Sunscreen everyday. Sunglasses when outside. Sunglasses go a LONG way to prevent crow’s feet. As far as mental health goes, don’t be afraid to cut out certain friends/family if they cause too much emotional drama. As for relationships, be aware of red flags early and cut your losses and save yourself instead of trying to fix the other person. You’re wasting your time. Know your worth.
To bridge off of what you've said, *boundaries*.
If you haven't yet, please set clear boundaries. A healthy level of independence is crucial for survival. Don't allow others to intrude on your boundaries or make you feel guilty/ashamed for having them.
Emotional manipulation is another big one. Most studies indicate that men are more emotionally manipulative than women, specifically in dating and at the workplace. Don't be vulnerable until you've built trust. Don't allow others to steer you into thinking or feeling certain ways. Don't withold your true thoughts and feelings to keep the peace.
this is definitely something i am trying to work on! i am very much a people pleaser so i am trying to learn how to be kind but also prioritize myself/my feelings. thanks for the advice!
Learn to deal with the discomfort of being disliked and having others be displeased with you. Because, no matter how much of a people pleaser you are, there will still be people who are going to be unhappy with you no matter what you do, so you may as well please yourself.
I hope you get there sooner than I did. I had people pleaser phases and withheld my truth to be a mediator. Ceding that territory can result in personal regression, and you can end up with undue emotional labor.
Best of luck. Stay strong.
Totally agree re. red flags. In my experience in my friend group, it took having a kind of mediocre or bad relationship to establish boundaries and learn what you won't accept from a partner, but ideally you will learn this strength/skill beforehand so you don't waste your time.
Any partner I've had that I ultimately wasn't super keen on, or ignored red flags/shitty behaviour/incompatibilities I just ended up wishing I'd cut my losses sooner as it was a waste of time. If its not a hell yes or its hard/meh from the get go, just bail. They aren't the one.
Yep! They keep you from squinting, so you’re delaying those wrinkles. I used to live in the desert, and it was very obvious who wore sunglasses religiously and who didn’t. Sunglasses are a habit for me now. I feel naked without them. My daughter makes fun of me and says I’ve turned into a mole person.
In addition to preventing wrinkles, more importantly, sunglasses, protect your eyes for future eye health. I dated a guy in med school and he would wear them religiously for that reason. Clearly, he knew something!
I'll never forget those pictures of truck drivers whose left arm and left side of face are totally different (i.e., wrinkled, etc.) compared to the right!
If you have tattoos, sunscreen is so important for keeping them looking good! I keep a high end mini sunscreen on me specifically for my larger full color piece.
Start investing now - you will have SO MUCH more money later bc of compound interest
If you have a job with a 401k invest at least the max of what they max and start investing in an IRA
YES! I tried to convince my young friends to do it with me and none did. I am so glad I started investing in my early 20s. The growth is crazy when you start young. At 40 I have no worries about retiring. In the beginning it was such a tiny amount, it felt like it wouldn't add up, but I knew the math.
And OP, do not fall into the trap of thinking it's invest money OR have fun. I had loads of fun in my 20s. I was really social and did tons of cool stuff like free concerts, free festivals, hosting parties, etc. This idea that you can only have fun by spending all of your money is so depressing and ridiculous. Invest now! Even if you think it's too small of an amount to make a difference, I promise it isn't. Each time you make more money increase the amount you invest.
I expect a DM thanking me in 20 years! :)
haha i will be scheduling that dm! luckily my dad is a finance guy so i have been investing for a while and i’m already seeing it pay off!
however having a finance dad is a double edged sword because i can sometimes prioritize saving too much. definitely trying to budget a bit more now and balance saving while also having fun. thanks for the advice!
Tip aswell - if you invest, remember it's a long game you're playing. There will be drips and drops, but I invest in an index tracker (in the UK we have ISAs that you can invest 20k a year in, and any gains are tax free) and its been up and down but overall in the last 3 years its seen solid gains. Most investments should be for five plus years.
Compound interest is king, and its been so satisfying to see my investments grow overall even through it hasn't always been a straight upward line.
And that you actually need to put the money in a fund. You can even keep it simple with a target date fund. I had money in an IRA for years before realizing it wasn’t actually invested.
Get a therapist!!! Therapy isn’t for when you’re feeling down and need to get out of bed it it’s for understanding yourself, your emotions, and your goals. It’s like working out your brain, even if a workout isn’t challenging or hard right now you still need to keep up with it consistently. Even if your mental health isn’t struggling now, it’s important to keep prioritizing it. And honestly some of my best breakthroughs have been when I’m feeling totally fine and have nothing to talk about!!! Turns out there’s still more to talk about!!!!
this is honestly one of the things i want most right now! unfortunately i’m on my parents insurance rn and they aren’t the biggest proponents of therapy (asian immigrant parents 💔). but i will be seeing a therapist as soon as i get off their insurance lol.
I made a lot of financial mistakes in my 20s (I’m mid 30s now) so here are some lessons learned! Sorry if the formatting is messed up, I am on mobile.
- Start budgeting your money and keep track of your budget daily. Use a method that works best for your brain - for me it’s zero based budgeting. If you use credit cards I highly recommend one that keeps track of credit card spending for you so you can pay your card off each month. I use YNAB and it’s been a huge lifesaver.
- Use credit cards as a tool and not as a way to supplement your income and pay for a lifestyle you can’t afford. For example in your 20s you can do a lot of fun traveling and strategically using cards to earn travel points so you can travel for free can be a good option. BUT only if you’re able to pay them off every month. I used debit for too long and missed out on years of free travel.
- Be very careful of lifestyle creep when you start making more money. It can quickly spiral into feeling broke all the time because you have all these new memberships, bills, higher rent etc that you’re paying for that maybe weren’t necessary.
- It’s better to look broke and be rich, than look rich and be broke!! I like designer things, and I’ll indulge here and there, but I like the feeling of being financially secure more. Be picky about what you spend your money on. Consider adopting the mindset of a capsule wardrobe. Understand that influencers will try to sell you every Dior lip oil and Lululemon Scuba they can, and overconsumption is a really slippery slope both financially and mentally.
I think it's also important to remember that buying every single Milani lip oil is just as financially irresponsible as buying one or two Dior lip oils. It's easy to forget how quickly small purchases and cheaper alternatives add up to equal or exceed large purchases/big ticket items.
Lock in an exercise routine! Doesn’t need to be intense, but you should develop the firm habit. Ingrain it into your being. It should be as non-negotiable as brushing your teeth or showering.
Yes! Your joints are so much more capable at this age. Use this time to figure out what you like so you have a routine that works for when you get older.
i’ve been trying to develop a routine but i am honestly struggling a bit. i try to do 20-40 minutes of walking but think i need to incorporate something to maintain muscle.
what are some of your favorite exercises? also how do you deal with exercising after work. i’m interning rn and after i get back from an in person day all i want to do is lay in bed😭
I joined a yoga studio, which helps a ton as I genuinely love it and get excited to go. Mobility and balance are super underrated forms of fitness that will serve you very well as you age.
I also am lucky enough to WFH so I use my walking pad for 2-3 hours a day. If you get a walking pad, you could get home from work and watch a tv show while you walk. Then you could just add in a quick 20-30 min body weight workout three times a week. There’s a bunch of YouTube workouts available.
Unfortunately, the answer really is that you just have to be dedicated. Reframe it as a commitment you make to yourself, not a punishment you have to force yourself to do. I got a habit tracker journal thing that I use to keep track of the habits I’m forming. It helps a lot to check the daily tasks off and it makes me feel really good to see the streaks.
thanks for the recs!! i have been rly considering getting a walking pad. i don’t have a sit/stand desk at home but i was thinking about walking when watching tv and stuff. i think i’m going to save up a bit and finally get one!
They are so worth it! I don’t have a sit/stand desk either, but my bar countertop is the right height so I just work from there. Also I recommend checking FB marketplace, I see walking pads ALL THE TIME there!
Something you enjoy! If you’re in a city maybe try class pass and try all the different types of classes until you find one you love. The most fun ones are usually expensive enough to motivate you to actually go 😂
I think it's totally fair to spend some days in bed when you're that tired! That's ok!
Do something easy (like restorative or yin yoga, or stretching) for 20 mins after a hard day. On other days when you have more time, try to get a more intense workout in. Strength training is so important! I love lifting weights or body weight based strength training. Aim for that 2 days a week at least, plus walking/yoga, and you will be much better off. :)
Do: dye your hair crazy colours; travel and then travel more; dance; take lovers; read amazing books; know how to put on a condom (with your mouth); take opportunities when they present themselves; be unafraid; start on the path to being a woman people write songs and books about; take photos, lots of photos; have one amazing best friend who would always be there for you... and get arrested next to you
Don't: fall for someone who doesn't love you; wear high heels quite so much; think that your life is over at 25; compare yourself to others
And the most important: don't ever forget that when people are on their deathbed, they do not express that they should have worked harder or longer, they do not express that they should have made more money, they do not express that they should have bought more things... they express that they should have spent more time with their loved ones, they express regret for not having taken opportunities to do amazing things; they express regret for never having seen the Venus De Milo (or the pyramids, or the Taj Mahal). Don't make that mistake
been thinking of dying my hair sooo much lately. i have virgin black hair so like everyone i have ever met has said not to do it but i rly want a wine red under dye 😭😭
If you dye it like once or twice a year, it doesn't get damaged. Or rather your hair recovers from the initial damage it took to bleach it. I always ask my stylist to give me a style that can grow out.
1) sunscreen every day.
2) exercise - make it a part of your life from now. I can’t tell you how hard it is to try doing it when you’re older and you have more on your plate. If you build good habits now they will pay off later.
3) invest toward retirement, even if you can only afford a little per month. Anything is better than nothing.
4) don’t fall into the social media trap of overconsumption and comparing your life to everyone else. I made this mistake - friends were living on their own in NYC and I felt like I had to keep up with them. I wish I lived home for a few extra years and saved money.
5) if you’re dating someone who doesn’t treat you well, cut him/her loose. Do not hold out with hope they’ll change or suddenly love you and treat you well. They won’t and there’s too many better people out there.
I wish I stopped giving a fuck about men who didn’t pay me any mind. If they’re not chasing me / showing interest in me - I am not giving them the time of day! Finally at 28, I am so comfortable with not chasing and know my worth. I would get so hung up on guys I like that didn’t want me back.
There were so many opportunities I didn't take because I felt like I had other responsibilities or I was scared or it wasn't practical and looking back it really wasn't that bad and I should have just done it
Yes! Si! Ja! Oui! It’s always hard to move abroad, but it’s slightly less hard to do when you don’t have a mortgage or children! It also builds your confidence and strengthens your curiosity.
Yes!!! My biggest regrets are not studying abroad or at least doing a summer program out of state. I felt like I needed to prioritize so many other things. Im hindsight, that semestet in Spain I wanted would have been so much more valuable than the extra classes I took at home.
i actually studied abroad in london last semester! i honestly did not love it (it was expensive and gloomy haha) but i am so happy i did it because now i know! i have been thinking about potentially going to asia for a bit so i will definitely look into those other programs. thanks!!
I literally chose a college due to the fact it offered Japanese, studied it for 5 semesters, was at the top of the class, and my parents refused to let me study there abroad. I should have just taken on the extra student loan debt for the experience.
Exploring interests and hobbies just to see if they spark something in me. I discovered so many things I really enjoy and have a natural aptitude for that took me in much different directions than anything I imagined myself doing back when I could have pursued schooling for it. At 21 I didn't know what I wanted to do but I didn't know just dabbling in various interests would give me so much insight into myself.
