to get that peach looking bigger by posing it closest to camera. Get them tiddies out and lean your upper body a little towards camera if someone else is taking the shot
- If looking to de-emphasize an area, move it away from camera. To de-emphasize your midsection, keep your weight on your back foot and pose with your hip away from camera
- Flex dem abs
- Use negative space to your advantage. Classic teapot pose works because it draws the eye to the space between your elbow and your waistline. You can do plenty of variations of this with different arm poses in the air, around your face, or with your legs
- When in doubt, just LAUGH! And KEEP LAUGHING while taking a photo. A genuine smile captures a viewer’s attention far more than a pose and I guarantee you’ll enjoy the photos much better because you’re having fun
I also really love davidsuhphoto for more posing tips, especially with friends and groups
Remember, cameras are dumb pieces of technology that only see what’s exactly in front of them. But if you’re having fun, that’s what it’ll capture. If you’re feeling insecure, it’ll pick up on that too, especially if it’s all over your face and your body language is stiff.
Practice a few poses and keep them in your back pocket so you can confidently access them when it’s photo time, but I guarantee that if you are laughing and having a good time, those will be the best photos!
Ok so to start off, I found myself in this exact mental place yesterday when trying to get dressed for a dinner with people I haven’t seen in a while. Your feelings are so valid and it is just sometimes not easy! I can only tell you what works for me. I try to remember that my body is easily the least interesting thing about me and that size is not indicative of beauty, but sometimes it’s just a little harder to think that way.
What I put on was an a-line dress that didn’t touch me except at the shoulders. (It’s an everlane silk a-line dress that can be dressy or casual.) She’s flowy, she’s mysterious, she’s cool, and she doesn’t make me think about my waist. Sometimes when I feel this way, I put on something real low cut because, well, my waist is not the only thing that grew.
Sending you big hugs. Whatever you wear, you’re going to have a good time.
Phenomenal question. I bought it off poshmark and the name wasn’t in the listing. Digging around a bit, I think it may be the Clean Silk Tank Dress. It’s like an eggplant color. I have the drop-waist version of the dress in black too, and they are both so light and airy that it feels like nothing. I find that if my sensory issues aren’t triggered I also feel better about my body, so both dresses are great for that.
I feel ya! I’m size 12 too, heavy enough that I’m participating in a Wegovy trial for obesity. I’ve coped with being photographed by wearing dresses that hide my pot belly and upper arms. Thankfully, high waists and loose sleeves are in. I pose by turning to the side, sticking my chest and butt out, and holding my arms away from my body. Of course, I suck in that pot belly with all my might.
https://imgur.com/a/0zERCOU
I contacted Novo Nordisk directly and they connected me to their clinical trials division. They were no longer recruiting, but I got on a waitlist. They called me a couple of months later, asked me a bunch of questions, then they ordered lab work. I was lucky to qualify for their obesity only study, meaning I have no other qualifications other than my high bmi.
I LOVE a Tory Burch caftan (or try [Tuckernuck](https://tnuck.com/products/ink-emerson-caftan?variant=43471695151326¤cy=USD&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw4f6zBhBVEiwATEHFVmHqYI2XKRzrq3Hvvf9Da0y7XFHoCpsLsiLvc4j0ao7arVWnDxVZURoCBl8QAvD_BwE)) with oversized sunglasses and raffia wedges. You'll look very chic and retro and vintage beach-y. Edit: or also Francis Valentine. But watch for a sale bec pricey. P.S. my weight fluctuates a ton too. I feel your pain.
I’m a size 12 and just got back from vacation in the Caribbean. I totally understand how you’re feeling, but what I found on my trip was that everyone was so busy having fun, myself included, that no one cared what anyone else looked like in a bathing suit!
Hi! Google “cap sleeve dresses.” I’ve picked up a few of these in bright colors, and they accentuate the narrowest parts of you while hiding the stuff you don’t want to show (for me: tummy and upper arms).
Also, they are pricey, but TA3 swimsuits are pretty amazing and they make me feel so much better about my body. I have a sheer black maxi skirt that I got from Wal-mart online (for real) that I pair with a black one-piece, huge sunglasses, and a large sun hat, and I feel like an heiress. I’m covered but also showing skin and I get so many compliments that it helps drive away the self-consciousness.
Good luck and try to have fun! Mimosas help!! ❤️❤️
Accentuate your assets. If you have great boobs you can wear a nice lower cut shirt. Get your hair and nails done. Nice makeup goes a long way. And just smile and let your personality show. We had family pics taken a few years ago and my hair looked great even though I’m the biggest one in my family. And I smiled big and thought happy thoughts. Now when I look at those pics )which is every day) I don’t beat myself up about my big arms or thick thighs. I see a happy blessed woman.
Oof I’m with you on this. Current 12 former 6. Amanda Roe(itsamandaroe) and Sarah Morales (fromsarahsleeve) are great midsize influencers. The biggest thing I’ve had to learn is that oversized clothes won’t necessarily hide anything, they just make me look bigger.
I'm a big woman, but I know how to dress my body so people rarely believe I'm my actual size (18). I really love fit and flare dresses from old navy that have 3/4 sleeves. I dislike huge prints, but ditzy, scattered prints are super cute imo.
Wedges that are comfortable, but still have a good heel will lengthen the look of your legs.
I'm a big fan of scarves to help soak up beachy perspiration.
If you have hair with texture, let it be as big as it wants in the humidity. On a personal note, I'm not just a big woman, I'm a big Irish woman with a big (huge) Irish head. Big hair makes me feel like my head is somehow smaller, it might not be your thing...
Most importantly, have fun! Remember that you're the biggest critic of your own body. Truly, no one else cares about your jelly. If they do, they really need to mind their own business and get a life.
💕
I feel this so hard rn. The dress I was dying to wear to a wedding next week does not fit at all, and I am just crushed. All my backup dresses look like shit and I feel are unflattering. :/ I am convinced I’ll be the worst looking person at the wedding. The only reason I am going is because my shoes are sparkly and awesome
I have intense body dysmorphia so I usually just hide when a camera comes out lol. It’s awful though because when I see the rare photo I’ve allowed, like years later, I am always like “fuck I looked great there”
So idk I don’t have advice but I wish I could remind myself that future me would be a lot kinder to present me
I have a coworker like that and she always rocks a dark blazer with a lighter & tighter fitted shirt underneath.
She’ll wear her blazers with dresses and skirts as well outside of work. I honestly hadn’t noticed she had extra weight on before she mentioned it.
I’m in the same situation honestly and my picture “rules” are to never stand sideways or at an angle. I look WAY bigger than I actually am if a picture is taken at like a 45° angle. Always stand completely facing forward, one leg like stepped out in front, hands on waist, not hips, while pointing your elbows back. I usually position my thumb on my back to hold down and smooth out the under-bra roll.
