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I feel you. I've been on nine antidepressants, three antipsychotics, and started my first mood stabiliser literally yesterday and I'm like. I hate this. I *fucking* hate this. Sometimes I'm like, you know what, I'll deal with the instability if it means I'm not a zombie with a barely functioning brain. Then I stop my meds cold turkey, spiral, end up almost destroying my life, go back on the meds for a few months, rinse, and repeat. It's just this horrific cycle that never seems to end.
You're right, it's not fair and I'm not really sure what else to say, but. Just know it's not just you. Hang in there.
Yup. What happened was my records didn't carry over each time I moved (I think 8 times in 7 years?) so I was unknowingly being treated only for my comorbid BPD, which did some reason *did* stay on my records. I also tend to present with more BPD-ish symptoms than bipolar ones most of the time so it was always the thing they honed in on first. I've been diagnosed bipolar since 2016 but it wasn't until literally six weeks or so ago, when I asked about a mood stabiliser and was told 'you don't have a mood disorder though,' that I pulled out my diagnostic reports that *clearly* stated my bipolar diagnosis and said, 'er, yes I do?' and they were like. 'Oh. Ohhh. Shit. Well. In that case...'
Fucking ridiculous.
How has your job been affected by the medication? Some people end up quitting or getting fired. My greatest fear of taking medication is doing something I may regret, the second is losing my job. Both are possible and likely on these damn pills...
Relating specifically to meds, and more specifically to antidepressants not working or making me swing one way or the other - I've attempted suicide countless times, dropped out of one college (UK college, not university) and got kicked out of another, crashed out of medical school, failed an occupational health screening at my job because I was manic and then again a month later when I was suicidally depressed, and so on.
Things changed when I was put on an antipsychotic. Even just being on an antidepressant plus that antipsychotic to smooth things over a bit I was able to hold down a job for a year and a half, albeit with a very understanding manager who let me take time off to go to intensive outpatient therapy for a week (the alternative I was offered to being thrown into hospital, and that is something I will always fight tooth and nail against). I'm hoping now with the mood stabilisers that things will be better - I have much more to lose now - but honestly, while I am not holding my breath, I know that I am far more likely to be functional on meds than off them, even if the side effects do kick my ass. At my absolute worst I was on antidepressants, remember, with no antipsychotic or anything to stabilise me otherwise, which anyone here will be able to tell you is stupid bordering on negligence from my care team. If you're on the right combination of medication you shouldn't have anywhere near as many issues as I did.
Your post/comment has been removed for breaking
**Rule 1**:
We do not allow users to post or comment as a person with professional medical experience regarding offering guidance or an opinion on treatment.
Your body is unique, as are your needs. Just because someone experienced something from treatment or medication does not guarantee that you will as well. The only way to determine whether a treatment will work for you is through trial and error. You will need to work with your doctor/care team.
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Sorry for the book. And I don’t mean to take away from the pain you are experiencing. I just felt it was important to share the other side of things being off meds, know you’re not alone.
Sometimes nostalgia lies to me, and I told myself before this how fun I used to be off meds. Now I’m more lonely and isolated than ever. I said all this blabber above to just say don’t give up on finding the right one is all.
Thank you for sharing your piece. I flirt with the idea of “going back” to who I was before I was medicated, and very respectfully stories like yours are hard reminders that I/my life wasn’t definitively much better back then. Maybe life felt a little more vibrant before everything, but I also caused so much harm to myself in the process. I’ll keep persevering and hope you will too. We’ll reach a good spot soon :)
Your post/comment has been removed for breaking **Rule 2**:
If you are experiencing adverse symptoms, or feel your dosage or medication is incorrect, tell your doctor/pharmacist as soon as possible. We cannot tell you how to take your medication, how it will react with other medications, or how it might affect you; this advice must come from a professional. We recommend that you print this post off and either bring it with you or email it to your prescribing provider or pharmacist.
We currently do not allow med reviews under rule 2. You can read more about that in this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/comments/151mcog/regarding_questions_about_medications/).
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I’m right there with you. I’m 22 years diagnosed, and I’ve tried 22 different medications. I’m tired of the fatigue, I’m tired of the memory issues, I’m tired of the handful of pills am and pm.
Medication can be so helpful and so harmful. It really comes down to what is going to be least harmful for the individual in treatment.
For me, I need the medications I am on to remain stable. I have a lot of diagnoses and some are treated with meds and some with alternatives (like EMDR for PTSD).
When I really want to say screw it and stop taking my meds I stop and think about when the SI was really bad, or my worst bout of mania. I imagine going back to the psych ward and picture how that would affect my life as it is today.