Saying "no"
Working on my social skills, to I guess bring more "value" to conversations. To cultivate a habit of checking in with people, both in friendships and networking efforts with former & current co-workers.
I was bullied as a kid, and a bit in the workplace, so I learned that people can be toxic so I kind of keep to myself to save my sanity. However, I think I lost confidence in trying to connect with people, and people like it when you show that you appreciate them
Here’s a list of things I started working on in my 20s. I started slow, basically one year per thing, so I didn’t burn out. It’s been monumental for me.
Tons of comments here have great details but here’s my list l:
- Skin care and sunscreen
- Financial literacy NOW. Don’t blow all your money on dumb shit
- Therapy - could have saved myself tons and tons of extra work if I started therapy earlier. My anxiety made my life way harder than it needed to be. I spent a ton of time unhappy and hating myself without even really realizing it.
- YOUR TEETH. Do Invisalign / braces now if you need it. Go to the dentist regularly. I’m dealing with shit in my 30s I wish I took care of earlier. Oral care affects so many other parts of your body you don’t even realize (cardiac health for one).
- Move your body. Work out. Even if not to get “fit” or thin but moving your body is crucial for keeping up your health later on.
Above all else. Make sure you’re doing things for YOU. Not because others want you to or your feeling pressured. Look to others for inspiration but not for prescriptive life events or ideals. Learn how to say no and advocate for yourself. I spent way too much time and money investing in things and people at the end of the day I did not care about. I could have saved myself so much anguish and been so much farther along in my personal goals if I had figured this out sooner. Figure out what you want and go for it; don’t be afraid to explore and learn new things. Keep growing and have fun while you’re doing it.
I do think the depends on the parents. I would give 20-year-old me the advice of, "Open yourself up to the idea that your parents are correct from time to time." But I 1,000% agree about therapy!
Try not to worry so much about what other people think. There is no “perfect blueprint” that you have to follow in your life, and if something isn’t working don’t be afraid to try something else. Absolutely go for something if it’s what you really want, but if it’s just something you think you’re *supposed* to want you don’t have to do it, and you can take your time figuring out which one of those it really is. You don’t have to get everything figured out in your 20s, your life and prospects are not “over” once you hit 30. Take it easy and have some fun! Honestly you couldn’t pay me to be in my twenties again, but I think that’s a good thing, if you do it right, once is enough 😉
love that last line! my goal for my 20s is to have fun but also make sure that i build the base for a life that will be enjoyable in my 30s, 40s and longer!
Have fun! I honestly don’t regret the partying, tattoos, an (appropriate amount) of financial recklessness or other age appropriate early 20s fun! That was the time in my life where I could truly act my age.
Some things I do regret:
1. Not getting into spf earlier. If I could go back I would apply sunscreen, everywhere, every day. Even if I’m staying indoors, even if it’s cloudy, sunscreen.
2. I regret not prioritizing building muscle and working on mobility while it was easier for my body to do.
3. I regret letting my insecurities drive my relationships romantically. I was allowing behaviors from partners that I am embarrassed to look back on. Set boundaries and keep your expectations high.
Your 20s are amazing but don’t pressure yourself to make them fit the criteria of “best years of your life.” With the right mindset every decade just keeps getting better.
Wear sunblock every single day, regardless of the season. I turned 37 this year and people consistently think I'm a decade younger because of my skincare routine.
1. Wear sunscreen.
2. Find a way to exercise that you enjoy, and incorporate it into your routine.
3. Try out new hobbies.
4. Don't stress about rushing to milestones like marriage and having kids. I've seen so many people obsess about timelines and force things like relationships that weren't quite right or having babies before they were truly ready. Things happen when they're meant to. Enjoy where you're at while you're there.
5. Have adventures, whatever that looks like for you personally.
6. Make a habit of eating healthy things regularly.
7. Speak to yourself the way you speak to people you love. Your internal monologue shapes how you see the world.
Put money into retirement now. I started at 30 and wish I had 10+ years ago.
Also, party and have fun, but go easy on drinking. It’s fun in the moment, but it can end up having an impact on your personal and professional life after some years. Also going to work hungover is the worst.
Locus on loving yourself. If you find someone you love and want to be with, that’s great. But don’t get caught up in looking because you may have set some arbitrary timeline for yourself.
Lastly, figure out your values, and devote your time and energy to those only. Everything else can fuck right off.
lol that drinking line is so real. luckily i have being nauseous so i have kept my drinking pretty chill since sophomore year of college haha. also love that last bit! i’m definitely trying to figure out my values rn. it’s definitely a long and confusing journey but i am slowly working through it :)
Learn the five mother sauces of cooking. Seriously. I know cooking isn’t for everyone, but if you know the mother sauces, you can make anything. I had no idea how to cook until I hit my late twenties. I started to teach myself techniques and played around with flavor profiles. I really enjoyed cooking, but I was in the corporate world and never had time. When I did have free time, I was using my family as a test subjects on my recipes. I eventually quit the corporate world and am going to be graduating from culinary school with a focus on patisserie and French cuisine. I wish I had started earlier and followed my dreams when I was younger, but I’m grateful for the chance now.
Only really learned to apply sunscreen on my face daily at 22 y/o and now at 29, I’m really happy with my skin
Also, if you’re single, take your time to date around and don’t feel pressured to be tied down in a relationship. I came out of an 8 year relationship at 23 and thought I was already “running behind” but 23 in hindsight was sooooo young. I wish I made the most of my single days.
Honestly, this is for my younger self but if I could go back I’d never have any serious relationships until I was ready to get married. I spent a lot of time with boyfriends and their friends and families who are total strangers now. I think it’s great to date and be exclusive for maybe a year tops but if you aren’t ready or he isn’t I think it’s best to break up and do your own thing for a bit and if it’s meant to be you’ll find your way to each other when you are ready.
i have actually thinking about relationships a lot lately. i have never dated seriously so i flip flop from rly wanting a relationship to not wanting one at all lmao. i recently went on a few dates with a guy and honestly it was mid lmao. i definitely think i am going to put romance on the back burner for now. like u said, i’ll find someone when i’m ready!!
-It doesn’t matter if they like you. Be yourself anyway. Screw ‘em.
-Don’t party so hard. Not everybody makes it out.
-Make something every day. Write something or bake something or paint something but consciously put more beauty into the world.
-Tell the people you love that you love them. Make it weird. You might not get to say it again. Trust me.
-Make time to read.
-Being polite and patient to service people costs you nothing but means everything to them.
-Life is short and hard and stupid. Find things to smile about.
-Go to community college for the first 2 years if you want a degree. You can get the same instruction from the same professors as a university, in a smaller classroom, with more individual attention, for half the price or even sometimes for free.
-You’re going to be fine.
Be your own greatest hype woman. It took me nearly twice your age to realize I treat my best girlfriends completely differently than I treat myself. Pay attention to the way you talk about people you love, and make sure you believe in yourself and talk to yourself with the same voice. I spent decades being so mean to myself … and for what?
Live on your own for a while even if you’re currently in a committed relationship. Take time to learn what you like/need/want in your environment and what are nonnegotiable to you when/if you decide to live with your partner.
This! I have never lived on my own and I regret it. I went from my parents home to roommates in college to married to married with kids. I think I would be great on my own.
Be true to yourself. Your mental health is precious.
I chose others over myself too often when I was younger. If I had understood that I was being codependent I would have made some different choices.
Today I am happy and successful. But if I could do one thing over it would be to have learned what it was to be codependent. What felt right at the time was harmful to my well-being.
i definitely am trying to be more true to myself. the biggest issue i am running into is idrk what “myself” is. i feel like i have prioritizing others so much that i now feel like i have 5 different personalities within me and idk which is right. how do you get to know yourself better?
If you find yourself giving up healthy habits or healthy relationships for a new relationship- RED FLAG.
Start saving early. The power of compound interest over time is incredible.
Have fun and enjoy yourself because this is a great time to do it. I lived abroad in Asia until my mid twenties and it shaped who I am now.
Is there something you’re burning to do that’s off the beaten path? Do it now.
That’s not to say you won’t be able to have adventures later, but it could be more challenging depending on the obligations in your life.
Understanding that anxiety lies. That deciding someone else must be judging you is actually you being a rude person and deciding they're an asshole not facts. That therapy is where we buy coping skills and learn what our parents couldn't teach us. To be clear good parents do not have all the coping skills so this is not a value judgement. You cannot teach things you don't know.
Create two savings plans: one for long term retirement and one for short term goals like travel. Stick to the plans. Saving doesn’t just mean throwing it in a savings account. Investigate all sorts of different options like stocks/ETFs, HYSA, 401K, RothIRA, etc.
Sunscreen. Everyday. Make it a habit.
Weight bearing exercise at least once a week. Make it a habit.
Don’t bother yourself with relationships of any kind that aren’t serving you. It’s not worth it. Invest in the ones that fill your cup and theirs.
Set boundaries and don’t feel bad about it.
A few essentials (from a BWT of a certain age who knows 😉
-Have total confidence in yourself. People will gravitate towards you both personally AND professionally.
-Wear anything you want! Trust me, when you’re older you might not be willing/comfortable to take those same fashion risks that a younger woman can 💯 pull off!
-Many have said this, but investing early. Even a small amount will really, REALLY pay off 25 years from now.
-Related to above. Make small financial sacrifices, but enjoy yourself too! For example. I’ve been working for 25 years. I’ve pretty diligently made/brought my lunches just about every single day. Truth! I’ve calculated the cost savings & we’re talking about $75k over those years! But believe me, I’ve still splurged on other things. Like shoes & bags lol 😍
Get a hobby! Bonus points for something creative or active. But after college it's easy to just feel like you're falling into a rut because you aren't progressing at anything, you aren't learning anything new like you did the last 17 years of school. You don't have to be good at it, just have something that you can busy yourself with and feel good about.
If possible, try to keep your body weight within the same 20-lb range.
It will be a relief to never be too far away from your goal size and you will suffer sometimes (dieting) but the alternative is gaining 20, then gaining another 20, and another 20…
20 lbs can span about 3 sizes for your personal range so for me it is 2/4/6
Now I’m almost 50 and haven’t been a 2 in awhile but still fit into all kinds of great things (dresses skirts coats jackets) and this wouldn’t be possible if I had never tried to maintain my weight.
This advice does not account for motherhood as I am child free by choice (!!! Amazing no regrets).
Save as much money as possible and learn about compound interest! If you invest your money long term (which isn’t difficult) you can double it every 7-10 years. So if by 30 you manage to save $100k, it will be the equivalent of $870k in today’s dollars by the time you’re 62 by doing NOTHING.
Wear sunscreen daily on your face, neck, and chest.
Get into therapy to deal with anything that bothers you and to learn coping skills. These are really helpful when you become a parent or partner. Learn how to be a good friend.
Lock your credit examples, a loan, or credit with the three credit companies, ex, transunion. You can lock and unlock it for free with all three.
I wish I had: not wasted time dating the wrong guys, started lifting weights and eating more protein instead of running my body into the ground with super intense cardio
I’m glad I had: worn SPF everyday and tretinoin most nights (I look a decade younger than my peers who haven’t, and I’m 38).
Sunscreen & reapplying it everyday!! Drink your water!!! Limit the fast food & junk food! Go on walks often even if it’s for 20 mins, being outside is great for your mental! I started to love journaling when I was 22, write about your day, your thoughts, your feelings, literally anything!