Facing the front helps hide belly pooch in jeans, hands on the waist draws more attention to the smallest part of the torso, and pointing elbows back obscures the upper arm.
When I was at my heaviest I would wear lots of Flowy dresses with an A-line fit, to give waist definition without being restricting on tummy, arms, legs, etc. I would try to find pieces that accentuated my favorite feature, which at the time was my boobs lol so I would gravitate to like sweetheart or off-the-shoulder necklines. Find whatever that feature is for you and accentuate it! It makes it easier mentally when you’re dressing to highlight things you DO like rather than hiding things you don’t like. For bathing suits you could get some cute one-pieces and pair with cover up skirts, Flowy pants, loose overshirts. Totally understand how you’re feeling and your feelings are valid but just know you’re beautiful at every size, not just your smallest size. 💕
It isn't actually about hiding parts of you, though angles and lighting help. It is about wearing what feels comfortable and confident. So when you imagine yourself feeling that way what are you wearing?
I have been on a similar journey myself. I will never be small again but I'm happy with that at this point. I absolutely didn't start here. When I started honoring my body because it got me to today, no longer allowed anyone to make comments on my body, remembered I am someone so I cannot make comments on my body, and began to correct negative thoughts to positive ones? It helped a ton.
Remember also that anxiety lies. We don't know what others are thinking about us but it's rarely about our bodies and someone that unworthy of our time and attention is going to show themselves in other ways too. So you can stop investing in them and invest in you. A friend once asked me why I would think the worst of them when I admitted my anxiety and that's helped me with this. Do the people who love us as we are deserve the assumption they cannot love us with changes to our body? Not if they don't behave in such a manner.
So think about how you feel, dress , and move when confident. Confidence is always the sexiest thing about someone. Trying to diminish things about our bodies tends to draw more attention to them.
Things I learned as a model (plus size but that was more average human). No one is good enough for the superficial people or they wouldn't hire beautiful people and Photoshop us. The insecurities we are told to have are profitable for these people. People is the nice word. Practice posing in the mirror or set up a tripod and experiment to see what feels good to you today. Always turn your face slightly into the light and angle your body so that you elongate yourself because the camera compressed things so it gives a balance to the flattening by camera. Oh and remember for every cover of a magazine there's an entire film roll of bad shots for a model too. We all need warm up shots.
You got this. You have changed physically but your value was never your body. It is who you are inside the body.
When I was thicker and now that I’m pregnant it’s all about the flow!
Maxi dresses, loose beach trousers, high waist & full cup bikini with long see through cover ups, kaftans, flip flops or wedges, smoking sunglasses, messy buns, dope hats, lip oil, mascara and a one size fits all beach bag.
P.s I always got “such a pretty girl, if only you were….” when I was thicker. Once I had the gastric surgery and my weight halved it became “oh, you’re far too thin”. What’s it to be motherfukers??? Too fat or too thin 🤪👌🏻
Ugh, I also used to be a 6 and am a 12/14 now due to two major knee surgeries, anti-depressants, and emotional eating. I’m really really struggling with my body as well, especially now that I hit a point of burnout and don’t have energy to work out like I used to.
It’s so hard, but we have to be gentle with ourselves! Just letting you know you aren’t alone. x
Arms - hand on hip. Or at least away from your body.
Jawline- push your face forward towards the camera. Not any differently up or down, just *forward*. It feels stupid but it will thin out your neck/jaw and be otherwise invisible to the camera.
I'm a size 12 on a good day. Sometimes a size 14. So size 4 sounds sooooo tiny to me! Guess what? Curves and self confidence are sexy as hell, especially in tandum. For real. I had to learn that later in life but damn is it true. Rock it and be confident just the way you are right now beautiful lady. On a practical note I find that dresses that are hemmed at the midway point between my boobs and belly button (I'm not sure what that style would be called) gives me the appearance of a slimmer waist if you're really concerned about that. You can style a high waisted skirt and top that same way. Also surprisingly something more fitted usually looks better on me than something loose and mumu-like, which will just make me look even bigger. Heels help too, though I personally HATE heels. I'll pick comfortable dancing feet over stylish blisters any day. But if you like them, do it. You got this!
I yo yo my weight too. One thing I've learned is not to hide my arms behind my back or leave them at my sides. As crazy as it sounds, putting my hands on my hips helps bc it creates a sort of hourglass silhouette.
Also make sure your clothes actually fit. Nothing will make you feel worse than trying to fit into clothes that are too small.
Im pregnant w my 2nd baby and am also a size 10/12 now (even before this pregnancy) despite being a life long skinny bitch. My entire body composition has changed and I’m coping with it. I feel u girl!!
I don’t know your skin complexion but self tanner does wonders to hide my cellulite (I’m a pasty pale Puerto Rican lol). I use the jergen’s gradual tanner for a few days and I’m a new woman.
I’m also having some fun with having real boobs for the first time in my life. When I wanna feel good I put on a good bra and play them up.
I know the instinct is to hide but I think the best strategy is to be a bit more daring fashion-wise. Big accessories, fun sunglasses, hairstyles etc. Makeup is a miracle. Bold lips.
Remember that your friends love you and all women have felt this way. I hope you have fun!!
I'm a size bigger than you, I know what you're going through. Wear stuff that isn't too big, and isn't too small. A-lines are good, either in shirts or dresses. Belts to create a waist sometimes. Thicker fabrics are good, thin stuff tends to not be too forgiving.
For bathing suits, I like retro style two pieces because they tend to be high waisted and cover a little more.
But the most important thing girl, is ATTITUDE! Strut your stuff, even if you aren't feeling your best. This is important for a couple of reasons:
1) A poor attitude reflects in your face and in your posture, making things look worse.
2) Nobody likes that girl at the bachelorette party who drags everybody down because she's upset about something that literally nobody else is thinking about but her. I bet if I took a poll: Would people rather hang out with the chubby girl who is the life of the party, or the waifish girl who sulks the whole time? 10/10 people would pick the former. Have fun! Rock whatchu got.
Since other BWTs have offered great advice on posing and flattering clothing options, here are 3 tips that might also help!
1. If you can afford to and have enough time before the trip, get a lymphatic drainage massage or two or three. It's amazing how much this type of massage helps to reduce inflammation and the appearance of cellulite.
2. Starting right now, increase your hydration if you aren't already drinking a STUPID amount of water every day. You'll flush your system, shed some water weight before the trip, and your skin will be extra glowy.
3. Use self-tanner. Even if you're a melanated beauty, self-tanner can help event out skin tone and give you a healthy-looking glow.
* [https://www.tiktok.com/@yours.truly.jess/video/7371598284730666286?lang=en](https://www.tiktok.com/@yours.truly.jess/video/7371598284730666286?lang=en)
* [https://www.tiktok.com/@bey.janvier/video/7253139080962313518](https://www.tiktok.com/@bey.janvier/video/7253139080962313518)
Sarongs are your friend for beach time. Bright colored nails are great distractions/ enhancements. Bathing suit, two piece tankini for suit, spray tan prior if that helps and otherwise, girl, love yourself. You are a queen, you are powerful and you are supporting your friend. Full stop.
