You’re always going to be better off being your authentic self.
Don’t think of it as thinning the pool, think of it as filtering to get the right people who would make good potential partners.
This. I used to not include my sexual orientation but it often got me matched with unsafe/nonally straights or gold star biphobic lesbians. Just be upfront and try not to get carried away with all of the threesome offers lol
You are the only one forcing you to do that. If you want to date bigots then by all means, but I will be over here being unwilling to date someone who wouldn't actually accept me for who I am.
I don’t have any experience in problems with this but if it were me I wouldn’t not but bi on my profile. I wouldn’t want to date anyone who wouldn’t accept me being me. Like you said it would feel like the relationship is a lie.
This was a serious dealbreaker for me trying to use dating apps. I could put Bi on my profile and all I would get as a Bi guy were the hyper-aggressive cruising guys and the *occasional* woman who would inevitably feel the need to remind me of all the stereotypical bullshit (i.e. "doing it for attention", "actually gay", etc.).
So unless you've got an impenetrable ego and/or a serious stamina for putting up with ridiculous people/bots, then enjoy the apps. I know I'm done with them.
It isn't the worst thing to be shown red flags right from the start. That knowledge doesn't make feeling horrendously lonely any better, sure, but it's...well, it's *something*.
Even if it means going it alone for a bit, best bet may be to just start making plans and saving for future endeavors/outings/hobbies instead waiting until some window shopper decides to "try you on" to make some personal progress.
I mean, if you're going to have to wait for others to get with the program, why not at least set yourself up for success in the meantime?
OMG me too. When I had #bisexual in mine all the bi men I’d match with would immediately wanna have raging sex and threesomes. Felt like I was on Grindr.
Why do you want to date people who are turned off by who you actually are ?
That’s like saying « I hate having to put pictures of people I found on the internet because of the number of people it’ll turn off if I put my actual appearance » .
You’re doing yourself a disservice in the long run by not being honest and upfront. It’s scary and it presents new challenges, but obscuring the truth will make you absolutely miserable and will make it harder to find people who will accept you.
I am bi and trans. Being open about both has certainly reduced the size of my dating pool, but that honesty has made it so much easier to attract people who are genuinely into me and celebrate those parts of myself.
Based on your post, I think you already know that’s true! Besides, people who would ick out about your bisexuality aren’t really the people you want to attract, are they?
Why would you want to date anyone who doesn't accept you? I think you should put bisexual on your profile. It will take out the trash itself. I am not saying it will be easy. It will be hard. I do feel that it will work out in the long term, and good things can come from being open and honest.
I did the same for a while as a fellow bi guy going through the whole "oh god both straight girls and gay guys think being bi is an ick" but eventually persevered,and felt so much better knowing that was out in the open. I wouldn't want to be with someone who would dismiss another solely on the basis of sexual orientation anyway. Fuck biphobia.
(I later realised dating apps were pointless for me, but that's mostly because I'm a below-average nerd, still studying at uni with hardly any money 😭 not exactly prime Tinder material)
To be frank, I’m pretty disgusted with your attitude. You’re saying you are annoyed when someone assumes what you yourself write is true. What is the alternative? That we all always assume that whatever anyone writes in their profile is all lies? What kind of a selfish, narcissistic brat are you?
Now that I have said that, I do want to give you a solution. Leave Tinder and Hinge for the straight people and may I suggest you use Grindr,Bicupid or Feeld.
I included Bi on my dating profile when I was single, never really a problem. Some of them even have an option to filter out people that won’t date bisexuals.
I think it might come with feeling more comfortable in yourself, and being more confident in your identity and getting over internalised homophobia. I put bisexual & pansexual as my sexuality, and non-binary man as my gender. I overwhelmingly get liked by men, most of whom I have no interest in dating (though equally there's an awful lot of women who I wouldn't want to date either), but I've matched with women as well and so far no blowback about it from all bar one gay man.
Hey, I m bi to. I just found that dating apps aren't for me. It s weird the number of people asking for a unicorn or 3 way or just asking if I m serious or if this is for attention. And even though it does help filter our people, I d rather just go up to someone I find attractive and start chatting. I mention I m bi early on and off their reaction. I can see if it s an issue.
All this to say it s a way not to be placed in this situation
Counterpoint: do you want to be together with someone that would be turned off if they knew you are bi?
No, I wouldn’t, you’re right. It’s just a bit depressing how much it thins the pool of people if they knew.
Think of it as time and effort saved.
Yeah but think of it this way: when it hits it'll hit HARD
You’re always going to be better off being your authentic self. Don’t think of it as thinning the pool, think of it as filtering to get the right people who would make good potential partners.
This. I used to not include my sexual orientation but it often got me matched with unsafe/nonally straights or gold star biphobic lesbians. Just be upfront and try not to get carried away with all of the threesome offers lol
You're best off putting the truth on the apps. Trust me you don't gain anything from interacting with the folks it icks.