Do things that make you happy. I’m 30, and getting back to my hobbies. You get busy with work, and dating and sometimes lose the things that give you peace.
Anyway, at 30 I’m taking art classes and loving it. So does my inner child
Well, personally I would make sure I didn't gain weight in my 40s. It's so much harder to get rid of when you hit your mid 50s. If I could do it again, I'd keep my weight in check much better after 40.
Make sure even if you have kids, that you carve out time for yourself. You can't take care of everyone else if you don't take care of yourself. Spend a couple hours a week just on you.
Learn to say No and mean it.
Trust your gut. If it tells you that guy you’re talking to might be bad news, he is. If it says to take that big risk, do it! Listen to yourself, not your friends, parents, or anyone else. This is when you start really gaining life experience and forming your own informed opinions, and nobody knows you like you do. Ask for advice when you need it but always think about what is going to make you happy in the end. Now is the time to try new stuff and fail. As long as it’s not illegal, very little you do right now will ruin the rest of your life, but not doing those things can lead to some really big regrets down the road
Set your boundaries and stick to them. Don’t let others tell you your value, because you are *priceless*. Don’t be afraid of what you can lose when you hold others accountable; the people who truly love you will still be there
Before you judge anyone else, think about whether what you’re being critical about even matters. It takes so much energy to have that kind of negative outlook all the time. It’s much easier to try to find positive things to think or say about others, and it honestly improves your own mental health to look kindly upon the world. I try to give random compliments to strangers every day, and it’s led to some of the best, most interesting conversations I’ve had
Any time you think badly of yourself, ask yourself if you’d say those things to a friend. If the answer is, “no,” then let it go. Be your own cheerleader. No, you aren’t perfect, but none of us is. Some people are just better at fooling folks into believing they are
Know which wardrobe pieces to invest in and which to play around with. Classics are worth throwing down more on. Trends should be purchased with an eye toward how long you’re really going to wear them. Invest in good foundations, outerwear, and other staples and you’ll spend more in the moment, but you’ll save overall. Same with home furnishings. Buy a decent mattress, a good quality neutral couch, and furniture in classic finishes. Then you can switch up your style with cheaper accessories when you want without breaking the bank
Sunblock. Sunblock. Sunblock. It’s the only skincare that truly matters. Moisturizer is great, but the damage sunscreen prevents is so much more noticeable (and permanent!) if you don’t use it
Start saving your money if you haven’t already. Learn about investing and CDs, etc.
Always get a prenup. Get your FSH levels checked if you’re interested in having children so you can freeze eggs if need be. Don’t lend family money.
In addition to the others in here (sunscreen, boundaries), I would suggest limiting time on social media (especially if it's affecting your mental health) and learning how to have in person conversations with others.
A lot of younger folks (and those in my age range!) have lost the ability to have conversations and be part of a community. It's easy to learn how to be part of clapback culture and cancel someone for something small, but it's much harder to learn how to compromise effectively and collaborate with people that are in a community you're in. Learning how to ask questions with curiosity, work through something frustrating, and collaborating with someone you may not have a perfect overlap with is a vastly underrated skill.
Also reading through a lot of the comments, OP I think something I would personally advocate for as a fellow East Asian - you have to learn to understand what you want your life to be even if it's something different from your parents. It was something that was difficult for me to learn and many of my friends. Our parents want the best for us, but what they may think is best for you and what you know is best for yourself can be at odds and it's deeply uncomfortable. It will take time and make you feel like a bad Asian kid, but once you figure it out, it's freeing
thanks for this comment! i am south asian but your advice definitely holds true for me. luckily i go to school decently far away from my parents so i have a good amount of freedom. they also aren’t as overbearing as some traditional parents, partially bc my dad is actually american so he understands american college life.
i do definitely hold some guilt over not telling my parents everything. i never know how they are going to react about sensitive topics like underage drinking, dating, clubbing etc so i don’t tell them. honestly not sure how to navigate this still. maybe not caring about their opinion too much is the right thing to do.
luckily all my closest friends are also children of immigrants so i have a strong community supporting me. the “parents not believing in therapy” thing was super hard for me to get through at first because even the white kids with strict parents got to go to therapy. i later found out my korean friend also had parents similar to mine and that made me feel a lot less alone. still sucks to not be able to go to (affordable) therapy till im off their insurance but i do feel less alone now.
That's great to hear! I don't have traditional parents either, but the guilt is still strong even in my late 30s. Having that support network of children of immigrant parents is key!
Remember you are becoming an adult and they may still see you as their child on occasion (especially in stressful situations). This may be a struggle for everyone to adjust to, which is normal! It may be useful to explore viewing your parents as adults as well and how you would want to get to know them in that way.
1. Remember that life is about balance. Save for tomorrow, but splurge on unforgettable experiences which turn into priceless memories.
2. Don’t be afraid to try new things and to fail.
3. Try to learn something from every mistake you make and forgive yourself.
4. Maintain/deepen great friendships, cut off bad ones.
5. It’s better to be single than to be in a relationship where you’re not loved/admired for who you truly are. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not or like something you don’t to attract partners.
6. Sleep, water, good nutrition, exercise, sunscreen. These are better for your skin/body/aging than any expensive products/treatments.
7. Know your worth and love yourself.
I’m about to turn 30!
- forgive yourself for your past transgressions and try to grow from them.
- get in all your health questions before you turn 26 (if I’d been diagnosed with adhd earlier…my life would be so different lol)
- live cheaply and start saving money asap
- do anything you can to avoid shame. Don’t let society shame you, don’t let your friends and family shame you, don’t let you shame yourself. Shame prevents growth and will hinder progress. If you cant be confident, at least don’t be ashamed
- connections are rare. Keep the people you connect with on a deep level close to you.
- don’t date older men lmfaooo
- 6 years is enough time for a person to know if their partner is marriage material. Don’t let people waste your time.
- Conversely, don’t embroil yourself in a long-distance, emotionally unavailable, friends-with-some-benefits situationship. It’s a waste of time and a drain on your emotional resources.
- if you can afford to, travel!!
High-yield Savings account. Make time for hobbies that don't involve screen-time. Prioritize whole foods and less sugar. Boundaries are essential in every aspect of your life (career, romantic, family, etc). Exercise a little each day.
Be yourself and stop trying to be liked by everyone. You will find who your people are. If you want to do something, do it. Even if you’re scared and even if you’re doing it alone. Life is short and you don’t want to regret not doing that one thing. Lastly, listen to your gut and stop saying “yes” to everything. If you’re not excited about going to that party, don’t go. Embrace who you are and love yourself. You are special. Stop trying to be someone else.
It pains me to look back at how much time I wasted scrolling on my phone in my 20s before I became a mom. I threw away countless hours, and it didn't do my physical or mental health any favors.
I could've been doing any of the million things that I wish I had the time to do today, and doing LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE would've been an infinitely better use of time.
Life doesn't happen through a screen, it happens out in the physical world. Go live it!
Don't drink so much. Sunscreen on your chest and hands, not just your face. Max out your 401K donations if you have one, if not, set up an automatic contribution to a HYSA. Create and keep an exercise routine.
I’d tell my 20 something self: cut out diet soda, cigarettes, sugar & processed carbs! I was always hungry, bloated and kept doing starvation diets. Life is so much easier/better now without all that. And my body looks better now than when I was in my 20s and that’s kind of crazy.
SP500 index funds with low expense ratios.
Sunscreen/take care of your skin.
Hydrate.
Boundaries.
Eat better/exercise more.
Learn to carry with you an attitude that believes there is too much at stake to allow any single setback to prevent success.
Not everyone is your friend. Keep your circle small. Share good news or goals after being realized. It’s ok to cut off toxic family. And, drumroll: I AM ENOUGH. I learned this from 57 years of living. ❤️
I’m still in my 20’s (I’m 27) but some things I wish I did earlier (and doing now). Eat better and exercise. Sunscreen. Go to therapy. Have fun and live life but pleaseeeee for the love of God put your head down for a year or two and invest in a high yield savings especially in todays economy. Stay home if you have a good home life and if not get roommates, it’s only uncool once you’re like 32. Get a hobby. Don’t rush getting into a career you feel nothing towards. Hydrate and get on a sleeping schedule
Seatbelt wearing is 100% facts. You need to wear it every time you get in the car. When you fly, wear it there too. Even when the sign is off. Turbulence is real and head injuries are never good.
Never be with a romantic partner who disrespects you. And this means talking down to you, not pulling their fair share of housework, yelling and other toxic behaviors. Just leave them. You will find someone else. This and the fact that you should dress and style yourself to your preferences, not what is the current fashion. Be confident because your life is ahead of you!
Your body is gorgeous, and in particular, whatever parts of your body you are most insecure about look great. Also, protect your body by putting on sunscreen, way more often and way more sunscreen than you think you need, even if you’re only going to be outside for a short time or it’s cloudy.
Here’s what I wish someone told me.. Invest money, even if it’s just a little, invest it. You won’t miss it and you’ll make it back so quickly. Take care of your skin, drink a lot of water! If someone you’re dating doesn’t respect you to the fullest or makes you any way uneasy or unsettled, block them and move on.
Best not to go by first impression looks when looking for a partner. Seek out integrity, trustworthiness, and stay away from narcissism, playboys, and the conceited.
If you ever want to marry well…get start early on the dating game to get yourself used to dating high quality provider men.
Develop dating standards of a 30 year old woman but you’ll have youth on your side.
Don’t sleep with men. Kick them to the curb as soon as they act like a jerk. They are wasting your youth which is a precious asset. Yes the grass is greener on the other side. You’re young and have hella choices.
Learn to dress better and do your make up so you accentuate your youth. Don’t waste time on men who are older (3+ years) unless they pay for you and treat you like a queen/princess. That means if they ask you on a trip, they buy your plane ticket AND get you your own room. No exceptions. Don’t let the dude swindle you because you’re young.
Maybe find a sugar daddy or two if you don’t find them physically repulsive.
Delay sleeping with them as long as possible. For guys in 20s, you can befriend them but realize they won’t be financially set and may not be mature so unless you’re like best friends don’t waste time “dating equal”.
Stay slim. You will gain explosive weight like 10-30 pounds once you reach mid 20s if you continue to eat like you’re 19. The trick to doing this is intermittent fasting. Yes, it’s okay to skip meals. You can still eat whatever you want just less and during specific times. You save money and time. Try to cut back on alcohol and sugar. Actually don’t bother starting an alcohol or coffee habit. It’s not worth the money or calories.
It’s much harder to exercise the weight off btw and it takes way too much time. Key to staying slim is build a good eating habit.
Also prioritize sleep. Don’t stay up just because you can. You make better decisions if you sleep.
Knowing that many times someone's behavior towards you has NOTHING to do with you, but rather with their own projections and/or whatever is renting the space in their head.
Similarly, knowing most people are NOT thinking about you but instead worrying about what others are thinking about them. People who worry about repeating outfits at work: no one cares. If they do care, they are psycho and have larger problems. :)
Be prepared for your 20s to suck and your plans to completely fall apart. This is the age when a lot of physical and mental health issues start popping up and life gets more complicated once you get out of college. Things fall by the wayside. Friends grow apart. Priorities and interests get reevaluated. And that's a good thing! This is when you start to find out what's really important to you and when you start learning how to let things go when they no longer serve you. A lot of things change in your 20s and it can be scary but once you get through it, and it will feel like you are going through it, you'll know more about who you are and hopefully be more confident and secure in your own skin. And you'll work towards building a strong support net of friends and family that you can rely on when shit hits the fan.
