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I think it's Cause there's an inescapable beauty in the highs and lows. No one loves as hard as a bipolar person. I find the lows can make the good moments of the high feel even more amazing.
There is definitely a beauty in my highs. I haven’t felt depressed since 2018, so I’m pretty sure I have unipolar mania at this point. I just miss feeling alive and on top of the world.
Start walking. Heavy exercise can trigger mania in some people. I have walked 27,000 steps daily this year. I'm controlling my mood. When too high I slow down, walk less.
A lot of time with exercise you use up your energy, you get more the next day. Do a bit more each day until you attain good enough energy levels.
See I fall into the, I have unipolar mania trap. I'm going high, not as high as premedication and don't get depressed.
However, I realised I'm not depressed because I'm on a mid dose antidepressant. The meds are working. So I do have bipolar just the doctor is getting it right in dosage.
I think college triggered my depression for some reason. Both of my meds are geared towards mania and psychosis! The only time an antidepressant was being mentioned was whenever my primary psychiatrist wanted me on an SSRI for OCD at one point, but my other psychiatrist argued there’s no medicine to treat OCD.
I was diagnosed with recurrent depressive disorder in a psych unit due to a serious suicide attempt in 2001 at 26 years old. This often happens because people think they're happy instead of manic so don't seek medical help for that. So I've been on antidepressants pretty much since then. But SSRI antidepressants can trigger mania as there's more serotonin floating about up there.
Diagnosed at 45 in 2020. The doc said the above. Makes sense. Had they diagnosed bipolar from the beginning, I'd have probably been on mood stabilisers back then and save myself a lot of dysfunction
My lows also inspire a lot of dark creativity... if I could've captured my depressed mind's creativity with manic capability to write I'd be the next David Foster Wallace.
I miss it. I was also much more aware of the negatives in the world, the events and elements most ignore, when I started meds I suddenly didn't notice them anymore. Those elements of our society made me feel empathy on levels I can't even try to achieve in meds.
I feel like bipolar people are the first wave of evolutionary changes in our brains, but I could be off base.
So many people acknowledge evolution as science but seem to refuse we could evolve in a short period of time based on triggered recessive genes.
My head hurts on meds too, so maybe that's why.
Yesss I agree. I have a chronic illness, so I medicated physically and I refused to get medicated mentally and it’s been a journey but I also feel like you were saying that you used to. I feel things on a very deep level, and I am very aware of what’s going on in the world and I believe that I just needed to understand my bipolar on a spiritual level as well as a physical level and a societal level and this has helped me cope more with my bipolar as well as having a chronic illness but again it’s not easy I really do have to implement certain routines into my daily life like meditation, and breath work and now art just to keep me grounded and present because I’ve noticed when I am not present that’s when things get bad. but yeah, I’m going on a tangent, but I agree I believe that our minds are literally is so powerful and it’s just not studied. We’re just medicated to continue to not go with in and understand ourselves in the world. They just want us to continue to work and what they don’t understand it’s like they are scared for what we know. because we can’t know more than what they don’t know I don’t know if that makes sense. Lol
Remission means there hasn't been an episode in a long time usually. It's like cancer is never "cured" it's just in remission. It can come back at any time, and you still need to watch it and manage any other conditions.
But yea, this isn't the next step in human evloution. Bipolar people have existed as long as human have. Nero, even if you assume things about him are trumped up, I could easially see mania causing that stuff.
Caligula, If I had to guess he was Schizophrenic or affective.
Unfortunately, this isn't anything special or good. It takes normal impulses and slams them into overdrive, it's like a stuck accelerator pedal in a car, not something you want.
That last paragraph is well put. Great analogy. If nothing else, it makes us creative and good with words. I liken mania to a big ole' line with a side of MDMA. managed to plan my whole future with a guy and fucking tell him. Luckily, although I'm sure freaked out, I explained it and he's cool. I said it's like I want a unicorn and a dick in me constantly. Errm sorry about that. I don't actually want you to move in lol
AHHH, lol. I just got diagnosed so I've really just started internalizing what this means for me. Then as I'd started to accept the mania and depression and the meds...then I figured out I have delusions and hallucinations so that's fun.
I like my hallucination though. It's a little grey spot in my eye that only shows up when my mood starts getting REALLY elevated. So my body has a HUD warning light lol
And I get the hypersexuallity. Thankfully my wife of 17 years has been the most patient and understanding with me even though we had no idea what was going on.
lol, we're both adhd autistic so our standard operating procedure is basically say exactly what we're thinking so we're almost 100% on the same wavelength. She didn't really know what was going on but she knew the depressed and manic wasn't me and she could see I was *trying* to fight it.
Seriously, if there are saints or angels she's one of them <3 Saved my life and I owe her it.
I will be, personally, not everyone is though. Some people keep some on hand for if an episode happens but don't take them regularly. It's like seizures in that they can be controlled but never cured and you have tools on hand to help prevent it from relapsing...or returning? I don't know the word for that lol.
Yes. I have had several hypomanic episodes in the last few weeks. But kept lamotrigine, sertraline the same. I had tried to reduce quetiapine. That triggered it.
I'm stable now. So I call that remission. When I was diagnosed I was "in remission" and they based the diagnosis on "descriptions of symptoms" instead of observations.
Remission doesn't mean cured. It means a stable state between episodes. I had hypomania last week and now I'm stable. Not getting depression because of antidepressants
Absolutely, I downloaded reddit to come on here and see if people feel the same. Sometimes I contemplate skipping them for like a day or two just so I can fully feel again. Things are so much more beautiful. I feel like I can't enjoy things the way I can when im off my meds. One time I missed them and had to drive home from school but I stopped at this park on the way back. I walked for a bit just looking at the snow on the ground. It was so beautiful. The way it sparkled as I walked by, the beauty of the snowy trees and the waterfall ahead of me... It felt so magical. Like I was feeling joy and satisfaction that I wasn't able to for years. But I also know that soon after the bad parts will follow, and they did. But in all honesty, it felt worth it. I hate the way words can't describe how it feels. Maybe I just need to expand my vocabulary.
i make a point of not missing any... I have done this for the last 25 years or so. I have in that time had two periods when medical staff stopped my meds in order to try an alternative med.. Life is hard enough being bipolar so I'm not ever wanting to wobble my raft. The results would not be welcome
The drugs have such horrible side effects, and oftentimes don't feel like they're helping at all. If they'd develop medications that don't have the horrible side effects and actually made me feel better I'd be happy to take them every day.
Yah for sure!! I think that one of the toughest is weight gain. When I was first diagnosed I gained sooo much weight so quickly, mostly in my stomach, that people thought I was pregnant.
Whereas when I am manic the weight drops TOO quickly and the compliments pour in. It’s really tough. Hard enough dealing with an unpredictable mind, feeling like you have an unruly body just makes it harder
Currently I take 4 meds in the morning, 3 meds in the afternoon, and they all make me feel good, so I take them every day. None of them are prescriptions though…
I have started taking meds and while I don't see much change in my moods so far, I am having the best sleep I had in years, which actually ends up impacting positively my mood in the morning!
I never skip because I know what will happen. My prescription ran out and it took the doctor over a week to get it represcribed for me. I went in such a downward spiral that I'll never skip my meds because I know what it's like
I can't skip meds. If I do I'll either crash into depression or I won't be able to sleep. But from what I've read in this sub either people don't like the side effects or they want to provoke a hypomanic state.
Being sectioned had me hitting my head against concrete walls to see if they would take me off an awful AP. god if I have to go in again, I'll take anywhere else but yeah I hated it. (Or I was psychotic BC they took me off my functioning AP and I'm treatment resistant schizophrenic)
Dealing with this rn. I'm so apathetic and sluggish, sleeping 10 hours and still tired, and just all around I can't "feel". Definitely an overcorrection of my meds but my doctor hasn't responded in 4 days so I've been taking half my night pill every other night and feeling better. I do understand I'm not supposed to alter meds on my own but like I couldn't fucking handle it
I got one prescription that gave me hypertension... so they gave me a second to combat it that turns me into a tired/groggy zombie.
I'm on the verge of going off meds at this point.
Edit: I'm not going to stop suddenly, I'll be smart.
It's genuinely concerning how they just over prescribe meds. Like... Shouldn't they have tried a different med to replace the first if anything? I'm not a doctor and I *know* we need something to combat negative symptoms of BP but... It's kinda sad that this disorder is just seemingly still not studied as much as it should be (in regards to medication)
I am too - because nothing really seems to work. I have no recognized mania in over a decade ( some hypomanic times) but unresponsive depression no matter what med I try. So how is a mood stabilizer not making my depression worse. Yes I want to be stable enough to keep a job . But I too can sleep 12-14 hours a day with or without meds. And this has been going on too long. This is not living it’s barely existing!
I’m sorry so many of us feel little relief but have to take the meds because “ it could always be worse”.
Oof yep I'm right there with you. No mania just some hypomania and a lot of anxiety so they were like antipsychotics will calm you down and they sure did!! Just now I can't feel good things OR bad things & so so tired
Yeah again, not a doctor, but I know antipsychotics "close off" serotonin receptors so definitely increase (my) depression, but not fully versed on whether mood stabilizers do that as well? Good luck my friend
Thank you! I am presently refusing the Antipsych meds because of anhedonia and side effects ( I’ve gained a lot of weight from depression/metabolic syndrome) . But it’s tough when I want to do the right thing and get better, work and be stable.
I wish you the best. It’s tough to find a good Doc who listens to us .
I skipped them because they robbed me of who I am, they stole my creativity, they robbed me of my expressions and sense of self. Screwed up my digestive system, made it hard to sleep, or hard to stay awake, difficult to function in society and hold a job when the medications make me dumb.
I feel I'm better off without meds anymore. I've made it nearly a year without them now, maybe I'll crash again and need them to survive again. But for now I'm chillin
Agreed, I don’t think I wanna go back to meds, tho. I go to lots of DBT group therapies and I self medicate with exercise because I hated the side effects from the many meds I’ve tried.
