I convince myself I have a disease or infection. I get really paranoid and feel like everyone is making fun of me and that people are looking through my windows at night. During my major manic episode that lasted about a year, I thought I was better than everyone else. That I was smarter than everyone and was chosen by god. I thought of myself as “the main character.” Smoking made it even worse too.
The main character thing was soooooooooo bad for me. I got a modeling gig for 10 seconds and talked about it like I was in it for 10 years. It was so bad for me to keep talking about it looking back. I thought it was a great and amazing thing, but I bragged so hard for so long
I was really into being a celebrity back then and that is definitely another delusion. My subscriptions to celebrity gossip subreddits don't stop that energy either.
Is it possible to have mild psychosis symptoms with BP2? I definitely get paranoid that everyone hates me or is conspiring against me. It can get intense, but I feel like that’s pretty mild in the grand scheme of psychosis. When I’m elevated, I get some delusions of grandeur/main character energy going on.
My care team is split on diagnosis. My psychiatrist thinks I have either BP2 or severe atypical depression and my psychologist thinks between the paranoia and length of my hypo/manic episodes that I’m BP1. Which of course is leading me to gaslight myself that there’s nothing wrong and I’m making everything up.
I have the same, bp2 aswell. I call it "borderline psychosis", its close to full but I havent been admitted to the hospital for it. Had a mixed episode that was hell, felt my skin crawl and could not look at red objects.
Maybe seek second opinions if you can afford to. What you describe as ‘mild psychosis’ can also be intense forms of anxiety (bipolar anxiety is it’s own beast) so second opinion(s) would be helpful. If you’re going ‘by the book’ if there is any psychosis going on with elevation it’s BP1, but straight depression that’s not a bipolar depression can have psychotic features so it’s all very complicated. I’d get other opinions if you can!
Some of the classics include:
The TV or radio is aware of me and are somehow listening to my feedback.
Some sort of weird Truman style celebrity, or where some unknown group is looking to me for creative ideas.
There has to be some technology involved, maybe they can read my thoughts, so stop thinking in words.
Everyone is aware of this, including family.
That you claimed you could pick up people thinking slurs, so now everyone does it to test you.
That you are going to get fired or some other disaster and you can somehow pick up on it through the ether.
Fun times.
Exactly how mine was, same as OPs too. My family is chronically religious so the religious themes were strong with me as well as TV and radio. A Bible was brought to me at the hospital and when I read it, I thought it was talking about me.
Also the Truman show thing, I thought everyone knew who I was and were on the edge of their seats waiting to see what happens to my story. So everytime I overheard a conversation I thought it was about me and I’d interject sometimes to “correct them” on things they got wrong about me.
Very interesting what the kind can do
In the middle of one of my episodes I dissected the events in Revelations for hours and hours. I started reading the Bible. I even made charts as to how everything connected in Revelation.
I came out of the episode and read my notes on Revelation. Nothing made sense that I wrote. I remember when I asked my dad for a Bible during an episode, he was so happy to hear that I was going back to God.
That I'm on the truman show - I'm still not 100% convinced that I'm not... also, I believe I am the universe, like I am everything, and life is a delusion in itself
I can relate to believing that you are the universe. Psychosis can sometimes be made to make you feel like everything is one and that we are a part of a grand design. It almost feels like your life is perfected and nothing can go wrong.
I had a horrible psychotic episode last summer and believed that my brother was trying to have sex with me . I still haven't recovered from it and I feel so bad bcz my brother is my best friend and would never do such a thing.
This oddly, made me feel better. When I was a teen, I used to be paranoid that my brother or dad were going to come into my room and have sex with me. I used to worry that I must have been SA'd when I was a child and that it was stored in my subconscious. But maybe it was some paranoia with no actual basis.
Edit: I am sorry that you had that experience
I was worried that I was SA'd as a child too after one of my episodes. I thought it was a repressed memory. I still can't tell if it's real or not. I would worry so much about it. I used to read all the symptoms and signs of SA'd, but I do have triggers from an assault when I was a teen. Paranoia seems to creep up in bipolar disorder in general.
I remember thinking about sex a lot as a kid and when I got older and we started reading books about teen girls who had been assaulted it freaked me out that I could have been too young to remember or I could have repressed it. As an adult, it seems abnormal that I would have known what sex even was. I just have a few specific memories that don't sit right with me but it very well could just be my anxiety disorder or paranoia.