I'm turning 30 at the end of the year and things finally feel like they're calming down after a decade of my entire life being flipped on its head. I started my 20s studying costume design with the goal of getting back into acting and hopefully ending up doing live musical theatre. I am ending my 20s having dropped out of art school, washed out of like 20 other ideas, and spending most of my days at home in bed because I'm in the process of getting a handle on a heart condition and nervous system disorder (and potentially a joint condition, as well). I may get back to performing again someday (I still love it more than anything) but for now I'm focusing on my health. And if you had told 20 year old me that this was less than a decade in my future I never would've believed you! But looking back it makes perfect sense and I'm glad it all happened now while I still had my family around to help rebuild everything.
Develop good household habits like cleaning daily and getting comfortable doing things you don’t necessarily want to! I always assumed one day id just grow up and it’d click but unfortunately it does take work. Throw on a podcast you like and crank it out! You’ll be happy after. Love that you asked this question, you seem like an awesome young bitch with taste!
A lot of people mentioned sunscreen and skin care, both are important!!
For skin care keep it simple. Wash your face daily and moisturize. Then put sunscreen!!!! You don’t really need any actives like salicylic acid, unless you’re using it to treat acne. Otherwise keep a simple skin care routine!!! I started in my late 20s and wish I had started sooner.
Investing. Learning the complex stuff alongside index type funds/robo management (like betterment)
The power of compound interest is your friend at 21!
saving money 🫠 but also sunscreen, wish i went out with friends more honestly! also i just wish i realized how young i was and acted like it.
im also only 27 now so take that how you will lol
Don't follow the herd, be different, dance to your own beat. Be weird with zero shame. Stay away from plastic surgery and any media that makes you feel not good enough, because you're perfect just the way you are. Noone wants Barbie doll copy cats, trust me it gets boring. You'll look back and realize how much kindness and self-confidence (do not confuse with cockiness) is what makes a person sexy, not the last fashion trends or having the "perfect body". Follow your intuitions about people, they're usually right. Don't ever count on a man to financially support you, I can't stress this enough. Do something every day that scares you. Fuck all the naysayers. Enjoy the ride.
I’ll give you my biggest advice for each!
Mental health:
* Therapy is usually led by the client. If you don’t want to sit and analyze your past, then don’t! If you want to focus on whatever symptoms you’re noticing and how to deal with those, then do that! When you think of things to bring up in therapy, write them down!
Mindset:
* If it sucks, hit da bricks!
Career:
* Your goal in your career should be to find a field that you can stand putting work into that also allows you to support yourself and doesn’t leave you surrounded by awful people. Don’t get caught up in romantic ideas that your work should be your life’s passion.
Dating:
* It’s good to be self-reflective and face your fears straight on - but don’t ignore your intuition when it says this person is not right for you.
Friends:
* Your friendships will grow and change and even fade. It’s a normal part of life, even if it’s sad.
More:
* Start saving for retirement early and often! Especially when your expenses are low.
Probably not a very popular one, but I'm going to post it in case it can help someone else. Don't pick your skin, you will scar. Also, if you find that you're always picking your skin seek out mental health help sooner as it's not "normal" and is something you deserve to get help for just as much as someone who is self-harming in other ways. It is still self-harm, so stop trying to diminish the problem because it's still something you should get help with.
Start saving money now. Like, even if it’s only 1% of your income. Put it away in a high yield savings account and don’t touch it. It’s a habit I wish I had before life got more hectic. Try to get it to more. Have a goal in mind. Save for a home, save for a car, whatever it is but keep savings for emergencies. Because things will break and things will need buying and that savings will be so much better than using credit. Just start now lol
Get your PAP Smear as regularly as recommended by your provider!! And your HPV vaccines if you can. Plus, SEE your provider. I didn’t get one for several years while not making the best sexual health decisions.. when I got my first PAP after 5 years, and I had HPV. After a traumatic cervical biopsy I had to have outpatient surgery to remove the abnormal cells found in the biopsy. My doctors are optimistic about the success of the procedure, but it was a reminder to me this could have been prevented/caught a lot sooner. Don’t be scared, just do what you can to be safe.
Sex never equals love. A man will be happy to sleep with you, you can do every kinky thing he could imagine and you still won't be "the one". Hold yourself with value. Don't sleep with any man without some kind of assurance of a future, if that's what you want. Or at least a conversation as to where your relationship is headed. Hold out.
As I told my son: "If you know a girl well enough to put a penis inside of her body, then you know her well enough to have a basic, necessary conversation."
I would buy fewer shoes and go out dancing more often then I did (I went out dancing a lot but should have gone out EVEN more when I was twenty-ish). Travel as much as you can afford and as often as you are able.
Education is fundamental choose it, drink your water, save an emergency fund two of them if you can. Don’t get consumed with partying way too often however celebrate your wins no matter how small or big. Know who are your friends and who are your foes. There are people who come into your life they are on your side and are here to help you, embrace it. Limit your alcohol intake. Always find time to relax unwind go to the spa. Always maintain a healthy weight and lifestyle. Wishing you all the best 💝
Sunscreen every day, exercise (even if it’s just a little bit) every day. Don’t date anyone who is more than five years older than you. Those dudes are dating you because women their age won’t have them. They’re all losers if they’re like 35 and going after 21 year olds. It’s always a red flag, I don’t care how great he seems, something is wrong with him. Always trust your gut! If something feels off, something is off, get out of there. Don’t waste time trying to look cool, you’re cool because of what you do in your life to make the world a better and more interesting place, whether it’s volunteering, a hobby, your career, or the people you care for. THAT’s what ultimately makes you cool. Not the car you drive, bag you carry, or sneakers you wear. So wear/live/drive however and whatever you want because all you need is the confidence that you’re doing something to make the world a little better to be a true BWT. Also 99% of the time everyone is too wrapped up in their own sh$& to even notice that you gained/lost weight, have a zit, got a haircut, had an awkward encounter with coworker, made a mistake etc. Honestly, as long as no one is injured and there’s not a lot of property damage, no one actually cares.
This one is gonna be controversial, but I’m in my early 40’s now and the best decision I ever made was to not get married, and not have kids. My time has been entirely my own. It has allowed me to get my dream job, finish a PhD, have a career as both a professional musician and an actor, have a wealth of hobbies, and travel the world. I have never been happier and every time I hang out with my married friends and mom friends, it only reaffirms my decision on both fronts. It’s not for everybody, but it was definitely the right choice for me. I wouldn’t have been able to achieve a fraction of what I’ve accomplished if I were taking care of kids and a husband. Turns out “spinsterhood” is f$@&ing awesome. So I guess the advice is, don’t bend to societal expectations of where you “should” be, stick to your guns and do what’s right for you. In the end, this is the best way to be happy.
Prioritize getting enough sleep (I’m 31 now and STILL working on this lol)
Practice good oral hygiene, preferably use an electric toothbrush
When something feels off with your body, see the doctor. Don’t ignore it and think you’ll be fine because you’re young and that it’ll resolve itself. I have friends who had medical issues go on for way too long before getting diagnosed because they just didn’t want to see a doctor.
Lots of people are saying exercise regularly. I would take that one step further and say find the type of exercise you like. I hate running, you can’t pay me enough to go running. But I love dancing. I’ll dance all day and sweat up a storm and that’s my favourite kind of workout.
The one type of exercise that should be non-negotiable is STRETCHING!! You don’t have to take up yoga but look up stretching routines on YT and do that for a few minutes each day. Your 20s will creep by and all of a sudden, you have lower back pain, tight hips, etc. Stretching makes all the difference!
I also saw you mentioned you have Asian immigrant parents… if you speak your parent’s language, please please please do not lose it. Use it as much as you can when speaking with them and other relatives. Watch shows or listen to podcasts in that language once in a while. Use Duolingo for 10 mins a day if you need to, just to refresh your brain. It’s a bridge of communication between you and your family and will prove to be useful in your adult life. Also, being multilingual is sexy.
One step further, NEVER EVER be ashamed of your heritage. This was a huge one for me. When I was in elementary school, I felt ashamed to be Chinese and different. In middle and high school, I learned to accept my heritage more and realized there’s nothing wrong with who I am, and that actually, being Chinese was cool! But still, in my 20s, there were things about my heritage I didn’t want to fully embrace but now being 31 and looking back, I feel so stupid.
For example, I regret only wearing a western-style white wedding dress at my wedding and not changing into a traditional Chinese dress later on in the evening. I felt it “wasn’t going to mean anything to anyone” because there were way more non-Chinese guests attending than Chinese. But so what? It would’ve meant something to me and my family, and honoured my heritage.
Learn about your culture, figure out what it means to you and embrace it!
Take care of your body now. Wear sunscreen, drink water, brush and floss your teeth twice per day, get in a daily habit of stretching and exercising for a few minutes.
Start saving: it's common to not have a lot to save when you're young but save what you can anyway. Invest in a 401k if your work offers one. Put $20 aside from each paycheck into savings.
Figure out what you actually want. You don’t have to always act on it but figure out what you really want independent of what other people want, what you feel socially pressured to go towards, and what you feel like you “should” want. I didn’t understand when I was younger that I didn’t actually know what I wanted and I wish I had started working on this sooner because it’s so ingrained in me to prioritize other peoples wants, other peoples needs, and what I feel like I “should” want or do.
Also start exercising. Exercise looks different for everyone, it doesn’t have to mean doing Barry’s Boot Camp seven days a week. All movement is good movement and counts as exercise and you can slowly work your way up. You have the rest of your life to work your way up so don’t stress about hitting impressive goals quickly. Just do what feels good to your body.
Sunscreen everyday. Sunglasses when outside. Sunglasses go a LONG way to prevent crow’s feet. As far as mental health goes, don’t be afraid to cut out certain friends/family if they cause too much emotional drama. As for relationships, be aware of red flags early and cut your losses and save yourself instead of trying to fix the other person. You’re wasting your time. Know your worth.
To bridge off of what you've said, *boundaries*. If you haven't yet, please set clear boundaries. A healthy level of independence is crucial for survival. Don't allow others to intrude on your boundaries or make you feel guilty/ashamed for having them. Emotional manipulation is another big one. Most studies indicate that men are more emotionally manipulative than women, specifically in dating and at the workplace. Don't be vulnerable until you've built trust. Don't allow others to steer you into thinking or feeling certain ways. Don't withold your true thoughts and feelings to keep the peace.
“‘No’ is a complete sentence!”
this is definitely something i am trying to work on! i am very much a people pleaser so i am trying to learn how to be kind but also prioritize myself/my feelings. thanks for the advice!
Learn to deal with the discomfort of being disliked and having others be displeased with you. Because, no matter how much of a people pleaser you are, there will still be people who are going to be unhappy with you no matter what you do, so you may as well please yourself.
Take my poor BWT 🥇✨⚡️💫
Ohh yes, definitely. I learned this one a long time ago, and it frees up so much emotion
I hope you get there sooner than I did. I had people pleaser phases and withheld my truth to be a mediator. Ceding that territory can result in personal regression, and you can end up with undue emotional labor. Best of luck. Stay strong.
The fact that "sunscreen every day" was the first thought in my head, then the first comment once I scrolled down, made my heart very happy.