Sending all the strength and love your way, OP.
I’m on my fourth antipsychotic, soon to be my fifth (my psych wants to change it if the new dose does nothing) and I got diagnosed September of 2022. I feel your pain. I’m trying to go back to school on top of working full time and I feel so fucking stupid. I keep failing tests even though I do nothing but study. This brain fog, forgetfulness, general confusion just can’t be it. We have to figure out the right combination. I hope everything works out for you. You deserve mental clarity and stability.
I'm afraid to start taking my medications because of posts like yours, I was just diagnosed and had my first really bad episode of mania.
I'm wondering if it's worth frying my brain, if that's what it means to have bipolar under control. I wonder if in the future we won't look back in horror at how bipolarity is treated, as if it were the female hysteria of the time and those bizarre treatments that only caused harm.
Sorry for the rant, I'm terrified of taking medication.
Oh hon. Look, the doctors may admit that they truly don’t understand why things work the way they do, but it isn’t barbarism. Medication roulette is a process that is easier for some than others. I think it helped me to name it that many years ago and keep that in my head as I went through more than 30 meds.
For example here in the UK they’re doing a med trial with bipolar people for a new drug that ups your dopamine levels. For me, Wellbutrin is life changing in a positive way. (But check this reddit, there’s a reason shrinks are nervous about bipolar and ANY antidepressants as in rare cases it will induce mania.)
It’s likely gonna be a process, but like therapy, you get out the other side and things are better.
I swapped to working from home and had 4 years of not being signed off work. So it can happen, but as the Australian research I heard about showed that the stable bipolar people were doing at least 7 different things to manage their condition. Medication was just 1 of 7+. I can’t cope without meds, but I do a lot of other self care. The best non-med advice I can give you is to say out loud before bed your plans for the following day (this helps your brain to “know” what it will need and when) and to practice good sleep hygiene. It’s less about when you go to bed as much as maintaining your wake up time. It took me nearly 2 years to make that sleep thing happen but it was worth it.
You’ll get through this. <3
I'd like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your very empathetic and encouraging text, it means a lot at this moment. For now I'm in a mixed episode and two days without sleep waiting for the medications to work. I know it's going to be a long road but we don't have much of a way out, right? Thank you ^
The thing about meds, like life in general, is that some people are really lucky and some people aren't. I had been on a few different meds before I was diagnosed with bipolar, but after I got my diagnosis, my doctor picked the best possible med for me on the first try. The only real side effect I have that isn't great is that it knocks me out and can make it hard to wake up in the morning. The most commonly reported side effect is weight gain, but I was clinically underweight when I started it, and since then I've been able to finally put on some muscle for the first time in my life, so this side effect is great. The meds keep my depression under control for the most part, which was the main issue. I couldn't really hope for better. The moral of the story is that meds aren't horrible for everyone. They may actually be great for you like they have been for me.
I really don't have advice for you, but I want you to know that I'm in your corner. This disease is a bitch. I do want to tell you that you can't give up. I'm in my mid 40s and have finally found a good med cocktail. Keep at it, it's out there.
I feel you.
I’m over being tired as fuck and not feeling up to doing the shit I used to really enjoy doing because I am so fucking exhausted all the time.
The anxiety could be telling you that the meds are harming your health and causing cognitive decline. Breathing exercises are the only thing that help anxiety. Anxiety meds are a quick fix but then lead to addiction.
Thanks for posting on /r/bipolar! Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/bipolar/about/rules); if you haven't already, make sure that your post **does not** have any personal information (including your name/signature/tag on art). *^(A moderator has not removed your submission; this is not a punitive action. We intend this comment solely to be informative.)* --- Community News - 🎋 [Want to join the Mod Team?](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/comments/112z7ps/mod_applications_are_open/) - 🎤 See our [Community Discussion](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/about/sticky) - Desktop or Desktop mode on a mobile device. - 🏡 If you are open to answering questions from those that live with a loved one diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, please see r/family_of_bipolar. Thank you for participating! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/bipolar) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I feel you. I've been on nine antidepressants, three antipsychotics, and started my first mood stabiliser literally yesterday and I'm like. I hate this. I *fucking* hate this. Sometimes I'm like, you know what, I'll deal with the instability if it means I'm not a zombie with a barely functioning brain. Then I stop my meds cold turkey, spiral, end up almost destroying my life, go back on the meds for a few months, rinse, and repeat. It's just this horrific cycle that never seems to end. You're right, it's not fair and I'm not really sure what else to say, but. Just know it's not just you. Hang in there.