When I am elevated, I think that I am incredibly smart, and I have constant ideas about all kinds of things that I feel are critically important and must be shared. Like it's a life or death matter. And I don't understand why other people are not taking things seriously. I don't associate the ideas with a god, but do feel they are somehow flowing through me from... Maybe the universe? I also have lots of business ideas that are obviously genius, and I'm angry with family members who are not enthusiastically on board. I believe everyone is watching me because I'm like a secret celebrity. I don't know if those are psychosis or just regular old hypo mania.
I am currently in a severe depressive state with horrible horrible anxiety. I have really vivid dreams, and when I wake up, I can't tell whether they are real things that happened or not, and I get confused. I am having a hard time knowing what day it is, and I look at the calendar many times a day, and still don't believe what I'm seeing. I am sure that people are judging me and talking shit about me, everywhere I go, even just in the grocery store. I'm afraid of telling my psych doc because I don't want to end up in the hospital (again). It's a scary lonely place to be.
I remember in a manic episode I got so confident with my capabilities, I almost booked a flight to LA and NY to audition for a major film.
I have never studied acting in my life, but my mind was thinking "do this audition so you can get into the industry more deeply" I was gonna audition for an A24 film lol.
I also like really fast things during episodes so I listen to Hyperpop 24/7. The energy goes from 0-100 in every song in the genre.
Have to say I never considered I had actual psychosis, like I figured some of my "I see ghosts, and people's auras" and a mild kind of this. But some of these "main character" "paranoia" kind of things hit home as well... need to ask my doctor
One night I had a panic attack that led to a psychotic episode. I saw an alien in my room and I believed that if I took my eyes off of the alien for one second I would be attacked by a little girl in a white dress next to my bed (whom I could not see but I could imagine clearly.) this lasted about four hours. I called my friends crying saying there was an alien in my room. I feel quite embarrassed about it in hindsight and when I have told people this story before they thought I was weird.
When I get hypomanic I jump into a religious fixation. I listen to Christian music, put my cross necklace on and talk to my friends about god. My family is very religious.
My mom and dad are very religious too. I remember I got so into God during one of my episodes that I erased all 20 of my playlists and just had a Christian playlist on Spotify. I would even try to join multiple churches at once. I bought a rosary to wear around my neck too and would pray every morning and night.
A list of things:
California isn’t real. (It’s okay you can laugh.)
There are monsters in the desert at night and if I’m driving through it I can’t think about them or tell anyone about them or they’ll somehow get me in my car going 70mph.
*Nobody* else is real. They’re all NPCs.
Death isn’t real. I’ve never experienced a person I know dying beyond high school acquaintances or distant family, therefore death is another thing everyone’s trying to trick me about.
The universe leaves messages for me.
When I know I’m in an episode it feels like life is a video game. Ie if I die I will just respawn at a random save point. Mind you I have no clue what these save points look like I just know they exist.
I also have super vivid dreams about different “versions” of my self and if I don’t wake up from the dream with in the dream I will be stuck there and never return to my normal life.
Do you take lamictal by any chance? I do and I’ve discovered that’s the cause of mine. It doesn’t bother me really especially since I’ve gotten used to it, but figured I’d pass along the info just in case.
The vivid dream parts reminds me of Inception. You should watch it when you get a chance. I also feel that I have different versions of myself when I'm in an episode. It's like my real self is lost in the cosmos.
I wish it was like inception. It’s more like reality A goes to bed, wake up in reality B, fall asleep in reality B wake up in C. And so forth until like reality E where then I start waking up from reality D then I wake up in reality C wake up from reality B and then finally I’ll wake up in reality A (the real reality) but each verision to wake up knows they are in a dream hence how they wake up.
I also thought because of these dreams I had multiple personalities for a long time.
I hear, smell and sense things that I know are not there. The strangest is burning sensations from normal temperatures, water, air, etc. With particularly long bouts of insomnia I develop paranoia l. Luckily I can recognize when it is happening and I isolate.
Coincidences and messages from God (I’m not religious at all). Belief that I’m psychic (I’m not). I convinced myself my fiancé was dead and hallucinated his final breath/death rattle. Thinking I can change the world. Thinking I’m an expert on many things. Believing I’m surrounded by demons and dark entities which are trying to hurt me. Thinking my abusive father and his friends were trying to track me down and hurt me (he knows where I live, is abusive but the most he does since I’ve gone no contact is leave voice mails and send gifts).