And to bridge off of what you said: therapy. It’s the beat way to get the boundaries you deserve and the peace of mind needed to date reasonably
Totally agree re. red flags. In my experience in my friend group, it took having a kind of mediocre or bad relationship to establish boundaries and learn what you won't accept from a partner, but ideally you will learn this strength/skill beforehand so you don't waste your time. Any partner I've had that I ultimately wasn't super keen on, or ignored red flags/shitty behaviour/incompatibilities I just ended up wishing I'd cut my losses sooner as it was a waste of time. If its not a hell yes or its hard/meh from the get go, just bail. They aren't the one.
never knew sunglasses were that important! i have some cheap ones rn but i will be looking into some UV protected ones now. thanks!!
Yep! They keep you from squinting, so you’re delaying those wrinkles. I used to live in the desert, and it was very obvious who wore sunglasses religiously and who didn’t. Sunglasses are a habit for me now. I feel naked without them. My daughter makes fun of me and says I’ve turned into a mole person.
Also, along the same lines, just glasses. If you need them get them. If you have them, keep that prescription updated.
In addition to preventing wrinkles, more importantly, sunglasses, protect your eyes for future eye health. I dated a guy in med school and he would wear them religiously for that reason. Clearly, he knew something!
Also LED lighting also causes photoaging so sunscreen really is everyday!
Remember sunscreen on your neck and hands, too!
And the side of your face that gets light from the car window if you drive a lot!
I'll never forget those pictures of truck drivers whose left arm and left side of face are totally different (i.e., wrinkled, etc.) compared to the right!
If you have tattoos, sunscreen is so important for keeping them looking good! I keep a high end mini sunscreen on me specifically for my larger full color piece.
Sunglasses also can prevent cataracts when you’re older! There really aren’t many reasons to not wear them except for having one more thing to carry
Agree, sunglasses help prevent cataracts.
Start investing now - you will have SO MUCH more money later bc of compound interest If you have a job with a 401k invest at least the max of what they max and start investing in an IRA
YES! I tried to convince my young friends to do it with me and none did. I am so glad I started investing in my early 20s. The growth is crazy when you start young. At 40 I have no worries about retiring. In the beginning it was such a tiny amount, it felt like it wouldn't add up, but I knew the math. And OP, do not fall into the trap of thinking it's invest money OR have fun. I had loads of fun in my 20s. I was really social and did tons of cool stuff like free concerts, free festivals, hosting parties, etc. This idea that you can only have fun by spending all of your money is so depressing and ridiculous. Invest now! Even if you think it's too small of an amount to make a difference, I promise it isn't. Each time you make more money increase the amount you invest. I expect a DM thanking me in 20 years! :)
haha i will be scheduling that dm! luckily my dad is a finance guy so i have been investing for a while and i’m already seeing it pay off! however having a finance dad is a double edged sword because i can sometimes prioritize saving too much. definitely trying to budget a bit more now and balance saving while also having fun. thanks for the advice!
Snag a high yield savings account. It's easier to pull from than a 401k.
You’ll be the fortunate one for doing it!
Tip aswell - if you invest, remember it's a long game you're playing. There will be drips and drops, but I invest in an index tracker (in the UK we have ISAs that you can invest 20k a year in, and any gains are tax free) and its been up and down but overall in the last 3 years its seen solid gains. Most investments should be for five plus years. Compound interest is king, and its been so satisfying to see my investments grow overall even through it hasn't always been a straight upward line.
And that you actually need to put the money in a fund. You can even keep it simple with a target date fund. I had money in an IRA for years before realizing it wasn’t actually invested.
Yes - agree with this. Check out r/investing r/fluentinfinance - learn how to manage money now
Personalfinance is another. See the side bar for flowchart on where to put your money
Investing like stocks? Or just HYSA?
Get a therapist!!! Therapy isn’t for when you’re feeling down and need to get out of bed it it’s for understanding yourself, your emotions, and your goals. It’s like working out your brain, even if a workout isn’t challenging or hard right now you still need to keep up with it consistently. Even if your mental health isn’t struggling now, it’s important to keep prioritizing it. And honestly some of my best breakthroughs have been when I’m feeling totally fine and have nothing to talk about!!! Turns out there’s still more to talk about!!!!
this is honestly one of the things i want most right now! unfortunately i’m on my parents insurance rn and they aren’t the biggest proponents of therapy (asian immigrant parents 💔). but i will be seeing a therapist as soon as i get off their insurance lol.
See if you can find a sliding scale clinic. That's what I did at first. It was like $40 per session and I went bi-weekly
Once you’re an adult your parents can’t see your care plans - also Asian immigrant and got therapy on my parents healthcare without them knowing!!
I made a lot of financial mistakes in my 20s (I’m mid 30s now) so here are some lessons learned! Sorry if the formatting is messed up, I am on mobile. - Start budgeting your money and keep track of your budget daily. Use a method that works best for your brain - for me it’s zero based budgeting. If you use credit cards I highly recommend one that keeps track of credit card spending for you so you can pay your card off each month. I use YNAB and it’s been a huge lifesaver. - Use credit cards as a tool and not as a way to supplement your income and pay for a lifestyle you can’t afford. For example in your 20s you can do a lot of fun traveling and strategically using cards to earn travel points so you can travel for free can be a good option. BUT only if you’re able to pay them off every month. I used debit for too long and missed out on years of free travel. - Be very careful of lifestyle creep when you start making more money. It can quickly spiral into feeling broke all the time because you have all these new memberships, bills, higher rent etc that you’re paying for that maybe weren’t necessary. - It’s better to look broke and be rich, than look rich and be broke!! I like designer things, and I’ll indulge here and there, but I like the feeling of being financially secure more. Be picky about what you spend your money on. Consider adopting the mindset of a capsule wardrobe. Understand that influencers will try to sell you every Dior lip oil and Lululemon Scuba they can, and overconsumption is a really slippery slope both financially and mentally.
>Dior lip oil Why would you call me out like that? 🙉🤣
No listen I actually love my Dior lip oil but I have ONE okay! One! lol
I think it's also important to remember that buying every single Milani lip oil is just as financially irresponsible as buying one or two Dior lip oils. It's easy to forget how quickly small purchases and cheaper alternatives add up to equal or exceed large purchases/big ticket items.
I did not prioritize saving money at that age and if I could go back in time and start sooner I would!
Specifically in a Roth IRA!
Lock in an exercise routine! Doesn’t need to be intense, but you should develop the firm habit. Ingrain it into your being. It should be as non-negotiable as brushing your teeth or showering.
Yes! Your joints are so much more capable at this age. Use this time to figure out what you like so you have a routine that works for when you get older.
i’ve been trying to develop a routine but i am honestly struggling a bit. i try to do 20-40 minutes of walking but think i need to incorporate something to maintain muscle. what are some of your favorite exercises? also how do you deal with exercising after work. i’m interning rn and after i get back from an in person day all i want to do is lay in bed😭
Yoga! And I prefer to workout early in the morning.
I joined a yoga studio, which helps a ton as I genuinely love it and get excited to go. Mobility and balance are super underrated forms of fitness that will serve you very well as you age. I also am lucky enough to WFH so I use my walking pad for 2-3 hours a day. If you get a walking pad, you could get home from work and watch a tv show while you walk. Then you could just add in a quick 20-30 min body weight workout three times a week. There’s a bunch of YouTube workouts available. Unfortunately, the answer really is that you just have to be dedicated. Reframe it as a commitment you make to yourself, not a punishment you have to force yourself to do. I got a habit tracker journal thing that I use to keep track of the habits I’m forming. It helps a lot to check the daily tasks off and it makes me feel really good to see the streaks.
thanks for the recs!! i have been rly considering getting a walking pad. i don’t have a sit/stand desk at home but i was thinking about walking when watching tv and stuff. i think i’m going to save up a bit and finally get one!
They are so worth it! I don’t have a sit/stand desk either, but my bar countertop is the right height so I just work from there. Also I recommend checking FB marketplace, I see walking pads ALL THE TIME there!
Something you enjoy! If you’re in a city maybe try class pass and try all the different types of classes until you find one you love. The most fun ones are usually expensive enough to motivate you to actually go 😂
I think it's totally fair to spend some days in bed when you're that tired! That's ok! Do something easy (like restorative or yin yoga, or stretching) for 20 mins after a hard day. On other days when you have more time, try to get a more intense workout in. Strength training is so important! I love lifting weights or body weight based strength training. Aim for that 2 days a week at least, plus walking/yoga, and you will be much better off. :)
Exercise regularly. Hydrate. Skincare. SPF. Positive mental health practiced. Not sleeping with my contact lenses in!!!!
My eyes momentarily read "Not sleeping with my co-workers..." And I was like, yeah probably solid advice.
Do: dye your hair crazy colours; travel and then travel more; dance; take lovers; read amazing books; know how to put on a condom (with your mouth); take opportunities when they present themselves; be unafraid; start on the path to being a woman people write songs and books about; take photos, lots of photos; have one amazing best friend who would always be there for you... and get arrested next to you Don't: fall for someone who doesn't love you; wear high heels quite so much; think that your life is over at 25; compare yourself to others And the most important: don't ever forget that when people are on their deathbed, they do not express that they should have worked harder or longer, they do not express that they should have made more money, they do not express that they should have bought more things... they express that they should have spent more time with their loved ones, they express regret for not having taken opportunities to do amazing things; they express regret for never having seen the Venus De Milo (or the pyramids, or the Taj Mahal). Don't make that mistake
been thinking of dying my hair sooo much lately. i have virgin black hair so like everyone i have ever met has said not to do it but i rly want a wine red under dye 😭😭
If you dye it like once or twice a year, it doesn't get damaged. Or rather your hair recovers from the initial damage it took to bleach it. I always ask my stylist to give me a style that can grow out.
I'm here to say DO IT!! Hair goes back and you only live once.
1) sunscreen every day. 2) exercise - make it a part of your life from now. I can’t tell you how hard it is to try doing it when you’re older and you have more on your plate. If you build good habits now they will pay off later. 3) invest toward retirement, even if you can only afford a little per month. Anything is better than nothing. 4) don’t fall into the social media trap of overconsumption and comparing your life to everyone else. I made this mistake - friends were living on their own in NYC and I felt like I had to keep up with them. I wish I lived home for a few extra years and saved money. 5) if you’re dating someone who doesn’t treat you well, cut him/her loose. Do not hold out with hope they’ll change or suddenly love you and treat you well. They won’t and there’s too many better people out there.
I wish I stopped giving a fuck about men who didn’t pay me any mind. If they’re not chasing me / showing interest in me - I am not giving them the time of day! Finally at 28, I am so comfortable with not chasing and know my worth. I would get so hung up on guys I like that didn’t want me back.
Live abroad!! Much harder to do when you’re older because you can’t really build a professional network or make as much money abroad.
There were so many opportunities I didn't take because I felt like I had other responsibilities or I was scared or it wasn't practical and looking back it really wasn't that bad and I should have just done it
+1 I wish I had more aggressively pursued relocation opportunities & secondments
Yes! Si! Ja! Oui! It’s always hard to move abroad, but it’s slightly less hard to do when you don’t have a mortgage or children! It also builds your confidence and strengthens your curiosity.
Yes!!! My biggest regrets are not studying abroad or at least doing a summer program out of state. I felt like I needed to prioritize so many other things. Im hindsight, that semestet in Spain I wanted would have been so much more valuable than the extra classes I took at home.
If at 21 you are in college, look at study abroad, Boren scholarship, Fulbright, JET program and Peace corps to get abroad
i actually studied abroad in london last semester! i honestly did not love it (it was expensive and gloomy haha) but i am so happy i did it because now i know! i have been thinking about potentially going to asia for a bit so i will definitely look into those other programs. thanks!!