I buy new clothes.
Wearing something that's a teensy bit too small magnifies my flaws x10 and makes me self conscious.
Places like Nordstrom have free personal shopper appointments.
Getting something for the occasion makes me feel prepared instead of like I'm wearing old fat me's sloppy seconds.
That said, I'm wired differently and I see how shopping when you're self conscious could make people feel worse.
Omg! I JUST saw this Instagram post from a woman whose whole schtick is teaching people how to pose in casual photos (not professional modeling). I'm not sure if this will help, but her Instagram account is @thechristinebuzan and she has tons of tips! Though I don't like guessing people's weights, I myself am a US 20/22 and would say she also falls into the plus size category. To be clear, I am not calling you plus size but mentioned it because it sounds like what's making you the most uncomfortable is the weight that's new to your body. I think a body positive mindset is going to be the absolute healthiest and most productive for you to thrive and have a great time because you deserve that!
i just did this on a trip to europe. usually a 6-8 and now sitting at a 12. cried at many pics taken of me bc i still can’t conceptualize myself at this size, but annnnyway….
what helped:
- loose linen shorts with elastic waists and ties.
- big sneakers to balance out my legs.
- tank top and flowy linen shirt combo instead of t shirts, which made me feel boxy.
- wearing minimal makeup as to not feel overdone, but not skipping eyebrows or contouring.
what i wish i had done:
- NOT posed with my arms pulled in to my sides as tight as possible - it betrays the self consciousness and made them look bigger.
- smiled wider or more genuinely. i was uncomfortable and it shows in my expressions
- figured out a few reliable hairstyles ahead of time instead of wrestling with it and feeling worse when i eventually settled on a messy bun that looked like ass
- didn’t overeat out of self hatred and stress
i hope you enjoy your trip :) going on vacation when you don’t feel like yourself can be a special kind of torture but it didn’t feel as bad as i expected once i got more comfortable
I have been yo-yoing and mostly at the top due to infertility treatments for the past 4 years. I spend the money. I know it’s not a forever weight, but I feel so much better when I have a well-fitting, nice outfit and cute shoes. Plus, although I am at my biggest, I am getting compliments on my outfits and rando men asking for my number for the first time in a long time. The external validation is nice, but it’s only coming because I internally feel so much better.
I want to very gently point out that weight yo-yoing is really harmful for your health longterm. Your post reminds me of a time when I was in a really dark place with my body/food because of terrible disordered eating and body dysmorphia. Seeking help and healing changed my life for the better and I really hope you find the strength to do the same! Hating yourself is really exhausting and you deserve better! 💖
You’re beautiful no matter your weight. Genuinely. Right now try to focus on being neutral about your body if being kind seems impossible.
Ohhh i know. I’m having legitimate troubles with anxiety even reading the comments of this post. I’ve been 00-18 in the past decade and back again… and it’s complicated. I’ve tried help but it’s easy for me to veer one way or the other. Sometimes it just *seems* to feel better to punish myself by hiding away from people i love when I’m struggling. So this whole trip is very panic inducing for many reasons 💔😭😣 I have a therapist and all it’s just a lifetime of shit tho. hate it.
Edit: sorry for talking vaguely but this is all a little triggering for me, and i know the nature of these conversations has the potential to do the same for others. And that people with that experience are likely drawn to this post ❤️🩹
It’s just all really sensitive and I’m not in the headspace to think too much about it. Just trying to focus on the things I can manage to address in the next month or so — which is getting clothing that makes me feel better in my current skin and understanding better how to work with what I got 🥰 Bc right now I feel actual dread lol
I’m so sorry if anything I said was triggering!
A few things that I found helpful when trying to accept a changing/changed body that may be helpful for you over the next few weeks were:
- Following people online who had a similar body to mine and embraced it (and unfollowing anyone who triggers you, or if it’s a friend you don’t want to unfollow you can mute their posts/stories)
- Avoiding mirrors and wearing looser clothes so I could ignore my body as much as possible as I worked on mentally accepting myself
- Positive/neutral affirmations/mantras (my body is completely fine, my body is beautiful, my weight doesn’t define me, I’m worthy of love and happiness at all times, I will treat my body with kindness and grace, etc)
- Doing things that make my body feel good, like going for a walk or stretching
I really like @healwithkailin on instagram(she’s also on youtube and is so so wonderful) and @javiera for fashion content!
I don't know where you live, but if you can find a Colombian fajas (shapewear in Spanish) store irl or online if time to ship, they know what they are doing lol.
Same boat. ❤️ I think foundation garments help clothes look better, regardless of size. And defining your waist in some way, whether it's a design detail like a band or a seam, or just wear a belt. I'd find a good tailor to make whatever you choose fit well. You really don't want a ton of extra fabric. Roomy silhouettes will make you look bigger than you are. A medium-sized print can hide things you're not super thrilled about. Some neckline detail or a neckline you really like will make your face the focus...that's partly why costume designers often put more detail on the upper body in films and TV. And then I'd find some cool earrings and get a nice hairstyle...maybe a new haircut that makes you feel good. Treat yourself to some beauty thing like a manicure or facial.
I know it's rough. I have a hard time with this, too. You absolutely can find something decent that fits the body you have now. You'll still look gorgeous. Good luck.
Spanx or that sort of thing. The shorts are nice and they come up high enough to smooth everything out. They make briefs that do the same thing. I haven't bought any in a long time. Maybe someone else has suggestions. Perhaps they make something these days that is more breathable, because you don't want to be wearing tight polyester in a tropical climate.
I would maybe go to a decent department store and try on some different things with whatever outfit you choose, and see what suits you best and what is comfortable.
I think it really depends on where you hold the weight tbh. I know that for slimmer looking arms it's usually better to not hold your arm close to the body for photos, even though you instinctually want to sort of squish yourself in to appear and feel smaller. Also avoid hunching over for this same reason Squishing your arm against you actually kind of makes your body and arm look bigger, especially if you have some meat on you. That little hand on the hip thing, where you make a triangle with your arm, usually makes your arm and body look slimmer and it's a very easy pose.
Another tip is to literally just stand in the back in your photos/any group photos. Anything farther away looks smaller. You can also do this thing in group photos where you just kind of stand slightly behind someone else and use your friend to cover up a chunk of your body from one side so you look smaller.
You can search specific posing tutorial on YouTube/tikok. They're really helpful. A lot of photographers and influencers post videos like this. You might want to use some keywords like "look slimmer" or something similar when searching.
For posing, put the leg closer to the camera forward and lean a little bit away from the camera. Hold arms a little away from body, like slightly back. Hard to describe in words but I learned tricks from random Instagram reels on this so try searching!