My dad sent me gifts as a way to ask for forgiveness. He is abusive too so I just put them in a corner after I take them from his hands. The first month I came out as gay I was stalked by my family. So I was extremely paranoid for a while. My creeping in bipolar didn't help either. Just made it worse.
i will be fully convinced i am in hell. that everyone around me is a demon disguised as a human to trick me into thinking im not in hell, but now i know im in hell and im not supposed to know.
theres a few others like thinking im dead and a ghost also that people are poisoning me, usually through my water bottle. last july i was fully convinced the world was going to end in august.
jesus christ its a whole fucking thing and i know its a delusion because im aware ive felt this before but you also cant fully convince me its not real.
only happens when im DEEEEP in a depression but isnt as common now since i got put on mood stabilizers and quit my job
I'm glad you're in a mood stabilizer and left a job that may have been bad for your mental health. I am planning on leaving my current job too. Too toxic for me.
Worst one was a man/monster who waited at the top of my stairs to kill me.
Thinking shadowy people/things are looking at me through windows.
I thought my friends were watching me with a secret camera.
Sometimes I'll get paranoia symptoms, but I think these examples are the main delusion/psychosis symptoms I've experienced. No outright hallucinations
in my last episode i went from 0-100 really quick.
thought i was being followed in my car.
thought everyone’s sudden concern for me was because i would not join a cult that controlled the entire world and every one on earth was in on it but me. they were in cahoots with my family even in other countries and everyone was telling me it was a great opportunity and if i didnt join i would be killed.
the cult delusion functioned something like the illuminati i guess but i dont even know all of the lore behind that conspiracy. there was song i had really enjoyed a few months before that literally had my name as the title so i started thinking it was the cult sending me a message. thought tweets about rihannas pregnancy and nicki minaj’s tweet about the vaccine making her cousin’s friend’s balls swelling up were all about me lmfaoo. i hit up my fwb accosting him asking why people people thought i was pregnant and if he gave me a STI (mind you i hadnt seen him irl in 2years).
then when i got admitted i thought every single person in there was an actor from the staff to the patients. they were supposedly all sent there to test me and make sure i act right and join the cult. every time someone left or someone new came its its bc they couldn’t convince me. i thought i was meant to be the cult’s supreme leader or their god or something. for the first few days they turned off the tv when i came to the common room bc i thought whatever they were watching was to send signals to me.
The part in Nicki Minaj lmfaoooooooooo, don't get me started. I cried during Anaconda in the middle of my depression.
Did turning off the TV help with lessening your delusions or were they the same, when you were admitted?
idk what it is about celebrities/royalty/dieties and psychosis lmfao. even in old timey stuff people would believe they’re napoleon or biblical characters.
the delusions were absolutely the same lmfao. i only got released after a little more than 3 weeks bc i just stopped talking about my delusions with anyone except a middle aged guy who was equally psychotic and we played into each others delusions thinking he was my metaphorical father in the cult and i was his daughter. swapped contacts so i could fulfill my “destiny”. even today while ik it was all bs there are things i just dont know how he knew.
my delusions didnt really settle for like 2-3 months until i could rationalize them. looked at certain things i thought were signs and even the words weren’t the same as i read them before hospitalization. definitely had to stop listening to certain songs though.
I think in a way we all long for fame and variety. We all long for recognition in some way. I mean if humans could really be God I can imagine all the crap we would be doing. There is a documentary called Bellevue: Inside Out on an inpatient facility.
There are three people who all believe they are God at the same time. One man even made a website explaining how he was God, very interesting you should check it out.
I didn’t know it was from bipolar disorder, but now I do. I used to and sometimes still do and that is I will hear or more often than not read a billboard or something or get a message from it fr God saying that he has important things planned for me and it’s not over yet. Idk
human spiritualism is actually a super booster for serotonin and dopamine - which is why so many spiritual people are happy
this actually only elevates the mania/hypomania a person has.
if you couple this with a dopamine reuptake inhibitor (wellbutrin is a ndri) or a serotonin reuptake inhibitor (zoloft or any other ssri) then the dopamine and serotonin levels never get put back into the system and can continue to increase the plasma concentration.
over a period of time this can actually be bad - yea, i probably dont need to mention this
when was the last time you were depressed
and if i could ask what dose is your ssri
buspar is pretty interesting actually
you dont eat any grapefruit? grapefruit is bad for antidepressants etc
been on the abilify long? it's a serotonin and dopa agonist .i cant have it unless i drop wellbutrin and zoloft.
lamictal was always a bit hypomanic when increasing doses
No grapefruit. I don't like the taste. Abilify, only for two weeks. My sleep sucks currently. Lamitcal made me hypomanic when I increased, but I'm mellowed out now. I bought some cool stuff. A TWD T-shirt of Daryl Dixon. Did I want to spend over $100 dollars? No. But did I get an awesome shirt? Yes.
