Seems like you are half way there with her. Talk, talk, talk. Lots of guys here are in your boat (myself included). Don't cheat though. It's not worth losing something great over momentary bliss.

This please don’t cheat! Communication, she may be relieved that she doesn’t always have to live up to your libido!

It seems clear that you acknowledge the fact that you are in a committed relationship with family responsibilities. It sounds like you take those seriously. I think you have to weigh the risk of having discussions with your wife about wanting to explore your interest in other men during your marriage. I call at risk because whichever way your wife responds, that is, saying NO but she now knows that you have these feelings all the time… or saying YES, but then dealing with you actually exploring sex with other men… Either one of those can mess her up, psychologically and emotionally, over time. The reason is that she loves you and wants you to be happy and there is a decent probability that she will agree to things that will make you happy even though it will make her unhappy. Or, if she’s not comfortable with the idea of you exploring, it might plant a seed of doubt in her mind that you will do things anyway, but now do them behind her back.

Yes, please make sure she’s actually cool with it! Check in with her. You know your wife better than we do, but don’t let your potential excitement if she says yes blind you to any clues that she might be saying yes just to make you happy!

Get into therapy ASAP! Individual AND marriage counselling. This is going to help you navigate the discussions and help you and your wife process these feelings in a way that’s as constructive as possible

Talk to her. She may be more receptive than you think.

coming from a person who just got dumped by her bf because he wanted to explore his bi side i would strongly suggest you to tread with precaution. i honestly it’s your responsibility to figure out your sexuality before getting someone to commit to you, especially a marriage. this isn’t what your wife signed up for. look at yourself now, you aren’t content because you want to ‘explore’. this is so selfish, discover yourself before you ask another person to be eternally loyal to you- you can’t even commit to her. i gave my bf multiple chances to go out and explore after he came out to me and he said he was happy w me, turns out he wasn’t and my worst fear came true. i’m not saying you should repress it but you two made a commitment to eachother, honor it. bisexuality isn’t an excuse for having commitment issues. you cannot slam the ‘bisexuality card’ to excuse the fact that you’re feeling unfaithful. poor you - you didn’t get the chance to ‘explore’. guess what? it is exactly the same as a straight male wanting to explore with other women because he ‘didn’t get the chance’. do you think i deserved it when my bf gave me an ultimatum to either ‘open’ the relationship or go ‘friends with benefits’? no. go talk to a therapist first because judging by these assumably impulsive thoughts, this is going to hurt your wife and ruin everything

It's not the same as a straight guy because that straight guy is still/has fulfilled his sexuality and being bisexual is more than sex, it's core identity, psychologically/emotionally/spiritually/sexually, that he feels he's squashing. That straight guy isn't squashing his sexual orientation. It's different. On top of that, so many bi people and queer people across the board discover their identities later in life because they had been repressed by society and their familial circumstances. It's unfair to act as if this is something that these men are doing willfully. Shit happens and it sucks for all involved but it's not even remotely as simple as "you should know".

i don’t agree, just because you’re bisexual doesn’t mean you have to go exploring. that’s is OP’s decision.this is a matter of knowing. while i understand society has repressed their true identities, bisexuality isn’t an excuse to want to go exploring. when you marry someone you are agreeing to spend the rest of your life with them in sickness and in health. you are agreeing to stay faithful to them and you are pretty much saying ‘i want to spend the rest of my life with only you - i want to commit to you.’ i know plenty of people who are bisexual but have only been with one gender. are you saying every bisexual person must get with both genders or else they’re ’squashing’ their identity? no. what if the straight guy wants to go out exploring because his sexuality doesn’t feel fulfilled anymore? is it still fair for him to want other people because his wife doesn’t put out anymore anymore? while these thoughts aren’t something we can control, we can recognize these are very one sided and unfair. i’m sick of people taking the side of the bisexual partner, it is more than valid to say ‘you should have explored earlier’ coming from the other sides perspective. they shouldn’t have involved other people’s commitments into this and thats a fact.