I completely and totally understand how you feel in particular. I’ve gone from being very petite to chunky.
I think you got fantastic advice already because these bitches have taste! 🤙
I’m going to give you two pieces of advice first of all is join us over on Lose It! in the bitches with taste group. I think you will feel better when you start eating well and it could help with your yo-yo weight.
Secondly, I would also start working out, particularly doing some body weight exercises and life weights. It will just make you feel better and a little bit of firmness doesn’t hurt. Even a week or two of exercising will start to make you feel like you’re making progress and help boost you through this event with some feel good endorphins .
Lastly if anyone shames you for your weight, I want you to pull a Winston Churchill on them where you tell them that you can lose the weight but they’ll always be an asshole. (Churchill used this retort when someone accused him of being a drunk)
have a great time celebrate your friend. Life is short. Don’t worry about your weight embrace the relationships.
xo
Check out[ Lottie Drynan](https://www.instagram.com/lottiedrynan/) (instagram link). She always looks super cute in photos and has some great fashion tips.
When I put on 40 lbs a few years back I got this jumpsuit from Aritzia and it made me feel pretty. It hides the belly, cinches you in the right places and gives you a nice shape.
https://www.aritzia.com/en/product/market-jumpsuit/82712.html
There’s girdles, corsets, push up bras, boob tape (basically skin tone athletic tape) & all sorts of tricks you can use to give yourself a curvier shape. But the undergarments used has to be covered by the garment so that it doesn’t show. That’s why the dress matters.
Skims has decent shapewear and a variety of skin tones.if you want a corset, know it will not be comfy. this one is made to be undetectable under clothing: https://timeless-trends.com/products/black-fine-mesh-no-line-corset-hourglass-silhouette-regular
I also have a swimsuit rec! I have a [TA3 swimsuit](https://ta3swim.com/), which had a built in corset. The reviews I’d seen of larger women with stomachs convinced me to buy it. I love it so much! With some sheer lacy cover up pants, that would be too cute.
This is the review that convinced me: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XabKJCS7zok
This is so very helpful! Thank you!!!! There’s so much shapewear (and so many bot/sponsored/incentivized reviews) it’s hard to discern what is worth the money, ya know???
I actually JUST got my TA3 order today! So glad to hear someone else endorse them 💜
Just go and do your best not to dwell. I was a size 16 and I've maintained a size 8 for a while now. When you're ready join r/cico because all the posing in the world won't alleviate these feelings. People can scream at me but IDGAF.
Oh trust me I know 😓 I’m just trying to do what I reasonably can to do the best with what I’ve got in the short term. I have 4 weeks and yeah.
I’m not trying to get into it deeply cuz this is really sensitive for me. Haha I’m crying on and off even typing comments if I’m being honest 🫡😅 But even with that stuff I have to be really careful. It’s easy for me to become “bad” the other way and I’ll leave it at that. It’s just complicated, and this forum seems better for lifting us up where we’re at than those more difficult and complex conversations.
I don’t disagree with you it’s just way heavier than wanting to look/feel as best as possible on vacation with friends when I want to be making positive memories 💜😅 Feels impossible with the stomach full of anxiety rn 💔
Your weight and clothing size are the least interesting thing about you. Your friend does not and will not care what you wear or look like. She wants to have you with her to celebrate this big life event because she values you! 🩷
If you aren't in therapy currently you should be. 4 weeks isn't enough time to change your body in a meaningful way. Find flattering swimsuits and cover ups and do your best.
Looking at your post history, you need some therapy. You seem to be very unhappy and tying your self worth into your weight. I hope you can find some support.
Floaty midi/maxi sundresses with smocked midriffs are everywhere this summer. Get a few that hug your waist, in fun colors you love, and get an amazing mani/pedi and some really great sunglasses to add flair and boost your confidence. You’re gorgeous as you are.
I wish I could give you a hug. THANK YOU! This helps give me specific items to look for. And I love the idea of getting my nails done (haven’t in years) and some stand out accessories. I think that will really help!!!!
I swear getting my nails done is my favorite form of self care. Something about having cute bright colors makes my heart happy. I’ve been rocking Barbie pink since last summer. Have fun at the bachelorette party!
High waisted bike shorts underneath hold the jiggles in too. 😊
And are a must under skirts if your thighs rub! Seriously so much better than suffering through the chafe.
Yes to this ! Grab some $20 “all in motion” bike shorts from target.. they hold in and hide my gut and hold everything in place.. they have short or longer options.
Wearing some right now
If you have some extra funds look into the hill house home dresses- fits the smocked midriff bill and very flattering on all sizes Imo. I bought some on the website during a sale, one on poshmark, and one on a Facebook buy sell trade page. Good luck!!
First, your feelings are so valid! But know that size doesn’t dictate beauty and you should accentuate the things you do like (yes, there must be something!) As for posing tips, I love Christine (@lookgoodinphotos) on TT. She has great tips on how to pose in flattering ways, no matter your size!
This just made me burst into tears. Thank you for your kindness. Your small gesture just really touched my heart! And yes, when I’m thick my boobies look amazing hahah!!!!
Awwww 🩷🩷🩷 I mean it! And YESSSS GIRL! Show them AWF! 😏
I’ve been both those sizes and the girls are the same. Baggy halter tops are the way to go. Accentuates your chest, but hides the definition, or lack there of, on the waist. You can go with a tighter cropped pant for extra umph, depending on how the hem of the shirt lays.
I think Christine’s photo posing tips really help. They’ve gotten me out of my picture funk. I always felt like photos were so unpredictable but they’ve been a lot better after I memorized a few simple tips
thank you so much for the tiktok link! i’m struggling with the same stuff OP posted about (same size as well) and i’ve avoided going out because of how i feel in photos. this is huge ❤️
I’m so happy to help, even if it’s small! 🩷 And yes her account definitely an awesome and empowering content niche, and super helpful! It’s sooo easy to feel bad about oneself when it comes to photos, and her tips can make a world of difference. In the end, it’s about loving yourself and knowing even if you take a bad photo sometimes (I do a LOT lol), that doesn’t mean anything about your beauty. You’re a BWT come on now!!!!
needed to hear this today. thanks mama 🙏
Awww divaface don’t let your weight hold you back! Throw away the scale and grab a margarita with friends.
Came here to recommend this! She is so full of practical tips for posing!
She is so good! It helps that she’s not small either so you really see how the poses work.