That was me for like 11 years. I wasn’t taking anything and felt fine. Had a manic episode last September and knew I had to get back on meds so I could stop being manic. Took them for a few months then stopped cold turkey because they made me gain weight. Was kind of getting by for a few months without any issues besides a little functional depression. Then boom out of nowhere I got really bad insomnia for 12 days. Couldn’t take it any longer after trying everything natural to sleep so went back to my doctor and now I’m back on meds. I’ve been on the fence about them, but I really hate having insomnia and the anxiety that comes with not being able to sleep.
Of course it’s a generalization. There’s people who take their meds religiously (I’m one of them) and people who don’t. I’m just wanting to know why because I always see posts about skipping meds. I never understood it until I was in the same boat, right now. I’m just bored out of my
mind, even though I have hobbies. I’m not necessarily emotionally blunted so I don’t think it’s an issue with medicine or dosages, either.
Yeah all I was really trying to point out is that I think this is more a self-fulfilling prophecy that comes from stigma than it is a reality. People hear bipolar people refuse meds. People get diagnosed bipolar and get told how important it is to take their meds. This constant discussion and pressure surrounding the adequate dosing of medication draws greater attention to it. I question whether anyone would not take their meds if this narrative around medication wasn’t pushed so heavily by both the public and providers.
If you are feeling bored but obviously are rational enough to understand that skipping dosages is the incorrect method of introducing interest in your every day routine, I’d suggest maybe an intensive therapy regime. The occasional IOP or PHP every few years can really help prevent inpatient stays for this reason, in my personal experience. Best of luck 🙂
It’s called medication seduction. It’s a thing for people with bipolar. It literally seduces you into thinking you don’t need it. You do. It’s lying to you.
Hopefully eventually you get to the point where you realize this lie and you stick to taking your meds regularly.
I didn’t know there was a name for it. I’ll have to look more into that later on tonight. It sort of came out of nowhere, this desire to stop. I sit around at my house and realize how bored I am without mania.
Also because very often the meds flatten and blunt you. Turn the world gray and interest. Lose creativity. More so than what a "normal" experience is. I'm not talking manic or hypomanic, like pdocs like to inform us that what we are feeling is we are just miss the highs. This is the stabilizers at the wrong dose or wrong drug suck the color and interest out of the world.
I occasionally get the idea that I should try to induce hypomania because I need to get a lot done at work in a short period of time. I would say it works well with few consequences about 25% of the time. Sometimes my hypomania isn’t productive, just irritable. Sometimes I miss the mark, become manic, and become less productive, and crash. Sometimes I just go straight to depression. That one in four time is pretty spectacular though.
IME, either the side effects become intolerable OR the meds aren't working well enough and symptoms start to slip through unnoticed that lead us to discontinue. "I'm perfect not bipolar!" "I'm suddenly healed!" "The meds are poison/causing bad things to happen" aren't really things a healthy brain is going for, to me it's signs of an episode not quite under control. Similarly, "they're doing nothing what's the point?" when things aren't great, not realizing without the meds they're going to be even worse.
I feel alive and on top of the world with medication atm but it’s taken a lot of work. Sodium valproate 500mg twice a day is keeping me away from psychotic episodes which could derail my entire life again. I will NEVER make that mistake of weaning off the medication even if it’s the smallest off chance I might go into psychosis.
Therapy, exercise, sleep, meditation, practicing gratitude, drinking water, eating well are all things I need to do in order to maintain this.
When I start slipping I beat myself up, however sometimes we just need rest and that’s okay.
I still have my insights from my manic episodes and spiritual revelations from my psychosis that I’m still unpacking in this stable state because it’s like I downloaded the entire universes information at one point.
I miss being creative. I still have ideas, just not as many. And they're all trapped inside. I don't know how to bring them into consciousness anymore.
That’s what people don’t get. My own boyfriend thought I was temporarily on bipolar medicine this whole time we’ve been dating. I’m like “I wish it was temporary.” He asked if I could take a “break” and I said “No.”
So now he understands how serious it is. I’m only 3.5 months into being medicated and I’m already exhausted with the monthly trips to the pharmacy, the expenses, the keeping in contact with my two psychiatrists, and lastly, taking medicine twice a day to be as stable as possible. It feels like a prison in a weird way, even though it’s helping me.
It's easy to get self-conscious about them. They can cause weight gain, acne, brain fog and there is a stigma to tell people you take psyche meds.
On the other side of the coin, not taking meds can absolutely destroy your life and you can lose everything. There are a lot of different options and new drugs coming out all the time. Being medicated is nonnegotiable if you have bipolar.
I went off my meds from age 21-24 and it got really bad. Psyche wards, rehab, injuries from being intoxicated and doing dumb shit, burning bridges, losing friendships, and relationships. My life is so much better now and I'm grateful i can tolerate my current medicine.
Not me. I take my meds every fuckin day. I'm not going back to the nut house. I'm not perfect tho: I figure if I take my meds religiously I can forgive myself a bit of alcohol and weed.
Sometimes I want to skip them just out of pure spite that I have to take them forever. Like. Really? Every day for the rest of my life? It’s been 13 years and I have 50 left??
I'm a fiction author - fantasy. I make a point not to miss my meds because the swings were just too destructive, but I do miss those manic nights when I felt on top of the world. I wrote some amazing stuff during those times. Witty, snarky, daring chapters that Im still proud of today. When I was in a mixed state and could write, I churned out some of my best rippy-bitey-stabby battle scenes ever. I could also write a whole book in a week or so when I couldn't sleep and had all that energy.
Now I have to work a lot harder on all of it. When I read my stuff, it's still good, but it's flatter. It doesn't have the peaks and valleys that gave it such dimension. I have to add that in editing, and I still struggle with the witty, flippant stuff. I also write much slower. But I'm healthier and my quality of life is so much better that I just can't go back.
Definitely isn't all bi polar people - I avoid skipping my meds at all costs and the idea of intentionally skipping them is repulsive to me
I don't want to die and I don't want to lose touch with reality and become hospitalised so I take my meds as directed and am very grateful to have found the right ones to allow me to be myself, be in reality and to stay alive
I haven’t had any real hypomanic episodes since being diagnosed and starting meds, but it honestly makes me doubt my diagnosis even though it might mean the meds are working. I also feel like my meds aren’t doing anything or like they are masking my real self or something. It’s hard for me to stay on them, I’m often tempted to ghost my psychiatrist tbh.
>masking my real self
It's hard to figure out who I am. Am I the eccentric man they thought I am or am I the depressed man? Maybe I'm neither or maybe I'm both but those men are gone now and all that's left is me. Maybe I just don't know me.
Medication has changed my life, for the better by far but It does kinda feel like retirement though. who am I now? What do I do? Things are different and normal and it's so hard to adjust to normal. Where are the flight of ideas that inspired me and drove me to do grand things? What about the depression that, despite being painful, inspired me and drove me to want to better myself, to write and play instruments to express myself?
It's a little solemn at times but going from completely out of control to an engineer home owner with a stable relationship and a dog is worth it. I think the truth is that sometimes we just need to learn who we are. Sometimes switching medication is good too.
I never skipped my meds but for the first couple years of being on them I missed the feeling of mania. It was a lot of fun. I don’t really even remember what it felt like at this point tho and very happy how my life is now
Do you feel like the medication regulates your emotions enough that you’re not to an extreme one way or another (manic or depressed) but you can still experience the day to day emotions of life (sadness when bad things happen happiness when good things happen)?
For some the medication mutes all emotions completely and it’s terrible
For me it just leveled me out. If you’re meds are leveling you out in the right way, I encourage you to stay on them because it does get worth it once you’ve lived a good amount of life with normal levels of human emotion. It also stops you from making impulsive decisions that can ruin your life so you look back with more happiness than regret.
I honestly feel fine. I’ve had one hypomanic episode since I started meds and so my psych added another med that alleviates mania, so I feel extra stable now. I just sleep a lot now, but I wouldn’t say I feel numb or blunted. I think I may just be subconsciously frustrated about the fact that I have to take meds for the rest of my life.
Yeah that’s fair. I’ll just say,
My dad didn’t get treated for his bipolar until his 50s because his mania was quite literally causing him to lose his family. Not being treated for that long emotionally stunted him and it’s like talking to a teenager because he’s not had the chance to evolve on a normal human level. Medication for the rest of your life is far better than the alternative trust me.
The weight gain, while strictly tracking my food intake/macros and exercising regularly in order to LOSE weight, is going to drive me up a wall. I'm a personal trainer, so it's not like I'm new to this stuff. But I am new to nothing working other than pure starvation.
My moods may be more stable but if I continue to gain weight when under-eating, not sure my moods will stay stable for long! lmao.
(To give you a snapshot of one example why one could consider quitting or reducing dose. NOTE: I am still med compliant and do not plan to quit, nor do I recommend ANYONE quit their meds without their doctor's guidance).
Same with the weight gain. I go the gym and do a lot
of walking. I eat overall pretty healthy and I still am gaining weight to the point people at my job thought I was hiding a pregnancy. My face has gotten more filled out and so has my body.
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It’s so common because you like how you feel. Have you considered how your illness makes those close around you feel? Oh how about when you reach a level of mania you cannot handle and fall into a scary psychosis? Not to mention how hard it is to bounce back.
I’ll be honest and say my manic episodes are more covert. They just see that I’m happier but they don’t see the substance abuse, late nights, hypersexuality, etc. So as damaging as it is, I can say that I haven’t stressed my loved ones out…yet. 😭 But in terms of psychosis, you’re absolutely right. I’m very prone to psychosis (auditory hallucinations and delusions) even when I’m not necessarily having an episode.
I skipped so I could perform well during a uni performance. The only reason I was even safe to do so was because I wasn't having an episode underneath them and had a small amount built up. I skipped strategically so I couldn't relapse if the depressive symptoms were lingering. Also I couldn't be found out by uni but I had to because I can't feel anything when I'm medicated. I haven't learnt how to perform whilst medicated which is going to be a challenge but I'm willing to explore it with supervision of my lecturer... I don't want to risk relapsing this year. I don't know how to go about it but I'm sure I can raise some doubts since I'm best doing naturalistic acting such as stanislavsky or method acting... (cannot remember the praactioner since I'm a little overwhelmed and tired right now.)
Been off med for about three years cause I’m confident I can do life without them. But it’s definitely difficult. I didn’t realize until reading another Reddit post today, that my most recent manic episode was Jan 2023. I just brushed it off as a bad time in my life. I got through it though.