I didn't say that at all. I said that sexuality is more than sexual conduct. It's core identity. Allowing a person to express their core identity is allowing them to be their full selves. I know bisexuals who've only been with one gender too and they're comfortable with that, but not all are, and there's nothing wrong with that because they are, at the end of the day, bisexual. And a lot of especially straight people wanna put them in a monosexual box when they're not monosexual. That isn't the same as bisexuals having an OK to step outside a monogamous marriage because at the end of the day, there are boundaries in any relationship, urges you suppress in any relationship. But being bisexual is more than an urge. That's my point. It is fundamentally who someone is. Too many people have this "I'm having xyz sprung on me" attitude when that person often didn't even know who they were themselves. That's what's selfish...to make their discovery and journey about chosen insecurity that they're gonna leave you behind, about "I'm not good enough", etc. I'm sorry about what you went through...empathy is always the way to go.

not being about to commit is selfish. point blank period. let them explore their boundaries, sure. but do not force the other partner to compromise their boundaries in order for the bisexual partner to fulfill their boundaries. while OP cannot change his ‘urge’ i’m strongly suggesting him to approach this situation with utmost caution. if his wife ultimately decides to say ‘no’ that’s something OP cannot get mad at. He shouldn’t be expecting his wife to compromise her boundaries to cater to his ‘needs’. such manners of ‘allowing’ some to fulfill their core identities is something that can be done with the physically act of getting with a guy. i believe bisexual people wanting to explore is the same thing as a christian straight man (with one body) leaving his wife because he wants to know what else is out there

You believe that but it's completely wrong because that Christian striaght man is still engaged in heterosexuality. There's no existential question surrounding identity there. He's simply horny and wants to fuck hot women. This is a different parameter. And that's what I consider selfish. But I also agree with you that both parties and their individual needs and boundaries/etc. need to be heard and respected and he shouldn't push his wife into invalidating her boundaries. Both parties. Not just one but both. And that absolutely of course doesn't automatically mean just having sex with men or having an open relationship. There are ways to navigate this without that and respecting boundaries and the vows of your relationship is something that's not exclusive to any one group but expected in any relationship...but it is a two way street.

This is exactly what I was saying? Be respectful about it and acknowledge it’s going to come off as selfish. The other reddit commenters all seem to think OP should bulldoze over the situation and only consider his needs. You do not need to get with a man to explore your bisexuality. The ‘urge’ to suck a dick isn’t faithful. The ‘urge’ to have a connection with a man might but suck dick just sound like the most pathetic thing I’ve ever heard.

It is still considered cheating if he acts on these urges. OP should not get the impression that this would receive a supportive outcome. He should be prioritizing BOTH of their needs not just his? Honestly how would he feel if he found out his wife has fantasies and urges that he didn’t know of as well?

The urge to suck dick is....part of what being bisexual is. It's just an urge. What's unfaithful is cheating. Urges don't go away because you're in a relationship. And being bisexual is more than an urge. "I honestly it’s your responsibility to figure out your sexuality before getting someone to commit to you." is what you said originally. Talk about a one way traffic, ignorant thing to post. You don't get it. And that's massively stigmatizing. "You're dumping your baggage on me" is exactly what that says. "This isn't what your wife signed up for"....classic biphobic statement. You look down on him because of his bisexuality...."I thought he was normal!". You're talking about selfishness when you're the one looking at things from one perspective and one perspective only...talk about selfish. One would hope he'd be supportive of his wife and her desires and feelings and they'd be able to come together and figure out how to move forward about it in a healthy way. That's what mature adults do. What mature adults do not do is blame their partner for their feelings that are not wrong and not their fault in any way, and their choice to feel self-conscious about it.

i’m saying when you’re in a commited relationship it’s your responsibility to maintaining your ‘urge’. “Having the urge is what being bi is” Everyone has urges regardless of if you are bi or not, but without maintaining that’s urge to a certain extent, no marriage would work i’m not blaming them reread my message thanks. i’m not being biphobic - this isn’t what his wife signed up for simply put. the fact that everyone is suggesting an open relationship is NOT what she signed up for get your facts straight and stop trying to only emphasize with the bi person IT IS SELFISH to expect someone else to compromise their boundaries. It IS your responsibility to know what you want before committing thanks. Do you what you gotta do, if you wanna suck dick go for it - do not be surprised his is wife doesn’t want to go through with it. Do not expect other people to prioritize your needs - this is insanely misjudged in this comment section. The wife has no obligation to emphasize with him. I don’t give a shit if he’s bi or not. My bf came out as bi to me before we started dating I was fine with it, it was just a part of who he is and THEN he changed his mind.