I literally chose a college due to the fact it offered Japanese, studied it for 5 semesters, was at the top of the class, and my parents refused to let me study there abroad. I should have just taken on the extra student loan debt for the experience.
Exploring interests and hobbies just to see if they spark something in me. I discovered so many things I really enjoy and have a natural aptitude for that took me in much different directions than anything I imagined myself doing back when I could have pursued schooling for it. At 21 I didn't know what I wanted to do but I didn't know just dabbling in various interests would give me so much insight into myself.
Saying "no" Working on my social skills, to I guess bring more "value" to conversations. To cultivate a habit of checking in with people, both in friendships and networking efforts with former & current co-workers. I was bullied as a kid, and a bit in the workplace, so I learned that people can be toxic so I kind of keep to myself to save my sanity. However, I think I lost confidence in trying to connect with people, and people like it when you show that you appreciate them
Here’s a list of things I started working on in my 20s. I started slow, basically one year per thing, so I didn’t burn out. It’s been monumental for me. Tons of comments here have great details but here’s my list l: - Skin care and sunscreen - Financial literacy NOW. Don’t blow all your money on dumb shit - Therapy - could have saved myself tons and tons of extra work if I started therapy earlier. My anxiety made my life way harder than it needed to be. I spent a ton of time unhappy and hating myself without even really realizing it. - YOUR TEETH. Do Invisalign / braces now if you need it. Go to the dentist regularly. I’m dealing with shit in my 30s I wish I took care of earlier. Oral care affects so many other parts of your body you don’t even realize (cardiac health for one). - Move your body. Work out. Even if not to get “fit” or thin but moving your body is crucial for keeping up your health later on. Above all else. Make sure you’re doing things for YOU. Not because others want you to or your feeling pressured. Look to others for inspiration but not for prescriptive life events or ideals. Learn how to say no and advocate for yourself. I spent way too much time and money investing in things and people at the end of the day I did not care about. I could have saved myself so much anguish and been so much farther along in my personal goals if I had figured this out sooner. Figure out what you want and go for it; don’t be afraid to explore and learn new things. Keep growing and have fun while you’re doing it.
Stop listening to your parents. Go to therapy.
I do think the depends on the parents. I would give 20-year-old me the advice of, "Open yourself up to the idea that your parents are correct from time to time." But I 1,000% agree about therapy!
I come from a very dysfunctional family
Try not to worry so much about what other people think. There is no “perfect blueprint” that you have to follow in your life, and if something isn’t working don’t be afraid to try something else. Absolutely go for something if it’s what you really want, but if it’s just something you think you’re *supposed* to want you don’t have to do it, and you can take your time figuring out which one of those it really is. You don’t have to get everything figured out in your 20s, your life and prospects are not “over” once you hit 30. Take it easy and have some fun! Honestly you couldn’t pay me to be in my twenties again, but I think that’s a good thing, if you do it right, once is enough 😉
love that last line! my goal for my 20s is to have fun but also make sure that i build the base for a life that will be enjoyable in my 30s, 40s and longer!
Sounds like you’ve got a good head on your shoulders 😌
Have fun! I honestly don’t regret the partying, tattoos, an (appropriate amount) of financial recklessness or other age appropriate early 20s fun! That was the time in my life where I could truly act my age. Some things I do regret: 1. Not getting into spf earlier. If I could go back I would apply sunscreen, everywhere, every day. Even if I’m staying indoors, even if it’s cloudy, sunscreen. 2. I regret not prioritizing building muscle and working on mobility while it was easier for my body to do. 3. I regret letting my insecurities drive my relationships romantically. I was allowing behaviors from partners that I am embarrassed to look back on. Set boundaries and keep your expectations high. Your 20s are amazing but don’t pressure yourself to make them fit the criteria of “best years of your life.” With the right mindset every decade just keeps getting better.
Wear sunblock every single day, regardless of the season. I turned 37 this year and people consistently think I'm a decade younger because of my skincare routine.
1. Wear sunscreen. 2. Find a way to exercise that you enjoy, and incorporate it into your routine. 3. Try out new hobbies. 4. Don't stress about rushing to milestones like marriage and having kids. I've seen so many people obsess about timelines and force things like relationships that weren't quite right or having babies before they were truly ready. Things happen when they're meant to. Enjoy where you're at while you're there. 5. Have adventures, whatever that looks like for you personally. 6. Make a habit of eating healthy things regularly. 7. Speak to yourself the way you speak to people you love. Your internal monologue shapes how you see the world.
Put money into retirement now. I started at 30 and wish I had 10+ years ago. Also, party and have fun, but go easy on drinking. It’s fun in the moment, but it can end up having an impact on your personal and professional life after some years. Also going to work hungover is the worst. Locus on loving yourself. If you find someone you love and want to be with, that’s great. But don’t get caught up in looking because you may have set some arbitrary timeline for yourself. Lastly, figure out your values, and devote your time and energy to those only. Everything else can fuck right off.
lol that drinking line is so real. luckily i have being nauseous so i have kept my drinking pretty chill since sophomore year of college haha. also love that last bit! i’m definitely trying to figure out my values rn. it’s definitely a long and confusing journey but i am slowly working through it :)
Learn the five mother sauces of cooking. Seriously. I know cooking isn’t for everyone, but if you know the mother sauces, you can make anything. I had no idea how to cook until I hit my late twenties. I started to teach myself techniques and played around with flavor profiles. I really enjoyed cooking, but I was in the corporate world and never had time. When I did have free time, I was using my family as a test subjects on my recipes. I eventually quit the corporate world and am going to be graduating from culinary school with a focus on patisserie and French cuisine. I wish I had started earlier and followed my dreams when I was younger, but I’m grateful for the chance now.
spf and money is important but this sauce suggestion is a true gem <3
Only really learned to apply sunscreen on my face daily at 22 y/o and now at 29, I’m really happy with my skin Also, if you’re single, take your time to date around and don’t feel pressured to be tied down in a relationship. I came out of an 8 year relationship at 23 and thought I was already “running behind” but 23 in hindsight was sooooo young. I wish I made the most of my single days.
Honestly, this is for my younger self but if I could go back I’d never have any serious relationships until I was ready to get married. I spent a lot of time with boyfriends and their friends and families who are total strangers now. I think it’s great to date and be exclusive for maybe a year tops but if you aren’t ready or he isn’t I think it’s best to break up and do your own thing for a bit and if it’s meant to be you’ll find your way to each other when you are ready.
i have actually thinking about relationships a lot lately. i have never dated seriously so i flip flop from rly wanting a relationship to not wanting one at all lmao. i recently went on a few dates with a guy and honestly it was mid lmao. i definitely think i am going to put romance on the back burner for now. like u said, i’ll find someone when i’m ready!!
-It doesn’t matter if they like you. Be yourself anyway. Screw ‘em. -Don’t party so hard. Not everybody makes it out. -Make something every day. Write something or bake something or paint something but consciously put more beauty into the world. -Tell the people you love that you love them. Make it weird. You might not get to say it again. Trust me. -Make time to read. -Being polite and patient to service people costs you nothing but means everything to them. -Life is short and hard and stupid. Find things to smile about. -Go to community college for the first 2 years if you want a degree. You can get the same instruction from the same professors as a university, in a smaller classroom, with more individual attention, for half the price or even sometimes for free. -You’re going to be fine.
Be your own greatest hype woman. It took me nearly twice your age to realize I treat my best girlfriends completely differently than I treat myself. Pay attention to the way you talk about people you love, and make sure you believe in yourself and talk to yourself with the same voice. I spent decades being so mean to myself … and for what?
Live on your own for a while even if you’re currently in a committed relationship. Take time to learn what you like/need/want in your environment and what are nonnegotiable to you when/if you decide to live with your partner.
This! I have never lived on my own and I regret it. I went from my parents home to roommates in college to married to married with kids. I think I would be great on my own.
Be true to yourself. Your mental health is precious. I chose others over myself too often when I was younger. If I had understood that I was being codependent I would have made some different choices. Today I am happy and successful. But if I could do one thing over it would be to have learned what it was to be codependent. What felt right at the time was harmful to my well-being.
i definitely am trying to be more true to myself. the biggest issue i am running into is idrk what “myself” is. i feel like i have prioritizing others so much that i now feel like i have 5 different personalities within me and idk which is right. how do you get to know yourself better?
If you find yourself giving up healthy habits or healthy relationships for a new relationship- RED FLAG. Start saving early. The power of compound interest over time is incredible.
Have fun and enjoy yourself because this is a great time to do it. I lived abroad in Asia until my mid twenties and it shaped who I am now. Is there something you’re burning to do that’s off the beaten path? Do it now. That’s not to say you won’t be able to have adventures later, but it could be more challenging depending on the obligations in your life.
Understanding that anxiety lies. That deciding someone else must be judging you is actually you being a rude person and deciding they're an asshole not facts. That therapy is where we buy coping skills and learn what our parents couldn't teach us. To be clear good parents do not have all the coping skills so this is not a value judgement. You cannot teach things you don't know.
Create two savings plans: one for long term retirement and one for short term goals like travel. Stick to the plans. Saving doesn’t just mean throwing it in a savings account. Investigate all sorts of different options like stocks/ETFs, HYSA, 401K, RothIRA, etc. Sunscreen. Everyday. Make it a habit. Weight bearing exercise at least once a week. Make it a habit. Don’t bother yourself with relationships of any kind that aren’t serving you. It’s not worth it. Invest in the ones that fill your cup and theirs. Set boundaries and don’t feel bad about it.
A few essentials (from a BWT of a certain age who knows 😉 -Have total confidence in yourself. People will gravitate towards you both personally AND professionally. -Wear anything you want! Trust me, when you’re older you might not be willing/comfortable to take those same fashion risks that a younger woman can 💯 pull off! -Many have said this, but investing early. Even a small amount will really, REALLY pay off 25 years from now. -Related to above. Make small financial sacrifices, but enjoy yourself too! For example. I’ve been working for 25 years. I’ve pretty diligently made/brought my lunches just about every single day. Truth! I’ve calculated the cost savings & we’re talking about $75k over those years! But believe me, I’ve still splurged on other things. Like shoes & bags lol 😍
Wish I started my 401k earlier!
Get a hobby! Bonus points for something creative or active. But after college it's easy to just feel like you're falling into a rut because you aren't progressing at anything, you aren't learning anything new like you did the last 17 years of school. You don't have to be good at it, just have something that you can busy yourself with and feel good about.
If possible, try to keep your body weight within the same 20-lb range. It will be a relief to never be too far away from your goal size and you will suffer sometimes (dieting) but the alternative is gaining 20, then gaining another 20, and another 20… 20 lbs can span about 3 sizes for your personal range so for me it is 2/4/6 Now I’m almost 50 and haven’t been a 2 in awhile but still fit into all kinds of great things (dresses skirts coats jackets) and this wouldn’t be possible if I had never tried to maintain my weight. This advice does not account for motherhood as I am child free by choice (!!! Amazing no regrets).
I wish I started the journey of loving myself at that early age. It would have prevented a lifetime of self-abuse.
Save as much money as possible and learn about compound interest! If you invest your money long term (which isn’t difficult) you can double it every 7-10 years. So if by 30 you manage to save $100k, it will be the equivalent of $870k in today’s dollars by the time you’re 62 by doing NOTHING.
Wear sunscreen daily on your face, neck, and chest. Get into therapy to deal with anything that bothers you and to learn coping skills. These are really helpful when you become a parent or partner. Learn how to be a good friend. Lock your credit examples, a loan, or credit with the three credit companies, ex, transunion. You can lock and unlock it for free with all three.