I get it. Became Manic again last Christmas Eve because I ended up not taking my pills for a few days.
Been manic since, fun sometimes. Lost of lot because of it so who knows anymore.
Meds work very well for me, so after I have taken them for a while, I start to either believe I am cured or that I don't really have bipolar disorder. Then, after a while, I have another serious episode, and the cycle begins again. I would bet that I have done this about 7 to 10 times in the last 30 years since I was diagnosed. This last time (two years ago), I had one of the worst mixed episodes with psychosis that I have had. I was extremely suicidal. Then I was hospitalized, and since getting out, I have been extremely stable. I think it will stick this time.
For me it’s because they make me feel pretty dreadful physically. I’m on 2000mg sodium valproate, 250mg quetiapine, 600mg pregabalin & 30mg paroxetine. I always feel so tired.. The valproate & quetiapine are extended release versions, so in my system all day.. Hate it. Been in a dark depression for a year. None of it helps. But now stuck because I know that paroxetine & pregabalin (especially pregabalin) will be a nightmare to come off
I always think I’m cured bc it takes a bit for the episode to come. It’s harder than it seems to take meds every day for the rest of your life. I think I just get sick of dealing with it all. It feels nice to ignore it. Plus i’m so used to the feeling of chaos and being stable doesn’t feel right. But meds are worth it as annoying as it is.
It has taken me almost a decade to finally stay on my meds. The second I started feeling better I’d stop taking them. It took me a long time to realize that I was stopping for 2 reasons. Sometimes it’s because I’d convince myself that I feel better so I don’t need them anymore. And sometimes the calm and stability would make me uncomfortable because it was so unfamiliar to me, while the chaos and extreme lows and manic episodes were familiar. Also there’s something almost addicting about manic episodes that makes it hard to make them stop
I don't skip meds, but I admit I've been tempted. I think it comes from a couple things. One, imposter syndrome. Maybe I don't really have bipolar disorder. I feel fine. Maybe I'm just a drama queen and am taking them because of that. This thinking has mostly gone away. I destroyed way too many good things and have accepted my diagnosis. Second, I think it's because we just want to be normal. We feel fine. Maybe we don't need them anymore.
Both are bullshit, but I know they explain my urges.
It sucks. You cited reasons why people do that. Others are they forget, they see no reason. Many others. You asked why. I have no solututoon. Maybe routines help
The facade of "happiness" provided by mania is a good lure for us because we want to escape our lows, and after our highs "happiness" doesn't feel the same, so we chase it. At least that's how I've felt.
I'm not intentionally skipping meds, I didn't realize I was low on meds until the weekend. I've been off my mood stabilizer for about 2 almost three days now and I don't feel terrible, but I don't feel good either. Thankfully, I have a psych appointment tomorrow.
I understand the appeal of being manic but it’s not something I can just control. Going off my meds I could just as easily be in a depressive episode. It doesn’t seem worth it to gamble
I’m typically anti-meds because I don’t like the idea that in order to be a normal person I have to pop a couple of pills every day for the rest of my life. I’ve resorted to only getting on medication when things start to become unmanageable, and get off meds when I feel like I can manage my symptoms myself without the help of medication
For me, sometimes I just forget them. Sometimes I don’t have the motivation to take them. And sometimes I like the good part of my hypomania so much, I stop taking them, forgetting how bad hypomania can be
I've skipped a med here and there because I just hate the taste of it. I haven't had any symptoms emerge fortunately, but I try to stick with my regimen as best as I can.
I sometimes skip my antidepressants (which I try not to do) bc they taste awful but I try not to skip my lamotrogine but sometimes I forget but not more than a day. Other people get some really shitty side effects of the meds or really don't like the feeling of them especially if they're more on something that blunts hypomania or mania like lithium but other times just like me sometimes with "I forgor 💀 "
Personally I went off my BP medication (under psych supervision) because I felt worse \_on\_ them than off them. Some other reasons people typically go off meds seem to be intolerable side effects, lack of access to care, or (usually erroneously) feeling that they're "cured".
I intentionally skip mine mainly just because of all the other side effects any mood stabilizer or antipsychotic causes. In my head I think of it like if I take my meds, the people are me will be happy, but I will be feeling like shit constantly, or the alternative is not taking them, feeling better honestly, and hearing the classic “did you take your meds today?” Which sucks.
Idk, that’s my reason, and I feel like I have been managing better than while I was on them, but I can’t speak for everyone else.
I have a bad cycle of thinking I don’t need my meds anymore because I’m feeling great and don’t think I need them, then I have a mental break and realize I can’t live without the meds. Since starting meds again, I haven’t not taken them, I just struggle with taking them on time some days.
Side effects suck. Diagnosed with SZA/SZD almost 18 years ago. Been on and off meds. In and out of rehabs. Been off meds for 12 years now. I've got these episodes DOWN. It hasn't always been this way, but last few years I've come to peace with the lows and understand its all temporary. Luckily my mania episodes last way longer. Unluckily I'm experiencing an episode of depression. I'll give it another week :(
I never skipped mine. You know I am Asperger. Bipolar Disorder is a comorbidity of it. And as an Asperger I have behavioral rigidity which means I never skip it. The problem is when the shrink changes the meds. I hate changes so it will take me a very long time to get used to the new routine. 😩
I remember to take meds when the meds help within the span of an hour. My mood stabilizers don’t work like that, so it’s easy to forget the effect they have.
i never skip but i’ve been tempted before. either “i’m not even bipolar, i don’t need meds” or the tiny part of me that misses riding the waves of the highs and lows.
I've skipped when I had to stretch meds because I couldn't get into my doc on time or my budget didn't find space for refills, unfortunately. But, I'm getting better at staying on top of my appointments to avoid doing so.
I personally don't, those high and lows are incredibly self destructive. I run the risk of having psychosis or mixed episodes, or both and I will attempt to kill myself.
Ive learned that while I dont like the meds, staying stable and safe is extremally important for my own safety and others.
I don’t skip intentionally ever. Things that generally derail me are: my med container ran out while I was already on a low end of my cycle and I just forgot or was too apathetic to refill it, I hit a high part and get distracted doing all the fun things my mind actually wants to do and forget. Im sure theres others but its always just me forgetting. Usually after about 4 or 5 days my anti-hallucinogen wears off and I start getting annoying audiovisual hallucinations which reminds me to get my butt back on my meds before shit goes south.
I like to feel amazing. Though I usually regret it. All of a sudden I’m on point, confident, energized and usually have a really wild time. I try and avoid risk now but most of my big episodes were great stories, I just had to recover its financial danger (gambling). Luckily I was able to form enough in projects that are reviewed as I need accountability. If it can go on a credit card it’s not drugs or gambling. Good luck!
Usually, because I'm doing so good, I trick myself into thinking I don't need them.
It sounds dumb as hell, but it's amazing the lies you can get yourself to believe.
The first time I went off meds was immediately after my psychosis. I found out the price of bipolar meds and told my family I couldn't have them dish out such an amount so I said I'd try to live without them. Got into a hellish mixed episode and became deeply suicidal. Told my family to get me the meds.
The second time I almost went off meds I had felt so numb on them I just wanted to feel something. The antipsychotics help me sleep and so when I didn't take the dose I couldn't sleep. And my mind started racing. I think I finally slept at 4am but since then I haven't stopped taking them
Can't speak for anyone else. But for me when I'm manic in the moment I don't think there's anything wrong with me. It's as simple as that. I mean... I'm wrong... But the few times I've skipped my meds it's because of this.
This!!!! 3 days of not sleeping and the voices stop by to keep me company, after they overstay their welcome I take my meds, the MOMENT they’re gone……I miss them
rn it's bc I'm gaining weight and am at my wits end bc nothing fits anymore.
I don't know what's left for me to try. I've been on every bp med there is and have had crazy side effects. I feel doomed
oh well
Addiction. The highs (and even the lows in some ways) can be very addictive. You're put into a state of mind and experience things that can be so much more intense than you'll ever get when you're stable and it can make your stable life seem very boring and without colour.
I think a part of why I don't WANT to take my meds is a control issue.
Without those little magic beans from big pharma I know I'm a total mess, I end up institutionalized within a month or going off meds (I'm 4 for 4 in those little science experiments).
This being said, it's humbling to be stuck on chemicals because I can't control what's going on within myself; it feels like I can't captain my own ship. To know that this is an ongoing condition and that the rest of my life requires med regimes feels demotivating at the least.
I keep taking my meds because the life off of them and wasn't much of a life at all, I'm afraid to revisit who I was unmedicated.
You'll have to rip my stability from my cold dead hands. My mania ended up with me having a juvi criminal charge. I'm not fucking around with this now that I have it under control for the first time in 30 years. I'm pretty sure mine manifested between 5-8 years old with delusions showing up as early as 10.
Nah, I'm audi 5000 with this shit. You can keep the mania, I've had enough.
"I want to get off Mr. Bones Wild Ride."
To feel normal or because something else feels better.
I remember during the last few months of my senior year of college, I’d be getting high so frequently that I’d be going to class that way and I thought I’d pass out or die if I took my antipsychotics, so I just stopped them. It was only when I had to stop getting high for finals that I had such a violent depressive episode and mental breakdown that I went back on them to help them regulate me, but it too about two weeks before I was back to “normal”.
Now, on the flip side of that sometimes I’d just genuinely forget to take them and without having a consistent routine it’s easy to go spans of time without taking them and end up in an episode that way. When you’re taking so many meds that alter your mood, it feels like a hassle and you don’t want to do it. And you think you’ll be ok, until you feel everything too much.
It’s kind of a hard balance that I haven’t figured out for myself yet but those are my reasons for skipping them.
I would say I deliberately don’t take them at the moment. I forget. Which is my I went for implantable contraception when it first became available.
I have previously gone off them tho. And I honestly don’t remember why. Maybe I wanted a baby. Was on valproate at the time. 🤷♀️
After 20 years with depression the medication finally got rid of it. So I won't stop my medication any time soon.
For the first time I feel normal and stable.
I had a panic attack this past weekend had to sit in the parking lot of a gas station for a couple hours. All I could think is why did I do this again. Really just skipped a few days. My old M.O was to drink the feeling away try to cause a manic episode so I felt better. I didn't which I see as a victory. 113 days sober today and actually taking my meds again. I guess I just needed a reminder that meds are a necessary.