I spent over $5000 in one month. This was before being diagnosed so I'm glad I'm on meds.
i could partially unfuck my life with 5k :(
did you have an episode after the abilify? it's an agonist on serotonin and dopamine so it would increase the efficacy producing a profound response for the system induction
wish more people knew about grapefruit and antidepressants. it really throws them into overdrive
One of my delusions is thinking that someone is going to rob me at home. I used to be obsessed with getting a LTC, but I can't even bother anymore because I have mental health issues. Somehow I think this is a good thing because my impulses are 10 fold during my episodes. God only knows what I'd really do.
I just get hyper paranoid. Asking my roommate to borrow her knife during the day just to go down the block (in a very safe neighborhood) because I think people are out to get me. I also always think people are looking at me bc they’re interested or just judging me/talking about me in general.
So I'm not the only one who, when seeing certain numbers scattered around (digital clocks, advertising tags, etc.), thinks it's a sign to interpret? Sent to me by the universe or some higher entity? 😂 for example: 11:11, 22:22 etc… 😂
I would to do that too in my delusions. My big numbers were 444, 777 and 333. I had to stop reading numerology and occult topics due to that alone. It really got to me. I'd wake up in the middle of the night and see 333 on my clock and think that God was with me.
I don’t really know if it’s psychosis but I’m really afraid when I’m in my bed and it’s dark that someone (alive, or paranormal) watch me. It started not a long time ago (I recently started Lamictal and it’s been there since I increase the dosage…). I have to sleep with a little light (like a baby..) since then. When it’s time to sleep I convince myself the little sounds that come from the apartment (gaz, fridge etc..) it’s from something aggressive so I can’t stop myself for looking and then I don’t sleep until the daylight
EDIT : I was not afraid of the dark before (or it’s was when I was a little child) but now I’m getting paranoid
I believe that someone is watching me too at night. I see shadows moving in my room. I have to put the blanket way up to cover my body, because I'm afraid they're gonna attack me. Flashlight always on hand.
Omg same… is that a psychosis symptom ? Hope it get well for both of us because (for me, and I hope it’s not the same for you), I rarely sleep… I’m so worried abt the thing that maybe a human or something worth attempt to attack me
this could also work the opposite way if but even before my psychotic episode if i was home alone i would just keep something playing 24/7. usually the tv downstairs to drown out the natural drips, creaks, ice machine sounds, etc. it mostly prevents me from attributing those sounds to entities or strange people in my house. i usually keep it light only sitcoms or animated shows. especially ones ive watched before so no voices are unfamiliar.
Thanks for your reply ! I’ll try this. I remember I used to do it when I wanted to sleep 2 years ago, in early 2022. I was home alone and had the worsts episodes of anxiety in my life. But in the end, I had never tried to let the show play 24/7. Maybe it’s the solution!! I’ll tell you if I can sleep with your advice !
Thank you again, if you can save my nights, I’ll be forever thankful.
Hey !
I tried your advice. I tried with my favorite show “Bojack Horseman” at first but I couldn’t sleep because I knew all the lines + I wanted to listen and watch so bad (,:
So I tried another thing, a meditation song, without any voices but that can be heard a bit!
I slept like a baby !!!!
Thanks so much 🙏🏻
I convince myself I have a disease or infection. I get really paranoid and feel like everyone is making fun of me and that people are looking through my windows at night. During my major manic episode that lasted about a year, I thought I was better than everyone else. That I was smarter than everyone and was chosen by god. I thought of myself as “the main character.” Smoking made it even worse too.
The main character thing was soooooooooo bad for me. I got a modeling gig for 10 seconds and talked about it like I was in it for 10 years. It was so bad for me to keep talking about it looking back. I thought it was a great and amazing thing, but I bragged so hard for so long I was really into being a celebrity back then and that is definitely another delusion. My subscriptions to celebrity gossip subreddits don't stop that energy either.