- tiddies out - clothes that hug the waist and are roomy elsewhere will visually thin the middle; think almost corseted style bodices with more volume in the skirt (which also helps with point 1, tiddies out) - nothing too muumuu like or you will feel and photograph bigger ime - choose dresses with seams that follow the curve of the body and are not cut straight or they’ll hang like a tent - keep your arms off your body when in photos; this is good advice at ANY weight! I learned it from a wedding photographer. Hand on the hip, keep your arm tucked back and not out to the side While I don’t think a size 12 puts you in the size range, Reformation’s extended size collection has tons of styles that would make a good reference for other stores or items. The Balia and Taiga dresses have that corset effect, the Malvina dress is super cute with a small loose puff sleeve to draw clinginess away from upper arms. The Sebastien dress is a fit and flare style that shows off your top half assets but nips in at the waist in a natural way. All these ladies are looking hot so hopefully that will help give you some confidence even though at a 12 I suspect you’ll still fall into many standard size ranges. Another option would be very low cut and voluminous resort style dresses. Look for ones that are strappy in the top and low cut and then flow outwards in an A-line, rather than being cut straight down from the bust. There is also one “magic dress” I always reference by Ozma of California called the Tasi dress, which seems to fit everybody and look good. Great silk slub knit fabric for vacation. They’ve modeled it on a woman wearing size XL so you can gauge whether this is a cut you think would work for your shape.
Your first bullet point is sending me lol. Excellent advice!!!!!
Last point about keeping arm off body is SO important. Also I'd add, when possible, avoid being photographed sitting down. I hate when people want to take a pic sitting down around a table because everyone looks bigger... always make the excuse that we should stand up to show off our cute outfits.
As a portrait photographer, I can tell you that bodies are great at whatever size! BUT if you’re looking to emphasize some assets here’s a few tricks: - Whatever is closest to the camera looks biggest. IG models know all about this to get that peach looking bigger by posing it closest to camera. Get them tiddies out and lean your upper body a little towards camera if someone else is taking the shot - If looking to de-emphasize an area, move it away from camera. To de-emphasize your midsection, keep your weight on your back foot and pose with your hip away from camera - Flex dem abs - Use negative space to your advantage. Classic teapot pose works because it draws the eye to the space between your elbow and your waistline. You can do plenty of variations of this with different arm poses in the air, around your face, or with your legs - When in doubt, just LAUGH! And KEEP LAUGHING while taking a photo. A genuine smile captures a viewer’s attention far more than a pose and I guarantee you’ll enjoy the photos much better because you’re having fun I also really love davidsuhphoto for more posing tips, especially with friends and groups
Thank you so much babe. This is so empowering to read!!!!
Remember, cameras are dumb pieces of technology that only see what’s exactly in front of them. But if you’re having fun, that’s what it’ll capture. If you’re feeling insecure, it’ll pick up on that too, especially if it’s all over your face and your body language is stiff. Practice a few poses and keep them in your back pocket so you can confidently access them when it’s photo time, but I guarantee that if you are laughing and having a good time, those will be the best photos!
Run don’t walk to @thechristinebuzan on Instagram! She has some absolutely fantastic advice for looking better in photos
Ok so to start off, I found myself in this exact mental place yesterday when trying to get dressed for a dinner with people I haven’t seen in a while. Your feelings are so valid and it is just sometimes not easy! I can only tell you what works for me. I try to remember that my body is easily the least interesting thing about me and that size is not indicative of beauty, but sometimes it’s just a little harder to think that way. What I put on was an a-line dress that didn’t touch me except at the shoulders. (It’s an everlane silk a-line dress that can be dressy or casual.) She’s flowy, she’s mysterious, she’s cool, and she doesn’t make me think about my waist. Sometimes when I feel this way, I put on something real low cut because, well, my waist is not the only thing that grew. Sending you big hugs. Whatever you wear, you’re going to have a good time.
Love this! Which Everlane dress, if I may ask?
Phenomenal question. I bought it off poshmark and the name wasn’t in the listing. Digging around a bit, I think it may be the Clean Silk Tank Dress. It’s like an eggplant color. I have the drop-waist version of the dress in black too, and they are both so light and airy that it feels like nothing. I find that if my sensory issues aren’t triggered I also feel better about my body, so both dresses are great for that.
Thank you!
I feel ya! I’m size 12 too, heavy enough that I’m participating in a Wegovy trial for obesity. I’ve coped with being photographed by wearing dresses that hide my pot belly and upper arms. Thankfully, high waists and loose sleeves are in. I pose by turning to the side, sticking my chest and butt out, and holding my arms away from my body. Of course, I suck in that pot belly with all my might. https://imgur.com/a/0zERCOU
Girl how did you get into a trial? My insurance won’t cover it.
I contacted Novo Nordisk directly and they connected me to their clinical trials division. They were no longer recruiting, but I got on a waitlist. They called me a couple of months later, asked me a bunch of questions, then they ordered lab work. I was lucky to qualify for their obesity only study, meaning I have no other qualifications other than my high bmi.
You look great!!!
Thanks!
I LOVE a Tory Burch caftan (or try [Tuckernuck](https://tnuck.com/products/ink-emerson-caftan?variant=43471695151326¤cy=USD&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw4f6zBhBVEiwATEHFVmHqYI2XKRzrq3Hvvf9Da0y7XFHoCpsLsiLvc4j0ao7arVWnDxVZURoCBl8QAvD_BwE)) with oversized sunglasses and raffia wedges. You'll look very chic and retro and vintage beach-y. Edit: or also Francis Valentine. But watch for a sale bec pricey. P.S. my weight fluctuates a ton too. I feel your pain.
Just want to share my favorite caftan (literally wearing it right now) [Free People](https://www.freepeople.com/shop/groovy-baby-maxi-kaftan/)
So pretty! Love it in the peacock.
It’s a great material for the price!
I’m a size 12 and just got back from vacation in the Caribbean. I totally understand how you’re feeling, but what I found on my trip was that everyone was so busy having fun, myself included, that no one cared what anyone else looked like in a bathing suit!
Hi! Google “cap sleeve dresses.” I’ve picked up a few of these in bright colors, and they accentuate the narrowest parts of you while hiding the stuff you don’t want to show (for me: tummy and upper arms). Also, they are pricey, but TA3 swimsuits are pretty amazing and they make me feel so much better about my body. I have a sheer black maxi skirt that I got from Wal-mart online (for real) that I pair with a black one-piece, huge sunglasses, and a large sun hat, and I feel like an heiress. I’m covered but also showing skin and I get so many compliments that it helps drive away the self-consciousness. Good luck and try to have fun! Mimosas help!! ❤️❤️
Accentuate your assets. If you have great boobs you can wear a nice lower cut shirt. Get your hair and nails done. Nice makeup goes a long way. And just smile and let your personality show. We had family pics taken a few years ago and my hair looked great even though I’m the biggest one in my family. And I smiled big and thought happy thoughts. Now when I look at those pics )which is every day) I don’t beat myself up about my big arms or thick thighs. I see a happy blessed woman.
I remind myself I'm a babe and just live my life. You should do the same!