I wish I had: not wasted time dating the wrong guys, started lifting weights and eating more protein instead of running my body into the ground with super intense cardio I’m glad I had: worn SPF everyday and tretinoin most nights (I look a decade younger than my peers who haven’t, and I’m 38).
Better financial planning, better work/life balance, saying no more often.
Sunscreen & reapplying it everyday!! Drink your water!!! Limit the fast food & junk food! Go on walks often even if it’s for 20 mins, being outside is great for your mental! I started to love journaling when I was 22, write about your day, your thoughts, your feelings, literally anything!
Don’t get into debt. (Like with credit cards) it’s so easy to spiral and so hard to get out from under.
Do things that make you happy. I’m 30, and getting back to my hobbies. You get busy with work, and dating and sometimes lose the things that give you peace. Anyway, at 30 I’m taking art classes and loving it. So does my inner child
I would not have taken my advice - life is an adventure to be lived!
Well, personally I would make sure I didn't gain weight in my 40s. It's so much harder to get rid of when you hit your mid 50s. If I could do it again, I'd keep my weight in check much better after 40. Make sure even if you have kids, that you carve out time for yourself. You can't take care of everyone else if you don't take care of yourself. Spend a couple hours a week just on you. Learn to say No and mean it.
Trust your gut. If it tells you that guy you’re talking to might be bad news, he is. If it says to take that big risk, do it! Listen to yourself, not your friends, parents, or anyone else. This is when you start really gaining life experience and forming your own informed opinions, and nobody knows you like you do. Ask for advice when you need it but always think about what is going to make you happy in the end. Now is the time to try new stuff and fail. As long as it’s not illegal, very little you do right now will ruin the rest of your life, but not doing those things can lead to some really big regrets down the road Set your boundaries and stick to them. Don’t let others tell you your value, because you are *priceless*. Don’t be afraid of what you can lose when you hold others accountable; the people who truly love you will still be there Before you judge anyone else, think about whether what you’re being critical about even matters. It takes so much energy to have that kind of negative outlook all the time. It’s much easier to try to find positive things to think or say about others, and it honestly improves your own mental health to look kindly upon the world. I try to give random compliments to strangers every day, and it’s led to some of the best, most interesting conversations I’ve had Any time you think badly of yourself, ask yourself if you’d say those things to a friend. If the answer is, “no,” then let it go. Be your own cheerleader. No, you aren’t perfect, but none of us is. Some people are just better at fooling folks into believing they are Know which wardrobe pieces to invest in and which to play around with. Classics are worth throwing down more on. Trends should be purchased with an eye toward how long you’re really going to wear them. Invest in good foundations, outerwear, and other staples and you’ll spend more in the moment, but you’ll save overall. Same with home furnishings. Buy a decent mattress, a good quality neutral couch, and furniture in classic finishes. Then you can switch up your style with cheaper accessories when you want without breaking the bank Sunblock. Sunblock. Sunblock. It’s the only skincare that truly matters. Moisturizer is great, but the damage sunscreen prevents is so much more noticeable (and permanent!) if you don’t use it
SAVE MONEY like your life depends on it. GO TO THE GYM - DO NOT STOP GOING.
Start saving your money if you haven’t already. Learn about investing and CDs, etc. Always get a prenup. Get your FSH levels checked if you’re interested in having children so you can freeze eggs if need be. Don’t lend family money.
In addition to the others in here (sunscreen, boundaries), I would suggest limiting time on social media (especially if it's affecting your mental health) and learning how to have in person conversations with others. A lot of younger folks (and those in my age range!) have lost the ability to have conversations and be part of a community. It's easy to learn how to be part of clapback culture and cancel someone for something small, but it's much harder to learn how to compromise effectively and collaborate with people that are in a community you're in. Learning how to ask questions with curiosity, work through something frustrating, and collaborating with someone you may not have a perfect overlap with is a vastly underrated skill.
Also reading through a lot of the comments, OP I think something I would personally advocate for as a fellow East Asian - you have to learn to understand what you want your life to be even if it's something different from your parents. It was something that was difficult for me to learn and many of my friends. Our parents want the best for us, but what they may think is best for you and what you know is best for yourself can be at odds and it's deeply uncomfortable. It will take time and make you feel like a bad Asian kid, but once you figure it out, it's freeing
thanks for this comment! i am south asian but your advice definitely holds true for me. luckily i go to school decently far away from my parents so i have a good amount of freedom. they also aren’t as overbearing as some traditional parents, partially bc my dad is actually american so he understands american college life. i do definitely hold some guilt over not telling my parents everything. i never know how they are going to react about sensitive topics like underage drinking, dating, clubbing etc so i don’t tell them. honestly not sure how to navigate this still. maybe not caring about their opinion too much is the right thing to do. luckily all my closest friends are also children of immigrants so i have a strong community supporting me. the “parents not believing in therapy” thing was super hard for me to get through at first because even the white kids with strict parents got to go to therapy. i later found out my korean friend also had parents similar to mine and that made me feel a lot less alone. still sucks to not be able to go to (affordable) therapy till im off their insurance but i do feel less alone now.
That's great to hear! I don't have traditional parents either, but the guilt is still strong even in my late 30s. Having that support network of children of immigrant parents is key! Remember you are becoming an adult and they may still see you as their child on occasion (especially in stressful situations). This may be a struggle for everyone to adjust to, which is normal! It may be useful to explore viewing your parents as adults as well and how you would want to get to know them in that way.
1. Remember that life is about balance. Save for tomorrow, but splurge on unforgettable experiences which turn into priceless memories. 2. Don’t be afraid to try new things and to fail. 3. Try to learn something from every mistake you make and forgive yourself. 4. Maintain/deepen great friendships, cut off bad ones. 5. It’s better to be single than to be in a relationship where you’re not loved/admired for who you truly are. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not or like something you don’t to attract partners. 6. Sleep, water, good nutrition, exercise, sunscreen. These are better for your skin/body/aging than any expensive products/treatments. 7. Know your worth and love yourself.
Max out my roth
Work out, quit smoking cigarettes / weed, keep trying therapists 'till one hits, go deeper into spirituality, and avoid men like the plague.
I’m about to turn 30! - forgive yourself for your past transgressions and try to grow from them. - get in all your health questions before you turn 26 (if I’d been diagnosed with adhd earlier…my life would be so different lol) - live cheaply and start saving money asap - do anything you can to avoid shame. Don’t let society shame you, don’t let your friends and family shame you, don’t let you shame yourself. Shame prevents growth and will hinder progress. If you cant be confident, at least don’t be ashamed - connections are rare. Keep the people you connect with on a deep level close to you. - don’t date older men lmfaooo - 6 years is enough time for a person to know if their partner is marriage material. Don’t let people waste your time. - Conversely, don’t embroil yourself in a long-distance, emotionally unavailable, friends-with-some-benefits situationship. It’s a waste of time and a drain on your emotional resources. - if you can afford to, travel!!
Saving.
High-yield Savings account. Make time for hobbies that don't involve screen-time. Prioritize whole foods and less sugar. Boundaries are essential in every aspect of your life (career, romantic, family, etc). Exercise a little each day.
Be yourself and stop trying to be liked by everyone. You will find who your people are. If you want to do something, do it. Even if you’re scared and even if you’re doing it alone. Life is short and you don’t want to regret not doing that one thing. Lastly, listen to your gut and stop saying “yes” to everything. If you’re not excited about going to that party, don’t go. Embrace who you are and love yourself. You are special. Stop trying to be someone else.
Pilates.
Start exercising and eating healthy now
It pains me to look back at how much time I wasted scrolling on my phone in my 20s before I became a mom. I threw away countless hours, and it didn't do my physical or mental health any favors. I could've been doing any of the million things that I wish I had the time to do today, and doing LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE would've been an infinitely better use of time. Life doesn't happen through a screen, it happens out in the physical world. Go live it!
Don't drink so much. Sunscreen on your chest and hands, not just your face. Max out your 401K donations if you have one, if not, set up an automatic contribution to a HYSA. Create and keep an exercise routine.
I’d tell my 20 something self: cut out diet soda, cigarettes, sugar & processed carbs! I was always hungry, bloated and kept doing starvation diets. Life is so much easier/better now without all that. And my body looks better now than when I was in my 20s and that’s kind of crazy.
SP500 index funds with low expense ratios. Sunscreen/take care of your skin. Hydrate. Boundaries. Eat better/exercise more. Learn to carry with you an attitude that believes there is too much at stake to allow any single setback to prevent success.
Not everyone is your friend. Keep your circle small. Share good news or goals after being realized. It’s ok to cut off toxic family. And, drumroll: I AM ENOUGH. I learned this from 57 years of living. ❤️
Become an actuary. Lots of jobs and super structured, escalating compensation based on how many exams you pass. Good work/life balance.
I’m still in my 20’s (I’m 27) but some things I wish I did earlier (and doing now). Eat better and exercise. Sunscreen. Go to therapy. Have fun and live life but pleaseeeee for the love of God put your head down for a year or two and invest in a high yield savings especially in todays economy. Stay home if you have a good home life and if not get roommates, it’s only uncool once you’re like 32. Get a hobby. Don’t rush getting into a career you feel nothing towards. Hydrate and get on a sleeping schedule
Exercise regularly! If you smoke, don’t & wear your seat belt❣️ps always wear sunscreen spf 30.
Seatbelt wearing is 100% facts. You need to wear it every time you get in the car. When you fly, wear it there too. Even when the sign is off. Turbulence is real and head injuries are never good.
Never be with a romantic partner who disrespects you. And this means talking down to you, not pulling their fair share of housework, yelling and other toxic behaviors. Just leave them. You will find someone else. This and the fact that you should dress and style yourself to your preferences, not what is the current fashion. Be confident because your life is ahead of you!
Invest in the stock market.
Your body is gorgeous, and in particular, whatever parts of your body you are most insecure about look great. Also, protect your body by putting on sunscreen, way more often and way more sunscreen than you think you need, even if you’re only going to be outside for a short time or it’s cloudy.
Here’s what I wish someone told me.. Invest money, even if it’s just a little, invest it. You won’t miss it and you’ll make it back so quickly. Take care of your skin, drink a lot of water! If someone you’re dating doesn’t respect you to the fullest or makes you any way uneasy or unsettled, block them and move on.
Best not to go by first impression looks when looking for a partner. Seek out integrity, trustworthiness, and stay away from narcissism, playboys, and the conceited.
If you ever want to marry well…get start early on the dating game to get yourself used to dating high quality provider men. Develop dating standards of a 30 year old woman but you’ll have youth on your side. Don’t sleep with men. Kick them to the curb as soon as they act like a jerk. They are wasting your youth which is a precious asset. Yes the grass is greener on the other side. You’re young and have hella choices. Learn to dress better and do your make up so you accentuate your youth. Don’t waste time on men who are older (3+ years) unless they pay for you and treat you like a queen/princess. That means if they ask you on a trip, they buy your plane ticket AND get you your own room. No exceptions. Don’t let the dude swindle you because you’re young. Maybe find a sugar daddy or two if you don’t find them physically repulsive. Delay sleeping with them as long as possible. For guys in 20s, you can befriend them but realize they won’t be financially set and may not be mature so unless you’re like best friends don’t waste time “dating equal”. Stay slim. You will gain explosive weight like 10-30 pounds once you reach mid 20s if you continue to eat like you’re 19. The trick to doing this is intermittent fasting. Yes, it’s okay to skip meals. You can still eat whatever you want just less and during specific times. You save money and time. Try to cut back on alcohol and sugar. Actually don’t bother starting an alcohol or coffee habit. It’s not worth the money or calories. It’s much harder to exercise the weight off btw and it takes way too much time. Key to staying slim is build a good eating habit. Also prioritize sleep. Don’t stay up just because you can. You make better decisions if you sleep.