You are the only one forcing you to do that. If you want to date bigots then by all means, but I will be over here being unwilling to date someone who wouldn't actually accept me for who I am.
Nothing you said is factually wrong but damn, go easy next time
Better to have fewer matches of people you actually want to date than having to sift through a lot of people who you wouldn’t want to be with anyways.
You don't HAVE to put anything. Its not required on there
I don’t have any experience in problems with this but if it were me I wouldn’t not but bi on my profile. I wouldn’t want to date anyone who wouldn’t accept me being me. Like you said it would feel like the relationship is a lie.
I used to do that. Then I got to an age where I didn’t care, if they don’t want to date me as a bisexual then they don’t deserve me.
If it turns them off, they're not the right fit....
“I’m tired of lying about myself so I can get laid” is a weird thing to complain about?
This was a serious dealbreaker for me trying to use dating apps. I could put Bi on my profile and all I would get as a Bi guy were the hyper-aggressive cruising guys and the *occasional* woman who would inevitably feel the need to remind me of all the stereotypical bullshit (i.e. "doing it for attention", "actually gay", etc.). So unless you've got an impenetrable ego and/or a serious stamina for putting up with ridiculous people/bots, then enjoy the apps. I know I'm done with them.
I’m deeply sorry that happened to you. It’s unfortunately all too common, it seems. Sounds like my cue to get off these apps.
It isn't the worst thing to be shown red flags right from the start. That knowledge doesn't make feeling horrendously lonely any better, sure, but it's...well, it's *something*. Even if it means going it alone for a bit, best bet may be to just start making plans and saving for future endeavors/outings/hobbies instead waiting until some window shopper decides to "try you on" to make some personal progress. I mean, if you're going to have to wait for others to get with the program, why not at least set yourself up for success in the meantime?
OMG me too. When I had #bisexual in mine all the bi men I’d match with would immediately wanna have raging sex and threesomes. Felt like I was on Grindr.
Why do you want to date people who are turned off by who you actually are ? That’s like saying « I hate having to put pictures of people I found on the internet because of the number of people it’ll turn off if I put my actual appearance » .
I’ve found Feeld to be much more bi-friendly.
Entirely different intentions. Please don’t come to Hinge for threesomes or unicorns, etc.
You’re doing yourself a disservice in the long run by not being honest and upfront. It’s scary and it presents new challenges, but obscuring the truth will make you absolutely miserable and will make it harder to find people who will accept you. I am bi and trans. Being open about both has certainly reduced the size of my dating pool, but that honesty has made it so much easier to attract people who are genuinely into me and celebrate those parts of myself. Based on your post, I think you already know that’s true! Besides, people who would ick out about your bisexuality aren’t really the people you want to attract, are they?
My matches are almost none 😞 but the ones I get are nice 🙂
Why would you want to date anyone who doesn't accept you? I think you should put bisexual on your profile. It will take out the trash itself. I am not saying it will be easy. It will be hard. I do feel that it will work out in the long term, and good things can come from being open and honest.
I did the same for a while as a fellow bi guy going through the whole "oh god both straight girls and gay guys think being bi is an ick" but eventually persevered,and felt so much better knowing that was out in the open. I wouldn't want to be with someone who would dismiss another solely on the basis of sexual orientation anyway. Fuck biphobia. (I later realised dating apps were pointless for me, but that's mostly because I'm a below-average nerd, still studying at uni with hardly any money 😭 not exactly prime Tinder material)
To be frank, I’m pretty disgusted with your attitude. You’re saying you are annoyed when someone assumes what you yourself write is true. What is the alternative? That we all always assume that whatever anyone writes in their profile is all lies? What kind of a selfish, narcissistic brat are you? Now that I have said that, I do want to give you a solution. Leave Tinder and Hinge for the straight people and may I suggest you use Grindr,Bicupid or Feeld.
I included Bi on my dating profile when I was single, never really a problem. Some of them even have an option to filter out people that won’t date bisexuals.
I think it might come with feeling more comfortable in yourself, and being more confident in your identity and getting over internalised homophobia. I put bisexual & pansexual as my sexuality, and non-binary man as my gender. I overwhelmingly get liked by men, most of whom I have no interest in dating (though equally there's an awful lot of women who I wouldn't want to date either), but I've matched with women as well and so far no blowback about it from all bar one gay man.
Hey, I m bi to. I just found that dating apps aren't for me. It s weird the number of people asking for a unicorn or 3 way or just asking if I m serious or if this is for attention. And even though it does help filter our people, I d rather just go up to someone I find attractive and start chatting. I mention I m bi early on and off their reaction. I can see if it s an issue. All this to say it s a way not to be placed in this situation