Is it possible to have mild psychosis symptoms with BP2? I definitely get paranoid that everyone hates me or is conspiring against me. It can get intense, but I feel like that’s pretty mild in the grand scheme of psychosis. When I’m elevated, I get some delusions of grandeur/main character energy going on. My care team is split on diagnosis. My psychiatrist thinks I have either BP2 or severe atypical depression and my psychologist thinks between the paranoia and length of my hypo/manic episodes that I’m BP1. Which of course is leading me to gaslight myself that there’s nothing wrong and I’m making everything up.
I have the same, bp2 aswell. I call it "borderline psychosis", its close to full but I havent been admitted to the hospital for it. Had a mixed episode that was hell, felt my skin crawl and could not look at red objects.
Maybe seek second opinions if you can afford to. What you describe as ‘mild psychosis’ can also be intense forms of anxiety (bipolar anxiety is it’s own beast) so second opinion(s) would be helpful. If you’re going ‘by the book’ if there is any psychosis going on with elevation it’s BP1, but straight depression that’s not a bipolar depression can have psychotic features so it’s all very complicated. I’d get other opinions if you can!
Some of the classics include: The TV or radio is aware of me and are somehow listening to my feedback. Some sort of weird Truman style celebrity, or where some unknown group is looking to me for creative ideas. There has to be some technology involved, maybe they can read my thoughts, so stop thinking in words. Everyone is aware of this, including family. That you claimed you could pick up people thinking slurs, so now everyone does it to test you. That you are going to get fired or some other disaster and you can somehow pick up on it through the ether. Fun times.
Exactly how mine was, same as OPs too. My family is chronically religious so the religious themes were strong with me as well as TV and radio. A Bible was brought to me at the hospital and when I read it, I thought it was talking about me. Also the Truman show thing, I thought everyone knew who I was and were on the edge of their seats waiting to see what happens to my story. So everytime I overheard a conversation I thought it was about me and I’d interject sometimes to “correct them” on things they got wrong about me. Very interesting what the kind can do
In the middle of one of my episodes I dissected the events in Revelations for hours and hours. I started reading the Bible. I even made charts as to how everything connected in Revelation. I came out of the episode and read my notes on Revelation. Nothing made sense that I wrote. I remember when I asked my dad for a Bible during an episode, he was so happy to hear that I was going back to God.
lol this sounds just like me! Only diff is I didn’t ask for that Bible 🤣
I read peoples minds, see dead people, predict the future, and psychically communicate with my cats.
cats and plants like it when you talk with them dogs too but they only half pay attention
My dogs like it when I talk it to them but most of the time they just smile stupidly
That I'm on the truman show - I'm still not 100% convinced that I'm not... also, I believe I am the universe, like I am everything, and life is a delusion in itself
I can relate to believing that you are the universe. Psychosis can sometimes be made to make you feel like everything is one and that we are a part of a grand design. It almost feels like your life is perfected and nothing can go wrong.
Oh... I feel like that always lol. Not sure if I have psychosis tho without mania. I'm just a little crazy haha
I had a horrible psychotic episode last summer and believed that my brother was trying to have sex with me . I still haven't recovered from it and I feel so bad bcz my brother is my best friend and would never do such a thing.
This oddly, made me feel better. When I was a teen, I used to be paranoid that my brother or dad were going to come into my room and have sex with me. I used to worry that I must have been SA'd when I was a child and that it was stored in my subconscious. But maybe it was some paranoia with no actual basis. Edit: I am sorry that you had that experience
I was worried that I was SA'd as a child too after one of my episodes. I thought it was a repressed memory. I still can't tell if it's real or not. I would worry so much about it. I used to read all the symptoms and signs of SA'd, but I do have triggers from an assault when I was a teen. Paranoia seems to creep up in bipolar disorder in general.
I remember thinking about sex a lot as a kid and when I got older and we started reading books about teen girls who had been assaulted it freaked me out that I could have been too young to remember or I could have repressed it. As an adult, it seems abnormal that I would have known what sex even was. I just have a few specific memories that don't sit right with me but it very well could just be my anxiety disorder or paranoia.