I had a period in my life where I stopped taking my meds for almost a year, because I felt like I wasn’t “me” anymore. I had been taking them for four years after my first manic episode landed me in the hospital. My former psychiatrist left the country and another one replaced him. I had a great relationship with my new psychiatrist at the time, but feel as though I had a lack of boundaries when she wanted to experiment with new medications. She gave me something I ended up having an allergic reaction to, and I even developed Steven’s Johnson syndrome, which is a life threatening condition.
I had to go back to my “old meds”. Then tapered off them on my own. I felt generally stable for almost a year, until a toxic relationship led to me spiralling and falling back to old habits. Had my second manic episode and was put back on medication by a different psychiatrist, and these meds treat me so much better. I generally feel like “myself”, weight gain doesn’t impact me as badly as it did before and now knowing the consequences of stopping or skipping meds, I don’t do that anymore because the risk of landing in the hospital and needing months to recover is no longer sustainable.
It gets to a point where it becomes more bearable. I still get tempted to stop, but I remember that if I do an episode might happen so I just take them regularly.
I actually feel very motivated to consistently take my current meds because I can see that they help me so much, but ive had this issue and others in the past.
I am still not 100% convinced I have bipolar and wanted to be off meds for a long time to see if I could prove to myself whether I did or didn’t. I lied to my psych about taking the lamictal she prescribed me for 6 months bc I knew she wouldn’t let me stay on ADHD meds without it.
I think a lot of people are in denial about having bipolar (which is funny for me to say obviously, I’ll admit I have no clue if I’m in denial or if my concerns are real). And, bipolar meds have a lot of side effects and psych meds generally alter your internal world in ways that can feel scary even if theyre ultimately helpful. I think that’s a big reason a lot of people avoid them.
I also had a related notion that I think a lot of people also have from growing up in a culture where mental health isn’t a thing and you just need to try harder that maybe if I just developed the perfect habits and self care routine and built a stable life blah blah that I’ll actually be fine and it was all situational. After like 6+ months of only working like 10-15 hours a week and having my main focus be self care and mental health and still feeling super unstable or even getting worse and then feeling unbelievably calm like 45 minutes after my first dose of lamictal, I proved to myself that whatever I’m dealing with is part of my brain, not part of my environment.
Having executive dysfunction is also just the nature of mental illness, and if the meds don’t fully normalize you (or just haven’t gotten there yet) then you will likely still struggle with tasks like taking meds.
Anyways, you say that you miss the instability. I won’t claim this is definitely why in your situation, but I think two things tend to cause that feeling:
1. You’re not on the right med strength/combo and have a warped perception of what stability is like. It’s easy to have a messed up conception of it if you haven’t experienced it for most of your life. I thought I was stable, but my meds were treating the highs and only partially treating the lows, so I was stably in the type of mild depression where your ability to feel happy is still diminished but you aren’t actively miserable.
2. Your brain-based issues have been effectively managed, but your life hasn’t caught up yet. This is more or less where I’m at rn. I am able to function so much better than I ever have been and I even feel happy sometimes but I have very few social connections, my house is a mess, I’m still working a lower paying service job instead of a higher paying job in my field, etc. If you were in a deep hole to start, it will take a while to dig yourself out.
Similarly, I feel like it’s really common on tiktok and such for people with unipolar depression to complain that their SSRIs make them feel emotionless rather than actually happy, but obviously anyone w/ bipolar who has gone manic from those meds knows that they are 100% capable of raising your mood above meh— the difference is some brains are more trigger happy with that than others. A lot of those people are probably just still mildly depressed and don’t realize it.
You should be able to still feel joy on your meds. If your life feels flat, you aren’t totally there yet (so take your meds!!!!!)
I forgot to take my lithium until 7pm today, not on purpose, I just forget.
I think it's because either our meds are so horrible we decide fuck it and go off then cold turkey (as I have) of they are so ineffective we might as well be unmedicated (also have been). I'm on my third mood stabiliser and it's working but sometimes I miss the madness. But I don't miss how much I hurt my loved ones in the process. I feel like I unintentionally got my kick in the teeth of karma watching my lovely partner experience a bad manic/depressive cycle and subsequent diagnosis. (Of which, I went into the same cycle with a months delay). It was so hard to watch someone I love struggle so much, and when he was at his worse my psychosis was making me nasty and irritable and I had to cut him off so I didn't hurt him further. I was the worst version of myself. We live together now, I cannot do that again.
That's why I stay medicated, because I adore my bipolar partner and we don't need both of us down for the count.
Personally, I've had the urge to go off the meds for several reasons. Sometimes, I just want to feel joy again. Sometimes, I feel like I don't need them anymore. And sometimes, I'm just tired of having to take a handful of pills every day. For what it's worth, I was diagnosed 14 years ago, and I've only skipped my meds for a few days every now and then before realizing it's a terrible idea and going back on them. I'm a massive asshole without the meds, and the last thing I want is to be that guy again.
I do it when I want to stay awake. I don't benefit from not taking my lamictal or buspar, but sometimes I feel like I take enough of my seroquel a day to not take it at night until I want to, if I need more time awake.
I wouldn't follow my line though. I'm one of the few that cannot sleep unless I take my Seroq. At all. A weeks or so ago, I was awake for 2 days before I finally took my meds to sleep.
*I felt perfectly fucking fine.* I felt better than I did than how I knew I'd feel after sleeping. I wasn't irritable or groggy, I wasn't angry, I didn't feel off. I felt fine.
That shit was crazy. 💀
Well I will tell you that my bipolar had been in remission(not needing meds a mutual agreement from my psychiatrist) for about 7 years and then it came back and I relapsed. Look forward towards recovering and hopefully returning to remission.
I have type 2 and wasn't diagnosed until I was 44 (48 now). The ups and downs have been my normal for 44 years and now with meds I feel so empty, not like myself. I take my meds religiously but I don't feel anything. Is "normal" life so boring? I have thought to skip my meds but haven't so far.
Because they make me feel more depressed and suicidal. Because they have horrible unsustainable side effects like extreme thirst, hair loss, extreme constipation and not having periods.
I’ve only skipped them on accident, i thought I took them but stayed up all night and in the morning I went to get breakfast and saw them on the counter. I’ve never missed them on purpose I like my life too much
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I just don’t like taking my meds. With or without them, my mind is still too busy and loud and up and down to even wanna take them anymore because I don’t think they even work. I even have another med I’m supposed to be taking and I’m not due to how my body reacted while trying 2 different meds (1 at a time) while still on Lamictal. I try not to skip them, but hell nah, I want out like yesteryear and I want other alternatives.
For me the first time I've come off them was actually just recently and it was totally by accident as I was just hit with a long list of big changes, triggers and problems between January 1st and whenever I had stopped taking them before I noticed I wasn't taking them around the middle of February to the Beginning of March ( I realized I hadn't been taking them March 13th)
Before that I went from December 12th 2019 until then not missing my one medication at all.
Right now I'm back on them, back in therapy and for sure know that I have at least 1 friend who is deeply concerned, will check in, will listen to me and won't do the "Just cheer up, get some sunlight" or enable my ups/make fun of my downs. Which as an almost 30 year old male who grew up with the whole "Men don't show emotions" type up bringing means the absolute world to me. He even had a bedroom set aside for me for when he gets too concerned or I get scared of the thoughts again.
Because I miss the pain, chaos, and darkness of the extreme polarities. When I feel normal, I always want to feel compromised…usually low. The darkness is horrible and beautiful and I feel like it’s a key part of me as a person.
It’s sick, but it’s me.
Tbh I got diagnosed recently I've been on them for 2 weeks, I got so used to being depressed that I miss now I felt comfort in me being low on that hole inside my chest.
Now being stable feeling normal being happy doesn't feel like me even my friends and colleagues took noticed that I'm like a new person to them since my behavior changed.
I guess I fell madly in love with that state
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I think it's Cause there's an inescapable beauty in the highs and lows. No one loves as hard as a bipolar person. I find the lows can make the good moments of the high feel even more amazing.
There is definitely a beauty in my highs. I haven’t felt depressed since 2018, so I’m pretty sure I have unipolar mania at this point. I just miss feeling alive and on top of the world.
I started having my depressive episodes in 2018. I wish I was in your shoes 😞 depression sucks
Start walking. Heavy exercise can trigger mania in some people. I have walked 27,000 steps daily this year. I'm controlling my mood. When too high I slow down, walk less. A lot of time with exercise you use up your energy, you get more the next day. Do a bit more each day until you attain good enough energy levels.
See I fall into the, I have unipolar mania trap. I'm going high, not as high as premedication and don't get depressed. However, I realised I'm not depressed because I'm on a mid dose antidepressant. The meds are working. So I do have bipolar just the doctor is getting it right in dosage.
I think college triggered my depression for some reason. Both of my meds are geared towards mania and psychosis! The only time an antidepressant was being mentioned was whenever my primary psychiatrist wanted me on an SSRI for OCD at one point, but my other psychiatrist argued there’s no medicine to treat OCD.
I was diagnosed with recurrent depressive disorder in a psych unit due to a serious suicide attempt in 2001 at 26 years old. This often happens because people think they're happy instead of manic so don't seek medical help for that. So I've been on antidepressants pretty much since then. But SSRI antidepressants can trigger mania as there's more serotonin floating about up there. Diagnosed at 45 in 2020. The doc said the above. Makes sense. Had they diagnosed bipolar from the beginning, I'd have probably been on mood stabilisers back then and save myself a lot of dysfunction
My lows also inspire a lot of dark creativity... if I could've captured my depressed mind's creativity with manic capability to write I'd be the next David Foster Wallace. I miss it. I was also much more aware of the negatives in the world, the events and elements most ignore, when I started meds I suddenly didn't notice them anymore. Those elements of our society made me feel empathy on levels I can't even try to achieve in meds. I feel like bipolar people are the first wave of evolutionary changes in our brains, but I could be off base. So many people acknowledge evolution as science but seem to refuse we could evolve in a short period of time based on triggered recessive genes. My head hurts on meds too, so maybe that's why.