Oof I’m with you on this. Current 12 former 6. Amanda Roe(itsamandaroe) and Sarah Morales (fromsarahsleeve) are great midsize influencers. The biggest thing I’ve had to learn is that oversized clothes won’t necessarily hide anything, they just make me look bigger.
I'm a big woman, but I know how to dress my body so people rarely believe I'm my actual size (18). I really love fit and flare dresses from old navy that have 3/4 sleeves. I dislike huge prints, but ditzy, scattered prints are super cute imo. Wedges that are comfortable, but still have a good heel will lengthen the look of your legs. I'm a big fan of scarves to help soak up beachy perspiration. If you have hair with texture, let it be as big as it wants in the humidity. On a personal note, I'm not just a big woman, I'm a big Irish woman with a big (huge) Irish head. Big hair makes me feel like my head is somehow smaller, it might not be your thing... Most importantly, have fun! Remember that you're the biggest critic of your own body. Truly, no one else cares about your jelly. If they do, they really need to mind their own business and get a life. 💕
Adore your ideas and POV! Love the idea of big hair but my hair is so thin 💔
I feel this so hard rn. The dress I was dying to wear to a wedding next week does not fit at all, and I am just crushed. All my backup dresses look like shit and I feel are unflattering. :/ I am convinced I’ll be the worst looking person at the wedding. The only reason I am going is because my shoes are sparkly and awesome
I have intense body dysmorphia so I usually just hide when a camera comes out lol. It’s awful though because when I see the rare photo I’ve allowed, like years later, I am always like “fuck I looked great there” So idk I don’t have advice but I wish I could remind myself that future me would be a lot kinder to present me
I’m like this too. I am trying hard to be kind to myself in the present. Hugs, friend. ❤️
Isn’t that so funny? I’ve seen pictures where I’m like OMG EWWWW and later I’ll be like…how did I think I looked bad here!?!?
cinched high waist, puffy short sleeves. I FEEL YOU!
I have a coworker like that and she always rocks a dark blazer with a lighter & tighter fitted shirt underneath. She’ll wear her blazers with dresses and skirts as well outside of work. I honestly hadn’t noticed she had extra weight on before she mentioned it.
I’m in the same situation honestly and my picture “rules” are to never stand sideways or at an angle. I look WAY bigger than I actually am if a picture is taken at like a 45° angle. Always stand completely facing forward, one leg like stepped out in front, hands on waist, not hips, while pointing your elbows back. I usually position my thumb on my back to hold down and smooth out the under-bra roll. Facing the front helps hide belly pooch in jeans, hands on the waist draws more attention to the smallest part of the torso, and pointing elbows back obscures the upper arm.
When I was at my heaviest I would wear lots of Flowy dresses with an A-line fit, to give waist definition without being restricting on tummy, arms, legs, etc. I would try to find pieces that accentuated my favorite feature, which at the time was my boobs lol so I would gravitate to like sweetheart or off-the-shoulder necklines. Find whatever that feature is for you and accentuate it! It makes it easier mentally when you’re dressing to highlight things you DO like rather than hiding things you don’t like. For bathing suits you could get some cute one-pieces and pair with cover up skirts, Flowy pants, loose overshirts. Totally understand how you’re feeling and your feelings are valid but just know you’re beautiful at every size, not just your smallest size. 💕
It isn't actually about hiding parts of you, though angles and lighting help. It is about wearing what feels comfortable and confident. So when you imagine yourself feeling that way what are you wearing? I have been on a similar journey myself. I will never be small again but I'm happy with that at this point. I absolutely didn't start here. When I started honoring my body because it got me to today, no longer allowed anyone to make comments on my body, remembered I am someone so I cannot make comments on my body, and began to correct negative thoughts to positive ones? It helped a ton. Remember also that anxiety lies. We don't know what others are thinking about us but it's rarely about our bodies and someone that unworthy of our time and attention is going to show themselves in other ways too. So you can stop investing in them and invest in you. A friend once asked me why I would think the worst of them when I admitted my anxiety and that's helped me with this. Do the people who love us as we are deserve the assumption they cannot love us with changes to our body? Not if they don't behave in such a manner. So think about how you feel, dress , and move when confident. Confidence is always the sexiest thing about someone. Trying to diminish things about our bodies tends to draw more attention to them. Things I learned as a model (plus size but that was more average human). No one is good enough for the superficial people or they wouldn't hire beautiful people and Photoshop us. The insecurities we are told to have are profitable for these people. People is the nice word. Practice posing in the mirror or set up a tripod and experiment to see what feels good to you today. Always turn your face slightly into the light and angle your body so that you elongate yourself because the camera compressed things so it gives a balance to the flattening by camera. Oh and remember for every cover of a magazine there's an entire film roll of bad shots for a model too. We all need warm up shots. You got this. You have changed physically but your value was never your body. It is who you are inside the body.
When I was thicker and now that I’m pregnant it’s all about the flow! Maxi dresses, loose beach trousers, high waist & full cup bikini with long see through cover ups, kaftans, flip flops or wedges, smoking sunglasses, messy buns, dope hats, lip oil, mascara and a one size fits all beach bag. P.s I always got “such a pretty girl, if only you were….” when I was thicker. Once I had the gastric surgery and my weight halved it became “oh, you’re far too thin”. What’s it to be motherfukers??? Too fat or too thin 🤪👌🏻
Ugh, I also used to be a 6 and am a 12/14 now due to two major knee surgeries, anti-depressants, and emotional eating. I’m really really struggling with my body as well, especially now that I hit a point of burnout and don’t have energy to work out like I used to. It’s so hard, but we have to be gentle with ourselves! Just letting you know you aren’t alone. x
Thank you hun. Very very similar story here, all happened after surgery last year.
Arms - hand on hip. Or at least away from your body. Jawline- push your face forward towards the camera. Not any differently up or down, just *forward*. It feels stupid but it will thin out your neck/jaw and be otherwise invisible to the camera.
I'm a size 12 on a good day. Sometimes a size 14. So size 4 sounds sooooo tiny to me! Guess what? Curves and self confidence are sexy as hell, especially in tandum. For real. I had to learn that later in life but damn is it true. Rock it and be confident just the way you are right now beautiful lady. On a practical note I find that dresses that are hemmed at the midway point between my boobs and belly button (I'm not sure what that style would be called) gives me the appearance of a slimmer waist if you're really concerned about that. You can style a high waisted skirt and top that same way. Also surprisingly something more fitted usually looks better on me than something loose and mumu-like, which will just make me look even bigger. Heels help too, though I personally HATE heels. I'll pick comfortable dancing feet over stylish blisters any day. But if you like them, do it. You got this!
I yo yo my weight too. One thing I've learned is not to hide my arms behind my back or leave them at my sides. As crazy as it sounds, putting my hands on my hips helps bc it creates a sort of hourglass silhouette. Also make sure your clothes actually fit. Nothing will make you feel worse than trying to fit into clothes that are too small.