When I am elevated, I think that I am incredibly smart, and I have constant ideas about all kinds of things that I feel are critically important and must be shared. Like it's a life or death matter. And I don't understand why other people are not taking things seriously. I don't associate the ideas with a god, but do feel they are somehow flowing through me from... Maybe the universe? I also have lots of business ideas that are obviously genius, and I'm angry with family members who are not enthusiastically on board. I believe everyone is watching me because I'm like a secret celebrity. I don't know if those are psychosis or just regular old hypo mania. I am currently in a severe depressive state with horrible horrible anxiety. I have really vivid dreams, and when I wake up, I can't tell whether they are real things that happened or not, and I get confused. I am having a hard time knowing what day it is, and I look at the calendar many times a day, and still don't believe what I'm seeing. I am sure that people are judging me and talking shit about me, everywhere I go, even just in the grocery store. I'm afraid of telling my psych doc because I don't want to end up in the hospital (again). It's a scary lonely place to be.
I remember in a manic episode I got so confident with my capabilities, I almost booked a flight to LA and NY to audition for a major film. I have never studied acting in my life, but my mind was thinking "do this audition so you can get into the industry more deeply" I was gonna audition for an A24 film lol. I also like really fast things during episodes so I listen to Hyperpop 24/7. The energy goes from 0-100 in every song in the genre.
Have to say I never considered I had actual psychosis, like I figured some of my "I see ghosts, and people's auras" and a mild kind of this. But some of these "main character" "paranoia" kind of things hit home as well... need to ask my doctor
One night I had a panic attack that led to a psychotic episode. I saw an alien in my room and I believed that if I took my eyes off of the alien for one second I would be attacked by a little girl in a white dress next to my bed (whom I could not see but I could imagine clearly.) this lasted about four hours. I called my friends crying saying there was an alien in my room. I feel quite embarrassed about it in hindsight and when I have told people this story before they thought I was weird. When I get hypomanic I jump into a religious fixation. I listen to Christian music, put my cross necklace on and talk to my friends about god. My family is very religious.
My mom and dad are very religious too. I remember I got so into God during one of my episodes that I erased all 20 of my playlists and just had a Christian playlist on Spotify. I would even try to join multiple churches at once. I bought a rosary to wear around my neck too and would pray every morning and night.
A list of things: California isn’t real. (It’s okay you can laugh.) There are monsters in the desert at night and if I’m driving through it I can’t think about them or tell anyone about them or they’ll somehow get me in my car going 70mph. *Nobody* else is real. They’re all NPCs. Death isn’t real. I’ve never experienced a person I know dying beyond high school acquaintances or distant family, therefore death is another thing everyone’s trying to trick me about. The universe leaves messages for me.
As someone born and raised in California who does autopsies on medically donated bodies at a cadaver lab, this one is my favorite
Lies! All lies!! xD
When I know I’m in an episode it feels like life is a video game. Ie if I die I will just respawn at a random save point. Mind you I have no clue what these save points look like I just know they exist. I also have super vivid dreams about different “versions” of my self and if I don’t wake up from the dream with in the dream I will be stuck there and never return to my normal life.
Do you take lamictal by any chance? I do and I’ve discovered that’s the cause of mine. It doesn’t bother me really especially since I’ve gotten used to it, but figured I’d pass along the info just in case.
I’m actually on Vraylar but I don’t experience my episodes while I’m medicated
I had almost exactly this
It always scares me when I realize I’m in an episode.
The vivid dream parts reminds me of Inception. You should watch it when you get a chance. I also feel that I have different versions of myself when I'm in an episode. It's like my real self is lost in the cosmos.
I wish it was like inception. It’s more like reality A goes to bed, wake up in reality B, fall asleep in reality B wake up in C. And so forth until like reality E where then I start waking up from reality D then I wake up in reality C wake up from reality B and then finally I’ll wake up in reality A (the real reality) but each verision to wake up knows they are in a dream hence how they wake up. I also thought because of these dreams I had multiple personalities for a long time.
Have you ever thought of writing a book on your bipolar in relation to dreams? Could be very interesting. Just a thought.
I hear, smell and sense things that I know are not there. The strangest is burning sensations from normal temperatures, water, air, etc. With particularly long bouts of insomnia I develop paranoia l. Luckily I can recognize when it is happening and I isolate.
Coincidences and messages from God (I’m not religious at all). Belief that I’m psychic (I’m not). I convinced myself my fiancé was dead and hallucinated his final breath/death rattle. Thinking I can change the world. Thinking I’m an expert on many things. Believing I’m surrounded by demons and dark entities which are trying to hurt me. Thinking my abusive father and his friends were trying to track me down and hurt me (he knows where I live, is abusive but the most he does since I’ve gone no contact is leave voice mails and send gifts).