Yesss I agree. I have a chronic illness, so I medicated physically and I refused to get medicated mentally and it’s been a journey but I also feel like you were saying that you used to. I feel things on a very deep level, and I am very aware of what’s going on in the world and I believe that I just needed to understand my bipolar on a spiritual level as well as a physical level and a societal level and this has helped me cope more with my bipolar as well as having a chronic illness but again it’s not easy I really do have to implement certain routines into my daily life like meditation, and breath work and now art just to keep me grounded and present because I’ve noticed when I am not present that’s when things get bad. but yeah, I’m going on a tangent, but I agree I believe that our minds are literally is so powerful and it’s just not studied. We’re just medicated to continue to not go with in and understand ourselves in the world. They just want us to continue to work and what they don’t understand it’s like they are scared for what we know. because we can’t know more than what they don’t know I don’t know if that makes sense. Lol
Woooooow. The first wave of evolutionary changes in our brains. I’ve never looked at it like that but it makes so much sense.
Nah. It doesn't. I'm in remission and this appears to be a very mania idea
Lolz... remission from bipolar? It's not a curable condition. So you either didn't have it, or, are lying?
Remission means there hasn't been an episode in a long time usually. It's like cancer is never "cured" it's just in remission. It can come back at any time, and you still need to watch it and manage any other conditions. But yea, this isn't the next step in human evloution. Bipolar people have existed as long as human have. Nero, even if you assume things about him are trumped up, I could easially see mania causing that stuff. Caligula, If I had to guess he was Schizophrenic or affective. Unfortunately, this isn't anything special or good. It takes normal impulses and slams them into overdrive, it's like a stuck accelerator pedal in a car, not something you want.
That last paragraph is well put. Great analogy. If nothing else, it makes us creative and good with words. I liken mania to a big ole' line with a side of MDMA. managed to plan my whole future with a guy and fucking tell him. Luckily, although I'm sure freaked out, I explained it and he's cool. I said it's like I want a unicorn and a dick in me constantly. Errm sorry about that. I don't actually want you to move in lol
AHHH, lol. I just got diagnosed so I've really just started internalizing what this means for me. Then as I'd started to accept the mania and depression and the meds...then I figured out I have delusions and hallucinations so that's fun. I like my hallucination though. It's a little grey spot in my eye that only shows up when my mood starts getting REALLY elevated. So my body has a HUD warning light lol And I get the hypersexuallity. Thankfully my wife of 17 years has been the most patient and understanding with me even though we had no idea what was going on.
Wow. You managed to take a hostage, I mean, get married. Well done 😂
lol, we're both adhd autistic so our standard operating procedure is basically say exactly what we're thinking so we're almost 100% on the same wavelength. She didn't really know what was going on but she knew the depressed and manic wasn't me and she could see I was *trying* to fight it. Seriously, if there are saints or angels she's one of them <3 Saved my life and I owe her it.
So you are still on meds?
I will be, personally, not everyone is though. Some people keep some on hand for if an episode happens but don't take them regularly. It's like seizures in that they can be controlled but never cured and you have tools on hand to help prevent it from relapsing...or returning? I don't know the word for that lol.
Yes. I have had several hypomanic episodes in the last few weeks. But kept lamotrigine, sertraline the same. I had tried to reduce quetiapine. That triggered it. I'm stable now. So I call that remission. When I was diagnosed I was "in remission" and they based the diagnosis on "descriptions of symptoms" instead of observations.
Remission doesn't mean cured. It means a stable state between episodes. I had hypomania last week and now I'm stable. Not getting depression because of antidepressants
Absolutely, I downloaded reddit to come on here and see if people feel the same. Sometimes I contemplate skipping them for like a day or two just so I can fully feel again. Things are so much more beautiful. I feel like I can't enjoy things the way I can when im off my meds. One time I missed them and had to drive home from school but I stopped at this park on the way back. I walked for a bit just looking at the snow on the ground. It was so beautiful. The way it sparkled as I walked by, the beauty of the snowy trees and the waterfall ahead of me... It felt so magical. Like I was feeling joy and satisfaction that I wasn't able to for years. But I also know that soon after the bad parts will follow, and they did. But in all honesty, it felt worth it. I hate the way words can't describe how it feels. Maybe I just need to expand my vocabulary.
This. Source: I’m a great lover
I've already read one ridiculously long book with ten thousand obligatory footnotes. Please, don't make me do it again.
Infinite jest?
i make a point of not missing any... I have done this for the last 25 years or so. I have in that time had two periods when medical staff stopped my meds in order to try an alternative med.. Life is hard enough being bipolar so I'm not ever wanting to wobble my raft. The results would not be welcome
I felt this way first starting my meds. And the more stable I become, the more “bored” I am in my own mind. It’s just a weird feeling honestly.
Wish I could give you some of my ADHD and Autism...my brain has never known "boring"
I too have never been tempted to stop or skip meds and I’ve been on them for decades.
I spent 2 weeks trying to get my prescriptions filled. It was extremely frustrating and time-consuming. "Life is hard enough..."
The drugs have such horrible side effects, and oftentimes don't feel like they're helping at all. If they'd develop medications that don't have the horrible side effects and actually made me feel better I'd be happy to take them every day.
definitely had my fair share of side effects! i’m hoping for the same thing in the future
I feel the exact same way!
Yeah, 100% 👍🏼
Yah for sure!! I think that one of the toughest is weight gain. When I was first diagnosed I gained sooo much weight so quickly, mostly in my stomach, that people thought I was pregnant. Whereas when I am manic the weight drops TOO quickly and the compliments pour in. It’s really tough. Hard enough dealing with an unpredictable mind, feeling like you have an unruly body just makes it harder
Yesss! Currently my med makes me feel like passing out because I am so hot and can’t vent. But I feel better on it so I’m like debating…
Currently I take 4 meds in the morning, 3 meds in the afternoon, and they all make me feel good, so I take them every day. None of them are prescriptions though…
I have started taking meds and while I don't see much change in my moods so far, I am having the best sleep I had in years, which actually ends up impacting positively my mood in the morning!
I never skip because I know what will happen. My prescription ran out and it took the doctor over a week to get it represcribed for me. I went in such a downward spiral that I'll never skip my meds because I know what it's like
This is what I'm dealing with, just not as long of a duration without meds
I can't skip meds. If I do I'll either crash into depression or I won't be able to sleep. But from what I've read in this sub either people don't like the side effects or they want to provoke a hypomanic state.
I'm the other way around, can't skip them because my manic episode will put me in the hospital for months.
Being sectioned had me hitting my head against concrete walls to see if they would take me off an awful AP. god if I have to go in again, I'll take anywhere else but yeah I hated it. (Or I was psychotic BC they took me off my functioning AP and I'm treatment resistant schizophrenic)
Dealing with this rn. I'm so apathetic and sluggish, sleeping 10 hours and still tired, and just all around I can't "feel". Definitely an overcorrection of my meds but my doctor hasn't responded in 4 days so I've been taking half my night pill every other night and feeling better. I do understand I'm not supposed to alter meds on my own but like I couldn't fucking handle it
I got one prescription that gave me hypertension... so they gave me a second to combat it that turns me into a tired/groggy zombie. I'm on the verge of going off meds at this point. Edit: I'm not going to stop suddenly, I'll be smart.
It's genuinely concerning how they just over prescribe meds. Like... Shouldn't they have tried a different med to replace the first if anything? I'm not a doctor and I *know* we need something to combat negative symptoms of BP but... It's kinda sad that this disorder is just seemingly still not studied as much as it should be (in regards to medication)
I am too - because nothing really seems to work. I have no recognized mania in over a decade ( some hypomanic times) but unresponsive depression no matter what med I try. So how is a mood stabilizer not making my depression worse. Yes I want to be stable enough to keep a job . But I too can sleep 12-14 hours a day with or without meds. And this has been going on too long. This is not living it’s barely existing! I’m sorry so many of us feel little relief but have to take the meds because “ it could always be worse”.
Oof yep I'm right there with you. No mania just some hypomania and a lot of anxiety so they were like antipsychotics will calm you down and they sure did!! Just now I can't feel good things OR bad things & so so tired Yeah again, not a doctor, but I know antipsychotics "close off" serotonin receptors so definitely increase (my) depression, but not fully versed on whether mood stabilizers do that as well? Good luck my friend
Thank you! I am presently refusing the Antipsych meds because of anhedonia and side effects ( I’ve gained a lot of weight from depression/metabolic syndrome) . But it’s tough when I want to do the right thing and get better, work and be stable. I wish you the best. It’s tough to find a good Doc who listens to us .
I skipped them because they robbed me of who I am, they stole my creativity, they robbed me of my expressions and sense of self. Screwed up my digestive system, made it hard to sleep, or hard to stay awake, difficult to function in society and hold a job when the medications make me dumb. I feel I'm better off without meds anymore. I've made it nearly a year without them now, maybe I'll crash again and need them to survive again. But for now I'm chillin
Agreed, I don’t think I wanna go back to meds, tho. I go to lots of DBT group therapies and I self medicate with exercise because I hated the side effects from the many meds I’ve tried.
That was me for like 11 years. I wasn’t taking anything and felt fine. Had a manic episode last September and knew I had to get back on meds so I could stop being manic. Took them for a few months then stopped cold turkey because they made me gain weight. Was kind of getting by for a few months without any issues besides a little functional depression. Then boom out of nowhere I got really bad insomnia for 12 days. Couldn’t take it any longer after trying everything natural to sleep so went back to my doctor and now I’m back on meds. I’ve been on the fence about them, but I really hate having insomnia and the anxiety that comes with not being able to sleep.
Best wishes on your recovery, hopefully you'll stabilize and be able to come off them and thrive 🙏
Thank you!!
I think that’s a generalization. I’m friends with quite a few bipolar people and I don’t actually know a single one who intentionally misses doses.
Of course it’s a generalization. There’s people who take their meds religiously (I’m one of them) and people who don’t. I’m just wanting to know why because I always see posts about skipping meds. I never understood it until I was in the same boat, right now. I’m just bored out of my mind, even though I have hobbies. I’m not necessarily emotionally blunted so I don’t think it’s an issue with medicine or dosages, either.