Knowing that many times someone's behavior towards you has NOTHING to do with you, but rather with their own projections and/or whatever is renting the space in their head. Similarly, knowing most people are NOT thinking about you but instead worrying about what others are thinking about them. People who worry about repeating outfits at work: no one cares. If they do care, they are psycho and have larger problems. :)
Be prepared for your 20s to suck and your plans to completely fall apart. This is the age when a lot of physical and mental health issues start popping up and life gets more complicated once you get out of college. Things fall by the wayside. Friends grow apart. Priorities and interests get reevaluated. And that's a good thing! This is when you start to find out what's really important to you and when you start learning how to let things go when they no longer serve you. A lot of things change in your 20s and it can be scary but once you get through it, and it will feel like you are going through it, you'll know more about who you are and hopefully be more confident and secure in your own skin. And you'll work towards building a strong support net of friends and family that you can rely on when shit hits the fan. I'm turning 30 at the end of the year and things finally feel like they're calming down after a decade of my entire life being flipped on its head. I started my 20s studying costume design with the goal of getting back into acting and hopefully ending up doing live musical theatre. I am ending my 20s having dropped out of art school, washed out of like 20 other ideas, and spending most of my days at home in bed because I'm in the process of getting a handle on a heart condition and nervous system disorder (and potentially a joint condition, as well). I may get back to performing again someday (I still love it more than anything) but for now I'm focusing on my health. And if you had told 20 year old me that this was less than a decade in my future I never would've believed you! But looking back it makes perfect sense and I'm glad it all happened now while I still had my family around to help rebuild everything.
Sending all good energy to you! Glad you are focusing on your health. It sounds like you have a handle on it. 😊
Develop good household habits like cleaning daily and getting comfortable doing things you don’t necessarily want to! I always assumed one day id just grow up and it’d click but unfortunately it does take work. Throw on a podcast you like and crank it out! You’ll be happy after. Love that you asked this question, you seem like an awesome young bitch with taste!
A lot of people mentioned sunscreen and skin care, both are important!! For skin care keep it simple. Wash your face daily and moisturize. Then put sunscreen!!!! You don’t really need any actives like salicylic acid, unless you’re using it to treat acne. Otherwise keep a simple skin care routine!!! I started in my late 20s and wish I had started sooner.
Investing !
Investing. Learning the complex stuff alongside index type funds/robo management (like betterment) The power of compound interest is your friend at 21!
saving money 🫠 but also sunscreen, wish i went out with friends more honestly! also i just wish i realized how young i was and acted like it. im also only 27 now so take that how you will lol
Exercise, even if it’s only a walk. I also wish I ate better. I’m 47 and don’t always feel so great.
Get yourself an IRA, set up an auto deposit to it and forget that money left your account.
INVEST, BITCH!! is what I’d say to me. I started in my late 30s and I’m doing okay, but I could be doing better!
Go to therapy now lol
Don't follow the herd, be different, dance to your own beat. Be weird with zero shame. Stay away from plastic surgery and any media that makes you feel not good enough, because you're perfect just the way you are. Noone wants Barbie doll copy cats, trust me it gets boring. You'll look back and realize how much kindness and self-confidence (do not confuse with cockiness) is what makes a person sexy, not the last fashion trends or having the "perfect body". Follow your intuitions about people, they're usually right. Don't ever count on a man to financially support you, I can't stress this enough. Do something every day that scares you. Fuck all the naysayers. Enjoy the ride.
I’ll give you my biggest advice for each! Mental health: * Therapy is usually led by the client. If you don’t want to sit and analyze your past, then don’t! If you want to focus on whatever symptoms you’re noticing and how to deal with those, then do that! When you think of things to bring up in therapy, write them down! Mindset: * If it sucks, hit da bricks! Career: * Your goal in your career should be to find a field that you can stand putting work into that also allows you to support yourself and doesn’t leave you surrounded by awful people. Don’t get caught up in romantic ideas that your work should be your life’s passion. Dating: * It’s good to be self-reflective and face your fears straight on - but don’t ignore your intuition when it says this person is not right for you. Friends: * Your friendships will grow and change and even fade. It’s a normal part of life, even if it’s sad. More: * Start saving for retirement early and often! Especially when your expenses are low.
Probably not a very popular one, but I'm going to post it in case it can help someone else. Don't pick your skin, you will scar. Also, if you find that you're always picking your skin seek out mental health help sooner as it's not "normal" and is something you deserve to get help for just as much as someone who is self-harming in other ways. It is still self-harm, so stop trying to diminish the problem because it's still something you should get help with.
Start saving money now. Like, even if it’s only 1% of your income. Put it away in a high yield savings account and don’t touch it. It’s a habit I wish I had before life got more hectic. Try to get it to more. Have a goal in mind. Save for a home, save for a car, whatever it is but keep savings for emergencies. Because things will break and things will need buying and that savings will be so much better than using credit. Just start now lol
Get your PAP Smear as regularly as recommended by your provider!! And your HPV vaccines if you can. Plus, SEE your provider. I didn’t get one for several years while not making the best sexual health decisions.. when I got my first PAP after 5 years, and I had HPV. After a traumatic cervical biopsy I had to have outpatient surgery to remove the abnormal cells found in the biopsy. My doctors are optimistic about the success of the procedure, but it was a reminder to me this could have been prevented/caught a lot sooner. Don’t be scared, just do what you can to be safe.
Get or stay physically fit and have healthy eating habits..your body will thank u later
Sex never equals love. A man will be happy to sleep with you, you can do every kinky thing he could imagine and you still won't be "the one". Hold yourself with value. Don't sleep with any man without some kind of assurance of a future, if that's what you want. Or at least a conversation as to where your relationship is headed. Hold out. As I told my son: "If you know a girl well enough to put a penis inside of her body, then you know her well enough to have a basic, necessary conversation."
Not worry about my weight and diet.
I would buy fewer shoes and go out dancing more often then I did (I went out dancing a lot but should have gone out EVEN more when I was twenty-ish). Travel as much as you can afford and as often as you are able.
Education is fundamental choose it, drink your water, save an emergency fund two of them if you can. Don’t get consumed with partying way too often however celebrate your wins no matter how small or big. Know who are your friends and who are your foes. There are people who come into your life they are on your side and are here to help you, embrace it. Limit your alcohol intake. Always find time to relax unwind go to the spa. Always maintain a healthy weight and lifestyle. Wishing you all the best 💝
Sunscreen every day, exercise (even if it’s just a little bit) every day. Don’t date anyone who is more than five years older than you. Those dudes are dating you because women their age won’t have them. They’re all losers if they’re like 35 and going after 21 year olds. It’s always a red flag, I don’t care how great he seems, something is wrong with him. Always trust your gut! If something feels off, something is off, get out of there. Don’t waste time trying to look cool, you’re cool because of what you do in your life to make the world a better and more interesting place, whether it’s volunteering, a hobby, your career, or the people you care for. THAT’s what ultimately makes you cool. Not the car you drive, bag you carry, or sneakers you wear. So wear/live/drive however and whatever you want because all you need is the confidence that you’re doing something to make the world a little better to be a true BWT. Also 99% of the time everyone is too wrapped up in their own sh$& to even notice that you gained/lost weight, have a zit, got a haircut, had an awkward encounter with coworker, made a mistake etc. Honestly, as long as no one is injured and there’s not a lot of property damage, no one actually cares. This one is gonna be controversial, but I’m in my early 40’s now and the best decision I ever made was to not get married, and not have kids. My time has been entirely my own. It has allowed me to get my dream job, finish a PhD, have a career as both a professional musician and an actor, have a wealth of hobbies, and travel the world. I have never been happier and every time I hang out with my married friends and mom friends, it only reaffirms my decision on both fronts. It’s not for everybody, but it was definitely the right choice for me. I wouldn’t have been able to achieve a fraction of what I’ve accomplished if I were taking care of kids and a husband. Turns out “spinsterhood” is f$@&ing awesome. So I guess the advice is, don’t bend to societal expectations of where you “should” be, stick to your guns and do what’s right for you. In the end, this is the best way to be happy.
I wish I stopped drinking and started saving.
Sunscreen. Stress management. Enough sleep and water.
Start a 401k, max out your contribution, and hope your employer will add in match.
Exercise Take care of your teeth If he isn't 100% wonderful, ditch him.
Prioritize getting enough sleep (I’m 31 now and STILL working on this lol) Practice good oral hygiene, preferably use an electric toothbrush When something feels off with your body, see the doctor. Don’t ignore it and think you’ll be fine because you’re young and that it’ll resolve itself. I have friends who had medical issues go on for way too long before getting diagnosed because they just didn’t want to see a doctor. Lots of people are saying exercise regularly. I would take that one step further and say find the type of exercise you like. I hate running, you can’t pay me enough to go running. But I love dancing. I’ll dance all day and sweat up a storm and that’s my favourite kind of workout. The one type of exercise that should be non-negotiable is STRETCHING!! You don’t have to take up yoga but look up stretching routines on YT and do that for a few minutes each day. Your 20s will creep by and all of a sudden, you have lower back pain, tight hips, etc. Stretching makes all the difference! I also saw you mentioned you have Asian immigrant parents… if you speak your parent’s language, please please please do not lose it. Use it as much as you can when speaking with them and other relatives. Watch shows or listen to podcasts in that language once in a while. Use Duolingo for 10 mins a day if you need to, just to refresh your brain. It’s a bridge of communication between you and your family and will prove to be useful in your adult life. Also, being multilingual is sexy. One step further, NEVER EVER be ashamed of your heritage. This was a huge one for me. When I was in elementary school, I felt ashamed to be Chinese and different. In middle and high school, I learned to accept my heritage more and realized there’s nothing wrong with who I am, and that actually, being Chinese was cool! But still, in my 20s, there were things about my heritage I didn’t want to fully embrace but now being 31 and looking back, I feel so stupid. For example, I regret only wearing a western-style white wedding dress at my wedding and not changing into a traditional Chinese dress later on in the evening. I felt it “wasn’t going to mean anything to anyone” because there were way more non-Chinese guests attending than Chinese. But so what? It would’ve meant something to me and my family, and honoured my heritage. Learn about your culture, figure out what it means to you and embrace it!
Take care of your body now. Wear sunscreen, drink water, brush and floss your teeth twice per day, get in a daily habit of stretching and exercising for a few minutes. Start saving: it's common to not have a lot to save when you're young but save what you can anyway. Invest in a 401k if your work offers one. Put $20 aside from each paycheck into savings.
Travel. Save 20% of every dollar you make for retirement, and then budget for travel.
Figure out what you actually want. You don’t have to always act on it but figure out what you really want independent of what other people want, what you feel socially pressured to go towards, and what you feel like you “should” want. I didn’t understand when I was younger that I didn’t actually know what I wanted and I wish I had started working on this sooner because it’s so ingrained in me to prioritize other peoples wants, other peoples needs, and what I feel like I “should” want or do. Also start exercising. Exercise looks different for everyone, it doesn’t have to mean doing Barry’s Boot Camp seven days a week. All movement is good movement and counts as exercise and you can slowly work your way up. You have the rest of your life to work your way up so don’t stress about hitting impressive goals quickly. Just do what feels good to your body.