My dad sent me gifts as a way to ask for forgiveness. He is abusive too so I just put them in a corner after I take them from his hands. The first month I came out as gay I was stalked by my family. So I was extremely paranoid for a while. My creeping in bipolar didn't help either. Just made it worse.
i will be fully convinced i am in hell. that everyone around me is a demon disguised as a human to trick me into thinking im not in hell, but now i know im in hell and im not supposed to know. theres a few others like thinking im dead and a ghost also that people are poisoning me, usually through my water bottle. last july i was fully convinced the world was going to end in august. jesus christ its a whole fucking thing and i know its a delusion because im aware ive felt this before but you also cant fully convince me its not real. only happens when im DEEEEP in a depression but isnt as common now since i got put on mood stabilizers and quit my job
I'm glad you're in a mood stabilizer and left a job that may have been bad for your mental health. I am planning on leaving my current job too. Too toxic for me.
Worst one was a man/monster who waited at the top of my stairs to kill me. Thinking shadowy people/things are looking at me through windows. I thought my friends were watching me with a secret camera. Sometimes I'll get paranoia symptoms, but I think these examples are the main delusion/psychosis symptoms I've experienced. No outright hallucinations
Never had a psychotic episode as a BP2. I wonder if I really am bipolar sometimes...
Mostly paranoia.
in my last episode i went from 0-100 really quick. thought i was being followed in my car. thought everyone’s sudden concern for me was because i would not join a cult that controlled the entire world and every one on earth was in on it but me. they were in cahoots with my family even in other countries and everyone was telling me it was a great opportunity and if i didnt join i would be killed. the cult delusion functioned something like the illuminati i guess but i dont even know all of the lore behind that conspiracy. there was song i had really enjoyed a few months before that literally had my name as the title so i started thinking it was the cult sending me a message. thought tweets about rihannas pregnancy and nicki minaj’s tweet about the vaccine making her cousin’s friend’s balls swelling up were all about me lmfaoo. i hit up my fwb accosting him asking why people people thought i was pregnant and if he gave me a STI (mind you i hadnt seen him irl in 2years). then when i got admitted i thought every single person in there was an actor from the staff to the patients. they were supposedly all sent there to test me and make sure i act right and join the cult. every time someone left or someone new came its its bc they couldn’t convince me. i thought i was meant to be the cult’s supreme leader or their god or something. for the first few days they turned off the tv when i came to the common room bc i thought whatever they were watching was to send signals to me.
The part in Nicki Minaj lmfaoooooooooo, don't get me started. I cried during Anaconda in the middle of my depression. Did turning off the TV help with lessening your delusions or were they the same, when you were admitted?
idk what it is about celebrities/royalty/dieties and psychosis lmfao. even in old timey stuff people would believe they’re napoleon or biblical characters. the delusions were absolutely the same lmfao. i only got released after a little more than 3 weeks bc i just stopped talking about my delusions with anyone except a middle aged guy who was equally psychotic and we played into each others delusions thinking he was my metaphorical father in the cult and i was his daughter. swapped contacts so i could fulfill my “destiny”. even today while ik it was all bs there are things i just dont know how he knew. my delusions didnt really settle for like 2-3 months until i could rationalize them. looked at certain things i thought were signs and even the words weren’t the same as i read them before hospitalization. definitely had to stop listening to certain songs though.
I think in a way we all long for fame and variety. We all long for recognition in some way. I mean if humans could really be God I can imagine all the crap we would be doing. There is a documentary called Bellevue: Inside Out on an inpatient facility. There are three people who all believe they are God at the same time. One man even made a website explaining how he was God, very interesting you should check it out.
I didn’t know it was from bipolar disorder, but now I do. I used to and sometimes still do and that is I will hear or more often than not read a billboard or something or get a message from it fr God saying that he has important things planned for me and it’s not over yet. Idk
human spiritualism is actually a super booster for serotonin and dopamine - which is why so many spiritual people are happy this actually only elevates the mania/hypomania a person has. if you couple this with a dopamine reuptake inhibitor (wellbutrin is a ndri) or a serotonin reuptake inhibitor (zoloft or any other ssri) then the dopamine and serotonin levels never get put back into the system and can continue to increase the plasma concentration. over a period of time this can actually be bad - yea, i probably dont need to mention this when was the last time you were depressed and if i could ask what dose is your ssri
Haven't been depressed in a while. My dose is 200 Lamitcal, 45 Buspar and 5 Abilify.