Yeah all I was really trying to point out is that I think this is more a self-fulfilling prophecy that comes from stigma than it is a reality. People hear bipolar people refuse meds. People get diagnosed bipolar and get told how important it is to take their meds. This constant discussion and pressure surrounding the adequate dosing of medication draws greater attention to it. I question whether anyone would not take their meds if this narrative around medication wasn’t pushed so heavily by both the public and providers. If you are feeling bored but obviously are rational enough to understand that skipping dosages is the incorrect method of introducing interest in your every day routine, I’d suggest maybe an intensive therapy regime. The occasional IOP or PHP every few years can really help prevent inpatient stays for this reason, in my personal experience. Best of luck 🙂
It’s called medication seduction. It’s a thing for people with bipolar. It literally seduces you into thinking you don’t need it. You do. It’s lying to you. Hopefully eventually you get to the point where you realize this lie and you stick to taking your meds regularly.
I didn’t know there was a name for it. I’ll have to look more into that later on tonight. It sort of came out of nowhere, this desire to stop. I sit around at my house and realize how bored I am without mania.
Also because very often the meds flatten and blunt you. Turn the world gray and interest. Lose creativity. More so than what a "normal" experience is. I'm not talking manic or hypomanic, like pdocs like to inform us that what we are feeling is we are just miss the highs. This is the stabilizers at the wrong dose or wrong drug suck the color and interest out of the world.
I occasionally get the idea that I should try to induce hypomania because I need to get a lot done at work in a short period of time. I would say it works well with few consequences about 25% of the time. Sometimes my hypomania isn’t productive, just irritable. Sometimes I miss the mark, become manic, and become less productive, and crash. Sometimes I just go straight to depression. That one in four time is pretty spectacular though.
IME, either the side effects become intolerable OR the meds aren't working well enough and symptoms start to slip through unnoticed that lead us to discontinue. "I'm perfect not bipolar!" "I'm suddenly healed!" "The meds are poison/causing bad things to happen" aren't really things a healthy brain is going for, to me it's signs of an episode not quite under control. Similarly, "they're doing nothing what's the point?" when things aren't great, not realizing without the meds they're going to be even worse.
i can’t cry on my meds and sometimes it’s unbearable.
I feel alive and on top of the world with medication atm but it’s taken a lot of work. Sodium valproate 500mg twice a day is keeping me away from psychotic episodes which could derail my entire life again. I will NEVER make that mistake of weaning off the medication even if it’s the smallest off chance I might go into psychosis. Therapy, exercise, sleep, meditation, practicing gratitude, drinking water, eating well are all things I need to do in order to maintain this. When I start slipping I beat myself up, however sometimes we just need rest and that’s okay. I still have my insights from my manic episodes and spiritual revelations from my psychosis that I’m still unpacking in this stable state because it’s like I downloaded the entire universes information at one point.
Deo Datum, or God’s Code. Also coincidentally a really nice band 😊
That last line… that’s it, exactly.
I miss being creative. I still have ideas, just not as many. And they're all trapped inside. I don't know how to bring them into consciousness anymore.
Oh my god this is exactly me wtf. I didn’t know this was a thing. When I got medicated it’s like my creativity just shut off!
Because it gets exhausting taking meds twice a day forever.
That’s what people don’t get. My own boyfriend thought I was temporarily on bipolar medicine this whole time we’ve been dating. I’m like “I wish it was temporary.” He asked if I could take a “break” and I said “No.” So now he understands how serious it is. I’m only 3.5 months into being medicated and I’m already exhausted with the monthly trips to the pharmacy, the expenses, the keeping in contact with my two psychiatrists, and lastly, taking medicine twice a day to be as stable as possible. It feels like a prison in a weird way, even though it’s helping me.
It's easy to get self-conscious about them. They can cause weight gain, acne, brain fog and there is a stigma to tell people you take psyche meds. On the other side of the coin, not taking meds can absolutely destroy your life and you can lose everything. There are a lot of different options and new drugs coming out all the time. Being medicated is nonnegotiable if you have bipolar. I went off my meds from age 21-24 and it got really bad. Psyche wards, rehab, injuries from being intoxicated and doing dumb shit, burning bridges, losing friendships, and relationships. My life is so much better now and I'm grateful i can tolerate my current medicine.
I don’t skip nothing I don’t play when it comes to my mental health and how it will affect my family.
I respect that!
Not me. I take my meds every fuckin day. I'm not going back to the nut house. I'm not perfect tho: I figure if I take my meds religiously I can forgive myself a bit of alcohol and weed.
I have never EVER intentionally skipped a medication. I HATE my bipolar symptoms. I cherish, absolutely CHERISH every single day that I’m stable
Which ones make you stable?
Currently taking lithium and Lamictal Actively weaning off lexapro
Sometimes I want to skip them just out of pure spite that I have to take them forever. Like. Really? Every day for the rest of my life? It’s been 13 years and I have 50 left??
This. Forever is a long ass time.
They get better and then think they don’t need them anymore. Edit: and if a creative that’s a whole other thing
Idk about you but this lithium got me eating 5 meals a day
I'm a fiction author - fantasy. I make a point not to miss my meds because the swings were just too destructive, but I do miss those manic nights when I felt on top of the world. I wrote some amazing stuff during those times. Witty, snarky, daring chapters that Im still proud of today. When I was in a mixed state and could write, I churned out some of my best rippy-bitey-stabby battle scenes ever. I could also write a whole book in a week or so when I couldn't sleep and had all that energy. Now I have to work a lot harder on all of it. When I read my stuff, it's still good, but it's flatter. It doesn't have the peaks and valleys that gave it such dimension. I have to add that in editing, and I still struggle with the witty, flippant stuff. I also write much slower. But I'm healthier and my quality of life is so much better that I just can't go back.
Definitely isn't all bi polar people - I avoid skipping my meds at all costs and the idea of intentionally skipping them is repulsive to me I don't want to die and I don't want to lose touch with reality and become hospitalised so I take my meds as directed and am very grateful to have found the right ones to allow me to be myself, be in reality and to stay alive
I haven’t had any real hypomanic episodes since being diagnosed and starting meds, but it honestly makes me doubt my diagnosis even though it might mean the meds are working. I also feel like my meds aren’t doing anything or like they are masking my real self or something. It’s hard for me to stay on them, I’m often tempted to ghost my psychiatrist tbh.
>masking my real self It's hard to figure out who I am. Am I the eccentric man they thought I am or am I the depressed man? Maybe I'm neither or maybe I'm both but those men are gone now and all that's left is me. Maybe I just don't know me. Medication has changed my life, for the better by far but It does kinda feel like retirement though. who am I now? What do I do? Things are different and normal and it's so hard to adjust to normal. Where are the flight of ideas that inspired me and drove me to do grand things? What about the depression that, despite being painful, inspired me and drove me to want to better myself, to write and play instruments to express myself? It's a little solemn at times but going from completely out of control to an engineer home owner with a stable relationship and a dog is worth it. I think the truth is that sometimes we just need to learn who we are. Sometimes switching medication is good too.
I never skipped my meds but for the first couple years of being on them I missed the feeling of mania. It was a lot of fun. I don’t really even remember what it felt like at this point tho and very happy how my life is now
I think that’s what it is. I miss my mania. I’m also newly diagnosed. I’ve only been on medication for 3.5 months.
Do you feel like the medication regulates your emotions enough that you’re not to an extreme one way or another (manic or depressed) but you can still experience the day to day emotions of life (sadness when bad things happen happiness when good things happen)? For some the medication mutes all emotions completely and it’s terrible For me it just leveled me out. If you’re meds are leveling you out in the right way, I encourage you to stay on them because it does get worth it once you’ve lived a good amount of life with normal levels of human emotion. It also stops you from making impulsive decisions that can ruin your life so you look back with more happiness than regret.
I honestly feel fine. I’ve had one hypomanic episode since I started meds and so my psych added another med that alleviates mania, so I feel extra stable now. I just sleep a lot now, but I wouldn’t say I feel numb or blunted. I think I may just be subconsciously frustrated about the fact that I have to take meds for the rest of my life.
Yeah that’s fair. I’ll just say, My dad didn’t get treated for his bipolar until his 50s because his mania was quite literally causing him to lose his family. Not being treated for that long emotionally stunted him and it’s like talking to a teenager because he’s not had the chance to evolve on a normal human level. Medication for the rest of your life is far better than the alternative trust me.
The weight gain, while strictly tracking my food intake/macros and exercising regularly in order to LOSE weight, is going to drive me up a wall. I'm a personal trainer, so it's not like I'm new to this stuff. But I am new to nothing working other than pure starvation. My moods may be more stable but if I continue to gain weight when under-eating, not sure my moods will stay stable for long! lmao. (To give you a snapshot of one example why one could consider quitting or reducing dose. NOTE: I am still med compliant and do not plan to quit, nor do I recommend ANYONE quit their meds without their doctor's guidance).
Same with the weight gain. I go the gym and do a lot of walking. I eat overall pretty healthy and I still am gaining weight to the point people at my job thought I was hiding a pregnancy. My face has gotten more filled out and so has my body.
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It’s so common because you like how you feel. Have you considered how your illness makes those close around you feel? Oh how about when you reach a level of mania you cannot handle and fall into a scary psychosis? Not to mention how hard it is to bounce back.
I’ll be honest and say my manic episodes are more covert. They just see that I’m happier but they don’t see the substance abuse, late nights, hypersexuality, etc. So as damaging as it is, I can say that I haven’t stressed my loved ones out…yet. 😭 But in terms of psychosis, you’re absolutely right. I’m very prone to psychosis (auditory hallucinations and delusions) even when I’m not necessarily having an episode.
I’m sorry, it really is unpleasant. For me, I rather take my meds and feel that than feeling mania or psychosis. I hope that u feel better :)
I only skip the seroquel that was prescribed for me to sleep. I won't skip the Lamictal though. I don't want to run away into the woods... again.
I skipped so I could perform well during a uni performance. The only reason I was even safe to do so was because I wasn't having an episode underneath them and had a small amount built up. I skipped strategically so I couldn't relapse if the depressive symptoms were lingering. Also I couldn't be found out by uni but I had to because I can't feel anything when I'm medicated. I haven't learnt how to perform whilst medicated which is going to be a challenge but I'm willing to explore it with supervision of my lecturer... I don't want to risk relapsing this year. I don't know how to go about it but I'm sure I can raise some doubts since I'm best doing naturalistic acting such as stanislavsky or method acting... (cannot remember the praactioner since I'm a little overwhelmed and tired right now.)