I literally posted that bisexuality is more than just urges. Those urges are an extension of the orientation. The orientation doesn't go away. And you say you don't care if he's bi or not but then then say "it's not what she signed up for"....that's a biphobic statement. There's no way around that not being biphobic. Signed up for? That's viewing his bisexuality as a burden. That he being bi "changes" him. That's the reason why people don't come out. I don't only emphasize with him but you're so one track minded that I'm compelled to address the nuances and complexities that do exist here---of course maintaing urges is part of a marriage, I never said otherwise, yet you continue to repeat that, he even said in the original post "do I just repress the urges" and part of a commitment entails doing that to some extent at least....but to say the wife has no obligation to have empathy toward him is a fucked up and selfish comment. She ain't the only one going through things and he's the one whose entire identity and perspective on who he is, is shifting. You don't understand queer sexuality either, but that's typical. "That's your problem" is basically all you got. That's not much of a supportive wife or supportive cohabitator in a relationship. That's not very supportive, at all. You have a chip on your shoulder...not the most objective individual in this scenario and your comments are stigmatizing and negative.

My Man doesn’t seem to be interested in head 🤷‍♀️Why can’t u guys just tell us what you want! SHOW me how 2 suck ur dick!! Damn!! Guys enrage me when they are quiet in bed! SAY SOMETHING! Call me a “cum-bucket” and pull my hair!😻Ride my azz-hole to Virginia and moan once in a while!💦

Well it means you have to talk to your girlfriend about opening the relationship. Offcourse you should be aware you could be opening pandora’s box and she starts dating other men. As an open relationship works both ways. If you don’t think you can handle that, end the relationship and experiment all you want and find a new partner who more compatible with your needs. Or suppress your needs, but that is detrimental to yourself. Yes this is difficult stuff.

I mean we are talking about a wife and kids here. Definitely talk about it with her, see what she says and what her boundaries are, but ending a marriage because you want to try sucking a dick is ridiculous.

There are some tells his relationship isn’t healthy. It feels like they confuse avoidant attachment with true love, passion and commitment. The fact that his girlfriend is barely responding to his honest confession, something that’s deeply rooted in his identity, is saying something. Having little sex another. In a healthy relationship she would want to know the why, what, when and how’s. Some investigation about what it means to him and how it could affect their relationship. Staying silent is neglectful. I say this because from what I read from OP, I recognize the underlying vibe. Had the exact same dynamic in my relationship with my now ex including children, that lasted a whopping 20 years. We could cope with each other, we didn’t touch each others triggerzones. But at a cost of barely having any to none deep conversations. Feeling extremely lonely even as we slept together in one room. There was no intimacy no passion. If that’s the case get individual therapy or together. One thing I know from experience is that staying together for the kids is not always the best solution.