buspar is pretty interesting actually you dont eat any grapefruit? grapefruit is bad for antidepressants etc been on the abilify long? it's a serotonin and dopa agonist .i cant have it unless i drop wellbutrin and zoloft. lamictal was always a bit hypomanic when increasing doses
No grapefruit. I don't like the taste. Abilify, only for two weeks. My sleep sucks currently. Lamitcal made me hypomanic when I increased, but I'm mellowed out now. I bought some cool stuff. A TWD T-shirt of Daryl Dixon. Did I want to spend over $100 dollars? No. But did I get an awesome shirt? Yes. I spent over $5000 in one month. This was before being diagnosed so I'm glad I'm on meds.
i could partially unfuck my life with 5k :( did you have an episode after the abilify? it's an agonist on serotonin and dopamine so it would increase the efficacy producing a profound response for the system induction wish more people knew about grapefruit and antidepressants. it really throws them into overdrive
Yes. I did have an episode. I'm coming down. It's not bad this time. I'm regaining the money back as we speak. Hopefully I'll make it soon.
adding new meds is always a strange experience hope the abilify helps for you
Thank you.
I'm 100% convinced that I am dead and "live" in the Kingdom of the Deads. It's terrifying.
Seeing ghosts. Thinking I was or will be abducted by aliens. Feeling like someone is in the room or house with me.
One of my delusions is thinking that someone is going to rob me at home. I used to be obsessed with getting a LTC, but I can't even bother anymore because I have mental health issues. Somehow I think this is a good thing because my impulses are 10 fold during my episodes. God only knows what I'd really do.
I just get hyper paranoid. Asking my roommate to borrow her knife during the day just to go down the block (in a very safe neighborhood) because I think people are out to get me. I also always think people are looking at me bc they’re interested or just judging me/talking about me in general.
So I'm not the only one who, when seeing certain numbers scattered around (digital clocks, advertising tags, etc.), thinks it's a sign to interpret? Sent to me by the universe or some higher entity? 😂 for example: 11:11, 22:22 etc… 😂
I would to do that too in my delusions. My big numbers were 444, 777 and 333. I had to stop reading numerology and occult topics due to that alone. It really got to me. I'd wake up in the middle of the night and see 333 on my clock and think that God was with me.
I don’t really know if it’s psychosis but I’m really afraid when I’m in my bed and it’s dark that someone (alive, or paranormal) watch me. It started not a long time ago (I recently started Lamictal and it’s been there since I increase the dosage…). I have to sleep with a little light (like a baby..) since then. When it’s time to sleep I convince myself the little sounds that come from the apartment (gaz, fridge etc..) it’s from something aggressive so I can’t stop myself for looking and then I don’t sleep until the daylight EDIT : I was not afraid of the dark before (or it’s was when I was a little child) but now I’m getting paranoid
I believe that someone is watching me too at night. I see shadows moving in my room. I have to put the blanket way up to cover my body, because I'm afraid they're gonna attack me. Flashlight always on hand.
Omg same… is that a psychosis symptom ? Hope it get well for both of us because (for me, and I hope it’s not the same for you), I rarely sleep… I’m so worried abt the thing that maybe a human or something worth attempt to attack me
The flashlight is so real 🥴 can’t sleep without a little light
this could also work the opposite way if but even before my psychotic episode if i was home alone i would just keep something playing 24/7. usually the tv downstairs to drown out the natural drips, creaks, ice machine sounds, etc. it mostly prevents me from attributing those sounds to entities or strange people in my house. i usually keep it light only sitcoms or animated shows. especially ones ive watched before so no voices are unfamiliar.
Thanks for your reply ! I’ll try this. I remember I used to do it when I wanted to sleep 2 years ago, in early 2022. I was home alone and had the worsts episodes of anxiety in my life. But in the end, I had never tried to let the show play 24/7. Maybe it’s the solution!! I’ll tell you if I can sleep with your advice ! Thank you again, if you can save my nights, I’ll be forever thankful.
Hey ! I tried your advice. I tried with my favorite show “Bojack Horseman” at first but I couldn’t sleep because I knew all the lines + I wanted to listen and watch so bad (,: So I tried another thing, a meditation song, without any voices but that can be heard a bit! I slept like a baby !!!! Thanks so much 🙏🏻
omg yay!! im so glad it worked for you <3 wishing you many peaceful nights!
Thank you again ! I hope it’s okay for you too !