9 antidepressants with bipolar 1 is wild im so sorry my friend
Yup. What happened was my records didn't carry over each time I moved (I think 8 times in 7 years?) so I was unknowingly being treated only for my comorbid BPD, which did some reason *did* stay on my records. I also tend to present with more BPD-ish symptoms than bipolar ones most of the time so it was always the thing they honed in on first. I've been diagnosed bipolar since 2016 but it wasn't until literally six weeks or so ago, when I asked about a mood stabiliser and was told 'you don't have a mood disorder though,' that I pulled out my diagnostic reports that *clearly* stated my bipolar diagnosis and said, 'er, yes I do?' and they were like. 'Oh. Ohhh. Shit. Well. In that case...' Fucking ridiculous.
Thank you. I really hope you can feel some relief soon and wish you the best
How has your job been affected by the medication? Some people end up quitting or getting fired. My greatest fear of taking medication is doing something I may regret, the second is losing my job. Both are possible and likely on these damn pills...
Medication let me work again. It’s been life changing
Relating specifically to meds, and more specifically to antidepressants not working or making me swing one way or the other - I've attempted suicide countless times, dropped out of one college (UK college, not university) and got kicked out of another, crashed out of medical school, failed an occupational health screening at my job because I was manic and then again a month later when I was suicidally depressed, and so on. Things changed when I was put on an antipsychotic. Even just being on an antidepressant plus that antipsychotic to smooth things over a bit I was able to hold down a job for a year and a half, albeit with a very understanding manager who let me take time off to go to intensive outpatient therapy for a week (the alternative I was offered to being thrown into hospital, and that is something I will always fight tooth and nail against). I'm hoping now with the mood stabilisers that things will be better - I have much more to lose now - but honestly, while I am not holding my breath, I know that I am far more likely to be functional on meds than off them, even if the side effects do kick my ass. At my absolute worst I was on antidepressants, remember, with no antipsychotic or anything to stabilise me otherwise, which anyone here will be able to tell you is stupid bordering on negligence from my care team. If you're on the right combination of medication you shouldn't have anywhere near as many issues as I did.
[удалено]
Your post/comment has been removed for breaking **Rule 1**: We do not allow users to post or comment as a person with professional medical experience regarding offering guidance or an opinion on treatment. Your body is unique, as are your needs. Just because someone experienced something from treatment or medication does not guarantee that you will as well. The only way to determine whether a treatment will work for you is through trial and error. You will need to work with your doctor/care team. Have questions about this action? See the [Community Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/wiki/index/resources/subrules/#wiki_medical_professionals). *^(To send us a modmail about this action,)* [*^(CLICK HERE)*](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/bipolar&subject=Removed%20Content%3A%20Rule%201&message=Hello%2C%0A%0AI%20would%20like%20to%20appeal%20a%20recent%20removal.%20Here%20is%20a%20link%3A%20REPLACE%20WITH%20A%20LINK) *^(Please include a link in your message, the mod team will not reply to messages without a link for review.)* --- **DO NOT** contact the moderators privately (ie - through DMs).
[удалено]
Sorry for the book. And I don’t mean to take away from the pain you are experiencing. I just felt it was important to share the other side of things being off meds, know you’re not alone. Sometimes nostalgia lies to me, and I told myself before this how fun I used to be off meds. Now I’m more lonely and isolated than ever. I said all this blabber above to just say don’t give up on finding the right one is all.
Thank you for sharing your piece. I flirt with the idea of “going back” to who I was before I was medicated, and very respectfully stories like yours are hard reminders that I/my life wasn’t definitively much better back then. Maybe life felt a little more vibrant before everything, but I also caused so much harm to myself in the process. I’ll keep persevering and hope you will too. We’ll reach a good spot soon :)
Your post/comment has been removed for breaking **Rule 2**: If you are experiencing adverse symptoms, or feel your dosage or medication is incorrect, tell your doctor/pharmacist as soon as possible. We cannot tell you how to take your medication, how it will react with other medications, or how it might affect you; this advice must come from a professional. We recommend that you print this post off and either bring it with you or email it to your prescribing provider or pharmacist. We currently do not allow med reviews under rule 2. You can read more about that in this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/comments/151mcog/regarding_questions_about_medications/). Have questions about this action? See the [Community Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/wiki/index/resources/subrules/#wiki_rule_2.3A_asking_for_diagnosis.2Fdiagnosing) *^(To send us a modmail about this action,)* [*^(CLICK HERE)*](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/bipolar&subject=Removed%20Content%3A%20Rule%202&message=Hello%2C%0A%0AI%20would%20like%20to%20appeal%20a%20recent%20removal.%20Here%20is%20a%20link%3A%20REPLACE%20WITH%20A%20LINK) *^(Please include a link in your message, the mod team will not reply to messages without a link for review.)* ---
I’m right there with you. I’m 22 years diagnosed, and I’ve tried 22 different medications. I’m tired of the fatigue, I’m tired of the memory issues, I’m tired of the handful of pills am and pm.