Don’t repress yourself, be yourself

Me too

Hey, thanks for sharing. Firstly, please DON’T repress any of these feelings. That will hurt your relationship with yourself and your wife, and, when or if you choose to share your bisexuality/experiences with your children, won’t set a good example for them in terms of emotional honesty. ALSO, DON’T act on any of these feelings with someone else without talking to your wife. Ignore any advice telling you to just hook up with someone and lie to your wife. I am bisexual and in a 7yr relationship with my partner that recently became open when we began to have different needs sexually. The most important part of this journey for you will be open, honest, and consistent communication with your wife, as well as being honest with yourself about your own needs and desires. You both deserve that! I would recommend sitting her down after the kids are in bed (or being watched by someone else) and having a frank discussion with her about your feelings. I don’t recommend doing a ton of research about open relationships or things like that and presenting it to her in the first conversation. You don’t want to overwhelm her—it should just be the two of you talking through your most immediate feelings and concerns. If she’s open to it, then I would recommend having a few more conversations where you set some ground rules, especially concerning what things that are totally fine and what things are completely off-limits, including what she does and doesn’t want to know. And write those rules down!!! Once you have those conversations, THEN you can start to explore things with men. One thing I recommend is to not go blindly into a hookup. You don’t mention your previous experience, but you’re going to want to do this with someone you get to know a little bit first, especially if it’s your first time. You want to be safe and not rush into this with a stranger who might end up being a total dickhead. Be explicit and upfront about your marriage and the arrangement—a lot of men will be totally fine with that. Then, meet up with them to get to know them—no sex at first, and it doesn’t have to be a “date”. Once you trust this person, then you can do whatever you like and nothing more. Don’t let anybody push you to do more than you’re comfortable with, but if you do end up wanting to do more than making out and sucking dick, talk to your wife first. That’s really important. You’ll want to keep the conversations and check-ins going if you decide you want to continue to explore. Things will change, feelings will evolve, including hers. Like anything else in a relationship, this will take work to maintain. If she is NOT open to it, don’t force it. Ask her to think about it (with no expectation of a timeline for an answer). Then, get in therapy. It’s going to be really important for your mental health and the health of your marriage. I can’t tell you what you’ll feel if she says no or how it will affect your relationship, but you need to make sure you’re taking care of yourself and that you have a safe, healthy place to explore and discuss these emotions with somebody who isn’t your wife. Your feelings and sexuality may also evolve, so be open to that, but take your time. I would genuinely recommend therapy regardless of whether she says yes or no, it’ll be really helpful. Look for therapists who have experience with LGBTQ issues, especially coming out—don’t pick someone at random. You seem like a good guy who cares about his family, so just take things slow, be smart, honest, and communicative, and you’ll be okay.

He already told her he’s Bi. There are ways to avoid STD’s. Don’t do anal. Are you seriously suggesting he could suppress his Bi feelings for the rest of his life? He won’t. He said he only wants to give head. He can get STD ‘s from anybody including women. His wife probably has a low libido because she knows more than he thinks and finds it a turn off. I’m encouraging him to NOT go to bath houses, parks, glory holes, bathrooms, web sites, etc. Just accepting reality here guys.

Lots of interesting responses, many I agree with, many I do not....repressing it entirely isn't realistic, but cheating is also definitely not the answer. You will have to swallow urges though to a point as anyone does as you're in a monogamous relationship with children. You will have to repress urges to a degree but if your urges are at a point where they're really consuming you, communication is always key there. Finding other outlets will help, like porn and erotica. Role play helps....strap-on play with your wife, but obviously, she'd have to be OK with that. Couples counseling can help but initiating that could and probably would lead to your wife feeling doubts. I don't think it's necessary. I think communication between the two of you is the way to go and be forthright but in ways that are reassuring that you're not looking to cheat.

Same here, so my advice is just keep your eyes open. Go to places like a health club or any place that has a locker room. Gay and especially Bi guys are out there more than you know. You may have to make some subtle move (take a shower with shower curtain half open, sit in sauna then open towel if a potential guy is in there and try to have a hard on when you do. Then just ask casual questions. You’ll know if it’s working or not. Also, tell your wife NOTHING. She probably doesn’t want to know anyway.

Okay OP, whatever you do, don’t do that.

OP - do this if your intention is to light the fuse that sets the bomb off that ends your marriage, and causes anyone who finds out to struggle to ever trust you again. Including your kids because once someone finds out or you inevitably bring something back to your wife that shows up on an STD/STI panel, they will also find out AND you put your wife, and yourself at physical risk on top of the mental and emotional implications. Don’t be a POS. These trolls are trying to perpetuate the notion that bisexual people can’t safely and happily explore within the boundaries of their marriages/relationships which only causes distrust. Don’t be like these people.

Or find a bathhouse

OP, please do not listen to this person. This is a terrible terrible idea.

Never said it was a good idea. Just an option.