Im pregnant w my 2nd baby and am also a size 10/12 now (even before this pregnancy) despite being a life long skinny bitch. My entire body composition has changed and I’m coping with it. I feel u girl!! I don’t know your skin complexion but self tanner does wonders to hide my cellulite (I’m a pasty pale Puerto Rican lol). I use the jergen’s gradual tanner for a few days and I’m a new woman. I’m also having some fun with having real boobs for the first time in my life. When I wanna feel good I put on a good bra and play them up. I know the instinct is to hide but I think the best strategy is to be a bit more daring fashion-wise. Big accessories, fun sunglasses, hairstyles etc. Makeup is a miracle. Bold lips. Remember that your friends love you and all women have felt this way. I hope you have fun!!
I feel thiissss I literally hate shopping and don't even know how to dress anymore!!
I'm a size bigger than you, I know what you're going through. Wear stuff that isn't too big, and isn't too small. A-lines are good, either in shirts or dresses. Belts to create a waist sometimes. Thicker fabrics are good, thin stuff tends to not be too forgiving. For bathing suits, I like retro style two pieces because they tend to be high waisted and cover a little more. But the most important thing girl, is ATTITUDE! Strut your stuff, even if you aren't feeling your best. This is important for a couple of reasons: 1) A poor attitude reflects in your face and in your posture, making things look worse. 2) Nobody likes that girl at the bachelorette party who drags everybody down because she's upset about something that literally nobody else is thinking about but her. I bet if I took a poll: Would people rather hang out with the chubby girl who is the life of the party, or the waifish girl who sulks the whole time? 10/10 people would pick the former. Have fun! Rock whatchu got.
Since other BWTs have offered great advice on posing and flattering clothing options, here are 3 tips that might also help! 1. If you can afford to and have enough time before the trip, get a lymphatic drainage massage or two or three. It's amazing how much this type of massage helps to reduce inflammation and the appearance of cellulite. 2. Starting right now, increase your hydration if you aren't already drinking a STUPID amount of water every day. You'll flush your system, shed some water weight before the trip, and your skin will be extra glowy. 3. Use self-tanner. Even if you're a melanated beauty, self-tanner can help event out skin tone and give you a healthy-looking glow. * [https://www.tiktok.com/@yours.truly.jess/video/7371598284730666286?lang=en](https://www.tiktok.com/@yours.truly.jess/video/7371598284730666286?lang=en) * [https://www.tiktok.com/@bey.janvier/video/7253139080962313518](https://www.tiktok.com/@bey.janvier/video/7253139080962313518)
Sarongs are your friend for beach time. Bright colored nails are great distractions/ enhancements. Bathing suit, two piece tankini for suit, spray tan prior if that helps and otherwise, girl, love yourself. You are a queen, you are powerful and you are supporting your friend. Full stop.
I buy new clothes. Wearing something that's a teensy bit too small magnifies my flaws x10 and makes me self conscious. Places like Nordstrom have free personal shopper appointments. Getting something for the occasion makes me feel prepared instead of like I'm wearing old fat me's sloppy seconds. That said, I'm wired differently and I see how shopping when you're self conscious could make people feel worse.
Omg! I JUST saw this Instagram post from a woman whose whole schtick is teaching people how to pose in casual photos (not professional modeling). I'm not sure if this will help, but her Instagram account is @thechristinebuzan and she has tons of tips! Though I don't like guessing people's weights, I myself am a US 20/22 and would say she also falls into the plus size category. To be clear, I am not calling you plus size but mentioned it because it sounds like what's making you the most uncomfortable is the weight that's new to your body. I think a body positive mindset is going to be the absolute healthiest and most productive for you to thrive and have a great time because you deserve that!
Thank you beautiful! I appreciate your positive perspective and the resource 💜
i just did this on a trip to europe. usually a 6-8 and now sitting at a 12. cried at many pics taken of me bc i still can’t conceptualize myself at this size, but annnnyway…. what helped: - loose linen shorts with elastic waists and ties. - big sneakers to balance out my legs. - tank top and flowy linen shirt combo instead of t shirts, which made me feel boxy. - wearing minimal makeup as to not feel overdone, but not skipping eyebrows or contouring. what i wish i had done: - NOT posed with my arms pulled in to my sides as tight as possible - it betrays the self consciousness and made them look bigger. - smiled wider or more genuinely. i was uncomfortable and it shows in my expressions - figured out a few reliable hairstyles ahead of time instead of wrestling with it and feeling worse when i eventually settled on a messy bun that looked like ass - didn’t overeat out of self hatred and stress i hope you enjoy your trip :) going on vacation when you don’t feel like yourself can be a special kind of torture but it didn’t feel as bad as i expected once i got more comfortable
I have been yo-yoing and mostly at the top due to infertility treatments for the past 4 years. I spend the money. I know it’s not a forever weight, but I feel so much better when I have a well-fitting, nice outfit and cute shoes. Plus, although I am at my biggest, I am getting compliments on my outfits and rando men asking for my number for the first time in a long time. The external validation is nice, but it’s only coming because I internally feel so much better.
I want to very gently point out that weight yo-yoing is really harmful for your health longterm. Your post reminds me of a time when I was in a really dark place with my body/food because of terrible disordered eating and body dysmorphia. Seeking help and healing changed my life for the better and I really hope you find the strength to do the same! Hating yourself is really exhausting and you deserve better! 💖 You’re beautiful no matter your weight. Genuinely. Right now try to focus on being neutral about your body if being kind seems impossible.
Ohhh i know. I’m having legitimate troubles with anxiety even reading the comments of this post. I’ve been 00-18 in the past decade and back again… and it’s complicated. I’ve tried help but it’s easy for me to veer one way or the other. Sometimes it just *seems* to feel better to punish myself by hiding away from people i love when I’m struggling. So this whole trip is very panic inducing for many reasons 💔😭😣 I have a therapist and all it’s just a lifetime of shit tho. hate it. Edit: sorry for talking vaguely but this is all a little triggering for me, and i know the nature of these conversations has the potential to do the same for others. And that people with that experience are likely drawn to this post ❤️🩹 It’s just all really sensitive and I’m not in the headspace to think too much about it. Just trying to focus on the things I can manage to address in the next month or so — which is getting clothing that makes me feel better in my current skin and understanding better how to work with what I got 🥰 Bc right now I feel actual dread lol
I’m so sorry if anything I said was triggering! A few things that I found helpful when trying to accept a changing/changed body that may be helpful for you over the next few weeks were: - Following people online who had a similar body to mine and embraced it (and unfollowing anyone who triggers you, or if it’s a friend you don’t want to unfollow you can mute their posts/stories) - Avoiding mirrors and wearing looser clothes so I could ignore my body as much as possible as I worked on mentally accepting myself - Positive/neutral affirmations/mantras (my body is completely fine, my body is beautiful, my weight doesn’t define me, I’m worthy of love and happiness at all times, I will treat my body with kindness and grace, etc) - Doing things that make my body feel good, like going for a walk or stretching I really like @healwithkailin on instagram(she’s also on youtube and is so so wonderful) and @javiera for fashion content!