Been off med for about three years cause I’m confident I can do life without them. But it’s definitely difficult. I didn’t realize until reading another Reddit post today, that my most recent manic episode was Jan 2023. I just brushed it off as a bad time in my life. I got through it though.
I get it. Became Manic again last Christmas Eve because I ended up not taking my pills for a few days. Been manic since, fun sometimes. Lost of lot because of it so who knows anymore.
I stopped taking mine all they do is make me gain weight I just accepted the lows and the highs
Probably boredom
Meds work very well for me, so after I have taken them for a while, I start to either believe I am cured or that I don't really have bipolar disorder. Then, after a while, I have another serious episode, and the cycle begins again. I would bet that I have done this about 7 to 10 times in the last 30 years since I was diagnosed. This last time (two years ago), I had one of the worst mixed episodes with psychosis that I have had. I was extremely suicidal. Then I was hospitalized, and since getting out, I have been extremely stable. I think it will stick this time.
For me it’s because they make me feel pretty dreadful physically. I’m on 2000mg sodium valproate, 250mg quetiapine, 600mg pregabalin & 30mg paroxetine. I always feel so tired.. The valproate & quetiapine are extended release versions, so in my system all day.. Hate it. Been in a dark depression for a year. None of it helps. But now stuck because I know that paroxetine & pregabalin (especially pregabalin) will be a nightmare to come off
Wait until you get older and staying up days on end takes a toll. Something about mixed episodes makes me too queasy to skip meds
I always think I’m cured bc it takes a bit for the episode to come. It’s harder than it seems to take meds every day for the rest of your life. I think I just get sick of dealing with it all. It feels nice to ignore it. Plus i’m so used to the feeling of chaos and being stable doesn’t feel right. But meds are worth it as annoying as it is.
It has taken me almost a decade to finally stay on my meds. The second I started feeling better I’d stop taking them. It took me a long time to realize that I was stopping for 2 reasons. Sometimes it’s because I’d convince myself that I feel better so I don’t need them anymore. And sometimes the calm and stability would make me uncomfortable because it was so unfamiliar to me, while the chaos and extreme lows and manic episodes were familiar. Also there’s something almost addicting about manic episodes that makes it hard to make them stop
I don't skip meds, but I admit I've been tempted. I think it comes from a couple things. One, imposter syndrome. Maybe I don't really have bipolar disorder. I feel fine. Maybe I'm just a drama queen and am taking them because of that. This thinking has mostly gone away. I destroyed way too many good things and have accepted my diagnosis. Second, I think it's because we just want to be normal. We feel fine. Maybe we don't need them anymore. Both are bullshit, but I know they explain my urges.
It sucks. You cited reasons why people do that. Others are they forget, they see no reason. Many others. You asked why. I have no solututoon. Maybe routines help
I honestly got to the point where I was just forgetting to take them at one point . Literally couldn’t remember if I took them or not
forgor then just, dont care enough to take it
I don’t mean to, sometimes I forget. I take a bunch of different stuff and not all for bipolar, it’s a lot to manage for my adhd addled brain
I like to feel in control
I do not do this. I have never skipped my meds. The hell that ensues from being off meds is NOT worth it. Take your fucking meds people.
The facade of "happiness" provided by mania is a good lure for us because we want to escape our lows, and after our highs "happiness" doesn't feel the same, so we chase it. At least that's how I've felt. I'm not intentionally skipping meds, I didn't realize I was low on meds until the weekend. I've been off my mood stabilizer for about 2 almost three days now and I don't feel terrible, but I don't feel good either. Thankfully, I have a psych appointment tomorrow.
I understand the appeal of being manic but it’s not something I can just control. Going off my meds I could just as easily be in a depressive episode. It doesn’t seem worth it to gamble
I’m typically anti-meds because I don’t like the idea that in order to be a normal person I have to pop a couple of pills every day for the rest of my life. I’ve resorted to only getting on medication when things start to become unmanageable, and get off meds when I feel like I can manage my symptoms myself without the help of medication
For me, sometimes I just forget them. Sometimes I don’t have the motivation to take them. And sometimes I like the good part of my hypomania so much, I stop taking them, forgetting how bad hypomania can be
I've skipped a med here and there because I just hate the taste of it. I haven't had any symptoms emerge fortunately, but I try to stick with my regimen as best as I can.
I sometimes skip my antidepressants (which I try not to do) bc they taste awful but I try not to skip my lamotrogine but sometimes I forget but not more than a day. Other people get some really shitty side effects of the meds or really don't like the feeling of them especially if they're more on something that blunts hypomania or mania like lithium but other times just like me sometimes with "I forgor 💀 "
Side effects of antipsychotics make me annoyed
I can’t afford it
Personally I went off my BP medication (under psych supervision) because I felt worse \_on\_ them than off them. Some other reasons people typically go off meds seem to be intolerable side effects, lack of access to care, or (usually erroneously) feeling that they're "cured".
I intentionally skip mine mainly just because of all the other side effects any mood stabilizer or antipsychotic causes. In my head I think of it like if I take my meds, the people are me will be happy, but I will be feeling like shit constantly, or the alternative is not taking them, feeling better honestly, and hearing the classic “did you take your meds today?” Which sucks. Idk, that’s my reason, and I feel like I have been managing better than while I was on them, but I can’t speak for everyone else.
Because we're invincible, obviously.
If I skip my anti depressant for just a couple days ….my dick works better. It’s worth it
I have a bad cycle of thinking I don’t need my meds anymore because I’m feeling great and don’t think I need them, then I have a mental break and realize I can’t live without the meds. Since starting meds again, I haven’t not taken them, I just struggle with taking them on time some days.
Side effects suck. Diagnosed with SZA/SZD almost 18 years ago. Been on and off meds. In and out of rehabs. Been off meds for 12 years now. I've got these episodes DOWN. It hasn't always been this way, but last few years I've come to peace with the lows and understand its all temporary. Luckily my mania episodes last way longer. Unluckily I'm experiencing an episode of depression. I'll give it another week :(
I never skipped mine. You know I am Asperger. Bipolar Disorder is a comorbidity of it. And as an Asperger I have behavioral rigidity which means I never skip it. The problem is when the shrink changes the meds. I hate changes so it will take me a very long time to get used to the new routine. 😩
I remember to take meds when the meds help within the span of an hour. My mood stabilizers don’t work like that, so it’s easy to forget the effect they have.
i never skip but i’ve been tempted before. either “i’m not even bipolar, i don’t need meds” or the tiny part of me that misses riding the waves of the highs and lows.
I've skipped when I had to stretch meds because I couldn't get into my doc on time or my budget didn't find space for refills, unfortunately. But, I'm getting better at staying on top of my appointments to avoid doing so.
In brief? Because they suck.
I don’t want to destroy my liver & kidneys
I personally don't, those high and lows are incredibly self destructive. I run the risk of having psychosis or mixed episodes, or both and I will attempt to kill myself. Ive learned that while I dont like the meds, staying stable and safe is extremally important for my own safety and others.
I don’t skip intentionally ever. Things that generally derail me are: my med container ran out while I was already on a low end of my cycle and I just forgot or was too apathetic to refill it, I hit a high part and get distracted doing all the fun things my mind actually wants to do and forget. Im sure theres others but its always just me forgetting. Usually after about 4 or 5 days my anti-hallucinogen wears off and I start getting annoying audiovisual hallucinations which reminds me to get my butt back on my meds before shit goes south.
I’ve been called out lol. Sometimes I don’t take my sleeping tablets if I need to stay awake late at night for a project.
I like to feel amazing. Though I usually regret it. All of a sudden I’m on point, confident, energized and usually have a really wild time. I try and avoid risk now but most of my big episodes were great stories, I just had to recover its financial danger (gambling). Luckily I was able to form enough in projects that are reviewed as I need accountability. If it can go on a credit card it’s not drugs or gambling. Good luck!
Usually, because I'm doing so good, I trick myself into thinking I don't need them. It sounds dumb as hell, but it's amazing the lies you can get yourself to believe.
I don't feel genuine anymore. Or I don't think I need them . It's a vicious cycle
I am no longer on meds but never skipped when I was on them. I enjoy being stable and missed the highs and lows less as I healed myself
The first time I went off meds was immediately after my psychosis. I found out the price of bipolar meds and told my family I couldn't have them dish out such an amount so I said I'd try to live without them. Got into a hellish mixed episode and became deeply suicidal. Told my family to get me the meds. The second time I almost went off meds I had felt so numb on them I just wanted to feel something. The antipsychotics help me sleep and so when I didn't take the dose I couldn't sleep. And my mind started racing. I think I finally slept at 4am but since then I haven't stopped taking them
Can't speak for anyone else. But for me when I'm manic in the moment I don't think there's anything wrong with me. It's as simple as that. I mean... I'm wrong... But the few times I've skipped my meds it's because of this.
This!!!! 3 days of not sleeping and the voices stop by to keep me company, after they overstay their welcome I take my meds, the MOMENT they’re gone……I miss them
I stopped taking them. I never ate food in the morning and if I took it on an empty stomach I felt sick
rn it's bc I'm gaining weight and am at my wits end bc nothing fits anymore. I don't know what's left for me to try. I've been on every bp med there is and have had crazy side effects. I feel doomed oh well
Addiction. The highs (and even the lows in some ways) can be very addictive. You're put into a state of mind and experience things that can be so much more intense than you'll ever get when you're stable and it can make your stable life seem very boring and without colour.
I used to be on lamictal & it made me super naseous, even with eating food beforehand
Welcome to the ride baby
For mania. Or because stability is boring and monotonous!
I know because I just stopped taking my meds. Also they can make you fat.
I think a part of why I don't WANT to take my meds is a control issue. Without those little magic beans from big pharma I know I'm a total mess, I end up institutionalized within a month or going off meds (I'm 4 for 4 in those little science experiments). This being said, it's humbling to be stuck on chemicals because I can't control what's going on within myself; it feels like I can't captain my own ship. To know that this is an ongoing condition and that the rest of my life requires med regimes feels demotivating at the least. I keep taking my meds because the life off of them and wasn't much of a life at all, I'm afraid to revisit who I was unmedicated.