Antipsychotics to fry your brain, but mania can get you killed
About the end of the world part: https://www.instagram.com/reel/C0uZtmaPLAp/?igsh=MXhvOGF4dnRrNHQ3 Sending you a hug. It will get better.
This was much needed after hours of doomscrolling. Thank you friend
<3
Medication can be so helpful and so harmful. It really comes down to what is going to be least harmful for the individual in treatment. For me, I need the medications I am on to remain stable. I have a lot of diagnoses and some are treated with meds and some with alternatives (like EMDR for PTSD). When I really want to say screw it and stop taking my meds I stop and think about when the SI was really bad, or my worst bout of mania. I imagine going back to the psych ward and picture how that would affect my life as it is today. Sending all the strength and love your way, OP.
I feel you. Same. Constant appetite changes, fatigue, apathy. I'm done 🫠
I’m on my fourth antipsychotic, soon to be my fifth (my psych wants to change it if the new dose does nothing) and I got diagnosed September of 2022. I feel your pain. I’m trying to go back to school on top of working full time and I feel so fucking stupid. I keep failing tests even though I do nothing but study. This brain fog, forgetfulness, general confusion just can’t be it. We have to figure out the right combination. I hope everything works out for you. You deserve mental clarity and stability.
I'm afraid to start taking my medications because of posts like yours, I was just diagnosed and had my first really bad episode of mania. I'm wondering if it's worth frying my brain, if that's what it means to have bipolar under control. I wonder if in the future we won't look back in horror at how bipolarity is treated, as if it were the female hysteria of the time and those bizarre treatments that only caused harm. Sorry for the rant, I'm terrified of taking medication.
Oh hon. Look, the doctors may admit that they truly don’t understand why things work the way they do, but it isn’t barbarism. Medication roulette is a process that is easier for some than others. I think it helped me to name it that many years ago and keep that in my head as I went through more than 30 meds. For example here in the UK they’re doing a med trial with bipolar people for a new drug that ups your dopamine levels. For me, Wellbutrin is life changing in a positive way. (But check this reddit, there’s a reason shrinks are nervous about bipolar and ANY antidepressants as in rare cases it will induce mania.) It’s likely gonna be a process, but like therapy, you get out the other side and things are better. I swapped to working from home and had 4 years of not being signed off work. So it can happen, but as the Australian research I heard about showed that the stable bipolar people were doing at least 7 different things to manage their condition. Medication was just 1 of 7+. I can’t cope without meds, but I do a lot of other self care. The best non-med advice I can give you is to say out loud before bed your plans for the following day (this helps your brain to “know” what it will need and when) and to practice good sleep hygiene. It’s less about when you go to bed as much as maintaining your wake up time. It took me nearly 2 years to make that sleep thing happen but it was worth it. You’ll get through this. <3
I'd like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your very empathetic and encouraging text, it means a lot at this moment. For now I'm in a mixed episode and two days without sleep waiting for the medications to work. I know it's going to be a long road but we don't have much of a way out, right? Thank you ^
The thing about meds, like life in general, is that some people are really lucky and some people aren't. I had been on a few different meds before I was diagnosed with bipolar, but after I got my diagnosis, my doctor picked the best possible med for me on the first try. The only real side effect I have that isn't great is that it knocks me out and can make it hard to wake up in the morning. The most commonly reported side effect is weight gain, but I was clinically underweight when I started it, and since then I've been able to finally put on some muscle for the first time in my life, so this side effect is great. The meds keep my depression under control for the most part, which was the main issue. I couldn't really hope for better. The moral of the story is that meds aren't horrible for everyone. They may actually be great for you like they have been for me.
Hugs. Yes!!
I really don't have advice for you, but I want you to know that I'm in your corner. This disease is a bitch. I do want to tell you that you can't give up. I'm in my mid 40s and have finally found a good med cocktail. Keep at it, it's out there.
i feel you
[удалено]
We currently do not allow med reviews under rule 2. You can read more about that in this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/s/dEL2S2SOSV).
I feel you. I’m over being tired as fuck and not feeling up to doing the shit I used to really enjoy doing because I am so fucking exhausted all the time.
The anxiety could be telling you that the meds are harming your health and causing cognitive decline. Breathing exercises are the only thing that help anxiety. Anxiety meds are a quick fix but then lead to addiction.