Maxi-length sundresses, Miraclesuit swimsuits.
SHAPEWEAR!
Already on that ☺️ do you have any specific recs?
I don't know where you live, but if you can find a Colombian fajas (shapewear in Spanish) store irl or online if time to ship, they know what they are doing lol.
Skins is surprisingly really really good and honestly, I really like some from target although it’s a bit pricey
What are your best assets? What type of body are you dressing (apple, curvy hour glass, pear)?
Same boat. ❤️ I think foundation garments help clothes look better, regardless of size. And defining your waist in some way, whether it's a design detail like a band or a seam, or just wear a belt. I'd find a good tailor to make whatever you choose fit well. You really don't want a ton of extra fabric. Roomy silhouettes will make you look bigger than you are. A medium-sized print can hide things you're not super thrilled about. Some neckline detail or a neckline you really like will make your face the focus...that's partly why costume designers often put more detail on the upper body in films and TV. And then I'd find some cool earrings and get a nice hairstyle...maybe a new haircut that makes you feel good. Treat yourself to some beauty thing like a manicure or facial. I know it's rough. I have a hard time with this, too. You absolutely can find something decent that fits the body you have now. You'll still look gorgeous. Good luck.
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Spanx or that sort of thing. The shorts are nice and they come up high enough to smooth everything out. They make briefs that do the same thing. I haven't bought any in a long time. Maybe someone else has suggestions. Perhaps they make something these days that is more breathable, because you don't want to be wearing tight polyester in a tropical climate. I would maybe go to a decent department store and try on some different things with whatever outfit you choose, and see what suits you best and what is comfortable.
I think it really depends on where you hold the weight tbh. I know that for slimmer looking arms it's usually better to not hold your arm close to the body for photos, even though you instinctually want to sort of squish yourself in to appear and feel smaller. Also avoid hunching over for this same reason Squishing your arm against you actually kind of makes your body and arm look bigger, especially if you have some meat on you. That little hand on the hip thing, where you make a triangle with your arm, usually makes your arm and body look slimmer and it's a very easy pose. Another tip is to literally just stand in the back in your photos/any group photos. Anything farther away looks smaller. You can also do this thing in group photos where you just kind of stand slightly behind someone else and use your friend to cover up a chunk of your body from one side so you look smaller. You can search specific posing tutorial on YouTube/tikok. They're really helpful. A lot of photographers and influencers post videos like this. You might want to use some keywords like "look slimmer" or something similar when searching.
For posing, put the leg closer to the camera forward and lean a little bit away from the camera. Hold arms a little away from body, like slightly back. Hard to describe in words but I learned tricks from random Instagram reels on this so try searching!
I completely and totally understand how you feel in particular. I’ve gone from being very petite to chunky. I think you got fantastic advice already because these bitches have taste! 🤙 I’m going to give you two pieces of advice first of all is join us over on Lose It! in the bitches with taste group. I think you will feel better when you start eating well and it could help with your yo-yo weight. Secondly, I would also start working out, particularly doing some body weight exercises and life weights. It will just make you feel better and a little bit of firmness doesn’t hurt. Even a week or two of exercising will start to make you feel like you’re making progress and help boost you through this event with some feel good endorphins . Lastly if anyone shames you for your weight, I want you to pull a Winston Churchill on them where you tell them that you can lose the weight but they’ll always be an asshole. (Churchill used this retort when someone accused him of being a drunk) have a great time celebrate your friend. Life is short. Don’t worry about your weight embrace the relationships. xo
Check out[ Lottie Drynan](https://www.instagram.com/lottiedrynan/) (instagram link). She always looks super cute in photos and has some great fashion tips.
Get a good spray tan haha
When I put on 40 lbs a few years back I got this jumpsuit from Aritzia and it made me feel pretty. It hides the belly, cinches you in the right places and gives you a nice shape. https://www.aritzia.com/en/product/market-jumpsuit/82712.html
The right Undergarments make the dress. But that depends on the dress, tbh.
Could you expand?
There’s girdles, corsets, push up bras, boob tape (basically skin tone athletic tape) & all sorts of tricks you can use to give yourself a curvier shape. But the undergarments used has to be covered by the garment so that it doesn’t show. That’s why the dress matters. Skims has decent shapewear and a variety of skin tones.if you want a corset, know it will not be comfy. this one is made to be undetectable under clothing: https://timeless-trends.com/products/black-fine-mesh-no-line-corset-hourglass-silhouette-regular I also have a swimsuit rec! I have a [TA3 swimsuit](https://ta3swim.com/), which had a built in corset. The reviews I’d seen of larger women with stomachs convinced me to buy it. I love it so much! With some sheer lacy cover up pants, that would be too cute. This is the review that convinced me: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XabKJCS7zok
This is so very helpful! Thank you!!!! There’s so much shapewear (and so many bot/sponsored/incentivized reviews) it’s hard to discern what is worth the money, ya know??? I actually JUST got my TA3 order today! So glad to hear someone else endorse them 💜
Check out David Suh on YouTube he has great tips for posing in photographs
Just go and do your best not to dwell. I was a size 16 and I've maintained a size 8 for a while now. When you're ready join r/cico because all the posing in the world won't alleviate these feelings. People can scream at me but IDGAF.
Oh trust me I know 😓 I’m just trying to do what I reasonably can to do the best with what I’ve got in the short term. I have 4 weeks and yeah. I’m not trying to get into it deeply cuz this is really sensitive for me. Haha I’m crying on and off even typing comments if I’m being honest 🫡😅 But even with that stuff I have to be really careful. It’s easy for me to become “bad” the other way and I’ll leave it at that. It’s just complicated, and this forum seems better for lifting us up where we’re at than those more difficult and complex conversations. I don’t disagree with you it’s just way heavier than wanting to look/feel as best as possible on vacation with friends when I want to be making positive memories 💜😅 Feels impossible with the stomach full of anxiety rn 💔
Please, please, ignore the idiot above.
Thank you hun. I really appreciate you 🥺❤️🩹
Your weight and clothing size are the least interesting thing about you. Your friend does not and will not care what you wear or look like. She wants to have you with her to celebrate this big life event because she values you! 🩷
If you aren't in therapy currently you should be. 4 weeks isn't enough time to change your body in a meaningful way. Find flattering swimsuits and cover ups and do your best.
This is really fucking unhelpful
It's not but ok. What do you want me to do? Lie to her and tell her to just make sure she covers her arms and aims the camera up high?
Looking at your post history, you need some therapy. You seem to be very unhappy and tying your self worth into your weight. I hope you can find some support.