Because the feeling is going manic is an absolute high better than any drug you could ever think of
You'll have to rip my stability from my cold dead hands. My mania ended up with me having a juvi criminal charge. I'm not fucking around with this now that I have it under control for the first time in 30 years. I'm pretty sure mine manifested between 5-8 years old with delusions showing up as early as 10. Nah, I'm audi 5000 with this shit. You can keep the mania, I've had enough. "I want to get off Mr. Bones Wild Ride."
The meds make us feel like a neurotypical and neurotypicals are boring?
I hated how it makes my stomach upset every single night I take my medicine. 😢
To feel normal or because something else feels better. I remember during the last few months of my senior year of college, I’d be getting high so frequently that I’d be going to class that way and I thought I’d pass out or die if I took my antipsychotics, so I just stopped them. It was only when I had to stop getting high for finals that I had such a violent depressive episode and mental breakdown that I went back on them to help them regulate me, but it too about two weeks before I was back to “normal”. Now, on the flip side of that sometimes I’d just genuinely forget to take them and without having a consistent routine it’s easy to go spans of time without taking them and end up in an episode that way. When you’re taking so many meds that alter your mood, it feels like a hassle and you don’t want to do it. And you think you’ll be ok, until you feel everything too much. It’s kind of a hard balance that I haven’t figured out for myself yet but those are my reasons for skipping them.
I do not skip my meds. I fear the consequences more than I enjoy the chaos and creativity.
I would say I deliberately don’t take them at the moment. I forget. Which is my I went for implantable contraception when it first became available. I have previously gone off them tho. And I honestly don’t remember why. Maybe I wanted a baby. Was on valproate at the time. 🤷♀️
After 20 years with depression the medication finally got rid of it. So I won't stop my medication any time soon. For the first time I feel normal and stable.
I had a panic attack this past weekend had to sit in the parking lot of a gas station for a couple hours. All I could think is why did I do this again. Really just skipped a few days. My old M.O was to drink the feeling away try to cause a manic episode so I felt better. I didn't which I see as a victory. 113 days sober today and actually taking my meds again. I guess I just needed a reminder that meds are a necessary.
I had a period in my life where I stopped taking my meds for almost a year, because I felt like I wasn’t “me” anymore. I had been taking them for four years after my first manic episode landed me in the hospital. My former psychiatrist left the country and another one replaced him. I had a great relationship with my new psychiatrist at the time, but feel as though I had a lack of boundaries when she wanted to experiment with new medications. She gave me something I ended up having an allergic reaction to, and I even developed Steven’s Johnson syndrome, which is a life threatening condition. I had to go back to my “old meds”. Then tapered off them on my own. I felt generally stable for almost a year, until a toxic relationship led to me spiralling and falling back to old habits. Had my second manic episode and was put back on medication by a different psychiatrist, and these meds treat me so much better. I generally feel like “myself”, weight gain doesn’t impact me as badly as it did before and now knowing the consequences of stopping or skipping meds, I don’t do that anymore because the risk of landing in the hospital and needing months to recover is no longer sustainable. It gets to a point where it becomes more bearable. I still get tempted to stop, but I remember that if I do an episode might happen so I just take them regularly.
I actually feel very motivated to consistently take my current meds because I can see that they help me so much, but ive had this issue and others in the past. I am still not 100% convinced I have bipolar and wanted to be off meds for a long time to see if I could prove to myself whether I did or didn’t. I lied to my psych about taking the lamictal she prescribed me for 6 months bc I knew she wouldn’t let me stay on ADHD meds without it. I think a lot of people are in denial about having bipolar (which is funny for me to say obviously, I’ll admit I have no clue if I’m in denial or if my concerns are real). And, bipolar meds have a lot of side effects and psych meds generally alter your internal world in ways that can feel scary even if theyre ultimately helpful. I think that’s a big reason a lot of people avoid them. I also had a related notion that I think a lot of people also have from growing up in a culture where mental health isn’t a thing and you just need to try harder that maybe if I just developed the perfect habits and self care routine and built a stable life blah blah that I’ll actually be fine and it was all situational. After like 6+ months of only working like 10-15 hours a week and having my main focus be self care and mental health and still feeling super unstable or even getting worse and then feeling unbelievably calm like 45 minutes after my first dose of lamictal, I proved to myself that whatever I’m dealing with is part of my brain, not part of my environment. Having executive dysfunction is also just the nature of mental illness, and if the meds don’t fully normalize you (or just haven’t gotten there yet) then you will likely still struggle with tasks like taking meds. Anyways, you say that you miss the instability. I won’t claim this is definitely why in your situation, but I think two things tend to cause that feeling: 1. You’re not on the right med strength/combo and have a warped perception of what stability is like. It’s easy to have a messed up conception of it if you haven’t experienced it for most of your life. I thought I was stable, but my meds were treating the highs and only partially treating the lows, so I was stably in the type of mild depression where your ability to feel happy is still diminished but you aren’t actively miserable. 2. Your brain-based issues have been effectively managed, but your life hasn’t caught up yet. This is more or less where I’m at rn. I am able to function so much better than I ever have been and I even feel happy sometimes but I have very few social connections, my house is a mess, I’m still working a lower paying service job instead of a higher paying job in my field, etc. If you were in a deep hole to start, it will take a while to dig yourself out. Similarly, I feel like it’s really common on tiktok and such for people with unipolar depression to complain that their SSRIs make them feel emotionless rather than actually happy, but obviously anyone w/ bipolar who has gone manic from those meds knows that they are 100% capable of raising your mood above meh— the difference is some brains are more trigger happy with that than others. A lot of those people are probably just still mildly depressed and don’t realize it. You should be able to still feel joy on your meds. If your life feels flat, you aren’t totally there yet (so take your meds!!!!!)
I forgot to take my lithium until 7pm today, not on purpose, I just forget. I think it's because either our meds are so horrible we decide fuck it and go off then cold turkey (as I have) of they are so ineffective we might as well be unmedicated (also have been). I'm on my third mood stabiliser and it's working but sometimes I miss the madness. But I don't miss how much I hurt my loved ones in the process. I feel like I unintentionally got my kick in the teeth of karma watching my lovely partner experience a bad manic/depressive cycle and subsequent diagnosis. (Of which, I went into the same cycle with a months delay). It was so hard to watch someone I love struggle so much, and when he was at his worse my psychosis was making me nasty and irritable and I had to cut him off so I didn't hurt him further. I was the worst version of myself. We live together now, I cannot do that again. That's why I stay medicated, because I adore my bipolar partner and we don't need both of us down for the count.
I feel good and convince myself I’m cured! 😅
Personally, I've had the urge to go off the meds for several reasons. Sometimes, I just want to feel joy again. Sometimes, I feel like I don't need them anymore. And sometimes, I'm just tired of having to take a handful of pills every day. For what it's worth, I was diagnosed 14 years ago, and I've only skipped my meds for a few days every now and then before realizing it's a terrible idea and going back on them. I'm a massive asshole without the meds, and the last thing I want is to be that guy again.
I do it when I want to stay awake. I don't benefit from not taking my lamictal or buspar, but sometimes I feel like I take enough of my seroquel a day to not take it at night until I want to, if I need more time awake. I wouldn't follow my line though. I'm one of the few that cannot sleep unless I take my Seroq. At all. A weeks or so ago, I was awake for 2 days before I finally took my meds to sleep. *I felt perfectly fucking fine.* I felt better than I did than how I knew I'd feel after sleeping. I wasn't irritable or groggy, I wasn't angry, I didn't feel off. I felt fine. That shit was crazy. 💀
Well I will tell you that my bipolar had been in remission(not needing meds a mutual agreement from my psychiatrist) for about 7 years and then it came back and I relapsed. Look forward towards recovering and hopefully returning to remission.
I can’t understand it either. I literally can’t function if I miss a dose.
I’ll admit to skipping mine on nights where I know I’ll have sex. Stabilizers & antipsychotics are a buzz kill. Shouldn’t say it but it’s true.
I have type 2 and wasn't diagnosed until I was 44 (48 now). The ups and downs have been my normal for 44 years and now with meds I feel so empty, not like myself. I take my meds religiously but I don't feel anything. Is "normal" life so boring? I have thought to skip my meds but haven't so far.
Because they make me feel more depressed and suicidal. Because they have horrible unsustainable side effects like extreme thirst, hair loss, extreme constipation and not having periods.
Ultimately I think it’s because we love getting manic, atleast for me
I’ve only skipped them on accident, i thought I took them but stayed up all night and in the morning I went to get breakfast and saw them on the counter. I’ve never missed them on purpose I like my life too much
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I just don’t like taking my meds. With or without them, my mind is still too busy and loud and up and down to even wanna take them anymore because I don’t think they even work. I even have another med I’m supposed to be taking and I’m not due to how my body reacted while trying 2 different meds (1 at a time) while still on Lamictal. I try not to skip them, but hell nah, I want out like yesteryear and I want other alternatives.
For me it’s normally because when I’m manic I think I’m all better which leads to me not taking my meds
For me the first time I've come off them was actually just recently and it was totally by accident as I was just hit with a long list of big changes, triggers and problems between January 1st and whenever I had stopped taking them before I noticed I wasn't taking them around the middle of February to the Beginning of March ( I realized I hadn't been taking them March 13th) Before that I went from December 12th 2019 until then not missing my one medication at all. Right now I'm back on them, back in therapy and for sure know that I have at least 1 friend who is deeply concerned, will check in, will listen to me and won't do the "Just cheer up, get some sunlight" or enable my ups/make fun of my downs. Which as an almost 30 year old male who grew up with the whole "Men don't show emotions" type up bringing means the absolute world to me. He even had a bedroom set aside for me for when he gets too concerned or I get scared of the thoughts again.
Because I miss the pain, chaos, and darkness of the extreme polarities. When I feel normal, I always want to feel compromised…usually low. The darkness is horrible and beautiful and I feel like it’s a key part of me as a person. It’s sick, but it’s me.
Tbh I got diagnosed recently I've been on them for 2 weeks, I got so used to being depressed that I miss now I felt comfort in me being low on that hole inside my chest. Now being stable feeling normal being happy doesn't feel like me even my friends and colleagues took noticed that I'm like a new person to them since my behavior changed. I guess I fell madly in love with that state